Book by jacqueline ta

Happiness’ Endeavors And What Stress Did Too

Jacqueline Ta

Dedication

I dedicate this book to the people who have helped me:

Colin Liversidge, Hallie Olson, Jasmine Ta, and the teachers at Freestyle Academy.

Without them, this book would’ve never have been a thought, much less existed.

I also want to thank you, the reader, for picking this book up and putting

your time into reading it.

Hallie Olson patiently surveys the scenery for the best picture

Preface Introducing a Mess When Life Gets You Down, You Learn More About Life Hedonics’ Tonic The Adventures of Colin’s Blood Stains Let’s Point a Light at Hallie’s Drowning Quirks Life Taught You Ending a Mess of You and Me

Contents

2 4 7 11 14 18 23 28

Preface R

Colin Liversidge shows something funny to a friend

ecently in Freestyle Academy of Communication Arts and Technology, we, the students, had a unit called the Documentary unit. The project was to choose a topic we had interest in and research any issue relating to it. I’m enrolled as a Film student and, because documentaries can be quite difficult to film and create for first-time filmmakers, we were able to partner for this project. This meant that Film partners would choose one topic between the both of them. This topic would later expand into an English essay, which would be formed into a creative design. In other words, this book you’re holding is the combination of that essay and design work.

The differences here is that what you’re holding is a passion project with a topic different from the film my partner and I created. It also went in depth on Freestyle students, which went against the requirements that interviewees had to be unaffiliated with the academy. During this documentary, I worked on two separate projects within the time of one. Because of that, my Film interviewees covered those requirements.

I also explain this in the chapter Let’s Point a Light at Hallie’s Drowning in more detail, but I had a good reason for doing such an incredible and unneeded amount of work.

It’s a passion project. For that Film documentary, I allowed my partner to choose the topic.

Though I was fine with it, it bit at me that I allowed someone else to select the project with almost no resistance. I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. Happiness.

It was something I struggled with for a long time. The idea that I could enjoy a moment for itself, that I didn’t have to remain so guarded or tight-lipped, that I wasn’t wishing each day to pass by faster, left me a little breathless.

After experiencing the darker and lonelier side of these thoughts, I emerged with a clarity that life wasn’t a fiction novel that beautifully ended. Reality was harsh and wasn’t’ going to weave itself into a happy ending.

Would anything change if I stop waiting for someone else to reach out to me? Could I escape the hole I conformed myself to? Stepping outside the norm, outside of what I expected myself to be able to do, actively grasping for a change. This made me feel a sense of control and comfort I hadn’t had in a long time.

I read three books after years of not picking up a single one despite being a tremendous bookworm before that. I actually reached out to my classmates to get those interviews. I stumbled over my self-confidence as a writer and as a person who takes criticism badly. I made it to the publishing of this book.

If there’s anything I’d want anyone to take from this, it’s that you’re in control of your actions and of your mind. Perhaps it’s not as easy as it sounds. I know the me from the past could never do anything that I do now and yet, I allowed myself a chance for more. I start to think, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and reach for it? Just take it easy, ok? Not everything is a rush, and sure enough, life never forgives you for rushing.

2

Hallie warms up before her swim meet

Colin inspects the special effects he created for his film

3

T

Introducing a Mess

here is a story, written by widely beloved Haruki Murakami, of a man blinded by his stress, which is his trauma of being socially rejected and isolated by a tight-knit group of friends he once had. They left him suddenly and without explaining why. It affected him so deeply that he sunk into a depression so profound that he was filled with thoughts of death. He finally pushed himself through these months by avoiding all thoughts and connections to his past. In doing this, he continued to live, never questioning and never fully at peace.

That is, until he meets and falls in love with a woman years later, named Sara, who urges him to understand why his friends had even rejected him to begin with. She reasoned that by learning these hidden intentions, he could resolve his own feelings and be able to move on and find happiness in new relationships he’d once shielded himself from. In other words, this man, motivated by how comfortable he felt with Sara and a desire to become closer to her, slowly began to unwind the wool over his eyes. Thus

ended his lifeless pilgrimage and started his new journey for answers, including introducing a new perspective on his world.

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage is a mystery, not in genre, but in the different

to international interest from his previous works. In the past, I had enjoyed what few of Murakami’s books I’ve read and was part of the majority who favored the author’s rather strange stories. Having read it about four years after its release, I was impelled to see what others thought of this novel.

However, in the midst of my path was one opinion that perplexed me. It made me doubt myself. I had run into someone with a completely opposite taste “Easily be explained from mine. as plain; in other

Lev Grossman at TIME wrote words, like that of an article and expressed his opinion as someone recounting someone “irked”by Murakami’s usual their day without much thought.” blank-slated characters and the “persistent flatness of his prose.”Admittedly, the writing in Murakami’s books are not for everyone, and if you’ve never read his books before, then his style could easily be explained as plain; in other words, like that of someone ways people have perceived recounting their day without much thought.

Yet the content, after inspecting between this book.

