Empire Times 43.8

EMPIRE TIMES YOUR

STUDENT MAG

43.8

FALLOUT SEINFELD | breakups | BREXIT | flinders paralympian | marriage equality

- Editorials -

Not sure what to say about ‘Fallout’. This issue has had me return to playing Fallout 4 in my downtime. Love that game. And it’s what many think of when presented with the word.

Sitting with the word around me so much, I started thinking of it in more varied ways. Ripples and after-effects spread out from every action, many in unpredictable ways. As I’m sure you can imagine, that was a charmingly cheerful thought that brightened up the day to no end. I’m a ray of vitamin D deficient sunshine like that.

I write this filled with coffee, too little food, and the nagging doubt that as my class began 35 minutes ago, maybe I should have gone to it. Ah, the editorial life!

Of course, a puppy trying to eat through a gate and barking most of the night really helps with the restfulness. Home days are mainly a balancing act of saving things from being chewed up by a puppy and trying to find a way to halt climate change for good by hooking this source of energy to the national grid.

Sitting here at the pointy end of the year, looking back at eight issue printed and finished is a strange experience. Two more to go and then it’s goodbye to 2016 — a year of change, chaos, and excitement.

This issue going to University Council in order to report on the goings-on there that kicked off on day one of semester has proved an intense and rather interesting time. In retrospect, should probably have worked out this semester wasn’t going to be a nice and quiet one. There were those warning signs.

Last of all, I must give my thanks to the people at Wholefoods who now know my order the moment I walk through the door probably too often! It’s that blackas-midnight-on-a-moonless-night coffee that’s fueled me these 8 issues - Liam.

LIAM’S TOP PICKS p. 0 p. 30 p. 43 p. 44

Cover art After the Bomb Green Room Seinfeld

When we announced the theme of Empire Times Volume 43 Issue 8 as ‘Fallout’, a lot of contributors had no idea what that meant and what they could write about. They asked us what Fallout meant – did it literally mean something falling out of something?

Did it mean the Fallout game and various versions of? (And no, trust me, we may be three nerdy editors but we wouldn’t base a whole issue around a video game) So, we told our contributors what we always do; the theme is completely open to their unique interpretations, as we love to see what they all come up with. Come contributor deadline day, Lauren, Liam and I arrived at the ET office and opened those promising email attachments, and once you have a read inside this issue, you’ll agree; our loyal band of contributors didn’t disappoint or crumble under pressure.

It’s awesome how different contributors understand and interact with a theme, and it makes ET special, full of unique perspectives on topics that matter to Flinders students.

Inside you’ll find a variety of articles covering topics such as: University Council and the fallout of staff vs. students; recaps of Brexit, the 2016 federal election, and AVCON; why the marriage equality plebiscite is a bad idea; editor Lauren’s tip-top Scones recipe; the resurgence of dystopian fiction; how social media is turning us into shit mates; Pokémon Go; and we ask the question – Should Australia embrace nuclear power as an energy alternative?

Issue 8 also featured a first-time cover artist and colouring page artist, as well as some first time ET-contributors, which is so exciting. We feel like the quality of the magazine is improving with each issue, and we’re so glad that you readers are along with us for this crazy, awesome ride.

Eleanor

I don’t cope well with change. No, siree.

Ditto uncertainty. I am in no way, shape or form the kind of free spirit who takes joy in endless possibilities or making things up as I go along and I take absolutely no solace out of listicles of ‘10 reasons why your 20s are for messing around’ or ‘5 reasons to date a free-spirited nomadic, laid-back, happy-pant wearing lady’.

I like plans and maps and erring on the side of caution and addressing criteria and ticking boxes with my colour-coded pens.

Unfortunately, a lot of things about life don’t work out that way. The closer I get to the end of my degree (by the time this is released, we should be sitting at about T-8 weeks), the more of a flap I’m in about what comes next.

University can be a stressful time for so many of us, but to me what comes next seems like the real nightmare (did I mention I also have a tendency towards the melodramatic..? Yeah). Without a clear road map of where I want to go, I’m concerned that the fallout of my degree may in fact be ending up pretty much back where I started, albeit with some extra debt, a decent amount of quiz-nightworthy general knowledge and some search optimisation skillzz.

More broadly, we’re in a pretty tumultuous time socially, politically and economically, with global events of this year catapulting us into territory both dauntingly unfamiliar (see: Brexit) and painfully reminiscent of past mistakes (*cough*TRUMP*cough*).

From a history student’s perspective: “WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!” From a cynical about-to-graduate undergrad. perspective: “Ah shit.”

In our next issue, we’ll be delving into these kinds of dualities, but for now, it looks like I’ll be needing to buy myself some happy pants.

Lxx

ELEANOR’S TOP PICKS p. 12 p. 18 p. 28 p. 35

After The Election What the FUC Surviving the Breakup Friendship Fallout

LAUREN’S TOP PICKS p.10 p. 22 p. 28 p. 44

Behind Closed Doors: Uni Council AVCON 2016 Surviving the Breakup Seinfeld

1 1

OH HELLO there.

Vol 43 Issue 8 EDITORS

Liam McNally Eleanor Danenberg Lauren Reid

SUB-EDITORS Anupol Bordoloi Kayla Gaskell Brenton Griffin Jack Harrison Jess Miller Marithe Solis Leeza von Alpen

COLUMNISTS

Aden Beaver Rhianna Carr Ashley Curtis Jordon T. Early Richard Falkner Brenton Griffin Kelly Guthberlet Emma Hough Hobbs Jess Miller Karen Smart Elle Void Amber, the Devil’s Advocate

ILLUSTRATORS Rhianna Carr Sheydin Dew Kahli Griffin Benjamin Hall Emma Hough Hobbs Lisandra Linde

CONTRIBUTORS Aden Beaver Georgia Brass Jason Byrne Simone Corletto Marina Deller-Evans LKG Brenton Griffin Emma Hough Hobbs Prashath Magandren Liam McNally Christopher Norman Caleb Pattinson Lauren Reid Ashley Sutherland Angela Tomarelli

FRONT COVER

Benjamin Hall

Empire Times is the student publication of Flinders University. All work within remains the property of the producers and may not be reproduced without their consent. Empire Times reserves the right to republish in any format.

Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on, and that this land was never ceded, but stolen. We would like to pay our respects to the elders of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples, past, present, and future.

‘The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University, or Flinders University Student Association. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that Empire Times articles and other information are up-to-date and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken by Empire Times Magazine for any errors or omissions contained herein.’

Advertising: stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au

CONGRATULATIONS & THANKS Lisandra Linde for contributing artwork (an Apocalypse theme comic on p. 39) for the first time, yay!

Benjamin Hall, for contributing three pieces of artwork for this issue, including the amazing front cover — this is Ben’s first ET cover after over a year of submitting artwork!

Jocelyn Neumuller, for being kind enough to do an interview with us right before she heads off to the freakin’ Paralympics.

Contact us: empire.times@flinders.edu.au www.empiretimes.com.au @empiretimesmag @empiretimesmag

INNER FRONT COVER Sheydin Dew

INNER BACK COVER

Emma Hough Hobbs

BACK COVER Kahli Griffin

FALLOUT

/empiretimesmag Empire Times Contributors

contents.

COLUMNS 6 A MESSAGE FROM YOUR STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT 7 STUDENT COUNCIL INTERVIEW: INTERNATIONAL OFFICER & WOMEN’S OFFICER

FEATURES 8 NUCLEAR ENERGY

38 3.07.2016

10 UNIVERSITY COUNCIL

CULTURE CORNER

16 BREXIT: THE FALLOUT

12 AFTER THE ELECTION

21 FLINDERS PARALYMPIAN: JOCELYN NEUMUELLER

14 ANNIHILATION OF MAN

22 AVCON 2016

18 CLUB FEATURE: HORTICULTURE GARDEN

24 VOX POP: CAMPUS VOICES

20 MARRIAGE EQUALITY PLEBESCITE 33 GETAWAY IN THE ADELAIDE HILLS

POETRY

26 DAMN FINE SCONES 28 SURVIVING BREAKUPS 30 THE RESURGENCE OF DYSTOPIAN FICTION

34 ADVICE YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE

32 SOCIAL MEDIA IS TURNING US INTO SHIT MATES

35 FRIENDSHIP FALLOUT

36 STAFF PROFILE

42 WE. ARE. FAMILY. 43 GREEN ROOM 44 SEINFELD 46 ANIME VS. ANIME 47 POKEMON GO 48 EMMA LOUISE / STAR TREK

FUN STUFF 40 CROSSWORD - WIN FREE MOVIE TICKETS! 41 COLOURING PAGE — NOT JUST FOR KIDS!

What were the editors eating / watching / listening to while they were working on this issue?

Large cappuccinos (in an environmentally friendly FUSA keep cup of course) from Urban Paddock Co. have been Eleanor’s rocket fuel during the production of the Fallout issue. The staff at Up Co always start off Eleanor’s days with a smile.

Lauren has been cramming in as many Gilmore Girls episodes as possible in the lead-up to the imminent Netflix revival. What’s not to love about two coffee-addicted, headstrong, ridiculously quick talking gals? Lauren is team Jess, in case you were wondering.

Liam has been listening to Florence and the Machine during the chaos of issue eight, Fallout, which has been a great way to wind down after a day of frantic panic. He is in desperate need of a fourth album from Florence.

33

October Calendar Monday 3 Week 9

Labour Day: PUBLIC HOLIDAY.

10 Week 10

Week 12

(Optional Teaching week)

Environmental Film Festival: Vanishing of the Bees, 1pm, Plaza screen.

11

RELAX, Medicine Library.

18

RELAX, Sturt Library.

Environmental Film Festival: The Fair Trade, 1pm, Plaza screen.

Environmental Film Festival: Black Gold, 1pm, Plaza screen.

24

25

On this day in 1945, the United Nations was founded.

31

Week 13

4

RELAX, Tonsley.

On this day in 1884, Eleanor Roosevelt was born, a revolutionary US First Lady.

17 Week 11

Tuesday

HALLOWEEN!!!

On this day in 1950, Earl Lloyd became the first African American to play in an NBA game.

RELAX, Plaza.

1 On this day in 1979, Rocky II was released in Australia.

Wednesday 5

FLICS screening: Labyrinth 5pm.

Environmental Film Festival: Cowspiracy, 1pm, Multimedia Lounge.

12 FLICS screening: Deathgasm & Turbokid, NTH 2, 5pm.

19

FLICS screening: Top Gun, NTH 2, 5pm.

Environmental Film Festival: Poverty Inc., 1pm, Plaza screen.

26

FLICS screening: Zombie Flesh Eaters, NTH 2, 5pm.

Thursday 6

Environmental Film Festival: Waste Not, 1pm, Plaza screen.

Student & staff show ‘Out of the Ordinary’ opens - Bakehouse Theatre.

13

On this day in 1884, Greenwich was established as the universal time from which standard times throughout the world are calculated (aka, GMT).

20

On this day in 1972, The Godfather was released in Australia.

14

Adelaide University and Flinders University joint Education pub crawl.

FUSA Ball 2016: Midsummer Night’s Dream, Hotel Richmond, 7:30 - Midnight.

21

Anti-Poverty Day, the Plaza.

Environmental Film Festival: True Cost, 1pm, Plaza screen.

27

28 On this day in 1955, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates was born.

On this day in 1947, Hillary Rodham Clinton was born.

2

Friday 7

3

4

Letters (and Postcards) to The Editors A message for the s

tudents...

Got a question, compliment, or complaint of your own?

What ’s with all of th e decafs???

- Baffled & Caffein ated Campus Barista

Sup edit

ors,

I don’t u sually re ad ET b decided ut I 2g a go. I m ive the Sex iss u ade the mistake e of leavin g it on th e kitche table... n My Mum saw the c page va gina artw ontents ork and thought it was a n ear. H CrisisAv ashtag erted.

Keep up th “abstrac e good work an t” artwork d ;) - Jordan K.

Blonde who are

dude ed

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surely tw

Empire

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Attention: the editors Empire Times Office Room 166, Level 1, Student Hub

Flinders Uni

Send your letters to empire.times@flinders. edu.au...

Times O ffice

Room 1 66, Leve l 1, Stud Flinder en

t Hub,

rs,

Dear edito

w ed to kno t n a w t s I ju t idn’t enac why you d reyfus as -D Julia Louis ustralia. It of A overlady hile ested a w was sugg ould I think it c d n a , o g a help. definitely

message the Empire Times Facebook page...

nks!

Thaaaaaa 9 - JLDfan6

EdiTors,

nor, & Liam, Elea

Lauren

me of the o h , a k a , ET Office e tower e f f o c c i t s maje

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Did you na mE The ma g afTEr ET???ET??? ?

Eagerly an Ticipating responsE communicaT your ion.

- Conspira cyNut

EdiTors empirE Ti mes office

Room 166, Level 1, StudEnT H ub

FlindErs

UniversiT

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or if you’d like to remain anonymous, visit: ask.fm/empiretimes 5

- President’s Report -

FUSA Student President Patto’s Perspective

Caleb Pattinson

If there was ever a time for students to be involved in university governance it would be in 2016. There are so many issues that our current Vice-Chancellor has brought to Flinders. It’s something that can be glossed over unless you’re an exceptionally engaged student because the strange reality of university governance is that students and staff are not regularly listened to in decision-making processes.

The history of our Vice-Chancellor is pretty telling. Colin Stirling’s record in his old neighbourhood saw jobs lost — something he has now brought to Flinders. Questions around who is responsible for fighting against these attacks on our University are frequently asked. You might have a differing view, but as far as I am concerned it’s a collaborative effort that is going to require a buy-in from across our institution. With students and staff united we can really call out senior management for failing to defend Flinders, but this achievement can only happen if we are united in our approach.

There are many issues at Flinders we need to be concerned with.

At the time of print, something Flinders is currently standing for is flagship degrees. This is obviously a pretty weird thing for an institution with a long history of social justice to be standing for. Deregulation was defeated and has now returned, it was defeated in 2014, but clearly it has now returned, rebadged as “flagship degrees”. We don’t know how this will be determined or monitored between different universities.

If we have a look at the impact the proposed changes would have on the student cohort, it is clear that it would ultimately financially burden a good percentage of the student population. This has broader consequences for students who come from less equitable backgrounds, creating yet another barrier to higher education.

