Issuu

EMPIRE TIMES Flinders University Student Magazine - Issue No.4/Volume 53

ON KAURNA L AND. Nina Marni (translation: hello, how are you?). Nina Marni (translation: hello, how aretraditional you?). Empire Times acknowledges the owners of the lands in which the editors, contributors and readers live, and honour elderswould past,like present and emerging. Bedford Park Empire Times to acknowledge the traditional owners of is thea significant sitethe ineditors, the complex Dreaming of the ancestor lands in which contributors and readers live,Kaurna and honour elders Tjilbruke. We write on behalf ofPark the is students andsite faculty on this past, present and emerging. Bedford a significant in the complex land, FirstofNations, Non-Indigenous Dreaming the Kaurna ancestor Tjilbruke.and We Immigrant, write on behalfwho of work and learn here. Empire isFirst edited and distributed on the the students and faculty on Times this land, Nations, Non-Indigenous traditional lands the and Arrernte, Dagoman, FirstisNations of the and Immigrant, whoofwork learn here. Empire Times edited and South East,onFirst Peoples of theofRiver Murray and Mallee distributed the traditional lands the Arrernte, Dagoman, First region, Jawoyn, Kaurna, Larrakia, Nations of the South East, FirstNgadjuri, Peoples of Ngarrindjeri, the River MurrayRamindjeri, and Mallee Warumungu, and Yolngu region, Jawoyn,Wardaman Kaurna, Larrakia, Ngadjuri,people. Ngarrindjeri, Ramindjeri, Warumungu, Wardaman and Yolngu people.

We that sovereignty was never andland thatisthis Weacknowledge acknowledge that sovereignty was never ceded, ceded, and that this land is stolen. stolen.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Evangelia Karageorgos EDITOR Amelia Luke Kailani Petkovic

CONTRIBUTORS Kailani Petkovic Florence Walker Moss Hepworth Leila Mae Scar Lock Fia Pritchard Isabelle Kameron and Tannaz Mahreen Anna Martin Elliot Lloyd Evangelia Karageorgos

Charlize Murphy Blue Olivia Paltridge Maxine Turner Genevra Siciliano Adeline Lau

Disclaimer Empire Times is a publication of Flinders University Student Association (FUSA). The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University or FUSA. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that Empire Times articles and other information are up to date and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken by Empire Times for any errors or omissions contained herein. Empire Times publishes a diverse range of student perspectives, opinions, journalism and creative works. Some material may explore sensitive or confronting themes, contain explicit content or express views that some readers may find offensive. Where appropriate, individual articles and creative works will include additional content notes. media.fusa@flinders.edu.au 08 8201 3309 5

Contents

Editorial 8 Horoscope 8 Bugging Out 14 i want them to know 16 Adelaide’s Queer Music 19 Why are we pretending we aren’t

great apes? 22 University App Intimacy Rankings 26 No Straight Lines 30 Prince with a Thousand Enemies 32 Cryptogram 35 Sorry I exist 36 Ten Steps to a One-Night Stand 39 Flourishing Colours 40 Knelt Before Christ 42 Shot 43 James 45 Emotions 46 One-pan lasagne 47 Sudoku 49 Film Crossword 50 6

19 14 36 32 47

50 7

Editorials; Evangelia, Amelia & Kailani Edition 4: Make Out: identity, intimacy and everything in between Identity is a strange thing. We spend years being told who we are by our parents, teachers, and even friends. Defined by our jobs, politics, bodies and our mistakes. Sometimes we wear these labels proudly; sometimes we spend years trying to strip them away. This edition of Empire Times is about identity: the parts we choose, inherit, and the parts we are still figuring out. This is also my final edition as editor. For the past two years, ET has been one of the places I have been able to speak my opinion, make noise, piss people off occasionally, and give Flinders students a space to say the things they might not otherwise get to say. A student magazine should never be perfectly polished. It should be messy, loud, political, funny, angry, experimental and maybe occasionally a complete fucking disaster. Because students are messy. Universities are messy. Life is messy. Maybe that’s what identity really is. Not finding one perfect answer to the question “Who am I?” but having the freedom to keep changing the answer. I leave you with the same advice I’ve tried to follow: Make noise. Take up space. Be difficult. And make the magazine yours. - Evangelia 8

Ahem. *Takes sip of water*. I hope you all have enjoyed these little A5 books of terror that have been floating around the uni this year (when I say terror I use it as a positive adjective). They have been great to make this year and it’s a nice game putting everyone’s work together like puzzles piece. I learned a lot about what Flinders students like to write about and are passionate about and it turns out we are all awesome. Let Empire Times be a lesson to everyone that anything can be an official publication. If we all appreciate something enough it can stand alone and be its own thing. I hope Empire Times gets to live for millions more years and the fossil I helped created gets to happily accompany every publication that is coming next. Also, major shout out to Evangelia and Amelia, they are the best people to edit a magazine with. Ok, now I’m out *drops microphone and walks off into the abyss*. - Kailani In January 2026, nine months ago, I wrote my first editorial about nostalgia and how it’s important to reflect and remember – as long as you move forward too. In an age of bad actors politicising the very use of the word ‘identity’, it’s worth remembering that a person’s identity is simply the sum of their characteristics – of all one’s features, qualities, and experiences. Think about who you’ve been for the past year: that’s who you are. Are you the same person you were at the start of the year? Who will you be tomorrow? This year, I was an Editor at Empire Times and had the pleasure of working with my fellow editors, the student body, and FUSA on a project that could so easily have been relegated to the history books. A student magazine? A print magazine? In 2026? And what is Empire Times? As I said, it’s a student magazine, which means its identity is the sum of all the students who contribute to it. As its editors and the student body change year-to-year, it will continue to change too – it has to, to be authentic to the current moment. Only you can know who you are, right now. And, if you’re still a Flinders University student next year, I hope you give yourself the chance to help dictate what Empire Times is too. - Amelia 9

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

I double dog dare you to buy those red cowboy boots that you have been thinking about buying. They are a fashion statement for anybody, and I know you really want to strut down the streets in them. They are indeed a staple, and the purchase should come above other things, like food and rent. Ok maybe don’t buy things with your rent money, sorry to get serious but I don’t need that on my conscious.

