Quench Magazine, ROMANCE issue 186, February 2022

ROMANCE issue, no. 186, February 2022

Join Quench

2

Join Us! Do you have an interest in art and culture journalism? If so, come join us!

Quench is Cardiff University’s award-winning art and culture magazine, run by studetns since 2003.

From tackling taboo topics to creating editorial photoshoots, we’re leading the way in student publications and we’re always looking to expand our team!

You can find us on instagram @quenchmagcardiff to find out a little more about what we’re about.

If you’re interested in writing for us, you can join our facebook group - Quench Contributor’s 21/22 once you’ve bought a membership on the student union website.

Alternatively, if you’re looking to get involved in our design team then you can drop us a message over instagram or facebook to let us know that you want to get involved! We have a team that includes illustrators, photographers, and page designers and we’d love to have you on board.

If you have any further questions then send us an email at editor@quenchmag.co.uk. Don’t be shy!

Special Thank You’s: To Martin, at EMKAI modelling agency, for being so open to a collaboration.

To Tyler, Sahina and Taurai, for being so brilliant to work with.

To @beashastudios, for sending us such gorgeous pieces for our editorial shoot.

Cover Design: Shafia Motaleb, @artsyfifi Photography: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah

Editor’s Letter

3

Isabel Brewster Hey everyone!

Here is the latest issue of Quench magazine - this time, I knew exactly what I wanted our theme to be. Romance!

It seemed like the perfect time to be bringing out an issue which included all the things we love about love. Whether it is the films that taught you about love, the books which changed the way you think about love, or our top recommendations for a short break away with the ones that you love, there’s something in here for everyone.

I wanted this issue to celebrate love because I think it’s more important than ever that we appreciate the people, places and things that we hold close to us. I’ve always talked about how I want these issues to be a celebration of how integral art and culture is in making us who we are and I believe it’s important to cultivate a life-long romance with the world around us.

Hannah and I have put together a photoshoot to accompany this issue, which was not only so fun to make but also reminded me why I love working with such positive, motivated, insightful people on these creative projects. This wouldn’t have been possible without Hannah’s attention to detail and insane amount of talent, so I’d like to say thank you to her for being involved in this experience.

This issue wouldn’t be here without so many talented people and I’m so grateful that Quench has such an amazing team. Phoebe and Maja, our deputy editors, you both do so much for Quench and I really can’t thank you enough. Our editorial and design team is so full of brilliant people and this issue is just a testament to how much time and energy goes into keeping Quench going.

On that note, I hope you enjoy reading! By the time this issue will have come out, Valentine’s Day will have passed us by, but I hope that this month inspires us all to be reminded of what is really important to us. Whatever your relationship status, it’s our friendships, passion for art and culture, and the way we love ourselves that truly matters.

With love,

Deputy Editor’s Letters

4

Maja Metera

Phoebe Williams As we celebrate the holiday of love, it seems fitting that the theme for Issue 186 is romance. This issue covers not only the romance we feel between each other, but most importantly the love that we feel for ourselves.

I live by the rule sung by Édit Piaf - regrette rien.

On page 52, Maggie Gannon and Suraya Kazzuz speak of their own self-love journeys, discovering and expressing their confidence through fashion.

It has undoubtedly been a tough few years during the Covid-19 pandemic, and for some of us every lockdown and every isolation period has been a lonely experience.

It will one day permanently mark my body as a handwritten tattoo. But it is hard to “regret nothing” when some people feel like a hurricane, an event which scarred you for life and cost countless hours (and money) spent in therapy. I have had summer romances and sexy flings all of which ended up in a heartbreak. As university is the time I have made (or at least attempted to) the most romantic connections - without any shame (as one should), I can say I have spent a lot of time talking about men and women in my romantic life with my angel of a therapist.

I do not regret a minute of my life. It made me who I am today.

However, it has allowed us to appreciate the smaller things we once wouldn’t have even thought about; a particular song, a certain meal, maybe even features of ourselves that we never noticed or appreciated before. For some, the pandemic has even brought about romance; Tilda Skene talks about ‘Lockdown in Love: How the pandemic made me rediscover romance’.

This is what Issue 186 is all about, celebrating the romance we experience in both the big and the smallwhat’s life without love anyway?

A huge thank you must be given to all the Quench team who consistently work so hard to help create these magazine issues, and to Isabel Brewster who always astounds me with how incredibly hard she works as Editor-in-Chief. We have been so excited to release this issue of Quench and hope you love it as much as we do.

REGRETTE RIEN. Regret nothing.

So how do go through life mentally healthy AND not givenup on love?

You love yourself. You invest time in yourself. Don’t lower your standards. Don’t settle for less. Cause when you do - magic happens. And that’s what I wish everyone this Valentines Day. Self-love.

Be alone. Independent. Take yourself on a date. Embrace being single. Cause then - there will still be times when you feel lonely being alone - we need to be ready to handle those big feelings.

It should be the first thing we learn before starting to fall for anybody else.

In the meantime, enjoy the work of Quench’s editorial team and our amazing contributors. Adore the artwork visuals.

Whether you are single, in love with one or many people, recently broken-up with, whether your family accepts you or not - we are grateful to have you.

Keep reaching out your hand (those who get it - get it)

Illustration by: Shafia Motaleb, @artsyfifi

Meet the Team

6

ISABEL BREWSTER Editor-in-Chief

SHIVIKA SINGH Literature Editor

CATRIN LEWIS Clebar Editor

PHOEBE WILLIAMS Deputy Editor

CATARINA VICENTE Literature Editor

LAYLA DOCKERTY Travel Editor

MAJA METERA Deputy Editor

ANGHARAD ROBERTS Clebar Editor

Meet the Team

INGA MARSDEN Spotlight Editor

HOPE DOCHERTY Spotlight Editor

EMUN YEAT Food Editor

7

BETH MENDLETON Food Editor

GEORGIA MEROPOULOS Features Editor

MAGGIE GANNON Fashion Editor

SURAYA KAZZUZ Fashion Editor

PUI KUAN CHEAH Film and TV Editor

ZAINAB JAVED Film and TV Editor

Meet the Team

8

ROWAN DAVIES Music Editor

HANNAH LAYTON Head of Photography

SHAFIA MOTALEB Head of Design

RUBIE BARKER Music Editor

SAHINA SHERCHAN Photographer

RAHIMA BHATTI Page Designer

KATE WALDOCK Columnist

SIAN HOPKINS Illustrator

ANNABELLE INGRAM Page Designer

Meet the Team

ESZTER GURBICZ Page Designer

9

MANON JONES Social Media Manager

MIA WILSON Page Designer

KATIE LESLIE Page Designer

ALEKSANDRA BUBIENIEC Twitter Manager

EVE DAVIES Instagram Co-Manager

TILDA SKENE Copy Editor

SARAH MASON Instagram Co-Manager

Contents

10

Contents

11

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Sahina Sherchan, Tyler Gale, Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels) Dresses: @beashastudios

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Sahina Sherchan, Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels) Dresses: @beashastudios

Film and TV

Romance as a genre for film and art has long resided amongst us mortals as a means of both entertainment and reflection. Bollywood for so many around the world has become a forerunner to India, a means to understand the country and its socio-cultural proxies.

Keeping in mind that Bollywood isn’t the end-all and beall of filmmaking but the very brim of what Indian films can offer, let us delve into a few Bollywood romantic films that I have watched more than a few times and would recommend you try.

I grew up on a whole lot of Sharukh Khan movies. The mention of Bollywood love stories is incomplete without the mention of Sharukh Khan, more lovingly called SRK or King Khan. Over the last 30 years, Sharukh Khan has portrayed different shades of lovers, bringing an unforgettable touch to each. SRK was the frontier of the 90’s Bollywood lover boy. I don’t think I realised it then, when I repeatedly watched his movies on the television, that I was getting hooked to an idea of a lover so caring and gentle, yet funny and loud, sometimes obnoxious, and sensitive even as the anti-hero. So, looking for an amalgamation of all the lovers SRK has portrayed, I set out into the world with hopes of stalkers, action-packed confrontation, some running in the rain, tears, laughter, and a whole lot of Bollywood background music to signal the falling into love. Fair to say, I have been disappointed or more precisely, fallen in love, and learned that the idea of an imagined lover or a smouldering love affair evidently is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

Safe to say that Bollywood’s default setting for romance has always been tragedy and drama, wrapped up in family duties and/or service to the nation. That is why we were flooded with them up to the early 2000s and have recently been picking up on that trope. However, after a decade of liberalisation and Murdoch hitting Indian television, Indians began to desire different types of content. Bollywood love stories today have expanded into a variety of platforms and topics, trying to make sense of human emotions and connections between characters, making space for feel-good romcoms without the overt glitz and glamour of Bollywood. A film that has grown to become a cult classic is Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein (audaciously translated to “Want to Live in Your Heart”). I remember liking the film the very first time I watched it, as I incessantly sang along to its glorious soundtrack, crawling into my early teens, with bubbling hopes for a dying world and the promise of true love.

Over the years, I have come to understand that it may or may not be based on catfishing (and getting away with it), but it doesn’t stop me from watching it occasionally, for the magnificent music and the perfect cast.

Another personal favourite is Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na (Whether You Know or Not), a story of two best friends growing up together, untouched by the realisation of their unflinching love for one another. The hero, Jai (Imran Khan), is very different from our mainstream Bollywood heroes who demand the attention of everyone in a

14

room. He is a sweet-natured, soft-spoken, and shy boy who is Aditi’s (Genelia D’Souza) best friend, a friendly but affirmative, stubborn, and loud girl. The movie is filled with quick lines and witty banter and encapsulates the if-itsmeant-to-be-it-will-be trope as the hero rides a horse to the airport in the middle of the night, and rushes through the airport gates, singing ‘their’ song and confessing his love to her as he is being cuffed by security guards. How do we ever really know if we are in love?

Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (The Youth Is Crazy) is a film I always come back to; I have my biases with it. Between Bunny (Ranbir Kapoor) and Naina (Deepika Padukone), I never seem to decide which character I relate to more, but know that I agree with them both. While one is the life of an adventurer, of running with the wind, the other is that of stability, of foundations and family. The perfect ensemble directed by Ayan Mukherjee, who was drawing a close on his 20’s at the same time the film was released, was able to perfectly encapsulate the upheavals and discrepancies that one’s mid 20’s can sometimes be flooded with. This film gives me a sense of hope as I dash through my 20’s, trying to make sense of the things around me.

At its core, most mainstream Bollywood romantic films haven’t seen much change in the way love stories are directed. All people fall in love only once, there really is no way around this (except in films where the first love dies). It is the feeling that governs the choices we make, not wrong here, but these choices are rarely ever explored because a true Bollywood heart loves only once, a good thing it’s not Titanic. Love is a bewildering emotion if anything, and portraying the nuances that come with it on screen requires the kind of film-making that the Before Trilogy has introduced us to.

Bollywood is changing, incremental as it may be, and with the rise in nationalistic films, alongside maiden flights for Indian superheroes, there are strides being made.

Even though films like Kabir Singh gain wide popularity, the roaring applause for movies like Thappad (Slap) signals the existence of an audience that wants to watch stories and themes that are rarely discussed because they are difficult to discuss. One is a film about an angry, misogynistic ‘lover’ and the other the story of a righteous wife seeking justice against ‘just a slap’, each a love story in its true Indian and Bollywood sense.

These ‘love stories’ have made me question the common knowledge we share and the stereotypes that have served Indian patriarchs utterly well for decades. For India, there are multitudes of underlying social and political issues that must be resolved for better love stories to emerge. The artistic expression must be met with its full potential and new writers and directors must be given a seat at the table.

We are long due a classic love story! For now, my current watch list remains unchanged. My idea of love and lovers, however, has altered and I’d like to think of it as an amalgamation of real-life experiences and lessons I have taken away from these movies.

Film and Tv

Words by: Niladri Singh Design by: Rahima Bhatti

15

Film and Tv

16

Romanticised Couplings After: Tessa and Hardin Almost every teenage girl who had an extreme internet addiction in 2013 will be aware of the After novel series.

Fast forward to the present day, it has been adapted into several movies. These aren’t the most developed plotwise, mostly owing to the fact that the story is entirely based on extremely overused tropes. The characters are basically the dictionary definition of the bad-boy-good-girl trope, and this is exactly the problem.

Both Tessa and Hardin are incredibly insecure from the onset, and this transpires into blatant toxicity. Each of them has a lot of past trauma and struggles to cope with it. Hardin’s first appearance in the first movie shows him being rude to Tessa, which pretty much sets the precedent for his behaviour throughout the entire series.

Tessa can be equally as nasty as Hardin, often using his insecurities against him. The two know how to hurt each other, and find it easy to do so. In the third movie, Tessa moves to Seattle without Hardin, and this is when we see that the two are definitely better apart. Hardin focuses on bettering himself, whilst Tessa puts her all into her job, which is the only thing that makes her consistently happy.

In a nutshell, their relationship is fuelled by sex and codependency: they argue, Hardin stews in his anger for a while, make a poor attempt at an apology, and then they ‘make up’ by making empty promises and having sex.

Both parties are trapped in a toxic relationship, but the movie glorifies it- leaving viewers rooting for a couple that only finds solace in sex. It will be interesting to see if the final movie shows Tessa and Hardin permanently solving their issues, or whether they will find their happiness outside of each other.

Words by: Laura Mae

Film and Tv A Star Is Born: Jackson and Ally Around halfway into A Star Is Born, country superstar Jackson Maine (Bradley Cooper) surprises Ally Campana (Lady Gaga), his girlfriend and singer, with news of her own wedding but ends up betraying her only minutes before the ceremony. First, he misses her inaugural show as a solo artist, then passes out miles away at the house of a friend. She is furious, he is remorseful, but soon they reconcile. Far from romance, it’s emotional abuse.

Directed by Bradley Cooper, who also essays the role of Maine, A Star Is Born is a work of art. It is gloriously romantic but also emotionally excruciating and this story of a successful artist being overshadowed by his own pupil is one that endures. The fourth in the series of remakes is about love, loss, and desire but it is because of its eloquent depiction of what it is like to be in love with someone who slowly preys on your confidence and independence that the film resonates with so many.

17 However, the abuse that Jackson exercises are not explicit, but Cooper’s artistry lies in how deftly he captures the subtleties of emotional abuse. Maine is a deeply damaged man and it is incumbent on Ally to heal him. But despite all that she brings, she is unable to fix him.

At first, he sucks her into his world and tempts her with his grand romantic gestures. But later becomes jealous and insecure of the fame Ally procures for herself. She is rendered guilty and is left to clean the mess.

Yet, it is Gaga and Cooper’s exhilarating performances, coupled with a magnificent soundtrack, that the film makes you believe in a higher power despite the inequitable power dynamic of their relationship. And while it doesn’t push any cinematic boundaries, it is emotionally satisfying, by the end leaving you as a blubbering, weepy mess.

Words by: Zainab Javed Design by: Annabelle Ingram Illustrations by: Annabelle Ingram

18

19

20

21

Music

Back in 2016, Beyoncé released Lemonade, an entire album of emotional discord and marital meltdown, yet one of the most ground-breaking pieces of music that the industry has ever seen. Exposing her husband’s alleged infidelities, Beyoncé addresses raw emotions, hurtful truths, and personal growth like no other artist. Her album is an ode to black women and a deeply personal story of love, hurt, redemption, and everything in between.

The album’s title comes from Beyoncé’s 90-year-old grandmother-in-law, Hattie White, who endorsed the old epigram that since life served her lemons, she made lemonade.

Released on 23rd April 2016, shortly after the surprise release of Beyoncé’s hit single ‘Formation’ at Super Bowl that year (6 February 2016), the album came at a significant period of Beyoncé’s career. ‘Formation’ was acclaimed by many audiences for its celebration of black culture and identity, but met controversy from politicians, who claimed that Beyoncé was spreading anti-police and anti-American messages. This negative reception led law enforcement groups to organise anti-Beyoncé boycotts and protests.

However, the love and support she received from fans upon the release of Lemonade outshone any hate she was met with. From anger to emptiness and forgiveness, the album’s unique eleven-chapter structure delivers a universal message about the complications, yet poetic romanticism, of love and heartbreak. The song lyrics, ranging in genre from R&B, art pop, reggae, blues, hip hop, soul, to country, accompanied by visuals in the music videos are a pair like no other, delivering these powerful messages with maturity and strength.

Over the course of twelve songs, Beyoncé questions Jay Z’s commitment, rages against his failings, finds it within herself to forgive him, and finally comes to the realisation that she’s just one in a long line of black women to be mistreated by men.

Lemonade tackles all the emotional stages of romance.

First up is ‘Pray You Catch Me’, a song all about intuition.

The opening line: ‘You can taste the dishonesty’, sets the tone for the album. It’s an intimate portrait of mistrust and betrayal in which Beyoncé is open and courageous about her husband’s disloyalty.

Next is ‘Hold Up’, which is about denial. The video for this song is without a doubt one of the most vengeful on the album. It opens with Beyoncé reading Warsan Shire’s poem ‘Denial’, which discusses the traumatic actions one can be led to after being cheated on. The video goes on to show Beyoncé’s rage pouring out as she smashes cars, windows, a fire hydrant, and finally the camera with a baseball bat. This sequence encapsulates many cultural references alongside Beyoncé’s anguish. In the lyrics, Beyoncé verifies that she loves Jay Z deeply, but also makes her intention of disclosing his disloyalties very clear.

The refrain: ‘What’s worst, lookin’ jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy? / Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately / I’d rather be crazy’, shows that Beyoncé is

22

willing to sacrifice her own dignity to find out about her husband’s actions.

‘Don’t Hurt Yourself’ is an empowering Black woman’s anthem, all about anger. Beyoncé’s self-confidence shines through this song as she reminds Jay Z that he ‘ain’t married to no average bitch’ – Beyoncé is a worldwide influence, known to have the greatest set of legs on earth, after all. In this song, Beyoncé reiterates a message that she often preaches to fans about being self-sustaining regardless of romantic relations.

‘Sorry’ is the ultimate breakup song about apathy. Its lyrics prompt the throwing of middle fingers and many phrases throughout the song invoke female solidarity in the face of male misbehaviour: ‘me and my ladies’, ‘tell him boy, bye’. Beyoncé takes a powerful stance in the repeated line ‘Sorry, I ain’t sorry’, showing how she refuses to apologise for her own hurt and emotions, as so many women are conditioned to do. The structure of this line suggests that her natural reaction is to apologise, then she checks herself, and stands up against the patriarchy.

Although ‘Six Inch’ is a worker’s anthem, encouraging women to grind hard and make their own money, it is ultimately a song about emptiness. Beyoncé appears to be building herself up after heartbreak, however, there is a potent sense of worthlessness in her words, suggesting that while she is building her finances, her emotional wellbeing is not so solid. This presents the message that materiality and money do not have the healing powers some suppose.

The next chapter is accountability. ‘Daddy Lessons’ is Beyoncé’s first foray into country. The song explores her childhood roots in Texas and reflects upon the lessons she learned from her father. Beyoncé compares husbands and fathers and resents her father just as much as Jay Z as he also cheated on her mother.

