Empire Times 41.7

EMPIRE TIMES STUDENT MAG. ISSUE 7. VOL 41.

IT'S FREE!1

On the mall every Thursday 9.30am

EDITORIAL

Dearest readers, So that photo up there - that’s me cutting the Empire Times’ cake us eds served at the Rhino Room in late July for our official ‘Happy Half Way’ party.

Thank you to all those who joined us, in particular last year’s eds Preesan, Sarah and Simon for rocking up, supporting us, and eating said cake. The On Dit editors were there too which made for some happy snaps and “Oh my god I know, <insert something about student media>” chats. The night was a blast and I mingled like I’ve never mingled before.

The night ended with myself, our sub editor J.J, my housemates and Bethany driving late into the night making pit stops for our posse, eating leftover cake carefully balanced on my knees, and driving on a cliff in the deepest of fogs to see our crew home. Overall, a top notch night - cheers guys!

In this issue, my favs are: the feature about the turmoil of being creative but not being encouraged, Jo’s timetable of balancing study and parenting (freaking hilarious), as well as the points of view put forward by Shaun and Ira regarding veganism. Have a peak - you won’t regret it.

Hold on tight, second semester is in full swing so keep that spring in your step!

We have to go back…BACK TO THE SEMESTER! Welcome back, fellow Flinders students (and welcome, mid year students!) to another semester of Flinders Uni, 2014.

By now it is well and truly into assignment season, and students everywhere are rushing to and from the library to get those pesky last minute essays in on time.

We ET eds have been having a fun time putting together all the bits and bobs for this issue, and I highly recommend taking a peep at the amazing artwork on the back page representing us truly looking after the magazine (it is awesome to get cartoonified, thanks Katalin!) and just how much love and hugs and stuff goes into each copy that arrives in your hot little hands.

As you all know, ET had an amazballs party celebrating its halfway point in July. Helping with the cake certainly proved to me that I will never be a cake decorator. Jess skillfully managed to ice the letters on the cake first, then made the mistake of letting me try. The result is an extremely lumpy, shaky, ‘halfway’ written on the cake. This is why I can’t have nice things.

Have a flick through, check out all the goodies we packed for you, and try to remember those readings that are due in your next tute.

Strike a pose, there’s nothing to it!

Welcome back to semester 2. The semester in which you leave all your perfectionisms aside just to power through till SUMMER HOLIDAYS! Awwwwwwww yeah!

ET totally had a awesome, rad, coolio, funaklicious partay to celebrate all you wonderful chappys whom make this magazine possible. It was such a fantabulous night, filled with a delcious cake, master chef style and chatting with all the contirbutors! YAY! Now as you check this issue out take a moment to read “Sex Before Marraige”, “Everyone Can Make a Sandwhich” and “Strong is the new Skinny”. Radical reads for your eyes right there!

Now who is that fine looking fellow in my picture?????? Well my friends, it is the wonderful Karl S Williams. Totally saw him live at the Busbhy MArou Concert and man has he got a voice beyond voices. The point is take some time to explore the musical world as a procrastination tool from your study and you might be surprised by what you find.

Have all the funs, Jade!

Till next time, kiddos!

Tally ho,

Bethany

Jess

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OH HELLO there.

EDITORS: Jade Kelly, Bethany Lawrence & Jess Nicole.

empire.times@flinders.edu.au fb.com/empiretimesmag

Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on. We would also like to pay our respects to the elders past and present of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples.

EMPIRE TIMES magazine is a publication of Flinders University Student Association.

For advertising information: stephanie.walker@ flinders.edu.au

THANK YOU to Eleanor Danenberg, Grace Hill, Jo Schofield,

Charles Chuang Chiam, Ira Herbold, Shaun Gill, Emma Sachsse, Ruby-Rose Niemann, Tim Walter, Annie Robinson, the subeditors J.J Nestor (Features & Poetry/Prose), Shaun Hobby (Film & Crossword), the columnists Laura Telford (Politics), Kaisha Wyld (Feminism), Stef Rozitis (Feminism), Robbie Peschel & Lauris Buckley (Food), the illustratorS Madeleine Karutz (comic), Katalin Kiss (back cover), and the cover artist Melanie Pal, for their talents and support!

The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors or FUSA. All work within remains the property of the producers and may not be reproduced without their consent.

Index

Page

Contributor Spotlight

4

Mistress M

6

Politics

8-11

Life On Campus

14-15

The Crazy Old Cat Lady Club

16-17

On Killing Creativity

18-19

Strong Is The New Skinny

20-21

Comic

22-23

VOX POP: Avcon

26-27

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Sex Got To Do With It?

29

Veganism: For and Against

30-31

Games

34-35

Music

36

Poetry/Prose

37

Fiction

38-39

Food

42-43

Art

46-47

3

Contributor Spotlight

Eleanor Danenberg Tell us about yourself?

I was actually born at Flinders Medical Centre, and grew up in Mildura – where the awesome Triple J One Night Stand was on this year! I’m in my first year of a BA Enhanced Program for High Achievers, majoring in Women’s Studies and Creative Writing. I love reading, writing, coffee, tea, and escaping to Encounter Bay whenever I can.

You are a women’s studies major, what sparked your interest in such a major?

When I was a child, I always told my parents that they weren’t the boss of me, and I nicknamed myself ‘Woman Brave’, so looking back it was inevitable! I had previously thought of feminism as something of the past, then I started noticing just how prevalent sexism, gender roles, oppression, and double standards are in modern society; we might think they’re out-dated and defeated, but they’ve only gotten more covert. Discovering this set a fire in me, all I wanted to do was keep on learning and work with women and men, to change the world for women and men.

If you had the power to change one thing in the world, what would it be and why?

That’s a tough one, I’m sure everyone has hundreds of things they would change if they could! One that springs to mind is changing that McDonalds doesn’t deliver…but as passionate as I am about

McDonalds, as I can only pick one thing, I would change the discrimination and inequality among human beings based on race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and socio-economic status.

What is your dream destination and why?

I’ve been to 17 countries and London was my favourite destination among them all. It’s so vibrant and energetic, it’s the perfect place to get lost in. However, if I had to pick somewhere new, the next place I’d like to explore and discover, I’d have to go with New York City. As a huge Sex and The City and FRIENDS fan, I have to see what all the fuss is about!

Best/Worst Flinders moment?

Worst – Repeatedly falling UP the stairs leading to the plaza…and the stairs leading up to the library… every set of stairs…

Best – The blissful feeling when the Myrtle & Mae coffee van is on campus!

What is an ideal day for you?

It would be a very lazy day, I must admit. Sleeping in, multiple coffees and runny eggs in a Glenelg cafe, no homework to do, watching movies with my friends (Dirty Dancing would be one of them, of course), Chinese for dinner, and the biggest dessert platter you could imagine. Oh, and it would be drizzly all day, I love rain!

PREZ DISPENSER WITH grace Hill

Hey! Student Prez here. Thousands of dollars more for your degree, your lecturers fired or lumped with extra work, commercial interest rates on HECS… how does that all sound?

Shit? Yeah, I think so too. That’s why me and heaps of other Flinders students have joined the national protests against the Liberal’s federal budget. At the time of writing this article, we’re building for the next protest on August 20th, at 12:00 on the Plaza. Our protests have had a huge impact. When the budget was announced, attacks on students and unis were the least unpopular part – and after months of student protests they’re the MOST unpopular part, and Christopher Pyne (barf) is the most unpopular Liberal minister.

Keeping the pressure on with this campaign is the way we have a chance of not only protecting what we have, but winning something better. Education was free once in Australia, and I believe it should be that way again.

The other big news since last issue is Israel’s assault on Gaza. As I write this, the death toll is almost 2,000 people. Israel has bombed schools, hospitals, universities, and homes, as it carries out ethnic cleansing in Palestine. I’m happy to say that we’ve had some fantastic rallies in Adelaide to stand in solidarity with the Palestinians, and I am also happy to announce that the student council has passed a motion to support the Palestinians and to hold Israel to account by participating in the campaign to Boycott, Divest, and Sanction (BDS).

Long live Palestine!

If you’re interested in getting involved with political issues like these, come and find me for a chat! I’m usually out on the Plaza talking to students, or in the FUSA office.

All the best, Grace Hill

5

Love is not enough.

“But they love me….”

A phrase that is too often used when talking about an errant girlfriend/boyfriend/lover’s appalling behaviour, yet again, is “but he/she/they loves me”. I question the veracity of this statement as all too often what that person means is that the person in question has told them that they love them. Words are not proof of intent or feeling.

I can tell you right now that I love you.

“I love you.”

That’s nice, isn’t it? However, there is nothing backing that statement up. No actions to show that I care. You might claim that the fact that I bother to right something each month with the intent of improving your life and more specifically your sex life, shows I care but for all you know I could just love seeing my name in print and will write any old tripe just to fill my quota of words.

Maybe I don’t love you but the articles make you feel cared for and happy and don’t do you any harm in which case it is all good so we can leave this now unwieldy analogy alone and get back to the point of my article which is: don’t have sex with arseholes. Don’t have relationships with energy sucking vampires. Only spend time with people who show you that they love you or at least care for you.

Do not spend time with people who control you, who demean you, who make you feel anxious or a bit less happy about yourself just because they say they love you.

Sometimes we mistake jealous, controlling behaviour for love because it makes us feel wanted, needed and valued. It isn’t.

The problem with abusive relationships where “but I love you” is used as an excuse for bad behaviour is that the recipient of that abuse and so called “love” can become confused and dependant and isolated. Their friends get excluded and the person becomes more dependent on the “only person that loves me”. It can become harder and harder to get out of the situation despite the growing realisation that you are not happy.

Having sex when you don’t want it, having the sort of sex you don’t want, having sex used as a reward or withheld as a punishment; all

of these are unhealthy and someone who loves you won’t do these things to you.

I have met some incredibly charming people in my travels and sometimes it is the biggest emotional bullies that have had the best lines. It is the maladjusted, emotionally unstable ones that seem to have the ability to sweep you off your feet by saying all the right things and allaying all your worst fears with wonderfully worded excuses, rationalisations, grand gestures and downright bullshit.

Do not get sucked in by Hollywood romance, many of the romantic comedies celebrate behaviour that if it was done in real life would constitute stalking or psychopathic behaviour - Love Actually, Pretty In Pink, There’s something about Mary… the list goes on. There are plenty of articles about the celebration of male stalker behaviour that gets rewarded in movies that in real life it would land them in jail, not with the girl. I am not the only one that thinks that Edward watching Bella whilst she is sleeping is just creepy. Female sexual assault of men is even okay, in fact, rewarded again in comedies i.e.

The Wedding Crashers.

No wonder we get confused when someone tells us they love us and then treats us in ways we aren’t comfortable with.

Sometimes after you escape these relationships and you rebuild the ones with your family and friends (people who really love you), you wonder how on earth that person convinced you to put up with their behaviour or to do those things you felt uncomfortable with. You look back in anger and think “How?” It is because of those very powerful words “I love you”.

Please look past those words and look at the behaviour. Does this person treat you with respect? Does this person communicate openly with you? Does this person do little, thoughtful things to show they care? Does this person respect your choices sexually?

Love yourself, touch yourself and be good to each other.

I love you.

Mistress M askmistressm.com

Letters To the Editors spenser, Issue 5:

Response to the Prez Di

was never Dearest Grace, m coming to Flinders, he fro tt bo Ab PM t’ en ev You didn’t ‘pr senting the ay. Thanks for misrepre yw an re he me co to led t a lot of schedu king for, we’ve since los ea sp re we u yo d me su students you as l? supposed to be a-politica faith in FUSA. Isn’t FUSA Love, a Liberal student

Hiya E ds It’s the , fir and I a st week back lready want to to uni into be cra d readin after forgetti wl back gs are a thing ng that .

- Jake

g till figurin ET Staff, pus and s m rite a c w a n n o ly gon in I’m new a t r e c I can but I’m stuff out, the mag if h it w d e olv and be inv help it :) - Ruby

Dear Editors, Coming for you. Be prepared. We duel at dawn.

- Fred the Duck.

Editttorsss :( nt the lecture theatres It’s friggin cold. Why do seats?! Have nearly have cup holders in the books and its been spilt my coffee on all my only a week.

- Anna

7

The Senate A legitimate political force?

Words by Laura Telford

When most people think about politics they automatically think of the Government and Opposition of the day, and probably the last thing that was in the news, whether that be the Carbon Tax, Clive Palmer falling asleep during Question Time, fighting in a remote overseas country or some outlandish remarks made by a politician in the heat of the moment. Not at the top of that list would be the inner workings of the Senate, the chamber which makes up half of our parliamentary system and which holds enormous power when it comes to the passing and scrutinising of bills.

