When should I give my child a phone?

Getting a phone has become a rite of passage for children and teenagers but what is the best age to give them one?

Of course, when you decide to give your child a phone is completely up to you and will be dependent on their maturity and how responsible they can be with it. Typically, children are given a phone at about the time they start secondary school, which in itself isn’t a problem, but the type they pester you for might be. Most children experience considerable peer pressure around getting a smart phone and will convey this to you until you give into the pressure.

As adults the concerns we have about our children using smart phones is ironically not about the actual ability to make phone calls but as phones being the gateway to children being exposed to a view of the world they are not mature enough to see.

Phones pose risks such as cyber bullying, exposure to all sorts of explicit and inappropriate content, making in-app purchases, sharing their personal data and potentially the parents data too and the inevitable addiction to tech due to excessive screen time.

Setting up parental controls are a useful way forward and may ease your concerns. You can find several really useful guides at www.parentsafe.lgfl.net. There is also useful information to be found at www.saferinternet.org.uk and www.childnet.com.

Do keep an open conversation with your child about the use of their phone and the potential risks. They are more likely to come to you for assistance if they do have a problem or something unexpected happens. Make sure they know that there are conditions attached to them having a phone.

• Make sure the phone has a secure password you both know

• Check the age limits of all the apps they might have access to

• Make sure their accounts are turned to private to ensure as much safety as is possible

• Create content filters to block inappropriate content

• Set limits on screen time

• Encourage them not to answer any calls or texts from unknown numbers

• Don’t post any personal information that can identify you, where you live or the school you go to (including photos with logos on school uniform)

• Don’t befriend people you don’t know

• Never send or do anything sexual online

• Don’t meet up with anyone face-to-face if you have only met them online

• Gran Alert- if you don’t want gran to see it, don’t post it

• Tell them if they see something online that makes them feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried, turn it off and tell an adultremember you can mute or block people on social media

• Don’t forget that you can give your child a simple mobile which can only make calls and texts and if you consider your child will be safer all together with this option then try this for starts and see how responsible they can be with this in the first instance.

Cathy Press has been working as working as a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor for over 25 years, specialising in domestic and sexual violence and abuse related issues with children, young people and adults.

Her book When Love Bites: A young person's guide to escaping harmful, toxic and hurtful relationships is out now priced £14.99. Visit www.cathypress.co.uk for more information.