n o b o d y

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WHO'S WHO IN THE COMICS

By Fred Schaefef.

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"Nobody."

When we are in trouble, who comes along juSt at the right time?

"Nobody."

He-'a peculiar and funny cuss, this "Nobody." His hat as the kind that "Nobody" would wear and his coat one that "Nobody" could have any use for, and his cane is just the kind that "Nobody" would choose. And strip him of his clothes, there is "Nobody there.

We receive a perfect flood of inquiries about "Nobody" from Constant Reader and Virtas and Pro Bono Public, but there are questions that "Nobody" could fully answer. The best we can do is make a try at it.

Q. Who is he?

Ans. Nobody in particular.

Q. Where does he live?

Ans. Nowhere.

Q. What does he eat?

Ans. Nothing.

Q. Has he any brains?

Ans.' That's something he keeps under his hat.

Q. Is he dissatisfied?

Ans. On the contrary, "Nobody" is satisfied.

To go ahead and tell you everything we know about him will not He is a mysterious take long. member of society and somewhat of a nuisance. It is he who stole the jam, who struck Billy Patterson, who has seen Kelly, and who understands what the wild

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"Oobody , waves are saying.

He is also a good deal of & martyr, for it is he who is gen- erally hanged for the many atTT rocious murders that are coml" mitted. Well, we can't be very sorry for him since the evidence always puts the blame strongly Still he has virtues. upon him.

He and George Washington He never-mad- e told the truth. a mistake, does his duty always, pays his taxes willingly and is always helpful. To throw a little more light on the latter statement, what you leave for Everybody to do "Nobody" does.

Some eccentric qualities he also has. He believes Dr. Cook really discovered the North Pole. He is the only person who will admit that Opportunity knocked at his,

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WWS! door loud enough to be distinctly heard. He is the only individual who loves, some people, but the goldfish. Yea he can even safely trust human nature. Oh, he is accomplished, too, is "Nobody."

He can catch old birds with chaff

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and make a purse of a sow's ear.

(Not that he needs a purse, because he can get along without money.) He can decide when doctors disagree, he camprehends eternity, and is immortal.

And we almost forgot he believes

Taft

will be

TWO TIMES TWO IS NOT FIVE In New York a man and a woman committed suicide together.

The woman had deserted her husband for this man, lived with him, and married him after her husband got a divorce.

In Newark, N. jk, a man has been sentenced to death for poisoning his wife, in older to "be free to marry his stenographer. The latter threatens to kill herself in case the man .is executed.

In Chicago a man Jeft his wife, and a woman her husband, recently, to live in open guilt together. This action was defended by the man, in a long newspaper statement. . The couple have finished 'their story, so far as this world goes. The second pair are in a fair way to. Regarding the others, watch the newspapers. The finish will be there, sooner or later. It will be an ugly, or at least, a wretched story. It always is.

Why? Because two times two is not five, and never will be.

All these people have proudly and vaingldriously "defied convention." The have declared they will "live their own lives," regardless of "the world."

"Convention." "The world." These they say they defy. And what do they really defy or seek to defy? Law and order.

They are going to "live their own lives" regardless of law and order.

This universe is governed by a fixed principle of eternal and infinite harmony. That principle is expressed in every exact science.

It governs the" science of mathematics. Because of the unvarying-nes- s of that principle, two times two is four alway four. Never " three, never five.

As the human race has developed in its progress that which we u 11 civilization, it has, consciously or no, adopted as the basis of civilization the principle and law of universal harmony. .

Society exists subject to law and order. Sound morals are an essential factor of that law and order. Legal marriage and fidelity 10 the obligations of the marriage covenant are as necessary to the first-nam-

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Abdul, called the out of his hole- until he'recognizc Damned does not hear prostrate the real turkey call. o exTurkey calling for him m-hCritic There was, one thing tremity, says a foreign, correspondent. But Ab has heard so you got off that'delighted me.

Comedian What was that? many things calling him that Critic The stage. perhaps he's wise in not coming Ex-Sulta- n,

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rThis isn't the first time they had to clean up a few mail sorters at the Lake Shore depot.

