Another Year, Another Decade

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3

THE MAIL

THIS WEEK // 1.1.20-1.7.20 // VOL. 32 ISSUE 40

ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER DECADE

TRIGGERED

Another chance to the change the world

YOU GUYS ARE ONE-SIDED, LIBERAL PIECES of sh*t.

Chevy Ethridge via Facebook

On the cover: The Folio fam wishes you a happy New Year.

L to R: Brianna Bostick, Courtney Stringfellow, Georgio Valentino, Davi & Rebecca Miller, Shelton Hull. Photo by Josh Wessolowski

A QUESTION OF REPRESENTATION

COLUMNS + CALENDARS MAIL FROM THE EDITOR OUR PICKS SPORTS PICKS MUSIC

4 5 6 8 10

ARTS + EVENTS CONCERTS PETS CROSSWORD NEWS OF THE WEIRD

11 14 16 17 18

ASTROLOGY WEED CLASSIFIEDS BACKPAGE

18 19 20 21

HOUSE DIVIDED

GET SOCIAL visit us online at

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EDITORIAL

EDITOR • Georgio Valentino georgio@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 COPY EDITOR • Courtney Stringfellow courtney@folioweekly.com CALENDAR EDITORS • Brianna Bostick, Tristan Komorny CARTOONISTS • Ed Hall, Jen Sorensen CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Susan Clark Armstrong, Nick Blank, Brianna Bostick, Rob Brezsny, Nicole Carroll, Davi, Julie Delegal, Chris Guerrieri, Janet Harper, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, Jason Irvin, Tristan Komorny, Mary Maguire, Sarah McLaughlin, Jennifer Melville, Lindsey Nolen, Dale Ratermann, Ryan Reno, Stephanie Thompson, Madeleine Peck Wagner, Jessica Leigh Walton

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/thefolioweekly

RE.: Where Are Community & City Leaders?

by Tracie Thornton, Dec. 25 IF ANY JACKSONVILLE COMMUNITIES OTHER than the community that I mentioned in my letter are concerned about food insecurity, I’ve missed that news. Sorry!

Tracie Thornton asks, “How could any of us allow something we view as an

IS NANCY PELOSI CONSTITUTIONALLY DERELICT IN HER DUTIES? LET’S SEE IF I HAVE THIS RIGHT. THE Democrats harangued us with alarms about the urgent need to impeach Donald J. Trump and remove him from office. Now, Nancy Pelosi hasn’t and may not forward the articles of impeachment to the Senate. In fact, she may delay it for a while. Well, if it was such an emergency to remove Donald J. Trump, then is Nancy Pelosi not derelict in her constitutional duties? Just asking.

Roderick T. Beaman via email

[Editor’s note: My dear Rod, Speaker Pelosi has indicated that she’s pausing to consider her options because Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has openly stated that he plans to collaborate with the White House to sabotage any Senate trial. The courts have mechanisms for dealing with such conflicts of interest on the part of judges and jurors, but–alas–we’re in uncharted waters here.

Just answering. GV.]

LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you’ve read in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (including name, address and phone number, for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, go to folioweekly.com or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS @folioweekly

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JOIN THESE MASTHEAD MEMBERS AT FOLIOWEEKLY.COM/SUPPORTLOCALJOURNALISM Betsy McCall • Rose McCall • David Jaffee • Dave Graney • MRE of Jax • Mark S. Rowden • Tammy Lugenia Cherry Dr. Wayne Wood • Billie Bussard • Elizabeth Sams • Georgia R Pribanic 4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

KUDOS TO CHRIS HAND FOR UPDATING Richard Martin’s classic A Quiet Revolution, which is where any study of Duval County’s Consolidated government starts. The Jacksonville Historical Society published this edition and kept the price down to 20 bucks. (I would have paid another dollar or two if an index were included.) The content of greatest interest to me was how and why the Consolidation charter changed in Tallahassee from 19 (or 20) district Council seats to its present 14 district Council seats and five atlarge seats. Hand quotes Jake Godbold in favor of at-large seats, but no specific dissenting voice appears– much less those of area political scientists who agree that at-large seats dilute the vote of African Americans and voters of modest means.

Re: Jake’s favorable view, I’ll defer to a comment made in another context by former Council member Harold Gibson: “Jake don’t skate.”

Michael Hoffmann via email

injustice pass?” We let it pass because we don’t care, it doesn’t affect us, and people have become what they have always been: selfish. She finds it “troubling” that I think only African Americans should respond to something that African Americans view as injustice.

Clearly, Thornton has not been paying attention to the politics of today. If Jacksonville is a house, it’s a rooming house, and everyone has a padlock on their door.

Garey K. Jefferson via email

BOUQUET/BRICKBAT TO JEA BOARD OF DIRECTORS Here’s a bouquet for finally rescinding the Invitation to Negotiate the sale of Jacksonville’s community owned utility. But here’s a brickbat for initiating the process in the first place, ignoring public outcry for months, waiting for Mayor Lenny Curry to give the signal to stop, and squandering some $10 million dollars in the process.

BOUQUET TO MADISON BRANTLEY The recent University of North Florida graduate was awarded the UNF Alumni Association’s Senior Service Award for tackling the subject of sexual assault.

During her years of enrollment, Brantley pioneered the use of “Drink Smart Cards” on campus. The cards allow students to test their drinks for common date-rape drugs in real time.

BOUQUET TO PET PARADISE Prior to the final Jacksonville Jaguars game on Dec. 29, the local pet-care provider donated $50,000 to three local pet welfare organizations: the Jax Humane Society, Fur Sisters and Florida Urgent Rescue. In total, the organization’s donations across two football seasons come to more than $100,000.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? OR MAYBE A BRICKBAT? Submit your choice to mail@folioweekly. com; 50-word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

FROM THE EDITOR

LET ME START AGAIN, I CRIED 2020 PROMISES RENEWAL—TO THOSE WHO SEIZE IT I REMEMBER EXACTLY WHERE I WAS ON Nov. 11, 2016, when it was announced that Canadian poet and songwriter Leonard Cohen had died days earlier.

I was driving down the French Midi, en route to Lautrec to perform with my experimental rock group, Georgio ‘the Dove’ Valentino & la Société des Mélancoliques (aye, those were daedal days). That night, on stage, I ad-libbed a few lines of “True Love Leaves No Traces” in the man’s honor, but the tune I was really feeling—the tune that eclipses the entire LC songbook IMHO—was and is his “Lover, Lover, Lover.” I can’t imagine 11 words better disposed to stir the soul of a spent vagabond: “‘Let me start again,’ I cried. ‘Please let me start again.’”

One hears vulgar echoes of this rhapsody in the usual New Year’s noise, the overstated rumblings of pedestrian “resolutions” that will, of course, remain unresolved. (In their defense, even if observed religiously, paltry Hallmark platitudes would make little difference in anyone’s lives, least of all yours.)

This time, however, we might be ripe for something really new. To quote Morrissey (!), “The pressure to change, to move on, is strange and very strong.” First, because we’re heralding not just a new year, but a whole new effin’ decade. And second, because if 2019 wasn’t absolute bottom, both individually and collectively, I shudder to think what’s next. The memes have it: “May the tears you cried in 2019 water the seeds you’re planting for 2020.” We’re all feeling shell-shocked from the annus horribilis that was, and we’ll continue to count our curses until we realize that individual fortunes are nourished (or not) by the civic air we breathe. Currently, our communities, our institutions and, indeed, our entire nation are in a sorry way. Insiders game the system while regular folks work more for less. The erosion of solidarity is relentless.