‘Love Drought’ is a calming tune about reformation. We get the sense that Beyoncé has let out and worked through her anger in the previous songs and by ‘Love Drought’ she is willing to consider a second chance. It aims at rejuvenating a relationship riddled with trust issues and insecurities, showing how Beyoncé’s strength and stoicism.

‘Sandcastles’ is a ballad about forgiveness in which Beyoncé’s vocals are raw and wounded. The iconography in the music video for this track shows signs of a broken relationship – wilted flowers, a cracked bowl, faded photographs. The euphemistic line ‘we build sandcastles that washed away’ hints at their transient, fragile bond and vulnerable, easily broken vows they had made to each other.

‘Forward’ is about resurrection. The titular word of the song defines Beyoncé’s willingness to put the past behind her, to grow and progress as an African American female.

There is a sense of forward motion in the song, which is particularly emphasised in the line ‘Now we’re going to hold doors open for a while’.

Hope is found in ‘Freedom’. Beyoncé appears to regain her voice in this song. She is back to being the boss bitch

Music

that empowers and inspires other women, particularly black women, to break free of the restrictions placed upon them by patriarchy.

Finally, redemption comes in the ballad ‘All Night’, which illustrates a wise love; a love that has experienced deep pain and disappointment but has risen above the storms and is determined to keep going. Beyoncé discusses a ‘true love’ that is resilient and ‘never has to hide’.

Words by: Eve Davies Design by: Rahima Bhatti

23

Overall, the album is the epitome of the saying forgive but never forget. Beyoncé’s incredibly strong character shines through her lyrics and it is admirable how she endures pain, learns from it, and uses her traumatic experiences to help others through music. Beyoncé and Jay Z’s joint performance at the Principality Stadium in 2018 is still, to this day, the most moving and powerful live performance I have ever seen.

24

25

26

27

Column

29

Romantic Adaptations: Navigating the New Normal in a Relationship The best thing to come out of this pandemic has been my relationship. I met my girlfriend in the very early stages of the lockdown, during the dating app surge, where we could put our location to anywhere we wanted. We’d both set our locations to Cardiff, whilst only a few hours away from each other in the meantime. On the first night we matched, and the subsequent weeks to follow, we spoke until 5am every morning via every social media app we had. Throughout restrictions, lockdowns and circuit breaks, we’ve navigated a relationship both apart from each other and bubbled together, all in the space of just over a year. However, the adjustment from restrictions, close social bubbles and some semblance of normality has been a big, and at times difficult, change to cope with.

Last year, my girlfriend and I were able to do everything together. Well, we were able to within the limitations of the restrictions of the time, but the few things we could do, we did together. Our dates were date days that lasted as long as we wanted; our restaurants were our rooms, and our days out were on Next Bikes through Bute Park. When restrictions were lifted, we were suddenly faced with the opportunity to go anywhere we wanted.

Romance was forced to take on a new meaning during the pandemic restrictions, and creativity became about more than thinking of the best itineraries on surprise trips away or things to do that your partner loves. Romance became about the little things you could do for each other, from a two-metre distance, or in a small student room, like writing notes for each other to come back to; or dropping off each other’s favourite things when one of us was ill. My girlfriend and I have taken that principle with us into post-lockdown life, valuing the little traditions we’ve created together as much as the big days out we can now go on.

The change from being stuck at home all the time to suddenly gaining a bunch of new daily tasks, from work to uni, took a toll on my motivation and ambition. I’m still at a loss as to how I managed to juggle all my commitments before the pandemic.Fitting in a social life with a job, university and societies have felt almost impossible after the lockdown, and I’ve ended up giving up a lot of commitments I used to find easy to balance. On top of the struggle it’s been to re-adapt to busy life, at the beginning I wasn’t sure how to fit those commitments and time with my girlfriend into each week because our relationship was still in a lockdown mentality. We’d been lucky that we had so much time together in the pandemic,

but coming back to normal life at university meant that we couldn’t fit those same expectations into our daily lives. The solution to this has been talking as much as we possibly can about how best to cope together. It’s important for us both to spend time with friends, especially as that time becomes more precious in the wake of imminent lockdowns. And making time for ourselves, as well as university commitments, is necessary to stave off the burnout that has come a lot more quickly since the pandemic. So, we reassure each other that it’s okay to spend time apart, and know that despite the fact we can’t see each other as we were able to when we bubbled together in smaller social circles, we make the most of our availability and time that we do have.

Nights out are perhaps one of the weirder aspects of post-lockdown life, if not just for relationships but for everyone. On a sweltering August night, thousands of people clambered into clubs across Cardiff, and in that instant strangers mixed together as though they’d never stopped. Nights out for me and my girlfriend meant getting used to each other’s drunk personalities, trusting each other, and occasionally, bumping into forgotten people from a pre-pandemic past. It was unchartered waters, reconciling our old selves to our current postgrad and final year selves. The more difficult aspect of the nightclub experience was the outside expectations; the way we were expected to behave with each other and those around us, as a couple whose relationship survived the pandemic, and as a long term queer relationship.

To be completely honest, I think we’d have been happy going on nights out alone together. In a more restricted Cardiff, we’d spent hours entertaining each other in pubs or at home – no club necessary. But, in this facet of lifted restrictions, it was trust in each other’s boundaries and limits on nights out, both together or apart, that helped us adapt to the return of social nightlife.

My experience is unique to myself and my girlfriend, and we have been, and are still, coping with the changes in our own way together, despite the difficulties that this pandemic continues to bring, so I can’t speak for other couples. But I know that ultimately, if we can make it through the twists and turns of an unprecedented situation for our time, then the challenges normal life brings is nothing in comparison.

Words by: Kate Waldock Design by: Isabel Brewster

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Sahina Sherchan, Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels) Dresses: @beashastudios

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Sahina Sherchan, Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels) Dresses: @beashastudios

Food and Drink

32

A Match Made in Heaven: Romantic Food and Drink Pairings Coffee and chocolates Food has long been associated with love, many describe it as the ‘key to their heart,’ or a meal being ‘made with love.’ So, when looking for a romantic partner, it makes sense to consider compatibility in terms of our favourite things to eat.

Although it is not a meal, this decadent pairing is peak romance in my book. If you don’t like coffee, I do not know what to tell you. I suppose hot chocolate or tea would suffice, as they still supply the warmth and comfort that is pivotal to this combination.

I like to think that food pairings can mirror the individuals tucking into them. The flavour profiles dancing in unison with conversation and body language. I imagine the tanginess of citrus complimenting the earthiness of herbs as the gent compliments their date’s eyes; the burst of the perfect bite felt as they blush in response.

As someone inexperienced in the realm of love but well-versed in the allure of food and drink, perhaps this is just an idealized vision of the role played by cuisine in relationships. However, whilst the link between pairings of food and drink with pairings of human beings is hazy – there is no doubt that it has strong ties to love and romance.

However, caffeine is key. The sensation of that first sip gets your blood pumping. It is literally a stimulant; it increases the circulation of adrenaline, a feeling reflecting first date butterflies and sparks flying.

Here, I explore some food and drink pairings that I think are perfect for a romantic meal or dining experience, not all your traditional wine and cheese but they make sense in my mind. So, keep reading if you are looking for some unconventional treats to ignite a spark.

With this pairing, I envision a multitude of settings.

After a date in a fancy restaurant, you both enjoy a post-dessert flat white with a complimentary peppermint dark chocolate. Mouths warmed by the steamed milk synchronously melt the chocolate on your tongue as your eyes lock - minds filling with the potential of the night ahead. Or maybe you are tucked up under a blanket watching a movie with a cappuccino and selection box, a gift from one to the other as a symbol of their love.

Ah, heart-shaped chocolates, another undeniable piece in the interlocking puzzles of food and romance.

Going back to chemicals, those found in chocolate can raise dopamine levels – linking to our reward and pleasure centres. So don’t just take it from my romanticised ramblings, it is simply science...and coffee and chocolate together make the ultimate chemical reaction.

Food and Drink

33

Cocktails and Nachos

Spaghetti Carbonara and Wine

This might sound like an unconventional one but bear with me.

We are going back to basics with this final pairing. When I think of carbonara I think of minimal effort for maximum pay-off. It is the ultimate date food when you want to prepare something for a partner.

There is a lot of leeway here but a specific cocktail I had in mind is a rose and raspberry G&T. Roses have always been associated with romance, the physical flower an iconic gift on valentine’s day, and the scent, classy and sensual. Raspberry can be seen as having aphrodisiac qualities, a bright, seductive morsel seizing and convulsing from the fizz of the tonic looks so enticing.

Speaking of aphrodisiacs, this cocktail also includes gin and ginger; the botanicals in gin and the tingling sensation of ginger on the lips gives it a sexual, passionate quality. And we all know the effect of alcohol; inhibitions lowered and guards down, it can allow us to open up and let conversations flow with ease – whilst drinking responsibly of course.

My rationalization behind the nachos is their potential as a great sharer food. Either at home or in a bar, they are quick, easy and fun to eat. Ok, they can be messy which I usually would stay away from when it comes to date food, but once you get over that you can’t go wrong.

They can be playful as you feed each other, dropping guac on your lap in the process. The heat from the chillies or jalapeños spices it up a bit, and pairs it well with the fizz and heat from the ginger and tonic from the accompanying cocktail.

Rose & Raspberry G&T Recipe 4 Measures Gin 1 Measure Lime Juice 1 Measure Simple Syrup ¼ Measure Rose Water ½ cup pureed raspberries Shake with ice Pour over ice, frozen raspberries and a chunk of fresh ginger Top with tonic and rose petals

The humble dish originated from Rome and what is more romantic than Italy? I don’t know if there is such a thing as the most romantic pasta shape, but I declare it to be spaghetti (we are all thinking of Lady and the Tramp, right?). The seemingly infinite noodles and rich, creamy sauce feel luxurious, and remind you to enjoy the simple pleasures in life with people you want to spend time with.

