Feast of Venus

SELF-LOVE & EARTHLY PLEASURES FEBRUARY 2021

This Valentine’s Day feels a bit different than years past. A little quieter. A little more distant.

More than ever, we’re hungry for delight and celebration. So, in the spirit of joyful communion, we at Match and Flamingo Estate have joined forces to help nurture love of all kinds — whether it be self-love, romance, friendship or the kindness among strangers.

These pages are a love letter and an invitation; a chance to explore the wonders, beauties and pleasures of the natural world around us. To experience the wild and festive celebration of love that takes place every day of the year.

We invite you to cook a meal for yourself, to indulge in a hot bath or to watch the dance of the hummingbird. Earthly pleasures abound, if you know how to look for them. This is our Valentine to you. Enjoy. xo, the lovers at Match & Flamingo Estate

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The Feast of Venus

In the 1940s, a pair of determined entrepreneurs arrived in California to build their vision of an earthly paradise high in the hills above Los Angeles. The flamingo-pink house at the top of the hill became a hedonistic enclave, hidden by a lush orchard and dense garden.

Over the next seven decades, Flamingo Estate became the headquarters for a pioneering erotic film company, a creative retreat for photographers and artists, a pirate-radio station, a publishing company, a political fundraiser and an unlikely center for cultural self-examination and expanding notions of art.

Now, we have a bounty of nourishing, botanical offerings that provide pleasure from the Garden, while living lightly on the Earth.

We measure everything against a rigorous set of criteria to ensure that we’re not only reducing harm, but we’re taking one step further to benefit Mother Nature — our doctor, therapist and friend.

Discover more about Flamingo Estate: flamingoestate.la

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Love The Natural World

The Gifts of the Humpback Dolphins Researchers have found that Australian humpback dolphins engage in gift-giving rituals to woo lovers — scooping up sea sponges from the ocean floor and playfully tossing it to the object of his affection. Cute.

Life Partner Puffins The Atlantic puffins are remarkably monogamous for the animal kingdom, nesting with a single mate most of their lives, with both partners taking turns caring for the young. Before they nest, puffins perform a heartbreakingly sweet mating ceremony where they rub their beaks together in a kind of slow dance.

Wild

Lovenesting Bowerbirds To win choosy females, male bowerbirds croon. And they decorate.

Satin Bowerbirds adorn their nests all in blue, collecting berries, flowers, bottle caps, straws and pieces of tarp before presenting it to his love. May the best nest win.

The Feast of Venus

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A few years ago, a book came out by the German forester Peter Wohllebon detailing the deep and nuanced inner lives of trees. According to his research, trees flirt, have sex, chat, look after their young and express love for each other. “Trees don’t want to grow fast.” Wohllebon says, “They want to have companions.

They want to live in social groups. They support each other.” As it turns out, Earth’s many love languages extend far beyond just trees. Here, a few romantic gestures from our wilder brethren.

The Dance of the Hummingbirds When a hummingbird wants to impress a potential mate, he’ll dance for her. First, a dive — a 130 ft dive bomb right where she’s perched, showing off his athleticism and valor. Then he’ll shuttle, a side-to-side move accompanied by a few buzzes and clicks. Music to her ears.

is The Song of the Sloth When a female sloth is in the mood, she’s anything but subtle, screaming at the top of her lungs for any cuties who may be in earshot. Talk about taking matters into your own hands!

Aphrodisiacs

The Feast of Venus

Food and herbal remedies said to increase sexual desire, seductive prowess and carnal pleasure — are named after the Greek goddess of love and beauty, Aphrodite. Flamingo Estate’s on-site herbalist Ash Cornejo wrote us an almanac of natural magic to get those feel-good vibes a-flowing.

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A fr ic a n B a s il Smelling lightly of cloves, this plant has a gentle warming quality, and stimulates the appetite and the senses.

A deep, heady herbal infusion is the perfect medicine.

S tr a w b e r r ie s They contain minerals known to support a healthy sex drive including magnesium, potassium, and folate. There’s a reason eating chocolate covered strawberries is a tradition.

It literally increases your sex drive. Now if only we could grow chocolate too‌

Ro s e —

The Feast of Venus

Many culture s recogn ize the rose as a symbo l of desire, and throug hout the world rose elixirs and rose oils have been used to encou rage sexual explor ation and to gently open and remov e stagna tion and fear. The scent is calmin g, openin g, and reassu ring, allowin g one to truly be in the mome nt.

C hili

N a s t u r ti u m In many cultures, nasturtium has been reputed to improve sexual performance.

