05/04/16 School of Hard Knox

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3

THIS WEEK // 5.04-5.10.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 5 COVER STORY

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOX

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PGA golfer and adopted local son RUSSELL KNOX constantly strives for perfection story by CLAIRE GOFORTH photos by DENNIS HO

FEATURED ARTICLES

DISTRESS SIGNALS

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BY AG GANCARSKI The Hell of poverty

BAIT AND SWITCH

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BY SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN Super teachers shafted on expected bonuses

DEEP CUTS

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BY DANIEL A. BROWN Comedian Bill Burr continues to slice into pop culture and the hypocrisy of American culture

COLUMNS + CALENDARS FROM THE EDITOR OUR PICKS MAIL/B&B FIGHTIN’ WORDS NEWS MUSIC

5 6 8 9 10 19

FILM/MAGIC LANTERNS 20 ARTS 22 LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR 25 DINING GUIDE 28 BITE-SIZED 29 PINT-SIZED 30

CHEFFED-UP PETS WEIRD / I SAW U CLASSIFIEDS CWORD / ASTRO BACKPAGE

DISTRIBUTION

Bobby Pendexter / cosmicdistributions@gmail.com PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor staylor@folioweekly.com / 904.860.2465

EDITORIAL

EDITOR • Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com / ext. #115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / #ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. #128 WRITER-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Brenton Crozier, Josue Cruz, Julie Delegal, Jordan Ferrell, AG Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Dale Ratermann, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Jeff Meyers, Greg Parlier, Kara Pound, Chuck Shepherd, Marc Wisdom VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry, Carl Rosen

DESIGN

ART DIRECTOR • Chaz Bäck cback@folioweekly.com / ext. #116 PHOTO EDITOR/GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com / ext. #122 GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Madison Gross madisong@folioweekly.com GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Ellyn McDonald ellynm@folioweekly.com WEB CONTENT INTERN • Hudson Bäck

BUSINESS & ADMINISTRATION BUSINESS MANAGER • Lorraine Cover fpiadmin@folioweekly.com / ext. #119 ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER • T. Farrar Martin fmartin@folioweekly.com /

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FROM THE EDITOR

Ryan Stalvey holds sign at recent protest

PRIDE & PREJUDICE ALL RYAN STALVEY WANTS IS TO LIVE IN A home where he is accepted and loved. Legally, it is not so simple for the 16-year-old student at Paxon School for Advanced Studies.

Stalvey is transgender; the home he longs to remain in is not the home he shared with his biological family until his mother’s January arrest for abusing him, an alleged video of which has been viewed thousands of times online (kyler-sells-seashells.tumblr.com). In the 15-second video, Stalvey is seated on a couch as a woman he identified as his mother to Folio Weekly Magazine demands he take off his shirt; when he refuses, she rushes at him and can be seen straddling him and wrapping a hand around his throat. Between her repeated expletives and demands that he remove his shirt, his plaintive cry of “Stop choking me” can be heard.

It’s painful to watch.

In a YouTube video (youtube.com/ watch?v=CWBiGUiAMf8&app=desktop), Stalvey explains that his mother wanted him to wear girls’ clothes that day; when he refused, she lost it. This, he told FWM, was a typical fight; the only thing atypical was that on this particular day, he refused to comply.

Stalvey says that his mother had been abusing him for years before her arrest. “It really started when she found out I was trans at the end of eighth grade,” he said. “… She told me it was because I’m her child and she’d accept anyone [who was trans] but I’m her child.”

In April, the court allowed Stalvey’s mother to attend counseling, perform community service and pay a fine to avoid charges. (FWM was not able to reach Stalvey’s parents before press time.)

Following this most recent episode, four months ago Stalvey moved in with his best friend and his family, where he says he has been welcomed and, more important, accepted. Though he’s happy and safe now, Stalvey has said that if he’s forced to move back in with his biological family, he will probably commit suicide.

That doesn’t change anything in the eyes of the law; Stalvey is in legal limbo. “Right now it’s just a waiting game until my mom goes back to court,” he said.

Stalvey says his foster family can’t adopt him unless his parents sign away their legal rights, so he’s seeking legal emancipation, a somewhat counterintuitive argument as Stalvey is not in a position to take care of himself, nor is that what he genuinely wants.

Grace Cook and Kelsea Conway

Local transgender teen’s story of REJECTION AND ABUSE is a familiar one

It’s simply the only viable legal option that keeps him from being forced to move back in with his mother, who he said has threatened his life. Right now, all Stalvey’s parents have to do to force him to move back in with them is call the police and report him missing.

Perhaps the saddest thing about Stalvey’s story is the fact that he is one of the lucky ones: He has a home with people who love and accept him, and friends and other supporters rallying around him. He estimated that 65 people showed up at the Duval County Courthouse on April 30 to protest child abuse and support transgender rights generally and his specifically.

Every day, kids just like Ryan Stalvey end up on the streets — or worse — because their families won’t accept their sexual orientation, gender identity or expression. In 2012, UCLA College of Law Williams Institute reported that 40 percent of all homeless youth identify as LGBT, as compared with 7 percent of the general youth population. Among homeless LGBT youth, 68 percent reported rejection or ostracization by family members; 54 percent reported abuse. It is no secret that even temporarily living on the streets, where there are extremely high risks of violence, addiction, prostitution and disease, can leave wounds on these children that will never completely heal.

Yet it doesn’t have to be this way. Parents do not have to categorically reject children who do not conform to their own ideals.

Unlike being LGBT, bigotry is a choice.

So this Mother’s Day weekend, think for a moment about what it truly means to be a loving and supportive parent. Ask yourself what this world would be like if all mothers (and fathers) stopped trying to force their children to pattern themselves after some arbitrary ideal, if all parents accepted their children regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity or expression. At a minimum, there would be a lot fewer kids living on the streets, a lot fewer kids self-harming, self-medicating and drowning in bitter selfloathing. In short, the world would be a better place for the hundreds of thousands of LGBT youths in America who aren’t as lucky as Ryan Stalvey, who will find somewhere to sleep on the streets tonight.

Even if he ultimately triumphs in court, Stalvey isn’t giving up. “I’m not going to stop fighting for other kids,” he said.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

PUTTING AROUND THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP

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Now in its 42nd year, THE PLAYERS Championship remains the premiere Northeast Florida sporting event, drawing attention from global sports media. This year is no exception, with features like a Toby Keith performance and THE PLAYERS 5K with Donna (on May 7). Better still, international golfers compete for a $10,500,000 purse (!) as fans sweat in the heat and wonder if they have made the wrong career choices. Tuesday, May 10-Sunday, May 15 (practice rounds May 10 and 11), TPC at Sawgrass, Ponte Vedra Beach, $20-$165; Tickets at pgatour.com/tournaments/the-players-championship/tickets.html.

OUR PICKS

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

WHISTLING ALONG SWEET EMMALINE Local theater buffs will thrill at the world

premiere of Sweet Emmaline: The Musical Journey of Debbie McDade, an original work written by Deborah B. Dickey and staged by A Classic Theatre. The production chronicles the life of the now-90year-old McDade and her journey as a jazz vocalist (and virtuso whistler!) that took her from Lincolnville to New York City, where she performed with the likes of Earl “Fatha” Hines and Count Basie. The play’s cast includes notable locals including Sarah Sanders (pictured, best known as soul jazz artist Mama Blue), Soranda Louis, and Curtis Tucker. 3 p.m. Sunday, May 8; 7:30 p.m. Monday, May 9-Thursday, May 12, Lincolnville Museum & Cultural Center, St. Augustine, $25, aclassictheatre.org.

CELEBRATION

ROMANZA FESTIVALE OF THE ARTS

The Oldest City gets to show off its creative side with the annual Romanza Festivale of the Arts. The 10-day festival features more than 100 events, including a concert by renowned vocal ensemble CANTUS (pictured), art exhibits, dance performances, live music, a parade, kids’ activities, tours and dramatic productions. Friday, May 6-Sunday, May 15, various St. Augustine venues, romanzafestivale.com.

SUN

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FRI

6

BENEATH THE SURFACE

FRI

HIROMI MONEYHUN

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SPRING RHYTHMS

FUNK FEST The Funk Fest Tour returns to Northeast Florida, with another cool roster of some of the legends and favorites of hip-hop, soul, and R&B, including LL Cool J (pictured), New Edition, Doug E. Fresh, Floetry, Jon B., 8ball & MJG, Master P, Dru Hill, and SWV. 4 p.m. Friday, May 6 and 2 p.m. Saturday, May 7, Metropolitan Park, Downtown, $30-$45, funkfesttour.com.

6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

THU

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Northeast Florida artist Hiromi Moneyhun has garnered international attention for her remarkable three-dimensional, cut-paper pieces. Inspired by the woodblock prints of Giro Takihira, Moneyhun uses a razor and black paper to create ghostlike enigmatic pieces enhanced by the interplay between shadow and surface.

The Kyoto-born Moneyhun has shown her work locally at MOCA, Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, and the Haskell Gallery at JIA, along with the Bridges Museum in Arkansas.

Her upcoming show features 19 pieces of her singular work. Opening reception is 6 p.m. Thursday, May 5, The Beaches Museum & History Center, Jax Beach, beachesmuseum.org.

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

THE MAIL THE ISLAND WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

RE: “Improper Address,” by Steve Hanson, April 20 I LIVE EAST OF THE DITCH. I GET MY WATER from the city of Atlantic Beach. I work as an Ambassador for the St. Johns River Ferry and I’m a member of Friends of the Ferry. I work to support Beaches Habitat for Humanity. In short, I am an islander who supports the community and I will be damned if I am going to say I in live in Jacksonville. I refuse to change my address because a few bureaucrats held a backroom meeting and shoved this proposal through.

Dennis Carpenter via Facebook

NANNIE NANNIE BOO BOO, STICK YOUR HEAD IN JACKSONVILLE

RE: “Improper Address,” by Steve Hanson, April 20 CERTAIN RESIDENTS IN ZIP CODE 32233 WOULD like you to believe that heartless, snobbish Atlantic Beach officials have arbitrarily thrown them out of Atlantic Beach and, with the concurrence of the U.S. Postal Service, are forcing them to change their address to Jacksonville. This angst was represented by a Steve Hanson in his recent FWM Backpage Editorial.

What these residents don’t say is they never lived in Atlantic Beach although they used that town’s address. There are a number of reasons for using the incorrect address – many related to the same snobbishness Hanson attributes to Atlantic Beach officials.

Hanson claims that Postal Service regulations require a formal survey before this address change could be implemented. Unfortunately, he quotes from a postal regulation for ZIP code boundary changes. Once again, there was no boundary change. These residents still have the same ZIP code. If you go to the Jacksonville Geographic Information System (GIS) website, you can clearly see that the area affected by the change is and always has been listed as being in Jacksonville.

Yes, there is some cost involved in the address change, though perhaps not as much as is being claimed. Changing the address on a driver’s license is probably the most onerous. As for credit cards, most companies offer an address change opportunity on monthly bills and there’s no need to issue a new card with a new number that would, admittedly, be a pain. Hanson also mentions mortgage documents.

If his mortgage documentation, including the survey and plat diagram, shows Atlantic Beach, he needs to see the people who did that

documentation. Remember, the property was always in Jacksonville. If a seller and selling real estate agent used the incorrect Atlantic Beach address to jack up the selling price, there may be some legal action available, especially if the appraisal used properties actually in Atlantic Beach for comparison. If the closing agent used survey and title search documentation listing the legal address as Atlantic Beach, they should be required to make any changes necessary at no charge.

If Hanson and other property owners did not know they actually lived in Jacksonville, shame on them. Get over it.

Dennis J. Egan via email

PROGRESSIVES-IN-ARMS

RE: “Just Another Brick in the Wallgate,” by Claire Goforth, April 20 I COULD NOT RESIST YOUR STORY IN THE most current issue of Folio Weekly Magazine.

I’m a regular but not the most avid reader. I was delighted when I picked up the issue to see the small pic at the top and immediately turned to page 5. I COMPLETELY enjoyed and agree with your take on Jacksonville’s un-progressive progression. When Steve [Williams] first put out the FB post of #wallgate’s citation, I knew however it got handled would be a big determinant of what artists could do next. I’m glad people like Nick Thompson and Sherry Hill saw the importance of getting the citation dismissed through the new ordinance. I even posed the same question you highlighted. Who determines what is art? I asked selfishly, because I am heavily interested in the Murray Hill Mural Project. I have been backside fundraising for it, because I believe that artists should be able to create free-form pieces that should be adequately compensated and not just an exposure tactic. Artists here are so hungry for an opportunity that they give up all accolades and monetary hopes in pursuit of vanity. I hope to be a big part of that changing. Not only for Jacksonville artists, but for artists everywhere, to expect and demand it as their professional due. Again, I just wanted to say you made my morning and helped to add inspiration to vision. Your article is important to compounding the real issue, which is: How has anything, if anything, changed from this social experiment? I hope the Murray Hill Mural Project will mount a radar, and do more to open the city to put public art back where it belongs.

Shawana Brooks via email

LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly Magazine, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO KEEP JACKSONVILLE BEAUTIFUL On April 30, Keep Jacksonville Beautiful, in partnership with Greenscape of Jacksonville and JEA, organized volunteers to plant a dozen trees in the Springfield Historic District, with the goal of creating a thick canopy (and shade!) for future generations to enjoy in a neighborhood which, let’s be honest, could use a lot more love.

BRICKBATS TO FLORIDA POWER AND LIGHT CO. Facing an estimated $50 million bill for cleanup at its Turkey Point nuclear plant, FPL — which provides power to parts of St. Johns and Nassau counties — is planning to reach into customers’ pockets and pass along the cost to them. Even better: FPL, which the Sun-Sentinel reports posted $1.65 billion in profits in 2015, an increase of 8.6 percent over 2014, is currently seeking permission for a rate increase.

BOUQUETS TO CLAY COUNTY ACADEMIC TEAM After four rounds of rigorous competition at Walt Disney World April 21-23, the Clay team won the 2016 Commissioner’s Academic Challenge Division II State Championship. One team member, junior Nabeel Farooq, was even chosen to represent the state on Team Florida in the national competition! Guess we know with whom to partner at trivia.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

CLARIFICATION Robin Hughes Patton took the photo featured alongside the April 20 From the Editor, “Just Another Brick in the Wallgate.”

8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS

DISTRESS SIGNALS The HELL of POVERTY

I VERY LIKELY WILL NEVER BE DIRT-POOR again. But I have been.

When my parents were divorced, and I stayed with my mother while my father worked out his midlife crisis, we lived in an apartment that rented for $170 a month in North Charleston.

I don’t mean to brag. We couldn’t have afforded that on our own. That’s why, at one point, we had two aunts and three cousins living with us in the 500-square-foot space.

We were poor, and there was no glamour to it.

I don’t think about poverty as a firsthand thing anymore. I don’t think of the cheap ground beef, the window air conditioner from a bygone era, of the neighbors who all seemed to have something profoundly wrong with them (a mental issue, a moral failing, a faraway look in the eye and a penchant for “Numb Chucks” and Chinese stars).

And I don’t think of the dude my mom took up with, an abusive Vietnam vet, to split bills.

Never think about it. As soon as we were able to get to something better, we did.

It was only a few years. It Worked Out. Not everyone can say they escaped.

Including, especially, many people in Jacksonville.

A recent meeting of the Economic Development Incentives Committee in City Hall included an exhibit on economically distressed areas — as if my drives through Durkeeville, Grand Park, Midwest and Northwest didn’t show me indicators of where our society has left its most vulnerable to their own devices, consigning the poor and poorly educated and poorly fed to a generational cycle of despair and infrastructural decrepitude.

These EDIC-exhibited economically distressed areas were rated on four factors.

Income below poverty line was one; 20 percent was the demarcation point. Of 174 Duval County census tracts, 64 fall into that crack.

Unemployment equal to or greater than 15.5 percent, 125 percent higher than the 12.5 percent (REAL, not cooked) unemployment rate over the last five years. Forty-five census tracts on that list.

Median household income below $28,550?

Twenty-nine tracts. And median housing value below $86,401? Thirty tracts.

Many census tracts satisfied all four conditions, when only three were required to be distressed.

Census tract 3, on the Eastside, has 51.2 percent of its residents below the poverty line, a number helped along by an 18 percent unemployment rate. And get this: a $23,158 median household income.

To get there, many households are below $23K a year. How do you live on that and stay completely legal? How do you live on that

and not feel that you’ve been cheated, day in, day out?

Nearby census tract 10, meanwhile, is even worse. There, 65.3 percent of residents are below the poverty line; 60.3 percent are unemployed. Median household income? $10,789 … and you probably need a lot of people making that much to buy your $65K house.

Your super-distressed areas are on the Eastside. They also line I-10, pushing north about halfway toward I-295. There’s one in Arlington, too, around the Century 21 complex.

Jesus said the poor will always be with us.

And you get the sense that’s true. Even as there are things being done to help.

There’s the Jacksonville Journey relaunch, which means money devoted to things like library access programs for children and young adults, including remedial education services. And money devoted to reentry services for reformed felons.

And, just last week, the GE Foundation partnered with the city to facilitate $250,000 worth of cardiovascular health screenings over the next two years. Most of those screenings will benefit people in Health Zone 1, which encompasses many of these distressed areas.

Rep. Mia Jones (D-District 14), whose Agape Community Health Center Network will handle the screenings, pointed out to the crowd of luminaries who had driven across town to the Legends Center on Soutel Drive that in HZ1, you can sometimes see someone who is 30 to 40 years old who’s had a stroke.

That’s one of the consequences of living in a food desert, like the people in New Town do, where you have to change buses twice to get to a grocery store at Gateway. So with fresh food options closed to you, Popeye’s or Jenkins Quality Barbecue or convenience store food looks damned good.

The folks from Districts 7 through 10 laugh when they hear the new promises, which sound like the old, unfulfilled promises. They have good reason to laugh.

Filmmakers and fiction writers sentimentalize poverty. There’s nothing sentimental about poisoned water, subpar food, toxic mold in the walls, schools where you throw fists before you learn fractions.

Nothing to sentimentalize about realizing, day in and day out, that you’d better be more like the people in the neighborhood, or you’ll catch hell when you’re by yourself and they’re not.

Learn to fight. Or learn to fall.

I very likely will never be dirt-poor again.

Thank God. But I still remember it. And if you’re there long enough, odds are good it will derail you, and you won’t even see it coming.

AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

FOLIO COMMUNITY : NEWS

BAIT AND

Super TEACHERS SHAFTED on expected bonuses

SWITCH

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AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 2014-2015 SCHOOL year, a third grade reading teacher who’d transferred from a suburban and mostly white elementary school with an “A” rating to a mostly black elementary school with an “F” rating began to fully comprehend the challenge she faced. Five of her students couldn’t read, not at all. And only a few read on class level. The class couldn’t sit still long enough to listen to her read a book. Consequently, they had no interest in reading. Not even looking at a picture book held their attention.

She joined the school as part of a wave of 952 “super teachers” — professionals Duval County Public Schools had signed to three-year contracts to teach at its 36 lowest-performing schools. Their task: Work miracles. Under the district’s new Quality Education for All (QEA) initiative, these super teachers were paid signing bonuses, some as much as $20,000. If students made leaps in learning under their tutelage, the teachers would receive performance bonuses ranging from $1,500 to $20,000 each year.

