Dating Your Spouse Post Kids

BY TABI FALCONE

Marriage is a life-long commitment (at least that’s generally the goal), and to keep both parties happy, it takes hard work. Now add stressors into that, like having kids, and it can be even more work. When your life begins to revolve around pediatrician appointments, PTA meetings, school projects, and meal planning, it can be so incredibly easy to lose yourself in the monotony of everyday functioning to keep your family going and forget about what started that family to begin with: the love between you and your spouse.

Listen, we are realistic here and understand there are a million barriers to making time for your marriage: work, parenting, driving kids to sports practices, exhaustion…the whole shebang. We absolutely get it. That being said…you know it’s important enough that you really need to prioritize it. So that begs the question: when we’re already overwhelmed with life, how do we fit in the work it takes to maintain a happy marriage?

The best advice we can give is never to stop dating your spouse. Remember how much you looked forward to dates when your relationship began? Keep that feeling going well into your tenure! If you are able to make it work financially, add a babysitter and regular date nights into your budget and block that time out regularly on your calendar. If it isn’t workable between finances, Covid-19 precautions, or just plain motivation—we have some great ideas on how to reconnect through at home date nights.

Your first step for all of these is to ditch your kids. We know, you love them and want to spend time with them –all of that is great and good, but sometimes you just need to be an adult hanging out with another adult. It’s okay. Send them to bed early, or if you have a separate space to block them out—send them there with a movie, popcorn, and strict instructions that if they disturb you, they’re grounded. (The last part was obviously a joke, but seriously, tell them you need adult time and to leave you alone.)

Netflix and Chill

This is a classic for a reason: it really is a great way to relax and reconnect with your partner. It’s like dinner and movie out but without having to change out of your stretchy pants. A fun way to switch this date night up is to take turns picking the movie, or even to have a standing date where you watch an episode or two of a certain show that you only watch together.

Casino Night

If you’re like most people coming out of quarantine—we all got really good at playing board and card games. Take it up a notch by turning your dining room into a casino. Pick a Vegas-inspired card game for two—like poker, or black jack—and get dressed up for the theme. Don your fanciest dress-up clothes, make some martinis, and play cards to your heart’s content.

Vision Board Your Post-Kid Life

Presumably at some point in your relationship, your children will reach adulthood and move out of your house, but your spouse will stay there—so here you can plan accordingly. There are different ways to create vision boards—if you’re crafty, you can make a poster board or something smaller like that, if not, you can write things out how it works best for you. Regardless of how you do it, add things on there on how you want to live when you’re empty-nesters, and talk about all the possibilities. Do you want to travel? Add a list to your vision board of where you want to go. Learn new skills together? Buy a vacation house with all that disposable income you now have? Add it all to the board and dare to dream together!

By taking time to go on dates and spending one-on-one time together, you’ll nurture your relationship, as well as reduce the stress in your life. Not only will this help your relationship now, it will help model healthy relationships for your children’s future.

Charlotte Mason Philosophy for Today

When it comes time to enroll in school, parents in Forsyth County have a daunting task ahead of them. There are many schools to consider, each with uniquely distinctive characteristics, not to mention a vibrant homeschool community. I’ve passed my share of playground visits talking to other parents about school choices, lotteries and waitlists, and I expect you have, too. With so many options, it is up to each family to determine what matters most, and for parents to help one another navigate this tricky landscape. When I’m asked about our school choice – our children attend Redeemer School – my answer begins with the English educator and author Charlotte Mason (18421923), whose educational philosophy has strongly influenced Redeemer School. In a spirit of parent camaraderie, I’d like to introduce you to Miss Mason, whose thoughtful philosophy of education was transformative in England and around the world during her lifetime, and has since been rediscovered and cherished by a new generation.

Who was Charlotte Mason?

Mason was a teacher and a visionary. In 1800s England, education was offered based on social class. Poor children were taught a trade, while upper-class children were exposed to the arts and literature. Mason, who herself had been orphaned at age 16 and never enjoyed financial security, attended a teaching college and spent 10 years working in this class-based system. She dreamed of a generous and

Redeemer School is a private broad education for children regardless of social class. Christian school utilizing the Working tirelessly from her belief in the hands-on, childhood-honoring limitless possibilities of children, Mason made her dream a reality for countless educational philosophy of Charlotte Mason, for TK - 8th children of all walks of life. She opened schools in the industrial cities of Victorian grades. England for children who lived in the slums, as well as educating children in the more well-to-do homes. Missionaries redeemerschool.org/admissions/inquiryformapplied her philosophy in far-flung locations. Today, her philosophy influences homeschooling families and schools in the Charlotte Mason tradition.

What is Charlotte Mason’s Educational Philosophy?

