Lake Family Magazine 2021-22

LAKE FAMILY POSITIVE+PRACTICAL+PARENTING

Lake County, CA

936

THE NUMBER OF WEEKS FROM BIRTH TO AGE 18

Maximize Your Impact

Dream Big for Your Family Local information & resources for raising the next generation in Lake County.

PLUS Health & Safety Info for All Ages

Editor's Note

11

Welcome to the inaugural issue of Lake County's Positive + Practical + Parenting Guide! Within these pages, we hope that you will find the information you need to be the parent you want to be.

19

31

The potential that exists in the positive interactions between a child and a parent or parent-figure is limitless. When was the last time you paused to consider that your greatest achievement in life may be the lessons that you impart, the values that you instill, and the love that you nurture within the lives of the children in your life? The ripple effect of the way you show up in the life of a child, whether it is your own child, a child you are fostering for a season, a niece, nephew, grandchild or the children on the team you coach or club you sponsor, or a friend or neighbor's child, your presence and the quality of your presence matters!

Research from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child and Harvard University's Jack Shonkoff indicate that resilience depends on supportive, responsive relationships, and that even adversity in childhood which causes toxic stress, can be made tolerable and be overcome through these positive, nurturing relationships with caring adults. This magazine is divided by ages and stages, and is meant to give Lake County parents, and others caring for children, the tools you need to make the most of your interactions with children at every stage of development. We hope you find it helpful.

SECTION ONE: Family planning & Pregnancy (pgs. 310) SECTION TWO: Early Childhood - Ages Birth to 5 (pgs. 11-18) SECTION THREE: Elementary to Tween - Ages 6-12 (pgs. 1930 SECTION FOUR: Teen to Young Adult - Ages 13-18+ (pgs. 31-43)

Carla Ritz Executive Director

This Parenting Guide was made possible by a "Cann Grant" from the County of Lake and funding from First 5 Lake County.

SECTION ONE

Family Planning & Pregnancy Our impact on the lives of Lake County's next generation begins before they are born.

Local Resources: Sutter Lakeside Hospital, Adventist Health Clearlake, Lake County Public Health, Mother-Wise, Redwood Community Services, Lake County Behavioral Health Services, First 5 Lake, E-Center WIC, Lake County Tribal Health, and Lake Family Resource Center

LAKE FAMILY |3

FAMILY PLANNING

So you want to start a family Is there a right time? A wrong time? How do you know if you are ready? A better question to ask...

Make myself a better person Be a better parent than I had Add to a greater sense of purpose Because kids are fun to hang out with and talk to To feel the intense love a parent has for a child.

Looking through this list, it is easy to see how these motivations might play out in the lives of these parents and their children, for better or worse, over a lifetime.

THE CONCLUSION

Your personal "why" for starting a family is yours alone, but if it comes with unrealistic expectations for your child(ren) to live up to, you'll want to give greater thought to the issue.

While it is true that becoming a parent can enhance our lives in many ways, it will also require more of us than we can probably imagine. A clear "why" will help us to do hard things and make tough decisions for the good of our children and to find meaning and personal growth in the process.

DID YOU KNOW? THE WHY OF FAMILY

The decision to start a family can feel complicated to some. Others never question it and operate out of instinct. Still others find themselves in the family way unexpectedly. Regardless of your personal situation or tendencies, a great question to ask when it comes to becoming a parent is, "What is my why?" Our actions flow from our motivations, whether we are aware of them or not, so it makes sense to pause and LAKE FAMILY | 4

consider what we hope to receive and achieve by bringing a baby into the world, and then to process whether those hopes are healthy and whether or not they are realistic.

When David Allan, editorial director of CNN Health & Wellness, asked friends and family members about their "Why" for starting a family, these are some of the responses he received: To recreate my own childhood joys

There is strong evidence showing that when families demonstrate competence in five critical areas, the likelihood of children thriving at home increases.

LEARN MORE ABOUT THE 5 PROTECTIVE FACTORS ON PAGE 7

LAKE FAMILY

GETTING READY FOR BABY, INSIDE AND OUT Exercise Exercising before you get pregnant may help your body deal with all of the changes that it will go through during pregnancy and labor.

Strive for 30 minutes of brisk exercise five days each week, both before conceiving and throughout pregnancy. Most women who already exercise, can safely maintain their fitness activities throughout much or all of their pregnancies. Starting your pregnancy at a healthy weight is a great goal. Check with your doctor before beginning a new fitness routine.

Nutrition Being mindful of what goes into your body is an important part of preparing for pregnancy.

Reducing empty calories, artificial sweeteners, and caffeine might be a great place for you to start. Eating foods high in lean protein, consuming plenty of fruits and vegetables, and whole grains is recommended. If you haven't already, consider taking a prenatal vitamin that contains folic acid, which can reduce the risk of some birth defects. Refrain from use of alcohol, tobacco and drugs while you are trying to become pregnant and throughout pregnancy.

Mental Health Reducing stress, spending time in nature, cultivating healthy relationships, laughing more, sleeping enough, and simplifying your life can not only help you prepare to become pregnant in a healthy way, but these practices will also help you remain resilient throughout your life and keep you connected to what matters most.

If you worry over the kind of parent you will be, this is a great time to reach out for support from a friend, therapist, spiritual advisor.

For more information about mental health during and after pregnancy, see pages 8-9.

PREPARING FOR PREGNANCY Going through pregnancy and becoming a parent brings up all kinds of questions. One way to prepare is to begin to familiarize yourself with all of the local resources available to support you and your baby, so that when questions arise, you'll know where to go. Here are a few you may find helpful: Early Head Start for Expectant Moms - Lake Family Resource Center offers prenatal support and nutrition education, connections to birthing classes, and education about pregnancy, labor, delivery and breastfeeding. (lakefrc.org) Gouk-Gumu Xolpelema - Lake County Tribal Health offers this Tribal Home Visiting Program for all Native American families living in Lake County from expectant parents to those with with children up to age 5. The program empowers families to strengthen their wellness for safety, health and happiness. (lcthc.com/services/human-services) Family Resource Navigator - Sutter Lakeside Hospital offers safe sleep education to all Lake County parents during their third trimester of pregnancy. Participants can opt-in to the Family Resource Navigator program and receive phone support and connection to resources throughout the first year of their baby's life. (sutterhealth.org/lakeside) Smart Start Lake County - The Smart Start resource website and eligibility wizard are available online to help parents and caregivers of children prenatally through age five to find and connect with relevant programs and services. (smartstartlakecounty.org)

ACES - YOUR NUMBER STORY WHAT ARE ACEs? ACEs stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. These are difficult,

physical emotional sexual -

potentially traumatic experiences that a child faces before the age of 18. They are so common that 2 out of 3 of us have experienced at least one category of ACEs. Without Protective Factors and adequate support, ACEs can lead to toxic stress in

Neglect

ACEs can affect us all

brain chemistry and biology, and it can transcribed.

Abuse

IMPACTS OF ACEs

Greater risk of poor physical, mental and emotional health throughout the life-course, including:

ACEs are what happened to us. They are not who we are. They are part of our story and they shape it. If your well-being has been affected by ACEs, there is hope.

physical

violent

illness

behavior

early death

By addressing their effects in our own lives and committing to preventing ACEs in the next generation, we can see

- physical - emotional

- mental illness substance abuse - Household - domestic violence divorce and separation - Adversity - incarcerated family member

the body. Toxic stress can literally alter even change how our DNA is read and

ACEs are stressful events during childhood and include:

substance

relationship

self-harm

difficulties

misuse

mental illness

healing for ourselves and our community.

