Listening

Listening

Question # 1 What do you think is more valuable: Listening or speaking?

Some were taught that it was weak to listen, that we need to speak up. Others were taught to be listeners instead of speakers.

Today, will you decide to learn or to lecture?

https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2015/11/listening-learning-lens https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

To fully listen, you must first believe it is

a critical part of your job.

https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/

Ask yourself 2 questions: 1. What is the purpose of this interaction?

2. What do you think you can learn?

http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners

Question # 2 How can you stop interrupting?

Close your mouth.

http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/

1 advantage of closing your mouth: Silence can buy you time to think.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners

To avoid interrupting, keep in mind that you behave impatiently when you interrupt. Let the speaker continue in her or his own time.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener

2 ways to handle interruptions: 1. Before you start talking, tell the listener what you plan to say, and when it’s okay for him or her to speak.

2. Tell the person, who interrupts, how you feel about being interrupted.

https://hbr.org/2017/02/how-to-handle-interrupting-colleagues

Question # 3 In your next conversation, what do you plan to listen for?

Before the talking begins, skilled learners mentally review what they already know about the subject.

Then they set a goal for what to listen for.

http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/10/ready-to-learn-the-key-is-listening-with-intention/

What you can listen to: 1. Emotions.

2. Problems.

3. Needs.

4. Values.

https://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2016/02/21/five-things-that-go-up-when-leaders-listen/

Question # 4 What do you think about repeating what you heard with your own words?

Person A It’s impossible to work like this!

Person B What I hear is / if I understand you correctly, you find it difficult to work in these conditions. Did I get that right?

Adapted from Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 157-158. https://www.lynda.com/Business-Skills-tutorials/Listening-disarming-way/423244/438030-4.html

The listener does not have to agree with the speaker - he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks the speaker said.

This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood.

Sources http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html https://hbr.org/2013/07/practical-tips-for-overcoming-r http://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/06/there-is-a-difference-between-listening-and-waiting-for-your-turn-to---speak-just-because-someone-can-hear-doesnt-mean-t.html

Question # 5 How can you reduce your need to be right?

Ability to pay attention

Inspiration: Kofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.

Need to be right

When you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. That only creates tension.

Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner.

https://hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress

There has to be a certain humility to listen well.

https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Why_Im_a_listener_Amgen_CEO_Kevin_Sharer_2956

Try to reassure the person you speak with that you empathize with what she / he is saying.

http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

Question # 6 How can you ask more and better questions?

5 examples of questions to ask  Can you tell me more about that?  What happened next?  Can you please give an example of what you mean?  How do you think that will go?  How do you feel about it?

Adapted from https://hbr.org/2013/03/for-real-influence-use-level-f https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool http://leaderchat.org/2012/09/03/3-tips-for-better-listening-and-the-one-attitude-that-makes-all-the-difference https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-better-listener-dr-travis-bradberry

By asking questions, you can clarify what the person really needs.

https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool

Ask questions from a position of curiosity.

http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm

Question # 7

How can you stop doing other things when you listen to someone?

Effective listening requires that we focus on what the other person is saying. To listen well, eliminate all distractions.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-become-better-listener-dr-travis-bradberry https://hbr.org/2015/02/how-great-coaches-ask-listen-and-empathize

The human mind is unable to focus on 2 activities at once.

Example: You can’t pick up on facial expressions if your look at your phone.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140 location 2500. https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

Do not multitask.

I’m not just talking about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts as multitasking.

https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html

The moment you remove your attention from a task, you can expect no meaningful learning or skill development to take place.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140 Location 2500.

Question # 8 How can you show that you are listening?

 Nod when you agree.  Smile when you hear something funny being said.

https://www.lynda.com/Business-Skills-tutorials/Listening-disarming-way/423244/438030-4.html

A good listener is like a trampoline.

He / she 1. makes you feel better by supporting you.

2. helps you jump higher with your ideas.

3. helps you gain energy.

https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do

Question # 9 How can you have more eye contact with the person you listen to?

Making appropriate eye-contact makes you a better listener because it changes how you feel.

https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do

By observing what a person gets energized about, you can find out what she / he really wants to say.

https://hbr.org/2016/05/listening-is-an-overlooked-leadership-tool

Question # 10 What about taking notes about what you hear?

When you notice something has blocked you from listening, simply make a note of it and shift your attention back to what the other person is saying.

https://hbr.org/2014/04/what-gets-in-the-way-of-listening/

Once you write it down, you have put it in your brain.

http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf

Question # 11

What can you do to not judge too early?

Judgments and decisions should be reserved until after the talker has finished.

At that time, and only then, review her or his main ideas and assess them.

https://hbr.org/1957/09/listening-to-people/ar/1

Keep in mind that people can listen 3 – 5 times faster than they can talk.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/ http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

Because a listener can listen at a faster rate than most speakers talk, there is a tendency to evaluate too quickly.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/

Instead of judging a person you listen to, judge yourself: An idea might not strike you immediately, but if you give it time, and a little thought, the idea could surprise you.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening

If we stop judging, our listening will help others find their voice and their truth, just as they help us find ours.

http://www.reinventingorganizationswiki.com/Teal_Organizations

Other sources of inspiration https://hbr.org/2015/02/everything-you-need-to-know-about-becoming-a-better-listener https://hbr.org/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html http://hbr.org/web/slideshows/difficult-conversations-nine-common-mistakes/1-slide http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html http://www.thebookoflife.org/theartoflistening/ http://online.wsj.com/articles/tuning-in-how-to-listen-better-1406070727 http://youtu.be/cSohjlYQI2A http://youtu.be/NjUic9WqLrg