Go walk into a really expensive designer store and pretend that you have the money to be there. Ask to see all the items, try them on, take pictures and then act like you just simply don’t like anything because you are above the place. Acting like you got that old money, which maybe you do, and if you do, please wire some to the rest of us, I’m sick of this economy.

Get a walkie talkie and then buy hundreds of walkie talkies and give one to everyone you know. Put everyone on the same channel and watch it go crazy. You will start a new trend and connect the people. The people aren’t connected anymore, and you should be the person to reconnect them. We trust you, do us well, and no I am not paying for the walkie talkies.

Horoscopes

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Go to an op shop and find all the donated and left Tamagotchis and give them a new home. You don’t actually have to turn them all on if you want because that is an insane amount of parenting just because you feel guilty about some little video game eggs getting left behind. While you’re at the op shop though go buy yourself a new outfit and then on Saturday go out on the town, because it is always party time.

I challenge you to NOT look in every mirror that you go past. Instead look in everything that gives you a reflection and isn’t a mirror. Like a puddle of water, or the reflection in someone’s sunglasses, but don’t look at them with too much love otherwise you will accidently flirt yourself into a situation you don’t want to be in. Or maybe you do want to be in, go get em tiger.

Got to a friend’s house and inspect the integrity of the house. When it was made, what the ceiling is like, how the couch feels and what’s the most interesting thing to watch on their TV. Then just watch a movie because that’s a lot easier. Pick a romance film because that’s nice and then try not to cringe because they can be cringey sometimes. So good luck with that.

Words by Kailani Petkovic Artwork by Florence Walker (age 9) 11

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Pat a dog. Yes, go pat the next cute dog that you see, but please ask the owner before you pat it because that’s common sense I fear. Then, with the permission of the owner, go get a selfie with the dog and print it out and put it on your bedroom wall. If you don’t like dogs do this with a cat, and if you don’t like animals do this with a plant. But don’t eat the plant.

Literally quit your stupid job that you hate and go get another one. If you don’t have a job, I am sure that there is something that you do that you hate, and I give you permission to stop doing it. No more washing dishes! Use paper plates! If you recycle of them correctly then it doesn’t even count. But you can still use metal knives and forks because the paper ones are annoying and we only use them because it’s good for the environment *eye roll*.

Go for a hike around campus, whichever campus you may be on. If you’re at Bedford pack some snacks and get moving, if you’re in the city take the elevator up and down, Sturt and Tonsley take the bus to each other’s campus and if your regional then go relax and buy yourself an ice cream. Because ice cream is amazing and honestly you guys work hard.

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

I’ve heard that frozen yogurt is trending so go get yourself one, and when I mean get yourself one I mean go make it from scratch at home! Do I have any idea how to do that? No, no, I do not. But you should learn how to do it and then hand out little free samples and make a side hustle off of it. It’s even trendier to be a successful businessperson.

Honestly buy a bedazzler and make everything shiny. Everyone needs some shine and sparkle in their lives and instead of that being you make it a colourful gem, so they can feel your love when you’re not around. It’s impossible to be everywhere at once and you really should learn that. And no you cannot make little robots of yourself to give to people so they can chat with you, stop.

Bop it! Twist it! Pull it! Go buy yourself a Bop It because they are fun and keep your brain working and active. It’s always good to keep mentally challenging yourself and not just keep the physical body healthy. Which I know you do, even if you do eat a 12 pack of donuts every now and then. After handing up final projects you are allowed to eat donuts, it’s good for the mind.

Bugging Out: The Critters on Campus I’ve been interested in bugs for my whole life, but only started photographing and properly teaching myself about them about three years ago. I think bugs are some of the most underappreciated parts of the world around us. Most people go about their day to day lives completely unaware of the amazing world full of life until it impacts them – like flies in their face or wasps trying to take a bite of their lunch. Arthropods are the most diverse and numerous group of life we have on this planet, and they have some of the most unique adaptations to their environment. Living in Australia is particularly interesting when it comes to bugs, since our arthropods are extremely unique and diverse but also sadly understudied. If you get into looking at them and photographing them, it’s nearly certain that you will find an undescribed species or two! Because they’re so understudied, I always upload my photography to the citizen science website iNaturalist, which allows researchers across the world to use my findings and data alongside thousands of other normal people’s findings to improve the knowledge in their field. In this collage, I’ve highlighted just a selection of the hundreds of species you can find around campus. Next time you head over to class, keep an eye out and see if you can spot one of them, or maybe find something new.

