06/08/16 Pet Lovers Issue

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THIS WEEK // 6.08-6.14.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 10 COVER R STORY

2016

PET

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LOVERS ISSUE NORTHEAST FLORIDA’S BEST RUNDOWN OF PET INFO AND EVENTS

SNAKES, DRAGONS & GATORS, OH MY! [12] Dogs and cats are OK for some, but for the Shumakers, REPTILES are the bee’s knees STORY & PIX BY DENNIS HO CHEESE DOODLES & CHERRY TOMATOES Folio Weekly Magazine Editor shares the tale of a FAVORITE FAMILY PET BY CLAIRE GOFORTH

[16]

CALIGULA OF HAMSTERS [22] One Folio Weekly Magazine staffer WAXES RODENTIC about a childhood of cedar shavings, Habitrails and aberrance BY DANIEL A. BROWN

FEATURED D ARTICLES

ADVICE WORTH FIGHTIN’ FOR

[9]

BY AG GANCARSKI How to run for office... and maybe not BEAT YOURSELF

AND THE BEAT GOES ON

[10]

ACOUSTIC FLOW

[24]

BY ARVID SMITH Guitarist Tim Sparks keeps THE WORLD AT HIS FINGERTIPS in uniting klezmer, the blues, and beyond

BY NICK MCGREGOR Stetson Kennedy Songwriters Residency breathes NEW LIFE into Beluthahatchee’s creative heritage

COLUMNS + CALENDARS OUR PICKS MAIL/B&B FIGHTIN’ WORDS NEWS MUSIC FILM

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ARTS LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR THE KNIFE DINING DIRECTORY BITE-SIZED PINT-SIZED

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MIRANDA LAMBERT COUNTRY ROCKER Texas-born country queen Miranda Lambert was already honky-tonkin’ when just a teen, but turned down a shot at “pop” country fame to concentrate on becoming a songwriter in her own right. It paid off. Since ’03, Lambert has released five albums showcasing her signature perception on country rock and bluesy ballads. A fave of critics and country fans, Lambert — whose most recent album, Platinum, has racked up a Grammy and a CMA award. And now it’s certified platinum itself! 7 p.m. Sunday, June 12; Kip Moore, Brothers Osborne, Veterans Memorial Arena, Downtown, $38.75-$53.75, ticketmaster.com.

OUR PICKS MAKING THE NATURE SCENE

SAT

MARK WOODS In 2012, venerable Florida

Times-Union Metro columnist Mark Woods took a sabbatical. Woods’ locally focused stories had earned him the loyalty and respect of both readers and peers, but on the cusp of hitting 50, he decided to head back to nature and write a book about his longtime love: our National Parks. What began as a kind of travelogue became a rumination on not only nature but equally immeasurable things: family, legacy and loss. The resultant book, Lassoing the Sun: A Year in America’s National Parks, is already receiving weighty praise from folks like documentarian Ken Burns and Pulitzer-winner Jim Dwyer. And it’s most fitting that on the day the book releases, Mark Woods discusses and signs copies right here at home, where his journey began. 7 p.m. Tuesday, June 14, The BookMark, Neptune Beach, bookmarkbeach.com.

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DOES HUMOR BELONG IN MUSIC? “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC Parody rock

master “Weird Al” Yankovic has a huge career creating satirical songs, “using” rock and pop megahit tunes.

And hip hop: “White & Nerdy.” Millions of albums sold, four Grammys, great videos — honors accordionwielding Yankovic earned with his genius idea of taking (playful) aim at stars from Madonna to Tom Petty to Nirvana, at times “owning” the tune as his version outlived those he lampooned. Hey, Greg Kihn, Toni Basil, Coolio … why, Lady Gaga – saved you a seat! 8 p.m. Saturday, June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $39-50-$69.50, staugamphitheatre.com.

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DROWNING SENSATIONS SINK TAPES Jersey rockers Sink Tapes

like their particular style of moody rock mopey, murky and reverbed out, with a soupçon of Chris Bell injected in a Neil Young stagger. You wanna go out on Saturday night and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with about 100 other wallflowers, while four rad depressos play the soundtrack? Have we got a show for you! 8 p.m. Saturday, June 11; Gov Club, Le Orchid, Street Sity Surf, The Headlamp, 818 Clay St., Springfield, $10.

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REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

SWING IT!

JACKSONVILLE SUNS VS. BILOXI SHUCKERS

Don’t deny the heat! Spring has sprung and gone — time to soak up blazin’ summer baseball action when the Jacksonville Suns take on the Biloxi Shuckers.

Need more incentive? New owner Ken Babby and his staff have cooked up some enticingly wacky theme nights! 7:05 p.m. Wednesday, June 15 (Jax & Jill Date Night), Thursday, June 16 (Mavericks Live Thirsty Thursday, Top Gun Turns 30), Friday, June 17 (Red Shirt Friday), and 6:05 p.m.

Saturday, June 18 (BBQ Set Giveaway); Bragan Field, Baseball Grounds, Downtown, single game tix $5-$18, jaxsuns.com.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

THE MAIL POTATOES IN THE HUDDLE

RE: “Color of Justice,” by Claire Goforth, June 1 I AM A WHITE CHILD OF THE 1960S AND WE got pushed around, head knocked and harassed by police back in the day because of our hair, clothing, music and attitude. What I see as profiling, i.e., young black dude with an attitude, clothing, music, etc., you may perceive as racist. The overworked, underpaid cops have got to make preventative decisions at the time, not wait until a crime has been committed.

Now, of course, every movement they make, right or wrong, is under scrutiny. I don’t have any answers other than Monday morning quarterbacking doesn’t help.

Michael Wrann via email

OH, IRONY, SO SWEET

RE: “Pecking Orders,” by Susan Cooper Eastman, May 25 ZONING LAWS WERE ORIGINALLY ENACTED in San Francisco to keep the Chinese out of Garden of Needin’ co-owner Brandon Reid

certain neighborhoods and were declared unconstitutional. You can look it up.

Somehow, they passed muster when the purpose was to preserve and develop community character. Blanding, Southside and Roosevelt boulevards and the malls attest to their success.

They are uncompensated expropriations of property rights and are in provision 7 in Karl Marx’s Manifesto for the communization of society. It was Marx’s goal to abolish private property. You can look that up, too. Zoning laws go a long way to that end.

Functionally, they are impossible. We go through our day-to-day lives, moving from business to personal matters and back again, sometimes within seconds of each other.

Shouldn’t we be permitted to use our own property in accordance with that? Technically, if you have a business meeting in your home or conduct personal matters in your office, you are in violation of zoning laws. Does Susan Cooper Eastman want to try to enforce that? And her feared Target stores exist not in spite of but because of zoning laws.

Like everything else government does to protect us from ourselves for the progressive paradise, (roads, education and healthcare) zoning laws fail and should be relegated to the ash heap of history where communism is more and more being consigned. It’s unfortunate that Folio Weekly Magazine doesn’t recognize that its progressivism is obstructionism to true progress.

Roderick T. Beaman via email

photo by Susan Cooper Eastman

THE MANY FANS OF EVA

RE: “The Many Faces of Eva,” by Claire Goforth, May 25 EVA PORTER IS AN AMAZING YOUNG LADY. THIS article does a wonderful job of introducing her. I would encourage everyone to meet her and spend some time talking with her. Her radiant energy and positive outlook on life will transfer to you immediately and will leave you a better person for [having known] her.

Bob Feindt via web LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly Magazine, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO THE ST. JOHNS RIVERKEEPER Last week, the Riverkeeper and three other citizens’ groups filed suit to stop state officials from circumventing voters by misappropriating funds earmarked for land conservation and restoration under the Water & Land Conservation Amendment to the state constitution that passed overwhelmingly with 75 percent of the vote in 2014.

Good lookin’ out, Riverkeeper!

BRICKBATS TO THREE HORRIBLE TEEN GIRLS Three girls, ages 13 and 14, were recently arrested by a Nassau County Sheriff’s Officer for animal cruelty, after posting a video on social media showing them repeatedly throwing a pet bunny against the wall, as they laughed and laughed, like future serial killers might. The female rabbit, Fuzzy Pants, is now recuperating from surgery at Southwest Florida House Rabbit Rescue. Donations for its care are being accepted at gofundme.com/3g88nkks.

BOUQUETS TO CAROLYN SMITH While driving along Old Moultrie Road on May 10, Smith happened upon two EMTs attempting to rescue a pet African grey parrot that’d flown the coop. Smith, St. Augustine Humane Society executive director, quickly retrieved a humane net and carrier from the Society, enabling the EMTs to safely capture the parrot in the nick of time. The bird was returned to its extremely relieved owner. African greys are among the most intelligent birds on Earth.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

CORRECTION The June 1 article “New Hope for a Second Chance” incorrectly identified Joven Guthrie as Jarvis Guthrie, his brother.

FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS How to run for office … and maybe not BEAT YOURSELF

ADVICE WORTH FIGHTIN’ FOR BECAUSE IT PAYS, AND BECAUSE I AM masochistic on some level, I cover a lot of political campaigns.

State house races. State senate races.

Public defender, state attorney, U.S. House, U.S. Senate. And a couple others I can’t remember offhand.

I deal with a lot of campaigns and a lot of candidates. And after they get elected, a lot of “public servants.”

In this capacity, and in the spirit of the political season, I’d like to offer free advice to any aspirant or current member of the political class … especially those who have designs on winning, or getting re-elected, or having a political future.

The first piece of advice: GET YOUR MONEY RIGHT BEFORE YOU RUN. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? The mechanics of politics, as we learn every campaign cycle, are driven by capital. Why? Consultants cost money. Polling isn’t free.

Ads — TV, mailers, and everything more high-tech than smoke signals, Morse code, and megaphones — all of these are driven by COH: cash on hand.

You can tell when a candidate is losing the money race, or at least underperforming.

“Oh, we’re running a grassroots campaign,” is one phrase a person might say. Which is sort of like saying, “We’re running against the establishment fat cats.”

This comes a week or two before that person attempts to gin up free media by saying how “proud” he or she is to “not accept PAC money,” or something along those lines.

This false bravado is a smokescreen.

Always. What it says is that there were some conversations with the money people, and those conversations went poorly.

It’s easy to figure out what you need to run competitively.

The price tag on a real state house run is likely around $150K. City Council: $100K at least, $250K to be on the safe side. U.S. House?

Better have a cool million on hand.

If you don’t get your money squared away early, and you launch on the empty assurances of people who are clearly going to back someone else, here’s what’s going to happen.

You’re going to compromise your brand, become identified as that ‘also ran’ candidate, and set yourself up for future similar candidacies.

If you’re really unlucky, as one U.S. House candidate was over Memorial Day weekend, your son might hop on Twitter and go to war with a reporter whose only crime was writing about how you’re getting pasted in the money race.

Then you get to find out how deep your support is. Or how thin.

The second piece of advice: DEVELOP GOOD RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE MEDIA. The media carries your water: Don’t bullshit them.

If you’re feeding them opposition research, otherwise known as “oppo dump”

material, on an opponent, make sure it is actually credible. Provide paper backup.

Make sure it’s not some warmed-over crap that’s been reported already.

Outrage is like flash paper, vivid, yet ephemeral.

Don’t be that candidate, or that operative, sending links to three-year-old newspaper articles about an opponent.

(Alvin Brown had an army of those serving up stale hits on Lenny Curry. But at least they got paid.)

Most journalists — at least half, according to a recent survey — can read. Even more than that can use Google.

You want to have exclusives to launch.

You want to cultivate your media contacts, and keep them all fed.

There is a direct correlation between the quality of coverage that you get and how well you cultivate that coverage.

Some politicos don’t get it. These are the same ones who garden without planting seeds, and wonder why they have a fallow field.

The third piece of advice: DON’T BERATE THE MEDIA. It works for Donald Trump, yes, but everyone in the entertainment media will tell you that Trump loves the press, and Trump’s shtick that “the media is so dishonest” is just pabulum for the rubes in the repo-ed splitlevels and double-wides.

Chances are that neither you nor your candidate is Donald Trump. Chances are much better that you or your candidate is a sallow, out-of-shape mediocrity in a bad suit.

IJS, of course.

I can think of a certain candidate or three who has a default mode of blaming the media for its coverage of him or her. It doesn’t go well. And it is avoidable.

The final piece of advice: BE LIKE RONALD REAGAN. I know — we all had Reagan overload after the GOP primaries. Everyone claimed to be the heir to Reagan. But no one understood the gimmick.

The shtick involves a neutral-tone suit, a well-honed sense of comic timing, and the ability to be self-effacing and project warmth.

It doesn’t matter if you or your candidate actually have warmth. Chances are good that you’re a “kiss-up, kick-down” type like many politicians.

You gotta project it anyway.

ONE LAST NOTE: Lots of people use quasireligious talk. “I prayed on it before I stabbed you in the back” lines.

Still others are “honored and humbled” by every trifling thing that goes their way.

That’s not credible, except maybe to people under the influence of heavy narcotics.

In most elections, that’s not a majority vote.

[Note: I wrote “most.”]

AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com Twitter/AGGancarski JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

FOLIO COMMUNITY : NEWS

...AND THE

BEAT GOES ON

10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

STETSON KENNEDY LEFT BEHIND A RIVETING legacy. During the Great Depression, he and Zora Neale Hurston collected a nowlegendary assemblage of Old Florida folklore.

In the 1940s, he successfully infiltrated the Ku Klux Klan, giving the rest of the world a first look inside the secretive white supremacist organization. After World War II, he worked the front lines of the early Civil Rights Movement for the Congress of Industrial Organizations, the New York Post, and The Nation. And in 1952, Stetson Kennedy invited Woody Guthrie down to northwest St. Johns County, giving the iconic American singer/songwriter a space to write nearly 80 new tunes and finish the manuscript for his autobiography, Seeds of Man. That very Beluthahatchee Park homestead might be Kennedy’s most pivotal endowment.

When he purchased the 70-acre tract in 1948, he set aside a portion of the surrounding property as a wildlife refuge in perpetuity.

And after Kennedy died in 2011 at age 94, several of the buildings were transformed into museums and educational exhibits lauding the work of Kennedy, Guthrie, and naturalist William Bartram.

Beluthahatchee’s next step fulfills one of Kennedy’s dying wishes: that the property serve as a refuge, not just for wildlife but for humans, too. The Stetson Kennedy Songwriters Residency, created in conjunction with the Stetson Kennedy Foundation, the St. Johns County Cultural Events Division’s Sing Out Loud Series, the St. Johns County Parks & Recreation Department, and the Jacksonville Songwriter Residency, will invite artists to spend two weeks working on the idyllic property.

“It’s like a little oasis out there,” says singer/ songwriter Brad Lauretti, who hatched the idea with the coordinating organizations over the last two years. “You wake up in the morning and see turtles, snakes, ospreys, every kind of bird imaginable, cypress trees

… It’s like everything you think about North Florida all in one little place. in Stetson’s backyard.” Lauretti gave the residency a trial run last October and says he was able to write an entire album’s worth of songs in two weeks.

“They were pouring out of me,” he marvels.

“The magic of the place inspired Stetson and Woody, it inspired me, and we hope it will inspire other songwriters.”

Lauretti gives specific credit to Kennedy’s stepdaughter Karen Roumillat, who lives on the property; St. Johns County naturalist AyoLane Halusky; and St. Johns County Cultural Events Division General Manager Ryan Murphy for making the residency a reality. But before he even met Lauretti, Murphy had his own vision for Beluthahatchee.

“It’s such an underserved piece of St. Johns County history,” he says. “Stetson’s centennial is coming up this fall, so we were already starting to work on something to highlight the area while also highlighting his work. Once we heard that Brad wanted to do a songwriter’s residency out there, we wanted to help him in any way we could — with a video for our Sing Out Loud series, with promotion of the residency to the artists we book at the [St. Augustine] Amphitheatre and Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, and with work on a longer documentary about Stetson’s legacy.”

Lauretti says the program wants artists working to further Kennedy’s legacy of championing civil rights, social justice, human rights, and environmental stewardship to apply. The first official songwriter in residency was New York’s Marcellus Hall, acclaimed not only for his work with blues-punk bands like Railroad Jerk and White Hassle, but for his politically attuned illustrations for The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, Time, and Fortune. “We want songwriters to see what an environmental treasure we have here in Northeast Florida,” Lauretti says. “People who are writing topical songs that address those

issues and recognize the power of music to motivate others to protect our culture.”

After his two-week residency, Hall headlined the April 23 Bartram Bash at Alpine Groves Park, a 54-acre tract located one mile south of Beluthahatchee on S.R. 13. Lauretti says it’s a template that will be repeated with all future songwriters in residency. “That way, the artists can perform the music they’ve written,” he says. “And, more important, the public can see what we’re doing and feel the immediacy of it.”

Ryan Murphy says he and his team in the cultural events division are ready to help turn the songwriters residency into a longterm, sustainable program that can attract top-flight musicians to embrace the history of Beluthahatchee. While Lauretti acknowledges that indispensable support, along with the backing of the Stetson Kennedy Foundation, he still possesses the same go-getter attitude that brought him to Jacksonville from New York City in 2012. He’s working tirelessly to secure further community support from organizations that align with the residency’s mission statement, so that visiting songwriters can have all their expenses covered while they’re working.

Though he wasn’t able to confirm who will be among the next group of artists, Lauretti did hint that they’d be arriving from all over the world. “And they all understand the historical significance of the place,” he adds.

“Beluthahatchee is the only site in the country to be designated a National Literary Landmark twice — once for Stetson Kennedy and once for Woody Guthrie. Maybe someday it will be designated a third time because of someone else’s work. That’s what Stetson wanted — to give artists refuge at Beluthahatchee so they could find the time and place to think and write. Not a lot of people have that in their everyday lives anymore.”

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

photo by 27 Studios Art & Photography

Singer/songwriter and SKSR founder Brad Lauretti

Stetson Kennedy Songwriters Residency breathes NEW LIFE into Beluthahatchee’s creative heritage

Hey, everybody, it’s Davi, Folio Weekly Magazine’s esteemed canine columnist! Are you a furry friend looking for a cool place to play on a hot summer day? Do you want to grab some grub with your human? Maybe you need some top-notch pampering to keep those claws trimmed and that coat so fresh and so clean?

To prepare for the 2016 Pet Lovers Issue, I’ve been sniffing around town to find some top spots to play, sit, and stay. Grab a leash and follow your nose to find fun in Northeast Florida!

Here’s barkin’ at ya!

SNAKES, DRAGONS & GATORS, OH MY! [P. 12]

CHEESE DOODLES & CHERRY TOMATOES [P. 16]

Dogs and cats are OK for some, but for the Shumakers, REPTILES are the bee’s knees

Folio Weekly Magazine Editor shares the tale of a FAVORITE FAMILY PET

OCEAN REEF PETS 1537 Atlantic Blvd., Stes. 33, 37, 39 & 41, Neptune Beach, 246-0999 Owner Mike Brainard has expanded this Beaches landmark pet store – it’s now stretched over four storefronts, serving Northeast Florida and the beaches for more than 20 years (30-plus overall).

Ocean Reef specializes in saltwater fish, freshwater fish and reptiles and reefs, corals, plants and all manner of aquatic supplies for tanks and aquariums.

PET STORES & RETAIL

BARK DOWNTOWN 45 W. Adams St., Downtown, 516-7836 DAVI ENDORSED! This urban dog boutique offers all kinds of items, from grain-free foods and baked goods to collars, leashes, and toys and treats.

EARTH PETS 11740 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1, Mandarin, 677-4429, earthpetsflorida.com DAVI ENDORSED! The true green pet store is stocked with healthful natural pet foods. All products are selected for healthfulness, value, and safety for both pets and the environment.

HOUSE OF REPTILES 5501 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1, San Marco, 348-2050, thehouseofreptiles.com The knowledgeable staff can help with your reptilian and amphibious animal needs, from acquiring the critters themselves (including invertebrates and mammals) to supplies, habitats, live food, dry goods, more. Open daily.

PAWFECTION BAKERY 626-1676, pawfectionbakery.com Innovative wheat-free, soy-free and corn-free dog and cat treats and cakes are made here daily, with fresh ingredients. There’s other stuff, too: bandanas, beds, chews, collars, leashes, costumes, clothing and accessories, plus people things, like mugs and magnets.

PETCO 11111 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 260-3225, petco.com 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., Ste. 145, Jax Beach, 273-0964 11900 Atlantic Blvd., Intracoastal, 997-8441 1514 C.R. 220, Fleming Island, 215-7498 463713 S.R. 200, Yulee, 225-0014 430 CBL Dr., St. Augustine, 824-8520 These full-service pet stores offers dog training, grooming, vaccination clinics and adoption meetand-greets as well as a complete selection of supplies for both domestic and exotic pets. Seminars on pet-care topics are held regularly; check with the Petco nearest you for details.

