Empire Times 43.6

EMPIRE TIMES YOUR

STUDENT MAG

43.6

fantasy the x-files | comedian akmal | warcraft | flume | adelaide walking tour

- Editorial -

‘That’s a tumour.’

Those were the vet’s words. Simple.

Uncomplicated. No room for bargaining.

With that, my time with a beloved family member has been counting seconds, losing minutes…

We’ve had Merry, our gorgeous golden retriever since 2004. She’s been there through so many changes and alterations in my life, and always been a happy smiling face to come home to. My mind has turned to old, old memories, like when she found the theme too Doctor Who strange and unnerving.

Her effervescence and charm isn’t dulled as she trots about the house with no idea her time is running out. I find myself crying at her happiness and grieving a living animal. One day soon she’ll be gone and then there’ll never be that bright face and joyful personality waiting behind the door. It’ll all be done and there’ll be no way to return.

I’ve found myself asking questions that can have no answer. There’s no pattern, justice, or righteousness to fate and life that I can define and though it’s not there to be found, I’ve been looking.

Merry’s nature is one of great sweetness and kindness. She’s perplexed by the bullying of one of our cats, unable to grasp the meanness. She intelligent, perceptive, and kind. She’s shown all three of those qualities in finding me crying and snuggling up to me with her comforting affection.

That will all be over soon and replaced by nothing. Something taken. Nothing given.

I took my editor photo for issue five with her in happier times. Before things got worse. Go out and enjoy what you have, and who you have, whilst you can.

-Liam

LIAM’S TOP PICKS p. 14 p. 18 p. 30 p. 44

Artwork by Sheydin Dew What the FUC Interview with Akmal Saleh TV Showcase: The X-Files

In a fantasy world, there would be no racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, no animal cruelty; there would be no hate. It seems so simple, but our world hasn’t quite grasped the concept yet. Equality shouldn’t be a fantasy, it should be reality... yet, at times it feels like we’re fighting an uphill battle.

In this fantasy world, there would be no massacres with guns, no genocides, no stolen generations, no horrifying police brutality against innocent African American people just going about their lives.

In this fantasy world there would be no domestic violence, rape, “honour” killings of women and girls, child brides, no victim shaming when women are assaulted by men, no inequality of women based simply on their sex.

In this fantasy world, LGBTIQA people would be accepted and not feared, victimised, bullied, and murdered because of their identity.

In this fantasy world, politicians would allow us to help refugees, the people who need help the most. In a fantasy world there would be no war and conflict that these people are so desperately trying to escape. There would be no detention centres where innocent people burn themselves alive simply to escape.

In this fantasy world, politicians would not be given a public platform to preach hate and intolerance, and they would not be celebrated as heroes for doing so.

As hard as it can be sometimes to see the positives and the progress, I try so hard to be optimistic, because as Otis Redding sung, ‘a change is gonna come’.

-Eleanor

These fields have interested me not only because I’m a first-grade nosy parker, nor because I like to know as much as possible about as much as possible. Though both these things are true, the real driving force that’s brought me to be writing on this page for you is my love of stories.

I believe that the stories we tell ourselves and each other have more power than we’ll ever be able to comprehend.

From picture books to political slogans, newspaper headlines to novels, all forms of storytelling are important.

So perhaps it is unsurprising that when I first started imagining what my Uni days would be like, I envisaged myself with my face buried in endless piles of books, studying story-rich subjects like Drama and History and Sociology and English, and maybe, just maybe, even editing the student magazine. Gosh, wouldn’t that be awesome?

Well, it turns out some dreams do come true. Despite the path to the ET office being much more rocky, windy and hilly than I ever expected (literally and metaphorically), I’m here, I’m in one piece, and I’m doing all of those things I imagined doing at Uni - except for going to raging parties and macking on with attractive men but hey, you win some and you lose some.

I’m very excited to be your new ET editor, and I look forward to spending the rest of 2016 telling fabulous stories.

-Lauren xx

ELEANOR’S TOP PICKS p. 21 p. 22 p. 26 p. 30

When I was a kid, I dreamed of being all sorts of things when I grew up: lawyer, Home and Away actress, ballerina, mathematician, teacher... But the one thing that has stuck with me has been the lure of media and journalism.

Build your own fantasy film Dreamy Day out in Adelaide Crunchy Granola Suite Interview with Akmal Saleh

LAUREN’S TOP PICKS p. 10 p. 15 p. 20 p. 21

Welcome to Fantasy Island Into the Gender Void Staff Profile - Kylie Jarrett Build your own fantasy film

11

OH HELLO there.

Vol 43 Issue 6 EDITORS

Liam McNally Eleanor Danenberg Lauren Reid

SUB-EDITORS Anupol Bordoloi Kayla Gaskell Brenton Griffin Jess Miller Leeza Von Alpen

COLUMNISTS

Aden Beaver Jordon T. Early Richard Falkner Brenton Griffin Kelly Guthberlet Emma Hough Hobbs Jess Miller Karen Smart Elle Void Amber, the Devil’s Advocate

ILLUSTRATORS

Aden Beaver Sheydin Dew Benjamin Hall Emma Hough Hobbs Rebecca Read

CONTRIBUTORS Georgia Brass Jason Byrne Leila Clendon Simone Corletto Eleanor Danenberg Marina Deller-Evans Amy Hueppauff LKG Kayla Gaskell Simone Jowett Cameron Lowe Seamus Mullins Liam McNally Caleb Pattinson Hamish Philips Lauren Reid Hamish Richardson Ashley Sutherland Elle Void Fiona Wilkins

FRONT COVER

Rebecca Read (check her Facebook Art page!)

FANTASY

Empire Times is the student publication of Flinders University. All work within remains the property of the producers and may not be reproduced without their consent. Empire Times reserves the right to republish in any format.

Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on, and that this land was never ceded, but stolen. We would like to pay our respects to the elders of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples, past, present, and future.

‘The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University, or Flinders University Student Association. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that Empire Times articles and other information are up-to-date and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken by Empire Times Magazine for any errors or omissions contained herein.’

WITH THANKS TO Steph Walker & Kate van der Horst from FUSA, for helping us train our newest recruit, our fellow editor Lauren Reid!

Big thanks to Sheydin Dew, for happily taking on all of the art projects we ask of her - and she always knocks them out of the park!

Kylie from Special Collections, for being our very first Staff Profile interview, and thank you for all of the work you do!

Abbots and Kinney and Leonard St. for letting Lauren snoop around and take photos of their beautiful shops for her ‘Dream day out in Adelaide’ piece! (Page 22) Contact us: empire.times@flinders.edu.au www.empiretimes.com.au @empiretimesmag @empiretimesmag

INNER FRONT COVER Emma Hough Hobbs

INNER BACK COVER

Emma Hough Hobbs

BACK COVER Benjamin Hall

/empiretimesmag Empire Times Contributors Advertising: stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au

contents.

COLUMNS

FEATURES

CULTURE CORNER

6 A MESSAGE FROM YOUR SC PRESIDENT

8 PENALTY RATES

38 5 FANTASIES SERIES YOU SHOULD READ

7 INTERVIEW: GENERAL SECRETARY & DISABILITIES OFFICER

20 STAFF PROFILE 21 BUILD YOUR OWN FANTASY FILM

10 WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND

22 A DREAMY DAY OUT IN ADELAIDE

12 FEMINISM & SUICIDE SQUAD

24 VOX POP: STUDENT VOICES

14 CHICKS WITH DICKS

26 CRUNCHY GRANOLA SUITE

16 ADVICE THAT YOU SHOULD NOT TAKE

29 ALUMNI: HAIDARR JONES, ABC JOURNALIST

17 MY LOTTO FANTASY

30 INTERVIEW: COMEDIAN AKMAL SALEH

18 FLINDERS LEAGUE OF LEGENDS CLUB

32 INTERVIEW: SAMMY D FOUNDATION

39 HITCHIKER’S GUIDE TO FANTASY WORLD BUILDING 40 TIMEQUAKE 26 RAW: FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND FREE 26 NOW YOU SEE ME 2 43 WARCRAFT 46 THE X-FILES 45 ANIME: AJIN 47 TOTAL WAR: WARHAMMER 48 FLUME - THE TEMPER TRAP

POETRY

FUN STUFF

35 22.05.16

38 CROSSWORD

14.06.16

39 COLOURING PAGE

What were the editors eating / watching / listening to while they were working on this issue?

Hot tuna paninis from downstairs at Grind & Press got Liam through cold days on campus, while in the office for Issue 6. Oh, and many, many long blacks from Wholefoods and Urban Paddock, but that’s a story for later.

Eleanor binge-watched Grace & Frankie on Netflix and now has a gaping hole in her life where these hilarious ladies once were. How refreshing to see independent women over 70 be the stars of the show. You go girls!

After making her Granola (on page 26), Lauren had ‘Crunchy Granola Suite’ in her head, and she played the Neil Diamond song while in the office, dismayed that neither Liam or Eleanor had heard the song before.

33

August Calendar Week 2

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

1

2

3

4

On this day in 1944 Anne Frank wrote her last diary entry.

8

10

11

Multicultural Festival (Day 2)

Multicultural Festival (Day 1)

FLICS screening: The Revenant, NTH 2, 5pm

15

16

17

On this day in 1969 Woodstock began!

RELAX, Plaza featuring full band

FLICS screening: Clueless, NTH 2, 5pm

National Campus Band Competition, 12pm

22

23

24

25

RELAX, Tonsley featuring acoustic music

FLICS screening: 8 1/2, NTH 2, 5pm

Week 5

29 Week 6

9

5

Last day to enrol in Semester 2 topics Semester 2 payments due

RELAX, Sturt Library

Week 3

Week 4

FUSA Semester 2 Pubcrawl

RELAX, Medicine Library

Friday

30

31

RELAX, Medicine Library

FLICS screening: The Warriors, NTH 2, 5pm

Open day

18

12 Open day

19

26

Last day to withdraw from Semester 2 topics without fees

Letters To The Editors Hey editors, Just wondering why the hell you didn’t have a betting pool for the election? Could have made a lot of bank.

Sincerely, Disappointed Punter.

Greetings editors, Have you heard about how wise the Supreme Leader is? He’s pretty awesome.

Unlike my dad.

From Kyle O’Wren.

To editors, You got a job opening in your magazine by any chance? I’m out of a job. Any hot girls in the office?

Just curious...

Regards, J. Briggs.

Who run the world?

Who run the world?

Who run the world???

Recount.

Seriously, can someone answer my question finally???

Love, Anthony Green.

Signed: Ms. B. Yonce.

So Empire Times has 2 female editors and only 1 male editor?

How is that equality for men???

Not happy.

- Meninist Mike

Got a question? Compliment?

Complaint?

Send your letters to empire.times@flinders.edu.au, message the Empire Times Facebook page, or if you’d like to remain anonymous, visit: ask.fm/empiretimes 5 5

- President’s Report -

FUSA Student President Patto’s Perspective

Caleb Pattinson Is FUSA heading in the right direction? This is question that is often asked by staff and students, and something that I think about almost every day as we constantly attempt make FUSA the best it can be. This year has seen some significant reforms to the ways in which we operate. The real-time impact on student’s engagement with FUSA has changed rapidly. Making an impact on the life of a student is often what keeps me moving forward in the year. The core of what FUSA is centred around, involves meaningful impact on the lives of students. We’re your voice.

This year we have had so many students pass on positive feedback around FUSA. It’s not just our amazing staff force that have pushed this change, it’s the Student Council. The idea that the Student Council and FUSA are different is a common misconception. Caught up in what can sometimes feel like a wave of University administration, students often don’t bridge the two together. In a hostile climate for student unionism, with attacks from the current Coalition Government, a fighting FUSA is essential.

We have achieved this through our campaigns and events. Some landslide reforms at FUSA include streamlining the clubs grant processes, campaigning on no $100,000 degrees, launching a volunteer program and running O’Week on our own! The sense of escape that our social events are able to give students is still paramount to our core purpose. From humble beginnings in 2012, I am proud of how FUSA continues to directly shape the experience of being a Flinders student.

Conducting open conversations and debates have been key to the changes we’ve made so far. Taking your ideas and injecting them into our processes has changed how we operate. FUSA, in my eyes, has never been more tapped into the student cohort.

Our new initiatives mean we can look at feeding student voice back into FUSA. Our new volunteer program that is just starting up is a good example of how we are gathering student feedback.

This program started from the students that attended a number of forums earlier this year. Conversations we were able to have with a number of students were really beneficial moving forward.

Looking ahead, the skies of student representation have never been more open and clear. Student advocacy and representation is at the core of the new volunteers program. Next semester we will likely see a range of new faces out representing FUSA and speaking to you about what matters. I’m so excited to see how the face of FUSA changes with this group of passionate individuals.

Just as importantly, Semester 2 will see yet more on-campus activation. If you attend FUSA events, you will see what we’re all about. We have seen this year that being a poor student is still the reality for most at Flinders. Our welfare events will continue and boy, don’t we need them? For example, I launched an initiative during the SWOTVAC period last semester, giving soup and sympathy to hard-working students on campus. This was met with a fantastic reception and was only possible thanks all of Council. For this and many other reasons, FUSA more receptive than ever.

Because FUSA have made a significant leap forward in our presence at Flinders this year, I’m confident of its long term survival. As always, if you have any feedback regarding the running of the association, I would love for you to get in touch.

We’ve seen many big ideas come to fruition already in 2016 from student input. With your feedback we can make it easy for FUSA to continue to grow and develop. However, there is still a long way for us to go if we are to be the best FUSA we can be.

I am open for all students to contact me: E: student.president@flinders.edu.au P: 8201 3621 F: www.facebook.com/PresidentPattinson

- Student Council Interviews -

General secretary

disabilities officer

Simone Jowett

Amy Hueppauff

Why did you run for your position on Student Council?

I ran for this position when it became available because I felt that I could be useful in a support capacity to Student Council. Also given my experience with FUSA clubs over the years, I felt I was in a good position to effect some change in the club scene at Flinders.

Why did you run for your position on Student Council?

I ran for this position because I wanted to improve the lives of other students living with disability. Standing up for our rights is very important to me, especially when disabled people are often so disadvantaged. I hope to raise awareness about disability at Flinders and create a more inclusive culture on campus.

What do you want to achieve this year with your position on SC? This year I want to see Student Council and FUSA become a much stronger entity in the eyes of the University. For so long students have seen FUSA as an elections machine, and not for all the awesome stuff we do for students through our brunches, events, Student Assist and the administration of clubs and societies

What do you want to achieve this year with your position on SC? My main goal for the year is convincing the university to create a room for students living with disability similar to those already in the hub for women and queer identifying students. This is very important to me as disabled students still experience a lot of discrimination. Having a discrimination-free zone on campus where students living with disability can go to work, relax, meet with friends, chat, etc. without the fear of being judged or discriminated against would go a long way towards making us feel safer on campus.

Tell us what you’re organising or contributing to right now, in the capacity of your position...

Currently in my position I’m doing a lot of boring behind-thescenes stuff, like looking at our constitution and various regulations to see how they can be changed to make life easier for future councils and people looking to get involved with FUSA. I’m also working with Adam Rau, the Clubs and Events Officer, in order to create training modules and toolkits to assist clubs with all that boring nitty-gritty stuff like running meetings, elections, writing grant proposals and things of that nature. I also chair the Clubs and Societies Sub-Committee, making sure that clubs are getting all the support they can from FUSA. Aside from that, I just try to be visible at Student Council events, talking to students about their issues, and helping clubs get themselves off the ground.

I’m usually in the FUSA office or around the Hub somewhere, so if you see me feel free to come say hi, or else you can drop me an email any time at general.secretary@flinders.edu.au to talk about clubs, FUSA, weird nerdy stuff, anything really!

Tell us what you’re organising or contributing to right now, in the capacity of your position...

Currently I’m in the process of setting up the FUSA Disabilities Collective, reaching out to the students I represent to build the disability community on campus, and I’m planning on organising some events. I’m also trying to convince the university to create the room I mentioned earlier.

Amy can be contacted at acce0003@ flinders.edu.au, or you can like the FUSA Disabilities Collective Facebook page to keep up to date with the latest news regarding accessibility and disability issues.