Fear and loathing permeate the airwaves and fiber-optic cables; they spill into the

streets. If there is to be a true season of renewal, it must begin by reclaiming the common good.

There are promising signs. On the national level, our evangelical brothers and sisters are beginning to reconsider their blind loyalty to a most unChristian president. Congress is doing its constitutional duty to check executive overreach. (There’s compromise and then there’s compromise; core democratic values—like checks and balances—are non-negotiable.) Donald Trump must be voted out of office in disgrace.

On the local level, despite allowing Mayor Lenny Curry to be re-elected in the spring and then offering precious little resistance when his goons slowly suffocated the school board’s infrastructure-tax referendum over the summer, Jacksonville’s citizenry eventually got its act together by year’s end and stopped the heist of the century: the JEA privatization scheme. As the dominoes fall one by one, the thing looks more every day like an unequivocally criminal swindle. If the school-board referendum saga ever gets the same scrutiny, I reckon a lot more of the same will be revealed.

Like Ray Liotta tells Sylvester Stallone in Cop Land, “It’s a deep and dark motherf*ck.” This corruption must be investigated.

We’re at a crossroads, and it has a name: 2020. May the new year give us the courage to demand dignity and fairness. May it bring accountability. May it restore faith in our institutions and in each other. May it help us lay a healthy civic foundation on which to build happy and productive lives. And, for our part, may we have the clarity to pursue that happiness wherever it may lead, and—as Leonard Cohen pleaded, “I want a spirit that is calm”—may we overcome the angst and turbulence of 2019.

Georgio Valentino georgio@folioweekly.com @thatgeorgioguy JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

OUR

PICKS

WED

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DEEPEST FLORIDA ECLECTIC ECOLOGY

The Cummer’s new exhibition mashes up representations of the Sunshine State throughout the centuries.

Through Dec. 31, The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, Riverside, cummermuseum.org, regular ticket prices.

THIS WEEK’S BIGGEST

& BEST HAPPENINGS

WED

1

ARC OF HISTORY

THE FRAGILITY OF THE PROMISE

Cuban-born, Jacksonville-based artist Kedgar Volta’s Project Atrium installation is an ambitious one, comprising more than 1,000 reactive LED lights in concentric arc configurations.

Through Mar. 1, MOCA Jacksonville, Downtown, mocajacksonville.unf.edu, free.

WED

8

CANADIAN SENSATION CELINE DION

Quebec’s biggest cultural export conquered the francophone world before learning English and topping the charts with tunes such as “My Heart Will Go On.” Her Courage World Tour brings her to Northeast Florida.

7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 8, VyStar Veterans Arena, Sports Complex, vystarveteransarena.com, $80 and up.

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SUN

5

EAT YOUR GREENS LETTUCE

Formed at the Berklee College of Music in 1992, the genre-bending funk collective performs jams from its sixth studio album, Elevate. Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio opens.

7 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, pvconcerthall.com, $39/$41.

SAT

4

RETURNING CHAMPION TRELLA

The Nashville-based singer/songwriter returns to old stomping grounds to share her latest tunes.

8 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, Blue Jay Listening Room, Jacksonville Beach, bluejayjax.com, lueja j yj yjax.com,, $2 $$25/$30.

5/$30.

Photo by David O’Donohue

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PICKS

BY DALE RATERMANN | SPORTS@FOLIOWEEKLY.COM

WED

1

ARRIVE. RAISE HELL. LEAVE. ALL ELITE WRESTLING: DYNAMITE

You’ve watched them on TNT. Now see your favorite wrestling stars in person.

AEW is the brainchild of Tony Khan and bankrolled by Jags owner Shad Khan.

7:30 p.m. Wednesday, Jan. 1, Daily’s Place, Sports Complex, dailysplace.com, $29.75 and up.

THU

2

KEEP CALM. BOWL SEASON IS HERE. TAXSLAYER GATOR BOWL

It’s Indiana versus Tennessee in the 75th Gator Bowl. IU is 8-4 this season and making its first trip to the Gator Bowl; UT is 7-5 and making its seventh appearance.

7 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 2, TIAA Bank Field, Sports Complex, jaxsports.com, $28.75 and up.

FRI

3

THREE BARRELS, TWO HEARTS, ONE DREAM

NO BULL GRAND SLAM BARREL SHOW

The top barrel racers in the Southeast compete for prize money and braggin’ rights. Barrel racing combines the horse’s athletic ability with the skills of the rider.

8 a.m. Friday-Sunday, Jan. 3-5, Jacksonville Equestrian Center, 13611 Normandy Blvd., Westside, jaxequestriancenter.com, free.

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FOLIO A + E

ARTS & EVENTS CONCERTS LIVE & LOCAL

SUPPORT

SYSTEM A

Bianca Dawson and Kensley Stewart are the founders of Underwire Collective.

Photo by Georgio Valentino

s we gather with family at holiday parties and tune out some distant uncle’s right-wing rants, we plan our escape. Painting, writing and creating music are simple outlets that offer boundless horizons for expression.

But we’re in the South, and the South isn’t the most hospitable environment for free thinkers. This region is all about tradition— often the type that should be confined to a museum that nobody visits. (Exhibit A: Confederate flags blithely adorn residences and mom-and-pop businesses throughout Northeast Florida, as if the hateful symbol is remotely acceptable.) These practices weigh down our arts community, which is nothing but a microcosm of society.

It may be difficult for those within their own bubbles to see, but the “liberal” music industry—like most industries—is still white and male-dominated.

Thankfully, Underwire Collective is making sure marginalized communities have their voices, drums and guitars heard across Northeast Florida. Co-founded

by Kensley Stewart and Bianca Dawson, this St. Augustine-based agency books and promotes femme-fronted, queer and POC bands. Its first musical showcase, Underwire Festival, was held June 16 and featured local legends such as Gainesville hardcore outfit Bite Marks, Miami garage rockers Las Nubes, St. Augustine favorites Dust Fuss and Duval hero Geexella.

When asked what prompted the formation of the collective, Stewart said, “It is no secret that the music industry is male-dominated. But what is a secret—that shouldn’t be—is how many talented femaleidentifying and gender non-conforming artists there are out there. These people are working hard at their craft and we want to highlight them and give them a place to shine. We think any DIY scene, including ours, certainly values inclusivity, but the point is that we want to push the envelope further by bringing in acts who might be looked over, by making diversity a priority and creating more opportunities for marginalized artists to take the lead.”

Make no mistake: collectives like Underwire are not attempting to create alternative, underground platforms with no mainstream relevance. They’re celebrating culture writ large, but inclusivity must be a part of the equation.

“We think for us to get to ‘everybody playing with everybody,’” Stewart said, “we

ST. AUGUSTINE’S UNDERWIRE COLLECTIVE FUSES DIY MUSIC AND ACTIVISM have to first foster a thriving arts culture for marginalized communities. It is time for the pendulum to swing back, affording womxn, non-binary artists and POCs the opportunity to perform. It’s funny; when we slowly announced Underwire Festival this summer, we got questions from people asking if men were allowed to attend. Nowhere had we stated it was a womxn-only event; people assumed because all the performers were women. We asked ourselves, ‘Have we ever seen an all-male lineup and wondered if we were allowed to attend?’”

