Kinyatta E. Gray Founder, Editor-in-Chief Creative Director Yakita Wilkinson, She Brands You Graphics Christian Cuan Cover Dominique “Nique” Miller Photo Credit: Oscar Sweep Images of Kinyatta E. Gray Photo Credit: Ksenia Pro Photography Photo Credit: BlueFlash Photo Credit: Brilliant Turks Studios
FlightsInStilettos ® Magazine Publisher 1710 Good Hope Rd, SE Washington, DC 20019
CONTRIBUTORS KIAWANA LEAF Rehabilitation for Broken Men
PAGE: 26
CHARRON MONAYE If You Survived 2020, It’s Time To Celebrate Life
PAGE: 24
TANIA RICHARDSON Inspires Women to Live Their Best Lives
PAGE: 15
EDITOR’S LETTER Welcome to the spring issue of FlightsInStilettos ® magazine. We are excited to present this new, quarterly publication to you and hope that it provides you with trending, thought-provoking, life-changing, and inspiring content. FlightsInStilettos magazine is an extension of the unique and exquisite travel brand FlightsInStilettos ® founded by Kinyatta E. Gray in 2018. Our goal with FlightsInStilettos ® magazine is to inspire readers to put their best selves forward when traveling. As we showcase welcoming travel destinations, travelinspired fashion, black travel brands, beauty tips, and lifestyle, we are confident that this magazine will instantly become your preferred resource for all things luxury and travel for the culture. We desire to elicit excitement with every issue of FlightsInStilettos ® magazine, and we welcome your feedback so that we can exceed your expectations. I want to thank our staff for their hard work, expertise, and dedication to this magazine. We hope that from the moment that you open this magazine until you read the last page that you enjoy this publication that we've curated it just for you. Kinyatta E. Gray Founder & Editor In Chief FlightsInStilettos ® Magazine
ON THE COVER 09 QUEEN OF THE OCEAN WAVES: NIQUE MILLER
ADVICE COLUMN 03 ASK KINYATTA
STYLE GUIDE 17
2021 TRAVEL TREND FASHION PREDICTION
FASHION FEATURE 12
SARLEA MAH
INSPIRATION 15
HEY LADY CREATOR, TANIA RICHARDSON INSPIRES WOMEN TO LIVE THEIR BEST LIVES
24 IF YOU SURVIVED 2020, IT’S TIME TO CELEBRATE LIFE
TRAVEL 4 COVID DIDN'T STEAL MY FLIGHT ATTENDANT CAREER
8 TRAVEL BOUJEE TRAVEL TIPS 18 HERE’S WHY YOU NEED TO ADD EGYPT TO YOUR BUCKET LIST
21 TRAVELING IS PART OF OUR CHILD’S EDUCATION
MENTAL HEALTH 26 REHABILITATION FOR BROKEN MEN 28 SURVIVING MOTHERLESS MOTHER’S DAY
Ask Kinyatta! FlightsInStilettos ® Magazine Founder and EIC Kinyatta E. Gray answers questions regarding relationships, friendships, marriages, and everything in between from ordinary people just like you who are open to her wisdom, sincerity, common sense, and sometimes humorous responses.
Question: Why did you choose microfiber for your FlightsInStilettos Glam Girl Beach Towels? C.G. Answer: I chose microfiber for the Glam Girl Beach towels because it’s superior to traditional beach towel materials like cotton and terrycloth. Microfiber absorbs moisture quickly, dries fast, and is much thinner than other towel fabrics, making it the ideal travel towel. I want nothing but the best for my beloved beach towel customers! Question: I’m starting at ground zero with writing my first book; what do I need to do? Q.B. Answer: Go to my website kinyattagray.com and download my e-book “So You Want To Be An Author.” My e-book provides aspiring authors with ten easy steps to follow to achieve your goal of becoming an author. Disclaimer: Kinyatta E. Gray is providing information based on her personal experiences. This column is for entertainment purposes only.
Submit your questions for Kinyatta to answer and for a chance to be featured. If you have a question that you want Kinyatta Gray to answer, send your question via email to info@kinyattagray.com. Due to the high volume of inquiries, FlightsInStilettos Magazine will not provide individual responses. Thank you!