"But I know what I'll do. I'll send a force of my deputy sheriffs down there with gun3 on them, and clean the whole place out," Just for the information of the public, it is well to remark that what Max Armenberg means b "my deputy sheriffs" is "my li censed sluggers" persons like Arthur Friedman, implicated in the murder of Conductor Witt, NOBODY

and the Barrett brothers.

Doubtless eerybody in Chicago will be right glad to know that Max Annenberg and his sluggers are going to keep order in our fair city.

After Jones and his mail sorter friends left Judge Beitler's court, Annenberg started his "keeping order" crusade. He and his sluggers chased Tom Monahan, one of the mail sorters, to Harrison and LaSalle street and beat him up. o

BY MEEK

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DEHRLY LOVES PRACTICE HIS MUSIC

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Hamburg. Unable to resist the attractions of a sausage a policeman poked his sabre" through' a partly opened store window; arid impaled the tempting morsel. He had barely commenced Jp devpur it when he was approached by a, civilian who had been watchjtfg

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LaPorte, Ind. Gov. Marshall asked Harry B. Darling and

Thos. A. Dally, members of J3oard of Pardons, to investigate case of Clinton L. Bader, formerly Indiana legislature, now serving prison term on graft charge, ,with view, to clemency. Bader's-

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wife is ill in Chitago.

WEATHER FORECASTS Feels Like JReal Summer Generally fair tonight and Saturday for Chicago and Vicinity; warmer tonight; moderate winds, mostly southerly.

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Mrs. Bacon She's .one of the most obstinate women I ever knew.

Mrs. Egbert Indeed?

Mrs. Bacon Yes; why, I believe if she took laughing-ga- s she'd cry! o

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Knocko It's hard on the people of Greenland to have nights six months long.

Henpecko Yes. Just think of the sufferings of the poor man whose wife's mother drops in to spend the evening.

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that investigated Bixbey, 85, who was pilot of gun that attacked Memphis Judge Hanford, will recommend war, that impeachment proceedings be and Vicksburg during Civil to Twain Mark taught who and dismissed. boat-fle-

pilot steamboat, is dead.

Atlanta, Ga. Attorneys for Mrs. Eugene H. Grace have decided on startling move. Will try to prove that Grace shot himself following quarrel with wife.

Ridicule idea that she would

Progressive Jackson, Miss. state convention in session. Will name delegates to Chicago convention and electors. Convention Is "lily white," as negroes have been barred.

St. Louis. Capt. Horace E. NOBODY-

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HUBBY NOBODY WHO IS VEPxY FOND OF THE CIGARS BUYS HIS WIFE FOR HIM.

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'Republican form . of government." At the time the constitution was written,- - the initiative and referendum 'hadn't been heard of, so of course, they couldn't be included' in what the constitution meant by a "republican form of government."

Chief Justice White in his opinion says that it is up to con

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gress' to 'say wtiat constitutes a "republican, form of government," and that the judiciary has nothing to do with it.

He also pointed out that what the telephone company had done was to haul the state of Oregon up before the supreme court on a question of the state of Oregon's right to legislate as a state. .

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By MEEK I

SAT EDITOR.

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LAST COURT OF EMPRESS; CHINA'S NAME CHANGED Pekin, Feb. 14. ,The Empress Dowager of Chinagranted her last audience tody hr the- paiace she so soon must leave forever.

It was to Yuan Shi Kaithe man who has saved henandthe royal family from death.. V i -

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"I always shall remember your loyalty," she said, and wept. "We owe our lives to you. I shall pray many times before the tombs of our ancestors that you may be shielded from your enemies and be blessed with a long life."

She spoke bitterly of the younger Manchu princes "who

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bound to break loose as soon as Victor Rosewater finishes read' Roosevelt people will not ing the call for the convention.

Boss Flinn of Pennsylvania roll prepared by national roll and Gov, Glasscock of West Viras temporary ? committeewhen convention convenes, and ginia issued a statement in which will insist their delegates should they declared the presidential electors from their states would ebi seated.

Two conventions may take cast their votes for Roosevelt, place in. the same hall. Bedlam is even though Taft is nominated.

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The Asiatic town of Maiwat-ch- i, on the borders of Russia, is How's your pig today?

Johnny Pretty well, thank you. peopled by men only. Women are forbidden entrance there.

How's all your folks?

