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f uneral pa rade is a col l a b orat ion of a r t i s t s conne c t i ng m ind s , projects & passions to c re ate an onl ine p u b l i c a t i o n to no t onl y i n s pire o t h e r s b ut to i n s pire o n e s e l f we ho p e f i nd w h at a re lo ok i ng

yo u yo u for xox

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a q u ick t it le but we really do it all,


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ke n n e dy. l e wis .

editor

co-editor

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she eluv : 2 0 1 1 , wa s a ye ar o f g row t h and esta blishing fo und a t ion . I f i n a l l y m ade t he de c ision to go for wa rd w i th a ll “ w h at ifs ” a nd de s i re s I g re w lo st w i t h in b e c au s e I h ad w ra p p e d my s e lf into thi s l i fe I t ho u g ht I wa s me ant to live. I hop p e d on pl a nes to ge t away and fell in love w i t h the mo unta ins e ve n more s o. I re tu r ne d to s cho ol and A ce d my ex a m s w hich wa s de f i n i te mo t i vat ion to cont inue for ward w i th my e duc at ion. I con ne c te d w i th a n am azing co ut ure ho u s e : S k y Co uture in des i g n i n g we dd i n g gow n s and pl an to move for wa rd w i th this rom a nce & a b ove all, to ok F uneral Parade by the ba lls . 2012 for me , w i l l b e a b o ut fo c u s , de ter min at ion a nd pa ssion. I f I want to, I w i l l at le a st at tempt to and if I fa il, I ’ ll tr y a ga in. ta ide ke n ne dy : 2011, I s p ent t he ent ire ye a r in O re gon, is ol at i n g my s e l f from h um an interac t ion ye t s p e nt a lo t o f t i me w i t h S he en a on t he phone , on v ide o ch at , a nd go o g le , c rack i n g dow n on o urs el ves and de c iding i t wa s t ime to f i n i s h the m a gazine a s well a s o ur p e rs on a l p or tfolio s and p u t t i ng o urs el ves back into s cho ol. 2012, is goin g to b e a b o ut st rai g ht A s and F une ra l Pa rade.

bl a ke le w i s : 2 0 11, I m ade my way in mov ing ac ro ss the s e a to t r y & i nd u l ge in all o f my interes t s a s o f te n a s I c a n. I ’ ve b e g u n pl ay i n g w i t h a band here in Munich c a lle d D unnin g K r u ge r & am work in g in desi g n, pho to g ra phy, & v ide o. { B l a ke i s c u r re nt l y to ur ing w i t h D unning K r u ge r a nd we ’ ll ke e p yo u in for me d w i t h all o f the ir pro g re ss!}

e lle : 2 0 1 1 h a s re all y hel p e d me re aliz e my tr ue p o te nt i a l. I st a r te d o f f fe ar f ul o f t he f ut ure , h av ing no s e ns e o f dire ct ion , a nd j u s t pl a i n conf u s e d. B ut t h ro u g h ch a nce , I slow l y b e ga n invol v i n g my s elf w i t h pro j e c t s t h at h ave now b e come a pa s s ion . I h ave worke d at 2 ar t galle r ie s this ye a r a nd h ave p ut on s ome am azin g mu sic and a r t show s , e ach one b e t ter t h an t he l a st . I h ave j oine d an a ll g irl ba nd, w hich h a s f u ll - f i l le d my ne e d for mu sic & b e c a me pa r t o f the F u ne ra l Parade te a m . 2011 h a s b e en a memora ble ye a r inde e d. 2012 will be a the year of personal growth and exploration. I want to u s e thi s ye ar to re all y ex plore and c ate r to my wa nde rlu st .


mu s ic m i g ht b e one o f the he av ies t for m s o f i nf luence to a p ers ons m i nd; or at le a s t to o ur mi nd s a ny way. f i nd t he li s t o f tunes we h ad on re p e at w hi le br i ng i ng yo u th i s he re p u bl ic at ion. follow the li nk to s p o t i f y for li s teni ng ple a s ure.

li t t le dra gon . t w i ce oh l a nd . wol f a nd i au g u st u s pa blo . k ee p on dubb in g miike snow . a nim a l { dub mi x} ver million lie s . c irc u s a p o ca l y p s e cw stone k ing . the love me o r d ie an g u s and juli a stone . a l l o f me n ick c ave and wa r re n e llis . ra the r lovel y thin g t he bir t hd ay pa r t y . ha p p y b ir th d a y m a ssive attack . p a ra d i s e c irc u s bar r ing ton le v y . col lie weed pho s phore s ce nt . wolve s war pa int . ele pha n t s tom wa i t s . d ea d a nd lovel y billie holid ay . g lo omy s und a y c at p owe r . ra mblin’ { wo } m a n golden yo uth . s e ve n s ea s yann t ie rs e n . le s j ours t r i s te s b jork . mo on t he g un c lub . s ex b ea t wa x t a ilor . un g o d l y f r ui t h and s ome b oy mo de ling s cho ol . s un shin e

HT T P: / / OPE N.SPO T IFY.C OM/U SE R/S H E E L U V /PL AYL I S T/2ZYZI A DIL 1B43L I7P TN E B S


a n i ntroduc ti on,

W ha t star ted as two str ange r s m a iling o ne a no t he r t w o s e t s o f jour nals f illed with p e r s o na l t ho ug ht s, p o e t r y, c r um my ske tc hes & photo gr a phs in m e a ns o f s t ay ing s a ne . . ha s s lo w ly d e ve loped into w hat w e no w k no w a s f une r a l p a r a d e . “It w as easy for us to w r it e d o w n o ur ‘ d e e p e s t a nd d a r k e s t se cr ets’ bec ause we did n’ t k no w o ne a no t he r v e r y w e ll. . a t the end of the day, w e w e r e jus t s t r a nge r s w it h lik e inte r ests. T her e w as a s e ns e o f c o m fo r t a nd s a f e t y in ex c hanging sec r ets w it ho ut f e e ling t he ha nd ic a p o f judgm ent. Fed-Ex q uic k ly b e c a m e ho m e t o us. ”

funer al p a r ade colla bor ation f eatur e a lo o k into the be ginning of p ho t o g r a pher : c hristian arias c r eat i v e dir ector : taide kennedy feat ur e d : taide kennedy & sheeluv


h ow i t al l be gan,

(S ) I ’ve b e e n w ri t i n g f or as l on g as I can rem em ber; n o t becau s e I ev er f el t l i k e I was g o o d a t i t or I w an t e d an y t hin g to co m e o f it, it ju s t f elt clean s in g to me. It w as a s i f t h e on l y w ay i c ou l d tru ly m o v e f o rward f ro m s o m eth in g o r s o meone, was a f t e r I t h re w u p m y w ords o n paper an d wro te it o u t. I wo u ld w rite a l l of the t i me .. I wrot e on n ap ki n s, i n betw een bo o k ch apters , o n th in ly lin ed p a p er wit h b l ac k i n k; as l on g as I w as w ritin g I w as go o d. S o wh en th e tim e cam e I wa s intro d u ce d t o T ai d e s bl og sh e h ad been po s tin g o n lin e w ith h er wo rds , I rea ched out t o h e r a n d t o m y su rp ri se I go t a qu ick res po n s e. ( T) Were yo u reall y surpris e d ? ha h a .. ( S) Ye s! You re sp o n ded to m e bef o re I ev en h ad th e ch ance to send y o u a l et t e r say i n g h i . h a! (T ) I r e me mb er a p oi n t w h e n I w as tryin g to pain t bu t th e o n ly th in g I m anaged to ge t o ut , w ere w ord s. I st art e d p ain tin g wo rds ! I co u ld n o lo n ger m ake pi ctures and w a s act ua l l y pi sse d of f abou t it. A t th e tim e, I was 21 an d h ad alw ays ex press e d my s e l f t h rou gh d raw i n g or pain tin g bu t th is was th e f irs t tim e I began writi ng . I d i dn ’ t e n j oy w ri t i n g, I was n ’ t a f an o f po etry an d o n ly read when it wa s a r e q u i re m e n t f or a c ou r s e I was takin g. I s u re as h ell can ’ t sp ea k ello q ue nt {l y }; I st u t t e r. . I ’ m aw kw ard. . bu t f o r m e, th ats wh en m y w ritin g bega n. Shee n a m e n t i on e d a sp ok e n w ord ev en t go in g o n at D a’ P o etry L o u n ge in L A , so we met u p .. o f f i c i al l y . W e got i n h e r sh itty tru ck, dro v e th ro u gh th e o u ts kirts of Hol lywoo d a nd w a l k e d i n t o t h i s room fi lled w ith artis ts . Th e o n ly place w ith ro o m l eft to sit , w a s o n s t a ge su rrou n di n g t h e featu red po ets ; it w as a def in ite f u ll h o u se. The ene r g y i n t he room w as u n re al , t h ere was a S lam go in g o n s o ev eryo n e was shout ing o ut t h e i r fe e dbac k or booi n g t h o s e w h o read f ro m th eir bo o k. It was a defi ni ng mo m e n t . I w a l k e d aw ay i n spi re d . Th at n igh t redef in ed h o w I v iewed p oetry. (S ) I e n vi e d t h e p e opl e w h o h ad th e gu ts to get u p th ere an d read thei r wo r d s t o a n au d i e n c e of , i n a s en s e, j u dgm en t. N o t j u dgm en t in a n egati ve way , I m e a n, i n t h e form of an a u to m atic critiqu e; th at was an d s till is , a bi t too p e r s o n a l for m e . B u t i t s som eth in g I h o pe to do s o m etim e in m y lifeti me. T hat ni g h t i s w h at m ot i v at e d u s t o s tart w h at we call ‘ TS ’ ; o u r j o u rn als f illed wi th our i n n e r m o s t se c re t s i n w h i c h w e wo u ld try to s ecretly m ail to o n e an o th er at work . (haha) But o vert i m e i t sl ow l y be gan to peak ev eryo n es cu rio s ity s o we ripped i t up .