The reading teacher says she knows the power of a good story and how one book can capture a child’s imagination and inspire a lifelong love of reading. That’s exactly what she did — and today she says her students made great strides.

“By the end of the year, they were begging me stay in the classroom at lunchtime, to stay on floor and read. I didn’t do it just a little,” she says. “I created readers out of children who had no interest in books before.”

But according to a rubric that Duval County Public Schools applied to its super teachers’ successes, the third-grade reading teacher fell short. She’s not complaining; if she didn’t meet the mark, she didn’t meet the mark. But now she questions the bonus program. She says the program that was sold to her when she transferred to the school and signed a three-year contact is different from the way DCPS calculated the bonus when it came time to pay. She and every other QEA teacher who spoke to Folio Weekly Magazine said they expected that their students’ gains would be compared with the other classes at the 36 QEA schools. Now, the teachers say, the school district has changed its tune and says

they must beat the averages district-wide to receive a bonus.

“I think they were very irresponsible. I keep going over and over it. I’ve lost sleep over it,” the third-grade teacher says.

There’s no doubt the reading teacher accomplished what the education philanthropists who put up $50 million for the QEA program hoped super teachers would achieve in their classrooms — improving the lives of mostly poor, majority black student bodies whose kids might not have parents who read to them or played counting games with them, whose families might be struggling with all kinds of pressures, who might be working two or three jobs to try to make ends meet and have who knows what else going on in their lives — because her students blossomed and began to reach their learning potential. No one is saying the district needs a set formula to measure those gains. They are merely saying everyone should understand from the outset what that formula is.

At the beginning of spring break this year, on March 17, DCPS notified 676 teachers (71 percent of its teaching staff ) in that first-year class of super teachers that their students had learning gains, which qualified them for performance bonuses ranging from $1,500 to $20,000. The third-grade reading teacher got one of those emails, which stated she would receive $5,000, based on her students’ test scores. (Her students performed at least 1-10 percent above the average, which she says gelled with what she’d seen in the classroom.)

But a second notice sent on March 21 informed 273 of those 676 teachers that the bonus notification was issued in error. The district had miscalculated; thus, the reading teacher, along with 272 others, did not qualify.

Neither did a third-grade math and science teacher who’d initially been told he’d get the bonus, too. “Luckily, I didn’t start buying airplane tickets,” he said.

(Based on fears of retaliation, both the reading and math teachers, as well as other teachers critical of the QEA program, spoke to FWM on condition of anonymity.) On April 8, FWM asked the school district to explain exactly what the calculating error was, but the district offered only an email sent to teachers explaining the error and did

not provide anyone to explain it in detail by our editorial deadline.

Although he was notified his bonus notification was in error as well, the third-grade math teacher said he’d seen big gains, too. His students had jumped grade levels. Even if some were still behind their grade level, they’d made great strides. Still, his students’ scores fell short of qualifying for the bonus because they would have had to beat the average score of all third graders in the district.

That’s not the way teachers say the bonus system was explained to them when they signed their contracts in September 2014.

They expected that their students’ scores would be compared to the other QEA schools.

Both the math and the reading teacher said there is no way they could take students at a low-performing school where some start the year unable to read or do simple math and expect that, by the end of the year, they’d be competitive with students at any of the schools further up the economic chain where children might start kindergarten already reading and doing simple math. The reading teacher said that, even if in her teaching experience she’d always been a top performer, she wouldn’t necessarily expect her class to outperform other third-graders throughout the district — at least in their first year. Against the 36 other low-performing schools, though, she’s quite sure they would shine.

“I knew it was going to be difficult, but I was confident in myself. I needed to build readers and I did. It was a magical thing that happened. I could sit back as an educator and think, ‘Wow, I did it,’” she said. “But it needs to be a realistic goal. Everyone knows what the QEA schools are up against. That’s why they started the whole program.”

“It’s the same thing here,” she said. “If it’s been academically hard for you for all of your schooling to be compared against someone who’s been successful all of their schooling, it wouldn’t be fair. Teachers may not be getting their kids to perform like the students out at Fletcher High School, but in competing against other kids in the same silo [other QEA schools], they are making progress.”

That’s what the program is meant to do, she said. Bryant admits she didn’t get into details when she signed the QEA contract.

Other teachers said they had no informational session with either the school system or the union before signing the contract. An email provided by one teacher regarding the contract directed her to meet with her principal to discuss its terms. That email never mentioned district averages. The school district now says that a memorandum of understanding negotiated between the school district and the teachers’ union was posted online for teachers to review and that it specifically stated they would be compared against district averages. The district also said there were three informational sessions on the contract in April 2014. FWM asked DCPS for the email to Bryant that informed her of the April information sessions or to any teacher referring them to the online document that explained the bonus formula was a districtto-district comparison, but the school system said that FWM had reached the limit of public records it would provide without charging an hourly rate for an employee to retrieve requested records. None of the teachers who spoke to FWM saw the online document and none knew about the Q&A sessions. When they signed the contracts, their understanding was that QEA schools would be compared

None of the teachers who spoke to FWM saw the online document and NONE KNEW about the Q&A sessions.

When they signed the contracts, their understanding was that QEA schools WOULD BE COMPARED WITH OTHER QEA SCHOOLS. Duval County Public Schools spokesperson Laureen Ricks points to the 403 QEA teachers who did beat the district average and made the cut as evidence that the goal is attainable. “It doesn’t mean [the teachers who did not receive bonuses] are not fantastic teachers. Their scores are not above the district average. But more than 400 teachers did receive the bonus. I get that they’re upset. There are treasured educators who are qualified and effective educators.

I can’t say that enough. But this was an objective process and their scores didn’t qualify them.”

DCPS asked high school math teacher Lorlesha Bryant (who received the top bonus of $20,000 for her students’ performance) to speak to FWM about the program. Bryant, who’s taught Algebra I at Andrew Jackson High School for five years, said she thought she’d been judged against other QEA schools.

She always gets high scores from her class, she says. In 2014-’15, her students ranked 25 percent above the district average in math; as a QEA teacher, she received a $20,000 reward.

She said it’s made her rethink her aspirations to become an assistant principal, at least for the next couple of years. “As long as the bonuses keep coming, I may have to stay in the classroom,” Bryant joked.

Bryant correlated comparing QEA schools to the entirety of district schools with expecting a small rural high school basketball team to beat a big city one.

with other QEA schools. FWM also asked for the total dollars the district would pay in bonuses for the 2014-’15 school year, but again was told the magazine would have to pay for that information. (Florida public records law allows a government agency to charge if the records requested will require an extensive use of clerical or supervisory time.) So far, FWM has received a document that showed the 952 teachers who’d signed QEA contracts by subject and the 403 who’d received bonuses by subject, but retrieving those records tipped any further requests into the “extensive” category.

After receiving a quick recap of who’d gotten bonuses, the math teacher noted that math and reading coaches, physical education and art teachers, reading interventionists and school counselors fared much better in the bonus tally than classroom teachers. Of the 92 third-grade elementary school teachers with QEA contracts, for instance, 45 earned the bonus.

Of the 22 elementary math coaches, 17 did.

But perhaps the worst outcome of the whole QEA program so far is that some supermotivated teachers, the best in the system, are disenchanted and feel this local district is cheating them.

“God forbid if a teacher ran her classroom like that. It would not be tolerated,” the reading teacher said. “I think the district was dishonest. There’s something fishy there.”

Susan Cooper Eastman mail@folioweekly.com MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

SCHOOL OF HARD

KNOX

PGA golfer and Jacksonville University alum RUSSELL KNOX gets BETTER all the time STORY BY CLAIRE

B

GOFORTH

eneath a sunny, light blue sky dotted with clouds, white underbellies turning grey with rain, Russell Knox, deep in concentration, lines up a 15-foot putt on a butter-smooth green on one of the most beautiful golf courses in the world, TPC Sawgrass. Behind him Spanish moss sways from the branches of lofty live oaks, in the distance groundskeepers are busy making sure every blade is in place and each bush, tree and flower is in peak condition for the upcoming Players Championship starting May 10, when tens of thousands of fans descend upon the course for the tournament that has come to be known as golf’s “fifth major.”

Knox misses the putt. Mumbling to himself, he lines up another shot and doubles his focus, inscrutable below a baseball cap. It’s only a photo shoot, a quick series of pictures of a PGA golfer putting on his home course, but no matter: He’s determined to make it.

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

Thirteen years stateside have softened his Scottish brogue a bit and four years on tour have given him a certain reserve, but Russell Knox remains far more accessible than one would imagine of a PGA golfer currently placed fourth in the competition for the FedEx Cup. Days earlier, he’d finished seven strokes under par — four he made up with a closing round of 67 — at the RBC Heritage tournament in Hilton Head, South Carolina, earning him a second-place finish and a halfmillion-dollar purse. One might imagine him glowing with triumph, but on the green, he’s just a lean, crisply dressed blond lining up a shot, his mind turned inward, tracking the line to the cup.

An egret flies past, its call a harsh bray that punctures the smooth rumble of the far-off mowers. The distraction makes no difference; this time the ball goes in. Knox nods quickly to himself. For him, every shot is a chance to improve.

Earlier, en route to the green, a groundskeeper paused to congratulate him on the tournament. “Thanks, mate,” Knox shouted back with amiable familiarity, a far cry from the prima donna behavior for which several of his contemporaries are known.

Drawn to the Florida climate, the utter perfection of the course, which also serves as PGA headquarters, many professionals have made TPC Sawgrass their home course. But the 30-year-old Jacksonville University alum is clearly something of a favorite around the lush fairways and greens. Everyone seems to know — and like — Russell Knox.

T

hree years ago, Folio Weekly Magazine interviewed Knox along with Nick Flanagan for a story about local golfers on the cusp of breaking out of the Web.com Tour and onto the PGA Tour (“Swing Shift,” Sept. 18, 2013, folioweekly.com/SwingShift,7225). Flanagan didn’t make it, but Knox got onto the tour, where he’s been gaining ground and shaving strokes ever since.

“To be honest, other than my schedule I get to play, nothing’s changed. I’m still the same dorky person, living the same life, just getting to do it with a smile on my face,” Knox says later in the men’s locker room at the clubhouse, where he led FWM with a quick, disarming, “We’re probably not supposed to be in here. But it’s OK.” Russell Knox has had a lot to smile about these past three years. Two years ago, he married his longtime love, Andrea Hernandez, a former professional tennis player whom he met and wooed when he was a mere cart boy at Marsh Landing Country Club. Playing on the tour hasn’t kept the couple from spending plenty of time together, however, as the Knoxes often travel as a team. And, while getting married can prove to be a hindrance to maintaining the level of commitment that it takes to be a successful professional athlete, Knox has the benefit of having a partner who not only understands what it takes to compete at the top level, she insists upon it.

“She gets the work ethic needed, the amount of time that needs to be put in …

Actually, she complains if I don’t practice.

She’s the best and she’s really been a huge factor to my success,” he said.

All that hard work and team effort is paying off. In November, Knox earned one of the rarest, most coveted titles in golf: PGA Tour winner.

It was far from a likely win. Knox wasn’t even supposed to play in the World Golf Championship-HSBC Champions; mere days before the tournament, J.B. Holmes withdrew and Knox, an alternate, got in. Even then,

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>> MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

“This is my fourth year, so it’s COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from that first go-round.

Now that I’ve won, I can stand on the tee and be like, ‘Yeah, I can beat everyone over four days.’”

SCHOOL OF HARD

KNOX <<< FROM PREVIOUS

it wasn’t certain that he could secure a visa to travel to Shanghai, China, in time for the tournament. Luckily, his wife, after spending an entire day at the Chinese embassy in Malaysia, managed to gain entry for Knox, his caddie and herself. But at the last minute, a bureaucratic defect delayed his caddie another day, so Knox wouldn’t have anyone to carry his bag in the practice round which, due to issues with his back, wasn’t much of an option.

No matter — his wife filled in as his practice round caddie, which Knox says turned out to be the “winning recipe.”

“She was bag carrier and lead complainer.”

Knox laughs and quickly adds, “She didn’t complain at all … She’s a trooper.”

Heading into the back nine on the final day of the tournament, Knox broke out of a fiveway tie with back-to-back birdies that put him in the lead, which he held with a perfect fi nish on the last seven holes. After 92 consecutive PGA tournaments without a win, when his ball went into the cup on the 18th, Knox officially joined the ranks of Phil Mickelson, Dustin Johnson and Bubba Watson, who have all won at the HSBC Champions.

“I just kind of threw my arms up in the air and looked up. I had joy and excitement, but it was kind of a relief as well, because I always thought I was going to win, I thought I was going to be good enough, but you never really 14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

know until it happens … When I knocked the putt in, I was, like, ‘I can’t believe I’ve done it.’

It was just a big ahh,” he says.

Winning a tournament brought more than a $1.4 million paycheck. More than gaining the prestige of being a PGA Tour winner, it was validation that, at 30, Knox’s game is only getting better.

Since then, he’s had two close calls, coming in second at the OHL Classic in Quintanaroo, Mexico, the week after his win, and narrowly missing the win at Hilton Head in April.

W

inning in China guaranteed Knox entry to all the majors, including The Masters at Augusta National, the tournament every golf wannabe dreams of playing. From the moment he drove down Magnolia Lane, playing Augusta, which he says is “spooky how cool it is,” was an otherworldly experience.

“The weirdest part of the week was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday when you’re practicing, there’s 50,000 people watching you … that doesn’t happen on a normal week,” he says. “I guess another strange thing is growing up, watching the tournament, and then you’re actually being there, walking the holes, hitting the shots that the legends have hit before. You

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>> “I have a wife and she manages pretty easily to slam me in my place if I start getting too bigheaded. I have a great family and great friends and team, if you want to call it, around me that keep me grounded and allow me to go out and play golf for fun.”

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

SCHOOL OF HARD

KNOX <<< FROM PREVIOUS

have to pinch yourself: I’m on the 12th hole at Augusta National.”

Knox didn’t make the cut, but the experience left him with an unmistakable hunger.

“I was disappointed I didn’t play the way I wanted to, but it’s all a good learning experience; I’ll definitely be better next time.”

Getting better is a constant struggle for professional athletes; Knox says he, like everyone else, is always looking for that edge, for the next thing that can take his game to a higher level. For him, it’s continuing with the core team of professionals, friends and family who have helped him get here — like Lynn Marriott and Pia Nilsson of Vision54 — while adding a few more along the way.

He’s recently started working with a physio trainer, doing massage and manual training to counterbalance the beating golfers’ bodies take from swinging clubs over and over and over. He’s also begun practicing with another local PGA golfer, Ramon Bescansa.

“It’s amazing how many people can contribute to the final product. I’ve been very grateful. I’ve had some great people in my life to help me,” Knox says.

Traveling the world for 30 weeks a year and having the benefit of a full team that includes an agent and numerous professionals is a far cry from the three years Knox spent on the mini-tour circuit after he graduated from JU in 2007. On the minitours, players travel together, share hotel rooms and spend time together like a family.

He clearly relishes being on the PGA Tour, but his sincerity is apparent when Knox says that there’s a small part of him that misses the old days on the mini-tour, when it was nothing to beat a guy in a tournament, then go out for beers afterward.

“Then on the Web.com, a little less of that happened, and then on the PGA Tour,

it seems like that never happens, so it’s very different. Those were great days.”

Surrounded by dark wood and history in the men’s locker room at TPC Sawgrass, a space that has been occupied by every superstar in the game, Knox seems completely comfortable but not quite satisfied with his lot in life, at least not yet.

He is the kind of man who holds himself to such high standards that no one could talk him out of giving himself a hard time if he felt he deserved it. Though he’s achieved more in these few years than most professional athletes will in a lifetime, Russell Knox still wants more, still feels as though he has something to prove, not just to the world or his loved ones, or other golfers on the tour, but to himself.

He’s got a win in his pocket, so one would think that Knox could finally relax a bit and, in a way, he has — this year, he’s taking off for three weeks for the first time since he’s been on the PGA Tour, the prospect of which seems to make him a bit uncomfortable — but he still has this relentless drive to get better, to not win just another tournament, but to win a major, to be the best in the world. It’s the drive that every successful athlete must have to compete at that level, but it doesn’t just happen. It must be cultivated and controlled.

“On the PGA Tour, you’ve got some pretty big egos, pretty big stars. Sometimes it can be pretty intimidating. The challenge for everyone is to stand next to these stars — big, strong, tall people — and feel like you’re able to beat them. If you don’t feel like you’re able to do that … you’ve got no chance of doing that. You’ve got to stand there on the first tee and feel like, ‘Yeah, I can do this.’”

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ You can see Russell Knox and the rest of the field play at THE PLAYERS Championship at TPC Sawgrass May 10-15. Tickets are at pgatour. com/tournaments/the-players-championship/ tickets.html.

“I’m always looking, just like everyone out there, they’re always looking to add the next piece of the puzzle that can help you.”

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

FOLIO A + E

SWEET

PPeach each K Kelli elli PPop op ccombines ombines with TASTYY GARAGE POP w ith perspectives uuplifting plifting persp pectives oonn ggender, ender, ssexuality, exuality, aand nd iidentity dentity

SUBSTANCE

I

n the last 10 years, the all-female rock ‘n’ roll world has exploded — in terms of sheer numbers, scope of talent, and stylistic variety. Still, it isn’t easy to match sugar-sweet harmonies, frenetic instrumental chops, and a livewire performance style with lyrics that peel the scab off societal assumptions — which is what makes Peach Kelli Pop such a crucial band in today’s overflowing garage pantheon.

Take the Los Angeles five-piece’s most recent release, the 7-inch Halloween Mask.

If you heard the title track or follow-up single “Hundred Dollar Bill” out of context, you’d probably hum right along to the catchy, easygoing melodies. Dig into the lyrics, though, and a bigger picture emerges — PKP founder and frontwoman Allie Hanlon sings about the pressure women feel to achieve idealistic external beauty and the interplay among sexuality, power, and money that goes on every minute of every day in strip clubs around the world.

Folio Weekly Magazine chatted with Hanlon about marathon tours, surviving the Los Angeles grind, and the importance of female friendship and collaboration.

Folio Weekly Magazine: On this new tour, Peach Kelli Pop plays 29 shows in 33 days.

Is that intentional?

Allie Hanlon: The marathon format is intentional. I like keeping momentum on tour. Days off can make the adrenaline wear off, and you end up more tired and out of the groove.

Since we don’t travel with a tour manager, I need to focus and stay organized when I’m not on stage,

eating well and staying healthy. I can’t really party or live a rock ’n’ roll lifestyle. Also, I don’t like touring for more than four weeks.

You get cranky and homesick after that. I have a flexible job, but it would be a problem for the other girls if we were out longer than that. Everyone’s time is precious, so we try to cram in as many cities we can in a short amount of time.

Is the current lineup relatively new?

It’s by far the best we’ve had. Mindee Jorgensen [drums] has played with us since 2015. I met her and Alex Edgeworth [guitar] through a mutual friend. Alex helped find Gina Negrini [bass] and Sophie [keyboards] is Gina’s sister. But we all have similar backgrounds in punk, DIY, and rock ’n’ roll.

Were those the things that motivated you to start Peach Kelli Pop back in Ottawa?

I loved music — the music coming out of Oakland and San Francisco that was catchy and amazing but technically simple with low production values. It was a great example of less is more, which didn’t exist in Ottawa at the time. It was inspiring when I started to write music for the first time.

