Page 1

gairrhydd OCTOBER.08.2007

21

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

!TELLY! in Technicolour

HOT Serious Cat: Serious Cat is cocking ace, despite what some individuals at student media think. It is the best thing I have ever invented and so I say, long live Serious Cat and long may his pointless imparting of dull knowledge continue to baffle and bemuse students who have stumbled onto this technicolour nightmare. Peace. x

FILMS Sleepy Hollow, C4, Saturday Directed by Tim I’m boning Helena Bonham Carter Burton, Sleepy Hollow stars Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci. The tale is loosely based on the legend of the headless horseman, I saw it when i was twelve and got a bit scared, but it’s pretty cool/stylish/gory. Eurotrip, BBC1, Friday This touching documentary follows a group of mature American travellers who inter-rail across Europe in search of different cultures and spirituality. There is even an appearance from a legendary british thespian and some stunning camerawork. Director Jeff Schaffer is one of the modern masters of Mise En Scene, quite simply spellbinding!

ITV are terrible. The Rugby World Cup is one of the few sporting events that I truly look forward to every four years. However, every time around a little part of me dies inside, when I remember that some idiot allowed ITV the sole broadcasting rights to the RWC, the televisual equivelant of allowing Chris Benoit to babysit your kids. Jim Rosenthal is about as charismatic as a damp, beige v-neck sweater, yet simultaenously managing to exude some sort of seething aggression. I’m sure I’m not the only one to notice the simularity between Rosenthal and a crocodile. The beady eyes, the wide grin filled with tiny teeth, the pointed snout, all the signs are there. However, it’s not just his terrifying appearance that unnerves me, every time I am forced to watch his smug, shit-eating grin on TV, it’s also his England Tourettes. The man simply cannot go for an entire match without making reference to England’s

fluke 2003 World Cup win, or His Sainted Majesty Wilkinson. Case in point, the recent South Africa vs Tonga rugby match was actually pretty ace for a bystander to watch, but Blurty Rosenthal couldn’t even let us enjoy that. Instead he was refering back to whatever England were doing which included, arriving, getting off the bus and warming up, all of which I could have quite easily gone without knowing and my rugbywatching life would have been none the worse. Also, his insistence of fawning all over that boulder headedtosser Martin Johnson grates to the extent of very nearly driving me insane. No matter how much I hate the guy, I have to admit that the blame for the utter failure of ITV’s RWC coverage isn’t entirely

his fault. Will Greenwood also has to step up and take his bow, for this atrocity. Hands like a Parkinsons sufferer, this lumpen oaf wanders around gurning and making self-referential jokes whilst simultaneously fulfilling every stereotype that has ever existed about Public School tossers. Francois Pienaar is no better, standing impassively like a hairless muppet, only surfacing to make some inane point about how he wore contact lenses. I mean contact lenses are great and make all our lives greater, and they are especially useful for short sighted rugger buggers ;-). U-TURN! Francois Peinaar, TV salutes you and your cuddly persona! The beeb isn’t much better with the unfor tunate presence of sour-lemon Jeremy Guscott, acting like a bitter old spinster who never found true love; he broods in his little chair spewing out backhanded compliments. Then there’s John bloody Inverdale. A sappy simon if ever I saw one, Inverdale seems to have a penchant for presenting homoerotic sporting events, like World’s Strongest Man. !TELLY! can easily imagine him pulling himself off behind the Atlas Stones. Peace out kids, and don’t have nightmares.

ADVERTS

Fudge Tunnel

Is there another individual on British television that can inspire such utter hatred as this loathsome piece of low-life scum? All smugness, and faux-laddishness, hanging is too good for him. What kind of dickhead, when discussing his financial future talks to a complete stranger in a call centre about ’the football’. I notice that Picture Loans, in order to keep this twatfarm from being associated with a particular region, make sure this utter cockteeth only vaguely alludes to professional sport and the weather. Presumably some Hoxton media twat came to the brilliant conclusion that because Picture Loans wants to appeal to ordinary people it should sound like all ordinary people live in some sort of bizarre Coronation Streetesque world, talking about the weather and football. As if the Great British public are nothing more than shit-flinging shaved apes that can be completely convinced by this sham of a man. While on the subject, what prick has to mouth to his wife how much he wants to borrow in the middle of the phone conversation, surely that’s something you’d decided beforehand. In short I hate this man and I want him dead.

NOT Media Twattery: When trying to come up with an idea for this very section, one of my esteemed colleagues told me to do a ‘Voxpop’ to establish a suitable topic. Bloody Barley-esque Hotonite media twattery of the highest order, it’s one of these nonsense words that never really seem to mean anything, like content or product.

Serious Cat says:

Composting is a biological process in which micro-organisms convert degradable organic matter into carbon dioxide and water vapour, using oxygen in the air, and leaving a bulk-reduced, stabilised residue known as compost.

SOAPS This week don’t arse yourself watching anything but Eastenders. There is a nice bit of kidnap, a court scene and some wicked cool gun crime. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy and it really should, there is always Hollyoaks. This week there’s a party and all attending are poisoned by carbon monoxide.

L:7IK Freshers take note; these websites will save your life this year. Unless you are particularly rich, not many of you will own a TV in your halls room, and approximately 2/3 of fuck all of you will have bothered to purchase a TV License (naughty naughty!), and so how will you cope with the lack of Televisual Entertainment? Well, why not check out www.tv-links.co.uk, a veritable plethora of catalogued episodes, of everything from Scrubs for the morons among you, to Boondocks for the unutterably cool of you. Seriously, get involved and you’ll soon see you’ve eaten away. Hoorah!


22 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.8.2007

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

MONDAY Wales Today BBC1 1.30pm

The Weakest Link BBC2 5.15pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

Jeremy Kyle ITV1 9.25am

8th October Columbus Day

Without a Trace C4 10.00pm

Kids TV five 6.00am

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Kids TV 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am KNTV 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy Countdown 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement 1:00pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 1:30pm Crash Dive 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am CBBC 10:30am The Flying Gardener 10:45am Family Xchange 11:30am 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:50pm The Cramp Twins 4:00pm The Cramp Twins 4:15pm Skunk Fu 4:30pm Best of Friends

1:00pm Golf: World Match Play

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

5:00pm Chute! 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Waterloo Road

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm James May’s 20th Century 8:00pm The Restaurant

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Ferret 8:00pm The Bill

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 4 New Sensations 8:00pm Beauty Addicts: How Toxic Are You?

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm five news 7:25pm Mad For Music 7:30pm Massive Machines 8:00pm How to Be a Property Developer

9:00pm Who Do You Think You Are?

9:00pm The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle 9:30pm The Peter Serafinowicz Show 10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight

9:00pm The Whistleblowers

9:00pm Meet The Natives

9:00pm The Hotel Inspector

10:00pm Commando: On the Front Line 10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Without a Trace

10:00pm Payback 10:45pm 30 Rock

11:20pm Why Democracy? Please Vote for Me 12:15am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am History: The Cold War 4:00am History

11:05pm Shoplifters - Caught on Camera 11:35pm Waterfront 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

11:00pm The Beginner’s Guide to... Yoga 12:00am 4Music Presents... Stereophonics: You Choose 12:05am Will and Grace 12:40am Will and Grace 1:35am The Osbournes

11:15pm A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex five news 12:05am PartyPoker.net World Open III 1:35am Major League Baseball 5:10am Seniors’ Golf

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Dragon’s Eye

11:05pm Question Time 11:10pm K2 1:00am Weatherview 1:05am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 2:05am Sign Zone:Michael Palin’s New Europe 3:05am Sign Zone:Boys from the Brown Stuff 4:05am Sign Zone:Ever Wondered about Food 4:35am Joins BBC News

PICK OF THE DAY James May’s 20th Century, BBC2, 7.00pm In the last of this rather misguided yet amazing series the lovabley foppish May takes a look at advances in urban living in the the 20th Century. While he often takes a backseat in Top Gear, with Clarkson and little Richard Hammond having brighter stars than him, he really gets his chance to shine. His comic timing is impeccable and his self-deprecating humour goes down a treat, he’s like the oddball uncle I never had. James May is a bachelor, I wouldn’t want to speculate whether he is a confirmed bachelor or not, he lives in Hammersmith with his pet cat Fusker. He also got fired from Autocar Magazine in 1992 and has a pilot’s licence! So in conclusion, must watch tv, especially for all you engineers out there.