j a n u a ry 1 0t h , 2 007. wed ni ght, dub c l ub . eve n gh o st s have bi rthdays (T ) I i nvi t e d a f e w f ri e n d s t o c om e o u t an d celebrate w ith m e f o r m y bi rthd a y. (S) It w as my f i rst t i m e goi n g t o th e Ech o an d I w as all u p f o r dan cin g, but when I drov e a r o u n d t h e are a an d got ou t o f m y car I w as wis h in g I h adn ’ t l eft my knife a t h o m e a n d al m ost t u rn e d a ro u n d to leav e. ( T) h ah ah ah a. ( S ) B UT , d esp i te t he s k e t chy vi b e at 1 1 p m , I w e n t in an d f ell in lo v e with ev eryth in g a bout i t. LA has a t e n d e nc y t o ge t a bad w rap at tim es , bu t I th in k its m o re abo u t kn owi ng the places w i t h c h a r ac t e r w h e re i t s n ot abo u t s pen din g 15 bu cks o n a drin k bu t a bout the people, t h e mu s i c an d t h e e n e rgy . ( T) Th at n igh t w as th e begin n in g o f o u r love a ffai r for dan ci ng d ur i n g t h e w e e k, w h e n w e’ d get o u t o f wo rk. We bo th h ad th es e 9 - 5 jobs, I ho nest l y h ave no i de a h ow w e st i l l m an aged to get to w o rk o n tim e ev ery m o rni ng a fter a late n i g ht o f d an c i n g; I c an ’ t do t h a t an ym o re, its kin d o f s ad really. O u r f riend s l i ved a ll o v er S o u t h e r n C al i forn i a an d y e t w e m an aged to m eet u p, alm o s t o n th is week l y basi s t o danc e . DGB i s w h at w e c am e t o call o u rs elv es to , in a s en s e, kn o w w h o w as i nvi ted without l i s t i ng n am e s; d an c e goon s br igade. B as ically Du b Clu b, P u n ky R eggae Pa rty a nd bi t s o f F unk y S o l e bi rt h e d t h e be gi n n in g o f DGB . . th es e were th e places w e coul d just dance wi t ho u t h av i n g t o w orry abou t du des grin din g u p o n u s o r in v adin g o u r s pace. ha ha. With e ve r y b e gi n n i n g t h e re i s a n en din g, righ t? . . . lif e cracked d own on DGB an d t o o k a di f fe re n t di re c t i on; it w as tim e to s lo w do w n a bit. (T) I l eft S anta A n a t o r un aw ay an d h i de i n a h o le better kn o w n as S an ta B arbara. My si ster, C hris t ia n, w a s s t u d y i n g at B rook s I n s titu te o f P h o to graph y, an d I wen t to r oom wi th her to c l e a r my h e ad . I i n v ade d h er s pace, h ah a. ( S ) I was s till tryin g to fi nd my way t h r o u g h t h e f ash i on i n du stry an d gettin g m y lif e go in g th e way I fel t I s h o uld b e , b ut was u n fu l fi l l e d ; so I q u it m y j o b with th e idea o f o pen in g a bouti q ue, do ing my o w n th i n g. M y l ast n i gh t o u t in L A to o k a tu rn f o r th e w o rs t and my plans d e t o ur e d . T h an k fu l l y , h ow e v er, becau s e th e eco n o m y tan ked s h o rtl y a fter. Taide a nd I s p e nt a l ot of t i m e dri v i n g th ro u gh th e m o u n tain s , f allin g in lo v e wi th the woods a nd t he r o m an t i c i sm of i t s e e r ie ways . . f in din g h idden libraries an d cute coffee s h o ps t o i n a s e ns e , i gn ore t h e ou t si de wo rld. In between o u r driv es to n o wh ere, we ca me up wit h t he i d e a t o d o som e t h i n g t ogeth er. Ev en if Fu n eral P arade h ad already come to be t hroug h a r a nd o m c on v e rsat i on w e h ad in th e pas t, th is m o m en t w as w h en it bec a me more t han ju s t a n i ns i de j oke . W e p ac k e d u p o u r th in gs an d m ade L o n g B each o u r new home.


a fu n era l p a ra d e h o u se & an art studi o for a k i tc he n,

(T ) I co n t i n u e d sc h ool i n g at t h e A rt In s titu te to f u rth er m y edu catio n in F a shi on Des ig n. (S ) I a c c e pt e d a de si gn p o s itio n with an O rgan ic clo th in g lin e in G ard ena , which w a s r ad be c au se I on l y w ork ed 4 days a w eek an d it to o k m e 20 m inutes to g et the r e , m u ch d i f fe re n t t h an m y us u al treck in to do wn to w n v ia th e 101 N ightmare. We sp e n t a l o t of t i m e i n ou r k i t c h en tu rn ed art s tu dio & o n s o cial n etw o rking si tes, s prea d i n g t h e w ord abou t FP w i t h ou t ev en kn o w in g wh at it really was o r where i t was g o i ng . We h ad t h i s i n san t fol lo w in g f o r s o m eth in g we weren ’ t ev en enti rel y s ure ab o u t y e t bu t t h i s on l y m ot i v a ted u s ev en m o re s o to f igu re it o u t. W e were pres e n t e d w i t h t h e opport u n i t y t o pu t to geth er a f as h io n s h o w an d pro bably jump ed o n it a b i t t o o q u i c k l y . ( T ) T h e y w anted u s to pu t u p th is elabo rate s h o w bu t we were s t art i ng o u t & t h e m on e y w as c om i ng o u t o f o u r o w n po ckets . ( S ) Wh ich w asn’t too deep, d o y o u r em e m be r t h e c l ose t I u s ed to liv e in ? ( T) Hey! I liv ed in th at cl oset firs t .. ( T) S o r eal i st i c al l y w e c ou l d o n ly af f o rd a m in i-co llectio n , bu t we s ti l l tri ed . (S) Ye a h , t he e xpe ri e n c e w as a good o n e bu t def in itely a learn in g pro ces s . Need l ess t o s a y , t he f a sh i on sh ow f e l l t h ro u gh alo n g with o u r f rien ds h ip. ( T) dun, d un, dunnn.. (S ) h a h a! W e t ook a 10 m o n th break f ro m o n e an o th er. . n o co m m u ni ca ti on, no t hi ng . S o m e h ow w e m an age d t o av o id cro s s in g path s , en tirely, ev en th ough we liv ed a b l o c k aw ay f rom on e an ot h er. ( T) Wh ich is really weird f o r L o n g Bea ch... fast f o r w a r d t h ose 1 0 m on t h s, I got th is really s tran ge v ibe th at I s h o u ld reach out t o S he e na a n d ask i f sh e w as ok. I d idn ’ t ev en kn o w wh ere it cam e f ro m I ju s t k new I neede d t o a s k . ( S) I w as at a t e xt i l e s h o w in do w n to wn , m id an xiety attack, w hen I got her e ma i l a n d a su dde n ru sh of c al m cam e o v er m e; It was s tran ge. S o , I em ai l ed her b ack a n d w e e n d e d u p t al ki n g on t h e ph o n e f o r 6 h o u rs th at n igh t, abo u t ev erythi ng; fro m t he m o m e n t w e h ad l e f t off 10 m o n th s prio r to th at v ery in s tan t. (T) We caug ht e a cho t h e r u p on 10 m on t h s o f o u r liv es in th e m atter o f 6 h o u rs , h a ha. Our liv es ha d cha n ge d so m u c h i n t h e c ou rs e o f 10 m o n th s , it was in s an e. In retr osp ect, t he b r e a k f r o m ou r f ri e n d sh i p w as n eeded. We were m o re f o cu s ed an d o ur i d ea s clear o f w h e r e w e w e re h e ade d i n lif e, wh at we “wan ted to be” ; Fu n eral Pa rad e.


