What They Don’t Tell You About Midlife Online Dating lesley

A few Shofars back, I wrote about attending a stand-up comedy course and have been asked what happened next. Although it was a great experience, I found it waaaay too scary and decided to look for another outlet. At the same time, I’d also been trying out another scary activity: online dating. I soon realised that I’d found the perfect vehicle for the less stressful sit-down comedy, ie, writing about midlife online dating.

My initial worries had been all about going on an actual date again, how to lose 5lbs in a week, and take up a fascinating new hobby to make myself sound interesting. Actually, what I found was that the date, itself, is the easy part. It’s what happens online before you ever get to that stage that is really alarming. I came across the weirdest of profiles, photographs, and messages created by people (in my case, men) presumably looking to attract a partner, rather than making them run for the hills.

Encounters with people in real life were far less funny and I do have a few scruples... In any case, there are plenty of ‘Kiss and Tell’ stories out there in magazines like Housework and Dogging: ‘I was matched with a man old enough to be my father and when we met, I found out it was my father’.

So, I’ve appointed myself to the role of mystery shopper for mid-life dating websites. A few examples: the ‘About me’ section that says: ‘I love having a laugh. Like being in a public toilet and finding out there isn’t any toilet paper left until it’s too late’. The photos where they’re obscured by the enormous scaly fish they’re cradling - (I’m a great catch)? Or the pleasant looking man who introduces himself to me in a message saying ‘Hi Darling. Where do you like to be tickled?’ Ugh.

Comedy has always been my ‘go to’ when things go pear-shaped (unfortunate metaphor in my case). Now when I see something impossibly ridiculous online, instead of giving up, I think - hurrah, material! I also want to offer reassurance to others who contemplate this path: it is indeed them, not you. Plus, a little bit of guidance: set the bar low. The law of averages says that there must be one or two good apples in the barrel, so best to laugh in the face of adversity and, well, you just never know….

I’ve written quite a few pieces now and need to decide whether to go for blogging or trying to get a regular column somewhere – on or offline. If anyone out there is in publishing or journalism or has any good contacts, I’d be really grateful for advice!