JETFuel Magazine Spring 2016

Spring 2016: Issue 6

JETFuel Always late - never forgotten.

contents PAGE 2-3 Pace 4

contents The Way I look at is....

Pace 5 - 7 Editor’s Note Pace 8

New Year Art

Pace 9 - 12 Pace 13

Romantic valentine poems

Pace 14 - 16 Pace 17

Should I Stay or Should Go?

Through the ages

The Way I look at is....

pAce 18-23

Through the ages continued

pace 24-28

After Burners: Olivia

pace 29-33

The Pursuit of Happiness

pace 34

The Way I look at is....

pace 35-37

After Burners: Cian

contents pace 38-40

Private i

Pace 41-45

T-Time MUTHAS!

pace 46-50

Teacher, Friend or Somewhere in Between?

pace 51

The Way I look at is....

pace 52-55

After Burners: Kyle

pace 56 pace 57-62

BATTLE OF THE BINIS!

pace 63-65

After Burners: Laura

pace 66

Crazy Valentine Poems

pace 67-70 pace 71

The Way I look at is....

pace 72-81 pace 82

Journey to the Finals

Love and Science

Podcast Please

The Way I Look at is...

Unsinkable my arse! Dude, that was a freakin’ epic miracle!

The sinking of the Titanic was an epic miracle for all the lobsters in the kitchen.

I’m... so... cold Jack

They’ll probably make an epic feel-good film about it one day

Really?!

I’m sweating balls here!

Editor’s Note Roll up, roll up! Welcome one and all to JETFuel Spring 2016! Always late, never forgotten!

Come marvel at wonders you could seldom dream of!

Spectacular articles! ALT freaks from bygone eras! Exotic creatures, the likes never seen in these climes before - such as the

As ever FJETs of Fukui, keep

famed eagle-eyed parrot fish!

writing, keep contributing,

Freakish mutants such as funny

without you it is nothing.

little man-boys - heads of men grafted onto the bodies of

Congratulations, comments

children! You have been warned!

and complaints are gratefully received. Tell us what you like, what you don't like and what you want to see in future issues. We're here to serve you!

fukuijetfuel@gmail.com

Editor’s Note cont’d This is the 6th and final edition that I will be involved in the production of. My last hurrah, my last ride, oh how time flies! Since I arrived here as a mere slip of a lad nigh on 5 year ago, whilst quaffing a fine ale in my local tavern, I oft heard rumours and dark whispers of a great being known only as... JETFuel!

But now with heavy heart and moist eyes I must relinquish my control of my fiery feathered-friend, who helped me survive so many dark and lonely winters in the abandonment of the cold wastelands north of the wall in Katsuyama, where seldom few ALTs dare to venture anymore.

However, this mythical-being proved to be just that – a myth! Not a sighting for 6 years!

For 6 years it lay dormant, forgotten, abandoned. But myself and a stout-hearted gentleman going by the name of Kenneth Balla (for that was his name), decided we would not stand for this neglect of local talent and high art.

And so, together we toiled in the fiery ruins of the Fukui underworld, battling balrogs of bureaucracy, cretins of censorship and demons of decency until from our own sweat, blood and fears, like the famed phoenix of Fukui, JETFuel rose from the ashes, flew free from the flames and beat it’s fiery wings, gilding the fine city of Fukui with light (entertainment), in what would become known as the JETFuel Phoenix Years, in which 6 mighty issues were created and consumed by men (and women), 6 issues to rule them all!

Alas, I remember when little JET Fuel Junior first smiled back at its newly formed proud father team of Kenny and I, and then how we received our first emails of complaint and proudly pinned them up on the fridge. How we struggled as first-time parents learning and making shit up as we went along.

Then the darker times, when Kenny left us a broken mono-fathered family. But not for long! As with the new dawn Nicole bounded into our lives. I remember how together we taught Jr. to ride its first bike, and how uncle Ryan gave it a much needed make-over that stopped the other webzines making fun of it in the cyber playground.

Editor’s Note cont’d But… again these halcyon days were short-lived, and once again our little JETFuel family was cruelly ripped apart as Nicole absconded leaving me to bring it up all on my own. Of course I had friends contributing and together we managed to raise a strapping confident young issue, that I was proud to call my own.

But the toils of singleparenthood soon started taking their toll, so with a heavy heart I sat little Jr. down and explained how I had no other choice, that the powers that be had decreed- no! forced me to put it up for adoption.

After we dried our tears I reached out to the new intake of ALT talent, searching for a reputable

parenting team, a reliable, safe and capable pair of pair of hands (not a typo!), two sharp-minded, intelligent, eloquent and highly respected members of the ALT community, but in the end I settled for Angela Hinck and Dillon Davis, or Hinky & Dave-o as they preferred to be called.

Anyway, credit where credit is due, they said they were ready and able to take on the responsibilities of the tiny delinquent tyke that is JETFuel, and so it leaves me with only one thing to say…

Haha! Suckers! I'm outta of here losers!

Simon Wouldyoubelieveitsbeen5years

See you!

by Bronwen McDonald

Romantic Valentine Poems That Were Definitely Not Written By Students Roses are red Violets are blue There is important person for me It is you

Roses are red Violets are blue I want your life Do you love me too?

Roses are red Violets are blue You cook lunch & dinner for me So I need you Roses are red Violets are blue Love is in the air Roses are red

So I miss you

Violets are blue I will tell you words...

I love you

Roses are red Violets are blue I give you happy Please give me you

Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like you, but you are a good friend It's true

By Sam Baldwin [Look what we found! An article from the archives! A JETFuel comprehensive history written by an ALT of yore] Have you ever wondered how it all began? What JETfuel was like in the early days? What JETs of the past were writing about all those years ago?

No? I didn’t think so.

I, on the other hand, have. I wanted to know if we had always been bitching about the same old shit, if Engrish had always been this funny, and if JETfuel had always been the quality publication that it is today.

So, to answer my questions, I entered the amazing world of the recently compiled JETfuel archives. Pouring through dusty old back issues, I was able to peer into the media time machine that is now the only link we have to those pioneering Fukui JETs of days gone by.

At this early stage, possibly due to the absence of regular internet access, JF seemed to be more of a newsletter than magazine, serving a similar purpose to what we now call the FJET email group. The design was basic and rather than having a fixed editor, the role was passed from person to person each month.

The bulk of the content was largely announcements for meetings, parties, festivals and other social business, as well as classified ads listing items for sale. In fact, editorial content was fairly minimal and tended to consist of Japan-related newspaper clippings taken from national papers, rather than material written by JETs.

Here’s what I found...

1994-1997 The Birth of JETfuel?

Unfortunately, due to large gaps in the archives, our “JETfuel: The Complete Collection” isn’t as complete a collection as we’d like it to be.

The earliest issue that we have dates back to June 1997.

This is extremely rare, and copies in good condition have been sold to collectors on ebay for as much as ¥125.

However, an article inside this very issue hints that JETfuel existed at least as far back as 1994, though how much longer before this, it is impossible to say.

A rare 1997 edition of JF, the earliest on record

Check out the intricate art work on this 1999 edition

1999 The Take Over In the three years that followed, JETfuel followed a similar vein, but began to pick up a few JET-written articles in addition to the announcements.

Previously, JETfuel had been distributed to all JETs in Fukui, regardless of their membership to Fukui AJET (FJET), but a crackdown on non-payers caused a drop in circulation, since only fully paid-up

members were sent a copy.

During this period, a “few angry phone calls” regarding offensive material were placed to the higher powers that be, who then put pressure on the editors to “tone it down”. This spurred a plea to “save the JET Fuel” by ‘Jeffu’, the editor of the time. In his editorial introduction, he stated “Sure, The Fuel has been offensive in the past, but it had fire. It had life. That’s what made it worth reading”.

JETfuel May 2006: The Final Frontier

2000 - Back With A Vengeance Well, Jeffu needn’t have worried, because following the plea, a year later in 2000, a new improved formula spawned a series that was titled “Jet Fuel - The Ugly American”. At this stage, an entire editorial team created the mag, with no less than 8 people involved, each working on a different department.

Funkier cover designs gave the magazine a better aesthetic, and the quality of the content vastly improved due to increased submissions from JETs. It was during this period that JF began to resemble the magazine that we see today. Tales such as “The Day Kyoto Sensei Called me a Fucking Asshole”, and “Work Hard, Play Hard, Wank Hard” along with movie and music reviews, set the tone.

2001 - The Life and Times of Jon B? In 2001, a JET named Jon B., who is thought to be still lurking in Fukui took editorial control of the magazine. Under his supervision, JF seemed to become “The Life and Times of Jon B.” with about 50% of the editorial content written by him. His style was one of amusing sexual innuendo, (and often not a lot of innuendo) which tended to revolve around wanking, blow jobs in hostess bars, and massages in Thailand, with articles such as “How to Hide an Erection When You’re at Work”. Though the content was a little more racy during this period, the layout and design were crude, with the mag losing the style from the previous editors, and resembling the earliest JETfuel newsletters once again.

2002 - Lady in da house In 2002 The Fuel took on a distinctly feminine direction, with a single woman taking the reigns. Gone were stories about wanking, and in their place came articles such as “Do I Really Want a Japanese Man?” along with copious numbers of poems. A series called “My Predecessor’s Journal” was run during this period which claimed to be the lost and found diary of a previous JET, revealing the confessions of an ALT. It was also around this time that we began to see the first appearance of Engrish, though it was never published in its raw form. Traditional Japanese art was used for the covers, which, though better than many of the previous designs, was somewhat unoriginal.

2003 - The Golden Era In the summer of 2003 two males, one American (Tanner Blackman) and one British (Stuart Butchers), took on the editorship, and gave it a nitro-boost of testosterone.

