5 minute read
Sue Anne O’Donnell finds a place to gather
Finding a place to gather
Holding a Space to Gather as we honour both our grief and the life of our Loved One, what a challenge this is right now.
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BY SUE ANNE O’DONNELL
Icould sound like a broken record here. I am not saying anything new when I say, part of how we mourn, how we support those when they are grieving is to reach out, to attend the funeral, shake hands, hug, bring food or offer some words we hope convey our sympathy, our love and show we are here for those left behind.
This past year we cannot do what we have naturally done for generations past. Not only can it cause us to feel helpless, the grieving family and friends can experience feeling isolated and alone, almost forgotten.
When a loved one dies we can feel raw, lost in unfamiliar territory unsure of what to do, yet knowing we want to honour our deceased in a way that is fitting, respectful, love filled and truly reflects the person they were. Currently the grieving family find they are faced with arranging a Funeral, Anniversary or Memorial (if they are, dare I say lucky enough to be allowed to hold an Anniversary or Memorial ceremony) far from the traditions we have followed for years. Traditions we are familiar with and felt supported by. Traditions where the family are involved in the funeral. However no longer can family and friends be involved in readings, prayers nor singing. As for the sharing of memories during the ceremony or placing items which hold a special memory on the coffin this too has had to be stopped. Where allowed in the past we could carry our Loved Ones coffin (from personal experience I know how important this can be as part of our grieving) this too is removed from the ritual of our funerals for now.
As Celebrants and Funeral Directors we are familiar with the tension, the under-currents that simply can on occasion be part of the life of the grieving family, and which now unfortunately are increased due to the decisions that must be made now as a result of restrictions; such as, who from the family can and cannot attend the funeral. There is no denying how challenging our roles have become, we want to be supportive to those grieving while also following all guidelines. It is new to us too and so we continually learn ways with which we can offer support enabling us to meet the needs of the grieving family and friends.
I am someone who looks at life and says ‘ok, so this is how it is!’. Let me be clear, in no way does this mean I like how it is, however it is how it is and I have learned it is always better to ask myself, ‘what are my choices now, what can I do?’ While also believing life presented me with experiences so that I could discover that I have a gift. A gift as a Holistic Civil Celebrant I can share with the grieving in their darkest hours- I can hold a space for those in grief.
With so many changes these past months, I explored choices open to me, what
was within my scope using my skills as a Holistic Celebrant. I looked at the restrictions, I listened to those who shared with me how these changes have impacted their life, their way to honour their Loved One, their space to grieve not only at the time of death but at the time of their Anniversary and set about finding a solution. I realised I could help them hold their ceremony in a way that allows them to gather, mourn and remember, it is not perfect yet it is a solution, it is possible, it works and people are reaching out to ask me to be the Celebrant for their Virtual Ceremony.
To meet the challenges and more importantly to support those in grief, I now offer all my Funeral, Memorial and Anniversary Ceremonies on a Virtual platform, with every ceremony dedicated to the deceased, written to honour their life and full of memories from the family and as with traditional Funerals, family and friends can participate fully in the ceremony, from readings, to sharing memories, to including symbols of significance.
For the month of November, I have been holding a series of virtual Holistic Civil Ceremonies to ‘Remember with Love’ our deceased Loved Ones.
The response and interaction each week has been above and beyond what I initially envisioned. From the increasing number joining me live week on week, to the private messages describing how the Ceremony of the day helped them with their loss especially this year when they could not attend a Funeral or hold an Anniversary/Memorial ceremony.
Added to this, the growing requests to have Loved Ones remembered on the dedicated day has shown me; People are open to a Virtual Ceremony. A Ceremony where they can ‘Gather to remember, share stories and memories. Be fully involved throughout and free to say goodbye in a way that honours both their grief and the Life of their Loved One as close as possible to what is familiar and supportive.
I can of course be present with those allowed at the Funeral home, Crematorium and or Graveside, while on other occasions the Ceremony is held for all the family and friends at a later date depending on the family’s request.
As a Holistic Celebrant it is always my intention to offer a supportive, understanding and safe space to meet the needs of those in grief and so for now I do so where requested Virtually, with the constant hope that for now my ‘traditional style Ceremonies on a virtual platform offers those in grief the gift of having the ‘familiar in the midst of unfamiliar’.
If you would like to arrange a Virtual Ceremony, please feel free to contact me Sue Anne O’Donnell The Celebrant By Your Side +353868239431
Associate Member of the IAFD, IIOC Trained
Sue Anne O’Donnell - ‘The Celebrant By Your Side’
IIOC Trained and Associate Member of IAFD Civil Celebrant
As a Holistic Celebrant I offer an alternative to church ceremonies. Every ceremony is personally written and delivered respectfully to pay homage to the life of your loved one ensuring they are remembered with grace and dignity. Civil Funerals, Memorials and Anniversaries allow us a time and space to mark our loved one’s passing while also honouring our grief. The ceremony can take place in your home, funeral chapel of repose, crematorium, grave-side or place of special significance. If I can be of help in my role as a Funeral Celebrant for a Funeral, Memorial or Anniversary, please feel free to contact me.
