Life Skills 1 – Communication and Social Skills

GRATI TUDE TO ALLAH SERI ES

Lif e Skil l s 1

Communicat ion & social s skil l s AMuslim's Guidet oEveryday Life

FA I T H PUBL I CAT I ONS

Lif e Skil l s 1 GRATI TUDE TO ALLAH SERI ES

Communicat ion & social s skil l s AMuslim's Guidet oEveryday Life

FA I T H PUBL I CAT I ONS

This book was developed by Al-Huda School, College Park, MD. USA All thanks are due to Allah subhaanahu wa ta'ala for enabling us with this effort.

Special thanks to the following contributors: Content Writer: Walida Mukhtar, LMSW Editing Team: Safi Khan, Amal Saadat Graphic and Layout Design: Farah Firman Curriculum Developer: Samira Hingoro Published by FAITH Publications, exclusive publishers for Al-Huda School, MD. A project of Dar-us-Salaam community, College Park, MD, USA www.darussalaam.org Copyright © 2023 FAITH Publications All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

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TABL E OF CONTENTS U N I T 1 | COMMUNICATION SKILLS 09

Et i quet t e of Li st eni ng

12

Hear i ng vs Li st eni ng

13

How t o Be an Act i ve Li st ener

15

Showi ng Empat hy

16

Nonver bal Communi cat i on

18

Et i quet t e of Speaki ng

20

Et i quet t e of Soci al Medi a

24

Wr i t i ng and Respondi ng t o Emai l s

28

Et i quet t e of Text Messages

31

Revi ew and Ref l ect Quest i ons

U N I T 2 | SOCIAL SKILLS 32

Et i quet t e of Gi vi ng Sal aams

33

Et i quet t e of Bei ng a Guest

36

Et i quet t e of Bei ng a Host

38

Et i quet t e of Joki ng

40

Soci al i zi ng wi t h I ndi vi dual s of Di f f er ent Backgr ounds

42

Respect f ul of Thei r Language Ski l l s

43

Et i quet t e of Vi si t i ng t he Si ck

45

Revi ew and Ref l ect Quest i ons 5

PREFACE Living in a digital era, the way we communicate and socialize is continuously changing. While in some ways we are more connected than ever, sometimes confusion, stress, lack of communication and waning of proper social etiquette accompanies this ever-shifting world of information overload. This often leads to disconnected personal and professional relationships.

It is imperative for youth as well as adults to be proactive in becoming effective communicators and empathetic citizens. This occurs when applying the true understanding of Islam in today's egocentric world.

This book will help you begin exploring effective communication and social skills which are critical in maintaining and developing life long relationships. Deriving the guidance from the Qur 'an and the example of Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam, this journey will transform the way you communicate and interact with others around you.

Being first in the series of essential life skills, this book is part of a new Islamic Studies curriculum; a curriculum which aims to help you apply your faith to real world issues. It presents everyday, practical applications of Islam. We pray that this curriculum helps you draw closer to Allah. Please send your feedback to info@Faithpublications.org. We welcome any suggestions to improve this curriculum.

Lastly, we would like to thank Sr. Walida Mukhtar for writing the units so beautifully.

Being an educator, a social worker, a psychotherapist by profession and a career school counselor she shares with us wealth of information gathered through her research and experience. May Allah accept this effort from her and everyone who worked on this curriculum, and more importantly, may Allah accept your efforts to draw closer to Him.

7

UN IT 1

Communication Skills Learning to communicate effectively is possibly the most important life skill. Not

ETI QUETTE OF LI STENI NG

only does it allow us to pass information

Have you ever heard the quote, "every

to others, it enables us the opportunity to

good conversation starts with a good lis-

understand what is being said to us.

tener "? Being a good listener is the foundation of being a good communica-

At its core, com munication is the act of

tor. It?s difficult to converse with an indi-

conveying information from one person

vidual who only focuses on how they are

to another. It can be done orally (using

going to respond and does not take the

voice), scripted (using printed or digital

time to listen to what is being said. Fail-

media means), visually (using pictures,

ure to be a good listener, makes it hard

charts or graphs), or gestured (using body

to comprehend what is being asked of

language and the tone and pitch of voice).

you.

You will often find it done through several of the above-mentioned methods.

Fu n Fact Our anatomy tells us to listen twice as much as we talk; Allah gave us two ears and one tongue between two jaws.

9

Th er e ar e t h r ee elem en t s t o t h e ar t of

body towards the individual. Sim ply turn-

list enin g :

ing your body and head to mirror the individual speaking, lets them know that

1

Inpu t (the message)

you are invested in what they have to say.

This in turn allows the speaker to feel val-

2

Pr ocess (listening and reflecting

ued and helps create a connection be-

upon it)

tween the speaker and the receiver. Developing a connection with the speaker

3

Ou t pu t (reaction to the message)

Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam is the greatest exam ple of a good

listener. He displayed the best of communication skills. Let us learn from some of his listening skills: He w ou ld t u r n h is body com plet ely t ow ar ds t h e speak er .

supports the communication process.

He w ou ld m aint ain eye con t act .

Upholding eye contact is imperative when communicating with an individual of the same gender. Turning your body towards the speaker must be paired with good eye contact for the speaker to feel important and valued. Inability to hold eye contact

The Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam

with the speaker can be translated as a

would lend his entire focus to the person

form of disregard for the speaker and

who was speaking to him. and his entire

their message.