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COVID DIDN’T
MY
STEAL
FLIGHT
ATTENDANT
CAREER
KEREN JEFFERSON Who would have assumed we’d get robbed of a part of our lives and our wellbeing by COVID when it first came to light in early 2020? I am sure most of us reading this couldn’t have envisioned how devastating it would be or how impactful it would become on every aspect of our lives and our existence as a whole. It is safe to say COVID-19 has robbed many of us of things we find dear to us, and passions we live for through the past year. Some are still struggling to come to terms with how much carnage COVID has dealt the world, while most people have had their careers taken away from them completely. In this interview by Kinyatta E. Gray, she manages to find someone, amidst the chaos and disaster that came with COVID, who sticks with the story- that “it has not and cannot steal something she lives for and which she has an innate passion for.” Yes, in this interview, you are about to enjoy an eye opening ride through the mind of an American Airline Flight Attendant who knows what it takes to travel the world and enjoy the pleasures that comes with it, Ms. Keren Jefferson. With about sixteen years of flying experience under her belt, Jefferson is no different from many Americans or those from around the world who have been hit by the merciless COVID and its restrictions. In fact, it is a well-known fact that the aviation industry happens to be one of the hardest hit since the pandemic became a force to reckon with. This exclusive interview is dedicated to all who have fallen on hard times as a result of the pandemic, who have lost one passion or the other and to those who are willing to tap into that glimmer of hope and desire to believe they too can climb back from the dreadful ditch this pandemic has tossed them into. Kinyatta connected with the perfect person in this exciting interview with Jefferson, and it just might be what you need to calm your soul and keep your hopes alive. 2020 was a rough year for the aviation industry due to the pandemic; when did you receive notification that you would be laid off from the airline? Jefferson: We got word of the possibility of furlough in March of 2020; however, the official letter came to those of us who were to be furloughed in August of 2020.
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How did the news of the layoff impact your mental health and your sense of security in general? Jefferson: It was a rough blow to my heart. I love my career and having such an amazing career as a single mother is a wonderful victory to say the least. So to get furloughed, it was like taking away all that I had worked hard for and sacrificed for. I cried for weeks every single day because there was now a level of financial security and stability that was now in the wind and left up to someone else. I did not allow depression to creep in; however, the deep sadness and uncertainty were there. It was like grieving the loss of a loved one. What was your backup plan or how did you successfully pivot during the layoff? Jefferson: The blessing in that is, I had started my fitness and health and wellness business the year prior in 2019, so I just really leveled up my hustle and pushed to grow my business by any means necessary. I became determined to never be in the position where someone else had control over my financial security again. I am thankful and grateful that I have not wanted anything during all this. Did you ever think that there was a possibility that you would never return to the career that you loved? Jefferson: Oh absolutely. There was no real knowledge on how long the furlough would be for and sometimes it takes years to recover from a situation like this. The last time there was a major layoff with American Airlines was after 9/11 and it took them almost 14 years to bring people back. How many months after your layoff, did you receive notification that you could return to the friendly skies? Jefferson: Thankfully, it was just a few months. On October 2, 2020, we were furloughed and on December 21, 2020, we got the news that only 3000 of us would be able to return; I am one of the 3000 that got my welcome letter in the mail on Christmas Eve; the best news we could receive for the holiday. I officially return to my office in the sky in March 2021. How did you feel taking your first flight as a working flight attendant after being laid off? Jefferson: Being that I have not taken my first working flight yet, I am sure; when that day comes, it will feel like coming home after a long vacation. You enjoy your downtime, but it feels good to be back home. What do you think the outlook is for travel considering the pandemic? Jefferson: Honestly, it is so hard to say. We have stopped flying to many countries because of this pandemic. This had affected the entire world and I am not sure travel will ever be the same. Though we all want to have stamps in our passports, there is also that underline fear of getting sick, then it becomes a question of, ‘Was it worth it?’ I believe the way things are now could potentially become the new normal with all these restrictions; however, it does not mean we should not find a safe way to create new and amazing memories in some other beautiful part of the world.
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ON A BUDGET TRAVEL TIPS Use Flight Discount Sites The more flexible you are, the easier it will be to score the best rates. The difference of changing your date by just one day can often mean saving hundreds of dollars. Pro Tip: Never search flights based on a group. Airlines will always show the highest priced ticket and then assign seats together in that price group. Instead, search for seats individually so you can score the lowest price point and then reserve additional seats after. Book early but not too far ahead. There’s a sweet spot where you’ll be able to secure lower-priced airfare if you book six-eight weeks in advance.
Here are a few Boujee Travel Tips to help you get the most out of your trip. Laminate Important Documents One of the smartest things you can do is laminate vital documents like a copy of your passport, travel insurance certificates, birth certificate, or driver’s license. Don’t laminate the original! Those aren’t always accepted. By laminating, you’re able to protect them from potential water damage, ensuring you have safe copies should they be needed. Use Chase Sapphire Reserve Card
The Chase Sapphire Reserve credit card was launched in 2017 and used by boujee travelers like me because of the added travel insurance benefits attached to this account. Chase Sapphire Reserve credit card includes cancellation insurance (with fast reimbursement) to trip delay benefits, baggage delay benefits, and auto rental protection.
