fiveonfive | issue 7 | Spring 2010

THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF THE WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ASSOCIATION (WFTDA) ISSUE 7, SPRING 2010

fiveonfivemag.com

fiveonfive contents 30-31

4-5 advice

ask dahmernatrix and suzy hotrod!

WFTDA Meet the ladies of the WFTDA and catch the latest and greatest

6-8 business sponsorship: developing league partners creating a healthy derby community

10-14 health and fitness roller derby workout pregnancy, parenting and derby

40-41

16-23 games and coaching

2nd annual sk808

to boo or not to boo the halftime speech the last five minutes: how not to lose at roller derby

comparing skate pad cleaning products DIY plate mounting

34-35 JRDA insurance

36-39 rookie fake it ‘til you make it high school derby girl

46-48 international derby 52-55 art and media 57 classifieds 60 horoscopes

Raul Soria Jr., AwakenTheMosh.com

24-29 gear

Hawaii + Derby = PARADISE! Ivanna S. Pankin’ reports

42-45 last interview with Ann Calvello AJ Epstein’s last convo with the “Lovable Lioness” of the Old School

editor she who cannot be named rocky mountain rollergirls copy editor vera n. sayne rocky mountain rollergirls content manager annsanity rocky mountain rollergirls art director assaultin’ pepa rocky mountain rollergirls contributing writers dahmernatrix duke city derby suzy hotrod gotham girls roller derby hambone gotham girls roller derby

from the editor Welcome to the seventh issue of fiveonfive magazine, the official magazine of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA)!

The holidays are behind us, our winter breaks are over, and it’s time to start revving up for the 2010 season!

ida slapter rat city rollergirls

We have tons of good stuff lined up for you, our fabulous readers, in this issue

go-go gidget angel city derby girls

and for the coming year. Whether you need to jump-start your workout routine

lady quebeaum charm city roller girls catholic cruel girl rocky mountain rollergirls tank cincinnati rollergirls malice with chains windy city rollers justice feelgood marshall derby news network

(page 10), work on nailing down team strategies (page 20), or want to try mounting your own plates (page 26) it’s all here in these very pages, plus tons more. 2010 promises another year of tremendous growth for the sport of women’s flat track roller derby – just take a look at our calendar of events on page 22! And we here at fiveonfive are excited to bring it to you all wrapped up in a nice, beautiful package!

coach pauly phoenix, arizona miss jane redrum ft. wayne derby girls betty ford galaxy seattle derby brats bunnie low-browski circle city socialites jolene jawbreaker dutchland rollers ivanna s. pankin’ san diego derby dolls aj epstein los angeles, ca

Have a story idea? A unique perspective or derby experience that you want to share? fiveonfive is always looking for contributors! Send your article ideas to content@fiveonfivemag.com. Any general comments? Talk to us at editor@fiveonfivemag.com – we’d love to hear from you! Too timid to write but take a mean photograph or even have a derby-themed tattoo? Send your high-res pics to photos@fiveonfivemag.com. Don’t forget to tell us who you are and what league you’re with so we can give credit where credit is due!

crankypants toronto roller derby luscious smacksome rocky mountain rollergirls

Now, let’s get rollin’!

cover photo joe schwartz joerollerfan.com fiveonfive magazine info@fiveonfivemag.com myspace.com/fiveonfivemag fiveonfivemag.com

She Who Cannot Be Named #88 Rocky Mountain Rollergirls Denver, CO editor@fiveonfivemag.com

contributors Hambone

Check out additional contributors at fiveonfivemag.com.

Catholic Cruel Girl

HighPlainStudio.com

Hambone has been a referee for Gotham Girls Roller Derby since 2004. Off-skates, he has served as the league’s Director of Marketing and has studied Sports Sponsorship at New York University’s School of Continuing and Professional Studies.

Many thanks to our contributors who come from all over the roller derby community and share their knowledge based on their countless hours of dedication to this sport!

Dahmernatrix was a founding member of Duke City Derby, one of the WFTDA’s original leagues, and was an active WFTDA member from the organization’s ontology until her move to San Diego four years later.

Dahmer now skates for the San Diego Derby Dolls, on both flat and banked tracks nationwide, as well as with Team Awesome.

She enjoys taking her skates apart and putting them back together, teaching newbies how to block, and anything and everything related to WFTDA tournaments.

Andrew J. Epstein (artdaddy), artist, photojournalist, and graphic designer, was introduced to derby at age seven by his unconventional grandmother Pearl.

Pearl’s other life, before Epstein’s grandfather, was cooking the books for Chicago bootleggers, while also managing the derby concessions for Leo Seltzer in the 1930s.

While working at Playboy, Epstein suggested The Blonde Bomber (Joan Weston) for a sports interview where he wanted to shoot the derby as a participant rather then a spectator. Joan dared him to try out for the team. Having played hockey and football, he was good at it!

Dahmernatrix

Catholic Cruel Girl joined the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls in March of 2007 after a woman in her book club mentioned she was trying out. Having never seen nor heard about roller derby before, somehow she knew she had to play.

Off the track, Cruelie (her strange derby nickname) is an artist and consultant, which translates into a lot of odd jobs in between.

She is passionate about natural health and holistic medicine, enjoys gardening, cooking, reading, traveling and having adventures.

Suzy Hotrod Suzy Hotrod joined Gotham Girls Roller Derby in New York City because she was a poor selfmotivator who hadn’t exercised in four years.

She is known for her honesty and backwards witty way with words. This clearly qualifies her to answer your questions about roller derby.

While she appears to be a tough, mean chick, the truth is, “Everyone thinks I’m an asshole! I’m the nicest one here!”

A.J. Epstein

Malice with Chains Alice Gleason fka Malice With Chains skated with the Windy City Rollers from 2006-2009.

Malice co-captained her home team, the Manic Attackers, for two seasons, winning the league championship Ivy King Cup in 2009. She skated with the Windy City All-Stars at the WFTDA National Tournaments from 2007-2009, co-captaining twice. Now retired, she is excited to watch new talent and new strategies emerge nationwide. She’s also looking to start a cat farm and expects Varla Vendetta to adopt them all.

advice

Suzy Hotrod

Dahmernatrix

Gotham Girls Roller Derby, New York, NY

San Diego Derby Dolls, San Diego, CA

DEAR BLOCKER AND JAMMER, “I’m not sure how to handle a problem I’m having with a teammate. I’ve recently started seeing a guy that we both know. My teammate knows that we’ve been developing a relationship but she is trying to hook up with him anyway. She is not interested in him, other than for a quick fling, but I really like him. Isn’t there some unwritten law that derby sisters don’t date exes or love interests? What should I do besides take it out on her on the track?”

-BETRAYED

DEAR BETRAYED,

DEAR BETRAYED,

Ok, Suzy Hotrod even attempting to answer a “love/sex”

First, there is no “besides” here. We all know to leave everything on the track, and that

question is hilarious. I was raised traditionally Catholic

means not just our energy, but also our emotions. If someone can lay you out and send

and guilty so I shower in a bathing suit. Secondly, I have

you flying in a jam, it’s important that you remember that it’s all part of the game, and not

to admit, reading this question somewhat disappoints me.

hold it against her later. She didn’t do it because she hates you, she did it because she

At the risk of sounding unpopular, out of all the questions

saw you as a threat to her team’s success, and you should take it as a compliment, really.

my experience in roller derby as an athlete qualifies me

If you weren’t good at what you do she wouldn’t waste her time on you. Now, speaking of

to answer; this maybe isn’t one of them. What can I say.

unwritten laws, the other side of that is that you should NEVER bring anything on the track

Sorry your teammate is a whore? So now that you think

that doesn’t belong there. You should definitely, absolutely, no question, NOT take your

I’m a monster, here’s what I have to offer. As a female

personal frustrations out on this girl on the track. First, and foremost, because it threatens

sport we need to avoid “girl” stereotypes. We are an all

and confuses the delicate balance of leaving everything on the track. Second, because

female sport, and no, we’re not fighting over each other’s

you’re betraying your team when you let yourself get distracted by your personal life by

boyfriends, crying, or having pillow fights. There are no

beating on this one girl when they really need you to be trapping jammers, breaking up

unwritten laws in derby culture regarding dating. If there

walls, and doing what they need you to do. Let’s keep derby more about the skating, less

are, I deny them all, as to avoid our sport being lumped

about the hating.

in with sororities.

In team sports the social dynamic is important. You

Now, about your unwanted ménage-a-tois. I feel bad for this guy, I really do. He’s discovered a secret society of bootylicious babes and he’s so stunned by his good fortune

need to treat your team with a professional manner. Do not

that he doesn’t know what to do. He’s in a stupor; forgive him if his eye is wandering.

let personal issues and conflicts distract from the team’s

All the same, if you two have something good going on, you should honestly talk to him

overall mental health and chemistry and what you

about how you feel. You need to let him know that your team is not his personal salad bar

contribute. Another thing to avoid is if you’re having off-

and if he even thinks about trying to sample everything, he’s just lost his meal ticket

the-track problems, do not take it out on that person

with you. If he’s into you, he’ll respect your boundaries and make sure you know this is

involved when you’re both on the track. There is nothing

a power jam situation, and no one else is on the track. And if he hears your concerns

more detrimental to your mental game than to be thinking

but doesn’t listen, call it off! You’re the lead jammer of your life; don’t waste a precious

about your personal conflicts and specifically gunning for

second letting someone else score on your time!

a person on the track that’s on your bad side in “the real

As for your teammate, well, honestly it’s difficult for single women with similar taste

world.” It’s like taking the bait of a shit talker. You get

in men not to come into conflict occasionally. To the best of my knowledge, there is no

d istracted from the sport and lose your cool. In closing,

standardized rule set for love in derby. I’d talk to her and explain your feelings, and if she

work on your mental game by not letting the outside world

backs off, you’ve got a friend for life! If she doesn’t, you can’t really blame her for wanting

get to you on the track. Roller derby is your escape from

the same thing you do. Just remember that the rest of your teammates came to skate,

the real world.

not hear about your drama, and try to find ways to coexist peacefully within the league.

4 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

DEAR BLOCKER AND JAMMER, “I’m a newbie in my league and I’m curious: How can a new person sift through the avalanche of information without becoming overwhelmed?

While it’s really exciting to be a part of a great group of girls, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to keep all the logistics straight!

Any suggestions you have for keeping it all in perspective would be great!”

-THE NEWB

DEAR NEWB, One of my favorite aspects of roller derby is that it’s so busy. There are always tons of things happening all of the time. Tired of sending jammers flying? Try working on offense! Bored with being in the pack? Learn to jam! Sick of designing posters? Join your league’s training team! There’s always so much going on at any given time, on and off the track. Whenever you get bored of one thing there are plenty of other things for you to take on. The flip side of that, of course, is that when you’re first starting up it can be difficult to find your place.

DEAR NEWB,

Most leagues have some kind of designated “Newbie Cuddler” position to help

My freshman high school basketball coach told us he used the

newcomers such as you navigate through the chaos. The first thing you should

KISS method. “Keep It Simple, Stupid.” Smart guy. So here are

do is find out if that person exists, and if so, who she is and how she’d advise

some simple things to do. Most of derby is happening behind you.

you to proceed. If that person does not exist, and if there isn’t a veteran skater

Work on always knowing what’s coming up from behind. I think

who isn’t too scary for you to ask, I’d prioritize your derby education in the

the biggest challenge for a new girl is learning to look behind her

following order:

(OK, old girls too). It happens a lot where a skater may not even

1) Learn to skate! You will never be done learning to skater better, faster,

know a jammer is coming to score behind them, or a blocker is

and with more control, but you need to have a baseline level of competency

coming to nail them. (How many of us can’t say they don’t enjoy

and safety before you can play with the big girls. The best way to do this is to

nailing someone when they’re not looking? It’s WAY easier than if

just skate as much as you can, at as many practices as possible. No amount

they’re paying attention.) Next, never work alone. Always work

of talking and research can compare to skating and skating a lot.

with a teammate. Partner blocking and working in pairs is way

2) Learn the rules. Strategy can be complicated and our rule set is long, but

more effective than anyone by themselves. Be a good listener and

before getting on the track you need to be aware of some basic rules of

do what your experienced partner tells you. Always ask a lot of

engagement like contact zones, in and out of play areas, and minor and major

questions. Lastly, SPEAK UP! For some reason the newer girls can

penalties. It’s important that you know what is allowed and what isn’t so you

be quiet on the track. A large part of knowing what’s going on

won’t be doing something unsafe on the track and earning yourself a bad

on the track is verbally communicating with your teammates.

Off the track – welcome to being an athlete. Eat real food

reputation before you’ve earned yourself a name.

3) Learn your local league history. All derby leagues require some degree of

frequently. Sleep at night. Drink water. These are basic functions

non-skating work, and everyone loves a newbie’s energy but everyone hates

of survival. Make sure to partake in them. For some reason

newbie naiveté. What I mean by that is, don’t irritate the vets by suggesting they

I actually come across skaters that don’t do these things on

do the same obvious things they’ve already tried several times before. Find out

a regular basis. HUH?

how the league started, what has been successful, what hasn’t and why before

Don’ts – Don’t get too overwhelmed with rules minutia.

you plunge headfirst into duplicating someone else’s efforts. Maybe you can

Don’t get stuck on a mistake you made. (Don’t get stuck on it

contribute to a project that just needs more hands, or maybe you have specific

during a jam, or after a jam is over, or after you get home, or three

perspectives or expertise in an underdeveloped area. Either way, right now

weeks later.) Don’t blame anything on your gear. Chances are you

you’ve probably got oodles of energy and excitement, and now is the time to

don’t even know anything about gear, so don’t use your gear as

find out how you can best use that to forward league goals.

an excuse for not being able to do something. Don’t get frustrated

4) After you have everything locally under control, think about checking out

that you’re not learning as fast as you’d like or that you’re not

the national scene. Be your league’s WFTDA representative and have a hand

“as good” as someone else. Some of us have been doing this for

in shaping the direction of the sport from a national level. WFTDA involvement

five years now. You’ve got to make up for five years of experience

can be a lot of work, but it can also be highly rewarding.

in two months, that’s a lot to learn. Don’t get too fancy.

Keep it simple, stupid.

Just remember, everyone was a newbie once. Don’t get intimidated by how much you have to learn, just take it one stride at a time.

need advice? email advice@fiveonfivemag.com fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 5

business

sponsorship: developing league partners H A M B O N E , G OT H A M G I R L S R O L L E R D E R B Y

For many derby leagues the title “Sponsorship Chair” is a hot potato which gets passed from one sucker to the next, season after season. It’s not hard to understand why; no one joins derby to make cold calls. Sponsorship sales can, indeed, be a tedious parade of rejection – but that could be a sign that you’re doing it wrong.

Break down the sales process to give your league the best shot at success.

Identify the right prospects, develop engaging ideas, and focus continuously on sponsor retention. Treat sales as relationship development, and you’ll have happier sponsors who are easier to renew – and, hopefully, more skaters volunteering to pitch in. partners, not sponsors Why does your league want sponsors?

Obviously, you want cash, but treating sponsors simply like bags of money can stunt your thinking and limit your opportunities.

Leagues need cash, but they also need partners. Partners enhance the audience experience with raffle prizes, giveaways, and halftime entertainment.

Partners enhance the skater experience, with product samples, drink specials, or retail discounts. Partners enhance exposure for your league with shared media exposure or in-store advertising.

The most desirable partners are those who put their own skins in the game.

6 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

A partner who simply writes a $1000 check is nice, but a partner who spends $500 on you and another $800 on local radio to advertise their support of roller derby is better. It raises the profile of the league and should add to the cachet of both brands.

So, when initially talking to a prospect, don’t use the word “sponsorship.” You’re not “selling a sponsorship” – you’re “developing a partnership.” Strike the “s-word” from your sales brochures. finding potential partners Stock your list of prospects by looking at firms already partnering with similar organizations. Who’s sponsoring the minor league baseball team, or your local college teams? Who’s buying ads in the entertainment weekly? Who do you spot being a good sponsor by advertising their relationships with their other partners?

Focus on the businesses with the shortest decision-making cycles. Don’t spend all your time writing Proctor & Gamble to pitch a partnership with Venus Razors. Instead, stop by a local newspaper to talk to their sports editor or graphics department about co-promoting a photo booth at your bouts.

It’s also fair game to find sponsorship leads hiding in your league’s emailing list. Our league uses ConstantContact to send out monthly updates to our fans, and every few weeks we scan recent additions for addresses from local

businesses. Reaching out to an intriguing email address is easy; we already know it belongs to a fan.

Anyone your league buys anything from is already a partner. Evolve those relationships. Turn your league’s bank or accountant or favorite physical therapist into an “official services provider” in exchange for a fee discount. Start small if you must – get permission to put season schedule posters in their office.

Search YouTube for the terrific spots made by ACU (America’s Credit Union) featuring Tacoma’s Dockyard Derby Dames, and let them inspire your thinking in terms of finding local brands to which you can lend your league’s image.

Whether they start big or small, keep frequent exchanges of value flowing. Your partners might not be sending cash to you today, but if you actively manage the relationships, everything can escalate. what can you do for your partner?

Before calling, visiting or emailing any prospect, do your homework. Flatter your prospects; show them you understand and believe in their brand.

Look at their existing marketing efforts.

Who are they trying to reach, and how, with what goals? What’s their strategy?