CALIGULA OF HAMSTERS [P. 22] One Folio Weekly Magazine staffer WAXES RODENTIC about a childhood of cedar shavings, Habitrails, and aberrance

PETSMART 8801 Southside Blvd., Ste. 3, Southside, 5198878, petsmart.com 10261 River Marsh Dr., Ste. 143, St. Johns Town Center, 997-1335 356 Monument Rd., Regency, 724-4600 1919 Wells Rd., Orange Park, 579-2362 9515 Crosshill Blvd., Ste. 113, Oakleaf, 777-8688 3141 City Station Dr., Northside, 696-0289 `1779 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 495-0785 The pet store chain offers supplies and services for pets – dogs, cats, fish, birds, reptiles – including food, healthcare items, collars, crates, grooming items, training books and pet clothing. PetSmart has chinchillas, gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, mice and rats. Services include boarding, grooming, training, vet services and Doggie Day Camp.

PET SUPERMARKET 1020 Ponce de Leon Blvd. S., St. Augustine, 8245876, petsupermarket.com 880 A1A N., Ponte Vedra 10485 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 886-9300 609 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-6884 835 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 276-4042 3760 University Blvd. W., Lakewood, 739-3310 4524 St. Johns Ave., Avondale, 384-2006 1416 Sadler Rd., Fernandina, 277-4115 465 S.R. 13, Fruit Cove, 230-1144 The chain store, with experienced friendly staff at each location, has a variety of items and brands,

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ADOPTABLES

.

BUCK

FUTURE SO BRIGHT, GOTTA WEAR SHADES • Heyyyy, ladies, if you’re looking for a hunkahunka burnin’ dog, I’m the one for you. Just one look into my puppy-dog eyes will have you begging the Jacksonville Humane Society folks to let you adopt me. And, fellas? If you need a wingman, I’m up your man … er … dog. My smile’s irresistible to the female persuasion. I’m in a foster home, so email foster@jaxhumane and ask for a meet-andgreet with the one and only Buck! Meet me at JHS, open seven days a week. For more information, visit jaxhumane.org.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

SNAKES,

DRAGONS

& GATORS,

OH MY! WHO NEEDS FUR? For the Shumakers, slithery, scaled creatures make perfect companions STORY & PHOTOS BY DENNIS

HO

B

ehind an innocuous middle-class home in the heart of the Westside, a black dragon wades in a swimming pool inside a cage in the backyard. It’s among the rarest reptiles in America, this one even more so because of unique markings acquired from a house fire. No zoo has a black dragon, yet this one is a local who has been onstage at The Florida Theatre during a live broadcast of the NPR show “Whad’Ya Know?” last February. The dragon is part of Bob and Liz Shumaker’s LB Reptile Experience, a hands-on educational show that brings people in close contact with snakes and lizards. While both husband and wife maintain full-time jobs, their passion for reptiles has amounted to more than 100 animals in their home and on their property — including a four-footlong gator — and countless trips across the region to educate kids about snakes and lizards, and lots and lots of reptile poop.

<<< FROM PREVIOUS food, pest treatments, apparel, cages, tanks and in-store vaccination services for all kinds of pets. Pet care training for kids is offered on the website; we were intrigued by the Interactive Fish Training. Many Pet Supermarkets offer in-store vaccinations, too.

PET WORLD 10400 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 13, Mandarin, 262-4646, petworldpets.com This holistic dog and cat spa and supply store, in business for more than 25 years, also features a full grooming salon and puppies for sale. The products are natural and additive-free. Treats include cookies, cakes, biscuits and chews. The boutique stocks 12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

Folio Weekly Magazine: How’d you acquire your first reptile?

Bob: We started out with one snake in 1999. Our son just wanted one to have. His stepmom did not want him to have a snake, so it came to our house and he’d come and visit on the weekends to see the snake … [Then] my daughter wanted a snake ’cause he had a snake. Then my wife wanted one. Within six months, we had probably six or seven boas.

Liz: It’s like a tattoo; you just can’t have one reptile.

What kind of snakes were they?

Bob: These are boa constrictors. They’re pretty tame, pretty easygoing. They’re on the

shampoos, treatments, candles and sprays. Leashes, collars, harnesses, bedding and crates are available.

natural options to pet owners — all products and services promote health and well-being.

PET WORLD 3350 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 797-2582 For 25-plus years, the independent pet store has offered a full line of supplies, with an emphasis on aquatics. Fresh and saltwater fish, birds, reptiles, support products and supplies are available. Mon.Sat. 10 a.m.-7 p.m.; noon-5 p.m. Sun.

WOOF GANG BAKERY & GROOMING 13475 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Intracoastal, 619-8086 DAVI ENDORSED! This neighborhood store offers full-service dog grooming by certified, experienced groomers, pet adoption events, gourmet dog treats, healthful pet foods, supplies, accessories and toys.

REDBONES DOG BAKERY & BOUTIQUE 809 Eighth St. S., Fernandina Beach, 321-0020, 800-693-1315, redbonesbakery.com The canine-centric bakery offers more than 30 kinds of homemade-style doggie treats, using all-natural human-grade ingredients, as well as all-natural premium holistic organic pet foods and supplements.

The boutique sells collars, leashes, toys, harnesses, spa products and oral health products. Free dog washes and adoptions are also held. Open daily.

SALTY PAWS HEALTHY PET MARKET 677 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 372-9433, saltypawsmarket.com DAVI ENDORSED! The first locally owned and operated pet market at the beach, offering healthier,

big side, but they’re not a biting snake as long as you hold it and mess with it a lot.

You weren’t concerned about any danger at all?

Bob: No. We read about them and learned a lot about them. Got with some of the bigger boa breeders in the United States, there’s a lot of them out there. We joined the Jacksonville Herpetological Society and we started seeing what was going on, learning more about all of it, the laws, Florida Wildlife Control, all of it.

Back then, there were a lot of breeders in town and we learned a lot from them.

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ADOPTABLES

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BRANDI

DAY CARE & BOARDING

BARK AVENUE PET RESORT 10427 Alta Dr., Northside, 757-3295, barkavenuepetresort.com This place is more than just a kennel – Bark Avenue is an all-inclusive luxury pet-care and boarding facility to pamper your pals when you’re away, featuring all the amenities you’d want. Professional grooming, too.

BARK ON PARK BOUTIQUE 1021 Park St., Riverside, 356-4530, thebarkboutique.com DAVI ENDORSED! The upscale urban dog retreat and boutique offers everything canine, from products

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

POOL PARTY PROFESSIONAL • They say I’m a party girl and it’s true! I love to have a good time. Splash in the ocean? I’m down! Cruise down Beach Boulevard? Sure! I’d make an excellent partner in crime for anyone, so please stop by JHS and ask to meet me!

JHS is open daily. Let’s get together! More information at jaxhumane.org.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

SNAKES, DRAGONS & GATORS, OH MY!

“It’s like a tattoo; you can’t have one reptile.” — Liz Shumaker

<<< FROM PREVIOUS And you decided to grow your collection?

Bob: We started gathering things, especially corn snakes, small things. Then I started liking the bigger things. The monitors, big lizards, things like that.

What is it about reptiles that you love so much?

Liz: They’re just as lovable as a dog or a cat.

You wouldn’t think they are, but they are, they all have their different personalities.

How big is the reptile pet world?

Bob: Just like dog people, we have designer snakes. Used to be poodles and Labradors; now there are labradoodles. We have snakes where there are 4,000-5,000 different colors of one variety of snake. Ball pythons are one.

A lot of people breed those because it’s good money for some, hobby for a lot of people, they’re easygoing, they stay small, they stay in a ball.

What was your experience going beyond snakes?

Bob: We took over the reptile rescue in 2005 and had no idea what we were getting into.

With the rescue, we were getting iguanas.

We had 10 iguanas at one time. We have four now. We try to adopt them out to people who know what they’re doing with these guys.

Are there any reliable patterns with reptile rescuing?

Bob: Around college time, we’d get an influx of iguanas. Kids would have them as they’re growing up; when it’s time to go to college, they had to dump ’em off.

But why not donate to the zoo?

Bob: The zoo won’t take anything, they’re going to give you our number. A lot of the vets will give you our number. That’s how we got known … That’s when we started doing reptile shows to educate people and fund the rescue.

What sort of funding are we talking about?

Bob: With five or six iguanas, that’s a case of Romaine lettuce every week. Now there are big tortoises coming in; they eat two or three heads every day.

Liz: Last year, our food bill was almost $12,000. That doesn’t include electricity.

Bob: That electricity will scare you. We

have to have UV lights for them, heating lights for them. Our bill runs over $500 every month.

Describe your show.

Bob: It’s hands-on, everything from the little thing to the big thing. The littlest is a bearded dragon. The biggest could be Julius Squeezer, our 16-foot Burmese python, or Khan, our 7-foot 5 monitor lizard that you get down and pet. We try to show everyone the good things, and the bad things.

There’s no concern of any dangerous reptiles during your show?

Bob: Not the ones that we take. We really know what we have. We do have some breeders; we don’t take those. Things from the rescue, there are some iguanas that you can’t touch. Some aren’t used to being held.

Is there a process for domesticating reptiles?

Bob: It takes a while to tame things down.

You have to touch them, you have to talk to them, you have to mess with them. You’ll see the difference.

CAPTIVATING ACRES PET RESORT 7759 Plummer Rd., Northside, 716-6162, captivatingacres.com The family-owned, 14-acre facility has indoor and outdoor runs for the pet boarded while the owners are away. All pets are required to be up to date on shots. An initial interview is necessary to access the pet’s temperament to make sure it’s a good fit. Pickup and drop-off are available for an additional fee.

Reservations are recommended.

<<< FROM PREVIOUS

– food, collars, leashes, beds and blankets – and grooming to daycare, boarding and training. When they spend the night, they’re given an individual suite, just like checking in to a hotel.

CAMP BOW WOW 8505 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 732-9663, campbowwow.com DAVI ENDORSED! Canine campers can play all day and sleep all night in individual cozy cabins, on cots with fleece padding. As the sun sets, the campers each get a campfire treat.

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

CATOPIA BOARDING & GROOMING 1078 Ninth St. S., Jax Beach, 242-0224, jacksonvillecatboarding.com This full-service kitty resort and day spa caters to felines, who seem to think they deserve it more than most, with all sorts of perks and pamperings. Nail trims, flea preventive care, haircuts with styling, ear cleanings and healthcare are featured. Dog grooming by Fuzzybutz is also available, 241-4426.

DOGTOWN USA 6988 U.S. 1, St. Augustine, 347-2363, dogtownresorts.com 11740 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 337-9840 This all-indoor, climate-controlled resort facility has a staff dedicated to providing a safe, secure and

Are different reptiles tamed differently?

Bob: Very much. Iguanas, you have to hold and touch a lot. Snakes, not so often, once every two or three days. But iguanas, just about every day you have to mess with them.

Liz: And we know which snakes are just hateful. We’re not going to take those to a show.

LB Reptile Experience coowner Bob Shumaker holds one of his many pet snakes.

What do you feed your reptiles?

Bob: Little bit of everything. We have things that eat fruit and vegetables. We have snakes that eat mice. They’ll eat little chicks. These are all frozen and thawed; we don’t feed [anything] live. We don’t want them to be aggressive. Chicken livers, gizzards, legs, breasts, rats.

Have you been snake-bitten?

Bob: I have. I’ve been doing this so many years, I’m not gonna say I haven’t. Snakebites are not that bad. If you were to get bit by pretty much any of the snakes we have here — and I say pretty much — within 10 minutes after you wipe it off, you really can’t tell you’ve

friendly boarding, day-care and grooming facility for pets.

FRESH PRINTS PET LODGE & DAY RESORT 3327 Peach Dr., Southside, 642-9988, freshprintspetresort.com The family-owned kennel caters to pets, with professional grooming, boarding, an off-leash dog park, birthday parties and special events for your furry (or not so furry) friends. Accessories and day care for dogs are also featured.

HAPPY HOUND DOG RESORTS 4603 Shirley Ave., Lakeshore, 800-8800, happyhounddogresorts.com DAVI ENDORSED! A unique dog facility offering daycare and boarding. The large state-of-the-art kennel area has kennel beds, rubber flooring and an outside area. Boarding packages for long-term stays are available. And the first day of dog daycare is always free!

JULINGTON CREEK ANIMAL WALK & HOSPITAL 12075 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 300 (resort), Mandarin, 338-9480, jcaw.com 12075 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 100 (hospital), 268-6731

ADOPTABLES

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CONAN

I’M ALL EARS • What’s that? Sit? Shake?

Stay? I do it all! I’m such a good dog, the staff lets me hang out behind the front desk and greet the visitors! Don’t forget — JHS is open during construction and I’d love more than anything to go home soon. Please come meet me at JHS! Find out more at jaxhumane.org.

“We took over the reptile rescue in 2005 and had no idea what we were getting into.” — Bob Shumaker

been bitten. They’ve got a lot of teeth, and they’re sharp, but they’re real small.

What’s your rarest reptile?

Bob: Khan, our black dragon. He’s out back, he’s got an outdoor cage. We actually bought him. There are fewer than 20 captive bred in the United States right now. There’s no zoo that has one. He walks on a leash. He’s our buddy.

Do you get any flack from Florida Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission?

Bob: No, we work with them really closely.

They were here three times last week, borrowing things to go do schools and such.

They trust us.

What’s your most common reptile?

Bob: Corn snake. Probably a ball python. If it’s a reptile, we have it. It’s easier for us to tell you what we don’t have.

I presume you’re involved in the cleanup.

Bob: Every day. The worst part is after a regurge. Sometimes you feed them and it comes back up the next day. It’s not nice.

Liz: And most of them will go to the bathroom in their water. I didn’t know at 60 years old I’d be cleaning up snake poo.

Do you ever mess with alligators?

Bob: Oh, yeah, they’re common to Florida.

I’ve got a trapping license.

What do you do with those?

The full-service pet resort offers lodging, day care, grooming and training. A nine-acre, off-leash dog park is also featured. The hospital features six veterinarians and offers pet wellness, internal medicine, radiography and emergency care.

PET PARADISE 5140 University Blvd. W., Lakewood, 396-7529, petparadiseresort.com DAVI ENDORSED! 14272 Pecan Park Rd., Northside, 741-0050 125 Ponce Harbor Dr., St. Augustine, 797-9770 The mission at Pet Paradise is to create a safe, clean and fun environment for all its four-legged guests.

Perks at this exclusive pet resort include a doggietreat-shaped pool and late-night potty breaks, pickup and drop-off services by appointment, as well as dog and cat grooming. The Pecan Park site is by the airport — convenient for travelers.

PURRS ’N’ WOOFS 1650 Margaret St., Ste. 302, Riverside, 316-3955, purrsnwoofs.com Professional, affordable in-home pet-sitting and dogwalking service for Riverside, Avondale, Ortega and Murray Hill neighborhoods. Insured, bonded and Red Cross certified in pet first aid and CPR.

Bob: Catch and release. But with nuisance alligators, if they’re over four foot, we do have to kill them by Florida law, unless you have over two-and-a-half acres that you can take and release them.

Have you actually had to kill a gator?

Bob: Since 2003, we’ve done it twice, a 10-foot and a 12-foot. We use a bang stick, not a gun or anything, not a pistol or rifle. A bang stick isn’t considered a firearm. You stick a bullet [into the stick], there’s a little sweet spot in the center of the gator’s head where it’s soft, it’s quick and it’s over, but it’s [emotionally] hard.

I have to do the killing because I have the trapping license. We don’t do it onsite where we catch them.

What happens to it?

Bob: I’ll take it out to a processor who does pigs and hogs, he’ll make some gator burgers, gator sausage; he does a lot to the ribs and legs and things like that. We’ll give some to our friends or have a party. Outside of that, I’ll cut it up and feed it to our monitor. We don’t waste anything.

Nothing?

Bob: Except the hides. The hides are not worth [any] money. If you want boots or belts or something, they get those out of farms where there are really nice 4- or 5-foot alligators. The ones we get from retention ponds, they’ve been in the battles, they have scars.

Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com

PET RESCUE & ADOPTION

PIT SISTERS ADOPTION EVENT The adoption event is 10 a.m.-1 p.m. June 11 at Paul Mitchell School, 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 155, Southside, pitsisters.org. The nonprofit is “dedicated to giving voices to the most misunderstood dogs.”

CATS ANGELS INC. SPCA P.O. Box 16072, Fernandina Beach FL 32035, 3212267, catsangels.com June is National Adopt-a-Shelter-Cat Month and Cats Angels will waive the adoption fee of qualified adopters of adult cats. This nonprofit, begun in 2001, helps with Fernandina’s overpopulation of felines, using the Trap-Neuter-Return (TNR) Program.

Volunteers keep the program going and donations of supplies and money to foster kittens and cats until they’re adopted are always welcome. They run a thrift store at 709 S. Eighth St., Mon.-Sat. CLAY COUNTY ANIMAL CARE & CONTROL 3984 S.R. 16 W., Green Cove Springs, 269-6342 Adoption center: 1809 Town Center Blvd.,

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>> JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

CHEESE DOODLES & CHERRY TOMATOES

Folio Weekly Magazine Editor shares the tale of a FAVORITE FAMILY PET

O

STORY BY CLAIRE

ne long-ago summer morning, a little redhaired girl awoke to a commotion outside. The sun was just peeking through the trees over the mountaintop when, pajama-clad, she padded barefoot into the yard to see what caused their felonious felines to disturb her slumber.

Upon her approach, the cats dropped the small fleshy ball they’d been fighting over and retreated several yards away to glower and lick. At first the girl thought it was a fetal mouse or a rabbit, so it came as a surprise when her small searching hands found wings in the dewy grass.

It was a bat, a baby little brown bat, mostly hairless, eyes closed, like a teacup pterodactyl taking a nap. It was alive, warm to the touch, and moving. She cupped it gently to her chest, chiding the cats

GOFORTH

watching with vague disappointment at having lost their breakfast treat.

The girl’s excitement was palpable as she examined the rescuee; her parents would never let them keep a wild animal that could survive on its own, but her new best friend had been roughed up pretty good by the cats — would a slightly torn wing sufficiently handicap a bat so that she could keep it? She hoped more than anything that it would be so.

Then the creature scampered up her pajama shirt and latched onto the hollow of her neck where it hung like some sort of creepy Appalachian adornment.

Just like that, the friendship between girl and bat was over.

It was technically too early to wake her parents on a Saturday, when cartoons and cereal kept her and her sister occupied until round about noon. But a bat hanging by its teeth from a little girl’s neck seemed a fitting exception to that rule, so, bravely

all forms of affordable veterinary care, including behavioral counseling and disaster preparation. The clinic is open Mon.-Sat.

<<< FROM PREVIOUS Fleming Island, 529-4733 CCACC will also waive its onsite adoption fees for June for cats and kittens; this includes spay/neuter, vaccines and microchip.

CCACC holds Wags & Whiskers, an adoption event, 10 a.m. June 11 at Tractor Supply Co., 1455 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park. Adoptions are $20 and include spay/neuter, vaccines, microchip and goodie bag.

CLAY COUNTY HUMANE SOCIETY 2230 Filmore St., Orange Park, 276-7729, clayhumane.org The Clay County Humane Society operates a not-forprofit, low-cost spay and neuter clinic that provides 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

FIRST COAST NO MORE HOMELESS PETS 6817 Norwood Ave., Northside, 425-0005, fcnmhp.org 464 Cassat Ave. (vet hospital) The mission of FCNMHP is to eliminate the killing of dogs and cats through free and low-cost spay/neuter programs. FCNMHP partners with city and county animal control departments, pet stores, vets and animal hospitals to help ensure homeless animals find good homes. Many events are held throughout Northeast Florida to raise funds for the animals’ care, including Mega Pet Adoption; the next one is 10 a.m.-6 p.m. July 15, 16 and 17 at Jacksonville Fairgrounds, 510 Fairground Place, Downtown. A VIP Meet & Greet is 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. June 23 at the FCNMHP Norwood location; 520-7901.

FLAGLER HUMANE SOCIETY 1 Shelter Dr., Palm Coast, 386-445-1814, flaglerhumanesociety.org Hounds at the Pound fundraiser is 6-8 p.m. June 9 at Dog Pound Saloon, 1405 E. Moody Blvd., Bunnell; $10. Live music, a raffle and food are featured.

trying not to cry, she roused the grownups.

Groggy irritation quickly became slightly bemused concern as the adults mulled over how to address the myotis lucifugus dangling from their daughter’s slim white throat.

Her stepfather determined that it wasn’t trying to hurt her or suck her blood; it was hanging onto her as it would its own mother.

Her mother worriedly spoke of rabies. The little girl listened raptly, concerned that a trip to the hospital was in the cards.

Her stepfather issued their verdict: He would yank the bat off her neck.

“Nooo,” the girl wailed, “don’t hurt it!”

Sympathy that had been lost when the small hairless beast climbed her forefront and bit down was regained when her parents said it was treating her as it would its own mother.

“It won’t get hurt, I promise,” her stepfather lied. How could he know what hurts baby bats?

The little girl was doubtful, but what could she do? She held her breath and the screen door as her stepfather gave the small creature one sure tug with a thick brown fist and off it came.

Miracle of miracles, the bat was still alive and her young neck bore just the faintest abrasion where the creature had hung.

The little girl was elated. “Can we keep it?”

Her parents exchanged a look and her stepfather explained that the bat would have to be tested for rabies.