Diversity in artistic expression and audience participation is one of Underwire’s chief objectives; Stewart and Dawson have also partnered with—and work to benefit— numerous charities. “As of now, 100 percent of door money goes to bands and 100 percent of our merch sales go to the selected charity for the show,” Stewart said.

The roster of organizations that have been represented thus far includes Betty Griffin Center (protecting victims of domestic violence and assault), Girls Rock Jacksonville (promoting self-empowerment and positive identity development in girls, trans and gender non-conforming youth through music and DIY creativity), Saint Augustine Boys & Girls Club and JASMYN. Underwire has also teamed up with The Rooted Initiative, an online publichealth campaign focused on self-care and advocacy for young, black and brown, gender-diverse individuals in the South.

The next Underwire showcase takes place Saturday, Jan. 4 at Sarbez. The event features local femme-fronted punk outfit No PDA, Orlando bubble-grunge practitioners Expert Timing and Jacksonville indie-funk nextlevel-fusion Sugafoot.

“The artists on this showcase represent to us a new wave of DIY artists,” Stewart said. “If other cities see that we throw shows with diverse genres and diverse band members, they will be more inclined to play in St. Augustine and the surrounding areas.

Having a Jacksonville band and an Orlando band on the bill signifies that we can have more collaboration across city boundaries in Florida. We also definitely want to bring Jacksonville and St. Augustine closer and help to foster connections between both scenes.”

Tristan Komorny mail@folioweekly.com Subscribe to the Folio Music Newsletter at folioweekly.com/newsletters

UNDERWIRE SHOWCASE: NO PDA, SUGAFOOT, EXPERT TIMING • 9 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, Sarbez, St. Augustine, sarbezstaugustine.com, $5.

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PG. 11 PG. 14

ARTS + EVENTS

Jacksonville International Airport and FemArt Gallery have joined forces to curate the airport’s first all-women art exhibition. W.A.V.E. (WOMEN ARTISTS, VISUAL EXPERIENCES) boasts works by more than 90 local, regional, national and international artists. Jan. 4-April 6, JIA, 2400 Yankee Clipper Dr., Northside, flyjacksonville.com.

PERFORMANCE

HMS PINAFORE The First Coast Opera performs this nautical Gilbert and Sullivan comedy, 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4 & 2 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 5, Lewis Auditorium, Flagler College, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine, firstcoastopera.com, 417-5555, $40 for adults, children free with adult ticket.

A DOLL’S HOUSE PART II AUDITIONS ACT is looking to fill four roles for the continuation of this comedic drama. Get your script at the theatre box office. 2-5 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, Studio 209, Amelia Island Community Theatre, 207-209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, ameliacommunitytheatre.org.

THE SHOOTER: GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA Lee and Nanette Weaver incorporate the Sandy Hook, Parkland, Pulse and Pittsburgh synagogue shootings in this two-act drama. 2 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 5, The Corazon Cinema & Café, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, corazoncinemaandcafe.com, 687-8798, $15.

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

THE ORGAN SYMPHONY-COFFEE SERIES The Jax Symphony presents a lunchtime performance of organ-heavy works, including Saint-Saëns’ Symphony No. 3. 11 a.m. Friday, Jan. 3, Jacoby Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, jaxsymphony.org, $21-$40.

BOOKS & POETRY

POETRY OPEN MIC NIGHT Share your originals and hear from other artists, 8-10 p.m. every Tuesday, Rain Dogs, facebook.com/raindogsjax, free.

TEEN POETRY SLAM WITH ALLIE JAY Teens are invited to share originals and favorites, 5-6 p.m. Monday, Jan. 6, Story & Song Bookstore, 1430 Park Ave., Fernandina Beach, storyandsongbookstore.com.

COMEDY

PK LOL FIRST SUNDAY Hosted by Antwon Murphy, comedians Janet Dollar & Mario Tory perform 7:30-10:30 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 5, Onyx Sports Bar & Lounge, 5611 Norwood Ave., Northside, eventbrite.com, $15-$30.

COMEDY ZONE Tacarra Williams performs 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 2 & 7:30 & 10 p.m. Friday & Saturday, Jan. 3 & 4, $20. Christina Schriver headlines LOL Comedy Night 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 7, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Southside, comedyzone.com, $10.

FILM

CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Throwback Thursday The Accompanist noon & 6:45 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 2; A Christmas Tale & The Report wrap up Thursday, Jan. 2; Parasite & Monos premier Friday, Jan. 3, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

SUNRAY CINEMA Uncut Gems and Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker are playing. 1028 Park St., Five Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com.

ART WALKS, MARKETS

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET 10 a.m.–3 p.m. every Saturday, 715 Riverside Ave., riversideavondale.org, free.

ATLANTIC BEACH ARTS MARKET Three-Day Horse Hair Raku Workshop, 2-4 p.m. January 2, 3 & 9, $100; Brighten January Art, ages 5-10, 10 a.m.-noon Saturday, Jan. 4, $35; Custom Oil Painting Class 10 a.m.-12:30 p.m. January 11, $60. Advanced registration required for all classes, Atlantic Beach Arts Market, 1805 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, atlanticbeachartsmarket.com.

FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK No Art Walk Wednesday, Jan. 1. The next art walk will be February 5, Downtown, jacksonvilleartwalk.com.

MUSEUMS

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK The historical exhibition Neptune Beach: A Cool Place to Live runs through March 1, 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, beachesmuseum.org.

MANDARIN MUSEUM Music Under the Oaks: bring your acoustic instrument and jam or just come and enjoy the show. 2-4 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 5, 11964 Mandarin Rd., mandarinmuseum.net, free.

CUMMER MUSEUM of ARTS & GARDENS Edmund Greacen & World War I runs through February 5. Louis Comfort Tiffany: Treasures from the Driehaus Collection runs through Sunday, Jan. 5, 829 Riverside Ave., Riverside, cummermuseum.org.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE A Moment in Beijing runs through February 2. Jay Shoots: Home runs through Sunday, Jan. 5, 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, mocajacksonville.unf.edu.

MUSEUM OF SCIENCE AND HISTORY Astronaut: Your Journey Begins on Earth runs through Saturday, Jan. 4, 1025 Museum Cir., Southbank, themosh.org.

LIGHTNER MUSEUM Explore the museum after

normal business hours as a bonus to the city’s annual Nights of Lights 5-9 p.m. Thursday & Friday, Jan. 2 & 3, 75 King St., St. Augustine, lightnermuseum.org.

GALLERIES

BEACHES GO GREEN OCTOPUS GARDEN The massive art structure made from single-use plastic will be lit up and on display through Wednesday, Jan. 1, Seawalk Pavilion, 75 First St. N., Jax Beach.

THE ART CENTER COOPERATIVE Lisa Lofton and Valentina Nedelcheva are this month’s featured artists. 9501 Arlington Expy., Ste. 430, Regency Square Mall, tacjacksonville.org.