Its richness in vitamins and sulphur gives it stimulating qualities. Eat nasturtium raw in a salad with pomegranate, rose petals & strawberries, for an intense and invigorating, pleasure-based snack. Find it growing wild on highway medians and sidewalks in your city.

Pe p p e r s Peppers increase blood flow and increase physical stimulation and libido.

Chocolate flecked with chili is a great way to sensually stimulate your partner and yourself.

Honey

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Som e say honey ’s roma ntic reput ation com es from an ancie nt custo m in which newly marr ied coup les dran k mead , a ferm ented bever age made with honey, until the first moon of their new union . Hipp ocra tes presc ribed honey for sexu al vigor. Acc ordin g to an old Fren ch Wive s’ tale, a bee sting was supp osed ly like being given a shot of pure aphro disia c. Hon ey cont ains boron , which may regul ate horm one levels , and nitric oxide , which is relea sed in the blood durin g arou sal.

The Feast of Venus

Discover more of our world at: flamingoestate.la

Photographed in the rose garden at Flamingo Estate by Pia Riverola

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Bread is like love. It’s ancient and life-giving. Like our heart beat, it rises with heat — and falls just as quickly. Needy, coy, fickle, it requires warmth and tender, constant attention, but also some damn alone time. There’s a rhythm to baking.

It’s a slow dance and a heat-up, requiring equal parts technical skill and intuition.

Bread and love bring us to our knees, eyes closed in near-levitating bliss, a symphonic nocturne playing in our heads. When we make bread, we dig our hands into dough the way we do a lover. Gentle, but firm.

We were lucky enough to talk to Andy Kadin, LA’s Sovereign of Sourdough and founder of Bub & Grandma’s, about his bread philosophy: “All things worthwhile in life require hard work. They require suffering. They require commitment.

Bread, like love, requires a short list of seemingly simple ingredients. But once you get into the minutiae of the process, it takes near constant care, an endless search for improvements and an appreciation for what you’ve built. It’s not easy, but it’s not supposed to be.”

During the first few months of Lockdown, bread showed up everywhere. Sourdough starter bubbled over Ball jars on countertops world-wide. Gluten intolerance was suddenly, miraculously tolerated. When we couldn’t touch each other, we kneaded dough, leaving sticky residue on our fingers and spoons. Bread was our comfort and our plaything. In baking, we found our own histories. The currencies of our ancestors; the recipes of our Nonnas. In the midst of uncertainty, we cleaved to life.

We unearthed the beauty in the basics, and we learned, once again, how to love.

Love, Rising.

“Love doesn’t just sit there like stone; it has to be made like bread. Remade all the time. Made new.”

— Ursula K. Le Guin

To start your bread-baking journey, search for Bub & Grandma’s 8 Day Bread recipe. If you need help, email 1800bubhelp@bubandgrandmas.com and a real live baker will get back to you as soon as possible.

Cook a meal for someone you love — you.

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The following love-fueled recipes from Flamingo Estate’s on-site chef Ella Freyinger are written in single-serving portions, designed specially for Numero Uno (that’s you).

Double the recipe for each of your lovers, if you so choose.

Butterfly Blue Pea Spritz Clitoria ternatea, the scientific name of this erotic plant, says it all. Connecting us to the sex of Gaia through her vines and supernatural flowers this drink will awaken your third eye, the epicenter of imagination. She will bring you deep into beautiful dreaming, should you allow her in. Her vines slither through your body to move stagnant energy and awaken creativity. Treat yourself to her company and sit down to write, paint or draw. Allow her brilliance to activate your desires.

Amount

Ingredients

1 Tbsp.

Dried Butterfly Blue Pea Flowers

Lots of

Champagne

2 Slices

Lemon

Directions Place the butterfly blue pea in a jar and top with ½ cup of boiling water. Let sit for at least 30 minutes. Strain and place in the refrigerator to cool. Strain the blue pea liquid. Place ¼ cup liquid in a champagne flute. Add the champagne.

Once you’ve taken in the magical color of this beverage add a squeeze of lemon juice and watch it transform before your eyes.

Crab Stuffed Lobster With Herb Sauce

Amount

Ingredient for the sauce

½ Cup

Packed Fresh Herbs (Parsley, Basil, Dill, Chives, Tarragon, Cilantro)

1 Small Clove

Garlic

1 Slice

Jalapeno

1 Tsp.

Capers

2 Tbsp.

Parmesan Cheese

1 Lemon

Juiced

To Taste

Kosher Salt

Directions Preheat oven to 425*. In a medium bowl place the crab meat, breadcrumbs, aioli, parsley, tarragon, dill, white pepper, lemon zest and egg. Toss gently to combine. Place the lobster, cut side up on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Loosely place the crab mixture into the cut side of the lobster. Place in the oven and bake for 10-12 minutes or until the internal temperature reads 145° on an instant-read thermometer. Serve with herb sauce.

