Book by daniela karchmer

Universal Friendship

Daniela Karchmer

Dedication This book would not have been possible without all of the amazing individuals a part of Friendship Circle. I would specifically like to thank Nechama Schusterman and the rest of the staff for their kindness and support. Most of all, this book is dedicated to the entire special needs community and all that they bring to the world.

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Table of Contents Introduction

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Chapter 1

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Chapter 2

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Chapter 3

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Conclusion

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PREFACE I

chose Friendship Circle as my topic because I have been a committed volunteer at Friendship Circle for almost three years now and am truly passionate about what the organization does for the special needs community. The impact it has made on me is something that I will look back on and be thankful for in the future. I believe that I have become more accepting because of Friendship Circle. I look forward now to meeting or getting to know someone who is different from me. Writing about a topic that I am this passionate about and involved in was really exciting. I wanted to choose a topic that I have a lot to say about, not just on the surface but on a deeper level. I was initially concerned about accurately depicting the lives and responses of the kids in regard to Friendship Circle, but after interviewing a parent of a child at Friendship Circle, it was a lot easier to describe the impacts it has made on kids. Additionally, it took me a while to find the correct structure of this book in order to make everything flow nicely, but once I divided each topic into a section, I found that it was very easy for me to write a lot about each matter. I think that I have grown as not only a writer, but a filmmaker because making a documentary was a completely new project for me but I realized how much I enjoyed making it and how interesting it is to gather different viewpoints and accounts and then compile them together to get a general point across.

I would like readers to understand better why it is so crucial to treat everyone equally, considering the impact you could have on them.

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introduction I

t is early on a Sunday morning, and there are numerous teen volunteers spread out around Achieve Kids in Palo Alto. Suddenly, a little boy runs in through the doors, followed by his mother walking calmly behind him. The boy, Aidan, makes a beeline for his teen buddy, Ben, who is ecstatic to see him as well. Aidan, who mostly doesn’t speak, simply hugs Ben, who instantly knows to start up a small conversation with Aidan about how his week has been and what he wants to do today. Regardless of their differences, they are still able to communicate effectively and have a great time doing a plethora of activities together. Ben clearly makes Aidan feel at home, and by the end of the day when Aidan’s parents return to pick him up, he is sad to say goodbye to his friend, Ben. This is one of the many priceless interactions and relationships that bloom all because of Friendship Circle Bay Area.

Friendship Circle, an organization that I have been involved with since eighth grade, focuses on pairing special needs kids and teens with typical functioning teens, existing across the nation with sects in different states, regions, and areas. The Bay Area sect was started by Nechama and Ezzy Schusterman who both originated from the Bay Area. Nechama says that she sought to make a positive impact in her community and when she heard about Friendship Circle, she knew it was a unique and necessary opportunity for families in the Bay Area. Friendship Circle is not only an organization, but a community that fosters acceptance and inclusivity for kids with special needs, giving them opportunities to learn, have fun and express themselves.

Friendship Circle effectively unites everyone regardless of their differences in Bay Area, specifically the Palo Alto community where it takes place. Unlike therapy and other services that special needs kids often spend a lot of time doing, Friendship Circle allows kids to thrive with no limitations, rather than trying to fix or change them. This builds a fun environment that the kids look forward to, filled with their favorite activities, ranging from art, to sports, to music. Teen volunteers offer their time to simply be a friend to these kids, providing support and assurance, rather than trying to control them or make them do anything. From traveling on field trips to various fun locations around the Bay Area, to doing activities such as art, music and sports, the one aspect of Friendship Circle that remains the same at all times is the amount of happiness that the kids exert after any given day.

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Chapter One N

echama’s main objective in 2003, when she established Friendship Circle in the Palo Alto community, was for everyone, especially teen volunteers, to gain much-needed exposure to people with special needs, which would lead to acceptance. In many cases, people don’t know someone on a personal level with special needs and therefore don’t get to experience how genuine and typical these people can act. They base their assumptions on the special needs community from information they have heard from other people or on the news. It is crucial in all cases, particularly this one, to give people the benefit of the doubt.