My mind went to white wine with carbonara, an acidic, zesty white to cut through the fatty creaminess of the sauce. But I suppose the white with fish and red with meat rules doesn’t really apply here (yes that is the extent of my wine knowledge). Therefore, a fruity and acidic red could also work. The pairing of wine makes the date a bit fancier and levels up the novice move of cooking carbonara. It gets your blood flowing, warms the belly, and brings joy to the evening.

Words by: Beth Mendleton Design by: Isabel Brewster Illustration by: Sian Hopkins

Food and Drink

34

The more I contemplate the connection between romance and food, the more links and nuances I discover that make the two worlds evermore blended. Initially, the mind goes to romantic dates in restaurants with swanky music and dimmed lights; aphrodisiacs; anything dipped in chocolate and eaten seductively. But it can be so much more than that.

How can food etiquette, knowledge and taste reflect personality; and how we judge our romantic partners? Consider the setting, the occasion, the pairings of one dish with another and how this could change the course of an evening.

The concept of love languages was created by Gary Chapman over 40 years ago, with the idea that we all express and receive love in different ways, and that by understanding what your own love language is (and your partner’s) – you can improve your romantic relationships.

The five established love languages are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Giving gifts, and Quality Time.

I believe each one of these has unique links with the world of food and drink – so much so that it could be considered a love language in its own right.

Physical touch touch

This is a common love language associated with needing physical affection from a partner whether that is in a more sensual way, or just in the form of a hug or holding hands.

This relates to food as it brings comfort in the same way that physical touch does. On top of this, physical touch links to the ritual of sharing food. Sharing a sweet dessert with two spoons – feeding one another as you gaze into each other’s eyes. Hands grazing as you both reach for the same chocolate out of the selection box. The intimate nature of sharing food definitely plays a significant role in

that of physical affection.

Words of

Affirmation I perused this one for a little longer, but realised this links to food in the gratitude we show each other for making it. Hearing someone you love tell you that something you made for them tasted great, validates your expression of love through food. When you put a lot of care and effort into a dish, perhaps considering your partner’s favourite foods, dietary requirements, ingredients that are significant to them – it feels good to have this acknowledged.

Food and Drink

35

researching their favourite restaurant to take them to or which brand of gin to buy for them, a gift card for their goto fast food place. Many people need material things to feel loved, but it is not necessarily about the gift itself – but the thought that went into choosing it.

Giving/ acts of receiving service gifts

Of course, this has to be preparing food for your significant other. Words of affirmation links to this, as hearing gratitude following an act of service completes this exchange of love if you will. Putting time and effort into a meal demonstrates your willingness to make someone else happy – not just telling someone how you feel, but showing them. This not only links to the preparation of food but the customs surrounding it. For example, pulling their chair out for them at dinner or washing up the plates afterwards – leaving them to relax.

A crucial love language, and one that pairs well with food and drink, quality time is often spent together over a comforting, romantic meal. Food brings people together, it might represent milestones in your relationship – where you went for your first dates, the first meal you cooked together, where you spent your anniversary? Many of our most treasured memories are tied to food, the senses of taste and smell tied to our experiences of love, romance and laughter. A great meal can become a core memory, part of a tradition that you revisit time and time again throughout your relationship.

So – which love language do you think best translates into our experiences with food? Which one do you relate to?

Food may not be its own love language, but the connection between food, romance and relationships is undeniable.

Giving gifts is similar to acts of service, however rather than putting in time and effort and physically doing something for someone else, it is more about being thoughtful and anticipating the needs and wants of your partner. It is the physical, material manifestation of an act of service. Paying for dinner, carefully planning and

Words by: Beth Mendleton Design by: Holly Chapman

Literature

36

Literature

Whether you like the ‘happily ever after’ endings, or whether you’re just interested in the development of romantic relationships between characters, Romance is a popular literary genre among book lovers.

Whilst early Romance novels featured white, heterosexual, female protagonists who were often seen defying social norms of their times, modern Romance novels have began to offer a more diverse view of love. But who are the Kings and Queens behind these popular works of fiction?

Of course, we have to start with Jane Austen. Her 1813 novel, Pride and Prejudice, is renowned for being the epitome of the literary genre. The relationships between Lydia Bennet and Mr.Wickham, and, Mr Darcy and Elizabeth, for example, are used to introduce traditional Romance themes and symbols.

This classic love story inspired the template for what we see today as Romance novels. For example, Helen Fielding’s novel ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’, has been described as a modern-day Pride and Prejudice. Perhaps because Marc Darcy bares a startling resemblance to Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Of course, there is also ‘Eligible’ by Curtis Sittenfield which actually brands itself as a ‘modern retelling of Pride and Prejudice’.

It then becomes inevitable that Austen, who could be seen as the Queen of Romance, set the path for a new generation of Romance writers. Some of which include Nora Roberts – with 225 novels to her name, Nora has certainly earned the status of a Romance Queen! She has also been praised for reworking the Romance genre, with her heroines often having jobs, and not being that bothered about getting married. Her Bride Quartet series is a great place to start reading her work.

John Green – perhaps best known for this heartfelt and emotive novel, ‘The Fault in Our Stars’, Green writes with a touch of poetic romance. Some of his other romantic novels include ‘Looking for Alaska’ and ‘Paper Towns’.

Adriana Locke – popular for setting her Romance novels in real life settings, ‘Lockes’ ‘Cherry Falls Romance’ series is becoming increasingly popular in the Romance world.

Graeme Simpson – his novel `The Rosie Project’ which explores the idea that you can find love in the strangest places, quickly branded Graeme Simpson as a Romance King. Its touches of comedy and quirky plot line are what make it a popular romantic read.

Words by: Holly Hostettler-Davies

37

When it comes to discussing authors who have mastered the genre of romance, it would be ignorant of me to overlook Colleen Hoover. Mostly publishing within the genres of New Adult and Young Adult fiction, Hoover is undoubtedly a Queen of Romance, despite only having been published since 2012. Having recently read her popular novel It Ends With Us (2016), I can confirm that her writing is mature, witty, and accessible. As an English Literature student, reading heavy texts can certainly take its toll which is why I decided to pick her novel up as an easy read. Alongside dealing with difficult subjects like domestic violence, it has all of the tropes needed to make that satisfying, cliché romance that I was looking for.

From the first chapter I was completely sold, I absolutely love a novel that gets straight into its plot. The classic tropes found in her novels are what makes so many of her writings feel like the perfect summer reads. Her characters are believable and definitely relatable. The novel, like many of Hoover’s, of course follows a tale of romance, but I thoroughly enjoyed how the protagonist, Lilly Bloom, has her own passions and drive to succeed in her new floral business. Lilly’s character development and ability to not let her be defined by her relationship, and to also maintain healthy friendships with others around her. This book follows the trashy tropes of romantic literature that we all love to indulge ourselves in every so often; a fast-paced developing relationship, irrational decision making, and love triangles to keep us on our toes!

Over the years, Hoover has proven herself to be an asset to the genre of romance. Her massive success has ensured that she has published 22 books in just under 10 years, which is definitely a huge achievement within the community! It is so easy to fall into writing within the same confinements of repeated tropes and classic plotlines, giving the genre a bad name. Romance novels frequently get a bad reputation for being too easy to read and very trashy, but Hoover’s success has only proven that romance novels don’t always have to follow the same outline to thrive within the literary community.

Words by: Alexa Price Design by: Rahima Bhatti

38

39

Literature

40

Reading Romance as a Feminist Romance books, despite being bestsellers, are one of the most frowned upon genres in literature. For decades, these books have been looked down upon by intelligentsia and dumped as light, non-serious reads for young people. I remember the embarrassment of picking romance books in a bookstore and labelling them a ‘guilty pleasure’ when someone discovered my collection.

Digging into the reason behind the derogatory narrative surrounding romance novels, patriarchy is the first reason that comes to mind. Romance is the only genre that has historically given women stories of their own, represented their troubles, stood up for their equality and gave voice to their desires. Of course, women have been subjugated in romance novels or used as pawns to make their male counterparts look heroic. But those books have received their share of criticism, more than any other genre.

Until a few decades ago, romance books were the only spaces where women got what they wanted, at least most of the time, without being made to feel guilty about it. Classic Romance stories such as Pride and Prejudice

by Jane Austin, are one of the only books of the time, where women aren’t used as decorative figures but have stories of their own. Regarding romance novels as ‘lowbrow’ literature and ‘guilty pleasure’ stems from the dichotomy created by a patriarchal society that markets stereotypical notions and products towards femmes and then considers them unworthy for buying into it.

The assumption is anything created for women, isn’t considered holding good substance.

I believe reading romance is feminist as for years women have dreamt of better futures and ideal life partners reading through romance novels that acknowledge women and their desires. Romance Novels like ‘Get a Life’ by Chloe Brown, ‘Paper Moon’ by Rehana Munir incredibly represent issues such as identity, sexuality, and pleasure from a female perspective. Stories of romance are capable of making others feel bolts of joy and desire while reading through fictional tales.

Sometimes in the process, someone else’s story can help another individual recognize patterns of abuse, manipulation and gaslighting within their own.