THE ART STUDIO & GALLERY 370A A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, beachartstudio.org.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM Open to the public 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Monday-Friday, noon-4 p.m. Saturday, Flagler College, 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, flagler.edu/crispellert, free.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH Ellen Diamond’s Chasing Color: A 50 Year Retrospective runs through January 11. 50 Executive Way, Ponte Vedra Beach, ccpvb.org.

CUTTER & CUTTER FINE ART GALLERIES New work from Matthew Cutter on display. 25 King St., St. Augustine, cutterandcutter.com.

GRAY 1908 GALLERY Jenna Alexander’s The Flower Map of the United States is on display. 8 a.m.-6 p.m. Monday-Saturday, 73 San Marco Ave., St. Augustine, jenna-alexander.com.

HASKELL GALLERY Women Artists, Visual Experiences, a year-long effort showcasing the work of more than 90 women in and around Northeast Florida, opens Saturday, Jan.4, Jax International Airport, 2400 Yankee Clipper Dr., Northside, jiaarts.org.

MAIN LIBRARY POP: Perceptions of Poverty exhibit features seven artists and several modes and mediums, highlighting and focusing on poverty and tackling stereotypes and generalizations. The exhibit runs through January 19. Main Library, 303 Laura St. N., Downtown, jaxpubliclibrary.org, free.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION Opening reception for Cutting Edge, a 2D and 3D exhibit that goes against conventional concepts of art. 5-9 p.m. Friday, Jan. 3, St. Augustine Art Association, 22 Marine St., St. Augustine, staaa.org, free.

THRASHER-HORNE CENTER Off the Beaten Path, an exhibit showcasing five local artists, runs through February 15, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, thcenter.org.

ZORA BORA GALLERY Steve Anderson’s Going JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

ARTS + EVENTS Out of Vision displays the artist’s striking, photorealistic paintings of historic St. Augustine through Sunday, Jan. 5, Zora Bora Gallery, 28 Cuna St., St. Augustine, zora-bora-gallery. business.site, 417-0474.

EVENTS

ALL ABILITIES SOCIAL iFLY Jacksonville hosts this night for guests of all ages with any physical or cognitive special needs to meet, mingle and fly. 5-8 p.m. Monday, Jan. 6, iFLY Jacksonville, 10579 Brightman Blvd., Southside, iflyworld.com/ Jacksonville, 712-3388, free.

THE WOLF OF MAIN ST. Main & Six Brewing Co. and Aardwolf Brewing Co. have collaborated on a new brew and want to share it with you.

3-11 p.m. Friday, Jan. 3, Main & Six Brewing Company, 1636 N. Main St., Springfield, mainandsixbrewing.com, free.

YOGA NEW YEAR INTENTION Begin your year focused on your intentions with your mind and body. All levels and ages are welcome 11 a.m.noon Sunday, Jan. 5, Jacksonville Arboretum & Gardens, 1445 Millcoe Rd., Arlington, facebook. com/harmonymbswellness, free.

LANTERN WORKSHOP BREWERY SERIES Create a paper lantern and enjoy a couple of free beverages. 7-8:30 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 7, Wicked Barley Brewing Company, 4100 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 904tix.com, $20.

“SPACED OUT” MINI COMIC-CON The Museum of Science and History hosts this night of all things space, with a live performance, comic artists, a rooftop observatory, cosplayers and more 6:30-11 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, The MOSH, 1025 Museum Circle, Downtown, themosh.org, $10-$20.

RIVER HOUSE Chair Yoga, all levels and all ages

2-3 p.m. Wednesdays & 9-10 a.m. Tuesdays and Thursdays, free for members, $4 for nonmembers; Mat Pilates 2:30-3:30 p.m. Tuesdays, $4 for members, $5 for non-members; Six-week ASL Course begins noon-1 p.m. Monday, Jan. 6, $40 for members, $45 for non-members; Memory Enhancement Class begins 10-11:30 a.m. Tuesday, Jan. 7, $80 for nine-week course. 209-3655 for registration, River House, 179 Marine St., St. Augustine, coasjc.org.

NONFICTION WRITING WORKSHOP Author and Civil Rights icon Rodney Hurst hosts 3-5 p.m.

Saturday, Jan. 4, Highlands Regional Library, 1826 Dunn Ave., Northside, jaxpubliclibrary.org, free.

PBR: PENDLETON WHISKY VELOCITY TOUR Top Professional Bull Riders from around the world come to town. 7 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, VyStar Veterans Arena, 300 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., Downtown, ticketmaster.com, $15 and up.

ANASTASIA STATE PARK First Day Hike 8:15-10 a.m. Wednesday, Jan. 1; Coastal Cleanup 9-11 a.m. Wednesday, Jan. 1; Walk on the Wild Side 10 a.m.-noon Monday, Jan. 6; Discovery Marsh Walk 11 a.m.-noon Tuesday, Jan. 7, Anastasia State Park, 300 Anastasia Park Rd., St. Augustine, floridastateparks.org.

THE VENARDOS CIRCUS Kevin Venardos and his troupe return to St. Augustine, the first stop on their brand new tour! Various times through Sunday, Jan. 5, The Amp, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine, venardoscircus.com, $15-$45.

‘ST. AUGUSTINE TONIGHT’ SEASON 4 Doors open to members at 5 p.m. for the buffet and bar and 6:30 p.m. to the general public for the debut show, Tuesday, Jan. 7, Corazon Cinema & Café, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

The Jacksonville Symphony isn’t just an evening ensemble. THE ORGAN SYMPHONY-COFFEE SERIES is a lunchtime performance of organ-heavy works including Saint-Saëns’ Symphony No. 3. Take a break from the rat race and get cultural. 11 a.m. Friday, Jan. 3, Jacoby Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, jaxsymphony.org, $21-$40.

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

Brett’s Waterway Café

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660 Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine.

Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

T-Ray’s Burger Station 202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items. In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go! Now serving beer & wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

Moon River Pizza 925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family.

Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beer. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

The Mustard Seed Cafe 833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items. Daily specials include local seafood, free-range chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available – all prepared with our staff’s impeccable style. Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.3 p.m. Mon.-Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

CONCERTS

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Melbourne’s GARY LAZER EYES is touring Florida, celebrating five years of jangly, reverb-soaked guitars and indie-pop hooks. Also on the bill: St. Augustine stalwarts The Ned and touring Minneapolis ska outfit Space Monkey Mafia. 8 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 2, Shanghai Nobby’s, St. Augustine, shanghainobbys.com, $5.

LIVE MUSIC VENUES

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA

SJ BREWING COMPANY, 463646 S.R. 200, Ste. 13, Yulee Sam McDonald Jan. 4 SLIDERS, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave. Hupp Jan. 3. Pili Pili every Wed. Tad Jennings every Thur. Joe & Josh every Mon. Mark O’Quinn every Tue. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. Hupp Huppmann Jan. 1 Sam McDonald Jan. 3. Josh McGowan Jan. 4

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BLUE JAY LISTENING ROOM, 2457B S. Third St. Roosevelt Collier Jan. 3. Trella Jan. 4. The Band 3 Jan. 6. Blue Jay Jazz Jam Jan. 7 GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd. The Pinedas Jan. 3 MEZZA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach Gypsies Ginger Jan. 1. Mike Shackelford Jan. 2. Mezza Shuffle Boxband Jan. 6

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 N. Ocean St. Eighth Annual New Year’s Throwdown: Evergreen Terrace, Young Ghosts, Crypteria, Graveview, 187, Deadland, Scatter Shot, Mega Chvrch, Indivision, The Azimuth, Oppressive Nature, Strangled To Death, Holding Cell Jan. 4 MYTH NIGHTCLUB, 333 E. Bay St. Tiddy, Harry Chodorow, Loose Leaf, Mfadelz, Sub-Lo Jan. 3.