How will partnering with your league further those goals? Will they simply gain eyeballs for their logo? Could they add to their brand by leveraging your league’s image? Do they want testimonials from skaters? Do they want

access to your fan contact lists? Do they want to get product samples into people’s hands? Do they want vendor space directly at your bouts?

Work with your new partners to create some goals, like coupon redemption rates, product samples given out, or attendance at a co-promoted party. Reference these goals next season when discussing renewal. You don’t need to set complicated goals – just some simple targets which get you both

contest, and it would be a great tie-in to award a Toot Uncommon gift certificate toward a real guitar. We would send all our fans to your store in advance to sign up for a guaranteed performance slot.”

The second introduction doesn’t make any scary cash investment implications, and it paints a clear picture of an entertaining program with a winning concept, along with measurable benefits for the store. You can always loop back to explain additional offerings like

actively thinking about bringing value to each other.

Perhaps your partner has no specific numerical marketing goals, and simply wants to enjoy the novelty and emotional charge of supporting a derby league.

There’s nothing wrong with that! A lot of league sponsors are likely to fit in this category. Find out what rings those partners’ bells, and make it happen in your execution and follow-up.

banners and program ads which bring in the cash. Those offerings are easier to sell when you have a portfolio of partners who appreciate your creativity and understanding of their brand.

Of course, it can be dangerous to over-commit the league’s resources toward partner happiness. Don’t create elaborate custom programs which put a big burden on the league – at least not without a clear reward that your volunteers understand and believe in.

Our league had a brief partnership with a beverage whose distributor wanted skater photos, testimonials, and exposure at bouts and parties. But our skaters simply hated the stuff and wouldn’t pose with it for any cash price.

If the skaters don’t believe in a partner, or in the terms of the relationship, ultimately the partnership will fail.

making a pitch Be organized and clear about what league assets you have to offer partners, but don’t forget to be creative. Be ready to quote prices for program ads, banners, and announcer mentions, but before talking to an individual partner, have a couple of off-beat and custom ideas in your back pocket.

Suppose you own Toot Uncommon, a musical instrument shop. How would you respond to these two pitches?

“Hi, I’m the sponsorship chair of the Water City Rollers, and I’m calling to find out if Toot Uncommon might be interested in being a league supporter in 2010.”

“Hi, I’m from the Water City Rollers, and our skaters have a fun idea for a fan contest at our next bout, and we’d love to do it to promote Toot Uncommon.

We’re planning a halftime air guitar

quality follow-up How will your partners know what they got for their investment if you don’t tell them? After every bout or major party, send sponsors a few copies of your program and links to photos. Add a personal note with some engaging details about the game and the fan experience. Send photos of partner banner ads as a backdrop to skating action. (Prior to the bout, assign a photographer to capture these images.)

Is there a strong prospect who you’re disappointed didn’t buy a sponsorship?

Send them the same post-bout reports.

Tell those prospects you hope they can be part of your league next year, and remind them that your skaters feel very strongly about their business.

Don’t sugar-coat unsuccessful promotions. Agree that something didn’t work, and use that data point as an opportunity to fine-tune and try something else. And don’t leap to take all the blame for a lackluster outcome – a promotion may have failed because your partner didn’t add enough of their own extra support.

Is your partner promoting you on their web site?

Major sports sponsors understand that money sent to leagues has to be supported with additional spending.

Coca-Cola might spend five million dollars to be the official soft drink of the Olympics – and then another ten million to advertise the investment and to make sure the partnership succeeds. Smaller companies new to sponsorship may need to be directly prodded to take their own responsibility for success of their derby partnership. developing partners: a league challenge Organizing sponsorship around longhorizon relationship development creates a side benefit: bite-sized chunks of palatable work for league volunteers. You probably have skaters in your league who detest “doing sales,” but they can still brainstorm ideas, do homework on your prospects, and document what your league is doing for your partners. It might not be as fun as skating (or reffing), but with any luck, sales won’t feel like sales at all – and, better still, you won’t be hearing “no” all day long. fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 7

business

creating a healthy derby community I DA S L A P T E R , R AT C I T Y R O L L E R G I R L S

How do we create a healthy community when the foundation of modern derby is based on league shake-ups and break-ups?

What we accomplish together is immeasurable. But does it ever seem like some skaters are sabotaging our efforts? If the basis of derby is “for the skater, by the skater,” how do we ensure equality and let skaters be themselves, even when we disagree with almost everything another skater wants, especially if she is the most domineering member in the group? All actions begin with intentions, but well-meaning skaters step in crap once in awhile too. Why is it that our efforts frequently are unsuccessful? How we relate in derby says much more about who we are as women than many skaters are willing to admit.

As a chronically confrontational person, I rub people wrong all the time. When I joined derby in my mid-30s I found that many women didn’t seem to understand how to disagree with each other, stand up for themselves, speak up to have their voices heard or stand in solidarity with other women.

Something as obvious as supporting and respecting our fellow skaters can sometimes seem like an impossible task.

Problems can arise when one skater (or a group of skaters) tries to control the behavior of a skater or control committee output. In most instances the other skater or committee reacts and you have derby drama. Overbearing skaters might try to keep members in the dark about what is happening in the league. These conflicts can plague a league over the course of months or even years and can have a longstanding impact on day-to-day business dealings. A league needs active and informed members. When a skater(s) attempts to subvert equality it’s up to everyone to ask a skater to change her behavior.

Many collectives have a person or group that will act as the ruling elite; in other words, that skater believes “they” run things. Small friendship groups can form into what is called an “informal communication network” (aka the grapevine or gossip network) where rumors spread quickly and can be difficult to stop. Because these groups function outside of committee or league meetings, they often have more knowledge about league operations. A league might even have a few different groups competing for power.

8 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

In some situations these small groups will try to micromanage what other members are doing. You don’t have to love (or even like) every member of the league to agree with what a member is working on. It’s better to not disrupt another skater’s work unless it goes against the core values of the league. Letting a task go can be difficult for many skaters, but setting aside your own expectations about “how you would do it” or letting go of your personal feelings can help the overall harmony of the league. Yes, the outcome can be spotty, but making mistakes is how everyone learns. Trying to force a committee or the entire league to agree with a certain outcome based on your personal feelings, esthetics, or your own viewpoint can only lead to problems and usually results in more work for everyone.

Of course this isn’t just typical of roller derby. Some of these behaviors have plagued the women’s movement for years. In your own life you can look back at how you acted on the playground. Girls learn early on to form social groups by ganging up on each other. Many skaters feel like outsiders or disenfranchised even before starting derby. At some point most of us have felt awkward, misunderstood or out of place.

Even if you feel that you are a natural born leader, don’t be shocked to realize that not everyone might see you in a leadership role. Being overbearing usually alienates other skaters, and let’s be honest here – those other skaters are probably gossiping about how they don’t want you to be in charge (even if they’re not actually doing anything about the problem). You don’t want to be the skater that gets power by controlling others, right? Self-appointed leaders don’t usually have much loyalty. If you are elected into a position of power or if you have some authority in the league, it’s your responsibility to be genuine and fair to the people that voted you as their leader.

Sometimes just being aware and staying informed can help to eliminate some of these problems. Realize that misunderstandings and conflicts may still happen, but trying to correct a bad situation early on, even when it feels really hard, will go a long way. Power belongs to everyone, not just a small group of skaters. We are all in this together and everyone’s opinions and input are necessary for the health of the sport.

health and fitness

roller derby workout G O - G O G I D G E T, A N G E L C I T Y D E R B Y G I R L S

There is no such thing as a girl pushup. That was the very first lesson that I learned when I started working in the office of an exclusive stunt training facility in Los Angeles. My employers were responsible for the action in films like “The Matrix” and “300” so most of the guys who are in and out of the gym are former World Champions in one sport or another and some of them still hold World Records.

When one of the trainers found out that I played roller derby he offered to give me a free session. I was ready to puke about ten minutes in when he told me to get down and give him twenty. I took my familiar “girl” pushup stance and before I had even completed one rep he told me to get out and stop wasting his time.

There is no such thing as a girl pushup.

As roller derby continues to grow and become more competitive we are all going to have to throw out our average fitness approaches and start doing real pushups. The athleticism from teams like the Oly Rollers has really been a wake up call to roller derby girls around the world. If we are to compete against teams that play at that level we are going to have to start training in a whole new way. Cross training and strength training are becoming very important aspects to competitive leagues. It is important to start focusing on overall strength and fitness by working out our entire bodies using different modes of training.

Cross training is simply adding variety to your exercise program. You will increase your stamina and reduce the risk of

injury. As derby players we spend most of our time on our skates.

Take one day a week to incorporate a different activity into your routine. Go cycling or running. You can even take a yoga class or put on your favorite play list and dance really hard for 30 minutes.

Strength training is a simple concept as well. When you are strength training you are putting resistance on your muscles causing the muscle mass to grow. The most common form is lifting weights.

A beneficial side effect of this kind of training is reducing your risk of injury. Imagine that you are building the foundation of a house. The thicker you pile on the concrete the less likely you are to find your house falling down in an earthquake. By strengthening the muscles around your joints you greatly reduce the risk of injury when you take a nasty spill. Building stronger muscles also helps you maintain your flexibility and your balance and as you put pressure on your bones you increase your bone density reducing the chance of breaking them.

I had the luxury to cross and strength train at the stunt facility on nights that I didn’t have practice.

Over the duration of one year I dropped thirty pounds, took significant time off of my timed laps, made first string on my team, and even finally got to jam. I started working closely with the trainers at the facility to customize exercises so that they could be done by anyone without belonging to a gym or without having to buy a bunch of expensive workout accessories.

We started using skates as weights and we discovered that even the simplest moves like leg lifts became challenging and more effective with the added weight of the skates.

Roller Derby Workout was born

As roller derby continues to grow and become

more competitive we are

all going to have to throw out our average fitness approaches and start doing real pushups.

10 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

and within a few months I teamed up with some gals and we filmed a 50-minute strength training workout video designed specifically for roller derby athletes.

Let’s face it, exercise isn’t always fun.

In fact it can be really hard and unrewarding at times. A lot of roller derby girls have not played other sports and derby is their introduction to fitness.

We chose to make the video because we wanted to encourage girls to strength train and we found a really inexpensive and easy way for girls to do to it right in their own living rooms by using their skates as weights. We also wanted to offer a new kind of workout video experience. There aren’t a lot of in-home workout videos that cater to the average derby girl. We cast girls of all shapes and sizes and threw in a really great soundtrack including bands like The Faint and Tilly and the Wall.

Inside Roller Derby Workout you will find five sections. Shiv gets you warmed up with an excellent stretching routine. Biodiesel focuses on the core by using exercises like planks and

OOPS!

bicycles. I run through a routine full of squats and lifts to strengthen the quads and legs.

Estro Jen tightens the booty with hip lifts and hydrants. And Punk N. DaTrunk guides the off skate portion. The five sections are each approximately ten minutes long. I recommend using the video twice weekly in addition to your practice schedule.

You can purchase the video directly from RollerDerbyWorkout.com, Moxi Skates, Wicked Skatewear, or at Sin City Skates. On January 15th we launched Roller Derby Workout Challenge. We are challenging roller derby girls around

the world to stick to our customized eight-week fitness plan. Over 1,000 derby players and refs have joined so far. To see the customized meal and workout plans check out the Roller Derby Workout Facebook page.

If workout videos aren’t your thing I still strongly encourage you to include strength training into your week. Look into Crossfit gyms in your area or invest in a set of kettle bells. Just do a little research online and you can find some really great tutorials on how to use them. Even those cheesy in-home pull up bars can be a great addition to your training.

The bottom line is that you are cheating yourself and your team without this kind of training. You will really see the results and become faster, more explosive, and over time you will laugh at yourself for ever having done a “girl pushup” in the first place.

In last issue’s health and fitness section, Buster Skull wrote the article on “Stretching for Roller Derby.”

Unfortunately, we credited her with the incorrect league. She skates with Wilmington City Ruff Rollers (not Silicon Valley). SORRY, BUSTER!

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 11

pregnancy, parenting and derby L A DY Q U E B E A U M , C H A R M C I T Y R O L L E R G I R L S

When I pitched this article the deadline was months away, and I had all the time in the world. I figured I’d write something about how, with the right amount of juggling, a can-do attitude, and a support system, derby and parenting were completely compatible.

Then it snowed and school was canceled, the check I wrote to the aftercare program bounced, and my son somehow accidentally spilled twelve out of sixteen bearings behind my refrigerator before a bout. To quote HipMama founder Ariel Gore, “Juggling is for circus clowns.”

Balancing roller derby and parenting is like any other aspect of parenting. There’s no one right way to do it, and it’s difficult. In the derby world we have children ranging from infancy to adult, and our families are configured in a wide variety of ways.

Fully half of the women who started my league had at least one child at the time, and over the years three of the four of us have been single parents.

I interviewed three skaters for this article: Loretta Scars from Charm City Roller Girls, partnered mother to Kaia, age two and Dylan, seven months; Robin Drugstores of the Philly Roller Girls, single mother to Darby, age seven; and Rosie the Rioter from Charm City, single mother to Cicero, age sixteen, and Roman, age fourteen. For the record, I’m a single mother to Mario, who will be eight years old when this goes to print, and I’ve been involved with roller derby since he was three.

Since the editorial team at fiveonfive asked, let’s get right into it and talk

12 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

about pregnancy and derby. Pregnancy and childbirth are two things that elicit strong opinions from the general population regardless of that population’s experience with either.

Many a skater and league has wondered just what to do when a skater becomes pregnant. From a league standpoint, does it make sense to require skaters to disclose pregnancy and ban pregnant skaters from practice? No. First of all, it’s illegal in the U.S. Secondly, it’s not practical. A word about pregnancy tests: The pregnancy test you buy over the counter and the one your healthcare provider gives you both work by detecting a hormone called human chorionic gonadotropin, or hcg, in your urine. Your body normally only makes this hormone when you are pregnant, and generally speaking in a healthy pregnancy the hcg level in your blood doubles about every two or three days for the first ten weeks or so of pregnancy. Pregnancy test sensitivity varies widely by brand. Some tests on the market will give a reliable positive result before you have even skipped a period, and some won’t give a positive until several weeks after a missed period. So, if your league is looking to make a policy about this, any wording drafted about a skater stopping as soon as she knows she is pregnant with the intent of protecting a pregnancy is inherently flawed from the get go.

Our league has several skaters who have gotten pregnant while involved in roller derby. Some have stopped skating as soon as they found out they were pregnant, and some continued, one up

until well into her second trimester.

It was this mama that prompted a heated discussion about implementing a policy on pregnant skaters. Finding a balanced compromise that took into consideration skaters’ privacy and respect for their ability to make their own health decisions, league members’ comfort, and league liability took awhile. But what we came up with essentially puts the burden of disclosure on the pregnant skater, bans her from contact after disclosure of the pregnancy, and allows her to participate in non-contact practice with a note from her healthcare provider for as long as she is able.

If you are the skater staring at two pink lines and wondering what to do and when to disclose your pregnancy to your league, it’s really a matter between you, your body, and your healthcare provider at this stage of the game. When I was pregnant, my care provider’s take on my arguably dangerous form of exercise at the time (riding a bike in rush hour Washington DC traffic) was that as long as it was something that my body was already used to doing and I felt OK, it was OK. Different providers will have different takes on this, and even respected medical bodies differ somewhat on their recommendations, though they agree that exercise during a normal healthy pregnancy is generally good for you.

The research on women returning to competitive sports after pregnancy is a bit scant, but not for lack of people doing it. WNBA great Sheryl Swoopes joined the Houston Comets five weeks

Craig Lammes

health and fitness

aside for just the two of them, and it’s a regular and unbreakable date. Since I share custody of my son with his dad, I only go to practice once a week when he is with me, and cram my practice requirements into the time he is with his father.

A lot of us bring our kids with us to practice, and having this as an option is one of the most important things enabling our participation. Charm City has a clear understanding that kids are welcome at practice, though there is no formal care at the rink. Other options include pooling for a sitter. When several of the moms on our league had toddlers around the same age, they would have all the kids at one of their houses with a sitter everyone chipped in for. Another option is to bring a sitter to your practice space or bout venue. This is helpful if you are breastfeeding, or if there’s a teen in your group of derby kids who can be persuaded or paid to watch the smaller ones.

Are you sensing that this isn’t a solo sport yet? You need a support network. For some of us, it’s other people in derby. For others, it’s the same support network we relied on before we got involved. “I recruit from within,” says Drugs, whose leaguemates include other parents from her daughter’s school, ensuring that when the kids are at practice, they’ve got friends they know.

Rosie the Rioter’s kids have certainly watched my son at practice on occasion over the years, and now that they are older, their ability (and desire) to stay home instead has freed Rosie up considerably, though not without new challenges. “I don’t have to get them dressed and in the car, but on the other hand it’s also hard because I don’t know what they’re doing. Teenagers in

Craig Lammes

Craig Lammes

after giving birth. Loretta Scars had just made it onto Charm City and was attending practices when she discovered she was six weeks pregnant. She returned after a leave of absence and then became pregnant with her second child. Loretta’s provider was perfectly fine with her participating in non-contact derby skating for the first three or four months, though Loretta chose to stop earlier. “I was happy this was at the end of the season,” she says. “I recreationally skated for maybe a month after I found out,” stopping mostly due to fatigue.

