The Secrets a Wife Should Know

Secrets come to a marriage leaving a wife to wonder, “Why didn’t you tell me?” The truth is, he doesn’t want to burden you with his affliction. It may have occurred in his childhood or due to a traumatic incident. After all the years of suppressing feelings, triggers arrive in the form of anger and a confrontation. It can happen in a snap of a finger. As emotional distress reveals itself, it’s not the time to ask questions. The act of remembering or confessing the incident leads to a well of pain; saying the words out loud would admit it happened. He doesn’t want to remember, and quite possibly, can’t recall it.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that affects individuals who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event. As a result, fear triggers a fight-or-flight response, intended to protect a person from harm, even when they are not in danger. As in most traumatic experiences, reliving the moment makes it difficult to remain grounded. Typically, PTSD is associated with men and women in the military; however, the condition can impact a young child, such as a baby. Research shows there are over 600,000 possible combinations of PTSD symptoms.

The symptoms may include:

• Intrusive Memories: Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the event.

• Avoidance: Avoiding places, activities, or people connecting to the moment of trauma. • Negative Changes in Thinking and

Mood: Negative thoughts about one’s self, feeling hopeless about the future, and difficulty maintaining close relationships with family and friends.

• Changes in Physical and Emotional

Reactions: Always being on guard for danger, difficulty sleeping, concentrating, showing signs of irritability, angry outbursts, being easily startled, or exhibiting selfdestructive behavior.

Evidence of the symptoms is revealed as depression, frequent nightmares, increased anxiety, heart rate, and blood pressure.

What to Do

Wives first need to understand the problem. It may take time for a spouse to reveal the story. It’s the reason he may not like crowds, loud events, or socializing in confined places. When explanation are given, such as: “…because something might happen,” it’s time to find an outlet to unlock the closed doors of the mind. Therapy comes in a variety of forms. The act of surrendering will be a breakthrough and a decision to take back control.

Breathing Activities

Stress releasing exercises are one cure that uses the center of gravity in the body to send signals along the spine, releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension, and trauma. The TRE method, Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises, acts as an internal massage, allowing the brain to produce feelings of relaxation. Participants of the TRE method claim the exercises offer healing, a return to peace and well-being, improved sleep quality and flexibility, and that they can reclaim complete control over the mind and body.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT, a talk therapy, involves meeting with a mental health psychotherapist to learn ways to control negative thinking. The goal is to become aware of thoughts, emotions, and beliefs and find an effective response. In addition, CBT helps individuals learn coping techniques, reshape ideas, and manage emotions and communication strategies.

A PTSD Home

It may sometimes feel overwhelming for wives to give support in the moments when an event triggers a spouse; however, marriage doesn’t have to be so complex or despairing. Help is available; wives can join a PTSD support group on social media to build an encouraging support system. Additionally, they can become an advocate of therapy, whether it teaches the tools directly to the spouse, the wife, or both. Education and support can help minimize an episode while building a stronger relationship. Finally, patience, prayer, and love are most needed, especially when a loved one living with PTSD feels they don’t deserve it.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder often impacts the wives, too. Perhaps you react to loud noises, such as the tinkling of glasses when emptying the dishwasher or jumping at a nearby cell phone notification. Be gentle to yourself. The entire family experiences trauma; the solution is to ensure a stable home with a viable support structure!

According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, a house break-in occurs every 13 seconds. While it’s a bold move, 34% of intruders enter through the front door, usually between 10 AM and 3 PM, taking a mere ten minutes to avoid detection. Most burglaries occur during the summer months, when foliage offers coverage and occupants are often not home. If there’s one location where you should always feel safe—it’s your home! After all, it is a place of refuge, privacy, and, hopefully, security. Now that children are home for the summer, it’s time to start making wise decisions to keep your castle safe!

What you can do:

• Reinforce Doors: Special hardware that offers door and jamb reinforcement plates takes less than an hour to install and is likely to be an easy DIY project.

In addition, one of the best barriers is a storm door; intruders will avoid accessing two doors!

• Secure Windows: Old homes, especially, may have susceptible security risks, such as faulty mechanisms that cannot be closed or appropriately locked from the inside; therefore, consider investing in a window lock. While there are many types, the locks prevent a window from opening beyond a set height, only allowing air to circulate.

On the other hand, safety windows are constructed from tempered glass to avoid breaking.

• Trimming Concealing Foliage: While shrubs may cast shade into your living room, they’re the perfect camouflage for an intruder. Consider trimming!

Deterring a HOME Invasion

BY LISA S.T. DOSS

• Social Media: Never announce your plans to vacate the home for a weekend or longer. Always wait until you return to share pictures. You never know who will use the information to break in.