1:20pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:35pm The Big Valley - The Road to Nowhere 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Robinson Crusoe


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.8.2007

23

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

TUESDAY

9th October Leif Erikson Day

? Best of Friends BBC1 4.35pm

Wild Scotland BBC2 7.50pm

Midsomer Murders ITV1 4.00pm

Bringing Up Baby C4 9.00pm

Massive Engines five 7.30pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am CBBC 10:30am Around Scotland 10:50am Primary History 11:10am Primary Geography 11:30am English Express 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 11:40pm The Guest List 12:30pm Loose Women

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:50pm The Cramp Twins 4:00pm The Cramp Twins 4:15pm Skunk Fu 4:35pm Best of Friends

1:00pm Shakespeare: The Animated Tales 1:30pm Open Gardens 2:00pm am.pm 3:00pm Identity 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am The KNTV Show 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement 1:00pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 1:30pm Great British Brands 1:40pm Retreat, Hell! 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm EastEnders

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Galapagos 7:50pm Wild Scotland

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 4 New Sensations

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm five news 7:25pm Mad For Music 7:30pm Massive Engines

8:00pm Holby City

8:00pm Coast

8:00pm Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Newlyweds Special

8:00pm Jamie at Home 8:30pm The Wild Gourmets

8:00pm The Plot to Kill JFK - The Cuban Connection: Revealed

9:00pm Silent Witness

9:00pm Stephen Fry: HIV and Me

9:00pm Superhuman - Giants

9:00pm Bringing Up Baby

9:00pm CSI: Miami

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Week In, Week Out

10:00pm Be 10:30pm Newsnight

10:00pm Don’t Call Me Stupid 10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Skins

10:00pm CSI: NY

11:05pm ONE Life 11:55pm Bob’s Weekend 1:25am Weatherview 1:30am Sign Zone: Countryfile Summer Diaries 2:30am Sign Zone: Horizon 3:30am Sign Zone: James May’s 20th Century 4:00am Joins BBC News 24

11:20pm The Grumpy Guide to... Work 11:50pm Why Democracy? Taxi to the Darkside 1:15am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am Deutsch Plus 17-20 3:00am Deutsch Plus 2 4:00am Make German Your Business 1 and 2

11:05pm Extreme Rescue 12:05am State of Emergency: Tonight 12:30am Ken Follett: The South Bank Show 1:25am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1:50am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Vanessa’s Real Lives

11:05pm Skins 12:50am 4 Music: 4Music Presents... Stereophonics: You Choose 12:55am The Opposite of Sex 2:50am 4 Music:Mobileact Unsigned

11:05pm Interview with the Vampire: the Vampire Chronicles 1:25am NFL Live 4:45am Race and Rally UK 5:10am NASCAR Nextel Cup

PICK OF THE DAY Skins, C4, 10.00pm Skins is A to the mazing!! It’s the last two episodes of the first series which everyone has probably watched on E4/Youtube but watch it again anyway. The Effy episode is on first and that’s the one with all the drugs and the sexiness and the possibility of incest. Its all very nu rave and exciting. And yeah we all know sixth form isn’t really like this but meh, it’s well fun. Then we have the last episode which is all weepy and junk cos Tony becomes very closely acquainted with tarmac thanks to a HUGE van. And then there’s a song!! So you might as well get involved, it beats weeping into your pillow about that boy/girl who turned you down at Fun Factory last night. We’ve all been there...

1:20pm Two and a Half Men 1:50pm The Baby Dance 3:35pm five news update 3:45pm A Stranger’s Heart


24 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

WEDNESDAY !

Nature of Britain BBC1 9.00pm

Open Gardens BBC2 3.15pm

BBC 1

Pride of Britain ITV1 9.00pm

BBC 2

10th October Mental Health Day

Supernanny C4 8.00pm

Fools Parade five 1.35pm

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five 6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 11:55pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am CBBC 10:30am Watch 10:45am Friends and Heroes 11:10am Churchill’s Bodyguard

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Murder, She Wrote 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC: Arthur 3:50pm The Cramp Twins 4:00pm The Cramp Twins 4:15pm Skunk Fu 4:30pm SMart

1:00pm See Hear 1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm Animal Park 2:30pm Identity 3:15pm Open Gardens 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am The KNTV Show 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement 1:00pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 1:35pm Water Stories 1:45pm The Frogmen 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm Iolo’s Welsh Safari

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Top Gear

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 4 New Sensations

8:00pm Traders

8:00pm The Restaurant

8:00pm The Bill

8:00pm Supernanny

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm five news 7:25pm Mad For Music 7:30pm David Beckham’s Soccer USA 8:00pm My Body Hell

9:00pm The Daily Mirror’s Pride of Britain Awards 2007

9:00pm Millionaires’ Mission

9:00pm How Marriage

Watchdog

8:30pm

Rogue

9:00pm The Nature of Britain

9:00pm Heroes Unmasked

9:45pm

Heroes

1:25pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:35pm Fools’ Parade 3:25pm five news update 3:30pm The Sign of Four

to

Have

Sex

After

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:40pm One Foot in the Grave

10:00pm Kath And Kim 10:30pm Newsnight

10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Brothers and Sisters

10:00pm Payback

11:10pm K2 12:20am Eye of the Beholder 2:00am Weatherview 2:05am Sign Zone: To Buy or Not To Buy 3:05am Sign Zone: What Not to Wear 4:05am Sign Zone: Grumpy Old Holidays 4:35am Joins BBC News 24

11:20pm Why Democracy? Please Vote for Me 11:50pm Golf Highlights 12:50am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am As BBC2

11:05pm Extreme Rescue 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Quincy, ME 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

11:05pm Skins 12:05am 4Music Presents... Stereophonics: You Choose 12:10am The Fanbanta Football Show 12:45am Bluesqpoker.com Grosvenor UK Poker Tour 1:45am KOTV 2:10am FIA GT Championship series

12:00am Shock Docs: Soldiers’ Trophy Pictures 1:00am USPGA Golf 1:50am Football Italiano 3:20am French Football - Le Championnat 4:10am European Drag Racing 4:35am NHRA Drag Racing 5:35am Motorsport Mundial

PICK OF THE DAY Heroes, BBC2, 9.00pm This week’s Heroes sees everyone’s favourite, overexcited Japanese stereotype Hiro Nakamura plucking up the courage to explain his destiny to his less than impressed sister, and his even less impressed daddy. As I watch this lovable Japanese man I can only wonder how many years this creation has put back oriental hopes for racial equality in the West, oh wait he said “I did it!” in his high pitched voice, LOL, never mind about what I just said. Also, has anyone else noticed how Dr Mohinder Suresh looks like Dr Who AKA David Tennant? I want Mr Bennet to be my dad.


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

THURSDAY Who Do you Think Eggheads You are? BBC2 6.00pm BBC1 9.00pm

Loose Women ITV1 12.30pm

25

TELEVISION 11th October Coming Out Day (USA)

Beauty Addicts C4 8.00pm

Californication five 10.00pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am CBBC 10:30am The Flying Gardener 10:45am Family Xchange 11:30am am.pm 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am The KNTV Show 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy Countdown 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement 1:00pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 1:30pm Crash Dive 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

1:20pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:35pm The Big Valley - The Road to Nowhere 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Robinson Crusoe

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC

1:00pm Golf: World Match Play

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

5:00pm Chute! 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Waterloo Road

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Why Democracy? The Ministry of Truth 8:00pm The Restaurant

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm The Ferret 8:00pm The Bill

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 4 New Sensations 8:00pm Beauty Addicts: How Toxic Are You?

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm five news 7:25pm Mad For Music 7:30pm Massive Machines 8:00pm How to Be a Property Developer

9:00pm Who Do You Think You Are?

9:00pm The Life and Times of Vivienne Vyle 9:30pm The Peter Serafinowicz Show 10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight

9:00pm The Whistleblowers

9:00pm Meet The Natives

9:00pm The Hotel Inspector

10:00pm Commando: On the Front Line 10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Without a Trace

10:00pm Payback 10:45pm 30 Rock

11:20pm Why Democracy? Please Vote for Me 12:15am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am History: The Cold War 4:00am History

11:05pm Shoplifters - Caught on Camera 11:35pm Waterfront 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

11:00pm The Beginner’s Guide to... Yoga 12:00am 4Music Presents... Stereophonics: You Choose 12:05am Will and Grace 12:40am Will and Grace 1:35am The Osbournes 2:05am The Osbournes 2:35am Your Face or Mine? 3:05am Greetings from Tucson 3:30am Transmission With T-Mobile

11:15pm A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex five news 12:05am PartyPoker.net World Open III 1:35am Major League Baseball 5:10am Seniors Golf

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Dragon’s Eye

11:05pm Question Time 11:10pm K2 1:00am Weatherview 1:05am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 2:05am Sign Zone:Michael Palin’s New Europe 3:05am Sign Zone:Boys from the Brown Stuff 4:05am Sign Zone:Ever Wondered about Food 4:35am Joins BBC News

PICK OF THE DAY Diagnosis Murder, BBC1, 2.35pm In this week’s episode Dick van Dyke solves some crime, just like last week. He is amazing because he was in Mary Poppins and has really white teeth. His son helps as well but his son isn’t as amazing. His son looks like a body builder which is a shame because no one likes body builders. Fact. There are other characters as well but they are even less important than the son whose name I don’t even remember. That is how unimportant he is. This show would be greatly improved if it was just Dick running around in a white lab coat pointing and waving and smiling... in that order.