We l l t h e re y ou h av e i t f o lks , o u r path to th is m o m en t h as b e en a l e n gt h y on e , bu t w h at s to ries w o rth tellin g, aren ’ t? F un e ral P arade i s a gr o w in g gro u p o f creativ e in div idu als w h o f e e d f rom i n sp i ri n g o th ers w h ile in s pirin g th em s elv es . F r om t h i s m om e n t on , yo u are a part o f th is j o u rn ey if y o u w i sh t o be ; af t e r all, th ee in s pired in s pire th ee u n ’ .


I recently came upon a quote, from the mind of John Steinbeck, in which stuck a bit too entirely behind my eyelids, deep inside my thought process, “I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.” As the true inspiration for this feature, I thought I’d take a moment to ask a total of nine individuals, all dear to my heart in many different ways, a few questions about their previous year in hopes to see a bit more into their lives.


Four simple questions; Nine entirely different responses. Pretty amazing what we learn about others when taking the time to “see�. sheeluv


Tell us o n e p e r s on a l s itu a tion or me m ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in rega rd s to 2 011. I t h i n k t h e on e me mor y th a t stands out to m e the m ost in 2011 was my tr ip to Chi c ag o fo r L o l l a pa lo o za . G e ttin g to see all of t he am az ing bands from Coldplay to E minem to M ayo r Hawth o rne in a fe s tival setting was an am az ing experienc e, es pe cia l ly wi t h th e g o rg e o us Ch ica go s kyline a s t he bac kground. Not to m ent ion t he parks , fo untai n s , a n d o u td o o r a r t in Ch ica go wa s am azing that t im e of year and very m emo ra b l e . I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? Fa s t-p a ce d and filled with m any learning experienc es .

I b eli eve we a l l le t go o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evolvin g, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? I let go of so me b a d h ab i t s a n d wa s a b le to op e n my eye s to see how m uc h m ore I needed to foc us on mys e l f a n d my g o a l s i n life .

Reso lu t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , yo u ’ re h o ping this year to represent what for you? I wa nt this year to re p re s e n t a time wh e re I co nt inue learning about myself and progres s in my l ove for mu s i c a n d in my inn e r -s tre ngths as a person. __AJ U y ti e p o Su e l o, L os An g el es , CA


Tell u s o n e p e r so na l s itu a tion or mem ory that st ands out to you the m ost , in re ga rd s to 2011. The past year was full of revelations but a memory that meant a lot to me was getting to s e e my g re a t gra nd mo th e r. Sh e is about 96 years or so and she sings and smil e s with n o wo r r i e s fo r tomo rrow. I h ave n’ t s een her sinc e 2002 and one of my biggest fe a rs we re her pa s s i n g be fo re I g ot to h u g h e r again. She doesn’t rem em ber anyone so it wa s a ma zi n g wh e n s h e g re e te d me a s if s h e was waiting forever for m e to c om e bac k to v is it he r. I f yo u c o u l d l a b e l th e p revio u s ye ar in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase .. o f yo ur own , wh a t wo u ld it b e ? I n e e d to foc us m ore energy on polishing my m irror.

I b el i eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f rom versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r areas , a lways evolvin g, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? I let go of a l o t re sen t m e n t towa rd pe o ple a n d ga ine d patienc e toward ignoranc e. I learned t ha t we a re all on a p a t h towa rd o u r d e s ire s a nd how those pat hs intertwine is out of my co ntro l . B ut I l e a r n e d t ha t if I s top a n d ta ke a look at how our paths c rossed ways I wi l l b e a b l e to c h o o s e f re e ly o n wh a t to d o nex t . Res o l u t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , you ’ re h oping this year to represent what for you? We l l I st ar te d my n e w ye a r o n my b irth d ay, so I don’t c are m uc h for January first . But I ho pe to t a ke a l o t m ore pictu re s , a lo t m ore travel advent ures and to m eet peopl e f ro m a l l li kes o f l i fe . __Va n e ssa L u x , B ro o k ly n , N Y


Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or mem ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in re ga rd s to 201 1 . O n e m emor y th a t s ta nd s o ut in 2011 is when my wife and I c am e up w ith the id ea t h a t we we re goin g s ta r t a we b publishing c om pany. When we c am e up with the web p u bl i s h i n g id e a , it s e t of f a ligh t bulb. I t was a m ajor deal for bot h of us b e ca us e o ur t r u e p a s s i o n is b u s ine s s , eve r y s m all detail of it . And this would allow us two g re a t thi n g s : to h e l p o u r f r ie nd s g row th eir business ideas, and reac h out to ot he r s ma l l busi n e s s i n t h e c ommu n ity. It s e r iou sly was at least three m ont hs of us brainsto r ming a n d c o m i n g u p with va rio u s id e a s . We even went to t he bank and took out a sm a l l l o a n to p urc h a s e n o t ju s t on e , b u t two 2 7 -inc h iMac s and Adobe CS5, so that we c ou l d wo rk s i de by s i d e . 2 01 1 is th e b ir th o f my wife and I ’s first baby - Koee M edia. I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? G rowth .

I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evolvin g, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? Last year a t this ti me I wa s s l av i ng away a t a jo b th a t was going nowhere, but t here was always a ca rro t j us t r i gh t i n f ro nt o f me to ke e p pushing m e. I n 2011, we dec ided t hat I n e e d e d a c han g e . S o I wen t b a ck to s ch ool a n d took web publishing and design c lasses fo r f un. Fro m t h e re I s a i d g ood bye to th e jo b and st arted our own c om pany now loc ated in Ol d Town Pa s a d e n a . One of th e b e s t ch a nges in my life. Reso lu t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , yo u ’ re h op ing t his year to represent what for you? 2011 wa s c razy a n d I h ave a fe e ling 2 0 1 2 is not going to be any quieter. __Jose p h Rob e rts, Pa sad en a, CA

Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or me m ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in rega rd s to 2 011. Ac h i ev i n g on e ye a r o f s ob rie ty. I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? “T h e cou ra g e to c hange the t hings I c an.” I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evo lving, wh a t d o yo u feel you let go of and gained? I let go of re s e ntmen t s a n d ga i n e d pe a ce o f mind .

Reso lu t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , yo u ’ re h op ing this year to represent what for you? Co ntinu in g t h i s o n g o i n g p roce s s o f h e a lthy positive c hange and personal evolution. __Fra n k M a dr i d, Sa n Fra n ci s c o , CA


Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or me m ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in rega rd s to 2 011. T h e d ay I ca me to te r ms with “growing up”. Not due to any physic al c hang e s , b ut l i fe c h a n g e s . Pe rs on a l life ch a n ge s a nd the people around m e. I tz a trip. . . I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? L e g e n...wa it for it . . . dary! Lol. I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evolvin g, wh a t d o yo u feel you let go of and gained? To keep it nice n s i m p le , I l e t g o o f th e b u lls h it . I d on’t have t im e to deal with nonsense. I got a l ife to l ive to i t z f u l l e s t . G o tta g e t my g rown m an on.

Reso lu t i o n c h e e se a s id e , yo u ’ re h o ping this year to represent what for you? Sam e thing I t ry to d o eve r y s ingle d ay of my life. . . t ry to better myself in all that I do. __Eu se p h Ra m i e n tos, L os An g el es , CA


Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or me m ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in rega rd s to 2 011. T h e d ay I re a d th e s e word s f rom a very wise and dear friend: “life is tem po ra ry, mi st ake s w i l l n ot a lways b e on ou r shoulders, but our self respec t and love w il l g row when we p l a n t th e righ t s e e d s ... wh ic h are taking steps forward, taking risks in l ife .. o t herw i s e , we ’ re ju s t g oin g with th e m ot ions.” These words c hanged my life fo reve r a n d t h ey s e r ve as my d a ily ma n tra . I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? L e a p o f fa ith.

I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evo lving, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? This past ye a r I fo un d mys e l f l iv in g a n incre d ib ly responsible but ut terly m undane life. Whil e b e ing resp on s i bl e i s n’ t n e ce s s a r ily a b a d thing, not having a work life balanc e is not s o g re a t . I n 201 1 , I wa s a b le to ga in th e co u ra ge to walk away from t he “safe” pat h, where I kne w what eve ry ye a r to fo llow wo u ld h o ld for m e. I took a leap of faith, not knowing exa ctly where I wo u l d l a n d . I followe d my p assions, interest s, and was willing to go whe reve r l i fe m ay l e a d m e. And a s s o o n a s I le t go, so m any doors opened; I found myself in a ne w c i t y, n e w c a re e r p a th , a nd more fa mily, friends and m e t im e. I now have m ore time fo r l ivi n g l i fe , s avo ring e a ch d ay, a nd tr uly being exc ited for what eac h new day m ay b ring . Reso lu t i o n c h e e se a s id e , yo u ’ re h o ping t his year to represent what for you? I n o rma l ly d o n’t g e t s u p e r excite d fo r th e Ne w Year or m ake lots of resolut ions and s uch, b ut there’ s s o m e t h i ng a b ou t 2 0 1 2 th a t s eem s so fresh and untainted. I ’m hoping t his ye a r rep res e n t s g u t s —a s in h aving th e gut s to take som e big c hanc es and walk outs id e my c o mfort z o n e . __Ch r i sti n a Rob e r ts, Pa sad en a, CA


Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or me m ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in rega rd s to 2 011. I n J u n e , my old e r s is te r Je s s ica got m arried. The whole experienc e from the e ngag em e n t to c e remony wa s a ma zing. Being together wit h our c losest friends and fa mily was s o me t h i n g I will a lways ch e ris h. M ost m em orable m om ent from that expe r ie nce was s e e i n g my J e wis h gra nd mo th e r break it down on t he danc e floor at t he re ce ptio n. I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? G rowth .