Amount

Ingredient for the lobster

1 Whole Lobster

Cleaned and fileted in half (not cut all the way)

3 Oz

Lump Crab Meat

3 Tbsp.

Panko Breadcrumbs

2 Tbsp.

Aioli Or Mayonnaise

1 Tbsp.

Finely Chopped Parsley

1 Tbsp.

Finely Chopped Tarragon

1 Tbsp.

Finely Chopped Dill

1/8 Tsp.

Ground White Pepper

1 Lemon

Zested

1 Egg,

Lightly Beaten

2 Tbsp.

Unsalted Butter

“The Morning After” Scrambled Eggs And Caviar

Amount

Ingredient

2-3

Eggs

1 Tbsp.

Unsalted Butter

1 Tbsp.

Crème Fraiche

To Taste

Flake Salt

2 Tbsp.

Caviar

Directions Preheat a sauté pan over medium-high heat. Crack your eggs into a medium bowl. If any shells fall in, use a half eggshell to scoop them up — works much better than a spoon. Whisk until very well combined. Place the butter into the pan and let melt for 3-5 seconds. Add the eggs and immediately begin to stir with a spatula. Continue constantly moving the eggs for 10-15 seconds or until the eggs are still slightly soft. Remove from the heat and season lightly with flake salt.

Top with crème fraiche and caviar.

Ricotta Dumplings With Mushrooms And Truffle

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Amount

Ingredient (For the dumplings)

Directions

1/2 Cup

Whole-Milk Ricotta

1 Medium

Egg

To Taste

Kosher Salt And Black Pepper

¼ Cup

All-Purpose Flour

Combine ricotta and eggs in a large bowl. Season with salt and pepper and, using a large wooden or metal spoon, gently mix in the flour just until combined. Over-mixing the dumpling batter could lead to tough results.

Amount

Ingredient (For the mushrooms)

Directions

4 Oz

Mixed Mushrooms, Broken Into Chunks

1/2

Shallot, Thinly Sliced

1 Sprig

Thyme

¼ Cup

Flamingo Estate Olive Oil, Divided

¼ Cup

Apple Cider Vinegar

2 Tsp.

Kosher Salt

Place a skillet over medium-high heat. Add 2 tablespoons olive oil and mushrooms. Cook, stirring frequently, until the mushrooms have begun to brown. Add the shallot, thyme and salt. Cook for another 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the stove and stand to the side as you pour in the vinegar. Add the remaining olive oil and stir to combine. Transfer to a bowl and set aside at room temperature for at least 1 hour. When ready to assemble, strain the mushrooms.

Chocolate Aphrodisiac Seed Brittle Most of us are led to believe that aphrodisiacs simply boost our libido and lead to a new level of sexual experience. While this is true at its most basic level, I believe an aphrodisiac is defined by HOW it works in our bodies. Herbs and plants increase blood flow, balance hormones, calm the nervous system, and tonify the reproductive tissues, among many other ways they weave through us.

This brittle is filled with spices, plants and mycelium (fancy word for mushrooms) that work together to increase the awareness within your body and open new pathways to experience pleasure.

Amount

Ingredient

¼ Cup

Buckwheat Groats

¼ Cup

Sesame Seeds

¼ Cup

Chia Seeds

1 Tbsp.

Cumin Seeds

1 Tbsp.

Coriander Seeds

1 Tbsp.

Caraway Seeds

1 Tbsp.

Ground Turmeric

½ Cup

Flamingo Estate Honey

1 Tsp.

Flamingo Estate Olive Oil

1 Cup

Chocolate Chips

1 Tbsp.

Cordyceps Powder

1 Tbsp.

Ashwagandha Powder

A Few Pinches

Flake Salt

Directions Add all seeds and spices to a skillet over medium heat and toast until fragrant, about 4-5 minutes. Add the honey and olive oil, stirring constantly until all seeds are evenly coated and begin sticking together, about 4 minutes. At this point the honey will have lost its moisture and there should be no more bubbling in the pan.