Since the introduction of the new Senators who were elected last September, many have started to question the legitimacy of the new senators, and how just a handful of individuals can hold so much political clout that the Government are seemingly being held to ransom. The Senate which consists of 12 representatives from each state and 2 from each territory and is commonly referred to as the House of Review, looks set to undergo a radical change in the way people think about its power and influence in the modern political system, given the influx of 2 minor parties and a handful of micro parties and Independents.

Famously called the house of “Unrepresentative swill” by former Prime Minister Paul Keating, the Senate is home to 76 Senators, each of whom are elected to the chamber for 6 years, and their term in power starts on July 1, irrelevant of when the election is held. Political experts will tell you that it is easier for smaller parties and single issue parties to get elected to the Senate as the voting system we use means candidates just need to reach a quota or a percentage of the overall votes rather than 51% of votes to win. It sounds simple enough but when it comes to determining who becomes a senator and who misses out, the count is a long and complex process which usually takes at least a couple of weeks to finalise.

From the 6 new senators usually elected at every election, roughly 2 will be from the Australia Labor Party, 2 will be Liberal and the last 2 tend to be part of a minor party who more often than not will be right leaning, or who have views similar to the Liberal and National Parties. Sometimes, there have been times when outliers have found their way into the Senate and have been hailed ‘true Aussies’ with their larrikin attitudes and who take on the persona of being “normal”, when in actual fact they

tend to hold quite peculiar views. And so it seems that the Australian public, and particularly our Tasmanian and Victorian brothers and sisters have decided Canberra needed a shakeup, and believe me when I tell you, we are all in for one hell of a shakeup in the coming years ahead!

The Palmer United Party (and the biggest minor party after The Greens) with its eccentric and unorthodox senators, are already making a name for themselves by bucking the political trend, quickly becoming household names, for perhaps all the wrong reasons. With Tasmania’s Jacqui Lambie, Queensland’s Glen Larazus and Western Australia’s Dio Wang, and the acquisition of Victoria’s Motor Enthusiast’s Ricky Muir, it seems the Palmer United Party are fast becoming a force not to be reckoned with. That is unless you want to get burned, as the Abbott Government have recently found out, after they needed to compromise in order to pass the Carbon Price Repeal and other critical legislation that was the basis of their election campaign and win.

Our first introduction to these new law makers came in the form of an interview on Channel 7 earlier in the year, where Ricky Muir was exploited as a media shy, underprepared senator who has a lot to learn about publically elected life and Jacqui Lambie who is quick with the one liners but from all accounts seems delusional when it comes to being held to the high standard of a Senator as opposed just another outrageous elected celebrity vying for media attention!

Between her trivial comments regarding her becoming the next PM and wanting a man who is ‘well hung’ she seems to be the new Nick Xenophon without a clue!

Clive Palmer, ringleader and House of Representatives member extraordinaire, has always been a wild card claiming that Rupert Murdoch’s wife was a Chinese spy as well as condemning the carbon tax whilst in the same breath, claiming we need to be tougher on carbon pollution.

This time however, it seems he has gone out of his way to find the most bizarre and peculiar Australians and thrust them into the Australian political sphere in the name of Australian democracy.

Traditionally minor parties have held some level of support in the Senate, but it has been a long time since we have had the breadth and variety elected to the Senate last September. It has become a common

theme during election campaigns during the last decade or so, to say that voters have elected the lesser of two bad choices, with the major parties no longer being the obvious choice at the ballot box. But with such a shift towards the minority, many are asking if the system we have held dear to us needs changing or at least alteration.

Voting trends suggest that although the overall domination of the major parties continues, people are increasingly voting against a party (the government) as opposed to, for the Opposition, which is creating this paradox of circumstances, whereby wild card candidates are being elected after preferences. Furthermore, with the increase in smaller and single issue parties, coupled with a growing lack of confidence in the political sphere currently, the major parties are needing to rethink who their core voter base is, and how to best appeal to their wishes and needs.

While it is true that only on a few occasions has the prime minister of any political party controlled both the upper and lower houses of parliament, think John Howard and his infamous industrial relations legislation WorkChoices passed in 2005, many are disputing that it is quite a different matter for these so called minorities to have such a large amount of political impact, think The Democrats and the GST or the Palmer United Party in the modern day. However, given these minor and micro parties are becoming more and more influential, many in the know are suggesting changes to the rules to ensure these so called fringe dwellers or extremities to the norm do not have unguarded access and control over what legislation passes or fails. Further examples of minor parties holding the government to this ransom are The Greens and Independents in the last parliament, under the prime ministership of Julia Gillard. But while the press and the Opposition labelled that government as unstable and unworkable, one might be so bold as to say pot, kettle, black in terms of the new Abbott government needing to make deals to pass legislation, but that is the reality until at least the next election so it would seem.

The ABC’s fabulous psephologist (an expert on elections) Antony Green gave a televised speech in Federal Parliament House in February of this year on the need for electoral reform in the Senate, floating around the idea that Senate voting was well past due for modification. Due to the fact that voters can vote in one of

9

two ways and the ballot still be counted, above or below the line is the simple way of defining the two. With 98% of people voting above the line and allowing the political parties themselves to dictate preferences, Green suggests it is time for parties to be held accountable and that backroom deals no longer play such a prominent deal in proceedings, especially as now 1 in 5 voters vote for a minor or micro party, a significantly higher statistic than in the past and going on the results from the September 14 election, if less than 20 people in the whole of Western Australia had voted differently, 2 different senators would have been elected!

Green however does suggest ways in which the system could be improved, one way would be to make candidates (or parties) achieve a minimum quota threshold on first preference votes to ensure that micro parties who receive under say 5% of the vote could not eventually get a seat. This does not totally discriminate against the minor parties, but does force them to have a sizable level of support before they can consider entering parliament or make the criteria for being eligible to register as a political party stricter as there is an increase in parties of almost 50% prior to an election being called. Green also went on to advocate that change is inevitable, as the current system is unmanageable for modern day politics in its current form; but whatever form it takes, it must ‘ensure the Senate system reflects the will of the electorate’ rather than backroom deals

and ‘voters must have the power over preferences’ rather than a complicated mess of party politics as is the case currently.

The Palmer United Senators have now been in parliament for a couple of months and yet we are still grasping at straws when it comes to what they believe in and what they want to see changed. Is Lambie an advocate for Viagra to be put on the PBS, is Dio Wang in favour of stricter control over election counting and is Muir in favour of nationalising learning to drive programs?

We may never know, but one thing is for certain, students of politics will be kept entertained and some of us may even start… cough cough continue watching Senate question time. One thing the election of the Palmer United senators does is make all voters aware of the power of their vote.

It is very easy to believe that one vote cannot change the end result, but the proof is in the outcome, 480 people outright voted for Rick Muir in the whole of Victoria with an estimated 3.5 million voting peoples. If less than 20 people in Western Australia had voted differently, and with an estimated 1.6 million voting people that would not be hard to do, the results in the Senate could have been very different.

What does this mean for the current parliament, with its Jacqui Lambie’s, Nick Xenophons and Ricky Muir’s causing all this supposed havoc in the name of holding the government to account? A headache for the government to begin with, and a whole load of fun for the Labor Party, as the Government will have to negotiate and

compromise in order to pass legislation.

Something that is really quite normal but Abbott shot himself in the foot by labelling the ALP as illegitimate, when they needed to compromise with the Greens in order to pass their own range of legislation. The general consensus is that while the Palmer United Party will jump up and down at some of the proposed legislation from the Government, but at the end of the day they will help in passing the measures.

Whether you like politics or not, in the next couple of years it will be hard to escape the fabulous escapades of the quiet chamber, more often than not, the Palmer United senators will be the deciding factor when it comes to what passes and what fails. This is not new information, but the longer certain senators are in the public arena, and more importantly in the firing line when it comes to the Australian media, the more outrageous and more seemingly inappropriate these elected people become. Your vote is sacred and many people around the world die fighting for the right to cast a vote but one must seriously question the legitimacy and qualifications or lack thereof, of some of our newest parliamentarians.

11

Confessions

Of A Coke Addict

“I was ready to tear the house down with that burning thirst, that longing for the harsh fizz as the contents met with my lips.”

No, not cocaine. Coca Cola.

I’ve known I was a sugar addict from around the age of 4. We’d have this playgroup at school, and we used to have a specific time for dunking biscuits into milk and for no particular reason, I just detested milk. So I got given juice instead. That’s where the addiction started.

I was raised in a fairly standard home with rules on sugar. Soft drink was usually confined to just on weekends at family BBQ’s and special occasions. However, cordial was constantly available, and I soon picked up a habit with this flavoured milk flavouring that some of you may know as Nesquik. It was always chocolate, never any other flavour. I would (on average) have around five to ten cups of this stuff a day, from about the ages six to twelve. It was like crack to me, literally.

My favourite activity was dunking the powder into the milk, letting it submerge, then bringing out the gooey cocoa and devouring it on the spoon. I got withdrawal symptoms very quickly, and can recall days when Mum didn’t go shopping for three days when I was getting massive headaches and had a foul temper.

an extremely short amount of hours. I began drinking it too, unaware how hooked I was getting. I began being careful how much I drank in the day, not for my health, but for the aspect of knowing I should save some for when the cravings hit in the morning.

at the airport on the way back, completely getting lost from my group. My sister tried to talk me out of it, and I screeched at her to get lost. I realized quickly that I had let the addiction take over, so I had that last can, and ditched it for a long time.

Coke has become like a mother’s milk to me.

Cordial can only dull the sensations of what I want, but Coke will always be a dominant addiction. From when I get up in the morning, something in the back of my mind says: ‘is there Coke in the location you are going?

Will you go near a vending machine today?’ and I will feel depressed and disappointed if there isn’t Coke nearby. Days I have wanted to take off sick, I have gone in instead, simply because there is no access to soft drink or juice in the house.

The cravings don’t hit nearly as hard as they used to, and yeah, I do occasionally slip up. It is hard as I realize now that I’ve had a crutch to do with drinks from day one, and I’m terrified booze is going to be next, however I don’t think its likely as I seem to favour the more sickly sweet. However, each day is getting easier when avoiding the vending machines. Hopefully one day, I can be like you water-drinking people, and never have to rely on sugar again.

Like an alcoholic or gambler, I’ve tried to give it up. Lord knows I’ve tried. My longest stint was six weeks, but I still had the cordial crutch. By day three I was ready to tear the house down with that burning thirst, that longing for the PPST noise coming from a freshly cracked can, and the harsh fizz as the contents met with my lips. We are a toxic relationship, Coke and I.

Nesquik and I were inseparable for some time. It came with me when I broke my arm to the hospital, it was in my evening routine, it was my primary drink over water, and provided that sweet sickly taste that only a kid could love. Eventually my love and I divorced over a nasty cup of the drink, when I had been left alone in the kitchen and thought I could eat eight lumps of the sickly sweet powder. I vomited shortly after, and since then, Nesquik has never been as appealing.

And I’m not the only one.

It should surprise me with the amount of Coke addicts who have asked me for advice or help, but it really doesn’t. It really is a helpless situation. Nobody can take us seriously as it is a soft drink- yet so many of us are helplessly dependant on it. Some addicts I know have been drinking it so much that the caffeine has completely whacked out their sleep system, making them unable to remember the last time they slept well.

Of course I was only a child when this happened, and it didn’t really occur to me at the time that I was an easy target for a sugar fix addiction. My teenage years started, and with that, more independence, and with that, I got to learn some of my friends’ bad habits. Habits such as going to the store after school and buying a 1.25 bottle of coke just for themselves, and then drinking it in

I personally cut down on my relationship with Coke after a trip to Bali where we were warned that the water could contain bacteria that could give upset stomachs, so of course I took this as the perfect excuse to go overboard with my addiction. I drank far more heavily, and due to the climate, consumed more and got thirsty quicker.

It reached a climax when I ran to get a can

Words by Anon

13

Student Life: Flinders Uni Hall

Jess Merrick ‘Flinders University Hall; to me and 239 others, it is home, but to most of you, it is probably that mysterious place separating Sturt and Main Campus.’. Flinders is the only South Australian University with on-campus accommodation in the Adelaide metropolitan area. Flinders Uni Hall is one half of this on-campus accommodation, otherwise known as ‘Flinders Living’; the other half is the Deidre Jordan Village; both of which are a 5-minute walk to Uni. The Uni Hall is catered accommodation that encourages a social and collegiate environment.