Contributor: Kimyatta Harper (313) 953-8803 | exhilaratingtravels@gmail.com | IG: @kimyattalharper
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Queen
of
the Ocean Waves
NIQUE MILLER
Who best to regale you with the adventures that come with being in the waters, feeling free, simply becoming one with its waves and how to be a master surfer, than someone who lives and breathes the wonders of the ocean? Over the years, people have grown more interested in other recreational ways of enjoying their time in and around the water, besides simply swimming in it or lounging away on the shores. It is safe to say braver ways are being explored when it comes to enjoying the waters surrounding us, how best to enhance our overall lives. In this feature interview by Kinyatta E. Gray, you are brought the exciting story of an Afro-Latina (Black/Mexican) professional surfer that competes on the App Stand Up Paddle World Tour and the WSL Longboard World Tour; someone who has spent years honing her skills and who is willing to share them with you, our dear esteemed readers. People often mistake surfing as a hobby or some form of relaxation and don’t necessarily understand the intricacies associated with it. Some don’t even understand how much of a competitive sport it has become over the years and how it has become a way of life for those whose hearts beat for the oceans or bed of waters around them. For many who are located in the waterbed region of Honolulu like Dominique Miller or Nique for short, surfing is more than a way of life; it is life in itself. It is the air they breathe, the food they take in and the reason for their existence and what sets them apart from most people in other regions of the world.
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Surfing is a sport, a recreational activity, a hobby, a means to find peace and calm within a turbulent soul; above all, it is something Dominique Miller would encourage most people to venture into. Countries across the world are paying more attention to surfing and surfers in general over the past few years; as Dominique will enlighten us in this interview, the art of surfing is rapidly becoming a trailblazer for uncommon sporting activities on the water all over the world. As such, it became paramount to have someone in the field to teach, nurture and enlighten young minds with the interest to surf, as well as everyone in general who might have the inkling to become a surfer, either professionally or for the fun of it. In the interview with Dominique, she highlights her challenges, her inspiration for surfing, and how she got to be where she is at this very period in time. Through her journey, you can find strength in the fact that her friends became her biggest inspiration for trying to surf for the first time. You too as an amateur or intending-surfer can key into the courage she had to exude and imbibe within herself from a very young age when a lot could go wrong from her first trial out at sea. Dive into this interview and fill yourself with all you need to be where you intend to be as a surfer. You don’t want to miss out on this! Learn about surfing and smile while you’re at it. Learn to enjoy the wonders of the sea while your worries completely shut off at that very moment in time. Learn about surfing from someone who has made it her life. Who or what inspired your interest in surfing? Miller: What inspired me to start surfing was actually my friends. When you are younger, I think a lot of things are influenced by your friend circle and wanting to fit in and not be left out. For me, it was the same. My friends were going to go surfing one day and I didn’t want to be left behind, so I joined them. This was my very first time, and they themselves were beginners. We went out for about an hour and they gave me very-minimal instructions on what do to catch a wave, and how to actually surf. For the entire time, I just floated around paddling for anything I thought was a wave. When I finally caught one, I felt the rush of sliding down the wave and the power it had. I got to my feet and stood up for maybe 2 seconds. I fell down; and after that, I was hooked. I just remember feeling like, okay this is what surfing should be and feel like. I loved the overall peaceful vibes I got being in the ocean, surrounded by nature, also, the fact that it was an activity I could do alone or with a group a friends.
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How did you perfect your performance as a surfer? Miller: I got better at surfing by going out every day, no matter the conditions (windy, rainy, small waves, high tide, crowded, etc.) and really pushing myself. I didn’t have the means to get a coach or pay for lessons, so I would watch all the best surfers in the lineup and mimic what they did. I watched where they sat in the lineup, what waves they would catch and how they would ride it. I then tried to do what they did. This helped a lot; it was like an actual crash course on surfing. I also went out and bought lots of surf videos and tried to watch as many YouTube videos on surfing as I could. I’m a very visual person so this is another technique that helped me. What has the response been towards you as a surfer who is also a woman of color? Miller: When I first started surfing and competing, I was never treated any differently from the other surfers. The great thing about living in Hawaii is that it’s such a melting pot and there are so many races and mixed-race people that live here. It’s much more different than the mainland; Hawaii has a slower pace of living and a lot more peacefulness and happiness here. The local people are also a lot more friendly and accepting. Being here, I felt the most at home and comfortable in my own skin. Also, here in the ocean, the other surfers care more about if you’re good or not good, not about what you look like. If you’re good, you get respect, and if you’re not good, then you don’t...it’s as simple as that. I did notice over the many years of competing that POC had a lot harder time getting major sponsors to back them. It wasn’t until last year after Black Lives Matter, did I notice brands wanting to work with me (and other minorities) a lot more and start pushing for diversity. Now with social media and influencers becoming more of a thing and again, the world crying out for diversity and inclusion, I have noticed a lot more people reaching out to me and wanting me to tell my story. I am grateful because now I feel like I have a voice to actually speak on what is important. I also love being able to inspire and influence other women of color to get in the ocean!