For more information about ACEs and how they may impact your own physical, mental health, and parenting style, talk to your doctor and visit: numberstory.org.

ACEs have a cumulative effect - the more childhood adversity experienced, the greater the risk of harmful effects later in life ACE

ACE ACE

ACE

ACE ACE

ACE

LAKE FAMILY | 6

ACE

ACE

ACE

ACE

ACE

However, harm is not inevitable and with the right support, people can overcome adversity

How to remember the 5 PROTECTIVE FACTORS that make your family strong Use your Thumb to remember Social & Emotional Competence of Children because a "thumbs up" is one of the first ways we learn to communicate our emotions Your Index Finger represents Knowledge of Parenting & Child Development because you are your child's 1st teacher!

Your Pinky Finger signifies Concrete Support in Times of Need because it is the smallest and reminds us that we all need help sometimes.

Your Ring Finger stands for Parental Resilience because your first commitment must be to yourself in order to be strong for others.

Your Middle Finger can help you remember Social Connections because it should never stand alone! We all need a positive social network.

A STRONG FAMILY INCLUDES

FIVE FACTORS DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?

Strengthening Families is a research-informed approach to increase your family resilience, enhance child development and reduce the likelihood of child abuse and neglect. Service providers across Lake County have been trained in these five factors so that they can pass this important information along to you! Every family has strengths and every family can grow stronger.

If you want to start out on the right foot as you prepare to start a family, learning and growing in these five factors is a great place to start.

1. Do you know how to help children grow socially and emotionally?

2. Do you have knowledge of positive parenting skills and child development?

3. Do you have a positive social network?

4. Are you resilient?

5. Can you access concrete support in times of need?

Sign up for a FREE Nurturing Families parenting class through Lake County Office of Education to learn more (707-262-4153).

BABY BRAIN! SCI BUZZ > DEVELOPMENT

DOES BECOMING A MOM CHANGE YOUR BRAIN?

BRAIN VITAMINS ecause a baby's brain and nervous system are

B developing from conception, it is important for pregnant women (and those trying to conceive) to consume 400 micrograms of folic acid (Vitamin B)

ou might have heard the term,

each day. This nutrient is essential for baby's healthy

Y "Baby Brain," used to describe the

development and can be found in most prenatal

memory problems, poor concentration

vitamins, leafy greens and whole grains. DHA is an

and absent-mindedness many women

important nutrient during the third trimester and can

experience during pregnancy and early

be found in salmon, trout, cod and DHA-fortified eggs.

motherhood. A review of 20 studies assessing 700 pregnant and 500 nonpregnant women indicate that cognitive function and memory were, indeed, significantly poorer in pregnant women. Still, other research suggests that memory problems during pregnancy aren't as widespread as believed.

Newer studies are looking at the ways pregnancy might positively change a woman's brain, and brain scans are beginning to show that changes in brain structure during pregnancy may help women adapt to motherhood! A joint study between Leiden University in the Netherlands and Autonomous University of Barcelona indicates that the architecture of a woman's brain during her first pregnancy changes in ways that

DETAIL >

STRESS IN PREGNANCY esearch done at the University of

R Edinburgh published in 2020 shows

be involved in emotional and social development in childhood.

last for at least 2 years. Gray matter

that infants' brains may be shaped by

If you are pregnant or planning to become

shrinks in areas involved in processing

the levels of stress their mother

pregnant, talk to your doctor, your partner

and responding to social signals. This

experienced during pregnancy. Doctors

and your support network about ways to

say the findings highlight the urgent need

manage and reduce stress during

for women to be better supported with

pregnancy. There are many local resources

their mental and physical health before

that can help including Lake County

and during pregnancy.

Behavioral Health Peer Support Centers

The research shows that levels of cortisol (a

located around the Lake, such as the

stress hormone) are linked to the baby's

Family Support Center in Middletown

amygdala, an area of the brain known to

(707) 907-9601.

appears to mean that new mothers' brains are more efficiently wired in areas that allow them to respond to their infant's needs or detect threats. The ability to focus on things related to caring for a baby is heightened, while focusing on other things come less naturally during that time.

Most people are familiar with the term postpartum depression, but many don't know that it is only one of a handful of mood disorders that may accompany pregnancy or occur up to a year after delivery. Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) affect 1 in 5 mothers. So how do you know if you are experiencing one...

Are you feeling sad or depressed?

Do you feel more irritable or angry with those around you?

Are you having difficulty bonding with your baby?

Do you feel anxious or panicky?

Are you having problems eating or sleeping?

Are you having upsetting thoughts that you can't get out of your mind?

Do you feel as if you are "out of control" or "going crazy?"

Do you feel like you never should have become a mother?

Are you worried you might hurt your baby or yourself?

Any of these symptoms, and many more, could indicate that you have a form of PMADs. While many women experience some mild mood changes during pregnancy or after the birth of a child (sometimes called the Baby Blues), 15-20% of women experience more significant symptoms. If you are concerned about yourself or someone you love, reach out for help: - Call your doctor - Call the Postpartum Support International Helpline 800-9444773 - Text the PSI Helpline 800-9444773 for English and 971-203-7773 for Spanish - Call Mother-Wise 707-349-1210.

Mother-Wise is a local nonprofit that has served Lake County moms for over 11 years and they provide connections, social groups, a lending closet, and home visits to pregnant moms and mothers of children up to one year of age.

Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorders Are Common, but They Aren't Normal.

Know the Signs.

Ask for Support.

LAKE FAMILY | 9

Lake County Quality Counts A Lake County Office of Education Program

Early Learning & Excellence

SECTION TWO

Early Childhood Birth to Age 5: Because the first five years impact a lifetime

LOCAL RESOURCES: Lake County Office of Education (Bloom, Imagination Library, Nurturing Families, Preschool), First 5 Lake, Lake Family Resource Center, Easterseals Northern California, Mother-Wise, E-Center WIC, North Coast Opportunities, Redwood Community Services, Lake County Departments of Social Services, Public Health, and Behavioral Health, Redwood Coast Regional Center, Partnership HealthPlan LAKE FAMILY | 11

LAKE FAMILY

HEALTH, SAFETY & BONDING WITH YOUR NEWBORN ATTACHMENT Attachment develops as you respond to your baby's needs warmly, sensitively and consistently. Babies cannot be spoiled. When they are sick, upset, or distressed, and you respond, their growing brains build strong attachment bonds that become the foundation for lifelong learning and a sense of safety. Being securely attached to you is essential to your baby's long-term emotional health. Ask your doctor or pediatrician for more information.

BREASTFEEDING Breastfeeding helps protect babies from many serious health problems, and it keeps offering protection as they get older. For this, and other reasons, pediatricians recommend new mothers attempt to establish breastfeeding as baby's sole source of nutrition for the first 6 months and then continue breastfeeding while introducing solid foods through the first year or two. Certain health problems may make breastfeeding impossible or illadvised. Consult with your child's doctor and visit La Leche League International (llli.org) for more information.

IMMUNIZATIONS Thanks to vaccines, many diseases like Polio, Tetanus, Rubella, Measles and Mumps, are no longer prevalent in the U.S. The Center for Disease Control has developed a recommended immunization schedule to be safe and effective at protecting your baby. You can find their vaccine assessment tool for children birth through 18 at: www2a.cdc.gov/vaccines/childquiz.

Partnership HealthPlan's Growing Together Program and E-Center WIC offer qualifying Lake County families a full range of supportive health services.