I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evolvin g, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? I n 2010, my fa the r pas s ed away. A l t h ou gh th is wa s ve ry t ragic , it allowed m e to gain a different pe rs pe ctive o n l i fe . I re a lize d th a t life is n’ t about the c ar you drove, or the m oney in yo ur a c c o un t … i t ’ s a b o ut yo u r ex pe r ie n ce s , the tim e spent wit h your loved ones, you r me mo r i es . M y p r i o ri t ie s ch a n ge d a nd I h ave a lot of great m em ories of this past year. Reso lu t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , you ’ re h o ping t his year to represent what for you? Cl a r ity an d fu n . I h o p e 2 0 1 2 will b e a b ou t m ore exploration, seeing m ore of LA and s pe nd i n g m o re t i me o u td o o r s . I wa n t to cont inue blogging, take an art c lass and m ight eve n s t udy fo r t h e G MAT. __Je n n a P re ssl ey, We st L os An g el es , CA


Tell us o n e p e r s o na l s itu a tion or mem ory t hat st ands out to you the m ost , in re ga rd s to 201 1 . Ta k i n g my ve r y f ir s t wr ite rs program and getting a t aste of som et hing I l ove in a c o n c e n t ra ted d os e .

I f yo u c o u l d l a be l th e p revio u s ye a r in one word, one sentenc e, one phrase. . o f yo ur ow n , wh a t wo u l d it b e ? G rowth .

I b eli eve we a l l le t g o o f or g row f ro m versions of ourselves and gain renewal in o the r a reas, a lways evo lving, wh a t d o you feel you let go of and gained? I feel I let g o o f my c hi ld h o o d . A s s illy a s it s o u nd s , tu r ning t went y- t hree m ade m e realiz e I ’m not g e tting a ny yo u n g e r. I fee l th a t s in ce I’ ve b een able to let go of the forever young m ind me ntali t y I ’ ve b e e n ab le to ma tu re into t he roles before m e, ultim ately allowing mys e l f to grow a s a yo u n g wo ma n.

Reso lu t i o n c h e e s e a s id e , you ’ re h op ing this year to represent what for you? I ’m ho ping thi s ye a r c o n t i n u e s to re pre s e n t even m ore growt h, ac hieving personal goals a s we l l a s c are e r. __Sa m a n th a Snyde r, He speri a, CA


Te ll u s o ne pe r s o na l s it uation or m em ory that stands out to yo u th e mos t , in re gards to 2011.

I sh o t a d e e r fo r th e f ir st t im e, while exploring- - m ore ac c ura te ly, workin g tire le s sly- - in Southeast Alaska. The way my h e a r t fe lt like it wa s g oing to shoot like a c annonball out of my th roa t a s s o o n a s th e bullet pierc ed that buc k’s flesh, like t he way you fe e l wh e n you get to put your hand bet ween a g i rl’ s , o r b oy ’ s , le gs fo r the first t im e, it ’s pretty m em orable. I f yo u co u ld la b e l th e previous year in one word, one sen te nce , on e p h ra s e .. o f your own, what would it be?

E x p e r ie n tia l, a nd d e f initely em powering. There were a lot o f h a p p e nin gs th a t I could never have im agined doing, even while th ey we re occu rring. So there was the experient ial p a r t , wh e re a ll th e s e new things were happening, and so ra pid ly th a t I d id n’ t take m uc h t im e to ac knowledge them . A n d th e n th e re wa s th e em powerm ent , realiz ing that I had s pe nt mo s t o f th e ye ar doing things I m ay, in years prev i ou s , n eve r eve n th ought of thinking about doing. That m a ke s a p e r s o n’ s co nf idenc e skyroc ket . I be lieve we a ll le t go of or grow from versions of our s e lve s a nd ga in re n e wal in ot her areas, always evolving, wha t d o yo u fe e l yo u let go of and gained?

I le t g o o f my d e s ire to always be m oving forward in swift , m a lign a nt s tr id e s . It’ s alright , healthier even, to be in the m o me nt , wh a teve r th at m om ent is, and to soak it in as m u ch a s pos s ib le . Res o lu tion ch e e s e a s ide, you’re hoping t his year to repres e n t wh a t fo r you ?

A ye a r of n e w re a lms of poet ic int uition, and a wider array o f a r tis tic ex pre s s io n. I ’d like to start exploring new art m e d iu ms , a nd to h ave physic al represent at ions to show fo r it . G e tting pu b lis h ed would be alright , as well. __M a tth e w D a n ge r Rowe , Arc a ta , CA


pre sc rip tion pa ds autho r : p.r. ro ss

I stared across the room at the young man his pant legs high enough to see his mismatched socks. He appeared to have a self-inflicted hair cut -dark blonde tufts reaching in every direction. Nervous, he simultaneously tapped his feet on the worn-out imitation Oriental rug.

His mother scolded him as I waited to be seen -30 minutes after my scheduled appointment. I thought that she must be the reason he is here waiting to be told the answers to all the problems she says he has. She asked if he wanted a mint and tossed it after his reply. He juggled the red and white striped candy only to let it fall to the same rug he had been tap dancing on moments before. He’ll never catch the plastic-wrapped treat or the game-winning touchdown or the eye of the woman he wants.


You can’t make those kind of lights-out, cardiac catches, amid the crowd’s thunderous roar

when the confidence isn’t there or when it’s been trampled by a parent’s misdirected attempts to make him “normal.”.

I don’t belong here I thought as I leaned in my seat -receiving a disapproving glare from the receptionist. I quickly set the front legs down and leaned my head back.

What happened to my parent’s generation or their parent’s generation when it was perfectly acceptable for a man to hide his emotions deep in his gut and show up each day getting the damn job done sometimes without a smile on his face. Instead, we walk around -pockets full of Prozac mouths full of anti-depressants, with an excuse for it all --

“My daddy didn’t love me,” She cried as she spoons in another heaping dose of multi-colored tablets.

The doc called my name and I followed him to his office -passing the mama’s boy who looked at me eyes begging to save him from this place. I looked back letting him know I had no choice either. I sank into a couch that made me feel younger than I am. He asked a series of questions to determine my mental stability. I made my best guesses as he looked over his bifocals nodding. I walked away with it all tucked a little deeper inside while the empty prescription pad lay dormant on his desk.


the k i l l


a murder mystery photographer : elle chen model : carly walshak


th e me e t i ng


t he c o nv e r s a ti on


r e ady for t he k ill


t he s t r ugg l e


th e


death

death


c o ve r u p


fr e s he n u p . .


..self

admirat i o n


aft e r s m o ke .


W a k in g up e ach m orning Lo o k in g i n t he m i r r o r a nd s t ar in g in t o t h e eyes of t h e st r a n ger you on c e re cognize d T h e e m p t y e y e s , t he g ho st - l ik e fa ce, a n d t h e bl a n k st a r e t h a t ga z es back at you C h il l s r un t h r ough your body. T h is is wh o y ou are now.

The d a y s a r e spen t wit h fr ust r a t ion a n d t empor a r y happine s s ’s . Y ou l ive o n a s we l l a s y o u c a n, e a c h momen t dr a ggin g by, ea ch secon d h a n ging in the air. It ’s your own miser y. Y our own t r a p. Y our own battle . T h e c hoices yo u ma k e a r e d r a s t i c , o ut o f pur e desper a t ion for t h e feel in g of l ife you once had. Y o u l a y st a r in g a t t h e ceil in g; your sil en t gr oa n s f ill the air, Y et a n ot h er n igh t wi thou t s le e p.