Pregnancy is the easiest stage of parenting, however. For those of us with little air-breathers to take care of, balancing parenting and derby gets far more complicated. Derby’s demands can be a beast. Certain factors can certainly make it easier, having a cooperative partner, for example, but no matter how old our kids are or what our families look like, it takes a great deal of determination, cooperation, communication, and boundaries.

“I definitely don’t do a lot of appearance stuff,” says Robin Drugstores of the Philly Roller Girls.

“Three nights of practice, and then roller derby karaoke?” You don’t see too many single moms and moms with very little children on our league doing guest bartending fundraisers, either. You do find them writing press releases in their living rooms and making phone calls, or checking on dues via Paypal. There are plenty of derby tasks that don’t require being away from the kids for half the night, and there are plenty of folks without kids who would rather show up at a promotional event than crunch numbers anyway.

Drugs makes sure that she and her daughter have one night a week set

general, they want you there, but they don’t want you there.” Wait, you mean someday my kid won’t want to come to derby with me, make signs, be the team mascot, and someday he’s going to sprout body hair?

“They don’t embrace the sport as much (as they used to). Because they’re teenagers, it’s a thing that I have so they rebel against it.” Rosie’s youngest was formerly her home team mascot, dressing up in costume at bouts. “Now he says things like, ‘Ha ha! Your team lost last night!’”

As teens, they are also in need of a different set of boundaries than the smaller kids. Though they still occasionally come to bouts, Rosie feels that a much firmer line between them and derby is appropriate. “It makes me squirm. They understand about things like drinking and sexuality. (As teens) lines are being blurred all the time for them anyway. Our youngest skater is only two years older than my son.”

Is doing this complicated balancing act worth it? Says Rosie, “If Mom’s happy, then everyone else is happy.”

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 13

health and fitness

Clean Slate Salad Catholic Cruel Girl, Rocky Mountain Rollergirls

Most of us make some hefty New Year’s resolutions, especially when it comes to diet and exercise. While intentions are good, January is not the ideal time for making drastic changes to your diet. After all, it is still winter. It is still cold.

Your body is still in more of a hibernation mode and so is most of the plant world.

Instead, think about the natural seasonal cycle. Spring is really the best time to shake off those heavier winter meals and start fresh.

This recipe is simple, delicious (according to my trusted guinea pig recipe tester) and full of foods that not only support healthy liver function, but act as natural antibiotics and contain anti-inflammatory properties. ingredients: 1 bunch dandelion greens 1 small bunch spinach, coarsely chopped 4 large beets plus 5-6 beet greens ½ medium red cabbage, chopped or shredded

1 large handful parsley, coarsely chopped 1 can artichokes, packed in water (not oil) 2 cloves garlic, minced Juice of 1 lemon ¼ cup + 1 tablespoon olive oil

To roast beets: Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Place beets in roasting pan and drizzle lightly with olive oil, salt and pepper. Roast beets for 40 minutes or until beets are tender (check by inserting a fork).

Once beets are cool enough to handle, gently peel off skin and slice into wedges.

While beets are roasting, rinse and combine dandelion greens, spinach, beet greens, cabbage and parsley.

Drain artichokes, toss with 1 tablespoon olive oil and broil for 10 minutes or until lightly browned.

For Dressing: Combine ¼ cup olive oil, minced garlic and lemon juice.

Whisk together until emulsified. Store in shakable container.

Store the salad mixture, beets and artichokes in separate containers in the fridge. This will yield enough salad for the week.

To prepare: add salad mixture, some beets and artichokes together in a large bowl and drizzle lightly with dressing.

Questions, comments and feedback are welcomed at recipes@fiveonfivemag.com

photo by Jean Schwarzwalder food styling by Leitha Matz

14 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

games and coaching

to boo or not to boo TA N K , C I N C I N N AT I R O L L E R G I R L S

At the Declaration of Derby this past November, many things changed in roller derby. The East was no longer the dominant region. Rocky Mountain proved to be the biggest Cinderella story since Kansas City in 2007. The mothers of the sport, the Texas Rollergirls, were beaten by the young upstart Oly Rollers in the finals. While these were all major milestones, one thing that was constant throughout the weekend was the booing of the Denver Roller Dolls and their style of play, which continued while they were handed their third place trophies. While some hated Denver’s style of play, others rushed to the defense of DRD both live and online, proclaiming that the booing showed a complete lack of sportswomanship, one of the cornerstones of the WFTDA mission statement. The question remains: Is booing a bad thing, or could it be the sound of success?

Over the years, I have read countless interviews with skaters in which the player being questioned stresses the importance of roller derby being a real sport, that it’s not staged and that the winners and losers are not predetermined. The fake fights and the showbiz stunts of yesteryear are gone, and only the sport remains.

Within any sport, sportsmanship or sportswomanship must exist for the integrity of the game and the safety of its athletes. Without it, dangerous situations and ugly incidents can occur; one needs only to Google Elizabeth Lambert or Bill Romanowski for proof.

16 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

While sportswomanship must exist on the track between players, there is a different code of conduct for fans in the stands. Fans watch sports to support their favorite teams, hoping to see them win games, achieve a regional spot and possibly a national championship. They pay their hard-earned money for a seat and thus the right to express themselves.

They pay for the sport as we know it to exist. Without them, roller derby would not be played inside of roller rinks, gymnasiums or arenas but instead would be relegated to parking lots like pickup basketball.

Hearing members of a crowd boo is not a bad thing. It’s a good thing because it means people care. When I was in art school, one of my professors said: “If you show your work in a gallery and people rave about it, that’s great. If people hate it, that is good. But if your viewers have no reaction, your work is a failure.” I have called games where the crowd is not engaged, where no one is booing or cheering, but rather just sitting on their hands in dead silence. If portions of a crowd are booing a team, that means they are

actively engaged, know what’s happening and will pay again to see the team they are booing possibly be defeated.

What happens, though, if the fans in the stands that are booing are also WFTDA players? While some might find this as a negative, I see a positive that will come out of it: A rivalry. When Windy City took on Denver, they were confused and stifled by their start-and-stop play.

However, by the second half, they adjusted to it, even using Denver’s strategy against them. They won the second half 73-56, but it was just too little, too late. For the rest of the

D

weekend, whenever Denver played, Windy City and their fans were there to cheer on their opposition, boo, and lead chants against the Dolls.

The next time Windy City and Denver meet on the track, it’s going to be an intense game that neither will want to lose. Both teams will train for months on end leading up to the bout because not only will rankings be on the line, but more importantly, pride will be. Even if it were on a neutral floor at East Coast Derby Extravaganza in Philadelphia, those in the crowd will side with one team or the other because of what happened at Declaration of Derby. Because of the talent of these two teams this could be the beginning of a rivalry that fans will pay to see every year akin to the Cowboys vs. the Redskins

in the NFL or the Yankees vs. the Red Sox in baseball.

Stor y lines, individual players, and history are what make non-playoff games important. There are thousands of games of roller derby played worldwide every year, yet a handful stick out in my memory because of the story lines and implications that were associated with them. Who didn’t want to see cross-town rivals Denver and Rocky Mountain lock horns at Regionals and later Nationals? The derby community wondered what would happen when Rice Rocket jammed against Bonnie Thunders on the East Coast. And who would emerge victorious when the fast rising Charm City met Rat City, a team that had firmly established itself as one of the best programs in the history of the

WFTDA as the featured Friday night game of ECE? As the sport continues to age and advance, these are the type of games that will set the stage for the contests that come after them.

2009 saw important growth for the WFTDA and the sport of roller derby as a whole on the track. For 2010 and beyond, the fan experience must continue to grow for the good of the sport. As the country’s economy continues to struggle, teams need fans in the stands to help line their coffers to fund uniforms, arena rentals, and travel. Without them, roller derby will cease to exist as we know it.

If fans are booing, that means they are there and that they care. And if they care, they will come back again and again.

DNN BRINGS IT TO YOU live coverage from all the biggest events!

SCORES

HIGHLIGHTS

ANALYSIS

LIVE COVERAGE

POWER RANKINGS

games and coaching

the halftime speech M A L I C E W I T H C H A I N S , W I N DY C I T Y R O L L E R S

TWEET-TWEET-TWEET-TWEEEEEEEEET!

one that you can’t seem to make eye contact with. My home

Slam some water. Eat a banana. And sit down.

It’s halftime and while Montreal is out there murdering the floor, you only have a couple of minutes to set the pulse of the team for the next 30.

There’s no such thing as one “right way” to handle the halftime meeting, and individual personalities always shape the way you address your team. I have my own approach that has

team struggled for years without seeing a victory. With many bouts out of our reach before the second half, I tried different things during the break to wake my skaters up and help them find something to play for. Toward the end of a particularly sedate

reflected my personality and the relationships built with my players, and so will you.

Your dynamic with your co-captain and coaches has to come into play as well. Maybe your co-cap is shy and introverted. Well, someone needs to take the reins and make sure your team is ready for the next 30 minutes, so if that’s the case, you’d better bring your voice.

As soon as the period whistle blows, start thinking about the things you need to address in the locker room. I was usually fortunate enough to have bench coaches that could figure out penalties and get ice for the girls if they needed it. This allowed me to take the 30 seconds between the bench and the locker room to either chat with my co-cap or to address specific players with little tweaks to their game. Give your team a minute to talk out some things from the first half and settle down from that last jam while you take a deep breath and assess your army. Who looked tired? Is anyone hurt? Who got themselves in penalty trouble? And more importantly... do they know they looked tired, injured and foul-y? If they already know it and it is not a team issue, no need to harp on them in front of their peers. Calling someone out for lack of effort is one thing, but some things are better dealt with one-on-one.

“Hey Mal... can you yell at us?”

Gigantor What kind of tone do you need to project when you talk to your team and get (or keep) them in gear? Some need motivating words. Some need to be barked at. And there’s always at least

18 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

halftime, one of my teammates raised her hand and actually requested that I yell, pound on the walls and act like a monkey.

My point is... know what your players need out of you and your team leaders.

Some captain tandems play good cop/bad cop. Some just yell.

Some are softer spoken. If your attitude is insincere or if you try to play outside of your character, you’ll just confuse people.

Think about the relationships you have with your skaters and the weight of your voice to say the right thing in the right way.

If you don’t know what to say, hand the talking stick to someone else. This is derby – there’s no shortage of girls who have something to say. Call on your elders – who else in the room can get your skaters fired up? More specifically – who can you trust to deliver that message directly and concisely?

“You can’t put the shit back in the Donkey” Tony Soprano Unless you are creaming the other team and your jammers got through every time with multiple scoring passes, there are areas of your game that need-a-fixin’. Take some ownership by admitting that you have planted the seeds for how you play today during the weeks leading to this bout. Don’t take it out on your team if the other gals are more prepared or fit. Bringing up attendance issues is fruitless at this point and won’t help you figure out how to take control of the game now. Find a way to use constructive criticism when you discuss areas that need immediate improvement. Bringing up problems without proposing solutions is not going to change the way the other team is dominating you. Remember the sandwich rule. Say something good – something to work on – something helpful. Try to send as positive a message as you are able and do what you do best.

Phil Peterson

“Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do”

“The referees are always the wild card”

John Wooden

Ying O’Fire

You have to figure out pretty quickly what you are doing well and what you aren’t. Mention a couple of strategic highlights and low lights. Depending on the ability of your team to grasp and execute new strategy, it’s a tall order to devise a new strategy and ask everyone to understand and execute it without practicing it first. Try to relate stretches of the game to what you have practiced lately, and use that as a reference for how to improve. Use keys words and specific drills your team has had success with in recent practices, then push to replicate that success. I always loved it when a player had that light bulb go on and figured out that a drill or a certain block we had rehearsed would be perfect to use on our opponents.

What does your team do well? What kind of direction can you give that will help them play even better? If they aren’t self-motivated, resort to bribery.

Different refs may or may not call the rules the way you want.

No big deal. Find out what skaters are being penalized for and change your game to keep your team safe and out of the box.

Urge your girls to skate as clean as you can and make it a goal to finish the game without anyone sent off. If necessary, have your own conversation with the officials – as you should. Your team doesn’t need to dwell on what they cannot change. There’s plenty of time for ref bashing at the after party.

“Success is never permanent, and failure is never final” Mike Ditka End on a positive and motivational note. No matter what the score is, play like its 0-0. I’ve been on both ends of games that were out of reach before the second half. Strive to win the next half. You’d be amazed how some girls forget that every time they are on skates it is an opportunity to train – including bouts. Even at the end of a blow-out, play the game with pride and give the fans something to cheer for.

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 19 fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 19

games and coaching

the last five minutes: how not to lose at roller derby J U S T I C E F E E L G O O D M A R S H A L L , D E R B Y N E W S N E T WO R K

You’ll notice the name of this article is not “How To Win At Roller Derby.” That topic would fill this issue and countless more!

Hopefully, your team’s talent and strategy during the first 55 minutes of a game have put you in a place where victory is possible.

This article is about knowing how to work that period clock to your advantage in the last five minutes of a close game, whether you’re trying to put the finishing touches on a comeback or trying to shut the door on your opponents for good. save those timeouts!

As in any contest, the more options you have in the endgame, the more likely you are to succeed. In WFTDA roller derby, one of your most important endgame options is the ability to stop the clock. You get three timeouts to use through the entire bout; if you can manage to hold off on using them until the final five minutes, you’ve greatly increased your chances of winning.

First of all, how do you manage to hold on to those timeouts for 55 minutes? Well, think about what a timeout is usually for.

Usually, it’s a time to regroup and plan general and specific strategy – maybe one opposing blocker has revealed herself to be a major pain in the ass, and you want your team to focus on her more. Maybe one of your jammers has noticed that the opposing team keeps having trouble with a particular blocking scheme and you want your team to institute that more often.

You can do this without losing timeouts by taking full advantage of every other kind of clock stoppage. Free timeouts happen fairly regularly in roller derby. Are the refs taking some time to figure out a penalty 20 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

box backup? Don’t waste time watching them. Talk to your team. Did some doof spill a beer in the safety lane? The announcers will take care of heckling him.

Talk to your team. Scoreboard malfunction?

Streaker? Total power outage? Exploit the opportunity. Talk to your team.

Ideally, you should only be calling a timeout during the first 55 minutes for one of three reasons: 1) The other team is flat out crushing you and you need to make adjustments immediately or risk falling too far behind to catch up. If the other team has just gone on a 40-5 run over multiple jams, go ahead and burn that timeout, regroup and figure out a specific plan for the next jam. If you don’t, they might make it 80-10 before a natural stoppage occurs.

2) The jam-starting whistle is about to blow and your jammer isn’t on her way to the track yet. You *never* want to allow a two-minute unopposed jam. You’re looking at a potential swing of 25 to 35 points if the other team plays it perfectly.

3) You’re about to play a significantly lopsided jam that has the potential to dramatically change the score, and you absolutely must change up your platoon.

For example, your penalty box is full, your jammer is serving consecutive penalties, and your least effective blockers are lined up on the track. Alternatively, maybe your opponent’s penalty box is backed up, but your slowest jammer is on the line. endgame: if you’re ahead So you’ve successfully gotten into the last five minutes, the score is close, and you have all three timeouts remaining. How do

you deploy them correctly? It depends on whether you have the current advantage.

If you hold the lead, don’t call timeout at all unless it’s for one of those three reasons outlined above. The clock is now on your side – the fewer jams between right now and the end of the game, the more likely you are to win. You don’t necessarily need to score points anymore, you just need time to pass without the other team scoring points.

That means pushing the pack speed as high as you can get it – faster packs equal less time for opposing jammers to lap them – and it also means going to jammer on jammer defense right off the line, if your team has a jammer or two capable of doing this effectively.

Good jammer on jammer defense is triply effective in the endgame. First, you’re cutting into your opponent’s potential scoring time. Secondly, you’re dealing with an opposing jammer who is likely to get desperate – “The clock is running out! It’s do or die!” – and take an offensive risk that results in a major penalty, which might just hand you the win right there. Thirdly, you’re keeping YOUR defensive jammer out of the pack, where she is more likely to draw a deadly major penalty of her own than she is while she’s playing D against a lone opponent. endgame: if you’re behind If you’re seriously in the hole – say 30 or more points down with five minutes to play – your goal in deploying your timeouts is to squeeze as many possible jams out of the remaining time as possible. Since 30 seconds run off the clock between jams

unless you call timeout, each timeout you call is essentially adding 30 more seconds to your game. If you’re more than a single jam’s worth of points behind, you want to call timeout after EVERY jam now.

Do the math: If there are five minutes left, and the final few jams run an average of 70 seconds each, and you don’t call time, you’ve got three jams in which to make up 30 points. Definitely possible, but not great odds. If you call time after each of those jams, you can just barely get five jams out of that remaining time. There’s no reason to hold back on timeouts now – you can’t take ‘em with you!

Obviously, you also want to do the opposite of the points laid out above if you’re behind. Slow that pack down! The faster your jammer gets to the pack, the more quickly she can score. And your jammer’s start off the line is crucial – if she gets beaten off the line, she’s in danger of being engaged by the opposing jammer, which is not to your benefit. the last minute In the final minute of a close game, having a smart, calm, game-aware lead jammer is invaluable. The time management is solely her responsibility now. Remember: periods are 30 minutes long, but the fact that the period ends on the jam clock means you can end up playing for 31 minutes and 59 seconds. That “extra” 1:59 can be a godsend if you’re losing... or a nightmare if you’re winning.

