Two homes – the practicalities

Two homes – the practicalities

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Separated parents, or those who are in the process of separating, worry about their children living in two different houses. It makes sense to worry. Will the kids miss their favourite things, will the two houses have different rules – or no rules! What about their friendship groups? With the help of co-parenting specialists, Amicable, one of the latest co-parenting apps, we have pulled together some guidance to help make the task of building “two homes” easier and hopefully, a positive experience both for your children and you. Two homes – the basics Work out the practicalities together as parents first before involving the children. Factor in where you will both live, where your children will go to school or nursery and the distance between this triangle. Too much to-ing and fro-ing, and spending hours in the car for pick-ups and drop-offs will take a toll on all of you. If you are forced to live a long distance apart, pick a home that will be the children’s base. Think about what is best for them, not what feels ‘fair’ or ‘equal’ to you. A great relationship with your children is not predicated on whether they stay at your house half the time – it’s built on love... and it’s the little things that count. Once you've made the decision, tell your children You might not know where you are all going to live when you first tell the children you are separating but saying nothing is rarely the best option. It’s okay not to have all the answers but keeping the children in the dark can be frightening or frustrating depending on how old they are. Tell them what you know... for example, that they will be staying in the same school - or not. Get them involved in the house move It can be effective to let the children stay with the parent who is moving out/getting a new property for the first few days in their new place. That way, they are there to help unpack, discover the house, cook the first meal/get a takeaway, go through the experience together. Keep some consistency Keep as much as possible 'normal' so your children can ease in and adjust slowly. Sharing bedtimes, homework routines or tech time limits can help the new house start to feel like home quickly. If you aren’t on good terms with your ex, then try not to worry if things aren’t consistent right at the start. Be organised Have things that they need in each house (toothbrush etc). When packing bags for them to have at the other house, keep a list yourself (or get them organised to do it independently if old enough) so you know what needs to go. It's very stressful for the kids if you forget to pack the football boots/right kit, so its best to be organised. If you can afford to duplicate common items in both homes, then do - it will feel easier on the children. Start with school uniform as this is usually the thing that causes most stress if you get it wrong. Create a parenting plan Setting expectations, creating boundaries and pre-empting what problems might crop up is transformational. The more you think about things before they are an issue, the easier the transition will be for all of you. Plan ahead. Take advantage of technology Tech can help take the strain out of organising and communicating with your co-parent. Take a look at Amicable's new co-parenting app. You can try all the features of for free for 30 days and it's available for Apple and Android phones.