Created by Moss Hepworth

For more information on the bugs in this article look on our blog at empiretimesmagazine.com 14

i want them to know words by leila mae i want them to know but maybe im glad they don’t a not at all original but perhaps worth noting experience of a lesbian accepting that she does not like men

the attraction i feel towards women is vastly superior to the supposed attraction i feel towards men. even calling it supposed attraction is a stretch because maybe, definitely, i just like attention. sue me. it took me fourteen years to realise i liked girls, which wasn’t as hard to accept as some may think. the hard part was approximately four years later when it dawned on me that i actually didn’t like men. my oblivious ass really thought i could fit in the category of bisexual princesses until a girl i was entirely infatuated by made a comment about the idea of me with a man. she said it seemed unnatural. i figured it made sense for her to say that - she didn’t like the idea of me with anyone, no less a man - until my friends so casually 16

agreed. when did everyone assume my identity before i was even aware of the possibility? was i a lesbian? was that even allowed? so thus began my mental back and forth. i like men. i like women. i don’t like men. i wish i only liked women. maybe i like this man because he likes me. wait no this woman also likes me back and it feels like magic. why would i ever want to be with a man? why would anyone want to be with a man? i’m well aware this is not an original experience. the first time i told someone i was a lesbian it was only because she told me she was first. her admitting her secret felt like the stakes were lower and my safety less compromised. it still felt like a lie.

the first time i told someone i identified as queer, they just assumed i meant bi. calling myself queer, pretending to be unbothered by labels, it felt like less of a lie. less like someone else’s skin. for over a year, though, it worked. yeah I’m queer. oh sure i like women. of course i’m a man-hating feminist, but that doesn’t mean i’m a lesbian. it wasn’t until i connected with my now girlfriend that i really started to question and come to terms with my identity. part of me hated that, because i never wanted my identity to rely on the validation of another. the same way virginity is a construct and no girl should allow some random guy’s penis to determine if she’s pure or a whore.

i didn’t want my identity to rely on whoever i was obsessed with at the time. my parents were blissfully unaware of the crisis i was undergoing. like most people their age, it was assumed i was straight. a heterosexual. their perfect daughter. i didn’t want my girlfriend to feel like she was being kept a secret, like the person she was dating couldn’t even admit the relationship out loud to her family. so i made the decision to come out of the closet - another construct, but we can talk about that another day - after twenty years of hiding. i never got some big declaration, a dramatic scene, a whole song and dance. all i said was that i was dating a woman, and truthfully, i don’t think they gave a fuck. maybe that should’ve 17

made it easier, but it became harder to call myself a lesbian when i couldn’t even voice the word to them. other than the hickeys she leaves me with, and my grownout halfhearted attempt at pink hair, i don’t look like a lesbian. i’ve only ever been approached romantically by men in a social setting. i like having long, fake nails. i can’t quite afford or think up creative outfits. i don’t don my bags with pride pins. i don’t even own a pair of doc martens. but does that make me less of a lesbian? or even more so for not adhering to stereotypes? it feels like i can’t commit to a side. how can i complain about never being hit on by women when i never did the same to them? i shouldn’t complain about getting mistaken as straight when part of me craves that disgustingly demeaning wolf whistle or cat call from some grimy man on a night out. i want them to know, and yet, maybe i’m glad they don’t.

by scar lock

Living in Adelaide, we are no stranger to festivals and large music sensations skipping our city for the eastern states. However, these concerns have only amplified in the last few years, most recently with the cancellation of Laneway 2027 in both Perth and Adelaide. Last year, Laneway pioneered a largely queer lineup which was a welcome announcement for cities like Adelaide that don’t always have the opportunity to see these icons in our hometown. It is recognised that these issues are a nuanced topic. Calls for increased government support for the arts and a multitude of other strategies have been on people’s minds for a long while. One of the best ways we can support Adelaide’s music scene is by supporting local artists, especially our incredible queer talent. Whether this means streaming their music, buying

their merch and physical music or showing up to gigs, there are many ways we as a community can show up for them. What follows are 4 of my recommendations of my favourite queer musicians to check out.

Close Friends Genre: Pop, folk, indie

A 7-part band with members Willow Rist, Marina Anthea, Charli Schulz, Hwa Roberts (formerly Edmund Black), Jasper Harrison, James Ho, Tom Johnston, Close Friends delivers magical 3-part harmonies and artfully crafted lyrics that explore their experiences as queer and neurodivergent people. Their recently released singles “Magpie” and “Follow (where you go)” 19

explore friendship and the messy realities of falling in love. Go to one of their gigs and it will feel as if you’ve been transported to a place that feels like home with their authentic expressions of whimsical joy and sense of belonging for those who ever felt different. My favourite songs: “Magpie”, “My Son, The Moon”

Emerauld Genre: Indie, folk, rock

An unapologetically queer icon, Emerauld plays music that you feel within your bones and cannot help but jump and dance to. Their combination of soft and rough musical expressions come together to create an explosion of colourful sound. This is brought onto another level in their live performances where they rock their guitar and create an unforgettable experience. My favourite songs: “In the Silence”, “Loud Mouth”

My Chérie

Photo by Daniel Downs

Genre: Pop, indie, folk

With roots from South Africa, My Chérie explores a diverse range of themes including her experiences as a queer and neurodivergent artist as well as feelings shaped by mental health and faith. Chérie’s music takes on another dimension in her live performances with her ethereal 20

vocals and her skills in live loop pedalling, completely immersing her audience. Even when stripped back with just her guitar, Chérie showcases soulful art that resonates with the hearts of all those who listen. My favourite songs: “Life is”, “On my Mind”

effie isobel Genre: Indie, rock, pop

effie isobel’s music is the spiritual embodiment of girlhood. Through her bright and uplifting tones and her beautifully composed lyricism, their music is sure to bring a warm smile to your face. The final released single of her ep ‘Libra Rising” titled “Hidden Treasure” is no exception. With notes on transformation and the uncertainty of the in-between stages, their latest single is expertly crafted with vivid imagery and comforting vocals. My favourite songs: “Higher Gear” and “Hidden Treasure”

This is just a small selection of the many queer artists in our local music scene. If you want to hear when gigs are happening, I recommend checking out the Instagram pages of the Ages Co., who aim to deliver affordable and accessible shows for all ages that lift up multicultural, femme and queer musicians, as well as the Pocket Rock-It, who advertises gig roundups for the week. There are truly so many talented artists in our city and I emplore you to go check them out!