If you’re winning with lead jammer status: Know exactly how much time is left on that period clock and be aware of the

other team’s timeout situation. If your lead is more than five points (that is, it can’t be erased in a single p ass), don’t even bother going into the pack. Just wait out the period clock and call the jam off as soon as it expires. By going into the pack you are risking a major penalty for nothing (you didn’t need those points to win!). If you call off the jam as soon as you get lead jammer, and there’s still even a second left on the period clock, you’re giving the opponents one more chance to call timeout and potentially win.

Note also that a smart bench coach will be keeping track of how many timeouts the opposing team has called. If you know for certain they’ve already burned all three, there’s no need to wait out the period clock before calling it off. You just need to wait until there are less than 30 seconds left on the period clock. They won’t be able to stop the clock and you’ll win as time expires between jams.

If you’re losing with lead jammer status: Same thing in reverse. You must know the time remaining and you must know if you have any timeouts left. If you need one more jam to have a reasonable chance at the victory, make sure you leave time for that last jam! If you have a timeout, that just means calling off the jam before period time expires. If you have no timeouts, though, it’s critically important that you call off the jam with 31 or more seconds left on the clock.

Consider this scenario: You’re down by 20 points with 90 seconds to go on the period clock. You’ve used all your timeouts.

You get lead jammer and the other jammer

is stuck! But your first scoring pass takes a long time. You get out of your first pass with five points and 35 seconds left on the period clock.

Your chances of managing to put up 15 more points in 35 seconds are practically nil. If you let just five more seconds run off that clock, you HAVE to get all 15 points in the current jam... which you probably won’t. However, if you call the jam immediately, you’ll get one more jam in... with a fresh jammer and up to a full two minutes to score.

In the same scenario, if you did have a timeout remaining, you’d probably want to push for one more pass, cut a few more points off the lead, and call it with enough time left on the game clock for that timeout. (See why it’s important to save those timeouts?) practice it Of course, this is all much easier said on paper than it is to perform under the intense pressure of an actual game. If at all possible, run a five minute drill at practice to work on these concepts, with a visible period and jam clock. Vary the starting scenario – put one team up by 30 or the other team up by 10, or make it a tie game. Vary the number of remaining timeouts for each team. Give different jammers the star in the last jam. The goal is simple – when the situation comes up during a real endgame, you want everybody to be ready. Preparation is the difference between jumping in the victory dog pile and taking the consolation shot at the after party! fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 21

games and coaching

coach’s corner by coach pauly

know your roll

part 7: Motivation and Retention

As time goes by, I find more and more that every league I visit seems to be facing the same trials and tribulations; of these motivation and retention seem to be on the forefront. I feel a lot of this falls squarely on the training staff. They are the group that has to find that happy medium that keeps the skaters interested and moving forward to better themselves and your league. So how do we do this, you ask? Well trust me – although I don’t have any secret remedies, what I do have are some strategies to find what works best for your league and your skaters.

First you have to find out what direction your league is going; whether it is going out to take nationals, playing in local bouts, or both. Knowing what the league as a whole wants out of our sport will show you how to focus your training on the league’s needs. That being said, anytime you have a vote there is a majority and minority. The skaters who find themselves in the minority may find it hard to fully commit to the direction the league has chosen. Among these skaters you may find founders, people in leadership roles, or league cornerstones. These are the folks that become disenfranchised and leave the league, which makes it very hard for everyone. Depending on your league’s structure, you may be able to retain these skaters. Some leagues have only house teams, where all the skaters in the league are drafted to teams and bout on a local level, thereby satisfying their appetite for derby. Other leagues are structured as travel team only, having just one team to focus on, while others have evolved that structure to include an A team and a B team. All of these structures have pros and cons.

In my viewpoint, it is important to allow for every skill level as well as competitive desire to make your

league as strong as possible – not only strong in membership, but diverse in skill level. When I was back with my former league, we had a fresh meat team that every new skater was placed on until they passed minimum skills. This gave these new skaters a home and a sense of belonging.

Each skater knew what they had to do to be on a team. If they wanted to play at a higher level they knew they had a separate benchmark that they had to meet. Having clear benchmarks for both levels of play will allow everyone to feel that they have a place at the table. Once direction, benchmark, and structure are set, everyone can see clearly where the league is going and everyone can make their own decision where they fit.

Now that you have a road map, you can pick your destination and set your training schedule to get you there. Set realistic short-term and long-term goals for your skaters, show them what is needed to reach them, and most of all let them know their progress. Report cards, checklists, and rating systems can help with motivation as well as give your training staff a clear picture of each skater’s standing within the league.

Keeping everyone moving toward the goal, find out how your skaters are best motivated, and learn what training methods work best for your girls. Remember that yesterday is history. Live in the now to make a better tomorrow.

‘Til next time, see you on the track…

If you have any questions, comments or feedback please email me at derbywhisperer@gmail.com.

2010 tournaments/events March 27

Extreme Thing

Las Vegas, NV

June 25-27

East Coast Derby Extravaganza

Philadelphia, PA

March 27-28

Dustbowl Invitational

Bakersfield, CA

June 26-27

Battle of the Bank III

San Diego, CA

April 10-11

Franky Panky

Tampa, FL

July 17

Rocket City Rumble II

Huntsville, AL

April 17-18

Dust Devil

Tucson, AZ

July 28-Aug 1

RollerCon

Las Vegas, NV

May 1-2

Battle for the Coast

Ventura, CA

Sept 3-5

SpudTown Knockdown

Boise, ID

May 8-10

Spring Roll

Fort Wayne, IN

TBD

WFTDA North Central Regionals

Milwaukee, WI

May 22-23

Midwest Brewhaha

Milwaukee, WI

TBD

WFTDA Western Regionals

Sacramento, CA

June 5-6

The Big One

Paso Robles, CA

Sept 24-26

WFTDA Eastern Regionals

Tarrytown, NY

June 12

Honky Tonk Stomp

Memphis, TN

Oct 8-10

WFTDA South Central Regionals

Omaha, NE

June 12-13

The Great Southern Slam

Adelaide, Australia

Nov 12-14

WFTDA Nationals

Chicago, IL

June 19

Backwoods Beatdown

Fayetteville, AR

December 4-5

Sunshine Skate

Tampa, FL

22 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

DRILL drill: pinball

purpose: practice giving and absorbing hits

Divide everyone into two groups. One group skates on the inside line of the track and one group skates near the outside line of the track. Both groups should spread out skating evenly around the track. Choose five to seven jammers. Jammers will spread out evenly around the track and skate in the middle of the track (between both lines). Skaters from each line will hit the jammers.

Jammers should try to absorb the hits rather than avoid them. Give each person an opportunity to jam.

DRILL drill: assist and block

purpose: being able to whip your jammer while preventing the opposing jammer from slipping past you

Joe Schwartz / JoeRollerfan.com

Divide into groups of three. One person will be a blocker and two people will be jammers. The blocker whips the first jammer (her jammer), and then quickly hits the second jammer who is following closely behind the first jammer.

gear

comparing skate pad cleaning products S H E W H O C A N N OT B E N A M E D , R O C K Y M O U N TA I N R O L L E R G I R L S

Up until a couple of months ago, I hadn’t given much thought about how I clean my pads. I just threw them in the washing machine with some regular laundry detergent once in awhile and called it a day. So when I was gently persuaded by Pepa to write an article about pad/sports gear cleaning products, I figured I had to come up with some sort of plan; an outline or experimental process, if you will.

My boyfriend was pretty incredulous about the whole thing. “Who cares what you use or how you wash skate pads?” he said. Being an avid skateboarder, he’s no stranger to skate pad stink. “I just buy new ones when the smell gets so bad that I can’t stand it – by that time they’re pretty trashed anyway.”

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make my pads last awhile. And unless you’re doing all-fours falls three times a day on rough asphalt, chances are your pads will last longer than the average vert skateboarder as far as wear and tear.

Thus, it’s probably the stink that will make you want to toss them in the trash – so it wouldn’t hurt to figure out the best thing to use to keep ‘em clean.

There are a few girls in my league whose pads look pretty brand-spankin’ new, but whose smell would knock a bitch down faster than Beyonslay. No joke. I considered asking to borrow their piles of PU, but then I thought it wouldn’t make for good league relations. “Hey, your pads smell like a bum’s shopping cart, can I borrow them to test some cleaning products?” Eh, that probably would not have gone over too well.

24 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

So, as far as my little comparison study goes, I just used my own pads. From what I can remember, the last time I washed them was when I got back from RollerCon (yeah, that’s right – August of 2009!).

Since then, they’ve been subjected to two tournaments (four games apiece), many 90-degree scrimmages, and a couple of trips to the skate park. YUCK! Needless to say, the bag that I carry everything in was also registering pretty high on the funk-o-meter. I used my bag to compare two of the spray bottle products against each other.

So, for my little test, I used six different products. Ladies and gents, start your engines.

WIN Detergent WinDetergent.com Available online and at Dick’s Sporting Goods Price: A 4-pack of 84-fl. oz. bottles will run you $25.99 plus shipping – enough for about 56 loads.

Testimonial: Alfred Williams, formerly of the Denver Broncos, uses WIN (I’m a casual fan of NFL football, but I’m not really sure who is he is or why he’s a soap expert).

SportSuds SportSuds.com Available online and at Target Price: A 400-g jar covers about 34 loads for $19.95.

Testimonial: A woman on their web site

claims she used SportSuds to clean the mold from some towels she left in the washer when she WENT ON VACATION... IIICKKKK. She says it got them clean, though!

Vinegar and Water VersatileVinegar.org Available at any grocery store, Walmart, etc.

Price: A huge jug will cost you a dollar and some change.

Testimonial: Various skateboard forums – too many to mention.

Regular Laundry Detergent (I use Sun) ReviewStream.com Price: A huge box is about $7.99 at the grocery store Testimonial: Sun is apparently good for sensitive skin: “I can actually wear my blue jeans now without having to come home at the end of the day to swollen, red legs,” one user claims.

OK, then.

Febreze febreze.com Available at any grocery store, Walmart, Target, etc.

Price: A 27 fluid oz. bottle is about $5.00.

Testimonials: None that I could find on their web site, but everyone in the pictures looked happy.

Get Funk Out GetFunkOut.com Available online Price: $6 plus $8 for shipping.

Testimonial: One derby player claims that her league did away with the Stinkiest Pads Award at their annual awards ceremony after they starting using it. let’s wash!

I divided my gear into a couple of piles and made sure that I kept the container of the current product in use on the washing machine so I could remember which pile was washed with what product.

For the vinegar and water mix, I soaked that pile in a bucket. I can understand why skaters don’t take the time to compare products – this took me the greater part of my day to do!

The results, and since I’m the writer here, my opinions: The SportSuds and the WIN definitely de-funkified my stuff very well. Neither product left any perfume-y type smell on my gear. So with these two, it boils down to if you prefer powder or liquid, and then price. The WIN is more expensive, but you get more bang for your buck volume-wise.

You’ll also need to make a special trip to

the sporting goods store if you’re not the online-shopper type. With the SportSuds, you can get it during your weekly trip to Target, which may justify having less per container and it being cheaper. If I had to choose between the two, I’d pick the SportSuds, because I just liked the smell of it better when I stuck my nose in the jar to sniff it. Yep... SCIENCE! I was less impressed with the regular laundry detergent. There was a bit of lingering funk on my pads after the washing – especially my wrist guards (the superbacteria that causes that special stink on wrist guards needs to be harnessed and studied by microbiologists around the world to unlock its mysteries!).

Obviously the laundry detergent option is the easiest and cheapest choice. Since you’re going to be doing laundry anyway (or eventually, right?) no loss in throwing in some skate pads after you get your unders clean.

The vinegar option was my least favorite. I read that you can’t even smell the vinegar after the stuff dries, but I must have the nose of a bloodhound because I could sure smell it. In fact, I thought someone dumped a bottle of Seven Seas Italian in my laundry room even after it was all said and done. So unless you don’t mind smelling like the Olive Garden, I say

PASS... I’d rather have the pad stink!

The other downside is that you’re supposed to air-dry everything with this method, and who has time for that?

Yeah, me neither.

For the final two products, the Get Funk Out (Damn Girl, You Stink!) and Febreze, I used my nuclear-tinged gear bag for the comparison. I sprayed one half of the bag with the GFO and the other half with the Febreze. Result? They both calmed the pad stink down, but the Febreze was a bit too perfume-y for my liking. The GFO smell was more bearable, but the spray bottle only had stream action on the nozzle, so too much came out of the bottle when I pumped it. Minor complaints, I know. Either product would suffice on de-stinking your bag, in my opinion, and I’m sure there are a lot more out there that can do the job, too.

A final word about pad stink: An ounce of prevention works wonders.

Wear arm socks and knee gaskets under your pads. Don’t leave your gear in the trunk of your car. Keep your bag unzipped so the smell and bacteria don’t fester.

Yeah, yeah – surely you’ve heard this all before, but it is pretty sage advice.

That way, when it comes down to choosing a cleaning product, you’ll already be halfway to de-funkization.

Wayne Davis, waynemdavis.vpweb.com

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 25

gear

DIY plate mounting DA H M E R N AT R I X , S A N D I E G O D E R B Y D O L L S

Why mount plates myself?

What size should I get?

Short answer: If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Long answer: There are two good reasons to know how to mount plates yourself. First and foremost, skate manufacturers don’t know you, don’t know your abilities, and don’t know how you like to skate. They routinely mount long plates on their boots because long plates make for a more stable skate, so that way they know they are not selling an unsafe or unpleasant product.

Long plates will make for a more stable skate which can lead to greater speed, but for some will feel cumbersome and unresponsive. Short plates will feel lighter as well as more responsive and agile, but to some may feel unstable, which could lead to slower, less controlled skating. Also, short plates make it harder to do slide moves such as power slides and hockey stops, and some derby players report more blisters from shortened plates.

Plate length, like truck tension, wheel durometer, and any number of factors, will affect your skating experience but are subjective. That means no one should tell you which way is right for you; you should try it out and see what you like best.

The second good reason to know how to mount plates yourself is that if you end up playing derby for several seasons you’ll wear through several pairs of boots. Just like you don’t need to buy a new car every time you need an oil change, or a skate package every time

26 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

you wear out a set of wheels or bearings, you don’t need to buy a new setup every time your boot wears out.

This is especially relevant if the boot wore out on a high-end package with pricey aluminum plates. Don’t chuck the whole thing; just replace the part that’s broken! plate sizing in simple terms Every plate manufacturer has their own sizing system, so what’s a size 5 in one company may be a 7 in the other and it might fit on your 10 boot. I made those numbers up but my point is that they don’t correspond. The size that you need to know when choosing a plate is the wheelbase, which is the distance from the center of the front axle to the center of the rear axle. Not all companies list their sizes in terms of wheelbase, but if you talk to them they should be able to tell you what the wheelbase is for each size of plate. Sin City Skates also has some plate to boot sizing charts that can help you with common plates. a note about bolts, rivets, and the like Deciding if you want to mount new plates to an old boot:

When your plate is bolted to your skate with a standard screw-head bolt and nut (see figure 1) changing plates can be reasonably easy. Especially when the bolt head that is on the inside of the skate has a place Fig 1: Skate with bolt-mounted plates, for you to as seen from the bottom of the boot.

hold it with a screwdriver: that’s the easiest.

If it is riveted on, like this one:

Fig 2: Detail of a skate with riveted plates, as seen from the inside of the skate with the insole removed.

When the rivets or bolts are smooth on one or both sides, like the smooth rivet shown on the bottom of this skate:

Fig 3: Detail of the same skate with riveted plates, as seen from the bottom outside of the skate.

Then separating the boot from the plate will be a huge pain in the ass and almost never worth it.

This is only worth your time if you are super stubborn and dead set on making some awesome vintage setup skateable by replacing the plates, and even then I want to warn you, you will probably have to destroy all of the screws and nuts, and it will most likely take at least three hours. The only way I have successfully removed this kind of plate from the boot is by using the round cutting attachment and destroying the rivet bit by bit until I could pull it out with pliers. Definitely wear goggles for this, because sparks will fly. This is not fun, it takes forever, and I’ll be happy if I never do it again.

Even when a boot and plate are bolted together, it’s pretty common for them to get stuck in such a way that when you try to unscrew the nut the

screw will also spin, accomplishing nothing.

The only way I know to get through this is to hold the nut in place with an appropriately sized wrench, find a screwdriver that snugly fits inside the screw head, and unscrew from inside the boot with one hand while you hold the nut in place with a wrench in the other hand. This is also a pain in the ass. tools and equipment List: standard skate tool You will probably have to remove the wheels and/or trucks at some point.

You should be able to do this with any standard skate tool, such as a 4-way Elephant Tool, Powerdyne Y Tool, or Reflex Utilitool. Also, if you have a Y tool or Utilitool you may not need a small wrench, as most mounting nuts can be removed with them. small wrench (may be unnecessary. See standard skate tool description above.)

This must correspond to the nuts you are removing as well as applying. Most mounting nuts can be removed with a 3/8” wrench, but in my tool kit I also have an 11/32, 10mm, and numbers 7, 8, & 9. screwdriver The head must fit snugly inside the head of the screw inside the boot.