When it was first published, highly the lines, weighs in much meaning and lent anticipating readers devoured the book, itself to introspective thinking. The “blankslated”characters of Murakami’s have which was also later translated due

4

5

always been written that way for a reason, whether it be due to their troublesome past, the way they cope, or as something to be realized as a source of conflict later in the book. It is the experience of following someone who is carefully unraveling

soon both of us start to wonder what it is that we were hurt by.

However, this current understanding I have of Murakami’s writing was not one I had before I read Grossman’s article. Back then, I was confused at how to understand

themselves due to the usually-strangeand-otherworldly situations Murakami likes to write that is enjoyable. I could be mesmerized for hours, slowly taking in the unembellished words of Tsukuru Tazaki, embracing his feelings and thoughts, and

Murakami’s writing as a whole. I certainly agreed with Gross, however, there was no way on earth I could have dismissed the then-unrealized enjoyment of simply analyzing what I thought about the character. I had been stuck in yet another mental battle, which I could add onto the rest of my ever current stresses and debates.

And then I realized, much like Tsukuru’s

life changing due to his mental state, I had several looming thoughts that drove my actions and my habits.

Still now, I look back on this story and regard it as a personal favorite. It is a story of a man who was stuck, unable to move past his own perspective, but eventually became able to accept and understand the reason behind everything he thought he knew.

With Grossman’s different taste, I didn’t back down or completely ignore what he said. Instead I tried to look at it from his point and admitted to myself that I had to take a break once in awhile from Murakami’s onslaught of paragraphs. I eventually came to understand that people would always have conflicting opinions at some point in life. Different things make us happy or rub us the wrong way. I accepted Grossman as another person,

like me, just with divergent fancies. This sort of acceptance

goes for even Murakami. He’d

been satisfied with himself

enough to be able to publish this book when he did, releasing it for the public to adore and criticize as we usually do.

These stresses that Tsukuru and I felt don’t always have to be as dramatic as to change your entire life or acceptance and yet it still hangs over people everyday, obstructing their path towards a better life.

The barrier to happiness had once been seen as such an important part of people’s’ well being that even “the government of the Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan [had once] announced that the goal of public policy would be to increase not Gross National Product but the Gross National Happiness,”(2) which Daniel Nettle, a researcher and lecturer of Psychology, had found and agreed with. He talked about what happiness is and what stopped people from getting it in his book: Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile.

Andrew Bernstein, another researcher who writes about the myths of common stresses, asserts, “stress always indicates a lack of insight”” (xiii). Bernstein likens stress to pain, a clue that something is wrong and can be dealt with, not merely endured.

Likewise, thousands of books have been written to find the answers to solving some hidden sadness that we feel in our lives and it will probably continue for quite some time. However, this book wasn’t written to be an end all for all people. Simply put, there are always wonderful little ways that help people persevere through strenuous times.

Anyone can form their own conclusions after reading, but, to expose light on these thick subjects, two high school students named Colin and Hallie will also share their stories of stress and relief.

As we move into the next few chapters, a change in mind-set from an ordinary outlook of drowning in stress to an open and calm mind prepared for life’s troubles is required when learning about the myths and mysteries of stress and happiness.

6

When Life Gets You Down,

A

ndrew Bernstein created self-help worksheets called

people believed that stress is a physical

ActivInsight, which has

reaction to any challenges in life, which

helped thousands of regular people,

was surmised by Hans Selye, the Father

people in rehab, leaders and employees

of Stress. Selye was called that because

of companies, and more in more than

he’d given birth and rise to research

15 different countries. It is included in

in stress, making it popular and

his book: The Myths of Stress: Where

crucial to people back in the

Stress Really Comes From and How to

1960s. Conducting several

Live a Happier and Healthier Life, where

experiments, hypothesizing

Bernstein’s goal is to, “help you gently but

and later adamant about his

directly challenge the way you understand

theories, and becoming a

your situation, provoking a profound shift

well known figure in the

in perspective” (xiii). Bernstein has had

public made him the

extensive experience with stress, stemming

dependable source

from his father’s death to other deaths of

for stress then. When he

“Stress was a psychological reaction”

experiments were created to be the gave his

same as Selye’s, however he argued that

loved ones around him. He lamented if

conclusion, it had become internalized

stress was a psychological reaction. The

he’d ever feel peaceful again until he met

to the point that most of us in present

rats, which were the test subjects, were

an elderly woman who was the founder

times just accept it and try to cope. Selye

“upset” by the trials they were put under.

of a transformational process called The

concluded stress is inevitable in life and

These trials were meant to challenge the

Work. Her name was Byron Katie and

therefore must be endured.

rats endlessly to the point where they

she was the one who inspired him to help

7

In his research, he found that many

However, later, Dr. John W. Mason

were physically or mentally showing signs

others deal with their stress with small and

challenged this theory with more modern

of distress or fatigue. The goal was to

easy cognitive steps.

experiments and conclusions. These

see how they would react under stressful

You Learn More About Life situations. It was the rats’ thoughts

This task just goes on forever-Oh no,

as it is so that you can create change, but

and concerns about life at that moment

I’ve broken down! How could I get out

you can do it with open eyes and a more

of stress that caused them misery. For

of this predicament?!”No thoughts like

peaceful mind instead of with denial and

example, let’s try to understand a robot’s

these will occur but, instead, a smooth,

anger” (45).

