Middle School Bullying Supplement

Target Who? They’re different.

As you walk between classes you see them—the kids who are “targets.” You know the ones—the kids who are the “too” kids. Too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too smart, too stupid, too pretty, too ugly, too popular, too out, too in, too scrawny, too athletic, too mature, too immature, too quiet, too everything…

Maybe they’re the kids who don’t wear name-brand clothes, who aren’t in the “in” crowd, or the ones who may be having problems with acne. Maybe they don’t have the “right” haircut or hang with the “right” friends.

Maybe they’re the kids who aren’t confident or don’t have many friends.

You know—the loners. Maybe they’re the kids who sit at the “uncool” table at lunch. Maybe they’re the gifted kids—you know, the really smart ones—or the kids who go to special classes for reading or math because learning is hard for them.

Maybe they look or act “funny” or “awkward” and because of that, people make fun of them.

Maybe they have braces or wear glasses. Maybe they don’t have the latest game system, best cell phone, or the best shoes. Maybe they don’t have money. Maybe they have too much money. For whatever reason, they wear a target.

Targets are on the chests of different types of people every day as you walk between classes, and all for different reasons.

And most school days as you walk between your classes, you hope that the target is not on your chest. All you want to do is blend in and hope that the bullies pick someone else as their latest victim.

But what happens when you feel like you’re the one who feels different? You feel like you’re the one who is “too” everything.

One thing is for certain—no one has a “right” to be a bully, and most certainly, no one should have to endure a bully’s taunts, physical, emotional or verbal abuse. Being the victim of a bully is not your fault, and it is not a “right of passage.”

You’re You!!

A Celebration of Diversity As you are in class each day, walk down the hallway between classes, are active in after-school activities, are on the bus, or are at home with your family, you are your own person.

Part of growing up is growing into the person that you are becoming. You have so much inside of you that is maturing on so many levels— intellectually, socially, emotionally, physically.

All of those ways of growing interact to help you become the unique person that you are.

Taking the time to assess where you are with yourself is important. Be honest with yourself and be true to who you are! In the following exercise, you will be asked to brainstorm about yourself.

Write quickly—as usually the first thing that comes to mind is the most honest and true!

Have you ever felt like you have been targeted? Explain: _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________

5 Things You Love About How Your Outer Appearance 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________ 4. _______________________________________________________________________________ 5. _______________________________________________________________________________

5 Things You Love About Your Personality 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________ 4. _______________________________________________________________________________ 5. _______________________________________________________________________________

5 Things That Your Friends Like About Hanging Out With You 1. ______________________________________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________________________________ 4. _______________________________________________________________________________ 5. _______________________________________________________________________________

You’ll notice something about this exercise as you fill in the following boxes. You focused on things that are positive about yourself for the first few responses, and then a negative is thrown in at the end. Here’s the honest truth about growing up—Everyone has things that we are not happy with about ourselves, and more times than not—we focus on the things we don’t like instead of the things that are great about ourselves! The negative takes over our lives and the positive things that we love about ourselves are often lost. No one is perfect, and learning to deal with what we see as our own imperfections is a hard fact of life.

But there is more to this. If you want to change something about yourself because YOU want to change it—to grow as a person, to feel good about yourself, to be a better person— that’s one thing, and you have the choice to work to find ways to make those changes happen. But if you just want to change things about yourself because of SOMEONE ELSE—so that someone else will accept you into “the group,” so the teasing will stop, so that you can get into the “right” crowd—then wanting those changes are not for the best reasons.

5 Reasons Why People Value Your Presence 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5 Things You Wish You Could Change About Yourself 1. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If we were all the same, the world would be a rather boring place. That’s the beauty of life.

All different skin types and complexions, hair colors and styles, eye shapes and colors, beautiful expressions of personality, voices, and so much more brings uniqueness to our world. Imperfection brings diversity. If we could just realize that our differences are what make us beautiful, then perhaps more time would be spent accepting others instead of hurting others because of differences.

Too many times in your world, judgment What are your “pearls”—your unique qualities that are within your shell that few people know about?

1. ________________________________________________________________________ 2._________________________________________________________________________ 3._________________________________________________________________________ 4._________________________________________________________________________ 5._________________________________________________________________________

comes by looking at outside appearances.

Have you ever seen a clam or other bivalve?

You know how it looks, right?

It’s all grimy and gross on the outside. There’s this slime that is around the outside of the shell and they’re stinky.

The shells that these mussels live in are not even very attractive.

