London Calling to the Underworld

Come out the cupboard, you boys and girls! This week for our porn explorations, we ask ourselves what would British Gonzo look like? Well, the answer to that question lies in the work of Ben Dover, our very own national gonzo hero. Using his 1997 effort London Calling, we will observe this man's antics, what tricks he has up his sleeve and how they differ from his US counterparts. So strap in, pour yourself a beverage and let off some sexual steam. The XXX feature is about to begin.

First scene goes down, I'm not sure I like what I'm seeing and I half want out of this one. Where am I and how can I leave? It's as though Jay from The Inbetweeners has grown up a bit and has inevitably moved on to shooting porn with a couple of dedicated horny followers. In this opener, a young foreign woman has barely been in the country five minutes and Ben Dover and his troop have swarmed in on her already. Doesn't take them long to get out their cocks and masturbate in front of this female visitor. That room reeks of bad vibes. It's a sausage fest in there. Not that I'm against the whole multiple guys on one chick thing, I've seen some females turn the tables during that act and own it. Here though the female in question is clearly not the one in power for most of the intercourse. Only towards the end does she look like she's enjoying herself. Assume it's written that way but doesn't stop it feeling any less uncomfortable. A ritualistic hello and welcome to this country from Ben Dover and his merry horndogs. Disgusting. At least wait til she's seen St Paul's Cathedral first come on.

After a horrendous start, this Ben Dover character begins to grow on me in the same love/hate way you feel towards any kind of semi famous British icon. He fits in to that bracket of celebrity that could be advertised as appearing in your local clubs doing meet and greets and DJ sets. Your Phil Mitchell's, your Hodor's, your Beasts, your MC Devvo's. Those that turn up year on year out. To be specific I was getting strong Tim Westwood vibes. When he finally hits the road and kicks off his road trip in a shitty '90s banger of a car, causing mischief as he goes, vandalising street signs, I couldn't help but notice his charm win me over.

Adding to the Tim Westwood vibe, I googled this Ben Dover geezer, which revealed him to be born in 1956. Don't need to be a mathematician to work out that makes him 41 when he shot this. Forty One fucking years old. Somebody please tell me why on earth is he acting like a thirsty sixth former? Another case study for how time and age doesn't affect some people. Don't know what he behaves like now in 2022 but I assume this fucker hasn't changed at all. He's still got his pervert credentials. No chance he's handed his badge in yet. You can just tell. Is he the rare type we need to protect at all costs or someone in need of a visit from Charles Bronson's The Mechanic character? All I know is that Tim Westwood comparison was spot on. These two will be 'daggering yats' til the day they die. Time can't change them. They don't care how old are they are. They don't care if the publics watching. They are wet wrongens

By the second sex scene of London Calling, you have the style pretty much figured out. Thank God though, this follow up fuck plays out smoother than the first. This time, Dover and a friend pretend to be a "Eurosleaze" TV news crew interviewing Wimbledon fans. They lure a professional looking, sports addicted kitted out blonde baddie and take her to a nearby hotel to find out more about tennis. As you might have guessed, they're not all that interested in the boring sport of tennis and quickly advance this get together in to an orgy. Based on this, I'd have to say Ben Dover and his posse are definitely the type to fall in to the camp of people who would criticise David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest for its lengthy tennis sections. Nope, they wouldn't care for those at all. Despite my frustrations at the woman's tennis head band coming off during sex (pissed me off royally), it was undeniable that this scene is a massive improvement. Instead of obnoxiously uncomfortable, the tone switches to acceptably cheeky in very British fashion. Mr Dover will change the situation from innocent to mischief and repeatedly say, "I'm just being a little bit naughty".

Going in to auteur mode, if Buttman's subject of choice is the ass, then Ben Dover's stylistic signature is two cocks in a female's mouth. Honestly, that's his go to finishing move every time. A potentially very masculine 'dudes rule' image. Although, it improves inter male threesome politics, it's one that's never really going to be approved by hard line feminists. Still, I found this man's whole demeanour to be that of a juvenile infant hence why it was hard to be offended. Far too stupid and silly to be taking seriously. His view of the world is that of a young boy discovering sex for the first time. As a result, his form of cinema retains that adolescent mindset, which is hard not to be amused and won over by. The guys some 41 year old loser with the mind of a child. You'll find it pathetically puerile originally but in the end the youthful giddieness converts you in to a fan. I fought it off for as long as I could.

Other scenarios we have include mock interviews serving as auditions for forming a fictious pop girl band like Spice Girls. Die hard spicers will know instantly '97 was also the year Spice World was released. A film in which they say big Withnail Richard E. Grant was robbed of an Oscar. In the scene in question, the female looks like Mel B, so Scary Spice stans will be happy. Naturally, Ben Dover rocks up like, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends" and makes this another male dominated event. This is what he does.

Music culture plays a big part in the background of London Calling. Whenever, Ben Dover and his boys are driving round in that shitty car of theirs, it comes across like Brian Welsh's Beats in which characters travel to secret locations for free parties. They unwind and twist their bodies rhythmically in to all sorts of crazy positions to tracks like Leftfield's 'Song of Life'. Except with these guys it's secret locations for sexual activities. The bodies moving rhythmically in crazy positions still applies. You know how much has been said about how in Master and Commander, the ship and all the events that place there are supposed to represent Albion? I'm gonna pretend that the shitty banger they drive in London Calling represents England in '90s and the death of the free parties scene in Easy Rider fashion.

Genuinely did love that whole hangout vibe to the movie and in true gonzo style it does have that first person feel. Is this our Dazed and Confused? An ode to day's gone by. The final sex sequence is an orgy at a gathering. Some absolutely insane accents on display here that sent my head for a spin. Usually why I tend to avoid any British things, takes me so out of it as it hits too close to home. The thing about Americans is they're like not real. They only exist in my television. What I couldn't deny though with these gang bangs though was that they had a real light and casual vibe about them. Made them seem as the direction all parties should take. Like it was the most normal thing in the world. I've been to many gaffs in my time and only one ever went this way. If this is how you party, give me a call, me and Juan Peterson will be straight round knocking at your door with a camera and a couple of mischievous smiles. The ice age is coming. The sun's zooming in!