“. . I wo ul d al way s bu y t h os e c h eap plas tic d is po s ab le c am er as in mi d d le s c h o o l , I di dn’t ge t a real c am er a un til h igh s c h o o l, it wa s a c a non re be l k i t , I f e l t l i k e s uc h a pro. . ” s tated th e t wen t y s om et h i ng, Cal i f o r n i a base d P h oto gr aph er. A s a par t o f th e Fun er al Pa r ad e Te a m , I h a ve c om e t o k n ow Ch r is tian on a m o re pers on al le vel a nd w i t h e ac h st e p, i t be c om es th at muc h m o re apparen t, s h e is in t h e e xact fi e l d sh e wa s de st in ed f o r. S o w h en d id s h e tr ul y reali z e t h i s w a s m o re t h an “p i c t u re takin g ” b ut a pas s ion e vo l vin g in to a c a re e r ? “ ..S i n c e t h e be g i n nin g I ’ve al w ay s w an ted it as a c areer. I wo uld s ee ad ’s i n m y si st e rs f as h ion m agazin es an d w an ted to be t h a t pho t og r a ph e r a n d m ak e m on e y o f f o f m akin g ar t; s o I d id my re s e a rc h, f o u n d t h e be st ph o to s c h o o l h ere in S o Cal an d wen t f or it.”

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i nte r vi e w by s he elu v


Yo u attend ed Br ook s I n st i t ute a n d w e r e o n e o f f o u r te e n to t ra vel to Par i s , ho w was th a t? Ye s! I t wa s my firs t tim e to Europe! I went f or a Fashion P hot ogr aphy Wo rk -

s h o p w i t h Fa sh i on P h otog r a ph e r S te ven S il verst ein. It w as an amazing ex per ience. We wen t t o m o d e l i ng a ge n c ie s f or Ca s ting, did var ious st udio shoot s as wel l as l o c at i on s h o o t i n g, a n d a tte n de d Pa r is Fa s h ion Week. It w as my first t ime shoot ing w i t h Prof es s ion a l M o d e l s , I wa s s o n e r vous ! E ac h st udent had diff erent Cout ure O utfi t s, we eac h h ad o u r ow n look wh ic h made i t t hat muc h more unique. It was suc h a g re at e x p er ien c e, som e th in g I ’ l l re m e m be r f or t he rest of my lif e. Do you k eep in tou ch w ith a n y o f y o u r a lu mni ? Oh ye a h , de fin itel y. A lot of my fr iends have gone on t o sh o o t i ng as we l l . I t ’s go od to s tay in touc h , and int erest ing t o see how e ver yone is end i ng u p.

So mething A r ti st s st r ive off of, e ven m o r e s o t h an ox yge n w o u l d be t h e i n f am ou s “ ins pi ration” - wh e r e do y ou f i n d y our s ? W h en I m em b e r in g a n d p ap ere d

w a s yo un ge r, I would a l way s f ol low t he Chr ist ian Dior Ads, I specific al l y re t h e ad s with Gis e le B ün dc h en, t he y were br ight and color ful; I lo ved t h e l i gh t t h e a t t itude. I would te a r out t he phot ogr aphs and just st udy t hem; I w al l m y w a l ls in Col le ge with the phot ogr aphs. Hah a, I d i d an d s t i l l d o th at! I

lo ve looking at the w a ll a n d just f eel i n g s o m e t h i n g t h at s pe ak s to yo u , as i f som e on e els e und e r stands wha t y ou’r e t r y i n g to s ay. Yes, it ’s ver y inspir ing! S o f as t f or war d col lege to pr esen t ti me, w ho ha ve be e n yo u r i n s p i rat i o n s as yo u’ve m at u r e d in you r f ield? Oh wow, I don’t th in k I ’ve h ad any one specific person I ’ve looked up t o b u t I

did ge t i n t o m e n’s fa s h ion ph otog r a phy. E ver y mont h I would go t o t he magazin e st and s an d l o ok a t V M an Magaz i ne a n d A nOt he r M an M agazine and now I ’m shoot ing a l o t o f glamou r ; i t ’s so diff e re n t from a ny thing I imagined my self doing, but it ’s suc h a gre at ex p er i e n c e ! T h e work I ’m f e a tur in g in FP ’s P ublic at ion is my personal work, bu t w h at I do f or a l i v i n g is a we s ome, n umbe r one person I look up t o is Nic k S aglimbeni, h e p re s ente d t h e o ppo r tun it y to e ve n ge t in t o t his area. I met him my last semest er in co l l e ge, as an I n t e r n . You gotta s ta r t a t th e bot t om and work your w ay t o t he t op r ight ? H e h e, I ’ve b e e n wo rk i n g with h im a n d h is st udio { S lic kf orce S t udio } since May o f 2 0 0 8 .

A s a n ar tist, I k n o w i t ’s di ff i cult a t t i m e s to ge t go i n g w i t h t h e c ar e e r as pe c t o f th in gs; do you ha ve an y w or ds of a dv i ce f o r t h o s e l ook i n g to ge t s tar te d p r o f e s s i o nally in ph o tog raphy ? A s an a r t i st i t ’s de fin ite l y toug h be c ause you w ant people t o underst and your vi si on. I t tak es a l o t o f h a rd work a n d de dic a tion. O ne t hing I would remind my self w as, no mat t e r w hat i t i s yo u d e c ide to do f or your c areer remember you’re going t o be spending mo re ti m e “ wo rk i n g ” t h a n you wil l with you r ow n lo ved ones, so make sure it ’s somet hi ng yo u lo ve, m a k e su re it ’s s ome th in g you re a l l y lo ve, and f or me it w as phot ogr aphy. I c om ple te-

ly a g r ee, I t m akes me sa d w he n I he ar o t h e rs s ayi n g h o w t h e y’r e c o u n t i n g d o w n th e h o u rs until the y’r e “off w ork” or t he f am o u s , “c an’t w ai t ‘t i l Fr i d ays ” – w e s pen d 70% o f o ur lives at o ur job s, t ha t ’s a lot o f t i m e to s i m pl y c o u n t a w ay. . “ Yes, It s so t r u e ! ”

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pho tog raphe r.


Yo u speak so pa ssi on a tely a bout wha t yo u d o, w h at l e a ve s yo u c o m i n g ba c k f o r m or e ? I f yo u w e r e not a photog raphe r, w hat c o u l d yo u s e e yo u rs el f d o i n g? Wow, I c a n’t e ve n ima g in e th a t.. I re al l y don’t know ! I ’m surrounded wit h suc h amaz i ng p eo p l e w h e re I work. Th e ir pos itive vibes and get t ing t o meet ne w models / t al e nt are w hat k e e ps i t a l l s o e xc itin g. You n e ver real l y know what is going t o come nex t . I l o ve th e w h o l e pre - produc tion a n d pla n n ing aspect , lay ing out your vision and c apt ur i ng w h at yo u se e i n yo u r h e ad is th e be s t f e e ling. At t he end of t he day, when people are l e avi ng w ith t h i s g re a t e xpe r ie n c e you g a ve them, t hat ’s t he most excit ing par t . T he ke y i s t o s ur rou n d yo u r se lf with pe ople wh o wi l l push you.

Des cr ibe y our f i r st photo shoot ... M y b o ss, Ni c k S a g lim be n i told me h e had a sur pr ise f or me and didn’t t el l me f o r d ay s; fi n al l y w h e n h e broke th e n e ws I wa s so excit ed! W hen t he day final l y c ame it co u l d n’t have b e e n m o re pe r f e c t, Nic k wa s by my side producing yet let t ing me have my ow n vi s i on . I t w a s g re a t s e e in g th e re ac tion of t he Magazine Edit or, it made me f eel so accom p lis h e d , e spe c i a l l y wh e n I got a c a l l b ac k t o do more work. I cr ied when I recei ve d my co p ie s, h a h a , I wa s s uc h a ba by. Do you f eel Nic k S aglimbeni is, in a sense, a men t o r ? O f co ur se ! H e h a s be e n h e lpin g m e out since t he ver y beginning, and got my c areer st ar t e d f o r me. I t h a n k h im f or a l l of th e opp or t unit ies he ’s given me, f or giving me a c hance. I t m ak es yo u f e e l good wh e n s ome on e real l y, t r ul y belie ves in you enough t o invest th e t i me an d e f f o r t i n t o you a n d your c a re e r. How does a t y pic al day f or a shoot work ou t ? H ow m any pe o pl e d o you work with , wh a t ’s t he energ y like? It ’s al way s an ear l y c al l t i me ! My team c on si st s o f a c re w to h e lp me on set as wel l as t he glam cre w f or t he model. Tal e nt al w ay s spe n d s h ours in h a ir a n d ma ke -up, t hen t he magic beings... S hoot ing t ime! ! ! I l i k e to k ee p t h e e nv iron me n t la id bac k a nd fun; give t he t alent t he best ex per ience e ve r. We al w ay s h a ve mu s ic play in g, th a t ’s our t hing.