A screwdriver that is too small or too big is worthless. Most standard sized screwdrivers will do, but you may need either a flat head or a Phillips head, depending on your screws. bolt breakoff tool/dremel drill The bolts will protrude too far under the sole when you first secure them, so you will need to trim them down either with a bolt breakoff tool or a saw that can cut metal, such as a Dremel with a cut-off wheel.

mounting kit This is not a tool but you need to make sure you have at least four long bolts and four short bolts with the corresponding nuts before you take everything apart. paint pen or whiteout pen/sponge You will need this to mark on the boot where to drill the new holes. It needs to be something with a long tip because the easiest way to do it is by positioning the plate on the boot where you want to put it, and then marking the sole through the holes in the plate. drill The bit should be as big as the mounting bolts, but not much bigger. Small drills such as Dremels don’t generally have bits large enough, so these can be used to start a hole but you’ll need a normal drill to finish the job. goggles Because it’s nice to have eyes that are free of hot flying metal parts. One time I forgot goggles and wore sunglasses instead. cut off wheel attachment for small drill (optional) This is only necessary if you do not have a bolt breakoff tool, or if you are removing a plate with rivets, a smooth head bolt, or stripped bolts that won’t unscrew and must be destroyed. bondo (optional) To fill in unused holes in the soles of the boot. To be honest I almost never do this but probably should. easy job: replacing a plate of the same size, from the same manufacturer Generally manufacturers will put holes in the same places for all of their plates of the same size, so if you are trading nylon for aluminum or vice versa from

the same company, or replacing a broken plate and are just installing a new one of the same thing, you should not have to drill any holes in your boot.

You will need new mounting screws and nuts. Sometimes you can reuse the old hardware, but the kits come with long screws that mounters break off (leaving weird edges), and often they’ll be bent or rusty or otherwise unusable. The whole mounting kit only costs a couple of dollars and it’s better to have it and not use it until next time than need it and not have it at all.

Note: I’ve learned from trial and error that it’s better to use proper roller skate mounting hardware than anything you find at the hardware store. If you’re in a rush, forgot to get the mounting kit, already took your stuff apart, don’t know what to do, and are absolutely desperate, hardware store screws and nuts will do, provided you buy a lock washer and a locking nut with nylon on the inside, but for the most part the vibration that skaters generate is too much for regular screws and nuts to handle. So if you don’t want to be constantly tightening loose nuts or replacing lost ones, just buy the proper mounting kit. It’ll save you a lot of hassle. Trust me. I’ve littered many a derby track with scattered nuts just because I wanted to save, like, $2, and I learned my lesson.

Just buy the kit.

1. Take the trucks off by loosening the action nuts, throw it all in a shoebox so nothing gets lost; be mindful of the bushings between the trucks and plates if you’re putting your old trucks on the new plates 2. Unscrew the nuts on the old plates and remove them 3. Take the plate off (you might have to put your screwdriver in between the boot sole and plate and wiggle a little bit to get it free) 4. Put the new plate on your boot, tighten the new nuts back up When tightening nuts on the screws, tighten them enough that they are secure and there is no play, but not so much that they get stripped or work

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 27

gear their way through the boot and out the bottom. If it’s your first time you’re going to want to tighten it as much as you possibly can to make sure it won’t come loose, but use some restraint and common sense. A great precaution is to include a washer inside the boot with the screw to disperse the pressure.

After you are finished securing the nut, some of the screw will most likely be protruding too far from the boot, so that it would cut into the wheel. Use a bolt breakoff tool (sincityskates.com/2nd/stuff/tools.html ) or Dremel to cut it down. If you have a breakoff tool all you need to do is insert the protruding part into the open hole of the tool (it looks like a metal straw) and wiggle the tool around until the extra bit snaps off. medium hard job: changing from one plate to another If you are swapping plates of a different size and/or manufacturer, it will be a little more difficult than one of the same type and size. Detailed instructions to follow.

1. Remove the original plate as described in steps 1-3 above 2. Decide where to place the new plate; do the holes line up?

3. If not, determine the centerline 4. Mark the new hole placement 5. Fill the old holes 6. Drill new holes 7. Attach the new plates You will probably have to drill new holes into your boot, which can be intimidating.

Advice: Sometimes you can reuse one or both sets of holes that are already in your boot, but not always. It’s definitely easier if you can do this, but don’t compromise on plate placement and end up putting your new plate somewhere weird just because you’re afraid of ruining your boot, because odds are you won’t ruin your boot, and also weirdly placed plates are unpleasant to skate on, so it won’t be worth the trouble it saves you.

28 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

determining the centerline: After you remove your old plate there should be an indentation of where it was. You may use this as a guide to find the centerline for your new plates, but don’t go at it blindly because sometimes those are wrong. The center line refers to an imaginary line from the heel to the toe, more or less up and down in the center of the boot, distinguishing the outside half from the inside half.

To find the center line, first mark the middle of the heel, in back. Then find the widest part of the boot, around the ball of the foot, and mark the midpoint there. Another way to mark the front center point is to put the boot on and find the point in between your second and third toe, then mark that spot. Draw a line across those points, from the heel to the toe. Use this as a guide for the centering of your plate.

When you do mount your plate, the front of the plate should not point to the exact middle or apex of the front, but more between the second and third toes.

Fig. 4: Right boot with plate pointed slightly outward, approximately between the second and third toes.

With centered mount placement, after all is said and done, when you look straight down at your skates you should have about just as much front wheel sticking out on each side. You shouldn’t see a bunch of wheel sticking out on the left but only a little

on the right or vice versa. It should look about equal.

An evenly centered mounting job has approximately the same amount of wheel sticking out of each side.

mark the new holes After you know where you want your plates, if you are going to drill new holes you need to mark where they will be. Anything that is visible on the boot, and long enough to mark through the plate mounting hole, will do. Sharpees don’t work very well. I usually use either a paint pen (which can be messy) or a white-out pen or sponge. Dab it through the hole hard enough that it will mark the boot, but not so hard that it will leave a huge imprecise blob. You might get some excess ink on the plate, just wipe it immediately and it should come off. fill the old holes Before you mount your new plates you will want to fill the old, unused holes with Bondo, which you can buy at an automotive store or section of a department store. Bondo is a two-part putty that dries hard and is used to fix the body of a car after it has been dented. This can be done either before or after you drill the new holes in your boot. All you need to do is dab some Bondo in the hole and smooth it on both sides. This will strengthen your sole and will prevent you from getting perforation blisters from the unused holes. drill the new holes I usually use a handheld Dremel drill first and then enlarge the holes with a real drill, but that’s just my preference. I think the Dremel is easy to control and

it makes me feel better to make a small hole first. If you have a nice tool setup with a table and a jig or whatever, I highly recommend you use that.

I haven’t drilled through my hand yet but I probably will someday if I keep drilling while holding on the boot manually, so I highly recommend you exercise caution when using any kind of power tools or sharp objects. When I’m drilling into a boot I will usually turn it upside down, with the bottom of the sole facing up. For the rear holes I’ll hold the heel counter firmly in my left hand and drill with my right. The front holes are a little trickier because that part of the boot is less protected. Do whatever feels safe to you, but generally I’ll pull the tongue out and out of the way, and hold on in such a way that my hand is far away from where the drill bit will be.

Never never never ever put your hand anywhere inside the boot when you are drilling through it! Also, goggles are a great idea anytime. attach the new plates After all of your holes are drilled you can insert the screws through the boot, attach the plate, and screw on the nuts.

See the nut attachment section above for guidance. hardest job: designing a skate setup from scratch plate placement and size Plate placement and size is tricky and highly subjective, so I’m going to try to be as informative as possible while still avoiding being excessively dogmatic or vague. Here I go.

Plate placement is an art, not a science. Here is an example of a moderately forward rear mounting, with the plate moved about ¾” forward in the back.

rear wheel placement: Placing your back wheels all the way back, where the back of the plate is flush with the back of the boot, is how most stock setups come. When plates are that far back it makes it difficult to fall backwards, so that is considered

slow you down if you can’t trust or control it. It’s up to you to decide what feels best for your skating style.

Figuring out the right plate size for you is a matter of figuring out where you want your axles to be under your foot and measuring that distance. In order to find the right plate size for your foot you a very stable mount. Moving the rear must first measure the distance from the wheels forward will increase center of the heel to the ball of the foot maneuverability (provided you can in millimeters. You can either do this by control it) because it makes for a more standing on paper and tracing your foot, direct place for you to pivot your balance or just putting a ruler up to your foot. on. It is not uncommon to place rear Next, take the same measurement on axles as far as under the ankle bone, the other foot, and if they which not only increases differ use the longer maneuverability at that point measurement. At this point but forces you to take a low, most people will recommend forward skating stance. This that you add 10-20mm to is an extreme placement, your measurement, and go however, and I wouldn’t with the wheelbase nearest recommend anyone go to that. If you want a super straight from a stock setup to quick response and really such a forward placement, Super short plates are a matter know what you’re doing, you especially not new skaters. of preference and not necessarily advised. can just use the ball-to-heel Most skate manufacturers measurement, but keep in mind that that advise that you never mount your rear is extremely short, and may be difficult plates more than ¼” from the rear of the to control. boot. A lot of do it yourselfers advise to Once you decide on the best size never do it more than 1 ¼”. Mine are plate and placement for you, all you about ¾” from the back. It’s up to you have to do is follow the above to find out where you find the optimum instructions on centering and mounting balance of maneuverability and stability. your plates, and you’re ready to go! front wheel placement: Obviously, it can take some trial and If the front axle is forward, under the error to find the ideal plate size and base of the big toe (where it stops being placement for each individual skater. foot and starts being a toe) it will feel It is also a process that can help more stable. You can mount the front a skater understand the mechanics axle as far back as directly under the and physics of her skate significantly, ball of your foot, where you launch off which will only make her skating better. of when you run. A lot of speed and For more questions about specific aggressive skaters place their front plates, skate mechanics, or other roller axles forward, a lot of derby skaters skate minutiae, feel free to call or place it under the ball of the foot. email Sin City Skates and we’ll talk Directly under the ball of the foot can you through it. lead to precise maneuverability but can

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 29

wftda

news from the WFTDA M I S S J A N E R E D R U M , F T. WAY N E D E R B Y G I R L S

We are embracing some big changes within the organization. Here’s what we’ve been up to.

It is with a heavy heart that we say good-bye to one of our longest-serving board members. After four years, Hydra of the Texas Rollergirls has decided it’s time to step down from the WFTDA board of directors and pass the reins to a new crop of enthusiastic skaters. She served as the first President of the organization from 2006 to 2007 and was an original contributor to the United Leagues Coalition (ULC), the predecessor of the WFTDA. We often refer to her as “the mother of roller derby.” Her historical knowledge about the resurgence of our sport is surpassed by few. To say she will be missed is a serious understatement.

So what is Hydra going to do with all of her spare time?

Like many roller derby skaters, she will not fully retire. Hydra will act as the program coordinator for Austin Derby Brats and the Texas Rollergirls Rec-n-Roller Derby, a recreational league, which is just the right pace for her “old, beat-up body.”

Upon Hydra’s retirement, the remaining board members will have some big shoes to fill to take the organization to the next level. Who are these brave women?

Crackerjack (Texas Rollergirls) – President Crackerjack is an original member of the WFTDA board of directors and has served as President since 2007. She founded the Mad Rollin’ Dolls in Madison, Wisconsin, in 2004, and was the league’s General Manager, coach, and captain of its all-star travel team, Dairyland Dolls until 2008.

She now skates with the Texas Rollergirls as a Texecutioner and a Hotrod Honey and serves as the league’s Deputy of Fun. Her favorite part about being President of the WFTDA is telling refs what to do for a change.

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The Ruffian (Dominion Derby Girls) – Vice President Since early 2008, The Ruffian has served as Vice President and Games Oversight for the WFTDA. She has also served as chair of the Records Committee and has been a contributing member of the Bylaws Committee. Her responsibilities include being the right-hand woman of the President, shaking sticks, answering emails and putting out fires. The Ruffian is also a founding member and active skater for the Dominion Derby Girls.

She has been involved with just about every facet of her home league’s development and operations, including member of the board of directors and chair of Interleague Relations. She was also instrumental in the acceptance of the Dominion Derby Girls into the WFTDA. Miss Jane RedRum (Fort Wayne Derby Girls) – Secretary Miss Jane RedRum helped the Fort Wayne Derby Girls get off the ground in October 2005 and has been an active member ever since. Now in its fifth season, the league has two traveling teams, the SWAT Team and the WFTDA Sanctioned Bomb Squad. Miss Jane wears many hats for her home league, including director of Regulations, graphics committee chair, public relations committee member, interleague coordinator, Bust A Move fundraising chair, and website committee chair.

She is also an active skater on its all-star team. She serves as the secretary for the board of directors for WFTDA and is a regular contributor to fiveonfive magazine, the official magazine of the WFTDA. In “real” life, she is the executive editor for a publishing company and a part-time English Professor.

Gil Leora Bill Ross

Loco Chanel (Windy City Rollers) – Treasurer Loco Chanel is the Treasurer and Administrative Oversight of the WFTDA. As Treasurer, she creates and manages the budget of the association. As Administrative Oversight, she oversees the committees relating to membership and organizational governance. Loco has also been involved in the WFTDA Marketing and Tournaments committees. She skates with the Windy City Rollers, Chicago’s original women’s flat track derby league, and is actively involved in Windy City’s operations. In her off-skates life, Loco loves to travel. She has a BA in Economics and an MBA in Finance.

Siouxsicide Bomb (Denver Roller Dolls) – Interim Vice President Siouxsicide Bomb is the newest member of the WFTDA board of directors, having been elected into Hydra’s vacant seat. She will serve as interim Vice President. Before taking on this role, Siouxsi was the HR Manager for WFTDA and helped launch the Apprentice Program. She has been a member of the Denver Roller Dolls since April 2007 and has served her home league in many capacities, from bout production chair to vice president. She feels that the WFTDA is a huge force to be reckoned with and if every participant in our organization feels empowered through a clear understanding of our mission and policies AND a voice of their own that can be heard, there is no stopping the WFTDA. The Apprentice Program After closing our doors to new members last summer, the WFTDA launched the Apprentice Program in August 2009.

Since then, 34 leagues have been accepted into the pilot program, which is designed to help acclimate leagues to the requirements

of WFTDA membership before they become full members.

The program replaces WFTDA’s traditional membership application process and is a requirement for all prospective member leagues. Leagues are accepted into the program quarterly. The application deadlines are March 1, June 1, September 1 and December 1. Although the program lasts one year for most leagues, a fast-track option is available for more established leagues and will be offered on a case-by-case basis at the discretion of WFTDA. We hope to graduate a handful of leagues to full membership some time in the next couple of months.

The Apprentice Program matches leagues with an established WFTDA mentor to guide them through the processes and requirements necessary to become a full member. Currently we have 26 experienced mentors offering advice and encouragement about league-specific issues, ranging from league formation for new leagues to how to become ranked and qualify for tournaments for veteran leagues. Upon completion of the program, apprentice leagues will have the knowledge and recommendations needed to apply for full WFTDA membership.

The program also encompasses refs. The ref portion of the Apprentice Program has a separate curriculum for refs to complete as part of their training to become WFTDA referees.

For a full list of our current Apprentice leagues, visit wftda.com/leagues/apprentice.

The Annual Meeting Each year, representatives from our member leagues converge in one location for the annual face-to-face WFTDA meeting.

This year the Ohio Roller Girls in Columbus, Ohio, will host the meeting over the Memorial Day weekend. Three full days of meetings are planned, covering topics like marketing strategy, rules interpretations and development, membership benefits, ref training and more. The Ohio Roller Girls have some activities planned for us in the evenings, as well. We will have more to report about all of the super serious roller derby business accomplished later this summer.

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jrda

insurance As we all know roller derby is the fastest growing sport in America and junior roller derby is no exception. There are currently more than 30 active junior leagues. Many are directly affiliated with adult leagues but some are not. All seem to get some sort of support from adult derby in the way of coaches, refs, NSOs, and other league basics. The Junior Roller Derby Association (JRDA) is working hard to unite these leagues and I think we will see a lot more interleague junior roller derby bouts in 2010.

One question that comes up a lot is “Can adults SCRIMMAGE with the juniors?”

The simple answer according to both WFTDA insurance and USARS (USA Rollersports) insurance is “NO!” Insurance for a junior league as a whole is not quite that simple though.

I will try to make it a little easier for you.

USARS is the way to go right now for insuring your junior league. To be honest I do not know of any alternative. There are many reasons you will want to insure your new junior league. The main one is that no one wants to see a family go broke if a child is injured. Really no one wants to see a child get injured, but like their adult sisters in derby and the immortal words of Mommacherry, “derby hurts.” It is going to happen at some point. Hopefully you will not need the secondary sports insurance but you should not to take that chance. Nor do we want to see any junior leagues go under because of an injury. Basically the same reasons I feel all adult derby skaters should have primary and secondary insurance apply to junior leagues as well.

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To get USARS insurance one needs to access the USARS website and fill out the appropriate forms. There are different types of policies depending on what you are doing.

Here is the breakdown with 2010 costs: 1. Charter your club $80.00.

This says, yes we are a USARS recognized skating/derby club.

2. Individual memberships $40.00.

This is for every skater, coach, ref and possible NSO you have out on the floor. Each skater is required to have an individual membership. Coaches are not required, meaning it will not void your insurance if a child is hurt during a practice run by a non USARS insured coach. But as a coach, if one of those “brats” runs into me, I want to be covered. USARS “recommends” coaches are insured. You do need two club “officers” over the age of 18 to be insured to get your Charter, so make those your two top coaches.

3. Charter your practice venue.

This is your “certificate of liability insurance.” $300 for the entire season.