• Observe Parked Vehicles: Burglars often research a home’s defenses to determine its patterns and weaknesses. Sometimes a potential burglar may be a suspicious jogger, walker, or driver who suddenly shows interest in a particular home or houses. Consider your own patterns. For instance, does your family depart the house like clockwork or let the dog outside at a certain time?

• Solicitation Scams: Burglars will go doorto-door to gain information about your home; perhaps using the pretext of taking a survey or posing as a representative from a legitimate business. It’s always important never to let a stranger into your home.

Children, too, need to know the rules of house safety! • Install a Camera: The doorbell camera and similar systems, which offer video surveillance, create a challenge to burglars.

Whether you decide to invest in a home security system or install cameras, it will reduce the risk to potential intruders.

• Add a Driveway Alarm: Through infrared motion detection technology, homeowners can receive a notification when a person is within 400 feet of the home. No need for surprises with the help of a home security device.

• Add Lights: Whether it’s by means of exterior motion detectors or lights on a timer, it’s essential to keep visitors from remaining in the dark. Spotlights also help to eliminate dark corners and concealment!

• Arrange a House Sitter: Next-door neighbors will gladly watch your home during the weekend or weeklong excursions. If needed, they may recommend a trustworthy house sitter or dog walker. Allowing someone to check the mail, open and close curtains, and move a vehicle now and then offers evidence that someone is at home.

• Man’s Best Friend: Perhaps not a friendly

Golden Retriever or a Beagle, yet, breeds such as Akitas, Belgian Malinois, German shepherds, Doberman Pinschers, and

Rottweilers will not be compromised by a treat or the chance for freedom. Protective dogs with loud barks will do more than guard hearth and home. Their presence will deter unwanted visitors.

• Install a Safe: Hiding valuables in a shoebox does not provide the same protection as a home safe. A fireproof safe can ensure your valuables remain secure from essential documents, such as birth and marriage certificates, passports, and passwords.

• Add Signs: The goal of every homeowner is to make a house invasion challenging.

Add signage to alert the world to, “Be

Aware of Dog” or, “Cameras in Progress,

Smile!” It will make a difference!

Children, through social media and openly sharing with friends, can unwittingly defeat home security plans. It’s vital that parents engage in conversations with their children about what should not be shared publicly, even with best friends. Families who adopt a security protocol within and outside the home can protect their valuables and each other!

Ashley McKenzie-Sharpe

Senior Mortgage Planner NMLS 100776

www.FairwayLoansbyAshley.com

Ashley / FairwayTop 1% Mortgage Originators in America 2012 - 2020

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Due to COVID-19 restrictions, there is a great deal of pent-up travel desire. While many have ventured out, others have waited until this summer. With that in mind, here are three destinations that you might want to consider: Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky, Lake Lure in North Carolina and Savannah, Georgia.

Mammoth Cave

Mammoth Cave was designated as a national park on July 1, 1941. What is its claim to fame? It has the longest tunnel cave system in the world, with 412 miles of explored tunnels. While many caves have impressive displays of stalactites and stalagmites, Mammoth has a shale and sandstone caprock that prevents dripping surface water. The marvels at Mammoth are gargantuan rooms. Currently, there are 21 different guided cave tours, according to the National Park Service. While it is free to enter Mammoth National Park, each tour has a fee. Tour fees for adults range from $8 to $66. If you have an annual pass or a senior pass, each tour is half price. Cave tours change each season. Check to see what is available. Also, advanced reservations are recommended. Reservations can be made at recreation.gov or by calling 877-444-6777. TruliantThere are many different types of tours at Mammoth Cave. There is a fully wheelchair accessible tour, short tours, long tours, lantern tours and crawling tours. And you won’t have to worry about temperatures inside the cave. Throughout the year, temperatures hover around 54 degrees. Lake Lure Lake Lure, one of the most stunning man-made lakes in the country, was built in 1927 and covers 720 acres. It has been a popular location with movie directors: “Thunder Road,” “Dirty Dancing,” “A Breed Apart,” “The Last of the Mohicans” and “Firestarter.” But with beautiful mountains and granite cliffs, Lake Lure also attracts its share of admiring tourists and outdoor enthusiasts. Paddle boarding and kayaking are popular on the calm waters of Lake Lure. And there is a public beach and a water park where visitors can swim, float in an inner tube, ride a water slide and get drenched by a water cannon – or just relax and watch the rays of sunshine dance on the magical Blue Ridge Mountains. Admission to the beach and water park is $9 for adults, $7 for kids.