10

He w ou ld u se posit ive body lan gu age.

interest and can be detrimental to the speaker and the message. We find in the

Body language is another vital compo-

sunnah of the Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa

nent of effective communication. The

sallam that he would never interrupt a

posture of our body, our facial expres-

speaker and even asked if the speaker

sions, our hand gestures, and our physical

was done before responding to the mes-

movement speak greatly to how engaged

sage. In the few occasions that the

we are in the conversation. Smiling at the

Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam inter-

speaker, nodding in approval, and clap-

rupted a speaker, there was falsehood

ping occasionally lets the speaker know

within the speech.

that we are engaged. Smiling is a sunnah and no other person demonstrated it

He w ou ld ask qu est ion s.

more than Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu

Following up any speech with relevant

?alayhi wa sallam.

questions demonstrates to the speaker that you are engaged.

He w ou ld list en pat ien t ly w it hou t in t er r u pt in g t h e speak er .

There are multiple incidents in which the Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam would

The art of not interrupting an individual

ask questions to get clarification from the

while they are speaking is fundamental to

speaker. This showcased his level of care

being a good listener. Interrupting the

and engagement in their conversation.

speaker can be translated as lack of

11

We can see significant differences just

HEARI NG VS LI STENI NG

based on their definitions. Listening According to the dictionary, hearing is

requires one to participate actively,

defined as, ?the process, function or

while hearing is more of a passive

power of perceiving a sound? while the

action.

dictionary defines listening as, ?to hear something with thoughtful attention?.

H EARI N G

LI STEN I N G

M EAN I N G

PERCEPTI ON OF SOUN D

ACTI VE UN DERSTAN DI N G OF SOUN DS YOU H EAR

PROCESS

PASSI VE-PH YSI CAL

ACTI VE-M EN TAL

SEN SES

1

1>

CON CEN TRATI ON

N OT N ECESSARY

REQUI RED

Figure 1.1 Illustrates the difference between hearing and listening. As shown above, the process taken to hear is a passive process that's simply physical whereas listening requires a more active process.

12

HOW TO BE AN ACTI VE LI STENER

1. St ay f ocuse d It is o b vio u s fo cu sed in

Active listening requires attention and care. Here are ways in which you can practice being an active listener:

th at o n e m u

o rd er to b e

st stay

a go o d e easiest w a y to d o th is is to giv e yo u r u n d iv id ed att en ti o n an d clear yo u r m in d o f all ir relev an t th o u gh ts . li sten er. Th

s 2. Becur i ou

sit y o te, ?cu r io u q e th w We kn o co u ld b e t,? b u t th is a c e th d kil le Wh en th e tr u th . m o fr r e n o fu r th es r io sit y giv u c , ly r e p ap p li ed p ro sigh t. levels o f in u s greater u in ely s an d gen u io r u c g Rem ain in w il l b e m o re, yo u w o n k to g w an ti n o re sed an d m u c fo r e tt be .

A component listening att en tiofveactive

3. Ask good questions is following up with relevant questions. After the speaker is

finished, ask questions that are specific to the topic and can help the speaker further convey their message.

Tip!

4. Wait to speak er is a go o d listen g in e b f o rt a P ker. ti n g th e sp ea n o t in terr u p ask e are eager to So m eti m es w fail to est io n s an d fo llow u p q u e gn als th at th p ick u p o n si ct ice fi n ish ed . Pra sp eaker isn ?t n al cu es th at si g Whe u pubot,n as p icnkin gdo k qu estio ns r is d o n e. . ke a e Don sp ? t e fa th ll t in to th e rabb it ho th a le of assu m in g th at w hi ch w as no t m en tio ned. Rath er th an assu m in g, it is be st to ask cl ar ifyin g qu estio ns th at help fil l in th e gaps

5. Don't fi ll in hol es

We are supposed to emulate the names of Allah. One of His names is ?As-Sami?; He is always listening.

13

LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND Active listening has been covered previously DON'T INTERRUPT

in detail. Many people today listen for the

Interrupting the speaker is not only a

purpose of responding, but it is necessary

rude gesture, but also signals lack of respect for them and their message. being a good listener will help you that speaker is finished speaking.

understanding. You should be mindfully present in the moment and focus on what

Focusing on the conversation and pick up on cues that let you know

to prioritize listening for the purpose of

the speaker is saying, not what you are going to respond with. Please note that active listening is a skill that needs to be practiced like any other skill.

ACTI VI TY

Now that you have a better understanding of the difference between listening and hearing, along with a partner, role play a scene that depicts listening and another scene that depicts hearing. Be sure to cover some of the skills of active listening.

14

SHOWI NG EMPATHY

Reflective listening allows the speaker to feel supported, valued, and respected.

Empathetic listening, also referred to as active listening, is defined as the ability to listen and reply to another individual in a way that cultivates common understand-

"Amr Ibn Al-As radhiAllahu ?unhu reported that the Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam used to give him special attention so as to make him feel that he loved him the most."1

ing and trust. It is a vital skill that is not often as em phasized as it should be. Empathetic listening empowers the listener to accept and precisely interpret the speaker 's communication. Then, the listener delivers a proper response.

Em pathy is frequently misunderstood as agreeing with what is being said. Rather, empathy is one?s ability to understand another ?s feelings, validate their right to feel that way, and recognize what they are experiencing.

Validating the speaker ?s feelings does not

The Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam often patiently listened in a way which let the speaker know that they were being heard and respected. In many instances,

mean that you agree with their actions. It means you understand that based on their experience, they have a right to feel what they are currently feeling.

he would empathize with the speaker when they expressed hardship or suffering. Aside from his engagement in what the speaker was saying, he sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam would also refrain from being judgmental. This, in essence, is the

The ability to be empathetic depends heavily on your ability to be compassionate. When you listen from a place of compassion and desire to understand, the results are extraordinary.

definition of being an empathetic listener.