7

- Student Politics -

POLITICAL What are your penaltY LABOR LEFT

The Greens Penalty rates are an important recognition of the sacrifices many Australian workers have to make to staff businesses at unsociable hours. For many Australians, penalty rates are a necessity. The extra rates help to make ends meet, assisting in the purchasing of essential goods and services. The Greens recognize that a large majority of those who rely on penalty rates are tertiary students, who naturally fall under the low-income bracket. It would be a disservice to take these rates from those who are forced to work the hours that many others avoid. It would be unfair to ask students to give up penalty rates when they are often given no choice but to work late nights and weekends in order to prioritise their education.

The Greens’ policy on penalty rates is not without an alternative solution for struggling small businesses. The party acknowledges that the current policies on penalty rates create a certain amount of financial pressure for these establishments. The Greens believe that this pressure can be relieved without changes to the rights and protections of workers. It is important to support small business owners, which is why the Greens plan to lower tax rates by 2%, expand tax breaks, and approve extra funding and legislative powers for the national Small Business Commissioner.

The Greens are the only party who will fight to preserve weekend penalty rates for hardworking Australians. The Coalition will attack worker’s rights and ALP frontbenchers have avoided any commitment to act if employer groups succeed in their push to have weekend penalty rates slashed. Labor can talk tough on penalty rates, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that the Greens are the only party that can be trusted to fight for the extra weekend rates that so many students and young people have come to rely on.

Penalty rates are a crucial part of making our economy fair; they are not a luxury, they are often the only thing that makes some wages liveable. Penalty rates pay the bills and put food on the table for any number of low-earning individuals and families, including students.

As our economy expands, and the demand for goods and services extends beyond ‘ordinary working hours,’ it is often low paid workers that are asked to pick up the additional workload.

These workers often have little say in the matter, and are required to miss important leisure time as a result. It’s only fair that these workers be compensated for time they spend at work while the rest of us are enjoying a break. Furthermore, as workers who rely on penalty rates are often studying simultaneously, it is crucial that if they’re required to spend their precious weekends and late nights at work, they are paid enough to put food on the table and pay the rent.

Any change to penalty rates will see the real world earnings of Australia’s low-income earners drop substantially; this is not good for any economy, and it is not fair or reasonable for those workers. Everyone deserves to earn a liveable wage, and penalty rates are a crucial part of that liveable wage in Australia.

It is absolutely crucial that any government fights to protect workers from big and small business attacks on the quality of life Australians enjoy as a result of penalty rates. Unfortunately, both the Liberals and the Nick Xenophon team have threatened the security of penalty rates in the past, with the Greens having done nearly nothing to defend them until an election was due and the spotlight was turned on. Only Labor has consistently defended penalty rates, and only a Labor government will give low-income earners the security they deserve.

Ashley Sutherland

Hamish Richardson

Flinders University Greens Club facebook.com/flindersunigreens

Flinders University Labor Club facebook.com/FlindersUniLaborClub

- Student Politics -

PLAYGROUND party’s views on rates? $$$ LABOR RIGHT University classrooms are almost always filled by people who work in retail or hospitality. Whether they’re an 18 year old high school grad, a studying Mum, or an honours student with a manic look in their eye as they drink their seventh coffee for the day, they often work their weekends and public holidays in order to live day to day.

Penalty rates provide a significant chunk of pay for many students and they receive this higher wage because they work on the days others don’t want to, or don’t have to. Public holidays are a large part of Australian culture, the days spent around the barbecue with family and friends as we celebrate a social milestone...but there is always one person missing because they’re at work. Missing days like these is something nobody wants to do but when there isn’t a choice, workers deserve fair compensation.

Many opponents to weekend penalty rates claim that the weekend is no different to a weekday. This is fundamentally untrue — when I can go to a bank or use the post office on a weekend, only then might this argument make sense. A studying Mum can use the $50 extra she receives for working a Sunday to afford enough food for the whole house instead of skipping her meals so she can feed her kids instead.

Penalty rates also provide a great boost to the economy. Lowincome families who earn an extra bit of cash each week don’t save that money, they put it back into the economy, which provides jobs and income for all kinds of business. A business which saves $50 by not paying penalty rates won’t put an extra staff member on, they’ll just bank it with no benefit to the economy.

SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE Workers who spend weekends and holidays working are missing out on spending time with friends and family, participating in sports, and having time to themselves to recover from working life. Those who work night shifts also experience similar social effects, as they have to spend the day time sleeping. These workers should be compensated for the effects their work hours have on their lives by getting a higher wage.

However, for years business owners have been fighting to take this away, through the disastrous WorkChoices plan, through dodgy deals with the union leaderships (like the sweatheart deal between the SDA and Coles, which saw Coles workers lose their penalty rates), or by paying workers under the award, “under the counter.” This is a fine example of bosses increasing their profits by oppressing workers.

The fight for penalty rates benefits all workers, as money saved by cutting penalties does not go to weekday workers, it goes directly into the bank accounts of the bosses. In fact, the cutting of penalty rates frequently comes hand in hand with the deterioration of working conditions and pay for all workers.

It is important that workers fight back every time bosses try to lower their living standards. The only way to do this is through a strategy of rebuilding fighting unions and undertaking industrial action.

The fight for penalty rates will never be over, it is a fight for fairness and the ALP is committed to fight for fairness.

Recently, workers at several Crust Pizza stores won back penalty rates for delivery workers, and workers at Grill’d and Coles successfully knocked down agreements that meant no penalty rates chain wide. If it wasn’t for action like this, we wouldn’t have penalty rates in the first place. The bosses don’t pay their workers more out of the goodness of their hearts; like all favorable work conditions, it was fought for by years of strikes and protests. We need to continue this fight in order to hold on to them.

Jason Byrne

Leila Clendon

Flinders Labor Club facebook.com/flinderslabor

Flinders Socialist Alternative Club facebook.com/SocialistAlternativeAdelaide

THE LIBERALS were approached for comment but did not submit

9 9

- Politics -

WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND! Everyone has their own political fantasies...

About a month ago, I was forced to do some research on Australia’s favourite politician, Pauline Hanson, for an assignment. So I popped onto her website and was checking out some of her policies. Spoiler alert: they aren’t very nice. ‘Secure’ borders, desire to reaffirm Christian supremacy throughout the country (what?!), and all this stuff about how we need to become a strong, white nation again, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Anyway, on the very bottom of her page was a comments section. This is a very dark corner of the internet, and of humanity in general; would not recommend if you are feeling depressed about the state of the world and need a pick-meup. In this dismal abyss of human desires, there were people who were begging her to be the leader of this country, claiming she was the only one strong and truthful enough to cut through the politically correct ‘nonsense’, and that she was the only one who was up to the challenge of making Australia free of immigrants.

So really, the normal stuff you would expect from far-right, nationalistic Internet-dwellers.

The point of that ridiculous preamble was that these people’s political fantasy, their dream, is a land free of multiculturalism and where xenophobic fuckwittery runs rampant. But it got me thinking: everyone has a political fantasy.

For a lot of people, who are understandably steeped in political apathy, theirs would be that mandatory voting was scrapped and that they live their lives not caring about who has the power to decide their fate. This is evident from the ridiculous amount of ballot papers that return to the electoral commission with phallic symbols scrawled all over them.

For others, there is a desire to overthrow capitalism and establish a socialist-anarchist society that good old Marx would be proud of, free of those fat cat bourgeoisie who take so much, and give so little. For others, their fantasy is to have Tony Abbot return to his rightful place as the King of Australia and plunge us into the future, a future bright with budgie smugglers and raw onion eating. And others still dream of a land where it doesn’t matter one iota your gender, nationality, sexuality, or religious creed: everyone is treated equally and given the same rights as everyone else. Simple, right?

Sadly no. At the end of the day, most people’s political fantasies conflict and collide. That’s why there were people a couple of months ago literally beating on each other at the Coburg Rallies, for either being racist or racially tolerant. Some attacked others with the Australian flag. Police in riot gear had to intervene with capsicum spray, batons, and arrests. Seriously, what a bunch of crap! But that’s what happens. We create these political and

social utopias in our mind of what we imagine is the perfect world. When these don’t occur, we get upset. Sometimes we get aggressive. And, if you are Blair Cottrell, leader of the xenophobic and militant United Patriots Front, or one of his goons, you get ready to beat up people who don’t look the same as you.

And although we are lucky enough to live in a democracy (although right now it seems we’re restricted to voting which old crusty white dude we want to represent us) we are still deeply disappointed when our political aspirations go unrealised.

But this problem is as old as time itself. Why do you think people began migrating at the dawn of time? Scientists and anthropologists may say it was for better climate, or more delicious grub; I say some dickhead said he was in charge and a whole group of people just packed up and left.

That’s why revolutions happen all the time; why there are strikes and uprisings; why monarchs, sultans, rajahs, and emperors have been overthrown; why theocracies and creepy cults are a thing - and then very quickly they are not. It’s why there are endless lobby groups, pushing for their own interests to be appeased and addressed before anyone else’s. It’s why we still have, within our own constitution, laws that exclude people from voting based on their race. Thank the heavens above that these are not enacted, but they are still there. It’s also why the senate had to be reformed to get rid of the ridiculous amount of parties that have popped up over the years, all of them clamouring for their day in Canberra.

It does not, however, explain how our senate has the likes of George Christensen, Ricky Muir, Jacqui Lambie, and David Leyonhjelm in our parliament. Who the fuck even votes for these guys?

All of this is done to try and achieve our political and social fantasies. It’s also why, all going to plan, I am one day going to go live on an island where no one can talk to me and I don’t have to deal with this rubbish anymore. Or, in an everlasting tribute to Shaun Micallef’s Mad As Hell, orbit the earth in a rocket, yelling and shaking my fist at the world like a crazy person. But, I dream.

Note: at time of going to print, the 2016 election result was still undecided.

AUTHOR Brenton Griffin, 22, Bachelor of Arts (History)

If Brenton could have any fantasy power, it would be the power of teleportation - the power to travel the world for free!

- -Features Equality - -

The Census: What does it mean to students?

The 2016 Census is coming – your moment to make a difference!

Every 5 years, the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) conducts the Census of Population and Housing, which aims to count every person and household in Australia. This year’s Census is on Tuesday the 9th of August.

This is your moment to be counted and make a difference in your community.

The information you provide on your Census is used to inform decisions about local services including housing, transport, education, industry, hospitals, and the environment.

Census aims to count everyone – including students.

Students contribute a great deal to the future of Australia by engaging in further education that will allow them to become the leaders of tomorrow. In the 2011 Census, 100,799 people aged 15+ in South Australia identified as being currently engaged in study in a university, technical college, or other tertiary institution.

The most widely completed qualification in South Australia recorded by all responding males aged 15+ was Engineering and related technologies (107,451), while the most common tertiary qualification completed by females over the age of 15 was Management and Commerce (64,452).

It’s important that everyone in Australia on Tuesday the 9th of August, including students, completes their Census, either online or by requesting a paper form, to get a greater understanding of the needs of all Australians.

From August, most people will receive a letter in the mail with a login code and instructions on how to complete their Census online. It’s anticipated that more than 65% of Australia’s households will complete the Census online. The Census can be completed online wherever you can access the internet, whether it’s on a desktop, laptop, tablet, or a mobile device. If you can’t complete the Census online, simply request a paper form and send it back in the reply paid envelope.

It’s compulsory for everyone in Australia to be included on a Census form on Census night, either by doing your own form or being included on someone else’s.

Your privacy matters.

The information you provide is used for one purpose only: to make a difference. The ABS takes your privacy very seriously and we understand that the privacy and security of your information is important to you.

No information you provide will be shared with other Government departments or agencies – it’s the law. Centrelink, the Australian Tax Office, and even the Police won’t see your personal information.

Where can you find more information on the Census?

To find out more about the 2016 Census, visit our website at census.abs.gov.au

In 2016 it’s easier than ever to complete your Census.

AUTHOR Fiona Wilkins, Alumni, Graduate Certificate in Tourism (Festival and Event Design Management)

For 2016, we’re changing the way Australians do the Census to make it quicker, easier, cheaper, and more environmentally friendly for everyone to be involved.

Fiona now works as the Media and Communications Officer for the Census South Australian Regional Management Unit, Australian Bureau of Statistics.

11

- Devil’s Advocate -

Harley Quinn: Kick-arse superhero or masturbatory after-thought?

Fan art by Molly Thomas

This issue of Empire Times has a “Fantasy” theme, and while I realise there is a large difference between “fantasy” (i.e. the traditional description of a magical world), vs. the “make believe” description of fantasy, I’ll be using the latter here. Now, to the topic at hand: Harley Quinn from the new Suicide Squad film.

SPOILER ALERT: those of you with a weak constitution do not bother reading on. This explicitly goes into Harley Quinn and the Joker’s back stories and why I don’t think I’ll be impressed with the new movie.

Within this article I fully intend to go into as much detail that is available to the general public regarding the film at the time of writing. I will be discussing Harley’s cannon story, and will provide details from the Arkham trilogy games, as well as several spinoff (but still DC cannon) comic series. In the event that in six months from now, you go and see Suicide Squad and I’ve nailed the synopsis, do not complain, you were forewarned. Having said that, let’s begin.

When I first heard there was going to be a new DC Joker movie, I was thrilled. When I heard it would have Harley Quinn in it, I was ecstatic. When I found out it was about the Suicide Squad and included multiple “lead” female characters, I was practically crying with joy. However, when I sat down and watched the trailers I went from gleeful nerd to Pompeii in seconds. Why? It seems that “artistic direction” had killed my favourite comic character.

For many fans of the franchise, what makes the relationship between Harley Quinn and the Joker so fascinating is their morally intriguing back-story together. To put it bluntly, they’ve had a lengthy abusive relationship. And while this seems a little

on the nose, Harley is very aware of their relationship status from the get-go. This is not Stockholm Syndrome we’re talking about here; Harley appears to stay of her own free will. Harley was first introduced within the Batman animated series; a very well-received fan favourite, elements of which were later adapted into the Arkham trilogy games created by the same producer as the show. These are some of the highest-selling Batman games to date.

After Harley’s popular introduction within the animated series, she was then integrated into the comics where she became a huge success. Within comic book history, this is pretty much the first time this has happened, making Harley’s success as a character, and a female character, a pretty big deal.

“

It seemed that “artistic direction” had killed my favourite comic character.

”

- Devil’s Advocate -

Harley’s character was later developed in several of her own spin-off series outside of the Joker comics; this then spawned the creation and subsequent success of the Suicide Squad comics.

Clearly you could make a fantastic movie based on any of this information. Heck, you could make a decent movie just as a recreation of the Batman animated series. It appears within the new Suicide Squad that majority of the characters are portrayed closer to their cannon depictions (i.e. Deadshot, Amanda Waller, Rick Flag Jr., Slipknot, and the Enchantress), as such this could allow for the portrayal of Harley and the Joker close to their origins as well.

I still feel that it is highly probable that the Suicide Squad film is going to be a bit of a train-wreck. I hope I’m wrong. I truly hope the creators are pulling some SuckerPunch shenanigans here, and are tongue-in-cheek mocking the vapid “neckbeard” (read: insufferable internet troll) fan-base the movie is most likely pandering to. But honestly, I don’t think this is the case.

Herein lies the problem with Suicide Squad: I know this isn’t going to be a story about Harley and the Joker. It seems Harley (and the rest of the Suicide Squad) has been thrown under the bus just to set up the inevitable Batman vs. Joker plot. From the trailers available, Harley’s depiction throughout them is of an infantilised walking wet dream. The painful song Harley sings throughout the second trailer – ‘The joke was on me…’ – was about as subtle as a giant neon sign reading ‘white-privilege, cherry picked fan-service, ahoy!’ It suggests that Harley is either going to be completely oblivious to the Joker’s treatment of her (which is not true to her character), or that Harley is aware of her impending treatment but is actively seeking the damage that it will result in.

From all of the information available regarding this new movie, Harley is at best a masturbatory after-thought with the aim of selling extra tickets to “neckbeards”, while maybe drawing in their girlfriends with a, ‘Come on, honey, it has girls in it too...’.