What advice do you have for children who may aspire to become a professional surfer like yourself? Miller: My advice for other young girls and boys that want to get into surfing is to first, make sure you are good swimmers. The ocean is very powerful and can be dangerous if not taken seriously. I would also recommend taking a surf lesson; looking back at my journey, I think I could have progressed a lot faster if I had proper instruction. Also for safely reasons, it’s best to take a surf lesson and learn the proper way to surf and the etiquette involved. Another thing I would tell anyone wanting to surf is that all our journeys are different; take your time and enjoy the ride. Some people catch on to surfing faster than others, and that’s okay. Just focus on yourself and have fun! What else new and exciting can we expect from you in 2021? Miller: For me, 2020 has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I’m really looking forward to 2021. I’m hoping that if all goes well, I can start competing again, especially now that I have major sponsors backing me financially! I will actually be able to make it to all of the stops of the world tour. My first contest would be in Mexico (The Mexilogfest) in June and then after that, the World tour events will start to kick off end of summer. When I am competing, I am just trying to get better and better at surfing. My dream is to be a world champion, so that is what I am striving for!
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SARLEA
MAH
12
13
MODEL: @SARLEAMAH PHOTO CREDIT: @THEARTSYVISUAL
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BY PHYLLIS CADDELL
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16
TRAVEL FASHION
TRENDS SPRING SUMMER 2021
It looks like we are headed to the desert in Egypt. Now let me set the record straight. I had never traveled to a desert overseas except when I traveled to Abu Dhabi (in my mind) with Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, which taught me to be mindful of other cultures while visiting. So I did some reading to make sure I kept you all looking fly but respectful of different cultures. I put together some inspiration to help you stay stylish while you fly across the pond on your 10+ hour flight, while you explore the city or lounge in your resort. Travel in Style: Anytime you travel, comfort and safety should be at the top of your list, but fashion shouldn’t be that far behind. Here I put a lounge set with an oversized cardigan with a wedge sneaker, a big carry on and let’s not forget a mask to match...making this comfy look chic! Let’s Explore: Comfy shoes will be a must while exploring (bring your heels in a separate bag for quick shoe swaps for cute pics). I added a headscarf to be respectful while we take in the sights and experience culture.
Lounge at the Resort Don't forget your best-looking bathing suit and some chic sitting heels. It is a must that we look extra cute while we lounge at the resort pool. Throw on a pair of denim shorts; grab a clutch and red lipstick now you're ready for drinks at the resort bar!
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DESTINATION: EGYPT
What comes to mind when you think about Egypt? What imagery do you concoct in your mind when anyone mentions the possibility of visiting Egypt to you? Is it the luxurious sand dunes, the magical city itself or the fact that it is one of the best vacation spots in the world?
Your concerns, worries and desire to know all you can about ‘Egypt being the best possible vacation spot for you’ have been taken into consideration. In respect to your worries and desire to know all you can, this interview takes on you on a ride as though you are currently in Egypt.
How would you like to explore Egypt as a vacation spot and in ways you have never thought of before?
When in Egypt, be sure to explore everything that comes with visiting any of these four scintillating and magical sites:
Can you think of some fun places you might have heard about in Egypt? Is there any you have always envisioned yourself visiting because someone has good reviews about them or simply because you have learned about them or seen them somewhere?
The Pyramids Of Giza, The Luxor Temple, The Egyptian Museum, and The Valley Of Kings.
Do you have concerns about what to expect when you visit Egypt or if you decide to make it your next vacation spot? Are you worried about the steps associated with making your trip over to Egypt from various parts of the world?
Make sure that you add these sites to your bucket list! Fun fact; did you know Egypt has one of the largest collections of ancient artifacts in the world? When we say ancient artifacts, we are talking about cultural and religious artifacts bound to wet your taste buds regardless of what aspect of these ancient items tickles your fancy.