50% of Flinders Living residents are from Australian rural and metropolitan areas, and the other 50% are international students. A sense of community is formed, as all of us have had to move

away from home to be studying and living on campus at Flinders University in Adelaide. Despite being strangers at the start of this year, the new residents at Flinders Uni Hall had something in common; we had travelled either hours, interstate, or across oceans to be here.

When it comes to the living options that the Hall provides, there are single and shared ‘dorm style’ rooms with access to communal kitchens and bathrooms, and there are also flats and units with private kitchens and bathrooms that are only used by you and your roommates.

There are also many communal areas, such as: the dining hall, a Library, 2 common rooms with TV/DVD, a music room, sports courts, pool table, and a ballroom.

As well as participating in intercollege sports and social events with the other Residential Colleges in Adelaide, Flinders Uni Hall puts on many events throughout the year, just for us Hallies. To name a few, an annual Hall Ball, St Patrick’s Day Open Mic Night, pub crawls, excursions to the Football (insert cross-promotion for Port Power here), and lots of themed dinners involving crazy decorations and even crazier costumes. There are Uni Hall committees, secretaries, representatives, and volunteers who organise these events and ensure they run smoothly. The Hall also has a Tutor team of residents, who dedicate a lot of their time (including after-hours and on weekends) to provide academic and pastoral support for other residents.

Flinders Uni Hall is currently managed by the Flinders Living Dean, and our new Associate Dean, Jess Merrick, who was kind enough to take some time out of her busy schedule to be interviewed by Empire Times…

ET: Where did you attend university, and what did you study?

JM: I’m a proud alumna of Florida State University—go ‘Noles! I have an interdisciplinary social science background, graduating with a B.A. in International Affairs at FSU before completing a Postgraduate Diploma in Women’s and Gender Studies and M.A. in Sociology at the University of South Florida. For students wondering which degree is right for you, pay attention to when you’re happiest and find ways to do more of that. Follow your passion and you won’t get lost.

ET: What were your university experiences like? Did they encourage you to work with university students later in life?

JM: Yes! I was fortunate enough to have an incredible student experience marked by vibrant university culture and leadership opportunities in organizations like Phi Beta Kappa, Mortar Board, Garnet and Gold Key, Garnet and Gold Guides, LeaderShape, Model United Nations, Orientation Leaders, First Year Experience Leaders and Chi Omega. On the basis of leadership, community service, academic accomplishment and school spirit, I was selected to represent Florida State University on Homecoming Court.

My student experience was undoubtedly enriched by living in three student residential colleges: two student residence halls (where I served as an equivalent to our Residential Tutors) as well as in a sorority housing about fifty members.

The opportunities afforded through an active student life produce an invaluable skillset: character, a strong team ethic, the tenacity to set and achieve goals, and respect and appreciation for diversity. I cherished my time in university and I’m passionate about ensuring that University Hall is a safe, supportive and inclusive environment for students to cultivate leadership, embrace diversity and pursue academic excellence.

ET: What do you like most about working at Flinders Uni Hall?

JM: The Hallies!

A great example of this is when two students came to talk to me about an idea they had to create a documentary about being Indigenous and attending Flinders University. (Can I brag? It was Haidarr Jones and Matt Kauschke!) Working together, we kicked into action and put together the Flinders Living Deadly Dinner. We shared a special meal featuring native ingredients (lemon myrtle panna cotta - yum!), Roland Wilson from Yunggorendi gave a moving talk about the history of NAIDOC week, I talked a bit about white privilege and how to be an ally, and Haidarr and Matt showed their film, which was honest and thoughtful.

ET: What are your favourite things about Adelaide?

JM: Quality of life! Good food and good people overlooking a stunning view—that’s Adelaide any given afternoon. Adelaide constantly reminds me to stop and take it all in.

ET: What do you do in your spare, non-working time?

JM: I love going to the Central Market on a Saturday morning, practicing yoga, teaching cycling, and enjoying our colourful sunsets.

ET: If you could give one piece of advice to new university students, what would it be?

JM: You are embarking on an incredible journey and will learn a great deal about yourself, one another and the world at large.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. So be brave: attend events, meet new people, ask tough questions, explore big ideas, ready yourself for opportunities, and open your head and heart to new experiences. The lessons you will learn here will be invaluable, and I encourage you to take advantage of all that Flinders University has to offer.

ET: Lastly, for any keen travellers reading, what do you think is USA’s best kept secret?

JM: Do everything in Brooklyn, Santa Fe, New Orleans or Oakland. Oh, and go have a Cuban sandwich in St. Pete!

Words by Elenaor Danenberg

It sounds like you’re asking, “Do you like getting paid to have fun and do stuff that’s meaningful?” Yes. Yes I do!

But seriously, University Hall is truly a special place and I am so incredibly chuffed that I get to come here every day… dressing up in weird costumes and catching up over peanut butter toast.

ET: What changes have you brought, or are working towards bringing to Flinders Uni Hall?

JM: I’m a strong advocate for diversity and equality and look for opportunities to grow as a community. But more importantly, it’s my job to facilitate an environment that allows for all sorts of creative and positive changes, which we identify and pursue together through open and ongoing dialogue.

15

FEATURE

Saving myself from the Crazy Old Cat Lady Club

At first glance many would not consider me in the league of an elite athlete, indeed one would probably laugh at the suggestion. I am in my early 40’s and the voluptuousness of womanhood – while not yet faded is noticeably (and sadly) sagging in bizarre places from both my chins down.

But truth be known, I am as finely tuned as Nadia Comaneci, because if gaining a University degree in itself is a challenge, then attempting to do so while parenting solo requires the discipline, strength, skill and flexibility often attributed to Olympic gymnasts.

Flinders should award extra credit for “degree of difficulty” on the transcripts of students who are also raising families, it’s worth about a 9.5 to successfully coordinate study – work – and the lives of little people in some sort of harmony. I don’t bother about aiming for perfection anymore; it really is

not worth the stress and will only age me faster at the cellular level.

I decided to go to university because I was fed up with the monotony of being a sole parent, the poverty of being a sole parent and the monotony of the poverty …

What follows is my average daily routine, although I would hazard I am on par with most other uni students who are also parents.

6.30am– Indulge in the first cup of coffee for the day in a wonderfully silent house to gather thoughts.

7.30am– Chaos reigns as kid wakes up and would rather play Minecraft than get ready for school.

8.15am– Find lost socks/school bags/car keys/mobile phones. See kid off to school with hugs, kisses and warnings to stay out of trouble.

8.40am– Head off to uni in peak hour traffic, refuel car and run brush through hair while waiting at lights, listen to Radio National to know what is going on for the day (usually depressing news of wars, drone strikes or Tony Abbott somewhere).

8.50am– Search for car park with 20,000 other students (the “poor young student” who can’t afford a car is obviously a misnomer).

9.10am – Line up with my fellow drivers for super large, super strong, super need-itright-now-before-I-die-or-kill cup of coffee.

9.20am– Inhale coffee while speed-reading required readings for class (starting with the abstract and conclusion).

10am–2pm–Lectures (take notes); tutorials (try to contribute something intelligent); check emails; touch base with the Facebook World so friends don’t send out search

“If gaining a University degree in itself is a challenge, then attempting to do so while parenting solo requires the discipline, strength, skill and flexibility often attributed to Olympic gymnasts.” parties; research for assignments; check out library books and lug them back up the colossal hill to the car.

2.15pm– Do grocery shopping/pick up dry cleaning/pay bills/rent, take dog/cat to vet, or myself to dentist/waxing/gyno appointment, organise a kid’s birthday present (there is nearly always some kid’s birthday party coming up).

3.15pm– Pick up kid from school.

3.30pm –Make kid snack, unpack groceries/ lunchboxes, prep dinner, and shout at kid to change for football/tennis/music/scouts.

4pm– Drive kid to said rostered program while listening to detritus of his day: “So and so brought their pet snake/ a full set of first edition Harry Potter books signed by JK Rowling herself/ their grandfather’s Victoria Cross to school. Do we have anything cool that I can take for show and tell?”

“No sweetie, Mummy sold her other kidney to pay for University and all these bullshit activities she has to drive you to.”

4.30pm– Sit in car or a draughty church hall reading for uni, while kid plays flute/cricket/ football/karate for half an hour.

5.00pm – Again, battle peak hour traffic home. Introduce a new car rule – NO TALKING while mummy’s driving in busy traffic.

5.30pm– Make dinner, run bath, put on load of washing, sort school uniforms, bags and associated paraphernalia: newsletters, excursion notices and the dreaded birthday invites.

6.00pm– Eat dinner. Stop – Breathe… and be in the now for an hour.

7.00pm–Phone mother/ex-husband/ gal pals/lover to organise weekend and upcoming events.

7.30pm–Ask kid to brush teeth and get ready for bed.

7.37pm–Threaten kid with dire consequences if he doesn’t brush teeth NOW! 7.50pm– Tuck kid in and read bed-time story. Kiss goodnight.

8.00pm– Pour a well-deserved glass of wine and clean up “kids shit” (toys spread all over lounge), start researching and writing essays. Lounge is now full of “uni shit”.

11.30pm – Study ends as brain is officially refusing to cooperate any further.

11.35pm– Brush teeth, fall into bed. Listen as kid comfortably farts in his sleep while contemplating that there is only 1460 days to go until I finish my degree!

While this article could read as a tale of warning, or at the very least highlight the importance of making smart choices concerning the intricacies of sex and lifelong consequences, that is not my intention.

Rather its aim is to highlight students with kids are at university to gain skills they can transfer into income, just the same as everyone else.

We may seem somewhat serious and overly focussed (or even at times harassed and cranky), but so would you be if you had used up all your free “metime”, had no superannuation to speak of and were not getting any younger in a society that oddly enough does not highly value women, or the elderly. Why else would one put themselves through such rigorous mental and physical acrobatics other than to future proof themselves against becoming a crazy old cat lady! s

Words by Jo Schofield

17

FEATURE

On Killing Creativity:

When I was a kid, I honestly didn’t know what a writer was.

I knew very well what an author wasbecause every time the teacher asked us what we’d like to be when we grew up, my hand would shoot up with that answer.

I’d seen the word in the books I read, and had the ability to connect this to what I wanted to do in life, but I hadn’t heard the word writer once. As far as my little mind was concerned, if you wrote, the ONLY thing you could ever be was an author of a pretty paperback. I’d never been told about copywriting, editing, publishing, journalism, and all those other branches.

The teacher would just smile politely at the word ‘author’, before moving on to discuss Susan’s aspirations to be a hairdresser.

Society loves to tell kids all about the stable jobs, but not the artistic ones. In dire financial times, we need to have a stiff upper lip, and make enough to get bread on the table. Never mind doing something that is not a traditional 9-5, paid hourly, or in an office. You’ll starve, kid. Forget it. Become a tradie instead. You like tools, right?

I remember feeling so embarrassed when meeting my first copywriter, because I had no idea they existed. I was sure that writing for different sources came from somewhere, but I wasn’t sure where – like a child who would rather not explore where

babies came from. For the longest time, I was under the impression that my writing was just an extra packaged part of me that I had to deal with as a hobby, and that it was special in its own way. No one had told me it could ever be a serious career until I decided to find out more as I grew up.

And I think that’s really sad.

The worst part of it all, of course, is that I’m not sure teachers and parents know WHAT to say. We are built as a society to go after a career that is stable and will offer financial security. So when your darling child begins to show talent drawing or writing and is curious to see whether their hobby will go anywhere – your responses can compare to what it must be like to explain to a child what the opposite sex is like.

You can, of course, explain it and tell them how it is. Tell them girls have vaginas and boys have penises. Tell them you are perfectly comfortable for them going for either sex when they are older, and remain supportive and proud.

You can tell them how it is, but cloud it over with uncertainty and fear. Tell them it’d be impossible to get a date when they are older as they don’t have what it takes, tell them boys have killer cocks, and girls have teeth along their vaginas. Tell them there’s no point, and perhaps tell them to aim for something more suitable, like a beaver.

Or (like my parents did, bless them) tell

your child that its very nice they are curious, but you just don’t have the answers. You do, but you’re hoping your child won’t ask about it later on.

Children who are denied that proper explanation on whether they can make a career out of something artistic has a much bigger effect on them than a simple gender question, however. The kids who are told a career in art or literature is ‘risky’ and given the impression they won’t make a living, live boxed in fear. They love their hobby so much, but to them, it is just something they can do as a hobby. They can never take that leap, as its just too risky. They get pushed into another trade, hate their job, and live uncomfortably. Kids who aren’t given any information or explanation (like I was) also hold similar fears, and begin to think perhaps something is wrong with THEM, as there is no other thing they like to do better than draw or write. If they are dedicated to their hobby though, rest assured, they will come to a realisation and begin to pursue it. Once that happens, parents, you’ll sadly lose your potential doctor child.