What frustrates me greatly is that cannon depictions of Harley show her as the Joker’s second in command. Granted, throughout several cannon story lines the Joker has manipulated and strung Harley along throughout his plans, but she was always aware of her role within his plans. She had autonomy to participate, and did so because she admired the Joker’s sheer chaotic anarchism.

During the Arkham City video game (and many points throughout the animated series and comics) when the Joker was sick (or incapacitated), Harley ran the Joker’s entire operation, and within the video game continued to do so after his death.

So why are these discrepancies problematic? It seems to me that by portraying Harley as a one-dimensional character, the standard for how women in superhero movies should act and look is reinforced. For example, the new Ghostbusters film (with its all-female lead cast) comes out, if not now, then very soon. The creators of the movie have already received so much vitriol and hate mail in regards to the all-female cast, which is supposedly pandering to the “feminazis”.

This reproduction of Ghostbusters provides several different (though still limited) portrayals of women. Although, how revolutionary can this be for the depiction of strong female characters when the characters are merely a gender-swap of male roles? They’re not original, they’re not their own characters.

I digress, that is a debate for another time. In regards to female leads in superhero-type movies, Ghostbusters and Suicide Squad

“

...they all end up being pigeon-holed as side-kicks, bumbling idiots, damsels in distress, or straight-up masturbatory fodder.

”

are hitting the big-time. The representations of women we have seen as actual superheroes so far have been Super Girl (which only made it to TV), Elektra and Cat Woman (which were derided by critics and movie goers... not without good reason), Tank Girl (which only received cult status after its short-lived cinematic run) and Wonder Woman (yet to be released). And even then, they all end up being pigeon-holed as side-kicks, bumbling idiots, damsels in distress, or straight-up masturbatory fodder.

The trouble is, the fans these movies are being written for aren’t females. Their target demographic is 15-35 year-old white boys and men. The inclusion of strong female characters within these movies is seen as “feminazi propaganda” by this target demographic; as such these characters are feared and ridiculed due to a perceived challenge towards the ingrained subservient depiction of females white males have so far been afforded.

However, as years have gone by, a larger subset of comic book and movie adaptation fans are becoming female. I and many other female fans don’t like to see women portrayed like this. We don’t like to see our fictional heroes portrayed as a walking pair of tits.

We want our favourite female characters portrayed with the same capability, personality and badassery that our favourite male characters have. This brings me back to a point I made earlier these movies are not made solely for the fans’ enjoyment, they are made for revenue.

Even Marvel, which prides itself on its dedication to fans, still frequently portrays its female characters as “broken”. This creates a problematic paradigm whereby women are portrayed as only useful when they overcome their inherent craziness, when they move beyond their hysteria, ultimately to become more like a man.

All in all, modern depictions of women within the superhero movie genre are pretty appalling. It would be nice to see filmmakers try and stay true to a female character without reducing them to sexualised, infantilised morons, especially when the characters they aim to portray are freaking kick-arse.

AUTHOR Amber, 23, Bachelor of Behavioural Sciences (Psychology)

If Amber could have any kind of superpower, it would be the power to manipulate the trajectory of time. This way she could pause time to sleep in, skip forward through boring conversations, and rewind time to stop herself from putting her foot in her mouth.

13

INTO THE GENDER VOID CHICKS WITH DICKS

One of the most obvious things about being a woman is the constant objectification of our bodies. Ask any woman and she’ll likely have stories about how young she was when men first started paying attention to her body, whether it’s comments about hips (child bearing hips et cetera), breast development, or menstruation. People are obsessed with the bodies of girls and women. It’s not just the physical presence of our bodies either, we’re also fantasised about constantly. Men in public spaces will talk to their buddies about which girls they want to think are sluts or which ones they want to fuck, and yeah I know that women are guilty of similar comments too, but it’s not quite the same thing.

Men are encouraged by society to be that way, while women are demonised.

I’ve gotten to a point in my transition where I can expect that most people will treat me like a girl. But I’m extremely open about being trans, so anyone who knows much about me knows that I’m trans. I also know that my body is the fantasy of millions of people. It’s pretty often that the phrase ‘best of both worlds’ is used to describe bodies like mine. It’s used by straight men who want to suck a dick without feeling like they’re gay or women who want to say they’ve slept with a girl but don’t actually want to sleep with a “real girl” (you have no idea how often trans women get called “not a real girl” by people who otherwise treat us with respect).

The whole fantasy of sleeping with a trans woman is the fact that they have a dick. But not everyone who sleeps with trans women fantasises about sleeping with a “chick with a dick”. There are people who sleep with trans women who don’t think twice about it, and there are people who just don’t get it. Not all trans women have dicks. There are some pretty nasty slurs that people use to differentiate between those of us who have had “the operation” and those of us who haven’t. As if it matters to anyone but ourselves.

I can think of more than half a dozen terms to describe bodies like mine that, if you type them into a search engine, will exclusively have pornographic results. Its not that all of them are exclusively

used for porn, but the sheer amount of people who jerk it to “tranny porn” is astounding. Not only that, but the words used to describe us in porn are pretty much all slurs – words many of us have mostly only spoken in violence. Not all violence is physical either. In fact, while the statistics for trans women who have experienced physical violence are extremely high, the rates of verbal abuse are even higher.

Porn also contributes to unrealistic ideas of what the bodies of trans women are like. Giant boobs, tiny waists, and rock hard cocks are some of the things you’ll see in porn of trans women.

I hope I don’t need to explain that porn isn’t real (it’s Viagra and lube and cutting together scripted scenes). Do people really believe that everyone fucks in these weird positions for any reason other than so it looks good on camera?

Aside from porn being completely fake, it’s also an unrealistic standard for how our bodies work. Oestrogen changes a lot of things to do with bodies, including things that can completely change how sex works. Because of this the fantasy that many people have about sleeping with trans women can often be ruined. I’ve seen comments on porn videos complaining when there isn’t an erect dick, and I’ve heard stories from friends about disappointed lovers. It’s pretty common knowledge between trans women and medical professionals that this happens, so why do the people who want to sleep with us not understand this?

But what about our own fantasies, what about the fantasies of trans women themselves? I won’t presume to speak for anyone else, but I know that I’d love to live in a world where girls like me are accepted without question, where we’re not treated like curiosities or sexual objects to fulfil the desires of people who don’t care about us as people.

AUTHOR Elle Void, 24, Bachelor of Social Work

If Elle could have any superpower, it would be matter manipulation.

15

T J k s A

Love-life got you down? Got a problem that no amount of therapy or booze will fix? Fear no more for JT is here to answer all your Dear JT. burning questions.

Problem. There is a massive hottie at uni who I met at The Tav the other night, he bought me drinks and we played pool and it was such a romantic night. The problem is, he’s a PhD student, and I just found out that he’s also a tutor - of one of my classes this semester!

Is this a massive conflict of interest? Could he be fired? More importantly, could my Distinction average be at risk?

Dear JT, My boyfriend of 5 years has told me he’s been harbouring a secret fetish throughout our entire relationship...golden showers. He wants to try it out on our anniversary later this month. I don’t know what to do! I love him but I don’t know if I can do this...it’s not me.

Help!

- I would do anything for love but I won’t do that

- EyeOnThePrize As someone who has a notoriously successful dating life (I only use Tinder ironically), I can assure you that you’ve got to appreciate the good guys when they come along – especially when some un-match you for sending them bad political puns. Hypothetically.

Anyway, I’m not well-versed in the policies Flinders places on tutor-student relationships, but I’m sure any academic activity is encouraged. There’s no shame in being the literal top of the class.

The only thing I’d be worrying about is whether someone would take the time conduct a private investigation and track down who actually sent this message and expose you to the public, completely ruining your reputation and the tutor’s employment here at Flinders. But I highly doubt that’s on anyone’s agenda.

But to be honest, it is quite a conflict of interest. You can’t fill the interior of your classrooms with your shared pheromones while your classmates suffocate and question why they have unexpected semis in their pants. You can’t be giving him salacious looks behind your readers and pointedly blushing when he mentions the eventual ‘oral presentation’ you’ll have to give. No one deserves to be encapsulated in a chamber of secondhand sexual tension.

Conclusively, maybe it’s better to wait until he’s not your tutor and prioritising your distinction average before his average distinction.

Dear JT, I just became an Editor at a student mag...not ET, of course.

Anyway, there are so many new computer programs to learn, and so many contributors to get to know, and so many articles to proofread... I don’t know if I can survive the rest of the year in this office! Again, I am NOT referring to Empire Times...I don’t even know where Flinders Uni is...anyway... please help me!

- Rauren Leid I believe I’ve heard of this Empire Times magazine, Rauren – their content is impeccable especially a certain advice column.

Welcome to the family Miss Leid, unlike other magazines you can rely on the friendliness of your fellow editors to help you through these times of adjustment. There’s a certain wife of mine (nepotism was not the reason I got this job) named Eleanor who will happily commit to you being comfortable...as opposed to being committed to her husband. And then there’s our current resident hand model and future Australia’s Next Top Model: Liam. I think you’ll find this pair are more than adequate to show you the ropes.

As for balancing your new-found draught into the magazine industry; I’m afraid that’s reliant on every cog in the Empire Times machine (for example, not the magazine I’m actually referring to) running smoothly. As long as all your contributors submit everything on time, you should be able to achieve a great balance. I never submit anything late.

Send all your desperate wonderings to empire.times@flinders.edu.au!

First of all, congratulations. Second of all, congratulations.

Considering the assortment of fetishes out there, you should be exhaling a sigh of relief. The same type of relief someone experiences when letting go of a full, aching bladder. Surely the pleasure must be increased if shared with other people such as yourself. Sure, the target isn’t a stained, smelly urinal but instead, your immaculate face and body; but that doesn’t necessarily mean he considers you in the same fluorescent light.

Since it’s your five-year anniversary, I bet you’re expecting sentimental bling: new diamond earrings or, if he’s ‘not like other boys’, a dreamcatcher necklace. But there’s a reason it’s called a golden shower, not a bronze or copper shower (if that particular colour persists, see doctor immediately). And believe it or not, urine is actually quite sterile which why we can drink it if stranded on an island or when being hazed by the local fraternity house… hypothetically speaking of course. So with these aspects in mind, look at the golden shower as symbolic: he wants to soak you in his urethra-pushed riches because you possess the highest value to him.

I’m sure he’ll write something funny in the card too.

Dear JT. My regular coffee place on campus has started to make my coffee as soon as I walk in the door - they don’t even ask me for my order anymore, they just know. Is this a bad sign? Is this my slow descent into caffeine-addicted madness? Should I become a tea drinker?

HELP!!!1!!

- Tall Long Black, no sugar ‘Tall Long Black, no sugar’ – now why are you leaking the title of my autobiography?

But honestly I face the same situation when I enter my usual haunts such as JB HiFi (where a worker there outed me because I was buying Adam Lambert’s ‘Greatest Hits’ album for my grandmother) and have faced such psychological responses. Do I really come in here that much? Should I just nail myself to the nearest shelf and become a permanent fixture? Should I try blonde highlights?

Ultimately though, it is quite a sweet thing for a staff member, trapped in the riptide of all the different customers’ demands and follies, to remember your order specifically and save you the time.

Unlike the guys I date, these particular staff members seem to reward loyalty above all things and if anything, it’s quite flattering.

Considering that people I know and love have forgotten to reply to my texts (some as old as four months), you should be grateful that a complete stranger has remembered this inconsequential thing about you.

And for god’s sake, don’t become a Tea Drinker. People who sacrifice their Nescafe souls for the Lipton life often find they can’t go back to normalcy. Amen.

- Get Smart -

get smart: The X-Lotto edition

Like most people, Karen has dreamt about winning X-Lotto.

What would she spend it on? Which charities would she donate to? Would she even tell her friends and family?

You see, my in-laws have a theory. If they ever win a significant amount of money, they don’t intend on telling a soul. Not their friends, not extended family — not even their two sons. We would just find out one day in a lawyer’s office that they’d been secret billionaires the whole time, living quietly on the coast, still carefully accounting for all their expenses.

They’ve got a valid reason for this conviction, of course. Money changes people; it obligates you. If you have a lot, and you know someone who doesn’t have much, and you sit on your big pile of money and don’t share it, you’re the bad guy. People will ask to borrow money because, ‘You can afford it now!’ Suddenly, you have cousins you didn’t even know you had, and you’re being asked to invest in all sorts of businesses and schemes. Money can be an ugly thing.

This might be showing my age a bit, but when I was a kid, one of my favourite movies was Brewster’s Millions.* In the film, Richard Pryor is a baseball player who inherits $300 million but in order to secure the money he has to first spend $30 million in 30 days, with a few caveats. He can’t have any assets at the end of the month (so no buying property, clothes, cars, that sort of thing), he can’t waste money, his charitable donations are limited and he can’t tell a soul.

The idea of having $30 million to spend, let alone $300 million, feels kind of obscene. My folks never had a lot of money to play around with, so we lived a pretty quiet life. We learned to make do, and we appreciated the worth of the items around us. But it still would have been nice to have options, you know? When we went on holiday, we just travelled a few towns away and stayed with family. Luxury was fish and chips and a block of Cadbury Dairy Milk (back when it had the paper wrapper and inner silver foil and you could pretend you were Charlie finding a Golden Ticket when you unwrapped it) on a Friday night. If we threw a video — yes, a video cassette, kiddos! — into the mix, we felt like we were living like absolute kings. We worked out early that you don’t need much to be happy.

We all live with more technology now; we own more things, expect more opportunities. I’m typing this right now on a laptop, inside a house that I’m a hair’s breadth away from owning outright, with two cars sitting in my driveway. I have the privilege of deciding whether I want to go to university or not, while in many countries even basic education isn’t a protected right. I

don’t know about you, but I can’t help but think of how very rich we all actually are.

I don’t have $30 million** but if I had to spend it, I’d get a huge kick out of travelling a little bit every year, allocating ourselves a modest income and donating the rest. I’d have so much fun secretly leaving little cash donations to people and organisations that need it the most – it would be like Seven Pounds, just without the guilt or sad people at the end.

What’s $30 million, when you could change someone’s life with $500?

In practice, it really doesn’t take much — try it. Pay it forward with a cup of coffee to the next person in line one day. Buy extra toiletries and feminine hygiene products the next time they’re on sale and donate them to a women’s shelter or give extra shaving supplies to a men’s shelter. Donate towards educating girls in Africa, or buying a sewing machine to help a widow in India start a cottage industry. Don’t do it because it’s some sort of tax you feel you need to pay to justify not feeling guilty about your big-screen TV or MacBook Pro. Do it because giving someone back their dignity is priceless.

But even then — even if you don’t have money to spare of your own — you can donate time. Give a few hours of tutoring to a struggling Uni student. Offer to proofread a creative writing assignment for a classmate. Volunteer to pick up rubbish on Clean Up Australia Day, or shave your head for the Leukaemia Foundation, or collect donations for the Red Cross, or read a book to a kid — and use silly voices!

That’s what being rich is all about. That’s the dream. *(IMDB it — it’s old as dirt but it’s an easy way to spend a couple of hours). **Note to my kids: Or do I..?

AUTHOR

Karen Smart, ‘On the flip side of 30’, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) If Karen could have any superpower, it would be the ability to stop time so that when she’s drowning in deadlines, she can take some time to indulge in some stress-relief Netflix!

17

- Clubs -

WHAT THE

FLinders University Clubs

FLINDERS UNIVERSITY LEAGUE OF LEGENDS [FULL]

Here’s a first. I’m starting this article with my rather lame, rather hackneyed but always amusing pop culture question. Ahem, ‘So Josh, if you had to choose a champion to represent your club, who would you choose?’ The answer — Ekko.

You, poor reader, are probably wondering ‘WTF’ at this point. Fear not! All will be set right with this article when I say to you — LoL. Not laugh out loud, but League of Legends!

In this the fantastical fantabula of all things Fantasy — what better club to bring to you than Flinders University League of Legends (FULL).

