FaithTalk Magazine Fall 2021

Free From Fear Page 13

Navigating The Highs and Lows Of Life Page 15

Grace For Your Marriage Page 30

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Barb Barb Yoder Yoder General General Manager Manager

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Are you going through a valley right now or touching the mountain top? In the many different seasons of my life, having tread a journey through pancreatic cancer, I can definitely say there have been highs and lows in my life. From being knocked flat from cancer killing chemo infusions to the exhilaration of hearing my doctors say “we can find no evidence of cancer” – I Praise God, Jehovah-Rapha, for His healing touch in my life!

But how do we praise God for the lows? Paul said in Philippians 4:11 “for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, to be content.” Paul learned to be content. That’s great news – contentment or complete trust and assurance in God’s ultimate plan can be learned! And where was he when he wrote that? He was in chains…in jail. Not a scene that naturally causes contentment.

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But Paul didn’t learn contentment from his circumstances – he learned it from his abiding love and knowledge of the truth of Jesus Christ. He studied Scriptures. He prayed over everything – “do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippian 4:6 Paul knew, as he said in Romans 8:28, “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose”. He didn’t say that all things are good, he said that God works in all things for the good of us who believe.

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Are you trusting God to work in your ‘low’ to bring about good? I’ve learned time after time that if I just am patient, trust Jesus, and try to look at my situations from God’s eternal perspective and not my self-centered lens, I’ll see good come from even my most devastating circumstances.

As you turn the pages of this issue, you’ll find wisdom from pastors and leaders that have ministry programs on FaithTalk radio. Be sure to go to www.LetsTalkFaith. com for a complete program guide and all the ways you can listen through AM and FM radio, podcast, and streaming links…and yes, even Alexa. I hope you’ll find it’s the Strength Between Sundays that brings you closer to Jesus every day.

And if there’s ever anything that I can do, please reach out and let me know.

Many Blessings,

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BARBARA J. YODER GENERAL MANAGER Salem Media Group Tampa Sarasota SalemMedia.com

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6 Extreme Measures

by Bryant Golden

9 Dusty Shoes

by David Jeremiah

13 Free From Fear

by Robert Morris

15 Navigating The Highs and Lows of Life

by Jomo Cousins

20 Piece By Piece

by Charles Stanley

22 Suffering In Silence

by Nicole Faye Golden

25 Hedged In

by Joni Eareckson Tada

27 Dealing With Life in 2021-2022

by Rabbi Stephen Weiler

30 Grace For Your Marriage

by Bryan Chapell

34 4 Habits for More Joy in Marriage

by Dave and Ann Wilson

Inspiration behind the theme for this edition of FaithTalk Magazine “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

EXTREME Measures

by Bryant Golden

I just recently finished a series called “Take Back Your Life” at Centerpoint Church where I talked about how to regain control of the parts of your life that are out of control. But here is the truth about taking your life back.

As a follower of Jesus, you were meant to thrive and not just survive.

But for you, thriving may seem out of reach. You are just trying to survive and heal from the shrapnel of life. But here is what I want you to consider: Is there a step in your It’s just hard. healing and journey toward thriving that you have deemed too hard or We are conditioned to want an too uncomfortable? Sometimes it is easier path and when we don’t get it, not that thriving is out of reach, it is we stay stuck. that we have stopped short of fully experiencing it because it is just hard.

• It’s hard to restore intimacy in a marriage on autopilot for a When my wife was battling the decade. worst parts of her mental illness ten years ago, I realized something that I • It’s freaking hard to beat an have seen repeatedly in people who addiction. thrive. Generally, healing and thriving in life requires extremes measures! In • It’s hard to forgive someone many cases, it requires an extreme whose hurt you. decision or extreme action to move toward taking back your life.

• It’s hard to restore a relationship with a parent whose consistently But it is so hard. It is the reason that ignored your pain.

I have so many conversations with people who want to heal and want to • It’s hard to admit to certain thrive in life but there is something things you’re struggling with. they just will not do or give up. All 6 | F A I T H TA L K 5 7 0 A M , 1 0 0 . 3 F M , 9 1 0 A M & 1 0 2 . 1 F M

of us are naturally wired to want the pay off without the pain. But often taking back your life requires an act of embarrassment, sacrifice, or discomfort. The question is: are you willing to go there? Do you want healing that bad?

One of my favorite stories in the Scripture is in John 5 when Jesus is teaching in a house (more accurately a hut). The crowds are so big that they spill out of the house and people cannot get in to see Jesus. People are gathering by the hundreds to be healed by Jesus. One lame man was brought by four of his friends on a mat to be healed and they realize they cannot get in the house. And nobody is going to let this guy cut the line.

I mean, the elementary school car line where my kids attend is savage!

Parents will maintain their car line spot at all costs – they are scary! I imagine that this is this vibe times a thousand. You are not giving up your shot at being healed by Jesus for some dude you do not know. At that point you would expect the lame man to

apologize to his friends and ask them to carry him back home. Nope, not this guy! Instead, he devises a plan for them to knock a hole in the roof and lower him down from the ceiling. I can imagine everyone is distracted for about ten minutes as this guy starts punching holes in the ceiling tiles, debris falling in Jesus’ face, and then a random man is lowered down by ropes right in front of Jesus face to ask, “can you maybe heal me?” Can you imagine how much embarrassment and humility this took? Here is what is true for all of us: You can begin to take your life back when desperation exceeds selfpreservation. This guy was willing to do anything necessary to move toward his healing. The thing is that hundreds of other people showed up that day, could not get into the house, and went home hoping they would have better luck next time. But it was this guy who knew: “I’ve got to do anything I can to move toward healing which means I have to move in the direction of Jesus no matter what the cost.”

My question is: are you willing to do that? I know it is hard. It is easier to move into a mess, than get out of one.

It is easier to start a habit than beat one. It is easier to begin unhealthy patterns than stop them. It is easier to give in to emotions than overcome them. It is easier to run from God than run back to God to God. But in most cases, your healing, and your thriving will not come without the willingness to take extreme measure or without an extreme decision.

I think many of us already know always moves in the direction of your what that decision is for us: it’s a declaration of faith. break-up, it’s admitting that thing that’s embarrassing to admit, it’s Let me end by asking you a couple the uncomfortable step toward questions: counseling, it’s quitting a job, it’s saying no to something that you feel • Is there anything off limits to like you can’t give up or it’s driving God in your healing? across country.

• Is there something you are I don’t know your situation, but trying to downplay?

I know that often our fear of the discomfort of change holds us back • Where did you feel urgency to from healing. If we were honest, act in the past & no longer do? many of us would have to admit that we are so comfortable in our • What sacrifice are you afraid of dysfunction that it overrides the making? discomfort that healing requires. So, we stay stuck and aren’t willing to • Is your pride holding you back? take the step needed to find freedom.

• What areas of your life do you But when you are willing to take an find yourself making excuses? extreme measure or make an extreme decision, it is an act of faith. Like the Are you ready to act? Taking back lame man, you are moving in the your life might be right on the other direction of Jesus who is the only side of one extreme decision to move one who has the power to heal and toward your healing. set you on the path toward thriving, rather than just surviving. And he

“It is easier to move into a mess, than get out of one. It is easier to start a habit than beat one. It is easier to begin unhealthy patterns than stop them. It is easier to give in to emotions than overcome them” – Bryant

Bryant Golden is the Lead Pastor at Center Point Church. He is also the host of Unfiltered Radio Program airing Weekdays at 6:30pm and Sunday's at 9:30am on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM.

