Transition in Life

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Dr. Jessica Kerzner, Psy.D. takes you on a journey to finding skills within yourself and resources around you to adapt to change. The Transition in Life Series is focused on the phases of transition and how to attack each one to maximize personal success.

"Live your life today as if there is no tomorrow and you will guarantee yourself personal success"

~Dr. K

Transitions in Life Series: Part 1: Acknowledgment In life we go through changes constantly. They happen whether we are on track or resisting. The transition life series is focused on the phases of transition and how to attack each one to maximize success. With that, we begin with Acknowledgment. It may seem like a simple concept but often we struggle at the beginning by avoiding, stalling or rejecting the idea of transitioning. Below you will find steps to ensure you are getting the best start!!!

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Take inventory of what is changing. If it's a relationship, job, living situation or an illness. What and whom does it affect? List these things for yourself. A job change can seem simple, but with it friends, finances and/or daily activities change. Sometimes, it’s more complicated, which is why you list it. Don’t minimize or exaggerate…. just list. It’s just what’s going to be affected on this list. .... ....

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The more you talk about something, the more it feels real to you and others in your life. A simple casual mention plants the seed of life in your mind and that’s the important part. When avoiding, stalling or rejecting we see a big element of SILENCE. If I don’t talk about it; I don’t have to deal with it but yes you do and you will regardless of the silence. So speak about it as often as you can to yourself and those close to you.

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Question. Question. Question. Questioning= Processing. Who, what, when, where and how. This is when you acknowledge not only the transition but also the layers and levels of it. The impact. This helps increase a healthier emotional, psychological and spiritual response.

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It can seem counterproductive to say look at your life now, BUT this is or important. Look at your present. It’s your life. It’s about to change; good bad. Take it in. After the change this will allow you to weigh in on is it moving up or down earlier in the process. We like to monitor effects of change, it’s how we learn and get better at adapting.

If you take these steps, you are acknowledging the transition in your life.

Transition can be hard but it’s NOT impossible. You CAN!!! ~Dr. K.

We have covered acknowledging the transition. You have said it’s going to happen. The next part is Acceptance.

Acceptance may appear at first simple but is very complicated. There are parts of us that attempt to deny, reject or stall. We talked about the possibility of these in part one but I will address how to combat these it at length now. 4 steps to Acceptance."

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Ok I’ve Let Go

You won’t believe how hard your will tries to hold on; even when your mind says “ok I’ve let go.” Start discarding things that will hold you back or make you desire to stay stuck. (Let go of glue) Distance yourself from friends and family that haven’t acknowledged your transition until they are on board. They don’t have to agree but they do need to support you verbally, with their actions and by allowing you to move forward.

t I mus e or be m t n Dilige w no than

 Observe yourself and your behaviors daily. Are your actions supporting your change? Are they preparing you for the change?

Are they somehow starting the parts of the process possible?

Observe….. then rework.

Rework. When you realize as we ALL do, that something we are doing is not helping, is holding us back, or is just hindering us from shifting our mindset…. MOVE it. Rework your behaviors.

Rework. Rework. Rework. Until you have refined it enough that you are doing the best you can to not hinder your transition mentally, or physically.

 You know enough about the transition now to begin planning. Planning helps reduce our likelihood of going backwards or stalling….. or just not growing with the change.

It’s the Day!

What do we plan? We want to plan for FAILURE!! Bet you didn’t see that coming. Lol. Yes. Plan for failure. Here we want to list signs, behaviors and ways we know when we are going backwards or not adapting to the change well. For example, if it’s a relationship we are leaving. I know I get lonely at times so I may call this ex. I can foresee that being a behavior that will happen and cause me to stall or fail this transition. So, I plan for this. I will place a block on my phone that makes it difficult to call or text this ex’s number. If the problem is that the person will call me, I place their number in my spam folder so I receive no text or calls unless I go looking for them.

We plan for failure which helps further our success or adjustment with the transition.

I KNOW I can.

 To truly accept transition, you must say and commit to move forward. That means when you feel scared, nervous, hesitant or whatever emotion that prompts you want to sit still or turn around….. you take that off the table. Being stuck is NOT an option. You removed it as an option. Onward and forward. Be your own cheerleader. Encourage yourself. Remaining the same is NOT an option. I think I can. I think I can. I KNOW I can.

If you do these steps you are moving through full acceptance and in a better place with your transition than most. Transitions can be anxiety provoking but they happen with or without your cooperation.

It’s better when we are an active participant.You CAN do this! ~Dr. K.