Transfer to a parchment lined baking sheet. Let cool for at least 2 hours or until hardened. Melt the chocolate over a double boiler and stir in the cordyceps and ashwagandha. Pour the melted chocolate over the cooled brittle and sprinkle with flake salt. Place in the fridge to harden. Once the chocolate has hardened break into pieces and begin indulging.

Drunken Pasta With Pancetta & Figs There are few things more indulgent than this pasta cooked in vibrant wine. The strands of bucatini transform into the most intoxicating jewel tone just begging for you to slurp them up. Woven into this dish is rosemary, the rose of the sea, bringing clarity of mind and support to the heart and circulatory system. I imagine myself devouring this while throwing myself a dance party for one.

Amount

Ingredient

2 Tbsp.

Olive Oil

2 Slices

Pancetta, Chopped

4

Fresh Or Dried Figs (stems removed and sliced)

1 Clove

Garlic, Smashed

Pinch

Red Pepper Flakes

1 Tsp.

Fresh Chopped Rosemary

1 Bottle

Sangiovese (or another Tuscan red wine)

¼ Pound

Bucatini

1 Oz

Grated Parmesan

Directions Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add the pancetta to a medium skillet over medium heat. Cook until crispy, about 5-6 minutes. Using a slotted spoon remove the pancetta and set aside. To the same skillet add, garlic, chili flakes and rosemary. Cook for 2-3 minutes until the garlic is fragrant. Add 2 cups of the wine to the skillet and bring to a boil (you’re saving the rest to wine and dine yourself later). If using dried figs, add to the pot now. Reduce the heat to simmer and cook for 5 minutes or until reduced by one third. Add the pasta to the boiling water and cook for 4 minutes. Reserve 1 cup of the pasta water and strain.

Add the pasta to the red wine sauce and cook, tossing occasionally, for another 5-6 minutes until al dente. If using fresh figs, add them now. Toss gently and transfer to a plate. Top with grated Parmesan and dig into this divine plate of self love.

Blood Orange Duck Breast This plat-du-jour immediately brings me to a seat at the table of Versailles.

I imagine the abundance of wild game, fruits, cakes and treats. The foods of foreign lands gracing only the tables of royalty, how extravagant a pomegranate would have been to anyone not invited to attend this feast.

Amount

Ingredients

1 (5 Oz)

Duck Breast

2 Sprigs

Thyme

2 Tbsp.

Dry Red Wine

¼ Cup

Hearty Vegetable Stock Or Chicken Stock

1

Blood Orange, Zested And Juiced

1 Tbsp.

Pomegranate Molasses

For Garnish

Pomegranate Arils

Directions With a sharp paring knife, gently score duck breast skin in a diamond pattern, about 1/8 inch. Being careful to not cut through to the flesh. The deeper you cut the skin, the more fat you will render. Season the duck breast with kosher salt, being more liberal on the skin side.

Place the duck breasts, skin side down, in a room temperature cast iron skillet.

Place another skillet on top of the duck to make sure all the skin is in contact with the bottom of the skillet. Turn the heat on to medium. After a few minutes the skin will begin to bubble. As the fat begins to render, pour off the excess fat every few minutes. This will make sure that the skin can achieve a beautiful golden crisp. After about 12-15 minutes and once the skin is golden brown turn the heat up to medium-high and cook another minute, browning the skin further. Turn over and cook the meat side for 1-2 minutes. If using a meat thermometer the temperature should read 130 for medium-rare, which is my personal preference.

Remove the duck breast from the pan and allow to rest while you make the pan sauce. Drain most of the fat from the skillet, leaving a small amount in the pan.

Add the thyme sprigs to the pan, allowing them to fry in the remaining fat for 10 seconds. Then add the red wine to the pan and stir for 30 seconds. Add the blood orange juice, chicken stock and pomegranate molasses. Let cook for 5 minutes or until reduced by half. Place the duck breast on a cutting board and cut about 1/2 inch thick slices. Arrange on a plate and top with the pan sauce. Garnish with pomegranate arils and wedges of blood orange and imagine yourself at the head of the feasting table.

Pommes Aligot Think of this dish as the more seductive sibling of mashed potatoes. Luscious, indulgent and damn cheesy. I request that you enjoy this French creation surrounded by candles, with a glass of your favorite wine.

Amount

Ingredients

1 Medium

Yukon Gold Potato, Peeled and cut into 6 pieces

1 Small Clove

Garlic

1.5 Tbsp.

Unsalted Butter, Room Temperature

¼ Cup

Heavy Cream

1/3 Pound

Tomme d’Auvergne (substitute a mixture of mozzarella and gruyere if needed)

Directions Place the potatoes in a small saucepot and cover with cold water by 1 inch.