Romance books like ‘Things We Never Said’ give a new perspective on love and makes one evaluate their own tale. As much as I recognize, the romance genre is created around patriarchal boundaries, it is often seen shattering them. In the words of Sarah Wendell, cofounder of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, a US-based website devoted to reviewing romance novels through a critical lens- “I am of the opinion that a genre that is written by women, for women, about women, about the

female experience, even if that experience is codified and structured within patriarchal, established boundaries, is inherently feminist” Romance is a genre that genuinely embraces its female audience. This is perhaps the only genre where women are the plot and this gives rise to a unique subculture where there are devoted and voracious fans, who are catered to by an industry that recognises their value and by authors grateful for their interest. This can be through the evolution of romance novels through the decades and how they have to grow to cater to women from different socioeconomic backgrounds and embrace their fantasies- be they feminist or sadomasochistic. Romance books are putting women’s sexuality as a focus and giving importance to their sexual health. You can see the growing focus on women’s security, pleasure and access to birth control.

The romance genre has now also progressed into more diverse, queer, trans and non-binary literature. It helps propagate the truth that beautiful romance novels are not just a ‘white cis-het thing.’ We can see a marvellous development in the form of #ownvoices being pushed to the forefront. Own voices refer to “an author from a marginalized or under-represented group writing about their own experiences/from their own perspective, rather than someone from an outside perspective writing as a character from an under-represented group. Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin, narrating the story of a modern girl struggling to fit in with her traditional family and her journey to finding a partner for herself is an example of #ownvoices.

Romance books do not conflict with feminism in any way.

Stories of sex, free agency- deciding what to do with your own life and with who is empowering. Stories of women falling in love with men do not make women weak.

Strength is an act that could be displayed in a million ways- forming an emotional bond with another person is an empowering act too. Empowerment is in finding power in your sexuality or by withholding it. Reading stories where women are as varied as in real life and reading through their journey of love and desire is feminist.

Words by: Shivika Singh Design by: Isabel Brewster

Illustration by: Sian Hopkins, @moonlanding.illustrations

Clebar

42

Y LLWY Ers cannoedd o flynyddoedd, mae’r llwy garu wedi bod yn symbol traddodiadol o gariad yng Nghymru. Bu’r plethiad o symbolau Celtaidd, symbolau o gariad a sgiliau crefftwr y llwy yn ddull poblogaidd o gyfaddef cariad ganrifoedd yn ôl ac mae ystyr y llwy yn parhau i fod yng nghlwm a chariad bythol hyd heddiw.

Tarddai’r arfer o gerfio llwyau caru o’r ail ganrif ar bymtheg pan fu dynion ifanc yn rhoi llwyau wedi eu cerfio i ferched di-briod fel arwydd o’u hanwyldeb. Yn wreiddiol, roedd modd defnyddio’r llwyau ac roeddent yn anrheg ymarferol. Fodd bynnag, dros y blynyddoedd mae datblygiad y dyluniadau dyrys sydd wedi eu cerfio ar y llwyau wedi golygu eu bod yn fwy tebygol o gael eu defnyddio fel addurniadau yn unig erbyn hyn. Mae’r enghraifft hynaf o’r llwy garu Gymreig, sy’n dyddio’n ôl i 1667, i’w gweld mewn arddangosfa yn amgueddfa Sain Ffagan ger Caerdydd.

Yn yr hen oesoedd, roedd yn hanfodol i’r tad weld bod gan ddarpar gariadfab ei ferch sgiliau gwaith coed a’r gallu i ddarparu ar gyfer ei deulu. Felly, byddai cerfio dyluniad mwy cymhleth, megis cadwyni, ar y llwy yn cynrychioli graddfa sgiliau gwaith coed y cerfiwr ac yn un ffordd o wneud argraff dda ar y tad. Nid oes rheolau o ran pa symbolau gellir eu cerfio ar y llwy bren ac o ganlyniad gall y llwyau amrywio’n fawr gyda’r dyluniadau yn gwbl unigryw i’w gilydd. Arferai morwyr gerfio llwyau garu yn ystod siwrnai hir ar y moroedd ac o ganlyniad daeth angorau yn un symbol y byddai’n ymddangos yn gyson ar y llwyau garu er nad ydyw o reidrwydd yn y symbol cyntaf sy’n dod i’r ymennydd wrth feddwl am gariad.

Ymysg symbolau poblogaidd eraill mae’r bedol sy’n symbol o lwc, calon fel symbol o gariad, diemwnt yn symbol o gyfoeth a’r groes fel symbol o ffydd. Ar bob llwy mae’r cerfluniau yn adrodd hanes a byddai peli mewn cawell, er enghraifft, yn cynrychioli’r nifer o blant

yr obeithiai’r cariadfab eu cael. Yn wir, mae gan bob llwy garu ei hanes ei hun ac maent yn llwyddo i roi darluniau bras i mewn i berthynas y cerfiwr a derbyniwr y llwy trwy ddefnyddio elfennau gweledol yn unig.

Roedd clychau hefyd yn symbol poblogaidd ymysg y cerfwyr gan eu bod yn symbol o fywyd priodasol. Hyd heddiw, mae’r llwy garu yn parhau i fod yn ddynodiad o briodas i sawl Cymro a Chymraes ac nid yw’n anghyffredin rhoi llwy garu fel anrheg i’r cwpl priod ar eu diwrnod mawr.

Yn aml, maent hefyd yn cael eu rhoi fel anrheg Santes Dwynwen, bedydd neu ben-blwydd fel arwydd o gariad diamod. Er hynny, nid ydynt yn anrheg mor boblogaidd ac yr arferai bod yn y canol oesoedd ac maent yn cael eu gweld fel ffurf o grefft werin yn fwy na dim erbyn hyn.

Mae modd prynu llwyau cariad hyd heddiw gan amryw o grefftwyr Cymreig lleol a gellir dod o hyd i lwy gariad addurniadol mewn sawl aelwyd ledled Cymru a thu hwnt.

Er nad yw’r llwy garu yn anrheg mor boblogaidd ag yr arferai bod, mae elfennau o’r llwy wedi llwyddo i gael eu hintegreiddio i mewn i anrhegion eraill, mwy modern. Er enghraifft, mae gan y gemwyr Cymreig, Clogau, gyfres o gadwyni gyda phendant llwy garu arnynt sy’n cynnwys aur wedi ei gloddio yng Nghymru. Yn ogystal, maent yn gwerthu modrwyau patrymog sy’n plethu’r mathau o gerfluniau sydd i’w cael ar lwyau garu i mewn i’w dyluniad.

Mae hyn yn ffordd gyfoes o gadw’r arferiad o roi anrhegion wedi eu cerfio â symbolau o gariad heb orfod cynnwys y llwy yn uniongyrchol.

Er mai Cymru yw’r wlad sy’n fwyaf adnabyddus am eu llwyau cariad, mae hefyd tystiolaeth eu bod wedi chwarae rhan mewn cyfleu cariad mewn ambell i wlad arall. Mae hyn yn enwedig wir am wledydd Llychlynnaidd a fu’r llwy garu yn boblogaidd iawn yn Sweden am gyfnod. Yn ogystal, arferai cwplau priod o Norwy fwyta gyda llwyau oedd wedi

Clebar

GARU: eu cysylltu â chadwyni fel symbolaeth o’u cysylltedd drwy gydol eu bywyd priod. Fodd bynnag, o fewn diwylliant Cymreig mae amlygrwydd y llwy garu ar ei huchaf heddiw, ac mae wedi dod yn gofrodd boblogaidd ymysg twristiaid sy’n dod i Gymru. Felly, mae’r llwy garu bren eisoes wedi bod yn symbol o gariad gyda Chymreictod hefyd yn chwarae rôl draddodiadol o fewn tarddiad yr anrheg.

Cyflea’r ffaith bod rhai yn parhau i ddewis rhoi llwy garu fel symbol o’u cariad heddiw pa mor gryf yw rôl elfennau hanesyddol yng Nghymru gyfoes a pa mor bwysig yw dathlu diwylliant i ganran fawr o ddinasyddion y wlad.

Words by: Catrin Lewis Design by: Holly Chapman Illustration by: Sian Hopkins

43

44

Dros y blynyddoedd, rydym ni fel Cymry wedi cyfarwyddo ein hunain gyda chyfeiriadaeth at ddydd Santes Dwynwen fel y ‘dydd Sant Ffolant Gymreig’. Fodd bynnag, er bod y ddwy ŵyl yn cael eu hadnabod fel dathliadau o gariad, mae eu gwreiddiau wedi eu plannu mewn cefndiroedd gwbl wahanol. Y gwirionedd yw, nad oes gan y ddwy ŵyl fawr yn gyffredin rhyngddynt.

Mae hyn yn rhywbeth sydd eisoes wedi ei drafod gan Dr Dylan Foster Evans, darlithydd ym Mhrifysgol Caerdydd.

Mae wedi honni bod trin dydd Sant Ffolant a dydd Santes Dwynwen fel dau amrywiolyn o’r un ŵyl yn gyfatebol a chyfeirio at Dewi Sant fel ‘Sant Siôr Cymru’. Er bod dydd Gŵyl Dewi yn ddathliad cenedlaethol yng Nghymru fel yw dydd Sant Siôr yn Lloegr, seintiau gyda hanesion gwbl wahanol sydd y tu ôl i’r ddau. Yn yr un modd, mae Santes Dwynwen a Sant Ffolant yn ddau sant ar wahân gyda straeon eu hunain ac maent yn cael eu dathlu ar ddyddiadau gwahanol. Mewn gwirionedd, eu teitlau fel nawddseintiau cariad yw un o’r unig ffactorau sydd ganddynt yn gyffredin. Nid yw’r ddwy ŵyl yn gyfatebol i’w gilydd a tra bod Sant Ffolant erbyn hyn yn cael ei ddathlu mewn ystod eang o wledydd Gorllewinol, mae Santes Dwynwen yn parhau i fod yn ŵyl sy’n cael ei ddathlu’n

bennaf gan y Cymry.