1. Sahih Al-Bukhari

15

NONVERBAL COMMUNI CATI ON A considerable percentage of our communication is nonverbal. We use and respond to thousands of nonverbal signals daily. Nonverbal communication includes but is not limited to posture, fa-

GESTURES:

cial expressions, eye contact, gestures,

Gestures are a great way to connect

and tone of voice. From our clothing

without verbal com munication. General

choice, hairstyle, accent, physical dis-

gestures include waving, pointing, and

tance, non-verbal details send signals to

using fingers to indicate num bers. It?s im-

other people about who we might be and

portant to also understand that gestures

how they can or cannot relate to us.

vary between countries and cultures.

Let?s learn about some of the main forms of nonverbal communication:

PARALINGUISTICS: Paralinguistics is vocal communication outside of actual words. Do you notice that your tone of voice impacts the way your speech is perceived? Research shows that the tone, pitch, and loudness of one?s FACIAL EXPRESSIONS:

voice conveys a lot about the speaker to

Facial expressions are usually one of the

the audience. The tone of voice of a

most noticed and important nonverbal

speaker can set the tone of the

communication cues. Think about it, how

conversation.

many signals are received with a smile or frown?

16

EYE CONTACT: BODY LANGUAGE: Posture and movement can also convey a great deal of information. Consider the interpretation of arm-crossing, legcrossing, shaking, and fist balling. How are these postures interpreted?

If the eyes are the "window to your soul,? what do your eyes say about your soul?

Eye contact plays a major role in nonverbal communication. The way we hold eye contact, glance away, and even lower our gaze (out of modesty with the opposite gender) sends strong signals to those we are conversing with. Also, depending on where you are from, steady eye contact is usually associated with honesty, although in other parts of the world it may not be the case.

PROXEM ICS: What would you consider to be appropriate spacing when speaking to someone? An arms distance, two feet, or further? The distance between you and your audience is an important form of nonverbal communication. Our cultures, family dynamics, personalities, and social norms allow us to define the dimensions of our ?personal space?.

HAPTICS: For centuries experts have spoken about the benefits of human touch and its impact. Touching is a form of nonverbal communication that is used by many. Do you remember being a child and your parent kissing your boo-boo? How did you translate that touch?

17

APPEARANCE

ETI QUETTE OF SPEAKI NG

Your appearance including your clothing, hairstyle, jewelry, accessories and

Maintaining proper etiquette when con-

even hygiene impacts how people

versing with others can be considered a

perceive you. Make sure you are giving

survival skill. Engaging positively with

off the appropriate impression.

others makes it easier to make friends, find a spouse, stay connected, and find a career. It?s often not what you know, but who you know that helps you get ahead in life.

Allah tells us, He has given us the ability to communicate and express ourselves.

"The Most Merciful. Taught the Qur'an.

Created man. [And] taught him eloquence." 2

2. Surah Ar-Rahman 55:1-4

18

THINK BEFORE YOU TALK If the words you spoke appeared on your face, would you still say them? It is better to spend a few moments in thought.

Consider the following points:

Can the other party possibly be triggered by the topic at hand? It might not be a good idea to discuss your anxiety about replying to your college acceptance letters with your friend who didn?t get accepted into college. Knowing your audience and tailoring your conversation to them is helpful .

Limit embarrassing jokes and using sarcasm, because it can make others uncomfortable in the conversation. Out of respect for others, avoid sarcasm and including embarrassing ,

It is proper etiquette in general to

excessive jokes. that are

select a topic that everyone in the

unnecessary.

conversation can feel comfortable understanding and participating in.

We converse to connect, so why bring up controversial topics or begin conversations that no one else can relate to?

Avoid exaggerating when sharing a story. Be honest and don't add details for a dramatic effect, it may feel entertaining in the moment , but it can cause others to question your integrity.

19

BE APPROPRIATE AND SENSITIVE Lying is the act of being untruthful, but being tactful is saying the right thing at the right time. Sometimes this includes withholding certain information to avoid being hurtful to others. It is simply unnecessary to make comments like, ?You look like you gained weight!? or, ?You look sick.? Be tactful.

ETI QUETTE OF SOCI AL MEDI A

As technology overwhelms the world, we are actually becoming worse, on a societal level, at communication. Today, the majority of human connection is through a device. Therefore, it is crucial to under-

accountable and ensure that you only post material that is appropriate and conducive to the person you are.

stand the proper way of using technology,

AVOID POSTING PERSONAL DATA

especially social media. Majority of people

Safety and privacy are major concerns. Be

using social media don?t apply social me-

thoughtful about what you post. Some-

dia etiquette. They are uninformed of the

times private details can accidentally be

distinct differences in public and private

exposed or inferred based on something

content. This lack of knowledge leads

you include on social media. Posting a

many to share information online that

picture in front of your house, for exam-

they would not in a public setting in-

ple, can allow someone to know where

person. This often exposes them to se-

you live. Adding your location in a picture

vere consequences. Here are some tips

of your food at a restaurant or the

on how to engage positively on social me-

scenery while you are on vacation- not

dia platforms.

only tells people where you currently are -

WHAT (AND WHY) AM I SHARING?

it reveals where you are not. These types

Asking yourself this question will allow you to stay safe on social media while engaging with others. Aside from safety,

of behaviors on social media can assist crim inals who are looking to steal from a car or com mit burglary.

this question allows you to hold your self 20

WHY ARE YOU ON SOCIAL M EDIA?

