Meetinghouse Magazine | Summer 2021

Meetinghouse T H E M A G A Z I N E O F F R I E N D S S E M I N A RY

A Quiet Force for Change Ed Carroll ’56 on attending Friends two years before Brown v. Board of Education

Honoring Linda Linda Chu, the longest tenured teacher in the history of the School, is retiring

Meetinghouse SUMMER 2021 Meetinghouse is a semi-annual magazine from Friends Seminary. Previously titled News From Friends, this publication aims to highlight our unique community, grounded in Quaker values, telling the story of our scholars, artists, and athletes— past and present. The magazine also features reflections by our community members.

Friends Seminary previously produced a supplemental publication, Class Notes. Moving forward, our alumni community may enjoy those notes in our alumni newsletter, which is emailed on the first of every month.

Email alumni@friendsseminary.org to be added to the Alumni Newsletter mailing list.

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OPENING SHOTS

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Joseph Safer Bakal ’20 studies on the Terrace in the fall of 2019. The Terrace, which provides a plethora of sunlight and greenery for students, faculty and administrative staff to enjoy, was completed in 2019 during the School’s Redevelopment Project.

The elevated space is located outside of the new Upper School Commons on the third floor, and looks out onto the north side of the Meetinghouse and the Inner Courtyard below.

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Congratulations to Rio Hope-Gund ’17 who was recently selected in the first round (19th overall) of the MLS draft by the Orlando City Soccer Club. Friends has proudly watched as Rio has pursued his dream of becoming a professional soccer player.

“Rio made us a dominant team during his era at Friends,” Coach Warren Salandy said. “He gave players the inspiration and belief that they could do it. He made everyone around him better, but for me, the one thing that stood out more than any other was his humility.”

Pictured here, Rio, a Georgetown defender, heads the ball over Stanford’s Ousseni Bouda during a game at Sahlen’s Stadium on December 13, 2019 in Cary, North Carolina. (Photo by Andy Mead/ISI Photos/Getty Images)

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For the 2020-2021 academic year, Friends was granted an Outdoor Learning Permit, which closed traffic along Rutherford Place and 16th Street (between Third Avenue and Rutherford).

During the school year, amidst the pandemic, students and faculty utilized the space for outdoor classes and recess.

A memorable collaborative street art project, under the direction of Visual Art teachers Stephanie Teo and Morgan Acheson, welcomed our neighbors with colorful renderings of hope, joy, and perseverance in the form of chalk drawings. Pictured here, Lila Banker ’21 adds to a mural created by Ivory’s ’23.

inside Meetinghouse SUMMER 2021

D E PA RT M E N T S

14

A Quiet Force for Change

By Sandra Guzmán

32

George Floyd’s Last Words, Stitched into Our Souls

By Rev. Mark Koyama ’84

7

A Message from the Principal

8

Marge’s Book Reviews

12

It’s Worth Noting

20

Classroom Spotlight: Delicious DNA

22

Celebrating the Class of 2020

26

Commencement 2021

40

A Telephone Call Between New Friends

44

Their Light Lives On

50

Notes on Silence

PRINCIPAL Robert “Bo” Lauder DIRECTOR OF INSTITUTIONAL ADVANCEMENT Katherine Precht DIRECTOR OF ALUMNI RELATIONS Annah Heckman ‘15

34

CREATIVE DIRECTOR John Galayda DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS Bryan Hogan ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS Ashley Tripp

Hatching Curiosity: After 51 Years, Linda Chu is Retiring

EDITOR

By Willa Cuthrell-Tuttleman ’16 Illustrations by Isabella Marcellino ’21

DESIGN

John Galayda

Marcellino+ Inc. and John Galayda

A Message from

Principal Bo Lauder

W

elcome to the first issue of Meetinghouse, a

I am grateful for students and young alumni, particularly

rebirth of News from Friends.

from the Classes of 2020 and 2021, who continue to look forward with hope and motivation, despite the

The timing of this relaunch of our community magazine

many sacrifices and disappointments that so many

is apt as we transition back to some semblance of pre-

in our community and beyond have experienced over

pandemic normalcy; new beginnings are afoot. The title

the past year and a half. Our students made their own

of this publication is also of obvious significance.

opportunities, and their resilience is humbling.

As change endlessly swirls in the city surrounding

I am grateful for dedicated faculty members like Linda

the Fifteenth Street Meetinghouse, the Greek Revival

Chu who is retiring after 51 years of service, bringing an

building stands firm—inside and out—just as it did when

end to the longest tenure of any teacher in the School’s

it was built in 1860. It’s as if this historic room exists in an

history. Her commitment to her students is awe-inspiring.

alternate dimension of time and space. The straight lines and unadorned lintels and sills accentuate the simplicity

I am grateful for alumni like Ed Carroll ’56, who attended

of this sanctuary. Here, I find respite and comfort from the

Friends two years before the U.S. Supreme Court’s

kinetic pace of life. Here, I often count my blessings.

landmark ruling of Brown v. Board of Education. True leaders step up with little fanfare, but always for the good

I am proud to share that echoes of a Quaker meeting—in

of others.

spiritual and reflective form—reverberate through the pages of this magazine that you are holding. In many

I am grateful for you, for being a part of Friends. Our

ways, I hope it can serve as an extension of a Meeting for

community has drawn from deep wells of creativity,

Worship. Imagine me, if you will, standing among the

empathy, and action amid a dual pandemic of COVID-19

wooden benches, reading this letter aloud.

and systemic racial inequities. Our collective efforts have brought light to even the darkest moments.

As for my aformentioned blessings, I am grateful for the people you will get to know in the following pages. I hope

Let your life speak,

they remind you of what we are capable of in trying times.

Here’s a preview of just a few of those I’m grateful for:

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 7

8 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

Many Friends Seminary alumni and faculty have published books over the years, and Margaret Gonzalez intends to read them all. In 2017, Marge, a former Friends French teacher, parent of an alumna, and a former Trustee, set out on a journey to read all the literature she could find from Friends alumni, faculty and staff. Below she reviews three recent works by Friends alumni. Follow her literary adventures online at margegonzalez.net.

Marge’s Book Reviews kids need to allay their fears and show

the Jewish diaspora, originally based

them that they are helping not only

in Baghdad, the Sassoons and the

themselves but many other children. In

Kadoories, who end up accumulating

the book, Calla is a superhero and truly,

astounding wealth through trade.

all the children who take part can hold

For decades they rule the elegant

claim to that title.

waterfront of Shanghai, living in the opulent splendor of their own grand

Arya takes the ethical principles

hotels and mansions, while the Chinese,

advanced in the Belmont Report and

whom they barely notice, struggle to

outlined by Warren T. Jahn and puts

survive. Through the improbable lens of

them in language easily understood by

these families we glimpse the tumult

the very young. Calla’s father explains

of the great transitions that ended the

that there are “four promises doctors

centuries of dynastic empires in China

all around the world make to always try

—from the collapse of the Qing dynasty

Courageous Calla & The

to do what is best for patients like you.”

Clinical Trial

The first promise, respect for autonomy,

by Arya Singh ’18

is translated as “you’re the boss of your own body.”

Still in college, Arya already has a book to her name and one that will

This book should be sitting in every

be reassuring to children who find

pediatrician’s office. No one who

themselves participants in clinical trials.

understands picture books is too

The only way we can move forward

young to understand how medical

with treatments and medications is

science moves forward and to admire

through clinical trials. Adult volunteers

the superheroes who make it happen.

can weigh the risks and benefits before joining a test group.

But for those conditions that emerge at birth or during early childhood, very young participants, many of whom have seen more than their fair share of doctors and hospitals, are badly needed. Courageous Calla is just what

The Last Kings of Shanghai, The Rival Jewish Dynasties that Helped Create Modern China

by Jonathan Kaufman ’74 The Last Kings of Shanghai sweeps through the 19th and 20th centuries, telling the story of two families of Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 9

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BOOK REVIEWS

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to Sun Yat-sen to Chaing Kai-Shek to

Jonathan takes a journalistic stance

Mao—all of which led to today’s

on the behavior of these tycoons and

People’s Republic.

lets the reader do most of the moral judging (if there be any). Certainly vis-

Jonathan offers an absorbing and

à-vis the Chinese, the Kadoories and

innovative angle on the story of east

the Sassoons exhibit little generosity or

meets west. An educational precept

even curiosity. But there is a moment

suggests that we learn by beginning

of true redemption for both families

with the familiar and gradually edging

during World War II. While the US turns

into the unfamiliar. For me nothing

away refugees from the Holocaust,

could seem more exotically enigmatic

Shanghai embraces them in droves.

than the history of China. This book is

The Sassoons and the Kadoories

an exciting read because, in addition to

participate in welcoming 18,000 Jews.

depicting fascinating characters, it lifts a

Horace Kadoorie, perhaps the most

curtain and makes intelligible what had

empathetic member of these clans,

previously been opaque.

sets up a school for the children.

The Sassoon family tree is firmly rooted

I hope many people will read this book.

in Baghdad when David, in his thirties,

Surely you want to know what happens

finds that times have changed (1829)

to Lawrence and Horace when the

and after escaping incarceration makes

Communists take over and where all

you can’t go home again. I count

his way to Bombay. Partly through

those Jewish refugees finally land when

among these poems about 11 dialogs

acumen and partly through propitious

the war finally ends. And what about

between an entity called The Poetry

circumstances, such as the First Opium

Victor? He is the hero and anti-hero of

Cops and Papo aka Skinecky (the

War (1839), which opens legal opium

the book. You really want to know how

dominant voice of the work) and his

trade with China, he amasses a fortune

his life takes a turn.

friends. Since several begin with Papo

of unimaginable magnitude. The

showing the poetry cops a photograph

family thrives and produces an array of

where we meet the Crazy Bunch and

fascinating characters, the most striking

The Crazy Bunch

other members of the community, my

of whom is Victor Sassoon, a playboy

by Willie Perdomo ’85

read is that these cops act as liaison

with a knack for making money and

between the hood and the surrounding

a passion for spending it on splendid

If you’d like to take an anthropological

culture. Sometimes they raise

buildings, most notably the Cathay

trip to a different culture right within

questions which guide the non-Puerto

Hotel, which looks out on the waterfront

the confines of Manhattan island, this

Rican reader and sometimes the cops

of Shanghai. Victor is buffeted by

book is for you. These poems take you

themselves struggle to understand.

upheavals of the 20th century, but it is no

into a classically compressed weekend

stretch to call him one of the last kings

during which a group of young men

The events of the weekend are

of Shanghai. Though somewhat less

in Spanish Harlem come of age (or are

numerous, probably too numerous to

flamboyant, the Kadoories nonetheless

tragically thwarted from coming of age)

be possible. There’s the hanging out,

do their fair share of ruling Shanghai. Elly

while hanging out (“lamping”) on the

which seems unrushed, almost outside

Kadoorie, who began as an employee of

street corners and littered playgrounds

of time, the preparación, an occasion

the Sassoons, amasses his own wealth

of their neighborhood to the sound

where la Bruja, the Cassandra of the

and thrives despite the tragic death of

track of 80’s-90’s hip hop. An aura of

piece, makes predictions, the crashing

his wife Laura. His sons, Lawrence and

myth envelopes the events as they

of Josephine’s Sweet Sixteen Party, the

Horace, find a source of wealth in the

occur through the filter of memory in a

trip downtown to break into a shoe

production of electricity.

space now altered by time. Apparently,

store, various battles, and the deaths

10 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

[

BOOK REVIEWS

]

by gunshot and suicide. As always in

and danger surrounded them. Here is

his entire life. Because I raised a child

poetry, the words count for more than

their farewell to adolescence, the last

from the foster care system, of all social

the events. So here are a few lines to

time “The corner was between us & the

issues, the one I feel most passionately

ponder. From “Drug War Confidential”:

world.”

about is this one – innocent children tossed about by circumstance,

False claims, fake news, old blues,

snatched from a loving environment

blood & feathers, gold & water,

Searching for Home, the Impact of

and cast into the unknown. Given the

bad weather, black bodies, brown

WWII on a Hidden Child

horror of World War II, it is hard to think

detentions, low retentions, you know,

by Joseph Gosler, Friends Seminary

of any way Joe could have been better

same ole same ole.