What brought on your move to Los Angeles?

I needed a change. I had friends and a support system in Los Angeles, and touring extensively made it clear that was the place I wanted to

FILM Green Room & Zwigoff ARTS Bill Burr MUSIC The 1975 LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR

PG. 20 PG. 23 PG. 24 PG. 25

be. I love living here because it’s normal to work in creative fields. There just aren’t the same opportunities in other cities, Ottawa included. But the Hollywood bullshit exists.

The music industry isn’t fair. People who haven’t worked hard, supported others, or contributed to their community can still be wildly successful in the blink of an eye. It can make you feel jaded and want to give up.

Peach Kelli Pop’s music doesn’t make anybody want to give up. In fact, empowerment and inclusivity are huge hallmarks. Have they always been the central themes?

I’ve always been obsessed with bands that consist of all women. I saw barely any women in music growing up, so it always blew my mind when I saw another girl playing powerful, loud instruments.

Representation of women in music is important, along with female friendship and collaboration. Having only women in the band is intentional because I like working and traveling with women — but they’re also better at performing the songs.

Especially the vocal lines.

Do you think female representation and respect is where it needs to be in the rock realm?

Being a woman in the little bubble in which I currently exist is great because it’s a nonissue. I never feel uncomfortable, or like I don’t have the same opportunities. But then you see festival lineups that have almost no women and realize it’s still a problem.

Hopefully the balance and equality keeps spreading to other pockets of the music world that desperately need it.

Peach Kelli Pop tours through Florida nearly every year. Why Florida?

I think people in Florida like rock ’n’ roll.

There’s a good nightlife and sense of community in the cities we’ve played, which really helps make a show fun.

We love partying with Wet Nurse in Orlando, and Nick Commoditie puts on amazing shows in St. Augustine.

On this tour, we’re really excited to play Jacksonville and Gainesville for the first time.

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

PEACH KELLI POP, FEVER HANDS, STEVEN MARSHEK 8 p.m. May 7, The Headlamp,, 818 Clay St., Springfield, $10

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

FOLIO A+E : FILM

HARDCORE VALUES

Green Room packs a tense thriller with characters facing a truly EDGY REALITY

J

Stewart), doesn’t want his club become a eremy Saulnier’s Green Room is a movie crime scene for a police investigation, since so unsettling and brutal, it’s almost he’s dealing heroin from the basement. The cruel to recommend it. One of the most witnesses — now including Amber (Imogen nerve-wracking moments comes before all Poots), who’s in another band — can’t be bloody hell breaks loose. The protagonists allowed to complicate things. are a D.C.-based punk quartet, The Ain’t Much of the rest takes place in that space Rights — Pat (Anton Yelchin), Sam (Alia below, as the terrified musicians realize Shawkat), Tiger (Callum Turner) and Reece there’s nothing good outside the lockable (Joe Cole) — playing an impromptu gig at a door. Saulnier builds his claustrophobic Pacific Northwest rural skinhead bar after a horror in a way reminiscent of films, from scheduled one falls through. Not content to Assault on Precinct 13 and The take the money and Purge to 10 Cloverfield Lane, run, they decide to poke their GREEN ROOM depending on false starts and bold hosts — by playing a cover of Dead ***G risks to avoid a sense of stasis. He Kennedys’ “Nazi Punks Fuck Off.” Rated R knows how to use wince-inducing Green Room has gotten lots of (or hurl-inducing, depending on well-deserved attention for Saulnier’s your tolerance level) bits of graphic violence skills at creating pure, low-down genre intensity. for maximum impact, finding watchThough his approach to his characters is in through-your-fingers uses for machetes, many ways minimalist, this isn’t a movie where warm bodies exist to be dispatched in creatively box-cutters and attack dogs. unpleasant ways. Buried in this crackling siege When he’s not shocking us, Saulnier works thriller is a story about kids posing at living on other, easier moments, displaying filmmaking the edge, until they get in a situation where they gifts that have grown since his 2013 indie see what the edge really looks like. breakout Blue Ruin. He shows some ruthless And it looks damn awful when The Ain’t narrative efficiency in capturing the passage Rights make the mistake of walking back into of time, cutting from the opening five seconds the club’s Green Room, just in time to see of a song on vinyl to that same record with that a musician in another band has just been the needle in the runout groove. He’s bold murdered. The club’s owner, Darcy (Patrick enough to have Amber tell why she’s a white

THE REALM OF

ZWIGOFF

AT NEARLY 36 YEARS OLD, WRITER/DIRECTOR TERRY ZWIGOFF made his first film, the wellreceived but barely seen documentary Louie Bluie (1985). It was nine years before his next film – another documentary, but one which got him widespread recognition, generating considerable controversy when it wasn’t nominated for an Oscar.

Crumb (1994) is about underground comic artist Robert Crumb and his dysfunctional family, a memorable portrait of a true original. It’s absolutely riveting, moving and funny at the same time. Since Crumb, Zwigoff has made only three films (the last in 2006), each with fictional anti-heroes in the spirit of Crumb, and each a comic gem.

Ghost World is a logical follow-up to Crumb.

Co-written by Daniel Clowes, based on his graphic novel, it opens with the high school graduation of Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johansson), best friends who can’t wait to get away from most folks in town. Over the summer, they look for an apartment together yet gradually 20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

drift apart, Enid rooted in her love of nonconformity, Rebecca slowly drifting into the plastic mainstream.

Ghost World earned acclaim across the board – from indie circuit to Oscars (Best Screenplay nod) – for its dry humor, seductive satire and good performances. Sad sack character star Steve Buscemi gives one of his best as an older, lovable loser inextricably linked with Enid. There’s scene after scene of brilliantly understated comedy, as Zwigoff and Clowes skewer the dull humdrum of traditional mediocrity to which Enid refuses to submit.

A bittersweet absurdist ending shows her boarding an out-of-service bus to nowhere that she feels must be better than the somewhere she’s always known.

Before teaming with Clowes on Art School Confidential (’06), Zwigoff directed Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa (’04), easily the iconoclastic director’s most outrageous. (The Blu-ray has many riches for Zwigoff fans; three versions: theatrical, unrated, director’s cut. I prefer the third one, as does Zwigoff).

Thornton is Willie, a thoroughly disreputable

supremacist, her words as background noise as others search for a way out, telling us her narrative doesn’t matter.

That’s just part of the general approach to unconventional character development.

That the “villains” are white supremacists is irrelevant to plot progression, but Saulnier wants the antagonists scarily methodical rather than an ignorant, purely physical threat. Stewart seems like an odd choice for the main heavy, less interesting than club manager Gabe (Blue Ruin’s Macon Blair), an enigmatic mix of true believer and pragmatist.

Green Room works due to the characters Saulnier puts in that room. From the first, when we see their van has run in a cornfield because the driver fell asleep, to their guerrilla missions to siphon gas to keep the road trip rolling, it’s clear The Ain’t Rights are living their idea of a punk life. They tell an interviewer their “desert-island bands” are Misfits and The Damned, but it’s a different story they tell each other in a terrifying new reality. Green Room excels as a horror movie, but it’s also about the horror of realizing that no matter how hard you try to convince the world you’re badass, there are things — and people — out there much harder.

Scott Renshaw mail@folioweekly.com

MAGIC LANTERNS store Santa who joins Marcus (Tony Cox), a dwarfish elf, each year to rip off the establishment of choice. Supporting characters include John Ritter (his last film) as a befuddled store manager, Bernie Mac as a crooked store dick, and Lauren Graham as a sweet, randy bartender with a thing for Santas.

About as politically insensitive, profane and irreverent as can be, Bad Santa is also laugh-outloud hilarious. Willie’s another Zwigoff likable loser, despite his atrocious behavior. Because he’s so unredeemably “bad,” it’s a testament to the film’s ingenuity that he’s the “good” guy in the end.

Two years later, Zwigoff directed his last film (so far) with Clowes for Art School Confidential, considerably expanded from its original fourpage black-and-white comic. Extrapolated from Clowes’ experiences at Brooklyn’s Pratt Institute, it’s about an idealistic, love-struck art student (Max Minghella) who’s involved with a serial killer.

More like Ghost World than Bad Santa, this last one didn’t earn as much acclaim as its predecessor, probably because of its more diffuse plot and lessfocused characterization. It’s still a comic gem, with good supporting performances by John Malkovich, Anjelica Huston and Jim Broadbent.

Though he’s been actively courted by traditional Hollywood studios, Zwigoff has steadfastly stayed his own man, refusing all ventures as he continues, like Enid in Ghost World, to try to find his sphere.

A 2013 report tied him to one project with Fred Armisen, and one with Nicolas Cage.

We’re still waiting and hoping.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

FILM LISTINGS

dysfunction and insecurity. The perpetual battle to be alpha among other alphas can be funny and sad, and it’s one of Linklater’s gifts as a filmmaker that he can deliver an ideal balance between the two. — Scott Renshaw

FILM RATINGS

EYE IN THE SKY Rated R Helen Mirren is Col. Katherine Powell, military drone project boss. One drone homes in on an innocent target.

Costars the late Alan Rickman, Aaron Paul and a woman named Kate Liquorish, a fact we thought was worth mentioning.

TONY RODRIGUES TONY CONRAD TONY JOE WHITE TONY ROBBINS

**** ***@ **@@ *@@@

___________________________________________

AREA SCREENINGS

SUN-RAY CINEMA Too Late, Green Room and Every Wants Some! screen. 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. Captain America: Civil War starts May 5. April and The Extraordinary World starts May 6.

THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Third Street Blackout and One More Time screen at 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinema andcafe.com. Weatherman runs noon May 5. Born to Be Blue starts May 6. Kentucky Derby Party 5 p.m. May 7.

IMAX THEATER A Beautiful Planet, Secret Ocean and National Parks Adventure screen, World Golf Village Hall of Fame Theater, St. Johns, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

NOW SHOWING

BARBERSHOP: THE NEXT CUT Rated PG-13 Costars Ice Cube, Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, J.B. Smoove, Common, Sean Patrick Thomas and Cedric T.E. BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE Rated PG-13 Ben Affleck plays Batman, Henry Cavill is Superman, Amy Adams is Lois Lane, Jesse Eisenberg plays Lex Luthor and, in a nice twist, Laurence Fishburne is editor Perry White. Costars Diane Lane, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Charlie Rose as Charlie Rose, and Neil deGrasse Tyson as … Neil deGrasse Tyson. Genius casting!

THE BOSS Rated R This is about an industry tycooness (?) who commits a federal crime, goes to prison, gets out and rebrands her image. Costars Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Bell, Peter I’m-better-than-this Dinklage, Kathy Bates, and Cecily Strong.

THE BRONZE Rated R Melissa Rauch (Big Bang Theory) plays Hope – an ex-Olympic medalist of a lower class of athlete than America usually enshrines. She’s more like Tonya Harding – and looks like ONJ as Sandy – and now she must train young Maggie (Haley Lu Richardson), a future gymnastics superstar. Costars Gary Cole, Thomas Middleditch, Cecily Strong, Craig Kilborn, Olga Korbut (!) and Dominique Moceanu.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR Rated PG-13 Opens May 6. The Avengers are warring among themselves. Costars Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Anthony Mackie, Don Cheadle, Pau Bettany, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, Tom Holland and Chadwick Boseman.

CRIMINAL Rated R Ryan Reynolds (among the most underused talents today) is dying. He’s a top-notch CIA agent, and his memories are so valuable, the feds want to preserve them.

To that end, they endeavor to implant all the memories into the brain of a man sentenced to die – Death Row criminal Kevin Costner.

ELVIS & NIXON Rated R This is a true story. Elvis Presley wanted to discuss national security or something with President Richard Milhous Nixon. So he just showed up at the White House in December 1970. And got in, and got a meeting with ol’ Tricky Dick himself. At the time, we didn’t think much of it as I recall, because there was this pesky Vietnam thing going on and we were smoking weed so the war would end … oh, that wasn’t what stopped the war? My bad. Costars Michael Shannon, Alex Pettyfer, Johnny Knoxville, Colin Hanks, Tate Donovan (Halderman) and Kevin Spacey as Nixon. Far out, man.

EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!! ***@ Rated R Richard Linklater’s gift is telling stories about brash, secretly insecure, yet pretending-their-everyutterance-is-brilliant young guys. This new film, set over the course of four days in August 1980, begins with the arrival of freshman Jake (Blake Jenner) on the campus of fictional Southeast Texas University just before the semester starts.

A pitcher on the baseball team, Jake moves into one of the jock halls, and meets his new teammates – wisdom-spouting Finnegan (Glen Powell), cocky pro prospect McReynolds (Tyler Hoechlin), intense transfer pitcher Jay (Juston Street) and fellow freshman Plummer (Temple Baker). The comedy sets up its characters as little more than raw material for potential adult lives, as everyone tries on different personalities and roles to see what fits. Everybody Wants Some!! acknowledges that competition is at the heart of much young male

GOD’S NOT DEAD 2 Rated PG A high school teacher gets in trouble for discussing Jesus in class. Costars Jesse Metcalfe, Melissa Joan Hart, Robin Givens, Ernie Hudson and Pat Boone.

GREEN ROOM ***G Rated R Reviewed in this issue.

A HOLOGRAM FOR THE KING Rated R Tom Hanks plays Alan Clay, who has an idea he can’t sell in America, so he goes to Saudi Arabia to see if anyone over there will finance his creation. Costars Ben Whishaw, Tom Skerritt and Jane Perry.

THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR **G@ Rated PG-13 The film is a prequel and a sequel to Snow White & the Huntsman (2012). The first half-hour, set before then, follows Ravenna (Charlize Theron) as she kills her husband to become the evil queen. It focuses on Ravenna’s sister Freya (Emily Blunt), who turns into a cold-hearted ice queen after her daughter is murdered.

Freya escapes to the mountains to build an ice fortress and try to conquer all the land in the north. She recruits children and trains them to be her army; as adults they’re known as her “huntsmen,” and two of the best are Eric (Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain). Overall, The Huntsman: Winter’s War is a legitimately solid effort that does just enough right to satisfy. — Dan Hudak I SAW THE LIGHT Rated R What looks to be a decent effort to tell the story of Country & Western god Hank Williams – so unlike his son and so much more like his grandson – costars Tom Hiddleston as Hank, plus Elizabeth Olsen, Bradley Whitford and Jeff Pope.

THE JUNGLE BOOK Rated PG Costars the vocal talents of Ben Kingsley (Bagheera), Idris Elba (Shere Khan), Lupita Nyong’o (Raksha), Scarlet Johansson (Kaa), Christopher “More Cowbell!” Walken (King Louie), the late Garry Shandling, the now-tiresome Bill Murray (Baloo) and Neel Sethi as the boy himself, Mowgli.

KEANU Rated R Geniuses Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele have taken the obvious leap to the big screen. The fellas adopt a kitten they name Keanu, and it gets stolen. Heart-broken, they plunge headlong into street violence and gang wars to recover their little ball of fur. Costars Tiffany Haddish, Method Man, Will Forté, Nia Long, and the voice of Keanu Reeves.

MILES AHEAD Rated R The multi-talented Don Cheadle wrote, directed and stars in a dynamic biopic of jazz great Miles Davis. Costars Ewan McGregor, Michael Stuhlbarg, Emayatzy Corinealdi.

MOTHER’S DAY Rated PG-13 This ensemble romcom features a starstudded cast: Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Jason Sudeikis, Sarah Chalke, Timothy Oliphant. And a slew of kids related to those stars. Plus Penny Marshall, Hector Elizondo, Margo Martindale, Jennifer Garner and Jon Lovitz.

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2 ***@ Rated PG-13 Toula (Nia Vardalos) is happily married to Ian (John Corbett), but their 17-year-old daughter Paris (Elena Kampouris) is tired of Grandpa Gus (Michael Constantine) telling her she needs a nice Greek boyfriend. Toula helps run her family’s restaurant, and is trying to get her father to propose to her mother (Lainie Kazan) after they find their marriage certificate was never signed. Toula’s real problem, though, is that she’s neglecting Ian. — DH RATCHET & CLANK Rated PG Animated intergalactic action for the kids, costarring the vocal talents of James Arnold Taylor, David Kaye, Rosario Dawson, Paul Giamatti, John Goodman, Sly Stallone (“Yo! Space … uh … thing!”), and Jim Ward.

TERM LIFE Rated R Insurance is a tricky thing – ya gotta die for it to be worth what you put into it for years and years. Jon Favreau faces that dilemma in this action/crime drama.

Costars Hailee Steinfeld, Jonathan Banks, Vince Vaughn, Bill Paxton, Annabeth Gish and Terrance Howard.

ZOOTOPIA ***G Rated PG Bunny Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin) wants to be a big city cop. Her parents (Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake) want her be a carrot farmer. Police Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) gives her parking ticket duty – but 14 mammals are missing and nobody’s investigating.

Costars Jason Bateman, Nate Torrence, Tommy Chong, J.K. Simmons, Octavia Spencer, and Shakira. — DH

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

ARTS + EVENTS PERFORMANCE

BLITHE SPIRIT Noel Coward’s musical comedy, about a ghost haunting her former spouse and his new bride, is staged May 4-June 5. Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch 11 a.m. & noon; Executive Chef DeJuan Roy offers a themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 641-1212, $35-$62, alhambrajax.com.

THE FINALE CHEER & DANCE CHAMPIONSHIP Cups, banners, rings and T-shirts are awarded for the champions of these last two competitions, 6 p.m. May 6 (spectator $7) and 9 a.m. May 7 (spectator $15) at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Downtown, diamondcheeranddance.com.

SWEET EMMALINE A Classic Theatre presents the world premiere of Deborah B. Dickey’s musical Sweet Emmaline: The Musical Journey of Debbie McDade, which chronicles the life of the now-90-year-old McDade and her journey as a jazz vocalist (and virtuoso whistler!) that took her from Lincolnville to New York City, starring Sarah Sanders (aka soul jazz artist Mama Blue), Soranda Louis, and Curtis Tucker, 3 p.m. May 8; 7:30 p.m. May 9-12, Lincolnville Museum & Cultural Center, 102 Martin Luther King Ave., St. Augustine, $25, aclassictheatre.org.

ON THE VERGE Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre stages Eric Overmyer’s comedy, about three 19th-century Victorian women explorers who go to the mysterious land of Terra Incognita, 8 p.m. May 6 and 7, 716 Ocean Blvd., 249-7177, $20; through May 22, abettheatre.com.

ALL THE WAY Players by the Sea stages Robert Schenkkan’s drama, about President Lyndon B. Johnson’s actions during the Civil Rights era, 8 p.m. May 5-7, 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $23; $20 seniors/students/military, playersbythesea.org.

THE EXPLORERS CLUB Theatre Jacksonville stages Nell Benjamin’s comedy, about a late 19th-century adventurers club dealing with a woman (gasp!) who may join the club, 7:30 p.m. May 5; 8 p.m. May 6 and 7, 2032 San Marco Blvd., 396-4425, $25, theatrejax.com.

THE 39 STEPS A parody of Hitchcock’s spy tale is staged 7:30 p.m. May 5-7; 2 p.m. May 8, Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; $24 seniors, $20 military/students, $10 student rush, limelight-theatre.org.

MAMMA MIA! The global smash musical comedy, about love and friendship, with the soundtrack of ABBA’s greatest hits, is staged 8 p.m. May 6; 2 and 7 p.m. May 7, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 442-2929, $38.50-$98.50, fscjartistseries.org.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

HOLOCAUST CANTATA: SONGS FROM THE CAMPS Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents a poignant program of pieces written by Holocaust inmates while they were in concentration camps, 8 p.m. May 4, T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 354-5547, $19-$40, jaxsymphony.org.

