Hippo-sized hazards, predatory pets

Three alligators have been found over the past few years in the city limits of Akron, Ohio, alone. You must have an exotic pet license to own an alligator in Ohio, and at last count, approximately 20 people are licensed to own alligators in the Cleveland area. This just goes to show you can have a very nice city and people are still going to make choices that mean WE CANNOT HAVE NICE THINGS.

Two alligators were discovered to be living in a Dayton, Ohio, area river. Two alligators. Let that sink in. Also, let alligators sink in. You should be able to believe in your deepest heart that Ohio winters are a fair tradeoff for NEVER HAVING A CARE IN THE WORLD THAT YOU MIGHT MEET AN ALLIGATOR IN OHIO WATERS. I enjoy boating and swimming in Ohio waters and I did not sign up for this level of risk.

Smart. Wildlife officials were unable to capture the alligators. Yes, you read that right. They EVADED CAPTURE. This makes them smarter than most human criminals. This fact does absolutely nothing to alleviate my concerns. It has since been reported that one alligator was killed by law enforcement officers. So now we are down to “just” one lonely alligator — or so we hope.

Recent statistics found on the internet, which as you know is never wrong, include the following:

Sharks kill five people annually.

Horses kill 20 people annually.

Cows kill 22 people annually.

Ants kill 30 people annually.

Jellyfish kill 40 people annually.

Deer kill approximately 130 people annually.

Hippos kill 2,900 people annually. (Seriously?)

One thing is clear from my research: If you simply must have an unusual pet, sharks are clearly the best choice.

(Kymberly Foster Seabolt welcomes comments and shark care tips in care of LifeOutLoud@Comcast.net; P.O. Box 38, Salem, OH 44460; or KymberlyFosterSeabolt.com)