Business Manager Emeritus

protected, but his experience should

And from “They Won’t Find Us in

For about 20 years Joe and I both

a loving home to all children—children

Books,” lyrical heartbreaking nostalgia.

worked at Friends, and though I knew

at the border, children in our foster care

You have to read the whole poem, but

that he had been a Jewish baby hidden

system, children of wars, abuse, and

here are a couple of lines which mark

from harm with a Christian family in

extreme poverty.

loss through the passage of time:

Holland during World War II, through

wake us up to how critical it is to assure

this book I learned that harm came

Joe’s story is not all those stories, of

Gone are the old spots near the

anyway, despite the best intentions

course, and shows how one resilient

takeout, old flames where we used to

of his parents and the warmth of the

individual found ways to cope with

make out, the spots where the light

caring family that took him in. When his

lingering anger and anxiety. “Searching

used to fade out, and the letters we

biological parents left him, he may not

for Home” is an autobiography that

wrote from burning buildings.

have experienced much trauma since

goes all the way up to Joe’s retirement.

was so young; having his needs met

It shows him finding his way, after

There is so much in this work that

was paramount. But the separation at

being reunited with his biological

is astonishing and, even with the

age three from the only family he knew

family, first in Israel and then in New

poetry cops help, hard to access. I am

was deeply distressing and colored

York. It shows him struggling with

astonished by the burlesque note

relationships, wrestling with confusing

that jumps in smack in the middle of

feelings toward his parents, and abiding

tragedy. The fabled story of Don Julio,

feelings of affection toward the family

who in stormy weather “cartwheeled

in Holland. He was helped at multiple

to the light post, but he never let go

times along the way by a succession

of his porkpie hat” is echoed in the

of canine “therapists.” By dint of his

tragic moment of Dre’s suicide when

own efforts he finds a career path that

“his white yarmulke gyrated like a dizzy

suits him, a marriage partnership, and

UFO” as he fell to his death. Or Petey’s

fatherhood. In the end, this story is

jet-propelled trip to triage.

one of valiance. We root for him and he comes through. This book is a gift

The cast of characters pulls you in.

because it shows us from the inside the

The girls, though kept in their place,

serious and long-lasting turmoil this

respond with spunky swagger. The

kind of experience produces.

people of the block, always watching, provide a Greek chorus. The rap vibe pulses with muscular spondees. The Crazy Bunch was the band of brothers who shared a time and space, offering each other comfort when crime, drugs

Read more of Marge’s reviews of books authored by Friends community members at www.margegonzalez.net.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 11

It’s Worth Noting The following is a compilation of

Friends Visiting Scholar Dr. Joshua Bennett has won a

recent achievements by current

2021 Whiting Award for poetry and nonfiction—joining

Friends students, faculty, and staff.

a cohort of 10 emerging writers whose work shows early

To view more accomplishments by

accomplishment and the promise of great work to come.

community members, follow Friends

The Awards remain one of the most esteemed and

on Facebook and Instagram.

largest monetary gifts to emerging writers. In addition, Dr. Bennett was recently named as one of two 2021 Guggenheim Fellows in American Literature. Friends Seminary is honored our students had the opportunity to work with him during the 2020-2021 school year

Photo by Radcliffe Roye

through the School’s Visiting Scholar Program.

Dance teacher Barry Blumenfeld was recently elected

Dance teacher Adia Whitaker’s dance company, Àṣẹ

President of the New York State Dance Education

Dance Theatre Collective, performed during BAM’s

Association. NYSDEA is the state affiliate of the National

DanceAfrica Festival this past spring. The nation’s largest

Dance Education Organization. The Association serves

festival of African dance paid homage to the ancestral

as an advocate for dance education on the state level as

energy of Haiti with the theme Vwa zanset yo: y’ap

well as providing professional development opportunities

pale, n’ap danse!, in Haitian Creole, or “Ancestral voices:

for dance educators in New York and administering the

they speak… we dance!” The virtual program of dance

National Honor Society for Dance for students.

premieres drew inspiration from the lwa, spirits of Haitian Vodou, and brought together a community from near and far. The Collective also completed an Office Hours Residency at The REACH at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in July 2021.

12 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

Dr. Christel Johnson, Modern and Classical Languages

Following a yearlong exploration of African diasporic

Department Chair, recently published “Domina-Virgin-

history, politics, literature, and art, Schomburg Junior

Mater-Trix: The Kaleidoscopic Identity of Woman.” The

Scholar Julian Reyes ’23 presented his work during a

book examines the function of four stereotypes: domina-

virtual summit in June. Using digital media, Reyes and

virgin-mater-trix as representations of marginality in

his peers provided a glimpse at what African-American

Classical and Renaissance literature. The establishment

Vernacular English (AAVE) is, what it’s not, and the

and disintegration of identity reflected in these

importance of it in Black history and culture. During

literatures, proves that neither Woman nor Subject can

the summit, Reyes participated in a live discussion

be defined in concrete, unchanging terms. “There are

on AAVE with Dr. April Baker-Bell, a national leader

repeated patterns all around us,” Johnson writes, “those

in conversations on Black Language education. To

we can see and those we cannot. This text is part of a

view that discussion and to learn more about the The

cyclical pattern of folding and unfolding that began

Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture, visit

during my time as a graduate student.

www.schomburgeducation.com/til-we-free-media.

Rebecca Jakobsen Randall ’25 recently received

Samara Friedman ’22 is particpating in a leadership

regional recognition in the 2021 New York City Scholastic

program at the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

Awards, presented by the Alliance for Young Artists and

Academy training facility in Virginia this summer.

Writers, for her piece, My Mind (pictured above). Her

Through the program, students focus on building

work was recognized by a panel of creative professionals

leadership skills and develop critical thinking of

as among the most outstanding work submitted among

contemporary law enforcement and issues facing

her peers. Since 1923, the Awards have recognized some

young people today. This year, only two individuals from

of America’s most celebrated artists and writers while

New York State and Canada were accepted into the

they were teenagers, including: Tschabalala Self, Stephen

competitive program.

King, Kay WalkingStick, Charles White, Joyce Carol Oates, and Andy Warhol.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 13

EDWARD CARROLL, JR. ’56 photographed at his ranch in Rio Rico, Arizona.

14 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

By Sandra Guzmán Portraits by Rebecca Sasnett

A Quiet Force for Change History has an elegant way of gracing even the most modest heroes among us. In the fall of 1952, a happy and confident 14-year-old Edward Carroll Jr. walked into Friends Seminary quietly, becoming the first Black student to attend Friends in more than a half of a century. ➤

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 15

[

A QUIET FORCE FOR CHANGE

]

“ My color exposed me to the underbelly of this country...The kernel of slavery in the founding of our nation corrupts our striving for a better nation.”

Ed Carroll performed in the Choir his freshman year.

T

“I see myself as a relic,” he laughs.

“their” schools. In comparison, Carroll’s

He was born during the Great

integration was wholesome.

Depression when Franklin D. Roosevelt was president and has lived

the “Jackie Robinson of Friends,” Carroll

to see a dozen more take the oath of

appreciates the deeper story of what

office. A witty raconteur, Carroll loves

he represents in the narrative of an

to share family tales and adventures.

institution wanting to fulfill its moral

He has lifelong love and respect for

promise.

he Baltimore-born son of four

history, which was cultivated at home

generations of Methodist

and nurtured at Friends.

ministers broke a 166-year

While he hardly considers himself

Because of his deep reverence

“This was not so much a principal or the School’s leadership wanting change, this was faculty, students and parents

old tradition of racial segregation

for history, the father of two rejects

moving Friends out of the elite white

two years before the U.S. Supreme

any attempt to lionize him for the

school to a more Quaker model,” he

Court’s landmark ruling of Brown

significant role he played at the

says. “The push to have Black students

v. Board of Education that declared

School even if it happened during

resulted in me coming, and in the

racial segregation of children in public

a time when the nation’s public

process, destroying the myth.”

schools was unconstitutional.

schools were racially segregated

According to Carroll, the principal at

Carroll, who is now 83 years old,

and the country was deep in the

the time, Alexander Prinz, was known as

reflects on this watershed moment in

throes of profound upheaval over

a stone cold racist who refused to allow

his life with judicious humility.

racial inequality, including the racial

Black students into the School. But a

caste system known as Jim Crow.

small and passionate anti-racist group

a Friends story than it is mine,” he

His integration came at a time when

of parents and faculty raised money to

says thoughtfully. “I certainly was

Black teenage boys were lynched

provide tuition for four years to a Black

not a star student or a star athlete,

for looking at white girls, and Black

student. The story he was told is that

though I was a star at being social,”

protesters fighting for human dignity

the group met with the Principal and

he chuckles.

and rights were met with fire hoses

told him, “You will do this.”

“I think my story at Friends is more

Carroll retired after a five-decade

and state-sanctioned violence. It was

“I heard that one of Principal Prinz’

career in broadcast journalism,

a period of deep racial unrest not

objections to accepting Black students

public relations and service with the

unlike the Black Lives Matter protests

was, ‘What will we do about our

Air Force National Guard. He lives

of the last decade and the Summer of

dances,’” cackles Carroll. “My being at

with his wife on a ranch in Rio Rico,

George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.