You can download Bryant’s latest free E-book called, “How to Make Decisions When Everything is Uncertain”, sign up for his weekly Unfiltered Talk Email, or find additional resources at bryantgolden.org.

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Dusty Shoes LIVING A RELEVANT LIFE

by David Jeremiah

See if you can guess what organization these prominent But one man who would not be Christian leaders of a bygone era were turned away from the inner cities of speaking of: the world was William Booth (18291912), and later his wife, Catherine.

• Josiah Strong: The organization they founded “Probably during no one-hundred became known as the Salvation Army years in the history of the world have there and bore the same traits as Booth and been saved so many thieves, gamblers, his wife: compassion, courage, and drunkards, and prostitutes as during the caring. Today, the Salvation Army past quarter of a century through the heroic continues to minister in countries faith and labors of [this ministry].” around the world, reaching out to the most needy among us with the • Charles H. Spurgeon: Gospel of Jesus Christ.

“If [this ministry] were wiped out of London, five thousand extra policemen But it has never been easy. Historian could not fill its place in the repression of E. H. McKinley wrote that William crime and disorder.”

Booth conceived of his ministry as being for “wife beaters, cheats and • Booker T. Washington: bullies, prostitutes, boys who stolen “I have always had the greatest respect their family food money, unfaithful for the work of [this ministry], especially husbands, burglars, and teamsters who because I have noted that it draws no color had been cruel to their horses.” Booth, line in religion.” and eventually he and Catherine’s eight children, took the Gospel of Those words would be considered salvation into places that were neither high praise from anyone at any point clean nor comfortable. In fact, the in history. But they were spoken bonnet worn by early Salvation Army at a time when life in British and women was designed by Catherine American cities was difficult for the Booth to shield the women’s heads downtrodden and marginal members from stones, dirt, rotten food, and of society. Few Christian ministries other debris that would be regularly reached out to them; and when any thrown at them as they entered and did, they were rebuffed to such a ministered in high risk areas of cities degree that they often withdrew for where the Gospel was needed but not lack of staying power. welcomed. And the first Salvation L E T S TA L K F A I T H . C O M

Army brass band, so familiar today during the Christmas season, was formed by a father and his three sons who served as bodyguar ds to protect William Booth from attacks by hooligans.

In spite of these obstacles, William and Catherine Booth pressed on, refusing to be deterred. William’s most well-known saying was, “Go for souls and go for the worst!” In the process of fulfilling that exhortation to himself, William Booth and his wife and children got their shoes covered by the dust of this world but counted it an honor and an obligation to do so. Daily they left the security of their own homes and ventured into the streets of the world’s great cities to introduce people to the Christ who could meet their needs.

The question I have to ask myself is this: Am I willing to get my own shoes dusty on the streets of this world in order to make the love of Jesus Christ available to those who do not know Him? If I am going to be like my Savior, the answer can only be Yes. Dust and Deity In Jesus’ day, it was common for everyone to have dusty feet and sandals. You couldn’t leave your FA L L 2 0 2 1 | 9

home and walk more than a few steps on a dirt road, in a field or on a mountainside, or even on a paved street in Jerusalem, without your feet becoming dusty. In fact, it was a matter of common courtesy and hospitality to provide a servant to wash the feet of guests as they entered a home (Luke 7:36-50; John 13:3-14).

those with whom He disagreed. The time that a woman with a sinful past washed Jesus’ feet with her own tears and hair was when He was eating a meal in the home of a Pharisee. Jesus made it clear that He came to help those who knew they needed help, not those who didn’t (Mark 2:17).

And in order to reach them, he lived His life where they were. He went to Since most people don’t wear them—He didn’t force them to come sandals or walk on dusty streets today, to Him. that custom is no longer practiced. But it serves as a worthy metaphor for us.

His command to “Go therefore and In biblical times, the only people who make disciples” (Matthew 28:19) is got their feet and sandals dusty were still relevant today even though the those who left the cleanliness and methods have changed. safety of their homes. Whether they were going to the market or going to Soles for Souls minister, they had to leave home to do it. Our calling today may not require Dr. Peter Wagner was known for us to have dusty feet, but the mission telling his church growth students remains the same. It was Jesus who in seminary not to perpetuate the told a parable that contained these mistake the modern church has words: “Then the master said to the made. When someone is converted servant, ‘Go out into the highways and to Christ, all too often in the name hedges, and compel them to come in, of discipleship, we hurry that person that my house may be filled’” (Luke out of his place in the world into 14:23). the sanitized confines of the church.

Instead, Dr. Wagner would say we If ever there was an example of need to leave the church and walk someone whose feet were dusty in the with that new believer back into the service of the kingdom of God, it was world to reach his friends for Christ.

Jesus himself. In fact, He specifically said on one occasion that “Foxes have Pastor Tommy Barnett often makes holes and birds of the air have nests, audiences laugh when he says that but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay the first few rows of their church His head” (Matthew 8:20). Jesus lived on Sunday morning look like “a and ministered in the highways and scene out of Star Wars” because the byways of this world among people church’s members have gone out with whom the religious elite of His into the community and invited day would have nothing to do. He such a “diverse” group of unbelievers was often criticized for eating with to come and experience the love of “tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew Christ at their church. (If you didn’t 9:11). see the original Star Wars movie years Jesus was happy to socialize with ago, you may not get the joke—but it

had to do with a strange collection of outer space creatures in one scene in the movie.)

These are examples of what it means to get dust on our shoes—to leave the “clean” environment of church and home and go into our neighborhoods and communities and do what Jesus did—show people how much God loves them by meeting them where they are and with what they need.

If you and I have “dust” on our shoes, it means we understand four things that I have paraphrased from Jesus’ teachings: 1. The Mission: Jesus said, “Go into all the world.”

2. The Message: Jesus said, “Go and find those who are needy and meet their needs.”

3. The Moment: Jesus said, “Go and be ready for every encounter, every divine appointment.”

4. The Miracle: Jesus said, “Unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Take a look at your own spiritual shoes today. If most of what you see is the lint from the carpet in your church and home, would you ask God to give you “dusty shoes”—shoes like those worn by William and Catherine Booth, shoes like those worn by our Savior?

If we’re in the habit of polishing our shoes on Sunday morning, may it be because they are covered with a week’s worth of dust from the streets of this world bringing the lost to Christ.

Dr. David Jeremiah is the founder of Turning Point Radio and Television Ministries and senior pastor of Shadow Mountain Community Church in California. Tune in weekdays at 4:30 am, 8:30 am and 1:30 pm to hear the teachings of Dr. David Jeremiah on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM. 1 0 | F A I T H TA L K 5 7 0 A M , 1 0 0 . 3 F M , 9 1 0 A M & 1 0 2 . 1 F M

A New Beginning with Greg Laurie Weekdays at 10:00AM Is the end of the world near? What will happen after I die? What is the meaning of my life? You've got questions; Greg Laurie has biblical answers on A New Beginning.

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Ministry in the Marketplace with Dr. Richard Hamlet Saturday 5:00AM & Sunday 8:00AM Features challenges and exhortations from God’s Word. To help you discover new ways to engage with those around you, the broadcast also includes interviews with men and women who effectively apply their faith to their marketplace as well as real life stories of people impacting their marketplaces around the world.