brain. As a machine designed and limited

planned process of machinery will handle

to its programming, it will simply

its job with precision. But the challenges

by a separate set of beliefs unique to

complete its set task without a thought

to Selye’s theories weren’t done there.

every individual and it’s these thoughts

to what it is doing. It has no ability

Bernstein questioned the Father of

Emotions, he reasoned, are produced

that really separate humans from animals

whatsoever to think for itself, “my, how

Stress in his book, acknowledging that

in ways that the original experiments

dreadfully boring this is.

there were people who believed stress

of Seyle could have fooled the father of

was a good motivator for them. He

stress himself.

instead said that stimulation was a good motivator, but stress was a negative emotion that

“sixth sense,” like bloodhounds who are used to hunt game, mice who can find

stopped you from

cheese through a difficult maze, and dogs

creating or limits your

that perceive their owner’s’ feelings and

ability to concentrate and

“...

Stimulation was a good motivator, but stress was a negative emotion that stopped you ...”

Animals have so many of their own

react accordingly. People have a sixth

move forward. In other

sense as well, though it is so common that

words, the exact opposite:

it may not seem like such a superpower.

a demotivator. He asserted, “You’re

It is with our brains and by the power of ‘abstract thought’, daydreams become real (Bernstein).

seeing reality 8

These abstract thoughts are so free in a way that we can consider a variety of things such as what could have been in the past, what could be in the future, what if

Colorless Tsukuru may have physically

something true now wasn’t actually true

gone out to find out about the source

or what if something had turned your life

of his trauma, but the book itself was

from an expected path. Facts have the

written in the character’s introspective self.

ability to be true to people or not, despite

Impelled by Sara, he eventually began to

how incredulous that truly is. The phrase

push himself to see the truth and reach

‘people see what they want’ shows how

for a future he deeply wished for. Stress

much people can be blind to the painfully

fluctuates to each person much like how

real world. Thinking is both the solution

pleasure changes to an individual based

and the problem. The act of thinking, as

on what makes them happy and even

Bernstein writes, creates the emotional

something as precarious as the definition of

burden of stress, but he argues that it also

“happiness”could be seen and understood

can expose the depth of your perception,

by the general public.

blurring the things you can’t handle until each little detail comes into focus as the mess is taken care of, simple and clean.

9

Colin, Owen Daniels (back), and Ryan Turaids (right) watch the footage they just filmed

Hedonics’ Tonic T

he study of happiness, Hedonics, was once thought of as “bad psychology,” but since the 1960s, it has become a more respected field of study (Nettle). People began to wonder and become interested during the Civil Rights Movement and start of the Vietnam War, if calm and sweet bliss could ever stay in their lives. It even became scientifically important enough that in 2000, the Journal of Happiness was created in order to further the scientific understanding and progress of the subjective emotion.

Daniel Nettle was one of these scientists and he wrote a book called Happiness: the Science behind Your Smile.

Over the course of his research, Nettle found and agreed with a concept called the “3 levels of happiness.”

The first level is an immediate feeling of joy. You indulge in a pleasure that is fleeting and it leaves you without a trace.

The second level is your judgement about your current well being or environment. Think about your week, for example. Did you get enough sleep? Was your workflow rather easy or piled high on your desk? Painful and enjoyable experiences will shift your mood and how you perceive how peaceful you are. It matters on things 11

you choose to focus on, such as that coffee spilling on you and staining your shirt, which managed to get you talking with that attractive person who accidentally bumped you.

Finally, the third level is thinking about your current standing in life. It is a reflection of whether you are flourishing, you’re achieving goals in your life and you feel as if you’re riding a wind of soft delight or you feel stuck with nowhere to turn to and you’re covered head to toe in bile. This is also taking your entire life into perspective as well as taking in where you’re going from here and your options. I’ve always for example enjoyed writing, but never felt confident enough with myself. I hated putting myself and my opinions into school assignments because I felt like a child who didn’t know what they were talking about. Despite that, spending time on this book had changed my self-image and I’m excited in the future to grow more as a writer. I’m proud of that, which leads to me reflecting on my current standing in life and so, the third level of happiness.

“... Happiness as a concept of habitually checking in with yourself”

These three levels are best used to describe how deeply you are thinking about your contentment, which are useful to consistently assess if what you’re doing or the situation you’re in is good for you.

Stefan Klein, author of The Science of Happiness: How Our Brains Make Us Happy, also researched about happiness as a concept of habitually checking in with yourself. The more we learn and identify positive and negative feelings, the more easily we can control and deal with them. It’s true, however, that it can be

Immediate feeling Joy

difficult to remember that in a moment of blinding anger. It just takes practice. Klein acknowledges that and also reminds us with an example about learning foreign languages. “Although it’s true that we can still learn foreign language most easily in childhood, we can still learn French, Arabic, and even Chinese at an advanced age” (Klein 64). Nettle and Klein, as well as other scientists, brought forth concepts that made happiness seem not as flighty as it did before.