Friends

Arizona, located on the U.S.-Mexico

In fact, just as Carroll began his

gave them power to set the direction

border. He takes long walks with his

sophomore year at Friends, Black

dog, enjoying

school children in the South were

the cool morning desert air as he

being bombed, spat on, cursed, and

racial integration hobbled for decades.

reflects on the richness of his long

pelted by white racist mobs violently

Carroll was the only Black student

and textured life.

opposed to racial integration in

during his entire four years.

16 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

of the School to where it is now.”

Change did not happen quickly, and

[

An Outing to a Negro Baseball Game Alters His Future Until this day Carroll doesn’t know how he was chosen, but the one thing he knows for sure is that attending Friends was engineered by his father, Edward G. Carroll Sr., a third generation Methodist minister with deep roots in Maryland.

“My father took me to an HBCU Negro Baseball League exhibition game at Yankee Stadium, and he ran into one of his friends, a Black executive, who told him Friends had an opportunity for a young Black student,” he says. “My father took down the information and ran with it.”

Carroll’s parents did not sit down with the teen at the kitchen table and frame this as epic, historic or even groundbreaking.

“It was presented as a great opportunity.” He adds, “And indeed

A QUIET FORCE FOR CHANGE

all his life,” he noted. “As a minister you expect nothing less—he welcomed and ministered anybody and everybody.”

Carroll Sr. graduated Morgan State University and Yale Divinity School when he was 23 years old, and after graduating from Union Seminary had a distinguished career as a minister eventually serving as Methodist Bishop of New England from 1972 to 1980. The elder Carroll also devoted much of his scholarly life to writing about racial integration, so it’s no surprise that his son would end up quietly making history.

“I have a piece that my father wrote decrying segregation in the Methodist church,” he shares. “In many ways, it was his mission in life.”

His mother, a trained teacher who stayed at home to care for Edward and his younger sister Nansy, also graduated from Morgan State University two years

it was.”

after her husband. She exposed him to

A Three-Generation Minister’s Son

lived a comfortable middle class life

It is fair to say that the story of racial integration at Friends starts with Edward Jr.’s parents, Phenola and Edward Sr. The family lived in Morgan Park, Maryland, a neighborhood adjacent to the campus of the

books and museums, and the family

of his paternal great grandfather and great uncle born to a free African woman on the eastern shore of Maryland, a region known as Little Mississippi. While she was free, her husband, and the boy’s father, was enslaved.

“My great grandfather and his brother were bonded out by their mother when they were children to buy the freedom of their father,” Carroll explains.

The boys became house child servants to the family they were bonded to, and one the daughters of the house took to teaching them to read, which was illegal at the time. When they turned 21 years old, they moved to Baltimore to start a new, free life.

His great grandfather went on to graduate from Howard University, and his great uncle from Morgan

waterfront coop property in Ontario, Canada.

When Eddie was eight years old, his father was recruited for a job at YMCA New York headquarters, and the family

Morgan State University. He was raised

in Harlem, one of the only places where

in a neighborhood populated with

Black families could purchase homes at

Black intellectuals and professionals,

the time.

Carroll was enrolled in Downtown

United States Supreme Court Justice

Community School, a racially integrated

Thurgood Marshall, jazz legend Chick

experimental school. Traveling daily

Webb and portraitist Joshua Johnson,

from Harlem to the East Village exposed

among others.

young Edward to the multi-dimensional and vibrant life of the City. He lived an

with the Student Christian Movement

integrated life and played with Black

and preached gospel and liberation

and white children. His parents exposed

theology.

him to the world and made sure he

“My father was an integrationist

Carroll loves to share the powerful story

cottage located on a sprawling 165-acre

moved north, purchasing a brownstone

Carroll Sr. was deeply involved

A Great-Grandson of The Born Free Generation

taking annual vacations to a humble

historically Black college in Baltimore,

the same neighborhood that produced

]

Ed Carroll in his Advanced Dramatics class.

knew he had his rightful place in it.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 17

[

A QUIET FORCE FOR CHANGE

] which Carroll brazenly responded, “Ok and I don’t either.”

“I just let it go,” he says. “I never found out what caused Schrag to do that, but after that we were congenial.”

During his third year at Friends, Carroll asked a classmate to accompany him to a school dance, and the next day she told him that her father would not give her permission because he was Black.

“But she whispered, ‘Don’t worry, I will meet you there,’” he laughs.

On American Racism and Other Demons “My color exposed me to the underbelly During Reunion 2017, Ed, second from left, posed for a photo with former classmates and current students. From left: Jared Bowers-Hodges ’17, Ed, Stephen Chinlund ’51, Gretchen Dumler ’56, Jayson Pitagorsky ’17, Lucy Bryant ’17 and Matteo Boria ’17.

State, followed by the seminary. Both

chorus to his music teacher who

men had full careers as ministers in

instantly took an interest in him.

Baltimore’s Methodist church. They too made quiet history a century earlier.

“My great uncle was in the first class

“My first year I sang ‘Sweet Little Jesus Boy’ at the Christmas concert, and my reputation was set,” he recalls.

of ministry that were allowed to be

“Being neither a striver nor a prima

full-fledged ministers,” Carroll says.

donna probably endowed me with

“Before that, Black ministers were

some attractiveness, accessibility,

allowed to be “exhorters” or preachers,

and star power.”

but they had to work under white ministers.”

The women in Carroll’s family,

There were two incidents in the four years that stick out in Carroll’s mind as racially charged moments

trained teachers, also attended college

that dissipated soon after they

at a time when opportunities for

happened.

women—and Black women in

He says a teen named Peter

particular—were slim to non-existent.

Schrag, “a good-looking blond dude,”

His paternal grandmother graduated

punched him out of the blue one

from Howard University in 1902.

afternoon during recess. Several

The Debonair Teen Who Loved to Sing

classmates jumped in to separate them and someone suggested they shake hands. Carroll says he extended

Inspired by the interview, Carroll dusted

his hand but Schrag tried to pull him

off 70-year-old yearbooks, an endeavor

to the ground.

he describes as cathartic.

“The memories extruded have taken me back to the best four years of my life,” he says joyfully, eager to share cherished memories.

During his freshman year, Carroll remembers showing an interest in

18 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

“At which point Harlem takes over and my right fist shoots into his face and cuts his lip,” he recalls.

Schrag was taken to the hospital, and the next day Principal Prinz saw Carroll in the hallway and told him, “We don’t fight in our school,” to

of this country,” says the proud veteran.

“My birth certificate says colored. The kernel of slavery in the founding of our nation corrupts our striving for a better nation.”

For Carroll the stain of slavery should serve as a driving force for the realization of the promise embedded in the founding documents.

“In my American history course I was able to read the Federalist Papers and the Constitution,” he recalls. “I remember being taken by the preamble, ‘We, the people in order to form a more perfect union…’ Till this day, I am inspired by this idea.”

Black people, he says, live or die by the goodness of our governments, which is why he believes it’s in the best interest to vote and to stay active in shaping our government.

Following his graduation from Friends, he enrolled in Ohio Wesleyan University’s ROTC program to fulfill a lifelong dream to be an Air Force fighter pilot. Two years later he learned he was colorblind, ending his future piloting dreams. He graduated with an officer rank and would go on to serve on and off in the Air Force National Guard for the next 20 years, serving as public affairs officer for the D.C. Air National Guard for nearly a decade.

Carroll credits Friends for opening a

[ new lens through which to view religion. Although a minister’s son, grandson and great grandson, he was free to choose what to believe in, and during a world religion class in his junior year he found it.

“I learned about the concept of yin and yang, and in my teenage brain that rang as truth,” he says. “There are these competing forces in life which contain a little of the other. The Tai Chi symbol for me is like the cross for Christians. It’s the

A QUIET FORCE FOR CHANGE

W

]

hile Ed Carroll was not the first Black student to attend Friends Seminary (by all accounts, he was the third), his admission to the School was a significant

first step toward real integration.

Students and parents began petitioning the Board to admit students of all colors and creeds in the mid-1940s. In May of 1944, nine students from Friends presented one such petition (as part of their work with the newly-formed Interracial Youth Committee), stating, in part: “Equality of Opportunity for racial and minority groups is as essential to the creed of the United States as the Bill of Rights is

closest thing I believe in.”

to the Constitution. It is with the attainment of this goal that we, at

Let Me Be a Force for Change

achieved for many years to come, this does not mean that we should

A few weeks before his graduation from Friends, Carroll was surprised to learn that his father was chosen to deliver the commencement address. His father quoted Shakespeare and Longfellow and ended with Miriam Teichner’s prayer, “God Let me be a Force.” “…Please go let me do my share, God—let me be aware.”

While the confident teenager may not have been wholly aware in 1952 of the enormity of what he represented to a school striving to be more perfect, it does not mean that history forgets the humble heroes who quietly do the good work.

“Friends,” says Carroll, “was the last best community I belonged to, my four years there mean the world to me.”

Friends Seminary, are concerned. While full democracy may not be relax our efforts when we feel that there is room for improvement in our immediate surroundings. It is for this reason that we, the undersigned, wish to express our opinion...favoring the admittance of members of all races, as well as religious bodies, to the great opportunity of education here at Friends Seminary.”

Such petitions and conversations continued at Friends until when, in 1950, a group of students and parents came together to create a scholarship for the admission of a Black student to the School.

Ed Carroll ‘56 was the recipient of that award. While it would take until 1963 for the next Black student to be admitted to Friends, the momentum started in the post-WWII era, was an unstoppable force.

Who, then, were the first and second Black students to attend Friends Seminary? Records show that both were admitted around the turn of the 20th century. In 1892 the Board admitted Clara Louise Lawson, though not by unanimous approval. How long Clara attended is not clear. Then, in 1905, Alston Burleigh was admitted to Kindergarten. The Friends Seminary-Burleigh connection continues to this day.

Alston’s father, Harry T. Burleigh, was the first Black soloist at St. George’s Episcopal Church (across 16th St. from Friends Seminary), and would

Photo by Bobby Román

ABOUT THE WRITER Sandra Guzmán is an award-winning feminist writer and documentary filmmaker. She was a producer of The Pieces

remain so for over 50 years. In the fall of 2020, as a service learning project associated with their goLEAD class, Friends fifth graders engaged in a postcard-writing campaign to have the portion of 16th Street between Third Avenue and Rutherford Place renamed “Harry T. Burleigh Place.” This campaign was undertaken in partnership with the Stuyvesant Park

I am, a critically acclaimed film about the art

Neighborhood Association. On December 17, 2020, the City Council

and life of her literary mentor Toni Morrison. She

approved the petition.

is the author of the non-fiction book, The New

“It was an honor for Friends Seminary to participate in this effort

Latina’s Bible. Her work explores identity, land,

to honor a man who must have looked over our campus many

memory, race, sexuality, spirituality, culture, and

years as he made his way to St. George’s,” Principal Bo Lauder said.

gender. She is married to Willie Perdomo ’85.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 19

[

CL A SSROOM SPOTLIGHT

]

Delicious DNA 20 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

I

n April, Grade 8 students in Dr. Shayri Greenwood's science class explored the structure and function of the molecule that builds life by extracting

you can see them together in one long, clear strand.

