Book by katelyn bernardo

Distortion

Katelyn Bernardo

Distortion

Katelyn Bernardo

I dedicate this book to the unheard, the forgotten, and to those who feel like their lives are the epitome of a dumpster fire.

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I would like to thank Freestyle Academy for making me feel like I’m doing something useful with my life. I would also like to thank Ms. Olivia Lin and Mr. Greco for proofreading my book and giving me good feedback. I am especially grateful to all my interviewees - Yuri Duran, Angelica Mendoza, Heela Hayat, Ms. Carson Rietveld and Darin Conway - for enlightening me on the subject and having the courage to share their experiences with mental health. Lastly, I would like to thank (and apologize to) all of the Freestyle students who worked alongside me during open lab, because they were subject to all of my incessant complaining.

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Preface Introduction Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Conclusion Works Cited

...8 . . . 12 . . . 14 . . . 18 . . . 24 . . . 28 . . . 30

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Preface F

or a while now, I have been fascinated by the human psyche. The brain is so strange in that even if you have the slightest chemical imbalance in your brain, it can screw up your whole life. I’ve been interested in how people feel and why they feel such things. How does their environment shape their mental state? How do their experiences shape it? You can potentially escape from many dangerous things in your life, but the brain is the one thing that you cannot escape from.

So when the question of why people seemed more unhappy nowadays came up in two episodes of the H3 podcast, it piqued my interest on the topic. I knew for sure that people were depressed, but I never stopped to think why that was.

Because the first appearance of the question and the documentary project aligned, I decided to base my project on this burning question of mine. However, because the concept of mental health is so broad and would require more than 2 months worth of research, I decided to narrow it down to American teenage mental health, since it’s something I can relate to and because mental disorders seem to be more prevalent among youth.

Besides creating the actual content (that includes animating, mind you), the biggest challenge I faced was accurately portraying the subject. Mental health is something that is heavily stigmatized, so I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire by feeding you incorrect information. Not only that, because the issue of mental health is so vast, I had a difficult time coming up with a concise thesis. There are so many potential causes of mental disorders, so it was hard to pinpoint the main cause of this rise. Thus, I attempted to compensate in my research. I probably have about 35 research sources saved to my Diigo library in order to make sure that I correctly and ethically answered the question, as well as serve the topic justice.

I think the reason why I’m so fond of this project is because I also had a bit of a self-journey during the process. By learning about the mental health experiences of other teenagers, I was able to learn about myself as well. I started to reflect on my own mental issues and developed a more positive mindset regarding it. I started to become more open about my issues with those close to me, because I was reminded to lean on those around you for support. Whenever I experience an anxiety attack, I remember the words of one of my interviewee’s and tell myself that it is completely normal and that it will be all over soon. I think the most important thing that I’ve learned and that I hope you take away from this book is this: You are a person worthy of love.

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Introduction I

magine you are laying in bed. The birds are singing, sunlight is streaming through the slivers of your blinds, the smell of pancakes waft pass your nose. Your bed is super comfy, and you just sink right into it. It’s as if you’re laying on a cloud, drifting away to a vague yet discernible paradise.

Your dog licks your face in an attempt to get you out of bed. It’s a bit annoying, but you can’t hate Scruffy because he’s been with you for 10 years. He might die soon, but you try not to think about that because you’re depressed enough already. Literally. You are clinically depressed. You can’t get out of bed because you don’t want to face the tragedy that is your life. You physically cannot.

Yes, you’re going to miss school and missing school means a taint on your transcript. A taint on your transcript lessens the probability of you getting into a good college. Not getting into a good college means a bad job, and a bad job means less money. Less money in our society means no success, and no success means absolute death. Might as well skip the suffering and jump straight into the death part, right?

If I’ve learned anything from high school, it’s that sadness is in style. It seems that no matter where I am, whether it be online or offline, there is at least 100 other teenagers who think the same way and wish for the “sweet release of death”. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t one of them. However, underneath all of the jokes and memes, there is a storm brewing inside of their heads, violently thrashing against the walls of their skulls. Teenagers hate the way they look and they don’t think their grades and accomplishments are enough. Nowadays, it seems like more people are depressed, and even more people are, if anything, stressed.