“If it doesn’t have rabies, can we keep it?”

This time the look they exchanged was grave. She hadn’t cried, not once, not through any of it, but when they told her that in order to be tested for rabies, the bat would have to be decapitated, tears ran a bitter river down her cheeks. Not even their explanation that rabies could end her young life was any comfort.

She cursed herself for picking up the sweet little creature and holding it close. If only she had held it out, far and away where it could not climb nor hang by its teeth!

Then she hit upon a plan. “If it doesn’t have rabies and the cats get another one” — the adults had previously said that this probably was the first of many mornings that would begin with separating cat from bat — “can we keep it?” They hesitated, and she rushed on, “But only if it can’t survive in the wild.”

She had them there. She knew it. They knew it, too. It was a deal.

I

named him Count. You should’ve seen the look on my mother’s face when, mere days after the rabies test came back negative,

FHS takes in homeless animals, cares for them and finds them homes. FHS offers spay/neuter, foster parent and microchipping. Volunteers are needed.

Fundraisers and county licensing fees help fund the programs. The food bank program is for families with financial difficulties. Flagler Humane Society will temporarily provide pet food; there are requirements.

FRIENDS OF JACKSONVILLE ANIMALS 2020 Forest St., Downtown, friendsofjaxanimals.com Mutts & Mimosas is 1 a.m.-3 p.m. June 18 at Blackfinn Ameripub, 4840 Big Island Dr., Southside; $25 & $35 in advance, $30 & $40 at the door; muttsandmimosas.eventbrite.com.

The nonprofit works with Animal Care & Protective Services to benefit shelter animals, assisting with fundraising, medical care, adoption and advocate for animal welfare.

FRIENDS of ST. JOHNS COUNTY PET CENTER 130 N. Stratton Rd., St. Augustine, 209-6190 FOSJCPC is a nonprofit supporting the St. Johns County Pet Adoption & Holding Center.

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she woke to find me triumphantly holding my new best friend: a baby bat, hairier and slightly bigger than the one who had been lost to youthful indiscretion and a laboratory, with a hopelessly tattered wing that meant he would never, ever fly. For two solid days, no one would go in the laundry room where they made me stow him, no one but me. I tended to my patient with the tenderness of a Florence Nightingale, tenderly using an eyedropper to feed him powdered milk I carefully mixed with water and warmed, noon and night, like he was a puppy.

My mother was the first he won over. By the time he was big enough that he could have flown if his wing hadn’t been tattered, Count was a favored family pet.

He lived on one of the counters in the kitchen of our country home, where he slept upside down inside his paper towel roll boudoir during the day. The paper towels also, incidentally, served as his toilet; bats don’t seem to mind shitting where they sleep.

Once evening fell, Count would emerge from his toilet/house and regale us with furry brown antics. A favorite was jumping off the counter and swooping – as best he could with that broken wing – down onto whoever happened to walk by, then scaling them like the baby bat before him had climbed my small chest. Oh, the way guests would scream!

Sometimes he’d hang in my sister’s thick, dark hair. She was getting to the age when cartoons and pets were starting to play second fiddle to Teen Magazine and gabbing on the phone with her friends, but Count could bring out that childish wonder once in a while.

Other times, he’d ride around on my shoulder while I whispered all my girlhood secrets into his fuzzy little ears.

Bats are supposed to eat mostly insects and Count certainly ingested his fair share in that creaky old farmhouse. But he also loved cheese doodles. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a little brown bat happily crunching on a puffed cheese curl a quarter his size. Cherry tomatoes were another favored snack. He’d sink his teeth in, wrap his wings around the tomato and roll all over the counter like a tiny, winged wrestler.

I loved him as fervently as a little girl can love a small furry creature.

Count was not long for this world and I don’t even quite recall when he died, but a piece of my heart will always belong to the fuzzy little fanged thing that captured the imagination of a lonely little girl with whom he shared a passion for cheese doodles and cherry tomatoes.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com

ADOPTABLES

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ZOEY

FUN IN THE SUN • Are you my backyard? ’Cause, Mister, I dig you! BOL! I’m such a silly girl. I love to smile, run, and play with my friends here at the shelter. I’d love to be your new best friend and take trips to the beach or go for a hike. You’d rather snuggle on the couch? That’s cool, too! Please come see me at JHS on Beach Boulevard! Check me out at jaxhumane.org.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

YOUR PETS’ HOME AWAY FROM HOME

904-268-6731

904-338-9480

ADOPTABLES

WINNIE

<<< FROM PREVIOUS JACKSONVILLE ANIMAL CARE & PROTECTIVE SERVICES 2020 Forest St., Riverside, 630-2489, jaxpets@coj.net Animal Care & Protective Services have hundreds of animals for adoption 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Tue.-Sat. JACKSONVILLE HUMANE SOCIETY 8464 Beach Blvd., Southside, 725-8766, jaxhumane.org JHS offers adoptions for spayed/neutered, vaccinated and microchipped pets. Animals older than 3 are free. Offsite adoption events are held often; hit the website for details.

LUCKY CAT ADOPTIONS P.O. Box 8490, Fleming Island FL 32006, 888-545-4567, luckycatadoptions.org The volunteer nonprofit cat rescue group’s mission is to improve the welfare of stray and abandoned cats and kittens throughout the metropolitan area, through the rescue, rehabilitation and placement of homeless felines from animal shelters, found stray, abandoned, neglected and/or abused.

MAYPORT CATS INC. mayportcats.com, mayportcats@yahoo.com This nonprofit organization tends to the feral and abandoned cats in Mayport Village, using the TNR program – Trap, Neuter and Release. The allvolunteer staff accepts donations of food, blankets, sheets and towels. A tax-deductible donation helps spay/neuter/vaccinate one local feral cat.

NASSAU COUNTY ANIMAL SERVICES 86078 License Rd., Fernandina, 491-7440, nassaucountyfl.com NCAS promotes and protects public safety and animal care through sheltering, adoption programs, education and animal law enforcement.

NASSAU HUMANE SOCIETY 639 Airport Rd., Fernandina Beach, 321-1647, nassauhumanesociety.com The no-kill shelter is dedicated to the humane treatment of all animals, pet rescue and adoption.

The grounds feature a large dog park, with a boneshaped swimming pool, four bathing stations, a waterfall pool, small dog play area, and a training area. Sales of the retail store help support animal rescue efforts.

THE OLD DOG HOUSE 1650 Margaret St., Ste. 302, Riverside, 419-7387, theolddoghouse.org The rescue group for older and senior dogs is a nonprofit, 501c3 charity that always needs volunteers to take in the dogs.

PET RESCUE NORTH INC. 477-1000, petrescuenorth.com For 25 years, the nonprofit no-kill animal shelter has been rescuing, treating, spay/neutering, finding homes for and sheltering abandoned cats and dogs.

SAFE ANIMAL SHELTER 2913 C.R. 220, Middleburg, 276-7233, safeanimalshelter.com The no-kill shelter provides temporary safe haven for abused, abandoned, lost and unwanted cats and dogs until they can be adopted in a permanent home. SAS advocates spay/neuter to control animal overpopulation.

Volunteers and donations are always welcome.

WAGS & WHISKERS PET RESCUE 1967 Old Moultrie Rd., St. Augustine, 797-1913 (dog rescue), 797-6039 (cat rescue), wwpetrescue.org The nonprofit rehomes animals in St. Johns County. The various ways to help include pet socialization, cleaning, fostering, and feeding animals, and volunteering at the monthly dog wash or weekly adoptions.

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

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ALL I DO IS WIN • They say cats are persnickety and, well, that’s kinda true. I sure do love when you pet me endlessly, but if you have to travel and let me rule the house for a day, that’s just fine by me. You and I would make a WINNIE-ing combination! (Get it? Sorry — I promised the dogs I’d make one corny joke.) Come and get me! JHS is open seven days a week. More info at jaxhumane.org.

TRAINING & GROOMING

A1A DOG TRAINING 1665 Old Moultrie Rd., St. Augustine, 377-0037, a1adogtraining.com A1A Dog Training offers private canine problemsolving classes, obedience and agility group classes, training for service and therapy dogs.

GREEN DOG SPA 11048 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 7, 683-5301, greendogspa.com The full-service grooming salon, which practices a natural, holistic approach to dog and cat care, offers haircuts, spa packages, facials, body scrubs, pawdicures, aromatherapy, teeth-cleaning, deshedding and special needs massages. Accessories, treats, supplements and clothing.

K-9 HAIRSTYLES 1204 Third St. N., Jax Beach, 270-8494, k9hairstyles.com Professional dog groomers specialize in grooming young, geriatric and diffi cult pets. Owner Michaelle Boyajian, who is a member of the National Dog Groomers Association of America with more than 25 years’ experience, offers ear-cleaning, handmassaged bath, brush-out, gentle no-heat-fan coat dry, breed-specific haircuts, nail-trimming and filing, anal gland expression, dematting and tear stain removal.

K-9 TRAINING CENTER 1763 East Rd., Southside, 379-1727, k-9trainingcenter.org The center offers training in obedience and conformation for puppies and adult dogs. A grooming salon is onsite, as well as stylist and trainer schools. Training for K-9 dogs and service dogs is also available. Free dog training for military vets with PTSD is offered; call for details. They also have a school for training, with services done by students; for details, go to jacksonvilleanimalcareeracademy.org.

PRECIOUS PET 12041 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1, Southside, 683-0187, preciouspetgroomingsalon.com Professional certified groomers offer grooming for all breeds of cats and dogs, featuring show styles, scissoring, shed-outs and shampooing, plus teethcleaning, gland treatments and nail polishing. K9 training, obedience training, boarding, long-term or day care.

RAD DOG: PET SALON & SERVICES 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 13, Southside, 503-3330, raddogjax.com The experienced groomers are well-trained to ensure your satisfaction and your pet’s safety.

SOCIETY PET SPA 1665 Old Moultrie Rd., St. Augustine, 829-2737, staughumane.org The dog grooming salon offers everything from basic baths to breed-specific haircuts, pawdicures and facials. Proceeds benefit St. Augustine Humane Society’s charity programs.

VETERINARY & EMERGENCY SERVICES

AFFILIATED VETERINARY SPECIALISTS 3444 Southside Blvd., Ste. 103, 646-1287, avspethospitals.com AVS is a local referral veterinary practice that offers specialty procedures like surgery, internal medicine, rehabilitation and ophthalmology with board-certified doctors, as well as state-of-the-art diagnostic technology.

THE ANIMAL CLINIC OF MANDARIN 9776 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 5, 262-2953, drkaisersanimalclinicofmandarin.com The full-service veterinary clinic, located in the heart of Mandarin, offers a variety of services, including boarding, X-rays, EKG, dentistry, skin care and geriatric care to surgeries. Heartworm, and flea and tick prevention, advice and medications are also featured.

ANIMAL HOSPITAL OF HODGES 13947 Beach Blvd., Ste. 105, Intracoastal, 992-1888, hodgesanimalhospital.com The veterinary hospital offers preventive care, boarding and emergency care. The knowledgeable team also makes house calls. Open MondaySaturday; on call on Sunday.

MANDARIN VETERINARY CLINIC 11587 San Jose Blvd., 268-8880, mandarinvet.com The professional staff offers general surgery, digital imaging, laser surgery, diagnostic testing, emergency care, preventive health care, dermatology, vaccinations, allergy testing. There’s an onsite pharmacy and retail center. The clinic also offers grooming, nutrition and behavioral counseling, boarding, shockwave therapy, dental cleanings, microchipping, and cancer treatment.

NORTH FLORIDA VETERINARY SPECIALISTS 3444 Southside Blvd., Ste. 102, 646-1279, nfvs.com DAVI ENDORSED! Since 1997, NFVS has served as an internal medicine and oncology veterinary specialty practice providing advanced diagnostics and 24-hour care.

OCEANVIEW VETERINARY HOSPITAL 1210 Third St. N., Jax Beach, 246-3600, oceanviewvet.com

This full-service veterinary medical facility, using advanced treatment protocols, offers bathing, boarding, endoscopy, microchipping, surgery, vaccinations, dental, nutrition counseling, parasite prevention and control, and wellness exams.

Oceanview sees dogs, cats, ferrets, birds, reptiles, rabbits and small mammals and exotic pets.

PET DOCTORS OF AMERICA 14471 Beach Blvd., Ste. 42, Intracoastal, 223-5700, petdoctorsofamerica.com 1103 Third St. S., Jax Beach, 853-6223 Pet Doctors of America is a professional veterinary medical center that provides animal healthcare, focusing on patient care and customer service, as well as full-service boarding and grooming services.

Open daily.

ST. AUGUSTINE HUMANE SOCIETY 1665 Old Moultrie Rd., St. Augustine, 829-2737, staughumane.org The Society offers low-cost wellness services and

spay/neuter surgery. The clinic offers vaccines, microchips, flea and tick preventives, heartworm tests and more.

ST. AUGUSTINE VETERINARY EMERGENCY CARE 2090 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 797-5770, staugveter.com The mission of this medical facility is to provide emergency animal care in a caring environment. The professional staff is committed to the well-being of every pet.

ST. FRANCIS ANIMAL HOSPITAL 2107 Mango Place, San Marco, 674-7223, saintfrancisanimalhospital.org DAVI ENDORSED! St. Francis Animal Hospital is a nonprofit, full-service animal hospital whose mission is to provide quality, affordable healthcare to owned pets. Open daily, but call for specific services available

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

ATLANTIC EAST ANIMAL CLINIC 519 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-8300, atlanticeastanimalclinic.com Dr. John Green and Dr. Erin Bendick, at this fullservice veterinary hospital for more than 35 years, offer surgical and therapeutic laser services to ensure your pet has comprehensive veterinary care.

Wellness services, vaccination programs and dental work are also available.

BARTRAM PARK ANIMAL HOSPITAL 13760 Old St. Augustine Rd., Julington Creek, 402-8222, bartramparkanimals.com This full-service animal care facility offers well-pet plans, preventive care, vaccines and dental work, as well as medical or surgical intervention. It’s also a credentialed center for stem cell therapy (vet-stem).

BEST VETS 2107 Mango Place, San Marco, 900-0220, bestvetsjax.com Best Veterinary Emergency Treatment & Specialties is committed to providing quality emergency and specialty care for animals at reasonable rates. Open daily.

COASTAL VETERINARY HOSPITAL & PET RESORT 13431 Beach Blvd., Intracoastal, 223-4360, coastalvethospital.com The full-service veterinary hospital and pet resort offers care for dogs, cats and exotics. The resort features boarding, training, daycare and grooming service, plus a full range of supplies.

EMERGENCY & CRITICAL CARE PET HOSPITAL 14185 Beach Blvd., Ste. 7, Southside, 223-8000, 911-vet.com The pet hospital provides emergency and critical care for the Northeast Florida pet community.

They’re open after-hours at nights, weekends and on all major holidays.

HERSCHEL ANIMAL CLINIC 4030 Herschel St., Avondale, 389-0364, herschelanimalclinic.com Serving Northeast Florida since 1960, this veterinary clinic provides basic wellness and high-quality preventive veterinary medicine, surgery and services at affordable rates.

HIRSCH ANIMAL HOSPITAL 220 Valley Circle, Ste. 101, Ponte Vedra, 285-0023, hirschanimalhospital.com Cary Hirsch, DVM, and Robin Chambers, DVM, have been providing services, using state-ofthe-art equipment, for more than 12 years. The small-animal clinic services include skin allergy testing, Western and Eastern medical and surgical care, spay/neuter, vaccines, acupuncture, internal medicine, dental care, nutrition counseling (holistic and non-holistic diet plans), ophthalmology and eye, ear, nose and throat care, as well as boarding and grooming.

JACKSON VETERINARY HOSPITAL 1925 A1A S., St. Augustine, 471-3044, jacksonveterinarypractice.com The full-service veterinary hospital offers preventive services, medical care and surgery, as well as boarding and bathing.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

CALILGULA OF

HAMSTERS

One Folio Weekly Magazine staffer WAXES RODENTIC about a childhood of cedar shavings, Habitrails, and aberrance STORY BY DANIEL

I

A. BROWN

t all started and ended with Merlin.

Somebody in my fifth grade class got a hamster. Then another kid, and another. During lunch, they’d prattle on about the friendships, bonds, and doubtful abilities of their pets. “Last night, Mario steered my remote control truck by himself,” one leaned over the table, sliding his hand across a plastic lunch tray for emphasis. “It was rad.”

Tales of airplane flights, commandeering a bathtub boat, rappelling down a cardboard tube, and similar yarns of adventure steeled my resolve: I would needle my parents with my pleas until they buckled and bought me a hamster.

The following weeks, I tailed them around the house with a book of hamster facts, weakening them with minutiae (“they are excellent diggers … they are omnivores … they’re somewhat relaxed … their spacious cheeks help them hoard food … they generally have good temperaments …). I wore them down.

A now-long-gone family-owned pet store in Jacksonville Beach had everything we needed. Including Merlin, a solid white male hamster I named on sight. The storeowner rattled off various items we would need: food, water bottle, cedar shavings, and a Habitrail, the modular, colorful plastic cage that combined rodent prison with accessories. For instance, after acquiring the basic Habitrail, you could purchase the stylish Revolving Sky Restaurant, where hamsters could scale upwards and gnaw on sunflower seeds in mute luxury. “We don’t love hamsters that much,” assured my dad, opening his wallet.

Every day, I’d come home from school and read to Merlin, an education that now sounds cute and nauseatingly pathetic. He was quite amenable to being held and never bit me.

Considering that, like many other 10-yearolds, I had the attention span of a meth head in a strobe light, I showed great love and care for Merlin; other than hassles like feeding, watering, and cleaning his cage. “You must

think you own the ‘middle’ of Merlin and I own the ends,” said my mom, as she again dutifully cleaned the shit-and-piss covered cedar from Merlin’s cage.

And then — rapacity and desire.

“Merlin’s lonely. He needs a friend.”

I could literally see the vein bulging in my dad’s forehead, Ed Harris-style. Too tired to undergo another one of my longwinded, hamster presentation-seminars, they acquiesced and the brown-haired Chucky soon joined Merlin. Initially, we kept Chucky in a smaller, separate cage. Once he and Merlin met, however, the pair quickly became perfect roommates, playing together, even wrestling. Merlin invariably won every match.

“Chucky’s fat,” I said to my mom.

“Chucky is pregnant,” said the man at the pet store, later that same day.

As if under some kind of Rodent Witness Protection Program, Chucky came home as “Velvet.” Eventually, she bore a litter of blind, hairless babies, clustered together in a pink, knotty blob. Once they were weaned, Mom and I took them back to the pet store. The owner offered a biblical-style trade: food for babies.

“Do you sell all of these baby hamsters to good homes?” I asked.

“Well, most of them,” he smiled, standing in front a wall of aquariums filled with boa constrictors and other snakes sprawled out in various states of digestion.

Not long after, Velvet became pregnant again. “I don’t know how this keeps happening,” my mom told the pet storeowner, as he swapped out more hamster pups for food and shavings.

Velvet bore children repeatedly.

I harbored a terrible secret. I was putting Merlin and Velvet together, organizing sexual trysts. Later in the evening, after Good Times

neuter, vaccinations and pet surgery, performed by skilled veterinarians.

DOG PARKS, DOG-FRIENDLY BEACHES & PET ACTIVITIES

<<< FROM PREVIOUS during specific times. Services include primary care, emergency care, dentistry, surgeries and I-131 treatment for cats. St. Francis is the only area hospital providing hyperbaric oxygen therapy for pets which, combined with traditional therapies, has been shown to reduce healing time for wounds, snake bites, toxicities, and post-surgery to promote healing.

SOUTHSIDE ANIMAL CLINIC 100 Arlington Rd. S., 328-1814, southsideanimalclinic.com The clinic helps pet owners find remedies to common health problems, like allergies, obesity, dietary and dental issues. Services include spay/ 22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

K.A. HANNA PARK 500 Wonderwood Dr., off Mayport Road DAVI ENDORSED! Hannah Park is the perfect place to swim, play, or just lounge in the sun. You can sink your paws in the sugar white sand or explore the woodsy trails that wind through the park. Remember to be courteous to wildlife sharing the space.

Leashed dogs are welcome in the park and on the beach all year. Entry fee is $5/car.

JACKSONVILLE BEACH You can take an early morning stroll with your human or chase sand crabs in the evening on Jax Beach. This long stretch of dunes and surf allows leashed dogs before 9 a.m. and after 5 p.m. daily.

And please keep things clean — make sure your human picks up your poop.

ATLANTIC BEACH I know a sandy spot just north of Jax Beach where

ended, I would place the lovers in an open shoebox. Vacant-eyed, in some prepubescent trance, I would watch Merlin grab Velvet from behind with a kind of rote indifference, and they’d be off to the races. Now, before all of you animal rights activists, pew polishers, and mental health experts rush to condemnation, let me assure you that I never climbed into the box nor did I somehow “get physical” with the two. My only participation was as a kind of voyeur-breeder who issued a gentle yet resolute command: You will shtup in this box and I will watch.