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From

Fear

by Robert Morris

Have you been dealing with fear and anxiety during the pandemic and this time of civil unrest? Have you been tormented by worry due to financial difficulties, loss of a job, or a conflict with a loved one?

We all experience anxiety, stress, and discouragement, yet for many of us, these feelings have been a very real struggle in recent months. The good news is there’s a way to overcome these feelings and experience real peace, and it starts with trusting God to do more and do beyond what we think is possible.

We have a choice: we can try to do what we can based on our ability or we can remember who God is and trust Him to do what only He can do. It all might feel beyond you, but nothing is ever beyond Him. Psalm 119:68 declares this of God: “You are good, and do good.” In other words, God isn’t good because He does good. He does good because He is good. God isn’t allpowerful because He does powerful things. He does powerful things because He is all-powerful.

my home. The doctors later discovered I had lost over half my blood and I had a blood clot in my abdomen the size of a cantaloupe. It was a scary experience as my life hung in the balance, but even as I was being flown to the hospital, passing in and out of consciousness, I still had peace because I knew that, regardless of what was about to happen, God is good and faithful. I knew what I was experiencing wasn’t beyond His healing, saving power. Even my wife, Debbie, who couldn’t get on the helicopter with me and had to drive by herself to the hospital, chose to trust God and experienced peace. Why? Because we know who God is. We know God does good because He is good.

We know nothing is ever beyond His lifesaving power. In the same way, what we’re going through in our world today is not beyond God. People being healed from COVID-19 is not beyond God.

going to be fearful. I’m going to trust God. I’m going to be concerned and do what the medical experts tell us to do, but I’m not going to be afraid.” In times like this, we need to remember that God is always faithful.

The key is to have faith and to believe God’s eternal and unchanging Word.

Romans 10:17 says, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” The more we receive the Word of God into our hearts and minds, the more our faith will be increased, and we’ll be willing to believe Him and trust Him.

When COVID-19 began to spread in the United States, I woke up one morning and began to feel achy and started running a fever. I was immediately flooded with fear. And just like I’m telling you, I had to remind myself of God’s faithfulness and believe There’s a difference between concern what His Word says. That’s when the and fear. For example, if your child fear lifted, and peace filled my heart! falls and hurts his wrist, you’ll take your child to urgent care, get x-rays, So don’t let the enemy run away with and follow the doctor’s orders. You’re your mind. When you start to feel afraid concerned about your child, but you or anxious, the best thing you can do is don’t have fear. And it’s okay for us to remember who God is and believe what A couple of years ago, I passed out be concerned, but we cannot be fearful. His Word says, “For God has not given us due to critically low blood pressure and Whenever we feel fear taking over, we a spirit of fear, but of power and of love had to be air lifted to the hospital from have to stop ourselves and say, “I’m not and of a sound mind” (1 Timothy 1:7).

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For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a(1sound mind ” Timothy 1:7) Time and time again, God reminds us in His Word to not fear. The first three times “fear not” or “do not fear” is in the Bible is in Genesis. From the very beginning, God has been trying to tell us, “Don’t fear. Don’t be afraid. I’ve got it all under control. I’m going to take care of it.” In fact, “fear not” is the most repeated command in the Bible. It’s not a negative command; it’s a positive command. God is emphatically but kindly telling us, “Do not fear!” The phrases, “fear not” or “do not fear,” appear in the Bible over 100 times.

There’s actually some form of it in the Bible 365 times—one for every day

of the year! In other words, put your Remember, it’s okay to be concerned, trust in God every single day, and don’t but we cannot be fearful. Believing let your heart be afraid. Relax! God is God is who He says He is and that He taking care of this! is always faithful is a spiritual practice that has the power to transform your Now, think about how knowing life. Develop a habit of reminding and believing this would affect your yourself of that every morning when decisions today. How it would affect you wake up, every time you eat, and the moments you might struggle with every time you go to bed. Knowing and insecurity, worry, or fear about your continually remembering who God health, your job, or your finances? is equips you for every situation life In these moments, you can recall the brings and helps you be free from fear. truth of who God is and the promise Because the more you know who He of 2 Timothy 1:7—“God has not given is, the less you will fear and the more us a spirit of fear, but of power and of you will experience His peace, joy, and love and of a sound mind”! transformation in your life.

Robert Morris is the Senior Pastor at Gateway Church. He is also the host of Worship & the Word Radio Program airing Sundays at 8:30 am and 4:30 pm on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM.

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the Highs and Lows

of Life

In this fast-paced, social media world, we see people who look like overnight successes. From Instagram to Facebook, Snapchat, or TikTok, breakout stars give us a false sense of reality -- that we can have success in life without pain or without a price to pay. In actuality, the price is often some sort of suffering. Success often comes after much failure and successful people have learned how to fall forward.

Can you imagine being tossed to the ground every time you moved 15 feet?

The key to their success was in their ability to run back to the huddle for the next play. If you fall or fail in life, get up! Run back to the huddle and get ready for the next play! After the falls and failures, your attitude will often determine your level of success in life. Remember failure is not final -- it’s just part of the process towards your ultimate success.

I remember when I played in the NFL, they would actually look at the way an offensive player was taken down. They would praise a player for falling forward! Think about that for a minute. We complain about our failures and our falls, but players are celebrated for the way they fall. The reality of the NFL (and life) is that we will be tackled and we will hit the ground. The only questions are how will we fall and in what direction?

We all will have our ups and downs, our trials and tribulations, and we all have to walk out our own realities -that’s called Life. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, made a profound statement in Ecclesiastes:

We could debate about who the greatest running back of all time is, but every contender had to deal with being tackled every five yards!

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Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NASB1995) There is an appointed time for everything.

And there is a time for every event under heaven.

I don’t know about you, but there have been times in my life where I feel as if God has placed me on hold and Heaven’s call center is experiencing high call volume! It feels like God is

by Jomo Cousins

isolating me, like He's distant. The truth is God is always aware of what's happening with us. In Hebrews 13:5 (NKJV), He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Life is filled with great highs and low lows, but they’re not about you or me. They’re about God fulfilling His purpose through those experiences. His grand plan is to make us into the image and likeness of His son, Jesus.

Knowing this, I still wish sometimes that I could live my life like a Netflix series and skip to the next season, but that's just not reality. I’ve struggled before with God’s process of maturing me and I’ve wished He would just send me a text message letting me know Hell is coming my way, but that’s not the kind of God we serve.

We serve the God of the pop quiz -ready or not, here it comes!

As I look back over my life at the highs of being one of very few players to get drafted into the NFL (without even having played a single down of high school football!) and the lows of being diagnosed with stage 3 colon FA L L 2 0 2 1 | 1 5

captive every thought to make it we can allow our situations and obedient to Christ. circumstances to determine how we respond to things, or we can I learned that when life goes south set ourselves at peace. We must on me, I have to make sure that my decide whether we’re going to be a thoughts head north. As humans, thermometer or a thermostat. Much we tend to make things worse for like how the thermostat in our homes ourselves with our stinking thinking. is set at a particular temperature, Research has shown that we move in we must also set ourselves at the direction of our most dominant an appropriate and balanced thoughts. Negative thoughts rewire temperature. I have personally set our brains to work towards negative mine at peace and I will let nothing outcomes. steal my peace because that’s a part of the package Jesus left us with in John 3. Trust God’s process.