Why are we pretending we aren’t great apes? by Fia Pritchard

I would like to come out swinging with a strong statement. I think monogamy is (mostly) bizarre and also, anti-feminist. That’s right folks, I’m not the only freak in this zoo. You see me through the bars separating our enclosures with my two boyfriends and my girlfriend and think “what a whore” or “you obviously don’t love any of them” and I’m looking at you and you have a chain on your ankle to a rail of patriarchy but the key to the lock is right by your feet and I think “why won’t you unlock it and get the fuck up”.

There are plenty of reasons that monogamous relationships might suit you. But dear god, I implore you, make sure that they do in fact suit you and that you’re not just maintaining the status quo, particularly if you’re heterosexual. Otherwise you’re at significant risk of joining the eternal lineage of woman who have lost their identity, their health, their resources, their energy, and literal years of their lifespan from being in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. If you’re queer, you don’t get a free pass to skip this consideration, but your playing field is more level to start with. We’ve got two camps here now.

Sorry, I know that felt prickly. Hear me out. First, I’m not judging you. You’ve grown up in a monogamous society, and breaking away from the societally conditioned pack in a major way is legitimately very challenging. And secondly, consciously and intentionally making the decision to be in a monogamous relationship is something I completely support! Consciously and intentionally being the key words.

Those who are thinking, “cool Fia, I’ll think about this”. Amazing, there are resources at the end of this article to help you. We also have the camp of people who are thinking “hell no, polyamory is gross and weird and unnatural!” And to you I say, it’s fine to decide something isn’t for you. But personally, I think you’re selling yourself short when you decide to die on a hill without bothering to check out if you like the flowers better on the next one, and it’s only 10 steps to your right.

I have a million thoughts I’d love to share, but I’ll focus on responding to the idea that polyamory isn’t natural. Homo sapiens are a species of Great Ape. Cool, neat. Our nearest cousins are Chimpanzees and Bonobos. Chimps live in multi-male, multi-female groups with high levels of sexual partner crossover, and Bonobos live in large fluid groups, with sexual contact between almost all members of the group. So our closest cousins are not monogamous. In fact a whopping 0% of Great Apes are monogamous. What about Lesser Apes? Gibbons and Siamangs form long term, socially monogamous pair bonds. They live together, raise children together, and stay together after that. This is not a gotcha. They are not strictly sexually monogamous. Extra partners and partner swapping/ “divorce” occur. Let’s widen our scope. Only roughly 3% to 9% of mammals are socially monogamous. Remember, that means they can still have extra partners. The portion that are truly sexually monogamous is only a fraction of that. 24

Basically, if we have to pick one or the other, monogamy is the unnatural pick. Don’t take this personally, I’m not calling you unnatural. I’m saying that monogamy is a practice that society has chosen. It is not instinctual, it is not our default. And let’s be real, if it was? Humans wouldn’t cheat on each other. Monogamy is a choice. If you still feel resistance, I understand. But I’m asking you to engage with your beliefs. Interrogate where they come from. Interrogate if they serve you. Having more information doesn’t take anything away from you. You can read, mull over things, and then decide to stay on the monogamous hill. And won’t it feel fucking good to say “I truly chose my life. I chose every aspect of it deliberately, and not because I saw other people do this and went ‘good enough for me’. These resources will then help you improve your communication skills, which will help nourish that monogamous relationship you chose. We all win.

Onto our resources. As a starting point, I’d recommend ‘Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator’ by Amy Gahran. This book focuses on approaching polyamory for the single person, and even just the kinds of decisions you should consider if you want any kind of romantic and sexual relationship, point blank. If you want to tackle the more relationshippy, communication side of things, and also do some work on healing personal insecurities (which is valuable for 100% of us!) I’d recommend ‘Polysecure’ by Jessica Fern. And if you want to interrogate the sexual side of things, ‘The Ethical Slut’ by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy is where I would get you to start.

UNIVERSITY APP INTIMACY RANKINGS A highly definitive argument of the performance of university apps on the intimacy scale, as defined by Kameron & Mahreen, 2026. Isabelle Kameron and Tannaz Mahreen

Facebook

So pretentious, so selfcelebratory, so hyperbolic. What do you mean you “feel so honoured to have been granted the opportunity to spearhead a cohort of likeminded professionals in creating a multidimensional avenue for success”? You were appointed the class rep, then immediately complained to me about regretting nominating. Your best friends are associates, and your mum’s a reference.

You were posting about watching a football game in 2014, now you update about your engagement three months late. It’s only on our phone for Messenger, and Messenger is only for uni groups. Cause we’re not close enough for Instagram, y’know?

♥♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Instagram Cringe culture is dead, and Instagram killed it. My explore page is curated for me, specifically?! How very intimate and totally not a creepy insight into how metadata influences our lives! Give me more of the cat photo stories, activism reposts, and KATSEYE edits, all in the same breath!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥½♡♡♡ 26

ChatGPT

Outlook

Girl (gender neutral), what are you doing?