Visualizing DNA in the plant model allowed students to take part in a unique hands-on experience with a

deoxyribonucleic acid from strawberries. The neat

structural unit that is ordinarily invisible, yet plays such an

thing about strawberry DNA is that you can see it with

enormous role in the making of the world as we know it.

the naked eye!

The students performed the scientific experiment

The experiment was also performed in April, the same month in which National DNA Day is celebrated annually

using household materials to extract the DNA. This was

on April 25 to commemorate two major discoveries in

particularly important as some students performed the

genetics: the day in 1953 when James Watson, Francis

experiment synchronously at home through Friends’

Crick, Maurice Wilkins, Rosalind Franklin and colleagues

hybrid learning model.

published papers in the journal Nature on the double

Usually, the DNA is combined within the cell, so you can’t see it. But when you create a mixture of dish soap and salt and mix it with the strawberry pulp, it helps break down the strawberry cells into individual parts.

Once alcohol is added to the pulp, it encourages the DNA strands to rise to the top and bind together, where

helix, and the day in 2003 that marked the completion of the Human Genome Project.

The value of this lab was not lost on the students this past year, as the COVID-19 pandemic challenges everyone to consider how even the smallest things can have a major impact on our lives.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 21

C ongratulations

2 2

22 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

to the Class of

20

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 23

2 20

Where are they studying?

24 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

College Matriculation Amherst College Boston University Bowdoin College Brown University (2) Carnegie Mellon University Case Western Reserve University University of Chicago Columbia/Tel Aviv University Dual Degree (2)

McGill University (3) Middlebury College (3) University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill Northwestern University Oberlin College Pennsylvania State University Pitzer College Rice University

Columbia University

Rochester Institute of Technology

Cornell University (4)

Stanford University

Dartmouth College Davidson College Dickinson College

Temple University The New School (2) Trinity College

Drexel University (2)

Vanderbilt University

University of Edinburgh

University of Virginia

Emory University (2)

Wesleyan University (2)

Hamilton College (2)

Williams College

University of Illinois Kenyon College (3)

University of Wisconsin Yale University (3)

Lafayette College

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 25

Graduation Day

2 21

26 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

O

n June 10, 2021, 71 graduates crossed the stage at Rumsey Playfield in Central Park to receive their diplomas from Principal Bo Lauder and Head of Upper School Kate Reynolds.

Due to the pandemic, and to abide by the state’s gathering protocols, the School moved the ceremony from the Meetinghouse to the iconic outdoor venue.

Speakers included Principal Lauder, Board of Trustees Clerk Isaac Henderson, and graduates

Ananya Modi, Michael Flynn, Aaron Fig, Joanne Lee and Justin Weinstein. Friends Mathematics teacher Sue Beyersdorf, pictured above, delivered the commencement address.

“As you prepare to go out into the world, I ask you to remember to listen,” she told the graduates. “Listen to the voices of others, and listen to your own Divine voice. Listen to voices of affirmation and listen to voices that push you to change and grow. Use your skills from Meeting for Worship to know which messages speak truth to you and which to let go.”

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 27

Scenes from a Historic Celebration in the Park

28 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 29

Where are they headed?

30 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

2 21

College Matriculation Amherst College

Mount Holyoke College

Bates College

Muhlenberg College

Boston University (2)

New York University

Brandeis University

Northeastern University

Brown University

Northwestern University

University of California, Los Angeles

Oberlin College (2)

University of Chicago (2)

Pennsylvania State University

Colby College

University of Pennsylvania (4)

Colgate University (2) Cornell University (2) Drexel University (2) Duke University Elon University

University of Rochester Skidmore College University of Southern California (2) University of St Andrews (2) Swarthmore College

Emory University (2)

University of Texas, Austin

Fordham University

The New School- Eugene Lang College

George Washington University University of Georgia Hamilton College

Tufts University (3) Tulane University Vassar College

Haverford College (3)

University of Virginia

IE University, Madrid

Washington University, St. Louis

Kenyon College (2)

Wellesley College

Louisiana State University

Wesleyan University (5)

University of Michigan (2)

Williams College (2)

Middlebury College

Yale University

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 31

George Floyd’s Last Words, Stitched into Our Souls Rev. Mark Koyama ’84 reflects on the Sacred Ally Quilt Project, a collaboration of church members quilting the last words of George Floyd. In coordination with Interim Director of Alumni Relations Annah Heckman ’15 and the Center for Peace, Equity and Justice at Friends, the collection of 10 quilts were displayed in the lobby of Friends Seminary this past spring, including Reunion Weekend.

Pictured above: Rev. Mark Koyama ‘84 helped install the Sacred Ally Quilts exhibit in the Friends Seminary lobby earlier this year.

Opposite page: (Left) The quilts hung in the lobby. (Right) Friends students viewed the exhibit.

M

ona texted me. She was looking for donations of

Later that same day George Floyd’s dying words appeared

fabric to make a Black Lives Matter banner for

in the body of an email I received from a group promoting

our church. I thought: others are going to want

police reform. In George Floyd’s desperation, I recognized

to get in on this. My church has no lack of avid quilters. This made me think of the AIDS quilt. I thought: there are plenty

the narrative frame I needed. The reckoning we all need.

I made my pitch to trusted mentors, and then to my

of church folks who want to be allies but can’t imagine

parishioners: The Sacred Ally Quilt Project, a collaboration

how to start. What if we collaborated on a quilt? And then I

of UCC churches across the New Hampshire conference,

thought: this could catch on in other congregations as well!

32 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

quilting the last words of George Floyd.

Distillations of Pain This is our role, I said. Of all our social institutions, the church is best positioned to harness and to proclaim the subversive, the ironic, and ultimately the redemptive power of symbol. For millennia we’ve wrestled with the burden of the cross—the Roman Empire’s electric chair— sweating under its violent spectacle and confronting its distillation of all pain, humility, and sacrifice. And so, when we collaborate on a project with symbolic depth we are actively living into “God is still speaking.” “God,” I say, “is still

ancestors caught up in nets and kidnapped, choking on tears and gasping for breath,” she wrote to me later. “I saw the hold of their prison ship, no light, no air. The stench of human waste, sickness, death, suicide… They could not breathe! I saw my cousin trussed up in ropes and dragged through the streets. We had a rule in my childhood: don’t move don’t breathe when you see a white person. Wait for permission to do anything. George Floyd’s last words are not a current event.”

As the summer deepened and the ten quilts started to

sewing.” I began to see my role, as a minister, as a kind of

emerge in three dimensions, our meetings in Zoomland

curator of symbolic resonance. I kept expecting someone

got deeper, more exciting, more fraught. Artists involved

to tell me I was crazy. Nobody did. The Sacred Ally Quilt

in a common craft, we fell into a banter of celebrating

Project came together quickly.

each other’s prowess—the subtle nuance of symbol, the

The plague summer slouched ever on. A group of quilters from nine churches began meeting on Zoom.

Volunteers from my church, in Jaffrey, cut out words for the quilt. I tackled my word on a Saturday afternoon, measuring the letters, sketching the word on paper, transferring the outline to the back of a piece of fabric and, finally, cutting it out with great care. It took me about three hours. My word was “claustrophobic.” Three hours is a long time to spend with this frightening word. In 2020, “claustrophobic” feels transformed, made synonymous with George Floyd’s trauma. Fear of small places. Fear of confinement. Fear that we may never be free of

satisfaction that attends aesthetic flourish. But doing so, we became aware of a painful irony. There we were, a crew of mostly white folks feeling good about ourselves, while the actual words we were bent over quietly implicated us. George Floyd’s pain won’t go away. We respect it, walk gingerly around it as one would walk around a grave. We honor his pain with this stitching, this prayer of thread.

And yet, always, we suspect that we don’t fully get it, these words, this sidewalk paroxysm of American brutality.

The weight of 400 years of racial hatred coalescing on a kneecap. This, then, is the narrative of our quilts. Allyship is not easy. This is our encounter with beauty and pain.

this suffocating racial hatred. Fear that, left to our own depravity, we may never be redeemed.

Honor and Irony Quilt nine has three words: “I can’t breathe.” Harriet Ward, who is from the Pilgrim UCC in BrentwoodKingston, claimed them. Or they claimed her. “I saw my

Rev. Mark Koyama ’84 is minister of The United Church of Jaffrey in Jaffrey, NH, and teaches English and religious studies at Northfield Mount Hermon School in Gill, MA. The essay above was first published in Reflections, a magazine of Yale Divinity School.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 33

34 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

By Willa Cuthrell-Tuttleman ’16 Illustrations by Isabella Marcellino ’21

Hatching Curiosity After 51 years, Linda is retiring.

In my childhood bedroom, I sit cross-legged on the floor next to my phone and a glass of water. I had placed a call to someone I hadn’t talked to in about 13 years, and I was nervous, so I’d filled a glass of water to do something with my hands.

Someone picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?”

It’s Linda Chu, my third grade teacher, the longest tenured teacher in the history of the School. Her voice sounds exactly as it did when I was nine years old and in homeroom 3L. ➤

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 35

[

Between now and then, between

HATCHING CURIOSITY

]

as small talk. Where are we isolating?

tendency for making her water bowl

my college graduation in May over

Are we still in New York? We hope

dirty, makes me feel both extremely

Zoom and incubating ducklings at

we’ve been staying safe. I think about

young and extremely old.

the end of the second floor hall in

the fact that, to me, she’s exactly the

elementary school, I felt as though

same, but somehow to her, I must

up to Friends Seminary and the

most of my memories of third grade

seem drastically different. Linda and

conversation takes a more serious

had been lost. Like most people, I don’t

I share hobbies we’ve been picking up

turn. Linda Chu tells that she grew up

remember much of my experience

in isolation; I am trying to read more,

in southern California, that she got her

in elementary school. But as Linda

she’s started obsessively baking. We

teaching degree with a minor in art

and I talk over the phone, the spatial

catch up; I tell her about graduating

and taught for a few years before

arrangement of room 3L becomes

college; she tells me that she’s been

joining the Peace Corps and moving

clear to me in my mind: two tables

keeping Molasses, now 58 years old, in

to Sierra Leone. When Linda was

sitting beneath two windows at the

her apartment. Molasses unplugs the

my teacher, her life outside of the

back of the classroom, the stick bug

cable wires when let out of her cage.

classroom was unknown to me; she

cage in the center of the room like a

“She’s really into yogurt now,” Linda

I ask Linda about her time leading

was purely my teacher, a figure of

mantelpiece, the linoleum floor, the

laughs. “She gets it all over her cage

authority and guidance. But talking to

fluorescent lights, the pet turtle

and face, and then I have to give her

her now and hearing about her young

Molasses’s acrylic cage, and Linda’s

a bath.”

life, I find myself cherishing these

table at the front of the room, where

When I was nine years old, feeding

facts; listening to her feels as intimate

the other students and I would

Molasses lettuce and strawberries

and surprising as getting to know a

drop our finished math tests on

was my favorite class chore. I have

new friend.

multiplication tables. And for some

nothing new to add about the ways

reason, I briefly but vividly remember

the pandemic has warped our sense

Corps that was most integral to her

the smell.

of time, but talking about Molasses

development as a teacher, and to

specifically, her enormous nails and

discovering her values as an educator.