THE ABC'S OF SAFE SLEEP More than 3,500 babies in the U.S. die suddenly and unexpectedly each year while sleeping, often due to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or accidentally from suffocation. To reduce the risk of all sleep-related infant deaths, the American Academy of Pediatrics offers recommendations for a safe sleep environment: A - ALONE. Room sharing is recommended for the first six months to a year, but bed sharing is not. The baby's crib can be kept close to your bed, but it should be kept free of blankets, pillows, stuffed animals and any other items that could cover your baby's head, face and neck or overheat your baby.

B - BACK. Placing your baby to sleep on his back for naps and at night is recommended until his first birthday. Some babies will roll onto their stomachs; if your baby is able to roll both ways (back to tummy and tummy to back) you do not have to return your baby to his back if he rolls over.

C - CRIB. Lay him on his back in a crib, bassinet or portable crib with a firm mattress and a tight fitting sheet. If you are concerned about the safety of your baby's sleep space, you can search crib safety standards and recalls on the Consumer Product Safety Commission website at cpsc.gov.

S - SMOKE-FREE. Keep your baby away from smokers and places where people smoke. Maintain a smoke-free home and car. This includes cigarettes, vaping, and marijuana. For help in quitting, visit nobutts.org, or contact Lake County Public Health.

Want more information? Sutter Lakeside Hospital, Adventist Health Clearlake & Lake County Tribal Health offer monthly Safe Sleep Classes for expectant parents in their third-trimester!

EARLY CHILDHOOD

SAFETY FIRST LAKE LIFE

BUCKLE UP

CARSEAT SAFETY

WATER SAFETY

alifornia law states that each child shall be

C properly restrained in a child safety seat or booster seat in the backseat until the child is 8 years old or at

e are fortunate to live on the

least 4'9" in height, and children under 2 years old shall

W largest natural lake in California!

ride rear facing. Seat belt safety for children begins

With that privilege comes the

with good role models. Children imitate adults, so be a

responsibility to teach our children

good example by wearing your own seatbelt without

by example to practice water safety

exception. For more information, visit chp.ca.gov.

early and often.

Drowning is the leading cause of injury-related death among children between 1 and 4 years old. Children less than a year old are more likely to drown at home in the bathtub or a bucket, and can do so in as little as one inch of water. With this in mind, here are the Top Tips for Water Safety from Safe Kids Worldwide:

1. Watch kids when they are in or around water, without distraction.

2. Empty tubs, buckets, containers and kids pools

immediately after use.

3. Close lids and keep bathroom and laundry room doors closed.

4. Install fences around home pools - at least 4 feet tall with self-closing and self-latching gates.

5. Learn CPR and basic water rescue skills. Redcross.org offers online training in adult and child CPR. For more information about child safety visit safekids.org.

PROTECT

SKIN CANCER PREVENTION STARTS EARLY

Seek shade from umbrellas, trees or other shelters.

N

early 5 million people are treated for

Be extra careful around surfaces that

skin cancer each year in the United

reflect the sun's rays, like snow, water,

States. Fortunately, most skin cancers can

sand and concrete.

be prevented! UV rays are strongest during

Apply a thick layer of SPF 15 or higher

midday, near the equator, during summer

at least 15 minutes before going

months, and at high altitudes, but

outside and reapply every 2 hours.

sunburns and skin damage can happen

Wear sun protection gear like a hat

even on cloudy or overcast days right here

with a wide brim and sunglasses.

in Lake County. To protect your family

When not in the water, cover-up. Long-

from skin cancer, practice these sun safety

sleeved shirts and pants or skirts

tips when going outdoors:

whenever practical.

LAKE FAMILY | 13

How I Learn milestones of typical Child Development

Kids are spending more time with screen media - and at younger ages - than ever before.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization have both released guidelines to limit screen time, but each family has to decide for themselves when and how to introduce different types of screen media to their children.

Recommended guidelines include: <18 Months - Limit screen use to video chatting along with an adult.

18-24 Months - Limit screen time to watching educational programming with a caregiver.

2-5 years - Limit noneducational screen time to about 1 hour per weekday and 3 hours on the weekends.

Other tips include: Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view them.

Look for interactive options.

Use parental controls to block or filter content.

Always supervise children's screen time.

LAKE FAMILY | 16

Why is limiting and monitoring screen time in early childhood so important? Early data from a landmark study by the National Institutes of Health that began in 2018 indicates that children who spent more than 2 hours a day on screen-time activities scored lower on language and thinking tests, and some children with more than seven hours a day of screen time experienced a thinning of the brain's cortex - the area related to critical thinking and reasoning. Young children's brains are still developing, and the best brain builders are face-toface back-and-forth interactions with loving family members and friends.

Common Sense Media is a great resource for parents and caregivers who have questions about movies, TV, apps, and games and whether the content is age-appropriate. They also provide resources and information about distance learning, online playdates and game nights and other ways to socialize at a distance when needed. Visit commonsensemedia.org.

SCREEN TIME IN EARLY CHILDHOOD: Keeping your young child safe and healthy in an online world.

ROUTINES FOR LOVE & LEARNING In early childhood, routines provide the two key ingredients for learning: RELATIONSHIPS & REPETITION.

From Zero to Three (zerotothree.org)

SELF CONTROL 1

Consistent routines, activities that happen at about the same time and in the same way each day, provide a young child the ability to know what will happen next and aid in the development of emotional regulation and self control.

POWER STRUGGLES 2

3

4

Routines help limit the number of "no's" and behavior corrections you need to give a young child throughout the day. Routines that are paired with choices, (It is bedtime.

Would you like to brush your teeth or put on your jammies first?) give young children confidence and a sense of control.

5

SAFETY Routinely washing hands before you eat and holding hands when crossing the street or walking through a busy parking lot are examples of regular practices that help enforce principles of health and safety for young children. If the practices aren't consistent, however, they lack meaning.

6

SOCIAL SKILLS Greetings, good-byes and chatting with others are examples of routine interactions that teach social skills. These social skills also build and reinforce language skills.

Play time and mealtime are two routines that are very social times for both parents and children. Turn-taking, talking, sharing toys, learning to wait and helping others are important routines to practice that will help children later in school.

7

TRANSITIONS

Routines help children to cope with transitions. Going from play to lunch, lunch to the store, the store to nap time, etc. can be challenging. Some parents use a timer or a five-minute warning to help prepare a child for a change in activity. Others use a book, song or special game.

HAPPINESS Not only do routines and rituals make transitions easier for children - they also help ease adults into parenthood. The early stages of parenting can be overwhelming and creating family routines that bring you joy can make a big difference.

LEARNING Routines offer the chance to build selfconfidence, communication skills, self esteem, and more - all things that will serve your child well in school and as a life-long learner.

A

B

C

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SECTION THREE

Elementary to Tween AGES 6-12: "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults." ~Frederick Douglas LOCAL RESOURCES: Lake County Office of Education (Healthy Start, Nurturing Families, Oral Health Program); School Counselors from Lake County School Districts, Redwood Community Services, Lake County Public Health, Lake County Behavioral Health, Redwood Coast Regional Center, Sheriff's Activity League, Konocti Youth Basketball, Little League, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts

LAKE FAMILY | 19

THE SCHOOL YEARS

The Secret to school success?

Involved parents!

Students with involved parents are more likely to have higher grades, attend school regularly, and have better social skills.

make valuable connections at school and learn more about your child's progress.

Attend parent organization meetings (PTO or PTA) when possible.

Volunteer when you are able - if you can't pop in and help in the classroom during the day, you might be able to help coach a sport or chaperone a dance in the evenings.