Bring to a boil and salt liberally. Reduce to a simmer and cook for 15 minutes, until the potatoes are tender when pierced with a knife. Drain the potatoes. As soon as they are drained, pass the potatoes through a ricer or food mill back into the same pot. Turn the heat to low and add the garlic, butter, cream and half of the cheese, stirring constantly until the cheese has melted. Add the remaining cheese and continue stirring until melted.

Sex Cake To experience this creation is to feel the unsolicited gaze of a lover. Which in my opinion is exactly how food should feel. I’ve made her for more than a few people I adore and can testify to her siren song that ensnares anyone she encounters. Eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert.

Amount

Ingredient (For the cake)

1¼ Cups

All-Purpose Flour

½ Cup

Cornmeal

1 ½ Tsp.

Baking Powder

½ Tsp.

Kosher Salt

7 Oz.

Marzipan

1 Cup

Granulated Sugar

1 Tbsp.

Turmeric Powder

¾ Cup

Unsalted Butter, Room Temperature

3 (Large)

Eggs

2 Cups

Fresh Pineapple Chunks

Amount

Ingredient (For the crumble)

Directions (For the cake)

½ Cup

Almond Meal

2 Ounces

Freeze Dried Mango

¾ Cup

All-Purpose Flour

1 Tsp.

Cardamon

½ Cup

Granulated Sugar

½ Tsp.

Kosher Salt

½ cup

Chilled Unsalted Butter

Preheat oven to 350°. Coat a 10” springform pan with butter and lightly dust with flour, shaking out any excess. Place the marzipan, sugar and butter into the bowl of an electric mixer. Start on low to break up the large chunks of marzipan and gradually work up to a medium-high speed. Mix for 2-3 minutes until the mixture is smooth and begins to lighten in color. Add the eggs, one at a time (I personally don’t follow this rule, it’s not in my rebellious baking nature) mixing thoroughly after each addition. Turn the mixture up to high and beat until the mixture is light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add the dry ingredients and spices and mix on low for 10 seconds. Remove the bowl from the mixer and using a spatula fold in the remaining dry ingredients. This is so you do not overwork the dough and end up with a tough cake. Scrape the batter into the pan and smooth so that the batter reaches the edges of the pan and is evenly spread.

The batter will be incredibly thick. Scatter the pineapple on top of the batter, spreading evenly. Top with crumble, again making sure it is evenly distributed.

Place in the oven and bake for 70-85 minutes. The cake will be golden brown and the edges will have pulled away from the pan. Allow to cool in the pan for 1 hour before unmolding. Serve with crème fraiche and slip away into bliss.

Directions (For the crumble) Place all ingredients in a food processor and pulse until the crumble comes together. It will look more wet than a typical dry crumble. This will enable you to get larger moist pieces versus small and dry crumbles.

The Feast of Venus

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W E T N E C T A R For millennia, the Almighty bath, the primordial soak, the decadent rub-a-dub-dub has provided languid pleasures, divine wisdom and spiritual bliss to mystics, queens and lovers, the world over.

Cleopatra bathed daily in the milk of 700 donkeys. The ancient Romans submerged themselves in olive oil. In Oaxaca, the temazcals are performed by shamans in a swirl of scented, sacred herbs.

Ancient Japanese legend tells of wounded, wild animals leading hunters to soothing healing waters — the basis for today’s Onsen.

In India, a bath in the Ganges is said to purify the soul. And in a Russian banya, prepare to be lashed with a venik, or a bundle of birch twigs, in the name of cleansing and circulation.

Sweat.

Release all your toxins and taste their salty residue on your upper lip.

Daydream.

Close your eyes. This time is yours.

Now is all that matters. Follow in the footsteps of great bathers before you. There’s no doubt the seeds of magnificent cultural renaissances were planted amidst a bathtub reverie, just like this one.

Light.

Lighting is crucial in the bath. We prefer candlelight. But a low wattage lamp works too. Subtle and warm is the name of the game.

Sing.

It is one of life’s true facts that everyone sounds incredible in the bath. A Milanese aria? Mariah’s Greatest Hits? Belt ‘em out, baby.

Read.

This is slightly controversial, as your wet fingers might cause permanent wrinkly pages, but it’s worth it. May we recommend D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover? Or perhaps some back issues of Wet magazine?

Soak.

20 minutes is all you need. But we like a long, lingering bath, one that lasts from twilight to bedtime. Add salts for magnesium. Or woodsy oils for transportive forest musings.