Along with the damaging consequences of flagship degrees,

you get such things as chaotic restructures. It’s going take a lot of student and staff voices to stop these hostile attacks on our institution.

Call me old-fashioned, but valuing the voices of students and staff is essential to Flinders Uni if governance want to fulfil its “student centred ethos” — this is the opposite of what’s happening. You’re probably unaware, but the University leaders are trying to reduce student representation on University Council. Seeing this happen throughout the year, it’s become evident how little they value us.

How we are running the University is reliant on decisions by this peak Council and the things that are discussed at this level have huge ramifications for students. Stakeholders from staff through to students should have direct input into these peak decisions; Flinders is after all your university. Instead, what we are seeing is a public university largely tarnished by the head of our institution, turning it into a corporate oligarchy. If we closely examine at who is responsible, look straight to the top. Senior management of our University are those you need to hold accountable.

I’m disappointed at what our university is turning into. We once heard the call of equity and responded, our dedication as a university to social justice was legendary.

In our 50th year, it seems decades of progressive ideologies are set to become a thing of the past.

I am open for all students to contact me: E: student.president@flinders.edu.au P: 8201 3621 F: www.facebook.com/PresidentPattinson

- Student Council Interviews -

international officer

women's officer

Prashanth Magandram

Angela Tomarelli

Why did you run for your position on Student Council?

The reason I ran for this position is because I believed FUSA and the university weren’t engaging with international students.

I wanted to change this and get cultural associations and clubs more involved. Also having international students key issues being heard by the university is important to me.

Why did you run for your position on Student Council?

I decided to run for a position on Student Council because I love Flinders and I wanted to be part of shaping how our university can be great for students. Since starting my degree in 2012 I have become more and more involved in life on campus. I saw a position on council as another way to contribute to that community and to give something back. As a parent-student, the role of Women’s Officer felt like the right fit for me. I found studying with a child incredibly difficult and was really motivated by the idea that I could help future students with children have an easier time attaining a degree.

What do you want to achieve this year with your position on SC? As my term is nearly up, from what I have mentioned above I have managed to achieve. Working closing with ISS and FUSA I was able to help students who were having difficulty in various areas regarding academic and welfare. Also from the feedback I received, the multicultural festival that I organised with FUSA was really successful. I wanted to achieved a successful and bigger multicultural festival.

Tell us what you’re organising or contributing to right now, in the capacity of your position...

I’ve been organising a letter framework that will provide international students with various information. I’m also actively working on a voice campaign to get international students involved with the career flinders and the inspire program.

Prashanth can be contacted at international.officer@ flinders.edu.au or you can like the FUSA International Students Collective on Facebook for more updates.

What do you want to achieve this year with your position on SC? A large part of my role this year has revolved around The Hunting Ground campaign which highlighted that sexual assault and violence against women in university is happening in Australia and our universities need to acknowledge it and take a stand against it. With collaboration from university administration we held a screening of the film and a panel discussion to allow students the chance to get some answers.

Tell us what you’re organising or contributing to right now, in the capacity of your position...

At the moment, I’m currently focusing on establishing a Flinders University Crèche Working Group, bringing together different stakeholders and students who might be able to help in setting up a crèche on campus, allowing students to attend tutorials or group projects without having the cost and commitment that is unavoidable with other day care models.

If Flinders wants to own the phrase “Go Beyond”, well, this is an opportunity to Go Beyond what every other university is providing and step up in an area that could make a huge difference in the lives of students.

At this stage, any and all ideas are welcome. I would especially love to hear from student-parents about their struggles to combine childcare and study commitments and whether or not a crèche would help. It feels like an uphill battle at this stage to get the ball rolling but money has been allocated to explore the idea so I’m incredibly hopeful that this is a legacy this council could leave behind to help countless future Flinders students reach their dreams.

Angela can be contacted at womens.officer@flinders. edu.au or you can like the FUSA Women’s Collective on Facebook for more updates.

7

- Student Politics -

POLITICAL PLAYGROUND Should Australia embrace nuclear power as an energy alternative?

The Greens The Greens believe that Australia should refuse to accept nuclear energy as a viable alternative energy source. The world should be free of nuclear weapons and the nuclear fuel chain, which are clearly and strongly linked to the mining and export of uranium.

In May 2016, the South Australian Royal Commission into the Nuclear Fuel Cycle recommended that South Australia accept 138,000 tonnes of the world’s most dangerous industrial waste. This is material that should be isolated from people and the planet, and yet the State Government is already willing to house it here in deep water ports that could cost the taxpayer upwards of 145 billion dollars over a period of seventy years. Typically the majority of proposals for the location of these waste dumps have been in largely Indigenous communities such as Muckaty, Woomera, and the Flinders Ranges.

The Greens argue that the use of nuclear energy could result in accidents or attacks on reactors, posing an unacceptable risk that could have catastrophic results. It is not in the interest of future generations to be left with the burden of dangerous levels of radioactive waste. The Greens believe that nuclear energy is not a practical economic solution to reducing global greenhouse gas emissions. Instead, we wish to implement an equitable transition away from the current coalbased economy. We would introduce a net zero carbon economy, whereby one hundred percent of Australia’s electricity would come from renewable resources in order to drastically reduce greenhouse gas emissions within a generation.

The Greens would see the end of coalfired power stations and mines through increasing community ownership of energy production and storage. We would move to reform the markets to remove bias towards centralised fossil fuel-based generation and to build support for urgent action to combat rapid climate change.

Ashley Sutherland Flinders University Greens Club facebook.com/flindersunigreens

LABOR LEFT There are a number of issues inherently linked with nuclear energy. The first issue in most minds is safety, as the risk of catastrophic disaster causes many people to think back to past disasters at Fukushima and Chernobyl.

The second issue is the cost of implementation; most countries that currently embrace nuclear energy had their nuclear program in place for decades before they began to generate power to put onto the grid. In every case there is a huge research and development cost which would be incurred long before any benefit would be enjoyed. Weapons proliferation is sometimes an issue as well, but as Australia is signatory to a number of international treaties that is a very low risk.

The best argument against nuclear energy in Australia is renewables. In the decades that it would take to fire up the first commercial power generating reactors, renewable technologies will be cheaper, more environmentally friendly, safer, and they will produce far less (and less potent) waste. Australia is one of the best countries in the world for renewable energy with an abundance of powergenerating possibilities in solar, solar thermal, geothermal, wind, wave and more. It would be a shame to see billions of dollars wasted perusing a nuclear program when as a country, we have the opportunity to take the lead in developing renewable energy technologies.

Australia should not embrace nuclear energy as an alternate energy source, as there are much safer, cleaner and cheaper options to generate our energy needs and move away from a fossil fuel based energy grid.

LABOR RIGHT Climate change is and will remain the greatest challenge facing the global community in human history. Under the Rudd and Gillard governments, Labor introduced some of the best environmental policy in the world, which has subsequently been gutted by Tony Abbott and band-aided by Malcolm Turnbull. With at least three years until a Federal government will make real efforts to fight climate change, it is up to the states to take up the fight.

SA Labor is helping our state to lead the world in sustainability with massive investments in clean energy. The recently concluded Nuclear Fuel Cycle Royal Commission found that while not currently economically viable, investing in nuclear energy production is a potentially ground breaking investment for South Australia.

Whilst delivering 100% renewable energy without nuclear fuel would be desirable, nuclear electricity is more than competitive with coal. Wind power often costs twice as much per kW/h, and cannot provide power on demand which is why nuclear fuel is the best alternative.

Many people fear that the use of nuclear fuel will lead to the proliferation of nuclear weapons; however, the plutonium which is obtained from reprocessing nuclear waste can’t be used for bombs. It is a valuable fuel which can be used with depleted uranium as Mixed Oxide Fuel (MOX).

The argument for nuclear fuel is also an argument for jobs. The establishment of the nuclear industry in South Australia will open a floodgate of employment opportunities to help fill the gap from the closure of Holden and other large local employers.

Looking to the future, money must be invested into developing methods of achieving nuclear fusion or improving the use of thorium as a nuclear fuel. Both of these methods will provide long-term and safer forms of nuclear fuel leading to a sustainable world.

Christopher Norman Flinders University Labor Club facebook.com/FlindersUniLaborClub

Jason Byrne Flinders Labor Club facebook.com/flinderslabor

THE LIBERALS AND SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE were approached for comment but did not submit

Artwork by Benjamin Hall

9

- Features -

Behind closed

doors INSIDE THE CONFIDENTIAL WORLD OF UNIVERSITY COUNCIL

quickly students are asked to leave upon attending a University Council meeting.

Between these two disparate views of the openness of Council sits the truth. 32 of a possible 64 items on the agendas of the first two meetings this year have been confidential. The 32 nonconfidential items include items such as meeting opening and closing, acknowledgement of Kaurna land and other matter. As soon as the meeting gets to the decision-making and reporting, the confidentiality sweeps over the vast majority of discussion.

T

ruly 2016 seems the year for changes at Flinders University.

A current push by elements within university governance is attempting to cut the number of staff and student representatives on University Council.

A meeting was held on July 25 where the suggestions were brought up for discussion. In attendance were members of the National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU), FUSA Student Council, and other concerned people. The explanation given by Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic) Andrew Parkin at the meeting was that there was a desire to make the Council more ‘nimble and flexible’. In discussion with ET, many have pointed out that it appears a difficult task to make a body that meets only five times a year ‘nimble and flexible’. Others have questioned the merit to having a governing body with such qualities.

Questions were raised in relation to the openness of students to attend University Council meetings. Parkin suggested that students would be welcome and that very few items on the agenda are considered confidential. FUSA Student President Caleb Pattinson said that he thought it would be ‘very telling’ how

Julie Petticrew, the NTEU Flinders Branch Secretary stated that her opinion was that the move was motivated by a desire to restrict ‘the input of staff and students’ have relating to ‘University governance and the VC (Vice-Chancellor Colin Stirling)’s performance’. She described the management’s stated motivation as being ‘predictable neo-liberal speak’.

Petticrew describes a ‘reduction in transparency’ in the University’s running – a claim borne out by the tally of confidential and nonconfidential items in the minutes of the UC. Reportedly, a Bill enabling a reduction in student and staff representation in South Australia’s universities has already been drafted for approval by SA Government. The fact that this process has been taken prior to any consultation meeting to give staff and students a chance to speak, has caused ‘many NTEU members [to raise] concerns’, Petticrew says.

Flinders Chancellor Stephen Gerlach has historical ties with the South Australian state government, being embroiled in the Gillman land deal – a controversial sale that saw the Gerlach-headed Adelaide Capital Partners consortium buy the land without going to tender.

The positions that will be overwhelmingly impacted by these cuts are those of staff and students – the very same positions that are the only ones elected, rather than appointed by Council to itself, as is the case with external members.

- Features -

Petticrew describes the proposal as being ‘at best, totally unwarranted, and at worst, a disingenuous attempt to further silence the voice’ of ‘elected staff and students.’

Student Council president Caleb Pattinson has since sent a letter to Andrew Parkin to outline the Student Council’s position on the matter and highlight several key concerns they have. Pattinson raises concerns over the impact changes to University Council will have upon the ‘student-centred ethos’ of the University and the fact that the current make-up of the Council is in line with the Voluntary Code of Best Practice – an argument echoed by Julie Petticrew.

Pattinson labels the consultation process as ‘tokenistic’ – a view seemingly reflected in Flinders University’s management electing to have the legislation for these changes processed through early stages of SA Government before the consultation meeting.

The proposed changes, paired with the current standing of University Council skewed in favour of external, non-elected members (both in terms of numbers and the fact external members receive briefings) has led to the perception in some quarters of a ‘two-tiered’ and uneven Council.

It was explained that the process building up to these cuts began in 2012, before FUSA even existed. This led student councillors to question why it took until late July 2016 for open consultation to begin.

During the day, the Student Council had spent four hours during which they amassed a total of around 400 signatures in opposition to staff and student representation cuts and the University’s proderegulation stance.

When approached by ET for comment, student councillor Hamish Richardson said he considered the answers he and Norman had received were the ‘best [they’d] received so far’, though still not yet adequate. He added that he felt his biggest concern was that they were not given the opportunity to ask all the questions they wanted, ‘it was always a matter of prioritising [their] arguments due to the lack of time given to this [matter]’.

Vice-Chancellor Colin Stirling was approached for comment. His response can be found on our website: empiretimes.com.au.

On August 11, student councillors Hamish Richardson and Christopher Norman attended a meeting with Vice-Chancellor Colin Stirling and Deputy Vice-Chancellor for Students, Clare Pollock to discuss their differing opinions.

Later that same day, a University Council meeting was held.

Both Caleb Pattinson and Simone Jowett (Flinders University Student Council’s General Secretary and student representative on University Council) were present, as were several other councillors and Empire Times. The meeting began with a 90 minute presentation on a completely unrelated matter before having a much briefer discussion of the proposals. The meeting was at times tense with Gerlach reminding Pattinson that it was he, Gerlach, who chaired the meeting. This exchange occurred in response to Pattinson’s attempt to gauge the opinions of councillors.

Pictured: NOT University Council.

Credit: EON Productions, 2015.

Picture, opposite page: Sign outside University Council room.

Photographer: Liam McNally AUTHOR Liam McNally, 23, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) Come the apocalypse, you might find Liam hiding in a dark corner of Wholefoods, sculling long blacks.

11

- Politics -

After the Election...

So, the Coalition won the election, much to the utter dismay of many, myself included. But is it really all that surprising? Not really.

What was a surprise, however, was how close to the line it all came, and how many abandoned the Libs and voted for Labor. The swing was massive, resulting in Labor being more powerful in parliament than they were before the election.

Sorry Mal, old pal, but your plan to achieve supreme power did not work.

Also, the whole Double Dissolution, which came about because Malcolm had a hissy fit about the arguably useless ABCC being rejected in Canberra due to ‘loose cannon MPs’, resulted in even looser cannons being elected into the Capitol.

I mean, seriously, pollies don’t get much looser than our very own version of the D. Trump, Ms. Pauline Hanson.

As well as this, far right pollies in the Liberal Party have been making waves for Mr. Turnbull. South Australia’s ashamedly own Cory Bernardi had a meltdown over the Coalition’s close victory and was in talks of starting his own Conservative Party with the equally ridiculous George Christensen. Because that’s what Australia needs more of, hard-line right-wingers.