And that’s where Ekko comes in. In the rough tough world of the League of Legends 3-dimensional online gaming experience, Ekko was originally knocking around the mid-lane, mostly unnoticed and forgotten by Summoners. Then, almost overnight, some pros started using him as a tank and — well, the LoL world went nuts for the dude. That’s kind of the same story for FULL. Wind the clock back to late February 2016. Joshua Braines-Mead, freshly ensconced in University Hall from his Darwinian home, is wandering through the rows of club stalls at his first Flinders O’Week. No one can answer his burning question — where is the stall for the League of Legends club? After stumbling upon the FUDGE (Flinders University Gaming Enthusiasts) stall, he receives the news that he was dreading — there is no League of Legends club at Flinders.

So to quote Mick, Keith and the lads, ‘what’s a poor boy gotta do’…when your name’s Joshua Braines-Mead you don’t take that shit lying down. If there’s no League of Legends club at Flinders, you start a League of Legends club at Flinders. And that, dear reader, is how FULL came to be.

Like Ekko’s humble beginnings, FULL was originally Josh and his mate Lachlan Kelly, but then the pros came a-knocking.

Riot Games, the creators and marketers of LoL, organised the Oceanic University Championship. ‘Great,’ thought Josh. Then reality smacked him with a wet fish. To participate in the Uni Championship, you need to be a properly auspiced club. As the champs were slated for April, he had to get cracking!

Josh reached out to FUSA — that’s a pro tip for any of you who want to start a club BTW — and an Inaugural General Meeting was conducted. A board was elected, with our hero selected as the inaugural Prez, the constitution adopted and the bank account created. The next step was to recruit the talent.

An internal trial was conducted, and heaven forefend, Josh and Lachlan had enough players to field not one but two teams in the Uni Championship. By this time, the games were nearly upon the noble FULL contenders. They adopted the Uni Hall mascot, Stryker the Shark, met once or twice to discuss strategy, then jumped straight into the Oceanic University Championships’ regional play-offs.

The top Flinders team — the Strykers — fared well, but (oh, the horror!) not quite well enough to qualify for the National PlayOffs. However, just like dear old Ekko, the LoL gods smiled upon the FU Strykers. The administrators detected an ineligible player in the ranks of one of the other Uni teams. This resulted in a disqualification and the administrators turned to FULL to fill the spot.

So Josh and his band of cybernauts, buckled up and repped Flinders at the National Champs against other regional high rankers, drawn from Universities the length and breadth of Australia, Fiji and New Zealand. The championship was played and whilst the Strykers didn’t take the cup, they finished an incredible seventh. Not at all shabby for a club that had been in existence for less than two months.

After a momentary glory bask, Josh and Lachlan set about devising the program of events for the remainder of the year.

First on the list was a quiz night, held in late May. Not being content with being a crack player, President and life-force, Joshua launched into the role of quiz master, not only running the night but writing 75 questions split into five categories covering different aspects of the LoL universe — champion knowledge, in-game knowledge, professional play, history and lore, and game development. One of the major perks of being a genuine, auspiced LoL club is that you get to share in the spoils of Riot Game’s (LoL’s sponsorship deal with Red Bull. So Josh had slab upon slab of the perky beverages to dole out as quiz night prizes — along with LoL in-game merch.

FOUNDED 2016

CONTACT facebook: Search Flinders University League of Legends Club

PRESIDENT joshua braines-mead

MASCOT stryker the shark And what does the rest of the year have in store? Josh tells me, ‘We have a full program to keep us busy between tournaments.

There will be one or two more quiz nights. Plus, a LAN-café crawl, and cosplay day. We will be hosting a viewing of the World Championships at Hoyts in conjunction with Redbull. We also will make full use of the 24/7 Hub for some very late night tournament spectating in the Multimedia Lounge.’

For those of you needing to expand your horizons of what LoL is all about, Josh provides the following explanation. ‘The game’s genre is multi-player online battle arena. There are two teams of five who play one of 140 different champions. You play and work as a team to destroy the enemy’s base before they do the same to you. The map is split into 3 sections (lanes). The five team members play in different lanes. The tank plays in the top lane. Its role is to protect the team and absorb a lot of damage. In the mid lane the spell caster does a lot of damage quickly. Down in the bottom lane you find the marksman (does most damage but can be killed quickly) and the support (looks after the marksman). The fifth player is the jungler who sits in between the lanes (the jungle) and helps out the team as needed. Each game goes for at least 20 minutes and can last up to an hour. Each role has different champions who possess different strengths and weaknesses.’

‘Oh,’ I say, ‘Kind of like chess.’

membership 87

ACTIVITIES National championship tournament, quiz nights, uni games participation, LAN-cafe, club and regional tournaments.

ACHIEVEMENTS 7th place in oceanic university championship

Josh responds to my observation with a patient smile.

AUTHOR Richard Falkner, 52 (not out), Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

If Richard could have any superpower, it would be the power to make politicians answer questions honestly.

1919 43

staff profile So, what do you do here?

Name: Kylie Jarrett Job Title: Assistant Special Collections Librarian And what does that mean, exactly?

I work with the large variety of collections which comprise of old, rare, vulnerable and unpublished archival materials in the Central Library. A lot of items that are unique and in a variety of formats — books, speeches, photographs, maps, audiovisual items, manuscripts, artworks, objects, press clippings and more. This role involves responding to all sorts of enquiries, providing access to the materials in the Special Collections reading room, metadata/cataloguing of them for FindIt@Flinders and Trove, maintaining the website and maintaining library displays.

Tell us a bit about your career path and how you got to where you are now...

I studied Recreation at UniSA and Tourism at Monash, then I worked in the travel industry here and in the UK. After Ansett Airlines collapsed in 2001 I had a career-change soul search, and decided libraries were for me because of my love of reading, getting answers, and wanting to help people. So I returned to uni to complete my Grad Dip in Information Studies at UniSA, gained experience in public libraries and was fortunate to get a casual position in the university library sector, and then a continuing Metadata Librarian position here at Flinders. As well as metadata I’ve worked with eReadings, including their transition to Flex, plus plenty of Info desk time at Sturt Library and Central Library. Then in December 2014 an opportunity to transfer to Special Collections came up so I took it.

What do you wish Flinders students knew about Flinders staff?

Sometimes I think of that old Unibooks sign ‘On campus for over 70 years, will graduate soon!’ I’m coming up for 10 years and as a staff member I’d like students to know I feel settled and have made some wonderful friendships here, and the coffee and Flinders One Fitness (and now a Tavern!) are awesome. There’s this feeling of ‘Flinders keepers’ in my working life, but on the other hand there’s the job stress of not getting enough done in a day and saying farewell to dear colleagues with the VERS (Voluntary Early Retirement Scheme), which is hard. Having said that, I hope Flinders graduates get to enjoy similarly good workplaces.

What’s the best thing about working at Flinders?

It’s tricky to nail it down to one. So I’ll go with the camaraderie of good people around here, and the flexitime thing is huge relief for work life juggling.

Build your own Fantasy film in 150 words or less...

John Longbottom (Tom Hardy) enters a pie-eating competition in the land of ‘Gelderland’, to win the heart of a handsome dwarf, Asriel Mononoke (Peter Dinklage), who is engaged to evil elf lord Anduin Greenleaf (Rufus Sewell).

Longbottom is accompanied by a small band of friends, who reluctantly support his efforts in the competition, despite his continuing obesity problems.

Throughout the film Greenleaf sits upon a horse, brooding and scolding Longbottom from afar, until the grand finale when the hero manages to defeat Greenleaf, despite the villain’s effort to stuff extra cheese into Longbottom’s bacon and cheese pies.

Mononoke ends up not marrying either contender, as he is disgusted by their poor efforts in the competition and travels the land searching for the best pie ever made instead...

AUTHOR Seamus Mullins, 21, Bachelor of Digital Media (Alumni)

A teenager (ideally played by Joey King), who upon learning to read as a child, discovered she has the power to enter the stories she reads and live them herself.

Now, she has completed almost all existing books in the world, finding herself suddenly and sadly out of options for adventures. One day, she is sent a mysterious book in which she discovers a story unlike any she has experienced before.

The girl must finish reading or rather live the most challenging tale of all in order to leave the enchanted book, and escape the evil entity behind it...

AUTHOR Georgia Brass, 22, Bachelor of Education (Secondary) / Bachelor of Arts (English & Drama)

A scrappy teenager (Ansel Elgort) develops the ability to teleport on his 16th birthday and is immediately drafted to the military where he is trained for combat.

He has to fight for food against other soldiers-in-training, most of whom have more combat-ready powers, especially another recruit (Brant Daugherty) who monopolises the food supply with his super strength.

The movie follows the story of the hero as he learns to use his powers for combat, and as he defeats the bully.

AUTHOR Hamish Philips, 18, Bachelor of Paramedic Science

TRAD(I)E SECRETS The last thing a lazy but well-loved tradie expects to see on his smoko is a troupe of elves emerging from a portal.

The elves are convinced Bazza is their prophetic hero in gold (ahem, fluoro) who’ll lead the battle against ‘The Evils’. Bazza must band together workers, dodge their boss, and conceal the elves from the locals. The Evils arrive early (cruddy prophecy) - luckily Bazza has spectacular knowledge of the worksite due to skivving off, and leads the ‘army’ to wait in hiding.

Armed with VB cans and heavy machinery they wage war. Don’t fret - they all wear hard hats!

Bazza: Richard Roxburgh - Head elf: Rhys Darby - Nosy local: Celia Pacquola Grouchy boss: Geoffrey Rush - Head ‘Evil’: Hugo Weaving

Artwork by Sheydin Dew

AUTHOR Marina Deller-Evans, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

21 21

- Features -

Our city: A dreamy day out in adelaide I’ve spent much of my life in and around our CBD. I went to high school in town, I’ve worked in Rundle Mall on and off since I was 14, I had a brief dalliance with a city University (the name of which I shall not mention), and I’ve written some words here and there for CBD-based publication CityMag this year.

I’m also a big lover of all things brunch and am always eager to try out a new coffee spot or pop-up bar, with the city being my location of choice due to ease of public transport or cab access and its centrality for the vast majority of my friends who are scattered throughout the suburbs. I like to think this has resulted in me knowing our little city pretty darn well.

So let me take you on a tour of some of my favourite places and show you how to spend an ideal day out on the town. I’ll warn you now, though, we’re on a tight schedule – make sure you’re wearing comfy shoes!

7am – 8:15am: Hatha Yoga with Izzy from Fresh Sprouts at The Yoga Centre, Gilbert St

The Yoga Centre is home to many different styles of Yoga from Hatha to Vinyasa

to Aerial - you name it, they’ve got it! My personal fave is any class that Izzy is

teaching because she’s basically just a ball of human sunshine and that’s exactly

what we all need at 7am.

8:30am: Breakfast at My Kingdom for a Horse, Wright St

Stepping into the Kingdom can feel a bit like stepping back into the 1970s

thanks to its psychadelic decor, but don’t be fooled! The food and coffee are

deliciously modern. My breakfast of choice is usually the shakshouka (a.k.a.

baked eggs, for all you peasants) and a soy latte.

10am: Vintage shopping at Salvo’s (Whitmore Square), Push Pin Boutique (Compton St), Antique Market (Grote St)

Whether you’re after an up-market vintage frock, an antique trinket for your

hipster sharehouse or a thrashed thrifted rock tee, the West side of town has

plenty of options to offer you.

12pm: Lunch at Chicken and Pig/Abbots and Kinney, Pirie St

Pirie Street is fast becoming the next big foodie thing, so get with the times and

get yourself a delicious sandwich from Chicken and Pig and top it off with a

coffee and one of Abbots and Kinney’s infamous pastries next door.

1:30pm: Cruise around the Art Gallery of SA and Museum of SA

Remember the feeling of awe that would take over your whole tiny body when

you went to these places as a kid?! Get it back, dude! As well as your old faves,

both places have rotating exhibitions which are worth the occasional entry fee

you might have to pay. Get some culture in ya.

- Features -

Images L-R: Shopping at Leonard Street, Pastry shelves at Abbots and Kinney, Pirate feels at Hains & Co.

3:30pm: Shopping (or window shopping, perhaps) on Rundle St and Ebenezer Pl

There’s plenty of places along Rundle Street to gawk at (Gorman and Jack

London... amiright? But tucked just behind on Ebenezer Place there’s plenty

more to see. Council of Objects and Leonard Street are my top two, but you

can even pop into ‘das’ for a hair cut if you’re in need. If you’re in need of a

pick-me-up, grab some caffeine from the lovely chaps at Exchange Specialty

Coffee.

5:30pm: Knock-off drinks at Hains & Co, Gilbert Pl

Yep, same street as The Pancake Kitchen. Just keeeeeeep going, around the

corner until you reach this pirate-meets-pin-up-style bar. Choose from one of

the bottles of wine they have open, try the gin of the month or stick to

a classic cocktail. Whatever, it’s all good. And the service is equal parts

courteous and cheeky, just the way it should be.

7pm: Dinner at Gondola Gondola, Corner Hindley and Peel St

Whether you do the three-course thing or just have a nibble of a couple of

smaller dishes, just make sure you get some dumplings. Dumplings are life.

8:30pm: West End bar crawl! Suggestions include Maybe Mae, Clever Little Tailor, Pink Moon Saloon, Chihuahua Bar

Since you’re already on the corner of Peel Street, meander on down for some

bevs to finish off the night. Treat yo’self, you’ve had a long day.

AUTHOR Lauren Reid, 22, Arts - High Achievers (Drama & History)

If Lauren could have any superpower, she would give it away. She doesn’t like making decisions.

23

x vo

1. A vet.

2. Lord of the Rings.

3. Viggo Mortensen – especially as Aragorn.

4. A dragon, because being able to breathe fire and fly seems like a perfect combination.

5. Heard footsteps in the passage last night.

I live alone.

6. Steak and chips.

1. I wanted to be a chemical engineer.

2. Harry Potter!!

3. Channing Tatum.

4. A dragon.

5. Exam week.

6. KFC.

1. A police officer.

2. Star Wars.

3. Margot Robbie.

4. A gryphon.

5. End of semester exams.

6. Steak and chips.

Renae, business

Jennifer, Arts (High achievers) - English + applied linguistics

alex, business

Q.s

1. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? 2.

Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter/Star Wars. Pick one. 3. Who would be your dream celebrity partner? 4. If you were a magical creature, which one would you be? 5. Write us a horror story in ten words or less. 6.

What would be your death row meal?

pop

1. A teacher.

2. Harry Potter.

3. Johnny Depp.

4.A mandrake?

5. This is a vegan restaurant.

6. Vegan sausages.

1. I wanted to be a ballerina. And an artist.

And a singer. And a fashion designer.

2. Lord of the Rings.

3. Orlando Bloom.

4. A nymph.

5. “Sorry, the kitchen’s closed.”

6. After a life with a nut allergy, probably nutella, or Ferrero Rocher… or a waldorf salad!!

yasmin, speech pathology

1. An astronaut.

2. Star Wars.

3. Natalie Dormer.

4. A sphinx.

5. I haven’t watched a lecture and the exam is today.

6. Mock Duck.

Anonymous, speech pathology Natasha, speech pathology

25

- Cooking -

pocket-change pantry crunchy granola suite What you’ll need: - Rolled oats (1 cup) - Flavoursome fillings - I used chopped almonds and desiccated coconut (1 cup in total) - Coconut OR olive OR vegetable oil (1/3 cup)* - Honey OR Maple Syrup OR Rice Malt Syrup (1/3 cup) - Cacao OR cocoa powder (1 TBSP) - Ground coffee (2 heaped tsp)

How you do it: 1. Preheat your oven to 160°C.** 2. Mix all dry ingredients in a large bowl.

3. Pop your oil and sweetener of choice into a saucepan and heat gently, stirring, until mixed together (this is particularly important if you use coconut oil, which is solid at room temperature).

4. Take your wet ingredient mixture off the heat and pour over dry ingredients.

5. Mix all ingredients together until all liquids are evenly distributed throughout.

6. Line a baking tray with baking paper.

7. Pour mixture onto lined baking tray and spread evenly across it. The fewer gaps there are, the more easily they’ll form clusters.

8. Place baking tray into the oven and bake for approximately 30 minutes (or until almonds are looking nice and roasted), stirring regularly.