Years later, after I had resigned from being a kind of sex hamster cult leader, I read both Krafft-Ebing and De Sade, fearing that this suriphilia remained uncategorized. So I was only partially aberrant. But I would be lying if I said there wasn’t some kind of sexual fascination at play, albeit one based on both fascination and revulsion. Was it power?

Abuse? Admittedly, during the ’90s serial killer boom, I would squirm when I’d hear about Ted Bundy’s or Jeffrey Dahmer’s mistreatment of animals prior to their baleful acts toward other humans. Would my ’tween predilection of playing Sex God to two hamsters lead to me pirouette in the moonlight in a wooded clearing, covered in the sinew and gore of yet another dead hitchhiker? These are the types of questions we must constantly ask ourselves if we are to grow.

Velvet died first. After several litters, I wondered if I somehow broke her down. But she lived a two good years, the standard hamster lifespan.

Merlin lived to the ripe old age of three, a veritable hamster Methuselah, until, after another day of being brutalized by the seventh grade, I came home to discover Merlin dead and on his side, body pressed against the wall of his plastic home, already rigid and hardened into a near-perfect 90-degree angle. I was oddly unemotional.

Everything was shifting in my life. I no longer cared about gnomes. Funyuns became like ash in my mouth. Fighting my best friend Luis with both fists and Wham-O Trac Ball rackets lent me no pleasure. I never owned another hamster, nor did I pimp out future pets. But since then, I’ve realized this: We are only as sick as our secrets. Self-disclosure is the key that unlocks the prison door of shame, and I understand if I’m not allowed to hold your hamster.

Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

leashed dogs are allowed all day and night – true!

It’s Atlantic Beach and it’s an awesome place to meet local dogs, bark at birds, and splash around in the salty water. Beach rules apply: Stay leashed and leave only your paw prints.

NEPTUNE BEACH Smack dab between Jax Beach and Atlantic Beach is pristine Neptune Beach. You can fetch a Frisbee at daybreak or dig up shells at sunset. This coastal paradise makes dog-walking a breeze, but dogs must be leashed and are allowed only before 9 a.m. and after 5 p.m. Remember: The doggie doo must be cleaned up before you leave.

ED AUSTIN REGIONAL PARK 11751 McCormick Rd., Arlington You can walk along the 1.75-mile trail with your human or run free in the four-acre off-leash dog park. There are separate areas for small and large dogs, as well as water, a shaded picnic spot, poop bags, and plenty of space to jump and play.

OCEANWAY PARK 12215 Sago Ave., Northside This is a cool place for an off-leash romp with friends. It’s got nice shady trees, comfy benches, and

water fountains for thirsty dogs. The park’s divided for small and large dogs and fenced.

TILLIE K. FOWLER REGIONAL PARK 7000 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega You can roam off-leash for miles along the nature trails or just hang out in the wooded dog park, which is separated for large and small sizes for safe play.

The ground is dirt and pine needles, so it can be a muddy mess, but the area is shady, with room to run and fetch.

CONFEDERATE PLAYGROUND PARK 949 Hubbard St., Downtown Local dogs rave about this off-leash dog park. The wide-open space is ideal for chasing squirrels and running with pals. Shaded benches, a pets’ water fountain, and a puppy pool to cool off complete the fun.

DOG WOOD PARK 7407 Salisbury Rd. S., Southside, 296-3636, jaxdogs.com This 42-acre off-leash park has two swimming ponds – one for big dogs, one for dogs less than 25 pounds, hiking trails, play equipment, a shady area, 25 fenced acres and a dog shower for muddy paws.

All male dogs 8 months and older must be neutered to enter the park; all dogs must be current on rabies vaccines. For fees and more details, hit the website.

Outside seating at some locations means you can bring Fideaux. More than 130 imported beers, 20 on tap; classic Reuben and overstuffed sandwiches.

FLYING IGUANA 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680, flyingiguana.com Let the good times fly at this dog-friendly spot.

Humans can try Latin fusion cuisine in the company of their canines. Side patio tables welcome dogs.

\THE MOSSFIRE GRILL 1537 Margaret St., Riverside, 355-4434, mossfire.com Dine outside with your furry best friend. Just a stone’s throw from the 5 Points intersection, Mossfire offers a varied Southwestern menu.

THE GARAGE 2692 Post St., Riverside, 894-7465, garagejax.com Courtyard seating is canine-friendly. The neighborhood spot dishes out pub grub to friendly locals.

TAVERNA SAN MARCO 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasanmarco.com Seating is available outside. Authentic Italian dishes made with local produce and meats, craft beers, craft cocktails, tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitanstyle wood-fired pizzas, homestyle pastas and entrées.

MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-6636, mojobbq.com Outdoor seating is dog-friendly. Taking regional barbecue specialties and giving them the Mojo spin, this place has a variety of choices.

CREATURES GREAT & SMALL PET SERVICES 703-8581, jaxpetsitter.com This local pet-sitting (cats and dogs) service also offers dog walking, house checks, dog running and

MISC PET SERVICES

overnight visits. Insured, bonded, pet first aid and CPR trained.

ENCOMPASSING CREATIONS 451 Monument Rd., Arlington, 678-416-7636, encompassingcreations.com This company is dedicated to capturing the moments in your pets’ lives. Any pet is welcome.

PAINTING WITH A TWIST 292 S.R. 312, St. Augustine, 386-269-6057, paintingwithatwist.com/staugustine 268 Solana Rd., Ponte Vedra, 637-4964 1525 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville, 399-8399 1524 C.R. 220, Fleming Island, 494-8057 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 105, Fruit Cove, 321-9826 The pet owner paints a portrait of their pet in a class or at a party. Bring refreshments.

Professional art instructors guide you to render a reasonable facsimile of a beloved pet. Call for details and schedules.

POOCHIE’S SWIM & PLAYPARK 21 Fountain Dr., Orange Park, 272-4545, poochiespark.com Poochie’s, a boarding and day camp, groomer, pet spa, dog park and school, has seven acres with trees and swimming ponds. Black Creek Pet Clinic is onsite.

PET-FRIENDLY PLACES

THE BEARDED PIG 1224 Kings Ave., San Marco, 619-2247, thebeardedpigbbq.com DAVI ENDORSED! This barbecue joint offers food of Southern cooking traditions, with the simple goal of superior barbecue. The outdoor patio is poochfriendly.

BRICK RESTAURANT 3585 St. Johns Ave., Riverside, 387-0606, brickofavondale.com The landmark spot serves a variety of seafood, sandwiches, burgers, classic entrées, and desserts, dogs are welcome in the urban chic outdoor setting.

ADOPTABLES

.

CINCO

EL GATO DE AMOR • Hola! I am Cinco. I am better than uno, dos, tres, and cuatro combined! They call me a frisky señor who loves to play with feather toys and still catch a siesta on the window seat. Perhaps we could meet up and enjoy some purr-itos?

I’m currently residing at JHS. It’s under construction but still open every day! Get the deets at jaxhumane.org.

BURRITO GALLERY 21 E. Adams St., Downtown, 598-2922, burritogallery.com The Bohemian restaurant features a rotating selection of art plus Tex-Mex fare and local brews.

Dogs are welcome outside.

EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ 2753 Park St., 384-9999 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717 922 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-3001, europeanstreet.com JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

FOLIO A + E

ACOUSTIC

PG. 25 PG. 26 PG. 28 PG. 29

Guitarist Tim Sparks keeps THE WORLD AT HIS FINGERTIPS in uniting klezmer, the blues, and beyond

FLOW T here exist two plainly defined camps into which the guitar virtuosi of this world separate. Both camps share the same traits, more or less: chops, superb chordal vocabulary, musicality always in service to the song or, really, to the music, and narrow devotion to one form of the instrument’s many variants.

What they do not have in common is the purpose. Camp No. 1 is for acrobats and dazzlers, albeit brilliance for its own sake, with a prodigy’s knack for stage flair, all to gussy-up a complex arrangement of two Beatles songs finger-tapped simultaneously.

The other, Camp No. 2, holds the dedicated world musicologists who deftly adapt the music of distinct cultures and moves them inside a wooden box with six wire strings.

Thus, we meet Tim Sparks. Few follow their own path, disregarding trends so fervently, as North Carolina-born Sparks.

As a fingerstyle guitarist, Sparks is unsurpassed and his Piedmont-style blues playing would be enough, with its ecstatic flow and warm melodic humor. Sparks shows superb intelligence without drifting out of bounds on an evergreen like Willie Brown’s “Mississippi Blues,” flowing into piano rag territory, layering complexity at every turn. For his current focus, however, Sparks shifted his sights to Eastern Europe and the traditional klezmer music, the passionate soundtrack to, as he puts it, the “Jewish diaspora.”

Yet one wouldn’t readily associate the fingerstyle guitar with a style in which the clarinet and violin are time-honored lead voices. Sparks’ curiosity and adaptivity as a musician helped in absorbing and then conveying these new forms into his approach.

“I played like lounge-lizard, straightahead jazz and R&B for many years.

In 1987, I went on a long trip to Europe with my wife.

Part of it involved

FILM Irish Horror Flicks ARTS Edison William MUSIC The So So Glos LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR

traveling to Hungary, Yugoslavia, and Bosnia.

I encountered a lot of music that was really exotic to my ears. I’d always been curious about Eastern European music,” Sparks tells Folio Weekly Magazine.

“After returning from Europe, I started looking for opportunities to learn this exotic style and wound up playing with klezmer bands, lots of weddings, also bellydance gigs. I was playing oud and saz in addition to guitar, and this helped me acquire a feel for the Middle-Eastern melodic sensibility.”

The oud and saz are two Middle Eastern lutes, both difficult to play, but adapting their indigenous scales to the guitar seemed a natural path for Sparks. But again, as the premier instrument of the blues, the guitar can be made to house just about any instrument. No less than the legendary Jerry Wexler, founder of Atlantic Records, believed that the blues is essentially a Hebraic form, and shows similarities with the music of other far-flung cultures. It is a theory to which Sparks readily adheres, pointing out that the blues and klezmer overlap with common “harmonic territory,” including plenty of dominant seven-chord colorings.

“What I mean is, you can look at music as having three basic chords; this is the way Joe Pass explained it. The three basic chords are major, minor and dominant seven. Most songs resolve either to major or minor, but some music, like blues or klezmer, doesn’t really resolve but vibrates in this seventh-chord state of stimulation,” explains Sparks, of the technical and cultural kinship between forms. “It comes from so many places in the world and touches so many different threads — the Middle East, Latin America, jazz, the

Mediterranean. All these threads are related.

They are intimately part of the way the guitar is tuned, coming out of the JewishGypsy heritage in Spain.”

Tim Sparks’ approach has proved its point throughout his career. His jazz stylings have earned him arts fellowships and scholar status in the musicologist world. While his performing skills have placed him on stages with headliners as diverse as Dolly Parton and Bill Frisell, along with performances at major folk festivals, the Chet Atkins Appreciation Society convention, and A Prairie Home Companion. Sparks is also one of the few multiple collaborators with jazz/new music iconoclast and maverick John Zorn.

This will be the second concert in the Avant Music Series, the brainchild of local cultural polymath Keith Marks. At the inaugural Avant concert last month, pianist Uri Caine performed to a packed house at the Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium.

This Sunday’s Sparks concert is certain to once again attract adventurous musicians and music lovers alike. “The Avant Series serves to bring dynamic music that defies genre, to find musicians who are trained in myriad styles and genres, but refuse to let themselves be defined by one,” explains Marks. “Tim Sparks exemplifies that. He is a virtuoso at his craft.”

Tim Sparks both defies and defines genres … and that’s a seriously neat trick.

Arvid Smith mail@folioweekly.com

Avant Music Series presents TIM SPARKS 3 p.m. June 12, Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum, free; registration strongly suggested at avantcurious.org.

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

FOLIO A+E : MAGIC LANTERNS

TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY

A trio of notable Irish horror flicks puts KIDS IN PERIL

BABY T

he title of a 1979 rockumentary about The Who asserted that The Kids Are Alright.

That may have been the case in England then, but these days, the kids are definitely not all right on the Emerald Isle across the Irish Sea. What IS all right today in Ireland is the film industry, which, with promotion by the Irish Film Board, has been producing some remarkably good works across various genres, including horror. Curiously enough, three recent films in that genre (each very good and very different) have focused on children in peril, variously as causes or victims of particularly nasty mayhem.

Wake Wood (2009) opens with the death of young Alice (Ella Connolly), a girl who’s mauled by a vicious dog being cared for by her veterinarian father Patrick (Aidan Gillen, “Littlefinger” Baelish in Game of Thrones).

In their grief, Patrick and his wife Louise (Eva Birthistle) relocate to Wake Wood, a rural village controlled by Arthur, a wealthy landlord (Timothy Spall). Though Patrick returns to his practice, Louise is unable to put aside her grief for her dead daughter.

Then quite by accident, she stumbles upon an ancient secret of Wake Wood. Under the guidelines of a carefully prescribed ritual, a once-dead family member can be restored to life for three days, giving the grieving family time to renew their love and properly prepare good-byes. Of course, there’s a catch (isn’t there always?), as Patrick, Louise, and the residents of Wake Wood soon discover, to their great regret.

While utilizing elements of The Monkey’s Paw and The Wicker Man, Wake Wood is still a genuine original, director David Keating blending pagan folklore with palpable human drama to evoke both terror and sympathy.

An early scene showing Patrick performing a Caesarian section on a cow is mirrored at the end, heralding a very different kind of birth.

Well-acted all around, with solid direction and atmosphere to spare, Wake Wood is a real winner in the chills department.

Citadel (2012) places its horrors in an urban setting, the title referring to a dreary housing tower, which, at the film’s beginning, young Tommy (Aneurin Barnard) and his pregnant wife are joyous to be leaving. Tragedy of a particularly vicious kind inevitably strikes, leaving Tommy with an infant daughter and a severe case of agoraphobia, aggravated by the feral children who caused his wife’s death and now seem to be targeting his child.

Recruited by a profane renegade priest (James Cosmo) and a blind boy, Tommy is forced to confront his terrors if he wants to save his daughter. Of course, it means returning to the nest of the demonic kids whose origin, it turns out, is one of the film’s biggest surprises. Claustrophobic and grim, Citadel shares a distant bloodline with

Straw Dogs. As with Wake Wood, the acting, production values, and direction are quite good. In contrast, a major difference is the haunting rural setting of Wake Wood and the sordid, grimy urban locale of Citadel.

Back to the country for The Hallow (2015), an environmental horror film of sorts. Originally titled The Woods, this new ambiguous title (usually meaning a shrine or something holy) refers instead to the kind of creature that lives in a particular branch of Irish forest, currently slated to be hewn for lumber by the government.

Accordingly, a forestry scientist is assigned the task of selecting which trees should be removed. The temporary job means that he, his wife and infant son will live in an isolated community. He hadn’t even considered that some local folklore about avenging rural demons and changelings could be true.

Director Corin Hardy has described his breakthrough feature as a cross between Straw Dogs and Pan’s Labyrinth. It’s no egotistic boast. The tension and suspense of Dogs is wed expertly with the horror elements and technical expertise of Labyrinth to create an almost unrelenting confrontation for most of the film’s running time.

A winner of several awards on the festival circuit, The Hallow has also resulted in the selection of writer/director Hardy to helm the reboot of The Crow. Here’s hoping!

Stick around to the end of the credits for some clever use of music as well as Hardy’s concluding acknowledgements: “In memory of Ray Harryhausen, Dick Smith, Stan Winston & Leo Hardy, who taught me to believe in monsters.”

The Hallow is a terrific horror film, and that’s a classy tribute to the F/X giants and the filmmaker’s father.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

FILM LISTINGS AREA SCREENINGS

SUN-RAY CINEMA X-Men: Apocalypse, A Bigger Splash and The Lobster are currently screening at 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. The Lady From Shanghai continues as part of the series 101 Years of Orson Welles, on June 9 and 12. A Monster with a Thousand Heads starts June 10.

THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Almost Holy and Roar are now screening at 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

Johnny English runs at noon on June 9. Hello, My Name is Doris starts on June 10. Cartoons show at 11:30 a.m. every Sat. Game of Thrones runs at 9 p.m. every Sun. Trivia is 7:30 p.m. every Wed. IMAX THEATER Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows, A Beautiful Planet 3D, Jean-Michel Cousteau’s Secret Ocean 3D and National Parks Adventure 3D are currently screening at World Golf Village Hall of Fame Theater, St. Augustine, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

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FOLIO A+E : ARTS

MOUNTAINS OF THE MOON Edison William captures engaging ng imagery BLENDING NATURE WITH THE OTHERWORLDLY in his signature “photostration” works

E

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

dison William’s new exhibit, opening next Friday, features a series of new works showcasing his continuing exploration and quest devoted to creating photographs that fuse the bucolic with the phantasmagoric.

William is nearly obsessive with the meticulous detail in creating his images, from the coordination of the actual shoots and mapping out the compositions, to choosing suitable materials to frame them. His show at BREW Five Points, Confusion of the Dream in Planetary Motion - Great Smoky Mountains, will feature a range of 10 to 20 pieces, including clocks, photographs and mirrors.

The sizes run the gamut, from about 8 inches by 8 inches to 29 inches by 19 inches, each one housed in a variety of selected woods, including spalted maple to aromatic cedar.

In recent years, William has shown his works at BREW, Bold Bean, and the 2013 PhotoJax fest at CoRK. In addition, William was a collaborator in the highly successful group installation, The Apartment Exhibition.

Curated by Staci Bu Shea, the Apartment featured pieces by William, Thony Aiuppy, Sterling Cox, Lily Kuonen, and the conversion of a mother-in-law suite in Avondale into a multi-person-rumination on concepts like tenancy and temporality. William feels that ultimate impetus for bringing Confusion to BREW grew from his admiration for what owner Jack Twachtman has done, and continues to do, by offering a low-key venue for both newer and established artists to display their works. “Twachtman has really done a wonderful job creating the environment and atmosphere in BREW Five Points. He’s redefined this space as a real and valid place to exhibit works of art, where they will be discussed amongst the educated, cynical minds that gravitate toward his unique style of “housing presentation,’” William tells Folio Weekly Magazine. “And I think other artists in the city really resonate with it because, for the time being, it’s one of the few alternative spaces, in that [it] continuously cycles through both emerging and accomplished artists, and it allows for repeated exposure. Having a show at CoRK is great but, most of the time, the work is viewed only once, on opening night. So when I’m creating work for that type of repetitious exposure, I think about shaping the imagery into narratives that unravel over time.”

The work is on display at a hip Five Points coffee shop with heavy foot traffic, but the actual inspiration came from moments culled from William’s monastic-like experiences in a mountainous, bucolic environment some 500 miles away. “This show is almost entirely focused upon the viewpoints within the Great Smoky Mountains, and I don’t think any place has ever left me with such a wildly vivid and soul-stirring impression,” says William.

“It’s like nature’s theme park, standing in a line of people, anxiously waiting to jump off rocks into frigid and magically rejuvenating mountain stream water below. It changed me entirely, for the better.”

POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE: Edison William’s photograph, Two Mile Beach, 2016.

The 32-year-old William acknowledges other experiences that lent themselves to his betterment: his extensive photographic and art studies at art departments of University of North Florida and what was then called FCCJ. And his art instructor foster reads like a roll call of area artists who are as adept at creating valid work as they are conveying their own disciplines and paths to students.

William directly cites Dustin Harewood, Dominick Martorelli, Paul Karabinis, Alex Diaz, Emily Arthur Douglass, Jenny K. Hager, and Debra Murphy with having had some kind of effect on him through their encouragement to continue on with his work.

“It felt like a golden time with the program; [such a] long time ago. They all definitely started to teach me, but I was so damn lazy then. It angers me when I think about how fortunate I was to be surrounded by such wonderful professors and endless resources for development,” he says, adding, with a laugh, “I just wasn’t 32 years old yet.”

EDISON WILLIAM CONFUSION OF THE DREAM IN PLANETARY MOTION - GREAT SMOKY MOUNTAINS

Opening reception 6-9 p.m. June 17, BREW Five Points, Riverside, displays through mid-July, brewfivepoints.com

Using his Canon Digital SLR, William works in a technique which he calls “photostration,” combining sensibilities of both photography and illustration in building images to create scenarios that are, if not impossible, then at least highly improbable.

Two Mile Beach offers viewers a sweeping tableau of a resort-style beachfront invading a bucolic, mountainous landscape. People wade through the shoreline as a wall of invading hotels and condos stand entrenched at the foot of a mountainside forest. The overall effect seems based on eco-consciousness as much as blunt irony. “It’s a slight stab at what humans are doing. Building and investing on the coast with inevitable rising seas is the same as settling in the vicinity of a dormant volcano. We put a lot of faith in denial, and a lot of comfort in a ‘down the road’ mentality,” Williams explains of humanity’s ongoing

dark dance with civilization, conservation, and perpetual conquest. The logging industry basically decimated the Smokies before the range was designated a national park.

That still puzzles me deeply. How did they think that was OK for the balance of nature?

Because there were so many trees?”

