LOVE exploring

Kaed Dodge, a University of Oregon senior, knew he was gay at the age of 12. But he didn’t explore his sexuality and dip into the dating pool until last summer. Scrolling through Tinder, he matched with Nathan, a French man visiting Oregon for a few months.

The two seemingly hit it off on the first date; they took a brisk walk in Portland, Oregon, grabbed coffee and went to Sauvie Island to beat the heat.

But Dodge still felt a sense of nervousness. Although he didn’t feel any pressure to explore things sexually with Nathan, Dodge figured their dynamic would eventually become more intimate. When Dodge tried cuddling with Nathan, nausea overtook him. He couldn’t help but feel the need to cough — almost like a gag reflex.

Dodge had only kissed one other man before, and he questioned whether this new experience was generating a sense of “internalized homophobia.”

“I thought, ‘Why do I get nauseous around men?’” he said.

As they continued to go on dates, Dodge tried to calm his nausea with breathing exercises. But his feelings refused to subside.

Fed up with this uncontrollable stress response, Dodge decided to go see a doctor, who prescribed him an anti-nausea pill to take before dates.

“It does kind of make you wonder if it is a subconscious response to internalized homophobia, even though I had come out seven years prior,” Dodge said. “But at the same time, that type of thing does linger.”

After taking the nausea medicine, Dodge felt more comfortable being with Nathan and more confident exploring his sexuality.

“It gave me some of my power back,” he said. “I felt very at ease.”