Similarly, Australia’s favourite professional bigot Andrew Bolt got on the horn and made a statement about how the Liberal Party had lost support due to the regicide of Tony Abbott, and had a rant about how the Libs had betrayed their support base with too many progressive policies. What a crack up this guy is.

Overall, the election was pretty much disastrous for Malcolm, but the Liberal Party are still in. So what happens now? What is the fallout of all of this? How will it affect the everyday Empire Times reader? Will all of our worst nightmares be realised as those conservative bastards ground the poor

further into the dirt whilst also giving handouts to their rich friends?

chances are that “Well, if you are reading this,

you’re a student. That is never a good position to be in when the Liberals are in charge.

”

Well, chances are that if you are reading this, you’re a student.

That is never a good position to be in when the Liberals are in charge. Already both Adelaide University and our own beloved Flinders has been discussing staff and budget cuts and merging faculties in order to save some dosh. Whilst not directly the government’s fault, it isn’t encouraging that the Coalition has traditionally backed the deregulation of universities. Also, in case you wanted to be a bit more depressed, Flinders is one of four universities in the nation keen on deregulation.

On top of this, the government has declared they will seek to obtain any remaining HECS debt from a deceased persons’ estate.

It seems that not even the sweet embrace of death is going to save you from repaying your student loans.

Also, it means that the bright sparks at LNP HQ might be able to have their way in providing ‘jobs and growth’ by introducing the dumb-as-fuck internship scheme that was announced as part of Mal’s ironically named ‘Ideas Boom.’ This is where our dear friends in Canberra will foot the bill for businesses to hire $4 an hour ‘interns.’ This plan came under a lot of heat last year when it was announced, with Unions, Labor and the Greens crying foul play, citing the potential for countless workplace violations.

- Politics -

What the hell happens now? {Opinions by Brenton Griffin} Nevertheless, Parliament thinks it’s a brilliant idea to make the poor more exploitable by companies. Really, this whole plan should make any university student break out into a cold sweat.

That full-time job you were excited to have after you finished your degree? Gone, replaced with underpaid internships that only last up to 6 months. What an exciting time to be an Australian.

Really, this whole “ plan should make any

university student break out into a cold sweat.

What an exciting time to be an Australian.

”

Oh yeah, and you know that uber expensive, likely divisive, and absolutely non-binding plebiscite on equal marriage that Mr. Turnbull was so committed to having at the end of this year? Well, that’s likely going to happen maybe at the start to middle of next year. So already, the flagship of bigotry that is this plebiscite has been prolonged, with members of parliament still saying they would not listen to the Australian people unless their vote is in agreeance with their own views.

To add conservative insult to right-wing injury, the Coalition is still likely to scrap funding for the Safe Schools Program, an anti-bullying initiative aimed at decreasing the harassment of LGBTQIA+ youth, after listening to the distressed cries of George Christensen, Cory Bernardi, and the infamously ‘Christlike’ Australian Christian Lobby. The scrapping of Safe Schools is despite an independent investigation that found the program overwhelmingly positive, and just needed a couple of tweaks.

Furthermore, dear Empire Times reader, the whole ‘Mediscare’ that Labor pushed in the last few weeks of the election, that the Liberals claimed was nothing more than a scare campaign - you know, the one where Labor warned that the Coalition want to privatise Medicare? Yeah, it’s already begun. Despite desperate promises from Liberals that claimed they would not privatise Medicare, they have already de-subsidised an essential diabetes medication and the price has increased by 50%.

Alas, this is what we voted for. This is what we decided was most important to us. I mean, it doesn’t represent what almost half of the nation believes but this is the way it’s gone down. We will just have to wait and see what the fallout of this whole thing will be.

Instead of focusing on issues such as refugees, the Referendum on whether to recognise Aboriginal Australians in the constitution and get rid of the racist shit in there (which, conveniently was absent from the Coalition’s platform), saving the Great Barrier Reef, and getting rid of the archaic exclusivity of marriage, we are not dealing with this stuff. Our parliament would rather focus on anything else but these issues.

Now, I don’t want to incite insurrection against our democratically elected representatives, but if we don’t actually do something, if we don’t attempt to stop the government when they try and do something dumb, it could have disastrous effects on our future.

The fallout could be terrifying for us all. Buckle up for a bumpy three years.

AUTHOR Brenton Griffin, 22, Bachelor of Arts (History)

Come the Apocalypse, Brenton will set up a bottled water stand because, in the immortal words of Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir: ‘When we are all lone scavengers in a nuclear wasteland, bottles of purified water will be worth their weight in gold’

13

INTO THE GENDER

VOID

TRANSGENDER FALLOUT: The annihilation of man

If you listen to Pope Francis, ‘We are experiencing a moment of the annihilation of man’. Do you know what it feels like to be considered an annihilating force? Annihilation of man almost sounds like nuclear devastation. It could be quite empowering to be considered such a destructive force. But the truth is, the only man I have annihilated is the person I once pretended to be.

My transition is only supposed to affect me, because I’m the one going through it. I’m the one transitioning. And in an ideal world that’s what would happen. But we don’t live in an ideal world, do we? We live in this one and everything individuals do has some kind of impact on other people.

I didn’t wake up one day and decide that I’d had enough with my life and that I wanted to change who I was. I didn’t wake up and suddenly decide ‘I want to be a girl’. In all honestly I pushed it aside for years and years. It was something I didn’t understand, and through not understanding it I did not want it. I rarely dream these days, but at the start of my first puberty I can recall that I had vivid wet dreams (the kind you need to clean up afterwards) where I had something completely different between my legs.

But the first (and only) time I mentioned this to someone I was completely shut down. ‘It’s not right to think that way’, they said, and, ‘You are who you were born as and you can’t change that’.

So from then onwards I tried to be the person I was told to be, the person that people saw through my outward appearance.

Sure, in secret I did somewhat explore this identity, but it was a secret that I could never tell anybody. Sneaking into my sisters’ rooms and trying on their dresses was more secret than masturbating. If someone were to catch me with my hands down my pants, that would supposedly be a normal part of teenage ‘boyhood’, but being caught in a gorgeous frilly dress? Well, something’s wrong in your head. Getting caught at this point could have gotten me the information and help I needed, but more likely (going from the way it was taken when I eventually did come out) it would have resulted in me being completely crushed with no hope that I could figure myself out.

So, years later, after not quite another decade of trying to be

someone I wasn’t, I began exploring myself again. Armed with an internet connection and the drive to learn, I figured it out. But it’s not an easy thing to tell everyone that you’re trans. It should be. You should be able to say, ‘Hey, I’ve discovered myself and I’m transgender, I’d love you guys to use these pronouns for me’, and that’s it. Congratulations and supports are offered, roll curtain.

I told my girlfriend at the time because I trusted her, and I’d known her to be well educated about trans issues. I told my best friend via text and I nearly died waiting an hour for him to respond (turns out he slept in and my panic was for nothing).

These people were the people I was closest to and I had something of an idea how they would take it. Over the next few months I informed people whose response I could guess. But I’d still not spoken to family about it. I thought I knew how my siblings would respond, and my father was notoriously smallminded over things he didn’t understand, so that left my mother.

Our relationship was, maybe even still is, quite complicated.

I penned a letter to her to try and explain my feelings, but telling someone how you know you are trans is not easy when you’re unsure how they will react. I’m proudly open about being trans today, which makes it much easier to explain. I don’t think I did the best job in explaining it in my letter, but I wanted to answer questions directly instead of trying to answer them preemptively. But the thing is, someone who doesn’t want to admit what’s happening doesn’t want to ask questions. So I passed this nuclear bomb from my hand to my mother’s and I braced myself for whatever was going to happen.

Do you know what a dirty bomb is? Well, that’s closer to what the reaction was. Instead of one massive explosion of rage and misunderstanding, I got scattered fallout. Instead of, ‘What can I do?’ and, ‘How can I support you?’ I was presented with, ‘Maybe it’s a phase’, ‘How do you know?’, and the age-old classic, ‘My *birth-gender* child no longer exists and I need to mourn them’.

Over the next few months I worked my way through my family,

‘I’m transgender, use she and her pronouns when talking about me, I’d like you to call me Elle’. And reactions were entirely different for each person, but there was fallout from them all.

I’m the person they knew for more than 20 years, but I’m not for them. There is this belief that now that I’m a girl, a sister, a daughter, I can’t or won’t talk about my experiences before. And I can completely understand that there are people who can’t.

Dysphoria is a fucking bitch and being reminded of a costume that was dysphoric isn’t something I’d wish on anyone. But for me, I’m okay with talking about my experiences of being a brother, a son, even my experiences of ‘boy puberty’.

A friend of mine recently let me know they were exploring their gender, and confronting parts of their desires that they previously tucked away. I’m super excited for this beautiful person, and I am so glad of all the conversations happening about gender in the media right now. Having a positive media representation is taking something that might never have been mentioned in some people’s houses and is allowing people to talk about it more openly. If the trans people we see on TV are no longer solely objects of ridicule, sexualisation, and hatred then perhaps coming out might not be treated as something that can tear relationships apart…

I don’t really speak to people from my past. Either someone came with me and is a part of my life or they’re not. So when these people do end up making some kind of contact it’s not really any problem for me to drop them if they don’t treat me with the respect I demand. Family on the other hand, have to be handled with caution, at least in my experience.

AUTHOR Elle Void, 24. Bachelor of Social Work

I was always destined to be the ‘black sheep’, but the trans bombshell pushes me much further than I imagined (I’ve missed at least one whole family portrait already… oops). But the reason I’d rather have family on board comes from experience. Someone who never once misgendered me or even acknowledged that I was anyone other than the person they first met has made mistakes since meeting family. I don’t think this person ever imagined I wasn’t always the person I am now before a family member spoke with them about how hard it was to come to grips with the trans thing.

Treating someone’s coming out as a WMD can have a huge impact upon them. Transitioning is different for every single person (how many times do I need to say it). It’s not quite as easy as getting a ‘sex change op’ and that being it. I’ve more than a few friends who’ve surgically transitioned, but I know a lot of people who can’t for a whole range of reasons, and equally as many people who don’t want to at all (which category am I, well you’ve just got to ask).

15

- Features -

Everyone who voted Leave is racist: A children's guide to political discussion in the wake of brexit

{Opinions by aden beaver}

I

n the words of the Divine David, ‘The world is burning; Let’s masturbate’. Wait, let’s not. But then again, masturbating is infinitely more pleasurable than turning on the news these days. Hot topics include Islamic terror gripping Europe and the American Presidential election: a dire choice between a woman who is extremely careless or a man whose mouth is careless.

And off to the side of this, the UK is breaking up with the EU, leaving the keys under the doormat and taking the sofa in the process. For ET’s ‘Fallout’ issue there’s certainly much to discuss.

These issues all bear one similar thing and undeniable truth in common: the course of political discussion is changing in this country and in media across the world. You could see this in the discussions around Brexit: media outlet after media outlet and big corporations touting that the economy will collapse, Britain will lose foreign relations, and claiming that the sky could quite literally fall around us.

The UK’s Guardian alone posted tons of biased, pro-EU articles weeks up to and after the vote. The Left’s fear mongering in favour of the Remain side was crystal clear, claiming that those campaigning for Leave were, all alarmist, anti-immigration racists.

Remain were constantly labelling all Leavers as Right-wing bigots, and are now bitter that Leave won. Ironically, painting them all with the same brush will in effect generate more xenophobia, prejudice and racism.

I’m not saying that Leave ran the best or cleanest campaign, but did anybody actually think to ask “Why?” to those who were

persuaded by the campaign to vote Leave? Surprisingly, The Guardian actually did, and their reasons were simple.* Britons didn’t want to be controlled by what they perceived to be an undemocratic system in Brussels, or by multinationals, and they wanted their freedom back - including the ability to control who they elect to any overarching parliamentary body and sovereignty of their borders and industry, free of EU regulation.

“Brexit is proof of what can happen when the political establishment fails to make a strong case... and has lost touch.”

The working classes wanted a better standard of life and felt like they were not being heard. Brexit is proof of what can happen when the political establishment fails to make a strong case (ie for the benefits of the EU over the last 40 years) and has lost touch.

Immigration was the hot issue, and probably the largest decider in the vote. 50% of voters who backed an exit cited immigration as their main reason.** Leavers in Britain have seen the recent terror and rape attacks in France and Germany, a result of the recent poorly-managed immigration crisis, and this fuelled the rise of the Right-wing vote.

- Features -

Photo taken by Alisdare Hickson at Brexit protest

While skilled migrants from the EU contribute to the British economy very well, the rise of extremist Islamic violence and mass-migration across the continent can’t be dismissed. While those from the Left may think otherwise, these fears of an ideology that is increasingly colliding with their way of life are not moronic.

Here’s the rub: not all Leavers are Right-wing extremists and they don’t all view Muslims unfavourably.*** The result shows the country is split evenly down the middle, but saying that “everyone who voted Leave is a bigot” is a poor form of irony. 52% voted Leave. If it was reflected nationwide, that’s half the country. Are we seriously expected to believe that half of the UK is inherently racist? These people want a genuine discussion on immigration, instead of being shut down with buzzwords by a political side so scared of hearing a different point of view.

Those on Remain were campaigning for another vote just days after the first results, trying to find any reason possible to declare the vote null and void. Younger voters touted the old sentiment that the older generation screwed them over, and shouldn’t have even been allowed to vote at all because they wouldn’t have to live with the consequences. This undermining of democracy, in my opinion, poses a greater threat than Brexit ever could.

It’s obvious that Brexit will be the main blame for Britain’s troubles. Their economy was already slowing down long before the vote, but at the time of writing the Pound is still as strong, if not stronger, than the Euro, despite the catastrophe predicted. *http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/25/meet-10-britonswho-voted-to-leave-the-eu **http://money.cnn.com/2016/06/21/news/economy/brexit-eu-referendum-immigration-facts/index.html ***According to the Pew Research Center’s Spring 2014 Global Attitude Survey, 64% of British citizens have favourable views of Muslims.

“Here’s the rub: not all Leavers are Right-wing extremists and they don’t all view Muslims unfavourably.”

The UK lose either way, with changes to passports and freemovement expected to be the first major consequences for those working in the EU and those planning a holiday.

New Prime Minister Theresa May has the difficult job of negotiating trade deals, calming down Scotland and NI and uniting a truly divided Great Britain, after former PM David Cameron’s rage-quit.