I wake up at 6am and Phil Hoffman Travel has emailed me again about a country I would never visit. But I check at 6pm and an Associate Dean has emailed me ‘sent from my iPhone’. I don’t feel like a person; however, I feel intimately close to the administration. Professor Romy Lawson cares about me. She doesn’t know it yet, but she does.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ (0/10)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♡♡♡♡

Lost On Campus

Spotify It’s so clinical. You had the opportunity to connect people based on what percentage of their listens to ‘Teenage Dream’ is the Glee version. The piano one. Instead, you recommended the latest Sombr release to me. Also, the amount of ads in non-Premium? Late-stage consumerist capitalism is many things – intimate is not one of them.

The. Panda. Is. Trying. So hard. They really are (microfeminism of the day: the Lost on Campus Panda is non-binary)! It’s not their fault Bedford Park is the tenth circle of Dante’s Inferno. Sure, they make mistakes but, they’re a rite of passage and bring all of us closure. It’s not about getting to Social Sciences South 115, it’s about the pandas that brought us to Social Sciences North instead. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥½♡♡

♥♥♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡ 27

Canvas That’s my GOAT, right there. Rescheduled class? Canvas will let me know. New assignment? Canvas got my back. Didn’t do an assignment last semester? Do not fret; Canvas will crash for a week straight! If nobody got me Canvas doe. She’s just That Girl™.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♡ Okta Verify

Google Docs

Deeply, deeply, mistrusting. Classifies my phone, which it is on, as an unknown device even after five years. Used to accept me for 90 days, now won’t do so for 90 minutes. Refuses to acknowledge me, in bad faith. Seriously, I wish someone were trying to pay my semester fee for me, Okta, I really do. It also centralises one device when college is so much of a multi-device affair. I’m reading on my laptop, taking notes on my tablet, and recording on my phone. What do you mean I have to log in and verify my identity multiple times, interrupting my study, when I’m supposed to be focusing? You surveil, you don’t support. Do you not trust me? Boo!

You’re always there, but barely. I can write wherever I need, but you fail for anything more complex than text on a screen. Formatting? You don’t know her. References? Boy, bye. I’ve never seen so many incorrect assumptions about what I want to say next. No, not NXT like wrestling, the word ‘NEXT’. You’re on thin ice. Don’t make me go back to Microsoft Word.

♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Notes App Does anyone else know the size of my soul? Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same. As time goes on, I realise that I am safe here in your arms, that I am known. I have unclasp’d to thee the book even of my secret soul. You might not have been my first love, but you were the love that made all the other loves irrelevant. I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. I wish I knew how to quit you.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DoorDash I am distressed. I need nourishment and comfort. The only available source is sporadic and very emotionally unregulated. Am I talking about DoorDash? Or am I talking about my dad? Your guess is as good as mine. Interface is clinical, but there was intention there somewhere. It brings us stuff when we need it but also expects money in return? And this semester we’re protecting our peace from toxic and transactional relationships. Stay intimate, folks!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♡♡♡

OVERALL RANKINGS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Canvas 9 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♡ Lost On Campus 8.5 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥½♡♡ DoorDash 7 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♡♡♡ Instagram 6–7 ♥♥♥♥♥♥½♡♡♡ Outlook 6 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♡♡♡♡ Spotify 4 ♥♥♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡ Facebook 3 ♥♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ LinkedIn 2 ♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Google Docs 2 ♥♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Okta Verify 1 ♥♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ChatGPT 0 ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Notes App

No Straight Lines Anna Martin ––

There’s a particular kind of vertigo that comes after a long relationship ends. The floor you’d been standing on for years, full of assumptions, the routines, the version of yourself you’d built inside that partnership… just isn’t there anymore. And in that free fall, a strange thing sometimes happens. The questions you never had time or reason to ask start surfacing. Who am I, actually, when I’m not half of a couple? What did I want before I learned to want what we wanted together? And, for a growing number of people, a more specific question: was I ever as straight as I assumed? This isn’t a new phenomenon, but it’s one we’re finally getting better language for: sexual fluidity. An idea that attraction isn’t a fixed point but something that can shift across a lifetime used to be treated as a footnote to ‘real’ identity 30

categories, a phase, a confusion to be resolved. Increasingly, researchers and everyday people alike are describing it as simply how attraction works for a meaningful chunk of the population. Not everyone, but enough people that it stops being an anomaly and starts being a pattern worth taking seriously. Breakups are one of the places this pattern shows up most visibly, and it makes a certain sense why. A long-term relationship, especially one entered young, can function like a kind of scaffolding. It tells you what your life looks like, who you go home to, what you owe explanations for. When that scaffolding comes down, people don’t just lose a partner. They lose the structure that had been quietly answering identity questions for them by

default. Straightness, for some, wasn’t a conclusion they reached. It was a box that came prechecked, and it stayed checked because nothing forced a second look. Divorce and breakup narratives involving newly out bisexual or queer people are common enough now that they’ve become almost a genre. Sometimes it’s a mid-thirties realisation, the “I always felt something but didn’t have a word for it,” the friends who say, “Actually, thinking back, it makes sense.” What is discussed less in many circles is how uncomfortable this territory is to sit in publicly. There’s suspicion from multiple directions. It’s a rebound identity, a reaction to heartbreak rather than a discovery, something to be filed under ‘getting over an ex’ rather than ‘getting to know yourself ’. That suspicion says more about our discomfort with ambiguity than about the people living through it. Attraction doesn’t have to arrive in a single, tidy, lifelong announcement to be real. There’s also a quieter version of this story that doesn’t involve a dramatic reveal at all. The protagonists in this one are people who stay broadly where they’ve always been on questions

of attraction, but who come out of a breakup simply less interested in defending the borders of that identity. Less invested in being legible to other people. It’s not that they’ve changed. It’s that they’ve stopped explaining themselves to a relationship that isn’t there anymore to ask. Maybe the most useful thing a breakup can offer, beyond the grief of it, is exactly this kind of unscheduled honesty. Nobody plans to reassess their sexuality at 2 am while packing boxes. Endings have a way of stripping back the performances we didn’t know we were doing, if only because there’s no longer an audience keeping us in character. None of this means every breakup is secretly a coming out story, or that fluidity is something everyone eventually discovers if they just wait long enough. It means attraction, like most things about being a person, doesn’t move in straight lines. It curves around what’s happening in our lives. Grief, freedom, the sudden absence of a story we’d been telling for years. Sometimes the most painful of things have a way of showing us something we hadn’t gotten around to noticing.

