Senior Living Summer 2019

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

Summer 2019

Senior Living Don’t let age define you, define how you age.

• The mountains are calling • The joys of grandparenting • Time to get moving

SENIOR LIVING

Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

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No endings, only lots of new beginnings I’m a senior. Yes, it’s true. I’m older than 55. Actually, older than 60. There, I’ve said it. I have knees that don’t always want to support me and joints that ache. I’m taking some meds on a regular basis. My body shows signs of my biological age, but my spirit doesn’t. It’s still kicking around inside, threatening to break out and occasionally it does. I recently went flying in a Stearman biplane.

This wonderful flying machine is actually older than me.

One of my best friends, Marianne Clyde is preparing to trek to the base camp of Mount Everest this fall. She’s doing it as part of a fundraising effort

by World Hope International to bring awareness to the shortage of water worldwide. We just had some work done at the house and the contractor is in his late 70s. I wrote a feature not long ago about a fellow in his 90s who is still mowing the lawn and climbing up on his roof. And then there’s my favorite actress Sophia Loren. At 84, she’s coming out with a new film next year produced by her son, Edoardo Ponti. Charming. The film, titled “La vita davanti a sé” (“The Life Ahead”), will see her as Madame Rosa, a wheelchair-bound Holocaust survivor who befriends a 12-year-old Senegalese immigrant.

I’m happy to report that our creative capacity doesn’t dissipate in the slightest. Remembering my philosophy classes from college, the Ger-

FROM WHERE I SIT ANITA SHERMAN man philosopher Immanuel Kant, as one example, published some of his greatest works between ages 60 and 80. Yeah, still time to finish my novel.

Apparently, we’re part of a tsunami of older Americans living longer and living healthier. That’s the key. I read a recent statistic that said if you are relatively healthy at age 55, you have a solid chance of making it to 85 and remaining healthy.

My father was happy to retire from the federal government in the early ’70s. While he drove my mother crazy until they settled into a comfortable retirement rhythm, he had plenty of time to hit the golf course, travel to Hawaii, and make the family huge Sunday brunches. He also had time to perfect his slingshot skills as he targeted backyard squirrels and the neighbor’s cat from harassing his new friends – the blue jays. He also fed them peanuts. This friendship and connection with nature went on for years.

Another thing I’ve learned is that they are called the golden years for a reason. Aging has its perks. We’re

pretty good at using what we’ve learned. It’s called crystalized intelligence and it just keeps getting better with age.

Grumpy? According to WebMD, we’re likely to be more agreeable – at least through our 60s. We’re happier and less likely to get angry. Perhaps it’s because we’re more focused on getting the most out of life.

Sexy? As older women we may have less sex than when we were younger but, again, according to a study at WebMD, researchers found that sexual satisfaction improved with age. Women over 80 were more likely than those between 55 and 79 to say they were satisfied during sex.

Still working? Not everyone dreams of retiring. According to the U.S. Department of Labor statistics, there are 1.2 million people 75 and older who work full- or part-time.

This year, according to the National Council on Aging, more than 40 percent of Americans 55 plus will be working, making up more than 25 percent of the U.S. labor force.

Societal norms and statistics had many of us believing that at some numerical age, most likely 65, that we should step out of the work world and collect social security and maybe move to Ecuador. The reality is that, for many, it’s not financially feasible. Retiring can have other negative consequences. It may not be the best thing for your health unless you have

a fun second career or interest. A study called the Longevity Project found that people who work hard at a job they enjoy live the longest.

I had tea the other day with a local business woman, who nearing 76, looks forward to all that is ahead. “I’m happier than ever,” she said smiling.

I’ve always been an advocate for no ends, just a series of new beginnings. So that brings me to this special section on senior living that we’ve put together particularly for all of us seniors, oldsters, boomers or wise enlightened ones.

Enjoy and let’s keep living, learning, and loving!

Reach Anita Sherman at asherman@fauquier.com

On the Cover

Selfie taken by Anita Sherman while flying in Stearman biplane.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

The mountains are calling Staying young and connected in the high country

PHOTOS COURTESY OF JOHN HAGARTY

Regional trails afford hikers vistas like these.

By John Hagarty

Contributing Writer

The fountain of youth is movement. Science has proven this so many times that most of us glaze over when we are urged to get out and about. Neighborhood walks fill the prescription for staying healthy, but they can get boring.