Thunderstorm at Two Mile Beach features the same shoreline from a different vantage point, yet now the forest seems to be retracting upward into a symmetrical, arrowlike shape, a looming entity now conjuring the strength to either leave its longtime coastal home altogether, or even aim its miles-long point downward, to rightfully exterminate the invasive species — us — that has co-opted its coastline. The Departure from Comfort offers a picture standing at the peak of a mountain, a sight that seems to touch on moments of insight or even a possible rite of passage. “It’s not portraying the climbing up a mountainside; rather, it’s a boy wistfully looking toward his past, his simplicity and, most notably, mental comfort. I wanted the birds and ospreys to convey a sense of movement, as he is slowly pulled away from the beach in the valley, glancing on the tips of his toes one last time before the inevitable smoke in the mountains envelop his ‘past’ into the haze, which most know as being the predominant feature of these particular mountains. And everyone else is climbing down, noticeably older than the boy.”

Collectively, the new works seem to riff on progressions: a map of unsullied landscapes, a welcome entrance onto the footpath of the unreal, then rappelling deep into the dreamfired echoes of full-tilt surrealism. “I want to have both the fantastic and phantasmagoric, but not depart from those certain images you sometimes just don’t want to add anything to. It can also kind of confuse the audience, keeping them guessing if something was actually really there in the work, or if it was mechanically placed,” says William. “Part of the show’s name, Confusion of the Dream, alludes to the real separateness of each one of our own interpretations of dream productions. Some like to wander in dreams; some try to find deeper meaning.”

Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

ARTS + EVENTS PERFORMANCE

LIEUTENANT FLIPPER’S TRIAL This dramatization of the 1881 court-martial of Henry O. Flipper, the first AfricanAmerican West Point graduate, is staged 1 p.m. June 10 and 11, Main Library, 303 Laura St. N., Downtown, 630-2665, jaxpubliclibrary.org.

THE RAT PACK - LIVE & SWINGIN’ Alhambra Theatre & Dining presents a musical tribute to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr., June 8-12. Dinner 6 p.m.; lunch 11 a.m. (June 11) and noon (June 12); with special themed menu by Chef DeJuan Roy, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, $64, alhambrajax.com.

LONE STAR and BOURBON Limelight Theatre stages two one-act comedies, based on small-town Texas life, 7:30 p.m. June 10 and 11; 2 p.m. June 12, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; $24 seniors, $20 military/students, $10 student rush; through June 26, limelight-theatre.org.

THE LITTLE MERMAID Theatre Jacksonville offers a tale of young Ariel’s aquatic adventures, 8 p.m. June 10 and 11; 2 p.m. June 12, 2032 San Marco Blvd., 396-4425, $25; $20 seniors/military/students; through June 26, theatrejax.com.

SHIPWRECKED! AN ENTERTAINMENT Players By The Sea stages a family-geared comedy about a tall-tale-telling adventurer in Victorian-era London, 8 p.m. June 10 and 11; 2 p.m. June 12, 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $23; $20 seniors/military/students; through June 18, playersbythesea.org.

BEAUTY & THE BEAST Alhambra Theatre & Dining presents the Tony Award-winning musical about love between a monster (or is he?) and a princess, June 15-July 31. Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch noon; Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 641-1212, $35-$62, alhambrajax.com.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

AMERICAN CHAMBER MUSIC The San Marco Chamber Music Society presents a concert of American chamber music, with works by George Gershwin, Charles Ives, and Bill Douglas, 7 p.m. June 9, Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, 38 Cathedral Place, 824-2806, sanmarcochambermusic.org.

TIM SPARKS The Avant Series presents acoustic guitarist Sparks, 3 p.m. June 12, Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum, 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, free; registration strongly suggested at avantcurious.org.

INTERMEZZO SUNDAY CONCERTS SEASON FINALE Violinist Jiwon Hwang, cellist Biyan Bonev, and pianist Mimi Nonoda, 3 p.m. June 12, Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, 630-2353, jplmusic.blogspot.com.

SUMMER JAZZ CONCERT SERIES The Groov, J.J. Sansaverino, and Brian Simpson, Marion Meadows, and Elan Trotman as the Jazz All Stars perform 5 p.m. June 12, SeaWalk Pavilion, First Street North, Jax Beach, betterjaxbeach.com.

COMEDY

STEVE BYRNE Comedian Byrne, who’s been on Sullivan & Son and Jimmy Kimmel Live, is on 7:30 p.m. June 9; 7:30 and 9:45 p.m. June 10 and 11, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $15-$18, comedyzone.com.

ALEX ORITZ Comedian Oritz, Bad Boyz of Comedy and Premium Blend, is on 8:30 p.m. June 9; 8 p.m. June 10, and 8 and 10:30 p.m. June 11, The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $8-$25, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

FRED’S ALL STAR COMEDIANS Local comics Roger Staton, Spike, and others perform, 7:30 p.m. June 8; Christina Schriver, Brian Thomas, and others perform, 7:30 p.m. June 15; The Comedy Zone, 292-4242, $10, comedyzone.com.

COMEDY NIGHT IN ST. AUGUSTINE Casey Crawford hosts, 8 p.m. June 10 and every second Fri., Corazon Cinema & Café, 36 Granada St., 679-5736, $5, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

NEW TOWN URBAN FARM Urban Geoponics and New Town are developing a large community garden on the corner of Pearce and West Third streets, in the New Town/Edward Waters College area, Northside. The farm will provide fresh produce and a hands-on, open-air center of learning for the community and area students (Eugene Butler, Edward Waters College, FSCJ Downtown, others). Urban Farm meets 10 a.m.-1 p.m. every Sun. Details, call Diallo-Sekou at 706-284-9808.

ART WALKS & MARKETS

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local, regional art, music – Morning Yoga with Hot Spot (9 a.m.), Madison Carr, Meredith Rae, Katherine Archer, Cortnie Frazier, and Ronan School Of Music — food, farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. June 11 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

MUSEUMS

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. An exhibit of Hiromi Moneyhun’s works is on display.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. The opening reception for Lift: Contemporary Expressions of the African American Experience, works of 10 local artists including Thony Aiuppy, Glendia Cooper, Ingrid Damiani, Overstreet Ducasse, Dustin Harewood, Marsha Hatcher, Hiromi Moneyhun, Princess Rashid, Chip Southworth, and Roosevelt Watson III, creating responses to Jacksonville’s rich artistic African-American heritage, is 4-9 p.m. June 14. The exhibit displays through Feb. 12. Conservation, Beautification, & a City Plan: Ninah Cummer & the Establishment of Jacksonville Parks, through Nov. 27. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, through Oct. 2.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. Sound

Effects: Composing Women, featuring Rhonda Cassano, Philip Pan, Jihye Chang, Deborah Bish performing musical works by women, is 7 p.m. June 9. Confronting the Canvas: Women of Abstraction, 30 works by six contemporary, female Abstract Expressionist painters, displays through Sept. 4. Amer Kobaslija: A Sense of Place runs through Aug. 14. Project Atrium: Shinique Smith, Quickening, a fabric-based installation incorporating graffiti, Japanese calligraphy, and collage, through June 26.

GALLERIES

ADELE GRAGE CULTURAL CENTER 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-5828, coab.us. Photographer Donna Snider’s recent works display through June 30.

THE ART CENTER Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. Texture Art is on display through Aug. 1.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert. Shannon Estlund’s sitespecific installation Between Here and There runs through June 24.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org. Kaytee Ester’s Classic Car-Ma displays through July 2.

MONROE GALLERIES 40 W. Monroe St., Downtown, 881-0209, monroegalleries.com. Works by Barbie BrayWorkman, Jami Childers, Dana Fawn, Leilani Leo, and Dustin Bradley are featured. Photographer Abbey Matthews is the featured artist for June.

PLUM GALLERY 9 Aviles St., St. Augustine, 825-0069, plumartgallery.com. New works by Lenny Foster, Alma Castro, and Gary Borse display through June.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 150, Downtown, 438-4358, southlightgallery.com.

This collaborative gallery has works by 20 local artists. Mac Truque is the featured artist through July 1.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. The 2016 Annual Honors Show runs through July 10.

VANDROFF ART GALLERY Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 730-2100, jcajax.org. Works by the Art Guild of Orange Park display through June 29.

EVENTS

TAPAS TASTING AT ART INSTITUTE This Culinary Bachelors class, featuring tapas from fi ve regions with beer and wine tastings, is 6-8 p.m. June 9, The Art Institute of Jacksonville, 8775 Baypine Rd., Southside, 486-3000, $35, artinstitutes.edu/jacksonville.

ADULT TWILIGHT BYOB CRUISES Amelia River Cruises offer BYOB cruises with live music by Jim Barcaro, 7 p.m. June 9, Larry Lemeir June 10, and Dan Voll June 11, from 1 N. Front St., Fernandina, 261-9972; fees/details at ameliarivercruises.com.

GOLF FOR AUTISM Delegal Law Offices P.A. presents an 18-hole, four-person best golf benefit tournament, 9 a.m. (registration 8:30 a.m.) June 10, Blue Sky Golf Club, 1700 Monument Rd., Arlington, $95; $320 team of four; lunch and award ceremony included. Proceeds benefit Jericho School’s educational programs for children with autism and other developmental disabilities; details and register, at thejerichoschool.org/#!golf/c1qrj.

KAREN WHITE BOOK SIGNING New York Times bestselling author White talks about and signs copies of her new book Flight Patterns, 7 p.m. June 10, The BookMark, 220 First St., Neptune Beach, 241-9026, bookmarkbeach.com.

BOCCE BALL TOURNAMENT The inaugural tourney is 8:30 a.m. June 11, on the beach between 18th and 19th streets, Atlantic Beach. Registration $50; $175 for team of four, free to watch. Details at coab.sportngin.com or call 247-5828.

ULTIMATE FRISBEE MATCH The Jacksonville Cannons, a pro Ultimate Frisbee team, tosses the disc against the Dallas Roughnecks, 7 p.m. June 11, The Bolles School, 7400 San Jose Blvd., San Marco; single game tickets $10, jaxcannons.com.

BFAST KIDS TRIATHLON A 100-yard swim, 2-mile bike ride and a .50-mile run are the challenges for ages 7-10, and a 200-yard swim, 4-mile bike ride and a one-mile run are the challenges for ages 11-14, starting 8 a.m. June 12, Nocatee, 245 Little River Rd., Ponte Vedra. For registration fees, and details, call 466-8664, bfasracing.org.

YOUNG ADULT JOB FAIR Reps from area businesses seek employees ages 16 to 24, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. June 14, Main Library’s Conference Center, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, 630-2665, jaxpubliclibrary.org.

MARK WOODS BOOK SIGNING Local columnist and author Woods talks about and signs copies of his book Lassoing the Sun: A Year in America’s National Parks, 7 p.m. June 14, The BookMark, 220 First St., Neptune Beach, 241-9026, bookmarkbeach.com.

JACKSONVILLE SUNS VS. BILOXI SHUCKERS The Jacksonville Suns’ homestand against the Biloxi Shuckers starts off 7:05 p.m. June 15 (Jax & Jill Date Night), June 16 (Top Gun Turns 30), June 17 (Red Shirt Friday), and 6:05 p.m. June 18 (BBQ Set Giveaway) at Bragan Field, Baseball Grounds, Downtown, single game tix $5-$18, 358-2846, jaxsuns.com. Next up: Tennessee Smokies!

SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB Florida State Senator Aaron Bean is the guest speaker, 1 p.m. June 15; Alex Coley, Principal, Hallmark Partners, 1 p.m. June 25. Each week a buffet lunch begins at noon, general meeting 12:30 p.m., San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, $25 includes lunch and meeting, 419-3205, sbmcjax.org.

DAILY EVENTS AT HEMMING PARK Hemming Park’s daily events include free yoga, group fitness, and kids’ activities, across from City Hall, 117 W. Duval St., Downtown. Live music and food trucks, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Mon.-Fri.; details at hemmingpark.org/hemming-park-events.

WEEKLY EVENTS AT UNITY PLAZA Unity Plaza offers meditation lessons, concerts, festivals, workshops, fitness classes, and more every week, 220 Riverside Ave., 2205830, unityplaza.org. _____________________________________________ To list an event, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown – email dbrown@folioweekly.com or mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Items run as space is available. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wed. printing.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

CH-CH-CH-

CHANGES A

Brooklyn punk band The So So Glos fall on the fresh side of the PERSONAL VS. POLITICAL songwriting debate with new album Kamikaze

sense of humanity,” he adds. “That’s what our fter George W. Bush left office in 2008, live shows have always been about: empathy, punk rock lost much of its political edge. real life emotion, and encouraging people to With Barack Obama ascending, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan winding down, and get as rowdy as possible. It’s an all-inclusive the country inching its way out of a major party where people can come with open minds recession, the anti-Bush ferocity of bands like and assert themselves in a creative way so that NOFX and Anti-Flag started to ebb in favor of they don’t turn toward violence or anything.” a more personal brand of songwriting.

Although that hopeful outlook weaves But Brooklyn’s The So So Glos went in through everything The So So Glos do, there’s the other direction: Brothers Alex and Ryan an undercurrent of anger that lights up their Levine and stepbrother Zach Staggers started music, particularly on Kamikaze. That may playing together when they were four, five, and be due to expert production work from Mike six, writing pop-punk songs about Markie the Mogis and John Reis, who polish The So So wheelchair-bound junkie and grandmothers Glos’ abrasive sound to a spit-shine. And the jumping off the Verrazanomessages harbor that sort of Narrows Bridge. Everything self-aware unease; even when THE SO SO GLOS in The So So Glos’ oeuvre felt Levine delivers a blistering rant with HONDURAS incredibly close to their NYCagainst technology on “A.D.D. 7 p.m. June 10, 1904 Music Hall, Downtown, bred bones — until new album Life,” he juxtaposes it with the $10, 1904musichall.com Kamikaze, a brooding, weighty, realization that he’s “a tooyet life-affirming sonic blast much-information-generation that takes the human race to task for its cliché.” Then there’s “Kings Country II: inexhaustible ability to destroy the planet.

Ballad of a So So Glo,” which shoots for the “It’s a continuation of a lot of our older rock-opera stars while relating the tale of two themes,” lead singer Alex Levine tells Folio selfie-obsessed narcissists — before Levine Weekly Magazine. “But it goes farther. The lets on that “I am a lot more like those two darks are darker — it’s heavier and angrier. than I’d like to admit.”

And people are responding to that. Now more Which provides the perfect opportunity than ever it feels like, as a people, a nation, and to point out that the band’s name originated a world, that we’re collectively on a suicidal from a derogatory quip about early 2000s New path. And we need to turn things around — York scenesters. The definition of that slippery redefine the world in a progress way. That adds term continues to evolve — much like what it some urgency to the record.” means to be a fiercely DIY punk band from an Of course, that urgency has always existed ever-changing Brooklyn continues to change. for The So So Glos. Their 2013 album Blowout “A lot of what we write is very personal, but begins and ends with a song they recorded I like it to be interpreted in a variety of ways,” in 1994 memorializing and excoriating Kurt Levine says. “I like how the meaning of some Cobain. In the late 2000s, struggling to book of our songs has changed as the times have shows around a noise rock- and electronicachanged, while some haven’t. That reflects obsessed New York, they took matters into the world and our attitudes about the lack of their own hands and founded two seminal empathy or anti-technology. What we’re doing DIY all-ages spaces, Market Hotel and Shea now isn’t really too different — it’s just more Stadium. All of those efforts, Levine says, are extreme. And that’s because we’re heading to a about connection and emotion. more extreme place.”

“New York is ever-changing, but no matter Nick McGregor how much it changes, we can hang on to our mail@folioweekly.com

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

The Happy Together Tour features ’60s rockers including former Three Dog Night frontman CHUCK NEGRON (pictured), The COWSILLS, The TURTLES, The SPENCER DAVIS GROUP, GARY PUCKETT & the UNION GAP, and MARK LINDSAY, June 12, The Florida Theatre, Downtown.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. June 8, Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

Music by the Sea: STR8-UP 6 p.m. June 8, Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 347-8007, free, thecivicassociation.org.

VINNIE KELEMAN 7 p.m. June 8, Ragtime Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877.

TINY MOVING PARTS, PRAWN, FREE THROW 7 p.m.

June 8, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $12 advance; $14 at the door.

COURTNEY COLE 7 p.m. June 9, Mavericks Live, Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 356-1110, $10.

ROUGH MIX 7 p.m. June 9, Ragtime Tavern.

Concerts in the Plaza: FLORIDA BRASS QUINTET 7 p.m.

June 9, Plaza de la Constitución, St. Augustine, 825-1004.

PIERCE PETTIS 7:30 p.m. June 9, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10.

The HOLED-OUTS, SECRET STUFF, PICTURES of VERNON, PURE BREAD 8 p.m. June 9, Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188, $5.

“3” The BAND 9 p.m. June 9, Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

GITLO LEE 6:30 p.m. June 10, Alley Cat Seafood & Beer House, 316 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 491-1001.

The SO SO GLOS, HONDURAS, TRADED YOUTH 7 p.m.

June 10, 1904 Music Hall, $10.

ROD MacDONALD 7:30 p.m. June 10, Mudville Music Room, $10.

UNDER the WILLOW, SANDY WICKER, The YOUNG STEP 8 p.m. June 10, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $5.

RICH HOMIE QUAN 8 p.m. June 10, Mavericks Live, $50$70 advance; $55-$75 day of.

JOHN NÉMETH 10 p.m. June 10, Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-6636, $15.

EVAN MICHAEL & the WELL WISHERS 10 p.m. June 10 & 11, Flying Iguana.

SIDEWALK 65 10 p.m. June 10 & 11, Ragtime Tavern.

TRIAL by STONE 10 p.m. June 10, The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611.

Riverside Arts Market: MADISON CARR, MEREDITH RAE, KATHERINE ARCHER, CORTNIE FRAZIER, RONAN SCHOOL of MUSIC 10:30 a.m. June 11, 715 Riverside, 389-2449.

The PRIDE (PART I & II) 7 p.m. June 11, Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807, $7-$10.

SCHOOL’S OUT SING OUT, MEGAN MARIE WALLACE 7:30 p.m. June 11, Mudville Music Room, $10.

SINK TAPES, GOV CLUB, LE ORCHID, STREET SITY SURF 8 p.m. June 11, The Headlamp, 818 Clay St., Springfield, $10.

MANNA ZEN, BLOOD BATH, BEYOND 8 p.m. June 11, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC 8 p.m. June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $39-50-$69.50.

DAVIS TURNER 8 p.m. June 11, Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach, 277-6652.

Phuk the Politics: MATT CAULDER, EDEN SHURMAN, DJ ROKNBOK, BOBBY NEWPORT, STACY OSORIO, JB DIZZY,

THOSE GUYS 9 p.m. June 11, 1904 Music Hall, $6.

LAKE WORTH LONG SHOTS 10 p.m. June 11, The Roadhouse.

Second Sunday at Stetson’s: AL POINDEXTER, PAUL GARFINKEL, LARRY MANGUM 2 p.m. June 12, Beluthahatchee Park, 1523 S.R. 13., Fruit Cove, 206-8304, $10.

ARIANNA OVERMAN, AFTON SHOWCASE 6 p.m. June 12, 1904 Music Hall, $14.25.

PATHWAYS, 100 WATT VIPERS 8 p.m. June 12, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

CYNDI LAUPER, The PEACH KINGS 7:30 p.m. June 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $39.50-$69.50.

NEIL DIXON 7 p.m. June 12, Ragtime Tavern.

Happy Together Tour: The COWSILLS, The TURTLES, The SPENCER DAVIS GROUP, GARY PUCKETT & the UNION GAP, MARK LINDSAY, CHUCK NEGRON 7:30 p.m. June 12, Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $35-$75.

MIRANDA LAMBERT, KIP MOORE, BROTHERS OSBORNE 8 p.m. June 12, Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Downtown, 630-3900, $38.75-$53.75.

DARREN CORLEW 9 p.m. June 12, Flying Iguana.

DEATH CAB for CUTIE, CHVRCHES, PURE BATHING CULTURE 6 p.m. June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $56.50.

LORD HURON 7 p.m. June 14, Mavericks Live, $22.50.