Mae ansicrwydd ynglŷn â beth yn union yw’r ysbrydoliaeth y tu ôl i ddydd Sant Ffolant, fodd bynnag, mae amryw o hanesion canoloesol wedi eu cynnig fel cystadleuwyr posib. Er hynny, does fawr ddim o wybodaeth bendant tu ôl i wreiddiau’r ŵyl na stori gadarn i gyd fynd a hi. Yn gyferbyniol i hyn, mae un chwedl Gymreig adnabyddus iawn i’w chael wrth wreiddiau dydd Santes Dwynwen.

Yn ddealladwy, mae’r mwyafrif yn ystyried y chwedl boblogaidd fel stori garu oherwydd teitl Dwynwen fel nawddsant y cariadon. Fodd bynnag, trasiedi yw ei hanes hi mewn gwirionedd. Trasiedi sydd wedi dod yn rhan annatod o ddiwylliant Cymreig gyda disgyblion ledled Cymru’n dysgu amdani bob blwyddyn. Er hynny, chwedl yn unig ydyw, gydag awgrymiadau cryf nad yw’n fwy na ffrwyth dychymyg y bardd Iolo Morganwg yn ystod y deunawfed ganrif. Wedi dweud hynny, mae tystiolaeth deg bod Dwynwen wedi bodoli yn ystod y bumed ganrif a bod hithau, fel Sant Ffolant, yn sant canoloesol.

Yn ôl y fersiwn hynaf o’r chwedl mae Dwynwen, ferch brydferthaf y Brenin Brycheiniog, yn disgyn mewn cariad â Maelon Dafodrill er bod ei thad wedi trefnu iddi briodi

Clebar

rhywun arall. O ganlyniad, mae Dwynwen yn dianc i’r goedwig ble mae hi’n gweddïo ac yn gofyn i Dduw helpu iddi anghofio am Maelon. Daw angel i ymweld â Dwynwen yn ei chwsg a rhoi diod swyn iddi. Mae hi’n penderfynu ei roi i Maelon ac mae’n troi’n dalp o rew ar ôl ei yfed. Ar ôl gweld beth sydd wedi digwydd i Maelon, mae Dwynwen yn gweddïo eto gan ddymuno tri pheth; bod Maelon yn cael ei ddadmer, bod Duw yn ateb gobeithion a breuddwydion pob un oedd yn glaf i gariad ac na fyddai hi fyth yn priodi. Mae pob un o’i dymuniadau’n cael eu gwireddu ac fel diolch i Dduw mae Dwynwen yn cysegru ei hun iddo am weddill ei bywyd. Yn ôl y chwedl, mae hi yna’n hwylio i ble sy’n cael ei adnabod fel Ynys Llanddwyn heddiw ac yna y bu hi’n aros fel meudwyes am weddill ei bywyd. Erbyn hyn, caiff Dydd Santes Dwynwen ei ddathlu ar y 25ain o Ionawr pob blwyddyn i goffáu’r nawddsant o gyfeillgarwch a chariad.

O ystyried y cefndiroedd gwahanol y tu ôl i’r ddwy ŵyl, pam felly, bod dydd Santes Dwynwen yn cael ei hadnabod fel dydd Sant Ffolant Cymru? Gellir dadlau bod rhan fawr o hyn yn ymwneud a’r ffaith nad yw’r gwyliau yn ddim mwy nag enghreifftiau o fasnacheiddio erbyn hyn. Esgus i gorfforaethau wneud arian gan berswadio’r cyhoedd bod yn rhaid prynu anrhegion a nwyddau materol er mwyn profi eu cariad. Mae hyn hefyd yn rhan o’r rheswm pam fod dydd Santes Dwynwen yn lawer fwy poblogaidd heddiw nag yr

53 45

oedd dau ddegawd yn ôl. Oherwydd y pwyslais sydd wedi ei roi ar yr angen i brynu anrhegion a chardiau ar gyfer dydd Santes Dwynwen, mae’r ŵyl wedi dod yn debycach nag erioed at ddydd Sant Ffolant. O ganlyniad, mae sawl wedi dewis peidio dathlu’r ŵyl gan nad ydynt yn gweld yr angen i ddewis diwrnod penodol i ddathlu eu cariad nag i brynu anrhegion fel tyst o’u teimladau. Mae hyn wedi creu rhyw fath o ddatgysylltiad rhwng yr ŵyl a chwedl y santes ac wedi cynyddu’r tebygrwydd yn y ffordd y caiff dydd Santes Dwynwen a dydd Sant Ffolant eu dathlu. Yn ddealladwy, mae hyn wedi arwain at ddryswch rhwng y ddwy ŵyl gyda sawl un yn methu i wahaniaethu rhyngddynt.

Er hynny, i sawl un mae dydd Santes Dwynwen yn parhau i fod yn ddathliad o gariad maent yn ei gymeradwyo’n flynyddol tra bod rhai yn ei anwybyddu’n llwyr. Yn yr un modd, dewisai rhai i ddathlu Santes Dwynwen dros ddydd Sant Ffolant ac i’r gwrthwyneb. Nid yw’n ddirgelwch, felly, pam bod cysylltiadau yn parhau i gael eu gwneud rhwng y ddwy ŵyl a bod rhai yn eu trin yn gyfatebol. Y gwir amdani yw, er bod egwyddor y ddwy ŵyl yn debyg, nid yw eu gwreiddiau wedi llifo o’r un nant ac maent yn ddathliadau o ddau sant gwahanol. Nid Sant Ffolant Gymreig, felly, yw Santes Dwynwen.

Words by: Catrin Jones Design by: Holly Chapman

Travel

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “romance”? For many, it’s the Eiffel Tower, the canals of Venice or idyllic tropical beaches. Whilst these may all sound pretty appealing, most students have to be wary not only of budgeting but also of their timetable, with most trips abroad being pretty much pointless if you try and pack them into one weekend, as well as being inaccessible to those of us without a car. That isn’t to say, however, that you can’t enjoy a romantic weekend without interrupting your schedule, or breaking the bank.

Here are some of my favourite places for a mini-break in the UK, and the best part is they’re all accessible by train from Cardiff!

46

Llangorse, Brecon Beacons, Wales This stunning lakeside retreat is found less than two hours by train from Cardiff, in the heart of the Brecon Beacons National Park where you’ll see some of the best landscapes the UK has to offer. Whether for a weekend or a day trip, Llangorse is ideal for nature lovers at less than two hours away from Cardiff by train.

Tenby, Pembrokeshire, Wales Whilst most beach lovers would head down South for an overnight stay, you might want to consider heading less than 3 hours West on the train to Tenby, home to beautiful beaches and historic sites such as castle ruins or 13th-century town walls. B&Bs aren’t hard to find in the area, and the harbour offers activities such as boat rides or pubs, cafes and restaurants.

Travel

47

Bristol, England

Penarth, Vale of Glamorgan, Wales

Less than an hour away from Cardiff is Bristol, a place many of you will have already visited. As a Bristol girl myself, I couldn’t help but add it to this list, as I think it gets so overlooked when it comes to couples’ getaways!

Not only home to a stunning harbourside lined with restaurants, pubs and hotels to meet all of your needs, Bristol also has some stunning viewpoints such as the Downs, with views of the iconic suspension bridge and over the entire city. Whilst hotels aren’t always cheap, trains run as late as 10 PM, so it’s perfect for a day trip or a mini-break too.

Just 4 miles from Cardiff city centre, Penarth may feel like a classical seaside town, but it’s actually really convenient to get to, accessible by train or public bus - even on foot, it’s only 25 minutes from Cardiff Bay. Whether you choose to walk along the pier or dine out on the high street, Penarth is perfect for a mini-break without the hassle of a long journey.

Bath, England Just a 10-minute train from Bristol, Bath is famous for its historic Georgian architecture and sites such as the Roman baths and Bath Abbey, the city itself is listed as a UNESCO world heritage site, and is perfect not only for history lovers but also for those who just want to enjoy looking at the Bath stone buildings or enjoying views of the river Avon. With plenty of shops and restaurants to keep you entertained, Bath has great potential for a romantic break.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about some of the places you can visit to get away from it all for some one-on-one time with that special someone, and that you’ve got some new ideas about how to enjoy that romantic time away without spending too much time and money, all whilst watching your carbon footprint and exploring the range of places in the UK! Words by: Layla Dockerty Design by: Annabelle Ingram

Travel

48

LGBT rights: Love Around Whilst we all take time to reflect on love and romance, it’s important to recognise the efforts of activists around the world who have fought for everyone’s right to love who they want and to live as their authentic selves.

Around the world, the LGBTQIA+ community face unique challenges, some of which are still very real here in the UK. In celebration of the pride movement’s progression to where it is today, here are some of the biggest pride celebrations around the world, and a short history of some of the people who made them possible.

One of the biggest annual pride celebrations is found in New York. Run by the charity organisation Heritage of Pride, the event started in 1984 and reached an estimated 4 million participants in 2019. Perhaps one of the most famous stories in LGBTQIA+ history, New York pride commemorates the Stonewall Riots of 1969, where the community protested against police brutality following the raid of the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar that functioned as a safe space for a community that was at the time unwelcome in many other environments.

Some of the most prevalent names to come from the event are those of activists like Stormé De Larverie, who reportedly sparked the riots, and Marsha P Johnson, who became known as the “Mayor of Christopher Street” (the Stonewall Inn’s address) due to her ongoing role in advocating for the LGBTQIA+ community even after the riots. Today, the Stonewall Inn is a New York City landmark, and the pride march walks past the establishment to pay homage to the activists who made it possible.

Another significant annual pride event is that of Taipei; having begun officially in 2003, the 2019 event hosted 200,000 attendees, making it the largest in East Asia.