When I was leaving school, I decided to work with kids and be a teacher, because I could get on okay with children, so I assumed it was going to be my career path. I always had Creative Writing in the background, as I didn’t want to lose it, and enjoyed those

Why do we discourage the arts?

“For the longest time, I was under the impression that my writing was just an extra packaged part of me that I had to deal with as a hobby, and that it was special in its own way. No one had told me it could ever be a serious career.” topics much more than my Education ones.

The day I liberated and hit that realisation that my hobby could be my career, was joyous. My parents seemed initially disappointed with me coming out of my literature closet, but seem more supportive now since I have shown progress. It still will not stop them from occasionally pointing out a childcare centre now and then, though.

For goodness sake, teachers and parents, we need to stop cutting the creative wings of youngsters. Tell them where they can go (actually tell them they CAN), don’t tell them its a scary black hole of unemployment and freak them out – let them learn that on their own, and overcome this, rather than be frightened and never try. Be supportive of the artistic child who’s longing to explore, or I guarantee that they’ll be wondering about the ‘what ifs?’ for the rest of their lives.

Don’t push your child into something more ‘safe’ because you are afraid for them. Trust your kid, for once. If you give them that love,

support, and information they need, they’ll be ready and waiting for the challenges ahead with confidence. Scare them away and they’ll always be wondering why they had to have the ‘odd’ hobby that could never amount to anything.

Words by Bethany Lawrence

19

STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY

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Well that’s what I was told. Apparently the idea that we all have to be thin is in the process of being rewritten that we all have to be strong (please someone tell that to all the people still looking superior because they have achieved a gap between their thighs). As usual what is really on the agenda is the attempt to achieve a gap between our ears, to stop women thinking critically (critical thinkers don’t make good consumers) by distracting us with how damn inadequate our bodies are.

Because you know, it’s not that there is something wrong with a society that values people by what they buy and what they wear and how they look and devalues human rights for anyone who isn’t rich enough to compete at the buy-wear-appear race. It’s more that you are fat, fat, FAT. Whoops I mean weak. Yes. You need to exercise more. You should be spending all your evenings at the gym at exercising groups- working out, making yourself acceptable and fixing your inherently flawed and awful (female) body. Some of my co-workers beat themselves up for every evening (after a 6-8 hour shift) that they don’t spend at the gym. It’s not like I work in an office either- we have to be fairly fit at my job anyway. But day after day I hear already beautiful women feeling guilty about something they ate or an hour of exercise they didn’t fit in.

And I consider myself (no-one would call me beautiful unless they were both drunk and trying to get something out of me). A year and a bit ago I was size 18-20 (horrified gasps...yeah I know) I was sort of fit...but not really I guess.

I thought I was ok. I felt average. I will be honest I never looked in the mirror much or thought much about it. I had a few years there of achieving a lot. I managed to end a relationship that badly needed ending, pull up my GPA to the point where I usually get HDs, get work, get work that suited me better, get absolutely awesome shortterm work, get fantastic permanent work, write things I was quite proud of, almost win a poetry competition, gain several small parts in amateur plays, sing a solo at choir practice. Lots and lots of things I felt proud of.

So what do people say when they meet me? “Wow Stef you look amazing! You’ve lost a LOT of weight” (note they don’t tell me I look “strong” they are still happy for me purely because there is less of me to take up space. I had realised of course that my clothes were loose, that they were falling off me, that I had to buy new ones.

I wasn’t over-thinking it though until everyone started.

And really, after every word I have written or read, every job interview I have passed, every play all they want to talk about it “you look so good now” (by implication you looked like shit before). Some of “them” are intelligent people and I would have expected them to have something more interesting to tell me than the fact they are excited I am skinnier –it’s not like any of them have to share my bed where arguably me taking up less room would be a good thing. About half of them seem to think me being skinnier suddenly entitles them to run their hands up and down my body (creepy).

I didn’t realise how scared I was about becoming this “fat” and “hideous” person again until my son told me I was not eating enough for an adult and he was seriously concerned about my dieting (I didn’t realise I was dieting I just knew I was avoiding all carbs, meat, fat, almost anything that wasn’t green and leafy. When I asked him if plain soda water had calories in it I think he lost patience with me. He managed to have a very calm conversation with me outlining his concerns and telling me how important protein is for the human body and brain (my ability to study had been dropping but I thought it was only because I was so busy all the time). “But I am not thin” I protested, “Look at my huge tummy and thunderthighs” He managed to stay calm, but made it clear that as a feminist mother I was being a real disappointment. I promised him I would eat and hated myself because within a few days my size 10 clothing was no longer loose on me. I looked back on photos of myself as I had been previous to the weight loss and felt hate and revulsion for the “fat” I had not even known I was. I realised I had relapsed into anorexia.

So you might think I would welcome the focus on being “strong” rather than “skinny”. But no. Even if you mean “emotionally strong” or “intellectually strong” or “strong criticism” which appeals a lot more to me I say let’s not give ourselves another stick to beat ourselves with at all!

Let’s get off this deficit model of the individual (female) self. I forced myself this morning to look in the mirror.

The automatic thoughts washed over me “fat, ugly, getting old, no thesis yet, no love life, no money, panic about this and panic about that” and I couldn’t make it shut up but I looked myself in the eye nevertheless.

“You are fine as you are darling” I said in the voice I would use with a distressed preschooler, “Don’t let them take away everything you have achieved.” And I thought of my friend who had told me to do that. I thought of my son who talked to me like he was the parent and I the teenager (only more tactfully). I thought to the brief moments of dizzying exhilarating success when I finish an essay. I thought of having a job where I have a voice in the public conversation about the future. And I guess there was a “strong” me that I found when I forced myself to make eye contact with myself. It was a “strong” that I didn’t achieve alone by time-management or investment or effort. It was a socially constructed strong, a strongwith friends and family. It was elusive and partial and non-marketable. But it was something other than a deficit view of myself. Tentatively I ran my hands down the sides of my own body, ignoring the inner voice complaining about flabby hips and saggy breasts. “It’s not for show” I said to myself, “It’s where I live”. s

Words by Stef Rozitis

21

COMIC BY MADELEINE KARTUZ

23

I Like To Ride My Bicycle Words By Alisha Thompson & Hannah Rohrlach

Queen knew it, you know it: bikes are wonderful. It seems that having two wheels is the new thing, bikes are raging in Adelaide at the moment. When you ride your bike, you’re saving the planet, improving your health, saving money, and making your life easier and opening up doorways to meet other wheely cool people!

Those who have jumped on the movement already will tell you that there’s no turning back.

Square at 6:30pm. It usually involves crazy bikes, music and much bell-ringing, maybe you’ve seen them riding around before on a Friday night in the city. Adelaide Bike Kitchen is a bike shed in Bowden where you can learn how to fix or pimp your bike, meet nice people and eat good food every Wednesday night at workshops.

There are various riding groups around which do leisure and also fitness rides... Why pay for a gym membership?!

Adelaide city has more than 41,000 car parks, 4 times the amount of Perth and twice the amount of Brisbane, which has almost double our population. If we start riding our bikes, we can change Adelaide’s transport system and become innovators in a healthier, happier and more vibrant community.

Caroline Giezenaar, who moved to Adelaide two years ago from the Netherlands says she rides to uni every day - rain or shine which means she’s not dependent on bus schedules and is fitter and healthier. ‘In the Netherlands cycling is a part of day-to-day life with lots of people commuting by bike. People who drive a car usually also own a bike so they know they have to watch out for cyclists, but our city infrastructures are designed for both bicycles and cars with lots of separate bike lanes. The Frome Road bicycle lane is a good start and hopefully it turns out to be a success; I would love to see something similar all around Adelaide.”

Not only is riding a bike cheap and convenient (saving the dreaded frustration finding a car park!) there are also many great things popping up in Adelaide for cyclists to get involved in. The 14th of May marked the opening of Adelaide City’s first Copenhagen-style bike lane down Frome Street! Hundreds of Adelaidians rode their bikes out to celebrate and eat a free breakfast provided by the Adelaide City Council (they’re pretty cool)! Despite the protests of many motorists who think that the city needs more room for cars, the council continues to argue for these fantastic bike lanes around the city. Garden beds separate the moving and parked cars from the bike lane, providing a safe environment for cyclists where they aren’t threatened by honking cars or spontaneously-opening car doors. Hoorah! This great installment in the city is but another reason to show off your wheels!

Living in the city for 18 months I’d been somewhat hesitant to start riding fear of traffic, but when my brother surprised me by revamping my mum’s vintage bike from the 80’s as a gift, it was finally time to give it a go. One ride with a cyclist friend during peak hour was all it took to realize the city really isn’t scary at all and I could have been doing this ages ago! It’s by far the quickest, cheapest and easiest way to get around town.

Riding to uni isn’t as difficult as you might think. Some students that I’ve spoken to mention the need for more showers or fear of feeling uncomfortable at uni after riding their bike. I was initially worried about my 10km commute to uni but after giving it a go, I found that it wasn’t so bad and I feel great when I get to uni! Too far to ride? I understand that so many students live a great distance from Flinders University. Maybe consider riding your bike to nearer places, maybe the shop, the city or a friend’s house. If we want to make Adelaide a bike-friendly, sustainable city, we’ll all have to play our part. I have noticed an increase in bikes parked out the front of the uni so I think that people are rediscovering the beauty of the bicycles that they enjoyed in their childhood days.

The Global VeloCity conference that was held in Adelaide this year has also been creating hype around bikes at the moment. On May 16th, the VeloFringe opening parade saw hundreds of cyclists, sporting tall-bikes, flashing lights, tinsel and capes, take to the streets. Cyclists also celebrated Bike2Eat Week in May, with 25 cafes and restaurants across the CBD and North Adelaide offering free beverages or up to 25% off food for anyone who rode their bike to dine!

So grab a bike and ride it or if you haven’t done it before, give it a go! Let’s move our city in the right direction and make Adelaide more sustainable, friendly, fit and happy. So dust off your bikes (or your parent’s bikes!), grab your friends and enjoy the ride! Ding ding! s

"

You get some nice, fresh air in your lungs and get your heart pumping all that good oxygen around the body. Great way to start the day. It helps me focus better.

"

Meg Humphrys, Bachelor Environmental Management

If you are interested in the other cool bike initiatives in Adelaide, check out Critical Mass Adelaide, The Adelaide Bike Kitchen and Radeladies Bike Gang. Critical Mass is a casual, fun ride which happens on the last Friday of every month, meeting in Victoria

25

VO Q.

1.When Was your first avcon? 2. What is the best/your favourite thing about avcon? 3. Why did you attend avcon this year? 4. What anime/video game is your favourite?

5. Which fictional character Would you marry?

6. you are the final boss in the last game you Played- is your defeat embarrassing, cool, or ridiculous?

Photos by charles chiam chuang chao.

1. I believe my first AVCON was 2008.

2. I love that there are plenty of free, interactive things to do at the event.

There is always something to do that doesn’t cost a lot of money.

3. I enjoy spending time out with my friends, and catching up with people who I haven’t seen since the last event. I have a lot of friends who I only see at these events.

4. Starcraft 2 is my current favourite video game. It has a fantastic processional league surrounding it that I enjoy keeping up with.

5. Vanessa from Austin Powers, played by Liz Hurley in 1997…

6. I believe the last game I played was Duke Nukem: Forever. So being stepped on by a giant monster is pretty embarrassing!

AARON

1. My first AVCON was 2007? 2008?

2. My favourite thing is the atmosphere, really familyfriendly and welcoming.

3. Visiting, because it’s great to socialise with fellow enthusiasts and support local artists and performers.

4. Favourite video games would be old Sonic: The Hedgehog and Crash Bandicoot, favourite anime would be Full Metal Alchemist, Nana and Death Note.

1. 2012

2. The merchandise stalls, the Lolita events.

3. I really like Lolita fashion, I wear it most of the time.

I like making things, enjoy cosplays, and most cons don’t cater to Lolita fashion.

5. I would marry, damn, Han Solo. That was a difficult one.

4. Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura, Euphemia from Code Geass.

6. I am Dr Robotnik- so vaguely embarrassing and uncomfortable.

5. Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura.

hANNAH

6. Embarrassing, epic fail.

alicia

1. Done about 5 AVCONs.

1. The very first AVCON :D 2001 2. Meeting new people/ fans :D

3. Sadly business is down, I worry that maybe my art is a little too risqué?

4. RahXephon, more recently Bounen no Xamd’ and Yozakura Quartet.

5. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes (Bucky)

6. Necessary and sad, like one of those bosses that used to be a good guy but was corrupted and turned evil.

YUKI

pop

X O 2. Local, draws in a good crowd of interested people, friends and people I know get together.