14:27 (NIV): Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give Romans 8:28 (AMP) And we know to you as the world gives. Do not let [with great confidence] that God [who your hearts be troubled and do not is deeply concerned about us] causes be afraid.

How to Navigate the Highs and all things to work together [as Lows of Life a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are 1. Get the proper perspective: called according to His plan and purpose.

Remind yourself, “This is but a momentary, light affliction.” (2 Charles H. Spurgeon, the Corinthians 4:17, NASB) great English preacher, must have had this verse in mind Romans 8:18 (NIV) I consider that when he said, “God is too our present sufferings are not worth kind to be cruel; He is too comparing with the glory that will be wise to make a mistake; and revealed in us. when you cannot trace the hand of God, you must trust If you are not careful, you the heart of God.” I know it’s can prolong a tough season by very difficult to see God's murmuring and complaining about hands in tough times or to it, much like the children of Israel. believe that what you’re going They turned a maximum two-week through will actually work out journey into a 40-year sentence for your good, but hang on to because they couldn’t get the right what Spurgeon affirmed. That perspective on their situation. We kind of faith will sustain you all will have a cup that we don’t want through the valleys of life. to drink from, but we all play a part in determining the size of that cup. 4. Be a thermostat. cancer, having to deal with ports and chemotherapy; the financial highs of having hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank and the lows of filing for bankruptcy because of my poor choices; the highs of being there for the birth of my three children and the lows of having both my parents die young; the highs of ringing the bell for finally being cancer-free and the lows of dealing daily with my daughter's autoimmune brain disease, I realize that life sure has a way of dealing with you. Through my rotations of valleys and mountain tops, I came up with a step-by-step process for how to handle these seasons.

2. Capture your thoughts.

Colossians 3:2 (NIV) Set your minds on things above, not on 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) We earthly things. demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against All of us have a decision the knowledge of God, and we take to make in our lives: either 1 6 | F A I T H TA L K 5 7 0 A M , 1 0 0 . 3 F M , 9 1 0 A M & 1 0 2 . 1 F M

5. Count it all joy!

James 1:2-4 (MSG) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.

You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work, so you can become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

I love how James speaks of the ability to “count it all joy!” What James had learned over time was that there is an equivalent benefit to whatever challenge we go through in life. Many times, we don’t see the end

result of what we’re going through as we go through it, but James lets us know that we can choose to keep our joy no matter what we face. Our tests will ultimately produce something that reaches towards perfection. The word perfection in the Bible means maturity, so as we go through seasons People often struggle with faith of trials and tribulations, know that because they think, “If things go right their true assignment is to push us in my life, I’m winning, and when towards spiritual maturity. things go wrong, I’m losing.” But faith is not about winning and losing. It’s 6. Keep the faith. about our posture in the process. 2 Timothy tells us, “I have kept the 2 Timothy 4:7 (AMP) I have fought faith.” It never said, “I won.” So, as the good and worthy and noble fight, believers, we are called to maintain I have finished the race, I have kept our faith, throughout the highs and the faith [firmly guarding the gospel lows, whether we win or lose, because against error]. that is the goal of our race.

Jomo Cousins is the Senior Pastor at Love First Christian Center. He is also the host of Fresh Wind Radio airing Sundays at 1:00 pm and 8:30 pm on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM.

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Experience Your Faith

Word of Life creates faith-defining experiences that give students and families the opportunity to encounter God and grow in their spiritual walks.

We desire to come alongside the local church and provide support through summer camps, winter camps, and evangelistic events; to train up students at our Bible Institutes; and to give practical assistance through our Youth Ministries programs.

Word of Life Youth Ministries Word of Life Youth Ministries serves the local church in building effective student and children’s ministries.

We take care of the planning so you can focus on investing in your students. There is something for every age, and with biblical, focused, and relevant curriculum, you’ll be able to choose the perfect fit for your youth group.

Reverb

Word of Life Youth Ministries also provides a variety of events for students of all ages, including Reverb, an all-night, evangelistic event for teens; Storm, an outreach event where students grab their friends for ice cream, games, and the gospel message; and Fascar, a racing themed evangelistic event where students compete for the winning prize and then hear about the ultimate gift – eternal life.

If you’re looking for hands-on, practical help in your church, Word of Life Youth Ministries offers coaches who will join you in the trenches, pray with and for you, and help you get more out of your ministry.

Storm

Scan the QR code below to learn more about Word of Life Youth Ministries and gain access to some

free resources for pastors.

Fascar

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Piece BY Piece

by Charles Stanley

by Charles F. Stanley

Does it sometimes feel as though your life is a mess of scattered puzzle pieces? Each situation seems to be an isolated event with no connection to what happened previously or what could occur in the future. Some pieces are beautiful moments of joy and blessing, but others are dark and painful. Perhaps you wonder why God allows these events or why He doesn’t intervene and relieve your suffering.

We can’t see what the picture will be once the puzzle is assembled, but God knows exactly how to fit everything together. When our situations look hopeless, this is our comfort: that a holy, perfect, all-knowing God is sovereign over every event in our life (Ps. 103:19). Nothing is random or meaningless when we belong to Him. The story of Joseph is a great example of God’s omnipotent hand working in and through every situation (Gen. 37, 39-50). And by reading it, we learn four essential truths about the Lord and His sovereignty.

God is always with us.

Joseph was hated by his 10 older

brothers because he was the favorite son. When an opportunity arose to get rid of him, they sold him to a caravan of traders and told their father that his child had been killed by a wild animal. This dramatic turn of events could easily have caused Joseph to feel forgotten by God. But throughout his various trials, one thing was constant—“The LORD was with Joseph” (39:2, 21).

What seemed like random and unfair events were the very things the Lord orchestrated to achieve His purpose. He used a father’s favoritism and brothers’ hatred to move Joseph from Canaan to Egypt. As a slave and prisoner, Joseph learned the skills required to wisely rule over a prosperous and powerful nation.

God used Pharaoh’s dream and its interpretation not only to rescue His servant from prison but also to Like him, we never walk through provide enough food to preserve a any situation alone. At the moment of nation and save Joseph’s family from our salvation, the Holy Spirit comes starvation. to live within us and seals us as God’s children (Eph. 1:13). He’s with us in Although the events you experience every circumstance whether we feel may not be as dramatic as these, the His presence or not. This is a truth we principle still holds true. The Lord has can count on because the Lord always a divine objective for everything that keeps His word. happens in your life. He’s promised to cause all things to work together God has a purpose for everything. for good to those who love Him and Joseph was only 17 when his ordeal are called according to His purpose began, and it didn’t end until he was (Rom. 8:28). You may not see a reason 30. That’s 13 years of unexplained for what He’s doing in your life right hardship and suffering, but the Lord now, but you can know this: His knew exactly what was required to purpose is superior to any challenge prepare Joseph for his future role as you face. governor of Egypt, a position that made him second in authority to God’s perspective is eternal and Pharaoh. omniscient.

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When Joseph looked back at all the difficult events of his life, he assured his brothers of the Lord’s sovereign hand at work—even in their mistreatment of him. (See Gen. 50:20.) But what Joseph couldn’t see was God’s eternal purpose being worked out. Ultimately the hope for all humanity was tied up in these events because Jesus Christ was a descendant of that little group of Hebrews who were transplanted to Egypt and sustained by Joseph.

The Lord is working awesome things of eternal value in our lives, but we can’t always understand, because our perspective is limited. The apostle Paul tells us that “momentary, light affliction is producing for us an

eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:17). When the troubles of this life weigh us down, we need to shift our focus from the temporal to the eternal (v. 18).