JETs of this period recall it as somewhat of a golden era for the magazine, which saw it finally coming into its own. With Kim Daniels on board as cover designer, the JETfuel aesthetic underwent a complete transformation. Her controversial artwork was cool, eye catching and often offensive, but it gave JETfuel an edgy look and distanced it from the feminine flavours of the previous editor.

The content also showed a marked increase in quality and quantity, and the layout was clean and easy to read.

However, this part of JETfuel’s history will always be remembered for one article that spawned huge controversy throughout the editors’ reign.

Published in their very first issue and entitled “A Tragedy of Monumental Proportions”, the article opened with: “Just a quick question; why do JET girls have such fat asses?”. It went on to say: “It is easy to distinguish female JETs from a great distance simply by the size of their massive asses, which pin crowds of Japanese to the walls as the girls walk by”, and finished by encouraging the “women of Fukui to look in the mirror” and “avoid that extra helping of gyoza”.

JETfuel May 2006: The Final Frontier

The byline given with the article was an anonymous “Concerned Admirer”, but though the identity of the author was never revealed, suspicions were pinned on Tanner Blackman, one of the editors of the time, as this response shows:

“Dear Editors Fuck you Tanner, you little Bitch. I know you wrote that shit, you spineless motherfucker. If you got something to say, say it to my face, you cowardly little piece of shit.

You better watch your back, punk. You think it’s funny to talk shit about something you know nothing about, huh?

You think it’s cool to just wantonly insult people to make yourself feel better? Is your cock really that small?

2005 – The Time is Now Thus brings us to the present era of JETfuel. THE MEDIA team was made up of editors Sam Baldwin and Lewis Packwood with artist Caitlin Hansen who gave JF a new look with her distinctive and quirky style. The design of the mag also underwent considerable changes, such as the introduction of the column layout and heavy use of images (thanks Google!) to make it look more like a “proper magazine”. The mag steadily gained weight, with issues hitting an all time high of 88 pages. Regular columnists, features and interviews, along with JETfuel’s first regular cartoon strip “The CHOsen one” were also seen during this time. Distribution was increased by including the UFO teachers in the fold, and the online version was launched allowing global access to all articles.

Anonymous” The article spawned a huge back lash from female JETs, which forced a written apology from the editors, but also generated and a number of great reprisal articles, which kept the magazine packed with angry essays for the period.

2004 - Let the good times roll In Summer 2004, our very own Flick Stevens, and former JET Mary Perkins brought a womanly calm to JETfuel, whilst at the same time continuing to uphold the high standards set by the previous editors. Kim Daniels made JETfuel history by retaining her position as cover designer for a second year, but came under fire by pushing the limits of taste with slogans such as “Merry Curitorisu”, and “Go Fuck Yourself” splashed across the covers. On the inside though, the “Great Ass Debate” had subsided, giving way to less controversial content. During this period there was a stark increase in the amount of unadulterated Engrish, and a three-part fictional story was also published.

Fomer JETfuel artist Kim Daniels came under fire for her controversial “Merry Curitorisu” and “Go Fuck Yourself” covers, but it gave JETfuel an new edgy look.

The Future - To Infinity and beyond?

So what does the future for JETfuel hold? A full colour glossy magazine? Corporate Advertising? National distribution and a free portion of natto with every issue?

Who can say, but we look forward to passing on the baton to the next generation, letting them raise the bar, and taking the “The Fuel” to the next level of excellence.

Hey Sam, this is the ghost of JETFuel present.. oooooooooh!

In answer to your questions…

Sort of, kinda, no, no.

Read on to find out what happened to JETFuel…

Current JETfuel artist Caitlin Hansen JETfuel May 2006: The Final Frontier made her mark with her quirky style, as seen in this 2006 edition

in JETFuel:The Phoenix Years!

The Way I Look at is...

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don’t know what either of those things are.

Kids!

The good news is we’re going on vacation...

The bad news is you’re gonna need to pack your orange jumpsuits

Through the Ages: Rise of the Phoenix [Archive update: Continuing on from where Sam left off - JETFuel through the ages] 2006- The Wilderness Years Not much is known about the sudden dearth of publications from 2006-2011. Had JETFuel burnt itself out? Had the JETFuel tanks run dry? Or had Fukui reading public finally had enough of the crude and brash nature of the publication?

2012 - Rise of the Phucking Phoenix: Issue 1!

Then... BOOM! “We’re back mother fuckers!” came the poorly censored front page announcement after a 6 year barren spell.

And the phoenix diddith rise from the ashes under the stewardship of Kenny Balla hailing from the US of A, and Simon Woodengate (sic) hailing often in the U of K. Self-confessed tech-tards they got stuck in and slapped together a not bad looking little 36 page ezine.

Balla brought his balls-to-the-wall I don’t give a fuck attitude and was responsible for the majority of the layout, complemented by Woody’s irreverent and inane (often insane) style evident in many of the feature articles.

Cover photo provided by Ryan Bockman.

This edition saw the usual inclusion of cafe reviews, sports reports, poetry, comics strips and competitions.

But more notably it also saw the birth of soon to be regular character contributors often hiding under aliases. It featured the debut expose by Private i Fukui’s ichiban private investigator, Premier League footballer Mario Balotelli parting words of wisdom in his problem page featureb Ask Mario, Claire Voyeur and her Horror-scopes, and even an interactive magazine game Survivor!

A superbly drawn Zero Like Me comic by Reuben Barrientes made an appearance giving the issue a touch of much needed class to compensate the first of the controversy that permanently seems to dog JETFuel.

The Controversy This issue constantly flouted the PG-13 rating that was a major proviso for JETFuel’s rebirth. Then hours before the phoenix was about to be released The Man cast down even more orders - absolutely no form of student work may be published, regardless of whether names were changed or hidden. This left a serious hole in the issue due to a planned article on this very subject. After a quick meeting the boys thought fuck it and published the article titled Hilarious Student Fuck-Ups, albeit with changed content in the form of inane exam questions that had been snuck past the Fukui censors.

2013 February- The Hyper Love Thieves: Issue 2 A JETFuel first? Possibly the first ever themed edition was unleashed in all its 44 pages of pinkness for a February valentine spesh.

Once again it was team Balla and Woodenspoon (sic) who continued steering JETFuel headlong into crude and controversial waters. Balla, once again responsible for the design layout, progressed form tech-tard to web-wizard by including a hyper link contents page. Woodenbowl continued with second comings of the character contributor features and added a new series of public announcement fake articles on health, education and fun facts. Private i, once again, popped his head above the parapet to snipe down another unsuspecting ALT. The cover photo was again supplied by Ryan Bockman. The professional touch was again provided by Reuben’s comics. But it wasn’t all repeats and some new sections were included in an attempt to drag JETFuel out of the gutter and into the forum of high art discussion.

These included an Arts and Culture section.

It also spookily saw Jonny “Nostradamus” Tat force Claire Voyeur into early retirement by predicting the Seattle Seahawks Superbowl win in the following year, in his article Fantasy Football!

The Controversy This issue saw the editors completely forget the censoring of bad language remit. After its publication thieving photos from facebook, publishing without consent, and public mockery were amongst the topics of several complaint letters that decorated the bottom of the JETFuel headquarters trash can and filled up the file marked Don’t Give a Fuck.

2013 Autumn - The Calmer Tides (Almost): Issue 3 Same year new team. Kenny Balla hung up his balls and stepped aside for Nicole Giaccone to team-up and form an all star Okuetsu based editorial team with Simon Woodenstake.

The thinnest edition of the rebirth series, but certainly not lacking in style.

The cover featuring Fukui’s ichiban exhibitionist ALT Martin naked being papped in a cornfield was accredited to Aaron Nathanson - which may not be accurate as I’m pretty sure he is in the actual photo he is supposed to have took.

Even though Ryan’s tennure as cover photographer was taken from him, he still had an influence in this editions aesthetics. Taking on the design work he upped the game and smashed it out of the park! A whole new professional look for this 21 page perusal fodder.

Balla may have relinquished his editorial hat, but he too was still a large presence in this edition.

Freed up from the design time constraints he put pen to paper and provided an interview with Fukui’s hottest music act the Tanbo Boys and a balls on the face comprehensive male sex toy review.

Woodenwheel again provided “witty” editorial comments and his usual padding of irreverent articles and tea-time quizzes. Ever the pioneer he introduced a new section dubbed F-Art* Corner featuring talented British F-Artists such as Malcolm Wellby. [*Fukui Art]

The Controversy Despite featuring a naked man on the cover, an extensive sex toy review, and flagrantly publishing high school student work, there was no controversy! The angelic Nicole warding off all potential complainers. ....Oh well!

FMust try harder!

2014 May - Raptors Farrrrrrt!: Issue 4 After 3 issues Simon finally delved into the world of design layout with mixed results. Nicole on only her second edition proved more adept when debuting her design skills.

Imprinting this 50 page bumper edition with his sticky maws Woodenspoon also provided the sakura themed cover photos.

This issue many long time listeners first time contributors with Ken D’Silva ode to a tissue box in Dear Tissue Box, Megan Svedman’s anger powered rant in Why I Am an Asshole, and Sophie Walker’s travel article on Syria Memories of Syria.

With the intrepid Fukui sports at their most active it featured a dedicated sports section reporting on the heroics of the frisbee team The Fukui Raptors and the... the... participation of the football team The Fukui Fist.

It also saw a second edition of F-Art - this issue’s theme Dinosaur F-Art. More adverts (even a genuine advert!) as Gavin satirised ALTs’ facebook flogging antics.

The Controversy It seems bullet-proof Nicole forgot her vest for this one.Complaints of publishing photos without consent, flagrantly displaying what most ALTs were up to during SDC by publishing the detailed defacement of several SDC handouts. The regular definitely not done by a student issue arising.