9. Remove baking tray from oven and place on a heatproof surface to let it stand until cool.

Don’t panic if you’ve used coconut oil and the mixture is looking kinda liquidy, it’ll set as it cools.

10. Break granola into clusters or shards and either serve immediately or store in an airtight container in a cool place. It should last at least a couple of weeks.

11. Enjoy your delicious granola, you clever possum, you domestic god(dess), you! *Coconut oil just gives the best flavour in conjunction with all the other bits and pieces. **The oven I use isn’t fan-forced, so if yours is you’ll need to adjust the temperature to suit.

- Cooking -

Other flavour combinations to try: This is just one flavour combo that happened to work well. Feel free to have a play around and substitute other combinations, or play with the ratios of ingredients to try a different balance of flavours and textures. Some other combos I like are:

- Vanilla and cinnamon with pecans - Cranberry and pistachio - Date and walnut - Apricot and almond - Double choc (using cocoa and mini choc chips)

Serving suggestions: Obviously this granola would make an ideal breakfast choice, served with your milk of choice and topped with a piece of fruit. However, I would also suggest trying it mixed through a bowl of coconut yoghurt to really bring out that coconutty taste.

Other uses could include sprinkling it on the top of a smoothie, using it to decorate a rustic banana bread or date loaf or carrot cake... the possibilities are just about endless!

Of course, you could just do what Eleanor did when I brought her batch of this mixture and eat it straight from the tub! It makes a pretty satisfying sweet afternoon treat!

AUTHOR Lauren Reid, 22, Arts - High Achievers (Drama & Hiwstory)

On second thoughts, Lauren reckons that maybe it would be cool to teleport so that she could travel without long-haul flights. Yeah, cool.

27

Artwork: Rebecca Read

- Features -

alumni interview haidarr jones Fresh from his graduation ceremony this year, Haidarr Jones stepped through the doors of our national broadcaster to start his media career. Lauren Reid chatted to Haidarr about his time at Flinders and what exactly he’s getting up to at the ABC.

How important was it to you to come to Uni, and particularly to come to Flinders?

I didn’t know anyone who went to University and this was why it was extremely important that I went and experienced it! I had little knowledge about Universities but I knew it was somewhere I had to be. Flinders was the first campus that I had stepped foot on.

What was it like moving from country to city to study?

It was the most difficult decision that I could have ever made because I had to move to a place where I didn’t know anyone. It was even harder knowing that I was broke (and I’m not talking about “live in college and eat noodles broke”), I had no accommodation.

What was your time on Student Council like?

Attending University gave me the chance to step up my game in helping other Indigenous people. I became a leader. In my first year at university I was the founding President of the Flinders Indigenous Student Association and in my second year I became the Indigenous Officer on the Flinders Student Council.

What other groups or activities did you get involved with on campus?

Prior to University and throughout schooling I was not involved in any social events. During Uni I was putting my hand up for everything on and off-campus: I signed up for half of the student clubs, I attempted Ultimate Frisbee, played at the Indigenous Uni Games, joined a class in Hong Kong, created two documentaries for NITV, and shared my story with a crowd of 1000 people (half of which were Indigenous Uni students from around the country).

Did you have any favourite topics or teachers at Flinders?

Where would I be without great mentors, tutors and teachers? I wouldn’t have been able to graduate. I appreciate all of their amazing support especially Yunggorendi who kept me in line and on track.

How well did your time at Flinders prepare you for your career?

Flinders taught me how to work as a part of a team and how to keep learning and those are just two of the many attributes that have helped me progress in my career.

Tell us a bit more about what you’re up to now…

I am now working as 1 of 2 national trainees at ABC. I am getting trained how to write, film and edit content to create outstanding stories whether it’s for news or long-form stories. Whether I’m out filming the Prime Minister or working on other ABC programs such as Australian Story, Gardening Australia and Behind The News (BTN), every day is different for me.

Do you have any advice for current Flinders students, particularly Indigenous students?

Do not let anything hold you back even when you are faced with the toughest of challenges. Reach out and take advantage of the opportunities that you see. Then go back to your home or community and be a role model. The other kids need to see you!

Haidarr filming with Joel Brown. Image provided by Haidarr.

DIRECTORY Flinders Office of Indigenous Strategy and Engagement: http://www.flinders.edu.au/oise/ Support for Current Indigenous Students: http://www.flinders.edu.au/oise/current-students/currentstudents.cfm Flinders Indigenous Alumni: http://www.flinders.edu.au/oise/indigenous-alumni/ ABC Indigenous Employment: http://www.abc.net.au/careers/workinghere/indigenous. htm NITV: Channel 34 on free-to-air http://www.sbs.com.au/nitv/ Flinders Ultimate Frisbee: https://www.facebook.com/FlindersUltimate/ Indigenous Uni Games: http://www.indigenousunigames.com.au/

2016 FUSA Indigenous Officer: Alfred Lowe, indigenous.officer@flinders.edu.au

29

- Interview -

A CHAT WITH COMEDIAN

AKMAL SALEH

A well-known face of the Australian comedy world, Akmal Saleh is on tour again! Liam McNally had the pleasure of chatting with Akmal about his career in comedy, his recent appearance in I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, and the evolution of comedy.

is completely off-the-cuff and there’s so much pressure. You don’t have long so it’s either going to go well or not, and the difference is going to be clear. There’s no grey area with a show like that so that’s quite frightening. Things like the Glass House and Good News Week are good platforms for comedians.

When did you first decide you were interested in becoming a comedian?

Did you find them particularly helpful for mixing with other comedians and experiencing various works?

I’ve always been fascinated and obsessed by comedy from a very young age. I come from a very funny family; all my uncles were natural comedians and I just remember them [giving us] a lot of laughs in our family. I grew up and went to movies, always going to see the comedy movies. I’d save my money and buy Monty Python albums and comedy albums in general. It was always an obsession. It’s like when you ask someone why they started playing the guitar. It almost just finds you.

Not really because comedians tend to stick to things like the comedy clubs and shows like that. I got to meet musicians and artists and politicians and people I normally wouldn’t meet. I already knew the comedians.

So you naturally found an urge towards that above other things?

Above everything else. When I was young I used to go and watch comedy every night, just religiously. My friends who weren’t into it thought I was going insane. They might have been right. I’d go and watch every night and watch the same people again and again. I’d see the subtle differences in what they did. I’m not a big reader but when I did read it was always comedy. It was always something that was witty like Spike Milligan or Kurt Vonnegut – people who at least had a comic bent.

You started around 1990.

Yeah, on and off. I guess I could say the time I [first] got paid, so I could say I’m a professional comedian, was about ’92.

Before that, it was open mic nights and that sort of thing?

Yeah, open mics. I wasn’t really sure if I was ever going to make money from it so I did other things and went and did an open mic every chance I had. It grew from there.

You’ve gone on to appear in all the quintessential Australian comedy shows like Glass House, Spicks and Specks and Thank God You’re Here. How did you find those kinds of experiences?

They’re all different experiences. I think the most exhilhirating and the most frightening was Thank God You’re Here which was a brilliant idea. I was lucky enough they gave me a chance to perform on it. That was really scary because it is completely improvised. It

What do you think are the best opportunities for comedians on their way up these days?

It’s got to be the internet. I’ve met people who have done things that were not possible fifteen years ago, and even less. They’ve gone on Youtube and they’ve built a following from there and now they’re filling big theatres. That would not have been possible for those guys to achieve a full house at Her Majesty’s Theatre in Melbourne or Thebarton Theatre in Adelaide, they would have had to do 20 years of television and going past producers and executives and having their work altered. Now it’s the internet. It’s such a fast track to getting your own audience.

Do you think it levels the playing field?

I think definitely [it does]. If you are computer literate and you’re willing to do something, then definitely. Everyone has the opportunity to be creative. Anyone can make a short film fairly easily [now]. If you’ve got a mobile phone, you can make a film, or a sketch show or podcast. There are so many opportunities that you don’t even need to be on TV anymore. When I started, it was only TV. You had to be on television to get a following. It was only a select few who were lucky enough to get on the [right] shows, it was just a handful who were given that opportunity. Now anyone can do it.

How have you usually found the process of building a show for tour?

It’s the hardest thing. It’s the most underrated thing in the world.

I think people think it’s easy but for you to have a good, tight, consistently funny show, it takes quite a long time. It never finishes.

You might think you’ve got an hour ten, an hour twenty worth of material but you’re always improving it. The longer you do it, the better it gets. It just takes time. It’s unlike anything else, I guess.

Every night’s different. Sometimes you think things are working well and then you face an audience that for some reason just doesn’t find that bit funny, then you go and find out why. Sometimes it’s just that night for some reason and sometimes you realise maybe you could improve it here and there. It’s a constant work in progress.

that much time with your own family. It’s 24 hours [a day], in such a small area. It’s an extreme environment. There are no walls and everything you say is recorded. You get to build a very close relationship in such a short time in a really bizarre way.

So you’ve got to adapt on the fly a little bit?

Yeah. I caught up with a couple of them. I caught up with Laurina who I got on really well with. I think she was one of the most interesting people in the show. I haven’t really caught up with anyone else yet because I’ve just been travelling but I’d love to.

Well, I do. That’s my style. Other people might not, they might stick to a script. My style is [that] I try to keep it as loose as I can and also maintain a certain standard. It’s not so tight that it looks rehearsed or that I know exactly what’s coming up next. It keeps it interesting for me that I don’t know what’s coming up next. It keeps me engaged with the audience, and the audience engaged with me.

With this tour you’re doing now, was there any theme or core that inspired you onwards?

Not really, I’ve never been a comedian who has a theme in their shows. It’s all very loose. This year I did a show that I never thought I would do, I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. I did it because I needed the money.

It sparked off a lot of ideas about reality shows, I talk about reality shows and I talk about my experience of doing one and that people that were on with me. Everything you do that’s extreme or different will generate ideas. I’m talking about that at the moment, but I’m also talking about lots of other things. As I said, every night’s different. I try to keep every show different because it keeps it interesting for me and the audience.

With I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, what did you find the most enduring memory?

I think, being with these people. Comedians generally are a strange bunch of people who keep to themselves and keep to their own kind in the comedy community because that’s where they feel safe.

When you venture out and meet people from other industries and fields and actually force yourself to do that, it can be a rewarding experience. The best thing about doing that show is meeting those people I’d not met before. I don’t think I’d met any of them before and I got on really well with all of them. My problem was with the producers. It can be a very nasty show, a very manipulated show, and they always focus on the conflicts and the negatives – the drinking of horrible things – it can be a lot better than that because the idea’s basically good. The people behind the scenes make it harder than it should be, or less pleasant than it should be.

The people you were on the show with were all really good?

Yeah. They were really good. I got on with them really well and when I left I think I missed them a little bit because you do spend so much time [with them]. It’s so intense. You don’t even spend

Have you caught up with anybody from that since?

It sounds like an incredible experience.

Yeah, it certainly is. Sometimes I look back on it and think ‘did I really do that, or was that a dream?’ A lot of the time it felt like a dream.

Are you glad you did it in the end?

Yeah, I don’t regret doing anything – you learn from every experience whether it’s negative or positive or happy or unhappy.

You always get something out of it. Doing that show, I paid some debts off and got some new material, so that’s a positive outcome.

When you started out in comedy, you went by the name ‘Peter Saleh’. How did you find that, and then going back to using your own name?

Well, it felt a lot better using my own name. I used Peter because I was really scared. It’s a frightening thing to do to get up in front of people and get them to like you and get them to laugh at your thoughts and have a connection with them. When I first did stand-up comedy it was really rough. It was really bogan and really aggressive. It was sort of buck’s nights and hen’s nights. The predominant audience was drunks. I was scared that if I went on as ‘Akmal Saleh’, people wouldn’t like me. It was insecurity. All my comedy friends always called me Akmal because I told them that was my name. It just felt nice, when I went back to Akmal.

I can imganine that would be quite a crash-course in learning comedy, in an environment like that.

Yeah, it’s learning a type of comedy. It makes you more aggressive.

It makes you more defensive and loud. Melbourne comics tend to be a lot more subtle than Sydney comics because they grew up in a much more tame environment, and more sophisticated. Comedy in Melbourne grew from the university revues and proper clubs.

In Sydney it was just pubs. Pubs and RSL clubs and really rowdy crowds. It turns you into a more aggressive comedian in some ways.

Thank you so much.

My pleasure. Have a good day.

31

Turning tragedy into something positive: The story of the Sammy D Foundation Following the sudden death of their teenage son from an unprovoked one-punch incident at a house party in 2008, Neil Davis and Nat Cook started up the Adelaide based Sammy D Foundation in his honour, and in honour of other young victims.

The foundation aims to protect young people, provide drug and alcohol education, reduce crime, and to help youths contribute positively to their community. The Sammy D Foundation has now talked to over 60,000 people, telling Sam’s story and spreading their important messages to young people across the state.

Eleanor Danenberg talked to co-founder and executive director Neil Davis about the foundation, and what issues are facing young people today.

Tell us about The Sammy D Foundation.

The Sammy D Foundation started 8 years ago when we lost our son to a one-punch incident. When we started the foundation, it was a way of giving Sam’s friends something to do, we weren’t completely sure what we were going to do until we came across these young people who are at risk or in need, and we thought, what’s a way that we can help them out?

We started doing school talks, talking in schools about the impact of violence and trying to get across to young people to protect and look after their mates. It’s really hard for someone who’s really angry to stop themselves from hitting someone, but if you see your friend getting that angry, how about you stop them?

We started off doing those school talks, then we realised there’s more people we can help, and then we started doing alcohol and drug talks as well in schools, where young people talk to other young people about alcohol and drugs and the effects they have on your body. We don’t tell people they’re not allowed to drink, but we tell them about the risks and dangers of starting to drink early, if they can delay their first drink, the longer the better, and what can go wrong when you’re out drinking, and how to protect yourself.

Then we saw more people out there that we can help; young people that are highly at risk, and we do one-on-one and group mentoring with those people as well.

You received a grant the federal government in 2013 to mentor at risk youths – tell us more about your mentoring processes.

That grant was for the ‘Connect to Re-enage’ program, we called it; we worked with young people that had been in trouble with the police; they might have been put away, or just had a caution.

We worked with 30 young people with group mentoring, and one-one-one mentoring. It culminated in a camp at the end of the year with all of the young people who completed the program; only 2 people out of the 30 didn’t finish the program, we were really pleased with the people who finished it, and it’s a high success rate. All of the young people who were in the program, none of them reoffended while they were in the program.

The Sammy D Foundation provides school presentations on violence, drugs, alcohol, and bullying. Why are these presentations important for young people today?

When we go into a school and I’m telling a true story, it doesn’t matter what school or what demographic, it’s the same response from all of the students; the teachers always say they can’t believe the students sat still and quiet for so long. When I go into a school and speak for a lesson, a 50-minute session, you could hear a pin drop, so you know the kids are taking it in. We do evaluations after our presentations, and the kids are learning, they feel better equipped to have a party, better equipped to jump in and stop their friend from hitting someone, they do realise the consequences of this behaviour, this violence, and what can go wrong.

Sam died, I know that, but what about the rest of the people impacted? A young man I know, Charlie, was a university student with a High Distinction average; he received a brain injury, and now needs 60 hours a week of care, he’ll never get back to where he was, his short term memory has been severely damaged. It’s not just the people who die, it’s the effects on so many different people; the people who were at the party that Sam was at, and saw what happened, they have to live with that for the rest of their life. The boy who threw the punch didn’t think he was going to kill Sam, but that’s what happened; you may think ‘Oh, I didn’t mean to’, but you can’t take that back. And if you were to stand back and let your friend hit someone and the same thing happened, would you be able to live with yourself for the rest of your life?

The good thing about our presentations is that we get phone calls and emails from parents saying, “My child was in your presentation today, and they came home from school, and I heard your presentation just about word for word. With your presentation, we had an hour-long talk over dinner, and it opened up a door for me to have a conversation with my child about going out, partying, and keeping safe.” And that’s how we know that these presentations work.

You can’t talk at people, you have to talk to people, you have to engage with them to get your message across. We show a few photos of Sam, and a video of us at the funeral, which I suppose really brings it home for people; people cry, but at least I know the message is getting through.