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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Traveling to Egypt during the Pandemic Traveling to Egypt is once again possible now that COVID-19 restrictions have been eased. Flights to the country have restarted and foreigners are able to cross the border, provided they meet the Egypt COVID-19 entry requirements. Entry rules can change quickly, so double-check with your airline (EgyptAir has a great resource on travel requirements, local tour operator, and government notices.
Go Diving in the Red Sea
As of September 1, 2020, all international arrivals (including Egyptian nationals) to any part of Egypt must present a negative RT-PCR test certificate on arrival, and the test must have been taken no more than 72 hours before departure of their last direct flight to Egypt. The Egyptian government is now issuing visas; visitors from eligible countries should apply for an Egypt eVisa online to avoid face-to-face contact at an embassy or consulate. Once you're in Egypt, here are the government-mandated rules Mandatory to wear a mask in public. You may be denied entry to vehicles and public transport if you don’t have one. Hotels have resumed operations and must follow new health and safety guidelines including limits on capacity and hygiene standards.
Take a Cruise Down the River Nile
There are restrictions on public gatherings, but in general, it’s best to avoid these. Secure Your Travel Tours with Egypt Travel If you’re considering traveling to Egypt, then you probably need to consider whether or not to hire an experienced guide. The benefits include:
Enjoy a Trip to the Desert
Personal safety Insider knowledge Discover unique places, and Great tips on just about anything related to dining, shopping, and everything in between.
EGYPT TRAVEL TOURS CONTACT INFORMATION Belal Ghoneim +2.012.285.94136 www.egypttravel.cc @pyramid_sightseeing_egypt Images provided by: Egypt Travel
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Fly High in a Hot Air Balloon Ride
TRAVELING IS PART OF OUR
CHILD’S EDUCATION People hear the word “education” and often times have their minds wandering towards schools, lecture rooms, colleges and institutions set aside to help teach and enhance learning opportunities for children. There is this innate drive to imagine every child learning everything they need in life, exclusively or mostly from or within the wall of an educational institution. What if there are other ways to teach or educate our young minds outside our homes, and away from the walls of their schools? What if you are presented another exciting opportunity in which you can be part of the learning and teaching process with your child from a very tender age?
Can you genuinely say your children have learned or are being educated through other means besides the school system or within the walls of their classrooms? Over the years, our children’s education has taken a massive shift in ways many of us didn’t particularly see coming or even get to take part in during our early years. Kids are being confined to tablets, artificial learning and other methods that not only break them off from the world physically, but also expose them to what we can agree to be restrictive lessons about life in general.
Sit back and think about it for a moment.
In difference to this, a couple residing in Seattle, Washington, have been exploring other exciting ways to educate their young daughter.
Is it safe to say most of us learned about the world around us from the ages of books, and from the television without actually experiencing most of it as a child or even as an adult? Is it safe to say “education” for our children has somehow been restricted or limited to what the “School System” has to offer them?
What is this method of education that differs from the conventional ones most people use with their kids? In an eye-opening interview with David, Tiffani and their young daughter Ava Sophia Williams, they share with us their exciting journeys and experience towards educating their baby girl, Ava through the art of “Traveling”.
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How important is it to you to travel as a family? Williams: We thought that after we had a kid, we would make a point to take at least one or two trips without her a year. That wasn't the case. Traveling with Ava is one of the best things we experience when seeing new places. Seeing the excitement on her face, the interest she shows in people and their cultures, it tells us that Ava will be a worldly kid. We can't imagine travel to new places without her. How old was your daughter when you first traveled internationally? Williams: When Ava was one, we went on a family cruise. We decided that this trip wasn't international enough, so we booked a trip to Taipei, Taiwan when she was 3. This was her first "big" international trip. We were so nervous not knowing what to expect with the long flights, the language barrier, culture, etc. She slept and watched movies for the entire 23-hour flight there and 17-hour flight back home. The locals loved her spirit and communicated in the form of a universal smile and wave. She even picked up a few words.
How has the pandemic impacted your family travel plans for 2021? Williams: Oh, so much. Like so many other families, in 2020 we had a ton of travel plans. The one that impacted us the most was not visiting DC. 2021 is uncertain right now with vaccines rolling out; we would want to give it time until most of the population is immune. We have two trips planned pending borders in Europe open this summer. Until then, we will explore our beautiful city where we are currently residing. What are the key benefits of exposing your children to traveling at an early age? Williams: The reality of the world versus what is shown in mainstream media, less materialistic views, exposure to amazing cultures, and showing them that there is no limit to where they can go and see. Kids also become interested in the geography of the world. Ava loves her maps around the house and points out places she has been to and wants to go. Right now, she wants to visit Australia.