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They have found more than fifty kmds.oi beans in prehistoric tombs in Peru, which is taken as proof that the bean is a native of America, and not of the old .world, as was supposed.

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Starvem I am oarticu- larly anxious for you to fry this chicken soup, judge.

Judge I have tried it, madam, and my decision is that the chicken has proved an alibf.

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BANANAS NOT DESERT Bananas are food, not desert.

They belong in same catagory with beefsteak, not in the blanche manaee class. Remember this, dfeyou can get a whole lot of good i jruit urn. iim.

UUl Ui uauauao For they are full of nutriment and digest easily if properly masticated.

"Properly masticated," applied-ta banana, means chewed as slowly and as carefully as you would apieceof meat.

Don't eat bananas

for desert

after you haye eaten a heavy meal That's like eating a chbp for desert.

Wife

Waiter, bring some of

that (points to menu).

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and your cake commencing to burn, set a pan of cold water in the oven.

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Mme. Paquii big Paris- dress- 1 inch tall and weighs only 98 maker, draws a salary of $60,000 pounds. But shes all American a year and owns a large interest and she's got the critics going her; in the very profitable establish- way. ment besides. Not bad for a Housefly has two sets of eyes, mere woman. one with thousands of lenses so Pelice Lyrie, newest grand that it can see in every direction. opera star, is only 20, but 5 feet You'll have to swat quick.

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"What are the wild waves

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ing?" murmured the woman, as she stood on the silver lifting- of the mighty main.

"Nothing, Maria," replied the man, hoarsely. "They are. like some people we know; they mdke a great deal of noise, but don't ' say anything" . , ,. .

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"I see one of our big corporations is going to do something for its old clerks."

"Good luck!" "What form will it take?"

"Well, 'after a man has been with them twenty-fiv- e years they're going to give him a gold stripe on bis, sleeves' -

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BY MEEK

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Fruit Pies., Fruit pies often boil over, spoiling their appearance and dirtying the oven. To prevent this sweeten the f riiifc to taSte, add a tablespoon of cornstarch and heat before jutting the coyer on the pie.

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Spokane police have begun a foul campaign to drive the little newsboys from corners Spdkane's police boss must be a " pretty dirty one.

Morgan employes no women in his tfew York offices. With a npse like his, we wouldn't either. the-stree- t

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Grouchy! Why ing that ever since flats were in-vented. don't you wear a smile?"

"I will," said Grouchy, "if This royal you'll pay my bills awhile." it seems, is largely a fake. Indian "If you want steam, knock on natives, keep tigers in captivity the radiatoradvises an editor. and turn them" loose, stupified As if a lot ofus haven't been do with drugs, to be shot 1

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The Professor's Wife "The professor is in the laboratory conducting some chemical experiments. The professor expects to go down to posterity."

(From the laboratory) "Br-r-- r, Bang!"

The Visitor I hope the professor hasn't gone. Harlem Life.

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Peculiar Views.

"She holds peculiar views of matrimony."

"That so?"

"Yes She says that even if her husband shouldn't make a fortune in five years, she expects to stick to him until death.' Detroit Free Pre

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STUMBLING BLOCKS There are two great obstacles fo progress inelastic constitutions and usurping courts. c Except for civil war amendments the people have been unable to amend the federal constitution for over one hundred years Manx .state constiutjons are tied

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equally tight.

Courts have usurped power to veto the people's will. The existing irresponsible judicial oligarchy must end J. C. Harper.

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Hens that lay 250 eggs a year "on the average," lay about 62 on the nest

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Domestic Troubles.

Husband What's the matter, dear? Why do you look so worried?

Wife Oh, I've just got everything all ready for Mrs Meat-leigh- 's visit. I've done up ajl the curtains and pillow shanis and bureau coversand center pieces,-an-

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they're all spick and span."

Well, if everything order why look so disconsolate abqUt it?

Wife (bursting into tears Oh, I just know, as soon as she sees them, she'll know I cleaned everything all up because she was comHusband

is in such

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of tHe mothers its first

As the'days get Jonger we "all begin to kill more time.

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. A thought for Today When kindness is king Good Nature beams End Everyman smiles And dreams of his dreams,

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Ja. , An Illinois man tried suicide and was arrested. He now asks if his life isn't his own to take.