Are these presentations just in South Australia?

I’ve done a few in Darwin, but mainly South Australia. There are other organisations who do similar things in different states, and we’d love for them all to come together. We’ve brought everyone together twice, and we’ve tried to obtain federal funding to set up an overarching body; while the stories all of these foundations around Australia may be different, the take-home message is still the same. We didn’t get the federal funding for that though.

We work with the police, we’re the only foundation the South Australian Ambulance service works with and endorses, because they love the work that we do. The South Australian Medical Association also endorse us and writes us recommendation letters when we’re trying to obtain government funding.

An aspect of your presentations is your ‘Party Wise’ forums for schools, parents and teenagers, community organisations, and sporting clubs. What exactly do these forums do?

In the Party Wise forums at schools, we break the students into smaller groups and workshop through different scenarios; one of them would be how to plan a party; you’re having a party and gate crashers come; or you’re having pre-drinks and everyone’s getting pretty messy, what can you do?

Sometimes the SA Police and Ambulance services join us on our talks with teenagers and their parents; the police talk about registering parties with the police, and the laws regarding underage drinking. I really want the ambulance staff to get across to students that if you call an ambulance, it doesn’t mean the police are going to come; if the ambulance staff feel safe to enter and do their job, they won’t call the police. Don’t be scared to call

an ambulance, and if someone’s taken drugs, don’t be scared to tell the ambulance staff what drugs they had. It’s important for parents to be involved in their children’s parties; it’s important for parents to stay sober and keep an eye on everyone, and to provide food and non-alcoholic drinks so there’s no pressure to drink alcohol if it’s the only drink provided.

We also have a free app where you put in your weight, sex, how many standard drinks you’ve had and it lets you know your Blood Alcohol Content, and then it counts down over time, so you know when you’re sober again - it’s just a guide though.

What do you think about the drinking and nightclub culture of Australia currently?

I think the problem we have now is pre-drinking; young people pre-drink because buying drinks out is so expensive, but young people are also pre-drinking before they go to private parties.

Now pre-drinking is just part of that culture, we need to change attitudes to change the culture. I’m not all for closing the pubs earlier either; I do worry if everything closes at a certain time, is that going to cause more trouble? Because everyone’s leaving, everyone’s out on the street together at the same time. I think it should be staggered, because you get a lot of drunk people in one area at one time, it’s going to cause more trouble – I think, anyway.

Do you have any messages for Flinders students who will be reading this?

We’re always looking for volunteer mentors. We’ve had a few people work with us who are doing Justice and Society, and they do their work placement hours for us. It looks great on a résumé.

More volunteer mentors means the people who most need it, will get mentoring. It’s sometimes a hard, thankless job, but maybe in 10 years time you may see that person you mentored down the street, and they’ll say “You changed my life”. Part of the mentoring is being a role model to teach young people, to get their trust.

Mentoring can be just 1 hour a week, and you can change a young person’s life, you can save a young person’s life.

For more information: Website: http://www.sammydfoundation.org.au/ Facebook: facebook.com/sammydfoundation Free app on app store: “Party Wise”

33

THE DAYS AFTER THE END ‘These days no-one comes here anymore,’ she said.

She poured two measures, and a third, and a fourth to go.

Carrying both bottle and glass she went to the old grey wooden chair and let herself fall into it. She slackened her grip and let the brandy bottle fall into the grass beside the chair.

He looked at her again and saw a face that could have been touched by no more than thirty years. Despite her age, she carried herself like a woman who had seen too much in too long a life.

‘It’s getting cold,’ he said, and pulled the scarf tighter around his throat. He checked the buttons on his peacoat. No more to be done up.

She took a long draught of the brandy. ‘Always considered it a winter drink,’ she said.

‘For drinking in front of the fire, sure,’ he said. ‘Inside.’

She turned out her pockets and lit a torch only an arm’s reach from the chair. ‘There we go, young man.’

She lived to her image, it seemed. Thomas was sure he was older than her by a good few years. If they measured only in the good years, he’d widen the margin further still.

‘I fucking hate anniversaries,’ she said.

‘I know. I wish I could help.’

She looked up at the tree. Its bough extended into oblivion in the night. It might have borne stars for fruit from what the eye could see in the garden’s deep night.

‘Used to fly the kites up there,’ she said. ‘So many got stuck.

When her dog died, she thought she’d got stuck there too.’

‘Come inside, Anne,’ said Thomas. ‘It’s far too cold out here.’

‘Go in then.’

Thomas looked from her to the door. He took a step towards the door, unsure what more he could say.

‘I’d planned my grief, you know,’ she said.

‘Anne. What are you talking about?’ He’d stopped. Both feet planted firmly in the grass. He faced her with full attention drawn upon her.

‘On our way to the hospital. I was prepared for the worst. That was the plan, at least. I planned the anger, the fury, the whole fucking thing. But I haven’t seen a dawn I was happy with since.

The world didn’t have the grace to mark the date. There was the end. And then the day after. And the day after that.’

Distant sounds travelled to fill the divide between them both.

‘Thomas,’ she said, formal and forthright. ‘Then it hit me. And all the plans in the Earth meant fucking nothing. The world was old, my face was burning, and hope was only the sickly shadow of fairy tale.’

‘Come inside,’ he said. Gone was the pleading and the cajoling and in its place was a steely determination. It was an order.

‘When I wanted the world to stop and mark the death of hope, it just kept going. When I wanted the Earth to stop turning, it just kept going. When I felt my world on fire and all the hope in the inferno’s heart… guess what? It just kept fucking going.’

‘Good God, Anne,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing out here. Nothing.

Come out of the cold.’

‘Thomas,’ she said. ‘Don’t you dare. God’s not good. If there is one, it can go fuck itself.’

She upended the bottle and drained what remained. Empty, she threw it away to shatter on the stones of the flowerbed.

‘When did you start that bottle?’

‘Fuck knows. About an hour? Two hours ago?’

‘Anne. Please.’

‘No, Tom. No pleases. No thanks, or hopes, or bargains, or desires.

No. I’ve spent a year trying to reach a point I deserve her place in my life. I didn’t manage that in her twelve years. I didn’t manage that in the last one.’

‘I’m not trying to save you.’

‘Good. Because I don’t fucking need saving.’

‘I’m trying to help you.’

The distant sounds grew close again the metre, mile, light year between them was filled. He scanned her face for a softening of her harsh words. It took him a full few minutes’ study but when he was satisfied, he turned his back on her and made into the house.

He settled himself under a throw rug by the fire and passed the cold night in warmth. His dreams were distant shapes in the dark; he was reaching for all that there was and failing to find — or finding and so failing. And when all shapes were unshaped, he fell under the rug in front of the fire. A light sweat. A dying flame. A bright morning.

Thomas pushed the rug off and stumbled to the door. Sleep still gripped him. He got to the back door and was blinded by postdawn sun. His eyes scanned the green yard, recoiling from last night’s glinting shards.

Empty.

He made his way through the rooms of the house, around the house gardens, and back to the chair Anne had spent the last night in. Not a thing to be found.

An aching head that spoke of a hangover never set, rocked his head back in the chair, to the green leaves and boughs that once bloomed with stars. And then his eyes set upon it – that strange shape in the trees.

A brilliant white kite. Stuck in the leaves. ___ For Merry.

By Liam McNally.

- Poetry -

22.05.16 She sat at the edge of the world, watching the sun slowly make its descent, and welcomed darkness in its place.

The darkness, romantic and familiar, brought pain, blindness and empty promises.

She looked up to the sky, mesmerised by the stars that shone like diamonds, each one promising a forever, a forever eternally out of reach.

A boy once promised her he would reach into the sky, grab a star and place it in her hand.

She was clever enough to know the boy would never be able to reach a star, yet she believed.

She hoped one day she would hold the star in her hand and feel what it was to have something so beautiful in her life.

The boy walked out of her world, taking part of her soul with him.

Still, the girl sits at the edge of the world, in darkness, mesmerised by the beauty of the stars, each flicker a constant reminder they were real.

She watches them shine bright, slowly mending her soul.

The boy may have taken many things from her, but he did not take away her forever; it was still in the sky shining brightly, waiting for someone to reach for it and hand it to her with sincerity and true love.

LKG

14.06.16 I miss you, the old you.

The boy I fell in love with, who fell in love with me.

I need to thank you for breaking my heart, for letting me go,for ending it when I couldn’t.

I was no longer in love with you, I was in love with the memories.

Now I have to create a version of myself without you in it, a version of myself that I love, a version of myself that can stand alone.

Because all that I knew was who I was with you.

I’m exhausted from trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

Where the love went, where the pain began.

All I ever wanted was us to be forever.

I miss you, the old you.

The memories will always be there, but you won’t.

The happiness will be remembered, but so will the pain.

LKG

35 35

Complete the crossword and send a picture of your answers to empire.times@flinders.edu.au and WIN one of ten free double passes to Palace Nova!

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9 10 12

11 13

14

15 16

17

18 19 20

Across 1Across Non-modified Hawke (1 word) 5 Doctor and curator have lots of sex (3 words) Hawke word) to 61. Non-modified Good mornin', good(1 mornin', 5. Doctor and curator have lots of sexy times you, Gene Kelly! (4 words) 8andAnne ugly duckling Kween (2 issuesis(3an words) words) 6. Good mornin’, good mornin’, to you, 13 It's hot, and Leigh is getting all upGene Kelly!

(4 words) in Brando's grill (4 words) 17 A dozen dudesKween (3 words) 8. Anne is anfurious ugly duckling (2 words) 18 Light Lady (1 word) 13. It’s too hot, and Leigh is getting all up in 19 Khaleesi cares - and wears stripey Brando’s grill (4(3words) stockings words) 20 Johnny moustache 17. A dozenwears furiousfake dudes (3 words) and like (1 Terry Thomas (1 word) 18. talks Lightlady word)

19. Khaleesi cares - and wears stripey stockings (3 words) 20. Johnny wears terrible fake moustache and talks like Terry Thomas (1 word) Crossword clues by Lauren Reid

Down 2Down Why didn't Alvy and Annie work out? (2 words) 3 A selection of reasons why I'm not 2. Why Alvy and Annie work out? (2 fonddidn’t of you 4words) Passed some time mountaineering India butofthen got why kidnapped 3. Ainselection reasons I’m not (4 fond of you words) 7(6 words) Angry girly archetypes stuck in 4. Passed time mountaineering in India but asylumsome (2 words) 9then Seinfeld's flying (4 low (2 words) got kidnapped words) 10 Serena Van Der Woodsen shark (2 7. Angry girly archetypes stuck vs. in asylum (2 words) words) 11 Liberated taco (2 words) 12 Underwhelmingly, not Nemo (2 9. Seinfeld’s flying low (2 words) 10.words) Serena Van Der Woodsen vs. shark (2 words) 14 Possessing less and less intellect (3 11.words) Liberated taco (2 words) 15 in a maze with 12.Stuck Underwhelmingly, notsongs Nemoand (2 words) hair (1 word) 14.crazy Possessing less and less intellect (3 words) 16 Governess and Siamese royalty 15.love Stuckeach in a other maze with and crazy and songs sing about it (4 hair (1 word) words)

16. Governess and Siamese royalty love each other and sing about it (4 words)

Uni stressing you out? Unleash your creativity and unwind...

Artwork: Aden Beaver

37 37 37

FIVE FANTASY SERIES TO READ One of the delights about getting sent books to review is never knowing what you’re going to get next. It might be a beautiful, shining gem, a diamond in the rough, or even something that makes you just want to scratch your eyes out. I’ve been writing book reviews going on six years now and there are just some books I can’t get over, both good and bad. In order to address the theme of fantasy I’ve gathered together a list of five fantasy series that I would highly recommend to lovers of epic fantasy.

The Tarnished Crown Series Karen Miller I received Karen Miller’s first novel, The Falcon Throne, for review upon its 2014 release. I enjoyed it so much I read all 675 pages in three days. One of the things which I loved about this novel is that it is has a very distinct feel of Shakespearean drama. Similar to Game of Thrones it is a massive story which follows a number of characters across three different countries, yet this doesn’t deter the reader, but serves to be further engaging.

In a kingdom torn by war, the people have but one hope, the infant son of the usurped Duke Harald of Clemen. On the night of his father’s murder Liam was stolen away by his nursemaid, Ellen, and will one day reclaim his rightful place. Meanwhile, higher men bicker and the kingdoms of Clemen and Harcia prepare to go to war.

With witches, jousting, hunting and court drama, this medieval fantasy is full of colour, description and believable characters.

While Karen Miller is still writing the sequel, Prince of Glass, there is no reason not to start the series and watch your anticipation grow.

The Night Angel Trilogy Brent Weeks Unlike Karen Miller, I was introduced to Brent Weeks’ work by a friend. From then on I have made too many references and recommendations to people to read this series. Just recently however, I learned that the first novel, Way of Shadows (2008) was transformed into a graphic novel in 2014, so even if you don’t have time to read the tome, you can always read the graphic novel version.

When Azoth finds himself with a new name and a new calling, he knows he must live up to his teacher’s expectations — even if he is the fiercest assassin in the world. Re-christened as Kylar Stern, he must navigate the fields of death until he is as skilled in the ways of murder as Durzo. But Durzo’s work is not just death, but magic too — can Kylar survive in this new and equally unforgiving world?

There’s always something appealing about assassin stories — particularly when they draw in magic.

The All Souls Trilogy Deborah Harkness I received A Discovery of Witches for review back in 2011; despite the difficulty I had getting through the novel (its writing is incredibly dense, Harkness being a historian) I bought and read the subsequent books, Shadow of Night and The Book of Life, upon their release. This is the series that made me drop everything.

A Discovery of Witches: Diana Bishop is a historian and ex-witch who resents the presence of magic in her life. Peaceably going

about her research, Diana has no idea that her life is about to change forever. With the arrival of Matthew Clairmont, a vampire who Diana is drawn to, things take a turn for the worse. Humans just can’t ignore it when creatures come together — creatures too cannot ignore an interspecies relationship between a vampire and a witch. But can Diana get away when Matthew holds the key to her research, her world, and her heart?

Despite the word “vampire” this is absolutely nothing like Twilight.

Yes there is a vampire. Yes he is part of a love story. But this isn’t just a love story — it’s a fight for rights in a world of creatures awoken by the secret of their existence.

The Tales of the Otori Lian Hearn Some of you might remember Gillian Rubinstein for her children’s and YA sci-fi. Under her pseudonym Lian Hearn she has created a marvellous adult fantasy series beginning with Across the Nightingale Floor (2002). Like Brent Weeks’ novels there is an engrossing interwoven story of assassination and intrigue. After finishing A Song of Ice and Fire earlier in the year, these books became the series I would fall back on.

Set in a fantasy version of medieval Japan, the Talented Takeo, rescued from the ruins of his village, must do all he can to impress his adopted father, Shigeru. But does Shigeru really have Takeo’s best interests at heart? Or is he just using Takeo for his Talent? As the plan to assassinate war-lord Iida Sadamu takes shape, so does Takeo’s future as he meets Kadee, the girl Shigeru is being forced to marry.

Drawing on Japan’s traditions and culture, Hearn creates a vibrant setting for her series, giving her story greater authenticity. While I haven’t read all five novels in the series I am excited to see how Takeo and Kadee’s story will end.

The Pellinor Series Alison Croggen It was such a long time ago that I read this series that I can’t even pinpoint it. It was a recommendation from a friend. One of the easiest comparisons I can make is to Maria V. Snyder’s Study Series, but bigger and more complicated.

Starting with The Gift (2002), the series features a young heroine, Maerad, who is naive in the ways of the world. When Cadvan discovers her she is malnourished and kept as a slave, completely ignorant of who she is and of her gift. After discovering the truth of her, Cadvan rescues the girl and together they make the dangerous journey to safety so that Maerad could take her place in the School of Pellinor. As the need for her gift heightens Cadvan is forced to become her teacher as even he knows that without her power they could not survive.

While it has been a long time since reading this series it is one I still recommend and one which I intend to re-read on the day that I find myself with nothing more pressing on my shelves.