Judgement about well-being

As hedonics came to be popular among the general population and important to scientists, it was at that point in time where we considered the joys of life to be a large puzzle to stare at and figure out the majesty of. Life, like the vastness and unknown reaches of space, is piecing together parts of it at different times. Whether it may be discovering a new planet habitable for humans or feeling relieved at the sunrise after a long night of work, small sections of understanding fit in specific places and people can only get there at their own paces. It’s up to us to get there whenever and wherever we may be.

Reflecting about current standing in life

Happiness is a “goal” we can never reach but we can always strive for and flourish under. It may just have been evolution’s idea, as surmised by Nettle to give directions and a purpose to move us through life. Happiness, just like this strangely detailed interpretation, is often hard to define. Many people use the term differently and sometimes be even broad enough to disrupt people’s lives.

Although we can’t fathom the definition collectively, we all know and are affected by “happiness.” So let’s see how real life people live out both stress and happiness and their thoughts during their hard school months.

12

Colin runs and films a shot with the camera while Hallie stands aways 13

The Adventures of Colin’s Blood Stains T

he sun, high in the sky, is shining through the trees. One half of the field that is shadowed by these trees is still in ice during the shivery winter morning. Teenagers enter the field, laughing, carrying equipment, and they step onto the field. Suddenly, a dark liquid splatters onto the ice. Bodies crush the grass. Shouts ring across the field. Then, quickly, a crowd of feet rush down the middle of the street. Adrenaline shoots through their veins as they whipped their heads back for cars in a moment’s peace. Sliding shakily down a hill, they tumble underneath a tunnel. It is wet with rain and now with the blood staining them. All of these staged corpses rave and they spit out gobs of crimson mucus. The piercing winds of the tunnel begins to chew at their souls and they look towards their captain.

Suddenly, their rapid pace cuts. Numb hands quietly scrape their knuckles against a splatter of intestinal puke, cleaning off the evidence of their existence. A muted mood fills their bodies, although loud rumors swiftly clean the staggering trespassers from their haunt. Staring at the sky, they finally converge to

one roof and wish for these long, dragged days to pass. Among this confusion and trek of nearly six months, one of these remaining blood-stained departed is a curlyhaired, dramatic high school student of Freestyle Academy named Colin Liversidge and, along with his everchanging crew of zombie deadbeats, has been painstakingly filming every weekend in order to finish his movie due more than a month ago.

Through it all, he laments over his dialogue, footage, personal hygiene, and changes to his script and yet still continues to bring it all to fruition.

Why does he go through all the madness for one film he constantly criticizes?

Well, first, to name that troublesome film of his, it’s called Madeleine’s Birthday. It is one of the very few Freestyle films to be of this size and scale, with Colin having about 7 extras a day.

The premise of the film is about a brother, Sparky, and a sister, Madeleine trying to survive zombie apocalypse alone after losing their parents. He chose this idea for his Senior Narrative, a unit in his film class at Freestyle Academy.

The Senior Narrative requires dialogue and a full script and shot list, to name a few. The projects are usually higher in scale from their Junior year’s narrative film, which is basically a silent film with instrumental music. Colin, while thinking of ideas for this project, was surprised that Freestyle Academy had never previously created a full-scale zombie film, fit with multiple locations and tons of supporting student actors, and was inspired to do so.

This zombie idea that he picked, however, goes years back to when it wasn’t even about zombies or siblings, but instead, as he recalls, “two young kids are living in a mountain and there’s these weird human-demon hybrid things walking around and, you know, scaring them.” This idea was eventually brought into fruition when this unit came around, but the major changes to the story didn’t stop there.

Colin demonstrates how the zombies should splatter themselves in fake blood

14

Steven’ Creek’s platform where Colin first shot part of his film is underwater

Colin chose not to bring up preproduction changes for the sake of time, but he described his script and location changes as “Ooh, gosh, a lot happened there.”

Both his script and locations were changed several times due to being unable to film for weather, permits getting back to him too late, and more.

For example, in the case of the Steven’s Creek location change, which “ninety percent of the movie 15

was supposed to take place,” Colin shot there for a few weekends before it began to rain for a month straight.

Between the scenery change due to higher levels of water and the different weather, from sunny to rain, he was unable to film there for that duration.

Afterwards, Colin visited on the weekend it didn’t rain and found the creek to, “go a good five inches above my head if [he, who was about six feet tall]

for a supermarket a month before he had to film there, but, as he puts it, “it’s just bureaucracy squared trying to get those things done.” He remarked later on with a laugh that they got back to him two months after he’d already filmed that scene and had rejected him. It’s funny to think that these three months took up half of the time he’d spent filming the entire movie.

Over the course of these five months, Colin dealt with being thrown out of locations by not just weather but people as well. There was a point where Colin took the movie into an apartment building, which he, the supporting actors, and crew were kicked out of due to looking like blood-soaked zombies and being disruptive. He needed to find another apartment with roof access, which unfortunately led to them almost being arrested by the police. Even worse, in his opinion, was that they were kicked out before finishing the less-than-10 cuts they needed to finish the entire film that day. He finally was able to find a roof on his third try and then ended up getting in trouble again with the apartment manager.