The VEGABONDS, STEPPIN STONES, AUNT ACID, SANCTUM 8 p.m. June 14, 1904 Music Hall, $8 advance; $10 day of.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

MIDLIFE CRISIS 7 p.m. June 15, St. Augustine Beach Pier CHRIS CORNELL June 17, The Florida Theatre CORY BRANAN June 15, Rain Dogs Mama Blue’s XXth Birthday Bash w/FLATLAND June 17, Harmonious Monks WAR June 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Caribfest 2016: BEKY GLACIER, 418 BAND, ANGELA STEWART, ISRAEL, SADT, PHUSION, STEEL in MOTION, LION HEART June 18, Jax Landing SKATTER BRAINZ, ABANDON the MIDWEST, SOUTHERN ALABAMA PIE COOK OFF, MR. NEVER & the SCARS, ASPHALT KISS June 18, Shantytown Pub HIVELORDS, SET & SETTING, YASHIRA, SHADOW HUNTER June 20, Burro Bar CARL VERHEYEN, JOHN MADER, DAVE MAROTTA June 23, Mudville Music Room CASTLE, HOLLOWLEG, GHOSTWITCH, BLACK STACHE June 21, Burro Bar ZOSO Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience June 23, PVC Hall REBELUTION, The GREEN & J BOOG, STICK FIGURE, THROUGH the GREEN June 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Go Skate Kona 39th Anniversary & Fundraiser: CHROME FANG, COMMUNITY CERVIX, FFN, FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL, FLAG on FIRE, GROSS EVOLUTION, NW IZZARD, POWERBALL, STRANGE FRIEND, The WASTEDIST, TJ HOOKERS, 210 (Chris Barrows) June 25, Kona Skate Park RICHIE RAMONE, ELECTRIC WATER, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY, STATUS FAUX June 25, Burro Bar Freedom Festival: AARON TIPPIN, STARR FIELDS, STUMPWATER June 25, Orange Park Mall NIGHT VERSES, LETLIVE., SEAHAVEN, SILVER SNAKES June 28, 1904 Music Hall

JUSTIN BIEBER June 29, Veterans Memorial Arena

The Funeral of Burro Bar I: CHARLIE SHUCK, KEVIN LEE

NEWBERRY, ELECTRIC WATER, BIRTHDAY PONY, GOLDEN PELICANS, TUFFY, OPIATE EYES, DJ 3 CLOPS I, TOUGH JUNKIE & the FFJB MUSIC TEAM, UMBTRON (Willie Evans Jr., Paten Locke) July 1, Burro Bar SUBLIME with ROME, TRIBAL SEEDS July 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BARENAKED LADIES, ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES in the DARK, HOWARD JONES July 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MAGIC MIKE MALE REVUE XXL July 2, Mavericks Live The Funeral of Burro Bar II: NELSON LOCKE, GALACTOID, LA-A, RHYTHM of FEAR, BLACK TUSK, FORT STORIES, SEA CYCLES, FJORD EXPLORER, GRAMMAR TREE, TOMBOI, AFTER the BOMB, BABY!, TWINKI July 2, Burro Bar TWENTY ONE PILOTS July 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLAG, WAR on WOMEN, The DIRTY NIL July 8, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ROBERT CRAY BAND July 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STITCHES July 8, Mavericks Live Unity Fest 2016: JEEZY, JACQUEES, PLIES, more July 9, Veterans Memorial Arena BOY GEORGE & CULTURE CLUB, WHO’S BAD, BOW WOW WOW July 9, Morocco Shrine Auditorium The NOTS, The MOLD, FEVER HANDS July 10, The Headlamp EL ESCAPADO, MR. NEVER & the SCARS, SPEEDBAG RESIDUE July 11, Shantytown Pub 98 DEGREES, O TOWN, DREAM, RYAN CABRERA July 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JASON MICHAEL CARROLL, MARK WILLS, DARYL WORLEY July 14, Mavericks Live KID INK July 15, Mavericks Live MARIANAS TRENCH July 16, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SHAWN MENDES July 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLIGHT of the CONCHORDS, ARJ BARKER July 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre 5 SECONDS of SUMMER July 20, Veterans Memorial Arena TED NUGENT July 20, Florida Theatre Villainfest 2016: SALEM HOLLOW, NEW DAY, BLEEDING in STEREO, FILTH, INNER DEMONS, LOWRCASE G, PHD, AUTOMATIK FIT July 22, Mavericks Live Connection Festival: WU-TANG CLAN, CAGE the ELEPHANT, BIG DATA, ST. LUCIA, NEVER SHOUT NEVER, NEW YORK SKA ENSEMBLE, RUN RIVER NORTH, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, COLOURS, BROTHER HAWK, WATERSEED, CONTROL THIS!, CLOUD9 VIBES, MOYA MOYA, UNIVERSAL GREEN, ASKMEIFICARE, SKYVIEW, FLAG on FIRE July 23, Downtown 311, MATISYAHU July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TODRICK HALL July 26, The Florida Theatre CRAIG MORGAN July 28, The Florida Theatre BRING IT! LIVE July 29, The Florida Theatre LUKE COMBS July 29, Mavericks Live EMMA MOSELEY BAND, KRISTOPHER JAMES, CURT TOWNE BAND July 30, St. Aug Amphitheatre Backyard Party DAVID BAZAN, MICHAEL NAU Aug. 4, Jack Rabbits CHRIS STAPLETON Aug. 4, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The ACACIA STRAIN, OCEANO, KNOCKED LOOSE, CULTURE KILLER, TO the WIND Aug. 6, 1904 Music Hall MAXWELL Aug. 7, Times-Union Center

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LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC JEANNE ROBERTSON Jan. 21, The Florida Theatre The BABES Feb. 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA

Los Angeles indie folk rockers LORD HURON (pictured) perform with LUCY DACUS June 14, Mavericks Live, Downtown.

ALLEY CAT Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Dan Voll 6:30 p.m. June 8. Gitlo Lee 6:30 p.m. June 10. Live music most weekends KNUCKLEHEADS, 850532 U.S. 17, 222-2380 Back Alley Cadillac 9 p.m. June 10 LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz show 5:30-9 p.m. every Fri.-Sun. Javier Parez every Sun. SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 King Eddie & Pili Pili 6 p.m. June 8. Tad Jennings June 9.

Dan Voll, Cason, DJ Dave June 10. Savannah, Radio Love, Davis Turner June 11. Savannah, Down Yonder June 12.

Darrell Rae June 13. Cason June 14 SURF Restaurant, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Russell Bryant June 8 & 10. Larry & the Backtracks June 12. Yancy Clegg Tue. & Thur. Black Jack Band every Fri.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA MISTERWIVES Aug. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Outcry: HILLSONG WORSHIP, KARI JOBE, REND COLLECTIVE, HOUSEFIRES, URBAN RESCUE, CHAD VEACH Aug. 10, Veterans Memorial Arena SLIGHTLY STOOPID, SOJA, FORTUNATE YOUTH Aug. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RAY LaMONTAGNE Aug. 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BONEY JAMES Aug. 18, The Florida Theatre LYLE LOVETT & HIS LARGE BAND Aug. 20, Florida Theatre The ORCHESTRA ELO’s Greatest Hits (members of ELO, Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra) Aug. 27, Florida Theatre WAYNE BRADY Aug. 27, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts JILL SCOTT Aug. 28, T-U Center for the Performing Arts GOO GOO DOLLS, COLLECTIVE SOUL, TRIBE SOCIETY Aug. 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre KENNY G Sept. 1, The Florida Theatre TONY JOE WHITE Sept. 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MELVINS Sept. 8, Jack Rabbits BRIAN WILSON, AL JARDINE, BLONDIE CHAPLIN Sept. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JAKE SHIMABUKURO Sept. 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ZAC BROWN BAND, DRAKE WHITE & the BIG FIRE Sept. 17, Veterans Memorial Arena IL DIVO Sept. 23, The Florida Theatre WIDESPREAD PANIC Sept. 23 & 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

RON “TATER SALAD” WHITE Oct. 1, Times-Union Center GEORGE THOROGOOD & the DESTROYERS Oct. 6, The Florida Theatre 1964 the TRIBUTE Oct. 9, The Florida Theatre KORN, BREAKING BENJAMIN Oct. 12, Veterans Memorial Arena DONNA the BUFFALO, PETER ROWAN BLUEGRASS BAND, BLUEGROUND UNDERGRASS Oct. 13-16, Suwannee Music Park NEEDTOBREATHE, MAT KEARNY, PARACHUTE, WELSHLY ARMS Oct. 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Live Original Tour: SADIE ROBERTSON Oct. 14, Florida Theatre MAGNOLIA FEST Oct. 15, St. Augustine Amphitheatre KEB’ MO’ BANDOct. 18, The Florida Theatre The AVETT BROTHERS Oct. 28, Veterans Memorial Arena SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN JUKEBOX Oct. 16, The Florida Theatre BONNIE RAITT Oct. 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CHRIS YOUNG, CASSADEE POPE Nov. 12, St. Aug Amphitheatre NEIL deGRASSE TYSON Nov. 14, The Florida Theatre SAVION GLOVER Nov. 18, The Florida Theatre ANIMAL COLLECTIVE Nov. 22, Mavericks Live GARRISON KEILLOR; A PETER WHITE CHRISTMAS: RICK BRAUN, EUGE GROOVE Dec. 11, The Florida Theatre The OAK RIDGE BOYS Dec. 13, The Florida Theatre JAY LENO Jan. 14, Thrasher-Horne Center

CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri.

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BLUE WATER Island Grill, 205 First St. N., 249-0083 Zahira 10 p.m. June 14 BRASS ANCHOR Pub, 2292 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff June 8. Clinton Lane Darnell June 10 The BRIX, 300 Second St. N., 241-4668 Savanna Leigh Bassett June 8. Yamadeo June 9. Live music Tue. & Wed. Barrett Jockers every Fri. CULHANE’S Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 DJ Hal every Sat. Irish music every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 3 the Band 9 p.m. June 9 & 16. Evan Michael & the Well Wishers 10 p.m. June 10 & 11. Darren Corlew 8:30 p.m. June 12 GUSTO’S, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov every Wed. Will Hurley & Pops every Thur. Murray Goff every Fri. Under the Bus every Sat. Gene Nordan every Sun. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Blood Bath & Beyond, Near Empty 8 p.m. June 8. Angels of Babylon June 11 LYNCH’S Irish Pub, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Yamadeo 10 p.m. June 10. Wilder Sons 10 p.m. June 11. Roger That 10 p.m. June 17. Chillula every Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Lyons June 9. 5 O’Clock Shadow June 10. Cameron Taghlabi June 14 MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur.

MOJO Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 John Nemeth 10 p.m. June 10. Live music most weekends MONKEY’S UNCLE Tavern, 1728 N. Third St., 246-1070 DJ Wed., Sat. & Sun. Live music every Fri. RAGTIME Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Vinnie Keleman June 8. Rough Mix June 9. Sidewalk 65 June 10 & 11. Neil Dixon June 12. Billy Bowers June 15. Live music every Wed.-Sun. SALT LIFE Food Shack, 1018 N. Third St., 372-4456 Billy Buchanan 5 p.m. June 12 SLIDERS, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881 Live music every Wed.-Sun. ZETA Brewing, 131 First Ave. N., 372-0727 RadioLove 9 p.m. June 10

DOWNTOWN

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St. Tiny Moving Parts, Prawn, Free Throw 7 p.m. June 8. The So So Glos, Honduras, Traded Youth 7 p.m. June 10. Phuk the Politics: Matt Caulder, Eden Shurman, DJ Roknbok, Bobby Newport, Stacy Osorio, JB Dizzy, Those Guys June 11. Arianna Overman, Afton Showcase 6 p.m. June 12. The Vegabonds, Steppin Stones, Aunt Acid June 14 BURRO Bar, 100 E. Adams St. Live music most weekends till the very end!

DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance music every Fri. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall every Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. June 8 & 15. Ace Winn 7 p.m. June 10.

Chuck Nash June 11 HOURGLASS Pub, 345 E. Bay St., 469-1719 The Rub Band 9:30 p.m. June 10. Pixelated 3.1 Xbox Xtravaganza June 11 JACKSONVILLE Landing, 353-1188 About a Mile 7 p.m.

June 9 MARK’S Downtown, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Courtney Cole 6 p.m. June 9. Rich Homie Quan 8 p.m. June 10. Lord Huron, Lucy Dacus June 14. Courtney Cole June 9. Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. MYTH Nightclub & Bar, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 Unleash June 9. DJ Q45, live music every Wed. EDM every Thur. Eric Rush every Fri. DJ IBay every Sat. Bangarang & Crunchay every Sun.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC South Florida metal dudes PATHWAYS (pictured) perform with 100 WATT VIPERS June 12, Jack Rabbits, San Marco.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Robert Brown Jr. the Confluent 9 p.m. June 11. Live music most weekends WHITEY’S Fish Camp, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Robert Brown Jr. the Confluent June 9. Take Cover 9 p.m. June 10.

Conch Fritters, Down South Jukin’ 10 p.m. June 11. Anton LaPlume June 12

INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFF’S BAR, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Live music most weekends JERRY’S GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Cloud 9 7:30 p.m. June 10. Lucky Stiff June 11

MANDARIN

IGGY’S SEAFOOD SHACK, 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 209-5209 Live music most weekends MONKEY’S UNCLE, 10503 San Jose, Ste. 15, 260-1349 Live music most weekends

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Tue.-Sat. MR. CHUBBY’S, 11043 Crystal Springs Rd., 355-9464 Robert Brown Jr. the Confluent 9 p.m. June 10 The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 DJ Big Mike June 9. Trial by Stone 10 p.m. June 10. Lake Worth Long Shots June 11

PONTE VEDRA

PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Live music most weekends TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Deron Baker June 8 & 15.

Gary Starling June 9. Complicated Animals June 10. Goliath Flores June 11

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

ACROSS the STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Anton LaPlume, Cat McWilliams June 11 DERBY on PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343 Live music most weekends MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 The Pride Pt. I & II 7 p.m. June 11 PREVATT’S, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 Clinton Lane Darnell June 11

RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Complicated Animals 10 p.m. June 8. Kristopher James June 10 RIVERSIDE Arts Market, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Madison Carr, Meredith Rae, Katherine Archer, Cortnie Frazier, Ronan School of Music June 11

ST. AUGUSTINE

The CELLAR Upstairs, 157 King St., 826-1594 Oh No June 10. Beautiful Bobby Blackmon & the B3 Blues Band June 11. Vinny Jacobs June 12 MARDI GRAS, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 J Danger Mouse June 10. Funk Shui June 11. Musicians’ Exchange June 13. DJ Rob St. John Wed. Live music Fri. & Sat. SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 The Holed-Outs, Secret Stuff, Pictures of Vernon, Pure Bread 8 p.m. June 9 TRADEWINDS Lounge, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Those Guys 9 p.m. June 10 & 11

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Under the Willow, Sandy Wicker, The Young Step 8 p.m. June 10. Blood Bath & Beyond, Manna Zen 8 p.m. June 11.

Pathways, 100 Watt Vipers 8 p.m. June 12

STAR F*CKERS

ON MY FLIGHT BACK HOME FROM CHICAGO A couple of weeks ago, I struck up a conversation with the lighting designer for the recent R. Kelly show.

Like most of these exchanges, our conversation began with a lot of name-dropping — musical territorial pissings, if you will. After establishing that both of us had an impressive body of knowledge and had worked with notable folks in the industry, we started to get deeper into our respective career trajectories. We both were drummers and had similar tastes, and we both had experienced the highs and lows of the music biz — the highs being playing music in amazing places with amazing people around the world; the lows being never getting rich and famous and having to take day jobs while music was, at times, largely supplemental.

As I thought about this odd dichotomy, I was simultaneously depressed and elated. As I unpacked it, some things became clear, and I thought I’d further flesh it out here. I am incredibly fortunate to have enjoyed relative success in both the field of music journalism and as a performing musician. Of late — the past five years — I’ve been a full-time performing musician and a parttime writer, a flip of the script from the previous two decades. I’ve suffered the bitterness of knowing that people far less talented than I were making bank playing shitty music for the drooling masses.

I’ve been envious of those who made little effort but somehow rocketed to fame. It’s brought me to literal tears over the years.

I have gotten close many times. Ask any musician and they’ll tell you how they almost got signed, how they had a “development deal,” how they opened for the really big national acts who said they’d “pass the demo on to the label rep.” My stories are as maudlin as theirs, as I have shared the stage with some big names, done showcases for record labels, and been in a band that had our demo “shopped around.” I played the second

Lollapalooza, for crying out loud. You know — when it was still respectable.

But in the end, no one cares about all that muck. You either make it or you don’t.

But who makes it and why? The formula changes from generation to generation, decade to decade, and now year to year. What is certain is that talent is not necessary. Quality is rarely part of the equation, and the industry (or, more accurately, the buying public) rewards mediocrity. There have, of course, been many exceptions, but on the whole, you can be a completely talentless hack and still make millions with the right marketing team behind you.

I mean, how sick are we of hearing about how Kanye West is brilliant, how Beyoncé is a genius?

(They aren’t.) How many times must we listen to Maroon 5 or Ed Sheeran rehash 30-year-old pop tropes? (Please make it stop.) When will someone tell Hozier and Imagine Dragons that they kinda suck — a lot? (When people stop buying their crappy records.)

Pop music, like professional sports, relies heavily on marketing and image. But in the sports world, you can’t become a celebrity unless you are very, very good at what you do. Pluck any celebrity athlete out of the pack from the past 50 years, and everyone — EVERYone of them — could play the game better than anyone else. They may remain famous because of endorsement deals or doing color for sports networks, but they got there through hard work and commitment to perfecting their skills.

Reach into the pop music hat and pull out a name, and you’re more likely to get a Britney Spears than a Joni Mitchell, a OneRepublic than a King Crimson, a Creed or Nickelback than a Beatles or Radiohead.

As I waded deeper into the pity pool, I began to realize all of this whining was getting me nowhere — literally and metaphorically. I needed

MUDVILLE Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Pierce Pettis 7:30 p.m. June 9. Rod McDonald June 10.

Megan Marie Wallace June 11. River City Ramblers June 13

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 CJ Matthew June 9. Nate Holley June 10. Wes Cobb June 11 UNCLE MADDIO’S, 8221 Southside Blvd., 527-8605 Dixie Rodeo 7 p.m. June 10. Live music most weekends WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Chase Fouraker Music 8 p.m. June 8. Bill Ricci, Boogie Freaks June 11. Melissa Smith’s open mic Wed. Blues jam Sun.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

THE HEADLAMP, 818 Clay St. SinkTapes, Gov Club, Le Orchid, Street Sity Surf 7 p.m. June 11

___________________________________________ To list your band’s gig, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown, email dbrown@folioweekly.com or by mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis. Deadline is noon Wednesday for next Wednesday’s publication.

THE KNIFE to remember all the amazing moments I’ve been fortunate enough to experience through music with both famous and non-famous people. I thought about all of my friends who have enjoyed some level of success in the industry specifically because of their talent. And I decided, at least for the moment, that it was incumbent upon me (and the rest of us) to keep working, keep practicing, keep playing, keep progressing. It’s incumbent upon us all, really, to put aside notions of fame and fortune and get down to the real business of making music.

As I bid farewell to my new friend, I had a bizarre but important revelation: No one blew up my plane today. Out of nowhere, that’s what came to me. No one blew up my plane or hacked me to pieces with a machete or held my kid’s elementary school hostage with duffle bags full of automatic weapons. There is food in my fridge, a home waiting for me, and friends and family with whom I share my life — and my music. That’s more than anyone could — or should — ever ask for.

John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

FOLIO DINING AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH BEACH DINER, 2006 S. Eighth St., 310-3750, beachdiner. com. Newest in the popular local chain. Innovative breakfast: Eggs on the Bayou, fish-n-grits; French toast, riders, omelets. Lunch fare: salads, burgers, sandwiches, shrimp & crabmeat salad. $ K TO B L Daily BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily BURLINGAME RESTAURANT, 20 S. Fifth St., 432-7671, burlingamerestaurant.com. The menu at the fine dining place changes quarterly, focusing on elegantly prepared dishes (8 apps, 8 mains) made with quality seasonal ingredients. Duck confit, grilled pork chops. $$$ BW D Tu-Sa CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo. com. F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts.

Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily The CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrab trap.com. F 37 years, family-owned-and-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L D Daily GILBERT’S Underground Kitchen, 510 S. Eighth St., 310-6374, undergroundkitchen.com. Chef Kenny Gilbert (Top Chef) serves Deep Southern American cuisine. Dine inside or on a patio. $$ BW K TO L F; D W-Sa & M; R Su

The PICNIC BASKET, 503-A Centre St., 277-9779, picnic basketfernandina.com. Small shop focuses on fresh fare, cheeses, confits, charcuteries, wines. $$ BW B L D M-Sa PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service, NYC-style.

Specialty pizzas, pie or slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D W-Su The SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily The SAVORY MARKET, 474380 E. S.R. 200, 432-8551.

Local, organic produce, wild-caught seafood – Mayport shrimp – Wainwright meats, raw dairy, deli. Café has salads, hand-helds, tacos. $$ TO M-Sa SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S Burger Station, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386.

Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily

BITE-SIZED Robeks PINT-SIZED Brews & Barbecues GRILL ME! Urban Grind Coffee Co. CHEFFED-UP Marinated Tofu

P. 33 P. 34 P. 34 P. 35

wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. HH. $$ BW L M-F; D Tu-Sa ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty india.com. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template for tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka.

Vegetarian items cooked separately in vegetable oil. Lunch platters. $ BW TO L D Tu-Su

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes 28+ years. All-day HH M-Thu. $ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner.

Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare.

100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. Classic Old World Roman cuisine, extensive Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO D Nightly HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815.

American-style steakhouse, filets, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps, sandwiches. $$ FB K L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club.

