Where there’s smoke …

from the smoke of a distant fire.”

— Sanford Townsend Band

By the time you read this, Canada may have just gone ahead and killed us. To be fair, it is probably justifiable homicide. In U.S. and Canadian relations, the United States have been like the noisy southern neighbors who often act rowdy and definitely bring down the property values.

For the past week, a wide swatch of the U.S. has been blanketed by smoke from the distant Canadian fires. I don’t know why it smells more like burning trash than a campfire but it does.

I like a nice campfire scent. This is not it. It’s rancid with a hint of plastic.

A few years ago, we were all supposed to become armchair epidemiologists overnight. Now we’ve moved on to the science of smells and woodsmoke. According to research (read: internet search), when trees with leaves are burned they emit gasses. These gasses can smell terrible.

As someone who barely paid attention in science class, I’m going to believe the internet on this one. Since the United States also likes to throw a big forest fire from time to time, we really can’t be too bitter.

We also offer other unmitigated disasters including, but not limited to, flaming train derailments. We aren’t really going to point fingers. We just pray for safety for the firefighters and healing for the damaged land.

Friends. The United States also invaded Canada in two wars: the American Revolutionary War in 1775 and the War of 1812. Not ones to hold a grudge, Canadians are generally welcoming and wonderful people, so they’re fine with us now.

The U.S. and Canada have a

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