I asked Colin if he’d ever even expected these problems to happen with a production this large. He reflected on the whole process, and said,

were to walk directly into the creek.” He ended up filming a lot of footage in many other locations he found last minute, which, even then, most clips either didn’t make the cut of or were “trimmed down extensively.”He also “managed to narrow down the script into the one that you will see in the final film.”

Still, these weren’t the only examples he gave.

Colin briefly mentioned that he The Stevens’ Creek of Colin’s film is still rushing tried to get a permit

with rainwater

“I honestly feel sad that I can quantify with words or expression how glad I am that I don’t have to drag like 7 people a day to some bum, hecking street in the middle of Mountain View, splash ‘em all with fake blood, and film [with the camera] for 6 hours straight. Oh it’s been such a relief. I don’t regret it but it’s something that, once you’re done with, it feels so nice.”

But it also and absolutely motivated him to do more projects like this in the future.

For Colin, this is,

“Just what I like to do, man. I like making absurd, gory, tons of special effects and prosthetics, like guns and hatchets, indie style of run, gun, guerilla filmmaking. I live for that stuff, man. It’s just a blast to be able to sit down and do all of that, man, for this movie.”

Apart from being able to indulge in his passion, he also describes how much he learned from making this film. Aside from vast script changes and the night-beforeprosthetics-making, Colin added to his list of filmskills: how to shoot and move the camera and create special effects and animate in After Effects, which is an adobe program for digital visual effects and motion graphics. He also learned how to set boundaries for his actors

which include, “If you ever have fake guns or props on set, don’t let your actors touch or play with them because they’re just gonna get distracted.”

Colin also realized how to protect himself from phone calls to police about those fake guns and props from people who didn’t know they were fake. On a most recent film shoot of Colin’s for his last senior project of

“...

Just what I like to do, man.”

the year, he and his friends created a sign in order to alert people that a film was currently being made. He finishes this explanation with a smile and says, “I’ll go into [future films I create] a much wiser man.”

Throughout the interview, Colin sincerely thanked and gave props to every person who helped him on this film multiple times. He was thankful for this film, not only because he was able to meet new people and strengthen relationships, but that the people around him did as well. A large group of people came together in order to help him create this film, whether it is through driving people to locations, acting in the background, doing makeup, helping with his script changes, or providing locations. He asserted, “If they had never done that, then this movie would still just be a crazy idea in the back of my mind.

But now it’s potentially a reality. That’s a very comforting thought.”

This looks like a case of a project that went a little crazy, but not always through the filmmaker’s volition.

Next is another example of a high school student’s life. Yet, she’s different in the way that she willingly drowns in her ground-breaking aspirations with broken camera tripods and textbooks.

16

Colin smiles for the camera after showing his actor how to spit fake blood out

Colin, on the bottom, demonstrates to Owen, on top, how he wants the fight to look Colin and his crew learn from their previous mistakes with cops and fake guns

Colin’s hands are once again stained in fake blood 17

Let’s Point a Light on Hallie’s Drowning H allie is a bright, and talkative Freestyle Academy student and member of the swim team, usually on the go and working on something. She’s sort of like a chameleon with all those different colors. From the ever-changing responsibilities in her life to her expressful personality, she is vibrant in the spotlight.

Have I mentioned yet that she is in her school’s newspaper with a repertoire of coordinator, photo editor, interviewer, photographer, and translator? Or current actress and past drama club member? Perhaps I also missed the ambitious film student and true perfectionist at heart? I can’t even begin to include the rest of her packed schedule for fear of writing her resume right here. All in all, Hallie had the ability to pull it all off, but she is blind and blocked by her problems and stresses.

I first spoke to her briefly during Colin’s Madeleine’s Birthday film shoots, where she was the main actress and played the part of the sister, Madeleine. Although I had seen Hallie before at the academy, I never had the chance to get to know to her.

And so I officially met Hallie on the first day we started filming for our documentary. We were both scatterbrained and barely filmed five minutes of our first interviewee before our cameras died and we had to try again the next day. Over the course of our Documentary film, I learned how busy Hallie had made herself and frequently joked about her tendency to complain about it, while being worried at the same time.

I wondered, is this a question of simply her not knowing her limits or her going after her ambitions because it made her happy to work on something she was interested in or loved?

It turned out to be the latter in this situation.

Hallie loves to be busy and had passion to start with, but she also understood there were problems with the way she worked.

Hallie and Daniel Baier eats dinner with her classmates as they take a break during their deadlines for the Mountain View High Newspaper 18

“I would say, I work better when I’m like, chop chop, let’s do this. It makes me feel productive. [But] too much work is paralyzing, cause I just look at the mountain of things I have to do and I just think I am going to get nothing done in the amount of time I have to get it done, so I just don’t start it. In reality, if I were to focus on just one thing and say, ‘hey I’m going to get this thing done first,’ and then move on, I think I could probably get more done. The fear is always that, if I get that one thing done first, I’ll drop the ball”(Hallie).