This observation may be partially attributed to simply “growing up”, but many statistics and studies confirm my suspicions. According to “The State of Mental Health in America”, “Rates of youth with severe depression increased from 5.9% in 2012 to 8.2% in 2015.” (Mental Health America). While the notion of depressed teenagers are saddening in itself, the increase in mental disorders among teens are even more concerning. It begs the question: why are these rates rising? What about modern society is different from before? Where have we gone wrong?

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Chapter One One-Way Mirror

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here aren’t many historical accounts of people describing their mental health issues, but it isn’t hard to guess what the potential causes were when looking at history. During the Industrial Age, there was child labor and unsafe and unsanitary working/living conditions. During war time, people would often lose their loved ones to battle and those who were in battle would come back with PTSD. During the Cold War, there was increasing anxiety over the atomic threat from Russia. All throughout US History, minority groups, such as African Americans, were marginalized and brutally mistreated. While it’s easy to see why Americans may have been depressed and/or stressed in the past, it may be difficult to see why teenagers who are living comfortably in a first world country might be mentally struggling today. So it begs the question, what are the mental health experiences of high school students nowadays?

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Mental issues nowadays tend to surround around self-image and one’s feelings towards themselves. Let’s take the case of high school student Angelica Mendoza as an example. She is attends Mountain View High School and suffers from severe social anxiety, and although she doesn’t identify herself as depressed, she often feels very insecure about herself in different fields and will put herself down a lot. The realization that she was dealing with anxiety hit her at around freshman year, but in retrospect, she believed she was also dealing with it in 7th and 8th grade because of her struggle with putting herself out there and communicating with teachers. Health class, where the topic of mental health is covered, and even the internet, where people tell their stories about their own issues and experiences, helped Angelica with this realization. In addition to teaching her what anxiety really was and felt like, it also reassured her that there was nothing wrong with her - that having these issues and feelings these anxious feelings were completely normal and something we must deal with in life. Angelica had this to say about how the internet helped her deal with her anxiety: “My anxiety really springs from and focuses on my self-consciousness and my feelings toward myself. The internet and social media platforms give me a way to see what other people are doing and how they’re being them, because that was a big problem with me - how I could be me and not worry about how other people are doing. One specific thing that really helped me was dying my hair because putting myself out there and making myself stand out in a physical way made me slightly more confident because I wasn’t hiding behind a plain appearance and I could just be myself a little bit more. I just thought, ‘This is what I want to do and this is how I’m going to do it’ and I just pushed myself toward that direction.” While she did not seek professional help, she was able to deal with her anxiety by learning how to build up her sense of self via the internet and changing even the littlest things in her life.

However, sometimes mental issues appear out of nowhere, like what happened to Heela Hayat. She is another Mountain View High School student and was diagnosed with depression at 13 years old and now has a mild case of it.

When asked about when she first realized this, she replied, “I think I was sitting on the ground and I started crying for no reason. Me being me, I searched it up, like ‘Why am I crying for no reason?’ That’s when I figured out I had depression. Then we went to the therapist and I was officially diagnosed.” Often times, depression can creep up on someone for no apparent reason, just like what happened with this student. Sometimes the person may be unaware of the external trigger, and other times depression may be in their genetics. Depression could also be caused by a neurological imbalance in the brain, where the individual has issues with neurotransmitters, which regulate the mood.

Either way, it only comes to show how depression doesn’t discriminate. It can creep up on someone of any race, gender, socioeconomic class, age and so on. As mentioned earlier, Heela was able to get professional help and it actually helped her tremendously. Although it wasn’t the ultimate cure, it helped her get out of a miserable place in her life.

Although she had the courage to reach out for help when she needed it, there are many others who are reluctant or simply can’t get the assistance they need. Take the case of Yuri Duran, for instance. She is also a student at Mountain View High School who is currently fighting the tough battle against depression. Though bright and loud on the outside, her troubled psyche provides a stark contrast. When asked if she had an idea on what triggered her depression, she replied, “Not being able to fit in.. And… if I’m being honest, it’s because I didn’t have that support I used to have.”