Leave must now take the reins and decide on fairer immigration policies and a fairer, more just, United Kingdom.

They have their country back, only time will tell what they will do with it.

But let’s be real, they voted to leave because Eurovision is a fucking sham.

AUTHOR Aden Beaver, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media)

Come the apocalypse, Aden will be furiously hunting down all remaining whisky - he will fight tooth and nail for it.

17

WHAT THE

FLinders University Clubs

flinders permaculture garden In the majestic constellation of Flinders Clubs and Societies, one group has been constantly growing since 2001. ‘Hang on,’ you say. ‘Haven’t you been returning throughout your seven articles to your regular hobby-horse, that university clubs wax and wane?’ Yes, dear reader, that is true. It is also true that the club in my metaphorical telescope this month has experienced peaks and troughs in its active membership. In fact, thanks to the efforts of one highly motivated first year student, this club that keeps on growing, the Flinders Permaculture Garden, is currently experiencing renewed fortunes.

Before commencing Health Science and nutrition studies at Flinders in first semester 2016, Josh Jarvis undertook an intensive 80-hour permaculture design certificate which he describes as, ‘The best two weeks of my life.’ Josh came to Flinders inspired and motivated to join the Permaculture Society and get digging.

He was a bit dismayed to find the society in a bit of lull. So along with cub stalwart, Andy Caller, they set about gathering together a small band to maintain and renew the existing garden – which is located between Flinders Living and the Sturt precinct. That band has now increased to 10 to 20 and Josh and Andy have developed an ambitious plan to make Flinders food sovereign and to maintain food supplies even after the eventual arrival of energy descent – when fossil fuels run out.

Josh is now in a position to share and explain his plan to the broader Flinders community. He recently briefed the Student Council and received unanimous support for his proposal to establish a market garden on campus to sustain Campus food vendors with a local food supply (making Flinders food sovereign).

The garden will be worked by people who are willing to trade three hours of their time for fresh produce. Labour that cannot be utilised in the market garden will be redirected to other gardens on campus such as the existing Permaculture Garden — which will be revitalised and replanted as a herb garden — and the Biological Science Garden. The market garden will generate revenue through

selling produce to the food vendors and through a weekly farmers’ market. As a not for profit undertaking, all revenue will be ploughed back into maintaining and developing the gardens.

Having received Student Council support Josh is currently working on a SSAF grant application to fund the infrastructure needed to develop the market garden — including a walk behind tractor and shed — and to pay for a full-time coordinator. He will then talk to the University to determine the final site for the market garden. When this plan comes to fruition, Flinders will be the first university in Australia and only the second uni in the world (after Trent University, Canada) to have such food sustainability. Needless to say Josh has been in contact with Trent and plans to develop the market garden in collaboration with them.

Josh says, ‘Permaculture is a holistic design methodology that emulates systems found in nature. It helps design human settlements and food production systems that integrates harmoniously with the natural environment. In fact, the word permaculture is a conjunction formed from the words permanent and culture. It is based on 12 design principles including companion planting, no waste and reuse. It reduces your dependence and creates a system that’s resilient and future proof.’

Flinders Permaculture is part of the Australian Students Environment Network (ASEN) and participates in the annual Students of Sustainability (SOS) Conference. Andy is currently the coordinator of the South Australian Students Environment Network (SASEN). In addition to these activities, Josh and Andy plan to implement a series of regular workshops relating to aspects of peramaculture and sustainable living. ‘This will be a solid program of events that we will conduct over summer. Follow our Facebook page for further details. It is also the place where we advertise other events and where we will keep the Flinders community informed of the Market Garden’s progress’, Josh says. This prompts me to ask Josh why new students should get

FOUNDED 2001

CONTACT Facebook: flinders permaculture garden

COORDINATOR JOSH JARVIS

MOTTO ‘Earth care, people care, fair share.’

membership 50-100 involved with the Permaculture Garden. ‘You will find a refuge with like-minded people who have an interest in sustainability,’ he replies. “Oh, and we are looking to hold weekly meet greet events on a Thursday. This will enable members to get to know each other really well plus give us all a chance to get on top of garden maintenance chores including weeding.’

And now for the ultimate question. Tell me Josh, which plant, vegetable, or fruit would best symbolise Flinders Permaculture and why? Josh chuckles, ‘Mycelium — natures internet — fungi in the soil that enables plants to communicate.’

AUTHOR Richard Falkner, 52 (not out), Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

ACTIVITIES revitalising the existing garden to focus on herbs, clean-up sessions, planting sessions.

HONORARY PATRONS bill mollison, david holmgren (founders of permaculture)

In a post-apolyptic world, Richard would be the gate keeper on the bridge of doom - Answer me these questions three: what is your name, what is your quest, what is the wing-velocity of a laden swallow?

AUTHOR Christine Bennetts, 25, PhD Candidate (International Relations)

Christine says the hardest thing to say goodbye to is the last piece of chocolate…and puppies that your partner won’t let you buy.

1919 43

- Devil’s Advocate -

whatever happened to equality?

Why the marriage plebiscite is a bad idea Having a plebiscite could be bad for LGBTQI people. Very bad.

Now hear me out; it’s important to want to be an ally for a marginalised group that gets far too much prejudice from society.

But, it’s pertinent to consider the flow-on effects that holding a plebiscite could have on the LGBTQI community. Recent surveys suggest that the majority of Australians are for a plebiscite.

However, concerning data states that70% of the Coalition’s first preference voters agree with the statement, ‘I believe homosexuality is immoral’. Needless to say, this problematic belief system could lead to prejudice and homophobic behaviours if left unchecked. As such, the plebiscite fallout could be damaging for LGBTQI people; not only socially, but emotionally, and potentially physically, too.

Not only does the (quite frankly, obscene) financial cost of a plebiscite, supported by those who oppose marriage equality, increase the strain felt by LGBTQI people; but there are total arse-hats who’d use this financial situation as leverage to use a marginalised community as a scapegoat for blame and prejudiced behaviour, furthering their mistreatment.

Now, I know it may seem cynical of me to expect such a negative backlash from a plebiscite, something which is intended to put forward the notion of acceptance and recognition of LGBTQI culture within a heteronormative hateful society. It may seem especially cynical in light of the leaps and bounds that the greater society has made in order to be inclusive of a marginalised subculture- which has actually been a prominent feature of humankind for centuries.

Arguments focusing on why Australia is lagging behind on the issue range from, ‘Australian laws are a complex tangle and would be near impossible to change’, to ‘data states that 70% of Coalition voters feel homosexuality is immoral, suggesting overarching societal trends don’t agree with marriage equality.’ As such, it seems pertinent that a plebiscite should be conducted in order gain a true idea of what the public wants.

Yet many studies already conducted have concluded that the majority of Australian people are in favour of marriage equality.

A plebiscite at this stage would only end up being an expensive waste of tax payers’ money. This is not a revolutionary idea; articles surface daily which discus at length the potential problems of conducting a plebiscite.

If not thoughtfully constructed, voters may not understand exactly what their vote stands for (see the Brexit debacle, p. 16). Others highlight that a plebiscite doesn’t legally bind politicians to enact marriage equality even if the majority of citizens vote in favour of it. More importantly, many articles discuss that at this moment there are enough MPs who could pass marriage equality. It could happen right now but, you know, ‘we better make sure Australia really wants this.’

Here’s what really grinds my gears: marriage equality has been stalled for so long in Australia. Even after being a selling point for the federal election, it seems the promise of a plebiscite may not come through until 2017. To me it seems that stalling only serves to generate public awareness over the matter. Frankly, the longer it rests, the more time those who oppose marriage equality have to congregate.

Of the two main parties in the 2016 election, both assured voters of the presence of a plebiscite for marriage equality. So far the United States, the United Kingdom, Ireland, New Zealand, and sixteen other countries have legalised same-sex marriage either fully or to various degrees. So the question still begs, why not Australia?

Already there are reports of anti-marriage equality groups desiring funding in order to promote a “level playing field” if a plebiscite goes ahead. For those of you wondering what this funding would go towards, Google the campaign against marriage equality from Ireland a few years ago. In regards to funding, this should not be a matter of “equality”, but a matter of equity.

South Australia has the privilege to be the first state in Australia to have decriminalised homosexual acts in 1975. In more recent times, South Australia has made a string of changes to language used within legislation regarding LGBTQI people, with the Premier expressing that this is only the beginning of an overhaul to incorporate LGBTQI inclusivity in to legislation.

It sickens me to think that some people fool themselves into believing a plebiscite would give the Australian public an “equal” chance to express their views on this topic.

In Sydney, Mardi Gras is held annually; in SA, Feast Festival is a mainstay on the artistic calendar. With annual Pride marches, increasing queer representation in Australian films and media, why is it that we still have not yet legalised marriage equality?

With all of the LGBTQI inclusiveness in the world, why haven’t we budged?

This is no longer a matter of seeming “equal”, it is a pathetic attempt to implicitly degrade attitudes and actions towards LGBTQI culture until it no longer challenges heteronormativity.

AUTHOR Amber, 23, Bachelor of Behavioural Sciences (Psychology)

In the event of an apocalypse, Amber will rise to supremacy after years of playing Fallout 3.

- Features -

student athlete: jocelyn, paralympian

Editor Lauren Reid spoke to Jocelyn Neumueller about what it’s like living the student lifestyle whilst training as an elite athlete.

1. Tell us about how you got to where you are with canoeing.

I became involved in Paracanoe in late 2015 when a member of WLCC saw me swimming at the SA Aquatic Centre and thought I would be well suited to the sport, so invited me to go and give it a try at the club!

2. Are there any misconceptions people have about the Paralympics/other sports for people with disabilities that need to be redressed?

So so many!

3. What do you study at Flinders?

I am currently completing a Bachelor of Medical Science!

4. How do you balance your sporting career with study and other ‘life’ stuff?

Well - I think that is still a work in progress! I began this year only competing in the sport for ‘fun’ with more of a recreational focus which quickly transformed to full time training, multiple times a day in the lead up to Rio! It would not have been possible to manage both sport and study without the great support from the university.

5. Are you involved in any other activities on campus?

I am involved with Rotaract on campus!

6. What have been some of the highlights of your athletic career so far?

I think some highlights of this short time in Paracanoe would definitely begin with being selected for the Australian Paracanoe Team to compete at the World Championships in Germany where I made the A final which qualified Australia for a quota slot for the 2016 Paralympics for which I was subsequently selected for.

7. Do you have any mentors that you draw inspiration from/ mentees that you give support to?

Well, I have been really fortunate to have been surrounded and supported by some great mentors throughout my journey. From the wisdom and incredible advice of people like Tim Maloney to the amazing support and guidance of team mates like Amanda Reynolds.

8. Do you have any advice for other students looking to pursue sports more seriously?

Make the most of every opportunity you are given — you never know where it will lead to! Also— be prepared to make sacrifices when you reach the higher levels! It is a lot of hard work but the rewards are definitely worthwhile!

To find out more about Australia’s paracanoe team, head to: http://canoe.org.au/team/paracanoe-team/ This year the Seven Network becomes the first commercial network to broadcast the Paralympic Games in Australia (8-19 September 2016)

21

- Features-

Let's talk ANIME conventions, let’s talk AVCON 2016 A s an avid nerd girl and resident anime columnist for Empire Times, you can imagine how pumped I was for this year’s annual anime (and video games) convention; to bask in all things cosplay, voice acting, the Japanese animation industry, the Anime Music Video competition and of course, quiz nights. I’m going to talk about all the highlights from my AVCON 2016 experience and the things to watch out for to make your future convention exploits awesome.

I was lucky enough to have a one-on-one chat with English dub voice actor Caitlin Glass, who has contributed her talents to some of the best English dubs out there. From voicing the charming Winry Rockbell from Full Metal Alchemist to the wildly funny Miria Harvent from Baccano!, we certainly had a lot to talk about. Her starter Pokémon is Charmander, btw. When I asked her about how she would like to see the anime industry grow in regards to the portrayal of female characters she commented that, ‘We don’t get to see many female protagonists who undergo similar progression arcs as our favourite male characters, they can be strong characters but they always seem to be there in the story to support the main guy’. Very true. When I asked her favourite anime opening she responded immediately with Noragami Aragoto.

Possibly the most underappreciated part of AVCON is their fantastic anime panel talks. As the years go on the panel rooms become more and more distant from the rest of the convention, but they are still offering up some choice discussions and fun challenges. This year I made an effort to attend the ‘Subs vs.

Dubs’ panel, which was set out like a Spicks and Specks game show where the two teams battled it out to defend their preferred

viewing experience. Later I checked out The Canipa Effect’s panel where they put spotlights on the individual animators and directors of the anime industry. Panels aren’t just about analysing anime though, as others focused on creating game soundtracks, making cosplay armour and there was even an anime choir. Next convention, I encourage everyone to check out what panels are on.

Cosplay’s great, and chances are at AVCON you will find that one cosplay you really wanted to see no matter how obscure the show. I’ve been keeping my Juuzou Suzuya cosplay (wig and face paint included) in the back of my cupboard all year and finally debuting it was great, especially among such a supportive community. The AVCON cosplay competition allowed cosplayers of a whole range of experiences and tastes to show off their outfits and give the audience an insight into what cosplay techniques are popular. That being said, most of the time the best cosplays don’t even enter the competition so you really need to set aside time to walk around the convention hall to find great cosplays like Celty Sturleson, the Haikyu!! Gang, or Rick and Morty.

After the main events on Saturday, it’s time for AVCON After Dark, a combination of a mega anime and video games quiz night and a dance party, held in the main hall. Thinking highly of my useless piles upon piles of anime trivia, I’d been prepared for months to take on table after table and claim the trivia trophy for my own. Setting up a team of mighty gamer warriors, Harry Potter wizards and even enlisting my own brother (who has a

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photographic memory when it comes to cartoons), I was ready with my all star team: THE SHINJI SQUAD. It was an exhilarating few hours of table pounding and brain rattling as The Shinji Squad gave it all they had, realising along the way that what really makes a team a winner is having friends to support you regardless of points scored.

Between events it was really cool to stroll down Artist Alley which just seems to get bigger and bigger every year. Many artists can be seen displaying and selling prints of their anime fan art (quality level: plus ultra!) Like with cosplayers you could find art, badges or even candles (??!) associated with just about any cartoon or anime. A lot of the artists exhibiting are Tumblr famous so walking along I was surprised at how many prints I’d previously reblogged in the past. To get some unique anime merchandise at a con., definitely check out the Artist Alley equivalent before looking at the more mass-produced stuff in convenor halls.