Our conversation initially begins

51 YEARS

1966 – 1967

1967 Linda serves in the Peace Corps in Sierra Leone, West Africa.

Linda’s teaches her first class: Grade 1 at Coronita Elementary School in Corona, CA. 36 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

It was her experience in the Peace

[

HATCHING CURIOSITY

]

Linda began as a co-teacher in the

other group dissected a pig). I could

more collaborative and progressive

probably recite the “Ort Report” from

ways of learning; ways that were

memory, a song that encouraged us to

modern and creative, that nurtured

compost after meals in the dining hall.

curiosity.

It was fall, the leaves were hard and

“In the 1970s, Friends didn’t have field trips,” Linda said. “Field trips are

crunchy, and it was cold.

As a third grade teacher, Linda

so important for kids. It’s important to

continued to implement innovative

observe, explore, to see things.”

and social ways of learning. She

Linda introduced the Nature’s Two years after the Peace Corps,

friends (we dissected a shark while the

first grade and worked to introduce

initiated a pen pal correspondence

Classroom visits to Friends, as a way

through which students write letters

for young students to have camping

to Friends alumni. She introduced

Linda and her husband moved to New

experiences, to learn about science

incubating young ducklings and chick

York City. After teaching first at a day

and the environment, to learn how

eggs in the classroom until they hatch,

school, she broadened her search, and

to compost, and to hike and connect

and journaling observations on the

it was by fortuitous coincidence that

with nature.

classroom stick bugs she kept. She

she found a fit at Friends Seminary.

I remember my first Nature’s

taught us how to weave a belt on a

In the 1970s, the School was more

Classroom trip, but not the moments

loom—mine was pale green with a

traditionally structured, but Linda felt

one might expect. The moments were

pink stripe in the center—and she

that her encounter with Friends was

specific and odd, like the fact that the

read to us all the time, as we crowded

fortunate in that she felt she emerged

garlic bread sticks served in the dining

around her desk, near the end of the

into the New York teaching world

hall for dinner were the first to run

day. I remember that in Linda’s third

when education was changing, or was

out, the thrill of being grouped into

grade classroom, she read me the first

more open to changing.

the same dissection group as my close

book that ever truly engaged me in an

1969 – 1970

1970 – 1971

1977 – 1978 Linda teaches Grade 2 at Friends Seminary.

Linda returns to the classroom, teaching 3, 4 and 5-year-olds at The Day School in NY (known today as Trevor Day School).

Linda teaches Grade 1 at Friends Seminary.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 37

[

HATCHING CURIOSITY

]

educational techniques that was perfect for what I wanted to do,” she says. “It was a school that asked me, ‘what do you feel passionate about? What are you interested in teaching?’”

As a final question, I ask Linda if she remembers anything about me in particular when I was in her class.

Here, she pauses. I wonder briefly if she remembers her students as I remember my teachers, or if it’s different.

“You were a quiet student,” she said.

“Quiet, but kind. And you liked to try new things. You weren’t hesitant about trying new things.”

When I think about her answer, elementary school setting. She read us

something new, it never changes, the

“Hugo.” I loved listening to Linda Chu

excitement they have; that’s what’s so

read it to us, the specific way

rewarding about teaching.”

she characterized each character by

When I ask her if she’s always wanted

the tone of her narrative voice. The

to be a teacher, Linda says that she has,

vivid illustrations, the name George

and that it was specifically teaching in

Melise, feels indelibly tied to her voice.

the Peace Corps that strengthened her

Finally, I ask Linda what has inspired her to keep teaching.

“It’s always the reaction of the kids,

desire to be an educator. Teaching in the Peace Corps has had a formative effect on her philosophy and values

watching the duck eggs hatching,” she

about education. When she finally

says. “Just seeing awe and excitement

arrived at Friends, Linda says, it was

on their face. It’s so inspiring, watching

a perfect fit.

them discover something for the first time. Everytime they encounter

1979 – 1980

Linda teaches mixed ages and mixed grade levels at Friends.

38 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

“It was really Friends’ trust in me and the School’s willingness to try new

Early 1980s

Linda teaches Math Education at City College’s Center for Worker Education.

taking stock of the past 40 minutes, what allowed me to thrive in her classroom was her talent in fostering creativity and curiosity. It is something I probably have always carried, and continue to carry, within myself in ways I don’t even realize. Back in her classroom, at nine years old, I was quiet, kind, perhaps curious. In 2020, 14 years later at 23, freshly graduated and trying to figure out my life path, I reflect on the values I brought to her class, and the values she’s passed to me.

And what a beautiful thing it is for her to have found her place at Friends and for our paths to have intersected.

1980s – 2000s

Linda leads teacher workshops in progressive education in New York, Connecticut, New Mexico, Mississippi, Arkansas, Vermont, Nepal and Sikkim, India.

[

HATCHING CURIOSITY

]

“...talking about Molasses specifically, her enormous nails and tendency for making her water bowl dirty, makes me feel both extremely young and extremely old.”

20022015 – 2003

2006 – 2007 2021

Linda teaches Grade 3 at Friends.

2020 – 2021 Linda teachers her final class at Friends.

Willa ’16, the writer of this feature, has Linda as her Grade 3 teacher.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 39

A Telephone Call Between New Friends Writer Amanda Stern ‘89 Calls Writer Abigail Thomas ‘59

AS: It is so nice to meet your voice.

ready for that. I lived right on the park. You could send

AT: It’s so nice to meet your voice.

your six-year-old sister there on a bicycle by herself. It

AS: How did you find yourself at Friends Seminary?

was safe as houses.

AT: I was going to go to Brearley, where my sisters went, and then word came from somebody to my parents that there

AS: What year was this?

AT: It was 1958. I went to Friends in 1958 and 1959. Friends

was an opening at Friends. And there hadn’t been an

was my 11th school. I was used to the unfamiliar smell of

opening since like, Kindergarten. My God did I want to go

school and that had become a familiar smell. Oh, there’s

there.

that unfamiliar smell; I know that. Friends was the first

AS: Had you just moved to New York?

place I’d ever gone where I felt welcome. I didn’t feel

AT: Yeah, we moved a million times. We moved to New York

like a stranger. The people were friendly; I made friends.

City when I was 16. To Washington Square West and I was 40 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

There was something completely different about it from

every other place. I mean, I’d gone to a very, very good school before that, a girls’ school, but I was never part of anything. It was just a completely different feeling. It wasn’t cliquey. I was always sort of on the outside, which is where I belonged, but at Friends there were people who hung together but it wasn’t exclusive. And you found your good friends pretty quickly. In fact, there used to be a coffee shop on 14th Street called Blynn’s, and four of us would go there every day after school. We’d have coffee and English muffins and talk about Freud and Kierkegard. Oh, we had these deep, long discussions—it was hysterical. It was just wonderful. It’s been gone for 50 years.

AS: W hat did the Meetinghouse look like then?

AT: It was white and it had these long wonderful dark pews. It was wonderful. I had already had some experience with­­—not being a Quaker—but going to Quaker meetings because when we lived in Snedens Landing, a teacher took me under her wing and took me to meetings. So, I knew about the power of it. I knew the quiver that can go through you, and it was just extraordinary. It was great. I don’t know what makes a Quaker school different from all other

Amanda Stern ’89 has published 13 books (11 for kids and two for adults). Her most recent memoir is “Little Panic: Dispatches from an Anxious Life.” She lives with her dog in Fort Greene, Brooklyn.

schools, but they’re different.

AS: H ave you gone to Quaker meetings since high school?

AT: No, no. And I didn’t in the city, either. But I know how to be quiet, and I know what comes from that.

The way I’m quiet these days is to let my monkey mind loose because my monkey mind is what I’m after. And I don’t care if he swings from his tail off the ceiling. If I’m quiet and nothing else is going on, I see where my mind wanders. And I often find something that’s interesting to write about. I mean, even if it’s a paragraph, at least I’m working.

Because you must know that when you’re a writer and you can’t write there’s absolutely no point. I mean, I have four kids and 12 grandchildren and one Photo of Abigail by Jennifer Waddell | Photo of Amanda by Jon Pack

great granddaughter, and if I’m not writing there is absolutely no point to me.

Despite all the family, despite everything, I sink into a slough of despond. But fortunately, since the pandemic, sitting here quietly in my chair going nowhere, I’ve been a very good observer of what goes on outside my window. And also, the quiet allows the back of your mind to move forward to the front of your mind. You find out what you’ve been thinking

Abigail Thomas ’59 has written eight books. Her most recent are the memoirs “Safekeeping; A Three Dog Life” and “What Comes Next and How to Like It.” She lives with her dogs in Woodstock, NY.

about without having to think about it.

AS: D id you ever talk in silent meeting?

AT: You know I did once, and for the life of me I can’t remember what I said. But it meant a lot to me. I have these bald spots in my memory, and I wish to God I Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 41

[

ABIGAIL THOMAS Q& A

]

knew what I’d said, but it was something that mattered

was lovely. It was just all air and light or rain or whatever

to me. I don’t know what I said, but in that school I

was going on outside.

said whatever popped into my mind, and none of it was ever censored. You could find out who you were.

Because there was nobody telling you not to talk like that, or dress like that, or to shut up. It was a different atmosphere from any place I’d ever been, and boy had I been to a lot of places.

AS: T ell me about your favorite teacher.

AT: Oh, Dr. Hunter! I just loved Dr. Hunter. He was passionately in love with everything he taught, and he taught everything! He was the Upper School. He taught modern European history, American history and comparative religion—everything I was interested in, he taught. And he was, I can still remember he had a certain way—his handwriting was unusual. And I can’t

AS: Friends made me believe in myself in ways no one had before. It seems like you had a similar experience.

AT: Yes, absolutely. Be myself. A self I hadn’t known before.

AS: Do you remember some of the authors you read?