It was that feeling of isolation and thus, the absence of a safety net from her community that pivoted her attitude From top to bottom: Angelica Mendoza, Heela Hayat, Yuri Duran

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towards life. The moment when she first realized she had mental health issues was in 7th grade when she moved schools. It was difficult for her to make friends at the time, so it hit her hard when her only friend broke ties with her because she was “too clingy.” From there, she began to see her surroundings in a negative light, which ultimately led her to the dark depression she feels today.

In regards to getting professional help, she wants to, but there were two instances in her life that prevented her from doing so. When she was at the highest point of her depression, someone recommended her to go to the counselor, but it wasn’t very helpful for it triggered a lot of anxiety when she got called to the office. The PTSD gained from that experience prevented her from going to a school CHAC counselor again. However, when she tried to seek help outside of school, she was ultimately denied it by her parents. They discussed it and decided that not getting professional help would be better for her future. As of now, she still hasn’t received professional aid, but she tries to manage her depression in healthy, stress-relieving ways, like keeping a journal to track her mood.

After examining the cases of these 3 cases, we can illustrate an idea of some of the causes of teenage stress. But do their cases apply to the overall rising rates of mental health issues?

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Chapter Two Silvering

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fter interviewing professionals in the field and doing extensive research on the internet, I narrowed it down to a few possible causes to this rise: more exposure, the increasing popularity of social media, and our busy and chaotic world.

However, I believe society’s heightened expectations of success is the root of the issue.

Previous page: Carson Rietveld, Mountain View High School’s AP Psych teacher 19

First, let’s explore “more exposure” as a possible cause. When I say exposure, I mean both the exposure of mental health issues and of news and information to people (in this case, teenagers). Some may argue that there seems to be a spike simply because it’s been underreported in the past. Mental illnesses were heavily stigmatized in the past, so people were often scared to come out about their issues and thus, would be underreported. Additionally, because there was so little education on mental disorders, people didn’t realize it was something to be diagnosed and couldn’t look out for symptoms. However, while I agree that this phenomenon occurs at some degree, I can’t help but think there is a bigger factor that comes into play, especially when looking at suicide statistics over time. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide rates have been on a constant rise since 2007 for those aged 15-24. Although mental illnesses have been unreported, I believe suicides, an indicator for mental illnesses cannot. Collecting the data for that is fairly straightforward, since most deaths in a community are always reported to authorities. If the same amount of people were depressed and stressed before as they are now, then why don’t the suicide statistics match up? Why was there a sudden rise in 2007, especially after the creation of antidepressants in the 90s? For this reason, I don’t believe that attributing this rise to simply more awareness of the prevalence of mental issues among our population.

There is also the case of teenagers having more accessibility to information than ever before. As Heela points out, “I think more teens are being exposed to a daily events and… student news outlets because they have their phones with them all the time. Twitter, you see the news. Instagram, you see the news. Snapchat, you can see the news. Any social media, you just see the news everywhere and you can’t prevent it. It’s there you can’t ignore it.” More accessibility means that teenagers are more prone to seeing bad news and all of the corruption in our world. Considering the world’s abysmal state of affairs, it isn’t surprising to think that this negativity may be personally affecting youth. For instance, headlines on Twitter Moments include: “Actor Allison Mack arrested for alleged sex trafficking,” “Swedish DJ Avicii dies at 28,” and “One person injured in shooting at Florida high school, authorities say.” You can’t help but feel a little hopeless and cynical when you read about all of the genocide, poverty, political corruption, and natural disasters that happen in the world.