Mike Shea, Wali Sadeq, Jon Kinesis, Darren Parks, Alberto Diaz Jan. 4

FLEMING ISLAND, GREEN COVE

BOONDOCKS, 2808 Henley Rd. Kent Kirby Jan. 2 DEE’S MUSIC BAR & GRILL, 2141 Loch Rane Blvd., Ste. 140 Live Music Every Thur.

INTRACOASTAL, ARLINGTON

JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd.

Hind Site Jan. 3

MANDARIN

ENZA’S, 10601 San Jose Blvd. Ste. 109 Brian 14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

Iannucci every Sun., Tue., Wed. Carl Grant every Thur., Fri., Sat. IGGY’S, 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101 Ryan Campbe Jan. 2. Boogie Freaks Jan. 3. Ginger Beard Man Jan. 5

PONTE VEDRA

PONTE VEDRA CONCERT HALL, 1050 A1A N. Donna the Buffalo Jan. 4. Lettuce Jan. 5 TAPS, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314 Chilly Rhino Jan. 3

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S. Man Apart, Hunter Hayes, Myles Brandon, Nazare Rush Jan. 4 NIGHTHAWKS, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd.

FUTUREISNOW: Templerats, Wait What, DJ Matthew Connor, Preston Nettles Jan. 3. D3V, Man Darino, Phylo, Stabilitiii Jan. 4

ST. AUGUSTINE

The CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St. Ian Kelly Jan. 2. Tony Scozzaro, Bobby Blackmon & the B3 Blues Band Jan. 3. Wes Register, St. John’s Wood Jan. 4. Soulo Lyon Jan 5 SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd. Expert Timing, No PDA, Sugafoot Jan. 4 SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd. Gary Lazer Eyes, Space Monkey Mafia, The Ned Jan. 2. Alchemy Goth Night: DJ OEDON, DJ ENS, DJ Halcyon Jan. 3. Dead Scrolls, Excruciating, Gamerra, Modern Alchemy, A Wolf Amongst Sheep Jan. 4

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave. Jax Beach Hippie, Them Vagabonds, Daryl Hance Powermuse Jan. 3. Selfmade Dolo Jan. 4. Afton Music Showcase: Jon Louix, Tre the God & Aaron Valentino, Neglected Vision, LUL Cam, PCT BOSS, COMMITTI TAY, OneWay Peso, Kool$KiDD, Rab G, GnarlyPosse, Marcus Kane, Young Citizen, Bando Tay Jan. 5

ELVIS B CELINE MALCO SELWY THE RI BUCKY GRACE RISING Concer JOE MU Mudvill QUEEN Florida ROBER REMEM ELTON Horne TUSK: Alhamb GAELIC SOUTH GHOUL VERLO Mudvill TODD S

CONCERTS SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

LUCINDA WILLIAMS & HER BAND BUICK 6 Jan. 26, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BLACK FLAG, THE LINECUTTERS Jan. 26, 1904 Music Hall CITIZEN COPE Jan. 27, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THE TAJ MAHAL QUARTET Jan. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE RODNEY CROWELL Jan. 30, Ponte Vedra PALMS FISH CAMP, 6359 Heckscher Dr. Taylor Concert Hall Shami Jan. 2. Double Down Jan. 3. Atlantic Alibi THE GLORIOUS SONS, DES ROCS Jan. 31, Ponte Jan. 4. Michael Ward Duo Jan. 5 Vedra Concert Hall SIDELINE Feb. 8, Mudville Music Room PCOMING ONCERTS COLD WAR KIDS Feb. 10, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ELVIS BIRTHDAY BASH Jan. 8, Florida Theatre ABBA MANIA Feb. 12, Florida Theatre CELINE DION Jan. 8, VyStar Veterans Arena WILLIE NELSON Feb. 15, The Amp MALCOLM HOLCOMBE Jan. 9, Mudville Music Room JOHN FOGERTY Feb. 23, The Amp SELWYN BIRCHWOOD Jan. 10, Café Eleven NEIL DIAMOND: SWEET CAROLINE TRIBUTE Feb. THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS: BILL MEDLEY & 24 & 25, Alhambra BUCKY HEARD Jan. 16, Florida Theatre NEARLY NICKS: SOUNDTRACK OF OUR LIVES GRACE POTTER Jan. 15, Florida Theatre Feb. 27, Thrasher-Horne Center RISING APPALACHIA Jan. 16, Ponte Vedra RICHARD SMITH Mar. 5, Mudville Music Room Concert Hall THE OUTLAWS Mar. 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JOE MULLINS & THE RADIO RAMBLERS Jan. 17, THE MCCARTNEY YEARS Mar. 9, Alhambra Mudville Music Room THE FRED EAGLESMITH SHOW STARRING TIF QUEENSRŸCHE, JOHN 5, EVE TO ADAM Jan. 19, GINN Mar. 12, Mudville Music Room Florida Theatre STEVE HACKETT Mar. 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ROBERT CRAY Jan. 19, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AGAINST ME! Mar. 25, The Amp REMEMBER WHEN ROCK WAS YOUNG: THE JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT, OLD CROW ELTON JOHN TRIBUTE Jan. 19, ThrasherMEDICINE SHOW Mar. 27, The Amp Horne Center THE EVERLY BROTHERS TRIBUTE Mar. 30 & 31, TUSK: FLEETWOOD MAC TRIBUTE Jan 20 & 21, Alhambra Alhambra VANILLA ICE & SIR MIX-A-LOT Apr. 7, Clay GAELIC STORM Jan. 21, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall County Fair SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS, THE VALLEY LEO KOTTKE Apr. 10, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GHOULS Jan. 23, 1904 Music Hall ZOSO: THE ULTIMATE LED ZEPPELIN VERLON THOMPSON & JIM LAUDERDALE Jan. 24, EXPERIENCE Apr. 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Mudville Music Room REBELUTION, STEEL PULSE June 21, The Amp TODD SNIDER Jan. 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd. Fortunate Son: CCR & John Fogerty Tribute Jan. 3-5 VETERANS UNITED CRAFT BREWERY, 8999 Western Way, Ste. 104 Jessica Pounds Jan. 3

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They count neither a Donna nor a buffalo among their ranks, but Trumansburg, New York-based roots-music quintet DONNA THE BUFFALO has been mashing up various strains of Americana for more than 25 years. The band is currently touring to promote its latest studio album, Dance in the Street. 8 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 4, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, pvconcerthall.com, $28-$30.

JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

FOLIO PETS

LOCAL PET EVENTS & ADOPTABLES HELP AYLA’S ACRES On Dec. 19, the St. Augustine-based rescue organization’s Madison County facility—home to some 150 ill or otherwise unadoptable animals—was destroyed by fire. Two resident caretakers were able to evacuate many of the animals, but 11 were lost. Ayla’s Acres is asking for community donations through its website.

