Lesson 3: Mindful Reflection

Lesson 16

GOAL

Intentional Listening

To learn to truly hear and pay attention to what others have to say

PATHWAYS

READ Intentional listening is based on a sincere interest in others. This is mindfully hearing another person and attempting to comprehend the meaning of their spoken words and the feelings behind those words. Listening is a necessary skill for building strong leadership, valuable relationships, and thriving communities. If you need proof, just think of a recent incident when you felt like no one was listening to you. How did that make you feel? How long did you keep talking after you felt no one cared?

Intentional listening is an effective agent in improving and developing communities because you express a willingness to be taught by the other side. You desire to understand another perspective and you appreciate that someone else might know something you do not.

How empathetic can we be if we do not pay attention to what people want to tell us? We are naturally inclined to think about what we are going to say instead of listening to what the other person is communicating. You cannot listen if you are busy thinking and talking.

When people have different points of view, they often fall into the trap of trying to win their argument. They miss the true point of a good conversation which is to come out wiser than you went in. The best thing to do when you find yourself in a conversation with an opposing viewpoint, is to take advantage of what someone is trying to tell you. Give them a chance to fully explain. Pay attention so you can understand exactly what they are thinking. Who knows, maybe in the end, you could find their ideas or suggestions are better than some of yours. It could prevent you from facing future problems. If we learn to listen to the other person, hear what they have to say, and respond to what was communicated, we can constructively organize our thoughts to offer a meaningful response.

It is not a meaningful conversation if the only goal of the conversation is to get the other person to accept your ideology; to win the argument. It is not about winning. It is about learning.

BE INSPIRED “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” F. Scott Fitzgerald

VIEW Effective Listening Skills: Repeating their last few words is a major active listening tip. The overall lesson is that attentive listeners give feedback.

COMMENT Have a class discussion about the video and practice active and effective listening. 1. How do you give nonverbal feedback? 2. What does it look like when you really want to hear what the other person has to say? 3. What does it look like when you are just waiting for your turn to speak? 4. What is the best way to give verbal feedback when you are attentively listening? 5. What are the keys to listening to the big picture? 6. How do you keep the conversation focused on them and their topic? 7. How do you best limit your talking turn and be concise? 8. Why is taking action and making sincere follow-up commitments evidence of effective listening?

APPLY Show respect - Part of being an intentional listener is communicating respect by listening. By speaking less, your conversation partners will more easily accept what you have to say. To harness the power of ideas, you must resist the urge to “help” your conversation partner by providing immediate solutions. Learn to respect your partner’s ability to identify critical information. Being respectful does not mean avoiding tough questions. However, effective listeners routinely ask penetrating questions to uncover the information needed to make better decisions. The goal of active listening is to ensure the free and open flow of information and ideas. You will learn a lot more if you listen well.

Keep quiet - Get yourself out of the way of your conversations so you can hear what is important. Do not hog the spotlight, try to prove your own smarts, or emphasize how much you know. Speak only to underscore or elaborate on your conversation partner’s points. Your partner should speak 80 percent of the time, with you filling the remaining 20 percent. Make your speaking time count by spending most of it asking questions, rather than having your say.

REFLECT • Did you know that people report having the best conversations when their conversation partner does not speak at all? • Practice talking without speaking, and it will make you a better friend and leader. • It is not how well you speak, but how well you listen.

Listen to Understand

Ask Deeper Questions Avoid Interruptions

Take Non-verbal Cues Slow Down, Practice Silence Withhold Judgement 4yu.info/?i=98161

WILLPOWER

I am an on-purpose, intentional listener and a committed, lifelong learner.