2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop HH. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

Enjoy the fresh, exotic flavors of the Pacific Islands right here on the Southside when you stop

by Marianas Grinds for lunch or dinner. photo by Dennis Ho HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban cafe.com. F Behind Palace Saloon; owned by real Cubans; authentic sandwiches, coffee. Dine in or out at umbrella tables. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L D Daily HORIZONS, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 321-2430, horizons ameliaisland.com. Fine dining, upscale setting. Gourmet fare, seafood, steaks, lamb, pasta. $$$ FB L D Tu-Sa JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddian escafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, crêpes, vegan/vegetarian. Dine in or on a porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646. Spanish/ Portuguese cuisine with a Brazilian flair. Tapas, seafood, steaks, homemade sangria. Drink specials. AYCE paella Sunday. $$$ FB K TO D Nightly MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriver pizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or slice. $ BW TO L D M-Sa The MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, herbal tea, daily specials. $$ TO B L M-Sa PABLO’S Mexican Restaurant Grill & Cantina, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials, vegetarian. $$ FB K TO L D Daily The PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads; made from scratch. $ TO B L W-Su To list your restaurant, call your account manager or Sam Taylor, 860-2465 • staylor@folioweekly.com

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

AVERAGE ENTRÉE • COST •

$ = Less than $10 $$ = $10- $20 $$$ = $20- $35 $$$$ = $35 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club event. fwbiteclub.com 2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years.

Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaur antorsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops.

Snail of Approval. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D M-Sa, B Sa

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S Subs, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740.

8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MINT INDIAN Restaurant, 8490 Baymeadows Rd., 367-1821, jaxmint.com. A new style of authentic, traditional Indian cuisine. Daily lunch buffet; HH. $ L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Family-owned 26+ years; serving new Thai, traditional, vegetarian; curries, noodles. Low-sodium, glutenfree, too. Open kitchen display. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Su The WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers,

MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D M-Sa MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, mshack burgers.com. 2015 BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, more. Dine inside or out – people-watch at Beaches Town Center. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 1585 Third St. N., 458-1390. SEE BAYMEADOWS. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH. $$ FB L D Daily SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444, seachasers. com. New place; four dining areas: First Street Bar, Music Room, Beach Bar, Dining Room. Daily HH. Dine in or on patio. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sa/Su; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. HH M-F. $ FB K L D Daily UGLY CUPCAKE MUFFINRY & Cafe, 115 Fifth Ave. S., 339-5214, theuglycupcakemuffinry.com. Sweet/ savory giant muffins, made from organic, locally sourced ingredients.

Outside seating. $$ TO B L Daily V PIZZA, 528 First St. N., 853-6633, vpizza.com. This new-ish place specializes in the art of traditional pizza Neapolitana, a rare class of artisan pizza from Naples – Italy, silly, not Florida. $$ FB TO L D Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 125, 446-3119. F New York-style deli has breakfast, fresh made subs, specialty sandwiches, burgers, gyros, wraps, desserts, vegetarian items. $ TO B L M-F The CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Chef-driven cuisine, sandwiches, entrées, salads. HH Tu-F $$ FB K D Tu-Sa CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa FIONN MacCOOL’S Irish Pub & Restaurant, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, fionnmacs.com. Casual dining, uptown Irish atmosphere; fish & chips, Guinness lamb stew, black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily FOLKFOOD, 219 N. Hogan St., 333-8392 Southern specialties, coastal cuisine like fried catfish, Florida citrus kale salad, blackened mahi mahi tacos, meatloaf with curry sauce, homestyle desserts made in-house daily. $ BW TO L D M-F INDOCHINE, 21 E. Adams St., Ste. 200, 598-5303, indo chinejax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Thai, Southeast Asian cuisine. Signature dishes are chicken Satay, soft shell crab; mango, sticky rice dessert. $$ FB TO L D M-F; D Tu-Sa OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F

FOLIO DINING : BITE-SIZED

NECTAR

photo by Brentley Stead

OF THE GODS

Cool off and FILL UP at Robeks The beet salad and avocado chicken THERE’S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT GOING TO wrap are both tasty choices, but the real the beach that makes you crave tastes that winner is the turkey pesto panini, with its are refreshingly light and fruity. For me, warm, crusty ciabatta exterior, just the right sometimes it’s a piña colada, but this trip I was amount of turkey and cheese, and the pesto craving fresh-pressed juice and an açaí bowl, — oh, the pesto! The rich flavor of basil which I found at ROBEKS FRESH JUICES & enlivened the whole sandwich — Robeks SMOOTHIES in Neptune Beach. doesn’t make you do with just one tiny Robeks specializes in fresh-pressed juices, spoonful of green goodness. paninis, salads, and wraps, but one of my Though Robeks originated in California, favorite features is its build-your-own juice the Neptune Beach location has strong bar, in which the juice you create is sold local ties to our community. They source by the pound. Here’s how it works: Grab a wheatgrass from Berry Good Farms at North great big colander, then, like the sun-kissed Florida School of Special Education, a great god(ess) you are, fill it with your choice of teaching farm right here in Jacksonville. fruits and veggies, displayed like gems in a Robeks also offers jewelry box. Try a combo a wide selection of like watermelon, pineapple ROBEKS FRESH smoothies, with lots of and jalapeno or stick with JUICES & SMOOTHIES straight-up carrot juice. boosts you can add, like 628 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 3, Neptune Robeks tries to keep its extra protein, soy milk Beach, 404-8668, robeks.com options seasonal, so you’ll and probiotics. I was most always be able to create excited about the açaí unique, hand-crafted juices. bowls — one of my favorite ways to convince The juice bar offerings are quite varied; the myself that I’m treating my body by “eating Cool Cucumber hit the “light and refreshing” healthy.” If you don’t order Robeks’ signature spot dead-on. The Cool Cucumber ($5.99) is bowl, Açaí Especial ($6.89), you’ll miss out on exactly how you want a fresh-pressed juice an incredible exotic frozen treat. Creamy açaí to taste. With cucumber, apple, lemon, and bowls are traditionally blended with frozen ginger, it’s the coolest kid on the block, plus it bananas and sprinkled with granola; Robeks has the added bonus of not having too much has options available in smoothie form. of a veggie flavor.

The surprise of the afternoon was the açaí Meanwhile, good things abound on the lemon shot, which was the most potently tart sandwich and salad sides of the menu. (All and sweet and ultra-tasty shot of a health sandwiches are available as a panini or a wrap.) drink I’ve ever had, and the perfect end to a We opted to try three customer favorites, a meal fit for goddess! turkey pesto panini ($5.99), chicken avocado Brentley Stead wrap ($5.99) and a beet salad ($5.99). bitesized@folioweekly.com

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

DINING DIRECTORY PINT-SIZED

How to pair BARBECUE with brews

A BEER FOR ALL

SEASONINGS

IT’S GRILLING SEASON! FEW PHRASES GET ME more excited than these three words. Now that we’ve revved things up, let’s discuss how beer and barbecue belong together like lovers in a Cialis commercial.

Barbecue means different things to different people. For some, throwing any meat on any grill constitutes barbecuing. Others say barbecue requires low, indirect heat and excruciatingly slow cooking. For our purposes, let’s use the first definition. Meat (or veggies, if that’s your thing) cooked on a grill is ’Q to us! And nothing goes with grilled food better than cold beer. But which beer goes best with each food? I have some ideas.

Perhaps the most commonly grilled food is the humble hamburger. Finding a beer to match this culinary equivalent of Nirvana may seem simple.

Many of you will just grab an IPA. I disagree. The hoppy bitterness will provide a wonderful foil for the burger’s flavors, but a beer with a bit of smokiness will really make it sing. Try a black IPA, smoked porter or regular porter. You’ll thank me.

Throw a marbled ribeye on the grate above the coals and magic happens. A rich cut deserves a rich beer, so a stout that’s black as midnight and thick as motor oil is just the ticket. The dark, roasty flavors are a perfect contrast to the char crust the steak develops on the grill. Leaner cuts like New York strip or hanger steak tend to be milder in flavor and thus benefit from milder beers, like brown ales.

There are several ways to grill chicken. The usual method is the straightforward, throw-it-onthe-grid style, slapping some thick tomato-based sauce on it. The crispy, umami flavor of the skin, slathered with sweet, tangy sauce begs for a rich lager like dunkel or even a crisp, refreshing Vienna. For those who like their fowl a bit fancier, with citrus juices and herbs, I recommend grassy, herbal saison. If you go for a spicy jerk bird, you’ll want something to cool the fire. Look for a helles lager to soothe the burn.

In my hometown of St. Louis, barbecue means one thing: Boston butt pork steaks cooked crispy then glazed with sweet sauce. My father taught me to baste the steaks with beer to add yet another amazing layer of flavor. To others, pulled pork or ribs are the order of the day. No matter how you like it, pair your pork with wee heavy.

This Scotch ale, made with smoked peat malt, is reminiscent of single-malt with its sweet, dark fruit and earthy flavors.

No matter how you define barbecue, let’s all agree that good things happen when meat meets fire. Here are a few brews to pair with charred meat.

PINT-SIZED

ORKNEY SKULL SPLITTER WEE HEAVY Creamy, smooth and full of fruity goodness, this heavyweight (8.5 percent ABV) elevates pork to barbecue Valhalla.

LEINENKUGEL’S HELLES YEAH Bright and citrusy, this Wisconsin version of the German style is a great companion to spicy chicken dishes.

INTUITION ALE WORKS KING STREET STOUT Local and full-on delicious, this stout’s a natural companion to a rich, thick steak.

Marc Wisdom marc@folioweekly.com 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

URBAN GRIND Coffee Company, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 102, 866-395-3954, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. Variety of locally roasted whole bean brewed coffee, espressos, fresh pastries, smoothies, bagels, cream cheeses. Chicken salad (best ever), tuna salad, sandwiches. Free Wi-Fi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND Express, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH W-Sa $ FB L M-F

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. TAPS Bar & Grill, 1605 C.R. 220, Ste. 145, 278-9421, tapspublichouse.com. 50+ premium domestic, imported tap beers. Burgers, sandwiches, entrées. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar.

Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. ORANGE TREE Hot Dogs, 3500 Beach, Ste. 43, 551-3661, orangetreehotdogs.com. Hot dogs, personal size pizzas since ’68. Hershey’s ice cream, milkshakes. $ K TO L D Daily SID & LINDA’S Seafood Market & Restaurant, 12220 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 109, 503-8276. Pick your own whole fresh fish, have it cleaned, filleted, cooked to order. Dine in, take out. Housemade sauces. $$ K TO L D Daily

MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS

AKEL’S DELI, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199.

F 20+ years. Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L D M-F; D Sa FIRST COAST Deli & Grill, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477.

Pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, baked items, sandwiches, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie,coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines.

Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily TAPS Bar & Grill, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, 819-1554.

SEE FLEMING ISLAND.

V PIZZA, 12601 San Jose Blvd., 647-9424. SEE SAN MARCO.

ORANGE PARK

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts.

Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com.

F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. PASTA MARKET Italian Restaurant & Clam Bar, 1930 Kingsley Ave., 276-9551, pastamarketitalianrestaurant. com. Family-owned-and-operated. Gourmet pizzas, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. Pastas: spaghetti, lasagna, fettuccine, ziti, calzones, linguini, tortellini. $$ BW K D Nightly SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B L D Daily The URBAN BEAN Coffeehouse Café, 2023 Park Ave., 541-4938, theurbanbeancoffeehouse.com. Coffee, espresso, gourmet sandwiches, flatbreads, apps. $$ K TO B L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2015 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. LARRY’S Subs, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE O. PARK.

RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS, WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sa/Su; L D Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea.

Waffles, toasts, desserts, coffees. HH. $$ B L Su/M; B L D Tu-Sa COOL MOOSE CAFÉ, 2708 Park St., 381-4242, coolmoose cafe.net. New England-style café; full breakfast menu, classic sandwiches, wraps, soups, brunch all day Sunday.

Gourmet coffees. $$ BW R L D Tu-Su CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su DERBY on PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$-$$$ FB B L D Tu-Su, R Sa/Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.

Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, vegetables. Artisanal cheeses, more than 300 craft, imported beers, 50 organic wines, and organic produce, meats, vitamins, herbs.

Organic wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS Asian Street Fare, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily HOBNOB, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 110, 513-4272, hobnobwithus.com. New place serves cuisine driven by

BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oak-fired pizza, raw bar, seasonal selections. HH M-F $$$ FB L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily INDOCHINE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE DOWNTOWN.

KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner.

Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288, mardibar.com. Wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner.

STACEY GOLDBERG

GRILL ME!

URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY

45 W. Bay St. & 50 N. Laura St., Downtown

BORN IN: Augusta, Maine YEARS IN THE BIZ: 5+ FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): The Red Barn, Augusta FAVE CUISINE STYLE: I'm a straight-up pizza and cheeseburger kinda girl.

FAVE INGREDIENTS: Espresso! Couldn't function without it!

IDEAL MEAL: Legit Maine lobstah roll — no mayo!

WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Any food staring back at me — except lobsters!

INSIDER'S SECRET: There is no "x" in espresso!

CELEBS (@ my place): What happens @ Urban Grind … :) MY COMFORT FOOD: Whoopie Pies!

global inspirations, local intentions – ahi poke tuna, jumbo lump crab tacos. $$ FB TO L D Brunch Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com.

Modern, authentic Italian cuisine. Handcrafted cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055.

F Casual; made-to-order sandwiches, wraps, salads, breakfast. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S Subs, 1509 Margaret, 674-2794. 7895 Normandy, 781-7600. 8102 Blanding, 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. LITTLE JOE’S CAFÉ by Akel, 245 Riverside Ave., Ste. 195, 791-3336. Riverview café serves soups, salads, signature salad dressings. $ TO B L M-F METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire.com. F Southwestern fish tacos, chicken enchiladas. HH M-Sa upstairs, all day Su $$ FB K L D Daily M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

PATTAYA Thai Grille, 1526 King, 503-4060. SEE BAYMEADOWS. RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. 2015 BOJ winner.

Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & Company, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary culinary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS Filling Station, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushi cafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily TIMOTI’S SEAFOD SHAK, 1043 Park St., 374-8892. Brand new. SEE AMELIA ISLAND.

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

The FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare.

Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta; grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken.

Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. ONE TWENTY THREE Burger House, 123 King St., 687-2790.

From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Wood-fired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. HH. $$ FB L D M-Sa

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This Metro serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815, pizza palacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna. Dine outside. HH. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats, tapas, wod-fired pizza. Craft beers & cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily V PIZZA, 1406 Hendricks Ave., 527-1511, vpizza.com.

True Neapolitana pizzas with the freshest ingredients.

They claim a 55-second cook time – put them to the test. $$ FB L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus.

Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su The CHATTY CRAB, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C, 888-0639, chattycrab.com. Chef Dana Pollard’s raw oysters, Nawlins-style low country boil, po’ boys, 50¢ wing specials. $$ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE.

GREEK STREET CAFÉ, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 106, 503-0620, greekstreetcafe.com. Fresh, authentic, modern fare; Greek owners. Gyros, spanakopita, dolmades, falafel, salads, Greek nachos. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Subs, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499.

4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. Pacific Islander fare, emphasizing chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; spicy empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQstyle ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F

Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MOXIE KITCHEN + Cocktails, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744, moxiefl.com. BOJ winner. Chef Tom Gray’s venue has innovative contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, sides, desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L M-F; D Nightly M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. 2015 BOJ

winner. SEE BEACHES.

OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Br. Dr., 900-7730, ovinte.com.

2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, charcuterie menu. 240-bottle/wines, 75/glass; craft spirits.

Dine outdoors. $$ FB R, Su; D Nightly RITA’S DELI, 9446 Philips Hwy., 806-3923. Sandwiches of Boar’s Head meats, cheeses. $$ BW TO L D M-Sa TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, tavernayamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Daily HH. Bellydancing. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TOMMY’S Brick Oven Pizza, 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2, 565-1999, tbopizza.com. NY-style thin crust, brickoven-cooked pizzas – gluten-free. Calzones, sandwiches, Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses. Boylan’s soda.

Curbside pickup. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa

DINING DIRECTORY TOSSGREEN, 4375 Southside Blvd., Ste. 12, 619-4356.

4668 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 105, 686-0234. Custom salads, burrito bowls; fresh fruits, vegetables, 100% natural chicken breast, sirloin, shrimp, tofu, nuts, cheeses, dressings, sauces, salsas, frozen yogurt. $$ K L D Daily

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HOLA Mexican Restaurant, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Authentic fajitas, burritos, specials, enchiladas. HH; sangria. $ BW K TO L D M-Sa

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 15170 Max Leggett Pkwy., 757-8843.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOLLY BROWN’S PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044, mollybrownspubandgrill.com. F American (traditional), brunch, burgers, diner fare, hot dogs, sandwiches, seafood, Southern, vegetarian dishes. $$ FB TO L D Daily

CHEFFED-UP

Tofu might be the most CONTROVERSIAL PROTEIN on the chopping block

A

MEDLEY

OF TEXTURES AND FEELINGS CHEFFED-UP

TOFU, TOFU — I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW I feel about you. That’s not merely a really cool rhyme but a real struggle. Tofu can be so controversial; some people hate it, others are conflicted, but it’s absolutely loved by so many vegetarians and old hippie types, it’s almost mainstream. In a lot of restaurants, it’s the go-to vegetarian menu item. Because it has a texture that’s almost chewy, almost dense, almost appealing, it can be an easy meat substitution in non-vegetarian restaurants. And, to be honest, it really can be a fun ingredient to work with.

For the past few weeks I’ve been asking you, my loyal readers, for recipes or questions that you’d like me to Chef Up. So for this week’s issue, I chose a recipe sent to me from local health food store, Native Sun, available online at FolioWeekly.com.

This recipe, as you can guess, contains tofu. Tofu, aka bean curd (specifically, soybean), is frequently used in many Asian cuisines mainly because of its high protein content, and because it can absorb and carry other flavors.

Let’s talk about the proper way to handle the stuff. Tofu, which has little or no flavor of its own, benefits greatly from a quick marinating. Begin with large uniform pieces of tofu; don’t crumble it because uniform pieces are much easier to sear. Tofu is porous like a sponge, so first lightly press the tofu to expel excess water, then use a flavor combination in the marinade that complements the other components of your dish. When envisioning vegetarian dishes, chefs will ask themselves: How do I balance a multitude of complex flavors and textures?

That’s right, flavors and textures.

These two ideas jazz up vegetarian cooking. A big plate of mushy vegetables may have health benefits, but it’s boring to eat. So add texture — remember you have teeth for only part of your life, so take advantage of them while you can!

To add texture to tofu, sear it just like you would treat a piece of beef. First wipe off the marinade and dry the tofu slightly, then sear in oil. You’ve added some depth and flavor to your tofu, along with a little extra texture, which will help the tofu stand up to further handling.

These little tips will definitely improve your tofu, but at the end of the day, something a little less processed might be a better option. Either way, here’s a quick recipe to marinate and sear your tofu and it’ll be ready to add to the next stir-fry you cook.

CHEF BILL’S MARINATED TOFU Ingredients: • 1 block of tofu • 2 oz. tamari sauce • 1 tbsp. rice vinegar • 1 tsp. sugar • 2 tbsp. mirin • 1 tsp. garlic, minced • 1 tsp. ginger, minced • 1 tbsp. sambol or Vietnamese chili • garlic sauce • 1 tbsp. sesame oil Directions: 1. Lightly press the tofu with a sauté pan 1. for about 30 minutes. Dry. 2. Cut tofu into 1-inch-by-1-inch cubes.

3. Mix all the other ingredients and 1. marinate the tofu pieces for 1 hour.

Until we cook again,

Chef Bill cheffedup@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Contact Chef Bill Thompson, owner of Amelia Island Culinary Academy in Historic Fernandina Beach, with your recipes or questions at cheffedup@folioweekly.com, for inspiration to get you Cheffed Up! JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE CROSSWORD by DALE RATERMANN. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

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THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

MECCA, MAGIC KEYS, SCENIC ROUTES, PUPPETS & SUNFLOWERS

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 St. Johns Ave. 10300 Southside Blvd.

388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

FOLIO CROSSWORD Dale celebrates our PET LOVERS issue!

ACROSS

1 Catty comment 5 Publix stack 9 St. Johns River floaters 14 Befuddled 15 Muslim title 16 JSO blotter entry 17 Kind of pad 18 Bandleader Puente 19 Bo-o-oring!

20 Advice for a pet lover, Pt. I 23 ___ show 24 End of Ripley’s slogan 25 Beauty maven Mary 28 It makes cats scat 32 City maps’ abbrs.

35 One way to go 37 Gone belly up 38 Olympics event 39 Advice, Part II 42 Jax Councilor Lopez Brosche 43“That’s trouble!”

44 Silent comedian 45 Ancient City Brewing cask 46 Wise guy 48 CPR pros 49 Is ill with 50 Brennan org.

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Advice, Part III Chew toy, e.g.

China setting Bloodhound’s trail UF dorm annoyance Did a ditty Area for some admirals?