2015 March - The Full of Shit Issue: Issue 5 A gargantuan 69 page beast wrangled single handedly under the sole stewardship of Simon Woouldneverblowhisowntrumpet (lord knows he's tried, but nearly put his back out). An issue literally full of shit! From made up adverts and f-articles (fake articles), culminating in a f-article literally about shit that flirted with the outer borders of good taste and decency.

A veritable who’s who of regular ALT talent was cajoled and press-ganged by the current ringmaster Simon. And they didn't disappoint producing some of their best work to date.

Regular contributor Martin bowed out with some of his most unflinching powerful prose to date. It also saw the second and most intrepid edition of Stuart's Cycling Diaries.

Private I popped up out of retirement to lampoon another unsuspecting ALT, Erin graced us with a comprehensive Awara onsen guide.

A welcome return of Fun Facts with unicorns the feature this time around. This edition also saw the first ever inclusion of adverts, albeit fake ones. Ever-modest Simon Would-be-embarrassed to report the congratulatory comments received, such as when veteran reader Dan Lim said, "The best one yet!"

The Controversy Despite providing plenty of fuel for the complaint hungry masses - very little. It seems the ALT reading community had been conditioned to the Fuel's crass cruelty - or maybe no one was actually reading it anymore… !

Apparently one of Simon’s cheeky editorial comments caused a minor stir, but the complainant would not elaborate other than the cryptic, “You know what you did Simon.” !

Not even the veritable shit-storm that was expected to follow the poo-article was whipped up. Even slutty beluga whales, xenophobic stereotyping, a picture of Stuart in lycra shorts and stuff definitely not written by students, could arose any other complainers this time around. Victory for the Fuel?

2016 March - Simon’s Last Hurrah!: Issue 6 The idea of a super team was born, grooming the new generation to take over after Simon's long tenure finally comes to end. Two future editors in waiting Angela Hinck and Dillon Davies were included in the production, dipping their toes into the murky world of JETFuel production.

Angela debuting her design skills in a couple of articles and Dillon... well we think he might have finished something in the end. ;0) Issue 6 was another record-breaker - an 82 page colossus! Another Valentine’s themed issue despite being well over a month late! Contained yet another music world - world exclusive with the interview of gangsta rap duo T-Time.

Featured another batch of finely crafted penmanship definitely not written by students. As well as another dose of ALTs from yore sharing their wisdom - and even a valentine confession thrown into the mix!

But.... is this the end of an era? The last of the old guard vacating the ken? Editor and anonymous article contributor Simon’s last hurrah! Private i also signing off - albeit with cryptic clues to his secret identity...! Stuart’s last contribution as his article suggests, he heads off in The Pursuit of Happiness in different Asian climes!

But wait... do not fret, for a new era may be about to dawn. A raft of new talent also contributed to this very issue. Hippy Chick Amberly weighing in with a brace of fine articles, Kristina popping up with some common ALT ponder-fodder when tackling the age old question of Should I Stay or Should I Go? and young gun and creative writing enthusiast Evan took his journalistic penchant on tour with Battle of the Binis, so fear not Fukui reading public the future is bright!

The Controversy Well… we've done our bit, the rest is up to you!

What Next....?

For the next issue Simon finally abdicates the editor’s throne and Angela and Dillon will valiantly be replacing Simon's head on the chopping block. How will the new era of JETFuel continue... well this largely depends on you the readers and contributors... over and out.

Life After JET

AFTER BURNERS WHO ARE YOU?

Former Fukui legends from years gone by, share the wealth of their experiences, and answer some inane questions.

WHERE DID YOU SERVE YOUR TIME?

HOW LONG WAS YOUR SENTENCE?

Ono

1 years

FOLLOWING YOUR RELEASE BACK INTO THE WILD, WHERE HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING? In Chicago, working for a (wonderful!) non-profit called Upwardly Global as a job coach for highly-skilled immigrants and refugees

OLIVIA CASSIDY AMERICA 23

WHERE DO WISH YOU WERE, AND DOING WHAT? In Ono, having a kimchi nabe/ Mario Kart party with the Ono fam.

The Ono Family (and a few stragglers)

MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME

BANK ACC. NUMBER

PIN CODE

3-DIGIT SECURITY CODE

Peters

Ha

Ha

Ha!

LIFE IN JAPAN

WHAT IS YOUR ‘ONE THING TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE FUKUI/JAPAN’?

Fukui – rent a bike at the Katsuyama train station (for like 50Y) and bike up to Heisenji. It’s an uphill battle, but really awesome to do with friends on a spring day!

Japan – climb Tateyama and Hakusan in the fall (after Fuji, duh!).

Take a trip to Nagano in Jan/Feb to see the snow monkeys. Go to the fairy tale Sakura valley near Ono (can’t remember the name…) in the spring. Have barbecues at the watering hole in the summer.

FAVOURITE RESTAURANT IN FUKUI? Café Namecameono, in Ono. The sauce katsudon is a must! Also, enjoy alllll the kaiten-zushi while you can.

WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST AND LEAST ABOUT JAPAN? The beautiful drive out to Ono, riding my bike after school, how safe and polite everyone is, my cute students!!, sour apple gummies, negi-toro onigiris, Eigo café, LINE stickers (emojis are so boring in comparison…)

No central heating!! 

FAVOURITE JAPANESE WORD AND WHY?

FAVOURITE STUDENT MISTAKE

Otsukare samadeshita. I find myself wanting to say this to my friends and coworkers all the time – it’s not very easily translated, but it’s so useful to tell others you appreciate that they’ve worked really hard and done a really good job. Also, I like the –chan and –kun suffixes, because they’re just so kawaiiiii 

Not a mistake, but calling me Oribia-sensei was the cutest.

FAVOURITE JTE MISTAKE Making me teach a class of 2nd graders to call a rooster a cock.

She said cockerel!

FAVOURITE OWN JAPANESE FAUX-PAS

A.K.A.

When I told my students I did my grocery shopping at the shinkansen instead of the shinsenkan; when I mimed myself snuggling up in my tonkatsu, not my kotatsu; when I almost said in my goodbye speech, “Wakarimasen deshita,” (I didn’t know you) instead of “Wasuremasen deshita.” (I’ll never forget you) – (or something like that – help correct my Japanese Simon-sempai!!)

FAVOURITE ALT QUOTE

Gym Kit Soccer Star

Amanda’s sassy hijacking of the phrase “sumimaseeeeeeennnnn”

FUNNY/EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT ANOTHER ALT Not my place to tell!

FUNNY/EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT YOURSELF

Olivia Sensei

Oribia

Alyssa and I hiked Mt Hakusan in the summer, a bit too early in the season. It had been raining so the trails were very muddy/slippery, and there was still quite a bit of snow on the ground, so needless to say we – in our tennis shoes, sans walking sticks – were getting constantly tuttutted by all our well-meaning Japanese co-hikers. After maybe our 25th “Kiots-kete, ne!”, Alyssa and I stopped to catch our breath, and she decided to take a picture of the view. Being the comedic genius that I am, I thought it would be funny to jump up and photobomb her picture. As she snapped her photo I valiantly leaped, landed, and slid off the trail down the side of the mountain.

Luckily there were a lot of brambles/trees to catch me, so I didn’t slide too far. Alyssa was laughing too hard to come to my aide, so some scared-shitless gambatte-ing Japanesse obaa-chans pulled me up by my backpack. As the only foreigners on the mountain, Alyssa and I didn’t exactly make a great name for ourselves. But we did laugh about that time I fell off Hakusan for the rest of our 8 hour hike.

ONE REGRET Not hiking up the mountains around Ono to see the “floating castle” above the morning fog.

BEST MOMENT/EXPERIENCE IN JAPAN Really hard to pick; probably a tie between when my family came to Ono for Christmas and the ladies of my eigo café hosted us for an amazing lunch, and when my favorite 3nensei student made a speech to me completely memorized and in perfect English in front of the whole school at the goodbye ceremony.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN JAPAN

Hiking the 3 holy mountains.

BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WERE GIVEN It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

BEST ADVICE YOU CAN OFFER You’ll get as much as give – swallow any frustrations you have and try to connect as much as you can with others, particularly your students, fellow teachers, and ALTs near you. Doing so will make a world of difference in your JET experience!

DESCRIBE JAPAN IN 3 WORDS STARTING WITH “K” Kooky

Kind

Kawaii

GETTING PERSONAL

21. WHICH CURRENT/FORMER JET WOULD YOU LIKE TO...

Kiss

Give a dead arm to

Marry

Eeeeeehhh-to…

Anooo……

Cho-to….

22. DID YOU EVER HOOK-UP WITH A JAPANESE LOCAL? A lady never tells! [ And neither does Olivia! Tee-Hee ]

23. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ANIMALS WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE ATTACKED BY AND WHY? A shark in the sea

A croc in a river

A lion in the savannah

A lion. I saw a video yesterday of a lion cuddling a trainer, so…

24. WOULD YOU RATHER SHIT YOURSELF EVERY TIME YOU SAW A BANANA OR EVERY TIME YOU MET A MEMBER OF YOUR PARTNER'S FAMILY? Banana

25. IF YOU WERE JAPANESE, WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME BE? I asked some of my Japanese friends this, and they said Nozomi. (I only remember because it’s the name of one of the Shinkansen trains).

26. HOW WOULD YOU BEST DESCRIBE YOURSELF USING A FLAVOUR OF HERBAL TEA BAG? I.E ORANGE DAZZLER, BRIGHT & EARLY, RASPBERRY RENDEZVOUS, GINGER GINGIVITIS Sugar Plum Spice 27. WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SAYINGS WOULD YOU MOST ASCRIBE TO? A) Never trust a capuchin mokey weidling a machete.

B) You can’t judge an onigiri by it’s seaweed

C) When one door closes, another opens, but if it doesn’t then go through the window (but open it first).

You can’t judge an onigiri by its seaweed. (Oh my gosh I miss onigiri.)

28. DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS ALL BEGINNING WITH “X” Xenophilic

Xcitable

Xtroverted

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS ( And How To Achieve It )

The Way I Look at is...

April Fools Day is the one day of the year that people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.

Be like Scully. She doesn’t even believe in aliens but still does her job anyway

Life After JET

AFTER BURNERS WHO ARE YOU?

Former Fukui legends from years gone by, share the wealth of their experiences, and answer some inane questions.

WHERE DID YOU SERVE YOUR TIME?

HOW LONG WAS YOUR SENTENCE?

Fukui City

2 years

FOLLOWING YOUR RELEASE BACK INTO THE WILD, WHERE HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING? In America exposing them to the concepts of other countries and teaching real English.

Cian McCarthy Irish 25

WHO DO YOU WISH YOU WERE, AND DOING WHO? It’s “doing whom”, Simon

MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME Langston

BANK ACC. NUMBER

PIN CODE

3-DIGIT SECURITY CODE

LIFE IN JAPAN

FAVOURITE RESTAURANT IN FUKUI? Akiyoshi

WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST AND LEAST ABOUT JAPAN? Most: Nomihode.

[It’s nomihoudai Cian - and I’m not even gonna mention how much you have reinforced your national stereotypes in just one word.]

Least: The day after

FAVOURITE JTE MISTAKE Thinking that a vending machine was actually a “bending machine” because you bend over to get the drink.

FAVOURITE ALT QUOTE Anything Kyle Harris said. E.g. “Karaoke?

Is that the thing with the meat on the stick?”

ONE REGRET Not staying in a capsule hotel

“I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so”

GETTING PERSONAL

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN JAPAN Hardly learning any Japanese

A.K.A.

WHICH CURRENT/FORMER JET WOULD YOU LIKE TO...

Kiss

Give a dead arm to

Marry

Simons Woodget again.

Nick Langston

Noah Bratcherhe tended to say kinda gay things!

[It’s Simon Woodgett - you igit! x ]

The Running Man

WOULD YOU RATHER SHIT YOURSELF EVERY TIME YOU SAW A BANANA OR EVERY TIME YOU MET A MEMBER OF YOUR PARTNER'S FAMILY? My JTE’s used to call me banana boy because I always ate a banana at my desk in the morning. So definitely the banana one. They won’t call me names any more will they!

Ki Ki Chan

WOULD YOU RATHER NEVER HAVE INTERNET ACCESS AGAIN OR NEVER BE ABLE TO TAKE AN AEROPLANE (AIRPLANE) AGAIN? I don’t know if I would be able to book a flight these days without the internet.

TELL US A JOKE?

Clean Sheet Cian

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a pint of Guinness. The bartender says “Sorry buddy. We won’t serve food here”

PRIVATE I

March 2016

Case No. four

words and pictures by Private I

Editor’s Note:

To those of you new to the prefecture I feel it is my duty to educate you on the existence of Fukui’s No.1 investigative journalist who is known only as Private I. Where you position yourself on PI’s work depends on what you have to hide from the Fukui public! Some call PI the crusading connoisseur of truth, and have nothing but respect for PI’s dogged, hellbent-drive to expose the scandalous and scurrilous scum of our fine prefecture. Whilst others consider PI an invasive, interfering gossip mongerer who’s only currency is other people’s secrets and misery.

All I can do is advise you to keep your nose clean, read on and decide for yourself... I just hope next time it isn’t you! Considered yourselves warned! -ED.

ith some particularly w i” te va ri “P e th n, ai ag ck I am ba ation came from an rm fo In . rt po re to s w ne ng disturbi ucation after Ed of d ar Bo i ku Fu e th in ce anonymous sour re found to be we ts en ud st l na io at rn te in w some of the ne facial hair and false s ou ri te ys m g tin or sp by s le breaking ru recent open class, and a om fr os ot ph e m so nt se as w teeth. I show signs of y an m at th ed al ve re ch hi w medical records red teeth, “pottyou ol sc di g, in ld ba s, le nk ri w : ageing such as t nose”. mouth”, and the dreaded “parro and took them to my es pl m sa e m so t ge to ed ag I man re further tests were he w ty si er iv Un i ku Fu in t contac the rings are ch hi w in , gy lo no ch te w ne d carried out. Bran e of these mutant on of e ic sl se er sv an tr e th om counted in fr hild” in mild pain “c e th g in av le ed us as w s, ad he children’s

njunction with co In e. tim of od ri pe n ow for an unkn the age of this at th d de lu nc co as w it g, carbon datin e which the ag e th – 13 an th 30 to er os creature was cl child claimed to be.

Private I Investigates “Okay kids, who far ted?”

With the stench of transverse brain slices still permeating my nostrils, I headed to a local school in which these creations were said to be prevalent. What I found was disgusting. Man y of the “students” I recognized as my own ALT colleagues. Not only that, they were the eldest and wisest of the lot. After questioning them, one of them broke down and confessed. For legal reasons, we can’t use his real name, so let’s call him “Woodon Slimegett”.

“I admit it. I just wanted to reverse the clock. Each year the I find a new furrow in my face and wanted a way out. The Barron said his pills could help. At first they seemed to be workin’, everyfink was gettin’ smaller, but then I realised my face ain’t changing. Now I’m just a freak… look at me… a frea k.”

Although Slimegett wouldn’t give up the real name of The Barron, he did let it slip that he was one of the ALT students at the same school as him. Evidently he himself also believed his solution was some elixir of life. But although he may already have been punished through the freakishly disgusting results of his drug taking, I wanted to reveal his crime to the public.

Mumm y

look! I dissec ted

a par r ot

I interviewed the motley crew of mutant kids; Ash-lee Feljy, Her ring AlTwee, Stewpid Necrose, Thingy McCardy, Angel Maruoka, and Lowra Whipme (names may have been altered for the media). All of them elderly and admitting guiltily their desires for a return to youn ger days.

The evidence gathered pointed the finger at the remaining stud ent, Malcolm Wellby. Not only was he caught by undercover police cameras selling powdered Viagra to pensioners (see archive picture) but it has been rumoured that Viagra? Fish eggs?

Reeses peanut cups? he has been getting up early, heading to Mikuni Viagra? Fish eggs?

Sunset Beach and stealing Eagle-eyed parrot fish Reeses peanut cups? eggs, which are scientifically proven to reverse the cellular metabolism of all cells.

Unfortunately for him, he fell asleep during his aquatic identification course at school, and instead took the eggs of the falcon-eared clown fish. An easy mistake to make, but a mistake which has left him and his friends, physically deformed for life.

What is the moral of all this? Well, for me, it is that the truth always prevails. Whether the truth sought out by an ingenious reporter, or that of the true age of a slowly witherin g, necrobiosis-suffering, human being. You can’t hide behind mak e-up, powdered Viagra, or fish eggs. Just be comfortable with who you are.

It is on that note that I am to bid you farewell. My ‘i' has rem ained private in Fukui now for several years. But I can hear the drag on calling me from South-East Asia, a lick of flame on its breath, and a teaspoonfull of adventure in the cupcakes that it is selling. Fukui, it has been a pleasure to serve you, investigate you, and reveal you for wha t you really are. PI. Well, looks like it’s over and out from Private i.... At ease Fukui. -ED

fish!

LD R O W E V I S U EXCL IEW! V R E T IN T-Point

IT’S T-TIME MUTHA F@CKAS!

on

M Tey

Fukui, often regarded as the forgotten corner of Western Japan.

Well no more, because as uncle Bob once said, the times they are a changin’.

With the emergence of a gaijin-fueled music scene Fukui is rapidly proving itself to be a hotbed of musical talent that has seen the meteoric rise of such groups as The Tanbo Boys, Kitsunegari and Hokuriku Shinkansen to name but a few. And guess what folks… it doesn't stop there.

JETFuel, with its finger firmly on the Fukui pulse and its incisive incisors intersecting inside circles, has once again scooped a WORLD EXCLUSIVE! Our very own roving music reporter Jethro Fandango was granted the first ever, access all areas backstage interview with Hokiriku’s hottest emerging music act that is expected to take Fukui and maybe even Japan like a firestorm. It is non-other than gangster rap duo T-Point and T-Money who go by the collective name of T-Time.

Jethro caught up with duo at the Poronia Studios during a break from laying down their latest track, Bini Life, which is set to be the first single released from their forthcoming album A Katsuyama Rap-Tour.

JF: It's nice to meet you both, and thank you for sparing time to speak to us.

TM: No worries, we're both big fans of JETFuel.

TP: JETFuel? Are they our support act?

JF: Uh no, we’re a webzine, here for the interview... Anyway, I'm sure you going to be doing a lot of interviews over the next few weeks, so I'll try and keep it quick and get straight down to the interesting questions that our readers really want to hear.

TM: Fire away boss.

JF: Having only just met you I can already sense a different vibe about you. It seems you don’t explicitly subscribe to the conventional codes and tropes of gangster rap.

TM: You’re bang right there my man, we like to keep it real. We’re

not bling ringers or cash-flashers or anything.

TP: Yeah, cos we haven’t even been paid yet.

TM: What Point means is we’re trying to remain humble, remember our roots - where we came from.

JF: Right, right, I see. Yes, this was quite evident when I arrived today at the studio parking lot.

But do you not have concerns that people won’t take you seriously, that other crews won't respect you?

TM: Look, we’re gangsta to the core yeah, but macho is not to be found in how much motorized metal you have on HP. It’s a subjective state of mind, not an objectively measured quality shown by pistol-whipping some punk cos he looked at us the wrong way or was moving in on "our" women.

What’s the time yo?

JF: So, you're like a pacifist ganster rap group?

TM: Nah, you're wrong there. We don't promote or condone violence but that isn't to say we’re antiviolence.

JF: How so?