This means that when you meet someone new, you should avoid pre-judging them, but rather wait until you speak to them for a sufficient amount of time before you jump to any conclusions about who they are or what they stand for. People should get to know all types of people, no matter the differences, in order to learn more about them and celebrate the differences that they may have. Friendship Circle does this by not only harboring a positive and friendshiporiented environment, but serving as a

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safe and comfortable community for kids. Special needs people are used to being pegged as “outsiders”, so an inclusive environment with typical teens there to be their friends can be extremely refreshing.

Friendship Circle was originally established in Detroit, Michigan, so when it was brought to the Bay Area in 2003, Nechama and her family had no expectations for how big it would grow. Because of this, Nechama credits Friendship Circle’s immense growth over the years to its unique services and “family-like atmosphere”. She says “It’s a place where children and teens with special needs can be comfortable with who they are and get what other typical kids their age get, which is friendship, fun and recreation” (Schusterman). She believes that it gives kids the opportunity to be part of something bigger than their regular, home life. Friendship Circle “envision[s] a world in which people with special needs and their families experience acceptance, inclusion and friendship as contributing members of society” (“Bay Area Friendship Circle – About Us”). Through all the extra measures that Friendship Circle takes, such as hiring specialized therapists to be assigned to each group in order to help out kids and volunteers with any problems, the organization proves their intentions to foster this uniquely safe and inclusive community.

Enabled Kids, a website on information about special needs kids, highlights the importance of special needs organizations and says that “by supporting these organizations, we are helping our society become one that is more nurturing and friendlier to those of us who may find it harder to achieve the same goals as others.” Not only is the implementation of organizations such as Friendship Circle important for the families and kids, but they make the community as a whole a kinder and more sincere place to live.

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“By supporting these organizations, we are helping our society become one that is more nurturing and friendlier to those of us who may find it harder to achieve the same goals as others�

Chapter Two T

hroughout the Friendship Circle community, there are several committed volunteers that have been a part of Friendship Circle for more than a decade. Zach Rosenfeld is one of these crucial aspects of the community. If you ask anyone at Friendship Circle, they will instantly tell you with a smile that Zach consistently brightens their days and is a positive influence on everyone. Zach has been doing Friendship Circle since he was 5 years old. Because he is 17 now, it has been an enormous part of his life. Even at school Zach is always excited to tell his friends around the school about his new or interesting experiences from that day. People like Zach not only clearly live very content lives, but they have a huge impact on everyone around them, instilling positivity everywhere they go. Like Aidan, Zach needs an extra helping hand to assist him in some actions but at the end of the day, Zach is like any other high school junior. He enjoys making new friends, playing sports, expressing himself through his creative side, and strives to live a happy life. Society often seems to forget that what makes people “special needs” is their specific disability that causes them to need extra help doing certain things. They could be the exact same as any other typical person when it comes to one thing, but for something else, they may never be able to do it alone. For example, Zach is a talented chef. He enjoys cooking with his mother in his free time, and often prepares meals on his own. He is also exceptionally enthusiastic about this hobby, making sure to let all of his friends know about each new dish he creates. Tiziana Vazquez & Gabriella Llano, fifteen-year-old authors involved with the Down Syndrome Association, wrote In My World: Down Syndrome, a novel focusing on the life of a child with Down Syndrome. They add the perspectives of her immediate family members to depict how having someone with a disability in their family changes their daily lives. The mother of the afflicted main character reflects, “she may not do things at the pace of Zach Rosenfeld everyone else her age, but she’ll get

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there, in her own time. I choose not to put the dis in front of her ability, and neither does she” (Vazquez and Llano 33). This accepting mindset challenges stereotypes surrounding people with special needs. People who have a lack of exposure to the special needs community believe that they are completely disabled, not that they have a disability. These two words are wildly different because saying that someone is disabled indicates that they struggle with everything and are incapable of doing anything on their own. On the contrary, having a disability means that a certain aspect of someone is impaired, such as their ability to formulate words, disallowing them to speak. This person may still be extremely smart, but they just can’t express it in the way that we see most people expressing intelligence. A website dedicated to disabled people highlights the two terms, “conventional definitions of “disabled” and “disability” stem from social service programs and benefits programs such as Social Security. These definitions, dating back many years uniformly

used the term “disabled” or “disability” to mean “unable” - to work, to handle gainful employment, etc. If you look up definitions of “disabled” you’ll find these kinds of definitions” (Langtree). Additionally, people with special needs don’t lower their standards for themselves and live life the way that they know works for them. Friendship Circle recognizes this and gives special needs kids the chance to do things at their own pace. It promotes acceptance despite the extent of everyone’s abilities as well. This is why Zach, Aidan, and other similar kids excel in Friendship Circle and why families can’t imagine their kids anywhere else besides Friendship Circle.

