Stop Comparing Already

BY JEAN MARIE JOHNSON

We All Do It

Did you know that as much as ten percent of our thoughts involve making comparisons of some kind? Yipes! We compare ourselves based on: • attractiveness • wealth • intelligence • success • even the quality of our relationships

There isn’t much that escapes our scrutiny, which means that comparison-making is loaded. As social animals, we make comparisons to determine how we stack up against others: Who am I? How am I doing? Am I progressing or improving? Do I fit in?

This process can be healthy if it motivates us to get on a better track, or to actively seek improvement in a specific area of our life. Most of us are thrilled to be able to tell someone, “You have no idea what a positive impact you’ve had on me. You were my role model for ___________(FILL IN THE BLANK).”

But there is a dark side to making comparisons, one we may be all too familiar with.

Why We Shouldn’t Do It

Dr. Deborah Carr cites three reasons, paraphrased below, why comparing ourselves with others is something we shouldn’t do:

• First, doing so is foolhardy because the image of perfection that many people cultivate is an illusion – regardless of what they might project on social media and everywhere else.

• Second, life isn’t and never will be a level playing field. We come into this world with different advantages and disadvantages, some of which no amount of “hard work” can make up for.

• Third, rivalry can replace meaningful friendship when making comparisons leads to jealousy and the inability to be happy for others.

If making comparisons is interfering with living your life in a way that you feel good about, it’s time to take some action.

How to Stop Doing It

• Notice what triggers you – remember the key comparisons we humans tend to make: attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, success, relationship quality. Identify your key triggers and how you respond. Do you beat yourself up? Feel envious? Judge the other person who has what you want? Next, do what Dr. Susan Biali Haas suggests: write down how your response negatively affects you and why focusing on it is a waste of your time. PSA: this may include people who constantly judge you or attempt to make you feel inferior.

• Turn a trigger into a motivator – use that trigger as a motivator to go after what you want for yourself instead of coveting what the other person has. Maybe you get back to the gym, work on your relationship with your significant other, or get started on that longterm financial strategy.

• Give a shout out to your strengths – if your habit is to uphold others’ strengths while focusing on your own weaknesses, you have set yourself up for a lifetime of “self-dissatisfaction” and discontent.

Turn that around by looking at yourself objectively, as an outsider.

Then get busy listing your strengths, your positive qualities, the things that make you unique. Do this often to remind yourself of your innate worthiness.

• Cultivate a generous spirit – at the same time, “be generous of spirit.” We’ve all known people who are stingy with their regard.

Don’t be. By genuinely praising others for their positive qualities and strengths, both you and they are uplifted. Besides, doing so gives you one more positive strength to add to your list!

• Curtail social media – studies repeatedly show a correlation between social media and higher rates of depression, anxiety, and loneliness. If social media is your Go To, work on breaking the habit. Be good to yourself by creating healthy substitutions such as calling a friend (a real friend), going for a walk, gardening, or reading uplifting material.

• Remember that money doesn’t buy happiness – I know, it can sure look as if it does. For a short period of time, a bright, shiny, new bauble does lift our spirits. But over the long haul? No way. In fact, studies repeatedly find that the wealthy don’t experience greater happiness or a stronger sense of well-being than others.

• Get serious about gratitude –yes, you keep hearing this. But gratitude is key to contentment, particularly when you focus on feeling appreciation for the things that matter most in our human experience: loving and being loved, friendship, community, and spiritual abundance.

No-Mess Painting Projects for Your Littles

BY TARYN JEREZ

There’s something really amazing that happens when you let a child get creative with paint and play! And for my mother that amazing thing was learning how much she loved me, despite how much of that paint got all over her living room walls and new carpet flooring. (Don’t worry, carpet cleaner and bleach saved the day, from what I’m told!)

If you are looking for a cleaner, mess-free way to let your kids explore with paint and color while still making beautiful artwork with their little hands, here are a few great paint projects to try! Each one is appropriate for toddlers through elementary school, and you may just find yourself wanting to make your own!

#1 Smush Painting in a Bag If you’re looking for the perfect toddler art activity to help build on sensory experience and exploration, smush painting is it!

SUPPLIES: • Large gallon Ziploc bag • Washable non-toxic paint • Cardstock or other thick paper source • Packing tape, optional

Start by folding your paper in half or cutting it to size to make sure it fits nicely inside your Ziploc bag. Next, place different color drops of paint on the paper in any layout you prefer. It can be fun to have your child pick out which colors they want to include! Carefully place your paint-dropped paper inside your Ziploc bag and seal it tightly. You can choose to tape the border down on your child’s highchair tray or table to help keep the bag in place, as this helps some smaller children from trying to open it up! Now watch as little fingers smush the blobs of color all over, making their very own masterpiece! When they are finished, you can take their art out of the bag and lay it safely out of the way to dry. #2 Shake-it-Up

Splatter Painting If you’ve got an active kiddo on your hands with both energy and creativity to let out, get ready to watch them shake it up!

SUPPLIES: • Large, clean jar • Washable, non-toxic paint • Dried beans • Cardstock or other thick paper source

Start by cutting your paper to make it fit inside your jar, rolling it slightly to fit inside. Carefully add different color drops of paint to the inside bottom of your jar. (An empty washed-out peanut butter or tomato sauce jar works great!) Pour out a few dried beans into your jar as well, covering the bottom of the paint. Now this is where your kid gets to go crazy! Encourage them to shake it up, roll it, dance around and get all their energy out while creating something fun. When they finally stop, take out the paper and pick off any beans that may be stuck to the paint. Place it to dry somewhere safe out of your little one’s reach. #3 Washable Bath time Gel Painting Making bath time fun is a whole lot easier when you’re washing a little Picasso in the tub! Both older toddlers and bigger kids can get on board with this “messy” painting project!

SUPPLIES: • Mixing bowl • Whisk or hand mixer • Muffin tin • Water • Shower gel • Food coloring • Paint brushes

Grab your mixing bowl and add a few large pumps of your child’s shower gel or body wash along with about ½ cup of water and begin mixing. Once you start to see that the mixture is turning foamy, you’re ready to add equal parts into your muffin tin. Choose which color food dye you’ll be adding and squirt a few drops into each muffin tin section and mix until the foam turns the right color. Your “paint” is ready to go! Add a few paint brushes and head to the bath to let your little one create some beautiful bath time artwork. This one may not be 100% mess-free, but washes away easily with warm water and won’t leave the tile and grout stained.

Remember, your kids’ greatest learning opportunities will come from simply having fun with you and being able to explore and create. Enjoy trying these no-mess painting projects to make memories together while keeping things clean!