BE CONSIDERATE

It becomes easy to get carried away with

When conversing with others online, be

the amount of likes and attention we re-

sure to be considerate of everyone in the

ceive online, and sometimes that be-

conversation. For example, if someone

comes our main motivation. It is impor-

asks you an unrelated question when

tant to set out a clear goal as to why you

you?re in a group chat with several people,

are on your various social media plat-

it may be best to respond to that person

forms. This will allow you to navigate your

separately if it does not concern the oth-

social media in a more effective manner.

ers in the chat. Also, remember to ask

There are many pitfalls of using social

everyone for feedback including those

media which include wasting time and

who may be more reserved or did not re-

comparing ourselves to others. Keeping a

spond yet. This keeps the conversation on

goal in mind and setting a limit on social

topic and gives everyone the ability to en-

media will help lessen the negative effects

gage and feel valued.

of it.

BRING TOPICS TO THE CONVERSATION

LEARN WHEN TO STOP TALKING No one likes being in a one-sided conver-

Remember when starting conversations

sation. Avoid 'taking over ' a conversations

with others, it?s essential to bring some-

unnecessarily. Even if we are passionate

thing worthwhile to the table. Limit small

about the topic at-hand, it?s important

talk and avoid engaging in conversations

that we say our part and allow others to

for no reason. Bring appropriate, relat-

have a chance to speak, ask questions

able and interesting topics to the table.

and share their perspective as well.

21

KILL WITH KINDNESS Sometimes, hurt people hurt (other) people. Unfortunately, another pitfall of social media is an increase in unkind words that normally would not occur in person. Next time you are subjected to hurtful comments online, remem ber that it often has more to do with that individual than it does with you. Empathize when possible, however, if need be, ignore negative comments, leave pointless arguments, and refrain from ever cyberbullying.

RESPECT OTHERS The warmth in your tone and the smile on your face often isn't translated in messages. Don't forget to include 'please,' 'thank you,' and 'you?re welcome' in a text form as often, if not more often, than you would when speaking in person. Address others in a respectful manner and always remember your manners, even when others forget theirs.

Conduct (even on social media) is inspired by our the Messenger of Allah,

BE TRUTHFUL

sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam who said,

Telling the truth is always honorable and

"I guarantee a house on the outskirts of

appreciated. When telling the truth, be

Paradise for one who leaves arguments

careful to deliver it in a way that doesn?t

even if he is right, and a house in the

make others feel defensive or hurt.

middle of Paradise for one who

Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ?alayhi

abandons lying even when joking,

wa sallam, told us, ?Woe to one who

and a house in the highest part of Par-

tells lies to make people laugh.

adise for one who m ak es h is ch ar act er

Woe to him! Woe to him!?2

excellen t .? 3 2. Sahih Muslim 3. Sunan Abi Dawud 4800

22

ARE YOU WASTING TIM E?

and it has many benefits. When we com-

Check in and ask yourself honestly if the

municate face-to-face, the mirror neurons

amount of time you are on social media is

in our brains help us deal with the other

beneficial and/or productive. If you find

person?s facial expressions and cues that

yourself glued to your phone, laptop, or

their body is sending. As our brain inter-

other device, it may be time to unplug.

prets this data, our levels of dopamine

Evaluate your online usage. Be sure to

rise when we hear something nice. This is

consider the impact it has on your sleep,

how we connect and build out social in-

mental well-being, and social engage-

teractions. Being understanding and

ment. While social media is a great tool to

diplomatic about the emotions of others

connect with others, it can also be detri-

allows us to find common ground, create

mental to you if used excessively.

rapport and build social networks in real life. This can only happen when we

HAVE AN OFFLINE LIFE

engage in genuine relationships outside

Go places, see real people and have a

of the virtual world. While online relation-

screen-less experience that does not in-

ships have their perks, make time to cre-

clude being on a device. Connecting with

ate memorable conversations in real life

others is an important part of our lives,

as well.

23

lines include, "Meeting time changed," "Questions about presentation," or "Suggestions for the Upcoming Event."

USE A PROFESSIONAL EM AIL ADDRESS When using email for anything schoolrelated, always use your university or school provided email address. Sim ilarly, for work-related emails, always use your work email address. Lastly, you should have an email address that is easily iden-

WRI TI NG AND RESPONDI NG TO EMAI LS

tifiable and appropriate for normal use.

Your first name, last name or initials should be included. Using email

Due to the spread of Internet-based communication, email etiquette is one of the most important skills needed for the work-

addresses such as, "cutegirl" or "koolkid" are not recommended and highly inappropriate outside of personal use.

place today. As with all forms of technology, email and other electronic forms of communication come with their own challenges. Properly writing and responding to emails is an essential skill to maintain throughout your life.

Below are helpful tips regarding email etiquette: INCLUDE A CLEAR, DIRECT SUBJECT LINE When selecting a subject for your email, be sure that it is relevant to the content. A

BEFORE HITTING 'REPLY ALL'

subject line should also be direct enough

Think before you click 'reply all.' Receiv-

to have the other individual interested, and

ing numerous that are irrelevant is irritat-

a general expectation of what the email will

ing. Refrain from selecting "reply all" un-

be about if they need to reference it at a

less you are certain that everyone in the

later time. Some exam ples of good subject

chain of emails needs to receive the email.

24

INCLUDE A SIGNATURE BLOCK

Just like you would sign a letter with your name, you should also include a signature in your email. This should include your full name, title, organization name, contact information, and any other relevant information. The signature should not include quotes or artwork. Use a standard font type and size that matches the rest of the email.

PROFESSIONAL SALUTATIONS

Avoid laid-back expressions in professional emails like, "Hey you guys," "Yo," or, "Hi folks." Address everyone in a work setting formally regardless of

BE CAUTIOUS WITH HUM OR It can be difficult to pick up on humor through digital communication. It is better to avoid humor in a professional email unless you are very familiar with the recipient. Keep in mind that what you find

your relationship outside of work.

funny could be offensive to another indi-

When addressing Muslims, do not

vidual. If you decide to use humor, keep

shorten Assalaamu 'alaykum to ASA or

the humor minimal and light-hearted.