Poor man, he overlooked the J fact thatjvvetire trust-owne-

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Marks So" you Woke up last5 nignt to nna your wite cleaning' out your pockets. Didn't you ask her to stop ?

Parks No; it always makes her mad if I ask her to do anything wjien her hands are in the .' dough.

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When George Henrygot home Jate to supper, his wife said: "I don't mind you going to ' ball games, but I wish when there's an extra-innin- g game you'd call me up ahead of time and tell me, so I'll know when fo:have sup- VAftr1--rtT1 1f w ;r ?

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the Senate today to the charges of President Madero of Mexico that he had fostered the Orozco revolution.

Fall said the charges were and declared that the situation was much worse than supposed. He said Madero was .quite unable to cope with it.

"Conditions in Mexico cannot

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continue as they are," said Fall.

"In justice to Americans and to humanity at large, they must not be allowed to continue much longer. Maderohds gone farther r than he intended."

Fall said that reports of improved conditions in Mexico were absolutely without foundation. '

BY MEEK

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BUYS YOUR YOU. FOR CLOTHES LITTLE BOY ) WHO

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Dictated newspaper' matter to Julia Going to Marie'sT dance?

Bertha I shall be out of town 1,000 words has been taken down in shorthand in five that night. minutes.

Julia I wasn't invited either,

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Also he has had enough left over to support his family in st?le, to give his mother an income, to pay his divorced wife alimony and in addition, to start the building of a $30,000 home in a fashionable section of the Bronx.

Indeed, the word comes to Dist. Atty. Whitman that Becker is worth considerably over $1,000,000. This is to be one of the state's biggest points if it is proved, for Becker never made a big "killing" in Wall street, and his salary was scarcely enough to live on more than comfortably.

NOBODY BY MEEK U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL sfreet.

first-cla-

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GEORGE

W.

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THE WHO BUSTED STANDARD OIL

TRUST.

A teamster charged at the powith overloading his horse was asked how heavy a load he had on his wagon. "About a ton," hc.replied, "but it was all light stuff." lice co'urt

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W

BOY?

BOO HOOf! SCHOOL IS OUT AND I HAVE TO TflKC fl J.ON&-

-

vacation.

YOO

ME?

ARfjNDEED

un exception, who's little boy ar you?

OH, I AM

NOBODY'S BOY.

LITTLE

w

'Mee?

ALL HIS FAULT Mr. Binks (with jm invalid wife) Look here, now! This paper says nothing will improve a woman's health like sweeping, baking, and polishing the silyer. Mrs. Binks Huh! You know very g,

dish-washi-

welPyou never gave me any silver to polish. No wonder I'm ill. o

o

Human skeleton, forty feet down in a 'solid rock, has been found in a Colorado mine. Tremendous excitement among ' '

T

jfoBODY

'

BY MEEK

KNOW'"! HRVE flV FRULT- SI ADMIT JSHotf' ME R URN WHO tsyeRFECTT-y- -

-- "

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v-

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1

SURE. RIOHTV. IS ONHER

-

HELLO I

n

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j

f"

NOBODY

0

Not Play.

:

THERE

0

'

.

y.

Family Skeleton.

"Pop, us boys is going to have , Mamma There, you have a , hjackeye and a bloody nose and a minstrel show." your coat is torn to bits. Jjlow' "Ye, son,""' "Well, can't we have the skelemany times have I told you not td play with that bad Brown Ijoy? ton old Mrs. Gaddy says ywrSte-Bobbie Gee, ma! Do I look got in your closet, to rattle tfcej: --

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ifefilfefc

.obfe? J"

yy

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:

,

NOBODYBY MEEK NOW OONY EXCITE- DGOING-

YOUR

GT

I'flM

RAISE. SflLHRY. TO

OH FINE

WfiO

ii,

I 13 IT DOING THIS

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ne

TORN

f

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HLNJjv: NOBODY

!!

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neetv

r

''Put a ruffle on the bottom of the kitchen apron Yqu will be surpnsea now many drops and spots it prevents from landing on your skirt exposed below the hem of the apron. "

Irritable Man (at telephone)- Hello, what's the. matter with you? Are you forty-seveAngry Spinster (at the other end) No, I'm not! Who said I was?.