More than $50,000 has been raised to date. aylasacres.org

ADOPTABLES

ANDY

LET’S JUST SAY THIS IS THE WAY EMBRACE THE WISDOM OF THE ANIMAL WORLD IN 2020 EVERY NEW YEAR I MAKE A RESOLUTION or two, and most of the time, I actually keep them. But this year I decided to dig into some of the simple changes that we animals can teach you humans to help you live your best lives. Take a look at these natural life lessons and ramp up your well-being in the new year.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT Animals practiced mindfulness long before it became popular in the human sector. Though I certainly experience fear at times, any anxiety is based on the circumstances now. I rarely worry about the past or stress about the future.

While not preparing for the future is not as practical for humans, living in the present is a helpful practice. So be like your pets and enjoy the moment. You can deal with tomorrow … tomorrow!

DON’T WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU I slip and roll down a hill with the same grace and confidence I exude when running unleashed through a meadow.

I have no concern for how others will perceive me, nor do I wonder if they like me. I have confidence in my own ability that is not diminished by the other dogs nor the humans I interact with. People would live life much easier if their self-esteem and confidence came from within and was not shaped by the opinion of others.

BE POSITIVE Dogs have a way of finding the good in most situations. The weather may be sweltering or stormy, but a dog will usually still be happy to take a walk with his favorite human. Even cats will discover a sliver of sunlight in an otherwise dark room and roll over to enjoy a sunbath. Animals find ways to accept and make the best of their surroundings. Pets don’t dwell on the negative aspects of their lives—and 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

neither should you. Positive thoughts can create real value in your life and help you build skills that last much longer than a smile.

LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY One of the most important lessons you can learn from your pet is unconditional love. From greeting you happily at the door to nuzzling when you are having a rough day, pets are truly the masters of affection. If people loved each other the way animals love people, our world would be a much better place.

MAKE MEMORIES Have you ever noticed how happy your dog is the second he gets in the car and realizes he’s on his way to a good place?

That’s because your dog remembers how happy he was the last time you did that amazingly fun thing. What was the last thing you did that made you so happy that you danced at the very idea of getting to do it again? Now’s your chance. Start making memories with the ones you love. And, for every photo you take of your pet, remember to take one of yourself, too. That way, when you’re living your regular life on those regular days that happen between the memorable ones, you can look back and remember how much fun it is to be you.

Going into a new year is a natural time to make changes in your life. But remember, the real key to positive transformation is to find what makes you happy. Resolve what you will, but know that happiness is the ultimate goal. It starts in daily choices, not lofty resolutions—and any day is a good day to start living those values.

Davi the Dachshund mail@folioweekly.com Subscribe to Folio Weekly Magazine’s Pets Newsletter at folioweekly.com/newsletters

Garfield vibes, anyone? I’m a sweet, cuddly guy who loves curling up next to my favorite people for long cat naps. Give me a good head rub, and I’ll be your BFF! I’d love to meet you. Visit www.jaxhumane.org to learn more about me or just stop by JHS for a test pet!

FIRST FRIDAY ROARING ‘20s PAW-TY! For the first friday of the New Year, Kanine Social hosts a Prohibition throwback party.

Dogs and humans alike are exhorted to party like it’s 1929. 6 p.m. Friday, Jan. 3, Kanine Social, 580 College St., Brooklyn, kaninesocial.com, $10 (members free).

ADOPTABLES

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‘Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba … Can you feel the love tonight? No? Well, I promise you will if you adopt me and bring me home! I’m a friendly boy who likes belly rubs, butt scratches and chew toys. Walkies and bacon snacks are also pretty fantastic. Stop by JHS at 8464 Beach Blvd. and meet me today! I just can’t wait to be king—of your heart.

PUPS ON THE PATIO YAPPY HOUR One waterfront bar is rolling out the red carpet for pet parents and their fur babies.

Located inside the Guy Harvey Resort, Santiago’s is offering $1 off drinks, $3 doggie “paw’ke” bowls and free dog biscuits during this weekly event. 4-7 p.m.

Monday, Jan. 6, Santiago’s Florida Kitchen & Craft Bar, 860 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Aug. Beach, santiagosfloridakitchen.com.

DALE RATERMANN’s Folio Weekly Crossword presented by

Serving Excellence Since 1928 Member American Gem Society

San Marco 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

Avondale 3617 St. Johns Ave. 388-5406

Ponte Vedra

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

Voted Best Jeweler in FW’s Best of Jax readers’ poll!

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1 Blockheads 5 No ___ land 9 Titillating transmissions 14 China setting 15 Ain't right?

16 Brief opening statement 17 2020 Gator Bowl team 19 Less likely 20 Pistol, e.g.

21 Updated version 22 Derek and Diddley 23 Play part 25 Ritzy home 28 Raptors, on scoreboards 29 Glasgow gal 33 A Beatle 34 Drink like Davi 36 In flames 37 Fountain ___ 38 2020 Gator Bowl team 40 Wyo. neighbor 41 Thus far 42 Spring bloom 43 Clothing tag 45 Gin flavoring 47 Jax Zoo beast

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48 Have a drink 49 Santa-tracking acronym 51 ___ Lobos 52 Pitches, in a way 55 Somewhat 59 Seer's deck 60 Gator Bowl title sponsor 62 In flames 63 First Coast Opera highlight 64 Swedish superstore 65 Take the helm 66 ___-bitsy 67 Capone nemesis

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1 Duval County Court pledge 2 On the Atlantic 3 Sawyer's pal 4 Ocean formation 5 Ill-treat 6 Org. 7 Jax-to-Charlotte dir.

8 Sault ___ Marie 9 Alarm sound 10 Paint choice 11 More, in ads

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Hard hike Saddle burn Vanity affair Air again on WTLV Kind of glass Patient's share Cable TV sports awards 26 Mettle or metal 27 So much, musically 30 Cover story 31 LP half 32 Not fresh 34 Parkinson's drug 35 Edible plant extract 39 Approaches 44 Just not do it?

46 The Amp concert bonus 48 "Amen!"

50 St. Johns River romper 52 UF frat letters 53 Crude boat 54 Great Lake that borders four states 55 Graph line 56 Pre-K kid 57 Jeans brand 58 Jumbo Shrimp pitching stats 60 Mai ___ 61 Cummer display

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JANUARY 1-7, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

Bible told me to do.” Police found stolen guns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition in the home, and Duane was charged with felony counts of theft and receiving stolen property.

EWWWWW! Silence of the Lambs, indeed. A Manchester, England, woman named Joan has a unique project in mind for a custom clothing designer. Joan, 55, is anticipating having her leg amputated because of peripheral arterial disease, reported the Daily Mail, so she posted on Sewport.com, requesting help to “create something beautiful and useful”—a handbag, using her own skin. She has budgeted about $3,900 for the project, which she envisions as a “medium-sized handbag with a short strap and a section down the middle that will be made from my skin,” she explained in the post. “I know it’s a bit odd and gross ... but it’s my leg, and I can’t bear the thought of it being left to rot somewhere.” There are no laws against her keeping the limb, although there is paperwork to fill out. Boris Hodakel, the founder of Sewport.com, reports that no designers have come forward yet to help with Joan’s request.