Taiwan is considered to be the most progressive country in East Asia when it comes to LGBTQ+ rights, not only having legalised same-sex relationships but also same-sex marriage, and allowing transgender people to change documents without gender-affirming surgery as of 2021, as well as legalising joint adoptions for samesex couples in January 2022. The country’s pride parade features two separate marches and, of course, parties, with an emphasis on avoiding the corporate influence seen in many other countries’ celebrations. One activist who’s known for his role in the Taiwanese LGBTQ+ movement is Chi Chia-Wei, as the first person to come out on national television, which he did whilst launching a campaign to stop the spread of HIV, a disease which he suffered from himself. He went on to operate a halfway house for HIV/AIDS patients whilst educating the nation on the dangers of the disease and campaigned for the recognition of same-sex marriages. He was included in Time’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world in 2020 for his impact not only on LGBTQ+ rights but also in changing the wider public’s perceptions about the community.

The largest European pride event is in Madrid, attended by up to 2.5 million people each year. Having missed the news of the Stonewall riots under the authoritarian rule of Franco, Spain’s first demonstration of

Travel

49

Celebrating the World LGBTQ+ rights happened following his death in 1977, when 4000 people demonstrated in Barcelona, but were forcefully dissolved by the police, with 1978 being the first year that Pride was allowed to go ahead. However, it wasn’t until 2001 that gay men who were charged with “public scandal” were decriminalised, with SpanishVenezuelan lawyer Pedro Zerolo playing a part as leader of the “Feder ación Estatal de Lesbianas, Gays, Transexuales y Bisexuales”, Spain’s largest LGBTQ+ organisation.

Zerolo was influential in many aspects of LGBTQ+ legislation in Spain for the past few decades, advocating for marriage equality as well as decriminalisation, before unfortunately passing away at just 55 years old in 2015.

He has since been honoured by the city of Madrid through the Plaza de Pedro Zorolo, which is where the main pride event is now hosted.

Africa’s largest pride celebration is found in Johannesburg, having begun towards the end of the apartheid era. It’s organised by GLOW - the Gay and Lesbian Organisation of the Witwatersrand, which was founded in 1988 and advocated for intersectional equality for the black LGBTQ+ community.

Its founder, Simon Nkoli said at the first Johannesburg pride in 1990: “I cannot be free as a black man if I am not free as a gay man”. Nkoli had previously faced the death penalty for his apartheid activism and came out as gay whilst in prison. He was later acquitted and went on to campaign for equality for black and LGBTQ+ people, campaigning against the country’s ban on same-sex relationships and later campaigning for action to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS, which he sadly passed away from age 41 in 1998, just after the repeal of the country’s antisodomy laws. He is now remembered annually in San Francisco with Simon Nkoli day and is accredited with a huge amount of impact on South Africa’s views and treatment of the black and LGBTQ+ communities.

Whilst this is just a tiny glimpse at some of the incredible work done by activists all around the world, you can see how much history there is behind the pride celebrations we have today. With this in mind, I hope some of you might consider visiting a pride parade abroad this year, whether that’s with your partners, your friends or by yourselves, and that those who do, take time to research and reflect upon the event’s history, context and evolution. Pride events are an excellent way to celebrate love, equality and progress, so it’s important to be conscious of their significance, especially in another country that will likely have had a different journey to that point.

Words by: Layla Dockerty Design by: Annabelle Ingram

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Model: Sahina Sherchan Dress: @beaashastudios

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels), Tyler Gale Dress: @beaashastudios

Fashion

Throughout the years, my own sense of style has fluctuated immensely, from once being obsessed with running around in tutus and tiaras to now feeling I have somewhat gaged my own sense of what I like to wear – (although this probably still changes most years).

I certainly found that as I approached my early teens, the pressure of having the right trainers, or the right bag, or the right branded jumper certainly crept up on me, and I definitely didn’t escape it for a long while. Although I went to a secondary school that had a pretty bland uniform that I was stuck in Monday to Friday, weekend events and non-uniform days almost became a sort of catwalk where the girls that were allowed to shop at Hollister and Jack Wills were pretty obvious. That being said, I definitely was one of those girls and pretty much felt as though I had to be, as this was easier than deciding what sort of styles I was interested in. However, I was still very much a young, shy girl that would have rather just conformed than made a statement.

As I got a bit older, my tastes changed largely and the pressure of wearing what everyone else was, was definitely escaping me as well as a lot of other girls.

Instead of reaching for heavily branded items, I began shopping for garments I really wanted and what took my fancy as opposed to the expected. However, I certainly do not claim to have a very experimental style or one that largely differs from a lot of other girls my age; instead, I have a style that makes me happy, and I continue to try and buy clothes that not only flatter my body type but ones I genuinely feel comfortable in.

I, like many others, am constantly on the lookout for what their favourite influencers are wearing, and I certainly won’t shy away from that. I choose to follow people with a similar taste to my own, and I find this can be a great way to find some inspiration when I am stuck in a bit of a style rut! Nevertheless, I certainly don’t find myself conforming to one aesthetic all of the time, and this definitely changes throughout the seasons. In winter, I tend to reach for more neutral pieces like greys, blacks, and beiges, although I have been loving green and colourful scarves! Whereas in the spring, I love opting for

52

J O U

brighter colours and floral patterns (probably to reflect the happiness that it’s my birthday).

My style journey and learning to love the clothes I wear hasn’t been easy, and I don’t think it ever will be for many of us as we battle our way through school and the pressures of looking and dressing a certain way. However, taking a positive outlook on social media and the growth of microinfluencers who reflect real people and real bodies can act as a great source of inspiration and confidence for those of us who aren’t sure what direction to take our style. One of my biggest pieces of advice to anyone reading would be to search out for those people who you are inspired by and those who you feel you can relate to, as they will ultimately make you feel more confident in your own sense of style.

Words by: Maggie Gannon

Fashion

53

Sometimes it can be overwhelming when we look online and find ourselves inundated with advice on how to love ourselves better: Put on a facemask, go out with friends, buy a whole new wardrobe! However, self-love is about more than trying to make yourself feel better in one evening. It’s something you have to do daily, weekly and for the rest of your life.

Confidence, feeling good about yourself comes with accepting yourself for who you are. But how does this work if you don’t yet know who you are? Your teens and early twenties are years that should be spent experimenting.

Confidence is expressed in many different ways for different people: for me, it is through fashion. While looking to your wardrobe as a way of feeling more confident can often be perceived as superficial, I’ve found that I can use my clothes to represent how I feel. Sometimes that involves a dress with colour coordinating eyeshadow and a new hairstyle, and sometimes it means a pair of joggers and a T-shirt. It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you feel you haven’t put 100% into something, including your

wardrobe, but part of self-love is accepting that it’s okay.

In fact, it is essential that you wear clothes that you are comfortable in.

I often feel more confident when I have tried something new: a new hair colour, a new style of dress, a new eyeshadow look. It feels as though I’ve made an addition to myself which will bolster my confidence because I’ve realised who I am a little more. But sometimes all I want to wear is a plain shirt and jeans. It is easy to believe in the online myth that expressing your confidence and selflove means having a completely unique and colourful wardrobe. But if this isn’t true for you, then it’s not necessary. Whether trying something new or sticking to what you know, confidence comes from within.

However, the key to this method of self-love is not to be disheartened when something doesn’t work. Some days you will naturally feel a little less confident and a little less self-loving. Sometimes these days can turn into weeks.

But having compassion for yourself and allowing yourself to move through these more challenging moments can help pull yourself out of them.

R

If the eye-look doesn’t work or the dress doesn’t fit, accept it and try something new. If you are confident with an allblack, monochrome wardrobe, keep it! If you enjoy adding colour to your outfits, do that! Listen to your instincts, and the rest will follow.

N E

Y

Words by: Suraya Kazzuz Design by: Holly Chapman

54

55

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Models: Sahina Sherchan, Taurai Madziva, Tyler Gale Dresses: @beaashastudios

Photography by: Hannah Layton, @laytonhannah Model: Taurai Madziva (EmkaiModels) Dress: @beaashastudios

Spotlight

58

Spotlight Before I begin, I believe that how each one of us experiences a particular emotion is never exactly the same, there’s always that slight difference for each person; much like how we see colours, everyone recognizes the colour pink, yet each individual eye can see it minutely differently.

Therefore, I can only write of how I have experienced both love and infatuation; I have been so angry I have seen red, and been so incredibly happy that I could practically bounce off the walls, but I can truthfully say that the feelings of infatuation and love are just as, if not more, intense. Both have such a sense of power over you, it’s no wonder people mistake them as one emotion so often.

Despite the common confusion of love and infatuation, I’ll begin with the differences I myself can spot between both emotions. Love at first sight? Wrong. I hate to burst the romantic bubble but what you believe to be love is in fact infatuation, and before I cause uproar and am wrongly accused of being an anti-romantic, infatuation is definitely not a bad thing. It is a strong feeling of excitement, being drawn to this person you’ve just met, and if we’re being honest here, there is usually the obvious dominating feeling of sexual attraction! You want to get to know this person more, perhaps it already feels like you know everything about them, and this is where I point out for you that the situation is not love at first sight; love is having the deep, strong bond created through the knowledge you learn from each other, knowing almost every detail about someone, good and bad, and still experiencing those feelings of attraction, care, and sympathy. It doesn’t matter how many rom-coms you watch, or how many books you read over and over, none of those fictional worlds can truly capture a real feeling of love. Falling in love is one of the most amazing, yet terrifying experiences one can have; the vulnerability is overwhelming as you trust your partner with your heart, mind, and body. There’s a sense of calm and safety with your partner, whilst simultaneously feeling such joy to be with them; perhaps this is where infatuation and love interlink.