HOW TO CONNECT AT HOME

It won't be possible for all parents to be as involved at school as they would like to be, but every parent can make the school-home partnership stronger.

Review your child's homework. Instead of asking, "How was school today?" say something like, "Tell me what made you smile at school today. Tell me what was easy and what was hard." Write the occasional thank you note to your child's teacher, custodian, attendance clerk, librarian or principal. Reward your child's effort more than his grades.

Your partnership with school staff in advancing your child's education will pay off for years to come and will demonstrate to your child the importance of learning and working together for success.

HOW TO BE INVOLVED

Not every parent feels comfortable on a school campus, let alone talking to a teacher or visiting the principal's office, but the research is clear that children benefit when their parents are involved in their education. If you have established a relationship with your child's teacher(s) and if you have met some of the students who are friends with your child at school, then you'll be well equipped to help your child find solutions if/when a problem arises.

LAKE FAMILY | 20

DID YOU KNOW? So how do you make those connections?

Attend back-to-school nights and make it a point to introduce yourself and talk with your child's teacher and someone in the office.

When a request for information or a note comes home from school, respond to it promptly.

Attend school events - Donuts with Dad, Muffins with Mom, Parent-Teacher Conferences, Awards Ceremonies and Class Parties are all opportunities to

The most accurate predictor or student achievement is the extent to which the family encourages learning, maintains high and reasonable expectations, and becomes involved in their child's education at school.

PARENTING TOGETHER TEAM WORK

IDENTITY

EXTENDED FAMILY

DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?

he involvement of extended family members

any times, parenting partners,

T

within your family unit can be a big blessing.

Everyone has their own ideas about how children

M regardless of whether they are married, living together, separated or

should be raised and how involved family members

divorced, find themselves at odds

should be. As parents, talk about how you want to

with each other over, not just the

include your children's grandparents, aunts, and uncles in family life while maintaining your own authority and

best way to raise children, but also

autonomy as parents and a family unit.

over the day-to-day routine that parenting requires.

Coming up with a Parenting Plan together can help prevent arguments before they begin, and can create common ground while allowing room for personal differences between parents. What should go into a parenting plan?

1. GOALS, ATTITUDES & BELIEFS What character qualities and attributes do you want to see in your child as they walk across the stage to receive their high school diploma? Make a list together of what routines need to be in place now to make that a reality in the future.

2. NON-NEGOTIABLES - What is unacceptable to you and what is absolutely critical?

3. FLEXIBILITY - What can each parent decide for themselves in a given situation without checking with the other parent for agreement?

4. CHECK-INS - How frequently will you check-in with each other to make sure you are on the same page?

FREE TIME

SUMMERS & AFTER SCHOOL hen the school day or year ends

W and both parents are working,

your child's development and needs. Care might be provided in an afterschool

finding nurturing care and stimulating

program, at a friend's house, through a co-

activities for school-aged children requires

op with neighbors, by a family member, in

creativity, research and and joint decision

a day care center or family childcare

making. Children do better when they

home. Enrichment might take place in

have structure and routine, and when they

sports (check out Junior Giants), the Lake

know what is coming next and who will be

County Sheriff's Activity League, music

in charge in each setting they are in. Look

lessons, dance classes, summer camps, or

into all your options before making a

church groups. Work together to find a

decision. What made the most sense last

balance between what you can afford,

school year or last summer, may not be

what your child enjoys, and where you feel

the best choice this year, depending on

their time is best spent.

LAKE FAMILY | 21

FIVE BODY SAFETY RULES Every Child Should Know By Age My Body is Mine!

I am the boss of my body.

I don't have to be hugged, kissed, or touched by anyone if I'm uncomfortable.

We use the proper names for our private parts.

They're not weird or funny everyone has them!

5

PRIVATE PARTS

Are the parts of our bodies covered by a bathing suit and are kept out of view of others.

We don't look, touch, or play games with each other's private parts.

No one should be asking me to keep a secret especially if it's about private parts.

TM

My Body Safety Circle I know five adults I can talk to if I'm sad, scared and definitely if I need to talk about body safety. If someone breaks a body safety rule, I need to tell until someone helps me. Even if I don't tell right away, I won't be in trouble it's never too late to tell.

TheMamaBearEffect.org

FIVE BODY SAFETY RULES Every Child Should Know By Age My Body is Mine!

I am the boss of my body.

I don't have to be hugged, kissed, or touched by anyone if I'm uncomfortable.

We use the proper names for our private parts.

They're not weird or funny everyone has them!

5

PRIVATE PARTS

Are the parts of our bodies covered by a bathing suit and are kept out of view of others.

We don't look, touch, or play games with each other's private parts.

No one should be asking me to keep a secret especially if it's about private parts.

TM

My Body Safety Circle I know five adults I can talk to if I'm sad, scared and definitely if I need to talk about body safety. If someone breaks a body safety rule, I need to tell until someone helps me. Even if I don't tell right away, I won't be in trouble it's never too late to tell.

TheMamaBearEffect.org

The decision about whether or not to purchase a cell phone for your child's use, and at what age, is a decision that will vary family by family depending on the unique needs of the family and the developmental stage of the child (which doesn't always track with the child's age). According to Pew Research Center, the average age a child gets a cell phone is between 12 and 13, but many children start asking for their own phone as early as elementary school.

Before purchasing a phone for your child, here are some questions to consider from Common Sense Media: 1. Does your child show a sense of responsibility?

2. Does your child tend to lose things, like backpacks or homework folders? If so, expect they will lose or damage an expensive phone as well.

3. Does your child need to be in touch for safety reasons?

4. Does your child adhere to limits you set? If not, limits on cell usage will be a battle too.

LAKE FAMILY | 24

According to Consumer Reports, 84% of parents who have provided their 8-12 year old child with a cell phone cited safety as their main concern, and 73% used it as a way to track after-school activities (using a GPS app).

Experts agree that a cell phone in the hands of a young child should not include internet access and should primarily be used for contacting parents and caregivers in case of emergencies. The constant stimulation available from a smartphone is a struggle to balance even for fully mature adults - in the hands of a child, the struggle will be much more difficult, if not developmentally impossible.

If you do decide to purchase a cell phone for your school-aged child, you might consider a model that features GPS tracking and allows you to program specific incoming and outgoing numbers. And, if the phone is used for entertainment, screen time should be limited and monitored. Consequences for losing, breaking or inappropriately using the phone should be clear from the start.

MAINTAINING COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT FOR PARENTING AND CO-PARENTING. IS A CELL PHONE A GOOD OPTION FOR YOUR CHILD?

Happy Calm

Excited

Sad, Tired

Frustrated

Upset Using colors and emojis can help kids recognize their emotions, name them, and be able to problem solve! Introduce your child to the Zones of Regulation when they are in the green zone so that you can later use this tool when they start to become dysregulated or out of sorts.

GREEN ZONES Emotions in the green zone mean we are calm, focused, happy and ready to learn.

Activities for this zone: Conversation, Praise, Board Games, Play with Friends, Sports, Learning and Practicing New Skills

BLUE ZONES Emotions in these zones mean we feel sad, sick, tired, bored, or sorrowful, with low energy.

Activities for moving back toward GREEN from this Zone: Take a Walk, Play with Playdoh, Snuggle in Blankets, Sing or Listen to Cheerful Music, Have a Snack, Read, Finger Paint, Tickling, Jump/Bounce, Swing

Angry YELLOW-ORANGE ZONE Emotions in these zones include feeling excited, anxious, silly, nervous, frustrated, confused or stressed, hyper alert, with high energy.