Is undecided Like blue whales Emulates a cat

DOWN

1 Eat, Pray, Love locale 2 “Yeah, right!”

3 Put faith in 4 What’s blue, to Roy & Linda 5 Lime’s cousin 6 Betwitx and between 7 Peace grp.

8 Jax haze 9 Price of freedom 10 Over one’s head 11 World Cup inits.

12 Ex-lax?

13 PIN kin 21 Folio Weekly Magazine copy editor’s concern

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22 Puerile 25 Black Creek Outfitters craft 26 Peerless 27 YMCA section 29 Ho’s hi 30 Bobby Bowden’s last bowl game 31 Starboard 32 Old St. Andrew’s topper 33 WJXT news time 34 Yucca relatives 36 Piece-loving org.

38 Anybody’s guess at JAX Int’l 40 Indochine order request

Solution to 6.1.16 Puzzle O H I O S L E P T P O E M

P E R U

T R O T

S O N L A A D I N F D O E L M S T E R E O N A E A S A S S T R E L U S A P I O C A M P H R O M S D C A O O O U R S P N T E E S S

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41 Post-hardcore band Before ___ Eyes 46 Browns 47 Cold spell 49 Sock away 51 Tough nut to crack 52 Shore flier 53 The Box Tops’ “___ Rainbow” 54 Metro Diner fare 55 Genesis son 56 RR ___ 57 It might come to a head 58 Wet bar 59 Is human 60 Rx meas.

58

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Mythologist Joseph Campbell analyzed fairy tales for clues on how the human psyche works.

For example, he said a fairy tale character riding a horse is a representation of our relationship with our instinctual nature. If that character drops the reins and lets the horse gallop without guidance, he or she is symbolically surrendering control to the instincts.

I suspect you may soon be tempted to do just that – which wouldn’t be wise. You’ll be best served going against the flow of what seems natural. Sublimation and transcendence keep you much stronger than if you follow the line of least resistance. Visualize yourself, as you ride your horse, keeping a relaxed but firm grasp of the reins.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Here are two word lists. One, but not both, characterizes the nature of your predominant experiences in the weeks ahead. It’s mostly going to be up to you which emerges as the winner. Read both lists, pick the one you like better, and instruct your subconscious mind to lead you in that direction. List 1: gluttony, bloating, overkill, padding, exorbitance.

List 2: mother lode, wellspring, bumper crop, gold mine, cornucopia.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In his poem “Interrupted Meditation,” Robert Hass blurts out: “I give you, here, now, a magic key.

What does it open? This key I give you, what exactly does it open?” How would you answer his question?

What door, lock, heart or treasure box do you most need opened? Decide today. And don’t name five things you need opened. Choose one, and one only.

To do so will dissolve a mental block that has, up until now, kept you from finding the REAL magic key.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): An excerpt from Wendell Berry’s poem “Woods” captures your current situation’s essence: “I part the out-thrusting branches and come in beneath the blessed and the blessing trees. Though I am silent there is singing around me. Though I am dark there is vision around me. Though I am heavy there is flight around me.” Remember this poem three times a day in the next two weeks.

It’s important to know that no matter what murky, maudlin or mysterious mood you’re in, you’re surrounded by vitality and generosity.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A half-dead blast from the past is throttling the free flow of your imagination. Your best possible future will be postponed until you agree to deal more intimately with this crumbled dream, which you’ve never fully grieved or surrendered. Summon the bravest, smartest love you’re capable of, and lay your sad loss to rest with gentle ferocity. This may take a while, so be patient. Be inspired that your new supply of brave, smart love will be a crucial resource for the rest of your long life.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Five times every day, devout Muslims face their holiest city, Mecca, and pray to Allah. Even if you’re not Islamic, carry out your own version of this ritual. The next three weeks are a good time to cultivate a closer relationship with inspirational influence, high ideal, or divine being that reigns supreme in your life. Identify a place that excites your imagination and provokes a sense of wonder. Five times a day for the next 21 days, bow in the direction of this treasured spot. Unleash songs, vows, and celebratory expostulations to deepen your fierce, tender commitment to what you trust most and love best.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “The road reaches every place, the short cut only one,” says aphorist James Richardson. In

many cases, not a problem. Who has unlimited time and energy? Why leave options open? Short cuts can be valuable. It’s often smart to be ruthlessly efficient as we head to a destination. A caveat: According to my astrological omen-analysis, you’re in a phase when taking short cuts may be counterproductive. To be as well-seasoned as you’ll need to be to reach a goal, take a scenic route. The long way around may be the most efficient and effective.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Truth is like the flu,” says poet James Richardson. “I fight it off, but it changes in other bodies and returns in a form to which I am not immune.” In the days ahead, you’ll experience that riddle firsthand – probably more than once. Obvious secrets and wild understandings you’ve fought against finding out will mutate in just the right way to sneak past your defenses. Unwelcome insights you’ve been trying to ignore will finally wiggle their way into your psyche. Don’t worry. These new arrivals turn out to be good medicine.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to Guinness World records, the most consecutive hours spent riding on a roller coaster is 405 hours and 40 minutes. During the next 15 months, a Sagittarian daredevil may exceed that. I’ve come to this conclusion because I believe your tribe will be especially adept and relatively comfortable at handling steep rises and sudden dips at high speeds. And that’s not the only rough talent you’ll have in abundance. You could also set new personal bests in the categories of most frequent changes of mind, most heroic leaps of faith, and fastest talking.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Whether we admit it or not, all of us have acted like puppets. Bosses, teachers and loved ones can manipulate us even if they’re not with us. Our conditioned responses and programmed impulses may control our behavior in the present even if they were formed long ago. That’s the bad news. The good news? Now and then, moments of lucidity blossom, revealing puppet strings. We emerge from our unconsciousness and see we’re under the spell of influential people to whom we’ve surrendered power. This is one of those magic times for you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): A few weeks ago, you undertook a new course of study in the art of fun and games. You realized you hadn’t been playing hard enough, and took measures to correct that. After refamiliarizing yourself with the mysteries of innocent joy, you raised the stakes, dabbling with more intensive forms of relief and release. Now you have the chance to go even further: explore mysteries of experimental delight. Exuberant escapades may become available.

Amorous adventures could invite you to explore the frontiers of liberated love. Will you be brave and free enough to meet the challenge of deeply meaningful gaiety? Meditate on a radical possibility: spiritually adept hedonism.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Poet Sharon Dolin compares artists to sunflowers. They create “a tall flashy flower that then grows heavy with seeds whose small hard shells you must crack to get to the rich nut meat.” As I contemplate the current chapter of your unfolding story, I see you as being engaged in a similar process, even if you’re not actually an artist. To be exact, you’re at the point when you’re producing a tall flashy flower. The seeds haven’t begun to form, but they will. Later this year, the rich nut inside the small hard shells will be ready.

For now, concentrate on generating your gorgeous, radiant flower.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD CASHING IN

By 2009, when Zimbabwe’s central bank gave up on controlling inflation, its largest currency was the 100 trillion-dollar bill — barely enough for bus fare in Harare and not even worth the paper needed to print it.

However, that 100 trillion-dollar note (that’s “1” plus 14 zeros) has turned out to be a great investment for several astute traders in London and New Zealand, who bought thousands of them at pennies on the trillion and now report brisk sales to collectors on eBay at $30-$40 (in U.S. money) a note — a six-year return on investment, according to a May report in London’s The Guardian, of nearly 1,500 percent.

JERSEY JUSTICE

Long-divorced Henry Peisch, 56, has seven children, but only one is still living with his ex-wife (who’d originally been awarded $581 monthly support for all seven). Three children are now independent, and three others successfully petitioned courts to live with Henry. The resultant hardship (the $581 remains in effect) caused Henry to ask the Bergen County, New Jersey, Family Court several times for a “hardship” hearing, which the court denied (thus defying even the New Jersey Supreme Court). On April 8, Family Court Judge Gary Wilcox, noting Peisch’s appearance on a related matter, spontaneously “granted” him his “ability to pay” hearing (with thus no opportunity for witnesses or evidence-gathering) — and summarily jailed him for missing some $581 payments (because, the judge said, he did not “believe” Peisch’s hardship claims).

CONTACT HIGH

The president of the New England Organ Bank told U.S. News & World Report that she attributes the enormous upsurge in donations in recent years to the opioid “epidemic” that’s produced a similarly enormous upsurge in fatal overdoses. Now, one out of every 11 donated organs comes as a result of the overdosing that in 2014 claimed more than 47,000 lives. An organ-sharing organization’s chief medical officer reminds us that all organ donations are carefully screened, especially those acquired from overdose deaths.

FLORIDA FAUNA & FLORA

Nicole Bjanes, casually zipping along Interstate 4 in Volusia County around noon on May 9, saw a red-eared slider turtle come sailing through the air and crash into her windshield, sending her car off the road.

The Florida Highway Patrol said the turtle had become airborne after being hit by another car. It was apparently unhurt and swam away when a firefighter released it into a nearby pond. On May 10, police in Key West responded to a caller at the scene of a giant banyan tree (common to Florida and featuring vertical roots that thicken, spread and become entangled with the central trunk). A woman had tried to climb the tree but had fallen among the vertical roots and it was hard to see her. Said a proud police spokesperson, “They popped her out like a cork.”

SO JUMP OFF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING

Prolancia Turner, 26, was arrested on May 13 at Vero Beach Outlets mall after she allegedly walked out of a Claire’s store with unpaid-for earrings tucked in her waistband.

Police reported her “crying and angry” and complaining, “Everyone steals from this store.

Why are you picking on me?”

FUNNER DOWN UNDER

Yahoo News Australia reported (with photos) a man in Tallebudgera Creek on the country’s Gold Coast swimming with his pet snake. The man, standing chest-deep in water, tossed the snake (apparently a carpet python) a few feet and, according to the videos, the snake swam back to him each time. In the man’s other hand, of course: beer.

In April, police in Broome, in Australia’s far northwest, on traffic patrol stopped a 27-year-old man whose “several” children, including one infant, were unrestrained in his car while “cartons of beer” were “buckled into car seats,” according to an Australian Broadcasting Corp. report. He faces several charges, including driving on a suspended license.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

No left or right swipe here – you can actually use REAL WORDS to find a REAL LOVE! Folio Weekly Magazine can help you connect with that surfer hunk you almost talked to at the Young Vegan Professionals meet-up, or that gum-crackin’ goddess at Target who “accidentally” dropped a jasmine-scented kazoo in your cart.

Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html, fill out the FREE form correctly by 5 p.m. Friday (for the next Wednesday’s FWM) – next stop: Bliss!

(40 words or fewer, dammit)

FRIDAY BIKE-TO-WORK DAY You: Blue jeans, black tank top, red Motobecane bicycle, great smile. Didn’t get a chance to get your name. Me: Doing the bike thing. Are you up for a ride? When: May 20. Where: Hemming Plaza. #1612-0608 HANDSOME EDUCATED HARLEY RIDER We instantly hit it off talking. I tried to quickly give you my number. I was on a blind date that was NOT meant to be. I’d like to have a chance to continue our conversation. When: May 22. Where: River City Brewing Co. #1611-0608 DANCIN’ IN THE STREETS CUTIE You: Short, big white hat, gorgeous eyes, with friend outside bookstore. Me: Sunglasses, tan, wanted to flirt. We locked eyes. I got brave, you were gone – kicking myself since. Won’t hesitate again. Share a dance? When: May 21. Where: Atlantic Beach Dancin’ Festival. #1610-0525 BIRDIES BLUE-EYED BRUNETTE Beautiful day. You: Porch sitting with friends. Me: Walking dog down strip. We caught eyes. Couldn’t tell if you knew me or wanted to; we couldn’t look away. Hope next time it’s more than an awkward stare. When: May 15. Where: Birdies. #1609-0525 COMEDY ZONE Goldberg lookalike, Comedy Zone May 27, admiring each other while waiting with friends. Me: Hot brunette in black tank top and jeans.

When: May 27. Where: Comedy Zone. #1608-0525 DRIVE-THRU WINDOW PRINCESS Porsche, Prius; whatever I drive; at drive-thru window, you drive me crazy! Curious: Are pretty smile, friendly remarks more than sales-driven? Clarify over coffee? You get my name right. Will heed your advice: Come by more often. When: May 9. Where: St. Johns Town Ctr. fast-food drive-thru. #1607-0525 RED SCOOTER MISFIT Little red scooter. You: Dark, mysterious, flying through Five Points on a little red Honda Spree. Me: Black dress, circle shades.

Have my babies. <3. When: Every day. Where: Five Points. #1606-0518 PASSED YOU AT LUNCH Me: Going to lunch, bright teal dress shirt, said hello. You: Walking other way; very pretty young lady, flowery top, blonde hair, said howdy. Exchanged glances; looked back, you were gone. I should have said something. When: May 4.

Where: Devry University Concourse Café. #1605-0511 BEAUTIFUL WEST VIRGINIAN You: Tan BBW, three mixed kids, WVU tank top, American flag tattoo on back. Me: Overall cutoffs, American flag tattoo on neck, Gator T-shirt. You offered snuff. Nervous, I refused. Like to dip in you in my single-wide. When: April 8. Where: Collins Road Trailer Park. #1604-0413 MY TRAILER PARK QUEEN Me: Long hair, tats, white shirt, sippin’ a Bud Lite with my pops. You: Prego, kid on each hip, also drinking a Bud Lite, puffin’ a Winston. Let’s get drunk; lemme put another one in the oven. When: April 3. Where: Ramona Flea Market Beer Garden. #1603-0406 ACCIDENTALLY PUBLIC MAKEOUT You: Adorably nerdy guy, incredible hands. Me: Petite (younger) fashionista, completely enchanted. Made-out like teenagers in Starbucks parking lot before realizing patio full of people could see. I’d do it again without changing a thing! When: March 20. Where: Starbucks. #1602-0330

COME DELIVER PIZZA AGAIN! Me: Male in jeans, navy polo, bumbled over receipt. You: Male, delivered Pizza Hut to my door. I didn’t say much, but would’ve liked to! When: March 12. Where: My condo near The Avenues. #1601-0316 LISTENING PUNK ROCK IN TRUCK You: Blue/black truck, 8 p.m. I came out, you turned radio up so I’d look; you flashed best grin. Sandy, maybe curly hair, bright eyes, that dang smile! Who ARE you? Gotta know. When: March 7. Where: Welcome Food Mart, St. Augustine. #1600-0316 TIJUANA FLATS DROPPED SODA SHERRY? You: Fletcher lacrosse sweatshirt; dropped soda, came back. Me: Waiting too patiently for table, talking to you while you waited for takeout. (Insert cheesy line here, preferably including queso.) Single? Let’s grab a drink. When: Feb. 23. Where: Hodges Tijuana Flats. #1599-0316 GANESH TATTOOED HOT BLONDE GODDESS Ball cap. Thanks for letting me take pic of adorable Ganesh on your beautiful arm! I was totally intrigued, want to connect over chai sometime. The pic got overwhelming likes on IG! When: Feb. 27.

Where: SeaWalk Pavilion Jax Beach. #1598-0309 SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out same time. You: St. V lanyard, pine nuts (or similar), yogurt, others. Handsome! Me: Too shy to talk; regret not speaking as I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18. Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224 LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16.

Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224 MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11. Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217 ENAMORADA DE TI... Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion. Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre.

Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, bull mastiff. You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance.

Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9. Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217 TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night.

You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck. You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later!

Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me. When: Feb. 5.

Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217 RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church.

When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217 JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

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38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 8-14, 2016

FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

Local civil rights attorney DECRIES the long, treacherous road to JUSTICE

THE CITY, SHE WEEPS

JACKSONVILLE IS CRYING. IT’S TOO LATE to comfort her with nice words or a tissue.

The bullets have ripped through her flesh.

The scars show. The anger is festering. I am worried about her future.

I want to say something you haven’t heard, to make you think about helping the healing begin. I want you to realize Jacksonville is the mother of us all and we need to treat her right.

We can’t disregard her with biased rules or policies that treat some of our brothers and sisters differently.

But you’ve heard it all. You’ve seen the news and turned the channel. You’ve looked at statistics and concluded they don’t matter to you. You have your own problems. You think maybe some of “those people” brought it on themselves. I have heard it all.

Every night before bed, I peek in on my 4-year-old and 20-month-old. I say a prayer of thanks, note the positives in my life and go to sleep to ready myself for another day as a lawyer in charge of people’s worst days. When I started working for Jordan Davis’ family, my “to do” list was long, but I knew that every morning when I put my feet on the ground, Jordan’s mom was already miles ahead of me as an advocate for her son. I knew his father had already shed more tears that day than I had in years.

When we represented more than 100 children who were victims of their pediatric dentist, my office knew this was an issue we could tackle. It was its own epidemic — the over-provision of medical services through sometimes cruel and unusual ways in the name of profit. Car wrecks, brain-injured boxers, even some odd cases against Katy Perry and George Zimmerman, had defined objectives. Justice in that case was more than a check. The suit had a broader goal, but you could see light at the end of the tunnel.

This isn’t so with civil rights cases. What happens when law enforcement goes wrong is not so simple. And most of the victims get victimized during the process of seeking justice. “It’s their fault,” some say. “They asked for it,” others post. In these posts, the life of the “miscreant” is valued less than their own.

But is that so in God’s eyes?

Leo Little was shot dead after a routine traffic stop over an expired tag. His was the second funeral of a client of mine that I had attended. The officer had no body camera or dash cam. On the officer’s Facebook page, he had a featured photo of him holding a baton or gun, captioned, “the last thing u see b4 i kill u.”

Jacksonville Sheriff ’s Office, the State Attorney

and the court of public opinion took the officer’s word that “Leo started it.” It was all we heard. For myriad reasons, there was no justice for Leo. I still feel like I failed his family.

I could do very little to help them or many other civil rights victims who call. I can’t take away the atrocious comments people make about those “justifi ably” killed by law enforcement. I can’t change the laws or require body cameras to make sure we don’t have to solely trust the word of the officer standing over a dead body. I can’t show the world the details left out of police reports when the officer was unaware his actions were being recorded. I can’t stop state attorneys who are unabashedly biased toward law enforcement.

I can’t change the grand jury system, which allows prosecutors (who depend on these same officers) to essentially stack the deck against indictments without having to tell both sides of the story. I can’t do away with the union contract that makes terminating an officer virtually unheard of. I can’t sue our way to true justice. I can’t find a way to make things much better than they are. But I try.

For example, consider one of my clients, Mayra Martinez. Mayra outstayed her welcome at her first and last day at a job and was rewarded with a call to police saying she was trespassing. Unknown to the police, a Good Samaritan with a dash cam filmed JSO basically attempting to “ground and pound” her into submission after arrest. Upon her transport to jail, she gave the officer a piece of her mind. Despite her hands being cuffed behind her back, the officer shoved her against the wall and proceeded to pummel her. She collapsed and was nearly completely motionless for about 15 minutes, lying facedown on the concrete. The team of officers on the scene ignored her; they didn’t even check her breath or pulse.

When Jacksonville Fire & Rescue was finally called, the young woman wasn’t of great concern to the officers. Some laughed.

Nevertheless, the EMTs asked to take her to the hospital. The officer who attacked her was allowed to refuse their medical recommendation. They asked again. He signed a form waiving medical treatment for her “against [the EMTs] medical advice.”

How does the report describe this?

It doesn’t. Its description is so woefully incomplete that it is deceptive. Of course, they describe her misbehavior minute-by-minute and officer-by-officer after her civil rights were violated, but not one word is written about

why officers didn’t stop him or why they left her for dead.

Did the officer get cuffed and arrested? No. He went home. After someone realized there was video, it was reviewed and he was charged with simple battery and fired because he was not yet vested with the Fraternal Order of Police.

The aftermath consists of the same prosecutor entering an appearance in both her case and the officer’s case. It consists of JSO releasing only two minutes of video, leading us to request more. Did they then give us the rest?

No. They told us it was under investigation and released it on the JaxSheriff YouTube page a couple of days later. Mayra asked for a lawyer, but the “integrity unit” attempted to interrogate her in the middle of the night. Reprehensible.

Failing Mayra is not an option. Another lawyer accused our office of promising fantasy to her. We didn’t promise fantasy to Jordan Davis’ family. Michael Dunn, Davis’ killer, is now spending life in prison, we won an unprecedented civil suit, policies at the jail were changed, and his family is making a difference daily. We didn’t promise fantasy to the family of Andrew Flaherty, who was incorrectly labeled a sexual offender on his state ID card. We learned that this had happened to more than 200 others simply because “organ donor” and “sexual offender” were too close on the selection screen. We not only received a settlement, but an entire renovation of the state’s computer system to make sure it never happens again.

In the civil rights context, maybe it is fantasy to dream of a day when police wear body cameras, non-lethal force is preferred, police reports match what happened and delay and gamesmanship isn’t on the path to justice. It may take public/private partnerships or grants.

It may take adding funds for body cameras to our upcoming tax increase referendum. It may take rethinking hiring practices and addressing the protections mandated by the Fraternal Order of Police. And we will certainly need help from the sheriff, the city council, the mayor, state legislators, federal legislators and maybe even the Department of Justice.

But if we don’t start today, Jacksonville will never be fair. It will never be great. We may be in for a long, hot summer of unrest. And those scars will continue to pile up, as will the bodies, the rage and distrust.

John M. Phillips mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Phillips is a local attorney.

JUNE 8-14, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39