Often done individually and on the same route month after month, the natural joy of walking can begin to fade. And come winter, many prefer to gaze out the window rather than don the fleece jacket and hit the pavement.

Hiking clubs might be a cure for the exercise blues; they embody the two most important keys to longevity and mental well-being: exercise and social connection.

The lack of social relationships is as much a risk factor for death as smoking or obesity. People with limited social involvement or who feel lonely have a 29 percent higher risk of heart disease and a 32 percent higher risk of stroke.

An obvious but underutilized path to wellness is to stay active within a community of like-minded folks.

A stellar example of this powerful connection of body and mind are thru-hikers who each year embrace the challenge of hiking the entire Appalachian Trail.

The AT is the most iconic of long-distance mountain footpaths.

Stretching from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin in Maine, it rises and falls along the spine of the Appalachian Mountains for 2,192 miles.

Three million hikers annually spend some time on sections of the trail. Some 4,000 committed outdoor enthusiasts attempt to complete

the entire hike in one season. It typically takes five to six months. Only one in four succeed.

But anyone who attempts the journey will become part of a “tramily”; a group of hikers who start their journey about the same time and bond as they seek to complete the entire trail.

The AT speed record stands at 41 days. Karel Sabbe reached the trail’s end at Mount Katahdin last August completing the AT faster than anyone before him. Forget reaching for the calculator. That’s an average of 53 miles a day.

Another AT giant is Warren Doyle, who completed the entire AT hike 18 times. That’s 39,000 miles. After graduating from college and earning his master’s degree, he realized, “I had to do something no one was telling me to do—no rewards, no cheerleaders, no scholarships, something I was not going to get paid for,” Doyle said.

Recently a young thru-hiker stayed overnight at the Gravel Spring shelter in the Shenandoah National Park and left these comments in the shelter’s log book: “The inexorable march of time drags us along in its wake. We are allotted a small measurable span in which to leave our own stamp upon this sphere. Humans, in general, are

Founder of Blue Mountain Hiking Club Andreas Keller with writer John Hagarty.

pressed to rush and strive; a race to see who has the most when they die.

But in taking the trek on the Appalachian Trail one can meander, smell the roses, and find oneself. What you walk away with from your quest depends upon your daily decisions and timeline. Make the most of every day and avoid mindless marching.

Immerse yourself in the experience doing all possible – practically. One wouldn’t want to gaze back through the years wishing one could have seen and done more. So, eat drink and be merry with your extended ‘tramily’ making memories to span a lifetime! Square Peg (trail name).

June 25, 2019.”

These are sensitive and heartfelt words by an individual who likely will spend a life involved in hiking with friends. But the vast majority of today’s active seniors are not seeking to conquer the Appalachian Trail. They may simply be looking for a group of like-minded hikers for exercise and camaraderie.

Blue Mountain Hiking Club

There are numerous hiking clubs in the D.C. metro area with the premier organization being the Potomac Appalachian Trail Club. The club maintains more than 1,000 miles of trails in Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania.

Our tri-county area is fortunate to have a local organization that is popular with a group of some 270 hikers; many of them seniors. It’s called Blue Mountain Hiking Club and it sponsors numerous monthly hikes in addition to backpacking, skiing, and cycling excursions as the seasons dictate.

Typically, each hike has about 10 attendees, offering the opportunity to get to know your fellow hikers and establish enduring friendships. The

distance averages 5 to 8 miles; there are no marathons for these folks.

Each hike is led by an experienced trail maven, so attendees do not have to plan routes, carry maps or even be concerned about transportation. A small day pack with a snack and a couple bottles of water is the only investment necessary to become linked with this convivial group of “mountaineers.”

At the end of each outing, the hearty band gathers at a local tavern or restaurant to “rehydrate” and break bread. The organization embodies the spirit of a shared, health-centered experience.

The founder of the club is Andreas Keller, a retired international banker and native of Switzerland.

Keller’s enthusiastic personality defines the spirit of the club. He is eager to introduce trail newbies to the joys of hiking and is affectionately known as “Special K” to his friends.

At the completion of one of his backpack trips, he reflected on the interesting group of people he met on the trail. “It was a highly inspiring night and as I reflected on this by the campfire, I felt bonded to all there and I realized our commonality was a deep love for nature and for spending time to explore it,” Keller said.