26 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

FRIDAY Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1 10.35pm

The Tudors BBC2 9.00pm

BBC 1

12th October Mother’s Day (Malawi)

Midsomer Murders ITV1 4.00pm

BBC 2

The Simpsons C4 6.00pm

Most Evil five 11.00pm

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five

6:05am Making It 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am The KNTV Show 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement 1:30pm 3 Minute Wonder: 25 Years On 1:35pm HMS Defiant 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am CBBC 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:50pm The Cramp Twins 4:00pm The Cramp Twins 4:15pm Skunk Fu 4:30pm The Basil Brush Show 5:00pm Trapped 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

1:30pm Golf: World Match Play

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm Five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm My Family 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm After You’ve Gone

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Scrum V Live

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Supermarket Cheap: Tonight 8:30pm Coronation Street

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm Unreported World 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm Five news 7:25pm Mad For Music 7:30pm Pimp My Ride UK 8:00pm Nick Baker’s Weird Creatures

9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm Not Going Out 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

9:00pm Gardeners’ World 9:30pm The Tudors 10:30pm Newsnight

9:00pm Rebus

9:00pm Ugly Betty

9:00pm NCIS

10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm My Name Is Earl 10:30pm Comedy Showcase

10:00pm Law and Order

11:05pm Question Time 11:35pm EuroTrip 12:05am This Week 12:50am Weatherview 12:55am Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? 1:55am Sign Zone:Tribe 2:55am Sign Zone: Nigella Express 3:25am Joins BBC News 24

11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm The Restaurant 11:20pm Heroes 12:05am Pavee Lackeen: the Traveller Girl 1:30am Joins BBC News 24 2:00am GCSE Bitesize: Chemistry 4:00am GCSE Bitesize

11:05pm Rugby World Cup Highlights 11:35pm Waterfront 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

11:05pm Fonejacker 11:35pm 4 Music:Transmission With T-Mobile 12:00am 4Music Presents... Stereophonics: You Choose 12:10am 4 Music:Ibiza Rocks with Sony Ericsson 12:40am 4 Music:Dubplate Drama 1:15am Taxi No. 9211 Countdown

11:00pm Most Evil 12:00am Quiz Call 4:00am NBA @ The O2 Arena

PICK OF THE DAY The Tudors, BBC2, 9.30pm Johnathan Rhys-Meyers. Mmmm. Lets all just think about him for a minute. Now that’s done, go watch The Tudors, where you can feel smart and superior while watchng lots of historically inaccurate bodice-ripping sex. In this series Henry’s horny and wants a new wife, and preferably a son aswell. Oh don’t you just wanna be Anne Boleyn. (Well, not really, since at some point, probably in the second series, she will get her head chopped off!) Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.

1:25pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:35pm About Sarah 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Straight from the Heart


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

SATURDAY Robin Hood BBC1 7.30pm

What The Papers Say BBC2 6.00pm

Parkinson ITV1 10.00pm

27

13th October Ashanti’s Birthday

Birthday Girl C4 11.20pm

Criminal Minds five 11.05pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

ITV 1

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Animal 24:7 10:00am Homes Live 11:00am To Buy or Not to Buy 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus

6:00am CBBC 11:45am Something Special 12:00pm The Sky at Night 12:20pm Coast 12:30pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Super Bears

1:00pm Golf: World Matchplay 2:30pm Match of the Day Live

1:00pm Racing 2:30pm Golf: World Matchplay

1:10pm Richie Rich 3:00pm Junior 4:55pm ITV Wales News and Weather

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:30am Will and Grace 9:00am Frasier 9:30am The Farm Revealed 10:00am Power to the People 10:30am The KNTV Show 11:00am The Deadly Knowledge Show 11:30am KNTV - Philosophy 12:25pm T4:4Music Presents... 1:00pm T4:Charmed 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing from York and Bangor-on-Dee 4:00pm Location, Location, Location 4:30pm The Way West

5:15pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:35pm A Question of Sport

6:15pm Strictly Come Dancing 7:30pm Robin Hood 8:15pm The National Lottery: In It to Win It

9:05pm Casualty 9:55pm BBC News; Weather 10:15pm Con Air

11:35pm EuroTrip 1:05am Carry On at Your Convenience 2:30am Weatherview 2:35am Joins BBC News 24

5:10pm ITV News and Weather 5:25pm The Best of You’ve Been Framed!

6:00pm What the Papers Say 6:10pm Michael Palin’s New Europe 7:10pm The Culture Show 8:00pm Porridge 8:30pm A Beautiful Mind

6:25pm Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 7:45pm Rugby World Cup 2007

10:40pm Have I Got a Little Bit More News for You

10:00pm Parkinson

11:20pm The Tudors 11:35pm The Restaurant 12:35am Snakes & Ladders 2:10am Star Trek: The Next Generation 2:55am Star Trek: The Next Generation

11:00pm ITV Weekend News and Weather 11:15pm TV’s Naughtiest Blunders 11:05pm Rugby World Cup Highlights 12:05am Numb3rs 12:50am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Under One Roof 4:30am Under One Roof 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

PICK OF THE DAY Robin Hood, BBC1, 7.30pm I know not a lot about this new fangled Robin Hood but I’m going to go ahead and assume it’s amazing. Robin Hood himself is visually exciting, he wears tights and has a bow. and there is probably nice bits of fighting and some sort of sexy damsel in the mix. As far as this TV ‘expert’ is concerned these are all the ingredients you need for a cracking show, although an appearance from Dick van Dyke could only make things better. Perhaps Dick could do a little number about the merits of socialism during one of Robin’s pillages. Yeah the BBC need to give Dick a bell sharpish. This is Grammy Award winning stuff.

1:05pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:10pm Lost and Found 3:10pm Danielle Steel’s Message from Nam

5:45pm five news and sport

6:45pm Channel 4 News 7:15pm Deal or No Deal 8:05pm Deadliest Catch

6:00pm The Sea Wolves 8:10pm NCIS

9:05pm Moulin Rouge!

9:05pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10:05pm Law and Order: SVU

11:20pm Birthday Girl 11:35pm 4 Music:Transmission With T-Mobile 12:40am 4 Music:V Festival 2007 Anthems 1:10am 4 Music:V Festival 2007 - International Artists 1:45am 4 Music:Dubplate Drama 2:10am Goalissimo! 3:05am Trans World Sport 4:00am Racing Rivals

11:05pm Criminal Minds 12:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS


28 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

TELEVISION

TV@gairrhydd.COM

SUNDAY Dirty Rotten Cheater SMart BBC1 2.35pm BBC2 8.30am

BBC 1

BBC 2

Midsomer Murders ITV1 4.00pm

ITV 1

14th October World Standards Day

The Smallest People Disorderly Conduct In the World five 11.15pm C4 8.00pm Channel 4

Five

7:00am Breakfast 9:00am The Andrew Marr Show 10:00am The Big Questions 11:00am Countryfile 12:15pm Bargain Hunt

6:00am Teletubbies 6:30am Balamory 6:50am Step Inside 7:00am Jakers: The Adventures of Piggley Winks 7:20am Pinky and the Brain 7:40am Even Stevens 8:05am The Basil Brush Show 8:30am SMart 9:30am Prank Patrol 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Rugby League 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:20am CITV 12:30pm Loose Women

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am Trans World Sport 7:30am Motorsport 8:55am T4: Ratatouille: T4 Movie Special 9:25am T4: Friends 9:55am T4: Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Room for Improvement

6:00am Kids TV 10:00am How to Be a Property Developer 11:00am How Not to Decorate 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Dawson’s Creek

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Dirty Rotten Cheater 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:50pm The Cramp Twins 4:00pm The Cramp Twins 4:15pm Skunk Fu 4:25pm Thumb Wrestling Federation: TWF 4:30pm Thumb Wrestling Federation: TWF 4:35pm Lizzie McGuire

1:00pm Bobinogs 1:10pm KS1 Science Clips 1:20pm Thinking Skills 1:30pm Snooker

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News 2:00pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 3:00pm The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

1:30pm A Place in the Sun 2:00pm The Bigamist 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

1:30pm Claire 3:05pm The World of Suzie Wong

5:00pm The Sarah Jane Adventures

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Britain’s Best Dish

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm Street Doctor 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Snooker: Grand Prix 8:00pm University Challenge 8:30pm Nigella Express

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week 8:30pm Coronation Street

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Frieze! It’s Art, Don’t You Know 8:00pm The Smallest People in the World

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Zoo Days 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Nigel Marven’s Shark Island 8:00pm Fifth Gear

9:00pm New Tricks

9:00pm Dragon’s Den

9:00pm Doc Martin

9:00pm The Relief of Belsen

9:00pm Extraordinary People: The Girl with a New Face

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Regional News and Weather 10:35pm Movie Connections

10:00pm Be 10:30pm Newsnight

10:00pm Police, Camera, Action! 10:30pm ITV News and Weather

11:15pm Inside Sport 11:55pm Massacre in Rome 12:40am Weatherview 12:45am Sign Zone:Watchdog 1:15am Sign Zone: Holby City 2:15am Sign Zone: Michael Wood: The Story of India 3:15am Sign Zone: Kitchen Criminals 3:45am Joins BBC News 24

11:20pm The Money Programme 11:50pm Why Democracy? Danish Cartoons 12:00am Snooker: Grand Prix Highlights 1:00am Snooker: Grand Prix Extra

11:05pm The Food Show 11:40pm The Guest List 11:50pm It’s My Life 12:45am Motorsport UK 1:10am B. Monkey 2:45am The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:35am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

PICK OF THE DAY The Sopranos, E4, 10.30pm So we have no listings for E4, it’s not important why, but it is important for you to watch this. This amazing HBO mob drama has finished in the states, but us brits still have three episodes left. AJ attempts suicide in the pool, I won’t tell you if he dies because that would be telling but it’s all really dramatic and awesome and stuff. Also for all you Chamillionaire fans Ridin (Dirty) is played, which sure put a big smile on my face. P.S Silvio Dante wears a wig, and is also in Bruce Springsteen’s E Street band.