Tel l us about on e of y our most i n flue n t i al c r i t i q u e s . . . I lo ve h on e st c r itic is m but it ’s s o s c ar y! I remember my ver y first por t f olio cr i t i q u e i n co l lege f rom a ren own e d Fa s h ion P h ot ogr apher ; he flipped t hrough my book and st r ai gh t o ut to l d m e m y work wa s h orr ible ! Haha! But w hat made me happy w as w hat he t o l d me r i ght a f t e r w a rd s, “ ...my firs t book looked like yours and look at where I am now. ” T h at w as t h e h a r sh e s t c r itique I ’ve re c e ived, so I f elt like it couldn’t get worse t han t h at , i t m o ti v a t e d m e t o wa n t to ge t be tte r. Have you sent him any of your work since t hen? T h e cr iti qu e w i t h h i m wa s a t th e e n d of my first year of sc hool, I emailed him at t he e nd o f m y 3rd ye a r t e l l i n g h im h ow h is h on e st cr it ique mot ivat ed me t o real l y bet t er my st y l e i n m y la st 2 ye a r s in s c h ool a n d I th a n ked him f or being so honest , but I haven’t s e nt h i m any th i n g o r spoke n to h im s in c e.

ch r i s t i an ar i a s


I f yo u w e r e to l ook i n to a cr y sta l ba l l, h o w w o u l d yo u h o pe to s e e yo u rs el f 1 0 - 15 ye ar s do w n the r oa d? I j us t w a n t t o b e s uc c e s s ful with my phot ogr aphy. I real l y don’t know specific al l y, b u t my n umb e r on e pr i or it y is to ta ke c a re of my parent s. T he y have sacr ificed a lot t o gi ve me w hat I n e e d , t i m e f or m e to ta ke c a re of t hem.

So, to wind thin gs do w n ... let ’s sa y i t ’s yo u r l as t b r e at h e, w h at ’s yo u r to m b s to n e goin g to r ea d to the w or ld? Harde st q u e st i on f or la s t, h uh ? H a h a, must end it w it h a boom. Hmm.. give me a se c, I m ean i t ’s go i n g t o be s ome th in g s o s imple bec ause t hat ’s how I am, a lit t le humoro u s t o o. . umm, l e t m e ge t bac k to you on th a t..

… W h a t a w o n d e r f u l l i f e I h a d :)

f or

mor e

chr istia n

a r ia s:

modelmayhem.com/502151 twitter.com/christianarias


c h ild ren’s gam es an d th eir lac k o f r ules p er plex th e s m al les t o f us , at h ear t we al l w an t to b e com plic ated a nd p atter n ed , som etim es we f al l un d er th e im pres s ion tha t we are muc h m o re th an we are & oh , w h at we are. we s o tr ul y an d s in cerel y, com pletel y are c on f us ed by o ur ow n b eh avio r n o b o d y kn ow s w h o th e y are o r w h at th e y aren’t an d we co uld b e any th in g t h at s cien ce is n’t. we co uld b e th e d in o s aur ’s in an elem enta r y sc ho o l im agin ation . i won’t s tan d f o r th is s on g s in g-a-lon g t h is celeb r ation o f o ur f ailures an d d ark er si des. we s ettle f o r th e eas ies t s el ves we c an crea te in o urs el ves who kn ow s w h at we m igh t b ecom e later, r i gh t n ow we are yo un g an d s n appy. n o t aler t, b ut h appy. i t ’s th e n e w m il len ium an d we ’re d o in g t h e b es t we c an .

taide ke n n e dy


I was ten, when I discovered the stories my mother told me were real. Until that night, the stories had always been just that, stories; but the night he came proved otherwise...

a continuation,

a u thor . sam ant ha lee e d ited by sheeluv a rtwo rk by stĂŠphanie lem oine


It was just after midnight when I was woken to a loud commotion. I thought maybe I had been dreaming but this was no dream, it was a nightmare. I heard another bang against the wooden floorboards below, I slid from my bed and cracked the bedroom door open. The staircase was dark, but a light from the living room down stairs illuminated her shadow; only she wasn’t alone. I opened the door wide enough to step through, and tip toed to the top of the staircase fighting the urge to run downstairs. I could feel a knot in my throat forming, my eyes widening and my knuckles clenching. Another thud. My mother’s screams quickly followed, sending me into a panic. I felt frozen, as if my feet were slowly sinking within the floorboards and no matter how hard I pulled I couldn’t manage to move. “Tell me where she is,” a deafening sound sending chills down my spine and I silently pleaded for him to stop. “Our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name..” my mother began to pray. “You pray to a hopeless God whos’ letting you die, look around do you see your God!?” Though to many it may sound like any other voice, I knew different.. his was menacing, it was pure evil. My mother continued to pray with an ever growing intensity, “..thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven..” Tears falling down my face as I came to the realization, this would be the last time I would hear her voice. “I will find her,” he vowed. If a snake could talk, I’d imagine it to sound much like him. A deafening silence followed as I felt the intensity in the air and suddenly I knew what to do. The tale’s she had told me as a child weren’t just tales but stories of what was to come, she was preparing me for this. Then I heard it, a muffled scream followed by a loud crack as if a gun had shot off at the beginning of a race. A sudden sensation overtook my body, clarity and strength in a way I had never experienced. I’m not sure where it came from but everything in my body suddenly woke up. I ran back to my bedroom and quietly lifted the top of my window seat up grabbing the silver box placed inside opening it to find a letter, a business card with a name and address, and a silver key with a blue pendant on top. I closed the box and grabbed the blue bag next to my bed and shoved it inside. My mother always kept a bag full of clothes, money and a pre-paid phone in the bottom drawer of my dresser in case of emergencies. I heard foot-steps and knew I only had a matter of seconds. I grabbed the photo of my mother and me next to my bedside table and opened the hidden door in the window seat. I pulled the board over my head and sat inside the nook and waited...


The blood was thick upon the floor with silver streaks running throughout. Suddenly I heard a voice, a light whisper, so faint I had to concentrate just to make it out. “Come to me Danika.” without realizing it, I was touching the blood. I stepped back, wiping it on my white night gown. Suddenly a flash of white overtook the room; it was as if the room was being lit up by thousands of tiny, little lights. I had to squint just to see the figure forming in front of me. The eyes were the first thing I noticed. They were as green as emeralds and resembled those of snake eyes. His body covered in tattoos, over skin so pale it almost appeared translucent. As he moved closer, I began to hear faint cries; sounds of men and women begging to be set free. The pleading grew sharper with each step he took and I realized they were coming from him. He bared a smile of razor sharp teeth, stained red and rooted from gums of black. I had this urge to pull away, but couldn’t seem to move. He owned me, I was his, for this moment, and no amount of struggling would change this. “Come to me Danika, come to me and I shall let them free.” The tattoos began to move leaving his stomach bare, when a head began to form with lips voicing my name, “Danika.” and then the face was gone. “Mom?” I said my voice barely a whisper. “Come to me Danika.” I heard one last time before a riveting pain came over my back. I fell to the floor in agony, screaming as my body contorted to the pain. With every breath from my chest, my screams grew louder. I could see the form of his body standing over me, but the pain was so intense I was straining to keep focus. I grabbed my back where the pain was coming from to find blood on my hand, only this time it was mine. “What are you doing to me!” I cried; my jaw clenching and my body tensing. He said nothing and continued to watch with his emerald green eyes. When suddenly the pain began to subside and the room faded to black.


s h e k e p t a d iary, i n w hi ch s h e wrote impu lsiv e thoughts. s e e i n g t he moon in th e sky , h e r o w n h eart s u rc h arged, she w ent & w r o te:

fa shi o n

i l l u s t ration

fe a tu re

by

sheeluv


‘ i f i we r e th e moon , i kno w w her e i w ould fall do w n’

quote

d. h.

l aw re nce


THOMAS WESLEY

S T E R N


M u si c i a n Fe at u re wi t h Jo s eph M ako viec ki o f T h om as Wesl e y S ter n in ter vie wed by e l l e


W ho

is

Robe r t

Th om as

James

B lac k,

Jac kson,

H ow i ng

l on g h a ve mu si c ; se p a r a t el y

J oseph

Wes le y

Mako viec ki,

yo u as wel l

G ar y

b een as a

S ter n ?

Mayer

creat gro up?

We ’ve a l l be e n play in g in s t r ument s separ at el y since c hildhood. And we ’ve be e n tr y in g to play in bands wit h eac h ot her since around 13. Th om a s We s le y S te r n h a s been a band f or about a year and a half.

W ha t i s t h e st o r y be hin d th e f o r m ation o f yo ur b an d ?

Oh , t h e s tor y be h in d th e ba nd is a long one but I ’ l l shor t en it . Me and Ro b e r t we re in a ba n d c a l led The Boy Juda s when we were 18. It f el l a pa r t e ve n tua l l y a n d I we n t t o NYU f or a f e w semest ers, R ober t and G a r y t ook a road tr ip to Ca lif or nia. We were al l w r it ing songs, it t ur ns o u t , a n d wh e n th e y c a me bac k 2 mont hs lat er, we st ar t ed jamming in my ro om on B roadway a n d 10th S t . S oon we were play ing in Union S quare, Wa sh i n g ton S qua re a n d th e subway, and soon af t er, show s! It al l went f rom t h e re, t wo or th re e c r a z y demos, t wo self produced EPs lat er, we ’re h e re. We jus t fin is h e d our first LP “Amer ic an Pain” and it ’ l l be avail a b l e i n Ja n ua r y.