Throughout the entire convention there are constant screenings of new and classic anime, giving a good excuse to check out a show you’ve been meaning to, or to get away from the crowds and sit down for a bit. My favourite screening wasn’t an anime but the Anime Music Video (AMV) competition. In my current schedule, AMVs are included in ways I waste my time on YouTube at 2am when I don’t feel like going to bed; however, I used to be an avid watcher and stream the international AMV championships

and dabble a little myself. So for me, the AMV comp is always a little nostalgic and in previous years most entries leave the impression of a 12-year-old trying moviemaker for the first time, but this year I was blown away; the AMVs were wild!

I don’t usually play games or explore the gaming side of AVCON but it’s always a treat going and seeing independent games developers’ new stuff. Whether the games rock or suck, the developers are always happy to chat about their games and how they made them. You might even walk away with a few new mobile apps to tide over the waiting time before an event. The secret challenge is to find a table with a virtual reality game and never let them take the headset off of you.

Yeah so AVCON 2016 was pretty great, it’s awesome to see how the con adapts and ages, gracefully, as it gets more and more popular. Till next year AVCON, thanks for the memories.

AUTHOR / ILLUSTRATOR Emma Hough Hobbs, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media) When asked where she will be come the apocalypse, Emma replied, ‘Hopefully I’ll be dead by then’.

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x vo

1. Either or/not sure

1. Leave

1. Stay

2. For a laugh/I take my life seriously

2. Sleep Chronicles

3. Myself

3. No

3. Scarlett Johansson

4. Taekwondo - I was in the 2000 Sydney Olympics shadow team

4. Synchronised swimming

4. Synchronised swimming

2. Work to live, not live to work

5. Be ready for zombie horde, stockpile ammunition and resources

5. Hide in the ocean 6. Johnny Depp

5. Drink lots of water, eat my 2&5 (but twice daily for three weeks prior and then three times daily for the week prior) 6. Alexander the Great

6. Bruce Lee

Hannah, science (Clean tech) Jason, IT support

dimitri, psychological science

Q.s

1. Would you have voted Leave or Stay in Brexit? 2. What would be the title of your memoir? 3. Who would you like to voice your GPS? 4. Which Olympic event would you love to compete in? 5. What would you do come the apocalype? 6. Who would you like to greet you in an afterlife?

pop

1. Stay in - greater opportunities for travel

1. STAY IN THE EUROPEAN UNION!

2. Twists and turns

2. In the life of a munga

3. Brian Cox

3. Michael Jackson

4. Long distance running - 3km

4. 100m sprint

5. Live off the grid and be self-sufficient 6. My family

zoe, science (clean tech)

5. PANIC and run around aimlessly 6. St. Peter (to make sure I made it into the holy land)

adriano, education/arts

1. Stay

2. Why go out when you can study?

3. Morgan Freeman 4. Shot-put 5. Find family members 6. Grandparents

Josh, science (clean tech) 25

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pocket change let’s bake Ingredients (makes about 12 small scones): 2 cups of self-raising flour 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 cup of caster sugar 1/2 cup of thickened cream 1/2 cup of lemonade (using a fresh bottle is best) 2 TBSP milk Toppings of your choice - strawberry jam and cream are the classic, but I’m also quite partial to some lemon curd or Nutella.

Method: 1. Make sure your hands are washed super thoroughly, because they’re going to be getting in and around this delicious carby mixture.

2. Preheat the oven to 220C and place a sheet of baking paper on a baking tray (or two). Spray the paper with an extra bit of spay oil if you like, to make extra sure the scones won’t stick.

3. Sift the self-raising flour into a mixing bowl. Add caster sugar and salt and stir to combine.

4. Add milk, cream and then lemonade. Pause for a few seconds to marvel at the joy of lemonade fizz. Sigh at the beauty of life.

5. Pull yourself together and stir the mixture gently to combine all ingredients. Make sure there aren’t any big globs going on.

6. Dust a chopping board/large sheet of baking paper with a little more flour and turn out your mixture onto the floury surface.

7. Knead that dough until it’s one big soft ball. Minds out of the gutter, please. What, you don’t know how to knead? WikiHow has a great set of video instructions for idiots like you. Go have a suss and then get back to it!

8. Stretch out the dough (with your hands, or a rolling pin. Hands give a more ‘rustic’ look and prevent you from over-squishing it) until it’s about 2cm in height.

9. Use a round cookie cutter or a random glass from your cupboard to cut the dough into the size you’d like your scones to be and lay them on the pre-prepared baking tray. Gather any dough scraps back into a ball and repeat steps 8 and 9.

10. Chuck those scrummy little morsels in the oven for 10-15 minutes. Make sure you’re keeping an eye on them though - you want them to be golden on top but not crispy.

11. Serve warm with your fave toppings. They should keep for a day or two without turning into bricks, but they’re best straight out of the oven so that your toppings go all melty and gooey and ooh yeah.

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pantry... some scones!

Some extra tips and tricks: - The lemonade in this recipe gives it a bit of extra rise so it’s probably the most foolproof scone recipe you could get. In saying that, it’s still important not to overwork the mixture. Otherwise you’ll end up with rock cakes. Still yummy, but not scones.

- Scones are a good one to whip out when you have guests coming over at very short notice and because they don’t take very long and people are very impressed when they arrive at your house and they can smell something still baking in the oven and then you can be all showy-offy and serve it straight from the oven.

- They’re also an especially good one for impressing relatives.

Parents and grandparents are the greatest proponents for scones and tea. Prove to them what a proficient, self-sufficient adult you are. Go on.

- Another great thing about this recipe is that it’s a good one to get kids involved with. You have the novelty factor of the lemonade fizz, the kneading of the dough with their tiny bare hands, cheap ingredients so that it doesn’t really matter so much if a bowl goes flying across the room or you burn a batch aaaand they’re plain enough that even the fussiest eaters will usually shove one in their gob.

- Once you’ve mastered the basic scone, have a go adding fillings like choc chips or teeny pieces of dried apricot or chopped almonds. Or all three; I won’t judge.

- The money you save on sconegredients should leave you with an extra cutla dollars for a fancy tea to serve with it. Get your butt down to T Bar and support local businesses and everyone wins!

- If you’re topping your scones with jam and cream, the jam goes first. End of bloody story.

AUTHOR Lauren Reid, 22, Bachelor of Arts - High Achievers (Drama & History)

Lauren would be the first to surrender to the apocalypse. She doesn’t like conflict.

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Surviving the Breakup

When chocolate, wine, and crying don't quite cut it

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E

very breakup is different. Copious amounts of snotty tissues, analytical conversations with best pals, a screaming match or seven, a solid handshake, passive aggressive texts, a slightly more intimate goodbye than intended, a raging hangover, none of these things, all of these things — no matter what your breakup included, it was probably still a pretty crummy occurrence.

Very rarely do we exit a relationship unscathed. Even if you’re the dumper rather than dumpee, even if it’s the end of a friendship rather than a romantic venture – no matter the case, it ruddy sucks. You may find yourself feeling low, lost, frustrated, on edge, self-destructive, and more… but enough with the pop-psychology.

I’m a creative writer, not a Psych. major, which may have something to do with why I have more experience with messy, emotional breakups than I probably should at the tender age of 19. But still, dear reader, it merely means I am battle-hardened.

And if there’s one thing I’m good at — which happens to be the most important thing in a breakup — it’s looking after myself.

Perhaps my “wisdom” comes from a place of emotion, creativity and a good ol’ dose of self-lovin’, rather than any kind of actual degree, but what better to heal a broken heart than something that comes from the heart? Whether you’ve already tossed those tear-stained tissues in the bin, or are using this page of Empire Times to wipe mascara marks off your cheeks right now, cuddle yourself up and give these tricks a go.

“

Whether you’ve already tossed those tear-stained tissues in the bin, or are using this page of Empire Times to wipe mascara marks off your cheeks right now, cuddle yourself up and give these tricks a go.

Rediscover those who love you

”

feel 100%, but you’ll be able to move through the day a lot more easily.

Reclaim your faves I used to joke that if my ex and I broke up I’d be drinking water and get sad because “they used to drink water”. Super cheesy… but not ridiculously far off the truth. When someone has been a constant in your life, and then you suddenly have to adjust to life without them around, your brain has to actually make new connections and learn how to approach situations without that constant. I mean, I’m no scientist, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

I’ve found the best way to start counteracting this issue is to reclaim the things you used to do together, just for you. Did you play a lot of Monopoly together? Ask your little sister if she’ll set aside a night to play some vicious rounds together. Did you have a favourite restaurant? Rope your friends into going as a group and order way too much food. Did you like a certain TV show?

Binge-watch those episodes armed with blankets and snacks. You shouldn’t have to go without these activities if you enjoy them.

Get angry This may not work for everyone, and you certainly don’t want to be grouching around constantly, but getting angry can really motivate you to Get Shit Done and Move the Heck On. Maybe they already did something to make you angry, but even if they didn’t, don’t you remember how they used to pick their nose while driving? Or dodge family events? Or sleep talk constantly? Whatever it is that made you mad — harness it. Go for a run with some angry or motivational music. Take a boxing class and go to town on that punching bag. I personally had a friend take me to a local park so I could scream at the sky. Whatever helps.

Change it up

So maybe that one person decided to be a grade-A asshole… but your dog still freakin’ adores you! And your mum! And that one kid you always share your lecture notes with! The point is, you are not only worth loving but you are loved. Organise a day at the beach with your family, print out cheesy photos of you and your best friend, go to a gig with that cool girl from your lecture. Even if it’s just a cuddling-sesh with your pet, remind yourself that so many rad types of love exist.

You don’t have to get the infamous “breakup haircut” (though who doesn’t love that fresh, post-hair-cut feel?) but treating yourself to something new can really boost your self-esteem. Get that fab new jacket you’ve been wanting to rock. Pierce some fun body part. Paint your nails with glitter. Wear your special red lippy on an otherwise normal day.

Learn something new Okay, so this may sound corny but it really works. Even if it maybe, sort of, perhaps is only because you’re then too busy tangling up your knitting or burning your pancakes to think of that sucker who hurt you. Plus, by the end of it you have a new skill. And maybe those burned pancakes will eventually attract someone who reads the same comics as you or something equally, disgustingly, corny.

Finally, when talking to your parents, pet or best pal on the phone for hours hasn’t got all that sad outta your system, take a pen to paper (or your fingers to the keyboard) and write it out. But the important detail? Give yourself a time limit. Instead of writing straight before bed, or some time that you can wallow after spilling your heart out, give yourself a 15 or 20 minute limit and then get up and go for a walk, get coffee with a friend, do a yoga video, whatever tickles your pickle.

It can be anything from learning to fold a certain type of origami, to perfecting a skateboard trick, to reading palms, to writing poetry. Bonus points if the activity forces you to socialise.

Hopefully some combination of these efforts will help you through your breakup. There really is no quick fix, but loving and looking out for yourself is the best place to start.

Practice basic self-care After a breakup, things like uni assignments, work, chores and more can seem ridiculously hard; you can’t be expected to function at a high level if you’re not functioning on a basic one!

Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep, drinking lots of water, eating enough and regularly, showering, spending time in fresh air and getting some gentle exercise such as walking or stretching.

Focus your energy on looking after yourself. You may not magically

Spill it – to a degree

AUTHOR Marina Deller-Evans, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

Come the apocalypse, Marina will be somewhere underground with my cat, a pile of books and as many cans of soup as she can manage.

“I’d be useless in an apocalypse, so hiding is the best option”, she says.

Artwork by Sheydin Dew

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AFTER THE BOMB THE RESURGANCE IN DYSTOPIAN FICTION Dystopian fiction is a subset of science fiction which plays on current political issues and projects them into a possible future—typically a terrible one. The classics of dystopian fiction are books like 1984, George Orwell’s magnum opus plea about the dangers of totalitarianism, and Swastika Knight, written a few decades earlier, by Katherine Burdekin, as a projection of Nazism as a feudalistic, hyper-masculine society. Most notably this latter example was written BEFORE the start of World War II, at a time where few people were even talking about Hitler and his ideology. Dystopias are a warning, a wake-up call, a loud alarm yelling ‘DANGER, TURN BACK NOW’, trying to herd us back from the edge of apocalypse. The protagonists in these books are every-men, suffering from the regime, developing a growing awareness of the injustice, but just as they seem to be making some headway in fighting back, tragedy strikes and hope is lost.

The lesson: prevent this future because once it’s here, it’s too late.

Dystopian fiction has seen a resurgence as of late, especially within Young Adult fiction. Books like The Hunger Games, The Maze Runner, Divergent, The Giver, and the Chaos Walking series (just the latest of these to receive a movie adaptation) start from the same basis as classic dystopias; the world is fucked, with clear lines leading from our own political climate (literally, in the case of climate change), but with one noticeable difference; hope.

These youthful protagonists rage against the regime, and against all odds, triumph. It’s the old stories but with a new message; with courage and perseverance, we can right the wrongs of the previous generations. And that’s the kicker; while classic dystopia see the failings of society as a whole to blame for the current situation, new dystopia puts the blame squarely on those who came before us.

The reason why isn’t too hard to understand. Science fiction is a genre best suited to reflecting the current socio-political situation.

While classic stories played on fears for the future, modern stories have already accepted the future is going to be shit; but there’s something we can do about it. This is very much the situation we millennials have inherited now. Governments knew since the 70s about climate change and twiddled their thumbs hoping it would go away so they could protect their profit margins, sacrificing

our future for the short term. Baby boomers have saturated the property market, inflating the cost of housing and pricing out young people from ever owning their own home. And who can forget the politicians, many of whom enjoying free tertiary education, now fighting to deregulate ours and leave us hopelessly in debt that we’ll struggle to ever pay off (thanks to that shitty job market and a conservative reluctance to move on from dying industries to invest in new ones)? Basically we’re fucked. If recession and poverty doesn’t kill us, climate change will. So what now?

That is exactly what YA Dystopia is trying to answer. It’s a youth revolt, a revolution against the selfish generations before us, a destruction of the system, in the hopes of building a better one.