Many times they have to be dug up from the dirt or mud, and sediments from the ocean or lake bottom have become a part of the clam’s shell. They’re not always the prettiest things to look at…

But what could be inside of each of those clams is what is the true miracle. Every bivalve like a clam or mussel inside of a shell has the potential to create and house something beautiful— something completely unique. That something it can create is a pearl. Pearls are created when foreign objects get stuck inside the shell. The “pearly” side of the shell then erodes and builds up around the foreign object to make the pearl.

You may have heard of pearls being created from a grain of sand, and that can truly happen. That one little grain of sand can create something beautiful.

It’s only when the icky looking clam is opened that we see the beauty that could be within.

You are a bit like the clam. Judgments or comments may be made about your outer appearance. Your hard shell may be filled with grime and guck that has built up from everything around you—comments from so-called friends, snide remarks in the lunch line, people being hypercritical about your appearance, remarks on the bus, etc. But it is only until people take the time to truly get to know you for who you are that they get to see your “pearls”—your unique qualities that make you who you are! It’s their loss if they can’t get past a “shell” to see the true you.

As you grow older, you’ll see that being different is what life is all about. Later on in life, you’ll want to be the job candidate that “sticks out” because of an excellent skill set. But right now, your reality is that you don’t want to be the “fish out of water.” You want to be the one to blend in and not get noticed, because if you’re noticed and aren’t ready for it, a bully (who more than likely isn’t comfortable with the person that he/she is presently…) could try to make himself/herself superior in your world by belittling you and

making you lose sight of the beauty and respect that you have for yourself.

The challenge becomes—How do you keep a bully from harming you physically or emotionally?

How do you define a Bully? ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________

Bullying Dictionary.com defines bully as “a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”

What is also quite interesting is that the word bully has its origins in the French and Dutch word boele, which means “friend” or “sweetheart.” How ironic that the original meaning of the word has changed from one of friendship to being an enemy!

Bullying is all about one word—power. A bully feels power over those that are perceived as “weaker” than he/she is either physically or emotionally. Fear drives a bully to harm others, and it’s often because the bully is himself or herself insecure about something in his/her life.

Beware of the Bully Society today has this misconception that being bullied is a part of school life. It shouldn’t be that way. Knowing how bullies harm their “prey” can help you to make good decisions to keep yourself safe.

Physical Bullying—Boys tend to bully physically more often than girls. Locker shoving, tripping, giving “swirlies” in the bathroom stalls, spitting on someone—you name it, and it’s been done! Physical bullying can begin with something like knocking off the books from a desk, bumping into someone in the hallway, and can escalate into all out fights. The important thing to remember about physical bullying is that any sort of physical contact in an aggressive way is violence. Violence is unacceptable and should be reported to a trusted adult—like a teacher, principal, parent or counselor. You don’t have to “take it” and you are not “tattling” if you have been in danger and speak with someone about it.

Cyberbullying—Yet another type of bullying that has just come to be in the last few years is cyberbullying.

You have not known the world without computers, cell phones, and instant/text messaging. Your generation communicates via the computer. You chat with your friends using instant messaging, e-mail, chat rooms, discussion boards, web pages, blogs, and text messaging on your cell phones. When you use your communication involving technology to hurt or harm someone else intentionally, you are guilty of cyberbullying.

Has this happened to you? _____________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ What will you do?______________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________

It is not OK to send messages that are cruel about someone else. It is not OK to create webpages that make fun of other people. It is not OK to post messages about or pictures of someone on message boards. It is not OK to forward a message that you have gotten from someone that was supposed to be private. Doing these things is rude.

It’s important that you understand that cyberbullying in any form is harassment.

When someone is threatened using technology, the police or other law enforcement authorities may become involved in the case. It is never appropriate to harm someone with your words…and in this case, there’s always a trail of words when it comes to cyberbullying. Think before you text. Think before you press send. Think about how your

Has this happened to you? ________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ What will you do? _________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

words might be interpreted by someone else.

Your words are your honor. And your trail of words could prove your innocence or guilt in a situation.

Emotional Bullying— Girls tend to bully emotionally more than boys, but that doesn’t mean that boys are immune. It can take the form of manipulation of relationships, spreading of rumors, use of body language, exclusion from groups, and even cyberbullying. Whatever form it takes, hearts can be hurt by things that teachers and adults don’t even notice until it’s too late.

Emotional bullying can be just as harmful and hurtful as a punch in the gut.