TP: There’s a time and place for everything, and that can include violence. Y’know giving someone a real good smack-down. Y’know taking them down an alley and justTM: Point means there are times when you're left with no option but always there should be a code to violence. Now I ain’t proud of this but this one time, we were out havin it large, getting up to bare jokes with a traffic cone when the narcos pulled up. We were just larkin’ but they started giving out.

Well… as I said I ain’t proud of it but the red mist descended… I started with the fists, soon I started laying in with the boot, I then got out the knuckle duster but luckily my man here T-Point held me back, made me see reason before things went too far.

JF: Holy shit! What happened?

T-Money spitting some rhymes

TP: It was a mess, some real f%@k’d up shit! You could hardly recognise it as a traffic cone afterwards. ...But luckily the po-po had already left so we didn’t get pinched.

JF: Oh right. I see. But have you ever had any violent altercations with things other than traffic control apparatus, you know like real people?

TM: T-Point once kicked a dog to death.

JF: What the…! For real?

TP: He's exaggerating, it was only a puppy.

JF: A puppy!

TP: Yeah, but I didn't really kick it to death, as much as stamp on it.

TM: To death.

JF: Wow! I’m shocked. What could possibly drive you to stamp a dog-

you laying down a challenge?

Some sort of announcement that there’s a new gun in town? Or some may even view it as jealousy of the success they've had?

TP: Who are the Tampon Boys? I ain't never heard of them… who dey?

TM: They're old skool now, before your time Point. Many say they were the forefathers of gangster rap in Fukui, but now they're looking more like the grandfathers.

But don't get me wrong, this isn't a this town ain’t big enough for the both of us scenario, we aren't jingle jangling our spurs and looking to make enemies, we're all about making friends and spreading the love.

TP: Puppy JF: Sorry- a puppy to death?

TP: It was an accident yo. We were playing ball and it ran across the court. You see I was airborne sinking another fade away 3. I was soaring back, I didn't see it… man! I can still hear the squeal and feel that soft crunch. Damn!

TM: Don't sweat it man.

Nothin’ could have been done ...It’s T-Time! Pass the biscuits please. about it. It’s little consolation but he did at least make the shot - it's what the dog would've TP: And if they ain’t happy with wanted. And we also penned a that they can come see us yo. good track out of it too - it's all JF: So why the animosities? about the ultimate futility of life, death and basketball - Fade Away TM: It's a long story… okay, look 3: (ft. Texas-T).

I respect those guys, they're talented and they took Fukui by JF: I see. Well you haven’t been storm, but sometimes you gotta on the scene all that long but look at the way you conduct already you seem to be yourself. Now, I haven't got any attracting controversy. Can you beef with Leroy - in fact I've tell me about what we've been balled with him on the same team hearing about problems with before, won a championship with rival group the Tanbo Boys? him man. And he makes a mean Where does it stem from? Are

peanut butter cookie. But John… well… we went way back, I used to hang with him at the end of a heavy night, back at his crib, on his balcony shooting the breeze chain smoking Hopes ‘til the sun rose, but then… Y' know things change.

JF: Okay, go on. Anything specific.

TM: I don't really want to talk about it, drag up things from the past, it’s between me him and that’s it. Lets just say never mix business and pleasure.

JF: A business deal gone sour?

TM: Well… you could put it that way. He sold me a pair of snow boots for 5-hundy but they had a hole in them.

JF: 500 dollars? Pounds?

TM: Uh no yen.

JF: Ok, and then…

TM: That's it.

JF: Snow boots? 500 yen?

TM: Yeah, look, we get a lot of snow here in Katsuyama, being properly equipped is really important. I went outside and I got wet socks man.

TP: He’s right, it does snow a lot here.

JF: So that was enough to spark a gang war?

TM: It's not just about getting wet feet, it's the principle yeah. You telling me he didn't know they had a hole in them? He sent me down the river man…

JF: So what happened?

TM: What da ya mean? cont.

JF: What did you do?

TM: I tried to fix the hole, but to be honest the inner soles were all f%@ked anyway, so I ended up throwing them away.

JF: And what about John?

TM: Dunno, he's in the wind man.

No one's heard from him since.

Guess he's gone into hiding. I know there were rumours that I took him out, but that ain’t my style. That's not what we're about.

JF: How about the other gaijin groups currently tearing up the Fukui scene?

TP: Kitsunegari are cool guys. We hang with them from time to time.

TM: They're good guys. You know, you'd never see them kick a dog to death.

TP: Puppy.

TM: Although I did once see Nick kick a recycling bin. It was pretty hardcore, but Zach pulled him back before things got out of hand and Cliff offered to pay for the damages. But anyway, T-Time was there, we had their back in case it all kicked off JF: What? With a recycling bin?

TM: No, with a rival gang or something. We weren't on our own patch. I know we wouldn't look too kindly on it if some Ishikawa upstarts came to Fukui and started kicking the recycling hardware that is paid for by the good citizens of the prefecture.

We're all about the community man, we look after our people, like a modern day Robin Hood of sorts.

JF: So in what manifestation do you feel you rob from the rich?

Is it in some form of antiestablishment rebellion, you know - sticking it to the man?

One cream or two?

TM: Well… nah… although I did once take two creams from the bini. But next time I went in I ‘fessed up and they said it was cool, and that I could do it anytime. That little anecdote actually is referenced in our song Goin Down the Bini.

JF: Right, I see. I'll be sure to listen out for that then. How about you T-Point any crimes you wish to ‘fess up to?’

TP: No comment. Don’t know who’s gonna be reading this. Does anyone read it?

JF: Sure, I wouldn't want to get you in trouble with the law.

However, in the track Crewz’n The Yama you talk about the police when singing the lyrics…

And when we be cruz'n the mean streets of The Yama, we wear our belts proud cos they protect us, and that way the cop, he never stops us and checks us, search our pockets or stick a hand up our rectus, instead when he sees us, he just rejects us, so that's one less thing that can affect us, When we be cruz'n the mean streets of the Yama It's seems very outwardly and openly aggressive, almost antagonising authority. Is that not a bit passé for gangster rap?

Is that not exactly what you purport not to do?

TM: You what? No it's the opposite man, you're misreading the poetry man.

JF: But you're signing about open carry right? Flexing your firepower, displaying you're armed with your bullet belts for all to see. I quote… “We wear our belts proud…”

TP: Nah, it's seatbelts you mutha.

We can’t afford guns.

TM: Yeah, we don't need guns.

JF: Seatbelts, right. I see, makes more sense. So this little run in with the police is also based on real life events?

TM: Totally true events man. It's about this one time we were cruz'n and we pass by a 5-0 car, and we was sweat'n. Any excuse and they’ll be hassl’n us y’know. They know us and our rep. But we were one step ahead of the feds as we had our belts on so luckily they just eyeballed us and kept going.

It was a tight situation man, but like always we scraped thru.

JF: I see. Sounds like scary stuff.

TP: Anyway that’s nuff bout that.

Let’s talk about us and our music yo.

JF: Sure, of course. So the name T-Time, I know you guys are keen on wordplay, it could be read as tea-time right?

TM: What…? That's our name yeah T-Time.

JF: But T is a play on tea right?

TM: What do you mean? T is a play on T? JF: You know T but also tea.

TP: Yeah T. Cos he’s T-Money and I'm T-Point, so we both T. JF: But also tea-time like time for tea yeah?

TM: Exactly, this is our moment, this is our time, the T-boyz have arrived. It’s T-Time mutha f %@kas!

JF: No, sorry, I mean like, time for some tea.

M: Urm… not really… everything is set, the posters for the tour printed, the CDs pressed. All printed up with the name on and everything…

TM: We can't change the name?

TP: Yeah, we could call ourselves The T-Team? Or T2?

JF: Or T-Break, you know because you break down the beats.

TP: Yeah, that works.

JF: Or even T-Party? Or… do you smoke pot? You could go with T-Pot? TM: Or T-Get the f%@k out of here! You bustin' our balls now or what?!

JF: Woh, woh, just joshing. Just a joke, put down the mug.

TP: Chill T-Money. Let it go. He ain't worth it dog.

TM: I don't follow…

JF: You are aware of the beverage known as tea right?

JF: Yes exactly.

JF: Woh, woh, that was a prewritten line, I just read it, I wasn't thinking…

TM: Don’t print that shit. Let's just finish this.

JF: Okay… okay… So once again thank you very much for your time today boys you've been on the T-Money and straight to the T-Point, and we look forward to the release of your album and forthcoming gigs. Any final words of advice to your fans out there in Fukui?

Jethro Fandango

TM: Are you f%@kin kidding me?

[looks over to their manager] Can we change it? We need to change it man!

TM: Mother f@ka! You serious?!

TP: Is anyone eating that last senbei?

TP: Oh shit…

TM: Is he kiddin me? Tea! No, it's just T. Tea? That’s like the most un-gangsta drink I can imagine!

Tea-time?!

JF: Okay, actually yes, your manager is making signals… is that it? Yep? Well, that just leaves me to say one thing at this point in time – it’s been fun meeting your guys, in fact you could say, boy hasn't time flown, but unfortunately it's time to "rap" things up as I'm sure it must be tea-time for T-Time, and-

TM: Keep it locked, keep it tight, keep it real. And always remember your T-Card cos T-Points equal TMoney! Gangstaaaaa!

TM: What? Tea! You mean like the drink tea?

JF: No, I thought it was a play on tea-time, because you’re originally from Britain right, so you all drink tea at tea-time.

TM: We chill. But I think we done talking today. Time to wrap it up.

TM: Well… jus show a bit more respect man.

JF: I'm sorry, I thought we were joking around.

TM: This our careers man, there’s a time and a place for jokes, y'here me.

JF: Sure, sorry I just misread the situation.

T-Time’s debut album A Katsuyam Rap-Tour is set to be released Summer ’16.

The duo will also be touring all major Hokkiriku venues from late April.

The fee for this interview was donated to

TP: We chill Money?