ALL GERSHWIN Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and vocalist Lisa Vroman offer much-loved Gershwin tunes, 11 a.m. and 8 p.m. May 6; 8 p.m. May 7, T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 354-5547, $25-$74, jaxsymphony.org.

CLASSICAL VOCALISTS IN ST. AUGUSTINE Mezzosoprano Janet Rabe-Meyer and soprano Cynthia Fisher perform, 2 p.m. May 8, Flagler College’s Lewis Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine, 797-2800, emmaconcerts.com.

MOTHER’S DAY CLASSICAL ON AMELIA ISLAND The Dover Quartet performs 3 p.m. May 8, Historic Nassau County Courthouse, 416 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, $45, ameliaislandchambermusicfestival.com.

PIANIST AT MAIN LIBRARY Classical pianist Joshua Ross performs 3 p.m. May 8, Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, 630-2353, jplmusic.blogspot.com.

COMEDY

FRED’S ALL-STAR COMEDIANS Area comedians Danny Baker and Tommy Torres are on 7:30 p.m. May 4, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., 292-4242, $10, comedyzone.com.

TOM SEGURA Funny guy Segura (Mostly Stories, Completely Normal) is on 7:30 p.m. May 5; 7:30, 9:45 p.m. May 6 & 7, The Comedy Zone, 292-4242, $22.50-$27.50, comedyzone.com.

SEAN LARKINS Comic Larkins, aka “Big Sean” (Def Comedy Jam, Comic View), is on 8:30 p.m. May 5; 8 p.m. May 6; 8 & 10 p.m. May 7, The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 646-4277, $8-$25, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

MARCUS CRESPO, TRAVIS SMITH, CHRISTIAN MOORE, JAMIE WELLS, RAY BRITO, CASEY CRAWFORD 8 p.m. May 10, Corazon Cinema & Café, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

ART WALKS & MARKETS

ROMANZA FESTIVALE OF THE ARTS The annual 10-day Romanza Festivale of the Arts has more than 100 events, art exhibits, dance performances, live music, a parade, kids’ activities, tours and dramatic productions. May 6-15, various St. Augustine venues, romanzafestivale.com.

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK Tour Art Galleries of St. Augustine 5-9 p.m. May 6, with more than 15 galleries, 829-0065.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local, regional art, music – LaVilla SOA Jazz Band, Mama Blue, Sidetrack – food, farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 7 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

MUSEUMS

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. An opening reception for an exhibit of Hiromi Moneyhun’s works is 6 p.m. May 5.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. The VSA (Very Special Arts) Festival is May 4-6. Conservation, Beautification, & a City Plan: Ninah Cummer & the Establishment of Jacksonville Parks, through Nov. 27.

Rockwell Kent: The Shakespeare Portfolio through May

22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

15. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, through Oct. 2.

MANDARIN MUSEUM, WALTER JONES PARK 11964 Mandarin Rd., 268-0784, mandarinmuseum.net. St. Joseph’s Mission Schoolhouse for African-American children is open.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. Mother’s Day brunch is 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at NOLA MOCA, $30; reservations suggested. Amer Kobaslija: A Sense of Place runs through Aug. 14. Project Atrium: Shinique Smith, Quickening, a fabricbased installation incorporating graffiti, Japanese calligraphy, and collage, through June 26. In Living Color: Andy Warhol & Contemporary Printmaking and Time Zones: James Rosenquist & Printmaking at the Millennium, through May 15.

GALLERIES

THE ART CENTER Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. Primal Archetypes, through May 23.

BREW FIVE POINTS 1024 Park St., Riverside, 374-5789, brewfivepoints.com. Madeleine Peck Wagner’s Bear Baiting, a commentary on Florida’s bear hunt, is on display.

BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, butterfieldgarage.com. The opening reception for an exhibit of Dee Roberts’ recent works is 5-9 p.m. May 6; exhibit runs through May 29.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614, ccpvb.org. Sharon Booma’s Collection of Impulses runs through May 27.

CYPRESS VILLAGE 4600 Middleton Park Cir. E., Southside, 677-5112, brookdale.com. Jacksonville Coalition for Visual Arts runs through May 11.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. Works by printmaker John Davis display through May 24.

J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 4th Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery.com. Carlos Betancourt’s recent works display through May 19; this is the final exhibit by the gallery.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org. Kaytee Ester’s Classic Car-Ma displays through July 2. Opening reception 5-8 p.m. May 13.

ROTUNDA GALLERY SJC Admin Bldg., 500 San Sebastian Way, St. Augustine, 808-7330, stjohnsculture.com. St. Augustine Camera Club’s fifth annual Juried Member Photography Show, through June 8.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 150, Downtown, 438-4358, southlightgallery.com.

An opening reception for Local Art Rocks is 5-8 p.m. May 4.

Michael Dunlap, featured artist. Co-op gallery has works by 20 local artists.

SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB 15 Ocean St., Downtown, 8445000, facebook.com/spliffsgastropub. Jessica Becker’s 3D paintings are on display.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. An opening reception for juried show Canvas, Clay, Collage & Cutting Edge is 5-9 p.m. May 6; through May 29.

STELLERS GALLERY AT PONTE VEDRA 240 A1A N., Ste. 13, 273-6065, stellersgallery.com. HUE, Michelle Armas, Shawn Meharg, Enrique Mora, and Steve Williams, is on display.

EVENTS

TIM GILMORE READING Local author, educator and FWM Let There Be Lit writer Gilmore discusses his book, In Search of Eartha White: Storehouse for the People, 6:30 p.m. May 4, Webb Wesconnett Regional Library, 6887 103rd St., Westside, jaxpubliclibrary.org.

SOUTHERN SOIREE A farm-to-table celebration of Low Country, with fare from over a dozen local eateries, cocktails, live music, vignettes, silent and live auctions, 6 p.m. May 5, Nocatee Crosswater Hall, 245 Little River Rd., Ponte Vedra, $150; $125 members, 280-0614 ext. 205, ccpvb.org.

BETSY LERNER Author Lerner discusses and signs copies of her new memoir, The Bridge Ladies, 7 p.m. May 5, The BookMark, 220 First St., Neptune Beach, 241-9026.

MOTHER’S DAY AT THE J Brunch, dance lessons, and spa treatments, 8:30-11:30 a.m. May 6, Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 730-2100 ext. 228, $10; free for members, jcajax.org.

A GREAT GATSBY AFFAIR Volkswagen of St. Augustine hosts its third annual 1920s-themed A Great Gatsby Affair, with live music, classic cars, cocktails (moonshine bar), and silent auctions, 7:30-10:30 p.m. May 6, 3235 U.S. 1, $60; $100/couple; 1920s-style attire. Proceeds support St. Johns Cultural Council, gatsbyforcharity.com.

PONTE VEDRA WOMAN’S CLUB FASHION SHOW Dance in Style offers fashions, silent auctions, raffles, luncheon, coffee, and music, 10 a.m. May 7, Sawgrass Country Club, 10034 Golf Club Dr., Ponte Vedra, $50, pontevedrawomansclub.com.

TEAM HOPE WALK The Huntington’s Disease Team Hope Walk starts 10 a.m. (registration 9 a.m.) May 7, Ed Austin Regional Park, 11751 McCormick Rd., Arlington, 629-4448, $10; proceeds benefit HD research, hdsa.donordrive.com.

SPRING ARF BARKET Riverside Arts Market holds its semi-annual pet-geared event – splash pools, treats, canine costume contest (11:30 a.m.; registration 11:15) – 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 7 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

BEACHES LIBRARY COMIC CON Live music, Batmobile, Jedi Academy of Northeast Florida, Cosplay, trivia, costume contest, food trucks, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. May 7, Beaches Branch Library, 600 Third St., Neptune Beach, 241-1141, ilovejpl.org/comiccon.

CITY WIDE PROM Murray Hill Theatre holds its annual Prom, with dancing and live music, for grades 9-12, 7 p.m. May 7, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807, $12-$18, ticketfly.com.

JACKSONVILLE SUNS A homestand against the Montgomery Biscuits starts 6:05 p.m. May 14 (Giveaway Sat.), 3:05 p.m. May 15 (Princess & Pirates), 7:05 p.m. May 16 (Youth Baseball Night), May 17 (Trending Tue.), 12:05 p.m. May 18 (Afternoon Delight), Bragan Field, Baseball Grounds, Downtown, single game tix $5-$18, 358-2846, jaxsuns.com. _______________________________________________ To list an event, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown – email dbrown@folioweekly.com or mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Items run as space is available. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wed.printing.

FOLIO A+E : ARTS

DEEP CUTS Comedian Bill Burr continues to slice into pop culture and the HYPOCRISY OF AMERICAN CULTURE

H

ow do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.” While this time-worn show biz adage might ring true for some, in 2011, comedian Bill Burr hit that legendary stage after spending nearly 20 years honing and sharpening his standup craft, fueled by ranting, cussing, and calling bullshit on contemporary life. In 2014, the recording of that performance, Live at Andrew’s House, was released by Jack White on his Third Man Records imprint.

The next year, Burr performed to a sold-out audience at Madison Square Garden. These two impressive achievements are merely a glimpse at the greater picture of Burr’s career.

Burr’s razor-sharp mix of dark satire and blue-collar vibe has earned him a loyal fan base and critical accolades. While the now-47-yearold Burr routinely riffs on the almost-expected topics of observational humor — relationships, politics, family, race, etc. — his strengths lie in his willingness to lob a grenade in the middle of the mix, and letting the shrapnel fly.

And his aim is pretty damn good. Both The New York Times and The New Yorker have given Burr highbrow props, and his gruff Boston accent was featured in the 2008 video game, Grand Theft Auto IV. Appearances on Chappelle’s Show helped push the wisecracking everyman into the spotlight.

Burr’s shows routinely sell out, and with each performance, his act has become progressively irate, erudite, and on-point.

“Standup comedy is this thing you get to do, so you have to treat it with respect,” Burr once remarked. And at this stage in the game, Burr’s reverence for his craft continues to fill houses and open doors for greater creative endeavors.

Burr may be best known to larger audiences for his role on Breaking Bad as slick-talking con man Kuby. And with a part in Mike Bender’s 2014 indie flick, Black or White, Burr is now branching out, quite successfully, in dramas.

Most recently, Burr and writer Michael Price (The Simpsons) created the Netflix animated series F Is For Family, which follows the exploits of the Murphy household in 1973-era America. And in the online sphere, Bill Burr’s Monday Morning Podcast is a twice-weekly platform allowing him to vent at length on everything from sports and barbecue to STDs. Folio Weekly Magazine spoke to Burr, who was at his home in Los Angeles. He gave us his take on the presidential candidates, tricky clickbait, and shooting guns in Jacksonville.

Folio Weekly Magazine: You’ve got about eight shows in May that take you from the southeast U.S. to Canada. It seems like it’s the same thing as music tours, where you’re just traveling and waiting, where’ve you got 22 hours off and then perform for two hours. What are you doing in the downtime to stay sane?

Bill Burr: I usually do a run of three or four days, so it’s usually getting to where the show is during the day. Then I get there, have a little something to eat, do the show, hang out afterwards and come down from the high of being onstage. Then back to the airport or rental car the next day. Like back in the day when I was doing more comedy clubs, when I’d go to Jacksonville for The Comedy Zone, I’d be there for, like, a week. Last time I was in Jacksonville, I went to a gun range, I went to a Jaguars game … I had a great time. [Laughs.]

Some guy came out to the show and let me shoot a gun with a silencer. I’d never done that, so that was pretty cool. [Laughs.] Before I was doing these one-nighters I was having a great time; I was having fun in all of these cities.

BILL BURR

7 p.m. May 8, Times-Union Center for the Performing Art’s Moran Theater, Downtown, $28.50-$48.50, ticketmaster.com

When you set out for a tour or run of shows, and you’re traveling — like you said three days — if some political scandal hits or some celebrity does some foolishness, will you necessarily inject that in the show?

Sure, if it’s something to talk about. It’s not like I have a passion for it. I just do it because it’s something new to talk about, since it makes my whole time on stage feel new. If whatever thing I riff on becomes something I actually like, then it becomes part of the act. But there’s so much stuff over the course of the year, that it might make an appearance over the course of one, two, three different shows. And then it just goes away. I gotta admit, going onstage with the election stuff, there’s not a lot of meat left on the bone with these three clowns that are running.

I find the election more depressing than I find it funny.

Yeah? How bad do you think it is?

Honestly, want me to go through it? I think Hillary is the devil. Trump is a reality TV star who always claims how rich he is, which is funny to me that he found the time to go on TV and decide who’s going to make a better CEO for a company: Bret Michaels or Cyndi Lauper.

I really don’t think that if you gave Trump three weeks, he could get you six grand in cash. You know Bernie, I love that he doesn’t have any money behind him but I don’t think he goes far enough. Even if he could do what he wanted to do, none of the Democrats or Republicans are going to work with him. They’d pout and then they’d devour him. You have a guy who’s not filthy and then he’s going to try to interact with people that are filthy. Like, politicians are grossly, grossly underpaid; and they’re set up to be bribed. The president makes $400,000 or $500,000 a year. And you need $100 million to

get that job. He’s not getting that $100 million from you and me. And I think the Clintons are some of the filthiest fucking people on Earth. I can’t stand it. They’re the devil. Because Democrats pretend that they’re for the working class. At least Republicans have the decency to let you know that they could give a fuck about you. [Laughs.]

Let me ask you about this and, look, I’m not at all trying to throw you under the bus. But you’ve gotten a little flak for being politically incorrect for comments made about Caitlin Jenner, and talking pretty openly about bigotry.

Can I tell you this? I’ve gotten microscopic shit for anything I’ve ever said. It’s just clickbait.

It’s an easy story. Dude, there’s a heroin epidemic in this country brought on by the pharmaceutical companies. There should be a class-action suit against them. Nobody’s talking about that, but if you do a Caitlin Jenner joke, every news outlet picks it up because it’s more interesting to go, “Oh, a comedian got in trouble,” than go after these fucking people. The greatest thing about a corporation is that they’re nameless and faceless, as far as individuals. It just becomes, “Exxon had no comment,” and it just goes away.

I want to talk about your dramatic work. It’s always interesting to me, since a fair number of comedians seem to do so well in drama. Now you have Bob Odenkirk, but Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Lily Tomlin, Eddie Murphy … and that’s just a few. Some comedians appear to seamlessly transition into drama. Do you think comedians go to an emotional place that gives them an edge to play dramatic roles?

Well, I would just say that if you listen to a comedian’s act, if they’re up there talking about their life, they’re talking about very dramatic moments in their life. They’re just making fun of it. The reality is, whatever was happening to them, they weren’t joking about it; they were dealing with it. Comedians, like all people, deal with those dramatic events that happen in life.

You lose people, you get into arguments, you worry about money, or somebody breaks your heart. I think what people see, when they see a comedian, is that they think, “Oh, that’s how he is, he jokes all the time. I’d love to hang out with that guy. He’s always happy and laughing.”

Which is a cartoon version of any human being, since nobody’s like that. I don’t think you could sustain it. It’s one of the reasons why I have difficulty with the concept of heaven.

Like, you’re going to sit there forever going, “Isn’t this great?” Because I live in Los Angeles where the weather is exactly the same 300 days out of the year and you start to go fucking crazy.

Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC UK ALT-ROCKERS The 1975 continue to add up the hit numbers

SYNTH &

SENSIBILITY T

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

he 1975’s newly released second album, to do. I think that it’s about belief, isn’t it? And I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So we just started convincing people.”

Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It, marked the The group also had musical growing to do, and Healy admitted the band’s influences were second time the band had reached No. 1 on the album chart in their homeland, the United too obvious in its early music; it took time to find a musical identity, which is based in Kingdom. It also became the group’s first No. creating a pop sound that blends an array of 1 album in the United States upon its latestyles, including electronica, ’80s-ish synthFebruary release. pop, soul, and funk.

But singer/guitarist Matt Healy said his “That’s what defines our music, the fact feelings about the achievement were very that we literally don’t care about stuff like different from what he felt when the group’s genres and these kinds of things.” self-titled debut reached No. 1 in the UK when The fact that the 1975 was starting to find it dropped in September 2013. its voice was apparent over four EPs released “At the time, I didn’t realize it, but now between 2012 and spring 2013.

I realize the desire for that [first] album to do so well, That activity spawned a pair THE 1975, THE JAPANESE of UK hit singles, “Sex” and the first one, was definitely HOUSE, WOLF ALICE 7 p.m. May 10, St. Augustine “Chocolate,” which helped imbued with my desire to be Amphitheatre, $29.50-$49.50, set the stage for the emphatic known and have people know staugamphitheatre.com debut of the self-titled album who I am,” said Healy. over there.

“On this [second] record, The way The 1975 blends an array of styles I had to get myself to a place where I really into its songs has indeed become its defining didn’t care,” explained Healy, of the approach signature. I Like It … especially sounds like the to songwriting for the band’s latest. “I had to get to a place where I was doing it because I work of a band, bursting with musical ideas, that decided to pack as many styles, sounds just loved doing it [the music] and I wasn’t and ideas into the songs as possible. Rock, scared of what people were going to say and pop, electronica, ’80s-ish synth-pop and funk I wasn’t scared of what people were going to all figure into the process. think … It was a different experience because Those components make the album one it was about the album. It wasn’t my ego. It that takes a few listens to digest and make wasn’t about me. It was about this thing that sense of the sonic clutter built into the songs.

I’d made doing so well.”

Still, as the chart-topping debuts of I Like That sense of satisfaction is something It … suggest, there’s enough immediacy to Healy said he always felt he would one day songs like “Love Me,” “She’s American,” and get to experience. The group had its share “Somebody Else” to draw the listener into the of disappointments in the decade after music and prompt further listens to winnow Healy, drummer George Daniel, guitarist out the charms of each song.

Adam Hann and bassist Ross MacDonald Healy said the band will feature a number of — all students at Wimslow High School in Wimslow, a town in Cheshire, England — songs from I Like It … in its initial U.S. shows to promote the album. Interestingly, though, he formed the group.

“We were 13 when we started this band,” said the band plans to feature its four EPs more than the self-titled album in the rest of its set.

Healy said. “We grew up together, and we “My heart lies a lot in the EPs, and it’s not fucked up together, and all of our social to take anything away from the first album,” groups were based around the band. We were said Healy. “I think — after two years of a band, like a band of people, like bound touring that [first] album — the EPs never together. And that stands for something. I really, I suppose, we never really toured them think when you have that and you put so the way we did the first album. Now, our much love into it, it’s not something that you shows are about engaging and it being real — just let go. It’s something that kind of defines and it being live.” who you are. So no matter how many times we were being told no, we just knew in our hearts Alan Sculley mail@folioweekly.com that this was it. This was what we were going

Folio Media House and Shanghai Nobby’s join forces for a thrashoid Cinco de Mayo that you (and your eardrums) won’t soon forget, with Iron Reagan (pictured), Dredger, ZFTK, and Brown Palace, May 5, St Augustine. Proceeds benefit the Environmental Youth Council (EYC).

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. May 4, Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

HOLEDOUTS, GUTLESS, CONSENT, KID YOU NOT, JUDY WHY 8 p.m. May 4, Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188.

