Life of the Party

from Nfocus February 2023

FEBRUARY 4

Expert etiquette advice from John Bridges

Party Politics

I’m new in town, so I’m new at my o ce. A couple of weeks back, my boss and his wife invited me to a dinner party. ere were eight people there, and the conversation turned political during drinks and throughout dinner. I guess I was the odd man out, so I kept my mouth shut. As far as I was concerned, the conversation got to be insulting, and I thought about speaking up but didn’t. I thought about leaving, but I didn’t do that either. I’ve run into the boss at the o ce, of course, but since I didn’t speak up at the table, I don’t know what to say now. Tell me, please. — Anonymous, Bellevue

Politics and religion are a couple of things we’re not supposed to talk about over dinner, and maybe not even over cocktails. A little liquor can loosen the tongue, though. Your manners were probably the best at the table, and you did the right thing, keeping your opinions to yourself. Perhaps you were there so the boss could check out your politics, but maybe he invited you for dinner just because he figured you might be a nice person in need of a hot meal. At the office, go ahead and give the boss your heartfelt thanks for the lovely evening; you don’t have to mention the company he keeps. Should you be invited again, you can little-white-lie your way out of the invitation, unless you think your job depends on it. That will be your decision to make.

HAPPY TO MEET YOU, I THINK

For good or ill, I’m big on reintroducing myself — sometimes to people I think I already know. My boyfriend doesn’t like that at all. He says that because I know a lot of people, I should gure out a way to remember them. I’m sure he’s right, but I’m outgoing and enjoy meeting people. I don’t want to make them feel awkward if I forget their names or vice versa. My boyfriend tells me I’m embarrassing myself by introducing myself again and again. Why shouldn’t I? — Anonymous, Sylvan Park

Let’s trust you don’t reintroduce yourself to your best friends or boyfriend. If you’re the least bit uncertain, there’s nothing wrong with giving your name and offering a handshake. That’s not the same thing at all as saying, straight out, “Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” Your boyfriend could be right. Perhaps you can come up with a mnemonic game? (Try this: His name is “Bob,” and he’s got a beard.) That might help, but there are lots of Bobs out there, and anybody can shave. If you keep running into the same Bob and are unable to remember who they are, you may have a problem with that Bob, and they’re likely to catch onto your game before too long. Luckily, you can have a conversation with anybody, anytime, anywhere, without ever having to say a name. Just look them straight in the eye, and keep smiling, talking or — better yet — listening. That’s what an outgoing person does if they want to keep going out.