Most Blue Mountain hikes depart from Clevenger’s Corner on Route 211, 8 miles west of Warrenton or from the Marshall Food Lion.

As the famed naturalist and environmental philosopher John Muir once said, “The mountains are calling, and I must go.”

To become a member and learn about upcoming hikes, visit www. meetup.com/Blue-Mountain-Hiking-Club.

See more business and feature stories at hagarty-on-wine.com.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

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The joys of grandparenting

By Debra H. Smyers Contributing Writer

Grandmothers have treasured nicknames like Granny, Gram, Gigi, Nana, Mimi and Mee-Maw. Even the Queen of England is adoringly called GanGan by her grandson Prince George.

The endearing names are often happenstance when young children try to pronounce the more formal names of “grandmother” or “grandma.” Grandfathers sport nicknames also, including Gramps, Grandpa, Grandpappy, PawPaw and Big Daddy.

Whatever the name, it is really all about the special loving bond between a grandparent and grandchild.

For some, that connection begins before the child is even born. Babies can hear some of the hustle and bustle of preparing for their arrival. The conversations that occur when shopping, setting up the nursery, and practicing lullabies can be overheard.

According to the Mayo Clinic, babies in the womb can start hearing at about 16 weeks. “At 25 weeks into pregnancy, your baby might be able to respond to familiar sounds, such as your voice, with movement.” Imprinting begins early, right along with all the planning going on.

Some grandparents choose to attend a “grandparenting” class offered by the hospital where the baby will be

born. Many grandparents-to-be appreciate the tour of the hospital, especially if they will be present in the delivery room. Sometimes expectant parents will request that the grandmother or grandfather be present for the birth for moral support, especially when there is a potentially long first labor.

The grandparenting class is also helpful to understand what the mom and dad are being taught about childcare; this keeps everyone on the same page for topics like safety, nutrition and medical procedures. Top-of-thelist advice is for infants to have no bumper pads or blankets in the crib and for all caregivers to adhere to the slogan “on the back is best” for sleeping babies.

A newer nutrition recommendation is for avacado to be the first solid food introduced.

Vaccines are discussed in the classes, as is the importance of Tdap shots for parents, siblings, grandparents and caregivers to protect the baby from tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis (whooping cough).

There are also classes offered at hospitals for soon-to-be brothers and sisters. Parents and grandparents find them helpful to prepare the entire family for the big celebration.

A few months after the baby is born, there are activities at local libraries that encourage bonding with

infants. The internet offers a wealth of follow-up class homework for new parents and grandparents. Calming techniques for the “happiest baby” include reading about Dr. Harvey Karp’s five ways that begin with the letter “s,” specifically “swaddle, side-stomach position, shush, swing, and suck.”

With all the information, however, there is nothing quite as soothing as an experienced grandmother’s way of holding and slightly swaying with the baby. Even with all the years between a child and a grandchild, that motion comes back immediately.

Some grandparents are so effective at this that they are referred to as the “baby whisperers.” Age-old traditions of lullabies and rocking chairs are still effective soothing tools.

Grandparents are busy grandparenting, some several days a week. According to AARP, “The baby boom has become the grandparent boom: There are now more grandparents in the U.S. than ever before — some 70 million.”

The excitement, bond and devoted love is exponential. Just ask Johnny James, a fun-loving grandfather called Papa John by his grandchildren and his caring wife who goes by Grandmother. The couple recently downsized and moved from Goldvein to Warrenton.

“We have 12 wonderful grand-

children and are looking forward to spending even more time with them” said Patsy with a beaming smile.

“Yes, six boys, and six girls,” Johnny said, grinning from ear to ear.

Some first-time grandparents experience the birth of multiple babies all at once. Anne Schalestock has worked at the Town Duck on Warrenton’s Main Street for 15 years.

During the first eight years, many of her friends became grandparents and brought them by the shop. Then in 2009, Anne’s daughter Jeanne-Marie Tufts and son-in-law Max Tufts excitedly shared the news that she was about to become a grandmother as they were expecting twins.

About a month later, Anne recalled, “They called me at work to say that instead of twins, the doctor had just confirmed that they were having triplet girls!” A few years later a brother was born.

To the delight of everyone in the family, both sets of devoted grandparents live close by. Anne and John Schalestock are “Gigi and PaPa” and Maria and Max Tufts are “Grammie and Pa.” Gigi exclaims, “Becoming a grandmother has been great and keeps getting better. It’s the most rewarding thing and such a blessing!”