'salaam' or any other abbreviation.

This is especially important for humor

Write out the entire greeting. The

done virtually.

greeting is a du'aa you are making for someone and should be written out completely. Also, don't alter or shorten

CULTURE PLAYS A PART

someone's name unless you're certain

Different cultures write and speak differ-

that they approve of it.

ently. Culture plays a big part in how we understand social cues. Miscommunica-

USE EXCLAM ATION POINTS SPARINGLY

tion can occur when people from two dif-

Exclamation points are a great way to

ferent cultural backgrounds communi-

show excitement! However, they can

cate. This holds true especially true when

sometimes be translated to be rude, im-

the communication is one over the inter-

mature, or emotional. Use them when

net. Tailor your messages to the culture of

appropriate and use them sparingly in

your recipients.

professional communication.

25

REPLY TO YOUR EM AILS It's difficult to reply to every email message ever sent to you, but you should try

your email that portrays you as sloppy or uneducated. (Reading the email out loud can help you catch mistakes, too).

to respond to the ones addressed directly to you. This includes when the email was

SELECT THE CORRECT RECIPIENT

accidentally sent to you (especially if the sender is expecting a reply). It is good email etiquette to guide them to the right person to contact instead.

Pay careful attention when typing a name from your address book on the email's "To" line. It's easy to select the wrong name, which can be embarrassing to you and to the person who receives the email

PROOFREAD EVERY M ESSAGE

by mistake.

Did you make sure to spell the recipient's name correctly? Did you check for gram-

ADD THE EM AIL ADDRESS LAST

mar and spelling mistakes? When in doubt, a quick search can clarify if your writing is correct. Read and reread your email a few times before sending it off to avoid the embarrassment of a mistake in

If you don't want to send an email too early on accident, it's a good precaution to delete the recipient's address and enter it again only when you are sure the message is ready to be sent.

26

KEEP IT EASY ON THE EYES

someone else when in doubt. Take extra

Always use standard fonts, colors, and

precautions to avoid sounding harsh. For

sizes when sending professional emails.

best results, use "I" statements and re-

There is no need to embellish an email

word in a positive manner.

that could cause an eye-strain for the re-

For exam ple, instead of writing "You

cipient. It is best to use a 10 or 12-point

aren't understanding my instructions,"

type and an easy-to-read font such as Ar-

you could say, "I feel there is a

ial, Calibri, or Times New Roman. As for

misunderstanding..."

color, black is the safest choice.

THE VOICE OF YOUR EM AIL

IF IT'S ONLINE, IT'S FOREVER Nothing written on the internet is ever

Just as humor can get lost in translation,

truly confidential. Write all emails and

tone is easy to misinterpret without the

other forms of communication with this

framework you would get from verbal

in mind. Therefore, do not write anything

cues and body language. You may have

you would not want everyone to see.

meant to be frank, but it sounded livid

After all, emails are easy to forward, and it

and abrupt. To avoid misunderstandings,

is better to be safe than sorry.

read your message out loud to yourself or

27

ETI QUETTE OF TEXT MESSAGES Text messages are the most popular

#1 - Don?t sen d an

method of communication. Everyone has

avalan ch e of t ext

learned how to text, from 90-year-old grandparents to little toddlers who use emojis. Although quick and convenient, texting brings its own set of challenges.

Words can be misinterpreted; messages can be incomplete and etiquette boundaries can be violated without realization.

m essages Text messaging is an art.

You send a message; you receive a message. It is best to wait and give a person time to respond before sending another message. If the person

Remember, when writing to a Muslim,

does not write back to you,

start by writing out Assalaamu 'Alaykum

sending a gentle nudge is

and when responding to a greeting re-

fine. However, it is not

spond as instructed by Allah with a better

polite to overwhelm their

greeting by writing out Wa'alaykum As-

phone with ten text

salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

messages as you wait for

Her e ar e f ive r u les of t ext in g et iqu et t e

them to respond.

t o k eep in m in d:

28

#2 -- Be Polit e

#3 -- Don?t u se all CAPS

Do not write anything you

Using all capital letters

would not say out loud. For

actually reduces the

example, would you ever

readability of your text and

say ?Hellooooo?" to anyone

may translate as yelling. You

if they failed to reply to you

can use abbreviations, since

immediately? Would you

text is informal, but avoid

continue talking while

the aggression that comes

another person is "talking"

with typing in all caps.

(or typing)? Common courtesy extends to digital communication, too.

29

#4 -- Don?t leave som eon e h an gin g in cyber space

#5 -- Rem em ber t h at on lin e is f or ever . Be k in d

If you need to end a conversation with an individual, tell them you must go and if necessary, when you will contact them again. We would not just walk away from someone in the middle

Anything you write can become a screenshot or copied and pasted.

Nothing is ever private, so do not say or send anything you may regret later.

of a conversation face-toface! Apply the same rule to electronic com munication.

30

REVI EW AND REFLECT QUESTI ONS 1

What influences our dimensions for ?personal space??

Think about your life and the aspects of your life that have influenced your dimensions of personal space.

2

Think of a character from a story you read or a famous personality you heard about who failed to think before speaking. Explain what happened, the consequences of their actions, and what they could have done better?

3

In your opinion what information or situations would you consider too personal to post online? Do you think that this varies based on age? Explain why or why not?

31

UNI T 2

Social Skills Social skills are one of the most significant skills to develop, as they often serve as catalyst for future success. Researchers from Pennsylvania State University and Duke University found that youth who scored higher on social skills measurements were four times more likely to graduate from an undergraduate institution. Social skills have also been linked to job success, independence, and emotional well-being. Those with adaptive social skills often demonstrate superior ability to observe, problem solve, and respond in social situations.