Prince with a Thousand Enemies Elliot Lloyd

“All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you.” – Richard Adams, Watership Down

Today, you are a child mutilated by your own hand. Tomorrow, you will be a terrorist with a gun that either points to your own temple or an innocent god-fearing man. In a week, you are a weakminded sheep that reveres its own slaughterhouse. In a month, you are built from a steel so strong it crushes the bones of women and children. For years, you have been an infection leading the weak astray. You are, and will be, defined without your approval. The transgender patron saint of suffering is treated as intellectually unfounded and in 32

need of guidance. From the moment you were brought into this world, you bear the mark of the beast, both predator and prey. This wrongness inherent to your being is an endless point of contention. The people around you become possessed by the spirit of Socrates to debate whether you deserve to call yourself human. Anger is reserved for real people, however – you must take the endless whippings with a gentle smile and apologise for being in their path of attack. Disrespect is more than you deserve, and no matter if the aggression is a knife to the heart or a needle under your

skin, you must accept it with Christlike grace and understanding. Vivisect yourself for others’ ignorance. The approval of your character must always come with a but. An asterisk reminding everyone we agree they’re filthy liars, we’re just nicer about it. Gender is said with venom. Both wings of the bird fly to the idea that it’s fake, that it’s just something theoretical, not steeped in reality compared to the unshakeable foundation of sex. Don’t dare disagree, you fussy

child. Don’t you know how difficult you make this? Why can’t you just be happy being a pretend-human. Claim you are biologically who you say you are and threaten to place yourself on the level of the cisgender. Your right to humanity can be stripped from any grievance. The transgender woman will be jacketed in the vision of male violence and thrown to the wolves. The transgender man will be cursed to eternal childhood and safe subservience. Always seen

with the asterisk of what you were born as. It doesn’t matter how hard you fight back against the violent socialisation you’ve been forced into, you will forever be the other*. The culmination of your existence will always be nullified by the circumstance of your birth. The transgender must identify while the cisgender just is. The transgender woman must always be reminded that she was born the sex of anger, and the man must be reminded he was born the sex of hysteria. The non-binary must preface AMAB or AFAB. Cracks in one’s presentation will be meticulously examined, from the face to the soul, for evidence of natal sex characteristics. It is expected – you put an open target on your back. If you’re quiet about your transition, you are tricking them into thinking you are human. If you are loud about it, you’re reminding them you exist and are not adequately afraid. The agony of dysphoria is reduced to a hysteric mental health condition, so the physical solution of transitioning becomes superfluous and disturbing. Nobody ever brings up that puberty is as irreversible as HRT, because the suffering of a thousand “transgenders” means less than the fear a single cisgender person could be caught in the crossfire. Your transition is a circus act. Watch as the support 34

around you wanes as you leave your cocoon. Suddenly they must reckon with the concept of your transition not being a mask but your face. Loved ones fastening a white coat to remind you of the health risks. Other transgender people telling you how disgusting HRT will make you. Prince of a thousand enemies has a deep emptiness within him. There is a grief I can’t talk about, being seen as nothing but an echo of male. But as I feel testosterone flow through the thick of my muscle, I finally wade out of the decadelong haze of dissociation. My body rejects the femininity it was shoved into. My body is not that of a woman’s, no matter what the cultural bird tweets. Transitioning turns water into wine – not just dyed with red 40, the ethanol is pure – and as you get drunk, the buzz of dysphoria lessens to a hum. In an ideal world, we would not have to protect ourselves from everybody, including our own body and mind. But we have to keep going.

WE MADE A CRYPTOGRAM

INSTAGRAM.COM/EMPIRE.TIMES

SORRY I EXIST.….. My father never had to tell me I was a burden. I learned it by watching him. I know my father loves me. I also know what my disability cost him. But when you grow up knowing your existence changed your parents’ lives, where does their grief end and your identity begin? As an adult, I now understand what happened to my parents. Their relationship didn't survive the reality of raising a disabled child. The arguments, the 36

exhaustion, the financial pressure. I know the life they imagined disappeared at the announcement that I was “sick”. I know because I've watched it happen. Disabled people are often told our existence is something to celebrate. That we make people stronger. That our parents are lucky to have us. But what happens when you grow up knowing your parents didn’t feel lucky? I know I'm their burden.

Not because my father has ever clearly said those exact words, but because of the silence in between his words. As children, we see and learn things adults think they're hiding. We notice the signs of resentment. The conversations that stop when we walk into the room. We learn which parts of our lives cost other people the most.