INEXPLICABLE Sharisha Morrison of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and her neighbors have been the recipients since Jan. 1, 2019, of an odd gift: plastic grocery bags with slices of bread and bologna inside, delivered by an unknown man. At first, Morrison told KOB TV, she thought the food deliveries were acts of kindness, until she opened the bag and smelled the contents. “It smelled like urine,” she said. Morrison said she can watch the man on her surveillance camera. “He’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away,” she said. “I just want it to stop.” Police have told her they can’t do anything unless they catch him in the act.

PEOPLE WITH ISSUES KION TV reported on Jan. 7 that a Salinas, California, family’s Ring doorbell camera captured video of a man licking the doorbell for more than three hours. The homeowners were out of town during the encounter, which took place around 5 a.m., but their children were inside. Sylvia Dungan, who was alerted to the activity at her front door on her phone, said, “I thought, boy there’s a lot of traffic. ... Who the heck is that?” Salinas police identified the man as Roberto Daniel Arroyo, 33.

Arroyo also relieved himself in the front yard and visited a neighbor’s house. “You kind of laugh about it afterwards because technically he didn’t do anything,” Dungan said, although police later charged him with petty theft and prowling.

ENGLISH DANDY Zack Pinsent, 25, from Brighton, England, hasn’t dressed in modern clothing since he was 14 years old. Instead, he makes and wears clothes that were popular in the 1800s. “At 14, I made the symbolic decision to burn my only pair of jeans in a bonfire.

It was a real turning point,” Pinsent told Metro News. On a typical day, Pinsent wears a floral waistcoat and knee-high leather riding boots, along with a jacket with tails and a top hat. He explains that his obsession started when his family found a box of his great-grandfather’s suits. He now researches, designs and sews clothing for himself and other history buffs, to great response: “I’ve been all over the world and people are inquisitive and appreciative,” he said.

BLAME IT ON THE METH Debra Lynn Johnson, 69, of Searles, Minnesota, suffered from heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and mental illnesses, according to the Mankato Free Press, and was a patient at a transitional care center before her husband took her home to have a “death party,” he later told authorities. Brown County sheriff ’s officers responding to a 911 call from Duane Arden Johnson, 58, on Jan. 24 found the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door.

Duane came out of the house naked, yelled that his wife was dead and ran back inside, where officers found him in the bathtub picking “things” from his skin. Debra’s body, still warm, was wrapped in a sheet. Duane told police his wife had begged him to take her home to die, so they had staged the party, “rocking out” to Quiet Riot’s “Metal Health” and taking methamphetamines. After her death, Duane said he washed and wrapped her “like the

DUMB & DUMBER Rogers, Arkansas, neighbors Charles Eugene Ferris, 50, and Christopher Hicks, 36, were hanging out on Ferris’ back porch on March 31, drinking and enjoying the spring air. Ferris was wearing his bulletproof vest—because why not?—and invited Hicks to shoot him with a .22-caliber semiautomatic rifle. KFSM reported the vest blocked the bullet from striking Ferris, but it still hurt and left a red mark on his upper chest. Next, Hicks donned the vest and Ferris “unloaded the clip into Christopher’s back,” according to the police report, also leaving bruises. That’s where it all would have ended had Ferris not gone to the hospital, where staff alerted the Benton County Sheriff ’s Office.

Ferris initially told officers an elaborate story about being shot while protecting “an asset” in a dramatic gunfight, but Ferris’ wife spilled the beans about the back-porch challenge. Both men were arrested for suspicion of aggravated assault.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “We

da Vinci worked on The Last Supper from 1495 to 1498. It’s a big piece— about 15 by 29 feet. That’s one reason why he took so long to finish. But there was another explanation, too. He told his patron that he sometimes positioned himself in front of his painting-in-progress and simply gazed at and thought about it, not lifting a brush. I trust you will have regular experiences like that in 2020. Some of your best efforts will arise out of your willingness and ability to incubate your good ideas with concentrated silence and patience.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): At age 22, Dutch citizen Willem de Kooning sneaked into the United States. As he lived in America during subsequent decades, he became a renowned painter who helped pioneer the movement known as abstract expressionism. His status as an illegal immigrant rarely presented any obstacles to his growing success and stature. Not until age 57 did he finally became an American citizen. I propose we make him one of your role models in 2020. May he inspire you to capitalize on being a maverick, outsider or stranger. May he encourage you to find opportunities beyond your safety zone.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): By 1895, Henry James had already published 94 books. He was renowned in the U.S. and England. Then, at age 52, although he was not physically fit, he decided to learn how to ride a bicycle. He paid for lessons at a bicycle academy, and cheerfully tolerated bruises and cuts from his frequent falls as an acceptable price to pay for his new ability.

Let’s make him a role model for you in 2020. May he inspire you to keep adding new aptitudes as you outgrow your previous successes.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When novelist E. M. Forster was in his late 30s, he had sex for the first time. Before that he had published five novels. After that, he produced just one more novel, though he lived till age 91. Looking back from his old, age, he remarked that he would “have been a more famous writer if I had published more, but sex prevented the latter.”

I suspect that sensual pleasure and intimacy will have the exact opposite effect on you in 2020. In sometimes mysterious ways, they will make you more productive in your chosen sphere.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Every part of our personality that we do not love will regress and become hostile to us,” wrote poet Robert Bly. 2020 will be a favorable time to engage in a holy crusade to fix this glitch: to feel and express more love for parts of our personality that we have dismissed or marginalized. The result? Any self-sabotage we have suffered from in the past could dramatically diminish.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As a young adult, Raymond Chandler worked as a fruit-picker, tennis racquet-stringer and bookkeeper. At age 34, he began a clerical job at the Dabney Oil Syndicate, and eventually rose in the ranks to become a well-paid executive. The cushy role lasted until he was 44, when he was fired.

He mourned for a while, then decided to become an author of detective fiction. It took a while, but at age 50, he published his first novel. During the next 20 years, he wrote six additional novels as well as numerous short stories and screenplays—and in the process became popular and influential. I present this synopsis as an inspirational story to fuel your destiny in 2020.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The fame of Ludovico Ariosto (1474–1533) has persisted through the ages because of his epic poem Orlando Furioso. It tells the story of the Christian knight Orlando and his adoration for a pagan princess. This great work did not come easily to Ariosto. It wasn’t until he had written 56 versions of it that he was finally satisfied. I suspect you may harbor an equally perfectionist streak about the good works and labors of love you’ll craft in 2020. May I suggest you confine your experiments to no more than ten versions?