3. I have been going to most major events so far.

Big events that draw in the crowd makes business not too bad.

4. Skyrim, still playing Fallout 3.

5. Daenerys Targaryen aka Mother of Dragons, so I can help her train the dragons; best chance to ride one without getting eaten.

6. Overthrown by an army of formally evil robots.

emerson

1. 2013, but I have helped out with other cons.

2. Mixture of Adelaide as the city, and the size of community and its people.

3. Been able to create something that normally won’t create in daily life.

4. Sol Leader.

5. Ratchet, from Ratchet and Clank.

6. Probably ridiculous.

dean

2727

AVCON’S Missing Pepperpot Words and photos by Charles Chiam Chuang Chao. (POV: Dalek.)

Day 1 of AVCON. This inferior puppet’s body is damaged, experiencing what its kind call ‘jet-lag’. Mental processes are barely coherent, and computing power required to form decisions are seriously impaired. Observation only will have to do for the time being.

Day 2 of AVCON. The puppet has repaired itself a little. Like yesterday, they are many of these human subspecies known as “cosplayers”. Beings within this category have always chose to dress as other characters, many a time of a different species and even gender. More investigations are needed to determine if this is an indication of inferior identity crisis, or a delusional cult of weird worship. Observations tell that not only do they dress up, they also engage in the discussions on the aesthetics.

Inferior musings – a supreme race has, nor need, the concept of elegance. First action, investigate the items these creatures are trading with. These con-goers, as they call themselves (these beings have many names for themselves – geek, nerds, otaku – more indication of low evolutionary intellect), pay for merchandise that resembles many things from many stories. There seems to be idolisation of colourful ponies and the Oncoming Storm as well. Records show that this puppet, before being recruited, possessed an unexplainable obsession over said ponies, and the TARDIS. To keep up the façade, the puppet purchased some unnecessary items, like posters of beautiful (in his opinion) sexy females, and commissioned artwork of the same.

For most part, the puppet has been efficient, taking image references of unsuspecting targets, and asking questions to help understand this subspecies. However, so far no information has revealed itself to be useful in the ultimate plans of conquest. All we know now is that this event presents an opportunity for like-minded individuals to express their feelings and emotions towards their favourite characters, as well as being involved with performances that allows for action-based imitation on a stage. If human defences are as showy as these mock battles are, conquest of this planet should be easy. On the other hand, if they are willing to put in so much time and effort into perfecting fictional weapons

and fake armour, there is the possibility that their real war machines could possess a threat. Suggested next course of action: Make these humans’ figment of imagination reality, and use it against them!

As part of the infiltration process, this puppet had been programmed to approach one of the convention’s more special units, the ones with the title ‘Special Guest’. These units must be very important, as even though armed with the ‘Media Pass’, the puppet still had to queue like the others. If only the blaster had been functioning at that time… Despite the ‘Special Guest’ running late, the humans expressed great joy when she finally arrived. As part of the disguise, the puppet obtained a signed photograph with one of the three Special Guests, the one codenamed Cherami Leigh. This Cherami Leigh are known to have provided the voice for fictional female fighters such as Shana (Shakugan no Shana), Asuna Yuuki (Sword Art Online), and Lucy Heartfilia (Fairy Tale).

These humans seems to idolise those who give voice to their favourite characters – an inferior trait, but one that cannot give us an advantage over destroying them. Through interactions, we determined that Cherami Leigh is a fan of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, showing particular interests in the ponies named Twilight Sparkle and Applejack.

Evening. This AVCON ended with awards and an auction. We do not understand the purpose of multiple visitor passes signed by the Special Guests, nor the fact that these plastic pieces with permanent marker ink on them reached the human currency of over 900.

CONCLUSION OF INVESTIGATION: The leaders of this event commented that Daleks are too pop-culture to be included.

The supreme master race finds this insulting, and infiltration reveals such comments are insulting. Are the colourful equine not what you creatures consider pop-culture too?! Such offense will not be tolerated!

And many you dare to pretend to be The Doctor in your pathetic attempts to confuse us!? YOU WILL ALL BE EXTERMINATED! E X T E R M I N AT E ! E X T E R M I N AT E !

EXTERMINATE!!!!

No Sex Before Marriage: an outdated ideal or worth it?

Sex has everything to do with it. What other activity is such good exercise, and yet so much fun? Sex is a demonstration of love to a partner, the driving motivation of a summer fling, a chance to pleasure and be pleasured. It even sells. So the more we can get of it the better, right?

I have decided I will not consent to sex until marriage. According to waitingtillmarriage. org (yep, sounds legit), ‘about 3% of Americans wait until marriage to have sex (successfully)’. If I’m looking for someone who has the same idea, it looks like my options are limited. In fact, I have not met a person, ever, who has confirmed to me that they waited/plan to wait until marriage (though one might consider it an implicit reality in the many I know in church communities, and it certainly not something that comes up in afternoon tea conversation, unless you are sitting opposite Johnny in the film ‘The Room’).

As the years have passed, I have discovered

some unexpected perks to waiting. No matter what happens, I know that I am not going to suffer the shock of finding out that someone I had a one-night stand with, courtesy of Tinder, is in fact in my choir.

To the nay-sayers, this is Adelaide, and I even know someone who had a similarly unforeseen experience. On a more serious note, the risk of contracting an STD is lower for those who are not sexually active, and, with the exception of rape, heterosexual females are not going to get pregnant. Of course, a person may choose to wait until marriage to accord with their religion, and while my reasons are tied to my faith, I can elaborate a bit more than simply saying “cos Jesus would do it”.

I want to find someone that I can have meaningful conversations with for hours on end. Someone who respects me for who I am, but brings out my best and helps me strive to make positive changes. I want a relationship built on trust and honesty, and a love that is so strong that despite knowing

I would be able to function if we parted, there’s no reason I would ever want to.

The thought of ever losing them would be painful because I would want to spend the rest of my life by them and with them. I want to be as sure of these things as is possible before I make a lifelong commitment, by way of marriage. For me, the best way of knowing if these wishes have been fulfilled is if the relationship is able to thrive without sex. Only if they can be would I truly want to explore sexually with that person. But how long is long enough to know with a high degree of certainty the answers to these questions?

So much is at stake, and the echoes of my friends’ concerns are the subject of much consideration. Yet I will not change my mind. I wonder if I am alone in my thoughts, or others have a similar mindset. I would love to hear your comments. s

Words by Anonymous 29

DEVIL’S

For Veganism Many claim to take the welfare and protection of animals seriously; we are outraged at cases of abuse and neglect, we love our pets and treat them well. And then we sit down to a steak dinner, or crack a few eggs to make breakfast, and see nothing wrong with it. Simply put, when it comes to the treatment of animals, our moral responses are often flatly incoherent.

distinction between meat and other animal products such as milk or eggs. Animals used in the dairy and egg industries are treated just as badly if not worse as their meat counterparts, and they all end up in the same slaughterhouse in the end. It’s important to recognise that these atrocities are not infrequent exceptions to standard practice, they are standard practice.

We would surely all agree that it is wrong to inflict unnecessary pain and suffering on another human being. The question, then, is what exactly is the difference between human beings and non-human animals? There is significant and constantly mounting evidence that the animals we use for food and clothing are sentient and fully capable of suffering, both physical and psychological; the Cambridge Declaration of Consciousness, signed by a group of prominent neuroscientists in July 2012, states that many animals—including all mammals and birds—possess the neurological substrates though to generate conscious experience and affective states.

Veganism—a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, the exploitation of non-human animals for food, clothing, or any other purpose—is the only morally coherent response. Veganism is an ethical and political commitment to the abolition of animal exploitation on an individual level.

The truth is we already know this. We all know that non-human animals can experience pain and suffering—it’s why there is such outcry over cases of abuse. We are simply radically inconsistent in applying this knowledge to the way we act every day, and what sorts of products we buy. There is no good reason for us not to afford the suffering of animals the same moral consideration as that of humans; if it is wrong to inflict unnecessary pain or suffering on humans, it is equally wrong to do so to non-human animals.

We could, no doubt, have an interesting discussion about exactly what “necessity” entails here, but at the very least it must mean that we do not inflict pain and suffering for reasons of convenience, habit, or pleasure (culinary, aesthetic, or otherwise). Almost all of our uses of animals are for precisely these reasons, and these uses inflict horrifying suffering (watch the 2005 documentary Earthlings if you don’t believe me).

Vegetarianism is not the answer here. There is no morally defensible

There is also a compelling environmental argument for veganism.

According to the Food and Agriculture Organisation of the UN, animal agriculture generates more greenhouse gas emissions than does the use of petrol in vehicles. It is also absurdly inefficient: it takes 100,000 litres of water to product one kilogram of beef, compared to 900 litres for one kilogram of wheat, and on average six kilograms of plant protein is consumed to produce one kilogram of animal protein.

We don’t need to consume animal products for our health—the Australian National Health and Medical Research Council, the American Dietetic Association, and Dieticians of Canada have all stated that properly planned vegan diets are nutritionally adequate for all stages of life. We imprison, torture, and kill billions of animals every year for the sake of our convenience or culinary tastes, and the best justification we have for doing so is that they taste good, or that it is easier to continue doing so than to change anything. And that is no justification at all.

Words by Ira Herbold

ADVOCATE

Against Veganism If you want to refrain from the consumption and use of animal products and animal labour, then I’m right there with you. You’re a grown adult, you can make your own decisions about what you put in your mouth and on your feet. However, when we start to construct models of moral and ethical correctness to determine how we interact with the food chain, I would argue that we run into a few problems.

Speciesism is a word that I run into a great deal when reading on the topic of vegetarianism and veganism. Speciesism implies that a member of one species has lesser worth than another based upon its species membership. For instance, in the Australian context, a dog is a companion animal while a cow is a food animal. In other parts of the world, dogs are eaten and cows are objects of reverence. It is all relative, depending on which bit of dirt you happen to be standing on.

Nature is cruel. No, cruel is the wrong word. Nature is indifferent.

In the wild, very few creatures get the pleasure of dying of old age surrounded by their loved ones. Most things die violently and subsequently provide fuel for the thing that was crafty, persistent or just plain lucky enough to catch it. The entire natural world, the food chain included, is an endless cycle of birth, death and consumption.

If an animal dies in the wild, it will provide fuel for a myriad of other organisms. Predator and scavenger species will have their fill, while smaller carrion eaters will consume leftover digestible components.

Then anything that remains will slowly return to the soil and provide nutrients such as nitrogen that provide a platform for healthier, hardier plant-life.

Human beings have opportunistically adapted over time to consuming animal flesh, resulting in a number of benefits that we enjoy today. The development in our brains that resulted from the consumption of animal flesh has led to the development of complex linguistic structures and cooperative hunting practices. Our ancestors regarded nature in much the same way nature regarded

them, as fuel. It just happened that the most efficient source of that fuel was derived from the carcasses of other higher life-forms.

I acknowledge the lack of prettiness inherent in the picture I have painted of human meat consumption. I would be kidding myself if I believed that this was a “nice” thing or an attractive thing. Nobody should revel in causing another creature to feel pain or fear. Our well-developed brains, with their capacity for abstract thought and empathy understand that there are things in this world that we regard as being acceptable and things that are not. I shy away from applying labels such as right and wrong, because I do not believe that this is a strictly binary argument.

The consumption of by-products such as dairy and eggs is also problematic for vegans from an ethical standpoint. The exploitation of an animal’s labour and the artificial intervention in its reproductive process for the purpose of deriving the by-products of these processes is an issue which is distinct from the simple question of to-eat-or-not-to-eat.

I would argue that the question of whether an animal dies to feed another is not as important as how it dies. Embedded in this is the companion question of how does it live? We should always have regard for the things we eat, especially when they come from the animal kingdom. Industrialised farming techniques are frequently grotesque and we should work to ensure as comfortable and healthy life as possible for the things we rely upon for nourishment (even if this leads to more expensive and less frequent meat-based meals).

We should never forget that the steak we’re eating was once part of a mighty, independent being who played its part in the great (and sometimes terrible) cycle of life on our planet.