W he re di d t h e n am e T h om as Wes le y S ter n com e f rom ? Th e n a m e c om e s from Ga r y, J oe, and R ober t ’s midd le names arr anged t o f o r m th e ful l n a me of a man.

H ow

wou l d

you

d es cr ib e

yo ur

mus ic?

O u r mus ic c on s is ts of h omemade songs t hat we share w it h our f r i e n d s a n d play. We tr y to t el l an int imat e st or y w it h our l y r ics.

W ha t Th e

i n sp i re s

h a ppe n in g s

of

yo u

e ve r yday

lif e;

to

fist

create

fight s,

weed

mus ic?

and

sex.

H ow do yo u go a bou t w r i tin g mus ic f o r T h om as Wes le y S ter n ?

Th e mus ic is w r itte n f or th e band in many w ay s. S ongs al l st ar t wit h on e o f th e s in ge rs , a n d e ve n t ual l y, by t he t ime t he songs finished, e v e r yon e h a s c on tr ibute d s om et hing, usual l y at least t heir own inst r um e n t a l pa r ts . L e t ’s s ay B J a nd G ar y st ar t a song t oget her, t hat means a l y r i c s ta r te d in on e of th e ir heads and t he y agreed on what it means a n d b u ild l y r ic s from th e re. S omet imes I add t he ending and may be a b r i d ge, or s ome time s I jus t s ing w it h t hem in t he c hor us. O t her t imes I ’ l l w r i te pa r t of a s on g a n d t he y add verses, or somet imes I w r it e t he w h o l e t h in g a n d th e n th e y a l l add t heir inst r ument s t o it .


W ha t

is

life

like

in

th e

b an d ?

L i f e in th e ba n d is like a ny ot her lif e, except imbued t hroughout w i t h mus ic . Workin g pa r t-t ime, pr act icing at night ; t r aveling on we e k e n ds , s om e time s goin g on longer t r ips ( mini-t ours) .. We play b a r s, c h urc h e s , c on c e r t h a l ls, venues, nursing homes, you name it , we ’re th e re. We jus t in fus e music int o e ver y t hing we do. T he main t a sk of lif e in a ba n d is be ing honest wit h one ot her and st r aight f or w a rd a bout our f e e lin g s .. n ot let t ing any t hing bot t le up or rot inside.

W ha t

doe s

mus ic

m ean

to

yo u?

M u si c m e a n s th e tr a n s la tion of unsay ing f eelings int o sonic lan g u a ge s ; ta kin g th e f e e lin g of somet hing and making it comprehend t h ro u gh r hy th m a n d bre a th; say ing words in phr ases diff erent el y f rom h ow you would s ay i t in regular conversat ion. Tr anscending b o u n d a r ie s , phy s ic a l a n d met aphy sic al.

W ha t

are

ot h e r

th in gs

yo u

en joy

to

do?

We se a rc h f or mus h room s and fungi, and c at c h lit t le liz ards and t u r t l e s you fin d in Ne w Je rse y. We ’re real l y int o w r it ing poet r y and st u d y in g e c olog y.. h a n g in g out and play in’ pool!

De s cr i be A

m an

yo u r

s elf

in

who

ma kes

5

wo rd s . music.

If yo u c o u l d j u m p in th e air at th e m om en t an d s cre a m som e t h i n g e ver yon e w ith in a 15 m ile r a d i us wou l d h e a r, w h at wo uld yo u s cream ? I wo uld s c re a m... “ LOV E

YO URS ELF

Yo u’re st u c k e r, wh a t fi ve G u i t a r,

wa te r,

e xtr a

AND

OT H ERS

on th in gs

s t r ings,

an a

WI LL

is lan d wo uld yo u

not ebook,

and

FO LLOW ”

a

f o re vb r in g?

fr iend.

Wo rds of wi sdom t o i m p ar t to yo ur f el low as pir in g mus ician s . I ’m n ot ve r y wis e but I wil l say ; speak from your hear t and t r y not t o h u r t oth e rs with your c un n ing. Use it f or benefit s and t r y t o live an e ve n , s a n e lif e to h e lp a n d aff ect t hose c losest around you. T he wor ld w i l l n ot c h a n ge top down , but from t he bot t om up. — f r om t he mind of Joseph Ma ko viecki


P ic t ured from lef t to r i ght: Jo s eph M ako viec ki, Gar y Mayer, R o b er t Jac ks on , Jam es Bl ac k

Fo r m o r e T ho m as Wes l e y Ste r n f a c e b o o k . c o m / t h o m a s w e s l e y s t e r n http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/hope-folk/id432976107 h t t p : / / s o u n d c l o u d . com/thomaswesleystern

ph o to cred it in o rd er o f f ea tu re: unkno w n, Tra vi s Ta n n ay, Co ur tne y J ane, Li e b Mathie son


Con s t a nt convers ation of daydream desola te. Fo rc e d i mager y vi ct imizing t hose f e w lef t s ta n d in g, rom a n tics . S t ar i n g conte s ts wit h yet anot her end of a b ottl e p rom is in g d ark c i rc le s , e phe m er al re g rets and a blurre d cons cience b u t we cr ave tho s e r are moment s of an ar tis tic s ol ace ; h owe ve r m in u te. T he m oment o f p u re t hought met t imel y u n d e r s ta n d in g. Clar i t y ; a m i r rored i mage of what ought t o be, if on l y. An d oh , i f onl y. . Voc a b u lar y phr as e s r idding our minds c lea n o f t h e fam o us “once upon a t ime ” fair y t ale b e g in n in g s l eav i n g to o m any c linging a scum fil led en d in g ; ye t s ome whe re along t he road, it has bec ome h om e to m e. . . a nd I al way s f orget t o w ipe my f eet at th e d oor be f o re I i nvi te my self in; e m o ti onal f o o t p r int s my t r uest sense of p re s e n ce. As we conti nue this dance of memor y laps e in ne e d o f s om ething we were ne ver t r ul y s u re of, c li ng i n g f o r an answer one seem onl y w it n e s s , d ur i n g ano ther i n bet ween whisk e y dr iven d ayd re a m . An d oh , how the wor ld needs more dreamer s . . b u t t he li nger i ng s t enc h of a f er ment ed t on g u e g row s e x h a u s tin g ! S o w h ere have the dreamers gone? Con fus i on marki ng it s presenc e, t ime and a g a in l i ke a de s er vi ng s mac k t o t he hear t m a rki n g a le s s on our parent s hoped we ’d n e ve r have to lear n. I f or get what i ’m say ing while voicing it ; as i f s om e o the r version of self had t ak en o ve r. I h ave ne ver b een t o k een on w r it ing “ hap py p oe tr y ” a n d , as m ore d ay s p as s , t he lesser of t he fr ust r a tion l in ge r s . Co uld i t b e, i ’ve f ound t he end of w hat seem e d , n e ve r e n d in g tu n n e l to h op e ? I ’ve f ound my s e lf in t he midst of st ar ing c on te s ts w ith ce il in g s a n d r un on s ente nces o ver t hrowing my proper g r a m m a r ; t h o ug hts s p i l li ng t heir way int o my bed, r a p in g m y l in e n s . H a ve I g rown i ns p ired? How dare she! An d li ke c lo c k wo rk , he ret ur ns t o me. Oh h ow m em o r y has a way of bec oming mu rd e re r to a m oon l it rom a n ce and w hy i s i t we al w ay s remember t he f orgotte n on c e t he s un has d ecided he need us, no m o re?


word s by s h e e l u v,

ph otog r a ph by ta i d e k en n ed y


c ol l abora t i o n pho to s to r y


ph otog raph y by

janine s tengel

.

layout by she eluv


Th e h u m a n c on dition is th a t we a re individuals in relat ionship, and t here are t e n si on s b e t we en in div idua lit y a n d relat edness. A humanist spir it ualit y is not on e o f c om pl e t e d e pe n de n c e, n or of c om plet e independence — neit her condit ion c an b e d e f e n d e d a s pr ima r y. R a th e r, a h umanist spir it ualit y is one of int erdependence. — Jone Johnson Le w i s


An idea th a t is developed a nd put i nto acti on is m o re important th a n an idea th a t e x i sts onl y as an idea. —

Buddha


We are in a r ac e b et ween cooperation a n d catastrophe, an d the threa t is outrunning our res pon s e. —

S am

Nu nn


An wo r ld

u nf a i r is a n

unsustainable w o r l d .


— Su nita Na ra in: India n envir onmenta list & polit ic al a ctiv i st


Go ver nments th e sh oeshi ne

boy s

ha ve f or t r a n sn a t i on a l

b e c om e cor p o r a tion s .