ETI QUETTE OF GI VI NG SALAAMS The greeting is the main component which begins the transmission of other human communication elements. Different types of greetings are exercised by different communities according to their culture, geographical positions, and theological beliefs etc. Islam, being a way of life, gives us a single greeting that can be used anywhere with any other Muslim no matter what language they speak.

32

The Islamic greeting: As-salaamu ?

Alaykum

ETI QUETTE OF BEI NG A GUEST

means: May the peace of Allah be upon you. Salam contributes to a Muslim?s faith and his entry to Jannah.

Whether you are attending a dinner party

The Messenger of Allah sallAllahu ?alayhi wa

or spending a few nights with a family

sallam said,

member or friend, knowing and following

?By Him in Whose Hand my soul is! You

proper etiquette rules for guests is

will not enter Jannah until you believe,

essential. Remember that the hosts have

and you shall not believe until you love

shown the generosity of their time and

one another. May I inform you of some-

resources by inviting you, preparing their

thing, if you do, you love each other?

home for your visit, and entertaining you.

Promote salaam amongst you.?3

Reciprocate by exhibiting good manners.

Make a du'aa for your host:

Salaam is declared as the root which can sprout love among Muslims. Therefore, as people who are given the privilege of saying salaam, it?s our duty to give its due

?

"O Allah, bless for them, that which You have provided them, forgive them and

rights and protect its sacredness. We

have mercy upon them." 5

should know the do?s and don?ts of conveying the Islamic greeting.

RSVP You should always respond to an invita-

"And when you are greeted with a greeting, greet [in return] with one better than it or [at least] return it [in a like manner].

Indeed, Allah is ever, over all things, an Accountant.? 4

tion. If you received the invitation in writing, follow up with a reply in writing. A verbal invitation can be answered either with a note or phone call. Contact the host with a yes or no response as soon as possible. If you aren?t sure whether or not you can attend, explain your dilemma to

As mentioned previously, our Islamic

your host so they won?t think you?re

greeting is a du'aa that we are making for

ignoring the invitation. Give the host

the one we are greeting. It is the greeting

enough time to prepare for you if you are

of all the prophets. We should use this

able to make it.

among the Muslims.

3. Sahih Muslim 4. Surah An-Nisa 4:86 5. Sahih Muslim

33

GIVE A GIFT

FOOD

The Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam told

Wait for your host to offer you something

us,

to eat or drink. Follow your host's lead on

?The Muslim has five rights over his fellow Muslim. They are: returning greetings, visiting the sick, attending funerals, accepting invitations, and saying 'Yarhamuk Allah' (may Allah have mercy on you) when he sneezes.? 7 TIM ELY ARRIVAL Arrive on time, or at least within 10 to 15 minutes of the designated time. If you get there too early, you might be in the way during preparations. Conversely, if you get

if you are in doubt regarding where to eat or which utensils to use. When finished eating, bring your plate into the kitchen and always offer to help clean up.

PRIVACY Never enter rooms with closed doors. If the bathroom door is closed, knock before entering. Don?t peak or look inside rooms, open up drawers, or look inside their medicine cabinet without explicit permission.

there an hour late, you might miss some-

BELONGINGS

thing im portant, such as dinner being

Ask if you should remove your shoes

served. This is especially inconsiderate if

when entering the house. If you bring a

the host is waiting on all guests to arrive

bag or other items with you, ask where

before serving the food. If something hap-

you should place your items so they are

pens that will delay you, contact the host

out of the way.

and let him or her know as soon as possible. Be gracious if you're asked to

7. Sahih Muslim.

reschedule.

34

CLEAN UP

SUPPLICATE FOR HOST

Always clean up after yourself as you

Jabir bin Abdullah radhiAllahu ?anhu said:

would in your own home or better. This

"Abu al-Haitham bin al-Taihan prepared

includes putting books or other items

food for Allah's Apostle sallAllahu ?alayhi wa

back when you are finished using them. If

sallam, and he invited the Prophet sallAl-

you are spending the night, make your

lahu ?alayhi wa sallam and the companions

bed, hang up bath towels, and keep the

sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam. When they fin-

room you are staying in tidy.

ished eating He sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam said:

WHEN TO LEAVE

"If some people enter the house of a

All parties, personal visits, and overnight

man, eat his food, drink his drink and

stays should end while you are still having

they supplicate (to Allah) for him, this is

a nice time. Overstaying your welcome

his reward." 8

might get you an express ticket to a future

It is, thus, commendable to utter a sup-

do-not-invite list. As soon as the party be-

plication for those, who provide hospi-

gins to wind down, express your appreci-

tality or provide food for others.

ation to the host and make your exit. If you are staying overnight, leave on the day you originally stated.

8. Sunan Abi Dawood

35

INVITE CLEARLY Include necessary information for your guests in the invitation: the date, the time frame, the place, the occasion, the host(s) and when and how to RSVP. Add any special information such as what to wear or what to bring (if necessary).