Words by Shaun Hobby

3131

everyone can make their own sandwiches “Women Against Feminism”. It sounds like a joke or a riddle, yet it seems to have become a trend online by women denouncing feminism because it isn’t relevant to them. Examples include women with hand-written signs, explaining why they don’t need feminism: ‘I don’t need feminism because I wasn’t born a victim’ ‘I don’t need feminism because my boyfriend treats me right’ ‘I don’t need feminism because they reject femininity’ ‘I don’t need feminism because equality includes men’ ‘I don’t need feminism because I might have a son one day’ ‘I don’t need feminism because the pay gap is women’s choice’ I admit that I have cherry-picked these examples off the Tumblr page, however the ones I didn’t include are just as misinformed and mislead as these. I cannot fathom how any person, any women, can be against feminism after everything that has been fought for, everything that has been achieved and yet to be achieved. And then I remember: the radical feminists.

We all know of them: they burn their bras; scream at random men because everything is their fault; they seek privilege and superiority over men, then demand that they receive special attention because they are women; they dress up as walking, talking vaginas to further their agenda; they force their ideas and their views upon you like a persistent Jehovah’s Witness, interrupting your Sunday morning bacon and eggs. Radical feminists have taken the ideals of the women’s movement too far, and they are damaging the reputation of logical, level headed feminists

the world over. They have tarnished the identity of feminism, just as any extremist has tarnished the identity of their chosen movement.

I want to clear this up. In this article, and anywhere I can, I want to reintroduce feminism to anyone who cares to listen. I want people to understand that the women’s movement isn’t what you see on television, where the footage is edited to be extreme and shocking, just so they have your attention. I want people to understand what feminism really is.

Feminism is equality, choice, and freedom.

Feminism is the equality between all genders: if one gender is superior to the other, then there is no equality.

I argue that any person calling themselves feminists who advocates for the superiority of any gender over another is not truly a feminist.

They are an imposter who uses catchwords to get what they want without consideration for others.

They are not a feminist.

Feminism is the choice to be whoever you want to be; the choice to the career of your choosing; the choice to an education; the choice to express your sex, gender, and sexuality in whichever way you choose; the choice to have children; the choice to be safe and respected.

Feminism doesn’t demand that you never cook dinner, or that you abort your child if you are under a certain age. Feminism provides you the choice to do what you want to do. There would be no choice of education for women if it wasn’t for the first wave of feminism in the 20th Century, nor would there be a choice of marriage, or property ownership. There would be

no choice to vote in the USA, and women in Australia would not be able to vote for the political party of their choosing.

Feminism is the freedoms to define yourself instead of having someone else define you, based on the sex that was assigned to you at conception.

It is the freedom to move freely within society, the freedom to have you voice heard, the freedom to enact equality and choice.

‘But writer’, I hear you say, ‘women have equality. Women have choice.

Women have freedom. There is no need for feminism in this day and age!

Your views are outdated!’. I would agree with you, dear reader, if calling someone a girl wasn’t considered an insult; if women’s sport had as much coverage and airtime as men’s sport; if men automatically received equal custody of their children in separations and divorces; if men weren’t still expected to be the breadwinner in any relationship.

I would love to agree with anyone who told me that feminism is outdated and needs reviewing. You have no idea how much I want to agree with those people. Yet there is still so much that needs to be done.

Victim shaming and rape culture is still a thing. When a woman is raped during her unescorted walk home through a dark park, you will commonly hear people ask ‘why was she alone? Why didn’t she get a taxi? Why did she walk home in the dark? What was she wearing?’ instead of ‘why did that man rape her? Why was he waiting in the dark for someone to walk past? Why does this man think it is ok to rape another person?’ When a man is raped, you’ll also hear things such as ‘why didn’t he fight them off?’ or ‘he can’t be a real man if he was really raped’.

People tend to still put the onus

on the person who was raped or sexually assaulted, regardless of the gender, and this inequality needs to be stopped.

There is still a considerable pay gap between men and women, especially in corporate situations. You may argue that this is because there aren’t enough qualified women, or that women choose not to go into corporate employment because they have family commitments that prevent them climbing to the top.

I would like to point out that over half of all university graduates are women, yet only 9% make it to executive officer positions, and that men also have their own family commitments. Additionally, women are ridiculously underrepresented in professional science, technology,

engineering, and math fields (STEM), yet all women attend these classes at a secondary school level. Why are they so underrepresented? Theorists have been researching social conditioning, and the influences of expectations and how these may contribute to this matter, but we are still a long way off from discovering the true culprit.

Over two thirds of all the people living in poverty worldwide are women. Victims of infanticide are more likely to be female than male.

Women are still considered property in some third world countries, and are treated as such. Still, in many countries, women do not have the right to vote, the right to property, or freedom, or equality, or choice.

Feminism is not redundant. So long as the identity ‘feminist’ creates unease or unrest, for so long as it keeps its taboo status, feminism will not be redundant. As Ellen Page said, ‘how could it be any more obvious that we still live in a patriarchal world when feminism is a bad word?’ But while some people continue to reject feminism for their own misinformed reasons, I will take the opportunity they provide and remind myself why feminism is so important to me.

Also, check out confused cats against feminism: http:// confusedcatsagainstfeminism.tumblr. com/

Words by Kaisha Wyl d 33

GAMES REVIEW

NEXT GENERATION GAMING: Journey & NaissanceE Video games have forever been a popular

The first experience I had in this genre

that causes you to interact with the world

way for people to escape the dull reality

was late 2012 with a game released

around you, allowing you to jump and

of everyday life and adventure beyond the

by

team

maneuver the environment. The beauty

ordinary scope of humanity. A popular new

Thatgamecompany. Journey as it is titled,

in this game lies within the simplicity and

‘genre’ of gaming style has appeared that

is an experience that takes you through

for those who are accustomed to a more

takes exploring a virtual world to a whole

some of the harshest but most beautiful

aggressive button bashing approach may

new level of involvement. These ‘games’

landscapes I have seen within a next

find it boring, I assure you it is far from it.

are more of an abstract experience or

generation videogame. It tells the tale of a

simulator focusing more on the journey,

cloaked traveller and his journey to reach

Orchestral compositions accompany you

the scenery and the overall connection to

a goal that seems unattainable at best.

along your solemn journey but soon you

players, rather than high paced gameplay

Removing itself from the typical open world

realise you are not alone. Through the

aspects popular of first person shooters or

genre, Journey gives you no background

magic of the Internet you are seamlessly

RPG games.

story nor do you actually understand what

connected

it is you have to do, your only guide is a

becomes your only company in this desolate

shining light atop a distant mountain peak.

wasteland. Using nothing but the sound

This new style of player experience has

the

popular

indie

games

with

another

player

who

of your musical note you quickly adapt to

yet to be officially classified but is rapidly becoming more popular among new and

Besides the obvious atheistically stunning

‘speaking’ with your teammate, checking

upcoming indie development teams. As

features of Journey, the true heart and

in once in a while just to know you’re not

an avid gamer and a fan of anything that

soul of the game resides in the deep

alone.

is remotely ‘outside of the box’ I have kept

emotional and almost spiritual connection

my eye on this interesting and thought

that is formed between yourself and the

Without spoiling too much Journey is an

provoking style of gameplay, making every

mysterious character you control. The only

adventure that even the most hardcore

effort to participate in them when I have

‘gameplay’ mechanics within the story is

gamer would enjoy. Everything about it

the opportunity.

the ability to produce a small musical sound

flows and fits perfectly into the world

Thatgamecompany have created, ranging

reality and depth perception. Although it is

I began to lose track of reality as I was

from flowing waves of desert and harsh

not classified as a horror game, NaissanceE

bombarded with flashes of black and white

mountain slopes. Keen players could knock

does fill you with an odd sense of fear and

that could give a night club strobe a run for

this over in a couple of hours but those

uneasiness as you make your way through

it’s money.

who take the time to find the hidden story,

the winding corridors and open rooftops of

glyphs and paintings are the ones who will

the city.

truly appreciate the subtle and truly special beauty of this game.

Overall, the experience was a memorable one, the ending could be seen as

The heart of gameplay lies within a basic

unsatisfying to some but with games like

platforming and puzzle solving system

this you only get out what you put in.

From one end of the colour spectrum to

which although basic is quite perplexing at

For anyone who is a fan of the strange

the next, I introduce the newly released

times. You never feel sure of your actions

and unique with a hint of terror I would

title NaissanceE by Development Company

and what may lie beyond the next door,

definitely recommend NaissanceE although

Limasse Five. Gone are memories of wide

distant noises and shadows daunt your

those who aren’t comfortable being bashed

open deserts and sweeping mountain

every footstep but something pushes you

by a pallet of black and white may be better

ranges, NaissanceE takes you deep into

to continue. Your only motivation is a text

to shy away.

a underground labyrinth city filled with

popup when the game begins “Lucy I lost”

mystery and odd sense of fear. Unlike

and boy is she lost. Unlike Journey you are

As an important mention, both games are

Journey your character is kept hidden for

completely alone from start to finish…or

available via download on their perspective

the entire story, your only connection to

are you? Desperately searching your way

consoles. Journey is exclusive to the

them is the faint sound of breathing as you

through this huge monolithic alien-like

PlayStation Network and NaissanceE is

make your way through this mysteriously

structure, your curiosity is what pulls you

available over multi platforms. s

deserted metropolis.

through.

The most striking thing about NaissanceE

The best way to describe this experience

is its ‘unique’ appearance; everything is

is like being trapped inside an Escher

painted in monochromatic blacks and

painting with each level being more and

whites leaving you with an odd sense of

more intense. Towards the end of the game

Words by Shaun Gill

35

MUSIC REVIEW: Jenny Lewis // Voyager

By now, if you spend any time on the internet, you’ve probably seen that film clip where Kirsten Stewart, Anne Hathaway, and Brie Larsen pretend to play instruments behind Jenny Lewis and dress up like men. You’ve at least seen the GIFs, right?

Well, yeah, that’s from the first single off of Voyager, Lewis’ newest album – ‘Just One Of The Guys’.

You may have heard of Lewis before. We’re all in uni, so I’m going to assume that you’ve at least stumbled upon Rilo Kiley before – you know, the jangly indie band that gets less feminist associations than Sleater Kinney but more than, well, most other bands. Rilo Kiley broke up three years ago, but Lewis has been making music for pretty much ever, so the break up of her most famous outfit didn’t really stop her, and now she’s made Voyager.

So how is it? Well, let’s start with the lead single ‘Just One Of The Guys’ because seriously, I have not been able to stop listening to this song. Lewis can be a little bit hit and miss, but when she hits she hits hard. ‘Just One Of The Guys’ jangly, poppy, fun, and absolutely god damn brutal lyrically. It’s a sweet little song about how women should stop trying to be “just one of the guys” (because we can be just as awesome as men without having to trying to fit into their moulds), but it’s so bitingly sarcastic it gives Virginia Woolf a run for her money. The song reaches its highest point when Lewis looks straight at the camera, all doe eyes and perfect bangs, and sings “when I look at myself all I can see/I’m just another lady without a baby” in the sweetest sing-song voice ever put to tape overlying such an ironic bite it kills me. It’s maybe one of the best songs of at least the last six months, it’s wonderful.

Other than that, the album is a little bit more lowkey, but it’s still beautiful. Lewis has such a gorgeous voice and such a talent for crafting gorgeous, sixties-

inspired folk-pop songs. She’s like Florence Welch but she’s been doing it for longer and she’s less of a mystical Celtic witch-queen. ‘Late Bloomer’ is a perfect, vaguely threatening story-song about escaping to Europe and hooking up with a group of travelling weirdos, similar in tone to ‘15’ off of Rilo Kiley’s last album Under The Blacklight. ‘You Can’t Outrun Em’ has a sixties pop vibe, similar to something Nancy Sinatra might have written if she was possessed by Faye Dunaway’s Bonnie Parker.

These two songs actually sum up what’s so great about everything Lewis does. She’s got a sugarsweet voice and pretty guitars and these big Bambi eyes and then she writes these songs that are just loaded with such a dark, pervading air it sometimes sounds like she’s singing the soundtrack to a pair of teenagers being brutally slaughtered at make-out point. It’s creepy and perfect and I feel like people should go back to making those stupid sixties beach horror films just so Jenny Lewis can do the soundtrack.

The long and the short of it is that Voyager is a really great album. It’s a sixties pop folk indie daydream sung by a woman who just seems like a really kickass human. Lewis is well-known enough that if you’re into this sort of music (rad indie ladies writing rad indie songs) then you probably already know if you’re going to buy it, so you don’t really need by opinion but otherwise, oh my god you should at least give it a shot. Just listen to ‘Just One Of The Guys’ if you’re not 100% sold. Your ears will thank em.

Review Score: 9/10

Words by Ruby-Rose Niemann

Poetry and Prose Left Behind

Overexposure

Coldest day of winter

Please don’t be the fog, as I won’t feel you anymore.