While classic protagonists were ordinary people, YA protagonists are something more. The Hunger Games’ Katniss seems like an ordinary girl but her love for her sister and compassion for others sets her apart; she wins the Games not because she’s an excellent fighter, but because she’s resourceful, tactical, and ultimately willing to sacrifice herself for others. She becomes an unwilling symbol for the revolution, who’s spirit inspires others around her to rise up and fight. She isn’t super-powered –the key to a good dystopia is its closeness to reality—her abilities are the same human qualities we can all possess if we so chose.

In Divergent, Tris’ main advantage is her non-conformity to a society that demands compliance, but it also makes her a danger to that said society. She epitomises the seemingly ordinary girl who turns out to be special (like many a YA heroine before her), and like Katniss, sparks a revolution from the outside.

The Maze Runner’s Thomas is a natural leader, leaping into the unknown to find answers, and determined to never leave a man (or woman) behind. Like the others in this list, he has a firm moral code and unyielding drive to find answers to the many questions his world presents, and to who he really is. He urges the other kids of the glade to escape the Maze, rather than live relativelysafely within its walls, even if it means risking death.

These protagonists represent the idealised qualities we want to see in the next generation; loyalty, determination, hope, and the

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desire for change. These stories centre on teenagers because it is the age in which most people start to question the world and their position in it, seeking a new truth, to find themselves. Teenagers are inquisitive, rebellious, their cynical, angry spark not yet dimmed through decades of frustration. If anyone can change the course of our history, it’s the hopeful youth, whose stake is much greater.

It’s no coincidence that these books are then written by adults, trying to inspire the next generation. It’s too late to go back and do something, but maybe we can warn the next lot to make the same mistakes? All writing comes from a place of wanting to say something, and in this case, it’s invariably political.

Recent votes, from our latest Election fiasco to the disastrous Brexit show that the 18-24 vote is sorely lacking. Young people are increasingly feeling helpless and disenfranchised in democracy, like their votes don’t count. And it’s hard to blame them, when the media is constantly spinning the narrative that Gen Y and Millennials are lazy, entitled and selfish. What’s the point in voting for a system that treats you like dirt? When the government puts up boundaries to your education, treats you like a criminal for utilising the very welfare system designed to help you. When the older generations are constantly bringing you down, despite the fact they’ve created a socio-political climate that makes it nearly impossible for you to succeed, how are you supposed to respond?

YA Dystopia tries to fight back against the tide and empower its readers to the possibilities. It tells us that we can make a difference, that we can change things. It reminds us that, yes, things are probably going to get bad, but no matter what, we can get through it. We can overcome. We can build the future we deserve. We can do better than those before us. We just have to persevere, and never give up hope.

AUTHOR Simone Corletto, 25, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) Honours Simone would be a crochet queen, making hats and scarves and blankets for the nuclear winter, and selling them for a high price come the apocalypse.

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social media has turned us into In the past twenty five years of remarkably rapid globalisation and technological advances, the consequential development of the internet has subsequently seen social networking boom. It is estimated that the number of worldwide social media users has doubled since 2010, having reached approximately 2 billion people in this past year.

In this, it is probably a fair assumption to say that at one stage or another, almost everyone in this readership has had a social media account on one platform or another — be it MySpace, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, Skype, Tinder, or the most dominant of all, Facebook, just to name a few amongst the many.

All of these platforms have been created for a purpose pretty blatantly outlined in their umbrella label: to allow people to be social on another level, through another medium.

Oh, the irony.

The reality is that social media in fact has made its users socially inept. The reality is that being someone’s online friend or follower probably makes one more of a foe IRL. The reality is that despite being designed to increase your socialising ability, social media has probably turned you into a pretty bad bud.

Because rather than receiving hard copy invitations to events that you are required by the convention of common courtesy to RSVP to, social media gives you the option to just “not know the event was on because you didn’t get the notification”, the option to “maybe” attend, or decide whether to show up or not show up at the very last minute, without any notice.

Rather than having meaningful face to face conversations with friends about your real life, social media gives you the option to just inbox/DM/PM/group chat your friends, and the option to compose your conversation entirely of slang, acronyms, emojis, gifs and screenshots, rather than purposeful words about topics and issues important to you.

Even then, such an online conversation would be lucky to continue for more than 5 minutes without you “putting down your phone”, “thinking you responded but didn’t”, “forgetting to reply” or “getting distracted”, just to name a few excuses amongst the many as to how your lazy interweb interaction can be justified.

Rather than giving real love and support through genuine compliments and actually showing up in person, social media gives you the option to just “like” everything your friends put out into the world wide web, a concept that has become an empty

m8s gesture as you often just hit the like button mindlessly — and yet, ridiculously, most consider their entire reputation and social worth to be based on how many likes they get.

And rather than getting together with friends and socialising with one another and spending some actual quality time in each other’s presence, social media gives you the option to get together with friends and just socialise with others not even in the room, by spending quality time with your device (whether it be a phone, tablet, or laptop), scanning your social media accounts for hours on end.

Despite its name, social media gives you the option to act antisocially, by trolling or cyber-bullying “friends”. While this particular option isn’t chosen as much as the aforementioned uses are, it is slowly becoming a choice more and more social media users are making.

In fact, statistics have revealed that in the USA alone, almost 28% of Americans admit to trolling, and almost 20% of students admit to having cyber-bullied, with those numbers rising every year. I strongly believe this growth in keyboard warriors correlates with directly with our loss of social graces, which is the unintended fallout of using social media.

Now I’m not saying that social media hasn’t provided us with anything good at all. In fact, a lot of good has come from social media — memes that make you LOL, viral videos of adorable animals, photo filters that help you look like a strong 7, being able to access news from across the world as it happens, and means of keeping in touch with loved ones in far away places. Don’t think that I don’t see the positives of the social network — in fact, I love social media as much as, if not more than, you.

But being the realist that I am, I also quite obviously see the negatives. The reality is that social media has provided us with many good things, but sadly hasn’t provided us with any options — via button or otherwise — to be a good friend to anyone. But “sharing” that home truth with your “friends”… that would be pretty damn sociable of you.

AUTHOR Georiga Brass, 22, Bachelor of Education (Secondary)/Bachelor of Arts (English and Drama)

Come the apocalypse, Georgia would find Sam and Dean Winchester, because those two have already survived/ended an apocalypse (and continue to survive the fallout of that) so they would know what to do... not to mention that dying wouldn’t be so bad if the Winchester boys were the last thing she’d ever see.

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Hidden Gems Maximilian’s in the Adelaide Hills

I have lived in South Australia for 10 years now, and always in the suburban areas. It takes me around 35 minutes to drive into the CBD, which is quite a long drive considering uni, Marion Shopping Centre, and the beach are all located 10-15 minutes away from home. Most of the big Adelaide events that I know of tend to focus on the city rather than the hills and wine regions. I rarely venture out into the Adelaide Hills, because everyone says that only reason people head to the hills is for wine tours, and unfortunately for me, I am not a wine lover. For these reasons, I never thought of heading into the hills for a fun getaway...

However, a few weeks ago, my friend convinced me to go to a particular winery with her. We went on a Sunday, and the weather was beautiful; the sun was shining through the clouds, you could actually take your jacket off without freezing to death. We went to a small restaurant called Maximilian’s and it was the most perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

The menu is limited, but includes cheese and antipasto plates which are surprisingly delicious, and the atmosphere was just amazing. The restaurant was filled with families with kids, adults of all ages, and the vibe was open and great - no matter whether you are young or old, you could get up and have a dance, and not feel like you were being judged by everyone.

We shared the antipasto platter, which to my surprise was actually quite nice (I am not very adventurous when it comes to food) and all the vegetables and meat tasted fresh and pure. They also had

cider on the drinks menu, which was great because it meant that I could enjoy have a non-wine drink.

Maximilian’s was very busy when we arrived, we had to park down the bottom of the hill, and they even had their own car park attendant to advise drivers if there were any parking space or not.

For those who are looking for a casual and social outing with a relaxing vibe and great atmosphere, then Maximilian’s is a great place to go. Visiting Maximilian’s really opened up my eyes to how much actually goes on in South Australia that we don’t know about, and this experience has also inspired me to explore the South Australian wine regions more - and just because I don’t drink wine, it doesn’t mean there are not other options available for me.

Maximilian’s made me feel like I was adventuring far from home, it allowed me to forget all my uni stresses and issues from everyday life, just to relax and enjoy myself. If you are ever stressed with uni, have had fallouts with friends or partners, or need a small break from the kids, but can only afford to take less than 24 hours off, then this is the perfect place to go, and I can imagine it would be even better in the spring and summer.

Maximilian‘s: 15 Onkaparinga Valley Road, Verdun 5245, SA. AUTHOR Ashley Curtis, 21, Bachelor of International Tourism When the apocalypse comes, Ashley will be in Space.

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Ask JT

Love-life got you down? Got a problem that no amount of therapy or booze will fix? Fear no more for JT is here to answer all your burning questions.

My partner and I bonded over a shared hatred of ‘cute’ couples and now we’re having ‘cute’ hate sessions sharing our bitterness for other couples. I don’t know what to do — help! — Bitter Barbara Well Bitter Barbara, it seems in the midst of consuming your partner’s saliva, you inadvertently consumed the syrup of irony. As human beings, we are always at risk of becoming what we hate the most. And though I have yet to transform into either an avocado or Tinder, you have unfortunately undergone your own Metamorphosis sans Frank Kafka: the cockroach of gooey, syrupy, extraneous romance.

The connective tissue of romance isn’t pretty: people bond over things ranging from the typical (share love for same bands and films) to the unusual (love for sticking pins in insects, Christianity, etc.) and what you’ll find is that whatever you bond over, is something you should feel fond of. For example, me and my Japanese body pillow Henrik both enjoy transcribing the onomatopoeia of Maria Sharapova playing a tennis game (UH! AHH! AAAH! UH! UH! UH!) which always strengths our relationship. You need to simply embrace the fact that parodying overly-affectionate couples and in the interim, becoming one unbeknownst to yourselves, is the foundation upon which your happiness with each other has been built. For the record, you are both disgusting and I wish you well.

What is with dick pics? Why not something like toes or something? Now that’s a photo I want to receive! — Foot Fetishist Phillip I’ve always thought that toes were the asshole of the human body: everybody knows you have one but nobody wants to see them.

Phillip, I think you’ll be able to innocuously find so many pictures of podiatric pleasure. Girls on Instagram are always uploading photos of themselves decked out on the sand, with their toes stretched upward (sorry for the dirty talk). You could even – dare I say – Google image ‘feet’ and be crushed by the amount of fragrant blessings to come your way.

Disclaimer: Although I am all for freedom of sexual expression (even though I’m monogamous as hell, my next residence) – and I once used tongue when I kissed someone - I don’t necessarily know what you see in feet. Is it because they possess the most sweat glands of any body part. Is it that lovely aroma that arises from a shoe once it’s been removed? What exactly do you see in them?

This is a question even Aristotle struggled to answer.

For the record, I would have less of an urge throw up if I see a picture of a foot as opposed to a dick: it reminds me too much of my limited gag reflex. You live and you learn.

Have you accepted the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ into your life? — Evangelical Evan Did you see a particular sentence in the question I answered before? Clearly I have not accepted either the Lord or Jesus (unless Jesus happens to be the name of that Mexican gardener of mine I underpay).

Okay but seriously, I have nothing against anybody’s spiritual beliefs. I admire the capacity of anybody to literally shit their pants or get pregnant for the nineteenth time (no shade Mormons) and consider it part of God’s plan. Or the understated ability to catapult a Bible verse out of nowhere without even blinking when it comes to adding a buttress to a theological argument.

However, while respecting the spirituality spectrum, I also possess the need to occasionally dabble in Bible banging fun – which doesn’t mean indulging in missionary with a missionary but simply making fun. Religion is ripe with jokes (Q: What was Jesus’s reaction when Judas betrayed him? A: He was quite cross) and sometimes I feel that it’s more rigid than a priest when an altar boy kneels before him.

Yes I’m probably going to hell. My depression says I’m already there.

Amen.

My boyfriend says we should try spicing up our sex life by dressing as Pokémon. I told Gary there’s no way I’m dressing as a Pikachu like he suggested. Did I do the right thing? — Anxious Ash Well Ash, you would have reason to be anxious, for dressing up as Pokémon for the purpose of Beedrilling each other is quite dangerous and altogether, weird.

We’ve all had times when our Metapod refuses to harden, but you are under no obligation just because your boyfriend feels the need to Squirtle all over your Jigglypuffs. This guy has obviously captured your heart with his master ball and wants to evolve your sex life into a different form. Put it this way, sex is like evolving an Eevee: it starts off cute and fluffy but you might want to delve into different things and explore different elements: perhaps he wants to Vaporeon you and experiment in a pool? Maybe Flareon you and have at you while you sit on a hot plate? Or maybe he just wants a deep, contemplative conversation sans Espeon. However, I can see the correlations to bestiality all too clearly so perhaps you might want to keep it simple and human.

The only Pokémon that is remarkably humanoid is Mr. Mime — well a fully intact human, there are floating body parts like a Nosepass — therefore more socially acceptable. Just slap on some clown-like body paint on your face and go to town; destroy those invisible walls between you while he destroys you walls. Thank you and you’re welcome. Gotta catch ‘em all! Hopefully not STDs.

Send all your desperate wonderings to: empire.times@flinders.edu.au!

- Get Smart -

Get smart: Friendship fallout I used to have a friend — let’s call her Flora, for reasons that I hope will soon become apparent — who was the walking definition of self-absorbed. Determined to solidify her position as the social director of our group, she would mysteriously be busy whenever anyone else initiated plans but would cry foul when events she herself organised didn’t garner the level of enthusiasm or attendance she deemed appropriate.

But Flora was fun. She had cool stories. Everyone wanted to be like her or with her and she knew it.

Flora would often complain that she didn’t have enough money to pay her bills, or buy groceries, or purchase her kids’ school photos, or send them on fun excursions. Over the years she had carefully constructed a friendship group around her to facilitate her need for attention, and consequently one of these friends would inevitably offer to pay off a layby, or would turn up to a play-date with a bag of groceries. ‘It’s okay,’ we would say ‘you’ll get the next coffee.’

She rarely did. And yet somehow she would usually find the funds to pay for a new pair of shoes or $100 outfits for her toddler. There always seemed to be money enough for the things she wanted — and instead of pulling back on expenses, she would instead pile more things on laybys she couldn’t afford.