I I'm only thirty-thre- e

0p--

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t

--

rNOBODYl

3P

y

""WC

By MEEK .

SURE n

nr WHflT'S

WILL, YDU

BH

MY

WIFE

t

YOUK

NAME ?

NOBODY !! j

F

&&""

n

It Takes Two, etc.

For Real Flights Now. Singleton. Do you think two "Do you think eloquence, is as much in request as it used to be?" can live as cheaply as one? s, but not as Wedmore "No," replied Senator Sorghum. "Nowadays prizes are peaceably. Boston Transcript.

--o o given for aviation and not for No question is ever settled for flights of oratory." Washington once and alL Star.

Y-e-

,1

X.

-

!

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NOBODY

BY MEEK

THOMAS A. NOBODY "

e

?

ii

0iy

WHO HAS POCKET fl INVENTED THAT dGflR LIGHTER WORKS. ALWAYS

'

"Willie, mamma has a great "Do you know that I had two offers of marriage last week?" surprise for you."

"I know what it is big bruv-v- er asked a plain girl of a friend.

J is home fr.om school !"

"Oh, I am delighted, dear!" the "How did you know?" friend exclaimed. "Then the re"My bank won't rattle any port that your uncle( left you his more!" ' money is really true?"

jwwjywff

"NOBODY"

XlaJ.

SURE.

Of YOr PLEASE

RERL

ITS

WHO

U-

BE

By MEEK INTRUSION. MT PARDON THE OeflR LADY, BUT WOULD YOU KINDLY PERMIT ttC TO ASSIST 0V WITH THC WSHESSl

7T

KIND

NOBODY

WU,

?

TRA-L-

a

A

!.'

!!

'

j.

a.

K" No Sand.

Nellie Is that fellow of yours ever going to get up the courage to propose?

Belle Guess not. He's like an hourglass.

Nellie An hourglass?

Belle Yes; the more time he gets the less sand he has.

wl

If you want fun And little care

Just laugh real sto! it's there. hard-Pre-

Hobson has again predicted war between the United States and Japan. In some respects he's like a goose-bon- e weather prophet.

w

r'NOBODY" STOP!!

FOR

YOU

SPEEDING--

ARE

By MEEK SIR

PINCHED

J!

!!

AM

I

j

HOW R ARE

jpt

i:

I

iv.S. ."

C-

DARE

YOU

-

yf

-

?

?

NOBODY

4sr-- Z

YOU

MIlUONfllRE.-WH- O

:7)

a.

The Duchess of Manchester pelling circus parade to go past gets the right to wear the $3,000,-00- 0 the school-housjewels left by the dowager Labor Question. duchess. But she can't own them, Lady of the House You say that would start an 'orrible you work ! At what ? ecent, don't y"know.

New Hobo At intervals.

There ought to be a law com York Times. e.

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gto'Kff"!? ? '"NOBODY" By MEEK. 4"

w

I

3

WLL, HSK niinf ..... wi-j- . nirnio, J

Y0U

FOR .

tuu

W THE NAME

I

YOUR

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OF

J

i

Tflfr

say

LAW

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ST0P?

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Ot

WHO SflYSSTOP?j

i

... rik NOBODY.!?

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m7

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if

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STUMBLING BLOCKS There are two great obstacles fo progress inelastic constitutions and usurping courts. c Except for civil war amendments the people have been unable to amend the federal constitution for over one hundred years Manx .state constiutjons are tied

MgB.acr

iiv.

o- -

equally tight.

Courts have usurped power to veto the people's will. The existing irresponsible judicial oligarchy must end J. C. Harper.

ChO

Hens that lay 250 eggs a year "on the average," lay about 62 on the nest

it

J&iJ.

.

;,

,-

-

n.

1.

Y MEEK

NOBODY

7

HERE IS THE. THAT OMBREU.B WH3 THKEN FRbrt

WUt

OTHER

l"!

THE. PORCH NIGHT.

THOUGHT

BETTER

rr

liV

!

t HAD RETURN

rnq snvc

TR8ufe-&-

.

,

m Mrm

TIk

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iasr h

The

word-Hello!-

with which

"

o

''How's your

husband

is usual- morning, Mrs. Finnigan ?"..