10:00pm Banged Up Abroad

11:05pm Van Wilder 11:00pm Meet Joe Black 2:15am 4 Music:Stereophonics: Word Got Around 3:15am 4 Music:Transmission With T-Mobile 4:15am Triathlon 4:40am Headland 5:25am Countdown

11:15pm Disorderly Conduct 12:20am The Loch Ness Marathon 1:05am Major League Baseball 4:10am Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 5:00am Major League Soccer


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

31

FIVE MINUTE FUN

FMF@gairrhydd.COM

found on facebook

SUDOKU

Housemate done something stupid? 1. Log on to the book of face 2. Join the group ‘Found on Facebook’ 3. Upload embarrassing photos 4. Pick up gairRhydd on Monday and laugh

New idio t urgently s required!

HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU Fill in the grid using only the numbers 1 through to 9. All the vertical and horizontal rows should contain the numbers 1-9. All the smaller 3x3 squares should contain the numbers 1-9. No row or 3x3 square should have the same number twice

COMPETITION CROSSWORD ACROSS 1 Cosmetic cleansing treatment (4,4) 5 Person from Glasgow perhaps (4) 9 Map (5) 10 Stress (7) 11 Dog which is generally cut (6,6) 13 Trustworthy (6) 14 Saunter (6) 17 Ten Holy orders (12) 20 Soccer offence (7) 21 Give a speech (5) 22 Ensnare (4) 23 A tie for first place (4,4)

DOWN 1 Verifiable or actual event (4) 2 A feeling of annoyance (7) 3 To interfere or interrupt (3,4,3,2) 4 Like a memorable tune (6) 6 Young person (5) 7 In a kind and sympathetic manner (8) 8 One can’t continue beyond this (3,2,3,4) 12 Depart from hotel (5,3) 15 An atrocious act (7) 16 To stick (6) 18 Secret organisation (5) 19 Matted fabric (4)

Exercise your mind...

WINonal s r e A p aining tr sion ses

Then exercise your body at

Congratulations to Liz who won las

t week’s competition!

Every week gairRhydd will be giving away a gym package to one lucky entrant who correctly completes the competition crossword, courtesy of Dave’s Gym. Every winner will receive a free personal training session with one of our qualified instructors. This can be a gym workout, weight-training, boxing or Thai Boxing session. You will also receive a personalized gym programme and a free guest pass so you can come back for another workout or try one of our studio classes: choose from HipHop, Khai Bo, Bodypump and many more. This prize is worth approximately £35! Conditions: Use of any of our facilities are subject to our terms and conditions and at the user’s own risk. An appointment must be made for the session. Prize must be claimed within 4 weeks of notification. It is not exchangeable for cash and is not transferable to any other party.

NAME.... EMAIL....

How to enter: Simply complete the crossword opposite and drop it into the crossword competition box outside of the gairRhydd office on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union. The first correct entrant to be plucked from the box every week will win the Dave’s Gym package.


32 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

LISTINGS

LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: Highly regarded and highly funny comedian Ricky Grover plays Jongleurs - he’s worked with Johnny Vaughn, so..

Stand Up Drama Cardiff Bites 8th Oct @ Dempseys 7.30pm. £3 - £5. Listings Editor Josie Allchin recommends

I

t’s always great when something new rolls up onto the doorstep of your humble township, and needless to say this is no exception. Plus it’ll make an unusual change from the typical Monday evening shenanigans at Fun Factory. Stand Up Drama is a theatre production company that seeks to promote recognized actors, writers and comedians as well as new ones through monthly shows, of which “Cardiff Bites” is one of. The “Bites” series, which originally took place in London (and very successfully too, receiving high critical acclaim), consists of between ten and twelve short “snap shot” acts. These can include drama, comedy, monologues and duologues which could be originally written by the actors performing, or something older that we all recognise. This part of the show will last for just under two hours with an interval, and your compeer for the evening will be a stand-up comic, linking

all the acts together. Towards the end of the show, the last ten minutes are dedicated to what is called “Stand and Deliver”, an interactive actor/ audience section that has four of the actors from the show play improvisational games with the audience, that run along the same line as Channel 4’s comedy show Who’s Line is it Anyway. In a time when our televisions are teaming with overrated and under-talented shows like The X Factor, Pop Idol and Britains Got Talent (to name a few), it seems that genuine talent nowadays has lost all meaning amongst vast swarms of the money-hungry rabble who want to be famous for fame’s sake. And who are, to be honest, just really crap. To have an event like this, that promotes real talent in an unpretentious environment, really is a breath of fresh air. So clearly this won’t be your average sitdown-in-rows-and-be-quiet night at a theatre, and with the less than intimidating intimate surroundings of Dempseys, it promises to be rather special. What’s more, the show comes with it’s own after-party, which gives the audience a chance to mix with the actors, and the actors a chance to get to know the audience and their fellow acting colleagues. Cardiff Bites then, is no ordinary way to see drama – but instead will provide a raw insight into the minds of new and truly original talent that is so hard to find nowadays. Indigo Moss (above) and The Rumble Strips

Ricky Grover 12th Oct @ Jongleurs

8pm (doors 7pm). £8 all tickets, include free entry to Risa Listings Editor Dan Jones recommends

H

uge and hirstute comedian Ricky Grover is a born and bred cockney. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes cockney is a place in London where criminals live, almost exclusively, and while Grover sounds like he’s rather more likely to smash your knee bone than tickle your funny bone, he does have an endearing, loveable side which is paramount to his success. Ricky tried his hand as a hairdresser (note his designer chin-strap Craig David-esq beard) and a boxer (note his thick set, brutish super-heavy weight frame) before turning his chubby hand to acting, writing and stand-up comedy, soon becoming a popular member of the UK comedy circuit and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Amazingly, Ricky was illiterate until he was in his early thirties, he is now a prolific, award-winning writer, and has earned a reputation as a highly versatile performer able to flit between powerful drama and hilarious comedy. Ricky can regularly be seen in films, and primetime TV in straight and comedic roles, or headlining at all the major UK and international comedy venues and corporate events. His nu-

COMING UP

merous TV credits include Black Books and Red Dwarf, he was also well-reviewed for his appearances in the cult BBC2 comedy series “Orrible” written by and starring Johnny Vaughn, despite the show itself getting poor reviews. This, most likely, being down to Johnny Vaughn not being funny since the mid-nineties when he did ‘The Big Breakfast’ with Denise Van Outen. He wrote and starred in two short films. The theatrically-released “Punch” won him the prestigious Silver Bear Award at the Berlin Film Festival; and his Channel 4 film ‘Hungry’ won him Best Actor Award at the Brest Film Festival. He has recently appeared in Guy Ritchie’s movie “Revolver”, which in all fairness went down like a revolver dropped into the sea with a concrete block tied to it, and on documentary director Clive Gordon’s feature debut “Cargo”. His best known and best loved character role is the hilarious ‘Bulla’, the London gangster and social commentator, once star of the 11 O’clock Show. Such was Bulla’s popularity, that Michael Parkinson personally requested him for an indepth chat on his show, though Grover himself had trouble keeping a straight face, the interview remains one of his all time career highs. Bulla continues to be an opinion former, writing a monthly column on Front magazine. In 2006, Ricky Grover presented the documentary F*** Off I’m Fat as part of BBC Three’s first Body Image season, where he toured the

country comically exploring the difficulties fat people face in everyday life, such as not being able to fit in the seat of a roller coaster in Blackpool. A man of many talents who has achieved a great deal in a short space of time - a very, very funny man.

...50 Cent @ CIA, 12th Nov... Dad’s Army @ New Theatre 23rd - 27th Oct... Frank Skinner @ Millennium Centre 27th Oct... Enrique Iglesias @ CIA 15th Nov... Stereophonics + The Enemy @ CIA 19th Nov... Circus Of Horrors @ The Riverfront, Newport 10th 11th Nov... Fantasmagoria @ CIA 21st Nov...


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

33

LISTINGS

LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

..

Monday... 08/10

Tuesday... 09/10

Wednesday... 10/10 Thursday... 11/10

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on by LMS in the live music room. 10pm - 2am. Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise. The Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jazz Jam in a jazzy manner with the house jazz trio. All instruments and singers are welcome. £2/£1 if you perform. Arrive early. Cardiff “RAG” 5 legged pub crawl Having fun and raising money at the same time. All welcome. Contact society for more info. Christian Patterson @ Sherman Theatre Sir Harry Secombe and Spike Milligan first met during WW2. Spike said afterwards that he lost a part of himself forever – his sanity. Harry said that all he lost was his glasses. From that meeting grew a friendship that gave birth to the Goons – an act that changed the face of British comedy, and influenced all that followed it, from Monty Python to Eddie Izzard.