JAMIE KILSTEIN, HONEY CHAMBER 8 p.m. May 4, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $8.

DAVID NAIL 6 p.m. May 5, Mavericks Live, 2 Independent Dr., The Landing, 356-1110, Downtown, $20-$99.

2 QUART SHYNE 6 p.m. May 5, Hurricane Grill & Wings, 3055 C.R. 210, St. Johns, 230-6445.

Cinco De Mayo/Folio Media House: IRON REAGAN, DREDGER, ZFTK, BROWN PALACE 8 p.m. May 5, Shanghai Nobby’s, $10; Environmental Youth Council Benefit.

JELLY ROLL, CLASSY TRAP, MARCUS KANE, GPO 8 p.m.

May 5, Jack Rabbits, $10.

ANCIENT CITY KEEPERS 8 p.m. May 5, Planet Sarbez, 115 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 342-0632.

LA LUZ, MASSENGER, The GUN HOES, The GOV CLUB 8 p.m. May 5, Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $12 advance; $15 at the door.

“3” THE BAND 9 p.m. May 5, Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

The Funk Fest Tour: LL COOL J, NEW EDITION, DOUG E. FRESH, FLOETRY, JON B., 8BALL & MJG, MASTER P, DRU HILL, SWV 4 p.m. May 6; 2 p.m. May 7, Metropolitan Park, Downtown, 630-0837, $30-$45, funkfesttour.com.

AUDIOTOPSY (Mudvayne), IN WHISPERS, INNER DEMONS, GENERATOR, SNORE 6:30 p.m. May 6, Limes Live, 1265 S. Lane Ave., Westside, $12, gobigentertainment.net.

DENNY BLUE 6 p.m. May 6, Flavors Eatery, 125 King St., St. Augustine, 824-4221.

GITLO LEE 6:30 p.m. May 6, Alley Cat Seafood & Beer House, 316 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 491-1001.

J BOOG, COMMON KINGS, DJ WESTAFA 7 p.m. May 6, Mavericks Live, $15 advance; $20 day of.

DANGERKIDS, AVION ROE 7 p.m. May 6, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $13.

BIG BROTHER, JUDY WHY, GRANDPA 8 p.m. May 6, Shanghai Nobby’s.

GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, WEST KING STRING BAND 8 p.m. May 6, Planet Sarbez, $5.

IN DYING ARMS, PHANTOMS, A WAKE in PROVIDENCE, CONVICTIONS, SET to STUN 8 p.m. May 6, Burro Bar. AUTOMATIK FIT, The GOOD WOOD BAND 8 p.m. May 6, Jack Rabbits, $5 advance; $10 day of.

FOSSIL CREEK BAND 8:30 p.m. May 6, The Original Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 4609311, $10 advance; $15 at the door.

RADIO at RANDOM 9:30 p.m. May 6, Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.

BRITE SIDE 10 p.m. May 6 & 7, Flying Iguana.

CHILLY RHINO 10 p.m. May 6 & 7, The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611.

Riverside Arts Market: La VILLA SOA JAZZ BAND, MAMA BLUE, SIDETRACK DUO 10:30 a.m. May 7, 715 Riverside, 389-2449.

BEST KEPT SECRET, TAKE a BREATH, AN HONEST YEAR, THIS IS ALL NOW, BENEATH the SPIN LIGHT, WE & FOREVER 7 p.m. May 7, Jack Rabbits, $12 advance; $15 day of.

KALIMBA (Earth, Wind & Fire tribute) 7 p.m. May 7, Mavericks Live, $15.

DASOTA STUDENT GUITAR CONCERT 7:30 p.m. May 7, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10.

PHIL VASSAR, RUSSELL DICKERSON 8 p.m. May 7, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Performing Arts, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6815, $13-$33.

Second Sunday at Stetson’s: LONESOME BERT & the SKINNY LIZARDS 2 p.m. May 8, Beluthahatchee Park, 1523 S.R. 13., Fruit Cove, 206-8304, $10.

IMPURITY, QUEEF HUFFER, DEAD CENTRE, DENIED TIL DEATH 8 p.m. May 7, Burro Bar, $5.

DAVIS TURNER 8 p.m. May 7, Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina, 277-6652.

KRUSH 9:30 p.m. May 7, Whiskey Jax. HEADBANG for the HIGHWAY 5 p.m. May 8, 1904 Music Hall, $12.

MIKE LOVE, MATT HENDERSON 8 p.m. May 8, Jack Rabbits, $12.

PURSON, APPALACHIAN DEATH TRAP, GHOSTWITCH 7 p.m.

May 9, Jack Rabbits, $8.

The 1975, JAPANESE HOUSE 7 p.m. May 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $$29.95-$49.95.

STICKY FINGERS, RUSTY SHINE, OUTEREDGE 8 p.m. May 10, Jack Rabbits, $15 advance; $20 day of.

COLLEEN GREEN, BEN KATZMAN’S DEGREASER, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY, TELEPATHIC LINES 8 p.m. May 10, Shanghai Nobby’s The FRONT BOTTOMS, BRICK + MORTAR, DIET CIG 7 p.m.

May 11, Mavericks Live, $17.50.

ODDISEE, GOOD COMPANY, SIMPLE COMPLEXITY, DJ NO FAME 8 p.m. May 11, Jack Rabbits, $10.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

DELLACOMA May 13, Harmonious Monks Jax Beach ELLIS PAUL May 13, The Original Café Eleven The Cut Party: CLAIRE DUNN, CHRIS LANE May 13, Cornerstone Park, PVB TRAMPLED by TURTLES May 13, Mavericks Live HARLOW (Kevin Razlog), LOWER CASE G, HANGMAN’S CROWN, PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE May 13, Shanghai Nobby’s MICHAEL CARBONARO May 13, Times-Union Center RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE May 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STYX, .38 SPECIAL, The OUTLAWS May 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The Party: BETTER THAN EZRA, BIG SKY, BE EASY, The CHRIS THOMAS BAND May 14, SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach AMY SCHUMER May 15, Veterans Memorial Arena RUE SNYDER, LESA SILVERMORE May 15, Shanghai Nobby’s OTEP FEST 2016 May 15, Harmonious Monks DEFTONES, CODE ORANGE May 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHAKEY GRAVES, SON LITTLE May 17, PVedra Concert Hall NIGHT RANGER May 19, The Florida Theatre KANSAS CITY BAND, COSMIC GROOVE May 19, Shanghai Nobby’s KING & the KILLER May 20, Mavericks Live FOALS May 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SALT-N-PEPA, KID ’N PLAY, ROB BASE, COOLIO, TONE LOC, COLOR ME BADD May 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DICK DALE May 22, Jack Rabbits

BRIAN McKNIGHT May 24, The Florida Theatre WARD, TURNCOAT, GRIM STATE May 24, Shanghai Nobby’s BUCKETHEAD May 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DAMN THY NAME, ERODE, MOBILE DEATH CAMP, ARMAGEDDON III May 25, Shanghai Nobby’s MODERN ENGLISH May 26, Burro Bar R. KELLY May 26, Veterans Memorial Arena Jacksonville Jazz Festival: KEM, JOHN BATISTE & STAY HUMAN, SNARKY PUPPY, The McCOY TYNER QUARTET, DR. JOHN, GENERATION NEXT, NICHOLAS COLE, LIN ROUNTREE & LEBRON, The YELLOWJACKETS, DIZZY GILLESPIE AFROCUBAN EXPERIENCE, NATHAN EAST, CYRILLE AIMEE, SOMI, CHRISTIAN SCOTT ATUNDE ADJUAH, JAMISON ROSS, KEN FORD, LIZZ WRIGHT, MARK PENDER, DOUGLAS ANDERSON JAZZ BAND, UNF JAZZ ENSEMBLE I, The CHRIS THOMAS BAND, TERRY “DOC” HANDY, JOHN LUMPKIN & the COVENANT, GARY STARLING GROUP, RUSSEL GEORGE, ERIC CARTER & CO., NOEL FREIDLINE QUINTET, LISA KELLY May 26-29, Downtown Jacksonville Jazz Fest After Dark: JONATHON SCALES FOURCHESTRA, TRIBAL DISORDER, ULISSES ROCHA, DREW TUCKER & the NEW STANDARD, CONTROL THIS!, SANDY WICKER & the RECOLLECTIONS, RARELUTH, BAND & the BEAT, DOVETONSIL, TROPIC of CANCER, ERIC CARTER & CO., DR. SCIENCE, GROOVE COALITION, D.J. BROOKLYN MIKE, LE ORCHID, [NEU] SONICS MUSIC INITIATIVE STUDENT/TEACHER RECITAL, JOE WATTS QUARTET, TOUGH JUNKIE, MASTER RADICAL, JUNCO ROYALS, TOM BENNETT, STRANGERWOLF, BLUE MUSE (CHRIS THOMAS, BILLY & BELLA, GENERAL TSO’S FURY, CHIEFORIA, JARROD TYLOR ALLEN, RAISIN CAKE ORCHESTRA, DJ GURU May 27 & 28, Downtown Jacksonville HERE COME the MUMMIES, NOAH GUTHRIE May 26, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall RIVERNECKS, KENNY & the JETS, SUNSHINE STATE, MENTAL BOY May 27, Shanghai Nobby’s Follow the Sun Fest: SUPERSUCKERS, DRAG the RIVER, SHIP THIEVES, WHISKEY & CO., HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL, ONES to BLAME, ANN PRAGG, SINNERS & SAINTS, CARA BETH SATALINO, OUTER SPACES, WAX WINGS, CHASE NEIL & the WISEBLOODS, HARDLUCK SOCIETY, JONATHAN COODY, ROB COE & CO., RIVERNECKS, THIN SKINS, ENDLESS POOLS, ANCHOR FAST, DEVON STUART, KENNY & the JETS, SAND FLEAS May 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party CJ RAMONE May 28, Shanghai Nobby’s STATE CHAMPION, FEVER HEAD, SEAFOAM WALLS, SERFIN SERF May 31, Shanghai Nobby’s KEVIN SMITH June 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall APPETITE for DESTRUCTION, MEDAL MILITIA June 3, Mavericks Live SHIRLEY CAESAR, KIERRA SHEARD, JEKALYN CARR June 3, Florida Theatre North Florida Land Trust Fish Fry: FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL, CAIN’T NEVER COULD June 4, Big Talbot Island ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO June 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall REFUSED June 7, Mavericks Live WEIRD AL YANKOVIC June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIRANDA LAMBERT, KIP MOORE, BROTHERS OSBORNE June 12, Veterans Memorial Arena Happy Together Tour: The COWSILLS, The TURTLES, The SPENCER DAVIS GROUP, GARY PUCKETT & the UNION GAP, MARK LINDSAY, CHUCK NEGRON June 12, Florida Theatre

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC Surf rock gangstas LA LUZ (pictured) play with MASSENGER, The GUN HOES and The GOV CLUB May 5 at Burro Bar, Downtown.

CYNDI LAUPER June 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DEATH CAB for CUTIE, CHVRCHES, PURE BATHING CULTURE June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LORD HURON June 14, Mavericks Live CHRIS CORNELL June 17, The Florida Theatre WAR June 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ZOSO Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience June 23, PVC Hall REBELUTION, The GREEN & J BOOG, STICK FIGURE, THROUGH the GREEN June 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RICHIE RAMONE June 25, Burro Bar JUSTIN BIEBER June 29, Vets Memorial Arena SUBLIME with ROME, TRIBAL SEEDS July 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BARENAKED LADIES, ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES in the DARK, HOWARD JONES July 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TWENTY ONE PILOTS July 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLAG, WAR on WOMEN, The DIRTY NIL July 8, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BOY GEORGE & CULTURE CLUB July 9, Morocco Shrine Auditorium

98 DEGREES, O TOWN, DREAM, RYAN CABRERA July 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JASON MICHAEL CARROLL, MARK WILLS, DARYL WORLEY July 14, Mavericks Live SHAWN MENDES July 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLIGHT of the CONCHORDS July 17, St. Aug Amphitheatre 5 SECONDS of SUMMER July 20, Veterans Memorial Arena TED NUGENT July 20, Florida Theatre VILLAINFEST 2016 July 22, Mavericks Live Connection Festival: WU-TANG CLAN, CAGE the ELEPHANT, BIG DATA, ST. LUCIA, NEVER SHOUT NEVER, NEW YORK SKA ENSEMBLE, RUN RIVER NORTH, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, COLOURS, BROTHER HAWK, WATERSEED, COMTROL THIS!, CLOUD9 VIBES, MOYA MOYA, UNIVERSAL GREEN, ASKMEIFICARE, SKYVIEW, FLAG on FIRE July 23, Downtown Jacksonville 311, MATISYAHU July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CRAIG MORGAN July 28, The Florida Theatre BRING IT! LIVE July 29, The Florida Theatre LUKE COMBS July 29, Mavericks Live EMMA MOSELEY BAND, KRISTOPHER JAMES, CURT TOWNE BAND July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Party MAXWELL Aug. 7, T-U Center MISTERWIVES Aug. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SLIGHTLY STOOPID, SOJA, FORTUNATE YOUTH Aug. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RAY LaMONTAGNE Aug. 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GOO GOO DOLLS, COLLECTIVE SOUL, TRIBE SOCIETY Aug. 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre KENNY G Sept. 1, The Florida Theatre BRIAN WILSON, AL JARDINE, BLONDIE CHAPLIN Sept. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre IL DIVO Sept. 23, The Florida Theatre DONNA the BUFFALO, PETER ROWAN BLUEGRASS BAND, BLUEGROUND UNDERGRASS Oct. 13-16, Suwannee Music Park NEEDTOBREATHE, MAT KEARNY, PARACHUTE, WELSHLY ARMS Oct. 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre NEIL deGRASSE TYSON Nov. 14, The Florida Theatre MAGNOLIA FEST Oct. 15, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN JUKEBOX Oct. 16, The Florida Theatre BONNIE RAITT Oct. 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

SAVION GLOVER Nov. 18, The Florida Theatre ANIMAL COLLECTIVE Nov. 22, Mavericks Live GARRISON KEILLOR Dec. 11, The Florida Theatre OAK RIDGE BOYS Dec. 13, The Florida Theatre JAY LENO Jan. 14, Thrasher-Horne Center THE BABES Feb. 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA

ALLEY CAT Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Dan Voll May 4. Gitlo Lee 6:30 p.m. May 6. Live music most weekends LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz show 5:30-9 p.m. every Fri.-Sun. SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 Tad Jennings May 5. Savannah, Brian Earnest, DJ Dave May 6. Mark O’Quinn, Davis Turner May 7. Sam McDonald May 10 SURF Restaurant, 3199 S. Fletcher, 261-5711 Russell Bryant May 6. Larry & the Backtracks May 8. Yancy Clegg Tue./Thur. Black Jack Band Fri.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH Café, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri.

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff May 4. Anton LaPlume May 6 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 DJ Hal every Sat. Irish music every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic, Neptune Beach, 853-5680 3 the Band May 5. Briteside Band 10 p.m. May 6 & 7. Ryan Crary May 8. Live music most weekends GUSTO’S, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Anton LaPlume May 7. Groov every Wed. Will Hurley & Pops every Thur. Murray Goff every Fri. Under the Bus every Sat. Gene Nordan every Sun. HARMONIOUS Monks, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Ozone Baby May 4. Hellapoppin Circus 8 p.m. May 6. Live music Wed.-Sun. LYNCH’S, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Tyler Denning Band 10 p.m. May 6. Danka May 7. Chillula every Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Five O’clock Shadow May 7. Jamming Salmon May 10. Lyons May 12 MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Live music most weekends MONKEY’S UNCLE Tavern, 1728 N. Third St., 246-1070 DJ Wed., Sat. & Sun. Live music every Fri. RAGTIME Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Neil Dixon May 4. Hoffmans Voodoo May 5. Love Monkey May 6 & 7. Smith & Banks May 8. Jimmy Parrish May 11. Live music every Wed.-Sun. SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444 Savanna Leigh Bassett 6 p.m. May 4. T. Martin Band May 6. Catch the Groove May 7 SLIDERS, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881 Live music Wed.-Sun. ZETA BREWING, 131 First Ave. N., 372-0727 Radio Love May 6. Live music every Thur.-Sun.

DOWNTOWN

1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St. Dangerkids, Avion Roe 7 p.m. May 6. Destigmatize Me, The Offshore, Le Orchid May 7.

Emporos, Axiom, Headbang for the Highway 5 p.m. May 8 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. La Luz, Massenger, The Gun Hoes, The Gov Club 8 p.m. May 5. In Dying Arms, Phantoms, A Wake In Providence, Convictions, Set To Stun 8 p.m. May 6.

Impurity, Dead Centre, Denied Til Death 8 p.m. May 7 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance every Fri. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. May 4 & 11. Jimmy Solari May 6. Chuck Nash May 7 HOURGLASS Pub, 345 E. Bay St., 469-1719 Stephen Pigman Music May 7 JACKSONVILLE Landing, 353-1188 Front Porch Jam Session: In Season, Ryan Crary, DiCarlo, Bruce Delasalla, Ace Winn Trio 5 p.m. May 4. Spanky May 6. X Hale May 7. 418 Band May 8 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 David Nail, Cale Dodds 6 p.m. May 5. J Boog, Jahmen, Westafa 7 p.m. May 6. Kalimba 7 p.m. May 7. The Front Brothers, Brick + Mortar, Diet Cig 7 p.m. May 11. Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. MYTH NIGHTCLUB & BAR, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 DJ Q45, live music every Wed. EDM every Thur. Eric Rush every Fri. DJ IBay every Sat. Bangarang & Crunchay every Sun.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Live music Fri. & Sat. MR. CHUBBY’S, 11043 Crystal Sprgs. Rd., 355-9464 Chuck Nash 9 p.m. May 6 WHITEY’S Fish Camp, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Justin Lee 9 p.m. May 6. The 77D’s 9 p.m. May 7

INTRACOASTAL WEST

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

CLIFF’S Bar, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 The Warning May 6. The Remains May 7. Bandontherun May 11 JERRY’S Grille, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Lucky Stiff 7:30 p.m. May 6. Hard to Handle May 7

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC MANDARIN, JULINGTON

IGGY’S, 104 Bartram Oaks, Ste. 101, 209-5209 4syTe, Chelle Wilson May 7. Live music most weekends

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Tue.-Sat. The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Bandon therun May 4. Chilly Rhino 10 p.m. May 6 & 7

PONTE VEDRA

HURRICANE Grill & Wings, 3055 C.R. 210, 230-6445 Clinton Lane Darnell & Shayne Rammler 6 p.m. May 5. 2 Quart Shyne 6 p.m. May 5 PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Billy Buchanan 7 p.m. May 7.