This says, yes we are allowed to skate here. USARS approves of the space.

4. Sanction your events. $50 a day This is half of what it costs to sanction adult events. Events are different than practice and even if you are doing an intraleague bout, you still need to “sanction” the event. This tells USARS – HEY! We are playing a “real” bout on this day! If your event happens to be a halftime or mini bout at an adult derby, most likely USARS will waive this fee, but you still have to fill out the

Claw Kelsey

B E T T Y F O R D G A L A X Y, S E AT T L E D E R B Y B R AT S

paperwork to sanction the event if the adult league is USARS insured. Check with USARS on this and make sure you tell them it is a halftime.

5. Charter your event location. $200 per day. If you are playing at a location that is NOT your chartered practice space you will need to charter the location for the event. A league can have more than one chartered practice space, or another group might have already charted the space. Check with USARS, they are pretty cool about telling you if you need to charter the space or not.

6. One day pass – $18.

There are many requirements that must be adhered to or your insurance will be void.

For Sanctioned events you must submit the sanction application 30 days before the event including rosters for both teams. USARS is understanding to the fact that derby lineups change all the time, so they will accept a roster as late as seven days before the event, as long as your other paperwork was turned in on time. Last minute changes can be made also by emailing the USARS rep directly with the child’s real name, skate name, USARS number and which roster they will be added to. Day of changes can be emailed after the game as long as it is verified that the skater does indeed have USARS insurance.

They are understanding for late changes, but please do not submit an entire roster late.

Sanctioned events have other requirements that must be followed.

At practice not all the refs need to have USARS insurance but at a bout they do.

There must be one club officer present at all times (you can have more than two per club, two is the minimum).

It can seem a bit complicated and overwhelming at first but after a few times it becomes old hat. It really isn’t so hard, especially when you think about how you are looking out for the well being of your girls. All the forms are easily accessible at usarollersports.org.

Click on the ROLLER DERBY tab and it gives a drop down and choose FORMS and there you should find what you need.

You can choose EVENTS and see what derby events are happening in your area or add yours.

The Roller Derby USARS rep is Danielle Krienert at dkrienert@ usarollersports.org and she is really easy to work with. Just be patient, there is just one derby rep at this time.

As mentioned previously, juniors and adults cannot scrimmage together, but this doesn’t mean they cannot practice together. Here is where it can get a little tricky.

A USARS adult skater who skates with a USARS junior skater is okay as long as they are only doing NON-CONTACT DRILLS. This includes but is not limited to practicing starts, endurance laps, non-contact worms, agility drills such as weaving cones or other obstacle courses.

Once they do contact drills, including such things as whips and assists, the USARS IS VOID. This has come up when adult leagues host clinics that are open to junior skaters. For most drills the skaters can all be on the floor at one time. If they move to hitting or scrimmaging then the adults get paired with adults and juniors are paired with juniors.

A WFTDA skater who skates with ANY SKATER under 18 voids their WFTDA insurance. I want to be very clear about that. A WFTDA skater who wants to participate with juniors can purchase a USARS day pass for $18 or they can even get a yearly membership through their local junior league if they think they will do it more than twice. As a skater on a WFTDA league and a coach of a junior league, I have both. There have been combined clinics where the WFTDA league paid for all the WFTDA skaters to get the day pass because the profits of letting juniors in their clinic outweighed the cost of buying the insurance. It is something to think about. Junior skaters need clinics too.

It is never a bad idea for the adults and juniors to all sign some sort of waiver when they do have a combined practice. Why even have a combined practice? Here are some of the benefits.

For the junior girls, it gives them a great sense of accomplishment to skate with the adults. You know you learn from watching and being driven. When the juniors get to do drills with the adults it really elevates their skill level. Just like when a newer team scrimmages/ practices with a ranked travel team, you might get your #@%* handed to you, but you learn and you have fun. That is what is important. For the adults, you get a sense that your sport has a real future.

The kids who are learning today are the all star teams of tomorrow. If the sport ever really does go to the Olympics, it is the junior skaters of today that we are paving that path for.

Coaches are a little different. There is a thin line a coach can cross from time to time and still be covered by USARS. Coaches need to physically demonstrate a lot of the moves we do in derby. You cannot teach a hit without really hitting

or at the very least letting the junior skater hit you. You cannot teach a whip without whipping and letting them feel the tension and the freedom of the release. You will need to monitor yourselves on this one. A coach hurt during contact drills with juniors is at the discretion of the claims office.

Basically you just need to prove you were coaching a drill, teaching the juniors and being safe when it happened. As safe as one can be with derby that is.

You always have the option that some skaters around the country do and just go without insurance and take your chances. I have met many a derby girl who does not have primary insurance and ends up getting hurt and having a fundraiser to help her pay her bills.

I do not recommend this for adults who coach or skate with juniors. The junior skaters should never skate while uninsured. Period. It opens the door to a lot of hassle when, with proper paperwork and fees, you and your skaters can easily be covered and the parents can relax a little as they put their precious little princesses out there on the rink to pummel and get pummeled.

“Derby Hurts” – get insured If you have an injury at your practice that takes more than simple first aid it is a good idea to have the form filled out by a charter member and fax it in. You may not need the insurance that day but if the injury has complications or is worse than originally thought, it is good to have that claim form on file.

For more questions on insurance for juniors contact the USARS rep directly dkrienert@usarollersports.org, use the USARS web site usarollersports.org or check out their Yahoo! group sports.groups.yahoo.com/group/usarsderby. fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 35

rookie

fake it ‘til you make it B U N N I E L OW- B R OW S K I , C I R C L E C I T Y S O C I A L I T E S

Strategy sounds loud and important, like “GET A GOAT! SLOW PACK! MAN UP!” and to be honest, I don’t even know why I’m yelling these things. Sometimes my big bunny brain is just too full of nonsense, made-up stories and exaggerated claims to really clue in on the why, how, and when of derby strategy. So, in case you’re having trouble too, I’m going to show you how to fake like you know what you’re doing. Follow these few and simple steps and soon your team will be saying things like, “Wow, you sure know what you’re doing!” and, “Someone get this girl a pivot panty!”

First things first: stay real close to your buddies. To do anything really fun you have to be in good company right?

The same is true in derby. It’s always easier to keep a jammer trapped when you use the bunny system. You may not be constantly making a wall, but if you are close to your bunnies, you will be prepared to hop over and make it happen on short notice. If you stick like glue to the ones who brought you to the dance in the first place, you’ll also find that you naturally communicate with them more. And the more you are communicating the more you are learning! So snuggle up close to your teammates, touch them, look at them, and listen to them!

Second, stay tuned-in. This takes uhhm... uhhh, where were we?... oh yeah... paying attention takes practice! When I’m not taking medication for ADHD it takes even more practice.

And you can forget it if there’s something shiny around. But there are methods for the madness and here are a few of my tricks to staying aware. During league scrimmages and practices I try to avoid any un-derby-related topics. It’s best to keep your head in the game at all times. Don’t tune out when you’re not in a jam.

There are always things to be learned from watching. You should be asking yourself, and your teammates, important questions like, “Why?” and “How come?” Visualize yourself in each jam.

What would you be doing? The more you ask these questions, and think through the answers, the stronger your derby strategy neurotransmitters will become in that great big brain of yours.

Third, and always most important: keep your eyes wide open all the time! And for most of your derby life you must be looking behind you. I suggest you only take brief breaks from this backward-looking to glance at the boring old scene in front of you. Behind you is where the good shit is happening. In practice,

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it sometimes becomes monotonous to always look behind you during drills, but you just must get very used to it! During practice, especially anything involving a pace line, I play little mind games like, “Whose socks have the most stripes?” or “Who’s here today?” It helps me really focus on what is happening behind me. If you practice this during every drill it will become second nature. The scene will open up to your awareness.

Fourth, talk to yourself! And Fourth-and-a-halfly; shout at others! Keep a running dialogue of what is happening at all times and shout out the good parts. (“Jammer coming up right behind me, like kind of to the outside – no! Inside! Oh shit, here she’s trying it again – outside! I’ve got the line! You go out! We missed her! Water falling now – I’m going up! She’s getting tired and frustrated. Our jammer is ten feet from the pack, five feet!”) It’s pretty amazing how quickly you will become enlightened to the nuances of your pack. If you’re a shy bear start out by shouting out jammer location. You can’t go wrong! I would also suggest coupling your verbalizing with some serious finger pointing. With one index you’re saying “I got my eyes on you buster!” You may just influence the way an opponent is playing by communicating your intent to slam them into next week if they try anything!

Now you have these useful skills that you will be utilizing like crazy all the time. You think maybe you’re ready to bust out some serious ‘tude like, “What’s up now, son? I’ve got my strategy on!”

But then, like a freak without warning, you hear your trusted bench manager or coach shouting some foreign language “DEFENSE!” only it sounds stranger than that and you’re instantly back to square one. Of course the best advice is DON’T PANIC, but you knew that. After you don’t panic, think of this. Defense means you defend your point from being scored by the opposing team’s jammer. So how do you defend your point? You BLOCK! Defense implies there is an opposing jammer on your tail just chomping at the bit to get by you. But you’re not going to let her do that, are you? No way, you’re getting your defense on!

Now on the other hand, you got your offense. Offense means you offer assistance to your jammer and help her through the pack. Let me give you an example of some offense. Their jammer just broke twenty feet out of the pack and you notice, because you are ALWAYS noticing things, that YOUR jammer is having

Jules Doyle

some major pack troubles and is steadily getting blocked by a wall of opposing blockers. You think, “This is it! This is my chance to offer my assistance!” You begin by communicating the pack troubles to your fellow blockers and then you lead the offense by throwing your hips into part one of their wall. Your comrades block part two of the wall while another friendly face offers her hand as a whip to assist your jammer through the pack. And in less than five seconds your jammer is out of the pack and you get a gold star in offense! This is an example of what I call “manning up.” It means that you are literally going to hit or block or otherwise neutralize an opposing blocker.

Let’s talk about goats, and getting them while we’re at it.

Basically, a goat is a blocke r from the other team that your team is corralling and separating from the rest of her pack.

She is a lone goat in your pack of wolves. You own her and she’s not getting away until you have redefined the pack.

This is a great tactic if your jammer is having trouble at the front of the pack. Your job is to stay with your teammates and stay on that goat until the blockers chasing your jammer at the front of the pack are called for an “out of play” penalty.

Sound complicated? Then just go back to our original plan – stick with your buddies! Stay close to your team and you can’t go wrong.

Timing is everything. Once the opposing team’s jammer leaves your pack you only have a few seconds to react and make something happen before, “Oh shit! Here she comes again!” This is why it’s so important to always keep your eyes peeping out the jammer positions. Ideally you will be in defense mode most of the time with some brief intervals of helping your jammer get through the pack. You will know you’re getting better at this whole “strategery” thing when you can switch from assisting your jammer to blocking the opposing jammer in seconds.

Keeping your head in the game is essential. You should be practicing this like you would practice any other skill. You didn’t always t-stop with precision, right? Not until you practiced it over and over again. The same goes for strategy.

With some patience and practice, awareness and a little shot of the bold you’re already on your way. Before you know it you’ll be sinking battleships. fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 37

rookie

I was a high school derby girl When the movie Whip It! came out, many leagues that are 21+ may have been pressed with the question, “Should we allow girls under 21 to join our league?” Ellen Page’s character lies about her age to her teammates, setting a bad example for future girls still in high school who want to play roller derby. Who could blame them though? After all, it is the greatest sport ever created. Though lying about my age was never an option for me, I just wish the rules could have been bent or that I could have found a junior league to join.

Like every other 16-year-old who thought they were semi-cool in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, I hung out at the downtown burrito shop. When the owner told me that they were starting up a local roller derby league I instantly knew I had to be part of that, even though I had no idea what roller derby was or what I was getting into.

Needless to say, when I learned I had to wait two years until I turned 18, I was disappointed but I knew I could wait it out. On the night of my 18th birthday I put on roller skates and began my journey as Jolene Jawbreaker. I didn’t know I was going to be the 20-year-old captain of a nationally ranked WFTDA team two years later. I didn’t know I would be obsessed with this sport, and spend every second I could thinking about it. I had no idea how it would change my life.

I joined the Dutchland Rollers as soon as I turned 18.

I began as a skater tot and took my name as soon as I passed Dutchland’s midpoint evaluations. “Jolene” after Dolly Parton’s hit song and “Jawbreaker” for me being not witty enough to come up with a play on words and also enjoying candy and sounding badass. I, Jolene Jawbreaker, was the only member of my league who was under 21. I was also a senior in high school.

My parents were beyond supportive of me. I had never been athletic like my mother, and she can finally be the mom who screams on the sidelines. But instead of yelling at me to catch the ball, she can yell at me to “HIT THAT JAMMER, SHE’S COMING UP!” My father, a musician who lives for any form of “underground” culture, had even played at a Harrisburg Area Roller Derby bout a few months prior to my joining. My close friends were supportive; they couldn’t wait to watch my first bout. The local newspaper even got word of me playing and put

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me on the cover of their Teen section.

When word got out around my catholic school no one knew what roller derby was, they just knew I was probably crazy. Some of my teachers knew what roller derby used to be and singled me out in class a few times to share with everyone what it was about. I got used to dumbing roller derby down so that people had a basic idea of how the sport was played. “One girl tries to pass as many girls on the other team as possible while being prevented to do so by checking and blocking.”

All I could think about during the day was going to practice later that night. Our practices are late at night, ending at 11 o’clock, and of course I couldn’t sleep for at least two hours after practice because my adrenaline was at its peak and my thoughts were racing with everything I had learned at practice that evening. Sleep deprivation may have taken over my senior year, but I didn’t care. I learned to balance school, my part time job at a local restaurant and roller derby. Did my social life suffer? Yes. But the people who cared about me knew that roller derby meant the world to me, and I am forever grateful to each and every person who stuck by me.

I have been with the Dutchland Rollers for almost two and a half years. I played for the All Star Team all of 2009 and began the 2010 season as our team captain. Yep, the youngest on the team, the only current All Star under 21 and my teammates had enough faith in me to elect me as a leader. I owe so much to my teammates who respect me and treat me as their equal, even though I can’t join them for an after practice beer or attend the after parties.

Currently I work at a local coffee shop and I attend community college but will be transferring to Millersville

Tony Gibble Photography

J O L E N E J AW B R E A K E R , D U T C H L A N D R O L L E R S

choosing your name Danny “Mr. No Bragh” Bourne

This is it. This is the moment that you’ve worked so hard toward. This is the time when all those sleepless hours of planning, nervous indecision, and soulsearching are finally coming to an end. This is when, finally, the skating world will stand up and take notice.

This is the time when all your hard earned time and effort will finally bring dividends. This is your moment to stand up and be recognized from Gotham to Texas, from Oly to erm… well somewhere in Florida anyway.

This is the time when, at long last, you can call yourself

University in the fall. I plan to study forensic psychology but am keeping my fingers crossed that one day we will be able to devote not only our lives outside of work to roller derby, but be able to do what we love for work. I know that’s one thing we all dream about every day, professional roller derby. Turn on ESPN and see all the hard work we put into the sport that has our hearts displayed on television for everyone to enjoy. Every one of us knows that WFTDA is a million times more interesting than the NFL or the NBA, we just have to wait until everyone else realizes this.

Right now, our league features four skaters who cannot legally consume alcohol. “Our 18- to 20-year-old skaters are often more mature than some in their twenties and thirties!” says league founder, Josie Cuervo. “As long as your league has a clear ‘no tolerance’ policy for underage drinking and/or participation at 21+ events from the beginning; there’s not much risk.” And that we do. If any of the four of us are caught publicly drinking underage we understand that the consequence is expulsion from the league. As much as it sucks to not be able to attend 21+ events, we know that our time will come. That’s the price to pay for having young knees, a few more years to wait until you can celebrate with everyone else.

I encourage all of you out there, if you are on a league that only allows women over the age of 21 to rethink your rules a little bit. Think of all the recruits you could have. Think about those girls who are fast as hell who are getting scooped up to play college soccer. Think about all the seniors in high school who can’t find that one thing that they love and are sick of hearing about field hockey and basketball. Those girls who can’t quite figure out where they belong, and want to have all the fun they can have. These girls can be an asset to your team; these girls can be your sisters. I’ll see you at the bar on September 4, 2010, until then, I can’t wait to see you on the track!

a true rollergirl. This is the time when you finally take a deep breath, mentally prepare yourself and, with fingers a-tremble and sweaty brow, you... register your name with Two Evils.

Let’s not beat around the bush here, skate names are important. They represent not just a witty bon mot or play on words, but also your personality and your skating ethos. It’s a little bit of your soul, forever emblazoned on your boutfit. That is exactly why skaters spend so much time deciding what their skate name should be.

But a skate name isn’t just for you. Oh no. No, no, no. You also have to think of those boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and (if you’re lucky enough to live in Iowa, Massachusetts, Connecticut or Vermont) wives.

Such is the wonder of the derby community that we non-skaters take on our derby ‘family’ names, so one name will cover many people – indeed even entire family trees as skaters introduce their children to the joy of skates.

And so, as a derby husband, I ask you, nay beg you, on bended knee, to think about your significant others when it comes to skate names. You know, the sort of name that someone would be proud to mention at the bar (not that I go), to their friends (not that I have any), while passing idle conversation about the awesomeness of the sport that one’s significant other plays, basking in the admiring and jealous glances from all and sundry.