How do you determine when and where you'll travel? Williams: There are a few things we look at when booking our travel. We are looking at an overseas move in the next few years, so this currently determines where we visit. We also look at crime stats, peaceful index, acceptance of other races/cultures and cost of lodging and dining. What are at least three tips that you can offer to caregivers who are planning a trip for the first time with children? Williams: #1 - Do your research. Make sure the area you choose to stay is kid friendly (bored kids are not fun). #2 Never be afraid to venture out where the locals stay. We took Ava to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico for New Years and ventured out to neighborhoods. Other kids that noticed her were so excited to say, ‘Hola, como te llamas?’ It was the sweetest thing we've experienced abroad. #3 - When flying, try booking an overnight flight and bring plenty of games, treats and movies. This will make the experience of flying with a toddler/kid manageable. What destinations have you found to be particularly welcoming to black traveling families? Williams: Taipei, PV Mexico, Germany and Amsterdam (although we've never taken Ava to Europe); we never felt unsafe in these places. In Taipei, we were able to walk the streets at night with Ava. It was surreal being almost 10k miles from home and feeling completely safe.
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IF YOU SURVIVED 2020 I T’S TIME TO CELEBRATE LIFE BY CHARRON MONAYE
Life is the most precious gift anyone could ever be given. Even though, it’s unpredictable and full of twist and turns, having the ability to life is truly one of a kind. I don’t know about you, but with everything I have been through, celebrate, overcame, and built, my life is still by far important to me. Some of us take life for granted not thinking that it can be cut short today, tomorrow or in the next second. We live like tomorrow is promised.
The things you complain about are things you can change. I hate complaining with compassion! If you don’t intend to change, then please shut the hell up. I even catch myself when I am about to complain and just say, “I’m grateful”. I’m grateful is a placeholder to keep me still while I work on something new. With everything God has blessed me with, I do not have the right to complain about anything. However, I am tired of the situation, I know how to excuse myself.
We don’t truly enjoy life to its fullest potential because we find ways to discourage its pursuit. We have 50 states within the United States, and you would be surprised how many people have never travelled outside of their state. There are 7 continents on the globe, but how many people you know have travelled to another continent. Better yet, how many have a passport. Why don’t we enjoy life? Is it because we are raised to go to school, work, have or have not a family, retire and wait for death? Why don’t we explore the world, live outside of our comfort zone. My oldest son is currently stationed in Hawaii, his first duty station outside of living in Philadelphia and briefly in Florida. He completed boot camp in South Carolina, and advanced individual training in Georgia. And as a kid, we travelled to New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, D.C, and Los Angeles My children was raised exploring and seeing life. Chris has a saying that is from one of Drake’s song, “I am here for a good time, not for a long time”. When he first said that I flipped, because I took it as death was approaching. But, when I understood it from his perspective I agreed. Death has no estimated time of arrival so it’s best to live life to the fullest now.
So today, LIVE!!!! Remove the complaints. Stop focusing on everything that is wrong! It is time to embrace Drake’s line, “I am here for a good time, not for a long time”. If Covid-19, the unemployment crisis, the insurrection of Congress, and the fight for Blacks Live haven’t taught you anything, it should have proven just how precious life is, and we are here for a good time, indeed. Celebrate Life, Today!!
That is what it’s all about, learning, living, celebrating, enhancing, and planting enough seeds to leave a legacy before our time is up. The rest of this stuff that we focus on is so irrelevant. It may be great for survival and peace, but how does it add to your life and legacy. I rather enjoy life and plant a legacy for my children, then stress over the everyday trials of life that I know are coming. Some of you live life stressed out over bills, heartbreak, people driving too slow, your boss getting on your nerves, your neighbors are trifling, or my favor one, with regrets. Can I share a secret? All of that can be changed. You have the power to pay your bills, make better relationship choices, understand that everyone is not in a race, find a new job, move your address and invest in your dreams to try anyway.
