Inspired to be Super

I still feel sick to my stomach when I remember that there were people promoting the “PTOWN 400” with “sexy” Indians and pilgrims cruising each other. Please take at least 5 minutes after this sentence to acknowledge the Wampanoag people who nurtured this land for thousands of years before the brutal colonization by the pilgrims.

20 years ago, I got my first glimpse of Provincetown. From that point on it has firmly held its title as my favorite place on Earth. Every consecutive year since then I have learned more about the land and the people I share it with. It’s difficult to pretend like I could even remember all of the amazing stories from the artists and families that have lived here at some point or another in their life. Hell, that’s probably why I love documenting so much of the life that happens here over the years. And I’m not alone. There is an undeniable history of art and artistry attached to this town that continues to inspire every following generation. Where there is art, there is love. And this community is one of the most accepting, understanding, nurturing, loving places I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. So what better spot to shelter-in-place once the country started it’s downward spiral a little over a year ago. Like many before me, and many after, I have been given the gift of PTown through the kindness of others. This past summer had to have been one of the greatest gifts of all. Don’t worry this isn’t one of those “everything is amazing” stories… I wish. The truth of the matter is that despite this being my true eyes definition of paradise, the intensity of everything going on in the world even managed to reach this serene and desolate location.

One of the main reasons I feel at home here is because I feel safe. I have been assaulted a number of times for the way I look, talk and act, and this is the one place in the entire world where I can freely let my guard down. I would imagine this is what it feels like to be a str8 white guy… everywhere. There are some of us who only get this luxury in designated safe places. For me, PTown is that place. I knew the summer was going to be different and weird but I didn’t expect this much change in both the season and myself.

Being the visual spectacle that I am, I’ve become accustomed to the attention I bring on the street and have grown to revel in it. As such, one always prepares for the commercial stroll. What once was an outing to compare lewks with friends on the strip now gave the same appeal of a petting zoo from the animal’s perspective. You’d find yourself having a similar conversation with every other person you knew on the street… “There sure are a lot of straight people here, right?!” It was almost reassuring that others saw it too. Calm down cis, I’m merely talking about looking at last year and noticing change. That being said, man was there some change on the street! The license to intimidate seemed to be on full display.

At one point, I legit saw a man walking down the street in an ak47 t-shirt with a bleeding flag skull. I thought back to all the bitch bullies I grew up with. Of course, his mask was joined with full block sunglasses and a ball cap so he could maintain his anonymity. I glared at the woman who accompanied him and wondered who could walk with a guy like that in a place like this. Honestly I was so taken aback that I was speechless. Returning home I saw the woman again and immediately looked for the man by her side, as now my wits were beside me… and low and behold, that MF changed his shirt! BWAAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJA!!! I figured at some point he must have wanted to get some semblance of service in town and found out the hard way that there was a dress code of sorts.

As for those who want to talk about acceptance, let’s try talking about it through the lens of racial equity and antiblack racist oppression. Why is it easier for people to get military assault weapons than a drivers license? Our queer and BIPOC community stand disproportionately at the end of so many bullets that even having this conversation feels like an aggression.

At the end of a Black Lives Matter march in the beginning of June 2020, Provincetown community members gathered to speak about their lived experiences, especially in regard to how they are treated both by locals, guests and the police. I definitely consider myself one of the privileged when I’m in town and had no idea how much of what was going on in the town was never reaching our ears. I mean, I’ve had so many adverse experiences, even with people I’ve known for decades, that I wasn’t expecting to be surprised by a single thing. Then you hear of a family of Black children abused by the system, only to be subsequently failed at every corner, and you realize that this really isn’t a magical place. It’s the same as everywhere else in the country. We were even hearing stories popping up here and there of senseless acts of violence over masking and regulations. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Half of my friends in town are servers. Dealing with asshole customers in your backyard has to be one of the gates of hell. Amidst all of these stories, we all sat in collective heaviness in our shared concerns for the future.

So many people call PTown home and will NEVER own a single inch of real estate here. This town has the potential to be the most egalitarian queer sanctuary... but there is work to do.

Hi! My name is Izzy Berdan. My pronouns are they/them and my ancestors are indigenous and of color. Some of my other ticked boxes include atheism, democratic socialism & polysexuality. This moment is brought to you by the letter “V” for visibility. 2020 took another giant leap with the promotion of voices of non-traditional narrators. There were even a number of documentaries on queer visibility in television and movies that left me insprired. Seeing the progression of diverse bodies in the media made me think about the role that I could potentially play in providing representational equity in my own little private Idaho Provincetown. Being intentionally inclusive is not hard. The hard part is doing so in a place where the demographics to do such a thing don’t work in your favor. Those are the kind of stories we want to tell in Fag Rag Provincetown. We want to find out who the disrupters are that seek to dismantle that and give them a platform. We want to do the work!

Well, time to become the person that I needed when I was younger. Ugh, this would be much easier if that person wasn’t a superhero! Fortunately for me this village of travelers is packed with extremely talented artists and characters dying to share their love and stories with you. Also, I’ve never been great at coloring inside the lines, so to some of you I say, I’m sorry. And to others, you’re welcome!

– Izzy