Who would he have been? … My grandfather once asked my father. ‘Whose sins is she Paying For?’ Words and artwork by Evangelia Karageorgos

I don't blame my father for finding my disability difficult. I would never ask any parents to pretend disability is easy. I live with the knowledge that my disability changed their lives, and that my existence became tangled up with the grief and loss of those lives. That's my burden. And I know my life has value beyond the cost it's had on my parents. The cost it has on those close to me. I know that. But knowing that doesn't mean I don't carry the weight of what my existence has meant to them. That's part of who I am. Who was my father before me, before disability intruded into his life? 37

Ten Steps to a One-Night Stand Charlize Murphy

1. Spend weeks craving skin. Feel the indents of your fingerprints with such clarity for they are not pressed to hips. They do not flow with canyon rivers. There are no bruises flourishing into your shape. 2. You know what you are, you know what you have. Draw attention to the plush soft of your lips, coat yourself in thin lines and deep swells. Feed that fettered desire black waterlines and long lashes. Practice your perfect, pretty pout. Remember how to play. 3. Wait for the lovely teeth of night to sink in. Go where the music is loud but the sin is louder. Drink until the colours merge and the faces smear. Drink until the music is caught in words and played with your hips. Drink until all that remains is the gap between your end and another’s beginning. Then drink one more. 4. Find eyes that stick too long or too low. Close the gap between their hands and your waist. Let them wander, let them dance. Sway and stretch and press everything into their grasp. When your lips meet, the neon will leech behind your rolling eyes. Your want will ghost along their teeth. 5. When you leave that pool of colour, hands tangled, lips mussed, sweep yourself up in it all. Be pulled along into the night, into a car, into a bed. If your stomach spirals, stick delicate wings onto everything that tries to come up. You have butterflies, you have butterflies. You have what you wanted, you have butterflies. 6. Try to enjoy it. If not, you can always pretend. 7. Stay until dawn, at the very least. Do not gag on the smell of their bed, do not writhe away from their flesh. 8. You are okay. There is no scent trailing your step, no gleaming eyes stuck to your wake. Ignore the Chapel Bells. Try not to tell the priest. Take as many showers as needed. 9. Forget that night, forget the time before that. Hell, forget every time you were ever naked. Wipe it clean, start it fresh. Remove skin from your diet, scrape their presence from the gaps in your fingerprints. 10. Repeat until it works. Repeat even if it never will. 39

Flourishing Colours Cocoon of silk about to split. For days, you dreamed stories Of warm buds filled with pollen and Flight through meadows and trees. With wings newly made, gorgeous knit Would shine blue or lime green. Be speckled, spotted, abstract—grand Kaleidoscope-like leaves. Emerging, your hairy chitin Wings, grey like rare disease. Antennae feathered, widely spanned Physique—what tragedy! Despair not for others exist With limb and wing copies. You follow ‘round moonlit pools and To their own light that gleams. When sun does rise, rejoice and mix, Kin old and new, spread glee. For either way, for night or day Do flowers sing hooray.

By Olivia Paltridge

Knelt Before Christ Charlize Murphy –– I took Jesus between my lips and hollowed out my cheeks. My mouth is worthy conduit To worship my saviour. The weight of the Eucharist was nothing like this. It did not sit upon my tongue as this true body of Christ, smelling of sawdust and incense, smelling of man. Gluttony traps him in its pleasure, tipping his head back he gapes at the heavens. His hands card through my hair never pulling or pushing, only tracing my crown soft touches, the petals of a rose he has plucked from the thorns. I am knelt before him just as Father desires. I look up the line of his sainthood, Is this what he saw? When he bathed their feet? Does he know how human he is? Who will die for him? He carries himself to rapture and looks down with bliss lidded eyes. I ask him if I am cleansed. He says I am not dirty. 42

Shot by Maxine Turner

I had never thought of Laura Ashley as romantic before; to be honest, I hadn’t thought of her much at all until the day she shot my dog. She hates the way I phrase that. Giving an injection does not relate to being “shot” at all; it’s misleading. She would object. But she did give my dog a shot; I, of course, argued; it makes sense, right? That was also the day I decided to shoot my shot; she hates when I say that too. As weird as it sounds, it was that moment in the veterinary appointment, when she was holding my frightened cocker spaniel with such gentleness, cooing softly and distracting him as she deftly jabbed the annual vaccination away from his notice, I thought of sex. Not like that, I’m not some kind of freak who gets off on dogs or anything. More so, I had always avoided physical affection like the

plague, construed gentleness as familial and incestuous if applied to sex. When I slept with girls, it was always rough. Occasionally I was rough with them, if they wanted that, or we were rough with each other, but for the most part they were rough with me, and I liked that. Brief, emotionally unattached and slightly masochistic was the type of sex I wanted. At least, that’s what I thought until I found myself alone in bed at night imagining Laura Ashley’s gentle hands stroking me, holding me down, but most of all treating me gently, lovingly, like I’d never been treated before. But I doubted a nice girl like Laura Ashley wanted something like me; after all, she ran in a pack of other nice, normal girls. Pretty girls, with handsome boyfriends named Hunter or Tucker, who played AFL at Uni and threw the best parties at their parents’ empty holiday house in Victor Harbor. The type of girls who used to have sleepovers together wearing matching Peter Alexander, 43

never fearing that their fellow “girlfriends” might be uncomfortable sharing a bedroom with them, the presence of Sappho a mere myth, maybe a horror story to be shared around the campfire before splitting off into their tents to fuck some adolescent-brained man who doesn’t even know how to wash his own hair. Do you think they fuck? Anna had once asked me, on one of our many hangouts back when we were in high school. Oh definitely, I’m surprised there hasn’t been a PSA on teen pregnancy yet. Not with the boys, she said, with each other. Are you kidding? It could happen. In your dreams. I’m not saying they’d fuck me. Then what are you saying? I don’t know, maybe they’ve got some secret little lesbian sex club going on. Maybe they put up this perfect little act for the public, but when they’re all alone… You’re crazy. It could happen! Just because we’re unpopular doesn’t mean every gay person is a loser and every popular person is straight. I’m not saying every popular person is straight; I’m saying these popular people are straight. Trust me, it’s a fat chance in hell any of these girls go through more than a bicurious stage before getting married and popping out five kids. Given this firm belief of mine, it’s an utter surprise that I even dared to ask Laura Ashley out. It was an even bigger surprise when she said yes. 44