Live music Wed.-Sat. TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Dustin Bradley May 4. Gary Starling May 5 & 12. Goliath Flores May 6. Latin All Stars May 7. Deron Baker May 11

Country fave PHIL VASSAR (pictured) performs with RUSSELL DICKERSON May 7 at Thrasher-Horne Center for the Performing Arts, Orange Park.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

ACROSS the STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Abracadaver, Blood Bath & Beyond May 7 LIMES LIVE, 1265 S. Lane Ave., gobigentertainment.net Audiotopsy (Mudvayne), In Whispers, Inner Demons, Generator, Snore 6:30 p.m. May 6 MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood S., 388-7807 City Wide Prom 7:30 p.m. May 7 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 S.S. Web, Leonhardt, Mudtown 8 p.m. May 8 RIVERSIDE Arts Market, 715 Riverside, 389-2449 LaVilla SOA Jazz Band, Mama Blue, SideTrack Duo May 7 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 4syTe, Chelle Wilson 7 p.m. May 6

ST. AUGUSTINE

The CELLAR Upstairs, 157 King St., 826-1594 Beautiful Bobby Blackmon & the B3 Blues Band May 6. Vinny Jacobs May 8 FLAVORS EATERY, 125 King St., 824-4221 Denny Blue 6 p.m. May 6 ORIGINAL CAFÉ ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Aug Beach, 460-9311 Fossil Creek Band 8:30 p.m. May 6 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Ancient City Keepers 8 p.m. May 5. Grandpa’s Cough Medicine, West King String Band 8 p.m. May 6

SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Holedouts, Gutless, Consent, Kid You Not, Judy Why 8 p.m.

May 4. Cinco De Mayo/Folio Media House: Iron Reagan, Dredger, Zftk, Brown Palace 8 p.m. May 5. Colleen Green, Ben Katzman’s Degreaser, Teenage Lobotomy, Telepathic Lines 8 p.m. May 10

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks, 398-7496 Jamie Kilstein, Honey Chamber 8 p.m. May 4. Jelly Roll, Classy Trap, Marcus Kane, GPO 8 p.m. May 5. Automatik Fit, Good Wood Band 8 p.m. May 6. Best Kept Secret, Take a Breath, An Honest Year, This Is All Now, Beneath the Spin Light, We & Forever 7 p.m. May 7. Mike Love, Matt Henderson May 8. Purson, Appalachian Death Trap, Ghostwitch May 9. Sticky Fingers, Rusty Shine, Outeredge May 10. Oddisee, Good Company, Simple Complexity, DJ No Fame May 11 MUDVILLE Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Ken Anoff May 5. Dasota Student Guitar Concert 7:30 p.m.

May 7

AGE APPROPRIATE

MA MAYBE M MAY AYBE YBE I’M I’M GE GETT GETTING TTIN ING G SO SOFT FT IIN N MY O OLD LD A AGE. GE O OR R maybe since I’m now limited to one column a month, I’m more selective about which artists to review. But I’ve been checking out some really cool local bands lately, much to my own surprise.

Case in point this month: THE YOUNG STEP. I will preface this by saying that I didn’t expect much from the St. Augustine band. I never expect much from any local artist, which is likely why I’m so astonished when I’m blown away by the really good ones. Couple that with the fact that I spent this past week trying to craft a suitable memorial piece for murdered artist and friend Jordie Hudson (who lived and worked in St. Augustine), and I was in no mood to be nice.

But holy shitballs, The Young Step blew me away. And not in the way you might think.

This is not elaborate, challenging compositional music. There are no odd time signatures, no overt intellectualism. And it’s not angry punk or throbbing black metal, either. It’s not even outthere avant garde. It is, for lack of a better, simpler term, modern power pop.

The Young Step’s new CD, El Clasico, opens with the driving gut-punch of “Baby, You Know.”

The only lyrics in this 2:37 slice of grungy-pop?

“You know, you know, you know, baby.” And this thing rocks. It’s thick, pounding, pulsing fouron-the-floor rock-and/or-roll. Nasty slide guitars bolster the fat, octaver riffage. There’s even a cuttime, near-doomy coda. Damn, this is good.

Track two, “Nature Man,” is what might happen if Talking Heads and Crash Test Dummies went camping together. Singer Ben Whitson’s baritone is lifted by Lauren Gilliam’s lilt. A goofy whistled melody line complements the whole affair. And here, again, is another simple, visceral pop pleasure. This stuff is a joy to hear.

“Yoga” is another song that capitalizes on the dual vocal attack. Gilliam sounds lovely in the

lovely with work waay Sk w way Skye ye EEdwards dwar dw ards ds ssounds ound ou ndss lo love velly wit itithh her her w in Morcheeba. “When I Was Young” goes full-on sludge-pop, with Whitson singing big and loud and echo-y over a slamming, repetitive, low-end riff.

There’s a funky mid-song break with, yes, more male-female vocalizing, too.

I could go song by song through this entire review, but you get the picture. This is giddy, fun, sing-alongable pop, the kind you don’t need to think too hard about. Better to feel it, if you catch my drift. The core band – Whitson, Lauren, and Micha Gilliam – bring in friends for much of the recording, which was completed at The Goondocks in St. Augustine. A visit to their Facebook page reveals a band that seems to get along well, a union based in friendship as much as a love of the music they make together. And it shows.

Blend all of this with the most awesome of all album covers – a colorful rendering of a perturbed gamecock – and you’ve got yourself a keeper. (The band is probably unaware of the Pavement EP cover Watery, Domestic that looks hauntingly similar. The fact that Pavement

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Charlie Walker May 5. DiCarlo Thompson May 6 VETERANS UNITED Craft Brewery, 8999 Western Way, Ste. 104, 253-3326 Forrest & the Fire 8 p.m. May 6 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows, 634-7208 Cat McWilliams Band May 5 & 6. Radio at Random 9:30 p.m. May 6. Krush May 7. Johnny Bravo May 8. Bill Ricci May 10. Melissa Smith Wed.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

THE HEADLAMP, 818 Clay St. Peach Kelli Pop, Fever Hands, Steven Marshek 8 p.m. May 7 SANDOLLAR, 9716 Heckscher Dr., 251-2449 XHale May 8

___________________________________________ To list your band’s gig, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown, email dbrown@folioweekly.com or by mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wednesday’s publication.

___________________________________________

THE KNIFE in turn stole that cover image from the 1970 eponymously titled album by Ambergris makes this poultry portrait-rock album connection a bit arcane.) The back cover, vaguely reminiscent of the Beatles Revolver, completes the vibe. I love this band and the music they make. Do yourself a favor and check out The Young Step. It brought me out of a deep blue funk. Imagine what it can do for your miserable lives.

John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

THE YOUNG STEPS

with The Blind Spots (May 17) and with Under the Willow and Sandy Wicker and The Recollections, Jack Rabbits, San Marco, jaxlive.

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

FOLIO DINING AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH

BEACH DINER, 2006 S. Eighth St., 310-3750, beachdiner. com. Newest in the popular local chain. Innovative breakfast: Eggs on the Bayou, fish-n-grits; French toast, riders, omelets. Lunch fare: salads, burgers, sandwiches, shrimp & crabmeat salad. $ K TO B L Daily BEECH STREET Bar & Grill, 801 Beech St., 572-1390, beechstreetbarandgrill.com. In an 1889 home, Chef Charles creates with fresh, local ingredients. Local seafood, handcut Florida steaks, housemade pasta, daily specials, small plates, street food. Courtyard. $$$-$$$$ FB D Tu-Sa; Brunch, D Su BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily BURLINGAME RESTAURANT, 20 S. Fifth St., 432-7671, burlingamerestaurant.com. The menu at the fine dining place changes quarterly, focusing on elegantly prepared dishes (8 apps, 8 mains) made with quality seasonal ingredients. Duck confit, grilled pork chops. $$$ BW D Tu-Sa CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily The CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrab

The PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads; made from scratch. $ TO B L W-Su The PICNIC BASKET, 503-A Centre St., 277-9779, picnic basketfernandina.com. Small shop focuses on fresh fare, cheeses, confits, charcuteries, wines. $$ BW B L D M-Sa PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service, NYC-style.

Specialty pizzas, pie or slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D W-Su The SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily The SAVORY MARKET, 474380 E. S.R. 200, 432-8551.

Local, organic produce, wild-caught seafood – Mayport shrimp – Wainwright meats, raw dairy, deli. Café has salads, hand-helds, tacos. $$ TO M-Sa SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

BITE-SIZED Timoti's Seafood Shak PINT-SIZED Beer Gimmicks GRILL ME! Burlingame CHEFFED-UP Tacos

P. 29 P. 30 P. 30 P. 31

ptgrille.com. Family-owned 26+ years; serving new Thai, traditional, vegetarian; curries, noodles. Low-sodium, glutenfree, too. Open kitchen display. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Su The WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. HH. $$ BW L M-F; D Tu-Sa ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty india.com. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template for tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka.

Vegetarian items cooked separately in vegetable oil. Lunch platters. $ BW TO L D Tu-Su

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes 28+ years. All-day HH M-Thu. $ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner.

Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare.

100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. Classic Old World Roman cuisine, extensive Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO D Nightly HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815.

American-style steakhouse, filets, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps, sandwiches. $$ FB K L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club.

2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop HH. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

Craft beers, innovative gourmet hot dogs and a friendly, casual atmosphere make St. Augustine’s Brewz ’N' Dawgz a great place to grab a bite and unwind. Photo by Dennis Ho trap.com. F 37 years, family-owned-and-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L D Daily GILBERT’S Underground Kitchen, 510 S. Eighth St., 310-6374, undergroundkitchen.com. Chef Kenny Gilbert (Top Chef) serves Deep Southern American cuisine. Dine inside or on a patio. $$ BW K TO L F; D W-Sa & M; R Su HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban cafe.com. F Behind Palace Saloon; owned by real Cubans; authentic sandwiches, coffee. Dine in or out at umbrella tables. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L D Daily HORIZONS, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 321-2430, horizons ameliaisland.com. Fine dining, upscale setting. Gourmet fare, seafood, steaks, lamb, pasta. $$$ FB L D Tu-Sa JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddian escafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, crêpes, vegan/vegetarian. Dine in or on a porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646. Spanish/ Portuguese cuisine with a Brazilian flair. Tapas, seafood, steaks, homemade sangria. Drink specials. AYCE paella Sunday. $$$ FB K TO D Nightly MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriver pizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or slice. $ BW TO L D M-Sa The MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, herbal tea, daily specials. $$ TO B L M-Sa PABLO’S Mexican Restaurant Grill & Cantina, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials, vegetarian. $$ FB K TO L D Daily To list your restaurant, call your account manager or Sam Taylor, 860-2465 • staylor@folioweekly.com

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

AVERAGE ENTRÉE • COST •

$ = Less than $10 $$ = $10- $20 $$$ = $20- $35 $$$$ = $35 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club event. fwbiteclub.com 2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years.

Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaur antorsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops.

Snail of Approval. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D M-Sa, B Sa

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S Subs, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740.

8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MINT INDIAN Restaurant, 8490 Baymeadows Rd., 367-1821, jaxmint.com. A new style of authentic, traditional Indian cuisine. Daily lunch buffet; HH. $ L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 646-9506,

MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D M-Sa MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, mshack burgers.com. 2015 BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, more. Dine inside or out – people-watch at Beaches Town Center. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 1585 Third St. N., 458-1390. SEE BAYMEADOWS. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH. $$ FB L D Daily SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444, seachasers. com. New place; four dining areas: First Street Bar, Music Room, Beach Bar, Dining Room. Daily HH. Dine in or on patio. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sa/Su; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. HH M-F. $ FB K L D Daily UGLY CUPCAKE MUFFINRY & Cafe, 115 Fifth Ave. S., 3395214, theuglycupcakemuffinry.com. Sweet/ savory giant muffins, made from organic, locally sourced ingredients.

Outside seating. $$ TO B L Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 125, 446-3119.

F New York-style deli has breakfast, fresh made subs, specialty sandwiches, burgers, gyros, wraps, desserts, vegetarian items. $ TO B L M-F The CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Chef-driven cuisine, sandwiches, entrées, salads. HH Tu-F $$ FB K D Tu-Sa CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, fionnmacs.com. Casual dining, uptown Irish atmosphere; fish & chips, Guinness lamb stew, black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily FOLKFOOD, 219 N. Hogan St., 333-8392 Southern specialties, coastal cuisine like fried catfish, Florida citrus kale salad, blackened mahi mahi tacos, meatloaf with curry sauce, homestyle desserts made in-house daily. $ BW TO L D M-F INDOCHINE, 21 E. Adams St., Ste. 200, 598-5303, indo chinejax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Thai, Southeast Asian cuisine. Signature dishes are chicken Satay, soft shell crab; mango, sticky rice dessert. $$ FB TO L D M-F; D Tu-Sa

FOLIO DINING : BITE-SIZED

A

FRESH CATCH

photo by Brentley Stead

IN RIVERSIDE

Timoti’s Seafood Shak in 5 Points corners OCEANFRONT STYLE dining without the ocean The grouper was flaky, with just the right THINKING THAT A BEACHY ESCAPE ON THE amount of seasoning. edge of Downtown Jacksonville is impossible?

The regional go-to for added heft, the Well, it is and it isn’t. TIMOTI’S SEAFOOD hushpuppies, were delicious, but the fries — oh, SHAK — 5 Points (the original Timoti’s is in the fries. The fries were perfect, with just the Fernandina Beach) corners the market on faux right crunch and excellent seasoning. I rarely oceanfront dining in the very best way. With eat fries — no, there’s nothing wrong with me outdoor seating that features a fantastic fishing — because it’s difficult to get them just how I boat mural by local artist David Nackashi and like them. Timoti’s fries, however, hit such a fresh, delicious seafood, you can almost smell high standard of perfection, I scarfed them all the sea air. down — and understand the baskets are full Timoti’s specializes in fresh seafood and when the friendly server presents them, like so traditional fried combo treats like hush much myrrh and frankincense. puppies and fish. I don’t know about you, but when I find a restaurant Brent also that doesn’t make you feel recommended that we like you’ve been dipped try a cup of rich clam TIMOTI’S SEAFOOD SHAK in a grease pit after you chowder ($3.99) and 1043 Park St., 5 Points 374-8892, timotis.com polish off a whole basket something a little out of of fried food, I stick with the ordinary — seaweed it — Timoti’s manages to salad ($2.49). That accomplish just that. unusual item had a great texture with a We arrived ravenous and, after going chewy bite. He said it was a popular choice to through the menu with manager Brent, add to the ahi tuna poke bowl ($9.99). we wanted everything. We ordered the Timoti’s has a great selection of wine and regular Mahi fish sandwich ($8.99), the local beer, because you can’t have fried fish highly recommended fish of the day, without a beer, right? Brent said Timoti’s is grouper ($14.99) and a fried oyster basket, known for sourcing only wild-caught fish and which includes hushpuppies, fries and they try to stock Mayport shrimp as often as slaw ($15.99). The wild caught fish can be possible. In fact, the staff here hopes to serve prepared blackened, fried, or grilled, and the local favorite even more in the near future. though Brent says he personally loves to When we asked what desserts were on fry everything, none of the options can offer, Brent admitted there were no sweet be called wrong. treats available as yet — but he recommended The fried oysters were crisp, hot and the goodies available at the bakery/sweet plentiful. With just one bite, I could taste the shop close by, Motion Sweets. I love that kind ocean, and knew everything else was going to of community support! Timoti’s is a great be delectable. The mahi sandwich is just what addition to 5 Points. a fish sandwich should be, with good bread, Brentley Stead tomatoes, lettuce and housemade tartar sauce. bitesized@folioweekly.com MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

DINING DIRECTORY PINT-SIZED PIN

THE TRICKLEDOWN EFFECT

Some BEER GIMMICKS are little more than marketing, others are GENIUS IN THE WORLD OF BEER, THERE ARE MANY whacky ideas. Whether it’s a beer tie-in to a popular TV show like Game of Thrones or the introduction of strange ingredients, gimmicks abound. There have been many odd, misguided and downright bad beer ideas. Some seem too unbelievable to be true, but be assured, they are very real.

Unsurprisingly, many beer gimmicks are created by mega-brewers Anheuser-Busch, Miller and Coors.

The big dogs always seem to be chasing each other’s tails. Who could forget the Bud Light bottle whose label had a blank spot to write your name with a fingernail or key? As if the beer would last long enough to require a nametag. Or what about Miller Lite’s vortex bottle? The ads claimed it “lets the great pilsner taste flow right out.” Does that mean that it flows more quickly than it did before or that it merely comes out of the bottle? The jury’s still out.

Then there’s the gimmick that seems to get the most attention – both positive and negative – the Coors Light cold-activated can. The geniuses in marketing seem to have forgotten that most folks keep their brew in an ice chest or refrigerator, meaning that those mountains are blue most of the time.

Domestic mega-brewers haven’t cornered the market; there are plenty of breweries that use peculiar gambits to market their products. Scottish brewing mad scientists Brew Dog have been pushing the envelope of alcohol content in beer for years, but oddly, that’s not their biggest ploy.

The brewery actually took bottles of its 55 percent ABV beer (yes, really) called The End of History and put them inside a real (stuffed) squirrel or stoat.

PETA was appalled. Most breweries are slightly less ambitious, choosing to not use taxidermed mammals as decanters.

Once an advertising device gains acceptance, it becomes something of a trend. Once seen as a joke, aging beer in used liquor barrels is a now mainstream practice – the process imparts complex flavors from residual liquors and the barrel wood itself. Brews have become legendary due to barrel aging – 3 Floyds Brewing Co.’s Dark Lord and Cigar City’s Hunahpu.

Now, fruit-flavored IPAs are the latest conceits.

Seminal Delaware brewer Dogfish Head has had Aprihop, an apricot flavored IPA, on the market for a few years. Sculpin, from Ballast Point in San Diego, has also undergone the fruit treatment and is now available in several flavors, like grapefruit and watermelon. Another brewer that has infused fruit into its IPA is Burnt Hickory Brewing in Kennesaw, Georgia. BHB’s Didjits brand is brewed with blood oranges, rendering a bitter citrus flavor.

Gimmicks and beer seem to go hand-in-hand, and have for ages. Who could argue with the genius of aging beer in liquor barrels or infusing fresh new flavors?

Thirsting for a gimmicky beer? Try these:

PINT-SIZED

Ballast Point Habanero Sculpin A perfect beer for chili heads, this scorcher blends hoppy IPA flavors with the unrelenting heat of habanero peppers. Warning: daring drinkers only.

Terrapin Beer Company Liquid Bliss The appeal of a chocolate and peanut butter mashup is undeniable. So Terrapin guys did that; the result’s as delicious as it is gimmicky.

Black Sheep Brewery PLC Monty Python’s Holy Grail Ale Created to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the comedy troupe, the refreshing golden ale is a real conversation-starter.

Marc Wisdom marc@folioweekly.com 30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 102, 866-395-3954, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. Variety of locally roasted whole bean brewed coffee, espressos, smoothies, fresh pastries, bagels, homemade cream cheeses. Chicken salad (best ever), tuna salad, sandwiches.

Free Wi-Fi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND Express, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH W-Sa $ FB L M-F

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. TAPS Bar & Grill, 1605 C.R. 220, Ste. 145, 278-9421, tapspublichouse.com. 50+ premium domestic, imported tap beers. Burgers, sandwiches, entrées. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar.

Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. ORANGE TREE Hot Dogs, 3500 Beach, Ste. 43, 551-3661, orangetreehotdogs.com. Hot dogs, personal size pizzas since ’68. Hershey’s ice cream, milkshakes. $ K TO L D Daily SID & LINDA’S Seafood Market & Restaurant, 12220 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 109, 503-8276. Pick your own whole fresh fish, have it cleaned, filleted, cooked to order. Dine in, take out. Housemade sauces. $$ K TO L D Daily

$$ B L Su/M; B L D Tu-Sa COOL MOOSE CAFÉ, 2708 Park St., 381-4242, coolmoose cafe.net. New England-style café; full breakfast menu, classic sandwiches, wraps, soups, brunch all day Sunday.