PLAN WELL A great group of people will make any party a success even if it rains on the pic-

ETI QUETTE OF BEI NG A HOST

nic or the food is a flop. Get everything ready ahead of time well before your guests arrive, so that you are not scram-

Hosting house guests involves effort to

bling to prepare while the guests are be-

make visits more pleasant for everyone

ginning to arrive.

involved. The goal is to make your guests feel welcomed and comforted. Make space for them to be on their own as well as ways to connect and be involved with your household. Here are go-to?s for welcoming any guest:

INVITE THE GOOD A Muslim should preferably only invite the pious and avoid the evildoers. Allah's Messenger sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam said, "Do not be a companion except to a believer and let only the pious eat your food." 9

9. Sunan Abi Dawood

36

BE WELCOM ING AND ATTENTIVE

REM EM BRANCE OF ALLAH

Make sure guests are greeted warmly,

Be sure to remind your guest of Allah or

and made to feel welcome throughout

ask a fellow guest to put together a small

the event. Look after each guest as much

reminder about Allah and our duties to

as you can. If you notice a guest with an

Allah.

empty glass or if there's one person standing alone, take action and remedy the situation. As the Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi

Abu Hurairah radhiAllahu ?anhu. reported that the Messenger of Allah sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam said,

wa sallam told us,

?Wh oever believes in Allah an d t h e last day, let h im h on or h is gu est .? 10

"No people leave a gathering in which they did not remember Allah, the

BE THE LEADER AND THE SPARK

Almighty, except that it will be as if they

It's your job to run the show and let your

are leaving the carcass of a donkey, and

guests know when it's time for dinner, or

it will be a cause of regret for them." 11

dessert, or any activities. Circulate among your guests, introduce newcomers, and stay with each group long enough to get a conversation going.

10. Sahih Al-Bukhari 11. Sunan Abi Dawood

37

Some people enjoy making fun of Islamic teaching or use it as their source of jokes. For example, they may mock having a beard and compare it with a goat or another animal. Or, they may mock modest clothing like a hijab or abayah and call it a "tent."

ETI QUETTE OF J OKI NG

This is especially dangerous, as mentioned in Surah at-Tawbah. According to

Joking is permissible within halal

these ayaat of the Qur 'an, anyone who

boundaries. It is important to learn what

insults the Islamic teachings is under the

those are. Among those are the following:

threat of renouncing Islam whether he or she realizes it or not. Therefore, we

NO LIES Unfortunately today, people will do any-

should never make light of very serious matters.

thing to crack a joke at a moment even if it is a lie.

?Should you question them what they were talking about, they would certainly

The Messenger of Allah sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam said,

say: ?We were merely jesting and being playful.? Tell them: ?Was it Allah and His revelation and His Messenger that you

?Woe to those who speak and then tell a lie

were mocking?? Now, make no excuses.

to incite laughter from some people.

The truth is, you have fallen into unbe-

Woe to him. Woe to him.? 12

lief after having believed. Even if We were to forgive some of you, We will

NO HUM ILIATION OR DEROGATION

surely chastise others because they are guilty.? 13

Society has reached a point where little is truly sacred anymore and anything can become a joke. Some people cross the line and resort to inappropriate humor that is based on humiliation.

12. Sunan Abi Dawood 13. Surah At-Tawbah 9:65-66

38

AVOID TAUNTING Allah cares for us so much that He has

NO STEALING

told us the correct way of behaving with

Even as a prank, we are not allowed to

each other. He informs us,

take another person's possession.

?Believers, let not a group (of men) scoff

The Messenger of Allah sallAllahu ?alayhi wa

at another group, it may well be that the

sallam said,

latter (at whom they scoff) are better than they; nor let a group of women scoff at another group, it may well be that the

?It is not permitted for you to take the

latter are better than they. And do not

possession of your brother, be it jokingly

taunt one another, nor revile one an-

or seriously.? 15

other by nicknames. It is (downright) evil to utter insulting names after one has (attained) iman (faith). Those who do not repent are indeed the wrong-doers.? 14

14. Surah Al Hujuraat 49:11 15. Sunan Abi Dawood

39

SOCI ALI ZI NG WI TH I NDI VI DUALS OF DI FFERENT BACKGROUNDS ?Culture?is a complex idea. We often use the term to refer to things like food, holidays, clothing, music, and religion, but it also is much deeper than that.

own. Most of us take our background for granted, and don?t even realize that our customs and beliefs might seem strange to someone else. If you think of your own way of life as the default and everyone else?s as a strange variation, it?s hard to approach those differences with respect.

Behaviors, customs, beliefs, and values are also part of your culture. So when we meet people from different backgrounds, we can sometimes find that there are huge differences in how we see the world even if we dress in a similar way or speak the same language.

LEARN Maybe you?ve recently met someone from a different culture that you find interesting, or you?re just curious to learn about how different people live. There are so many ways to learn about different cultures! Make friends. Talk to people. Read

KNOW YOUR OWN CULTURE One of the best ways to understand other people?s cultures is to first exam ine your

books. Watch documentaries. Listen to radio shows and podcasts. These are all ways to learn about the different cultures around you.

40

DON?T STEREOTYPE

APPRECIATE THE DIFFERENCES

Sometimes, learning a lot about a differ-

How boring would it be if everyone looked

ent culture through books, movies, or

and spoke the same way? Differences be-

even travel and friends can lead you into

tween us are what make life so interest-

a different trap: stereotyping. You may

ing. So embrace the differences between

think you know a lot about a culture or

yourself and your friends from different

place, and sometimes that can make it

cultures, but remem ber that what is a

tempting to show off your knowledge

fascinating difference to you is just their

when you meet someone from that back-

normal life. The best way to respect peo-

ground? but it?s a problem to assume

ple from other cultures is to strike a bal-

that everyone from one particular culture

ance between curiosity and appreciation.

has the same perspectives and experi-

Take what is considered good as long as it

ences. These assumptions make people

doesn't contradict Islamic teachings.

feel like you don?t see them as a human or an individual, just as a representative of an entire culture.