Activities for moving back toward GREEN from this Zone: Drink Water, Take Deep Belly Breaths, Meditate/Pray, Stretch, Jump/Bounce/Skip, Wall Push-Ups, Coloring, Deep Pressure Massage or Hand Massage, Squeezing a Stress Ball

RED ZONE Emotions in this zone include feeling angry, panicked, or terrified. This is the zone kids are in during meltdowns, when they are no longer able to control their emotions or reactions.

Activities for moving back toward GREEN from this Zone: Take Deep Belly Breaths, Meditate/Pray, Color, Be Held and Rocked, Sit in a Bean Bag Chair or Between cushions, Cover Up with a Weighted Blanket and Listen to Slow, Soft Music,

ZONES OF REGULATION For more information visit: ZonesOfRegulation. com

Teaching children to identify what they are feeling and helping them to come up with coping strategies are two of the most important things parents can do for their kids.

L:AKE FAMILY | 25

LAKEFAMILY

PREPARING FOR PUBERTY Physical Growth Other than infancy, puberty is the period of most rapid physical growth and change over the course of a person's life! These physical changes can be exciting, but they can also cause soreness, fatigue, confusion and feelings of shame or embarrassment;. Be proactive with your tween in helping to prepare them for puberty and the physical changes it will bring, and emphasize that each person's experience with puberty is unique.

Brain Development The behaviors and changes that tweens go through, are, in part, due to an increase in brain development during this period. The transition from being ruled by emotions to relying on logic takes time and can be a roller coast ride for both young people and their parents. Keep in mind that this is a natural period of intense development. It isn't until our mid-20's that the brain completes this period of development!

Communication Begin talking to your child about his body in age-appropriate ways early in his life. When children are younger they are more open to learning from their parents, and this is a great time to teach values, develop trust and foster a positive body image, so that when the changes of puberty begin, they are comfortable talking to you about a variety of topics and they will be less likely to experience shame. For more information about talking to your child about puberty, visit: kidshealth.org

LAKE FAMILY | 26

PARENTING THROUGH PUBERTY As girls (ages 8-13) and boys (ages 10-15) begin to experience the physical changes that lead to adulthood, parents can make that process easier or more difficult by how well we prepare them and how we respond to the changes they experience. Some changes to prepare your child for include: 1. Hair Growth - Pubic, underarm and facial hair 2. Breast Development - this is the first sign of puberty in girls and about 50% of boys will temporarily develop breast tissue that fades away after about six months 3. Growth Spurts and Body Shape Change 4. Oily Skin - may be accompanied by pimples or acne 5. Sweat and Body Odor 6. Menstruation (girls) - a monthly period typically begins between age 12 & 13 7. Voice Changes (boys) 8. Increased Erections and Nocturnal Emission (boys) 9. Increased Romantic Interest 10. Strong Shifts in Emotions This can be an awkward and self-conscious time for your child and drawing attention to the changes they are experiencing by teasing or being critical will only make things more difficult.

Prepare them for what is coming, give them resources to learn more, calm their fears, and make it easy for them to talk to you. For more information visit: youngwomenshealth.org or youngmenshealthsite.org

LAKE FAMILY

CYBER SAFETY FOR KIDS & PARENTS The same lessons that kids need to learn about social media and online activity are important for people of all ages to understand. Keep learning and keep talking with your child about these things, and set a good example.

1

STRANGERS People can claim to be anyone on the internet. Do not trust someone you have only met online. Just because someone claims to be a 14 year old girl, doesn't mean they are a 14 year old girl. Don't add friends on social media who you've never met in person.

2

PERSONAL INFORMATION Avoid giving out your address, phone number, age, job or financial information online and be careful about posting pictures and videos that reveal your personal information - license plates, house number, driver's license, etc.

For more information about staying safe online, visit: internetmatters.org or talk to your child's school counselor.

PERMANENT RECORD 3

What goes on the internet is permanent.

Even if you delete something later, a copy of what you posted/sent remains on the internet. This is true on all platforms. If you don't want it to be accessed forever, don't post it on the internet.

POWER OF WORDS/IMAGES 4

5

SEXTING 6

PERMISSION 7

If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, you shouldn't say it online. Cyberbullying can include hurtful texts, emails, public or private posts, or photos and videos. And if you would feel uncomfortable seeing something in person, don't look at it online. violent or pornographic imagery can result in unhealthy fixations.

PRIVACY Allowing a teen to keep their online life completely to himself is not respecting his privacy, it is giving him the keys to a car with no seatbelts. Monitor your child's internet use and ask questions to keep him safe.

Sharing videos, pictures or messages that are sexually charged or explicit may seem fun or flirty in the moment, but frequently ends in regret. Visit www.needhelpnow.ca if you or your teen need help removing this unwanted content.

8

Taking photos or video of friends and classmates for fun or for a school project is a benefit of having a cell phone, but posting videos or images of others without their permission is never a good idea. If you want others to ask your permission, set the example.

UNPLUG The multitasking involved in constantly paying attention to the online world while living in the physical world is draining and exhausting. Everyone should have regular times to unplug. Let your devices charge while you recharge!

TOBACCO INDUSTRY SPENDS BILLIONS TO TURN KIDS INTO ADDICTS PARENTS CAN FIGHT BACK We all know the dangers of tobacco use. After

In Lake County in 2019, 100% of retailers near schools

decades of understanding its harm, tobacco

(within 1,000 feet of a school boundary) sold tobacco

use not only remains legal, but it is easily

and vaping products. And almost 55% of tobacco

accessible - and even more so in rural, low

retailers had marketing in kid-friendly locations.

income and communities of color, because that's where tobacco companies put their advertising dollars. In 2018 alone, cigarette and smokeless tobacco companies spent $9.06

These days, with tobacco advertising being more effective than even peer pressure, what can parents do to protect their kids from a lifetime of addiction and poor health? First, they can talk to their kids

billion on advertising and promotional

about the dangers of smoking and tobacco and not

expenses - about $25 million each day.

allow smoking or vaping in the home or around

What does that mean for parents in Lake County? It

children.

means our kids are at greater risk. And what is even more troubling is that marketing now targets

Next, they can get involved. Communities are

younger and younger children. Why? Because nearly

coming together to protect their neighborhoods and

all tobacco product use begins during youth and

children from kid-specific flavors, easy access, and

young adulthood.

advertising and promotions.

Today, tobacco products are not only being made with traditional flavors, like minty menthol, but with kid-specific flavors, such as cotton candy, bubblegum and even "unicorn poop." This is a problem because these flavors help hide the harshness of tobacco, making it easier to inhale and easier to become addicted.

This is on purpose. And it is working.

In the last 2 years, vaping has increased by 218% among middle schoolers and 135% among high schoolers.

(Tobacco companies use colorful, kid-friendly packaging placed at eye level to entice youth.)

TAKE ACTION

1

2

3

LETTERS & POSTS

ASK POLICY MAKERS

ENGAGE YOUTH

Letters to the editor and posts on social media can make a difference. The more family, friends and neighbors can learn about sneaky marketing tactics and the dangers of tobacco, the more they can work together to end the tobacco epidemic and protect our children and grandchildren. Many voices working together can have a greater impact.

The less children are exposed to tobacco influences, the less likely they are to start using. More and more people are turning to their local policy makers to address tobacco industry tactics. Parents and community members are directing their local representatives to adopt policies that limit time, place and types of outdoor and in-store advertising, promotions and product displays. Communities are also putting policies in place to make sure tobacco is not sold within a certain distance of schools and other kid-friendly places.