"Oh, he's very poorly, yer ly opened in this country, is used

this

a telephone conversation

I And it's a 'mighty exall over the world, and has been counpensive disease he's got. The adopted in such tries as Japan, Turkey, Russia docthor says I've to kape him in Good soirits." and PstasriniJ far-aw- ay

ww .. r- -

m

iew rr

fr

.lie

t

n Associated Press? , Or is it because the wealthy "brutes who make their millions by grinding up the souls and bodies of men women and children, pour part of their blood money into the advertising columns of the newspapers? trust-ridde-

o

"NOBODY"

o

By MEEK

JI&SLi

-

I HEARD THERE WAS PLENTY OF WORK IN .CALIFORNIA SO I CAME DO YOU KNOW GIVE WHO WILL ME A JOB ?

SURE YOU AT

fu-EASTERN J WORKINGMHNl?

OH. THANK

YOU

pre you?"

I

I

WILL ' START

MAY

"1 i

4 J --

...

ONCt.

J I

WHO I

NOBODY !!

Guess President Madero isn't to yell for suppression of a free very secure in his job when he has press.

g 3QbJjjil$-?4-

-

'VJ NOBODY

'

BY MEEK .

.

k

r

r(

-

fA

SOMe FELLOW THE STREET

Ss-

(UP

IS GIVING(EVERETT TRUE

-

V--

-

(ND7ip

AM

V.A

Thbvjf RppN ' IS

(EXPECTING-THI-

fXNA

fJQ MEl'v

c

J!"wyMgtej3?K jgj

,

it

.

"

....

.

jljill Will .

amm--

BY MEEK

.

THE

L

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.

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wl rr itr f&ffk

Smith

aaaa

.

NOROTIY

1SIrTp5g

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ia

NOBODY

4

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fe

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Sl'"

Jones seems to have no j clothes, Brown Yes, he is for anything except his jfectly wrapped up in them. 'v--

tieetv. ht

NOBODY

BY MEEK

R

LITTLE FASTER.

TO

GET

TO

THE

ERRLIER THRU IF THE BOYS OH TIME !'.

;

Si.

'

are you, old man?"

Joe--H- ow

Arthur Got a beastly

JOHN.

OFFICE

WRNt

R

LITTLE

USURL TO See ARE RU THERE.

.your cane?"

Arthur No. Called on Henry y'know."

Joe Hard luck, b'yjoye. Been going out in ' the cold without hi"sstail arid creating a draught. ..

X-'gl

-

liiT

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cold,

.

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art tc- -

"NOBODY' By MEEK W SfiY, WHILE TWVK Or 77" Wi-- L YOU BUCK

PY

THAT

FVE.

j WELL!! YOURE

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f r vZ?

(

sfTtk

ONE MAN OUT OF fl HUNDRED. WH"TS YOUR NflMg ?

'

?

NOBODY!!

'

0

MONTHS' SENTENCE; SUSPENDED Paris, Feb. 22. Sister Candide the nun who swindled dealers in precious stones out of millions to get money for charity, today was found guilty of fraud and sentenced to 18 montns in jail. The NUN DRAWS

18

o

sentence was suspended.

The story of Sister Candide and Dr. Leon Petit is one of the strangest in the history of Paris.

Of all the millions of which the nun was accused of swindling jeweler's out of, not one centime

:rr, i?

Mi

it .thfreaeration finds this charge cube true, Factory Inspector JDavies will be asked why tthe violation of the health and .safety appliance Jaws was permitted.

Price of new potatoes, wax beans and green peas has dropped almost 50 cents a bushel on --

NOBODY

9awW

o

the'Ohicago market in" the last 10 days.

Jack Johnson wore hat and cigar when arraigned for smuggling in the federal court but not for long.

Armed robbers held up saloon of I. Becker, 2855 Southport ave., and got away with $40.

BY MEEK

1

j SAY,

SOME) OFFICER. SENT UP THE LINE IS ALL' EXCITED

OVER THIS SOUTH POLE AFFAIR. YOU BETTER LOQK.flFJER HIM.

it's NOBODY

.

3

tffim&fyr?rn'j&'

ijHjiymMM111"'!