AUTHOR Kayla Gaskell, 20, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

If Kayla could have any superpower, it would be teleportation or invisibility who doesn’t want to recreate the scene of Harry sneaking into the Hogwarts library?

The HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO FANTASY WORLDBUILDING A quick five-step guide to building your very own fantasy world

Have you ever wanted to make your own Westeros? Do you find yourself dreaming of creating a lore as deep as seen in Skyrim?

Have you wanted to journey around a non-existent world? If any of these appeal to you then this quick guide to fantasy worldbuilding is just for you. By following this five-step process you too can have your own Middle Earth with your own journeys and creatures.

4.

Populate your world. Once you’ve crafted your world begin bringing it to life. Think to yourself on what creatures inhabit this world, what currency do they use, who is the dominant empire, what is the largest city and why are these people in control? Bringing life into your fantasy will help it feel a lot more realistic and even help spawn ideas for future stories.

1.

Get Inspired. I cannot stress this enough; to build your own world you must go out and seek inspiration. Where can this be found?

Well, inspiration is everywhere, you just need to find it. You can find it by reading many different books, from fantasy to history.

You can watch films and TV shows as well to get that creative spark. You can also get inspirations from video games like Cities: Skylines, or Sid Meir’s Civilization series since they’re based around building game worlds and empires. Getting out and experiencing the world is also highly recommended as it can expand your mind.

5.

Admire. After you’ve finished populating your world, sit back and admire what you’ve created. It’ll give you a sense of satisfaction to know that you were able to craft this entire world with your own imagination.

2.

Write down everything. Once the inspirations start flowing you’ll need to make sure you note them all down. Use anything and everything to take down your notes; phones, computer, tablet, pen and paper, stone tablet, napkins, anything is good enough. Having notes will help you in remembering everything to help build your world.

3.

Start crafting. Begin building and forming your world. Carve out continents, planets, regions or whatever you’re trying to make.

Do this whatever way you feel comfortable (draw a map, use playdough, use Computer Aided Design [CAD] programs etc).

Make sure the land has some sort of realism, like having rivers and forests set out the same way as they would in our world.

Nothing is more unrealistic than having a river running up a mountain, or a rainforest in a tundra.

Tips: Your world will change over time, make sure to keep notes on the changes and always keep evolving it.

Warnings: Do you visit every square inch of Adelaide? The answer is: of course not and the same applies to your fantasy world; as beautiful as it may be you wouldn’t want to visit every corner of it.

Also, don’t steal other people’s ideas; if you’re creating an elf race, for example, don’t make them the exact same as the ones from Lord of the Rings. Stealing other people’s ideas is unoriginal and can get you into serious trouble.

AUTHOR Cameron Lowe, 22, Bachelor of Communication and Professional Writing If Cameron could have any superpower, it would be the ability to read at super speed.

39

Reader's di-Jess(T) TIMEQUAKE by kurt vonnegut

Those devoted readers of Empire Times who consistently absorb each issue cover to cover might notice that I’ve already reviewed a Kurt Vonnegut book this year. They might also recall (though I really doubt it) that I gave Slaughterhouse-Five a full five stars for its harrowing depiction of Billy Pilgrim, the World War Two soldier and optometrist who lived his life out of order, and who survived the bombing of Dresden.

‘Branch out, Jess,’ I said to myself. ‘Nobody wants to read another nauseatingly adoring spiel about Vonnegut and war and time travel and postmodernism and mortality.’

In my defence, I did peruse my bookshelf for something else — but Timequake just sat there looking at me, and eventually I sat down at looked at it. After a while, I started to consider the way it was sitting there: thin, orange, branded by library stickers. One corner peering curiously over the edge of my desk. And then I thought that if I was reviewing the outside of a book, it would be impolite not to go on and review the inside. Don’t judge a book, etc.

And besides — despite covering many of the same themes, and utilising a similar style, Timequake and Slaughterhouse-Five are by no means the same book. Vonnegut explores time travel as a structure in both; however, whereas Billy Pilgrim is the only character in Slaughterhouse-Five to travel in time, Timequake explores a universal ‘crisis of conscience’, whereby the timeline suddenly rewinds ten years. Rather than having the opportunity to rectify wrongs and live a better life, everyone in the world is forced to live through every single moment exactly as it happened before. Deprived of a single ounce of free will, and subject to ten years of déjà-vu in a decade wounded by mistakes and regrets, there is no escape, no calling for help — no choice but to follow the script, and to hope that eventually they’ll be given back the pen.

What distinguishes Timequake most from Slaughterhouse-Five is Vonnegut’s all-consuming engagement with metafiction: the technique of writing about writing, which most often manifests itself in books through the telling of a narrative written by a fictional character. The novel functions as a memoir of sorts, detailing Vonnegut’s failure to write a satisfying draft of his time-

travel novel Timequake One — which features Kilgore Trout, a character who appeared in Slaughterhourse-Five as well as many other novels. Eventually, Vonnegut took fragments from his draft and interwove them with personal anecdotes and ruminations on life, family and writing, to create Timequake Two. This is the novel presented to the reader.

I’m a huge fan of metafictional narratives, not only because they usually feature writers as main characters, but also because they explore the dangers of mixing fiction and reality, and how easy these lines can be blurred. Vonnegut’s typically fragmented style gains a new superpower here. The extracts from Timequake One flow seamlessly into the fictional musings of Vonnegut — or perhaps it is more correct to say that there are so many seams, so many gaps and edges of fragments, that it’s difficult to realise when memoir ends and fiction begins. Somewhere along the way, it gets very easy to forget that the timequake did not happen to the narrator Vonnegut — that it is only a story within a story.

It does not help that Vonnegut writes of Trout as though he’s a real person, pausing only once to acknowledge — ‘All I do with short story ideas now is rough them out, credit them to Kilgore Trout, and put them in a novel.’ Trout and Vonnegut are both so wonderfully characterised and similar that the reader can almost begin to think of them as friends. I have the feeling that, should I ever re-read this book, I would — much like Vonnegut’s characters — helplessly come to make the same decisions all over again. And I would still love it all just as much.

Despite its quirky overtones, hilarious anecdotal tangents and complete disregard for reality, Timequake delivers a plethora of hard-hitting and often sad truths about life, people, and the power of writing. Whilst perhaps not quite so epic or harrowing as Slaughterhouse-Five, I would still strongly recommend this book to anyone who, like me, wishes they’d started reading Vonnegut years ago.

Rating:aaaae AUTHOR Jess Miller, 22, PhD (English and Creative Writing)

Jess’s fantasy superpower would be time travel. Obviously.

THEATRE REVIEW: RAW: FOR WE ARE YOUNG AND FREE @HARTLEY PLAYHOUSE, UNISA MAGILL Surprisingly easy to find, the Hartley Playhouse in Uni SA’s Magill campus was well prepared for a performance of this nature. As well as the play, audience members could see a film in the atrium, and listen to a run through of war stories beside the #RAW2016 selfie wall. Despite the heavy nature of war, the organisers were able to incorporate modern technology to help spread the word not just that they had a cabaret about war, but that people are still talking about its past, present, and future.

One of the most interesting things about this performance is the number of people involved in making it happen. It wasn’t just a handful of actors and a director, this performance is the product of a diverse range of creative students including actors, dancers, film-makers, musicians, stage technicians and writers. Having so many creative people working on a show like this is amazing, and it owes its success to the diversity of its crew.

The musicians involved succeeded in setting the mood and telling the audience how they ought to be feeling and reacting. Music has such a strong influence on the way that we think and feel and these guys certainly used that to their advantage. There were a variety of live performances throughout the piece of traditional, modern, and original works performed by students either individually or in groups. At points a majority of the cast sung in unison on stage, which was captivating.

Story-wise the performance focused on giving voice to those whose letters were kept close, precious words from the now dearly departed that give some insight into what war is really like.

Beginning the history from 1914 when Australia’s young men enlisted to fight for their country, doing their mothers proud and continuing through the 1940s where death camps were liberated.

But Australia’s involvement in war did not start with WWI or end with WWII; it began two hundred years ago within our own borders with the Port Macquarie Massacre. A war, the audience is informed, that lasted just one day. Later, we had Korea, in a time where women were gaining the right to be seen as equal to men.

Continued throughout the 1960s-70s and into our own time, we see how perceptions of war have changed across the years.

The technicians made good use of lighting to complement the performance and, as with the music, give the audience an indication of mood and emotion. Focusing mostly on dark stages or red lights, the lighting fit the nature of the performance, encouraging unease and ease in turns. The single use of a fog machine was well chosen, and gave the light a dirty, eerie feeling.

One of the great things about this performance was its diversity.

It was both culturally and gender diverse; it open the discussion about how war isn’t about our country alone, but about many different countries. We are not the only ones who have been calling and are still calling for peace. A poignant choice by the director, Catherine Campbell, was to ensure that this was well represented in the piece; many of the actors appear to have been bi-lingual and ended the play in calling for an end to war in multiple languages. This was an excellent way to end, calling not just for Australians to make peace, but for all countries.

There were two highlights of this piece for me. The first was the dance interpretation of coming home with PTSD. The dance is a constant push and pull between a returned soldier and his wife. The soldier gets violent with her, pushing her, hitting her, even throwing her away; while the wife takes it. She keeps going back knowing that eventually she will find her husband in this wreck of a man — and eventually she does. It is a highly emotive piece. The second highlight was the protest, a flash back to the sixties where hippies ruled and the slogan ‘hell no we won’t go’ was on everyone’s tongues. Seeing the progression from pride to absolute refusal shows the audience the change in the way the public were thinking — currently many of us are anti-war, but looking back we can see the mistakes that were made, and hopefully, not repeat them.

Everything about the performance alludes to the chaos of war.

The music, the lighting, the story, and even the performers, whose movements walked the line between orderly and chaotic.

While war seems so long ago it still has an impact on who we are today. We are the generation who do not want to go to war. All this fighting for your country bullshit is just that, bullshit. Now we have learned to ask the question ‘why?’ and we have learned that whatever the answer, there is no good reason for war.

As an experimental war story, the target audience is hard to pin-point. Some audience members that I spoke to after the performance simply didn’t know what to think. It is such a different performance, but in that respect, also an important one. For people who know their Australian war history and for people who are familiar with experimental theatre, I would highly recommend the show.

AUTHOR Kayla Gaskell, 20, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

If Kayla could have any superpower, it would be teleportation or invisibility who doesn’t want to recreate the scene of Harry sneaking into the Hogwarts library?

41 41

REVIEW Magic, or rather, magicians, have had a resurgence of late. From Channel 7’s favourite poster boy Cosentino, to the numerous “street magic” shows appearing on prime time TV and Youtube, it seems people still love a little mystery in their otherwise straightforward lives.

The first Now You See Me took that vibe and turned it into a heist movie; the gadgets and thieving skills replaced with smoke bombs and card tricks. And just when you think card tricks can’t possibly be useful in another heist, they bring you Now You See Me 2.

and incarcerated skeptic Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman).

Add Daniel Radcliffe to the mix, as billionaire tech genius Walter Mabry, and you have one hell of a cast.

The plot is similar to the first film; circumstances arise and now the Horsemen need to use their skills to infiltrate high-tech security and steal something, and manage turn it into a large flashy show for all their adoring fans along the way. Nothing new, but it’s the execution and the charm of the characters that really brings it together.

Originally titled Now You See Me: Now You Don’t, (which honestly would’ve been a much better title, although a bit limiting in terms of continuing the series), this film does exactly what every good sequel should: embrace the spirit of the original while adding something new. In this case the “something new” is Lizzy Caplan (Masters of Sex, Mean Girls, Party Down), who plays the “new girl” Horseman, Lula, replacing Isla Fisher’s Henley (after Fisher declined returning to the role due her to pregnancy). Usually I’m hesitant when a film sequel replaces its lead female actress, as it’s so often the women rather than the men who are replaced, but here we see a whole new character introduced, not just being recast, with some half-arsed plastic surgery explanation.

Most significantly, Henley’s departure is referred to repeatedly, as a recurring theme and a point of soreness for Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), who has significant history with her as we see in the first film.

Lizzy Caplan steals the show in this one. Her quips and one-liners bring a level of sass that I think all films need. And her blatant flirting attempts with Wilder are perfect and I totally ship that (Lula X Wilder OTP).

Also returning is hypnotist Merrit, (Woodey Harelson), card trick extraordinaire Jack Wilder (Dave Franco — aka. the superior of the Francos), FBI double agent Dylan Striker (Mark Ruffalo),

If Simone could have any fantasy superpower, it would be the ability to shapeshift. She’d turn into Trump and have him pull out of the election and give all his money away to charity.

The magician illuminati subplot is a bit lackluster, and only seems to get interesting at the end. I’m hoping this will be expanded in a sequel.

Overall, this movie is fun. If you enjoy magic tricks and/or attractive actors, you’re going to have a good time.

rating: aaa

e

AUTHOR Simone Corletto, 25, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

REVIEW Warcraft is a marvel of cinematography and film technology. The vistas are stunning, the effects remarkable, and the direction near perfect. It’s a shame, then, that there are so many faults as well. Warcraft is based on a 22-year-old game franchise (World of Warcraft) with its own complicated and well-established lore and history. For many, the fact that this is a film adaptation of a game will be enough to sound the alarm bells. Games simply don’t translate successfully into films, according to history. Examples such as Prince of Persia, Mortal Kombat, Need for Speed, and the infamous Super Mario Brothers have proven this trend.

Warcraft makes a fair stab at bucking the trend of game-based film disasters. The director, Duncan Jones, speaks lovingly of the game series and the film is clearly crafted with due deference to the games that preceded it. The problems arise in this film from the investment it makes in the series’ lore. If you are not familiar with the games, it is hard to fathom how you could possibly follow the plot of this sprawling epic. Characters are introduced in quick succession with little time to piece the culture together and work out where they sit. The film takes the audience through a crash course in world-building but makes a few jumps too many for the uninitiated to follow.

At times, the film also takes itself far too seriously. Without having built up the credit and prestige of something like The Lord of the Rings, Warcraft cannot reach the levels to which it clearly aims.

It is at its best when it makes room for humour as whether the filmmakers wish it or not, this is an intrinsically ridiculous world.

The soldiers find time to catch up for a detailed chat in the middle of the battlefield, the armour is ridiculous (with shoulderguards that dwarf their wearers’ heads) and the scenery is often overblown. This is a world where wizards turn people into sheep.

When it acknowledges the absurdity, it is easy to get swept up in the fun of the journey. When it seeks to be taken seriously, it falters badly.

The remarkable success of the film’s graphics sometimes works to its detriment. The orcs are so massive and over-the-top, they

feel as though they don’t belong in the same film as their human counterparts. The effects used to realise the orcs are spectacular in selling their realism, yet the loyalty to the source material ensures they are gigantic muscle-bound monstrosities. They feel real and unreal at the same time and are likely to fall into the uncanny valley between the two for some viewers. The uncanny valley is a term coined to refer to a computer-realised image that appears extremely real despite its unnatural dimensions and features. It has been connected to such films as The Polar Express and The Adventures of Tintin in the past. The male orcs here are so ludicrously large, their arms appear wider than any female orc’s waistline and one orc is able to hold his son in the palm of his hand. The result is a perplexing and bizarre one.

The film’s chief villain, Gul’dan adds up to very little. His plots are diabolical and his behaviour clearly evil, but he manages to achieve very little. The heroes of the film, Durotan, and Lothar, are where the film invests most of its time. Most orc characters are impossible to keep tabs on as a variety of orcs with war-like names pass Durotan by. Garona is the third hero of the film, who bridges the divide between human and orc and shows the greatest promise of any character, though never gets the chance to fully realise it.