PHOTOGRAPHER AND MUA: BRENDA LEE | DRESS: NY & COMPANY CONTRIBUTOR: CHARRON MONAYE | WWW.CHARRONMONAYE.COM | @IAMCHARRONMONAYE
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To Live
TO O
T TRAVEL A
IS
REHABILITATION for Broken Men Welcome emotionally stable and mature women who seem to only attract the broken man. Chalking it up to the bad boy scene and constantly riding the wave. Years pass by and it seems the name is the only thing that changes. Bad boys, dogs, women love too much, so now we categorize them as broken men. But, ladies could you admit your pattern of subconsciously choosing partners you couldn't genuinely form a healthy connection with? Can you take ownership in who you are attracted to, the role they can, and will play in the partnership? If you relate even just a bit with falling for unavailable me cyclically as I did too. I hope this inspires you through! It's typically a women phenomenon to "love too much". To avoid pain we go through pursuits of loving someone else instead of loving and reciprocating the same energy to ourselves that we dish to someone else. If we take a second and bask in thought of how a man overcomes his trauma you too may have said, "obsessed with work, sports or hobbies". While we become obsessed with a relationship usually with a "broken man". Their trauma usually evolves to addictions and obsessions around accomplishments, pride, and egos. Could you agree that you help create the broken man? I know this could be a hard pill to swallow, but let it resonate with you. I'm going somewhere. A woman that loved too much, I was her. Attracted to trouble, distant, moody, unavailable men attempting to heal a wound from a distant unavailable man. My father! With a father being a girl's first love that was what my heart was after. Trying to find the complete opposite I always found myself in relationships that somehow someway had the same characteristics reminding me of daddy. Your story may not be mine as far as the parental wound, but I'm certain that it'll all make some sense.
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Riding the wave high with my partner to feeling depressed during each low. Although many times he was unavailable, I always made myself available to and for him. So much time and energy spent around pleasing him that life for myself became tunnel vision. Falling into a domestic violent relationship, marijuana addiction, and heavy drinking habits. So much wasted on a man who couldn't provide a consistent and healthy relationship. Why do we find ourselves in familiar patterns of a relationship or men again and again?
Rather turning to the bottle or drugs to avoid the pain and burden from one relationship. I ran into another broken man taking what was left of my energy to care for or fix him. Although I didn't fall in the tunnel of another domestic relationship, I found myself pregnant yet again with an unavailable broken man. It's a toxic addiction and obsession that I had to heal and be free from. Already a mother of one daughter I didn't want the same toxic chain to grab hold of her name.
We're afraid of being uncomfortable, we love what's comfortable and familiar, we say it's too good to be true, or even this must be a dream. We gravitate to the view of what love is to fit our box that we are accustomed to. We love too much or fall too hard for the repetitious toxic relationships and wonder why we only attract the "broken men".
Wanting more and better for myself as well as my daughter I had to sincerely face my truths. No, this didn't and doesn't happen overnight. It's a process and journey that's all a part of one's healing. It's impossible to heal from something that you are afraid to admit. I had to cease blaming others and constantly calling men dogs, saying they're all the same, and broken and look at myself. In everything that I can control all starts with self and nobody else. I had to focus on myself, that energy that I use to waste I had to give to myself. That famous word that's floating around "Self-Love''! It truly began with taking responsibility for my own actions and acceptance. I then began dealing with my own feelings rather running, avoiding, and masking my pain releasing my first best-selling novel "Confidence Unlocked".
I'm sure it's pretty very rare for one to have had a trauma-free childhood developing a healthy lifestyle. If you are alike myself, love has taken a warped definition causing me to become attracted to one that plays into my inner childhood wounds. The broken will be drawn to the healer or nurturer while a narcissist and empath could seem like Bonnie and Clyde. It works, because both parties are accustomed to this unhealthy, toxic, and broken lifestyle. When you've seen something for so long, or even lived your life in a certain pattern it all seems normal. It seemed normal for my dad to be distant, miss some important events, not kiss my wounds, to tell me everything would be ok. It seemed normal weekends with him I would just go to another relative's house, home with his girlfriend, while he leaves out late at night, and not see him again until late morning the following day. It seemed normal to watch my mother care for brother raising a man all alone. It all seemed so normal and a role to take on that the figure I grew up with, to be, and to accept. Aside from just my childhood it stemmed from selfesteem, past relationships, fear of abandonment, and also just being a natural healer/nurturer. I've come to learn that this blossomed as a technique to survive. Love was fixing, waiting, a project, distant, unavailable. When a man came ready to really love me, stable, and caring. I developed a subconscious vibe that I wasn't able to love him. He was too nice, he had it all together. My way of thinking what love was, I didn't feel a need for my presence in his life. He didn't need a caretaker and I didn't have to chase him. I was simply afraid of beautiful.
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Loving the "broken men'' was a mechanism to avoid fixing my own life and I'm certain the broken men enabling a healer is their way to avoid fixing his own. It's easier to play into one another's addictions creating destruction initially bonding together by each other wounds and flaws. A healthy relationship may seem and can feel boring because you're accustomed to drama and animosity that feels like a thrill that's really a burden. There is where self-love and healing truly begin. You cannot change someone nor can you make someone better if they don't want better for themselves. Acknowledge your cycle to broken men as your coping mechanism. Pour your nurturing energy into you and give yourself the adequate amount of time and space to heal. Form a genuine relationship and commitment to yourself and God there you will find the true meaning of love! When you stand boldly, proudly, and fiercely in your truth and identity, the taste and desire of the mechanism to unavailable partners won't satisfy your cravings. You won't waste your time or energy on fake love, affection, and attention. The burden ends now. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and chase what you truly deserve. YOU, win Inspirer win! You deserve nothing short of amazing, that's what's truly already imparted in you!