Lord was about to intervene, but then nothing happened. It’s easier to bear pain if we know the end is near, but when trials seem endless, we must rely on the wisdom of God’s timing.

He knows exactly what He wants to God’s timing is perfect. achieve in our life and how long it Perhaps the most difficult part of will take.

Joseph’s troubles was their duration. At one point, after correctly interpreting Instead of wrangling with the Lord the cupbearer’s dream, Joseph saw over which pieces should be in the a glimmer of hope and asked to be puzzle, let’s learn to accept that He remembered to Pharaoh. But two alone knows how all the events of long years later, he was still a prisoner. our life fit together. We can trust Him to choose the right pieces, even the Why did God delay Joseph’s release dark ones, and place each one exactly just when he’d begun to hope again? where it needs to be according to His Haven’t we all wondered that at one good purpose. time or another? It looked as if the

This article is reprinted with permission from In Touch Ministries. To receive free discipleship resources, visit intouch.org/subscriptions. Tune in weekdays at 3:30 and 11:00 am to hear the teachings of Charles Stanley on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM.

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Suffering In Silence

by Nicole Faye Golden

Hi. My name is Nicole Faye Golden and I have three mental illnesses: Anxiety, Depression, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I grew up in a strict Christian home surrounded by legalistic, fundamental Christians who caused most of these illnesses and now I am a Lead Pastor’s wife.

named Lead Pastor of Centerpoint Church, in Valrico, Florida. And that’s when I had a nervous breakdown. I was having episodes where I would scream and hurt myself. I would sit with steak knives and then crawl into a fetal position and lay in a dark room for hours. I was an absolute wreck, but could not for the life of me figure out Let me explain... I grew up in a small why. town in upstate New York. My dad worked for a parachurch organization What had happened to me? I was the that had so many weird rules (no girl people named their babies after theaters, playing cards, dancing, (seriously - I think like three babies). drinking, etc), most of my friends I was the leader, mentor, speaker. thought I was part of a cult.

I was the “It Girl” of the legalistic fundamentalists.

Then there were the rules disguised as “disciplines”: Do your devotions, serve Now I was face down on the at church, memorize Bible verses, etc. I ground... unsure if I even believed in learned pretty quickly that if I did all of God... scared to absolute and literal the right things, I would be loved and death that this was how the rest of my praised. The moment I made any kind life was going to be. of coming of age decisions, struggled or even questioned, I was met with Bryant and I had no context for the over-reactionary responses of mental illness. Most churches would concern, passive aggressiveness, and say that hidden sin was the cause of anger. The natural consequence of this the anxiety and depression and that kind of development is fear. I lived personality disorders were a cry for terrified of messing up and then later help. They would say that medication that suffocating fear transformed into was a crutch. “Normal” spiritually anger. healthy people didn’t “get'' anxious... or depressed... or metnally unstable.

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I was met with the following questions: “Had I had premarital sex?” “Was I drunk/drinking?” “Did I have any hidden sin?” Yikes. You can imagine how this only added insult to injury.

It’s easy to get angry with these people, but honestly, they did not know any better. They were reacting the way they had been taught and trying to help! But this is why I have become so passionate about ending the stigma of mental illness in the Church. What should be a hospital for the broken has turned into a courtroom for prosecution. People don’t feel the freedom or the safety to come out with their struggles with mental illness, addition, suicide, self harm, brokeness, guilt. So instead, we are stuffing and hiding and then dying.

And the Church just shakes its head and wonders why.

Jesus created the world and then put Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

They had one rule: Do not eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. But the serpent got Eve to question the goodness of God...she felt like she was missing out on something and took a bite of the fruit. Then, she convinced her husband to join in.

And that’s when the world broke in

three ways: Physically.

Spiritually.

Mentally/Emotionally.

It’s so easy for us to acknowledge that we broke physically and spiritually.

Even if you're an agnostic, atheist, or skeptic, you know things aren’t the way they should be. You know stuff is broken.

But we have a TERRIBLE time admitting that we are broken mentally/ emotionally. Mental illness has been so stigmatized, we are afraid of it. But our minds are broken: They don’t always process information, circumstances, and interactions healthily. They can be wired and rewired by relationships, drugs, abuse, love, fear, anger, kindness.

The sooner we can normalize this brokenness as we do the others, the better off we will be as a Church.

I remember having a conversation with someone who didn’t like that I said I had been “diagnosed” with a mental illness, because using the word “diagnosis” took all the responsibility out of my hands. In other words, because I had been diagnosed, the anxiety, depression, and Borderline were not my fault, and she believed differently I guess.

And this is the problem. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we do make bad decisions and anxiety and depression are the consequences. But when we use blanket statements and have kneejerk reactions to people with mental illnesses, we further the stigma and leave them to suffer in silence.

I explained that by using the word “diagnosis”, I was not excusing myself from any of the blame or the work. In fact, quite the opposite. When I sat in my counselor’s office and he read off the symptoms of Borderline, I started crying. I was so relieved that L E T S TA L K F A I T H . C O M

something was happening to me - even tell you this: We went into debt something that we could get control that first year paying for counseling. of and I could begin healing from.

You have to be wise about this, but I feel like finances are oftentimes just Mental brokenness is no different an easy excuse to not get the help we than physical brokenness: It requires know we need. a diagnosis and then a treatment plan.

The worst thing we can do as the We can get healthy...we just have to Church is to promise that by saying a listen and follow the steps. verse or praying a prayer, God will heal that person and completely remove the But too many of us want quick anxiety, depression, and mental illness. fixes. Or we feel overwhelmed by the These promises are so dangerous. In thought of having to relive the pain fact, one of my friends left the Church of our past. Here’s what you need to and denounced her faith for a while realize: You are not well because you because she had been promised haven’t processed that pain healthily, something God never promised this and it’s slowly rotting your insides. side of Heaven: Complete healing.

It’s similar to having a really rotten, forgotten vegetable in your fridge. You Several months after my initial open the fridge and you can smell that diagnosis, we were visiting Matt something isn’t right - but you can’t Chandler’s church in Texas. He was figure out why. So you have to go preaching out of 2 Corinthians 12 through the entire fridge to find the about Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Paul culprit, and then you have to discard had something that he was battling it and start again - with fresh veggies. that he asked God three different times to take away, and God didn’t. Instead, Counseling helps us find the rotting God wanted to use the dark backdrop vegetables of our past. It helps us of Paul’s pain to shine His bright light figure out what we’ve ignored and of grace. It was in that moment that purposefully forgotten, but what is God spoke to me: He wasn’t going to affecting every area of our lives. And heal me, because He wanted to use me! then it helps us rid ourselves of the trash.

About three years ago, I shared my story for the first time with our church.

I’ll never forget when my counselor And the response was unbelievable.

Kevin looked at Bryant and said that he People were walking out of church knew that Centerpoint Church (which sharing their diagnoses with me and at that point was only about a year old saying they were now going to get and had maybe 35 people) was going help. We had a few people move from to do incredible things. Then he added, other states to our church because of “If Satan can’t get to you [Bryant] to our stance on mental health. We are destroy this, he will go through Nicole to known as the “Mental Health Church” get to you.” That shook me to my core, and I cannot tell you how proud that as I’m sure you can imagine. I wasn’t makes me! going to be a pawn of the Enemy. I was going to do whatever it took to get In January of 2019, my brother healthy. And I did. I stared down my committed suicide after secretely trauma and promised myself it would battling a pill addiction for a few years. no longer control my life. I let Kevin He had bounced around to several tell me the hard truth. I did the work churches as a children’s pastor. He of forgiving others... and myself. I will never felt the freedom and the safety FA L L 2 0 2 1 | 2 3

to get honest about his struggles: The fear of how people would respond, what they would say, and how it would reflect on his family kept him suffering in silence.