Photo: Lake Lure, North Carolina. The Lake Lure Flowering Bridge is an enchanting 300-foot path that combines blooms and artwork. It is maintained by volunteers and is part of the ¾-mile Town Center Walkway that passes Morse Park and ends at Lake Lure Beach. Savannah Savannah is all about history. From The Pirates’ House that inspired events described in Robert Louis Stevenson’s “Treasure Island” to First African Baptist Church, the oldest black church in North America (1777), to the birthplace of Juliette Gordon Low, the founder of the Girl Scouts, Savannah has a long list of fascinating historic spots to see and experience. One of the most interesting and memorable features in Savannah is its series of squares and parks. Originally laid out by James Oglethorpe in 1773, there were 24 squares. Today, there are 22 squares. Each square is landscaped as a small park, offering wonderful places to rest, relax and admire the surrounding architecture and streets. Savannah has evolved into a splendid shopping destination. Broughton Street, located in the historic downtown, has a wide range of local shops, name-brand stores and excellent dining options. While Bull Street, which runs from the Starland District through the historic district, has some of the most enticing boutiques in the city. And don’t miss the waterfront as you stroll on old cobblestone streets that weave past historic buildings, shops and award-winning restaurants.

How the Pandemic Changed Me— And Probably You, Too

BY AMY HILL

When rumblings of impending lockdowns began happening in the United States, I remember frantically calling my mom on the phone in a random parking lot for reassurance and asking, “Surely the

United States won’t lock down, right? They can’t do that to us.”

I desperately tried to convince myself that what happens in other countries doesn’t have to happen here. Our values are based on freedom. What was most terrifying was that no one had any answers. No one, not even our government officials, knew exactly what needed to be done, how bad things would get, or how long our lives would be put on hold. The most authoritarian figures were immediately humanized in our eyes. We were all helpless children when it came to a raging virus circulating around the globe.

The turbulence of 2020 made me realize how quickly life’s luxuries, and even necessities for survival, can vanish. Massive lay-offs were happening all around, supply chain issues shook consumers, individuals who never prioritized their health were beginning to regret putting their health on hold, and everyone in the world was on pins and needles. As someone relatively high in neuroticism with a low threshold for spontaneity, I found planning anything to be useless. Events continued being postponed as months passed with no easing of the pandemic. The goalposts for COVID restrictions continued moving further and further away nationwide, and the pendulum was exhausting us all.

Even as we leerily sneak out of the throes of the pandemic, it’s uncertain when and if we’ll ever find ourselves in this predicament again. After COVID, how severe does a novel virus have to be before we lock down again? What kind of precedent has this set globally for the future? I am thrilled to see the vast majority of restrictions vanished, but the thought of being suddenly thrust back into a state of rules, limits, and uncertainties continues to weigh heavily on my mind as I wander mask-free around Target.

Senior citizens and those with compromised immune systems did not have the luxury of only feeling like a petulant child put in timeout, such as I did. I was exceptionally bitter about the last few years of my 20s feeling as if they were being wasted, and I was angry and rebellious because everything felt out of my control. Embarrassingly enough, my concerns seem rather minute in the eyes of those who have pre-existing medical conditions and find themselves at a disadvantage solely because of their age. In reality, had I found myself in one of those categories as well, the weight of the pandemic might have been too much for someone with my anxious personality type to bear. Fortunately for me, I think God knew that.

With literally everyone on edge, people were at each other’s throats more often than usual. Financial, health, relationship, and mental health stressors were taking a toll on everyone’s ability to think rationally and not overreact, including myself. We became easily polarized and reacted to each other like animals backed into a corner. Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson has spoken in lectures about how trauma such as betrayal causes one’s once youthful face to harden after undergoing a stark realization that there is malevolence in the world. While COVID-19 was not a serial killer, sociopathic criminal, or cheating husband, it felt menacing and turned our lives upside down. In the aftermath, I find it more difficult to let my guard down and not wait for the next hammer to fall.

As of now, it seems like we might be in the clear. I’m going to have to find a way to revel in the moment and not let the uncertainties of the future prevent me from enjoying old freedoms as they come. While I made it out relatively unscathed, others were not so lucky. Many are grieving the loss of loved ones, managing lingering symptoms from contracting the virus, and small business owners have watched their hard-earned livelihoods crumble. Needless to say, I think the world’s face looks a bit harder now.

Healthy legs last a lifetime

Join us June 7 and 23 for a free vein consultation and free yourself from leg pain. RSVP required.

Novant Vein Father’s Day is this month. There’s no better way to show you care then by giving him the gift of good health. If dad (or you) is experiencing any of the leg symptoms below, Novant Health Vein Specialists can help.

If you experience: • Swelling in your legs • Leg pain and discomfort • Tired or heavy legs • Bulging veins • Spider veins • Skin discoloration

Schedule a free consultation today, so dad can be on his way to healthy pain free legs this summer!

RSVP to 336-776-3160 or go online to salemveins.com to register.

Three convenient locations Winston-Salem, Kernersville and High Point