No matter where you are in the world, a hot bath is a chance to remember who you are. To shut out the day’s swirling worries and reconnect with yourself. Lay your head back on the porcelain edge and your feet up on either side of the faucet. Listen to the silence.

To the drip and swish of hot water around you. Dip beneath the water’s surface to hear the shucka shucka of your own beating heart. You are alive! For maximum self-love, spiritual cleansing and physical pleasure, here are some pointers to make the most of bath time. It is a gift you give yourself.

Songs in the Key of Love

Inspired by the birds and bees of the garden, this playlist feels like falling in love. Listen to it on drives to nowhere, windows down, or while dancing in your underwear under a full moon (pretending your neighbor can’t see you).

Artist Name:

Song Title:

Time:

Danceability:

Artist Name:

Song Title:

Time:

Rare Silk

Storm

05:41

Grace Jones

La Vie En Rose

Claudia

Dancibility:

*

Serge Gainsbourg

Javanaise Remake

03:15

***

07:47

*

Grace Jones

My Jamaican Guy

06:02

**

Com Mais De 30

02:72

*

Sade, Jay-Z

The Moon And The Sky

04:44

*

Herb Alpert

Rise

07:62

***

Karen Elson

Gold Dust Woman

05:71

*

Leon Vynehall

Movements (Chapter iii)

03:86

*

Bettye Lavette

Stop

04:40

**

Cocteau Twins

Cherry-Coloured Funk

03:21

Groove Armada

At The River

06:56

*

Goldfrapp

Clay

04:35

*

Madonna

Secret Garden

05:54

*

The Blackbyrds

Dreaming About You

05:87

**

Bijou Phillips

Mermaid And The Earthman

06:07

*

Kate Bush

The Sensual World

03:93

*

Stevie Wonder

Voyage To India

06:49

Paul Hardcastle

Rain Forest

07:47

**

Nina Simone

To Love Somebody

02:65

Discover more bathing rituals at: flamingoestate.la

Photographed in the bathhouse at Flamingo Estate by Pia Riverola

*

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Guest Essay

Cupid Over Covid: Courtship in the Age of Masks Flirting we were born to do. But wearing masks that hide your nose and mouth can make courtship complicated. Everywhere in the world, we signal our basic feelings of joy, sadness, anger or fear with a smile or a grimace. Without this basic tool, we can feel helpless, almost castrated. But don’t despair. There’s much more to courtship than your winsome smile. The gaze is probably the most striking human courting ploy. In cultures where eye contact between the sexes is permitted, men and women often stare intently at a potential mate for two to three seconds, during which their pupils often dilate—a sign of real interest.

This “copulatory gaze” comes from nature. Chimpanzees, baboons and other primates regularly gaze into one another’s eyes during courtship too. And this eye contact has an immediate effect on people. Gazing triggers primitive brain regions, stimulating one of two basic instincts: approach or retreat. You’ll do the “return gaze” or look away. But first you may tug at your earlobe, adjust your shirt, or perform some other meaningless “displacement gesture” to alleviate your angst as you decide whether to flee or play the courting game.

Human courtship has several stages, each with distinctive escalation points. The first is the “attention getting” phase. As soon as they enter a bar, party or other public space to court, people typically establish a territory—a seat, a place to lean, a position near the bar, door, dance floor or other public spot. Once settled, they begin to attract attention to themselves.

Men tend to pitch and roll their shoulders, stretch, stand tall, and shift from foot to foot in a swaying motion. They also exaggerate their body movements, stirring their drink with their whole arm and laughing with their whole bodies, loud enough to attract those around them. Simple gestures are embellished, overdone. Then there’s the swagger — a courting gesture we share with other primates. A male gorilla walks stiffly back and forth as he sneaks glances at a potential mate.

This parading gait is known to primatologists as “bird-dogging.” Males of many species also preen. Human men tend to thrust their chest out, pat their hair, adjust their clothes, tug their chins, or perform other self-clasping or grooming movements that diffuse nervous energy and keep their body moving — all signals of: “I’m here; I’m important; but I’m harmless.”

Women begin the attention-getting phase with many of the same maneuvers— gazing, shifting, swaying, preening, stretching, moving in their territory to draw attention to themselves. Some women also thrust out their chests as they sway their hips and strut. And some adopt a crouch position, curling in their shoulders, hanging their heads and turning in their toes, signaling approachability.

Stage two, the “recognition” stage, starts when one or the other potential lover moves into talking range. This is immediately followed by stage three—the Talk.