You can be the roses; they are headstrong and heartless.

Your words are heavy and I draw them in like smoke to my lungs.

I called you last night, in my dream.

You said your sister was on fire and you were playing the piano.

I left the conversation to return to the real world, but you weren’t there.

You aren’t here anymore.

I woke up in another world where demons had voices and were holding my hands.

I’m in days where the memories hurt and I want to reach out to you but pride gets in the way.

I sit and wait for the rain to lay with me.

I cannot peel my eyelids open long enough to see the sun.

Wallow in the past Where even pain is beauty Fear the unknown future; Loss, filial duty…

Glance at my stacks of photographs, I wonder how…

The girl I used to be was living in ‘the now’

As the sun rises, a new day is here Doesn’t matter if it rains, I’ll be near If you’re staring out for hope… just look at me And I’ll help your day be everything it can be There are things about the world you must know It can be dark and gloomy both above and below I will help guide your eyes to the ever warming light Lead you down the path so you can shine bright Carry your heart within my heart Nurture its fragility… for it’s a beautiful work of art

Faded pictures Flip through my fingers Shadows of memories Sit and linger…

Picture perfect, pure nostalgia, over-exposure Can’t capture this moment; It’s already over

Words by JJ Nestor

Words by Tim Walter

Words by Jess Nicole

37

FICTION

A Scenic Route to Laura

Words by Annie Robinson

Meg’s head is rolling on her left shoulder. Her knotted brown

hair falls over her face and a few strands stick to her slightly

confirmation and I smile back at her. ‘Yeah, I feel fine. Okay,

open lips. Confident she’s still asleep, I decide to take the

see you soon.’

scenic route to Laura. Port Augusta can wait. I know Megs

She hangs up and leans forward in her seat, arching her back

is going to be mad when she wakes up, but the shiny red

inwards and folding her arms over her head whilst yawning.

road sign just looked so inviting. A Scenic Route to Laura. It’s

not very scenic so far but I already feel better being off the

‘What was that?’ I poke her in the ribs.

highway. I turn down the crackling radio and start humming.

Her laughing prompts another yawn. ‘I’ve always hated this

‘Hey Dad. No we’re half way-ish.’ She looks at me for

‘I’vealwayshated this drive.’

drive.’

I don’t know shit about Laura. It’s a nice place though I think.

‘I dunno. I think it’s quite scenic,’ I say.

They make something there. Ice cream? Anything beats staying

Nothing’s changed outside. The road is still lined with paddocks

with Meg’s parents in Port Augusta. I don’t know why she

of brown grass and bright green weeds inside weathered

wanted to go so bad. Or why I had to come. I still don’t think

fences. Maybe there are a couple more trees around. But

she should’ve told them she’s pregnant just yet. Isn’t it already

overall, scenic my arse. Someone’s got to change that sign. I

messed up enough? Couldn’t I have had a few more days to

keep humming along, filling in the blanks when the radio signal

get my head around it before getting knocked out by her dad?

drops out. I glance at Meg and notice a frown starting to appear

I think we’ll just stay a couple of nights in Laura and discuss

in the corner of her sealed lips. Sure enough, her brown eyes

things a bit more. Things need discussing. Meg doesn’t seem

narrow and she turns to look at me. Megs has been driving

to understand their importance though. ‘What, like whether

back and forth between Port Augusta and Adelaide all her life.

we’re keeping it?’ she’d asked crossly when I’d told her I

The girl knows her brown grassy paddocks alright.

wanted to talk about stuff. ‘There’s no question there, Joel.

‘Joel,’ she says, ‘where the fuck are we?’

I’m committed to this.’ I don’t get it. She wasn’t committed to

‘Well you see, the thing is Meg,’ I start.

children last week or the one before that. I don’t understand

‘No, I really don’t care what the thing is Joel. I’ve just

why she won’t think about it for a second. What kind of life can

about had it with all your things. Where are we going?’

we give it anyway? I’m gritting my teeth again and I turn the

‘We’re on the scenic route to Laura.’

radio up. A distorted Jimmy Barnes distracts me.

‘Who the fuck is Laura?’

I’m not sure whether she’s serious. She knows her country Meg’s phone starts ringing and she stirs.

towns pretty well. Almost as well as the paddocks.

‘Don’t worry babe, it’s probably just your boss

forgetting you’re away.’

‘Um, Laura’s a town Megs. They make ice cream

there.’

She stares at me with crazy eyes, as though I’d just told her

With eyes half open, she looks around for the source of the

Laura’s my psycho ex-girlfriend. I think she might lunge at me

noise. She finds the mobile in her pocket and slumps back

and grab the wheel so I grip it a bit harder. I check if she’s got

against the door, rubbing her eyes as she answers. Shit. I guess

her seatbelt on. Excellent. Safe to proceed.

this was going to happen eventually.

‘I think it might be good for us to stay the night there and talk

turn around but for some reason getting to Laura seems really

a bit about what to do. We’re not gonna be able to do that

important. It’s getting dark outside but I’ve never felt more

with your folks around.’

alert. I’m sure this road is going to get more scenic. It’s just got to. s

‘Fuck Joel, I don’t want to talk about it!’ she slams

a fist down onto the dashboard and I swerve a little. I lean away onto the door, trying to seem relaxed. I almost start humming again. ‘I just wanna see my Mum. She’ll know what to do. Don’t you get that? We don’t know shit. What are we supposed to talk about? How fucked we are?’

Meg pulls her knees up onto the seat. She’s in a scrunched up little ball rocking back and forth from sobs and side to side with the winding road. I know I should probably pull over or

39

Complete the crossword and send a picture of your answers to stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au and WIN one of ten free double passes to Palace Nova!

ACROSS

5. Malfunctioning security robots spoil a classic 80’s teenage party 6. This actor plays a disgraced sportsman on a quest for redemption in a post-apocalyptic world 7. Many characters are named after musical instruments in this Van Damme clas(sic) 9. A hard-headed maverick makes a case against architectural orthodoxy 11. When an occultist is killed by a biker gang, he becomes a murderous …….

12. Lawrence, Kansas looks kind of nice. Be a pity if I was wiped off the map 15. Supermarket’s are full of defensive positions, even if the visibility sucks 17. Creative solutions to “death by asteroid” are called for 18. It’s people!

19. A telepathic dog-owner went on to star in this 80’s cop show 20. When there’s no more room in hell, the dead go shopping 21. This post-plague stinker features terrible CGI animals 22. A massive fire makes a case for architectural orthodoxy

DOWN

1. This space traveller halts the Earth in his mission for world peace 2. Nature rebels in this conspicuously temporary shamalapocalypse 3. This father-son walking tour of America is movie shorthand for grim & bleak 4. The alien-clone invasion film is no carbon copy 6. The last fertile male in this tale of mutant amphibians is played by this professional wrestler 8. B-Grade Kurosawa on inline skates 9. A bioweapon test threatens a small Pennsylvania town 10. A monkey passes a deadly contagion into the human population 12. Less CGI animals, more Charlton Heston 13. Shelly’s new boyfriend fights against humanity’s extinction 14. Vegetarian restaurateurs AND cannibals? Say what?

16. There’s just no reasoning with a comet

Film Review: guardians of the galaxy

When I heard that there was going to be a Guardians of the Galaxy film, my first reaction was one of scepticism. This super-team of obscure and near-forgotten minor leaguers didn’t strike me as the best way to fill that gap between Avengers films. “Isn’t that the one with the raccoon?” I asked myself. As it happens, it’s the one with the raccoon.

To my surprise, these minor-leaguers manage to hit it so far out of the park that the ball ends up tearing a hole in the fabric of reality.

Guardians of the Galaxy is good. Like, really good. Like “set fire to your house on the way out of the door because you forgot to turn off the stove” good.

It doesn’t feel like a comic-book-movie. Perhaps that is because as second or third-tier characters, there isn’t the level of expectation associated with the project. The looming spectre of the history associated with, say, 75 years of deeply-disturbed billionaireplayboy turned crime-fighter is absent from this film. There is no sense that the writers were trying to do anything but craft an honest-to-goodness space opera that blends action, humour and pathos like a whistle-activated dart of pure adolescent joy.

Guardians tells the story of a motley band of smugglers and mercenaries who are thrust together by a circumstance and held together by a collective love of money. The plot runs a fairly standard protect-the-really-rare-and-expensive-object-from-allthe-other-people-who-want-to-possess-it pattern. However, it is the way in which the characters bond and grow and learn to work together as a cohesive team who are willing to regularly sacrifice their lives for each other that makes this film shine.

Each of the characters is credible, with a well-rounded personality and capacity for growth that is more than realised. Peter ‘StarLord’ Quill is an Earth-boy turned star-hopping smuggler who finds himself sucked into a galactic war. He is joined by the daughter of a powerful tyrant, an embittered warrior on a mission of vengeance,

a humanoid tree with a delightfully subtle eloquence and a grizzled and violent raccoon mercenary. Seriously, if raccoons could talk and build bombs, they’d probably all be a little bit like Rocket.

Within the first five or so minutes, it becomes obvious that this film is going to be flat-out hilarious. Each of the characters, with the exception of maybe Ronan the Accuser, lends their own distinct humour to the film. Although, even Ronan’s outer shell of genocidal zealotry hides a vein of black comedy that makes his lack of mirth all the more delicious.

I went for the 3D showing of the film and discovered how the experience can be affected by the physical dimensions of a new pair of glasses. I guess I will have to get used to tilting my head back a little further and remember to sit towards the back of the cinema.

Although, with audiences seemingly down all over the market (in my recent experience) that shouldn’t be too much of a challenge.

The 3D itself, however, is incredible. It is probably the best use of the technology I have encountered thus far. The projections of the planet in the first scene have a sense of depth that really impressed.

The dogfighting scenes feel believable and nothing feels like it was 3Ded just for the sake of doing it. In a word? Immersive.

In the way that it contributes to the growth of the characters as a team and as individuals, the soundtrack is almost its own character.

The use of music that the characters are listening to as part of the soundtrack is remarkable. The choice and timing of the tracks is flawless.

This film is a rollicking good time where all of the elements play well together and nothing feels contrived or self-conscious. I had a great deal of fun with Guardians of the Galaxy and I feel like you will too.

Words by Shaun Hobby 41

FOOD REVIEW

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‘The Big Smoke’

Melbourne is a favourite holiday destination for an overworked university student when that longed for mid semester break rolls around. The flights are cheap if you don’t mind hiking to the airport at 6am and only taking (free!) hand luggage. There’s an abundance of super cheap, if somewhat dodgy, hotels for you to choose from – after all, you’re only going to be sleeping there.

Melbourne is perfect for a last minute getaway so you can rid yourself of the post-exam blues.

Compared with Sydney, Melbourne is quirky, raw and edgy. A train ride opens up a world of graffiti you’ve never experienced, and every laneway has a funky bar tucked inside. Where the rain in Adelaide compels you to stay inside wrapped in blankets, in Melbourne you can hop on a tram with an umbrella and explore some of the museums, or even the state library. There really is something for everyone.

No one goes to Melbourne without gaining a few kilos from all the food and drink. What’s the point of being on holiday if you can’t have dessert with every meal? It’s impossible to try all the places, and it can be hit and miss – that’s part of the fun. You can guarantee with every bad joint you find yourself at, the next place will be the opposite, remarkable and memorable.

Lygon Street is Melbourne’s Norwood Parade – lined with Italian restaurants, the smell of wood oven pizza emits from every shop.

The size of the cakes on display will have your mouth salivating and you’ll gain weight just looking at them. Away from Lygon Street on Bourke Street, Pellegrinis is a Melbourne Italian institution. There since 1954, the décor remains the same, as does the billowing airconditioning unit that runs as well as it did 60 years ago. Pretence is thrown out of the window here - this is honest Italian food with the women doing the hard graft in the kitchen and the men chatting to the customers out the front. Filled with business people, students looking for a cheap eat and tourists who have done their research, there’s people from all walks of life enjoying a generous bowl of pasta.

Melbourne is the birth place of many franchises that eventually find their way to Adelaide – Grill’d, Hudsons and of course, Krispy Kreme. Lord of the Fries is yet to venture down here, much to the vegetarians’ dismay. The whole menu is vegetarian friendly and with little alterations vegans can be satisfied too. Although they have branched out to serving burgers and hotdogs, it may be best sticking to the original fries with delicious topping as the new range is a bit of a let down. Fresh fries covered in melted cheese and hot gravy, yes please.