DogsTrust.org.uk

Teacher, Friend, or Somewhere Between?

Amberly Young

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

The Way I Look at is...

Your shadow is a confirmation

that light has traveled nearly 93

million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet

Last one to Earth is a gimboid!

thanks to you! You absolute c

You’re on! Let’s go!

Damn!

And he’s wearing sun-cream so we can’t even give him cancer!

Noooo!

What a cock-blocker!

Life After JET

AFTER BURNERS WHO ARE YOU?

Former Fukui legends from years gone by, share the wealth of their experiences, and answer some inane questions.

WHERE DID YOU SERVE YOUR TIME?

HOW LONG WAS YOUR SENTENCE?

Shimin chu

2 years

FOLLOWING YOUR RELEASE BACK INTO THE WILD, WHERE HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I work at a tech startup in Philly

kyle harris AMERICA 25

WHERE DO WISH YOU WERE, AND DOING WHAT? Olivia Cassidy. If you see this, dinner is on me

WHO DO YOU WISH YOU WERE, AND DOING WHAT? Im happy with life at the moment.

MOTHER’S MAIDEN NAME

BANK ACC. NUMBER

PIN CODE

3-DIGIT SECURITY CODE

F

uc

k

you

WHAT IS YOUR ‘ONE THING TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE FUKUI/JAPAN’?

LIFE IN JAPAN

Fukui -Eat everything. There’s no place like Fukui for food.

Japan -Try Fugu.

FAVOURITE RESTAURANT IN FUKUI? Iwomatoya Ramen

WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST AND LEAST ABOUT JAPAN? The freedom of the JET Program

The lack of freedom in Japan

FAVOURITE JAPANESE WORD AND WHY? Chigau! [違う] - People don’t disagree enough in Japan

FAVOURITE STUDENT MISTAKE It’s a little different but I had a student catch me make an English mistake (no coffee that day). He lived in Canada for the summer so he was sharp. It was a good moment for him and a good laugh for the class.

FAVOURITE JTE MISTAKE Revealed that he actually WAS a hentai

Wow! Seems like she enjoys a good ramen too!

FUNNY/EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT ANOTHER ALT

A.K.A.

Erin dancing that one time when I played Sean Paul at Alyssa’s apartment. We laughed/cried/laughed. Shoutout Erin :) ONE REGRET Not learning enough Japanese to avoid eating those fish sacks

Superboy

BEST MOMENT/EXPERIENCE IN JAPAN Eating Edo-style sushi and hanging around after dinner to talk to the chef

The Haze Harris

BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WERE GIVEN Keep your business to yourself

BEST ADVICE YOU CAN OFFER

Kyle the style Harris

Say yes to everything! ;) and if you don’t realize that JET is 100% fun, you need to leave. A lot of cool people didn’t get your job so don’t sit inside all day!

Your life might seem infinite sometimes but your time in Japan as a JET is anything but.

WHICH CURRENT/FORMER JET WOULD YOU LIKE TO...

GETTING PERSONAL

Kiss

Give a dead arm to

Marry

Simon

Erin, sometimes

Malcolm-Shoutout Malcolm aka old school aka Jordan

DID YOU EVER HOOK-UP WITH A JAPANESE LOCAL? Yea, it was really sweet and you should date people in Japan.

TELL US A JOKE? The vacation approval process for Xmas on the JET Program

IF YOU WERE JAPANESE, WHAT WOULD YOUR NAME BE? Ueda Sensei-Shoutout Ueda. He is a really cool guy

DESCRIBE JAPAN IN 3 WORDS STARTING WITH “K” Kani-chan

Kombu-chan

Kian McCarthy

Darkside Valentine Poems That Were Definitely Not Written By Students Roses are red Violets are blue Let’s go to forest So I can kill you (just joke)

Roses are red Violets are blue I’m in love with others But I love you too

Roses are red Violets are blue Let’s go to dinner Because I want to eat Pikachu

Roses are red Violets are blue My heart is yellow But your heart is black

Roses are red Violets are blue Let’s eat junk food It’s because you are fat like Pikachu

Roses are red Violets are blue I know you have a girlfriend But I think you like me too

Roses are red Violets are blue You are very strong So I want to fight you

Roses are red Violets are blue

When I first look your face I think you are cute like a poo!

BATTLE OF THE BINIS Let the Best (Niku) Man Win

By Evan Estrada

I

can

still

confusing,

recall

enthralling,

my

and

fi r s t

sensory

stimulating morning in Tokyo. through the humid summer morning streets of Shinjuku in search of breakfast and a cup of coffee. During my walk a bright 7 caught the corner of my eye. I stumbled in, my mind chaotic with decisions I knew I’d have to make. morning

socks to wear. the

only

I

could

hardly

decide

that

was

partially

which

pair

of

recognizable,

a

crescent roll filled with ham and cheese (actually, it was mayonnaise).

I

then

made

my

way

to

the

sophisticated

coffee apparatus and stood in front of it, frantically searching for the stack of cups. The clerk spoke some Japanese and explained to me that the cups were bought at the

counter.

Of

course,

at

the

time,

level

of

alcoholism

this

wasn’t

so

clear, but I finally understood. After deciding what size I wanted and awkwardly sorting through a pocketful of unfamiliar coins, the man behind the counter manned the coffee machine for me. I walked out of the store feeling sweaty and defeated.

that

the

Japanese

out

at

a

place

of

wonder

and

There’s so many konbinis in Japan, often all in a close proximity to one another, and that sometimes makes choosing one a difficult decision. Should I go to 7-eleven or Lawson, FamilyMart or Circle K. Anywhere but Sunkus.

One’s konbini of choice is like your favorite color, your favorite food, or your favorite song: It’s one of those things

that

returned to the hotel room to quench my thirst that I realized I, at five AM in the morning, had bought two cheap

plastic container still sits in my pantry, there-fourths full, a reminder of my foolish mistake, as well as an

define

you

as

a

person

without

actually

defining you at all. That being said, I’ve decided to settle the dispute that’s not a dispute at all because no one could care less. It’s the…

...Battle of the beanies!!!

me to press a button on the screen. It wasn’t until I

The

is

customer service.

The woman at the counter gave me a puzzled look and asked

available.

konbini

food, great coffee for a convenience store, and excellent

checkout counter. I plopped the bottle on the counter.

shochu

me

place that’s ridiculously convenient, with pretty good

picked up a water jug groggily, and walked towards the

cheapest

checked

Initially, a trip to the konbini was stressful and

stumbling upon a Lawson. I walked in, browsed a bit,

the

who

full of decisions, but it didn’t take long to realize

insatiable thirst. I made the same humid trek, this time

of

woman

liters of shochu at five in the morning.

The next morning I woke up unusually early with an

liters

the

excitement. Well, perhaps that’s a stretch, but it is a

After awkwardly perusing the store, I got

thing

into a couple of times. And yet, I will never match the Lawson must have assumed I was stricken with, buying two

After a jet-lagged 4 hours of sleep, I made my way

That

emergency supply of liquor, which I’ve hesitantly dipped

Ow! They really smart!

Now, let’s here from the employees themselves. I’ve taken the liberty of surveying the staff of konbinis near my apartment. Here are the results.

7-eleven What’s are the good points of 7-eleven ?

•

•

•

•

Additive free foods.

What are the good points of Family Mart?

•

Lots of quality goods.

Always putting the customer first.

The chopsticks and coffee cups are ECO friendly, along with other items.

What are 7-eleven ’s best and most popular items?

The FamilyMart Collection is an affordable and high quality set of products.

•

There are always weekly sells on certain products.

•

Great Customer Service.

What are Family Mart’s best and most popular food items?

What are the good points of Lawson?

•

Wider selection of goods than other konbinis

•

Friendly attitude

•

The Lawson brand, which offers low priced goods.

•

What are Lawson’s best and most popular food items?

The roll-cake.

•

Agemono Pasta

•

Breads

•

Donuts, which are a recent item but are quickly gaining popularity.

•

Sandwiches (Mixed and Juicy Ham)

•

Desserts, specifically the cake.

•

Donuts and Croissants

•

Donuts

•

Karage-kun

Cream puffs and rollcake

•

Oden

•

A large selection of coffee.

What are the good points of Circle-K? •

Friendly staff.

•

Trying harder than everyone else to be chosen by customers.

•

Aiming to be the best konbini

Widest selection of donuts.

•

•

Circle-K

Lawson

Family Mart

What are Circle-K’s best and most popular food items?

•

Baked sweet potatoes (which hail from Kyushu)

•

Coffee

•

Ichigo Daifuku

•

Onigiri

ALT REPRESENTATIVES Circle K Representing Circle K, we have Jocelyn, a cat-loving third year ALT living in Katsuyama, with a ravenous hunger for sweet potatoes much like her dinosaur ancestors that roamed the mountains of Katsuyama before her. Jocelyn can be spotted enjoying a sweet potato from Circle K while rescuing a mangy litter of kittens from a nearby storm drain. The potatoes, as she claims, bestow upon her a sixth sense that allows her to sense when nearby animals are in immediate danger.

Why is Circle K the best?

Circle'K'has'the'kookiest'staff'with'whom'I’ve'had'the' pleasure'of'interac:ng'with.'When'I'first'came'to' Katsuyama,'the'nearest'convenience'store'was'a'Circle'K.' The'6am'staff'consisted'of'two'people,'a'plump'and' conversa:onal'elderly'women'and'an'elderly'man'who' seemed'to'have'slight'memory'loss.'I'enjoyed'having'my' Japanese'excessively'praised'by'the'woman,'but'the'man' was'a'riot.'He'moved'very'slowly,'and'the'urgency'in'his' customers’'expressions'was'lost'on'him.'Every':me'he' rang'me'up,'he’d'ask'me'once%again'where'I'taught,'and'if'I' knew'his'granddaughter.'One'day'as'he'slowly'scanned'my' onigiri'and'cycled'through'the'usual'ques:ons,'and'then' he'asked'with'a'big'grin,'“What’s'your'salary?”''as'people' were'lining'up'behind'me.