For example, in London, amongst the London Rollergirls, there could potentially be a Mr. Visious. Or a Mr. Slash. Or a Mr. Rockit, Mr. Sadistic, Mr. Gunn.

Or even Mr. Kitten. All these are good, macho appellations; names that make you go hell yeah, mess with me at your peril. Okay, with the possible exception of Mr. Kitten. And who am I? Well, I’m Mr. No Bragh!

And that’s why I’m training to become a referee.

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feature

2nd annual sk808 I VA N N A S . PA N K I N ’ , S A N D I E G O D E R B Y D O L L S photos by Raul Soria Jr., AwakenTheMosh.com

2010’s SK808 started off with lots of sunblock as skaters filtered to the registration tent. My unofficial poll turned up a few from as far as Seattle and Minnesota, but every year attracts skaters from farther and farther away. SK808 is a “single skater” tournament, which means that you don’t have to bring a team to participate. You register and report your general skill level, and the Pacific Rollergirls (in the person of Mercy, formerly of Dallas Derby Devils), do their best to assign you to a team. This year there were four teams, each with a really good mix of rookies and vets that went head-to-head for point spread to determine winners.

Last year at this time the Pacific and Maui Rollergirls were in similar situations; both leagues were practicing regularly and bolstered by transfers from mainland leagues – but neither was interleague bouting. They faced the usual venue issues that plague many league startups, but those problems were compounded by a lack of roller skating on the islands in general and lots of rain on outdoor locations.

2009 saw a lot of changes and growth, however. Pacific became a WFTDA league in 2009, and joined forces with Maui to start doing some interleague bouting. They hosted a few intraleague bouts in Oahu and a couple of California teams and had a very good season. Meanwhile leagues

The fun part of this year’s SK808 was – for me – a celebration of the proliferation of leagues in Hawaii. For the unlucky that haven’t had a chance to visit, the state of Hawaii

started up in Kauai, and recently rumor has it that the Big Island is getting rolling as well.

The tournament reflected those changes. 2009 SK808 was

is actually made up of a chain of volcanic islands, many of which also boast roller derby teams. Hawaii (aka the Big Island) is the southernmost and largest island. Just northwest of the Big Island is Maui, the Valley Isle, second largest island in the chain and home to the Maui Rollergirls, who’ve been skating since mid-2007. The most populated island is Oahu, home of Hawaii’s senior league and tourney hosts, the Pacific Rollergirls of Honolulu. Then just left of that is Kauai. Kauai is far less populated – but familiar to everyone that’s ever seen Jurassic Park or a handful of other big-budget movies. It is also home to the relatively new Garden Island Renegade Rollerz (who play by standard flat track rules and aspire to WFTDA membership).

GIRR boasts the Islands’ first Junior aka Keiki league, as well.

hosted near Waimanalo Beach in the shadow of the Koolau mountain range. Hand-painted signs had rain-washed arrows pointing skaters to a three-walled warehouse in the back of a red-dirt farm near chicken-wire “cock” kennels that hinted at the more frequent (and likely less than strictly legal) use of the place as a cock-fighting venue. The HPRG skaters painted a smaller narrow track catty-corner in the warehouse, set up some easy ups and fired up a BBQ (as far as I can tell, the BBQ is the focal point of all Hawaiian events, which is just plain awesome), and the first ever SK808 was born. Rounding turn one to a breathtaking view of the mountains led to serious distraction for mainland skaters and many crowd pleasing hits for the audience of super exuberant locals in lawn chairs. If you

40 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

would have told me I could have that much fun skating with sand in my pants, I would have never believed you. It was the coolest.

Until this year, that is. 2010 saw a venue change. The chicken warehouse was super awesome, but wisely, the HPRD skaters decided that a regulation track (and room for more BBQs) might be good. Saturday kicked off with a couple hundred roller derby skaters and fans from a handful of leagues on the top deck of a stack parking lot in a mall in Kaneohe.

The day was bright and blue-skied, with a light offshore breeze tickling up jerseys from the windward side of the island, but there was – as always – a threat of rain, so everyone came together to launch a massive, track-sized tarp up to the light fixtures. Hilarious! It caught wind and nearly dragged off a few skaters before it was bunched up and everyone decided a little rain could be refreshing. Sorry, Mercy, I had to mention it.

Teams were announced, introductions made as teammates met each other and tricked compatriots into captaining. The tournament went off without a hitch, with very few injuries, and comparatively little rain. The teams were well-matched and one bout ended in a draw, in spite of the refs insistence that the teams play another jam. Sadly, my team (black) didn’t take the title this year (last year’s trophy was a can of SPAM, which is still on my mantle). PINK deserved the commemorative winner hankies this year’s triumphant players took home. But we all took home more than just sunburns.

Roller derby is usually fun, but SK808 is fun concentrated at a level hard to find – or even imagine (especially as I sit in a warehouse writing this). Thanks to the Pacific Rollergirls and everyone else who contributed.

See you there next year!

feature

last interview with ann calvello AJ EPSTEIN

“If you’re gonna screw me, at least kiss me a little...”

A statement calculated to shock and provoke. That pretty much typifies any introduction to Ann Calvello.

My recent expertise in roller derby came about because of my current photographic book project, The Blonde Bomber (theblondebomber.com), and the rebirth of the derby.

Smackin’-N-Wackin’ Roller derby was a unique American cultural hybrid – part sporting event, part traveling theater. It galvanized fans across the country in its day.

In the 1940s and 1950s roller derby had attracted a large following, owing much of its popularity to the growth of television and to the stamina of tough guys and sexy dames smackin’-n-wackin’ each other weekly.

Back then America was different. If you were female, you got married, had kids, and became a happy homemaker.

Occasionally metamorphosis in nature occurs, and you get Godzilla... or Ann Calvello.

Take It Like A Man! I was in San Francisco for a design conference and was working on the book in the only town where roller derby was still performed with any regularity.

Ann wanted to be in my book, and made sure everyone talking to me knew it. Calvello was not skating against Joan at the time I was shooting and skating back in the 1970s, so I had no photos of the two battling for supremacy on the banked track.

I was both eager and fearful at the thought of meeting Ann without a plan to put her in my book.

Between the conference and the calls from home about a friend hooked on meth, I chose not to contact Ann. Then I got the phone call at my office back in Chicago.

“If you’re gonna screw me, at least kiss me a little.”

I experienced the wrath of Ann’s scorn! I hadn’t kissed her, and she thought I might be screwing her by leaving her out of the book. Life experiences have taught me when caught being an asshole, bend over and take it like a man!

There was now a reason for me to document the legendary Banana Nose Calvello: the making of the documentary film of her life, Demon of the Derby: The Ann Calvello Story by Fireproof Productions.

42 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

The Dame’s Got Great Aim! I got beneath the surface of the Ann Calvello story.

Fortunately so did Sharon Rutter, Christine Murray and Elizabeth Pike who dedicated several years to following Cavello making Demon of the Derby. It captures the image of who Ann Cavello was in her last hurrah skating for the now defunct Roller Jam on TNN with a deliciously choreographed fight with the studly meat man, Mark “The Enforcer” D’Amato.

Ann gets so pumped during the rehearsal that she really lets D’Amato have it with a swift kick to the balls – skates and all. “The dame’s got great aim!” D’Amato told me.

Out Draggin’ the Queens!

The premier screening of Demon of the Derby at San Francisco’s historic Castro Theater in the center of the queer ghetto was the perfect setting. Demon was screening as part of the Independent Cinema series and quickly sold out.

The crowd began forming hours before the film.

A black stretch limo pulled up in front of the Castro Theater, and the crowd pressed closer.

A red, white, and blue manicured, jewel-ladened hand began waving out of the sunroof. Then a surreal bit of newly coiffed, painted and bleached hair pops through. The Demon of the Derby

had arrived and was waving to the masses.

The spectacle of her existence was in full force. It’s hard to upstage the Castro’s drag queens, circuit boys and leather fisting daddies, but Ann did! The Castro belonged to her!

Even roller derby’s last owner, Jerry Selzer, son of its creator Leo Seltzer, eagerly waited to greet Banana Nose Calvello. While he and Ann have had their confrontations over the years, one of the more tender moments showcased in the film and in the lobby of the Castro Theater was the renewing of their friendship.

Ann’s story is inspiring. The film allows us to view a woman whose spirit wants to compete, but whose body is saying something quite different.

Over the years I’ve had many conversations with the lovable lioness and found the core of a very unique woman and loyal friend.

AJ: When did you first create your larger than life personality?

Ann: August 1, 1929.

Did you reinvent yourself into a largerthan-life creation for self-fulfillment?

I was always me, even when I was in school and everything, I was always very, very good in sports and everything, you know, I was going to a Catholic school, they didn’t have too many things for girls to do.

Somebody described you as ‘punk before punk.’

Yeah, but punk in my generation wasn’t good. “Punk” meant a wise-ass!

Well, weren’t you?

No, I was not! I respected everybody.

I respect my elders to this day.

When you go to Catholic school for twelve years in the depression... Twelve years of nuns and a Navy father, we respected family and stuff in those days.

Different times, you know.

Back in the 60s and 70s you had big hairdos and spray-painted your hair.

You stood out.

Yeah. When I first got in the derby, it was with the Philadelphia Panthers, and the team colors were black and white. I didn’t start doing my colored hair until after ‘56.

I started to stand out in ‘49 when

I wore gloves to skate in, a lot of the girls did. But I wore a black one and a white one. I didn’t want to wear two of the same colors. I went to Catholic school, I got 12 years of uniform, then I’m in the roller derby, I got all the years of uniforms, then when I worked at Safeway, I had my uniforms.

Now I’m a ticket-taker at the 49er games. I got a uniform and tie. Who wants to wear a tie? But rules are rules, that’s the way I was raised, you do what you’re told to do. I’ve always had this colorful personality and people have been jealous of me my whole life.

People couldn’t help but notice you.

Obviously that was deliberate.

No, it wasn’t. When I was in a black and white uniform, my hair was a crappy, shitty brown. I wore red lipstick and my mouth looked like a baboon’s ass. That’s why I don’t wear red lipstick anymore.

Did you develop your personality or did “they” (derby management) say, “OK we’re gonna have you...”

No, no one told me nothing. I was lucky they even knew I was out there.

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 43

feature When you were skating and pumped up with adrenaline, did you look around and think, “this is who I am?”

No, because I didn’t have time to think on the track. I had to watch everybody, pay attention to the game, watch my back. When the game’s over, I take a shower. God gave me a natural gift, you know, natural leadership.

That’s what I’m getting at.

You loved competition.

I bag groceries at Safeway, I gotta be the best no matter what I do. I tear the tickets at the 49ers, I got arthritis in my hands so bad, but once I get those tickets going, they come in like cattle, that pumps me up. The more I’m pumped up, the more I work and I never sleep.

When did you first see roller derby?

I never saw it. I never saw roller derby, I didn’t even know what it was.

So someone spotted you skating at the rink?

Yeah. We used to go to the local skating rink, and in 1948, Buddy Atkinson, a skater who was nick-named Casanova, came up with whoever was spotting there. They were going to Europe with International Roller Speedway.

How did Atkinson approach you, weren’t you 12 years old?

They just came to the skating rink and I could skate.

I was on the boys’ racing club because the girls were too slow for me and I was faster than most of the guys.

I’ve always had fantastic endurance.

So you stood out?

Yes, I was good.

I used to go to the skating rink every night or whenever the gang went. We didn’t have malls so the skating rink was our thing.

The guys wanted to try out for the roller derby and I just went along, 44 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

I wasn’t even gonna bring my skates.

Buddy [Atkinson] knew I could skate.

He said, “Come on Ann, get out there.” And when I got out there everyone stood there with their mouths open.

I paced and I never got tired.

I never get tired. My wind has always been fantastic.

What did your parents say when you told them your were picked to skate in Europe with the International Speedway team?

My dad was a very strict Italian from New York and mom was always home with the kids. I really didn’t think they’d let me go, but they had no reason not to.

Did you ever say, “skating is what I want to do”?

No. I just said, “I’m gonna skate.” We all thought it was gonna last forever, and if it didn’t... I didn’t even think about getting married or anything. You know in those days, you’ve gotta be married by a certain age. I just was a great athlete, God gave me that gift.

And you said, “OK, this is what I’m gonna do!”?

Yeah, but, you know, I didn’t even think of it like that. I said, “I may as well go skate.” I love to travel. I didn’t know how long roller derby was going to be around.

I got married in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, got furniture from the Salvation Army. My daughter (Teri) was born in ‘53. God, she’s 48 already.

I got divorced in ‘56, and there I was.

Didn’t think much about skating again.

But wasn’t your husband a referee with the derby?

Yeah, but we both were through (with the roller derby).

We came to San Francisco and were gonna start off our marriage up there.

He drank. He was a good worker when he worked, but was in and out of jobs. We were only married almost five years, I just said it’s gotta stop!

I had to divorce him, otherwise I wouldn’t be alive! Very abusive!

Got divorced and you went back to skating...

I needed the money, I didn’t want to do it – I wanted to be a good mother and a wife. Lots of struggling, so I got divorced in ‘56, then I went back on the track.

You were a working mom?

Well, no, my daughter was only 2 1/2 then. She stayed with relatives.

The day I got divorced, I was back in LA that night skating and then in Hawaii the next night.

Was there a point you thought, “I’m gonna reinvent myself!”?

No, never. Because I was never insecure.

I didn’t have to reinvent myself.

Everything I did I wanted to excel at it.

To me, my beauty was inward.

Did you get paid well? $80 a month plus room and board.

Was there insurance or anything?

If we got hurt on the track, everything was taken care of. Knock on wood, I didn’t get hurt that much. When I did, I skated with broken bones and stitches in my eyes and that’s just the way it was in those days.

You developed a persona to the public as the bad girl, Joanie was the Golden Girl of the Banked Track...

Well, I left the Bombers because I didn’t like when I found out the Bombers was going to be a home team all the time because it’s just supposed to be a visiting team. Joanie hated to be booed or anything like that. You Jerry Seltzer and Ann didn’t see Joanie fall down too much or get passed on the track.

Did you feel like there was that builtin competition with Joanie, or did the derby management facilitate that?

No, management never did anything with any of my rivals.

I’m just that type of skater, you know, that’s how much energy and personality I got, even to this day, I get riled up!

Do you think of yourself as famous?

I never did until these last few years.

I know how people loved roller derby, and it was a great sport.

Everytime I go out people came up to me and said, “You’re Ann Calvello!”

Because I really haven’t changed that much – a few wrinkles, you know what I mean? When you see me, you know it’s me.

Barbie with Balls Walking out of an abusive marriage and the need to feed your child does not generally lead to spray painting day-glow polka dots in mile-highbleached-beehive-hairdos, or start mixing-n-matching accessories with the artistic flair of an outsider artist on a pharmaceutical mission from God.

Ann’s friendship was unique. She lost an eye to cancer and wanted me to come with her to pick out a new glass eye.

She wanted a cat’s

1950s homemakers didn’t, as a rule, develop acrobatic pre-Matrix, spinningleaps while zoomin’ 35 miles an hour on a banked track, defending themselves from a pack of hard ass dames out to flatten each other.

But Ann did for seven decades.

Calvello may not have plotted her destiny, but she did seize the moment.

Clearly she saw an opportunity in an era that offered women limited options.

Calvello created and became an icon.

Ann is the action Barbie we all wanted, A Barbie with Balls!

eye and wanted me to shoot her eyeball selection. I had a dying parent so I was not able to go with her on that unusual event.

On March 11th she called very early in the morning. She had been up all night with a huge headache and felt ill.

She said her head was pounding and she was scared (a voice I was not used to hearing from her). I suggested she call her doctor, which she did.

She was diagnosed with cancer and died on March 14th.

I miss her calls and hearing her answering machine roaring back, “It’s Ann... the lovable lioness!” I miss my very unique and special friend.

End of the Jam For years our weekly calls became a ritual, usually in the middle of the night when she couldn’t sleep.

At times she would automatically roll into her standard interview that she had been giving for 20 years. I tried to pull out the questions and answers that were new or different, usually all I had to do was mention the Blonde Bomber and she would go off. Their competitiveness was very real, many times she would refer to Joanie as “a complete bitch!”

Knowing Joan, I’m sure the feeling was quite mutual.

AJ and Ann

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 45

international

derby in canada C R A N K Y PA N T S , TO R O N TO R O L L E R D E R B Y

The traditional world view of Canadian sport dictates that we have hockey, hockey, hockey and not much else. Flat track roller derby – for which Canada became an epicenter for a few days last September – has come up from the underground in an overthrow, of sorts, of tradition.

role model for playing this sport and they never thought their kid would attach

emergence and power came to stay last

themselves to something so cool and still

September, when the massive Toronto

so good for them!”

And that is a major sea change in

International Film Festival brought in Whip It for its world premiere. Another

Canadian sports culture. Though such

ToRD founding member, Mia Culprit

top names as Hayley Wickenheiser, Cassie

(#.22-calibre) of Gore-Gore Rollergirls,

Campbell, Vicky Sunohara and Geraldine

went after Fox Searchlight Pictures

Heaney have le d Canada to the peak

early and secured an outdoor showcase

of women’s international ice hockey –

at a glittering downtown event that

repeatedly going head-to-head with the

featured appearances by stars Barrymore

U.S.A. in Olympic and tournament finals –

and Page, and a free exhibition by players

their careers in semi-pro leagues have

from ToRD and neighboring leagues

been hampered by team folds, league

that pulled in 8,000 people.