41

RESPECTFUL OF VARYI NG LANGUAGE SKI LLS Speaking another language than your native language gives you an advantage in life. Your ability to communicate and interact with more people increases. We live in a multicultural society, and often meet people who have a native language other than English. Sometimes these individuals speak English on some level. It is important that we conduct ourselves with the proper etiquette when conversing with individuals of varying English levels and don't make fun of their accent.

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42

ETI QUETTE OF VI SI TI NG THE SI CK

activities sooner.

Ibn Abdul Aziz radhiAllahu 'anhu narrated:

Besides being an Islamic right, visiting the

Thabit and I once visited Anas Ibn Malik,

sick is also a humanitarian act of mercy.

then Thabit said; ?O Abu Hamza, I am suf-

Hence we should be visiting every Mus-

fering from an illness.?Then Anas said;

lim, whether he is a relative or not,

?Shall I treat you with the charm of The

whether he is our neighbor, friend or any

Messenger of Allah, Allah?s blessing and

one else. It is sunnah to visit a sick per-

peace be upon him??Thabit said: ?Yes.?

son. However, some etiquette should be

Anas recited:

observed and obeyed while visiting a patient so our relationship will become closer. Prophet Muhammad sallallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam told us, that 70,000 angels

make du'aa for us when we visit a sick

?Oh Allah! The Sustainer of Mankind!

person. Here are some tips for visitng a

Remove the illness, heal the disease.

sick person:

You are the One Who heals. There is no

PRAY FOR THEM

healing except Your healing. Grant us a healing that leaves no illness." 16

Send them a prayer for their recovery, so they can get well and return to their daily 16. Sahih Al-Bukhari

43

M ODESTY STILL APPLIES We are not forbidden from visiting someone who is not our mahram. However, we should still pay attention to our 'awrah (considered private area in Islam), whether we are someone who visits or is visited.

Make them believe that they will get better soon.

SHOWING EM PATHY While visiting the sick, remem ber to show that we do care for them. Respectfully inquire about other treatments to show that we do understand and care

Umm al-Ala radhiAllahu ?anhu narrated:

for them.

GIVE THEM ADVICE

?The Prophet visited me while I was sick.

While visiting, it is a given to hear the

He said: ?Be glad, Umm al-Ala for Allah

worries of the sick. However, we should

removes the sins of a Muslim for his ill-

remind them that the pain they are feel-

ness as fire removes the dross of gold

ing now is a form of purification for their

and silver." 17

sins in the past. Allah is cleaning them in this world so that they won't face the

REASSURING THEM

punishment in the Hereafter, in shaa Allah. Make sure you stay for only a few

While visiting the sick, it is a given we

minutes and don't tire the patient.

should show support for them. Reassure them. Lift their spirit. Encourage them to think positively. Inspire them to pray.

17. Sunan Abi Dawud

44

REVI EW AND REFLECT QUESTI ONS 1

?Do not be a companion except to a believer and let only the pious eat your food.? Why do you think the Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam said that only the pious should eat from our food? Consider the fact that those who you offer food to outside of the needy are individuals who will be guests in your house.

2

What are the benefits of knowing your own culture in order to understand and appreciate other cultures?

45

FREQUENTL Y USED EXPRESSI ONS 1

Subhaanahu wa ta?aala: May He (Allah) be

"The one who offers salah for me from my

Glorified and Exalted.

Ummah, sincerely from their heart, Allah will then offer ten salahs for them, will raise

This expression is used in combination

them ten degrees, write for them ten good

with Allah?s name or when referring to

deeds, and cancel for them ten sins."19

Him.

3 'Alayhis salaam: May Allah?s peace be on 2

SallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam: May Allah?s

him.

peace and blessings be upon him.

This expression is a du?aa which is used This is the du?aa that Allah has asked us

whenever referring to a Prophet of Allah

to make whenever the name of the

other than Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu

Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu ?alayhi wa

?alayhi wa sallam.

sallam is mentioned. Allah commands us,

4 RadhiAllahu ?anhu: May Allah be pleased "Indeed, Allah confers blessing upon the

with him.

Prophet, and His angels (ask Him to do so).

O you who have believed, ask (Allah to confer) blessing upon him and ask (Allah to grant him) peace.?18

This expression is a du?aa which is usually used whenever referring to a companion of the Prophet Muhammad sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam.

The Prophet sallAllahu ?alayhi wa sallam also told us,

18. Surah Al-Ahzab 33:56 19. Al-Nasa?i, declared Sahih by Al-Albani

GRATI TUDE TO ALLAH SERI ES

Communicat ion & social s skil l s AMuslim's Guidet oEveryday Life Su ccessf u l, appr opr iat e com m u n icat ion is cr u cial f or in t er act in g ef f ect ively w it h in M u slim f am ilies, Islam ic w or k places, an d t h e gen er al com m u n it y. How can M u slim s f ost er h ealt h y r elat ion sh ips an d en cou r age au t h en t ic Islam ic t each in gs if t h ey ar e n ot equ ipped w it h social in t elligen ce su ppor t ed by t h e Qu r 'an an d Su n n ah ?

As par t of t h e Gratitude to Allah ser ies, ?Communication & Social Skills- A Muslim?s Guide to Everyday Life?sh ow cases pr act ical, in t er per son al sk ills f r om list en in g an d n on ver bal gest u r es t o social m edia an d visit at ion et iqu et t e, all w it h in an Islam ic view poin t .

Reliable com m u n icat ion an d st r on g social sk ills br idge t h e gap bet w een con f u sion an d clar it y. Th is book , in shaa Allah, w ill h elp r eader s bu ild t r u st an d r espect , over com e diver sit ies, an d cr eat e an en vir on m en t t h at br eeds cr eat ive solu t ion s f it t in g f or a M u slim societ y. A m u st r ead f or t h e en t ir e f am ily!

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