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Grow Your Own Way- From NAVY to LMHC
First Generation Sicilian American
I was born and raised in Trenton, NJ to two Sicilian immigrants whose story in the U.S. began when they arrived at Elis Island NY in the hopes for a better life for the family they planned to have. It was a humble household, my father a WW2 Italian Army Veteran and a barber by trade and my mother a tailor, our measure of wealth came down to my parent’s ability to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our backs. They sent me and my two older siblings to a private Catholic School from K-12, making that monetary sacrifice to ensure we had a good education. We were raised Catholic and received all the milestone sacraments. I was the youngest of the three and fit the perfect title of the Sesame Street song, One of These Things Is Not Like the Others. I began to come to terms with my sexual orientation in high school and being in a traditional Sicilian catholic family, it wasn’t something I could talk about openly with anyone.
Throughout my childhood, my career aspirations leaned towards very non-traditional career-fields. I watched a lot of police shows, played with the neighborhood boys, and annoyingly followed my older brother around, always wanting to be his little helper. If I was cajoled to play Barbies with my sister and her friends, that only meant that a very masculinized Ken and GI Joe were coming to the party in full military regalia. When I was in the 2nd Grade, we were tasked with drawing a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up for show and tell. I drew a picture of a police officer and proudly showed my mom the finished product. Her reaction was “Why don’t you draw something nicer like a doctor?!” With my head bowed low, I returned to my desk and redrew the picture. I don’t even remember presenting it to the class because I was so crushed that I couldn’t share my picture of a police officer.
In the early 80’s I was captivated when I watched the movies, Private Benjamin starring Goldy Hawn and She’s In The Army Now with Jamie Lee Curtis. I would run into the kitchen with excitement after getting all pumped up with the possibility of me joining the service, declaring, “I’m going to join the Army!,” only to be met with a firm “Get out of here, forget about it!” from my mom. By the time I hit the 12th grade, I had to decide what my future held. The unspoken expectation in my family was that you don’t leave the home until you’re married. That seemed like a grim prospect for me, and the military was off limits, so I followed in the footsteps of my older siblings and applied to colleges.
Early college days
I started off at the local community college, majoring in Humanities and Social Sciences. I attended for one year, then transferred to Rowen University (formerly Glassboro State College) in South Jersey, enrolling as a Health and Physical Education Major. My parents were not thrilled with the idea that the school was 90 minutes away and I’d have to live on campus, but alas, the local state college where my sister attended didn’t accept me. After three years of college, I managed to earn a whopping 45 credits and an embarrassing GPA. I majored more in social experiences than the curriculum. I dropped my classes at the end of my last semester and withdrew from school. Even though I was working, the pay was terrible, and I now had student loans and grants to repay. Working for peanuts was for the birds and I knew I needed to get back into college, though there was no easy path to affordably get back into school. I had passed the NJ State Police Exam at the time, but was denied entry during the interview, with the interviewing officer telling me to go back and finish school, then try again. By this point it’s 1985, and the Navy had cool commercials with the tagline: It’s not just a job. It’s an adventure. Plus, Sailors have more fun, right? I decided the only way to get out of the house without getting married, earn a decent wage, and give myself another shot at continuing my education was to join the Navy that offered the GI Bill. I signed up for the delayed entry program, giving myself six months to muster up the courage to tell my parents of my decision. My recruiter called my house one day when I wasn’t there, and my mom answered the phone. He did nothing more than leave his name. When I got home, she burst into tears asking me what I had done. My dad gave me the silent treatment for months. I was still going as planned.
I was able to enter the Navy as an E-3 because of my college credits and I selected the job rating of Hull Maintenance Technician because it sounded the most interesting to me and it offered the most variety of skills: welding, plumbing, pipefitting, sheet metal work, firefighting, and damage control.