Beyond the deeper benefits of Friendship Circle, kids who participate simply have a good time. It also serves as a time when kids can spend time in a safe environment, surrounded by helpful adults and teens so that parents of special needs kids can have a few hours for themselves. These parents fully devote their time and effort into their

Yonatan and his teen buddy

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kids, so it is truly a treat to give them some time off. Lisa Zuegel, the mother of Jeffrey, a Friendship Circle participant, says that Jeffrey fit right into Friendship Circle and it seemed like the obvious choice for them when they discovered it. When parents leave their children in safe hands, they are much more calm and comfortable with enjoying some time on their own. Another Friendship Circle parent reflects on the security that Friendship Circle shows kids: “Far more than just an evening out, he feels good knowing that she has a safe and nurturing place to go to on a regular basis—a place to be herself, a place where she’s not alone” (Wiemer). Aside from being included and accepted at Friendship Circle, participants don’t feel singled out, a sensation that they most likely feel often when they are separated into special needs programs at their school or just have to get accustomed to different aspects of their daily lives that other kids don’t have to deal with. Friendship Circle is a place where each kid is among other kids that share similar experiences or traits but may still be completely different as well. Regardless of different disabilities, every participant of Friendship Circle shows acceptance to one another.

My buddy this year, Aayan, always has a smile on his face when he enters the doors at Friendship Circle. His parents have told me countless times about how much Aayan looks forward to the day at Friendship Circle and misses all of the volunteers during the week. These types of positive reactions from families are what motivates teen volunteers to continue spending their time at special place.

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Chapter Three A

book about human rights and disabilities by Don MacKay states “The right of all persons with disabilities to live in the community is central to the Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities” (MacKay). When people with special needs go out in public, they can be stared at, or judged by others. While no one interferes with where they live and where they go, mistreating them by treating them differently in public pins them as “outsiders,” taking away from the idea that everyone should be included and cherished as a member of a community. Largely, this difference in treatment from people in public goes hand in hand with lack of exposure to people with special needs.

Learning about others and getting to know people for their minds instead of anything on the outside is a wildly important. Allowing people to know all kinds of people on a personal level is a very unique opportunity that can prove to be imperative to who someone becomes. At Friendship Circle, teen volunteers get this uncommon opportunity to not only get to know kids with special needs, but to also form close bonds with them.

Maayan Weitzman, a three year volunteer at Friendship Circle, says that as soon as she joined she was instantly hooked, inspired by what the organization stands for. She adds, “being a volunteer not only allows you to positively impact a kid’s life and help them with different tasks, but it also changes volunteers’ outlooks on life and lets them appreciate the little things more” (Weitzman). Aside from talking to them and bonding with them, volunteers simply get to watch these kids interact with one another as well as do several activities in their own, particular way. This is not only something that volunteers can learn from, but it is extremely interesting and broadens the overall perspective and mindsets of volunteers.

I can say from personal experience that ever since I started volunteering at Friendship Circle, I have noticed that I am significantly happier.

After a long week of school and activities, spending a couple hours with such genuine and kind people can be really refreshing.

"Being a volunteer not only allows you to positively impact a kid's life and help them with different tasks, but it also changes volunteers' outlooks on life and lets them appreciate the little things more”

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Music

Art

Sports

Along with all the positive attributes of Friendship Circle, volunteers can occasionally experience some hardships with their buddies. Sometimes, the kids are just not having a good day and they refuse to participate in any of the scheduled activities. Volunteers then have to problem solve, figuring out a way to brighten the mood of the kids and then easing them into the activity. Maayan says that initially, the hardest part about being a buddy is getting to know your buddy on a deep enough level to be able to understand their mannerisms and sometimes what words indicate what. Often, kids show that they want something by saying a specific one word or doing something with their hands.