Hallie signed up for lot of work at Freestyle Academy which had units involving timely deadlines on huge projects. Specifically, in the Documentary unit, all four classes at the academy all centered on the topic that the student chose to study and present those results on. At first she was passionate about interviewing a friend of hers, a Mexican immigrant, currently in high school and working at the same time. It fanned the flames on her specialty and interest: social justice, which was especially strong as she proposed the main idea being about the current president, Donald Trump, and how that might change immigrants’ lives. Unfortunately, her friend was unable to scrounge up enough time to be

interviewed several times. A condition for the main interviewee of a documentary was their ability to make time for film students. This would allow for a followup interview, which was a requirement in the unit, and insurance for students in case they needed more footage. Because of this, Hallie and I had to move on to a different yet still challenging second-choice interviewee, an athletic trainer named Achilles.

He had students and family members that lived two hours away, who were all important for the type of angle Hallie wanted. At the time of writing this book, we were unable to get more than one student, and even that had come later than the deadline for that particular interview.

“The fear is always that, if I get that one thing done first, I’ll drop the ball”

19

We both were in a tight spot for filming and editing at this point, and to make matters worse I unknowingly pushed Hallie even further into a struggle over her time and interests.

From this unit is an essay coupled with a presentation project to publish a magazine, or if you felt like more work and research, you could write a book. I proposed to my teacher if I could do a separate documentary which is the idea of this book, stress and happiness, because first I had time, and second I had let Hallie choose the documentary idea. I later mentioned this to Hallie. Little did I know, Hallie was feeling feisty and, when she realized she could still interview her friend, immediately chose to do a separate documentary on them with a book.

Along with this extra workload, Hallie still had to go to her regular classes such as History, continue running around and coordinating her school’s newspaper, and swim after school for her team. At some point, she told me that she’d had to skip on swim club during the last unit we had, the Junior Narrative, and also for the documentary. Sadly, Hallie had to do more than miss it, but also miss her event for a swim meet. It conflicted with our documentary interview and she knew she couldn’t miss this interview since he was only student we could get that lived two hours away.

Hallie is unable to balance her schedule well enough to accomplish all of them on time. Some might even ask why she does it all or what motivates her, which in fact I did.

Hallie explained, “I get so in love with a project that I take on too much and I may not have the time or the resources to complete it.”Without thinking about the consequences, she will take on her passions. These projects spur her on in the beginning, even if she is stressed, but, of course, it’s the amount of projects on her shoulders that will eventually win out.

She will think over her usual problems, but eventually feels, “I’m capable and, in order to achieve [projects on time], I just need to get more organized.”Yet, Hallie still procrastinates on becoming a better planner. Although she has briefly thought about solutions, her plans have never been put into action. Hallie even has trouble when she starts to work and describes this blockage as,

Swimmers’ dive into the pool when the whistle is blown 20

Hallie cools down after finishing her last swim event

“I’m a chronic procrastinator and perfectionist. It’s bad. It is bad. It makes it hard for me to start. I’m so hung up on how the finished product looks that I don’t start it. I’ve been starting to work on being okay with the shitty first draft.”

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Friends have advised her to drop activities. Hallie would personally never choose to do it, but she’s started to use her calendar more. “Baby steps!” She exclaims. Then, eventually, those baby steps would be forgotten as she justifies, “There’s [always] something else coming and so I should be focused on that and try to get that done so I don’t fall behind.”

Hallie knew her problems’ names but still was unable to understand them to the point on how to effectively deal with them. Well, I don’t blame her as her rampant life is enough to keep someone on their feet without a moment’s rest to think it over. Yet what few ways one human can come up with to solve their problems, a thousand more people can add to those solutions.

Hallie, on the right, and Allen Zhou, on the left, both check over an article for the newspaper

Hallie watches her teammates swim and cheers them on Nick Lindbloom-Airey and Luke Forgy are on the right.

The sun starts to set as Hallie and her classmates work on the newspaper

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Quirks Life Taught You

here is a field in Psychology that talks about happiness, defined by the Positive Psychology Institute, as “humans flourishing with optimal functioning.”Positive Psychology wasn’t meant to be as scientific as, say, the parts of the brain and how they affect personality or thinking, but rather to enlighten people about ways to stay positive. Martin Seligman’s, who was the American Psychological Association President in 1998, suggested,

“...Psychology (should) turn toward understanding and building human strengths to complement the traditional emphasis on healing damage”(Positive Psychology Institute).

These little ways of “building human strength”can help to relieve the stress of thinking you’re unable to complete a task, and “understanding”can help with changing your life and how you define happiness.

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There is a therapy treatment called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which seeks to help people have a practical approach to solving problems.

Zane Pierce uses this

“...

Psychology (should) turn toward understanding and building human strengths ...”

treatment as a clinician who works with students and families for Uplifts Family Services. He describes the goal of CBT is to, “bring about an increase in self-awareness, to aid

one’s self-understanding, and to promote self-control through improved thinking.”

He further explains that this type of counseling is an assumption that thoughts cause feelings and behaviours and, “by changing the way a person thinks,”it can reduce personal distress and inadequate behaviour.