US Navy
I joined the Navy in 1986 before “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” came into effect. On 16 January 1981, Department of Defense Directive 1332.14 established a policy of mandatory discharge for service members who attempt to engage in a same-sex act. Part of the medical processing prior to boot camp included being directly asked “Are you a homosexual?” I wanted to serve, so I said “No.” In the article The Navy Once Tried to Hunt Down Dorothy Gale’s Secret Gay Army by R.S. Bennet (2016), he wrote,
During my first tour of service while stationed at Submarine Base, Pearl Harbor, I witnessed “witch hunts” where gay and lesbian servicemembers were aggressively pursued to be discharged from the Navy. There were also those who willingly disclosed their sexuality just to get discharged to not complete their contract. One Friday night a couple of male sailors from my shop walked into the gay bar we used to hang out at in Honolulu, and we all quickly bailed, escaping out the back door before getting spotted. It was narrow escape.
My first interest in counseling
After advancing to the rank of E-5 and being selected for Sailor of the Quarter for Submarine Base Pearl Harbor during my first enlistment, I decided to reenlist and reported for sea duty onboard the USS SYLVANIA (AFS-2) homeported in Norfolk, VA. My first deployment was in support of Desert Shield/Desert Storm and by the end of my 4 years onboard I was ranked number one among my peers and selected as Sailor of the Year 1993. From there, I reported aboard the floating drydock SUSTAIN (AFDM-7) and shortly thereafter received the news I was selected to Chief Petty Officer. During that time, I was given the collateral duty of Command DAPA (Drug and Alcohol Program Advisor) which was the command’s primary advisor for drug and alcohol matters. I didn’t know the first thing about alcoholism or addiction, so I began going to Navy training courses to prepare for the job and became increasingly interested in the field. I also became aware that the Navy had a special program for Navy Drug and Alcohol Counselors. I applied for the program, went to NDAC School in San Diego, and became certified. I spent four years working as a drug and alcohol counselor at the 28-day residential facility located at Naval Base, Norfolk. VA. It was known as the Navy’s best kept secret. During that time, I also spear-headed the Navy’s Weight Management Program, creating a two-week program for activeduty members who were at risk of being discharged for not meeting Navy weight standards for two consecutive cycles.
Throughout my time in the Navy, I took advantage of the Navy’s Tuition Assistance Program and would take college courses whenever possible, slowly chipping away towards a bachelor’s degree.
On the Radar – Career at risk
During my Naval career, there was only one major instance where my sexual orientation came into question when an exgirlfriend decided to out me to my command. I was on sea duty assigned as the Repair and Damage Control Chief for Carrier Airwing 17 stationed out of Naval Air Station Oceana, Virginia Beach, VA. This was close to deployment time, and I was very depressed. When I finally admitted I was struggling emotionally and sought help, I remember the female Navy Psychiatrist saying, “You’re a tough woman, you’ll get through it” as she wrote a script for an anti-depressant and sent me back to my command. Because of that accusation, I was subjected to an investigation by the Naval Investigative Service while deployed. I was 12 years in with my career on the line. I had no one I could confide in because of the nature of the “offense.” There was a Navy Psychologist onboard that I would meet with regularly, however, there was no real benefit to the therapy, as I couldn’t be honest. Of course, I denied all accounts as a measure of selfpreservation, and the investigation was eventually dropped because it was considered hearsay with no factual evidence. It was a very dark and challenging time in my life.
Despite the extreme stress I experienced during that last deployment, I managed to finally confer a Bachelor of Science Degree with two depth areas, Psychology and Religion, through Excelsior College of New York (formerly Regent College). From start to finish, it took me 18 years to complete. I had a year left at CVW-17 after we returned from that deployment and was sitting at my desk on 9/11/2000 when we got the news about the twin towers getting hit. I transferred from that command in November 2000, attending Navy Instructor Training School in preparation for my next and final tour.
My Twilight Tour and Graduate School
I spent the last few years in the Navy as a Navy Shipboard Fire Fighting Instructor, training and qualifying the fleet through classroom instruction and live firefighting evolutions. During that time, I began graduate school at Webster University in March of 2001, in the Mental Health Counseling Program. Compared to the length of time it took to complete my BS, I conferred my Master of Arts in Counseling by November 2004, a year before I retired from the Navy.
