Mindful Parenting: How to Respond Rather Than React

Parenting can be a minefield. For most people, the joy of bringing up a child is tinged with frustration and disappointment when things go wrong. Losing the ability to think straight in the middle of a toddler tantrum or when your child refuses to eat the meal you’ve cooked is an all-too-familiar occurrence. So is it possible to approach parenting more mindfully and if so, what difference could it make? Here are my tips for practicing mindfulness in turbulent times.

What is Mindful Parenting?

Mindful parenting takes the principles of mindfulness and applies them to how you parent. The concept of mindfulness is about purposefully, curiously and openly paying attention to moments of everyday life. It involves dropping into your present moment experience and being aware of what you’re doing, while you’re doing it, with a non-judgemental attitude. It sounds easy, but increasingly it’s hard to find time to pause and take stock – especially as a parent.

How Do You Practise Mindfulness?

One way to learn mindfulness is through meditation, by using a point of focus, such as the passage of the breath. When your mind gets distracted and wanders off into thinking, worrying, or planning, simply notice where it has wandered to and gently guide it back to following the physical sensation of the in-breath and the out-breath. Do this every time the mind wanders - with kindness to yourself. In time, you start to recognise that thoughts will come and go of their own accord, if you allow them to do so.

What Difference Does it Make?

Mindful parenting invites you to think about how to become more responsive and thoughtful in the way you parent. It encourages you to pause, and experience the ‘here and now,’ rather than hankering after how you would like life to be. It’s about witnessing the essence of the moment, just as it is, so you focus on what’s going on, right now. So how does mindful parenting look and feel in practice?

• It encourages you to engage, actively listen and talk things through with your child, no matter how difficult the situation. It encourages open communication as an alternative to emotionally charged reactions.

• When you feel able to cope, you’re more able to care for and feel affectionate towards your children, which improves the wellbeing of you all.

• Mindfulness grows your self-awareness so you become more alert to negative emotions arising. You can then pause before you respond, rather than move straight into anger or frustration mode.

• It helps you to move on more quickly from your own disappointment at your handling of a situation. It helps you be non-judgemental and let go of negative feelings before they drag you into further conflict or despair.

• Mindfulness helps you to repair difficult situations more quickly as you become more willing and able to accept the challenges you face – rather than resisting or denying them.

• Mindful parenting puts compassion for yourself and your child at the centre. Compassion helps you to be more forgiving of yourself and more aware of your child’s needs.

• A parent’s ability to be present ‘no matter what’ is capable of revolutionising how you deal with and emerge from conflict.

• Focusing on your present moment experience, without judging your parenting skills or worrying about the future boosts wellbeing – for you and your child.

So the next time you’re feeling overwrought or overwhelmed, see if you can consciously take a moment to pause and breathe to create the space you need to decide how to respond – rather than knee jerk react.

Gillian Higgins is the author of Mindfulness at Work and Home, published in September 2019 by RedDoor Press and available from www.practicalmeditation.co.uk, Amazon and all good book stores.