Lake County is fortunate. Thanks to the hard work of the Lake County Tobacco Education and Control program through Lake County Public Health, there are Tobacco Prevention and Education Youth Councils in many high schools throughout the county. These coalitions educate and empower youth to stand up and say "no" to being a target for these addictive and dangerous products. Finding positive ways to engage youth to be informed and educate their peers and the community helps everyone.

“

Coming together and taking action creates a healthier future for everyone.

LEARN MORE:

”

Many organizations are working hard to prevent our children from becoming a new generation of tobacco addicts. health.co.lake.ca.us/Community/Tobacco.htm www.TobaccoFreeCA.com www.ParentsAgainstVaping.org www.FlavorsHookKids.org www.cdc.gov/tobacco/basic_information/youth/i ndex.htm

SUBMITTED BY NORCAL 4 HEALTH A project of the California Health Collaborative, envisioning healthy communities free of the impacts of commercial tobacco.

NorCal4Health.org, also on Instagram and Facebook.

LAKE FAMILY 25

LAKE FAMILY | 29

PREPARING YOUR CHILD FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL

Starting middle school and high school are big milestones for a tween/teen. New campuses, new friend groups, new teachers, new routines, and new ways of learning are both exciting and overwhelming. As a parent, it is only natural to want to prepare your child for these changes, but you also might not know where to begin.

ORGANIZATION Traveling from class-to-class and teacher-toteacher can be a difficult transition for some students. Helping them to come up with a system to organize their books, notes and schedule will go a long way to giving them confidence. A folder for each class and a multisubject notebook or a binder with dividers are great supplies to have.

INDEPENDENCE Checking in the first several weeks about assignment due dates and upcoming tests or quizzes and helping your child develop a system for keeping track of these things is appropriate, but helping them move toward taking responsibility for these practices on their own, with fewer check-ins from you, is the goal.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION Your child will undoubtedly have a class or a teacher, or another student that they do not like. Jumping in to rescue him from the relationship or situation shouldn't be your first instinct during these years. Instead, give your child options and teach him skills for resolving conflicts, express your confidence in his abilities to persevere or sort the situation out and offer support.

TOP TIPS FOR A SMOOTH TRANSITION ORIENTATION

Attend orientation together! This gives your student a feel for her new school, and a chance to locate and open her locker, find each classroom, and meet teachers and staff members to help take away the fear of the unknown and make the first day of classes easier.

EXPLORE OPTIONS

Middle and high school years are the perfect time to explore sports, extracurricular activities, clubs, and elective classes. Encourage your child to branch out and give new things a try. Give him freedom to make choices whenever possible, weighing pros and cons.

SUMMER JUMP START

Some clubs, classes and sports kickoff before the school year begins. If your child is interested in these, make sure that they get the early start that is offered.

LAKE FAMILY | 30

SECTION FOUR

Teen to Young Adult Age 13-18+: "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~ e.e. cummings LOCAL RESOURCES: Redwood Community Services, Lake Family Resource Center, Lake County Public Health, Lake County Behavioral Health, School Counselors from Lower Lake, Clear Lake, Kelseyville, Upper Lake and Middletown High Schools, Lake County Campuses of Woodland Community College and Mendocino Community College, Clearlake Youth Center, Lake County Office of Education Healthy Start

LAKE FAMILY | 31

TEENAGE TO YOUNG ADULT

Adolescence: Gateway to Adulthood The lives of teenagers have changed dramatically in recent years, but their needs remain the same.

seek to remain (or become) a trusted advisor to her. Encouraging her relationships with the other stable, caring adults in her life is also a smart parenting move. The better connected your child is to a network of caring adults, they more likely they are to make healthy choices and seek support when needed.

FAMILY MEALS

Did you know... adolescents who eat family meals 5 to 7 times a week are twice as likely to get A's in school as those who eat dinner with their families fewer than twice per week. But the proven benefits of family meals don't stop there. Other perks include: Better eating habits Prevention of serious psychosocial issues Improved self-esteem Improved communication skills Improved resilience Lower likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors Sharing a casserole or bowl of cereal with the family won't magically transform a child or a parent-child relationship, but consistently carving out time to be together, and spending that time listening and encouraging, will.

DID YOU KNOW? INCREASING FREEDOM

Our modern understanding of adolescence comes from an evolving understanding of how this particular phase of life has its own unique challenges and biological, social, cultural and economic influences. Parenting a teen in the 21st century is complicated and ever changing, but we have more science-based knowledge than ever before to help us get it right and to provide the kind of support and guidance these emerging adults need.

LAKE FAMILY | 32

Although being a teenager today has many similarities to when you were a teen, the way your son or daughter will experience their life will likely be quite different from your own experience. Finding the right balance between promoting freedom and providing support is key, and that balance will, and should, continually shift as your teen grows and matures. Spending time strengthening and deepening your relationship with your child during this period will be important as you

Regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression and suicidal thoughts among teens. For recipes, conversation starters, and more information: TheFamilyDinnerProject.org

The California Healthy Youth Act took effect in January of 2016 and requires school districts to provide students with comprehensive sexual health education, along with information about HIV prevention, at least once in middle school and once in high school. This means, that unless you opt out (in writing), your child will receive this instruction which has five primary purposes: To provide knowledge and skills necessary to protect sexual and reproductive health from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, and from unintended pregnancy.

To provide knowledge and skills to develop healthy attitudes concerning adolescent growth and development, body image, gender, sexual orientation, relationships, marriage, and family.

To promote understanding of sexuality as a normal part of human development.

To ensure students receive integrated, comprehensive, accurate, and unbiased sexual health and HIV prevention instruction.

To provide knowledge and skills necessary to have healthy, positive, and safe relationships and behaviors.

Each school district selects its own curriculum and instructional resources to provide this mandatory education, and must notify parents/guardians a minimum of 14 days prior to the start of instruction. If you have questions or want to review the materials in advance, you can contact your child's school.

Parents and guardians have the ultimate responsibility for imparting values regarding sexuality to their children, so it makes sense to be aware of what is being taught at school and supplement those lessons with open conversations at home about your own values and expectations as a family.

DID YOU KNOW? According to a 2019 CDC youth survey, nearly 46% of sexually active high school students did not use a condom the last time they had sex.

According to the 2019 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 38% had ever had sexual intercourse, and less than 10% had ever been tested for HIV or sexually transmitted diseases LAKE FAMILY | 33

The Teen Brain: 7 Things to Know From the NATIONAL INSTITUTE of MENTAL HEALTH

Did you know that big and important changes are happening in the brain during adolescence? Here are 7 things to know about the teen brain:

1

The brain reaches its biggest size in early adolescence.

For girls, the brain reaches its biggest size around 11 years old. For boys, the brain reaches its biggest size around age 14. But this difference does not mean either boys or girls are smarter than one another!

2

The brain continues to mature even after it is done growing.

Though the brain may be done growing in size, it does not finish developing and maturing until the mid- to late 20s.

The front part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last brain regions to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and controlling impulses.

Because these skills are still developing, teens are more likely to engage in risky behaviors without considering the potential results of their decisions.

3

The teen brain is ready to learn and adapt.

The teen brain has lots of plasticity, which means it can change, adapt, and respond to its environment. Challenging academics or mental activities, exercise, and creative activities such as art can help the brain mature and learn.

4

Many mental disorders may begin to appear during adolescence.

Ongoing changes in the brain, along with physical, emotional, and social changes, can make teens vulnerable to mental health problems. All the big changes the brain is experiencing may explain why adolescence is a time when many mental disorders—such as schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and eating disorders—can emerge.

5

Teen brains may be more vulnerable to stress.