“It’s'decent…”'I'said.'

“How'much?”'he'insisted.'

“Hm,'like….'Sorry,'numbers'are'hard'for'me'in'Japanese.”'I' imagined'the'people'behind'me'tapping'their'toes'and' checking'their'watches,'as'the'elderly'man'dug'around' under'the'counter'for'his'calculator.'

“Here,”'he'said,'offering'me'the'calculator.'I'quickly'typed' my'salary'into'calculator'and'discretely'slid'it'back'to'him.'

He'laughed'and'slapped'the'counter.'I'don’t'know'how' much'konbini'staff'make,'but'my'salary'impressed'him.'

“That’s'good!'That’s'good….'Look'at'this,”'he'said,'turning' to'the'elderly'woman'obliviously'organizing'the'drink'rack.'

“Ooooh,'berry'goodo!”'she'said,'giving'me'a'double' thumbs'up.'The'man'slowly'put'my'onigiri'into'a'plas:c' bag'when'the'elderly'woman'opened'up'the'line'beside'us.'

The'three'people'behind'me'lined'up'in'front'of'her.'Sadly,'' a'FamilyMart'opened'up'in'front'of'Circle'K'the'next'year,' and'Circle'K'went'out'of'business'within'half'a'year.

You'may'be' thinking,'“That' sounds'really' uncomfortable.”'

Yeah,'some:mes'it' was.'But'despite' that,'Circle'K'is'my' favorite'konbini.'I' think'I’m'just'a' sen:mental,' slightly'imprac:cal' person'with'a' fondness'for' strange'people.

Hot$food$of$choice:$From'November'un:l'March,'the' remaining'Circle'K'in'Katsuyama'has'the'sweetest'rockX cooked'sweet'potatoes.'The'whole'store'smells'like' caramelly'roasted'deliciousness,'and'the'staff'(who'are' familiar'with'me)'always'give'me'the'biggest'potato.

Cold$food$of$choice:$Circle'K'has'the'most'delicious' chocolate'Ichigo'Daifuku.'It'is'chocolate'mochi,'filled'with' chocolate'whipped'cream,'and'a'fat'strawberry'atop'a'li[le' piece'of'cake.'It’s'amazing.

Drink$of$choice:$I’m'pre[y'sure'Circle'K’s'brand'is'called,' “Stylus'One”'or'something.'I’ve'tried'their'green'tea'and' oolong'tea,''as'that’s'typically'the'only'drink'I'get'at' konbinis.'I’d'say'it’s'pre[y'comparable'to'Seven'Eleven'and' Family'Mart’s'brand,'but's:ll'not'as'good'as'Oi'Ocha'and' Ayataka'brand.

Are$you$a$point$card$owner?$No.'Unlike'the'FamilyMart% staff,'who'pressured'me'into'making'a'card,'the'Circle'K' staff'aren’t'so'pushy.

Hey Saruman! That’s so uncool - nobody likes pushy staffs man!

Lawson Representing Lawson, we have Stuart, a veteran Fukui City ALT who proudly wears his Lawson point card on his sleeve. Stuart can be spotted cycling throughout Japan with an arsenal of Lawson’s famous spicy chicken tucked away snugly in his cycling jersey. Lawson’s chicken keeps him fueled and agile as he cycles freely throughout Japan, fighting off mountain bears, rabid tanuki, and most importantly—hunger.

Cold food of choice: The annin-dofu (almond tofu) is a sweet creamy desert which you will find next to the yogurts.

Drink of choice: The best hot coffee of all konbinis.

Are you a point card owner? Yes; the points I collect often supply me with a free tank of petrol every year at Shell petrol stations.

7)eleven'

Why$is$Lawson'the$best?

“Lawson is mainstream” “Lawson is just a regular combini”…. These are obviously the thoughts of a 7/11 fanboy, always trying to be different, but finding out the hard way that being different doesn’t mean “good”. 7/11 has a completely different range of crappy products and brands which appeal to …. Well nobody. However people still go there to “be different” in the hope that it will make them cool and accepted into society. Shame it never works.

FamilyMart sticks to the convenience store principles that founding father Jonny Combini laid out many years ago. However, their hot food lets them down, and everyone remembers their poisoned chicken scandal last year. (http://ajw.asahi.com/article/ behind_news/social_affairs/AJ201407230040) If you are going to do something, do it well. This is why Lawson should be your only choice. Lawson: join the elite.

Hot food of choice: L Chiki Red – “the red chicken” is slightly spicy, slightly red, perhaps even only slightly chicken, but very delicious.

Representing 7-eleven , we have Zach, a second year Ono ALT who relies on sustenance from 7-eleven ’s wide selection of food to fuel him and his bandmates as they go on tour. Zach can be seen snacking on a sando or onigiri on the bus between gigs with his band, Kitsunegari, who is quickly reaching prefectural-wide success.

Kitsunegari’s tour bus stops exclusively at 7eleven , which has sparked the rumor that the band has sold their souls to the company for a shot at fame.

Why$is$7)eleven''the$best?$

I enjoy 7-eleven for their wide variety of sandwiches and premade meals (onigiri, sandwiches, etc).

Although I try not to eat premade konbini food when I can, if I am ever in a rush I can always count on 7eleven to have the best selection.

Hot food of choice: Pizza-man

Cold food of choice: Any sandwich that looks the freshest.

Drink of choice: Whatever weird seasonal soda they have in stock.

Are you a point card owner? Nope. I don`t like point cards.

FamilyMart Representing Family Mart, we have Simon, a fifth year Katsuyama ALT, who’s energized solely by Family Mart’s coffee and delicious selection of foods.

Whether he’s scoring the winning goal, swimming with starved sharks, kitesurfing to school, or sky-diving wearing nothing but a live octopus around him, Simon depends on FamilyMart to keep him fed and ready for anything.

Why is FamilyMart the best?

There's only one bini for this boy, it's Famima. Nice colours, the green and the blue. They are always a well kempt bini - clean bogs, flags in the carpark. The staff are super friendly, often there’s a seating area inside to create that genuine wholesome family feel that you crave from your local bini. Also they give out free salmon onigiris if you know the password and action.

First you stick a chopstick up each nostril then you must say 私はセイウチコーコーカチョー.

chaps and Stetsons or get on your horse and ride out of town.

Circle K - used to be my favourite, seems a bit more edgy, a bit more individual, does good salads and mixed nuts, often have benches outside them, but they're always closing down. Probably the hipster’s choice of bini. Stupid name too, sounds like a cereal for dieting housewives.

Sunk'us looks like a gaudy rundown place that only trailer trash and inbred serial killers would frequent.

Stupid name too. #nofamimanolife Hot food of choice: Recently it's been the tonporomon - fatty pork in a steamed bun. D'boss. Biggu chikin is also a regular hot favourite of mine too (or is that only from Lawson??).

(But don't tell anyone I told you alright!)

As for 7-eleven … well, the shop colours look cheap and gaudy. 7/11 yet open 24/7 - idiots! They're too mainstream and corporate, only wannabes and try-hards shop there. People who buy into consumer identity, people with little imagination, the sheep of society who blandly obey the man - mind you they do sell a nice spicy Mexican wrap.

Lawson is the favoured bini of the grot mag reading hentais, dakara most of their products are covered in unspeakable germs. Plus apparently they're going bankrupt soon. The usual non-hentai customer in Lawson are the self-loving narcissists, the type who own selfie-sticks. Lawson does sell choco-mons which are a treat. Stupid font and name - never go half cowboy, either embrace it fully and dress staff in leather

Cold food of choice: Black Thunder - tastes great, is only 30 yennies and quite small so I don't feel guilty about eating one every time I go past a bini (about 8 times a day). Sometimes a Black Thunder Biggu or even a silver Bonobon, hell sometime all 3! #thecakening Also, Good fortune strawberries A.K.A Ichigo daifuku - a strawberry coated in anko (we'll overlook this minor error of judgement) wrapped in mochi and dusted with the magical powder of goodness.

Drink of choice: Jasmine tea. Sometimes an M-size blend coffee with cream - but first sprinkle in the cinnamon topping and stir it in for maximum flavor output. Pretty much like a Starbucks coffee after that, but not as big, sweet, tasty or expensive.

Are you a point card owner? No doubt! Never ride without it. T-Points = T-Money! It’s T-Time muthas!

Now, let’s look at some stats! I surveyed both the incoming 2015 JETs Facebook page as well as the FJET Facebook page to get an idea of what the most popular konbini is among ALTs.

Incoming 2015 JETs Facebook Page

FJET Facebook Page While the dispute will go on forever (or not at all) you will now be able to make a more informed decision having heard from the employees themselves as well as your peers. Choose your konbini wisely, and remember to always show appreciation for your local konbini staff for all their irasshaimases and arigatou gozaimasus. For without them, the wonder that is the Japanese konbini simply would not exist. Thank you for your business and please come again.

Life After JET

AFTER BURNERS WHO ARE YOU?

Former Fukui legends from years gone by, share the wealth of their experiences, and answer some inane questions.

WHERE DID YOU SERVE YOUR TIME?

HOW LONG WAS YOUR SENTENCE?

Fukui City

3 years

FOLLOWING YOUR RELEASE BACK INTO THE WILD, WHERE HAVE YOU FOUND YOURSELF AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Atlanta, GA – working part-time while job-hunting for a job that I actually want

Laura Peters AMERICA 25 WHAT IS YOUR ONE THING TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE FUKUI/JAPAN RECOMMENDATION? Japan – Yakushima! Either that, or the Earth Celebration on Sado Island

WHERE DO WISH YOU WERE, AND DOING WHAT? In Southeast Asia, eating somewhat questionable street food

LIFE IN JAPAN

FAVOURITE RESTAURANT IN FUKUI? Hatagoya (the owner Kenji is the greatest)

WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST AND LEAST ABOUT JAPAN? The nature (“the air tastes delicious”)

Lack of insulation

FAVOURITE JTE MISTAKE

Sorry! Turn around I meant the other Japan!