NOBODY

THE

BY MEEK

USUAL

LERP r

YEAR CATCH

NOBODY

,MEei

Doctor Dennis, did you take the pills I sent you?

Dennis Indade, docther, and I did not; ye wrote on the box one pill three times a day, and I've been waiting till I see you to ask how a man was'to take a little pill Jike that three times in wan day,' irrirfcifjttjy&j.1Sij

Johnny (grabbing his hat) I'm not a bit hungry and don't want any dinner, mamma.

Mamma Where are you going in such a hurry?

Johnny Out in the back lot with the boys to roast sweet

J

V --

-

V,"

-

IN THE COMICS

By Fred Schaefer.

WHO'S-WH- O

' .

f

Skygack is harmless. His cherubic countenance, however, has proved to be very irritating to one of our friends, Adolf. The sight of Mr. Skygack aggravates Adolf. Mr. Skygack is really one of the trifles of life and Adolf makes a mistake by noticing him.

Adolf can't get used to the appearance of Mr. Skygack's calabash, which is covered with a fuzz like a bath towel. Adolf is sometimes very brutal towards him, but Mr. Skygack is invulnerable.

Like the Phoenix, he smilingly light a fire under rises when u

him.

Some years ago a gentlerinof-fensiv- e stranger landed on this terrestial sphere with no. luggage but a notebook. Since then "he has tarried with us, pussyfooted and unobtrusive as a Japanese,, spy, picking up information and knitting his intellectualtrdw over the incomprehensible things so different from those on . his , own planet. Tins was Mr. "Skygack from Mars. It is, however, not clearly known how long he will continue his earth study of earth beings at their earth work's, nor how he will get back- when he concludes to return. It will probably be by the",same means'by which he arrived, unless by chance he came as a meteorite. ' We have conceded that Mr. "

rs

'

t"'

"'

--

H-

Snooping is Mr. Skygack's only fault. But that is because he has difficulty observing our etiquette . We can't tell him better, because his language is not ours.

It is a shrill, barbaric tongue that sounds like clipping finger nails.

It's about as musical as the crackling noise which you hear in some telephone receivers. Few can communicate with him intelligently, although one day a gentleman carried on quite a conversation with him by filing a saw.

Mr. Skygack is experiencing the same'difficulties as did Gulliver among the queer creatures .encountered in his travels. We must be very puzzling to him. For instance, when we refer to a "Big Smoke," how is he to know whether we mean a forest fire, Jack Johnson, Pittsburgh or a nickel cigar. Our every action

T

Vri

;

puzzles him. When we shake hands he doesn't know-- whether we are rubbing, our antennat or trying to pull each other, limb from limb. Street cars to him are just liittle sardine boxes into which we rashly swarm, only to emerge from just as distractedly.

False teeth are a strange thing to him he suspects that all of us can take ourselves entirely apart if we have a mind to. And what must be his impressions when he dissects a mince pie?

Naturally scientists take a lively interest in Mr. Skygack. Prof.

Dopemoutsky of the University of Rawhide, has written a paper which argues that Mr. Skygacks feet are so exceedingly flat from standing on a canal boat and poling it through the canals of Mars. o

'

o

AS GETTING DELEGATES IT IS DONE BY TAFT New York, Feb. 10. A little sidelight was thrown on politics as politics is worked by ColQnel D. C. Collier, of San Diego, today.

Collier is president of the San Diego fair and exposition planned for 1915, and when Collier heard today that the senate committee on expositions had carelessly sidetracked San Diego's plea for national recognition just recognition, not money of their exposition, he blew up.

Before expressing his feelings,x Colonel Collier pointed to another bit of news in the day's papers.

It was that in which Secretary Hilles, for President Taft, claim-- .

&tiiiS&ViJiJGik--

.

.

ed the California delegation to Ghicago.

"See that," said Collier. "That the answer to the of San Diego's request. ''President- - Taft or his campaign managers I dont' know which entered into an agreement with J. J. Moore and J. G. McNab, president and director of the San Francisco fair, tp favor the "world's fair" to be held at San Francosco and refuse to recognize the San Diego fair.

"In return, Moore and McNab promised Taft or his campaign managers an instructed delegation.

"Well, there's one satisfaction.

Moore and McNa"b can't deliver the goods. They can't get an instructed delegation from California. California is progressive, and wont send a delegation for Taft."