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach The one and only rock request night, originating from a Cardiff music society way back. You ask, and they play the rock, metal and goth classics. You can also request via MySpace.com/planet_ rock_club. 9pm - 2pm. £3. Fuel Inferno: Resident DJs @ Clwb Tafod Cardiff’s newest music venue brings you the self proclaimed “hottest” (yum...) club night in the city. Drinks offers all night so go along early to avoid disappointment. 9pm - 1am. Contact venue for ticket information. MirrorView @ Barfly Drawing influences from a vast range of rock, pop and punk, MirrorView have constructed a distinctive sound - with their focus on unforgettable melodies, an effective less-is-more approach to the music, and that unmistakable British flair, it’s no wonder they’ve been making quite a name for themselves on the live circuit. 8pm. £5 in advance The Puppini Sisters @ The Glee Club This fabulous 1940s flavoured trio’s dark renditions of swing tunes and pop classics make them an irresistible show with a constantly expanding repertoire. Their original takes on post-punk classics like the Smiths’ Panic and Blondie’s Heart of Glass took London audiences by storm. 7.45pm. £10-9

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Dressed up clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks. 10pm. £3. Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different club nights. 9.30pm. £3. Eat The DJ @ Buffalo Bar Bar, nice surroundings and good music all makes for a great evening out. Free entry. 9pm-3am. Oceansize + Hopefalls @ Clwb Ifor Bach Currently based in Manchester. They write songs about mundane things (love, life, only having one arm, etc) and their unique sound ranges from blissful bare melancholy to full-on ear-splitting sheer noise guitar terror. The Manchester Evening News ‘Unsigned Band of the Year 2000’. 7.30. £8.50 On The Edge Festival: Cargo @ Chapter Michael Kelligan’s season of script-held contemporary plays continues with the UK premiere of a play by DJ Britton, directed by the author. NB Ticket price includes a free pint of Vale of Glamorgan beer. 8pm. £3 on the door.

Pick Of The Day

Indigo Moss + Ben Griffith @ Barfly

Ben Griffith - A Brighton balladeer, whose acoustic blend of intimate sunshine harmonies and winsome tales of love is enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. A warm, soulful songwriting talent. Indigo Moss - A five piece jug band from the four corners of the countryside, via New Cross. Trevor, Hannah Lou, Lizzi, Olly and Mel Moss. Accompanied by various other brothers and sisters of the Moss family, including Ophilia ‘Bitz’ and Tappin’ Liam Moss, who will put on a show if you ask nicely. An old timey, foot stompin’ gaggle of young men and women playing and singing their hearts out. 7.30pm. £5 in advance

Friday... 12/10 Access all Areas @ Solus SU More unadulterated fun at the union, and another way to make people drunk. Promises the best alternative music and beats for you to boogie to. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv. The Dudes Abide: Resident DJs @ Clwb Ifor Bach (downstairs) Anthems of Joy Division to the twee joy of Belle and Sebastian and right up to modern day classics from the likes of Hot Chip, The Cribs and local aces Los Campesinos!, The Dudes Abide is the only place to be on a Friday night. 10:30pm 2:30am. £4.00/£3.50. Donkey’s Years @ New Theatre Former students return to their Oxbridge college for a reunion dinner. Once locked in their old college for the night, the graduates begin to relive their youth, and old friendships, feuds, and the much-desired but absurdly proper Master’s wife come tumbling back into the present... Micky Hutton, Ricky Grover @ Jongleurs Comedy night with top names from the national circuit. Ticket includes free entry to Club Risa dancing until 2am .8pm- 2am £8.00

Pick Of The Day

Damien Rice @ CIA I know, I know, some people love him, some people hate him. Like Marmite. But whatever way you look at it, he’s done pretty well for himself, and written some alright tunes at the same time. After the phenomenal success of his debut album “O”, Damien Rice has gone on to become one of the world’s most sucessful songwriters and musicians. His second album “9” (do you see a trend of album titles here?) carried on his legacy of down tempo acoustic numbers. £23.50 in advance

Pick Of The Day

Stephen Fretwell @ The Point A Manchester-based singer/songwriter with influences taken from Dylan, The Beatles & Leonard Cohen. Fretwell’s passion for songwriting is evident through the pervading romance and enthusiasm in both his songs and personality. 7.30pm. £12.50. Please contact venue before travelling, info subject to change.

Saturday...

13/10

Come Play @ Solus, SU Union-run night of rock, pop, dance and general debauchery. Party tunes in the main room and Traffic DJing in the side room. 10pm. £3.50. Fly Swatter @ Barfly Indie party fest that mixes up the best music with the even better. Bring your funky selves along. 10.30pm. £5 NUS. House Heaven: Resident DJs @ Q Bar Lots of dance shaped beats for you to shake your ass to, literally all night. Contact venue for further information. 10pm-6am. £5.00. Two Quartets: Siobhan Davies Dance Company @ Sherman Theatre ‘Siobhan Davies is one of Britain’s most gifted choreographers who reached a wide audience in 1999 with her UK tour of ‘Wild Air’. 7:30pm (pre-show talk 6:45pm) £14.00 / £12.00 concessions Geoff Norcott @ Jongleurs Comedy Club Geoff Norcott - He’s half-comedian, half-rapper, half-impressionist. A high energy performer who presents a devastatingly accurate parody of the violently misogynistic attitudes that pervade the rap scene. Ricky Grover - recognisable form his appearances on Red Dwarf and Johnny Vaughan’s sitcom ‘Orrible. 8pm-2am. £10.

Pick Of The Day

MTV Gonzo Tour: Rumble Strips, Blood Red Shoes + Operator Please @ Barfly Forget Come Play or anything else you may be doing this evening. Go and check out these bands! Fun, danceable, intense, loud and with some violins chucked in along the way... Go on... 7pm. £10.

Pick Of The Day

Raging Speedhorn + Shaped By Fate @ Barfly Raging Speedhorn - A rising cacophony of sound that releases itself in a relentless assault on the senses, with guitars that have been trained to hit the jugular with deadly precision. Shaped By Fate have been gradually making their presence felt on the metal scene since their 2001 formation. Their twisted sound has been blowing away metal fans around the country. £7 in advance

Sunday...

14/10

Open Mike (Upstairs) @ Buffalo Bar Buffalo Sundaes Garden Party: Resident DJs And Guests @ Buffalo Bar A relaxing way to spend your Sunday afternoon/evening, a few drinks and some good tunes. 3pm-11pm. Free entry. Yay! The Hop @ Buffalo Bar The resident DJs present 50’s night: rock ‘n’ roll, jive, rockabilly and psychobilly. 8pm - 3am. Free. Alt. Cardiff: Mark Olson @ Chapter Arts Centre Americana crooner Mark Olson is a former member of critically acclaimed alt-country band The Jayhawkers but left in 1996 to record his own music. The powerful lyrics and melodic guitar chords really carry his songs, all topped off with Olson’s voice, something perfect for the country scene. Open Mic: @ Buffalo Bar Live acoustic acts, songwriters, bands and performers every week. 8pm-3pm. £1.00. Misty’s Big Adventure + The Haze + Kategoes @ Clwb Ifor Bach. Misty’s Big Adventure - Eight-piece fun-loving multi-instrumental outfit from Birmingham - arguably the most original band to come out of Birmingham in a very long time. 7:30pm. Check venue for ticket info.

Pick Of The Day

Kate Walsh + Jon Allen @ The Point Both artists here have been described as soulful singer-songwriters. Kate Walsh hails from Essex, but is by no means your stereotypical Essex Girl, and Jon Allen’s melodic song writing abilities have been described as legendary. 7.30pm. £9.

DJ Derek @ Glo Bar Legendary Bristol DJ whose blend of reggae, dub and ska has made him an icon for many in the industry, including a host of Jamaican producers and Massive Attack. And apparently he has a thing for cardigans. 9pm-3am £3.00. Pete & The Pirates + Everyone Else But Burt @ Clwb Ifor Bach Currently the hot property of Stolen Records. Distorted guitars, harmonic vocals. ‘These fellers from Reading have a particularly fragile approach to post-punk pop, with spidery guitars and hypnotic refrains, they hoist the Jolly Roger of lofi whilst splicing the mainbrace of psychedelics’- Bugbear. The Changes @ Barfly 4-piece Chicago based band The Changes play light guitar pop/rock music. 8pm. Contact venue for further ticket info.

Pick Of The Day

Rhod Gilbert, Danny Buckler, Rob Rouse, John Fothergill @ The Glee Club Rhodd Gilbert - First-class comedian with a string of accolades. He was a finalist in the Channel 4 ‘So You Think You’re Funny’ Competition 2002. He then graduated to being the winner of the Gift Of The Gag 2003 and BBC Comedy Awards 2003 competitions. Rob Rouse - A vibrant, twisted, snappy, raw, sweaty and flatulent comedian. Despite already having sold out his 2003 Edinburgh show and gained a few TV roles, he has now started to hit the big time fame-wise. He is the star of the cult E4 TV program, The Pilot Show, and has a top role in the BBC comedy, The Bunk Bed Boys. Expect him to go stellar sometime soon. 7.30pm. £8.50 phone/£8 online/£5.50 NUS

Venues... Students’ Union, Park Place, 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway, Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Moloko, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay, 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

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GRAB!

COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Organised Carnage

S

tressed with timetables, finances and household hindrances? Do you feel as though it may be time to organise your life more to suit you? Stella Cottrell has designed an amazing student planner, which not only offers you a diary to keep track of all your important dates, but is also specifically structured to help with your time management. With the hectic lifestyles we have to keep up with we often forget when we need to return library books, how much money we have in our bank account and also when exactly our exams are. This organiser provides a section to write down what books you have on reserve to prevent the horror of library fines. You can also keep track of your money, which is most definitely a godsend after Freshers week! As well as all these brilliant features, Cottrell has included advice towards your studies alongside the diary pages. Tips from tutors and useful websites mean you never have to struggle with spelling, grammar and other study issues ever again. This book is an ideal size to take everywhere with you (210mm x 160mm), with the handy laundry symbols and cooking temperatures putting you in the know about typical student dilemmas. Retailing at £6.99, we have 6 organisers to give away! All you need to do to win an organiser is answer this question, which can be found on their website, www.palgrave. com/products. To apply please email your name and address to the email above: Which of these features isn’t included in the Palgrave Student Planner 2007-2008: a. Useful Websites b. Spelling Troublemakers c. Cinema Listings

Get Your SUMO On!

Hatchet Quick!

W

ith Halloween fast approaching, “Hatchet”, which is dubbed to be the best slasher in 20 years, will certainly have you screaming with terror. This horrifying film which has hacked into the film world can proudly say it’s not a remake, it’s not a sequel and is 100 % original. It’s already won several notorious awards, such as 2007 Cambridge Film Festival and 2007 Fanatasia film festival proving this film is a must see. The film is about a group of tourists who are on a haunted swamp tour, after they find themselves stranded in the wilderness where their fun soon turns into a horrific nightmare! We have an awesome prize to give away this week, it is an exclusively signed poster and t-shirt which is actually a collecters item due to the release date being put back. These fantastic items have been signed by Robert Englund, who is famous for his staring role as Freddy Kreuger.

A

fter a succesful year, SUMO returns to Cardiff University again to rock the Great Hall and keep all your eager breakbeaters dancing into the wee hours. With a diverse lineup ranging from Plump DJ’s to Dylan Rhymes, this is an event you certaintly do not want to miss! Bringing tons of fresh music and obese beats, SUMO continues to give Cardiff its breakfix fix! To find out more about this exciting event check out www.sumohq.com for more details, and watch this space for more upcoming events hitting the Union this Autumn.

To get your hands on this fabulous win, just answer this question and email you name and address to the email address above: What film did the fictional character, Freddy Kreuger, appear in? a) I Know What You Did Last Summer b) A Nightmare on Elm Street c) Scary Movie

Grab! is lucky enough to get it’s hands on a pair of tickets to this exciting event. To be in for a chance of winning, just email your address and details to the email above answering this question: Which of these acts has not played SUMO over the years? a) Stanton Warriors b) Plump DJs c) Sugarbabes

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!


36 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

PROBLEM PAGE From the Desk of

PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

e m so

d n Ha

D E T

He’s a ruddy good lad.

Ted Handsome’s Ask A Granny An Occasional Series

The first rule I was ever taught as a young Theodore Partario Thrillington Handsome III was to respect my elders. That, and to never directly look at the servants; they’ll get ideas above their station otherwise. Therefore out of respect for the ‘Greatest Generation’, I have decided to let some of these grand old dames to shower us with their accumulated wisdom. Dear Grandma(s), I have recently come into a large sum of money, and was wondering what you think would be the best way to ensure I get a reasonable return. Should I put it in a low yield bond, perhaps invest in some property, or even buy some stocks? I’d really appreciate some advice. Yours Martin Stopcock Granny Nelly says: ‘I don’t know about kids these days; they don’t know the worth of anything. When I was a young girl you could go to the pictures, have a tram ride and even buy a nice new frock for two shillings, and what about this noise they call music? It all sounds the bloody same to me, I don’t know why they can’t listen to some Glen Miller or that lovely Michael Bolton.’

Granny Pauline says: ‘I were just saying to that lovely young man who lives in that house that used to be the old post office before they shut it down, or was it the grocers, I can’t bloody remember. Anyway that lovely young man, his dad used to be the local plasterer, but I heard he had a bit of a carry on with the unions and so now he’s scrounging on the dole, at least that’s what I heard.’

Granny Caroline says: ‘I had to pay nearly £1.30 for a bus into town today, and the bloody thing didn’t even stop near Williams’s so I had to walk all the way up the high street which is criminal for a lady with a hip complaint, and not a single man stopped to carry my bags for me. I don’t know, whatever happened to chivalry, this would have never happened in my day. I blame that Tony Blair, whatever happened to that nice Enoch Powell?’

A letter about tax-wasting student scum Dear Ted, Having moved from my wonderful all girls convent, Her Sainted Majesty Mary’s School Of Guilt And No Touching, I have encountered something of a culture shock with this sudden explosion of people. As I have not had any real human contact aside from the lepers I occasionally helped to bathe for the last 6 years, I was wondering whether you could guide me through the relative pitfalls of the social links I shall hopefully be developing this year? Yours, Doris Streptococcus, Uni Halls My fair Doris, It is no secret that students are usually pretty awful excuses for humanity, whether they are singing bawdy songs on traffic islands wearing

nothing but street furniture and their university rugby tie, or wearing natural fabrics and berating you for not joining their Save The Betnall Green Dolphins From Burmese Human Rights Abuses Coalition. However, there are a few obvious traits of which one should be aware. Watch out for any grown caucasian male who has dreadlocks. In fact pretty much anyone in dreadlocks to be on the safe side. Any person who intentionally allows their hair to accumulate enough filth to make even Swampy baulk, clearly is an awful individual and will more than likely ride a unicycle or only eat fair trade food, or other somesuch hippy nonsense. Happily, not every student lives up to this trustafarian stereotype. Not so happily, there are even worse individuals that occupy this seat of higher learning. Avoid any

student who insists on wearing ‘flip flops’ and ‘board shorts’ despite it being November and Wales. They will no doubt be wearing one of those ball-achingly stupid Trucker hats and tossing some form of sporting equipment around. I’m sure that you ARE very good at whatever athletic endeavour you are trying to relay to me, but to be quite frank I have more important interests at heart, like, oh I don’t know, not being a complete twat? I hope I have been able to help you in your quest for social fulfillment, and if you still feel you have problems fitting in, why not try drugs or alcholism? You youngsters love your drugs don’t you? Shine on you crazy diamond or some other bollocks to that effect. Toodles! Ted Handsome

A letter about sacking work off Dear Ted, I am an awful human being. I have got through life off the back of Mummy and Daddy’s money, and I’ve now found that I’ve arrived at university to study Business Consultancy Middle Managment with Regional Land Development only to find that I’m actually quite thick. Any tips on how to make it seem that I’m quite clever instead? I can send you money. Yours Desperately, Jeff Proboscis Jeffy Boy, First off the bat, I do not need your filthy money. Not because of any dubious moral issues, but mainly because I actually earn more per annum than the whole of the Flemish region in Belgium put together. In fact, hiding complete and utter lack

of talent and skill is essentially what I do best. This whole page is a complete spit and sawdust job, and I am quite amused that I have got away with it for as long as I have. Anyway, presumably you want help on the academic side of the proverbial coin, as opposed to simply conveying the illusion of intelligence. The latter is disarmingly simple. Glasses, especially thick-rimmed ones, can usually fool anyone, but for those who are not fooled by spectacles, wearing second-hand clothes is enough to throw anyone off the stupid scent. Fooling people academically is a bit more difficult. Learn the following names and drop them into almost every conversation; Foucalt, Derrida, Neil Badmington. This is guaranteed to make it seem that you have actually read at least one book, which to be fair is

a lot more than most, if first year Cultural Criticism seminars are anything to go by. The most important thing to learn in seeming clever is volume. It is a well known scientific fact that Knowledge = Loud. The louder you speak, the cleverer you seem. Yours Truly has used this little secret to devastating effect over the years, fooling high society with my braying voice, loudly decrying whichever minority it is in vogue to dislike in that particular week. Unfortunately this means that I have developed somewhat of a following within the Tory party, and if that is the price that has to be paid for seeming clever, I’d rather remain thick. Ta-ra! Ted Handsome

have finished your will you of l dea d goo a , this g din rea be will you t tha e tim By the perately trying to convince yourself tharst first full week of lectures, and will be des for three hou es slid int rpo we Po of m rea a off d rea e eon som r hea to r yea £3070 a eep you will have gone like merry little shide a week is really worth it. So inevitably,fair s’ will all dec ate m ‘ ile wh erst ur Yo . ies ciet So the is t tha t rke ma tle to the cat lity banter’ to waste nearly £14 joining, that it will be ‘well random’ and ‘top y,quaHa y and some stupid ciet So tter Po rry ciet So rs bou igh Ne the ers, oth among ow for it is an inbox full of spam and dancing club, and all that you have to sh T H xxx some vague memories of drunken nudity from pub crawls.


gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

LONELY HEARTS

QUEENIE@gairrhydd.COM

lonely hearts Queenie

with... H

ello campers, Queenie here again, ready to lift your skirts and your spirits with lonesome tales, tales with one lesson: some singletons are more single than others. Take my week for example. Monday started like any other: waking up beside my own vom. Sunday was again to blame – end of the weekend, uni in a few hours – who wouldn’t be driven to downing Tesco rum and touching themselves? Getting to my seminar was a struggle, and on arrival I got a good glaring from my tutor, who still calls me Sam. Maybe he’s just uncomfortable with ‘Queenie’. Most people are – I provoke discomfort like a good AIDS joke. Speaking of AIDS, how’s everyone’s sexual health? Smelly and escalating, hopes Queenie. See, here’s the plan: by process of elimination I become the only STD-free person on Earth, thus becoming an object of reverence, much like God, or Chris Eubank. And so I perch atop the social ladder while everybody else is left medically un-shagable. Re-

37

venge! Best served cold, with a side salad of smirking. But such dreams were firmly cast aside by Friday, literally. I’ve developed semi-insomnia: I sleep for 10 minutes before furiously snapping awake, an erogenous zone in each hand, screaming: ‘Not the table leg – it’ll splinter!’ No freaking clue what that’s all about. I mean, I did once see an Ikea desk that looked a bit sexy, but at the time I just blamed the arousing Swedish prices. See, that’s the silver lining of abject isolation: everyday practices seem all the more erotic. Get me in a queue at Burger King, for example, and I’ll grin with my teeth showing – all those hungry fast-fooders, rubbing their jostling bodies against one another. Splendid. And getting to the bar at Rubber Duck?! I’m partially moist just writing about it. In fact, if you see me out at the Union ask me for tips on simple ways to get your jollies. I’m easy to spot: check the Solus shadows and listen out for mumbling splutter – that’s me telling myself I’m awesome-cool.

Let Quench introduce you to the love of your life

the queen of your heart

Desperately seeking...

(Susan kinski kennedy)

Veteran pop star seeks newly expecting parents: Kids clothing, toys and bed linen all surplus to requirements. Would suit a Jayden or Sean. All offers via Jive Records.

The Godfather seeks an apprentice: Must be able to learn quickly and follow in the ways of the filthy stop-out. Facial hair and witty rapport essential.

Crzd txtr seekz buff cf uni boi: wld lik 2 meat a fity bio wit a nokia n65 2 spnd lng nites tlkin bout dostoyevsky nd quantum physix. pls reply 2 gr txt fone xoxox

Fat Controller seeks Annie and Clarabel: I’ve cleared my platforms and the signals are green to go through my tunnel of love. I’m never late coming unless there are leaves on the line.

Boy meets world: Shy lonely fresher seeks female third year of the world to show the way around Cathays a few times. New graduate seeks editoral assistant: I miss the feeling I used to have when I was around you in the office, meet me after work for discounts on your gas supply. Legend pulls a blinder: DM seeks intelligent and wellspoken northern lass for turning of the phrase and word games. Especially enjoys animal puns.

Eternal student looking for attractive counterpart: 35 going on 18 y/o searching for a local mail (sic) to show off with extremely fit facelift

and a sex-crazed doctor. Nothing Compares 2 U Celeb freelance priest seeks hair. Will do weddings, christenings and barmitzvahs to pay for Regaine. Atheist seeking God Go on smite me, I dare you. Marine geographer seeks bed other than the sea’s: Anything will do as long as barnacles aren’t growing under the sheets. I’m talking to you, Nevern residents.

Good neighbour seeking memories: 16 year-old girl looking for lost memories of time on Ramsey Street. Vague recollections of spilt milk

Cut out and keep chat up line: Number 57 It’s Rubber Duck and you’ve got your eye on a piece of totty in Solus but you don’t know what to say. That’s where Queenie’s going to help you out with that important first impression. So get ready for my weekly dose of chat up lines that will not fail. Now go get that boy/girl or girl/boy.

Queenie says...

You’re so hot this building should be evacuated

blinddate@gairrhydd.com

For extra impact, speak with an element of panic in your voice and set off the nearest fire alarm.


38 gairrhydd

OCTOBER.08.2007

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

THE WORD ON... ...the fallout after Wales’ premature exit from the Rugby World Cup Alasdair Robertson & Jack Zorab Sports Reporters

T

he releasing, sacking or mutual termination of a coach’s contract occurs ever more readily within the professional arena. If results are poor, owners and chief executives get nervy and the headcoach and his job go their separate ways. They sometimes promise to stay in touch but rarely rediscover the old passion. It’s a well-rehearsed routine these days, part of the seedier side of modern day sport. This week it was Gareth Jenkins’ turn, like Jose a week earlier, to be heartbroken.

There is much in the argument that politics is playing a big part in the WRU’s selection policy Both coaches departed in somewhat humiliating circumstances; Jenkins after all was not even allowed to return home before discovering his impending fate after Wales’ World Cup exit last week. Even though Jenkins’ men failed to reach the quarter-final stages of the tournament, his sacking seems unnecessarily unfair in a sport that prides itself on its use of a moral, gentlemanly code of conduct. In order to give himself a decent amount of time to stamp his mark on the national squad, Jenkins asked at the start of his tenure as national coach in

April 2006 to be judged on his team’s performance at the World Cup. So by his own rulebook he can have no qualms about his sacking. But was it the best thing for Welsh rugby? Undoubtedly, for a top ranked IRB nation such as Wales not to reach the quarterfinals is a poor showing, and the man holding the wheel has to take a slice of the blame. Jenkins certainly made mistakes. His decision not to ensure that the mercurial Gavin Henson was given every chance to get back to full fitness before the World Cup contributed heavily towards his squad’s failure. Grown men and international coaches particularly should not have to baby sit their younger players; Henson however, is a prodigious talent, and Jenkins should have used the carrot, stick and the kitchen sink if necessary to get him back to full fitness in the three weeks prior to the pre-World Cup training squad being announced. Whether that involved assigning him a personal trainer, a physio and a nutritionist for that period is irrelevant: Henson is that good. Especially as such a character could have invigorated a midfield that looked largely predictable at best. The queries over Jenkins’ squad selection can be extended: he returned to such old heads as Michael Owen and Sonny Parker, who in 2007 have lacked the cutting edge to succeed at the highest level. Jenkins should have been wary of such a policy’s perils after his 2005 Lions experience in New Zealand, a tour with which he was involved as a coach and during which the same policy, albeit using more English players, failed spectacularly. But when you look more closely, there may be more to Jenkins’ sacking than first meets the eye. There is much

in the argument that politics is playing a big part in the WRU’s selection policy for coaches, and it is no secret that Jenkins is not well liked by those in positions of privilege. The decision to overlook the then Llanelli coach in favour of Mike Ruddock after the departure of Steve Hansen when Jenkins’ side were clearly the most talented and consistent Welsh region back in 2004, hints at such a point. That in mind, it would be easy to argue that the WRU has acted swiftly to oust their coach, a man who has not

If Wales had played the English game they may well have ground down the flamboyant Fijians been afraid to criticise them and their policies at the first opportunity, particularly over who should have the final say in choosing the back room staff. Such a fact is perhaps what is hindering the progression of Welsh rugby. After all, there is much attacking talent in the form of Shane Williams, James Hook, Jamie Robinson and arguably the Northern Hemisphere’s most talented scrum half, Dwayne Peel. One of the key factors behind England’s development of a World Cup winning side running up to 2003 was continuity in the coaching department. England suffered their heaviest ever defeats under Clive Woodward on the ‘Tour from Hell’, yet the RFU backed their man, a policy which seems key to success in most sport today. On this matter, it’s worth pointing out that previous coaches Henry and Hansen are now orchestrating the most potent, brutal and downright exhilarating back line the world of rugby has ever seen in the form of the current All Blacks. If only they were still in Wales. If only the WRU would stick with their man, or at least give them enough incentive to stay, we may see more of the fireworks shown in the brilliant Grand Slam of 2005. Sympathy for Jenkins isn’t confined to these column inches, however. After the Fiji defeat, Nicky Little, the Fijian fly-half (a man on a far lower bonus than all the Welsh players) said: “Wales have reacted

JENKINS: Put to bed early

by sacking their coach haven’t they? I find that a little harsh. He wasn’t on the field on Saturday; there were fifteen players who needed to front up like we did. Don’t blame the coach - that’s easy.” It’s a good point, especially when you consider that Jenkins’ side have long been the most endeavouring, expansive and entertaining home nation, something which all the other Northern Hemisphere countries, especially the one the other side of the bridge, could take note of. Indeed, the sympathy for Jenkins arises in the irony that perhaps if Wales, on this one occasion, had played the English game - stuck it up the jumper, rumbled forward

and kicked for the corner - they may well have ground down the flamboyant Fijians and no-one would even be discussing the possibility of Jenkins losing his job. Sport, though, is not always fair, whether your name is Gareth Jenkins or Jose Mourinho. The former Chelsea manager could and probably did see it coming; working for a businessman like Abramovich has its risks. However, for such politics to be evident in a more supposedly gentlemanly and less commercial sport is a sad occurance for Jenkins, but far worse for rugby.