Yes, the Toronto Maple Leafs can remain

breakdowns and no recognition

hapless until the end of time and sell out

in the media.

rinks, the Edmonton Oilers will watch an

The cro wning glory of derby’s

The worldwide exposure was huge – some Toronto players who had signed on

Not so, it’s turning out, with Canadian

as erstwhile Hurl Scouts and skated city

aging Stanley Cup tradition slip further into

roller derby. Montréal Roller Derby, a leading

streets during the festival in promotions were pictured in People magazine –

the past through cruel misfortune, and NHL

light in the northern sector of the sport,

teams in Montréal, Calgary, Ottawa and

joined WFTDA’s Eastern Region in early

increased signups of Fresh Meat and

Vancouver are safe in their oscillations

2009, followed by the Hammer City Roller

crowd surges at bouts were the result.

between mediocre and maybe, but in all

Girls of Hamilton – a city that itself spent

those cities (and in an increasing number

much of last year in headlines as

“A week after the October 3rd release, we saw our ticket sales double from

more through much of the Great White

Blackberry founder Jim Balsillie

400 plus to over 800,” TORD skater

North), roller derby is the fastest-rising

aggressively tried (and failed) to move the

Monichrome says. “We tripled for the

sport in the pack.

NHL’s Phoenix Coyotes there – in the North

championships, and capped our door

“It’s very cool seeing a flash mob

Central Region a few months later. Winnipeg

at 1,200. We had to turn over 100 people

of tween girls at our games now,” says

Roller Derby is marking a return to the

away at the door. It did wonders!”

Monichrome (#35), blocker and jammer

Manitoba capital after a 30-year absence,

for the Death Track Dolls of Toronto Roller

with its Murder City Maidens taking on

difficult in a country in which large cities

Derby, which is heading into its fourth

the Northern Ontario Squad Babes of

would be considered modest centers by

That added to a growing collectivism,

season. “Usually, it’s a birthday party of

Thunder from Thunder Bay on February

U.S. standards, and where the distance

some kind, and they look at us like they

27th. Winnipeg – whose long-standing NHL

between those cities can be unforgiving.

look up at Ellen Page or Drew [Barrymore] –

team, the Jets, slipped away to, strangely

The annual spring Beast of the East

only we’re real and approachable!

enough, Phoenix in 1996 – is now part of

tournament in Montréal sees its 16

“I’ve had moms thank me for being a

a national explosion that has recently seen

available slots quickly filled by eager

good role model to their kids – because I’m

several leagues and teams start out across

combatants, and it’s a two-day derby

not waifish and sick, but s trong and smart

Ontario, through the prairies and in the

showcase in which such top-drawer

and beautiful. It makes me weepy just to

valley-and-mountain distance between

national squads as MTLRD’s La Racaille

talk about it. I never thought I’d be anyone’s

Calgary and Vancouver.

and Les Filles du Roi pass on some hard

46 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

photos by Derek Lang (bagelhot.com)

schooling to their neighbors.

splintered off into the east side league

afoot to get derby going out there on the

GTA Rollergirls, for which she captains the

east coast, including a league out in

Calgary and west coast Victoria are

traveling Derby Debutantes. After a second

Newfoundland. In the three arctic regions

acknowledged front runners in Canadian

season in which a rash of injuries led to

of the Northwest Territories, Yukon and

roller derby, Toronto has shot up there, too.

contentious debates on substituting players

Nunavut – with capital cities of Yellowknife,

Though Montréal, Hamilton, Edmonton,

Starting out in early 2006 (as Hammer City

from other teams, ToRD dropped originals

Whitehorse and Iqaluit, where the

had) on the inspiration of Queen Street West

Bay Street Bruisers and the D eadly Viper

populations rank between just 6,000 and

club fixture Scootro P. Meat, who had been

Assassination Squad from the schedule

23,000 – some communities are as small

inspired by catching Rollergirls on the

and drafted stray players into a more

as a few dozen people, towns are spread

A&E cable network, a dozen girls cobbled

competitive four-team lineup. And three-

apart and remote, travel is selective and

together as the Toronto Terrors. Meanwhile,

year ToRD veteran Bones Brigade is

absurdly expensive, and derby isn’t a part

the Smoke City Betties were setting up

branching out to the suburbs east of

of the culture yet.

shop in another part of town. Meetings and

Toronto with a new venture, Durham

tryouts later, with Scooter departing and

Region Roller Derby.

skaters deciding to forge ownership of

There is still a lot of the huge country

“Other than the fact that ToRD is bigger and has more skaters,” notes Crimson Shivers (#88) a jammer who

things, Toronto Roller Derby was born with

either waiting for derby or trying to make

joined Toronto’s Smoke City Betties after

more than 90 skaters on the league roster

a go of it in tough conditions. One of

two years with the Calgary Roller Derby

and six teams – boasting, for a time, of

Monichrome’s teammates, jamm er Land

Association, “it seems that derby is derby

being the largest league in North America,

Shark (#33), came to Toronto three years

wherever you go.”

if no t the world.

ago from Nova Scotia with the express

Trial, error and growing pains have

purpose of embarking on a derby career

Crimson, who recently moved to ToRD rivals Chicks Ahoy!, split her time between

readjusted things. Early on, skater Splat

after the Halifax Hellcats failed to get up

the Calgary league’s Cut Throat Car Hops

Benatar (#27) was among those who

and running. Word is, another attempt is

and the travel team, the Hellion Rebellion.

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 47

international As with more densely populated Ontario –

will become an annual marquee event

Seattle, lays claim to newest WFTDA

which has seen new arrivals in Kitchener-

featuring, as this one did, not just openly

champs, the Oly Rollers Cosa Nostra

Waterloo (the Tri-City Roller Girls), London

queer Toronto skaters, but derby players

Donnas of capital Olympia – and Crimson’s

(Forest City Derby Girls) and Ottawa (both

coming into town for the festival.

history with the Rebellion in Calgary.

the Rideau Valley Roller Girls and Ottawa Roller Derby) – she has seen growth dotting

In 2008, a squad of players from across the country ventured to the U.K. for a series

“CN Power was important for us to get out there and show some of us how

of bouts in Scotland and England – Hoochie

important it is to help each other out,”

“While I was there, the travel team

Mama (#1313) of Oil City, Shift Kicker (#27)

Monichrome says. “When we formed our

played Edmonton (Oil City Derby Girls and

of Vancouver’s Terminal City Rollergirls, and

travel team we decided we should have at

E-Ville), Tacoma, Vancouver, and Victoria,”

Trailer Park Tracy (#2-6) of Calgary among

least two players from each team – which

the Trans-Canada Highway out west.

Crimson says. “CRDA also holds an

them. And the annual summer RollerCon

meant the bottom-tier teams had to keep

invitational tourney each year at the Calgary

in Las Vegas has become a haven of

up. Then we started traveling and it

Tattoo Fest. Now, there are leagues in

friendship and learning for Canadian players

humbled all of us! Even our best players

Lethbridge, Medicine Hat, and Red Deer,

throughout the country. But the key for

were getting their asses handed to them, and it upped their game too.

as well as leagues popping up in the British

virtually all Canadian leagues and teams

Columbia interior – giving the girls out west

has been the opportunity to travel with their

“We started sharing drills and strategies,

more options for teams to challenge.”

home best. Toronto’s travel team, CN Power,

opening up about our team secrets and that

brought in the Hammer City Eh! Team and

has leveled the playing field for all the

One of the stars in the past two seasons of ToRD action has been a westerner

Detroit’s Motor City Disassembly Line last

teams. When that happened, suddenly all

herself, jammer Sista Fista, (#54U). She

year, while also venturing off to meet the

the games became more exciting.”

recently returned to her native Vancouver

Paper Valley Roller Girls in Appleton,

Island locale of Victoria to rejoin her first

Wisconsin; La Racaille in Montréal; and the

Nothing typified that more than last November’s ToRD Championship Bout.

team, the Eves of Destruction. But before

Chicago Outfit. CN Power pulled off two

Though the 129-88 victory for the Gore-

leaving she was a standout of the first Clam

wins while going down to three defeats.

Gore Rollergirls – allowing them to

Slam, a queer derby event and officially

Similar stories emerge Canada-wide,

sanctioned event last summer of Toronto’s

with MTLRD’s Montréal Sexpos and New

huge Pride festivities.

Skids on the Block hitting the international

Chicks Ahoy! – jammer Aimee-Zing (#RUB A-535) and blockers Nasher the Smasher (#2 x 4) and Mega Bouche (#26er) among them – the Clam Slam brought in whole new scores of fans who had never seen derby before to the league’s former home.

Before last year’s mid-season move to the

“I find when I talk about derby, it’s not so weird now... people know what I’m talking about.”

a runaway, the competition was fierce and loss during the regular season came to the Gories) showing off speed and skill light

T

years ahead of a shaky start that pushed them to regroup in early 2008. It wasn’t lost on the surging crowd. The years that led into a showcase summer are paying off.

“I find when I talk about derby, it’s not so weird now,” notes Monichrome. “People know what I’m talking about. I hear more

north Toronto warehouse space The Hangar, a year-round venue on the federal former

ToRD’s 2007 inaugural season – reads like often brutal, with the Betties (whose only

Spearheaded primarily by current and former members of 2008 ToRD champions

recapture the championship they won in

road, Hammer City matching up against

‘Oh, like that Drew Barrymore movie’

aviation base of Downsview Park, Toronto

the best of the Fort Wayne Derby Girls of

instead of ‘Oh, Like Skinny Minnie Miller,’

played its bouts at an off-season hockey

Indiana and the Hotrod Honeys of Austin’s

which feels a little more authentic to me.

arena just northwest of downtown. With

Texas Rollergirls, the Eves of Destruction

I can speak to the movie, and point out

Toronto set to hold World Pride festivities in

venturing down to Washington State –

what I do and how I play a role.”

2014, there are hopes that the Clam Slam

which, in addition to bustling Rat City in

st 48 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

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check it out

rudechix Looking for derby wear for kids? For yourself?

Rudechix has specialized in apparel for cool chix and babies with attitude since 2004.

You might have seen their line at tattoo, hot rod or motorcycle shows in the past... or maybe back in the day at the LA Derby Dolls’ first season at a tiny outdoor rink in North Hollywood, CA. We all know that roller derby has seen tremendous growth, and that the Dolls now have their own amazing home with a banked track near downtown LA. More teams are enjoying growth and success as well, and Rudechix has expanded its show schedule recently to include more roller derby events and less of the other shows. Rudechix also now sponsors teams with merchandise and discounts.

Rudechix fell in love with roller derby... sexy, beautiful and athletic women skating in fishnets and makeup. What more could one ask for?

This resurgence of the sport has swept the nation as well as other countries and the women involved in roller derby are positive and supportive. “Future Derby Chick” launched in 2008 at a Los Angeles Derby Dolls bout to enthusiastic buyers. Rudechix attended RollerCon in 2009, where the rest of the kids’ roller derby line was unveiled. “My Auntie Does Derby” sold out and “My Mommy’s a Skater” was a close second.

Also revealed at RollerCon was the “Sexy Skater” design in both beaters and undies. Beaters run through a 2X which met the demand for many women who were looking for larger sizes. “Inked & Sexy” beaters were also very popular. “Hot Piece of Ass” undies remain the #1 seller at all the events. New designs for 2010 will be available at RollerCon this year, so be sure to stop by the Rudechix table!

50 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

art and media

Check out Whiskey7’s featured derby art – hand picked from across the derby community!

October 2008 Lehigh Valley Rollergirls artist: Lindsay Parker lehighvalleyrollergirls.com

Do you have a roller derby-themed tattoo? Your team’s logo, a skate, your derby name, anything else?

We want to see it!

Send your high resolution roller derby tattoo photo(s) to photos@fiveonfivemag.com to be included in our next issue!

Please include your derby name and league affiliation.

52 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

April 2008 Rose City Rollers artist: Kevin Cross kevincross.net

February 2010 Mad Rollin' Dolls artist: Animal Canon animalcanon.com

May 2007 Charm City Roller Girls artist: Nolen Strals posttypography.com

54 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com 1. Jammer is missing star. 2. Logo is missing from skater on right’s shirt.

3. Skater’s striped sock is different colors. 4. Inside track is missing. 5. Left skater is missing bandana on leg.

6. Back right skater is missing number on arm. 7. Skulls are missing from skater in back’s tights.

Jules Doyle

THERE ARE SEVEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE PHOTOS – FIND ‘EM!

THE OFFICIAL MAGAZINE OF THE WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ASSOCIATION (WFTDA)

ASSOCIAT ION (WFTDA) THE WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ISSUE 6, WINTER 2009 THE OFFICIAL MAGAZIN E OF

ASSOCIAT ION (WFTDA) THE WOMEN’S FLAT TRACK DERBY ISSUE 7, SPRING 2010 THE OFFICIAL MAGAZIN E OF

ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION $17.99 for WFTDA league members $25.99 for non-WFTDA league members SAVE SOME DOUGH ON SHIPPING AND ORDER IN BULK FOR YOUR WHOLE LEAGUE! email info @ fiveonfivemag.com

fiveonfivemag.com

fiveonfivemag.com

fiveonfivemag.com

classifieds Want to get rid of that old gear? Need to get the word out about something to the derby community? Searching high and low for something you just can’t find?

Submit your classified text (up to 50 words) FOR FREE to classifieds@fiveonfivemag.com to include in our next issue!

WANTED Help us help you find what you need!

WickedSkatewear.com

FOR SALE Riedell 265s, men’s size 9.5 (fits a women’s size 10.5 - 11). Worn ONE time. Power Dyne Dyna Pro Aluminum Plate, Blue Radar Tuner 62mm 96a wheels, Sure Grip suede toe guards. Paid over $450, asking $300 obo.

Contact farren.jessica@gmail.com if you are interested.

PowerDyne Dynapro Plates, size 4. Used for one year. Asking price $60.00. Please contact Hellionboi@gmail.com.

CHECK THIS OUT! Shoe Rescue is an eco-friendly footwear insert designed to stop odor, remove moisture and eliminate bacteria. Place Shoe Rescue into your skates or shoes between uses to prolong the life of your footwear.

Shoe Rescue is 100% biodegradable, made in the USA and Derby owned.

Order Shoe Rescue at TheShoeRescue.com

The Angel City Derby Girls bring you Roller Derby Workout, a 50-minute video with five sections including stretching, core, legs, booty, and agility.

Workout to bands like the Faint and Tilly and the Wall while the added weight of your skates sculpts your body into a derby machine.

Available at RollerDerbyWorkout.com

YOUR AD HERE! fiveonfive magazine’s classified ads are cheap and even cheaper for derby owned businesses! for more information, email advertising@fiveonfivemag.com

fiveonfivemag.com | Spring 2010 | 57

horoscopes P R OV I D E D B Y Y O U R D E R B Y P S Y C H I C , L U S C I O U S S M A C K S O M E

PISCES

VIRGO

February 20-March 20

August 23-September 22

Even though you may find it tempting, hold your tongue! There are better ways to communicate with your teammates. Constructive criticism goes much farther in helping convey your message. Don’t forget how difficult it seemed when you were first starting out!

Now is the time! You have been wanting to shine on the track but have felt left out lately, but that is not the case now, dear Virgo. All eyes will be on you as your game play elevates you beyond what you thought was possible. Have fun out there!

ARIES

September 23-October 23

March 21-April 19

A teammate could reveal some information that surprises you. Integrate what you have heard but do not let it shadow your game play. Teamwork is still the most important focus and the sharing of this information helps the entire team.

You will find it easier to elevate your game play if you practice visualization. Use this strategy to improve your game on all fronts. See yourself performing at a higher level than you ever thought possible and your physical game will follow.

LIBRA

SCORPIO

TA U R U S

October 24-November 22

April 20-May 20

You have been butting heads with one of your league mates and this has been negatively affecting your team.

It is time to put your feelings aside and admit that you are part of the problem. Once you can do this, you and your entire league will benefit.

It is time to deal with a teammate in a radically different manner. Approach her knowing the outcome you hope to achieve beforehand. Mending this relationship will result in better team communication and you will all benefit from this renewed perspective.

GEMINI May 21-June 20

If you ask more from yourself, you will be surprised at what you can accomplish. Also, evaluate your strategy more openly than you have done in the past, the result will elevate your teams’ performance on the track!

CANCER June 21-July 22

A teammate means well, even if you aren’t on the same page. Embrace your differences instead of trying to alter one another’s game play. These skills will help your team rise to the occasion and you will all enjoy the win!

LEO July 23-August 22

Your teammates want you to do it their way and this time they are right! Take in the advice of your team and adjust your game accordingly. The rewards are greater than you can imagine.

60 | Spring 2010 | fiveonfivemag.com

S A G I T TA R I U S November 23-December 21

Practice, practice, practice! Your energy level has been down lately, but if you continue to push through your fatigue, you will achieve great things on the track!

Don’t give up; all your hard work will pay off!

CAPRICORN December 22-January 19

Be extra careful on the track. If you are injured, don’t return until you have been cleared.

Your concentration has been wavering lately.

Stay focused and keep your head in the game, you and your team will benefit.

AQUARIUS January 20-February 19

Get together with your team and talk strategy. It is time to put some new ideas on the track. You will discover talents that have gone unnoticed up until now. This is your time; seize the momentum!