AT: We read Silas Marner. We read George Eliot. We read the poetry of George Herbert and Alfred Lord Tennyson and John Dunne, and Coleridge. We did the old dead white men. But I was glad. I loved it all. It was an old-fashioned curriculum. It was the 50s. I think if it had been middle 60s, it would have been different. God knows we knew about a whole lot more, but it was interesting to me.

I didn’t mind it. It was all made interesting and it was brand new to me.

describe it to you, but I know it exactly. I remembered

AS: How did you get to school every day?

exactly the way he made his A’s, which was different

AT: I used to walk to school with Gail Culkin because she

from the way everybody else made their cursive A’s.

lived in the Mews, and I would walk up, pick her up in the

And if he would look at us, and we had blank looks on

Mews, and then we walked to University Place and up

our faces, he would say “You, bunnies. You, bunnies!

and then over.

This is interesting. What is the matter with you, you bunnies?” and that was the worst thing he would ever say to anybody.

AS: How often do you think about Friends?

AT: It comes into my head a lot because I’m proud of having written eight books with a high school education. I have

AS: How old was he?

reverse snobbery. I’m sometimes curious about why I

AT: Oh, he was in his 70s. He was also wonderful looking.

never felt I should have a college education, although I

You know? He was just a really interesting looking man.

He was not tall. I don’t even know how long he’d been there, probably forever. But he was the Upper School.

AS: D o you feel like your teachers respected you?

AT: I felt like the teachers at Friends let me be who I was.

I could argue. I could say outrageous things, and they were taken seriously. And I did say outrageous things.

I was kind of a wild child. And I’d never been that before. It was partly because you just were who you were, you know? It was just possible to be a little outrageous and nobody shunned you or, or told you to behave yourself. It was very free and non-judgmental. It was a lovely place. It really was.

AS: I f you hadn’t gone to Friends, do you think you’d be the person you are now?

AT: I think the experience was really key. I mean, I had a fairly screwed up life after that. But I look back on

suddenly had a great many children.

AS: Can you talk a little bit about the connection and importance of silence and writing?

AT: It’s extremely important, don’t you think? You can’t know what you’re thinking if you’re busy busy busy. You need to settle into yourself. It’s almost like napping, right? It’s like letting the aquarium settle so you can see the fish.

AS: So you never felt discomfort with the silence; you embraced it immediately?

AT: Oh yes. I did. You felt something that you didn’t feel anywhere else. You felt a sort of weird connection to everyone else in the room. You were sort of one person even though you weren’t. It was a real experience. I loved it.

I took right to it. I wanted to be silent. There was a hum in that room. There was something extraordinary going on.

Friends with as much affection as I have for almost

AS: You haven’t been to a meeting as an adult?

anything. The old friends. The brick building Friends. It

AT: No, I haven’t.

42 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

[

ABIGAIL THOMAS Q& A

]

AS: Why do you think that is?

AS: What advice would you give to aspiring writers?

AT: Because I’m pretty quiet. I’m a little bit content with

AT: Just write and don’t look over your own shoulder.

my own quiet here. When I’m in gear, I’m my own best

Don’t criticize what you’re doing because it won’t be

company, and I want my own quiet. It’s a different quiet in

good the first time around. Nothing is good the first

meetings. It’s a different thing. It’s not always productive,

time around. That’s just the beginning. And don’t

my own quiet, but there’s almost always something that

stop. Always, always save your first draft—none of

captures my attention to write down even if it doesn’t

which may appear in what you finally write, but that’s

go anywhere. It’s always interesting to start not knowing

where the fire started, so if you’ve gone on and lost

where you’re going. It’s that possibility. Possibility is a

your thread, go back to the first draft, which will be

physical feeling, it’s such a high. You don’t know where

unrecognizable, but your fire will light up again. Save

you’re going, but you’re going somewhere, and you’ll find

your first attempt, which is why you should write long

out. Often, it’s nothing, but you’ve been at something.

hand and not on a computer because it’s too easy

AS: You like the not knowing?

AT: Oh, I love the not knowing. Someone said to me a couple months ago, there are two kinds of people: the people who take the long way and the ones who just want to get where they’re going. And I thought about it, and I wrote about it, and went sideways about it and I couldn’t do that if I weren’t quiet. I couldn’t do that if I didn’t live alone. If I lived with somebody…imagine if you’re in the middle of doing nothing and something is happening, and somebody wonders if we’re out of coffee, or could he make me a sandwich, and do I want mayo? I would become my least favorite version of myself. Not that anyone is beating down my door, but I am so glad to live alone. Co-habiting…I mean I’ve been married three times, and I can’t imagine ever living with someone ever again. Well, maybe Viggo Mortensen. No, I couldn’t even stand Viggo. Any other consciousness in this house would be awful.

AS: H ow would you frame your work for the people who have never read it?

to change as you go along, and then you don’t have a first draft anymore. And don’t compare yourself to anyone else, and don’t think “Oh, I’m too old,” or “I don’t know anything.” Just start. You can start with the sentence: “This is a lie I’ve told before…” and then see what happens. You can look around and just write about what you’re looking at right now. And there are no rules, if you’re writing memoir. The only rule is you have to be honest, and you have to go down to the basement and drag up the shit that is down there. And you have to write about it. Even if it’s just for yourself.

What you do for yourself can be very useful for other people. You can make other people feel human. Just write. Have adventures. Take risks. Do stuff.

AS: Have you been reading at all during the pandemic?

I’ve only managed to read one book for pleasure.

AT: Oh no. I’ve been having such difficulty reading. What was the one book you read during the pandemic year?

AS: Oh. It was a book called “Safekeeping.”

AT: (Laughter). Oh, I’m very honored. Thank you.

AT: I don’t have a very good memory, but what I do have a memory for, I do have a good memory. I write about a moment until I’m done, and I don’t add any extra like furniture or weather and then I move onto the next moment. I get it the way I like it and then I do a lot of samurai editing. That’s how I do it. I don’t want to seem good. I just want to be honest. I expose the parts of myself that I’m least proud of, but once I’ve gotten it up out of the dark and into the light it, doesn’t have the power it had on me. And when it’s lost its power, you can forgive yourself and then you can move on because guilt just keeps you in the headlights.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 43

Their Light Lives On The following are death notices received from friends and family from February 2020 to March 2021. To report a death notice, email communications@friendsseminary.org.

Richard Cooley ’42

New York City on January 7, 1929 and

Written by Karen Boysen,

grew up in Greenwich Village. After

Richard’s daughter

Friends she attended Radcliffe where

Richard Strother Cooley ’42, passed on

she graduated with a BA in History.

Dec. 4, 2020 at the age of 96. Prior to Friends, “Dick” had attended a private school in Cleveland and one in NYC. His educational experiences were less than fulfilling, and he truly did not enjoy school. He often told his family that from his first day at Friends, everything changed. He engaged and thrived, both academically and socially, and

She then moved back to New York where she worked as an editor, studied sculpture at the Art Students League, and married Karl Kroeber, who became an English professor at the University of Wisconsin and at Columbia University.

Her commitment to sculpture was reignited in 1967 on a visit to Greece, and from then on she carved

Jean Taylor Kroeber due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Her wit and generosity of spirit will be

for the rest of his life he characterized those years as some of the best in his life. He made lifelong friendships with fellow classmates Richard Scully, Jack Milici and Rene Mastrovito. The four got together annually, and their spouses and children became close through the decades that followed. His dear friend Marion Cleveland Cohen ’43 remained a lifelong friend as well and was godmother to Dick’s son.

After serving as a radio operator in WWII, Dick went on to receive his BA from Washington & Lee University and his Masters in Education from Rutgers.

He was head of the math departments at both Far Hills Country Day School (Far Hills, NJ) and The Buckley School

in stone (mainly marble) and wood.

(NYC), before retiring in 1990.

Friends yearbook, which foresaw “Jean

daughter Cynthia Ann Keely both were

‘Hot Fingers’ Taylor, of the Spike Jones

born in Sewickley, Penn. After moving

band, clutching the ‘sweet’ washboard

to Oklahoma, Barbara started a

with which she has risen to fame.”

wholesale and retail giftware company

Jean Taylor Kroeber ’47 Written by her son, Arthur Kroeber

Her figurative style was influenced by Greek and Romanesque carvings and the strong figures of Aristide Maillol and William Zorach. She worked without drawings or maquettes and aimed for a concentrated expression of inner life. Jean’s work was displayed at many galleries in New York and Vermont, and she was a longtime member and president of the Catharine Lorillard Wolfe Art Club in New York City.

She served faithfully for many years as the Class of 1947 Secretary and was a donor to many progressive causes. She did not quite fulfill the prophecy of her

badly missed. Her husband Karl died in 2009; she is survived by children Paul Kroeber, Arthur Kroeber and Katharine Kroeber Wiley, and four grandchildren.

Barbara Franzman Keely ’50 Barbara Anne Franzman Keely was born on July 2, 1932. Raised in Brooklyn, Atherton and Lafayette, California, she finally moved to Manhattan where she graduated from Friends Seminary in 1950. She met her husband, Edmund Mark Keely III while working for Cities Service in New York City. They moved to Pittsburgh and began their family.

Their son Edmund Mark Keely IV and

She kept a keen interest in music as

called “Caravan East” in 1977. According

Jean Taylor Kroeber ’47, sculptor, died

an amateur pianist (and a player of

to her family, Barbara loved to read and

on Sept. 7, 2020, while residing at

a clavichord she built herself), and a

continued to do so throughout her life.

her summer home in Hampton, NY

habituée of Carnegie Hall, where her

Her collection of books numbered

where she had spent several months

determined attendance was cut short

in the thousands. She passed on

each year since 1975. Jean was born in

only by the cancelation of concerts

September 1, 2020.

44 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

[

IN MEMORIAM

]

William Engler ’55

probing, William filled me in on his

I remember feeling stuck in my dorm

Written by Ed Carroll ’55

family and career without boast, but

room on a lovely Saturday afternoon,

obvious love and satisfaction. The MS

probably struggling to read Islamic

with which he had been dealing for

history books or master classical Arabic.

decades came up only as an aside

Steve showed up on an unannounced

to the accommodations forced on

visit—what a happy surprise! When

him to maintain as much ambulatory

Louise and I got married in 1961, Steve

independence as possible on the

was an usher. When he and Patricia

inevitable serial dependence on one

were married in 1965, we could not be

cane to two to wheelchair, the latter of

there; but later his parents hosted a

which he did his best to forestall.

New York reception, and Louise and I

Billy Engler was equal parts laughter, lankiness, clown and unboastful competence. He pet-named me booby, I forget why, though he memorialized it in his note in my ninth grade yearbook.