The Victoria Markets are full of fresh produce. The enticing displays of cheeses, cured meats and fresh bread won’t let you pass without buying something. If there’s a free table then grab a selection of olives and dips and leisurely snack as you watch the world go by.

After you are sufficiently stuffed, it’s time to head out for a night cap before you stumble back to your dodgy hotel. Down the dark and dingy laneways are some of the best bars you will ever come across. Eau de Vie on Malthouse Lane is a well-kept secret of the Melbourne folk, and hard to find. The smell of wood and leather greets you on arrival and you’ll think you stepped back into the prohibition era. Shelves upon shelves line the walls, packed with bottles of gin, whisky, bourbon, you name it. The menu is thick with a medley of creative and unusual cocktails - modern nitrogen concoctions sit next to classics served with hand carved ice. The intimate surroundings allow you to sit back with an old friend and sip your $20 cocktail whilst mulling over current affairs – how sophisticated.

Adelaide longs to be like its rebellious big brother Melbourne, who smokes and drinks instead of attending class. But the city of churches can never live up to the expectation and that’s how we like it. We want to go to Melbourne and take a break from our mundane lives for a while, but we always know we can return to Adelaide for a Coopers Pale and a pie floater.

Words by Lauris Buckley & Robbie Peschel

Winter Warmers Sitting in my cold room, with chattering teeth and wearing half my wardrobe, the inspiration for this month’s recipes came easily. I hope you enjoy some of my favourite winter meals, and don’t forget to serve them with a big helping of your favourite veggies!!!

Moroccan Apricot Chicken Serves 5 Ingredients: •1 Tbsp olive oil •500g chicken breast or thigh fillets, trimmed of fat and cut into chuncks •1 medium brown onion, halved, thinly sliced •2 garlic cloves, crushed •2 Tbsp Moroccan seasoning mix •1 Tbsp tomato paste •2 Tbsp honey •400g whole peeled tomatoes •1 cup salt-reduced chicken stock •1 cup dried apricots •400g can chickpeas, drained, rinsed •Couscous to serve (as per directions on package.)

•Coriander to serve.

Mushroom, Parmesan and Herb Risotto Serves 5 Ingredients: •¼ cup olive oil •2 onions, finely chopped •2 cloves of garlic, crushed •2 cups of Arborio rice •5 cups salt-reduced vegetable stock •250g mushrooms, chopped •½ cup grated parmesan cheese •¼ cup chopped basil Method: 1. Heat oil in frying pan. Sauté onion and garlic until onion is tender. Add mushrooms and sauté a little longer. Add rice and cook, stirring for two minutes.

Method: 1. Heat oil in large frying pan over medium-high heat. Cook chicken for 2 minutes each side or until browned. Transfer to a plate.

2. Stir in stock, one cup at a time, until liquid is absorbed.

Continue adding stock and simmering until rice is tender.

2. Add onion to pan. Cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until softened.

Add garlic and seasoning for 1 minute. Add tomatoes, stock apricots and chickpeas. Bring to boil.

immediately.

3. Return chicken to pan. Reduce heat to low and simmer uncouvered for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Once chicken is completely cooked and the sauce has reduced and slightly thickened serve with couscous and coriander.

3. Stir through parmesan and herbs into risotto and serve

If you’ve enjoyed the recipes be sure to contact Kim Anastasiou (anas0014@flinders.edu.au) for a copy of the FUNC Cookbook.

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KENNETH. ZINE REVIEW

#mentalhealth #eatingdisorder #recovery

I ordered this zine because: I was keen to read another person’s story of their relationship with their eating disorder and in what way the monstrosity showed its hideous face, having experienced an eating disorder myself.

Before I read the zine I thought: “God, I hope this is a healthy thing to do.” I discovered that it was healthy reading because the zinemaker’s perspective is a healthy one: she manages to portray both sides of Anorexia including what the illness takes away from the host and what it has to offer (I use the term ‘host’ here to convey the leeching nature of Anorexia).

It may seem ridiculous but an eating disorder not only destroys, it delivers. It delivers to the person, in a simple little solve-all package, a sense of control.

It equates not eating with control of a life that seems out of control. Anorexia will find its power through a person’s vulnerabilities, their hardships, trauma and much more. The illness has no remorse in enslaving a person’s mind and body and locking the ‘real’ them behind thick frosted glass, incapable of protest.

This zine is gruelling: Really, bloody takea-few-days-to-read kind of gruelling. I’m not sure if this is because my personal experiences bare an uncanny resemblance to that of the zinemaker’s. But it is a frustrating, depressing and crushingly accurate representation of mental illness as a whole.

The best (and worst) thing about this zine is: The zinemaker takes you through each aspect of her journey with ‘Kenneth’ – the name she eventually gives her negative mind that I quickly felt an undying hatred towards. As the reader, it’s like watching a sad film where you know the main character is in trouble but you can’t do anything about it. Instead, you continue reading because you become attached to their story and need to see them get out alive.

Don’t read this if it’s likely you’d find the subject matter triggering: It’s acknowledged in the zine as containing triggering materials. This is done in light of the disordered mind always being ‘on’. It will happily take anything, related or otherwise, and twist it into something negative that nourishes unhealthy thoughts. As such, the zinemaker promptly warns vulnerable readers to put down the zine and walk away. The zinemaker also includes handwritten entries from her diary: the voice of Kenneth, counterattacked with her voice of reason. For me, this conveys the two sides of the mind: the side that is ill and seeks death and the side that is healthy and promotes life. It is frustrating at times to see such awareness of reason and yet Kenneth is still considered a legitimate way of thinking.

I recommend this zine to: Those who seek insight into the world of an eating disorder.

Such reasons may originate from knowing someone who lives with one or simply

because education is key to recognising and preventing an eating disorder – in others and in oneself.

The zine contains large bodies of text and randomly placed “dialoging” as the zinemaker calls it. While it is all text and no pictorial content, it remains captivating because as you read, you begin to appreciate it as a hugely personal, honest and gracious story. Having written and published Kenneth, the zinemaker is taking ownership of her recovery and placing a huge fuck-off roadblock in front of Anorexia and Kenneth.

What I found irritating about the zine is: The overly optimistic ending where ambition is warranted but the possibility of relapse is not acknowledged. I think that it may have been premature to claim to be “free of Kenneth and Anorexia” while still technically being in treatment, albeit 2.5 years in, and one appointment away from discharge. It is difficult to ignore, given the persistent nature of eating disorders, the very real possibility of a trigger occurring in the future. However, one can only be aware of this possibility – and the zinemaker’s positivity towards nurturing herself and her future is the only method I’ve found beneficial for myself.*

Words by Jess Nicole *reprinted from secretsofthephotocopier.com. For a detailed response by the author of Kenneth, go to this site.

All Food

&

Drink Provided

fusa.edu.au 45

ART REVIEW

Captain S, after Afghanistan Painted in Robertson, New South Wales, 2012 Oil on linen, 140 x 190 cm Acquired under the official art scheme in 2012 ART94524

27 September - 30 November Flinders University City Gallery Curator Laura Webster During World War II a German officer spotted a photograph of Guernica in Picasso’s Paris studio and asked: “Did you do that?”

Picasso is said to have replied “No, you did!”

For the uninitiated, Guernica is Picasso’s response to the destruction of the small Basque town of the same name by Nazi aircraft. The work integrates many of his earlier techniques into a great cry of shock and pain. The bombs are invisible, the viewer sees only the aftermath.

Quilty says he was profoundly affected by his tour of Afghanistan.

After spending more than three weeks talking to, and hearing the experiences of, servicemen and women in Afghanistan, he felt an overwhelming need to tell their stories and this exhibition shows he absorbed all of this information and it erupted powerfully in his art.

Flinders University City Gallery www.flinders.edu.au/artmuseum/ Facebook: Flinders Art

Words by Jo Schofield

In 2011, Ben Quilty was appointed as an official war artist by the Australian War Memorial and deployed to Afghanistan from 11 October until 3 November. During this time he observed the Australians’ activities in Kabul, Kandahar and Tarin Kot. His task was to record and interpret the experiences of Australian servicemen and women who were deployed as part of Operation Slipper.

The exhibition After Afghanistan presents portraits of soldiers that Quilty met during his tour, showcasing 21 large scale studio paintings, along with 16 works on paper sketched by the artist in situ.

Like Picasso, Quilty has painted provocative and disturbing images that carry a raw sense of anxiety and alienation. His portraits reflect that existential fear, loathing and incomprehension of the atrocities of war on a very intimate level. His work empathetically captures the emotions of the soldiers and conveys their pain.

The primary focus in this body of work seems to be beyond narrative or illustrative but more about creating physical responses by confronting truth within a society that both wants and needs a military service. This is further supported by the artist’s statement: “I hope that when people walk into this exhibition they will get more of a sense of what is like to be in Afghanistan. Not what it looks like, but what it feels like. What it is like to survive an experience such as these Australians have been through.”

Captain Kate Porter, after Afghanistan Painted in Robertson, New South Wales, 2012 Oil on linen, 180 x 170 cm Collection of the artist OL00628.017

The Waterhouse Natural Science Art Prize 2014

Ellie Noir Nautilus Charcoal on paper, 90cm x 112cm

When one thinks of major Australian Art Prizes, the razzle-dazzle and media hype of the Archibald usually springs to mind.

Yet the South Australian Museum has hosted an arguably more interesting, if not as controversial, exhibition for the past 12 years. The Waterhouse Natural Science Art Prize is an annual international competition for artists with a science theme and offers a very cool first prize of $50,000.

Again in 2014, it did not disappoint with a diverse array of works on paper, paintings, sculptures and objects from 99 shortlisted artists. One of the key features to the show’s continued success is the curators’ understanding that cultural heritage is a living and constantly evolving concept that includes more than just preserving the monumental remains of the long dead.

This year’s artists explored issues such as the potential environmental effect of human intervention, genetic links and species loss. The outcome of such themes

could easily develop into an exhibition that is simplistic and anticlimactic – settling at the apex of “climate change”. However, the contributing artists deliver a blend of ambitious, subversive and innovative perspectives extending our understanding of the informational, the philosophical and the spiritual.

The exhibition opens up the territory where the beauty expected from art merges with environmental consciousness and social responsibility. While keeping refreshingly main-stream, many of the artworks obviously arose from political activism, social awareness and historical investigation – presented as field trips, captured landscapes and teasing glimpses of antiquity. The viewer can easily comprehend that environmental responsibility is what many of the artists are out to address, but it is not overtly demanded of the audience – instead the Waterhouse’s desire seems to be to meaningfully engage viewers with the natural sciences through a gentle inducement of challenge with strong elements of astute humor.

Stand out pieces that incorporated these features were Essence remains, ever changing (oil painting) by Adrian Headland; Red Chair (etching, aquatint & watercolour)

by Helen Clarke; Their lives in our hands (watercolour) by Wendy Jennings; Breathe (blown tinted glass) by Harriet Schwarzrock and Mermaid – Too Caught Up (hand-woven recycled fishing line, fish hook) by Aly de Groot.

As well as the opportunity to look at some fantastic, thought provoking art on a cold, wintery day the entrance fee ($6 with student card) included a glossy colour catalogue of the finalist artworks. The only criticism is the high caliber of works on display across such a broad range of materials made voting for the people’s choice a difficult exercise, like trying to compare apples and oranges, for this viewer.

Words by Jo Schofield

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Flinders Up Close DUCK!

“MY MUM DID MY READINGS FOR ME, AND WROTE ME THIS SUMMARY”

SEEN IN LECTURE: GIRL ASLEEP AND TWITCHING WHILE SNORING HER BUTT OFF

“WHERE’S THE STURT GYM? “.. AT THE STURT CAMPUS” “WHERE’S THE STURT CAMPUS?” “.. STURT”

SEEN IN THE ROW IN FRONT OF ME: A YOUNG GUY SNAPCHATTING HIS CROTCH WITH THE TAG “HE’LL SEE YOU LATER.”

“I HONESTLY DON’T SEE WHAT’S WRONG WITH JOFFREY.”

YOU WADDLED UP TO ME, HOPING TO STEAL A LITTLE BIT OF MY BREAD. I BECAME STARTLED AND YOU WADDLED AWAY. I FEEL AS THOUGH WE MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING SUPER SPECIAL. -DUCK OBSESSED

YOUR GLASSES. YOUR BOW TIE. LET ME MAKE YOU MINE NOW! - H O P E L E S S ROMANTIC

RESPONSE “DEAR S, JUST JOIN OUR CONVERSATION! I PROMISE WE DON’T BITE. :) LOVE THE GROUP OF NERDS IN THE REFECTORY”

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ART WORK: LIFE OF AN ET ED

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