Before I continue, I want to emphasize again that I am writing from my perspective, and I completely understand and respect that not all romantic relationships need

59 or include infatuation or sexual attraction. Although I have pointed out a difference between infatuation and love, it is important that I stress they are not completely far apart in what they are- as I have stated they can become intertwined. Infatuation is felt by so many in their relationships, partners continue to feel “strong feelings of care and passion” (Collins Dictionary says itself) for their significant other. The sexual attraction is still prominent and shared, except now it may have a deeper meaning, an act of care and trust that is building the loving connection between you both. As well as this, the transition from infatuation to love includes the sexual attraction becoming less of a priority as it were before; when in love, there are other pleasures that you find with each other, from watching a movie to cooking together, just being in each other’s company.

Though it can be disappointing, we must accept that infatuation does not always turn into dreamy romantic relationships- I’m sure many of us can share the experience of realising who they thought their high school infatuation was, was in fact a major disappointment. Some people cannot let go of the fantasy they build in their head and aren’t willing to accept the reality of this person, both good and bad. Perhaps, it is just the unfortunate, straightforward fact that the feelings are not returned from their infatuation, and it must be accepted and left at that.

However, that is not to say that infatuation cannot turn into love; for many, it is how their relationships begin. Although, there must be changes for the transition to be successful; referring to my earlier point of love being terrifying, not only do you have to give such deep trust, but also receive such trust from your partner. Whereas, whilst being in a state of infatuation, it is much easier to focus on your own feelings and look after just yourself. Additionally, for some being infatuated by another can include creating this fantasy persona in your head of who you believe them to be; to fall in love, you must let go of this fantasy and not only make the effort to know this person but also accept and love them for who they are too- the good and the bad.

Though infatuation and love have their differences, love arguably felt much deeper than that of infatuation, it’s safe to say that both share a high intensity. Like many others, I once believed the two to have little variance and could not explain those differences in detail; however, having experienced both emotions I can certainly say I know the difference now. I do not wish to diminish the excitement of infatuation, but the higher risk of love only proves how valuable that feeling is. Although, I feel I must express this sternly: your infatuation has gone too far if you begin to look like Joe from the Netflix series You, you definitely need to turn down the intensity!

Words by: Phoebe Williams Design by: Holly Chapman

Spotlight

60

What do love language teach us about ourselves?

Love languages are the way we express and receive love, differing from person to person and relationship to relationship. Knowing you and your partner’s love language is important, allowing you to show your affection to them in a way they understand and appreciate, and vice versa. This ensures both people feel secure and loved.

Relationship counsellor Dr Gary Chapman outlined the love languages in his book ‘The 5 Love Languages.’ He noticed, whilst counselling couples, that many of their problems lay in not understanding each other’s emotional needs, resulting in misunderstandings and arguments that were actually unnecessary and affecting the couple’s happiness. I myself am not a relationship’s counsellor but in his guidance I found: The 5 love languages are as follows: Words of affirmation

Quality time If you value spending time with your partner - be that doing fun activities or simply just being in their presence, very highly, then this is your love language. Being able to spend time with your partner and having their undivided attention makes up this love language, meaning cancelled dates or feeling like your partner isn’t listening can be hurtful.

Acts of service This involves your partner doing the ‘little’ things for you. This can involve the washing up or cooking a meal, focusing on your partner easing the pressure of other responsibilities in your life. Having this love language means that having a partner who is acting lazy or creating more issues to deal with can be dejecting and emotionally exhausting.

Physical touch

This love language is about expressing your affection through speech and through messages, giving your partner praise, encouragement and compliments and physically telling them you love them. For people who have this love language, hearing insults from their partner can be damaging, often being taken to heart and not easily forgotten.

Whilst this love language sounds very touchy and a tad clingy, it actually isn’t. Physical touch as a love language involves thoughtful touching such as: holding hands, hugs, pats on the back etc. to create a sense of security and show love. Having this love language means that being able to physically access your partner is crucial.

Quality time

Receiving gifts

If you value spending time with your partner - be that doing fun activities or simply just being in their presence, very highly, then this is your love language. Being able to spend time with your partner and having their undivided attention makes up this love language, meaning cancelled dates or feeling like your partner isn’t listening can be hurtful.

This may seem materialistic; however, this love language is not about the monetary value of gifts but instead about the effort, thought and gesture behind a gift, however small it may be. To those who have this love language a rushed gift or even worse missing a gift for an occasion, like a birthday, can be upsetting.

Features

Your love language is not fixed and can change throughout your life, depending on the different circumstances and relationships you’re in. For example, my love languages a few years ago was physical touch, but now, with my current boyfriend in a long-distance relationship, quality time is much more important to me. You grow and change love languages just like you change relationships that no longer fulfil you. Your love language can also be a combination of different ones, to varying degrees of importance, which is again dependent on your current and past experiences.

Words by: Lydia Tomkinson Most people find that they like a mixture of the five love languages, but there seems to always be a dominant one. Personally, the way I show love and the way I like to receive it are different, and they have changed with different relationships. Analyzing the way my love language has changed, not only between different people, but also with growing up. When I was younger, I tended to force myself to separate romantic love from platonic love. I’ve grown to realize I show love a lot through physical touch and acts of service, with friends and partners alike, and that clear line does not need to be drawn between them.

Love is not an inherently romantic feeling, and as soon as I realized this, I felt a lot happier, and a lot more settled even outside a relationship setting. I hug my friends and hold their hands and I’ll cook when they visit and proofread their essays, and whether I do the same with my romantic partners does not diminish my love for either like I believed it had before.

61

I do believe my love languages have been shaped by my family, and especially my Mum. I like to receive affection through quality time, happy to sit in a café and watch someone do work or go on a food shop together or make it as simple as running some errands in each other’s presence. I grew up with my Mum having me as her little assistant, playing on the bank floor while she waited in the queue, combining our weekly shop with trips to the park and peeling vegetables whilst I told her about my day. When she started working, I started appreciating our time together even more. Cooking and cleaning became more than chores; they became the few hours we could spend together, and I started to cling onto every minute of it. This has trickled into my romantic life especially, making me appreciate the domestic aspects, the one-onone time and small moments that for them might just be an ordinary afternoon, but for me is a display of affection.

I think analyzing the way you show and receive love helps set boundaries. You should not completely shift the way you want to be loved, but you sometimes will have to adjust to other’s love languages. Our relationships with other people are dependent to our personalities, they shape the way we interact with new friends and lovers and even complete strangers. Looking at the way you love and are loved will reveals so much about yourself, and it feels like the organic first step to finding the right partner, with compatible languages.

Words by: Francesca Ionescu Design by: Isabel Brewster

Spotlight

62

Do You Ever Get Over Your First Love?

In the torrent of woes, quandaries and relationship angst found in every relationship advice column, one word emerges again and again. First. My first love. My first-ever. My first boyfriend. The romance we choose to label our first love is often swathed in a protective coat of innocence and idealism. We fall into it blind and vulnerable, fueled by serotonin and adolescent naivety. It’s the one that seems to have permanently imprinted on us. But soon, time catches up. We know that the youthful match could no longer satisfy our needs as we have grown into the person we are now. The intermingling of two lives now depends on a more intricate set of circumstances and virtues for survival. Not blind or reckless love, but secure, where boundaries are clear, expectations are realistic, and emotions are resilient. Yet, on occasion, we are reminded of them. In the way someone tells a joke, or that song they’d always play in the car, or the smell of their detergent on someone else’s pillowcase. And in the momentary bittersweet warmth and nostalgia of its memory, we wish there had been a way for it to still fit. It seems that moving on and getting over is perhaps not the same after all.

Words by: Megan Malthouse Love is a difficult emotion to master for only when it is felt, do we know it to be true. It comes in various forms so when it comes to our first love, we are sometimes blind. I could write that it is easy, that the pain will go, and memories will fade but I can’t because, personally, it took a couple of years before the constant comparisons and longing for them stopped. Throughout this time other relationships bloomed and died, as the moment commitment became too real a voice in the back of my head would whisper what if? What if he came back? What if he apologizes? What if he still felt the same? Then I would run a mile from an innocent soul who had done nothing wrong in the hope that my apparent first love would return. He never did. He never was going because love cannot be forced. You should not feel alone in the ocean struggling to stay afloat but instead, you should feel at ease. In that moment of tranquility all thoughts of your first love disappear and sometimes even the notion that they were your first love at all. For me it took losing all hope in ever finding something real for real to find me.

Words by: Alicia Pearson

I remember, all too well (Taylor Swift reference intended), the pain of my first break-up as a teenager. It feels slow and dull. A plateau into numbness. I remember stumbling across a statistic that terrified me: that after 50 years after the relationship the majority of people still think about their first love. This can range from longing to just a passing thought. At the time this is not what I wanted to hear.

My experience was unique, at a young age, I experienced an intense relationship that had lasted a few years, albeit it on-and-off. The process of overcoming was undermined by everyone around me, I guess because at the time it was unusual for someone so young to have been with someone throughout their formative years. It probably took double the amount of time to ‘get over it’ than I had originally contemplated. I wouldn’t take it back, it taught me so much. Do I feel like my first love impacted my outlook on subsequent relationships (ranging from one-night stands to longer romantic commitments) Yes, undoubtedly. For me, it’s been a process of unlearning what I had already known. In one of my favourite songs called ‘Ladies’ by Fiona Apple, I think she articulates the experience of moving from relationship to relationship pretty well. She addresses the masses (ladies in particular) stating: ‘no love is like any other love / So, it would be insane to make a comparison with you.’ I have found this to be true. With each subsequent lover, it really is a completely different kind of love, it would be trying to compare chalk and cheese. Do you forget about your first? No. Can you love someone else after and can it be better?

Yes - but don’t rush it!

Words by: Phoebe Bowers Design by: Isabel Brewster

Illustration by: Shafia Motaleb, @artsyfifi