I remember during those first few months when I was falling apart emotionally and mentally, Bryant wrote a letter of resignation and gave it to our head Elder, who then promptly tore it up. I thank God for this Elder, because I’m guessing anywhere else the letter would have been accepted and approved: I wasn’t “fit” for the ministry in those days... and had we been let go, I think our marriage and my life would have completely disintegrated. But He believed in us. He saw past the stigma and the trauma and knew that God

had placed us right where we were for something special. He wasn’t harsh... he was kind, loving, and safe. I wish my brother and so many others who have committed suicde had people in his life like this man.

Changing the narrative of mental illness in the church will take time. But it starts with you and me. We have to learn to be vulnerable, willing to share our scar stories so we can connect with people and give them the hope and the encouragement that if we faced it and are okay, they can and will be too!

We have to initially give ourselves time to heal, but once we do, the more often we are willing to tell our epic stories about our scars, the more we

will destigmatize mental illness and create the safe space for people to find and get help.

I don’t believe anything will change overnight. But let’s start doing the hard work of getting ourselves healthy, shall we? Isn’t it funny when you hear people talk all about how they know mental illness is a real thing and that people should feel free to get counseling, and then explain how they know they don’t need it? I always just chuckle. We all need counseling. And the more of us who are willing to go and to start the journey of healing, the more we will make this whole thing a lot more normal.

Nicole Faye Golden is an Author, Speaker, Mental Health Advocate, Host of the Scars Stories Podcast. She is married to Bryant Golden the Lead Pastor at Center Point Church.

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Hedged In

by Joni Eareckson Tada

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him” – Psalm 62:5 Hedged in. Anxious and confined.

Should I go to the hospital? No, Pressed into a space so constricting I decided, they won’t allow Ken to that you feel like you can’t even get stay and help me. And I was in big your breath. Have you been there? need of help. Friends who normally chip in were either out of town or The four walls of a sick room afraid of catching my virus and can feel confining and so spreading it to their families. For can “sequestering” during the several days, we were on our own. coronavirus. For most of 2020, Ken In the dark, I couldn’t bring myself and I did okay in the restricted space to awaken my sick husband who of our home, but then the insidious also contracted it. I laid motionless virus somehow crept through our for hours, watching the digital clock front door. Contracting COVID-19 on my ceiling, trying to fight off felt like a death sentence for me, a suffocation and pain. quadriplegic.

I felt like the prophet Jeremiah With chills and a high fever, I who wrote, “He has walled me laid flat in bed, nervous and a little about so that I cannot escape” fearful. The tightness and gurgling (Lamentations 3:7). There’s a lot of in my bronchial passages made me lament in that verse. But there is feel claustrophobic, and I was not also a lot of comfort. Do you see able to raise myself on my elbows to it? Who was the stone mason who cough. COVID was like an invisible walled in Jeremiah? Whose hedge hand pressing an invisible pillow and whose walls are we speaking over my face. It was far worse at about here? This is God’s hedge. night.

Those are God’s walls. And at 2:00 a.m. in the dark, I knew it was God’s L E T S TA L K F A I T H . C O M

virus. His providence permitted it to invade my body. It wasn’t a random circumstance. It wasn’t by chance.

It was God’s doing. And God was on my side.

It gave me confidence to whispersing the same hymn that had comforted me decades earlier when I was a frightened teenager in the hospital, facing a life of paralysis . . .

Be still, my soul! for God is on your side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain: Leave to your God to order and provide, Who through all changes faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul!

Thy best, thy heav’nly Friend Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

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circumstances wall us in so tightly As well as a place to sing.

It’s why the rest of 2 Corinthians 4:8 that we feel like we’re being crushed. says that you will be “hard-pressed A little like what’s described in As you sing stillness into your on every side, but not crushed.” And 2 Corinthians 4:8, "We are hard- soul above your walls that confine, that’s what makes the good news so pressed on every side…." Walls are you may find that hedged-in place is great! cold, hard, and foreboding, the widest—and most wonderful— place to build trust in Jesus Christ.

1 Even Robert Frost wrote, “Something there is that doesn’t love “A high hedge cannot shut out our view of the skies, nor can a wall.” But we can be at peace with it prevent the soul from looking up into the face of God. the walls and ways of our sovereign Because there is so little else to see, the hedged-in Christian God. He has placed us, not misplaced cannot afford to hang his head. He must look up. It is that us. The love of our God is supreme Christian who may possibly apprehend God more fully than and matchless, and he only confines the disciple who moves about freely and unconfined” us ’round for a wise and timely purpose. For those who believe in – Shannon Gallatin, who lives with pain. the wisdom of a sovereign God, even a heartbreaking confinement 1. Robert Frost, “Mending Wall,” Poetry Foundation, accessed May 12, 2021, can be a place of building trust. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44266/mending-wall.

Joni Eareckson Tada is CEO of Joni and Friends, a global ministry reaching people disabilities for Christ around the world. Used with permission from Joni and Friends. Listen to Joni's show Joni and Friends, Weekdays at 4:30am on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM.

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Dealing With LifeIN

2021-2022

Dealing with life has always been a challenge. Whether it’s raising a family, having enough finances to pay the bills, or dealing with people who you find contrary or not effective in their performance or task. As believers, and ambassadors for the Lord, we have to learn how to deal with the ups and downs of our lives. We are the ones who must be the example of the fruit of the Spirit in all our situations. We must show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control!

Now add to those stressors Covid, the division in our country, the inability of people to disagree respectfully, the moral decay, the messiness of the international scene, and you can add to this list - how are we to cope? The funny thing is, the same mechanisms that are needed to be successful when you are feeling bad, are the same mechanisms you need when you are feeling like everything is going your way in order to stay successful.

King David and King Solomon both had successful lives and yet were able to make a mess of things and cause harm to themselves and others. Job was in turmoil but was able to get through it successfully, though it was a L E T S TA L K F A I T H . C O M

by Rabbi Stephen Weiler

tremendous struggle. Joseph also had to go through awful struggles, but he First, I had to decide to turn my desire too became successful and kept his into reality – my desire was to get success. closer to God. You would think that is a no-brainer, but that’s not really Scripture is filled with people true. It can be easy to have a desire, who have had great trials and great and not act on it. A good example in successes, and yet for some reason, our secular life is when we say we are we don’t learn from their mistakes. going to do something, and we don’t.

Looking at the people of Israel, as It could simply be changing our eating you read about their struggles and or exercising habits in order to lose their ups and downs, you just want weight or become healthier. Similarly, to scream at them and say, “Don’t you I believe most of us want to get closer get it yet?... God told you what to do to the Lord, but starting the habits that and you keep ignoring Him? Are you will get us there is another story. So we expecting a different outcome when you have to make a promise to ourselves continue to ignore His instruction?” that we will figure out what needs to be done and start doing those things If someone were to read about your immediately! life, what would they be screaming at you about? Often, it is easy to see I don’t believe it is rocket science solutions for someone else, but not to know how to get closer to God. ourselves. God is extremely familiar However, to begin requires rocket with your life. What is He saying to commitment and to be consistent, you? He has the solutions! rocket discipline. I will try to keep it simple in order for you to have a For me, this past year has been clear path. But, whatever you do, a time to get much closer to God. DON’T CONDEMN YOUSELF!!!