The ways a cognitive behaviour therapist can help you approach this therapy are numerous, as Pierce illustrates CBT as a “catch-all term.” A few methods include thoughtmonitoring, or simply realizing what you’re thinking instead of letting it go, evaluating those thoughts, and identifying thought deficits, or where your mind distorts bad situations.

Here, he introduces a neighbor therapy of CBT called reality therapy, which helps people to choose “effective behaviours and wants that fulfill basic needs.” In other words, people learn how to pick the right path for them to take in any given situation. Coupling these

therapies together takes the mind and then enacts them in real life. An example would be if I were to make the mistake of staying out late too long and worry my parents.

I would first realize what and why I was doing this and start evaluating if it was the best choice in the long run. Then, the next time I’m staying out late, I remember what I thought before and, finally, choose to go home to reassure my parents that I’m safe.

These are just a couple of ways Pierce helps student with stress, and he finds that getting students to think about their actions can go a long way in reducing stress.

Pierce helps students to try to monitor their thoughts, their schedules, and workload. Students come to him with problems like always feeling behind in class and overloaded by school, are in fierce competitions for the best grades for colleges, are perfectionists and feel they aren’t doing their best, or are not satisfied with the relationships they have with people that are close to them.

Pierce finds that a common idea sums up these difficulties: “There appears to be an unrealistic expectation on the part of students (and teachers) involved in certain courses.”He explains and asserts that, “no matter how enthusiastic you are for the subject, your aptitude may not always be able to match.”

His solutions to these ambitious students’ feelings are to break them up and help them understand where the root of this is and how to relax and breathe before diving into homework. Sometimes, he will also make a house call and coach parents in order to bring CBT full circle. He tries to make this evaluation of thought as normal as stress is for students in order to combat these daily battles. Even if this doesn’t happen, Pierce recommends a break from life’s stresses to think about your personal goals and desires and whether or not your choices now are balancing them enough with rest and health.

But, reading this, what if you’re thinking that, no, definitely not, getting up and actually going to therapy is too extreme for you? Yet, there’s no feasible way of actually using or remembering these techniques while you’re on the go. Well, Bernstein’s book, The Myth of Stress, is a captivating read on how to get an insight into the root of what’s troubling you. The main idea of his book is the program he created: ActivInsight. These worksheets are short and concise, as long you’re willing to be honest and allow yourself insight into your personal distress.

Insight is, as Bernstein defines it, “the realization that what you had believed to be true is actually false so that the real truth emerges”(18). It challenges your beliefs, which don’t just come out of nowhere, with new information. If you’re already set on challenging yourself, you can be open to solving any problem even if it seems impossible.

He further explains that making insight an active thought process can also help relieve the continuous cycles of stress.

It’s a psychological wound, which

“No matter how enthusiastic you are for the subject, your aptitude may not always be able to match”

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will linger and affect you despite that expression: “Time heals all wounds.”If you can admit and prove to yourself, as Bernstein reports from past patients, you becomes “clear, peaceful, calm and honest”(31).

I had Hallie try out ActivInsight to see if it really helps a person understand their stress. Hallie’s reaction throughout the worksheet was understanding. One of the questions was to confront why she wasn’t able to do her work on time and why she was so behind. Although she was apprehensive during this question, she pushed forward and went over them calmly and slowly. Then later on, she brought up a fair point of why should she even be concentrating on the reasons she was behind in the first place. She said, “I am now justifying why it’s true I should be here when there are so many other better reason why I shouldn’t.”What Bernstein meant to do with these worksheets was to present the idea of accepting that where you are in your work was because of several things stopping you. Don’t concentrate on the reasons that you should be where you are, but on why. By doing that, you can focus on fixing the mistakes you made along the way. Hallie finished the worksheet and realized that these were all things that she had thought of before, but never tried or was able to fix with actions. Happiness is simply a step away after stress goes away. But what happens if you don’t have that time and you just take a quick break to refuel and motivate yourself with a treat and don’t confront the stress?

Philip Brickman and Donald T. Campbell wrote an article in 1971 on an experiment where they tested how long a person’s happiness lasted after receiving something they liked. They found that people “adapted”to that state of euphoria and it slowly wore off until they returned to their original state of feeling (Nettle 75). That sort of happiness, which fades away like that without making any progress, might feel more like continuous cycle of futility, much like stress. Perhaps a better word for the happiness we all want might be “contentment”and many people have found ways of staying content.

Physical exercise, for example, or simple tasks like cleaning gets your brain moving in different ways, breaking the cycle of thoughts, as suggested

by Stefan Klein (192). Intense focus during activities can lead to clarity in both attention and perception, which then leads to positive feelings about the current activity that you’re doing. The task should engage you, not be too stressful or easy.

Simple reliefs are the ones you might even miss in your daily life. Religion is a common example. Many people put their belief and trust in a god, or many gods, or even relatives who have passed away, and use that to motivate themselves to move forward. These primary figures in different

“Physical exercise, like cleaning gets your brain moving in different ways, breaking the cycle of thoughts...”

religions and relatives are much like angels watching over and protecting them, as believed by a devout Catholic, Trang Ta. She is a mother in a family of four, who all have gone through hard times, whether it may be moving across the United States several times, suffering severe illness, and more. Ta prayed for strength and resilience through it all and still does so to today as she continues to care for her family. Religion, as a way of letting go of stress, is simply like talking.