Gourmet coffees. $$ BW R L D Tu-Su CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su DERBY on PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$-$$$ FB B L D Tu-Su, R Sa/Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.

Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, vegetables. Artisanal cheeses, more than 300 craft, imported beers, 50 organic wines, and organic produce, meats, vitamins, herbs.

Organic wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. HH. $$ FB L D M-Sa BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oakfired pizza, raw bar, seasonal selections. HH M-F $$$ FB L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily INDOCHINE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE DOWNTOWN.

KITCHEN on SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 3962344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS Sports Bar, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288,

GRILL ME!

CHAD LIVINGSTON

BURLINGAME RESTAURANT 20 S. Fifth St., Fernandina Beach BORN IN: Jacksonville YEARS IN THE BIZ: 8 FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Al's Place in San Francisco FAVE CUISINE STYLE: French, Modern American GO-TO INGREDIENTS: Duck fat IDEAL MEAL: Chef R.K. Flores' Frog Legs Adobo WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Horseradish INSIDER'S SECRET: Love what you do and do it right.

MY CULINARY VICE: Dry-aged New York strip

MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS

AKEL’S DELI, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199.

F 20+ years. Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L D M-F; D Sa FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Diner: pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods.

Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily TAPS Bar & Grill, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, 819-1554.

SEE FLEMING ISLAND.

ORANGE PARK

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts.

Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com.

F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. PASTA MARKET Italian Restaurant & Clam Bar, 1930 Kingsley Ave., 276-9551, pastamarketitalianrestaurant. com. Family-owned-and-operated. Gourmet pizzas, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. Pastas: spaghetti, lasagna, fettuccine, ziti, calzones, linguini, tortellini. $$ BW K D Nightly SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B L D Daily The URBAN BEAN Coffeehouse Café, 2023 Park Ave., 541-4938, theurbanbeancoffeehouse.com. Coffee, espresso, gourmet sandwiches, flatbreads, apps. $$ K TO B L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2015 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. LARRY’S Subs, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE O. PARK.

RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS, WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sa/Su; L D Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea. Waffles, toasts, desserts, specialty coffees. HH.

HAWKERS Asian Street Fare, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily HOBNOB, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 110, 513-4272, hobnobwithus.com. New place serves cuisine driven by global inspirations, local intentions – ahi poke tuna, jumbo lump crab tacos. $$ FB TO L D Brunch Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com.

Modern, authentic Italian cuisine. Handcrafted cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055.

F Casual; made-to-order sandwiches, wraps, salads, breakfast. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding, 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

LITTLE JOE’S CAFÉ by Akel, 245 Riverside Ave., Ste. 195, 791-3336. Riverview café serves soups, salads, signature salad dressings. $ TO B L M-F METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire.com. F Southwestern fish tacos, chicken enchiladas. HH M-Sa upstairs, all day Su $$ FB K L D Daily M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

PATTAYA Thai Grille, 1526 King, 503-4060. SEE BAYMEADOWS. RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. 2015 BOJ winner.

Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & Company, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary culinary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS Filling Station, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushi cafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily TIMOTI’S SEAFOD SHAK, 1043 Park St., 374-8892. Brand new. SEE AMELIA ISLAND.

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ

winner. SEE BEACHES.

The FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare.

Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta; grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB Company, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken.

Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. ONE TWENTY THREE Burger House, 123 King St., 6872790. From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Wood-fired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

mardibar.com. Wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner.

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This Metro serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815, pizza palacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna. Dine outside. HH. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats, tapas, wod-fired pizza. Craft beers & cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus.

Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su The CHATTY CRAB, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C, 888-0639, chattycrab.com. Chef Dana Pollard’s raw oysters, Nawlins-style low country boil, po’ boys, 50¢ wing specials. $$ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE.

GREEK STREET CAFÉ, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 106, 503-0620, greekstreetcafe.com. Fresh, authentic, modern fare; Greek owners. Gyros, spanakopita, dolmades, falafel, salads, Greek nachos. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Subs, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499.

4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. Pacific Islander fare, emphasizing chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; spicy empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MOXIE KITCHEN + Cocktails, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744, moxiefl.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Chef Tom Gray’s venue has innovative contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, sides, desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L M-F; D Nightly M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Br. Dr., 900-7730, ovinte.com.

2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, charcuterie menu. 240-bottle/wines, 75/glass; craft spirits.

Dine outdoors. $$ FB R, Su; D Nightly RITA’S DELI, 9446 Philips Hwy., 806-3923. Sandwiches of Boar’s Head meats, cheeses. $$ BW TO L D M-Sa TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, taverna yamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Daily HH. Bellydancing. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TOMMY’S Brick Oven Pizza, 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2, 565-1999, tbopizza.com. NY-style thin crust, brickoven-cooked pizzas – gluten-free. Calzones, sandwiches, Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses. Boylan’s soda.

Curbside pickup. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa TOSSGREEN, 4375 Southside Blvd., Ste. 12, 619-4356.

4668 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 105, 686-0234. Custom salads, burrito bowls; fresh fruits, vegetables, 100% natural chicken breast, sirloin, shrimp, tofu, nuts, cheeses, dressings, sauces, salsas, frozen yogurt. $$ K L D Daily

DINING DIRECTORY SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HOLA Mexican Restaurant, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, specials, enchiladas. HH; sangria. $ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK.

IN CINCO WITH TACOS

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 15170 Max Leggett Parkway, 757-8843. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MOLLY BROWN’S Pub & Grill, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044, mollybrownspubandgrill.com. F American (traditional), brunch, burgers, diner fare, hot dogs, sandwiches, seafood, Southern, vegetarian dishes. $$ FB TO L D Daily

CHEFFED-UP

Just say “No” to BORING TACOS from a box

CINCO DE MAYO IS A FUN DAY TO CELEBRATE our love of all things Mexican. I think of it as the North American version of St. Patrick’s Day. And like on that specifically Irish holiday, drinking is a huge focus. In fact, for many of you degenerates, it’s the only focus.

That’s a pity, because the true focus should be on THE TACO! Lucky for us, Cinco de Mayo is on a Thursday this year, so we get Taco Tuesday twice in one week.

You’d never guess I love tacos! They’re a Mexican version of a sandwich and, like a sandwich, the ingredients and flavor combinations are infinite. To get the best results, follow a few common sense rules or techniques.

First, let’s look at a taco’s basic components. Versions vary, but the essence of every taco includes a tortilla, a main ingredient (usually a protein), an internal garnish and, finally, sauce. Just like the basic components of a sandwich!

My least-favorite taco ever? The bland variation from my childhood. You know the one I mean. The classic ’70s mashup of a crispy yellow corn tortilla (usually stale) with seasoned ground beef, shredded lettuce, chopped out-of-season-tomato, flavorless shredded cheddar, and chunky salsa from a jar. This was an “edgy” ethnic item that became so popular, companies began to sell them in kits. This led to fairly pedestrian results, because unskilled, uninspired cooks were cranking the tasteless structures out just to “get ’er done.” Quite pitiful — if you give even this version of taco a little love, it can be awesome.

What if you made a nice seasoning blend with more than salt and MSG? That sounds good. How about browning the ground beef properly? It shouldn’t result in gray meat swimming in red-tinged fat. Use highquality cheese, maybe even Mexican cheese, and make your own damn salsa! Stay away from that goopy ketchupy stuff in jars. There — you got a great start to a really good taco.

I really love to raise the humble taco to new heights. Imagine combining a classic carne asada with different salsas. Each region of Mexico has different, distinct flavors. As contemporary chefs, we’re free to take any or all, interpret them and produce nontraditional, outstanding flavors based on traditional ingredients. The result? Bright, spicy, deep, rich flavors. That’s what we do!

The modern taco has taken off; today, there are several great taco places in Northeast Florida where we can find

delicious varieties, some really creative and some authentic. Taco love!

If you’re ready for a little project, try my Green Mole Chicken recipe. It’s an outstanding way to fill a tortilla.

CHEF BILL’S GREEN MOLE CHICKEN Ingredients • 3 poblanos, roasted • 10 tomatillos, husked • 1/2 cup sesame seeds, toasted • 1/2 cup almond slices, toasted • 3 garlic cloves, chopped • 2 cinnamon sticks, toasted • 4 whole allspice, toasted • 1 clove, toasted • 1/2 teaspoon anise, toasted • 1/4 cup sultanas • 1.5 onions, diced • 20 oz. chicken stock • 3 pounds chicken thighs • 1 bunch cilantro • 1/4 bunch parsley • 1 sprig oregano • Mexican Chix Spice • Sugar, salt & pepper to taste

CHEFFED-UP

Directions 1. Season the chicken thighs with Mexi 1. seasoning. Lightly sear over medium 1. heat. Do not blacken!

2. Remove from pan, set aside.

3. Char tomatillos and poblanos in the 1. broiler, skin and seed the pepper, 1. rough chop pepper and tomatillos.

4. Grind all the toasted spices except the 1. cinnamon sticks.

5. Gently sweat the onions and the garlic.

1. Add chicken stock, toasted spices, 1. cinnamon sticks, poblanos, tomatillos, 1. oregano, and chicken.

6. Bring to a simmer, cover and over 1. braise for 30 minutes or until the 1. chicken is tender.

7. Cool slightly, remove chicken and 1. shred. Buzz the sauce with cilantro and 1. parsley, adjust seasoning 1. and consistency.

8. Return the chicken, add to tortillas 1. with condiments of your choice.

9. No bottled salsa!

Chef Bill cheffedup@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Chef Bill Thompson, who owns Amelia Island Culinary Academy in Historic Fernandina Beach, is ready to take your recipe suggestions or questions.

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

PET EVENTS P

ARF BARKET Riverisde Arts Market holds it semi-annual Spring Arf Barket, featuring splash pools, treats, pet-related products and services, and a Canine Costume Contest (11:30 a.m.; registration 11:15 a.m.), all presented by Pet Supermarket, 10 a.m.4 p.m. Saturday, May 7 at RAM, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

ADOPTABLES

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dog who will miss you so much that you’ll get tackled when you come home from work?

DAT’S ME! I may be a rookie in life but I’m a pro at heart. A (d)fenced-in yard helps me play my very best! Come draft me at Jax Humane Society. More info online at jaxhumane.org.

PROM QUEEN KICKBALL PET RESCUE BENEFIT Kickball warriors dressed in prom attire battle it out from 8 a.m. until the last team is left standing, Saturday, June 18 at Treaty Park, 1595 Wildwood Dr., St. Augustine. A team of 10 plus a captain registers for $250 per team. Proceeds benefit SAFE PET RESCUE. safe-pet-rescue-fl.com, crossfitvulcan.com.

ADOPTABLES

YANNICK NGAKOUE

(AKA SCOUT)

FREE AGENT • I hope you’re a quarterback, cause I’m coming after you! Let me rush into your heart when you take me home. I’m a perfect addition to any team and I’d love a coach like you! Come check out my 50-yard dash at JHS. For adoption information and details, visit jaxhumane.org.

EXTREME MUSTANG MAKEOVER The wild horse training competition is held 8 a.m.

Friday, May 6 and Saturday, May 7 at Jacksonville Equestrian Center, 13611 Normandy Blvd., Westside, 255-4254, extrememustangmakeover. com. Admission is $15; kinds under 5 are free.

All adult competing mustangs are available for adoption after the event.

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

To list a pet event, send event name, time, date, location (complete street address and city), admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com – at least two weeks before the event.

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DEAR DAVI

SHOW MOM

THE LOVIN’ MOTHER’S DAY isn’t just for human children – it’s for cats and dogs, too!

Dear Davi, I love my mom.

How will she be able to tell this, since I don’t exactly speak her language?

Oliver the Otterhound Oliver, Bringing home a bouquet of flowers is probably not an option, but showing your undying love for your human is simple and natural.

Cuddling. Many dogs yearn to be as physically close to their humans as possible.

If you snuggle up next to her or lean against her every chance you get, rest assured she feels your love.

Locking eyes. Gazing into her eyes with no obvious reason for attention is showing extraordinary devotion and delight for your human. Looking at her releases oxytocin in you — the same hormone that helps mothers bond with babies — and helps you both feel happy and relaxed.

Following her around. You want to be wherever your human is, so you tirelessly follow her from room to room, or to the ends of the Earth, just to be in her company.

Tail wagging. Wagging your tail, especially to the right, when you see her is a sign of sheer joy. Not only does it show affection, it signifies ultimate respect.

Licking. This is a form of endearment, similar to kissing. Like it or not, it’s a slobbery way of showing you care, and it releases endorphins that help you feel comfort and pleasure.

Playing. We connect with humans through play. Showing affection by initiating play, like tug of war or fetch, is healthy for you and your human. And it plays a huge role in forming a lasting bond.

Cats share the love, too. Really!

Bunting. When a cat rubs against you, that’s called bunting — it’s a form of feline affection. Cats reserve this activity for their

most favorite creatures, so when you get bunted, consider it an honor.

Gifting. Some cats bring their humans gifts: toys, dead bugs, mice, even rats. When a cat brings these treasures, he’s sharing his prey with you — an act of love.

Lap-napping. Cats sleep a lot. Falling asleep makes a cat vulnerable, so she snoozes only in safe spots. If one of those spots is your lap, you should feel cherished.

Love eyes. When a cat puts his face close to yours and stares with wide-open eyes, then blinks slowly, he’s showing you how much he loves and trusts you.

Davi mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Davi the dachshund isn’t a Mama’s Boy, but he does enjoy taking long walks, playing with friends and taking afternoon naps.

Treat Mom to brunch at a local dog-friendly spot. Some may be busy; call ahead.

BLACK SHEEP 1534 Oak St., Riverside.

Hand-crafted fare from local ingredients; weekend brunch; lower patio welcomes dogs; water provided.

THE CANDY APPLE CAFÉ 400 N. Hogan St., Downtown. French-inspired fare with a Southern twist; brunch all day every day; pooch-friendly porch seating; water provided.

TAVERNA 1986 San Marco Blvd., San Marco.

Italian and Spanish cuisine; dog-friendly outdoor dining; water bowls, treats provided.

METRO DINER 1534 Third St. N., Jax Beach.

Comfort food with flair; breakfast and brunch daily; dog-friendly outdoor patio; water provided.

FIRST WATCH 544 Marsh Landing Pkwy., Ste. 4, Jax Beach. Freshly prepared breakfast, brunch & lunch daily; dog-friendly outdoor dining; water provided.

PET TIP: SURF, SAND & POO IT’S SUMMER, AND IT’S TIME TO TAKE OUR DOGS TO THE BEACH. There are rules for dogs on the sand and in the ocean at every beach in Northeast Florida; check the website for your particular destination.

For example, some beaches allow dogs to frolic and play – and poo – from dawn to dusk, others do not allow dogs until after all the townies go home. And we know every one of you picks up after your pet, but somehow, every summer, we put down our towels to catch some rays and UGH! Poo alert – a pile lies within sight and smell of your spot.

Some leash laws are tricky, and there are special pet police popping up to nab you if you break them. Be aware.

If the sand’s too hot for you, it’s too hot for your pet to walk on.

Get booties or go home.

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

NEWS OF THE WEIRD YOUR DIGITAL WORLD

Love is in the air … just inhale, right? Hah! Let Folio Weekly Magazine help you connect with that surfer hunk you saw at the Young Vegan Professionals meet-up, or the goddess at Target who “accidentally” dropped a jasmine-scented kazoo in your cart.

Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday – next stop: Bliss!

BEAUTIFUL WEST VIRGINIAN You: Tan BBW, three mixed kids, WVU tank top, American flag tattoo on back. Me: Overall cutoffs, American flag tattoo on neck, Gator T-shirt. You offered snuff. Nervous, I refused. Like to dip in you in my single-wide. When: April 8. Where: Collins Road Trailer Park. #1604-0413

PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, with bull mastiff. You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance. Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9. Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217

MY TRAILER PARK QUEEN Me: Long hair, tats, white shirt, sippin’ a Bud Lite with my pops. You: Prego, kid on each hip, also drinking a Bud Lite, puffin’ a Winston. Let’s get drunk; lemme put another one in the oven. When: April 3. Where: Ramona Flea Market Beer Garden. #1603-0406

TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night.

You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck. You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later! Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me. When: Feb. 5. Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217

ACCIDENTALLY PUBLIC MAKEOUT You: Adorably nerdy guy, incredible hands. Me: Petite (younger) fashionista, completely enchanted. Madeout like teenagers in Starbucks parking lot before realizing patio full of people could see. I’d do it again without changing a thing! When: March 20. Where: Starbucks. #1602-0330

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, dressed sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church. When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217

COME DELIVER PIZZA AGAIN! Me: Male in jeans, navy polo, bumbled over receipt.

You: Male, delivered Pizza Hut to my door. I didn’t say much, but would’ve liked to! When: March 12. Where: My condo near The Avenues. #1601-0316 LISTENING PUNK ROCK IN TRUCK You: In blue/black truck, 8 p.m. When I came out, you turned radio up so I’d look; you flashed best grin.

Sandy, maybe curly hair, bright eyes, that dang smile!

Who ARE you? Gotta know. When: March 7. Where: Welcome Food Mart, St. Augustine. #1600-0316 TIJUANA FLATS DROPPED SODA SHERRY? You: Fletcher lacrosse sweatshirt; dropped soda, came back. Me: Waiting too patiently for table, talking to you while you waited for takeout. (Insert cheesy line here, preferably including queso.) Single? Let’s grab a drink. When: Feb. 23. Where: Hodges Tijuana Flats. #1599-0316 GANESH TATTOOED HOT BLONDE GODDESS With ball cap. Thanks for letting me take pic of adorable Ganesh on your beautiful arm! I was totally intrigued, want to connect over chai sometime. The pic got overwhelming likes on IG! When: Feb. 27.

Where: SeaWalk Pavilion Jax Beach. #1598-0309 SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out at same time; you had St. V lanyard, pinenuts (or similar), yogurt and other things.

Handsome! I was too shy to say anything; regret not speaking when I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18.

Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224 LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16. Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224 MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11. Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217 ENAMORADA DE TI... Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion.

Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre. Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

YOU: THE FIRE First saw you at Fat Kat, September 2003. You: Most beautiful woman I’d ever seen; still most gorgeous woman I know, my heart’s desire.

Cannot wait for our lips to reunite! I love you most!

Love, M.P. When: 2003. Where: Fat Cat. #1590-0217 PRETTY SMILE SAW U TWICE You: Blonde, pretty smile; 4:30 p.m. Me: Black cowboy hat; cold outside.

You smiled at me (think it was me) passing by. Passed again, smiling, caught off-guard. Love to get to know you! When: Jan. 23. Where: Publix@Southside/ Touchton. #1589-0217 HAD ME AT GO ’NOLES! Seminole/Armada games, losing beer pong, Pub subs, laughs, cheek kisses = last “first date” I want. You stole my heart; don’t want it back. The start of something sweet? Say you agree; stay forever! When: Oct. 3, ’15. Where: The Garage/ Baseball Grounds. #1587-0120 WATER AISLE You: Commented on water price; beautiful blond hair, jeans, sweater, very warm and kind. Me: Gray hair, blue eyes, shirt, jeans. We both drink coffee; would love to share a cup with you.