This has happened mainly because Condemnation, not feeling that we I have worked on listening to can do it right or perfectly, or as God and obeying Him. God good as someone else, is one of the is always there, so He was just very reasons we don’t get started or waiting for me to take the next continue. Condemnation is the work step or steps. What are those steps? of the enemy – satan!

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# 1 – Write It Down for you) and start there. My suggested Whatever you decide to do, write it segments would be: down so that you are accountable to yourself. Some people don’t need to 1. A combination of thanksgiving write it down, but they are probably and praise; the people who are already doing what 2. Repentance, prayer for yourself is necessary to be close to the Lord. and intercession for others; 3. Scripture reading. #2- Give God Time All good relationships require time.

There are so many things to thank It means you have to hear from God God for: including; our salvation, a and He has to hear from you. It can’t new day, our health, our family, our be “on the run” to be effective. On a job, our country, our congregation, daily basis you should be able to give our friends, etc. Often times, I sense God a minimum of 1 hour, in a quiet God’s presence greater during times place, uninterrupted. I suggest that of giving Him thanks. That can also your time with God should be the first lead me to hear His voice. So during thing that happens in the morning. this time, I bounce between thanking Once your head is flooded with the Him and receiving words from Him cares of your world, it is hard to focus that help me in some area of my life. on God. Prayer for me is mostly interceding Are you saying, “I don’t have 1 hour for others, though I do start by praying in my schedule”? My answer is that for myself. My prayers for myself you are not serious about being close are mostly about my behavior, my to God. Might you say to me, “I can be words, or my thoughts that need His close to God in other ways”. My answer transformational power. This is my is yes, but that’s not giving Him your time for repentance. I want to be at my best. God speaks about giving Him best for Him, which includes being our first fruit. I believe that would be obedient to His Word. For example, I our time, talents, and our treasures. don’t see the Lord as concerned about If you consider that you are awake at my theology, (accept the majors) as least 16 hours per day, then 1 hour how important it is for me to be loving with the Lord would be just over 6%. to each person with whom I am in It is less than a tithe of your time. contact.

Let’s say you are on board with 1 hour per day. What do you do for that 1 hour? This is really hard to answer as we are all different and we have to see what is most effective for us. Even so, I would like to start you off with some direction.Consider dividing your hour into 3 segments. (You choose the order – whatever is easier

I spend a reasonable amount of time praying for physical and emotional healing for many I know, and also praying for our country, Israel, and the world situations.

Finally, for scripture reading I think it is important to have a plan. There are many different plans available

including reading the Bible in one year. For many, that’s too ambitious.

There are 3-year programs also available. Having said that, I also like to spend time in one book or even on a set of verses because when I study or contemplate deeply, I often can hear God’s voice in His Word.

Remember, everything you do is about God. You don’t study or read God’s Word to get smarter, but to get closer to Him. Your prayer and thanksgiving should not be rote, but rather inspired by your heart aligning with God’s heart.

In good times or bad, our heart has to be set on the Lord. It is He who leads us, He who showers His love on us, and He who instructs us.

Jeremiah 13:11 says: “For just as the waistband clings to a man’s waist, so I will make the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to Me,” declares ADONAI, “to be to Me a people, a name, a praise and a glory. But they would not obey.” Do not repeat the sins of the past. Learn from the mistakes of others. During good and bad, highs and lows, CLING TO GOD!!

Isaiah 42:16 “I will bring the blind by a way they do not know. in paths they have not known, I will guide them. I will turn darkness before them to light and the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do, and I will not forsake them.” Be encouraged!

God is not finished with you! Start today! CLING TO GOD and you will flourish!!!

Rabbi Steven J. Weiler is ordained as a Messianic Rabbi and serves at Shoresh David Messianic Synagogues. Listen to Rabbi Weiler’s show Heart of Messiah, Sundays at 9:00 am on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM. 2 8 | F A I T H TA L K 5 7 0 A M , 1 0 0 . 3 F M , 9 1 0 A M & 1 0 2 . 1 F M

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Grace

For Your Marriage

by Bryan Chapell

They knew their relationship was coming apart when they came to see me. Though each claimed to be trying to "do what the Bible says," love had drained from their marriage. Why was not obvious. Both had come from church families and both were well schooled in Scripture. They had even met at a Christian college. I detected nothing in their backgrounds that could account for their tension.

a set of twins] I don't immediately drop my newspaper and snap to attention.

To make it clear who is the head of our home, I flip a coin in my mind.

If it comes up heads, I help. If comes up tails, I don't. That way there's no question of who's in charge."

I asked the young man for his own explanation of their troubles. He expressed consternation. He said that he had tried to be a good husband.

Because his college had emphasized following biblical family models, he had committed himself to being a spiritual leader in his home. I asked him how he expressed his leadership.

These ancient words remind us that marriage commits two people to a union that forms their mutual completeness. A marriage will never fulfill God’s purposes if either person abandons care for the fulfillment of the other. Thus, a wife’s responsibility involves pouring herself into the Access to the deeper dimensions completion of her husband. of the Bible's instruction requires no special revelations. Hearts open to the Sacrificing one’s self to make a message of Scripture will recognize relationship (and those in it) whole that God neither commends nor defines the essence of biblical commands selfishness. When the submission. The subtleties and Prince of Heaven gave his life to complexities of any marriage make it rescue us from our sin, he taught impossible to simplify such submission us the glory of sacrifice. Jesus said, to a few rules for home etiquette. Paul "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and says the ways in which two become whoever loses his life for my sake will one is “a profound mystery.” It is past find it" (Matt. 10:39). Lives devoted to our explaining (and yet so obvious

This is what he said: "In order to make sure there is no question about who is the head of our home I make sure both my wife and I let Scripture rule our actions. For instance, when I come home from work, I want to relax. Still, I try to act as the head of my home. If my wife asks for some help in the kitchen, or with the kids [he had three preschoolers, including

Now I thought I was beginning to get an idea of where some of the problems in this marriage might lie.

But why? Though this man’s attitude may seem extreme, the Bible does say that the husband is the ‘head’ of the home. Scripture gives a husband a right — even a responsibility — to keep spousal roles clear. So how do we know this man’s conduct was wrong?

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serving oneself cannot avoid making one's own desires the god of every action. Such gods ultimately enslave us to our own appetites and deprive us of the relationships that make our lives fulfilling. “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Eph. 5:31–32).

to us) that God has made those of us not gifted for celibacy never quite whole—in personal development or spiritual maturity without the one who completes us in marital oneness.

become less than whole. The abuse or neglect of that union damages both persons (see Gen. 2:20–24; Eph. 5:31).

The connection of personal wholeness to marital completion becomes evident as we look at another individual (or even at ourselves) after a few years of marriage. We observe: That person has so matured, so leveled out, or become so much less self-absorbed since marrying so and so. At least that is what we see if the marriage is functioning well. If the marriage is going poorly, we typically recognize that the individual’s selfabsorption, immaturity, or character flaws are even more prominent.

If you are dishonest with the one God intends to know you most intimately and mature you most profoundly, you sacrifice spiritual development that is needed to safeguard you in other areas of life.