That being said, I believe that social media definitely contributes to this rise in many other different ways. Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego University, writes, “...teens who spent more time on screens were less happy, more depressed, and had more risk factors for suicide” (Twenge). On the surface, there is cyberbullying and nomophobia, which is the fear of being without your cell phone, and FOMO (fear of missing out) that comes with this new technology. However, it also goes much deeper than that. From a neurochemistry standpoint, we are getting less face-to-face interaction because of this increased use of screen time. As Darin Conway, a local therapist, puts it, “There’s also the false sense of connection that social media gives. People are social animals. They need to be connected, and social media connects people, but it’s not the same with people in real life.” This need for community and belonging is biologically ingrained in us. Thus, because humans are social animals with a need for that interpersonal communication, we are ultimately more depressed when we don’t get enough of it. In addition to this, social media also tends to magnify unrealistic expectations that can make the average teen feel bad about themselves. It’s true that traditional media has been doing this for a long time with their unrealistic beauty standards and high school stereotypes, but social media reaches a new level in that students now are seeing their peers in this holy light, not just celebrities. For example, I follow a lot of fellow high school girls and their pictures are amazing. They are either posting about how amazing their time in Coachella is or posting images where they look like models. In fact, some of these girls actually are models. When we see someone around our age posting about how amazing their life is, we may observe how our life pales in comparison. People often like to boast about their accomplishments online, and seeing this can make one feel worthless about their own triumphs.

We think, like I have in the past, “If this person my age can do it, why can’t I?” For these reasons, it’s hard to deny that social media plays a part in fostering a more depressed and anxious generation.

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"People are social animals. They need to be connected, and social media connects people, but it's not the same with people in real life.�

-Darin Conway

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However, while I believe that social media and the internet may have catalyzed the rise, I ultimately believe that society’s heightened expectations of success are essentially at the root of this issue. America is normally known for its opportunity and success stories. We were the ones who raised Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, geniuses who innovated the tech industry. We house many prestigious universities, such as Stanford and Harvard. In this day and age, especially in the Silicon Valley where they are known for their technological innovations, it’s no surprise that many teenagers feel pressured to meet these standards. For they are made to believe that this is the only narrative for success. To add onto this, college acceptance rates have been on a decline since 2007. According to ivywise.com, the acceptance rates for Stanford in 2007 were 10.3% and were 4.65% in 2017. Naturally, because the Ivy Leagues are apart of the narrative we’re conditioned to follow, anxiety among youth about getting into a good school only grew as a result of it. As Ms. Rietveld, an AP Psychology teacher at Mountain View, has said “We live in a super individualistic society that really expects and kind of values people based on achievement and performance.” We strive for achievement because we want to fit in. The thought of being ostracized by society terrifies us. Therefore, because performance is a significant societal value, many suffer under the pressure in order to feel accepted.

There’s also the point of not wanting to disappoint our parents, as mentioned by Angelica Mendoza, when she said, “I feel like if I show my parents that I am better than what we all think, I can make them more proud instead of doing the bare minimum and being pretty basic and then doing one small thing and disappointing them.” Of course, there’s inherently nothing wrong with wanting to make your parents proud, but there is a problem when that is prioritized over personal happiness. This inferiority complex and tunnel vision of success will lead us to overwork ourselves by taking an excessive amount of AP classes and extracurriculars. This leads to a lack of downtime, which is needed to de-stress, a decline in meaningful relationships, because all your time is spent on working, and a lack of sleep, which is one of the main causes of mental disorders. We begin to do things for the sake of a transcript, not for the sake of learning or personal happiness.

We do these things because this is what society tells us is important - good grades and high achievement. We essentially feel more depressed because we feel like whatever we do is never enough, and no one is there to tell us otherwise because we isolate ourselves, even though we biologically need a community safety net. Not to mention, social media ultimately raises these societal norms for success, as mentioned earlier, and ultimately magnifies this pressure.

When we try our hardest to conform to these societal standards, we will never truly feel like we belong. The words of Ms. Rietveld ring true when she says, “If you’re behaving as the person that you think society wants you to be, you’re never going to feel like you belong because you’re never really being yourself.” As mentioned earlier, humans biologically need human connection, and genuine ones at that. If we make connections with this facade, even if we’re succeeding by societal standards, we’ll eventually realize that people like us for the persona we’re presenting, not our authentic self. This will lead to feelings of isolation and the notion that your authentic self isn’t worthy of love or of being embraced by society. You may be fitting in, but you aren’t belonging.