Because the teen brain is still developing, teens may respond to stress differently than adults, which could lead to stress-related mental disorders such as anxiety and depression. Mindfulness, which is a psychological process of actively paying attention to the present moment, may help teens cope with and reduce stress. More information on managing stress is available in the National Institute of Mental Health’s fact sheet, 5 Things You Should Know About Stress (www.nimh.nih.gov/stress).

6

Teens need more sleep than children and adults.

Research shows that melatonin (the “sleep hormone”) levels in the blood are naturally higher later at night and drop later in the morning in teens than in most children and adults. This difference may explain why many teens stay up late and struggle with getting up in the morning. Teens should get about 9 to 10 hours of sleep a night, but most teens do not get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can make it difficult to pay attention, may increase impulsivity, and may increase the risk for irritability or depression.

7

The teen brain is resilient.

Although adolescence is a vulnerable time for the brain and for teenagers in general, most teens go on to become healthy adults. Some changes in the brain during this important phase of development actually may help protect against long-term mental disorders.

Finding Help If you or someone you know has a mental illness, is struggling emotionally, or has concerns about their mental health, there are ways to get help. Find more information at www.nimh.nih.gov/findhelp.

Communicating well with your doctor or other health care provider can improve your care and help you both make good choices about your health. Find tips to help prepare and get the most out of your visit at www.nimh.nih.gov/talkingtips.

If you are in immediate distress or are thinking about hurting yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 1-800273-TALK (8255) or the toll-free TTY number at 1-800-799-4TTY (4889). You also can text the Crisis Text Line (HELLO to 741741) or go to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

National Institute of Mental Health

www.nimh.nih.gov NIH Publication No. 20-MH-8078 Revised 2020

LICENSED TO DRIVE

DRIVEN TO SUCCEED MAKE A PLAN

RULES TO FOLLOW

TEEN DRIVER RESTRICTIONS

GETTING A DRIVER'S LICENSE

uring the first 12 months of having a provisional

D

drivers.

f your child wants to get his

I

license, there are additional rules in place for teen

You may NOT drive between 11pm and 5am

driver's license when he turns

You may NOT transport passengers under 20 years

16, then he will need to plan ahead.

1. Start with 25 hours of Online

of age, unless you are accompanied by a parent or

Driver's Ed* around his 15th

guardian or licensed driver 25 years of age or older.

birthday to ensure delivery of the Certificate of Completion.

2. At 15 1/2, complete a Driver License application (available online at dmv.ca.gov) with parent signature, and provide the DMV with documents proving his identity (Birth Certificate, Passport, etc.) and residency (e.g. school document with his name and address) and pass the Written Knowledge Test to obtain a Learner's Permit.

3. Sign up for Behind-the-Wheel Driver's Training**. The first lesson will validate the permit making it legal to practice driving with parents or a licensed CA driver 25 years of age or older. Six hours of training must be completed in six months.

4. Complete 50 hours of supervised

SAFETY

RISKS FOR TEEN DRIVERS t is against the law for drivers

I under eighteen years old to use a cellphone or other wireless communication device while driving, including a hands-free device, unless

driving practice (10 hours of

making a call for emergency services or on

which must be at night).

private property. Rules like this can be

5. Schedule an appointment for the DMV Driving Test.

particularly difficult for teen drivers to accept, since they only apply to them. It is

*Online Driver's Ed costs $13-$50

important to communicate clearly with

**Behind-the-Wheel Driver's

your child about the risks and statistics

Training costs $300-$400.

specifically related to teen drivers.

Lake Family | 36

Teen drivers are nearly 3 times more likely to be in a fatal crash, and traffic collisions are the leading cause of death for teens.

In 2019, 39% of high school students reported texting or emailing while driving during the past month.

Two or more peer passengers more than triples the risk of a fatal crash with a teen behind the wheel.

AAA.com offers a Parent Teen Driving Agreement to help you and your teen

come up with a safe, accountable plan.

Family

p u k c e h C Research provided by the National Institute on Drug Abuse shows the important role that parents play in preventing drug and alcohol use in their children.

Positive parenting is powerful.

Parents are often concerned that their children will start (or are already) using drugs and alcohol including the misuse of prescription drugs. What they may not realize is that there are many simple, routine things that they can do at home that prevent the initiation and progression of drug use by their children, and they are all centered around positive parenting practices.

1.Good Communication - This is the foundation of strong family relationships. It requires plenty of screen-free, stress-free time together to develop.

2. Encouragement - Encouraging your child gives him the confidence to try new things, tackle different tasks, develop new friendships, and explore his creativity. Sarcasm and negativity have the opposite effect.

Comparing your child to his siblings, taking over when his progress is slow, or reminding him of past failures are all destructive patterns that are best to avoid if you want to want your child to believe in his own competence, ideas, and value. If this is something you struggle with, ask for accountability.

3. Negotiation - Negotiating solutions with your teen offers you a way to work together to solve problems, make changes and promote cooperation. When a problem arises where you and your teen disagree, work creatively to come up with a "third option" whenever possible.

4.Setting Limits - Testing limits is a natural part of growing up. It is important to respond to our children rather than react to their words and actions. The easiest way to be sure we respond rather than react is to set clear limits and consequences in advance, then in the heat of the moment when a limit has been tested, you'll have a sane plan of action ready to go.

5.Supervision - Supervision helps parents recognize developing problems, promote safety and stay involved. Know your child's schedule and call at varying times (not during the school day). Have your child check-in with you when he arrives home or reaches his destination. Occasionally surprise your child with a random visit or call.

Remain in contact with the adults who interact with your child.

Don't REACT to your child's words and actions instead, RESPOND. 6. Know Your Child's Friends Adolescence is a period of major growth and change. Youth tend to be uncertain about themselves and how they "fit in," and at times they can feel overwhelmed by a need to please and impress their friends.

Knowing your child's friends and peers will help you to help her in responding to peer pressure and prioritizing values she wants in the people closest to her. Encourage your child to invite her friends to your home, or to invite one or more along when you run errands together or have family outings.

Don't make yourself the center of attention, but be a safe, observant presence and then reflect on what you observed later when you are alone, both positive and negative.

Finally, If you suspect your child is using drugs or alcohol, do not delay in intervening. Drugfree.org offers resources for taking action.

For more information, visit: Family Checkup on drugabuse.gov

LAKEFAMILY

TEEN HEALTH & WELLNESS SLEEP Teens need, on average, nine hours of sleep per night, and the majority don't get enough. Full schedules and late nights combined with hormonal changes that don't make them feel tired until later than ideal are part of the problem. If your teen needs to be up at 7am for school and isn't tired at 10pm, ask them to unplug. Devices stimulate the brain and make it harder to fall asleep. Keeping devices plugged in outside the bedroom can also help teens stay asleep without distracting notifications.

NUTRITION Calories are fuel for a growing brain and body, and teens need more calories during the start of adolescence than at any other point in life!

Teen boys, on average, require 2400-2800 calories and teenage girls require 1800-2400. Healthy choices include vegetables, fruit, whole grains, foods rich in calcium, iron, healthy fats and lean protein. Fast food and junk food will often be readily available when spending time with friends and at events, so providing mostly healthy options at home is a great idea.

EXERCISE Not only is exercise important for physical health, but it is also one of the healthiest and most effective ways to cope with stress and take care of mental health. Teenagers should get about 30 minutes of vigorous exercise per day, five days per week. Walking to the bus stop doesn't count - unless it is strenuous enough to elevate heart rate. Helping your child find a physical activity or sport he loves, may be one of the most important things you do for his lifelong health.

