The Needs of Children

BY LISA S.T. DOSS

Have the rules of child rearing changed? Well, yes, the standards of social acceptance mold the pliable, ever-changing clay form, extracting this and adding that. We’ve adapted from the 1960s climate of an adult-centric structure of openmindedness, the 1980s weekly advice of Abby and Ann Landers, to the worrisome world combining technology and child safety. Yet, through each decade and shift, the basic rules remain like a beacon of unwavering light. Children still need love, faith, parental support, and discipline.

CELL PHONES: Most parents are perplexed by the constant request to own a phone. Technology wasn’t important then. Elementary-aged students are not yet ready to handle the art of friendship through texts and the rabbit hole of websites.

SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS: From the moment a child holds a device independently, they almost innately know how to swipe, ease through programs, and exit pages. Parents should always say yes to classes or lessons in computers, especially in safety, keyboarding, and decoding skills. Wait as long as possible to set up a child’s social media platform.

OPEN COMMUNICATION: Rather than kids learning life lessons through misinformed friends or, worse, the Internet, consider implementing a house rule of honesty. Children feel comforted knowing every question, even the embarrassing ones, will result in truthful answers. THE BEDROOM BASICS: Remember when a child’s bedroom had a bed, nightstand, dresser, bookshelf, and desk? The essential four to five components offered comfort, educational opportunity, and beneficial sleep hygiene. Electronic devices, such as televisions, computers, and smartphones, eliminate the possibility of deep and REM sleep, since flashing lights and notification alerts can disrupt sleeping patterns. Shutting down is just as important as leaving all screens in the kitchen at bedtime!

THE GIFT OF PLAYING: Boredom can be a continuous complaint from today’s child, but who happily spends seven hours daily on a screen. Rather than filling up rooms with toys, give the gift of the outdoors. Designate a perimeter to run, jump, swing, challenge their active imaginations, and develop critical thinking skills. With each opportunity to have an adventure outdoors, they observe and discover new concepts, building onto the valuable skill of understanding cause and effect!

UNINTERRUPTED FAMILY TIME: Remember when the corded phone rang during dinner? No one answered the call because meals had an unbendable rule. And, family and friends knew not to call. Fortunately, technology offers a record and recording of every attempt to reach family members—voicemail. Even in 2021, callers can undoubtedly wait!

RESPECT AND NAMES: Twenty to thirty years later and the next-door neighbor and classroom teacher of childhood still receives the honorary title of Sir, Ma’am, Mr., or Mrs. Respect goes a long way, regardless of age, and remains a good lesson!

LOVE AND DISCIPLINE: When the rules of trust are broken, a child needs to know what to expect. With discipline, fairness leads to open conversations and with that, reflection to learn from mistakes.

CHORES, BALANCE OF RESPONSIBILITY: Children are capable of handling much more than people think. Picking up toys at age two, being responsible for dishes and laundry at seven, and cooking meals at nine—chores help connect children to the value of feeling wanted and valued.

GOD AND FAITH: When transitions occur from puberty to teen years, high school, and through adulthood, the love and support of parents, siblings, and extended family is just one dependable life-long relationship. Children need to learn from example, the love of God, the value of prayer, and the promises of their faith.

Parents know the little things, but big things matter, too; so, take time to put your technological device down! Start saying yes to playing, talking, creating bedtime routines, and choosing meaningful moments. Childhood goes much too quickly. They spread their wings and fly, even if we’re not ready. By keeping children’s necessities in balance, parenting can result in a poised, confident citizen, prepared to meet the world!

My Teenager Doesn’t Do Chores

BY GENEVIEVE CONDON

There are days I sit frantically writing, grading papers or chasing the baby around the house, the dishes piled up and floor desperately needing to be vacuumed. I grab some dog hair from the baby’s hand before he puts it in his mouth and make a mental note that I absolutely must vacuum today. No surprise that usually by the end of the night it hasn’t happened, and I collapse in bed barely able to keep my eyes open. (I’m pretty sure there are dust bunnies fighting till the death on the floor. And the laundry piled up looks like a real-life statue. I’ve actually grown quite fond of it.)

I’ve had people tell me to “make my teenager help” and I simply tell them “No.” The looks I get are quite telling that they don’t feel the same, but here’s the thing: my teenager doesn’t do chores. There isn’t a list of tasks she must complete before she goes out. Or an allowance that she sees weekly once certain things are done. She is free to live her life. She must do well in school and always have her schoolwork done. That has been my only, one true requirement of her. She is a straight A/B student and has always made the honor roll. But, no chores.

Hear me out before you send the Mommy Mob after me. I promise I’ll explain!

My daughter sees me juggle a lot every day. I never force her to do anything around the house but she offers, every single day. My job as a mother is to raise well-rounded, helpful, compassionate human beings. So, each day when she wakes up (albeit a lot later than me) she immediately goes into action.

“Mom, I can watch the baby, so you can shower.” “Mom, let me unload the dishwasher for you.” This to me, means far more than designated chores. For her to see me with a need and offer, shows that compassion and helpfulness that I so strongly tried to instill in her from a young age. There is no allowance that goes into her account weekly, she is helpful simply because it is the right thing to do.

This philosophy has transcended into other areas of her life. Her last report card was met with praises from many teachers about how helpful and compassionate she is, always willing to help her peers or teachers when needed. I constantly get messages from her aunt when she’s with her about how thoughtful she is and how she woke up and took the dogs for a walk for her, or helped lug things upstairs without being asked.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days where the teenage attitude comes out and we butt heads, but I remind myself how lucky I am that these days are few and far between.

She’ll occasionally ask for things to do to make money for something she wants that is beyond my normal scope of purchases for her. She gladly jumps into action to complete them. She’s eager to get a job and make her own money, which I will encourage when she can. I often wonder if her helpfulness will fade as she works outside the home, but I hope that all she has learned and continues to experience in the world reminds her of the importance of being compassionate and helpful, not just at home, but everywhere.

So, when people continue to tell me to make my teenager help out more, I will continue to say “No,” and proudly say she doesn’t do chores. Because at the end of the day, she is a thoughtful young lady who is learning more by not having chores than if she did.