You have a conversation with God.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I agree that there comes a time when it’s good to release what you’re thinking and dealing with to another person even if it isn’t through religion.

In fact, a research study found social interaction so important as a way of becoming involved with people and being less stressed that they interviewed and tried to come up with solutions to it. This study was called Adult Attachment, Social Self-Efficacy, Self-Disclosure, Loneliness, and Subsequent Depression for Freshman College Students: A Longitudinal Study by Meifen Wei, Daniel W. Russell, and Robyn A. Zakalik. They concluded that college freshman, people they were focusing on this study, who were

“Social selfefficacy,”as the study defined, ”refers to individuals’ beliefs that they are capable of initiating social contact and developing new friendships.”

unable to form friendships or relationships with others were more likely to be lonely or depressed. They lacked two specific things called social efficacy and selfdisclosure with comfort. “Social selfefficacy,”as the study defined, ”refers to individuals’ beliefs that they are capable of initiating social contact and developing new friendships.”Without the confidence needed to put themselves into a social situation, the college freshman stayed away from the spotlight and from other people with fear.”Self-disclosure,”the study describes,”refers to individuals’ verbal communication of personally relevant information, thoughts, and feelings in order to let themselves be known to others.”The study found that by sharing your opinions and experiences with others, you are able to connect with people and also reduce levels of loneliness and depression.

Talking may require social skills that a person may not have, but by developing them or using them, it can help you know that you are not alone while managing your life.

“Self-disclosure refers to individuals’ verbal communication of relevant information, thoughts, and feelings in order to let themselves be.”

Adding onto these are many other relaxing activities that can accompany your daily hobbies such as mediation, writing, singing, and art to list a few.

Whatever you may choose to do, it should relax and comfort you enough to think calmly. After all, your stresses and happiness are unique to you. Different people create self-made problems, which are solved by hand-crafted solutions.

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Ending a Mess of You and Me

rogress towards happiness is more easily accomplished by a calm, introspective mind-set.

By thinking through if your actions and where you are in life is where you want to be, you are able to better understand your desires and reduce the stress of twiddling your thumbs over how mindless but rapid your work is. As Klein concluded, on the power of perspective, that satisfaction is, “to be aware of these moments of happiness is”a sure means of leaving misery behind you” (214).

We learned that there are several ways of trapping yourself with stress whether it may be the constant changes you have to adapt with or the ambition that drives you pursue with pure abandon. We also learned that there are many ways of counteracting that with small things like exercise, religion, or challenging what you believe to be true and being open to solving your problems.

We aren’t always capable of making joy

stay and there’s never been a permanent way of doing that. For reality’s sake, perhaps it is why Positive psychology and Hedonics was created. Too many people

were suffering as they buried themselves in work or were trapped by unforeseen problems and wanted to know how to alleviate that without falling to addiction or other troubles.

As for the purpose of this book, I’m not quite sure how the results will land with audiences.

It is all up to you to decide, truthfully.

Sure, Andrew Bernstein’s methods worked for real patients, but in a book, it feels as if even those results can be another desired fantasy with my own abstract thoughts at play.

Trouble will find me again and I’ve been battered before, worse and even more by life.

Difference now is, I have the belief that I am internally strong and secure enough to handle whatever comes my way.

I’ll survive it with my best foot forward.

But will you?

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Works Cited

Bernstein, Andrew. The Myth of Stress: Where Stress Really Comes from and How to Live a

Happier and Healthier Life. New York, Free Press, 2010.

Grossman, Lev. “Review: Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage.” Time, Time,

20 Aug. 2014,

time.com/3153346/review-colorless-tsukuru-tazaki-and-his-years-of-pilgrimage/. Accessed 17 Apr. 2017.

Klein, Stefan. The Science of Happiness: How Our Brains Make Us Happy-And What We Can

Do To Get Happier. New York: Marlowe, 2002.

Liversidge, Colin. Personal Interview. 21 March 2017.

Nettle, Daniel. Happiness: the Science behind Your Smile. Oxford, Oxford University Press, 2005.

Olson, Hallie. Personal Interview. 7 April 2017.

- 25 April 2017.

Pierce, Zane. Personal Interview. 24 April 2017.

Wei, Meifen, et al. “Self-Concealment: Conceptualization, Measurement, and Health

Implications.” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Iowa State University, 2005,

guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.4.439. Accessed 17 Apr. 2017.

“What Is Positive Psychology.” What Is Positive Psychology, Positive Psychology Institute, 2012, www.positivepsychologyinstitute.com.au/what_is_positive_psychology.html.

Accessed 17 Apr. 2017.

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Jacqueline Ta is a Junior at Freestyle Academy, who enjoys long and introspective hours of working, weaving abstract stories, plotlines and drawings, and eating sweets with tea. They are inspired by the people they know, artists they follow, and ideas and feelings portrayed in books and other varied works. Their personal desires are to be as helpful as possible and dependable too. They are also working towards offsetting the usual shy first impression of them with a sharp tongue and straight man humour.

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