LAKE FAMILY | 38

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS From TeenMentalHealth.org "Parenting Your Teen Primer for Parents"

Children learn about relationships through example. The relationships your teen has with you and the rest of your family shape the way their brain recognizes and understands relationships.

Do everything you can to have a positive, supportive, and open relationship with your child. Use your relationship with your teenager, with your partner, and with your other children to model healthy relationships for your teenager.

Healthy relationships involve support and understanding, honest and open communication, equal give and take, and clearly defined boundaries that are appropriate for the age, developmental level, and relationships status of the two people involved (e.g. understanding that open and honest communication doesn't involve telling your teenager about your sex life or that equal give and take doesn't include placing undue burden on your child for financial responsibilities). Your teen will take this relationship model with them throughout life.

You are the mirror through which your child sees themselves, especially when they are young. As a teenager, friends and peers also start to influence how your teen understands themselves. Help your child think through how the actions and words of their friends are impacting their sense of self and encourage them to enforce healthy boundaries, and choose to invest in healthy friendships.

CONFLICT & COMMUNICATION Your teenager will get angry with you, your ideas and your directions. There will be times when they think you are being unfair. That's okay. In fact, it's good for your teen to challenge your perspectives and use your responses to guide their new learning. Conflict is a normal and healthy part of life. How your teen deals with conflict will be learned in large part from you.

LISTEN 1

This is the single most important thing you can do. Pay attention to what your teen is saying verbally and nonverbally. Don't spend the time they are talking thinking about your own response.

DON'T INTERRUPT 2

Let your teenager express her thoughts without jumping in or jumping to conclusions. Expect the same of your teenager.

SPEAK CLEARLY 3

4

5

Pause before you respond to ensure that what you say is actually what you want to say. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and blurt out something you don't really mean or later regret.

From TeenMentalHealth.org "Parenting Your Teen Primer for Parents

6

TONE & BODY LANGUAGE Be aware of not only what you say, but how you say it. If your teen is sitting, choose to sit down as well. Model the tone and body language you want to see expressed - don't raise your voice, cross your arms or avoid eye contact if you don't want your teen to do those things.

7

CLARIFY Often what we mean to say and what someone hears us say are different. Ask them what they think you said or meant.

8

EMPATHIZE Try to understand where your teen is coming from without telling them how they feel or putting words into their mouths. Tell a story about a time you've experienced something similar and how it made you feel.

TRY SIDE-BY-SIDE Often, sitting face to face can be intimidating. Try talking while riding in the car, doing the dishes, or taking a walk.

Doing something else can help release negative energy that otherwise enters the conversation.

TAKE A BREAK If things get too heated, allow the option to walk away and begin the conversation again later. Clearer heads may prevail with space.

WHAT'S NEXT AFTER HIGH SCHOOL? Choosing a career is a big life step, and what your teen is interested in pursuing will guide their next steps after graduation, and even in her junior and senior years of high school.

If your high schooler hasn't settled on a career path to explore, encourage her to visit californiacolleges.edu/#/choosing-acareer where she will find an Interest Profiler and a Career Search Tool as well as a link to Bright Outlook careers which are positions that are likely to have job openings over the next several years.

Your student should have a sense of excitement about her future, and the options that are available. Joining the military, entering a trade apprenticeship, or pursuing an industry certification are options that your teen might find herself well suited to, Don't discourage her

from researching all her options and coming to a decision that she is proud to explore.

Lake Family | 40

"Oh, the places you'll go!"

If your son or daughter has their sights set on a college degree, you should know that process begins early in high school. Working with his school counselor to select classes that are required for college admission, looking at options for dual enrollment (taking college classes while still in high school), preparing for and taking college entrance exams (like the ACT or SAT), and applying for scholarships are all things that he should explore months or years before high school graduation is on the horizon.

While your child can get an excellent education at almost any college in the country, his success will likely depend more on the college environment, social and emotional factors than school rankings.

Students can visit settogo.org to explore how to choose a college that is right for them, and then set up visits for the schools that they find most appealing.

The price of a college education may be a problem for your student, but it may not be as big of a problem as you, or they, imagine it to be. Financial aid is available for many who might not otherwise be able to attend.

Through the California College Promise Grant, tuition is covered for two years at community college for full-time, firsttime qualifying students.

The Cal Grant is the state's biggest financial aid program for low to middle income students.

The Chafee Grant for Foster Youth provides up to $5,000 per year in tuition/expenses for students who were ever in foster care between ages 16-18.

The Middle Class Scholarship covers between 10%-40% of tuition and fees for students with family income up to $184,000.

Completing the FAFSA at studentaid.gov will be your first step.

COLLEGE VISITS

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR TIME ON CAMPUS

TAKE THE TOUR

Official tours are often led by current students. Your child will be able to ask questions about the things that matter most to them and get answers from a peer.

VISIT A FRESHMAN DORM

Seeing where you might be living will help you understand what life could be like on campus. Dorm life is very different from family life, and your student might find that there are certain amenities that will make the adjustment easier for them.

MEET A PROFESSOR

If your student is interested in a specific major or area of study, speaking to a professor that they are likely to study under will provide them with a glimpse into what they can expect to learn and how rigorous the learning process will be, as well as the types of support that are available to students.

LAKE FAMILY | 41

CAREER TRAINING OPTIONS DOG TAGS

TRADES

APPRENTICESHIPS

MILITARY SERVICE

or young adults interested in learning a trade as,

F a career pathway, finding the right apprenticeship or trade school is an important first step. Whether your

oining a branch of the military

J is a big decision, and can be

son or daughter is interested in carpentry, brick work,

approached in many ways. You'll

masonry, electrical work, firefighting, power line work,

want to help your soon-to-be-

or another trade that transitions into a job,

graduate clarify her goals... Are you

CalApprenticeship.org is a great resource to begin

interested in serving as a career, or as

exploring options that can lead to rewarding careers.

a means of job training, or to help pay for college? Are you interested in active duty, reserve status, or the national guard? Do you want to enlist or look into Reserve Officer Training Corps, or attending a service academy?

Recruiters can provide a lot of information and walk your son or daughter through the pathways available for their particular branch, and a lot of information can be found online as well. Check out military.com/join-armed-forces to

learn more about each branch of the service, the ASVAB Test, contacting recruiters, military careers and benefits, eligibility requirements and more. Once your son or daughter has

ACADEMY

LAW ENFORCEMENT here are many ways to be involved in

T the criminal justice system and law

how to proceed. Every field has different requirements. For example, the minimum

selected a path forward, it is time to

enforcement. If your son or daughter is

age to enter a police academy is 18, but

prepare by focusing on improving

interested, help them narrow down what

the minimum age of a highway patrol

physical fitness, strength and

fields appeal to them most - corrections

officer is 20. Some fields require passing

endurance, practicing self discipline,

officer, fish and game warden, sheriff

physical fitness tests or having a driver's

taking a practice ASVAB Test, and

deputy, security guard, detective or

license. Here are some links to help

spending time learning from

investigator, highway patrol, border patrol,

kickstart a search:

veterans in your family and

secret service agent, dispatcher, etc. Once

community.

they have identified the path that interests

wildlife.ca.gov/Enforcement/Career

them most and that matches best with

post.ca.gov/faqs

their personality, skills and abilities, they

chp.ca.gov/chp-careers

will be able to gather information about

lakesheriff.com

LAKE FAMILY 42

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Children Learn What They Live - Dorthy Law Nolte

LAKE FAMILY FRIENDS:

Creation and publication of Lake Family is made possible by funding from First 5 Lake County and a Cann Grant from County of Lake