Reach Smyers at debra@artsconsultinginternational.com or 800-7544507.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

Staying connected

By Klaus Fuechsel

Maintaining close connections to family, friends, and the community improves life quality and happiness immensely. This is especially true for those living alone.

Case in point: My widowed mother is still living in her old apartment in Munich. I set up her computer for emails, Alexa and Skype, and can login remotely from time to time to make sure that everything is still working right. The highlight of her week is the Sunday Skype session with her children and grandchildren in Germany, the U.S. and Africa.

She also uses a tablet to play card games, especially solitaire.

One of the easiest ways to stay in touch is through smartphones. There are also special phones made for different physical needs. I recently persuaded my mother-in-law to try an iPhone and give up her old flip phone.

At first, anything except phone calls was difficult for her. But I told her, “Don’t get frustrated, just because you can’t do certain things, yet, and don’t understand it all. Welcome to the club! Concentrate on one thing at a time. Let’s start with sending a text message to your daughter. ‘Are you coming for dinner at 7 p.m.?’ Then practice using it, so you don’t forget

home computer assistants are even better. Every morning my mom in Munich wakes up and says, ”Alexa, WHAT’S UP play ‘Good Day Sunshine’” and the DOK? Beatles song starts playing. She can ask for the local weather or even the weather here in Warrenton. Some people complain that talking to a machine is impersonal and worry about who could be listening in on conversations. (Amazon? Google? how it is done. It will eventually be- FINANCIAL A hacker?) On the other hand, for come natural and you won’t have to PLANNING someone who lives alone, it is anthink about the technology.” other way to stay connected with SARAH Another evening, my wife set her the world. With a voice-controlled ATKINS up with a Gmail account and taught cellphone, Alexa or Google assisher how to use the most important tant, one can also easily call for help. features, so she can contact friends That’s a good thing. and her doctor that way, too. It took a while, but now my mother-in-law Staying healthy Need mental stimulation? You can uses her phone and computer regularGROW use a computer or apps for exercising ly and can’t imagine doing without.

STRONG Another nice feature in modern the brain with games such as Scrabphones is the camera. I use it for ble or Lumosity. You can download MONICA snapshots in case I don’t want to for- e-books, audio books, and e-magaFERNANDI get something I saw, or when I see zines, and many are available for free a beautiful sunset. Click. And later, through the local library.

Many people like the Kindle, a I post the picture on Facebook or handy light tablet that makes reademail it to my wife.

My mother-in-law has enjoyed ing easier, since you can magnify the learning how to document wildlife ALESIA fonts. But you can also get a Kindle and garden specimens. By the way, app for your computer.

HOUSE Having trouble remembering apthere are free applications (apps) that pointments?

Most phones have apps can help find the name of the flower to set up reminders for medication, apor animal that was just photographed. pointments, shopping lists and more.

Voice recognition and control softNeed vision assistance?

The cellware is a very useful feature of modern phones. If you can’t type, you can phone can be turned into a magnifyspeak into your phone and it will type ing glass and flashlight. Best of all, your message, more or less correctly. such apps can be downloaded for free And for seniors, voice-controlled and are available on most devices.

KLAUS FUECHSEL

Worried about health? Wearable technology can be life-saving. For instance, the AI-equipped Apple Watch can detect irregular heartbeats and alert about signs of a stroke. There are also computer-connected bracelets and necklaces that can measure blood oxygen, physical fitness and sleep activity too.

With computers, notebooks, voice-activated assistants and smartphones, seniors can enjoy digital access, support and connections to their family, friends and the world.

At the same time, they should learn to be cautious before accepting or buying into anything; unfortunately, there are a lot of scams through the phone, emails and internet that target the elderly.

Many seniors may need initial help from an “internet native” of the younger generation. Those assisting with a senior’s entrance into the digital world should be patient; it’s easy to confuse people with unfamiliar computer jargon. It’s best to take it slow and let them get comfortable with the technology step by step.

Technology can be tricky, but the possible social and health benefits are well worth the time and investment.