How do you prepare for a transition when you don’t know the exact outcome? How do you prepare for a transition when you didn’t have time to see it coming?? What if I said preparation does not require either.

Preparation maybe the MOST difficult post of the Transitions in Life Series for most people.

The definition of preparation is “the action or process of making ready or being ready for use or consideration.

Given the definition, we don’t NEED to know the outcome. We don’t NEED ample time. We just need to work the tool, which is US. So how do you prepare/make ready for the transition. Do the 3 steps below and you will be PREPARED!!!

  When a transition is coming/approaching; the more you know, the better. What you know about availability of resources increases resilience and success. Look at your finances, food, shelter, people to help(friends and family) and services available in the community.

The idea here is: if you know what’s available ahead of time when the transition takes place, you are better equipped to attack small and big hurdles without going into crisis.

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If you burn out in the middle, it doesn’t matter about resources or options. You can’t take advantage of them. You don’t have what you need to push through. This is one of the first things people neglect….. We neglect OURSELVES… But how do you survive a battle without the correct armor… This is the ARMOR.

 Tell yourself the good things you are doing and the great things about yourself. Celebrate the small accomplishments as well as the big. Do a little dance, give yourself something small or take 10 minutes to yourself to breathe a sigh of YAY! Listen to motivational songs and/or speeches to help you stay positive and focused on the push…not the past. We ALL need encouragement but the crowd will stop so be your own cheerleader.

Be your own motivator.

If you do these steps then you are preparing yourself to be ready for any transition in life. Success is when preparation meets opportunity.

Let’s be prepared to meet any transition at our BEST to increase resilience and success!! ~Dr. K

You are Beautiful

Transitions in Life Series: Part 4: Moving Forward.

It’s time to move forward in the transition. We have acknowledged the transition, we have accepted that it’s happening, and we have prepared ourselves. Now, how do we begin to move forward? 5 steps to moving forward below!

 Believe in yourself and your future. This may sound crazy but we cannot move forward while expecting or planning to fail. The effort we put into things is lesser when we expect to fail, our spirit is lower, and/or our energy is not there. With hope, comes life, energy and passion. We have to believe there can be positive results; believe we can affect things for the better.

Hope it can be better.

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CX

X B A

Do you want to live, be happy, be married, get a new job, get over an illness, heal from a pain? Decide what your goal is in this transition. Try to be as specific as possible.

For example, move on from a bad relationship =vague goal.

More specific goal= Next 8 months I will let go of my ex by throwing away keepsakes, getting my own place and begin to meet potential suitors.

If you have a specific goal the steps to moving forward begin to highlight themselves. You want to know what moving forward looks like to you. Another example.

Vague goal= find a new job. Specific goal= apply and obtain a new job that pays at least 10 dollars an hr. You can do this. Write it out. Look for areas you can narrow it in some.

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Decide what you will and won’t do. You have made a choice. You chose to fight, live, heal, get another job, move on from a relationship or something that requires your input. Make a list of do’s and don'ts. What holds you back? What are your vices? How long will you stop doing these things? Do you get a day off for relief and/or indulgence? What will you do daily, weekly and/or monthly to increase your positive energy, passion and likelihood of success? Make a list for both. You are THE expert on yourself. Be honest with YOU about your needs and vices. Good luck!

Fail

 So simply put… MOVE!! Take some action. Your goal, your do’s and don'ts list; start putting them into action.

Start doing the steps it takes to reach your goal. The problems that arise… don’t procrastinate, stall or freeze. Tackle them with as few excuses as possible. This is the movement part. A plan without action is guaranteed to fail. You HAVE to act.

 In other words, cut yourself some slack. There will be times when you make mistakes, get weak, have errors and just fail.

Don’t be hard on yourself to the point you deplete your energy and weaken your spirit. Take a moment, regroup and learn from it… BUT keep moving forward. Keep trying. Every failure increases the chances of success next time if you learn from the mistake and let it go emotionally. We are human, not robots. Give yourself some GRACE!!

Do these 5 steps and you will see yourself moving forward in your transition. You will be an active participant. Remember transition happens with or without our cooperation. It’s better to be an active participant. You CAN do this!! ~Dr. K.

About The Author Dr. Jessica Kerzner, Psy.D. is a psychological healer. She established Healing Acts Dr. K, which empowers hundreds daily to heal with motivation from Psychology and inspiration from Christianity. Her podcast, Success with God & Psych!!, has helped thousands of people internationally navigate their path to a life full of blessings, impact and purpose. She is the author of The Path To Loving Yourself: You ARE a Big Deal. She speaks at conferences to teens and adults around the country.