This type of talk is distinctive because voices often become higher, softer, more mellifluous. But what you say often matters less than how you say it. The moment you speak, you give away your intentions with your intonation. A high, gentle “hello” is often a sign of interest; whereas a clipped, low, matter-of-fact “hi” rarely leads to love. If a prospective mate laughs somewhat more than the situation calls for, they are probably trying to court.

But talking can be dangerous; the human voice is like a second signature, revealing not only your intentions but also your background, education, and idiosyncrasies of character that can attract or repel someone. In fact, when Match and I recently surveyed over 5,000 single Americans, we found that singles first judge a potential partner by three attributes: a date’s grammar (83%); their selfconfidence (78%); and their teeth (76%). Indeed, scientists report that people who have an appealing voice have more sex partners.

Next is stage four: Touch. And here’s where this pandemic is altering our inherited courtship tactics. Prior to Covid, many would-be partners started with “intention cues:” leaning forward, resting their arm toward the other on the table, moving one’s foot closer, or stroking their own arm as if to stroke the other’s. Then the climax—one person touches the other on the shoulder, forearm, wrist, or other socially-sanctioned body part. How important this touching is! Human skin is like a field of grass, each blade a nerve ending so sensitive that the slightest graze can etch into the brain a memory of the moment. If a potential mate flinches, the courtship’s over. If the receiver ignores this overture, the toucher might touch again. But if the receiver returns the gesture with their own deliberate touch, the couple has surmounted a major barrier well known in the animal community.

Most mammals caress, groom or nuzzle when courting. Blue whales rub each other with their flippers. Male butterflies stroke and rub a mate’s abdomen.

Dolphins nibble. Moles rub noses. Dogs lick. Chimpanzees kiss, hug and pat.

But if you touch too fast, the wooing’s over. Every human culture has its codes for touch as well--clandestine rules of who may touch whom, when, where and how. Touching etiquette is changing with Covid, of course. The handshake is out.

Instead, we do the knuckle bump with outstretched fists — a rather aggressive salute that I suspect will not endure. Then there’s the “air hug,” with both arms extended and curved inward. And the air kiss, from yards apart. Perhaps we’ll see the return of the bow and curtsey, although these seem old-fashioned. But most of us will invent some new gestures to express our human drive to touch.

The penultimate stage of courtship is easily mastered, however—even without a smile or touch: body synchrony. As potential lovers become comfortable, they swivel until their shoulders become aligned, their bodies face-to-face.

This rotation toward each other may start before they begin to talk or hours into conversation. But at some point, the man and woman begin to move in tandem, to a beat. Briefly at first. As a mate lifts his drink, so she lifts hers.

Then they desynchronize. With time, however, they mirror each other more and more. When one crosses their legs, so does the other. If he leans left, she mirrors him. Keeping time. Even people’s brain waves fall “in sync.” There is almost nothing more basic to courtship than this rhythmic movement. Cats circle. Red deer prance. Howler monkeys court with rhythmic tongue movements.

Stickleback fish do a zigzag jig. From bears to birds to beetles, courting couples perform rhythmic rituals to express their amorous intentions.

But probably no single ritual is more significant to would-be lovers than eating together. This courtship tactic is not exclusive to people though. Birds and mammals regularly feed a potential mating partner. The male common tern brings a little fish to his beloved. Male chimps offer a morsel of gazelle, hare or other creature they have felled. “Courtship feeding,” as this is called, probably predates the dinosaurs--because it has an important reproductive function. By providing food, mates show their abilities as providers, as worthy procreative partners. And when a mate cooks, they advertise their ability to turn raw foods into nutritious meals—the bedrock of survival.

Courtship lives. Regardless of this virus swirling around us; regardless of wearing masks; regardless of our inability to display a winning smile, we continue our primordial and eternal mating dance. Cupid will always triumph over Covid—it’s in our genes.

By Helen Fisher

PhD Biological Anthropologist, Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and Chief Science Advisor at Match.

The Feast of Venus

23

Horoscopes

by Madame Apricot

Aries

Scorpio

Aquarius

Wild horses can’t be broken. A stallion must roam and roam free. And yet our equine brethren are sensitive enough to pick up on their rider’s micro-expressions.

Experiment with the balance of wildheartedness and empathy.

It’s time to shed the old ideas that don’t serve you any more.

Drive full speed out of the town you grew up in with the top down. Heed the call to freedom. Listen to Tom Petty. Get a telecaster.

Learn to wail.

Be like water, said martial artist and philosopher Bruce Lee. “When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash.”