Mason’s ideas are summarized in her motto, “education is an atmosphere, a discipline, a life, and a science of relationships.” These four concepts form the foundation of the Charlotte Mason method:

An Atmosphere

Atmosphere is the space in which the child breathes and learns; Mason called it the “thought-environment.” It is a combination of the physical surroundings and the quality of relationships with teachers, parents and others. Personal relationships are marked by gentleness and reverence, kindness and helpfulness. The physical environment need not be extravagant, but should be tidy and can include simple touches such as playing beautiful music, displaying excellent student work, art prints, class pets and flowers. Redeemer School aims to achieve what Charlotte Mason called “an atmosphere of truth and sincerity in which there is the common pursuit of knowledge by teacher and class...creating a current of fresh air perceptible even to the chance visitor.” The atmosphere is a spirit of cooperation, motivation to engage in learning fostered from a child’s own desire to know and delight in a job well done. Whenever possible, the child’s natural curiosity does the teaching.

A Discipline

Discipline is the purposeful development of good habits; specifically, habits of character. Mason believed that since children are created in the likeness of God, their possibilities are limitless. Good habits enable self-control and regulation. She used one of St. Augustine’s mottos to express this: • I am. We have the power of knowing ourselves. • I can. We are conscious of power to do what we perceive we ought to do. • I ought. We have within us a moral judge to whom we feel ourselves subject, who points out and requires of us our duty. • I will. We determine to exercise that power with a volition that is in itself a step in the execution of what we will.

At Redeemer School, teachers seek to introduce the child to what Mason called the “habits of a faithful learner.” The habits of attentiveness, thinking deeply, truthfulness, order, imagining, remembering and obedience, among others, are the building blocks that help a child develop

understanding. Habits of responsibility, courtesy, punctuality and good temper help a child to grow in his or her social interactions with others.

A Life

Life is the academic portion of the education, and it represents the ideas, experiences and knowledge that are taken in by the child. Mason believed that the nature of knowledge begins with ideas, also called living thoughts, rather than predigested or dry facts. Examples include reading living books, narration or retelling what is learned, handwriting and spelling from dictation of great ideas, outdoor exploration, and artist and composer studies are completed with full attention and best effort. Mason encouraged what she called “masterly inactivity,” in which children can possess the same appetite for ideas as adults, and a teacher’s role is to guide the learning by providing the best resources and experiences. In this way, children learn to feed their own minds with the best intellectual food.

“In saying that ‘education is a life,’ the need of intellectual and moral as well as of physical sustenance is implied. The mind feeds on ideas, and therefore children should have a generous curriculum.” (A Philosophy of Education, p. xvii)

The Redeemer School curriculum focuses on the knowledge of God, knowledge of man and knowledge of the created universe. Teachers direct children first to God’s Word, which provides the meaning and purpose for life. The Redeemer classroom is filled with Scripture, great literature, works of art, music and excellent resources in math and science. We put them in touch with excellence of thought in any of the disciplines (philosophers, explorers, discoverers, writers, inventors, musical compositions and great works of art) so they might be inspired to the same depth of thought, process and creativity as those who have made impacts on the world in big and small ways.

A Science of Relationships

The science of relationships describes the personal relationship a child has with what she is learning, as well as the relationships the child learns to identify between ideas on her own. To develop relationships, a child should be free to run and jump, climb and swim, lift and carry, touch and feel textures of many kinds, learn handicrafts and learn the names of many living things (cow and auk, herb and tree). Mason referred to this as being educated by “intimacies.” A child needs a living relationship with the present, its science, literature, art, music, as well as a historical flow of the past, its significant events, science, literature, art and music.

There is a need for our children to have a growing awareness of how a period of time, the way of life and events of that time, relate to each other. The viewpoint should be a panoramic picture of the past and present brought to life by glimpses into the thought and culture of the time period being studied. “For it depends” Mason wrote, “not upon how much is learned, but upon how things are learned.” At Redeemer School, hands-on activities, real life experiences, keeping a timeline and reading original sources allow children to be active learners.

Charlotte Mason Today

Despite its Victorian roots, Mason’s philosophy is not stuck in the past, nor does it harken back to a “golden age” gone by; rather, the underlying framework of her ideas provides freedom to adapt them for different situations, times and cultures. As Susan Shaeffer Macauley wrote, “Charlotte Mason’s ideas are remarkable because all people in all times are alike in certain ways. The reality is that we all share the inner framework of truth. No race is ‘more human’ than another. No gender is higher than another. No culture is superior in itself.”

To read more about Charlotte Mason, I recommend the following resources: - Charlotte Mason’s Original Home

Schooling Series, six volumes. Available at simplycharlottemason.com. - When Children Love to Learn, edited by

Elaine Cooper, Crossway, 2004. - For the Children’s Sake by Susan Schaeffer

Macaulay, Crossway, 1984.