I think “most memorable” or “most horrifying” is better than “favorite” but my JTE told my students that Americans had locks on their school lockers because some brought guns to school.

It was a shock to hear and although I corrected him, I think my students believed him.

FAVOURITE OWN JAPANESE FAUX-PAS Telling the bus driver I worked in “Chugoku” (China) and not “chugakko” (junior high school)… he then went 10 minutes off his typical bus route to drop me off at the driveway of my school

ONE REGRET I never visited Hokkaido in the summer.

FUNNY/EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT YOURSELF On my first day at my visiting school, they asked me to paint with some kindergarten students. I was in my suit, so the Kyoto-sensei insisted I wear his gym clothes instead. My picture wound up all over the school – and their website – in Kyoto-sensei’s clothes.

A.K.A.

BEST MOMENT/EXPERIENCE IN JAPAN Being invited to join some people from my gym for a drinking night – I finally felt like a local.

BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN JAPAN Overcoming being a picky eater!

Raura BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU WERE GIVEN Don’t worry about saving money. Pay off loans and send money home as necessary, but use this time to really enjoy Japan and Asia – even if you don’t bring any savings home. It’ll probably be the only time you live abroad.

El Presidente

BEST ADVICE YOU CAN OFFER Use this opportunity to try the things you never thought you would – snowboarding, hiking, running, learning an instrument, etc.

Laura Sensei

DESCRIBE JAPAN IN 3 WORDS STARTING WITH “K” Kind

Kooky

Kakigori

CRAZY Valentine Poems That Were Definitely Not Written By Students Roses are red Violets are blue

Roses are red Violets are blue I’m giving you this book So you can learn Hebrew

I love your face Because it like kangaroo

Roses are red Violets are blue I like dogs But you like Pikachu

Roses are red Violets are blue I love gyoza It is my issue

Roses are red Violets are blue We can never get married Because you live in a zoo

Roses are red Violets are blue I don’t like you, but you are a good friend It’s true Roses are red

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Violets are blue

I like the zoo

Beautiful woman is dangerous

Let’s go to the zoo

But the boy still grew

Tokyo Speech Contest: Journey to the Finals*

by Amberly Young

Life as an ALT is filled with ups and downs.

My job is filled with moments of elation followed by prolonged feelings of boredom and uselessness.

However, sometimes I feel like I am really making a difference in a student's life. These

are the moments that make it all worth it. Working with my student for the junior high school speech contest and helping him go to the finals in Tokyo was a fulfilling, life-changing experience. It was a big factor in my decision to stay in Japan a second year.

My student Yuki** had miraculously made

I’ve seen him in his classes; he’s not your typical shy

it to the finals of the 67th All Japan InterMiddle School English Oratorical Contest.

Japanese kid.

Yuki and I started practicing after school, for an hour or more. At the beginning, it was mostly talking about his ideas, and trying to find the right words to express them. Google translate helped a lot.

After about 10 revisions, we had settled on the final draft. He must have learned dozens of new words in the process.

Our journey began when I arrived at my new workplace in early August. On my desk was a speech, which Yuki had written in Japanese and the previous ALT had translated into English. However, my supervisor suggested that we give it an overhaul. My supervisor, a creative and spontaneous English teacher, has a knack for speeches. In his 20 years of teaching he has brought 9 students to the finals in Tokyo. So the two of us – me, as a creative writing major, and he as an experienced teacher – made a great team for helping Yuki reach his potential.

Soon, it was time for the local contest. About 60 students from local junior high schools gathered at a community center to give their 5 minute speeches to a room filled with at least a hundred teachers, parents, and fellow students. For most of the day, I practiced with Yuki outside. When it was his turn, he spoke in a big, passionate voice. Unlike the previous speaker, who forgot her speech half-way through, Yuki’s natural confidence and enthusiastic personality made him truly shine. I couldn’t help but cry as I watched him. I felt so proud to know him.

Yuki has been going to private English lessons after school for many years. Unlike most students, he looks you in the eye when he’s talking to you. Even though he’s a little small for his age, his loud voice and strong opinions often make him the center of attention.

[*spoiler alert!] [**student and teacher names were changed]

He won second place in the local contest that day,

and the top three students were invited to the national competition in Tokyo! The first place winner from our local bracket was a Brazilian girl who spoke about her multifaceted relationship with her mother.

Soon it was time to prepare for Tokyo. Yuki asked me if I wanted to practice three times a day: before school, after lunch, and after school. I felt honored that a student wanted to spend so much time with me. At our practices, I always asked him, ‘What do you want to do today?’ This simple question is an example of something I learned while working at the SBCC Writing Center. Letting a student direct the interaction makes them feel more connected with the lesson. Yuki seemed to appreciate the power to decide what to do.

He would usually ask for help with his pronunciation. He used to say ‘muzzer’ instead of ‘mother,’ and any word with an L or R is often challenging for Japanese people. So we practiced words like ‘recently’ ‘learn’ and ‘school’ many, many times.

When I was helping him, I thought of comparing music to words.

It was fun for me to experiment with different teaching methods. For example, when he said, ‘We are not afraid to say what we think,’ I told him to put equal weight on the ‘what we think’, clapping to illustrate the rhythm of the phrase.

Five Days in Tokyo: A Hiatus from Reality

per hour. We were in Tokyo in 3

my stomach started doing

I was the only ALT from Fukui to

hours. (It’s a 6 hour drive!)

Yuki and his family had driven to Tokyo the night before.

somersaults. I think I was more nervous than he was! When it was his turn to speak, again I couldn’t

accompany a student to Tokyo, and only because I fought for it. I had a feeling that this might be a

Once we found them, we practiced in his hotel room for a bit, and parted ways. Yuki was in

help but cry. Tears rolled down my face as I watched him shine, confident and pure-hearted,

once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I told my supervisor I really, really wanted to go, and he listened. Sure, I had to take time

a hotel payed for by the speech contest – he got to share a room with other participants. I know he made a lot of new friends! I spent

unafraid.

off and pay my own way, but I still feel incredibly grateful.

the night at a friend’s house to save money.

from the Northern Japan Region, he was in the top 7, earning him a coveted spot in the finals the

The night before I was supposed to leave, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I met my

The next morning it was Yuki’s turn to give his speech at the semifinals. I took detailed

following day.

J T E ( J a p a n e s e Te a c h e r o f English) Mr. Yamada* on the train. We opted for the fast train – called the shinkansen – which

notes about the other speakers and made predictions. As I watched them, I couldn’t help but think that he had a chance to move

travels at an average of 170 miles

forward. As his turn approached,

A n d m i r a c u l o u s l y, he made it! Out of the 33 students

Korea and the 70th anniversary of World War II. Several shared captivating anecdotes about overcoming bullying and bigotry. One of the finalists had a German father, and spoke

The Finals!

Held at a fancier location in a bigger auditorium, the atmosphere at the finals was thick with nerves. These were the most talented junior high school English speakers in Japan, all in one room!

I was astounded by the inspiring topics and impeccable delivery from these kids.

They spoke about important real world issues, such as Japan’s relationship with

of them!) Many of them spoke with a British accent, and some truly sounded like native speakers.

During the breaks, I conversed with several of the contestants, and was impressed by how comfortable they were talking with me.

The Results

about her dual identity as both Japanese and German.

Most of the participants were from private schools; only 8 students out of the 30 finalists were from public schools. (Yuki was one

Unfortunately, Yuki didn’t make it in the top 7. And yes, I cried again when he gave his speech. I’m incredibly proud of him. After all, he was one of the best 30 speakers in all of Japan.

‘Children are our Teachers,’ was about learning from children. He urged listeners to retain childlike qualities like enthusiasm, bravery and innocence even as we grow up.

Secondly, every speech in the finals was easy to understand.

The finalists all spoke clearly and I could comprehend every word of their speeches. Many of the speakers, such as the first place winner, sounded like native speakers. However, students with a noticeable accent

After

the contest, I paid a ridiculous sum to attend the closing banquet, where I got to see a Japanese princess speak with a British accent, congratulate all the students and present the final award.

The first-place speaker was a girl from Okinawa who urged listeners to turn off their smartphones and pay attention to the world.

When I was back at school, my supervisor asked me to do a write-up about my impressions about the speech contest.

You can read my following conclusions:

What Makes a Great Speech?

– like Yuki– were still successful in conveying their message.

After watching my student

Lastly, the speakers in the finals

participate in the finals of The 67th All Japan Inter-Middle School English Oratorical

all had the ability to connect with the audience because of their confidence and humor. Like

Contest, I have drawn some conclusions. The speeches were judged based on three categories: Content, English and

Yuki’s speech, the top winners all made the audience laugh. A speaker must have a strong

Delivery. Therefore, the winners must have an interesting topic, be easy to understand, and connect with the audience.

First and foremost, a great speech must have unique and captivating content. In the finals, no two speeches had the same topic, although some of them had overlapping themes. The winning speech was about how smartphones are changing society. The second place winner spoke about the importance of names. Yuki’s speech, titled

p e r s o n a l i t y, a n d h a v e t h e confidence to speak loudly on stage in front of hundreds of people.

All in all, I am extremely grateful for the experience of working with my students and fellow English teachers during this speech contest, especially Yuki. Both he and I learned a lot from each other. I hope that next year I can take another student from Manyo Junior High School to the finals in Tokyo!

The Way I Look at is...

In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snowy mountains containing the last moments of people's lives.

That’s it! I’m transferring out of Ono!