When: Jan. 9, morning. Where: Walmart@foursquare/ U.S. 1 & Southside. #1586-0113 CHAMBLINS CHAMPION You had two enormous boxes of books. I held the door open for you. You: Blonde hair, glasses, great smile. Me: Tall, blonde.

Would love to discuss literature sometime! When: Dec. 29. Where: Chamblins Uptown. #1585-0106 WELCOME TO ME! You: Tall, dress shirt, tie. I walked by to get your attention; you were on Bible app on phone.

Please come back next Sunday, and I will try again.

When: Jan. 3. Where: Moe’s @ Avenues. #1584-0106 NEED TLC You: Raven-haired nurse; funky glasses, chatting with co-worker. Me: Curiously smitten; backpack, sling; visiting pre-op over year ago, saw you eating fresh. We have some FB friends in common. Who are you? When: Oct. ’14 & now. Where: St. Vincent’s Subway/FB. #1583-0106 RIDE TOPLESS TOGETHER You: Sexy, dark, handsome, ballcap, BMW convertible. Me: Hot pink, caramel-covered sweetness, MB convertible. Pressed horn, blew a kiss. Like real one in woods? Know where I am. When: Dec. 26. Where: Leaving UNF Nature Trails. #1582-1230 JAX BEACH EARLY A.M. PHOTOS Enjoy sunrise near 34th Ave.; struck up conversation. Asked to take your photos. You: White shorts; got wet as waves caught you. Never gave you my card to send the pix. When: Sept. 28. Where: Jax Beach 34th Ave. S. #1581-1230

One notably hypersuccessful YouTube channel (700,000 subscribers) features Mr. Lauri Vuohensilta of Finland pulverizing various objects (like a bowling ball) in a 100-ton hydraulic press. Said Vuohensilta, “I think it’s built into every person — the need to destroy something.” That channel is free, but other entrepreneurs have created 24-hour pay-permonth websites and apps offering similarly specialized programming, e.g., “Zombie Go Boom” (actors take chain saws to things; $5 a month), “Hungry Monk Yoga” (posing in orange robes while teaching martial arts; $15 a month), and “Lather Fantasies” (clothed people “excessively shampooing each other’s hair”; $20 a month). An April Wall Street Journal report noted the “lather” channel “sounds kinkier than it actually is.”

KEEP CALM & PET A HEDGEHOG

Restaurants in Tokyo continue their vigilance for unique, attention-demanding animal themes to attract diners. Eateries showcasing tableside cats, rabbits, owls, hawks and even snakes have tried their hands, with the latest being Harry, offering food and drink — and 20 to 30 teacup-size hedgehogs for diners to pet while awaiting meal service. Just $9 brings an hour of cuddling rights.

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW

In some states, as NOTW has reported, visitors with the barest “right” to occupy property (e.g., invited in for one night but never left) cannot be evicted except by court order, which might take weeks to obtain. In April, owners in Flint, Michigan, and Nampa, Idaho, were outraged that nothing could be done quickly to remove squatters from their vacated houses.

The Nampa squatter produced a “lease” that, though fraudulent, was enough to send the sheriff away.

SMOOTH GETAWAY

The December burglary of the Halifax bank in Sale, England, drew attention even though it was just after midnight — because Jamie Keegan and Marc Shelton (both age 33) had tried to haul away an ATM, but it fell out the back of their van, making calamitous noise and sparks in the road. Also, the ATM had an

“out of order” sign on it, raising still another question about the efficacy of the crime. In February, the Minshull Street Crown Court sentenced the pair to 40 months each in prison.

Bonus: In court, Shelton helpfully corrected the legal record by reminding officials that the pair’s crime was actually “burglary” and not, as written, “robbery.”

FINGER FUN

The most recent suspect to have the bright idea to try biting off his fingertips (to avoid identification) was Kirk Kelly, wanted in Tampa for violating probation and picked up by police in February in Akron, Ohio. While being detained in Akron, he began to chew the skin off his fingers. Even if he’d succeeded, he was easily identified as Kirk Kelly because of his body tattoos (“Port Tampa” and “813” — Tampa’s area code).

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

Randy Velthuizen had lived in the house in Everson, Washington, for 20 years, but in April he accidentally set it afire while trying to kill weeds with a blowtorch. It was an uninsured total loss. Mused Velthuizen, “It just made downsizing a hell of a lot easier.”

In January, four units in an apartment house in midtown Detroit were accidentally burned by a tenant trying to kill a bedbug that bit him. He’d tried to light it up, but by the time the flames were extinguished, he was badly burned, his and three adjacent units were uninhabitable, and two dozen more had suffered water damage.

HANDS OFF

Funeral director Thomas Clock III of Clock Funeral Home at White Lake (Whiteside, Michigan) was charged with a few crimes in April. Not only did Clock allegedly fail to bury the ashes of the late Helen Anthony in December (interring an empty box instead), when the family asked for a specific burial date, Clock allegedly told them no workers were available and the family would have to dig the cemetery plot themselves — for which Clock helpfully advised using a “post hole digger.”

And they did.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

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MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE CROSSWORD by DALE RATERMANN. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 SAN MARCO BLVD. 398-9741

111 6 10 13 14 15 17 19 20 21 23 24 27 29 31 32 34 35 39 41 44 45 48 51 53 54 56 58 59 1

ACROSS

Navy bigwigs Go to sea “I thought so!”

Dime depiction Computer command Zilch Like a crusty old professor Low pair Jacksonville Zoo beasts Bud holder?

Wedge shot path Sci. class One crying foul Marco Rubio or Mel Martinez, notably Pen name Bikini part Ceiling support Bed item Crab Trap bar order, with “the” Like some college apartments Tires Plus pattern Very perceptive Sleeper’s woe Sentence units (Abbr.)

Level the playing field “Good heavens!”

Compliment given to a chef Woodwind Dot follower 2

3

PONTE VEDRA

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

4

330 A1A NORTH 280-1202

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. 10300 SOUTHSIDE BLVD. 388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

60 Ballpark fig.

62 Musical disc 64 Cognito Farm grunters 66 Like a campus layout to a new student 71 Stocking stuffers 72 Prickly ___ 73 Opposite of 25-Down 74 Rap physician 75 Poetic contraction 76 Computer command

DOWN

1 Amt. of heat 2 U.S. Rep. DeSantis 3 Sound from a woofer?

4 “Get out!”

5 JaxPort sight 6 Postcard scene, maybe 7 Farah-Farah link 8 Unoccupied?

9 Resembling die-hard Armada fans 10 A Bug’s Life bug 11 Farthest state from Jax 12 Fancies up 16 Race that’s always a tie?

18 Florida Poet Laureate’s “always” 5

6

13

Solution to 4.27.16 Puzzle A W A Y

R O T E

I K E A

S P F S

M E M O

O A R S

M A K T R O V E N W A E S

7

8

S W O O S H

25

9

27

28 32

35

36

37

10

33

60

74

61 66

S T O S R S E N

F A T I O N S S R T A I M M E R S P H A N Y A L E E W K S L G A S P

12 16

34

46

57 62

47

53 58 63

67

68

72

73

75

76

36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

S C R A M

30

52 56

55

71

11

E J E C T S

43

51

50

65

S E I N E S

45

54

64

T W A O S S A T K E A T

23

42

59

E V E

40

44 49

22 29

39

38

41

B U C K O

19 21

26

A M N O T

R O F L U I O S T O N D S N T I S S U C E P V T E W G N S O D

18

31

48

A V E R B A O T L A D P P I O P I U S P E S E

15

20 24

49 Jags game division 50 Unpleasant reminder?

52 Urban Grind packets 55 Blow one’s top 57 Pop’s companion 58 Not a good looker 61 De novo 63 Turned six?

65 Atlanta-to-St. Augustine dir.

67 JAX watchdog 68 It’s a good name for a CPA 69 WQIK revenue source 70 Tasty option available at Pinegrove Deli

22 Indian princes 24 WJAX affiliation 25 Stylish and street-smart, like Folio Weekly Magazine readers 26 Earth tone 28 Where iron is cast 30 Flat sign?

33 Letters on a tire 36 “Come in!”

37 Angular home 38 JEA bill word 40 Comcast channel 42 Florida House member Lake ___ 43 Speechless 46 It’s after me, often 47 Baa maid?

48 Take on a pet project

14

17

HUMMINGBIRDS, VLADIMIR NABOKOV, MAGIC, UTOPIA, ARISTOTLE & ANGER

69

70

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Silence is not silence, but a limit of hearing,” writes Jane Hirshfield in her poem “Everything Has Two Endings.” This is apropos for you now. There are potentially important messages you’re not registering and catalytic influences you can’t detect. But their apparent absence is due to a blank spot in your awareness, or a leftover willful ignorance. The good news: You’re primed to expand your listening field.

You have an enhanced ability to open certain doors of perception that have been closed. If you capitalize on this opportunity, silence will give way to revelation.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Your ability to do magic is at a peak, and will continue to soar for at least two more weeks. And when I write “magic,” I’m not referring to hocus-pocus of illusionists like Criss Angel or Harry Houdini. I mean real feats of transformation to generate practical benefits in your day-to-day life. Study these definitions by writer Somerset Maugham, and have faith in your ability to embody them: “Magic is no more than the art of employing consciously invisible means to produce visible effects. Will, love, and imagination are magic powers everyone possesses; whoever knows how to develop them to their fullest extent is a magician.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): According to author Vladimir Nabokov, the Russian word toska means “a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness.” Linguist Anna Wierzbicka says it conveys an emotion blending melancholy, boredom, and yearning. Journalist Nick Ashdown suggests that for someone having toska, what’s yearned for may be “intangible and impossible to actually obtain.” How are doing with your toska? Is it conceivable you could escape it, maybe even heal it? Before you do, though, take time to explore it further. Toska has more to teach about your life’s previously hidden meaning.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Gandhi’s autobiography is on my pillow,” writes Cancerian poet Buddy Wakefield. “I put it there every morning after making my bed so I’ll remember to read it before falling asleep. I’ve been reading it for six years. I’m on Chapter 2.” What’s a similar thing in your world, fellow Crab? What good deed or righteous activity have you been pursuing with glacial diligence? Is there a healthy change you’ve been thinking about, but not making much progress on? The mood and sway of the days ahead bring a good chance to expedite the process. In Wakefield’s case, he could get to Chapter 17.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the 16th century, European explorers searched South America in quest of a mythical city of gold called El Dorado. Tibetan Buddhist tradition speaks of Shambhala, a magical holy kingdom where only enlightened beings live. In ancient Greek legends, Hyperborea was a sunny paradise where the average human life span was 1,000 years and happiness was normal. Now’s a great time to fantasize about your version of utopia. Your imagination is primed to expand; dreaming big is good for mental and physical health. Another reason: By envisioning the most beautiful world possible, you mobilize your idealism and boost your ability to create the best life for you in the months ahead.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Anytime you’re going to grow, you’re going to lose something,” said psychologist James Hillman. “You’re losing what you’re hanging onto to keep safe. You’re losing habits that you’re comfortable with, you’re losing familiarity.” Let these thoughts serve as words of wisdom in the next few weeks. From an astrological perspective, you’re in a phase when luxuriant growth is possible. To harvest

the fullness of lush opportunities, be willing to shed outworn stuff that might interfere.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): On Cracked.com, Auntie Meme writes that many commonlyheld ideas about history are wrong. Like there were no chastity belts in the Middle Ages.

Napoleon’s soldiers didn’t shoot off the nose of the Sphinx when they were in Egypt. In regard to starving peasants, Marie Antoinette never sneered, “Let them eat cake.” And no Christians ever became meals for lions in ancient Rome’s Colosseum. (More: tinyurl. com/historicaljive.) In the spirit of Auntie Meme’s exposé, and in alignment with astrological omens, uncover and correct at least three fabrications, fables, and lies about your past.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Poet Charles Wright marvels at the hummingbird, “who has to eat 60 times his own weight a day just to stay alive. Now that’s a life on the edge.” In the weeks ahead, your modus operandi may have resemblances to the hummingbird’s approach. I don’t mean you’ll be in a manic survival mode. Rather, you’ll feel called to nourish your soul with more intensity than usual. You’ll need to continuously fill up with experiences that inspire, teach, and transform.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Anybody can become angry,” said Greek philosopher Aristotle. “That is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” Right now you have an exceptional capacity for meeting Aristotle’s high standards. Honor and learn all you can from your finely honed, well-expressed anger.

Make it work wonders. Use it so constructively no one can complain.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): To celebrate your arrival at the height of your sex appeal, I’m resurrecting the oldfashioned word “vavoom.” Feel free to use it as your nickname. Pepper it into your conversations in place of terms like “awesome,” “wow,” or “yikes.” Use a felt-tip marker to make a temporary VAVOOM tattoo on your body. Here are more enchanted words to include as an intimate part of your daily presentation: verve, vim, vivid, vitality, vigor, voracious, vivacious, visceral, valor, victory, and VIVA! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When he was a boy, Mayan poet Humberto Ak’ab’al asked his mother, “What are those things that shine in the sky?” “Bees,” she answered mischievously. “Every night since then,” Humberto writes, “my eyes eat honey.” In response to this lyrical play, the logical part of our brains might rise and say, “What a load of nonsense!” But set aside the logical part of your brain for now. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, in the days ahead, you need a big dose of sweet fantasies, dreamy stories, and beautiful nonsense. What do you have like seeing bees making honey in the night sky’s pinpoints of light?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Sometimes, a seemingly insignificant detail reveals a whole world,” says artist Pierre Cordier.

“Like the messages hidden by spies in the dot of an i.” This is precisely the minutiae you should be extra alert for in the next few days. Major revelations may emerge from what at first seems trivial. Generous insights could ignite in response to small acts of beauty and subtle shifts of tone. Do you want glimpses of the big picture and long-range future? Be reverent toward the fine points and modest specifics.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 4-10, 2016

FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL IA AL

FLOUR, SUGAR,

EGGS AND

SUBTEXT

First atheist invocation contained HIDDEN MESSAGE I GAVE AN INVOCATION AT THE MARCH 22 Jacksonville City Council meeting. It was the first time a known atheist had given the invocation. It was a secular invocation, free from any mention of a god or gods.

AG Gancarski wrote in the March 30 edition of Folio Weekly Magazine that my invocation was “about as interesting as a hamburger without any meat.”

But most people said it was thoughtprovoking, stimulating, and inspiring.

I knew what needed to be said when I first contemplated giving an invocation; I needed to write something simple and succinct that would resonate in the hearts and minds of anyone but a sociopath or a psychopath.

The city of Jacksonville is similar to much of the United States in many ways, but one in particular. This is a city full of immigrants, descendants of immigrants, black and white, gay and straight, liberal and conservative, religious and non-religious, and everything else you can imagine. It is not a city made up of white and various shades of white, or Protestantism and various denominations of Protestantism. It’s a city consisting of every flavor and essence of humanity, with as many worldviews as hamburger joints.

In my invocation, I quoted a few lines of “The New Colossus,” a sonnet by Emma Lazarus, which is engraved on the Statue of Liberty. By putting Lazarus’ poem on the pedestal at the base of the Statue of Liberty, our country invited anyone and everyone not only to come here and live among us, but to come here and enjoy the freedoms guaranteed to all of us by our Constitution.

There is a subset of the population of this country who need to be constantly reminded that plurality is the rule, not the exception, and freedom and equal rights are not just for a majority of the population.

The first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, more commonly known as the Bill of Rights, specifically address a laundry list of freedoms guaranteed to all citizens. The reason for creating the Bill of Rights was a no-brainer for the framers of the Constitution: The majority should never infringe upon the rights of the minority.

We have examples of the tyranny of the majority playing out practically every week in this country. The governor of Georgia recently vetoed a bill that would have allowed people to refuse to hire potential employees, refuse to rent property, or refuse to provide education or charitable services based on religious beliefs. Oh, and let’s not forget refusing to bake wedding cakes based on religious beliefs.

The god of Christianity is very clear about wedding cakes for the LGBT folks: If you ain’t straight, no cake for you!

Mississippi’s Governor Phil Bryant recently signed into law the Protecting Freedom of Conscience From Government Discrimination Act, a law that allows businesses to refuse services to gay couples based on religious objections. This was a direct reaction to the Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court ruling legalizing gay marriage.

Simply and succinctly, the new Mississippi law is anti-LGBT legislation.

HB 2 is North Carolina’s version of the anti-LGBT legislations sweeping the country.

Called Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act, the new North Carolina law requires transgender people to use public restrooms according to the biological sex on their birth certificates. This was a reaction to a recently enacted LGBT protection law in Charlotte, North Carolina where city leaders addressed the need for better bathroom accommodations for transgender individuals. HB 2 was a wake-up call to progressive communities. Get in line, or we (the state) will strip you of any power you thought you possessed.

HB 2 bans local governments from passing any laws protecting gay and transgender people, the final nail in the coffin for Charlotte or any other city in North Carolina wanting to adopt LGBT protection laws. This ban on LGBT protection laws wiped out nearly two dozen local laws that include LGBT protection. HB 2 is causing a lot of discussion on local and national news shows and backlash in the business sector about LGBT protection laws, but there’s more.

HB 2 included a sentence that slipped by a lot of folks. It reads: No person may bring any civil action based upon the public policy expressed herein. In other words, you cannot sue in a state court if you feel you have been discriminated against. Without going into too much detail, this new law set back civil rights by more than a half-century, especially worker’s rights and race discrimination. The day I submitted this piece for publication, the governor of North Carolina was slicing and dicing his new anti-LGBT law in an effort to stop the pullout of major business interests from his state.

What North Carolina did in HB 2 was exactly the sort of stuff that I wanted to indirectly address in my invocation.

Pointing out Lazarus’ poem at the bottom of the Statue of Liberty was meant as a reminder that we as a nation cannot invite

people to our country and then deny them the rights other citizens are guaranteed.

Bringing up the fundamental reason James Madison had for writing the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution — the idea that government must have a set of irreversible constitutional mandates in place to ensure the majority can never take away the rights of any minority — was the only way to point out that a religious belief should never usurp the rights guaranteed by our Constitution. That is why the First Amendment states emphatically that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. Establishment is a noun, not a verb. The Establishment Clause of the First Amendment is saying Congress shall not favor religious establishments.

I didn’t want my invocation to sound like those at previous meetings. Appealing to human intellect, empathy, cooperation and teamwork was a way to point out that if you need something accomplished, tap into the talent humanity possesses.

The city of Jacksonville is struggling to add LGBT protection to its Human Rights Ordinance. In my invocation, I wanted to promote respect for all people, not just white, straight, male, Anglo-Saxon Protestants; but most of all, I wanted to promote fairness and freedom. Those may be boring, dull concepts if you’re a fascist or selfish or don’t play well with others, but to most of us, they are concepts near and dear to our hearts, and always on our minds.

I’ve heard the naysayers’ cake-baking argument. A business should have the right to refuse service to anyone the business deems an undesirable customer. No shoes, no shirt, no service. We all get that. But what happens when an establishment in the business of baking wedding cakes hangs a sign in the window that says “No service to black people”? Or Hispanics? Or Jews, Muslims and women? You’d never get away with it. Why is a business prohibited from denying service to blacks, but it’s acceptable to deny service to LGBTs? I had a message embedded in my invocation. It was an appeal to the members of the Jacksonville City Council to do the right thing regarding LGBT rights: Let them eat cake.

Earl Coggins mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Coggins is president and founder of First Coast Freethought Society. This piece was previously published on wordsfromearl.wordpress.com.

MAY 4-10, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39