JAMES by Blue

My partner has three names. The name he was born with is one I try not to use if I can avoid it, but it is also the one he uses around both our families and many of our friends. It is a name that makes me angry to hear, and sad to speak. It is a name for a person that he is not, and it is a name that reminds me of all the worst parts of his upbringing; the parts I wish I could go back in time and change. I sometimes wonder what our lives would have been like if they had been intertwined earlier, if I could have made any difference to the storm he was weathering. Either way, I would have liked to be there, but since I am not, I must settle for loving him enough that it makes up for all the years before. Recently he has been using a new name, one that he chose around the time we both started at Flinders. This name is his newest, and it makes me happy to hear. His friends at Uni use this name, and while they are not calling him exactly who he is, they are giving him space to choose. A year ago, I never would have dreamed of him being in a position to do

this. A year ago, I never would have dreamed of many things that are now our reality. The first name he chose, and the one he plans to use for the rest of his life, is my favourite. It is a name that reminds me of all my favourite things about him. When I hear his name, when I say it out loud, I am reminded of a night out under the stars, and the warmth of his hand in mine even on the coldest days. I am reminded of his laughter and his optimism and how astonishing it is that we are two small people on this huge world in the same place and at the same time. I am reminded of how delightful it is to be anything at all, and how much more delightful it is to be his partner in the storms we weather. I will never understand how terrifying it is to be him. In all my life, I will never have to demonstrate half the courage that he does every day. Certainly, things are far from perfect, but for the first time in our lives I get to call him by his name.

Emotions Oh-my-tions. Didn’t know it was humanly possible to experience so many in the span of a minute and then the flipping — full notes, half notes and in what key? Got a whole damn opera over here. Conductor-less Not to mention we’re playing with broken instruments. And honey, auto-tune ain’t gonna save you. Words by Genevra Siciliano

one-pan lasagne skillet recipe

We reached out to Adeline Lau, an Associate Lecturer in Nutrition and Dietetics in the College of Nursing & Health Sciences at Flinders University, to share a cheap, healthy recipe for our “Food for the financially fragile” segment. You can rip this page out and stick it to your fridge :) 47

one-pan lasagne skillet recipe Ingredients: 230g dry/uncooked lasagna sheets Two (350-400g jars) of marinara sauce 1 cup water 250g ricotta cheese 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese ¼ cup grated Parmesan cheese Salt and pepper to taste 500g beef mince + 1 tbsp oil (optional) Freshly chopped basil for topping (optional) Directions: If using beef mince, drizzle skillet pan with 1 tbsp oil and cook mince until brown. Break the lasagna noodles into bite-size pieces and set aside. In the same skillet pan using medium-high heat, combine the marinara sauce and water and bring to a simmer. Add the noodles to the skillet and stir to coat. Cover, turn the heat to medium-low, and cook, stirring once or twice, for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the noodles are just soft. (They may stick a little in the middle of the pan so be sure to stir them. Add a little water if needed if the liquid is absorbed before the noodles are completely soft.) Top with dollops of the ricotta and sprinkle with the mozzarella and Parmesan. Turn off the heat, cover, and let sit for 5 minutes to melt the cheese. Finish off by topping the lasagna with fresh basil, if desired, before serving. 48

Sudoku Doing sudoku puzzles uses the same parts of the brain involved with working memory, attention, reasoning and decision making. You’re basically getting brain-buff by taking a break. Here’s how it works: Sudoku is played on a grid: within the rows and columns are 9 ‘squares’ (made up of 3 x 3 spaces). Each row, column and square (9 spaces each) needs to be filled out with the numbers 1-9, without repeating any numbers within the row, column or square.

EMPIRE TIMES

FILM CROSSWORD

Across

Down

3. The title of this movie is how Simon would sign off a letter

1. An animation about lesbians in space

4. Timothée Chalamet falls in love and gets his heart broken

2. Cowboys fall in love on a ranch

6. Involves a cheerleader going to conversion camp 7. Clandestine glove lunch (2015) 8. This film follows Chiron, a young Black man, navigating a violent upbringing

5. New Australian movie about literally fighting the demons of your love 8. Named after the thing cows make, even though it has nothing to do with it

ButImaCheerleader, Involves a cheerleader going to conversion camp Moonlight, This film follows Chiron, a young Black man, navigating a violent upbringing PortraitofaLadyonFire, A painter falls in love with her subject, and they must hide their love Leviticus, New Australian movie about literally fighting the demons of your love LesbianSpacePrincess, An animation about lesbians in space CallMebyYourName, Timothée Chalamet falls in love and gets his heart broken Milk, Named after the thing cows make, even though it has nothing to do with it BrokebackMountain, Cowboys fall in love on a ranch LoveSimon, The title of this movie is how Simon would sign off a letter

WIN

Complete this competition and be one of the first 10 students to send through a photo of the finished crossword to win 1 of 10 free passes to Wallis Entertainment. Snap a clear pic and send it in as soon as you’re done, first in best dressed media.fusa@flinders.edu.au

EDITION THEMED FIND-A-WORD

LOSTONCAMPUS KALEIDOSCOPE CLOSEFRIENDS SOFTLAUNCH CARABINER 52

CRITTERS VERTIGO SAPPHIC SOCRATES POLYCULE

UHAUL PIDGEON LIBRA MEDUSA CAMP