Scopes

of “Ya Righta”

 Aries

Don't believe anything you read today.

 Taurus

You’ll finally realize a dream you’ve had since childhood when a huge scary monster comes out from under your bed and eats you all up.

 Gemini

Although the majority of those born under Gemini are good people, like any star-sign or chicken coop, there are also bad eggs.

 Cancer

Your mind is filled with thoughts of sexual inadequacy and hey, maybe you're right.

 Leo

Harmless fun may come back to harm you over the coming weeks.

 Virgo

The thought of you losing your mind is making you lose your mind. If you ever get out of that hole, the chances are that you're still going to be a neurotic plague of badness.

 Libra

The colours you see around you are intended to give you an idea of three dimensional space. Close your eyes and let the world unfold around you.

 Scorpio

Whilst you may think that this horoscope is completely useless... I have to admit - I have a very guilty secret. You see, all horoscopes are completely useless.

 Sagittarius

Position yourself well, for the revolution is almost here. Your tinfoil hat is also crooked.

 Capricorn

Lifting heavy objects may cause you pain later today. Beauty and misery are a package pair for you today.

 Aquarius

You don't have the right to tell anyone what to do, that’s my job and I take it very seriously!

 Pisces

There - I said it.