To sum it up, this narrow definition of success is what essentially drives us against a wall. It begins a vicious cycle that is difficult for the modern-day teen to escape from. We lose sight of who we really are as a person and the things that bring us true happiness: doing what you love and receiving genuine love from your community. Considering all of these points, it becomes clear as to why our environment may eventually drive us towards a dark state of mind. Modernity is our downfall.

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"We live in a super individualistic society that really expects and kind of values people based on achievement and performance.�

-Carson Rietveld

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Chapter Three Reflection

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ow the question is: Is it possible to fight this downfall? How should we go about it? When you think about depression, the first and the most obvious solution you think of is to get help. Getting professional help is, in most cases, the most effective way to alleviate one’s mental health issues. If there isn’t an intervention of some kind, the victim remains trapped in their inner turmoil.

However, it’s easier said than done. Many of the people I know who struggle with mental health, including the two students mentioned earlier, have a difficult time getting the help they need. In fact, according to Mental Health America, in 2017, “Even with severe depression, 76% of youth are left with no or insufficient treatment.” For something so important, why is it so difficult for teens to get the help they need?

For one, there is very limited accessibility to mental health resources in America.

Some insurances simply don’t cover mental health, which was especially a huge issue in the early 2000s. However, even when these insurances try their best to comply with the 2008 parity law, which was created to equalize coverage of mental health and other medical conditions, many Americans still found themselves not being able to access resources, even with their insurance. The real issue is that there is a shortage of mental health specialists who are willing to cooperate with insurers. Insurers offer low reimbursement rates, and these therapists would rather have clients pay a higher fee with their out-of-pocket money than accept insurance money. Thus, as a result, “insurance plans with narrow behavioral health networks that do not include enough therapists and other caregivers [do not] meet patient demand” (NPR). Without insurance coverage for most of these caregivers, it ultimately leaves many Americans left without the help they need. For therapists and other mental health specialists tend to be extremely expensive (the average therapy session costing from $75-$150).

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Additionally, there is also the stigma behind mental health that discourages youth from seeking the help they need.

Mental illness is seen as a weakness. In a society where it feeds you this image of independence and strength, many don’t want to tarnish their image by admitting that they’re struggling and need help. If they break down now, they are deemed as “unfit” for the “real world.” They would be considered a failure by society. They especially wouldn’t want to admit this when they seemingly live a comfortable and safe lifestyle with no severe physical conditions. Angelica expresses this concern when she says, “There’s definitely that traditional mindset with ‘Everything is fine until you have this huge traumatic thing impact you’, but really, it kind of just crawls up on you... It’s kind of just always nagging in the back of your head. So, for my parents and for other adults, I kind of don’t want to reach out and talk about it because I feel like I have to go more in depth rather than just small problems.” It leads to misunderstanding and parental disbelief, ultimately barring their child from professional help. This kind of mindset silences youth and discourages them from seeking help in the future, allowing their issues to fester.

So, what should we do to make it easier for our youth to seek help? How can we increase accessibility and break the stigma behind mental health? For starters, we can strive to be open to it - and by open, I mean open to talk about your own mental health issues and the issue in general. The more we talk about it, the more it normalizes, and the more it normalizes, the more likely someone will seek help and not feel like an outsider. I believe adults especially need to model this behavior, since children look up to their parents in times of need. That being said, I believe that there also needs to be more education about mental health and the stress-management skills so that students will know what to do when faced with that obstacle. Students will often panic and cave into their stress because of a lack of preparedness, so learning coping skills can prevent them from falling deeper into that hole.

In terms of accessibility, I believe the most effective way to combat teen depression and anxiety is to broaden the mental health resources at school. School is the one place students are at the most. They wouldn’t have to go the extra mile to find a nearby therapist at a relatively cheap cost. Having the resource within proximity encourages the student to get help, since it’s easily accessible. We need to have a bigger team of quality therapists at our school in order to better meet the demands of our students. Additionally, since I know that it may not be easy to hire a lot of therapists, I also suggest we start a program of peer counselors. Initially started at Mountain View High School, this program provides stress-relief for students who want to get something off of their chest but may not think it’s an issue worthy of going to a counselor for. For example, let’s just say you got a bad grade on a test or just broke up with your significant other. It’s something that negatively affects you, but it’s not exactly a life or death situation. Talking with trained students about their issues can prevent their stress from building up to depression or anxiety.