gairrhydd

0CTOBER.08.2007

39

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

ASK ANYONE involved in IMG what it means to them and they will give you a whole list of things: team spirit, friendship and socials to name but a few. Having been involved in IMG Netball since my first year at Cardiff, I can personally recommend it. Often people come along wanting to play sports at a decent standard without the pressure involved with more official teams, or alternatively they have not played for a while and see starting a new university year as an opportunity to take it up again. Whatever your reasons for wanting to play, IMG is a great option. I have experienced many exciting matches and tense moments in IMG Netball. From the nail-biters that determine the League standings, to the Cup clashes that can change a season, all games are fought to the whistle. Last

year there were some heated meetings between the Law, Economics and CARBS teams which epitomised IMG perfectly; team building, loyal support and fierce competition all in the name of fun. This element has been crucial in many teams’ success in recent years. It is the reason why people turn up to training week in, week out and play through hail the size of golf balls (more fun than it sounds, honest). Team spirit has been ever present across IMG, aided by the weekly socials that many teams hold on a Wednesday evening. So all those crowds of people in fancy dress are either celebrating a successful afternoon or perhaps boosting team morale. The local community also support our IMG leagues with sponsorship from many local establishments, so it can be a great way to immerse yourself

in Cardiff’s culture. I found joining an IMG team to be an invaluable addition to my social circle. You meet a huge variety of people and engage with them under a common interest. I was surprised how easy it was to slot into an existing team or create a new one with a group of people you have only known for a matter of hours. It is so easy to get involved as well, you can choose a team representing your academic school, join in later on with friends or go to trials on a whim having seen a poster. We students often get accused of being lazy, so why not prove the doubters wrong and join a sports team where you are guaranteed to make excellent friends, have loads of fun and get some exercise while achieving success within IMG?

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

CARBS Netball player Hannah Mitchell on what the IMG means to her

NETBALL PLAYERS: Looking to score

Bigger and Better than before Cardiff University RFC prepare for their most promising season ever George Pawley Sports Editor CARDIFF UNIVERSITY RFC has announced an exciting new partnership with Cardiff Rugby Club, as preparations for the 2007/08 season continue. The partnership extends an already existing relationship between the University and Cardiff, and will benefit current students as well as developing the University’s rugby set-up in the long term. Cardiff’s Director of Rugby, Justin Burnell, believes that by working together, both clubs will see vast improvements on and off the field.

Burnell commented: “We have built up a strong link with the University which will benefit both partners in our attempt to be a force in the Welsh Premiership and the University’s attempt to make a big statement in BUSA Rugby.” The link-up has already played a major part in the development of many students who have gone on to play rugby at higher levels of the game, while current University students such as Aaron Fowler and Tom Isaacs, will continue to be aided in their rugby development during their studies. This is something Cardiff’s Team Manager, Gafyn Cooper, is keen to emphasise, remarking: “It’s vitally important that players who come to Cardiff Uni-

versity to study know that there are great opportunities to progress their rugby careers as well as their academic education.” Furthermore, the University RFC have appointed ex-Sale Sharks centre Johnny Bryant as Backs Coach, while representative-level coach Mike Fear has been added to the set-up to train the University’s new Freshers side, who will compete in BUSA for the first time this season. The Men’s Rugby side got off to a superb start in their first friendly of the season, beating a powerful Royal Navy U23 side 32 – 7 at Llanrumney. The team contained ten freshers in addition to returning players of the cali-

bre of Michael Schrofpher and Harri Morgan. Next up for the squad is a two day training camp at the Army base in Crickhowell, which culminates in a game against an Army U23 side that have gone unbeaten for 10 years. An integral part of the pre-season preparation, the squad will complete teambuilding exercises such as the Army’s assault course, a river crossing, and a log carry. Cardiff University’s Head of Rugby, Martyn Fowler, describes the camp as “an incredible experience; everything is tailored around bringing individuals together”. Three of the squad travelling to Crickhowell were recruited following last month’s AU Fayre, and Fowler

says the subsequent trials unearthed some excellent additions to the squad for the forthcoming season. “Without the trials, we’d have lost some guys who could make a big impact on the BUSA scene this year”, said Fowler, “Iain McLure is a very promising scrum-half, and Joe Camnt, who plays at second row, is just 18. Both boys have been signed up to the Cardiff Blues U20 squad.” First team captain Aled Mason was also full of praise for the recent intake: “A lot of players have been added to the squad, and some have genuine talent. Competition for places, especially in the Freshers XV, will be tighter than ever.”

Hounds take spoils Jack Zorab Sports Editor CARDIFF MEDICS 1sts..........31

PHOTO: ADAM GASSON

OXFORD GREYHOUNDS.........50

RUGBY: Ready to engage

CARDIFF MEDICS’ first match of the season was as entertaining as they come. Running rugby and turnovers galore led to eleven tries being scored in total, seven attributed to an Oxford side that will be a tough proposition for any side in Premier South B this term. Their extra large front five, rapid back three and a genius of an inside centre caused the Medics problems in most facets of the game. James Shoe and Nick Carter though ensured that the lineout was an area where Cardiff got one up on their opposition. Oxford also couldn’t shackle the

Medics’ counter-attacks and it was these forages into Oxford’s territory that yielded an educated hat-trick for David Price-Smith. The winger took his tries expertly but it was the work from the men inside him that makes the Medics’ backline an even better prospect than last year. Seb Heaven crossed for the other try to give the forwards something to show for their commitment at the coal face. Whilst the fly-half Crabtree was in excellent form with the boot, converting all four tries and bagging a penalty. 31 points against Oxford, as the coach Huw Davies pointed out after the match, is a very impressive feat and good debuts as well from Mike West, Josh Petit and Aled Williams coupled with the return of a lot of senior players who are on placement hints that Cardiff could have a special season ahead.


Sport gairrhydd

Inside: Wales on the slide, Cardiff Uni RFC on the rise

IMG Shake-up Part 2 - IMG Shake-up Part 2 - IMG Shake-up Part 2

KICKED INTO

TOUCH

•Touch Rugby IMG League •New 6-a-side Competition •Contact Cup still possible

PHOTOS: JAMES PEROU

Refereeing shortage puts pay to hopes of maintaining a 15-a-side IMG Rugby league Pete Dean & Steven Florey Sports Editors THE AU has announced radical changes to this year’s IMG Rugby tournament. Due to a shortage of rugby referees in Wales, the 20072008 league will now be a 6-a-side touch rugby tournament. This week, AU President Ben Turner and Head of Rugby Martyn Fowler met the IMG Rugby captains to inform them of the proposed changes. They explained that they were unwilling to sanction a contact league if they could not ensure the players’ safety. To allow the league to proceed without level two qualified referees would put students at risk of serious injury. This means that the league, which will begin within the next three weeks, will be strictly non-contact.

It is understood that much of the difficulty of acquiring referees lies in the timing of the games, as many of the officials possess work commitments. This, along with the fact that the booster leagues are given priority in the allocation process, has meant that the options are limited. In touch rugby, a derivative of the 15-a-side game, tackles are made by simply touching the body of the opponent, their clothing, or the ball. While the change will drastically limit the chance of injury, the move may well prove unpopular with a number of IMG rugby players. Commenting on the changes, SAWSA captain Charlie Kneen said: “My initial reaction was shock and disbelief. In a country in which rugby is the main sport, it’s difficult to believe that there isn’t going to be a proper IMG

rugby competition. After all, there are five leagues of IMG football.” Asked whether he would consider taking part in the touch rugby league, Kneen remarked: “I think that’s unlikely: we’re not a squad that would be conducive to that form of the game.” The collaboration of the AU and IMG Rugby captains has, however, helped to ease the tension regarding the decision. Both Turner and Fowler have made it known that they have strived to put on the competition in its established format. Kneen said: “I understand that the AU has done all they can. We can’t play if we haven’t got the appropriate referees or if we’re not properly insured. Maybe if the AU had told us that they were going to need level two qualified referees, teams could have organized for some of their players to

be trained.” While it is not safe to run the contact league this year, the AU has been looking into a number of alternatives. One possibility is the instigation of a contact rugby cup. If it goes ahead, the cup will be played over two or three days. This will doubtless come as good news to those teams that wish to revert back to the more physical discipline of the game. The introduction of a fourth university rugby team also allows a small amount of space for players wishing to continue contact rugby. Intended mainly for freshers, the new team is certain to provide rugby of a high standard. With over 100 players having already participated in the first university training session, it appears that many IMG players see this as a favourable option. Any students that fail to find these

options appealing are being encouraged to join one of the numerous local rugby clubs in and around Cardiff. Some teams, such as SAWSA and Engin, are looking into the possibility of playing IMG rugby at another university. It is thought that Bristol University has welcomed interest from Cardiff University teams. Although the shift to touch rugby has been met with some disappointment, the implementation of the new league may also benefit those unfamiliar to the game. Whereas students new to rugby might have found the previous contact league overawing, touch rugby offers a less intimidating alternative. Away from the threat of injury, it provides new players with a chance to learn some of the basic rules and hone their fitness.

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gair rhydd - Issue 849 pt2  

gair rhydd - Issue 849 pt2

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