Sometimes it can feel even worse! Whatever form it takes, it is unacceptable behavior and you do not have to deal with it alone. These types of behaviors are considered to be harassment, and most schools have policies that ban such behaviors. Again, seek the help of a trusted adult if you are in such a situation. Having to deal with comments that hurt you inside is not “just a part of middle school.” No one should have to endure being belittled and made to feel small, low, or excluded.

Relational Bullying—Although they’re not being sent to the office for shoving and hitting, girls can be the worst bullies of them all. You’ve heard of there being “queen Has this happened to you? _________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ What will you do? __________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

bees” in middle school, right? They’re the girls who lead the cliques and who pretty much feel like they run the school. They usually have their noses in everyone else’s private lives, dictate what other people think or do, and often spread rumors about people if they don’t do what she wants them to…

What they say usually goes—with regards to clothes, fashion, who is the most popular, who should go out with whom, etc. These girls are guilty of something that is called relational bullying. This type of bullying isn’t physical. It’s subtle, builds up, and damages every fiber of the person being bullied to the core.

These girls manipulate their relationships in order to hurt other people. They threaten through terribly mean comments and sometimes a “just kidding” afterwards.

They bully through their body language— pointing, funny faces, rolling their eyes.

They bully through exclusion, not letting someone into the group, not letting someone sit with them at lunch, and talking behind a person’s back. It also takes the form of vicious rumor spreading, spreading rumors via text messaging, instant messaging, or e-mail, whispering about someone, and so much more. This type of bullying is all about the power of the “queen bee.” She is using her power in a negative way to hurt another girl or make her feel bad about herself. That’s why they’re sometimes called “mean girls.”

Choices—Middle school is a time of choice. You get to choose who you sit by at lunch, choose some of your classes, choose who you are going to hang out with, and so much more. Your teachers are probably also giving you more choices in your learning. But with all of the choices, comes responsibility. You are your choices. If you choose to hang out with someone who puts other people down, you are just as guilty as the person who said the mean things. If you choose to roll your eyes at someone’s outfit and talk about them behind their back, you are guilty of being an emotional bully.

especially when dealing with bullies. If you are not alone, there will be witnesses to the bullying acts. Telling a bully to stop to attract attention also is a good strategy. You are not being weak when you ask for help. The bully is the one that is “in the wrong.”

Staying safe from an emotional bully can be a little harder. The best way to counteract this type of bullying is to be OK with who you are, just the way you are! Being confident in who you are is the first step to staying strong during middle school. It’s hard to be evaluated by your peers, and sometimes it’s the little things that Choose to hang around people who are respectful. add up. If you feel as if you are being Choose to treat other people well. Choose to help emotionally bullied, find someone you can others who need a friend. Choose to carry confide in—a parent, teacher, counselor, or a yourself with dignity and pride. Choose to help friend. Keeping all of your emotions bottled up other students who are being bullied. You are the when you are really hurting inside won’t make better person by doing those things. things better. Sometimes spilling out your emotions to someone you trust makes you feel better, and you Whom would you go to if you needed to chat about might get some ideas for how something? Think of 3 people that you could confide in. to combat the bullying from them.

1. _______________________________________________________ Is there someone in your life that isn’t your parent or 3. ________________________________________________________ teacher that you can confide in? This person could be an older brother or sister, trusted Keep Yourself Safe neighbor, a grandparent, or an aunt or an You have enough stressors in your life— uncle. Sometimes a person just needs to talk homework, getting to your classes on time, about what is going on in his/her life. Finding getting to know your teachers, keeping track of someone that you are close to that you can sit your extracurricular activities, knowing what’s and have a soda or a snack with can help you going on in your family. The last thing you cope with the rigors of middle school. Just need to be worrying about is being bullied. knowing there is someone that will listen to what you are feeling always helps.

Physical bullying can happen anywhere, but it happens most often in the hallway, the Facing the Hard Truth lunchroom, on the bus, or in the bathroom.

The reality that you may have to deal with One good coping strategy if you are being bullying in your life isn’t pleasant. In fact, that physically reality is something that the adults in your life bullied is to wish you didn’t have to deal with…but you do. travel with a Knowing how to face this truth is about power— buddy or a the power that is within you! A bully won’t be couple of able to hurt you if you love yourself just the buddies way you are. A bully won’t be able to harm wherever you your self-esteem if it has been built so strong go. There is that nothing can shake it. A bully will see your strength in confidence in yourself and won’t bother coming numbers, near you, as they know their comments will just slide right off of you. Be proud of the you that you are becoming. Live your life in a way that exudes confidence and truth. The bottom line is this—treat others with respect and they will treat you well right back!

2. ________________________________________________________