For example, my buddy loves Toy Story, and sometimes when he is feeling a slightly distressed, he repeats “woot! woot! woot!” which is his way of saying “Woody”, the character from the movie. At first, I could not understand what he was saying at all, and grew impatient and upset with the fact that I couldn’t help him out and give him what he wanted. Eventually, I figured it out, and I have not seen him happier.

While this initial phase of not being completely sure about some of your buddy’s traits or mannerisms is tough, when you do break that wall, your bond becomes inseparable. After this, it is incredibly rewarding to see your buddy laughing and smiling. This indicates that you are doing something right. Allison Stein, a college graduate who spent high school as a volunteer and now works as an interning therapist strongly believes that the teen volunteers are what makes Friendship Circle what it is. She credits Friendship Circle’s “friendship atmosphere” with how smoothly it runs. The true friendship between volunteers and buddies is ultimately what makes Friendship Circle so successful.

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Conclusion I

think that Friendship Circle can be compared to a chain because of the way that it links together no matter the differences of the links. Each person that is affected by Friendship Circle, joins the chain, because ultimately Friendship Circle is a community that brings everyone together. When everyone is impacted, Friendship Circle truly comes full circle, uniting all types of people in the community. I am so thankful for Friendship Circle and all that it has given me. I truly believe that it has changed me for the better, leading me to appreciate the little things, as well as realize how pure and genuine the special needs community is. My time at Friendship Circle has definitely allowed me to grow and become more accepting. Additionally, hearing small praises about how good of a job I am doing from Aayan’s parents truly makes it all worth it. The sensation of seeing a child, no matter their differences, laugh and enjoy themselves is unforgettable. I would like to think that I have also made a positive impact on all of the participants’ lives and that Friendship Circle has been a rewarding and fun experience for them, as it has been for me.

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“She may not do things at the pace of everyone else her age, but she’ll get there, in her own time. I choose not to put the dis in front of her ability, and neither does she�

Works Cited “Bay Area Friendship Circle - About Us.” Bay Area Friendship Circle 2017 <http://www.bayareafc.org/templates/

articlecco_cdo/aid/3066980>. Web. 25 Apr. 2017.

“The Importance of Special Needs Organizations.” Blog post. Enabled Kids. N.p., 20 June 2014. Web. 28 Mar. 2017. <http://enabledkids.ca/why-it-is-important-for-organizations-supporting-special-needs-kids-to-exist/>.

Langtree, Ian. “Disability or Disabled - Which Term Is Right?” Disabled World. Disabled World, 21 Nov. 2016.

Web. 26 Apr. 2017. <https://www.disabled-world.com/definitions/disability-disabled.php>.

Leibowitz, Tirza. “Living in the Community, Access to Justice: Having the Right Makes All the Difference.” Human

Rights and Disability Advocacy, edited by Maya Sabatello and Marianne Schulze, University of Pennsylvania

Press, 2014, pp. 45–57, www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt5hjm1h.9.

Stein, Allison. Personal Interview. 19 March 2017.

Schusterman, Nechama. Personal Interview. 26 March 2017.

Vazquez, Tiziana, and Gabriella Llano. In My World: Down Syndrome. Bloomington, IN: Authorhouse, 2013. Print.

Weitzman, Maayan. Personal Interview. 19 March 2017.

Wiemer, Liza. “Artists With Special Needs Draw Crowd to Wisconsin Auction.” Chabad.org. Chabad, 1 Feb. 2017.

Web. 27 Mar. 2017. <http://www.chabad.org/news/article_cdo/aid/3575137/jewish/Artists-With-Special- Needs-Draw-Crowd-to-Wisconsin-Auction.htm>.

Zuegel, Lisa. Personal Interview. 2 April 2017.

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About the Author

Daniela Karchmer is a Junior at Mountain View High School and a film student at Freestyle Academy. Daniela loves to explore San Francisco, listen to music, and hang out with her amazing buddies at Friendship Circle. She is also involved in a handful of other programs for special needs kids such as Animal Assisted Happiness, Best Buddies, and the special needs program at her summer camp.

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