Aquarius, empty your teapot and let life flow in. Be an essentialist, carrying fewer things, but better things.

Sagittarius

Taurus

Let go of the reins a bit, Sagittarius. Live in the mess. Throw your phone out the window and let yourself get lost in good old-fashioned sensory pleasures — colors and sounds and salty ocean spray on your lips.

The way you do anything is the way you do everything. The way you plant a flower is the way you run for senator is the way you sing Like A Virgin at karaoke. Try a little tenderness.

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Daydreaming clears the mind and opens the heart. Indulge in the fanciest, most foolhardy, uninhibited of daydreams. Are you a salty sailor on the seven seas? A diva in Pantelleria with a penchant for pistachio cake? Fantasy is good for you.

It’s okay if you don’t have the words for all the things you’re feeling right now. Life is heartbreakingly beautiful and also just so much fun. If you can’t say it or sing it or write it, make art about it. Your magnum opus is on the horizon.

You now have permission to indulge in messy, carnal pleasure.

Wear fine silks, smoke a cigarette in bed (don’t really, bad for you), absorb the moonglow, write a postcard, lip sync the lyrics to “Venus in Furs.” Romance is your lifeblood.

Virgo

Libra

Capricorn

Pisces

You are at your sexiest when you tap into your truest self. Avoid clichés, and let go of what you think you should be doing. Don’t read anyone else’s bio.

It’s irrelevant. Your life’s path is untrodden. Have faith in the unimagined.

When a honey bee returns to the hive, it performs a dance that identifies the location of a flower’s nectar, presumably to the tune of Fleetwood Mac’s “Honey Hi.” This month, it behooves you to take cues from the humble honeybee and perfect the art of body language.

Philadelphia-born, Harlem-based New Age zither-player Laraaji only ever wears the color orange. He explains, “It’s a way of putting the sunset on your old way of knowing self and the sunrise of the new way of knowing self, as a cosmic being.” Salute the sun, Capricorn. It’s wiser than you think.

Mary Oliver, poet and personal hero of Madame Apricot, shared with the world her instructions for living a life: “Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” This month, take the world in, and give it back your tales of astonishment. It’s finally ready for it.

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Hello my _________________ , (Your beloved’s pet name)

How are you, my _____________ ? I miss you.

When I think about you, my _______________ starts to ______________ . I lose all sense of time. Just this past ______________ , I was daydreaming about the time you and I _____________ together. Seems like only yesterday we were in __________ , ___________ the _____________ and canoodling.

Your lips were sweet as _____________ .

Remember our song?___________________ ?

Let’s sing it now, wherever we are, and pretend we’re together.

(Adjective)

(Body part)

Even in the age of digital correspondence, where “you up?” constitutes a romantic overture, a well-wrought love letter can still bring your beloved to their knees.

We’ve taken inspiration from achingly affectionate missives of yore — from Napoleon to Gertrude Stein to Virginia Woolf — to craft a customizable template to send to yours truly. Viva la love letter.

PET NAME GENERATIOR (Pick 1 from each)

(Verb)

(Day of week)

Birth Month

(Favorite hobby, past tense)

(Place)

( -Ing verb)

(Noun)

(A fruit)

(A pop song)

January

Sweet

February

Tiny

March

Baby

April

Honey

May

Ear

June

Butter

July

Sugar

August

Cutie

September

Miniature

October

Disco

November

Velvet

December

Love

Birth Date 01

Cheeks

02

Rump

03

Boytoy

04

Mommy

05

Snack

06

Angel

07

Cookie

08

Plum

09

Cabbage

10

Beluga

11

Daddy

12

Bug

13

Nibble

14

Buns

15

Blossom

16

Pumpkin

17

Toes

18

Fawnlet

19

Machine

20

Animal

Your __________________ ,

21

Freak

22

Noodle

23

Dumpling

________________________________

24

Rascal

25

Squeeze

26

Flamingo

27

Clown

28

Button

29

Porkpie

30

Gumdrop

31

Koala

That’s it! I can’t _______________ without you anymore, _______________ ! Just remember, when you look up at the _____________ , I’m looking up at it, too. I love you more than all the _______________ in ________________ .

(Verb)

(A cute animal)

(Orbiting satellite)

(Noun)

(Place you’ve never been)

Until next time, when I can ______________ your ______________ _______________ again.

(Lovey verb)

(Sexy adjective)

(Body part)

(Pet name of your birthday)

Discover more about Flamingo Estate: flamingoestate.la

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(Sign your name here)