A person engaged in an extramarital affair not only damages the oneness of the marriage but stunts his or her own character development. Lack of consideration for one’s spouse (in habits, conversation, or faithfulness) almost always creates an individual whom others see as self-centered and ruthless. Seeking their own advantage, neighbors and coworkers may laugh at the jokes and cater to the interests of such an individual but they know better than to trust a person who does not honor the trust of marriage.

Knowledge of how our lives affect each other helps shape our understanding of the mutual responsibilities of marriage. To the husband, Scripture gives authority for biblical headship designed to lead a family in godly paths. To the wife, God commits supportive care of the husband so that he can carry out these duties. At creation God described these responsibilities. Eve was to be Adam’s “helper”—“a help When the oneness that God intends meet (i.e., suit able or compatible) for for marriage does not occur, we him” say the historic translations

(Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:8–9). Far from being demeaning, the “helper” term refers to God himself elsewhere in Scripture. Thus the helper language reminds us that a wife fulfills heavenly purposes in her home.

God intends for each wife to complement her husband so that together they fulfill God’s expectations for their lives more than either could separately. Each has responsibility for the other so that the family unit is whole and healthy before God. Elisabeth Elliot captures this purpose well: The first woman was made specifically for the first man, a helper, to meet, respond to, surrender to, and complement him. God made her from the man, out of his very bone, and then brought her to the man.

When Adam named Eve, he accepted that image without the spousal oneness of God’s design. The wife’s complementary gifts help refine the spiritual character of her husband, even as God uses the man to lead all members of the family (including the wife) to honor Christ. The wife fulfills a redemptive purpose in the home, enabling each person more fully to know and be what the Savior desires.

She does this by submitting herself in love to the good of another and, in doing so, reflects Christ’s sacrifice.

As his image bearer, she becomes his chief representative to her spouse.

Like her husband, the wife lives for another and, thus, represents Christ in and for the home.

This article is reprinted with permission. Excerpt taken from "Each for the Other"

by Bryan and Kathy Chapell. Listen to Bryan Chapell's show, Unlimited Grace weekdays at 2:00 pm and 9:30 pm on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM. L E T S TA L K F A I T H . C O M

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Marriage

Habits for More Joy in

by Dave and AnnWilson John Ortberg says, “Joy is God’s WE ALL basic character. Joy is His eternal WANT JOY destiny. God is the happiest being in IN MARRIAGE the universe.” Joy, happiness, laughter … those are part of the character of Most often, we look for happiness God. How can we bring that joy in in the person we married. We think marriage? that after we get married, we’re always Nehemiah said to his people, “The going to be happy. It doesn’t work that joy of the LORD is your strength” way.

(8:10, NIV). The Israelites were in Authors Marcus Warner and Chris immense tragedy and trial when Nehemiah said this. When you’re in Coursey wrote in their book, The 4 the middle of a valley—and some of Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages, “One you are there right now—you need to of the key discoveries of brain science know the strength you need actually is that Freud was wrong. He taught that the fear of death and desire for comes from the joy-center of God. sex were the most powerful motivators Joy in marriage can shift a in the world. However, the discovery household. I (Ann) feel like in our of the brain magnet has shown that culture, there’s a storm outside our attachment—specifically, joyful homes. When our families walk in attachment—is the most powerful the door, we have the power to create motivator in life.” an atmosphere of joy, love, and the There are habits you can develop fruit of the Holy Spirit. that bring more joy in marriage.

The question is: Where do you find From their book, we are going to joy? In Philippians 4:4 (NIV), Paul give you the four joy habits they talk said, “Rejoice in the LORD always. I about—with the Wilson spin. will say it again: Rejoice!” He’s being You need a P-L-A-N for more joy very specific here. If you want joy, you in marriage. find it in the Lord.

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1. PLAY TOGETHER.

I (Dave) am married to a woman who loves to play. Even in tough times, she brings a sense of joy from the Lord.

One time as I was standing in the kitchen, I saw our 16-year-old’s newly-purchased, used car begin rolling down the driveway—with nobody in it! So I ran out the door, but before I got to the car, it had rolled into a tree damaging the front bumper. I had one thought: That’s costing money. And I got mad.

Ann came out and was hysterically laughing. Then the boys came out, and I saw them physically moving away from me and closer to her as they also began laughing. Why? Because laughter’s a magnet.

People like to be where there’s laughter because there is joy in Christ.

In this moment, there shouldn’t have been that much joy, but at some point, that laughter sifted back to me, because you know what? It’s a bumper. It can get fixed.

2. LISTEN FOR EMOTION.

Satan is always saying, “Look at the It’s not your story. There’s a God weaknesses.” And I spoke death for walking with you through that season, As your wife is speaking, don’t years. and God gives joy—even in pain. listen to just the words. What is she Nehemiah reminds us, “The joy of the saying? What’s the emotion behind (Dave) She speaks life every day. Lord is your strength.” her words?

She says stuff I don’t even think is true: You’re an amazing man, and I’m There’s times when you think, I can’t I (Dave) had just preached all like—no, I’m not. But when she starts have any joy unless life is somewhat day Sunday, three services, and was to say it, I start to believe it. And that stable. But you can. It comes from a exhausted when I came home. As I lay brings joy. deep contentment because the Lord down in bed that night, Ann said, “I is in control, and He gives strength just wish the man who led Kensington 4. NURTURE REST. in that moment. The circumstances Church lived in this house, as well.” of the world do not always produce We run so fast and life gets out of happiness. But Jesus said, “Be of good What I heard was: I don’t lead at control. The Sabbath is one of the Ten cheer, I have overcome the world” home; I don’t pray at home like I do Commandments from God because (John 16:33). So what is good cheer? on stage … and I got really mad.

He knew we needed it. Stop and refresh. Look each other in the eyes It’s joy.

The next day, I went into my office, and ask, “How are you doing?” got on my knees, and asked God, “Were you speaking to me last night What if you took some time every through Ann?” It was then I realized day to pray together? Weekly, go on a what she was saying: I don’t feel loved. date and just play. Make it fun! And Or seen. I don’t feel led. I don’t feel then, retreat annually—just once a like you’re my spiritual leader. year get away. Go to a Weekend to Remember® to get recharged.

It was all the things my congregation feels about me publicly that she wasn’t I (Ann) know some of you are feeling about me privately. And here’s thinking, we can’t be joyful in what I know: It’s more important marriage. You don’t know what we’re that I lead her and my family than going through right now. Within the a congregation with thousands of last five weeks, we’ve faced death and people—and I was missing it. hard health diagnoses in our family.

The pain is so great, but God is our 3. APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE hiding place.

DAILY. I told Him, “God, this is where I am.

Proverbs 18:21 says the power of life This is what I’m feeling. I don’t feel joy.” and death is in our words. We need to And He answered with life-giving speak life to one another. words, showing me the truth of who I am. He has us in the palms of His A consistent prayer for me (Ann) hands, and we can rest there. has been, “God, show me the greatness in my husband and help me to speak If you’re going through something that out loud to him.” Because really hard right now, it’s a season.

Dave Wilson and his wife Ann are hosts of FamilyLife Today® Weekdays at 5:00 am on FaithTalk 570 AM, 100.3 FM, 910 AM & 102.1 FM. Copyright © 2020 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved. Adapted from Dave and Ann’s talk on Love Like You Mean it® Cruise 2020.

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