Post-Navy
Three weeks before my retirement ceremony, I got a call from one of the counselors I worked with during my masters’ counseling practicum and internship, asking if I had retired yet because they were looking for a counselor. I took my first official post-Navy job at Clay Behavioral Health Center in the Substance Abuse Department. I spent 7-years at CBHC and didn’t begin accruing supervision hours towards licensure until my last few years. By 2012, I decided I needed a break since I never gave myself one after my 20-years Navy career. I was considering pursuing a doctorate at the time, but imposter syndrome got the best of me, and I decided to earn two additional master’s degrees, Human Resources Management and HR Training and Development. The two-years offered me a well-deserved break and I finally applied for my LMHC.
After the self-proclaimed sabbatical, I was ready to get back to work and got hired as a School-based Military and Family Life Counselor (MFLC) in 2014. I was assigned to two elementary schools and absolutely loved establishing the program at both of those schools. During my first summer break, I continued to work as an MFLC at the Navy Child Development Center, and the following summer I was assigned to Moody Air Force Base in Valdosta, Georgia. There had been an increase in suicides and MFLC’s assigned directly to security forces and combat squadrons were part of the AF’s response to build resiliency. My experiences as an MFLC broadened my experience with military mental health.
Private Practice and Continuing Education
By late 2016 I began taking steps towards starting my private practice and took my first client early 2017, offering evening hours a couple of days per week. By 2019 I took the leap and opened my practice full-time. That same year, I was also certified as a Florida Qualified Supervisor for both Mental Health and Marriage and Family Interns.
In 2017, I enrolled in a Counselor Education and Supervision Doctoral Program, and after two Argosy University school closures and their bankruptcy debacle, I was able to transfer to National Louis University. I’m a member of the NLU Student Veterans of America Chapter, am wrapping up a year as Vice- President of NLU’s First Generation College Students and am a member of Chi Sigma Iota-Nu Lambda Upsilon Chapter. I’m hoping to finally defend my dissertation and confer my doctorate by the end of this 2022.
Professional Associations
I enjoy attending professional training events as an attendee and as a presenter. I first presented at a professional conference in 2018 and have either presented or co-presented on the National, State, and local levels on twenty-two occasions to date. It’s my way of contributing to our field and advocating for the populations I’m passionate about, primary the military and LGBTQIA+ communities. I’ve been a member of FMHCA since 2018 and began attending their conferences at that time. I always loved the energy and opportunity to co-mingle with other professionals while increasing my knowledge and expanding my skill set. Since becoming the NE Region Director in 2021, I’m grateful for the opportunity I was given to serve as part of the board. I’ve learned so much in such a brief period. There’s still much work ahead to fortify our professional mental health community and foster local connections in the NE Region. The Central Florida Chapters continue to grow and thrive. We also have seventeen counties between North Central Florida and the First Coast with no active Chapters and we are ready to support the creation of new chapters in these areas. I’m also looking forward to the 2023 FMHCA Conference, being able to attend in person has made a huge difference this year.
Personal
I’ve been doing telehealth since the start of COVID-19. I do plan to branch out again to incorporate in-person sessions, workshops, and trainings sometime in the future; but, for now, my focus is putting my energy into completing my doctorate. In the meantime, my five dogs have enjoyed my company full time and can been seen lounging in the background of my telehealth sessions on any given day. I also have several outdoor cats that have taken over my garage and will share their food with the occasional opossum or duck that sneaks in through the cat door. I rescued an injured baby squirrel last year and nurtured him back to health until he ran back into trees on his own. Since then, I’ve felt obligated to keep a feeder stocked out in the yard for all the squirrels to graze.
As for what I do in my spare time when I’m not counseling, tending to a small farm, or working on my dissertation, I’m a member of the South Tampa Psychodrama Training Group. I first attended their summer intensive in Clearwater, FL in 2017 and returned in 2021. I decided to join their yearlong training group, where we meet one Saturday a month for a full day of training, which we just wrapped up in June. It’s been both a professionally and personally rewarding experience. The unique aspect of this training is learning and practicing a new skillset while working on one’s own issues. The monthly training also gives me the opportunity to unplug from my busy schedule away from home one weekend a month to connect socially, explore Tampa, and enjoy a variety of great cuisine. It’s been a major part of my self-care in the past year and long overdue after breaking out of COVID isolation. I’m looking forward this year’s summer intensive at the end of July and will begin the next yearlong in September.