Lastly, in regards to the issues that social media presents us with, I think Ms. Rietveld gives the best advice when she says, “I think really, when it comes to technology, it’s about learning how to use them as tools and not allowing technology to take advantage of us.” We need to remember the importance of developing genuine relationships and having that face-to-face interaction. We must make sure to not prioritize the internet over sleep, or else we’ll end up feeling terrible in the morning and will be more prone to mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with spending time on the internet, but we mustn’t take it to the point where we let social media distort our view of reality.

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"I think really, when it comes to technology, it's about learning how to use them as tools and not allowing Technology to take advantage of us.�

-Carson Rietveld

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Conclusion I

n conclusion, while there are a few potential reasons as to why this rise in depression, anxiety, and overall stress among youth may have happened, I believe this obsession with self-image and success caused by societal expectations is the main contributor, with social media acting as a catalyst. The bottom line is if we don’t discuss such sensitive subjects, then the issue stays and the stigmas behind it grows. We must discuss this issue in order to encourage legislation that increases accessibility to mental health resources, make it easier for others to seek professional assistance and to learn how to navigate through the stresses of modern society. We must learn the causes of this rise in order to find solutions to this issue.

To close, I want to share a short personal anecdote. Everyday when I come home from school, the first thing I do is greet my dogs because they provide emotional support for me. The second thing I do, however, is look in the mirror. It’s not for vanity, although I would be lying if I said I haven’t had those moments, but to see what my peers see. Since the last time I looked in the mirror, has my appearance changed? Was a strand of hair sticking out in the wrong direction? Was there a piece of ramen in my teeth? Did I get chubbier from the time I ate lunch to the time I came home? What is it that my peers see?

I use my mirror to point out my flaws and fix my appearance accordingly. If my hair is sticking out, I’ll just brush it down. If there’s beef in my teeth, I’ll floss it out. If I get chubby, I’ll grimace at my ugliness, hate myself for a second, and then do what I can to lose weight. If I’m annoying, I’ll cringe at every time I opened my mouth, hate myself for a second, and then shut up more.

It takes a few years of self-hatred and a persistent loved one to realize that you’ve been looking at a funhouse mirror all this time.

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Works Cited “Admission Statistics and College Acceptance Rates.” IvyWise, Ivywise, 2018, www.ivywise.com/ivywise-knowledgebase/ admission-statistics/.

Conway, Darin. Personal Interview. 23 February 2018 Duran, Yuri. Personal Interview. 8 February 2018.

Gold, Jenny. “Health Insurers Are Still Skimping On Mental Health Coverage.” NPR, NPR, 30 Nov. 2017, www.npr.org/ sections/health-shots/2017/11/29/567264925/health-insurers-are-still-skimping-on-mental-health-coverage.

Hayat, Heela. Personal Interview. 10 March 2018.

Mendoza, Angelica. Personal Interview. 7 March 2018.

Rietveld, Carson. Personal Interview. 7 March 2018.

“Suicide Statistics.” AFSP, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/.

“The State of Mental Health in America.” Mental Health America, 18 Dec. 2017, www.mentalhealthamerica.net/issues/ state-mental-health-america.

Twenge, Jean M. “Why So Many of Today’s Teens Are Depressed.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 25 Aug. 2017, www.psychologytoday.com/blog/our-changing-culture/201708/why-so-many-todays-teens-are-depressed.

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About the Author Katelyn Bernardo is a junior at Mountain View High School and Freestyle Academy of Communication, Arts, and Technology. She is a part of the National Art Honor Society and is the secretary of her high school’s Asian Student Union. She likes to sing, create art, crack jokes, and hang out with friends (even though she’s not very good at them). She seeks to learn about strange and obscure events, conspiracies, and phenomenons and to explain the unexplainable. With french fries in one hand and low self-esteem in the other, she hopes to make it out of high school alive.

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Distortion

Katelyn Bernardo