Klaus Fuechsel founded Warrenton’s Dok Klaus Computer Care in 2002 and is known for his German-American humor and computer house calls. He and his award-winning tech team work hard to save data and solve their clients’ computer cases. Any questions? Ask the Dok at 540428-2376 or go to www.dokklaus.com.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

Time to get moving

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Fauquier offers plenty of exercise options

PHOTO BY COY FERRELL. Vickie Haydon, 81, of Warrenton, performs an exercise during a TRX class at Warrenton Aquatic & Recreation Facility. The class, instructed by the WARF’s fitness director Beth Chamberlain, is offered twice a week.

By Coy Ferrell

Contributing Writer

Being older no longer means being sedentary, according to Warrenton’s director of parks and recreation, Margaret Rice.

“It’s an active time in life. I think it’s kind of cool to think you have this rich retirement life with exercising and being able to go out and hike and take those trips and do all those things you want to do.”

Local fitness professionals agree there are added barriers that come with aging, but emphasize that exercise is for everyone – especially, perhaps, for seniors. The benefits can be pronounced.

The Centers for Disease Control says that reduced physical movement is in part to blame for the loss of energy as people get older and recommends that older adults engage in some form of movement every day. According to the CDC, that exercise does not have to be strenuous in order to make a positive impact on health and wellbeing.

That is not to say that age necessarily reduces one’s ability to be fit.

“I have a cardio class where I have 70-plus-year-olds in with 30-yearolds. They’re impressive!” says Beth Chamberlain, the fitness coordinator for the Warrenton Aquatic and Recreation Facility.

“I look at some of these 70-plus year-olds and I think, ‘Gosh, I want to be able to do that when I’m that age!’”

“Getting to a gym is the hard-

est part,” says Chamberlain. Many people will have limitations in what their body can do, but any exercise can be modified around physical limitations. Anyone “can do their level and still get a great workout.”

Kim Forsten, who owns Old Town Athletic Campus in Warrenton with her husband, says older adults should not use age as an excuse for not exercising.

“We’ve gotta be moving! We’ve gotta work at it!” she says in a lighthearted-but-persistent tone.

OTAC’s twice-weekly group fitness class called “Move It or Lose It” is especially geared towards older adults and is described with that same cheerful urgency: “Face it, you’re not getting any younger but you can feel like you are!” says OTAC’s website.

There are numerous fitness centers and exercise classes in Fauquier County that cater to the full spectrum of ages, experience and physical limitations.

Norma Thatcher, a 68-year-old Warrenton resident, began exercising regularly at Fauquier Health Wellness Center last year. She says she was spurred to begin working out by research touting the benefits of exercise not just to physical health, but to cognitive function as well.

Like many people her age, Thatcher says, “I was intimidated by the thought of going to any gym with already super-fit people and my vision

of big guys grunting as they picked up hundreds of pounds of weights.”

Thatcher chose the Wellness Center as her workout space especially because it has weekly classes that are created with older adults in mind. One of these is Zumba Gold, a 50-minute program she attends every Tuesday. The class “modifies the moves and pacing to suit the needs of the active older participant,” according to the Wellness Center’s website.

Over time, Thatcher has added solo workouts to her regimen, but still appreciates the benefits of group exercise. “One of the most gratifying aspects [of the Wellness Center classes] for me is seeing people of various fitness and agility levels doing the same routine.”

She adds that the instructors are attentive to each individual’s needs, so her workout “feels tailored” to her even when exercising in a group.

Group exercise classes can be a good starting point for older adults, says OTAC’s Forsten. Class instructors are “developing a skill set for them so that they can come in and work out on their own and feel confident about it.”

Chamberlain echoes this sentiment, emphasizing that instructors can ensure that any exercise is customized based on individual needs.

For instance, “Everybody can do a squat. Maybe somebody wouldn’t sit as deeply as someone else. [It’s important to] ensure correct form. I

wouldn’t necessarily say ‘This exercise is for a 20-something year-old and this exercise is for a 70-year-old.

I would say ‘This exercise can be modified to work for you.’”

In addition, the social aspect of group exercise is often particularly important for older adults, making classes a great option for some, according to Forsten.

“We thrive on emotional connections, we enjoy friendly competition, we need to be held accountable and like being motivated. We love sharing positive results with each other.

Most enjoy the social interaction that comes along with group exercise.”

A similar dynamic plays out at the WARF, explains Rice.

“We even have games that can be checked out and you’ll see a lot of people sitting out playing Rummikub in the lobby after classes because there’s a big social component” to exercise for many seniors.

Group exercise classes may be the perfect fit for some older adults, while some may prefer exercising by themselves or with a partner.