We had an adhesive relationship from the moment I entered Friends. He invited me to his apartment in Stuyvesant Town, where I was warmly welcomed by his sweet mother. From there we would go to Mac Jones’s apartment and devilishly enjoy the antics of Mac’s Siamese cat whose milk Mac had adulterated with some wine.

On the outside, Billy was unfazed

What a treasure! What a pleasure

showed up with our newborn son. Then

to recall! What a decent soul to

when Laurie was a newborn and our

gratefully and joyfully memorialize!

boys were three and one, we met the three Mittenthals for a picnic near

Stephen Mittenthal ’55

Hartford, where Steve worked briefly,

By Gail Tirana ’55

for a very informal (and very child-

and undeterred by what some

The Class of 1955 sends its condolences

might consider adversity: during a

to Patricia, Steve’s wife, to Laurie and

basketball practice he took a blow to

her husband and their three children.

friendly) lunch.

the face that sent him from the court holding his nose, gushing blood. He

By Art Goldschmidt ’55

was laughing it off even as he was

Steve was kind, generous, and clever.

rushed to the hospital with a broken

He never said or did anything mean.

nose. In 2015 I discovered that William

He used to tell me that the one thing

wintered in Tucson, 60 miles from

in life that he valued most was comfort,

where I was living in Rio Rico, AZ. We

his own to be sure, but everyone else’s

made a luncheon date at a favorite

comfort, too. His favorite way of saying

place, where I got to see the steely

“Goodbye” was “Take it easy.” When

structure that had been overlain with

Major ordered Steve to lead the senior

the lightheartedness I had found so

boys in calisthenics, he proceeded to

endearing at Friends.

lead us all in finger exercises.

He reminded me of an incident

Like most of us, Steve liked to argue

Stephen Mittenthal Steve, with a BA from Yale, MPA from Princeton, MA and PhD from Columbia, and with passions for

I had long forgotten. We were in

with Dr. Hunter about his multiple-

the smelly old locker room getting

choice American history questions.

dressed after some gym workout.

There was one where we were

found his life’s work in philanthropy.

We overheard Major Bella make an

supposed to choose the answer that

Because Steve ran the Arizona

anti-Semitic comment, using an

the development of the West benefited

Community Foundation, and I taught

impolite word for a person of the

from the extension of the railroads.

at Penn State, we were far apart,

Jewish faith. William claimed he still

Having chosen a different answer, Steve

but occasionally his work or family

held me in admiration for telling him

argued that stagecoaches could have

responsibilities brought him back east,

to go to Maj to register his displeasure

developed the West. “Steve and his

and we could meet. I also saw him

at what he had heard. He also told

stagecoach” made its way into our class

once in Phoenix. Retired, we could and

me about going to Mr. Merrick for

song. And, having seen his resemblance

did meet more often.

help in preparing for the Math SAT.

to Prince Metternich in a history book

Merrick suggested that he would

photo, we called him “Mitternich;” and

Parkinson’s disease, we wondered

be better off not taking the Math

that’s how Steve signed my yearbook.

whether we would ever meet again.

American history, opera and travel,

When we learned that Steve had

Adolescent friendships often do not

His daughter Laurie flew with Steve

you have what it takes for me to

survive, but Steve and I remained close

to New York so that he could revisit

bother;” whereupon William studied

for more than 60 years. When I was a

his old home, Friends Seminary and

on his own and did very well. At my

first-year graduate student at Harvard,

his friends. It was a wonderful reunion

SAT—in other words “I don’t think

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 45

[ evening for us at Gail’s with class members and their spouses to honor the man whom so many of us loved.

IN MEMORIAM

]

his childhood dream-come-true.

Larry lived in the Village, which may help explain his literary bent. His father,

Using Facetime, I talked to Steve

news of his death, many classmates reported him to be “one of my favorite classmates.” He had a great way with the written and spoken word and

some five times while he was

left the class a marvelous gift in

hospitalized. He always asked after

the “Epitaph” he wrote for the 1960

his classmates. He cared for us right

yearbook.

up to the end. Requiescat in pace.

Jon never realized his stated dream to be a long haul driver, but instead

Mary Jaffray Cuyler ’60

graduated from Brown University,

Mary Jaffray Cuyler was born in

Harvard Law School and the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. After

Cambridge, MA and died in Cambridge

a long and happy career as a partner

on May 8, 2020. A lifelong Quaker, she

in the law firm of Debevoise and

was a wonderful friend to many.

Lawrence Pratt

Choosing to never marry, she pursued a varied career and earned an MA in social work in 1989. Her passion for music began on 16th Street after an interaction with Friends Seminary teacher Jessie B. Winterbottom in the third grade who pulled her aside and praised her musical pitch. This moment sparked a lifelong relationship with music. She is survived by her sister, Susanna Cuyler ’63, brother-inlaw Neil Sloane, step-siblings Joseph Stillman and Madeline Iswalt. A note found in her desk read, “Never pregnant, self-supporting whole adult life, MA Social Work, swimmer across ponds with friends.”

Lawrence Pratt ’60

By Neil Mitchell ’60 All his Friends 1960 classmates mourn the passing of Larry Pratt, who had been bravely fighting a host of ailments over the last few years. We remember Larry for his omnipresent good nature and especially his sense of humor. He would show up at school with a copy of the Yale Record or the New Yorker and could be seen chortling over a humorous story or cartoon. Most fittingly, he attended then all-male Yale University (with five or six of his Friends classmates) and became a major contributor to the Record, eventually succeeding to the title of Editor-in-Chief—undoubtedly

46 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

Plimpton, he served for a number of years as Executive Director of the

otherwise a buttoned-down Wall Street

nonprofit Coordinating Committee of

real estate lawyer, was an amateur

New York. His concern for those around

musician who moonlighted as a

him and for those less fortunate was

member of the Grove Street Stompers

always evident, and even in the most

jazz ensemble. Larry and his friends

casual encounter he exuded kindness.

would often watch the Stompers play

Even as his health declined in the last

in one of the Village watering holes on

few years, Jon remained upbeat, witty

Monday night (when the “real” paid

and full of fun.

band had the night off). Larry and his wife migrated to New England and had a house in rural Massachusetts.

Larry travelled to New York City quite frequently and was a regular at his monthly Yale class luncheons at the Yale Club, where he entertained the rest of us with humorous anecdotes, occasionally interspersed with bulletins on his declining health. Despite a growing list of ailments, he remained upbeat about his family and life in general. Larry, those who knew you will sorely miss your eternal optimism and positive outlook on life. You will be remembered with great fondness by all who knew you—especially your Friends classmates.

Jonathan Small ’60 It is reported with great sadness the death of Jon Small on July 25, 2020 from brain cancer. Jon entered the Class of 1960 in the ninth grade and quickly became known for his wry sense of humor, sharp mind and genuine kindness. In response to the

Jonathan Small Jon and his wife Cornelia (Nealie) have two daughters, Anne Small (son-in-law Matthew Colangelo), Katherine Small (son-in-law Daniel Sims), and four grandchildren, all currently in New York City. Jon and Nealie traveled widely and especially enjoyed visiting with friends they made in New Zealand.

The Class of 1960 has lost a good friend—a guy who gave so many of us fond memories and good laughs, a guy who led with his heart.

[ Joseph Porrino ’62

IN MEMORIAM

]

to pursue a career in dosimetry and

14th, and we’d find a place to sit and

By Randall K. Nichols ’62

software for cash handling systems.

share what we’d learned since the

My friend Joe died on February 17, 2021.

He was married to alumna Susan

last time. His sharing, in hindsight,

Strauss ’71 for almost 45 years. Susan

was based on his incredible caring for

and Harlan met at Friends Seminary,

people, it wasn’t about him.

He was only two months older than I. Joe will be remembered by a huge network of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and few, if any, enemies.

I knew Joe well at Friends Seminary during our formative years as adults.

He had a wonderful effect on people around him and on me. His wide smile was both super infectious and

but only began dating after Susan’s sister, Kathie Strauss ’65 invited

By Jon Fabricant ’76

Harlan to Susan’s surprise 18th

The things about Nate that stand

birthday party.

out in my mind are easy to list.

Harlan was a devoted father to

expressed it effusively, physically

Hurwitz, honorary daughter Melissa,

and without reservation. Nate always wanted you to know he cared

disarming. You couldn’t help but like

about you with a big bear hug and

him. He was convivial and immediately

a kiss! His loyalty as a friend and his

you knew he was a sincere and

efforts to nourish and support his

genuine individual. He was like ice

friendships. His humor, sometimes

cream: you couldn’t get enough. It

sweet, sometimes dark, sometimes

didn’t matter what crowd you ran in

mischievous and sometimes cutting

or your popularity “Q” score, Joe would

and sarcastic—we shared many

make you feel comfortable and have

good laughs even in the difficult

you generally laughing in the first few

last months of his life. His stories,

moments of conversation. However, Joe turned into something different on

Harlan Hurwitz

the basketball court. I know. I broke my ankle just before graduation trying to catch him during a jump shot. Mr. Ice Cream turned into Mr. Asparagus.

In 1991, Joe married his wife of 40 years, Patricia Kerrigan. Marriages that long don’t last unless there is a very special bond in place. I suspect that Joe’s smile acted as part of the glue.

I had a chance to catch up with Joe at our 40th reunion. At the table were two grey-haired guys acting like 18.

It was as if nothing had ever changed.

His smile was just as potent. I will miss him. May the Lord walk with him and laugh along the way.

Harlan Hurwitz ’65 Dr. Harlan Arthur Hurwitz died on November 11, 2020. Born in New York, Harlan attended Friends Seminary and went on to receive a BA and MA in Physics from Brown University, an MA in Astrophysics from Columbia University, and a Doctorate in Theoretical and Mathematical Physics from Wesleyan University. He went on

His warmth, and the fact that he

Leigh, Annie (Peter), the late Emma

and a loving grandfather to Graham.

He was a passionate man, with a wide variety of interests and talents. From his knowledge of cars, pens, language, far-flung travel, sci-fi novels and films to his wit and sense of humor, he was a force to be reckoned with. He was best known for his generosity of spirit, his sense of humor, his intelligence

especially the ones about his parents, whom he loved and missed every day. His generosity and the sense of welcome you always felt around him.

The story I’m going to tell goes way back to the late 1970’s. I think it was the summer of my junior year of college. I was working at a restaurant in Wellfleet, MA on Cape Cod, and I accidentally ran into Nate and his parents who were on vacation. We

and his kindness. Harlan will be missed.

made a plan to meet later or the

Nate Ranger ’76

were to meet, I got the tragic and

By Bill Webb ’76 Nate arrived at Friends in seventh grade and immediately started introducing our class, which had been somewhat protected, to more of the 1970s downtown New York that surrounded us. That year, in Mr. Supton’s English class, he wrote a

next day. In the time before we traumatizing news that our classmate and my very close friend Harvey Bumgardner was killed in a plane crash. When Nate and his parents arrived, I was collapsed and feeling intense grief and shock. Nate’s warmth and support and the weird chance that he—someone who also

poem about a dream of a purple cow

knew Harvey from the same place I

floating in the air.

did—bonded us in the indescribable

Over the years, I would run unexpectedly into Nate on the street, usually near Second Avenue below

intensity and sadness of that moment.