I guess when you have your ducks (friends) in a carefully constructed row, you don’t need to worry as much about how to pay for things.

The craziest thing about this friendship dynamic is that none of us realised what was going on for the longest time. I suppose you could say that we were so insecure within ourselves that attention from Flora was something to be desired above all else, even to our own detriment. We were just helping out a friend. We didn’t want her kids to miss out. That’s what friends do – and she’d do the same for us, right?

Except narcissists don’t think that way. And that’s what Flora was. If you’re unfamiliar with the Greek myth, Narcissus was a hunter known for his beauty. He was proud and looked down on those who admired him, so the spirit Nemesis attracted him to a lake where he fell in love with the sight of his own reflection and eventually died – the term “narcissism” comes from this story, and the narcissus flower is named for it. You could say we were Flora’s lake and she used us to reflect her own importance back to her.

Flora kept her friendship group carefully orchestrated and separated. Everyone had their own particular role. She had a party friend, a deep-and-meaningful friend, a babysitter friend, a friend with a car to take her to appointments… She would periodically call on each of us when it suited her, but when we needed a favour, she would be unavailable.

She would distribute little confidences to each of us the way a Mama bird regurgitates food for her babies — just enough to keep us interested and clamouring for more — but she would never

give any of us the whole story. This was a calculated move.

None of us knew her whole personality; she was outgoing with one friend, vulnerable with the next, benevolent with a third.

We all got a different Flora. And she got multiple ego boosts to multiple parts of her personality. You could say we drip-fed her fix. But most importantly, by carefully curating her collection of friends, it kept us all fighting amongst ourselves for the coveted role of Best Friend.

Think about that for a moment. Each friend thought they were top of the food chain. Each became despondent when the attention was denied. Each friend was utterly and completely manipulated.

And none of us knew it.

I’m embarrassed to admit it took me years to recognise the situation for what it was.

One day, after weeks of cancelled plans and several manipulative gas-lit exchanges, the veil dropped.

I looked back over our whole history. Flora had been at my wedding, our little girls were friends, and yet I couldn’t identify a single instance where she had put herself out for me with no expectation of return.

I couldn’t remember her ever offering to babysit, or buy me lunch, or give advice that didn’t feed back into her own ego.

What I did remember, were all the soulwrenching times she had made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Finding out from a mutual acquaintance that she hadn’t included me in group events.

The rage she flew into when a different friend offered incredibly benign advice to Flora’s partner and was subsequently accused of having an affair with him. The multiple occasions when I had dropped everything to support her only to find it was a one-way street.

I carefully considered my next move. I knew if I said what I really felt, the friendship would be over and it would very likely mean the dissolving of all other mutual friendships, since Flora was the type of destructive personality that would go down swinging. It says a lot that I automatically assumed all connected relationships would also be over; I genuinely believed the rest of the baby birds in the nest would just be damn grateful they wouldn’t have to stretch Flora’s meagre attention as far.

Ultimately, I was prepared to let it all go — my entire social circle — and I didn’t even feel bad at the prospect. That’s when I knew it was the right decision. I didn’t feel like I was severing my soul at all. I felt like I was light and free.

I opened the floodgates and let everything out; and when I finally closed the door on that chapter of my life it felt amazing.

AUTHOR Karen Smart, ‘On the flip side of 30’, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) Karen would be the bard of the apocalypse – even zombies need culture.

35

staff profile So, what do you do here?

Name: Stacy White Job Title: FUSA Administration Assisstant And what does that mean, exactly?

I meet and greet students who visit the FUSA office. I assist staff and Student Council with administration. I generally do as I’m told.

Tell us a bit about your career path and how you got to where you are now...

I started working a long time ago, at age 15, in administration.

I returned to school to do year 12 and then did nursing for a time. Then I returned to administration and banking work, then managed a country primary school front office for a number of years.

I have been at Flinders now for nearly seven years.

What do you wish Flinders students knew about Flinders staff?

We are not all grumpy! I love helping students!

What’s the best thing about working at Flinders?

My days go quickly, and I have a lot of variety in my work. Also, I get to meet lots of interesting people.

37

- Poetry -

3.07.2016 What am I left with? What didn’t you take from me?

I stand, a hollow shell, with nothing but a mask showing a smile.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, What we had was passionate and real.

I know this because it stole all of my energy.

Why did you take something that wasn’t yours?

You said you hoped I’d find someone.

I did, but I don’t know how to care for them.

My heart, broken, forgot how to function It forgot how to care, how to love.

How can a heart rebuild itself from broken pieces?

I thought I had recovered. I thought I was beyond this.

But I’m just finding more pieces of my heart in places I never expected.

How has your relationship status on Facebook already changed?

How was it so easy for you to click that button and forget everything we had?

Maybe my father was right, you got over me before you even let me go.

I was doing the loving for the both of us.

Now I have no love left for those who deserve it, those who might actually want to love me.

You took all the love I had and never returned it.

LKG.

By LisandrA Linde

39

Complete the crossword and send a picture of your answers to empire.times@flinders.edu.au and WIN one of ten free double passes to Palace Nova!

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JaredisLeto is crazy on camera, crazier behind the scenes. (2 words) 13. Four people brought together by necessity, the undead, and love of twinkies.

18. Cancelled TV series. Best film of the 21st Century. (2 words) 19. An experimental aversion therapy doesn’t go as hoped for this criminal in future UK. (3 words) 20. Two young people make a romantic connection not helped by the fact one of them is already dead. (2 words)

Crossword clues by Liam McNally

Uni stressing you out? Unleash your creativity and unwind...

Artwork: Rhianna Carr

41 41

Reader's di-Jess(T) WE. ARE. FAMILY.

by

PAUL MITCHELL

Rating:aaaae

We. Are. Family. is the debut novel of award-winning playwright, essayist, screenwriter and poet Paul Mitchell, released this year

by MidnightSun (the Adelaide-based independent publisher also responsible for Cameron Raynes’ First Person Shooter, reviewed in Issue 4). Mitchell’s raw and brutally resonant exploration of an Australian family tree across three generations is the most recent literary feather in MidnightSun’s cap – and oh, what an unsuspectedly gorgeous feather it is.

When I first picked up this book, I wasn’t at all sure what to make of it. The opening sentence of the blurb reads, ‘Kick the darkness until it bleeds’; these words alone seemed the premonition of a text that is harrowing, deep, and not at all to my usual reading tastes. If you’ve been following my reviews from issue to issue, you may have noticed that I’m drawn to the quirky, the magical, the slightly absurd. We. Are. Family. feels from the very beginning to be Edith Wharton level realism, the kind of dresseddown fiction that sits in your bones and whispers without any decoration, ‘this is life. And life is really hard.’

I’ve always been unnerved by these books, mostly because I, like most people, simply don’t like being reminded that life is hard. The great power of reading, after all, lies in a text’s ability to transport readers into different worlds – to help them escape reality. So why would one choose to escape their reality into a world so mundanely familiar as the one Mitchell has created?

For me, the answer lies in the novel’s title. Each blunt fragment of We. Are. Family. is the encapsulation of a theme or stylistic aspect I grew to love: ‘we’, the novel’s chaotic array of characters, and their narrative structure; ‘are’, the way Mitchell conveys the inescapability of belonging to places, to humanity, and to life; and ‘family’, the text’s rich and evocative portrait of dysfunctional kin which almost any reader can relate to.

‘We’, in Mitchell’s case, refers to the Stevensons; a family spanning three generations, and scattered across rural Victoria. The narrative spotlight darts from decade to decade, from person to person, and back again – from Ron, who has just committed his sister to a mental hospital, to his misguided and cantankerous three sons Peter, Simon and Terry, and to the array of wives, girlfriends, offspring and other minor characters whose narratives interweave with those of the three brothers. As a reader I was taught very early not to judge any characters too soon – for I would soon see the world through different eyes, and watch all my assumptions

turn on their heads. The fragmented nature of Mitchell’s prose knits together to present an equally out-of-order family – a cast of people haunted by the past, scared of the future, and deeply dissatisfied with the present.

For most of these characters, there is no real joy to be found in their circumstances or even an escape from them – and this is where the ‘Are’ in the title makes so much sense to me. The Stevensons – Peter, Simon, Terry and Ron in particular – are overwhelmed at various point by a sense of being trapped. Of having no agency: of things and people simply being as they are, and by extension, of their own identities being formed and preserved against their will. The recurring discussion of aliens, as well as the presence of religious characters, becomes a powerful metaphor for each brother’s yearning for otherness and the unknown. With each new mention of UFO sightings, it becomes easier to understand the depths of loneliness and helplessness behind often self-assured, cocky demeanours.

No matter how hard they try, few characters in this book truly change – and within this rugged presentation of humanity is the hard truth that we are all of us a certain way, and all we can do is make the best of what we have.

‘Family’, of course, is the novel’s overpowering central theme, which has naturally been explored many times before in novels, and in thousands of different ways. There is, however, something special, something strangely magnetic about Mitchell’s portrayal of the Stevensons. Perhaps it is the great number of characters, and the potential for readers to connect with at least one or two; perhaps it is the fragmented nature of the text, mirroring the broken relationships of the characters through shattered chronological timelines and the empty, unknown spaces between years and people. Perhaps it is simply Mitchell’s prose, plain yet poetic, steady hands sifting through mundanity to reveal the magic.

Through Mitchell’s astounding debut novel, one is indeed shown that life is hard – but also that there can be much beauty in difficulty, and that we should not run from the difficulty of being who we are. After all, there is nobody else to be.

AUTHOR Jess Miller, 22,

Jess would have no role in an apocalyptic world, because she is the kind of person who runs away from monsters into basements and she would have been killed in the first ten minutes.

GREEN ROOM REVIEW

Green Room (2015) provides a very real sense of tension and fear, developing an inescapable nightmare for both the antagonists and viewers. Jeremy Saulnier, director and writer of Green Room, utilises one enclosed location to form a narrative pressure cooker where the antagonists find themselves in a game of cat and mouse against an organised group of neo-Nazi punks. Saulnier was once involved in the hard-core punk scene himself, which is where he derives the narrative foundation.

‘The Ain’t Rights,’ a four-member punk band, are travelling through the Pacific Northwest USA on a failed gig tour. A local radio host in Seaside, Oregon, arranges a gig for the band at a neo-Nazi skinhead bar in the remote Oregon woods. After the gig, the band’s bassist Pat (Anton Yelchin) returns alone to the green room to retrieve his fellow band member’s forgotten phone, where he discovers a murder scene. It is evident that Pat was in the wrong place at the wrong time, which results in him and the other three members of ‘The Ain’t Rights’ (Joe Cole as Reece, Alia Shawkat as Sam and Cullum Turner as Tiger) locked in the green room along with the victim’s friend Amber (Imogen Poots). A large, intimidating member of the organised neo-Nazi group holds them at gun point within the green room. The frighteningly calm venue owner/leader Darcy (Sir Patrick Stewart) steps in and takes control of what he believes to be a straight forward issue with an obvious solution. Darcy uses his voice to calm the hostages and ensure them of their safety, as he takes control outside of the green room moving his men like chess pieces. The protagonists quickly realise their desperate position and begin to make survival-instinctive decisions. With high stakes, brutality ensues.

The thought of seeing Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Sir Patrick Stewart’s character in Star Trek: The Next Generation) as the villain in a horror siege thriller was an abnormal image, but of course being the fantastic actor he is and with his extensive acting

experience he pulled off Darcy’s attitude perfectly. Another notably fantastic actor and character was Anton Yelchin/Pat. Anton Yelchin also plays Chekov in the three latest Star Trek movies. He was seen as an actor capable of many fantastic future performances, but he sadly passed away in June due to a tragic freak accident. Imogen Poots’ character, Amber, certainly doesn’t stand out as a main protagonist at the beginning, but soon steps forward and kicks some serious ass. The cinematographer demonstrates this character development with Amber through gradually bringing her into centre frame, she transitions visually from cut off and out of focus to centre stage.

The two movies Jeremy Saulnier made (director, writer and cinematographer) prior to Green Room were self-funded and crowd-funded, Murder Party (2007) and Blue Ruin (2013). The budget for Green Room was approximately five times that of Blue Ruin as investors were involved due to the latter’s success (acceptance into Cannes Film Festival 2013). Saulnier also took a back seat to the cinematography (Sean Porter as cinematographer) aspect of Green Room, as he did with other aspects of the filmmaking process that were instead left in the hands of industry professionals. Green Room can be seen as his transitional film into the mainstream professional film industry.

The two stand-out features of Green Room for me were the tense writing and rich character development. Jeremy Saulnier is a filmmaker to look out for.

Rating:aaaaa AUTHOR & ARTIST Rhianna Carr, 21, Bachelor of Media Arts

Come the apocalypse, Rhionna would be found duct taping a bunch of chainsaws together in-case of chemically infected zombies.

43

10 shows that changed television #8

SEINFELD Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I was kinda raised on Seinfeld.

In fact, one of my earliest childhood memories was watching Seinfeld with my parents and younger brothers, the one where they wander around the carpark for ages. It was the only time that we were allowed to stay up past our 7 o’clock bedtime, to watch Seinfeld. Of course, I didn’t understand much of what was going on, but that didn’t really matter. It was all about the giggles.

No soup for you!

Seinfeld is still a massive part of my life now. Constantly, whenever I complain about things not going my way, my Dad is there with the classic ‘It was supposed to be the Summer of George!’

When I was in high school, and would talk to my Mum about being bullied, she would exclaim in the pterodactyl-like pitch of Mrs. Costanza, ‘But who wouldn’t like you!’

When my younger brother tells me of his misadventures with interacting with other human beings, he mutters in utter dismay ‘I’m in the very unfortunate situation of having to consider other people’s feelings.’

And, when my friends and family members started popping out kids and I would be invited to meet them, all I could think was, ‘YOU’VE. GOT. TO. SEE. THE. BABY!’

STTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

In all honesty, what made this show incredible was the main characters. They were terrible people and didn’t learn from their mistakes. Throughout the nine years, there was very minimal character development. They were not people who we are supposed to aspire to be. These are not people that we should base our lives upon. They were a bunch of idiot friends who were just doing their thing… and that is what made them so potently relatable.