In the end, the specific gym or exercise program you choose is not the primary concern, advises Thatcher.

“Just start. Do something. Take that first step.”

Coy Ferrell is a freelance writer and photographer. Reach him at coydferrell@gmail.com

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019 14574 Lee Highway, Amissville, VA 20106 540-937-5500

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• Gym, group classes, personal training, specialized rehab for those recovering from surgeries • Senior-friendly features/classes • Zumba Gold • Gentle Yoga • Golden Tone • Stretch, Strength & Balance • Tai Chi Fusion • Golden Tone

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SENIOR LIVING

Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

27

Still sexy in your 60s

By Marianne Clyde

Special to the Fauquier Times

Every day, while driving around, I am barraged by ads reminding me of ways to improve my sex life. First, for men, there’s that little blue pill. But that one takes 30 minutes and leaves you with a red face and runny nose, apparently. So, then there is the option of something called “Code Red,” and WOW! That works in 7 seconds, I’m told. After that, I’m informed that, if my sex life is lacking and I have no libido as a woman, there is a pill that will revive my sexual appetite. And the lady on the radio says it really works!

Yippee.

I get it. We 60-somethings are at an age when our sex drive and physical capabilities are not what they were in

our 20’s. In many ways, that is not a bad thing, so I wonder why we are so eager to pretend we are younger than we are.

Perhaps it’s because we never learned how to appreciate where we actually are at any given age.

We’ve come a long way, baby.

There’s a magic pill for everything that ails you.

Anxious? There’s a pill for you.

Depressed? Yup, there’s a pill for that, too.

Your kids got too much energy for you? You got it. Ask your pediatrician for a prescription drug to slow him down.

Sex not what it used to be? Of course, they’ve got a pill to fix that, too.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not anti-doctors or anti-medication. What I prefer, though, is to consider other op-

tions first — the free options with no detrimental side effects. They can be just as habit-forming but don’t trigger headaches or nausea or an erection lasting four hours.

How? Glad you asked.

Our “microwave” society wants what it wants now. We send a text message and get angry if someone doesn’t respond immediately. We shoot off an email without considering first how our words might be interpreted, and the recipient gets offended. We take naked photos of ourselves and send them over our smart phone. Oh yeah, that’s Anthony Wiener, sorry.

We communicate impulsively in sound bites, without taking time to think things through. We rush from one appointment to the other, even if we are retired, because we’ve come to

believe the big lie that says being still just means you’re lazy or not important. We can sit next to each other on the couch and communicate through Facebook. Then we are supposed to jump into bed and BAM! Awesome.

Want more romance In your life?

Here are some suggestions: When was the last time you got showered and dressed up, put on your perfume and went to a romantic dinner, instead of running out in your jeans and tennis shoes? Date nights are important, even if you’re together all the time.

Do you close your computers in the evening and park your cellphones and just play a game or watch a movie together?

Have you tried reading a book together? Any book it doesn’t have to be a marriage manual.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

What was the last adventure you took together? Could be just a motorcycle ride or a hike up Old Rag, stopping for a picnic on the way back. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

Do you spend time talking to your friends about your partner, telling them how much you appreciate the fact that your husband cooked dinner for you last night? Or are you always bad mouthing him?

Did you cook dinner for her last night?

Are you careful of your words? Are you kind or critical? [I don’t care if you think you’re just telling the truth. You don’t have to speak everything that you think is true.]

If you have trouble staying awake late or your health makes it difficult for you to have sex late at night, have you tried the middle of the afternoon?

Sometimes it helps to plan ahead and schedule it or tell your partner in the morning that you’d like to make love later.

A normal issue with older couples is dryness, have you tried a lubricant?

Or if there’s another issue, try talking about it. Maybe there’s an easy remedy.

Maybe there’s something you need to ask your doctor.

When was the last time you studied your partner and told him or her how great s/he looks to you? She’s not 20 anymore. Neither are you. There’s beauty in that.

Have you considered what makes your partner feel loved? It may be different than what makes you feel loved.

You might like just spending time together. Your partner might appreciate if you took a few of his/her chores off his/ her plate. You might like physical affec-

tion. S/he might like a small gift once in a while. Sometimes words of appreciation are important, even if you think s/ he should know.

If there has been a betrayal, you really must come totally clean and ask forgiveness. And the betrayed partner, if s/he chooses to stay, must learn to forgive, and over time to let it go and not use it as a club. Get counseling.