Nate and I shared many more sad moments and tears in the last years of his life; I will miss you Brother!

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 47

[

By Phil Oetiker (a neighbor of Jon’s who worked with Nate) Nate Ranger turned a lifelong love of movies into a successful career behind the camera. Show business ran in the family. In Nate’s case, he started out working for a top NYC camera equipment rental company in the early 1980s. There he met many of the working cinematographers in New York. He joined their ranks in 1986, passing the union test to become an assistant cameraman. He worked on commercials for a few years, and then branched out to movies and TV series.

Moving up to the classification of first assistant cameraman, Nate would master the difficult skill of keeping the camera in focus as the camera and/or the actors moved. His credits include many feature films, working with directors Spike Lee, Noah Baumbach, Ron Howard and Ernest Dickerson, to name a few. A favorite of his was Billy Bob Thornton, for whom he “pulled focus” on the 1996 Oscar-winning feature, Sling Blade. In television, Nate is best remembered for being one of the original camera assistants on the first seasons of Law & Order. Later in his career, Nate served as a guest instructor to cinematography students at New York University and The New York Film Academy. Off of the set Nate enjoyed giving back, in the form of mentoring dozens of young, aspiring cinematographers. He helped them with their training, their networking and their confidence.

IN MEMORIAM

]

her chronic illness, Mary went on to be a writer and editor, entrepreneur and pastry chef. Those close to her describe her as positive, witty and intelligent. Her obituary reads, “Her life served as a testament to the power of faith, a reminder to give thanks for the privileges we have, and irrefutable proof that miracles are real.”

Irving Santana ’90

by Heather Lindquist ’90

48 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

Hollis Salzman, mother to Willa ’21 and son Finneas ’18, passed away on October 3, 2020.

One of the nation’s leading antitrust attorneys, Hollis spent more than 25 years litigating some of the world’s largest cases. She was a champion of gender equality and diversity in her profession. She embraced her role as a mentor and role model to other female attorneys, helping to inspire them to shine on

Poem for Irv

their own merit: “Women can succeed

Your truth

and lead blockbuster investigations,

Acceptance

even in a male-dominated field,

Your healing started

in a way that is not true to themselves,”

years later

without losing their identity or acting she said. Her tireless dedication to

Trials and tribulations

advocating on behalf of women included an extensive pro bono

Hard work accomplished

practice representing indigent women

even if for a short time

and victims of domestic violence.

Breaking free from a cycle that no longer served you Appreciation for you your light in a world of darkness May your soul be at peace my friend Miss your voice and laughter Your insight

Hollis Salzman

I feel blessed to have known you Proud to have been your friend Until we meet again

At Friends, Hollis served as a steadfast Parent Association volunteer in almost every role. She served on the PA Executive committee, in charge of communication. She was also a class

Mary Ford ’84 Mary Tamara Joelle Ford passed on November 18, 2020 in Bay Shore, New York. When she died she was surrounded by her sisters and brother.

The youngest of 10, she was born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti to Reverend Guillaume Ford and Jeanne JeanLouis Ford. She suffered from lupus, a chronic auto-immune disease. Despite

Hollis Salzman (P ’21, ’18)

representative and an Upper School Vice President. She was a Fund for Friends volunteer for many years and a volunteer on the Light the Future Campaign.

She is survived by her children. She is predeceased by her husband of 25 years, David Barry.

Irving Santana

[

IN MEMORIAM

]

After the production deadline for this issue, we received notification of the passing of the following community members. We will endeavor to include them in the next edition of Meetinghouse.

Charmian Campbell Trundle ’34, January 2, 2021 Rachel Ross Parmenter ’43, December 2, 2019 Martha Kiser Wayt ’46, April 27, 2021 Sabrina (Andrea) Loomis ’60, December 6, 2020 Arthur Fink ’64, April 24, 2021 Steve Nellissen ’71, March 5, 2021 Eric Jelin ’96, May 13, 2021 Rajesh Malladi Shastry (P ’22, ’26) October 5, 2020

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 49

Notes on Silence The Sustaining Power of Silence A Reflection by Jessie Chaffee ’97

Before I entered Friends in the sixth grade, being quiet was

quiet with their own thoughts. In my seven years at Friends,

something I felt embarrassed about. As a shy young person,

I heard my peers open up about confusion, joy, sadness,

I assumed that silence wasn’t a strength, but something

losing themselves and finding themselves.

lacking. Then I got to Friends, where every day began

And I found myself in those years too. In English classes

with silence during Meeting for Worship. All 100+ Middle

with Christina Moustakis, John Byrne and Maria Fahey, I

Schoolers would funnel into the Meetinghouse—laughing

found my voice as a writer. In drama classes with Jennifer

with friends or dealing with social rifts, anticipating a test

Hayes and music classes with Bob Rosen and Linda

or an upcoming game, self-conscious about the millions of

Monssen, I became comfortable on stage. I was still shy

shifts we were experiencing or impatient for those changes

and often quiet, but less so. By senior year, I had enough

to arrive—and then we’d settle into the rows of benches and

confidence to stand up in morning Meeting and break the

stop talking. Adolescence is a noisy time, and those quiet

silence myself. Shortly after graduation, I went on a trip with

moments were a gift. It was only 10 minutes, but in those

a group of close friends. One of my sharpest memories of

10 minutes, we could hit pause on some of the chaos and

that time is pausing on a hike to hold our own meeting.

reflect on it—or not reflect on it, if that’s what we needed.

Sitting quietly together, the silent woods around us, we

We weren’t always perfectly quiet—I remember

contemplated our changing worlds and the new places

finding ways to communicate with friends across the

we would scatter to in the fall. It was grounding, and it

Meetinghouse, or mornings we’d dissolve into giggle fits,

made me realize how much I would miss being in silence

the bench backs shaking against us—but by and large, the

with others. In the years that followed, I sought out similar

silence in the room held. What was powerful wasn’t the

opportunities, and silence remained an important part of

silence alone, of course. It’s that we were in silence together.

my life.

And it was out of that communal silence that students often felt comfortable being vulnerable, standing up to break the 50 Summer 2021 | Meetinghouse

As a writer, silence is something I rely on. I often think about a story we discussed in Christina Moustakis’s class—

Borges’s “A Bao a Qu,” a riddle of a tale in which a tower

with my family, in the magnitude of the moment, Finn’s

guarded by a mythological creature promises a view of

soft hiccups punctuating the quiet.

“the loveliest landscape in the world.” The only way to reach

Now a dynamic and energetic one-and-a-half-year-old,

the the summit is to forget that you’re making the climb.

Finn loves to talk and sing and laugh and run, run, run.

For me, writing works best when I become lost in the act

He also enjoys sitting quietly with me, sometimes watching

of doing it, and the way I get there is through silence. It

the busy world out our window, and sometimes simply

is when I am still and quiet that I can best see the world’s

contemplating each other. In her essay “The Delusions

movement, feel myself in it while also forgetting myself,

of Certainty,” Siri Hustvedt describes these moments of

and then find the words to describe it. As I experienced

intense looking—gazing in silence, but with intention—as

at Friends, silence doesn’t have to mean isolation, and

empathy-building, learning about other people and what

whenever I can, I write with others. We’ll meet at a library, or

it means to be a person. That’s what Meeting for Worship

someone’s home, or, during this pandemic, on Zoom, and

offers as well—the opportunity to look inward, yes, but also

then we’ll write—in silence, but together.

to look outward, to connect with the people with whom

When I became a teacher, I often began writing

you’re sitting, with empathy and openness.

classes with silent walks—we’d circle a city block, taking

One of the books Finn and I read together is The Quiet

in as much as we could before putting pen to paper.

Book, a picture book about all the different kinds of quiet,

Before the sixth grade play I directed each year, I would,

some of them solitary, but many of them shared: Right

as Jennifer Hayes had done before Friends productions,

before you yell “SURPRISE!” quiet; Before the concert starts

have students stand in a circle holding hands in silence,

quiet; Best friends don’t need to talk quiet. I hope that Finn

sending each other good thoughts. It helped to calm the

will continue to be expressive and exuberant, that he won’t

pre-performance jitters and allowed students to appreciate

sink into silence out of insecurity or doubt. I also hope that

themselves and their classmates—dressed as Greek gods

he’ll have the confidence to be quiet, with himself and

and heroes and monsters—before we broke the quiet with

with others, and to discover, as I did in my years at Friends,

a pulse that would travel hand to hand. They were ready to

the sustaining strength that silence can provide.

take the stage.

ABOUT JESSIE

When our officiant asked my husband, Brendan, and I

Jessie Chaffee’s debut novel, “Florence in

what traditions we wanted to incorporate into our wedding

Ecstasy,” was a San Francisco Chronicle

silence. Those 60 seconds, when we could hear the wind moving through the trees and the birds at work, allowed us to be fully present with our family and friends, binding us to them and to each other. When Brendan and I had our son, Finn, several years later, one of my favorite moments was the quiet of the recovery room. Neither Brendan nor I had slept for many hours, but I didn’t want to sleep—I wanted to stay present in that exhausted, joyful silence

Photo by Heather Waraksa

ceremony, the first thing I mentioned was a minute of

Best Book of 2017 and was translated into six languages. She received a Fulbright grant to travel to Italy to complete the novel. She is a contributing writer at Words Without Borders, and she previously taught at the Cathedral School of St. John the Divine and the City College of New York. She is very grateful to her Friends Seminary teachers for instilling in her a love of writing and teaching. She lives in New York City with her husband and son.

Meetinghouse | Summer 2021 51

[

FEATURED ART

]

“Guardian Angel” (detail)

by Daphne Taylor, Faculty Emerita “As a textile artist, I draw and paint using hand quilting, embroidery and wisps of fabric. ‘Guardian Angel’ honors this year and expresses my best to us all.”

View more of Daphne’s work at daphnetaylorquilts.com.

FRIENDS SEMINARY 222 EAST 16 TH STREET NEW YORK, NY 10003

Q

Quaker Quotes The moral man is he who is opposed to injustice per se, opposed to injustice wherever he finds it; the moral man looks for injustice first of all in himself. ~ Bayard Rustin, 1912-1987 Excerpted f rom his William Penn Lecture delivered in 1948 at the Arch Street Meeting House in Philadelphia