Jerry was a man who dumped girls for the most trivial of reasons: from man hands, to not being intellectual enough, to having a laugh that sounded like ‘Elmer Fudd in a blender.’ Yet, he was us all. When we meet new people, it is often these very things that we notice first, and that we hate. We

notice if they are a soft talker, or a close talker, or someone who thinks that they are funnier than they really are. It was Jerry’s sense of smug superiority that made him such an interesting and unique character. He was someone who openly admitted that he was not a fan of people, or of humanity in general. He did not like new things happening in his life. And he always managed to come up even Steven.

we can relate so much to Kramer. When we are perhaps a little too demanding of our friends’ time and resources. And when we come up with crazy-ass ideas about how to make it. And when we finally do make through some indescribable stroke of fortune, like selling a coffee table book about coffee tables, that transforms into a coffee table.

Or am I SO sane that I just Give me the rye, you old bag! blew your mind?

Elaine thought she was a good person, and in some instances she was. But this was a woman who, upon hearing her boyfriend had been hit by a car, stopped for jujcyfruits and popcorn. She didn’t take what her friends did for work seriously.

She was always determining whether potential sexual partners were ‘sponge worthy.’ She believed herself to be far more kind-hearted than she was, but that’s what made her so relatable. Her self-sense of moral high-ground, for which she had very minimal foundation, is what we all build ourselves up to be.

Is it possible that I am not as attractive as I think I am?

George is all of us when we are down. He is us when we wonder what we are even doing with our lives. He is us when he decided that he was going to do everything in his life differently, to try and see if he was doing it all wrong, which lasted only one day; when he had to move back in with his parents; when he realised that performing acts of kindness made him feel good, but also realising it could bite him in the arse just as quickly; when he tried so hard to beat the system that he saw was so against him. He is us as a person who did not realise the fullness of his dreams and potential.

The jerk store called, they’re running out of you!

And Kramer. This man was a nut job. He was a moocher, a ‘hipster doofus’, and, at one point, a Communist Santa. He was constantly trying a bunch of hair-brained schemes that never, ever came to fruition.

After all these years, no one knows how the fuck he managed to actually live in New York, as he mysteriously told George in one episode ‘I get by.’ But at the same time, we all go through phases in which

But through it all, we see ourselves, our friends, our family, in these characters.

That’s what changed everything. Having terrible people so relatable made it okay for other television shows to do the same, for example It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. And it was about Friends. That was massive back in the day. Most sitcoms, besides Cheers, were centred on families because that’s what people could relate to.

But this changed that.

One of the best things about Seinfeld was its lack of connection to the rulebook. Just one example of this is the show’s setting. Most, if not all, sitcoms are supposed to have an anchor that keeps the characters in a related setting. Brooklyn Nine-Nine has the ball pen, Community has Greendale, The Office (US) has the office.

But Seinfeld didn’t have an anchoring place or area, the area was wherever they went. This was remarkable, because the show followed the main characters when they were with their friends. They had no common factor to be together besides that. They didn’t work together or meet in a bar, they were just friends. The show still did have an anchor, however, and that anchor was Jerry. All the characters were friends with Jerry, but not necessarily with each other. They even pointed this out in an episode where George and Elaine try to hang out together and find out that the only thing they have in common is being friends with Jerry.

Sweet, fancy Moses!

Seinfeld also paved the way for other sitcoms of similar vernacular: Broad City, Workaholics, 30 Rock, and Curb Your Enthusiasm, just to name a solid few. These are shows that have continued on with the tradition of very minimal overarching story, but are very character and dialogue driven.

It was also about the mundane. This was

what made Seinfeld so outstanding. It was about the everyday occurrences: standing in line to get into a restaurant, losing your car in a parking lot, going on dates with real duds. And it was this mundaneness that made way for a whole new way of story-telling. It made people look out for, in their own lives, real and funny stories that they would be able to share with those they loved. And that is what the writers did: they revolutionised the world of television because they created a show about nothing.

Believe it or not, George isn’t at home, please leave the message at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone: where could I be?! Believe it or not, I’m not home!

It was also, of course, because of the spectacular supporting cast. It is interesting that every single supporting role is heavily despised by one or more of the main characters. Newman, who was a diabolical madman, detested Jerry, was chums with Kramer, and was creepily into Elaine. Estelle and Frank Castanza were absolute crazy people who brought serious despair to their son. Morty and Helen Seinfeld were always concerned that their “creative” son was not getting enough money to live. Mr. Peterman was the clinically insane boss of Elaine who bought all of Kramer’s stories and believed Elaine to be an opium addict. And poor old Jackie Childs was Kramer’s lawyer who

always ended up being screwed over by the big guy.

ARTIST (above): Benjamin Hall.

Hello, Newman.

Overall, Seinfeld is the best. That’s all there is to it.

And, in the spirit of the new semester, let us take the words of legendary Elaine Benes and make them our life motto: ‘Here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell.’

AUTHOR Brenton Griffin, 22, Bachelor of Arts (History)

Come the Apocalypse, Brenton will set up a bottled water stand because, in the immortal words of Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir: ‘When we are all lone scavengers in a nuclear wasteland, bottles of purified water will be worth their weight in gold’.

4545

- Anime Review -

ANIME REVIEW

Bones vs Bones: Who wins, My Hero Academia or Bungou Stray Dogs?

Studio Bones has it sorted, throughout history producing some of the best anime out there. But what happens when two Bones shows battle each other for fame and glory?

lush hair and clothing accessories they bare. Even though the show chooses a more typical dark colour range, that doesn’t stop it from packing a punch with its sophisticated look and feel.

Introducing the challengers Both airing in April this year My Hero Academia and Bungou Stray Dogs enjoyed a pretty standard 13 and 12 episode runs alongside each other. However, these two shows, although sharing similar themes, could not be more different to watch. Bungou Stray Dogs is a dark comedy action show with plenty of quirky characters and episodic hijinks, while My Hero Academia is a more modestly paced and emotional piece that has it’s audience go through the motions in moments of comedy, action, and sentiment. While My Hero Academia is your average light action shounen series, Bungou Stray Dogs is more inclined to challenge its viewer’s comfort zones showing them something a little bizarre and edgy.

Winner: Bungou Stray Dogs

Round One: Story My Hero Academia features a world akin to X-Men where extraordinary abilities called “quirks” exist in most people and becoming a superhero is a viable life choice. Following Izuku Midoriya (literal cinnamon roll & too good for this world) whose one ambition in life is to become a great hero, yet was born without a quirk. Constantly being told he is useless, Midoriya is willing to do anything to achieve his dreams.

Bungou Stray Dogs stars Atsushi Nakajima; a guy unwanted enough even his orphanage has kicked him out. Wandering the streets on the brink of starvation, he saves the life of Dazai, an eccentric man intent on killing himself. Dazai is on a mission from a special detective agency, which deals in cases to do with supernatural abilities and crime. He is on the look out for a hungry tiger on the rampage, and Atsushi soon finds he is more help on the case than he could ever have imagined.

Round Three: Wildcard My Hero Academia’s wow factor is how it has improved upon the uprising genre of superhero anime so majestically. Bringing a story about a young boy who gives it all he has to become a great hero to a trope that is largely about those lucky enough to be born with extraordinary talents. My Hero Academia is meaningful and inspiring, and Izuku Midoriya never ceases to surprise the viewers.

Bungou Stray Dogs knew how to entertain its audience; above all it was really fun to watch, especially with others. Even when the show takes the viewers to a more intense space it never takes itself too seriously. It’s a pretty flexible show and will change depending whether you watch it as is or bring as much humour as you can to it.

Winner: My Hero Academia In the end My Hero Academia reins victorious. Although both shows are equally enjoyable, My Hero Academia’s construction and characterisation make it feel like a more complete experience. Whilst Bungou Stray Dogs suffered a little with creating a solid plot with its massive cast of characters, as it tried to give equal screen time to everyone. To celebrate, my Shinji-kun rating is taking a little break and giving Izuku Midoriya some time in the spotlight (see victorious faces below!)

My Hero Academia

Winner: My Hero Academia Round Two: Animation My Hero Academia stays true to the manga’s simplistic cartoon inspired art style. It’s animated wonderfully; its stylised character designs are so cute and refreshing. Due to its comparatively simple characters, the movement is perfect and solid at all times. The bright colours used, match the upbeat mood of the show delivering a visual bang for viewers to remember it by.

Bungou Stray Dogs goes in the completely opposite direction, opting for ultra slick and detailed character designs that subtly reference the animation from 2008 Soul Eater. It almost makes no sense how beautifully the characters move considering the sheer amount of

Bungou Stray Dogs

AUTHOR Emma Hough Hobbs, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media) When asked where she will be come the apocalypse, Emma replied, “hopefully I’ll be dead by then”

- Game Review-

Level UP

A world in which strange creatures roam the landscape, similar yet somehow different to the animals we know, animals which we can capture in small balls, carry around on our adventures and make battle for our own entertainment and glory. This is the world in which we live, a world of Pokémon.

Reddit user rescued an abandoned pet rat (not a Rattata, as you may expect) while on a Pokémon walk. Thousands of people have also reported that Pokémon GO has helped with their anxiety and depression, motivating them to get out of the house and interact with friends and strangers.

But what am I talking about? Well, unless you live under a rock, I’m sure that you have heard of Pokémon GO, a revolutionary new app game that is taking the world by storm. Perhaps the most anticipated game of 2016; Pokémon GO was released to selected countries in July and almost instantly became enormously popular.

It is a free-to-play, location-based augmented reality game developed by the company Niantic (some of you may be familiar with their other popular app Ingress, which involves joining coloured teams and capturing portals placed around the world).

Pokémon GO is a fun little piece of nostalgia that is truly suitable for all ages. The app is currently available for iOS and Android devices, however there has been no word of a Windows Phone release, leaving thousands of people frustrated. I would recommend the app to everyone, whether you are an avid Pokémon fan or have never heard of Pikachu. This game appeals to both the most competitive of players, the most casual, and those who simply want to explore a world filled with Pokémon.

For those of you who cannot get enough of the Pokémon world, look out for Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, coming in November.

Pokémon GO is based around capturing and training Pokémon, as in the popular Pokémon game series created by Nintendo.

These Pokémon appear in many locations around the world, with the mobile device’s GPS used to locate them. The game interface consists of a map, with a user-created avatar standing upon it. On this map PokéStops, gyms, and footsteps may appear.

Footsteps represent a Pokémon nearby, and upon finding a Pokémon, players have to accurately throw a Poké Ball to capture the Pokémon (which may appear overlayed on the real world camera view when augmented reality is activated). The PokéStops give out items at set time intervals when activated, and can be equipped with lures that attract even more wild Pokémon.

Kelly Guthberlet, 21, Bachelor of Education (Middle and Secondary)/Bachelor of Science Come the apocalypse, Kelly will regret not having planned for it.

Whilst playing through the game, experience points can be earned, causing the player to level up, and once level five is reached the player can choose a team and start battling at gyms. Gyms in the game can be controlled by any of the three teams; Valor (red), Instinct (yellow), or Mystic (blue). But gyms may often change hands, as players challenge the gym leader through Pokémon battles. A Pokémon’s strength in battle depends on its combat power and level, with items called candies and stardust used to improve combat power, level up, and even evolve Pokémon.

Of course, such an enormous, detailed and popular game is bound to have some fallout. From countless phone batteries being mercilessly drained, people pained by aching limbs as they trek to find the perfect Pikachu, car crashes, robberies, dead bodies being discovered, and tears of frustration as the servers are down yet again, to my parents actually mentioning Pokémon in casual conversation for the first time in my life, the impacts are profound.

Some really cool things have come out of the game too, a hospital in America has been using the game to encourage physical activity in its child patients, an animal shelter allows players to take their dogs for Pokémon GO walks, people all over the world have arranged walks, meetups and even pubcrawls, and one

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- Music Review -

The Music Column Emma Louise goes boldly where no-one has gone before...

Ever since “Novacane”, Frank Ocean has always had a place in everyone’s R&B hearts. The success that was Channel ORANGE has fuelled a significant hype train which has never seemed to end. At the time of writing, music columnist Aden Beaver was too busy crying over his Vinyl copy of Channel ORANGE and had lost all hope. Blond had not dropped yet but will be reviewed in Issue 9...

Supercry – Emma Louise On Supercry, Emma Louise returns to her signature blend of synthbacked, multi-tracked sweeping we first heard on vs. Head vs. Heart.

Her sound is more polished, especially on the single “Underflow” which features a remarkably simple instrumental of piano, hidden drums and choral backing vocals lost in echoes. Here Emma delivers an emotional performance, singing of love very poetically.

She continues these performances on the tracks “Talk Baby Talk” and “West End Kids”, layering her harmonies over an electronic and synth beat on the former and guitar and choir choruses on the latter.

The piano solos and beautiful instrumentals continue on the uplifting tracks “Illuminate” and “Grace” later on towards the end of the LP. Sometimes the simpleness of the music makes the tracks all sound the same, but somehow they’re all distinct in their own way. For Aussie talent you can’t look past her. Side note, bonus points for painting the album artwork herself, see below.

AAA

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Star Trek Beyond (Music from the Motion Picture) – Michael Giacchino Star Trek has never sounded this good before. Giacchino scores the film perfectly, right from the intro scene to when the credits roll.

The score is, in its own way, a narrative gem and ties into the points of the movie perfectly.

Giacchino breaks down the main theme he’s written for the previous films in the rebooted franchise and creates many different uses for it, the score barely goes a few minutes without hearing some form or segment of the theme, swaying from a hard action to an emotional turbulence.

The track “Night on the Yorktown” is one of the most memorable pieces, as it captures the moment you first lay eyes on the breathtaking space station perfectly with orchestral choirs and many, many strings.

The soundtrack is his best score in film, as it spells out plainly “Star Trek is bold and it’s back”. Rihanna’s single for the film, “Sledgehammer”, is nowhere to be seen on this record, and while it’s a pleasing variety of four chords, it never hit the mark with me.

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Album Highlight: Everybody Looking – Gucci Mane.

Gucci Mane is fresh out of prison, and if you like an album where every song sounds the same (trap beats) and Gucci repeats his lines over the choruses (“How’d you let a nigga in the feds out do ya?” times 20 on the second track alone) then this is the album for you.

AUTHOR

Aden Beaver, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media) When the apocalypse arrives, Aden will be furiously hunting down all remaining supplies of Arnott’s Orange Slices.

By Emma Hough Hobbs

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