We all screw up from time to time.

Are you humble enough to ask forgiveness for even smaller offenses along the way? That’s different than just saying, “I told you I’m sorry.”

Have you tried lighting scented candles in your bedroom and creating a romantic atmosphere? [Generally, the glow of the TV doesn’t do that.]

Can you make a list of all the qualities you really DO appreciate about your partner?

If you are married, can you make a list of the things you really like about the institution of marriage? Know why you are together and not apart; and focus on that.

Are you each involved in things that keep life exciting and new? This gives you interesting stuff to talk about.

Do you still hold hands?

Do you still kiss for no reason?

If you choose to be with your partner, choose to be happy about it. Otherwise, you’re choosing to be miserable; and forgive my saying so, but that’s just plain stupid.

Yes, there are things that have gone wrong over the years.

No, you don’t see eye to eye on ev-

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erything.

Yes, sometimes things get too familiar and you stop trying to be your charming self.

Just remember: Even though our society focuses on the superficial aspects of romance, like enhancing sexual performance, sex is just a small part of what goes into romancing your partner.

Lovemaking only takes a few minutes out of your day. Everything else is foreplay; and how you manage foreplay will ultimately determine the quality of your lovemaking, with or without a pill.

Retired from her counseling center, Marianne Clyde remains active as an author, motivational speaker, and chairman and president of Be the Change Foundation. She plans to trek to the base camp of Mt. Everest this fall as part of World Hope International’s program to bring awareness to worldwide water shortages. Reach her at marianneclyde@gmail.com.

PHOTO COURTESY OF MARIANNE CLYDE

Author and world traveler Marianne Clyde adds sky diving to her repertoire of life’s opportunities.

SENIOR LIVING

Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

29

Traveling for seniors made easy

More seniors are able to travel as they get older, thanks to the many vendors that focus on accessibility.

Of all age groups, seniors have the most time and resources to be able to travel. Although an eight-hour plane ride to travel internationally might be more than some would like to take on, there are many other viable options for this age group.

One hidden gem that many have not considered is a steamboat cruise.

A popular option is taking an American steamboat cruise down the Mississippi or the Cumberland Rivers,

ALESIA HOUSE starting in Memphis and ending in New Orleans. If the Northeast is more your flair, try the Grand New England Cruise, where you can stop in Maine to eat lobster, check out Martha’s Vineyard, and discover

gorgeous harbors, bays and towns along the way. Or, start in Seattle and cruise the Puget Sound or the Inside Passage of Alaska.

The Columbia and Snake Rivers of the West will give you the opportunity to see the epic route forged

by Lewis and Clark more than 200 years ago. You will sail to Portland, Mount St. Helens, and beautiful Clarkston, Washington. This region features abundant wildlife, which you’re sure to see throughout your journey. If history and southern hospitality appeal to you more, cruise the historic south through Charleston and Savannah.

These smaller boats hold about 180 people and are entirely handicap-accessible. Each room and area of the ship is designed with the older generation in mind. You arrive in your departing city for an overnight hotel stay. The next morning you’re brought to your ship where you’re greeted by the staff who are there to assist you in every way possible.

These ships specialize in personalized service.

Each boat has elevator access to all the decks and easy-access balconies, where you can sit and enjoy the sights as you sail by. An all-American crew, historians, and naturalists are all on board to make your cruise

the best it can be. Nightly entertainment and fine regionally inspired cuisine and wine pairings are all included in your cost. Staff also assists at each port, taking you by motor coach to all the must-see destinations.

Need a scooter, oxygen tank, or other assistance? Not a problem; that can be easily arranged.

If a larger ship is more your style, Special Needs at Sea is a company that can provide you with everything you need to make your trip easier and more accessible. Using a travel agent to assist with all the plans and reservations is the first decision; the harder choice is deciding which destination to visit.

Having personalized service before, during, and after your trip can take the stress out of planning and getting to your destination. From wheelchair assistance at the airport to boarding the ship, traveling for seniors is easier and more accessible than ever before.

Alesia House is a local travel concierge who can plan and orchestrate all the details of your vacation. Her goal is to help clients have stress-free vacations that will create lasting memories. Contact alesia@ ibooktravelforu.com or www.ibooktravelforu.com.

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Fauquier Times | www.fauquier.com | July 31, 2019

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