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JANUARY 1-7, 2020

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Leonardo

are all hostages of the joy of which we deprive ourselves,” wrote poet Odysseus Elytis. Isn’t that an astounding idea? That we refuse to allow ourselves to experience some of the bliss and pleasure we could easily have; and that we are immured inside that suppressed bliss and pleasure? I call on you to rebel against this human tendency. One of your main tasks in 2020 is to permit yourself to welcome more bliss, to aggressively seize more pleasure, and thereby free yourself from the rot of its nullification.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): When Ludwig van Beethoven created the Eroica symphony in the early 1800s, many observers panned it. They said its rhythms were eccentric, that it was too long. Today, of course, Eroica has a different reputation. It’s regarded as a breakthrough event in musical history. I’ll go on record here to say that I suspect you created your own personal Eroica in 2019. 2020 is the year it will get the full appreciation it deserves, although it may take a while. Be patient.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’m going to speculate that sometime in the next six months, you will experience events that years from now you’ll look back on as having been the beginning of a fresh universe for you. What should you call this launch? I suggest you consider elegant terms like “Destiny Rebirth” or “Fate Renewal” rather than a cliché like the “Big Bang.” And how should you celebrate it? As if it were the Grand Opening of the rest of your long life.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In 2020, I believe you will be able to summon the insight and kismet necessary to resolve at least one long-running problem, and probably more. You’ll have an enhanced ability to kick bad habits and escape dead-ends and uncover liberating truths about mysteries that have flustered you. Frustrations and irritations you’ve grudgingly tolerated for far too much time will finally begin to wane. Congratulations in advance! The hard work you do to score these triumphs won’t always be delightful, but it could provide you with a curiously robust and muscular kind of fun.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Let’s say you wanted to dress completely in silk— and completely from scratch. You’d start with half an ounce of silkworm eggs. They’d hatch into 10,000 silkworms. Eventually those hard-working insects would generate five pounds of silk—enough to create your entire outfit. In other words, you’d be able to generate an array of functional beauty from a small but concentrated amount of raw material. By the way, that last sentence is a good description of what I think your general approach should be in 2020.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

FOLIO WEED

FIELD OF NIGHTMARES DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY FRAUGHT WITH DANGER

LAST WEEK, WE TOOK A CURSORY GLANCE at the history of cannabis policy among our last four presidents, which is nearly nonexistent. Only recently has there been any sign that the feds might ease up on the draconian drug-war protocols that both major political parties have uniformly enforced since the infamous Marihuana Tax Act of 1937. There are very few issues (aside from military and deficit spending, which kind of go hand-in-hand) on which the parties agree, let alone march in lockstep for 82 consecutive years with nary the slightest hint of deviation until just a few months ago. That trend continues now, as the country proceeds to liberalize its drug laws, an evolution long threatened by presidential candidates who had no intention of being elected.

Speaking of “no intention of being elected”, the dozen-plus Democratic candidates running for president in 2020 have all, in their own way, signaled their submission to the will of the people—a novel concept voters should not get used to. The subject hasn’t come up much in the debates, because it is a matter on which they agree; the current game involves exploiting vulnerabilities in the opposition’s policies, which is a tall order, because they have so many. The debates have been like the proverbial circular firing squad so far, except, instead of six shooters, they have sawed-off shotguns.

And they’re blindfolded. And they’re standing in the middle of a tornado.

That tornado, to extend the metaphor, is the whirlwind of chaos, anger and fear that has taken hold of the American people in the Age of Trump.

Much like the consistent blowback and backlash that seems to accompany every move the man has made, one may assume that this dramatic shift in our

mass psychology was not by design.

Amazingly, though, it has worked in his favor, mainly by monopolizing news cycles and monkeywrenching the façade of unity that the opposition projected up until primary season began. What we’re seeing now is that, much like in 2016, some of these people truly hate each other, in some cases even more than they hate Trump.

The long knives typically don’t come out until after an election is won, and then the loyalists get cabinet positions and the backstabbers get plane crashes.

(Sometimes they get both.) There has been no backstabbing in this campaign, because all the shanking comes in flush, straight on, Julius Caesar or Joey Greco style. They’re pushing hard to narrow the field before the actual primaries begin, mere days from now, and are consequently undermining the electability of whoever the eventual nominee happens to be. We have seen this story before, and we already know how it will end, unless something changes dramatically.

No one in the 2016 Republican field had any expectation of going all the way, and they carried themselves like losers, allowing Trump to methodically (and hilariously) kneecap them all, like a midget in a bar fight. (I’ve seen it; you do not want that smoke!) That particular field was the largest in American history, and that fact worked against them all. I would tell the Democrats what Trump allegedly used to tell his “dates”: Sometimes smaller is better, if you know what you’re doing. Do they?

No comment.

Shelton Hull mail@folioweekly.com Subscribe to the Folio Weed Newsletter at folioweekly.com/newsletters

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FOLIO VOICES: BACKPAGE

20/20 VISION LET’S GET CITY POLICY RIGHT IN THE NEW YEAR IN 2019, THE WORLD SEEMED A BIT

fuzzy, especially in Jacksonville, Florida. Crime was (and is) soaring.

Notable buildings were torn down.

Someone was trying to sell the community-owned utility company.

The year was filled with these scratch-your-head moments, and we experienced many of them collectively, as a city.

In 2020, I have hope for a clearer vision for Jacksonville and its citizens.

I hope city leaders will, on the very first day of the new year, open their eyes and gain 20/20 vision: a longranging and crystal-clear plan for moving forward. I hope we can turn our vision toward cultural tourism as a strategy to differentiate Jacksonville as a destination. I dream of a day we can see our history being used to set Jacksonville apart from regional varsity players such as Savannah or Charleston, cities that have dug deep into their past and use their unique, historical experiences and identities as marks of distinction. They are “cool” cities: interesting to visit as well as live in.

I envision a day in the not-sodistant future when we citizens might be presented with a plan (or a map, so to speak) that gives us direction and hope—a day when the thing to do will be to focus on small local projects and small business as a way to grow. In this 20/20 vision, all citizens can believe in who we are and where we are going.

I can visualize a city where creativity plays an important role.

The arts can diversify our economic portfolio, create growth and put Jacksonville on the map of creative destinations. I see a city whose brand is built on several different economic, historic and cultural assets—a city that will build on what we have and where we are going, using content from where we have been.

I see with 20/20 vision a city that

becomes world-famous by talking about its story. Jacksonville’s history holds stories that are unparalleled and incredible, if sometimes uncomfortable. We should be using them to create a stronger vision.

I also see a city in 2020 that could start supporting all citizens and listening to their voices, a city that works to right the wrongs—both past and present—and fight the fight for a more inclusive city and a more positive life for every citizen. Like our bridges that connect neighborhoods across the St. Johns River, I envision leadership that connects people, talks to people and listens to people.

With 20/20 vision, I have hope that we can get smarter, less wasteful and more transparent so that we all know what is going on. We have an emerald trail that snakes through the urban terrain and makes us wonder what’s behind the curtain. In a second, this place could be world-class, but it won’t be until we pull back that curtain and get real. We deserve to know why certain controversial decisions have been made: tearing down the old City Hall and courthouse, then The Jacksonville Landing; blowing up the JEA cooling towers and trying to sell the whole operation. Aye, 2019 has been a very, very shortsighted year. Let’s make sure that, in 2020, we clear out the cataracts and blind spots so we can see where we need to go. Let’s look to the future and plan to love ourselves more, believe in ourselves more and see ourselves as we really are, warts and all.

I dream that in 2020 we will have a perfect vision of a city where everyone is proud, excited and hopeful: a truly bold city in name and deed.

Steve Williams mail@folioweekly.com _________________________________

Williams is a local businessman and cofounder of the #mappingjax initiative.

FOLIO WEEKLY welcomes Backpage submissions. They should be 1,200 words or fewer and on a topic of local interest and/or concern. Send your submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Folio Weekly.

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