Kiawana “Key” Leaf: CEO/Founder Empower Too Inspire®,LLC | Website: www.empowertooinspire.org Instagram: @Kiawana___ & @empowertooinspire | Facebook: Empower Too Inspire, LLC
SURVIVING Motherless Motherless Mother’s Mother’s Day Day
Growing up, I enjoyed celebrating Mother's Day. I loved making my mom homemade cards, fixing her a child-made breakfast early in the mornings, and scraping up allowance money to buy my mom something I knew she'd appreciate. Those were the good old days that I thought would last forever. As an adult, Mother's Day held the same place in my heart, except now I too was a mother and found myself being celebrated. It was hard to choose whether or not I'd spend Mother's Day with my mom, Julie's mom, or spend that time with just my children. Instead, we made Mother's Day a family ordeal - no one had to choose. We all "loved-up" on each other every Mother's Day. My momma's gifts elevated to more lavish gifts over time. I enjoyed spoiling her because she was always so very appreciative of everything Julie and I did for her and never asked for anything. We'd always ask my momma how she wanted to spend Mother's Day, and often she'd say she'd be content eating crabs and drinking beer for Mother's Day, as long as she was with us. Of course, we'd always do more for the Queen.
We'd eat her favorite meal together as a family, and she'd receive her very own lavish gifts. When my mom passed away in 2018, the year of 2019 was sadly going to be the year of "firsts." It would be the first year we celebrated birthdays, holidays and, Mother's Day without my mom. I didn't think I would make it, and suicidal ideation was very much apart of my daily life in 2019. Her death caused me to become "unmothered," and I didn't quite know how to handle it. I went to my mom for everything, and she was no longer there for me to rely on. After praying to the Light (God) for wisdom, help, and understanding, it was only then that I realized that it was time for me to rely on all of the wisdom, knowledge, education, guidance, and love she had poured into my life for the last 42 years. I had to continually remind myself that I was fortunate to have had the kind of mother who loved me so deeply and so tenderly all of my life.
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I had to remind myself to be grateful for the time I had with her because it most likely will always be more than time spent without her. As I think about the state of our current times and the way that this killer disease COVID-19 has destroyed families and has changed the way that people give their final salute's to their loved ones, my heart goes out to those who have lost their mothers, fathers and other loved ones during this time. COVID-19 has robbed many of adequately being able to be by their loved ones' sides in their final moments and is robbing family and friends of the opportunities to say their last farewells. This is an immeasurable pain that my heart indeed could not have endured. But here we are, and I have friends who have to endure. I pray that you feel the everlasting love of your departed loved and that you will come to accept their spiritual presence and guidance in your life in time.
I don't hold back and deny myself of my feelings -- Yes, I miss my mom. Yes, I wish she were here. However, no amount of wishing is going to change my reality. I learn to accept that more and more each day. Therefore, I deal with what's true and what's real, and I am grateful for all of the beautiful times and memories I was blessed to have created with her -- because as I said before, it has and always will be a fact that I spent more time on earth with my mother than I ever will have to, without her. Until our spirits are reunited on the astral plane, I will forever love my mother and will eternally wish her a very Happy Mother’s Day. Kinyatta E. Gray is a best-selling author who wrote and released her first book in October 2019 about her mother's loss. Kinyatta's goal is to spread awareness about grief and loss, following one's inner voice and sharing messages of love, peace, hope, and light.
While I lack the physical presence of my mother on Mother's Day, her spiritual presence exists. Her spiritual presence is intense and all-encompassing. Her love is as strong as it has ever been and is still surrounding me in the atmosphere. Her spirit is protecting my family and me from all hurt, harm, and danger.
So, how do I survive Motherless Mother's Day? 1. I spend that time remembering all that she was and all that she did, and the impact that she will forever have on my life and the life of my family members. 2. I acknowledge that she existed and was the best mother I could have ever been assigned. 3. I do not ignore her spirit; I call her into my space to comfort me. 4. I wear things that are meaningful to me, like my famous bumblebee charm necklace, and I read the books that I wrote to honor her legacy. 5. I visit her final resting place and lay my head at her tombstone. 6. I celebrate and show love to other women in my life who are mothers on Mother's Day.
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Website: kinyattagray.com Instagram: @kinyattagraytheauthor