— Mni m o B a ss e y : D i r e cto r o f Fr i end s o f the E ar th Inte r nati o nal


A s h u m an be i n gs, o u r g r ea t nes s l ies no t s o m u ch i n bei n g able to r e m a ke t h e w o r l d. . .


..that i s t h e m y t h o f t h e a to m i c a ge as i n be i n g abl e to r em a ke o u rs el ves . — Moha nda s K. Ga ndhi


RYA N

L O U G H B R I D G E


m

u

l

t

i

m e d i a

jo ur nal i s t.

i nte r vi e w by bl ake le wis


The Co lo r ado r ai se d, L o s Angeles b ase d a w a rd wi n n i n g M u l t i m ed ia Jour na li s t , R yan L o u g h r i dge, m ay b e i n h i s m e re m i d- t we n t i es , b ut if yo u’d ha ve se e n h i s work p r io r to this know le dge, yo u’d e x p e c t a S en io r w it h ma ny ye ar s o f e x p e r i e n c e un d er his b e lt . L ou g h r i dge won a B ron z e me d a l i n t h e 6 4 t h An n u al CP OY con t e s t w h i l e at t e n di n g B rooks Instit ut e & a t t e n de d t h e XXI I I Ed d ie Ada ms Wo rk sh op u p on g r adu ation ; among ma ny o t h e r p re st e g i ou s A s a lo ve r o f ph ot og r a phy, fi l m , p a in tin g, skat e b o a rd i n g, t r ave l , c u l t u re s, h is to r y, mus i c, t h e ou t doo r s.. L o u g hr id ge find s i ns p i r at i on i n a l l a sp e c t s of lif e. “ I a i m t o c re a t e vi su al l y st un n in g mul t i me d i a . W h e t h e r i t be pho to g r aphy, d e s i g n , fi l m , or au di o, I w an t to b low t he m i n ds o f a nyon e who exp e r i e n ce s my wo rk . I st r i ve f o r excellence. S e lf ex p re ssi on i s h e l d in th e hig h e s t o f m y re g ards. ” L ou g hr id ge sho o t s t o b e n d t h e r u l e s o f ar t an d mo ve me nt , wh i l e i n c or p o r a t i n g th at w hi c h i s t he h u m an e x p e r i e n c e & Fu ne r a l Pa r ad e h ad t h e o p p o r t u n it y to c ap t ure a b i t of t h i s ph ot og r a ph er f o r your v i e w i n g p l e asu re. For r y

a

ad di t i on al n l o u g

h

i n q uir ies : . c o m


Was th e re a thi nk, “hey

pict u re yo u I could

t o ok be

a

that

m ade you ph o t o g r a ph e r ”?

I d on’t k n ow if th e re we re a s a specific phot o t hat I t ook when I first st ar t e d o u t t h a t m ade m e th in k th a t. B ut I w as definit el y invol ved in a lif est y le t hat pu sh e d m e towa rds th e vis ua l a r t s. S kat eboarding and snow boarding is fil led w i t h a r t i sts , mus ic ia n s , vide og r aphers and phot ogr aphers.

W hat is mo st impo r t a n t t o yo u w h e n c o m p o s i ng a p i c t u re ? I ’m al way s t r y i n g t o e xplore fr a min g a n d n egat ive space. I also t end t o al w ay s ut iliz e t he r u l e o f t h irds to th e e xtre me.

Ho w would yo u d e scr ib e yo u r s t y l e ? Most of my educ at ion is based in t he

re a l m o f tr adition a l ph oto jour nalism, w hic h speaks about t he moment and i n c l u d e s mos t of th e 5 W ’s : wh o, what , when, where, and why. But I t hink m y e ye st r i ve s m ore f or a n a r tis tic approac h.

W hat, out sid e o f ph o t o g r a ph y, i ns p i re a nd i nf l u e nc e yo u r wo r k ? Musi c , I w i sh I c ould be a mus ic ian. I dabble here and t here, I play guit ar, b u t I ’m n o t a b out to go on tour a ny t ime soon. I also lo ve t o skat e and play in t h e m o u n t a i n s a ny tim e I c a n .

W hat les so n s h a ve yo u b e e n ab l e t o t a k e f ro m c o m p e t i t i ve s no w b o a rding and a ppl y t o t h e ph o t o g r a ph y wo r l d? I was st il l young when I was

i nvo l ve d i n s n owboa rdin g a s a n at hlet e. I know it t ur ned me int o muc h mo re o f a c om p e titive pe rs on a n d I ’ve c arr ied t hat w it h me int o t he prof essional re a l m o f vis ua l me dia .

Name you r t o p 5 f a vo r it e pho t o g r a ph e r s . Eddie Adams, Mat t Mal lams, A l B e l l o, Nic k Ut, Jaoa S il v a , Rober t Fr ank.

W ho i s th e b e st No r we g ia n D e a t h M e t a l b a nd i n yo u r mu s i c c o l l e ct ion? Yo u me a n B lac k M e ta l? I lo ve T he E mperor! E xplai n th e t r ad it io n a l ska t e b o a rd ph o t o a nd h o w yo u a p p ro ac h t he genre? W h a t a re yo u t r y in g t o do di f f e re nt l y a nd w h a t t r adi t i o ns d o you find impo r t a n t ? We l l, I don’t know if I ’ve e ver seen a “t r adit ional ” sk a t e ph o to. I de fin ite l y tr y a n d st ay aw ay from t he ‘guy in t he sky ’ phot o. It ’s a l w ay s g re a t to h a ve a poin t of ref erence in t he image. W it hout it , t here ’s n o w ay f o r t h e v ie we r to s e e h ow big/far/long t he at hlet e is going. L at el y I ’ve b e e n pl ay i n g a lot with lig h tin g and using t hat t o get a dr amat ic f eel.

W hat ath le t e wo u ld yo u ph o t o g r a ph i f yo u h ad t h e c h a nc e t o m o r ro w mor ning? Oh ma n ! Te rje H a akønsen, and hopeful l y I ’d get some powd e r sl a sh e s i n with th e le ge n d of s nowboarding while I was at it .

Is C hr i s An d e rso n o f t h e Nu g ge t s t h e r adde s t p l aye r i n t h e N B A ? W hy ? H is lo ve a ffa ir a n d s tor y w it h Color ado is awesome. He just lo ve s pl ay i n g f or th e Nug ge ts . An d h ave you seen t hat nec k t at t ? G NARLY


Transcribing a State of Reflection Matthew D. Rowe July 30, 2011 From several thoughts past.

I’m tired of being vulnerable, Too soft to be vulnerable. I’m tired of not being gullible, Too logical to be gullible. I’m tired of being alone, Doing the dishes dance With one bowl, One plate, A fork, spoon, chopsticks, Colander on occasion, Sometimes a boiling pot. I can cook Wilfred Owen’s unwilling armies Mashed potatoes, Chicken stir-fry, Grits in wok if you want, Battle food! But I don’t, Because it’s only me. I have two bowls, four plates, Countless cutlery, sharp bread knives, Tupperware enough to build an igloo that’ll outlast mankind. These legs could dance all night long With soap, sponge, and soggy noodles. Salsa, tango, slow romantic step, 1, 2, 3, turn 5, 6, 7, squeeze, excrete, Drain sink. I’m tired, Of climbing ladder no follower, Empty, cold and stale sheets, Pillowcases smelling of rank, greasy face, Flaky scalp, One all too familiar. I’m tired, Of waking up hugging self, Holding phallus erect & dry. Cradling Leaves and Cosmopolitan Greetings like infants. Ought to dance with them in sink. Put it next to bread knife, Make for good company, A dance or two at least. I’m tired, Of the strangers occupying the corners, Spies, narcs, cowards. Trained not to spill, I’ll show you, I’ll squash you!


Then I get to sympathize, at least. And at least I have another mess to clean, A different dance. Spies, narcs, cowards, Keep being so. I need you to keep me sane. You’re the ones I count on, To make messes of the corners, The deep, dark places no man dares explore. You teach me new things. You keep me tired. You keep me vulnerable. It doesn’t translate, But you do your best. I tell myself you won’t come back. Convinced I am, I hate you for it. But then, Then you culprit-spy-narcissist-coward-patron, You come back. Bigger. Stronger. Just as patient. You keep me on my toes, And my napkin surplus plentiful. In the corners & underneaths you occupy, I love you there. But when you peek those weary heads about, Spy while I’m dancing, Feeding tired ink-blot remnants of the brave, Conspiring against the impenetrable past I feel you. I get nervous, I don’t like you staring, Mind your own business, Watch the news or something, Gang of Six jargon-spittle-back-and-forth, Babykillers glorified, let off hook, reality show to come, Check your stocks, Apple richer than America, I’m dancing! And I have to kill you there. I kill you to be in charge. I kill you, Because I’m vulnerable, Too soft to be vulnerable. Because I’m not gullible, Too logical to be gullible.

What then, Can I be? But a solo dancer. Conspiring, Alone, Tired, Helpless, Patient.


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