All of which is very fine, but isn't national politics a grand, big, honorable sort of a proposition.

Yes? No? is

side-tracki-

'

o

o

Pittsburgh, Pa., thinks it's having cold weather because thermometer has gone down to 8 below.

August Hoge, 89 years old, Waukesha, Wis., acquitted of wife. Jury murder of only deliberated 4 minutes.

Former Gov. Folk, of Missouri, has retired from the presidential race, thus making things easy for Champ Clark.

Not that Joe Folk ever was in the race so durn deep.

tffim&fyr?rn'j&'

ijHjiymMM111"'!

NOBODY

THE

BY MEEK

USUAL

LERP r

YEAR CATCH

NOBODY

,MEei

Doctor Dennis, did you take the pills I sent you?

Dennis Indade, docther, and I did not; ye wrote on the box one pill three times a day, and I've been waiting till I see you to ask how a man was'to take a little pill Jike that three times in wan day,' irrirfcifjttjy&j.1Sij

Johnny (grabbing his hat) I'm not a bit hungry and don't want any dinner, mamma.

Mamma Where are you going in such a hurry?

Johnny Out in the back lot with the boys to roast sweet

J

--

T

NOBODYBY MEEK HERE'S

fl TIP, YOUNGGIRL HAS ANOTHER

rCLlOW ON THE STRING. XNV

TetL

WHO

TOLD

YOU.

0

I VE THAT

r

TIME.

SUSPECTED FOR

SOME. I'M PUNCH

NOW

GOING AND HIS HEAD

0

street, was engaged to Fannie Kaplan, 3922 W. 12th. Miss KapBITS OF NEWS . lan changed her mind and mar" ' Carpenters' strike was. settled ried another man. LaBow sued yesterday, contractors agreeing her for $125, price of ring h"e had to scale of 65 cents an hour for given her. Jury in municipal three years. Work resumed Mon- court said girl didn't have to re' turn ring when she jilted her day.

- John LaBow,- - 810 -- S. Paulina fiancer.

,'

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mmmm r

3y"iBEy;wv-'-

jh yyy-'Tpt- f

v.g

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533

Ttffyp WW crrificriWl could no i pay higher wages. loaves of bread through the street

VtJ"

The attitude of 'local business men, many of them mill stogk ownjers, was interesting. One charitable merchant had been giving away bread to children.

The merchants' society protested, saying children carrying NOBODY"

I'M ALWAYS ON HAND TO PREVENT JUST THIS SORT GUNHAND HIMS! OF THIN-

-- z

"T"""

was bad advertising fpr the town !

So in this community, where everything is, under the massive thumb of the iiighly protected wool industry, there is anarchy and plutocracy is its father.

By MEEK

I

WHO'S. 015 tfh rBUTTIN INFlyffOoff)

NOBODY!!

.

-

kUBjjMtMIU, rtijMs

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

w

D. Haywood, the set foot in Lawrence, sent a teleWestern Labor Leader, after re- gram here saying he would come ceiving word that Col. Sweetser wciujd arrest him the moment he on the next train.

--

o-

By MEEK

"NOBODY" GOOD

SEE

I

SOME

POEMS

I

fe.

MORNING.

CHflK.

WILL BUY

HAVE"

n

A

HAVE

YOU

UK!

WELL!! TALK ABOUT WH1TS TOUR NBME. PLEflSE

THEM

?

?i&

SELL.

TO

ALL.

-

Ife-

NOBODY

!!

,

A Los Angeles man left an only as many of his relatives and of $1,000,000 with the friends as needed assistance. that it should be used for Some sense to that.

"NOBOD Y" HURRAH

By .MEEK;

Win

FOR i

nSr

ifcVrti

,."n'

J Wii

iVs

No Danger.

Peevish persons (in crowded car) Madam, you have pricked my cheek with, that barbarous hatpin !

Stylish Woman Don't be a bit alarmed, sir! I sterilize it every day. Judge,

p

zz

Routing for iMrr?

I. i

.

T.

Hubby

i

''?'

I wont say marriage

is a failure, "but some' are more fortunate in what they get than

others.

Wife You are quite right, dear; for instance, you got me but I got only you. Tatler, London.