It is clear that this is intended to be the first in a series and while that may be optimistic, there is enough here to suggest it is worthwhile. The film does not suffer from having too little, it suffers from having too much, far too much. With a narrower focus and better attention to character, Warcraft could prove to be a charming franchise worth indulging in for a little fun. The director’s excessive loyalty to the source material does the film no favours either as some of the more overblown elements of the game series must either be toned down for a film series, or for the future, it ought to embrace the ridiculousness. More of the latter, please.

rating: aa Reviewed by Liam McNally.

ee 43

10 shows that changed television #6 There are few shows that are as memorable or as influential as Fox’s genre-spanning The X-Files, created by Chris Carter and initially airing between 1993 and 2002. There was a movie in 1998 and the franchise was revived for a second movie in 2008. This year, a sixepisode mini-series is being released. Billed as a science-fiction/horror drama, The X-Files often introduces elements of mystery and supernatural themes allowing a much wider range of themes to be explored over the 208 episodes so far.

The X-Files draws inspiration from many early science fiction television shows such as The Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, and Alfred Hitchcock Presents, as well as more recent shows like Kolchak: The Night Stalker and even Twin Peaks (incidentally, the Night Stalker reboot draws inspiration from The X-Files). While much early science-fiction was presented as anthology series (each episode separate from the next), the themes and tropes created in these shows inspired, and continues to inspire generations of new content, much like the pulp fiction magazines prior. Kolchak is hugely influential to The X-Files as the two shows share a similar premise, the investigation of some form of supernatural or paranormal activity, as well as a similar monster-of-the-week type structure to episodes.

Prior to The X-Files, many shows followed a gender-stereotyping format where male characters were represented as stoic and logical, while women were portrayed as emotional and flighty. Chris Carter turns this on its head, introducing Doctor Dana Scully as the skeptical, clearheaded scientist brought in to debunk the unorthodox and belief-driven work of Special Agent Fox Mulder. While we are in no way free of the sexist stereotyping that The X-Files defies, dozens of shows have followed suit.

Initially Carter wrote Mulder and Scully as purely platonic partners, and for many seasons he intended to keep it this way, with fans of the show inferring romantic tension where the script had none. However after years of fan pressure and hundreds (if not thousands) of fan fictions written by fans that romantically paired characters unpaired in the source material, Carter caved and a romantic subplot was written in, eventually resulting in them having a child together.

Some of the shows that are directly inspired by these tropes include Bones (Dr Brennan being strictly scientifically minded to Agent Booth’s Christianity and their romantic subplot) and Castle (Castle and Beckett plus romance). While shows even closer to The X-Files include Fringe (supernatural, paranormal and, fringe science investigations where there is romantic tension between two main characters) and Warehouse 13 (two agents look after a warehouse filled with supernatural, paranormal, and scientific objects while sometimes investigating and collecting new objects, plus their romantic tension).

Within the more than 200 episodes of The X-Files an epic story is told about extraterrestrial beings and UFO abductions and secret conspiratorial organisations controlling the fate of the world; while the rest of the episodes contain filler content in what has come to be known as “monsterof-the-week” episodes. These monsters-ofthe weeks deal with many common myths ranging from vampires and werewolves, to bigfoot, mutants, and various other cryptids (mythological or unproven creatures such as the Yeti, Loch Ness Monster, etc).

Season nine of The X-Files aired in 2002 and while there were constant rumours of the show returning, it was six years before Mulder and Scully would return to our screens in a new adventure. In 2008 they returned for an hour and a half on the big screen. The relationship between our favourite FBI duo is well written and follows on well from the end of season nine. However the movie I Want to Believe is not without its criticisms, being seen as basically another episode stretched out with a convoluted plot.

The X-Files monsters have shocked and delighted viewers for more than two decades now, and they can still be as frightening as the day they first aired. I wasn’t old enough to see many of the first few seasons straight away, but I do remember sitting super close to a tiny CRT TV with the volume low as not to wake anyone watching reruns in the mid90s and monsters such as Eugene Tooms and the Flukeman scare me almost as much now as they did back then.

Although many fans of the show were clamoring for a mini-series, it seemed that Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny would have preferred a third movie. However, in January this year we got six full length episodes with not only Mulder and Scully, but also Assistant Director of the FBI, Skinner, and the main antagonist of the entire main storyline, the Cigarette Smoking Man. Out of the six episodes, there are three “monster-of-the-week” episodes, including one episode that flips the monster trope completely on its head to humorous effect, while the first and last episodes of the revival deal with themes from the original run of the show.

The X-Files was booming and in 2001 a spin-off series featuring some of the recurring characters was commissioned, so The Lone Gunmen made their way into their own show of the same name.

These characters who in The X-Files were conspiracy theorists and friends of Mulder had their own stories to tell and with cameos from other characters (including Gillian Anderson as Scully) had a mildly successful run, though not successful enough to prevent its cancellation after 13 episodes.

Paperback novels for many episodes have been adapted for younger readers, as well as several books which are entirely new works.

Both of the movies have also received text adaptations. Alongside these works of fiction, there are also quite a few nonfiction books that are associated with The X-Files. The X-Files comic books were written alongside the airing episodes through 1995 to 1998 as a companion to the TV series, and in 2010 a crossover between The X-Files and the movie/miniseries 30 Days of Night had our duo investigate the carnage left behind by the unique vampires of that franchise. Another comic series was announced and published in 2013 as Season 10, and a Season 11 comic run was published mid last year.

The X-Files makes cameos over and over again in shows that might otherwise be entirely unrelated. An episode of The Simpsons parodies The X-Files, with Duchovny and Anderson both voicing their characters. Mulder and Scully costumes show up in many Halloween episodes for a variety of different shows, as do characters inspired by them. The X-Files gets referenced in music as well with the 1998 love song Mulder and Scully by Catalonia, and the iconic line “And then we’ll do it doggie style so we can both watch X-Files” in ‘The Bad Touch’ by the Bloodhound Gang.

The revival was initially described as an event series, however after the episodes were released the season was then referred to by Fox as Season 10. And according to several people involved in the production of the revival, including both David Duchovny and Chris Carter, the possibility of another season is something they are interested in (though not a complete 20 episode run). There have even been conversations between the actors and producers about an eleventh season that could potentially air at the end of 2017!

However there is no concrete confirmation as to whether it will be happening yet.

Both Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny have well established careers outside of The X-Files. Duchovny having appeared as an FBI agent prior to The X-Files in Twin Peaks (I do have issues with him, a cis man, playing a trans character, but it was not a derogatory performance), and the polarising role of womaniser Hank Moody in Californication as some of his standout roles. Anderson has appeared in quite a lot of roles, with her 2013 role as DSI Stella Gibson in The Fall and Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier in the 2013 Hannibal.

The X-Files is well established as one of the greatest cult shows in the history of television, and it is one of the most wellknown shows of the 90s. Its impact is recognisable throughout science-fiction nearly 23 years after the airing of the first episode and it is popular enough to make a comeback to prime time TV after 14 years. I’m personally looking forward to the possible eleventh season with bated breath.

Trust no one. Deny everything.

AUTHOR Elle Void, 24, Bachelor of Social Work If Elle could have any superpower, it would matter manipulation.

ARTIST: Benjamin Hall

4545

- Anime Review -

ANIME REVIEW: AJIN Is it RWBY? Is it Tokyo Ghoul? No! It’s Ajin!

Released on Netflix Australia following its early 2016 television run in Japan, Ajin is a Netflix Original based on the ongoing manga, and it’s ready to shock, surprise and horrify. Consisting of 13 fullyloaded episodes, the first season doesn’t sweat the small stuff, jumping right into the action and story. Like most supernatural anime it doesn’t have a feel good vibe, starting off pretty bleak and ending grimly as well. It manages pretty well to stick to its dark and more serious tones without faltering on humorous elements that miss the mark. Boasting phenomenal and original fight scenes and dynamic camera movements, Ajin is an anime that knows exactly how to capture its audiences and keep them hooked.

Kei Nagai is an upstanding member of society, a straight-A high school student, studying to be a doctor… and he’s an apathetic douchebag. One day when run over by a truck, he and many others discover he is one of the fabled Ajin; immortal monsters being sought after by the government for deadly experimentation.

Kei is then on the run, his face featured on every news channel and feeling unsure of who is a friend and who is a foe. Meanwhile, Ajin groups are building resistance against the government committing acts of terrorism. Ajin is a show where no one is good and you struggle to take a moral stance on anything.

The animation in Ajin is revolutionary. Over the past 20 years anime has made several transitions from being predominantly paper animated to digital 2D animation, and now anime is again phasing into an era where most components are 3-Dimensional made to look 2D, and it doesn’t look bad. Ajin is made completely from 3D character models and environments and for the most part, the amazing toon shading technology used doesn’t make it look too out of place. Of course it’s not perfect; some wide shots suffer from this style and I’m sure there are many diehard 2D

anime fans that agree Ajin is kind of not even an anime but I’m mostly excited about where this will guide the medium. Allowing for some simply jaw dropping camera movement and freedom, it’s a refreshing experiment away from the strained camera movements and animation saving techniques digital anime can often suffer from.

The wow factor in this anime is how well it handles all its different components; it arguably has 3 protagonists at any given time, multiple major events which all influence and interact with each other and a really new and bizarre animation style. There’s a lot going on in the space of just 13 episodes! And of course I can’t help mentioning the fight scenes. Ajin trying to fight other Ajin without killing and ‘resetting’ their opponent is just a really different dynamic, and very entertaining to watch.

So if you’re up for something a little unique or just in it for kickass fight sequences, Ajin should be at the top of your to-watch list. Starting off strong and only getting better as it goes on, it’s definitely going to be more satisfying than your 3rd rewatch of Deathnote.

AUTHOR Emma Hough Hobbs, 18, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media)

If Emma could have any fantasy superpower, she would want the fantasy superpower to copy other fantasy superpowers.

- Game Review -

TOTAL WAR: WARHAMMER

Level UP Total War is a series of games, for one or more players, which consist primarily of turn-based gameplay, where players each take in turn to select actions and make moves on the world map.

The games also incorporate battle modes with real-time tactical control, as both players choose actions at the same time on a battlefield. The first game, Shogun: Total War, was released in 2000 for PC and was themed around feudal Japan and the Mongol Invasion. Since then, nine more games have been released, all focusing on an era of time and specific warfare campaigns from the Middle Ages in Europe to the Napoleon Wars, and even the late stages of the Roman Empire. The most recent game, however, is an exception to the rule. Total War: Warhammer is not focused on a historical real-world conquest, it is based on a military campaign set within the fantasy universe of Warhammer.

For those of you not familiar with the series, Warhammer is a fantasy setting created by the war gaming company Games Workshop. It is a high fantasy setting filled with races such as humans, elves of many kinds, dwarves, the undead, orcs and so on, in a world that has a dark and gritty feel. It is reminiscent of high fantasy settings such as J.R.R. Tolkein’s Middle Earth with some history that mirrors events in our real world.

In the Total War: Warhammer game you have the option to play as one of four factions; the dwarves, the empire of man, the greenskins (made up of orcs and goblins), and the vampire counts (a fifth faction the chaos warriors is available as downloadable content, they cannot capture cities and only act to cause chaos and destruction). Each faction has the ability to use several different units such as steam powered tanks, giant spiders, and even dragons. Gameplay is conducted in the same manner as all Total War games; you start the game at a specific location in the world map with control of a city and an army as dictated by your choice of faction. During your turn you can make actions on the map such as creating or upgrading infrastructure in your city, taking actions to raise the morale of your citizens, recruiting more units for your army, negotiating with neighbouring factions for trade or peace agreements, and of course encroaching on new territory in an attempt to claim it for your faction.

If you choose to send your army into enemy territory during your turn, you can then initiate a battle mode where you conduct a battle between your army and your enemy’s in real time, placing and moving units as you see fit to try and capture key areas and secure the whole section as your own. If you win the battle, you can drive the enemy away from that part of the map, and if the battle occurs in a city you gain control of that city, but trying to maintain peace and order in the remnants of a ransacked city

is not always easy. You may instead choose to sack the entire city and start anew, or simply sell off resources and capture the enemy’s soldiers for your army (which will have many depleted units). Regardless of the outcome, the game then returns to the main world map and its turn-based interface.

This iteration of Total War introduces the use of magic, with certain factions having more access to magic than others, and specialising in certain ways of using magic. A more detailed quest mode has also been introduced with this game, focused around specific characters’ rise to power in the Warhammer world, whether it be through acquiring specific artefacts or defeating particular historic enemies.

Perhaps the biggest difference to previous games is that not every faction can capture every other faction’s settlements. Human and vampire factions can both capture ‘human’ cities, but only the dwarves and orcs can capture each other’s’ cities – they are dug into mountains and underground. Dwarves and orcs can also use ‘the underway’, a network of underground tunnels from the glory days of the dwarven empire. This leads to them sometimes popping up behind your front line because you figured you were safe on the far side of an impassable mountain range.

One last interesting touch is that the vampire counts and the chaos warriors spread distinctive brands of ‘corruption’ across the land. This corruption sickens the land, turning greenery black and covering the land in darkness and despair, it can even cause the dead to rise again. All of this causes radical changes to the world map as you play, shifting between a normal looking world, a barren dark wasteland, and the very depths of hell.

I found Total War: Warhammer to be a refreshing take of the series, the high fantasy approach appeals to me more than the historical themed campaigns. I would highly recommend this game to anyone who is seriously into turn-based strategy games, however I can see the length of time it takes for each turn to complete and lack of immediate action being a turn-off for the casual gamer. I encourage all fans of the Warhammer universe to play this game, but beware the perils of the warp. Total War: Warhammer is available now on computers running Microsoft Windows, and can be purchased through Steam.

AUTHOR Kelly Guthberlet, 21, Bachelor of Education (Middle and Secondary) / Bachelor of Science

If Kelly could have any superpower, it would be the power to manipulate matter.

47

- Music Review -

The Music Column

Music: Flume – The Temper Trap One of the most hyped records of the year has finally dropped.

ARIA award-winning electronic artist Flume returns with his sophomore album, Skin. The question everyone’s been asking is, how could he possibly follow up the brilliant success that was his self-titled debut? The answer, as it turns out, is: he couldn’t.

The album kicks off with “Helix”, a blend of heavy synths, flutes and procedurals before launching into “Never Be Like You”, one of the better cuts off this LP. The key point about Skin is it leaves behind everything Flume’s built up so far, including what was so successful on his debut. The synthesizers and trademark percussion have all but disappeared, with fewer uses of sampling and no Chet Faker. The album never has any gripping moments and verges on annoying, as some of the squeaks and sounds can become headache inducing. It made me question whether Flume should study musical theory before making another track.

The album does have some grade B+ moments, such as the bassheavy instrumental and experiments on “Smoke & Retribution” and “Wall F*ck” respectively, and the chopped synths on “Take a Chance”. It’ll take many more listens before it grows on me, but considering the sheer amount of listens I’ve already sunk into the record, I’m doubtful I’ll gain anything more from it.

AA

ee

Another Australian act returns, The Temper Trap, this time with Thick as Thieves. They sound rockier and are back with a brandnew, high energy album with the same magic that their debut LP Conditions carried, with more than a few pop-rock radio-friendly hits.

The album blasts off with the title track, boasting a kickdrum, guitar riffs and Dougy Mandagi’s leading trademark falsetto vocals. This formula hardly changes across the tracklisting; the next track “So Much Sky” bleeds with anthemic backing vocals which begs for more voices for festival singalongs. The more pop-friendly tracks “Lost” and “Fall Together” sound similar in their instrumentation, with only the lyrics and chorus differing. Then there’s the track “Alive” featuring a grittier 80’s themed guitar. Mandagi’s vocals are forever and always the strongest part of the band and the highlight of the album, and the ride lasts from start to finish.

For an insistent and unremittingly upbeat album, you can’t look past it.

aaaae

QUICK ALBUM HIGHLIGHTS: The Boxer Rebellion - Ocean By Ocean – A great album of tunes bleeding with bright instrumentals and melancholic lyrics, which sometimes suffers from being slightly too simple, both lyrically and instrumentally.

Fifth Harmony – 7/27 – I had no expectations of what this album would be like, so this surprised me, but as with most dance-pop outfits, the singles, mainly “That’s My Girl” and “Flex” are queen.

Ben Lukas Boysen – Spells and Gravity – Two separate albums, both with outstanding ambient production and haunting sonics.

AUTHOR Aden Beaver, 19, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media)

If Aden could have any superpower, it would be a coin toss between the ability to duplicate items or to master time.

49

By Emma Hough Hobbs

49