November 2024 - Stay in the Day. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

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FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

November 2024 $2.50

Stay in the Day

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November 2024

Columns First 90 Days: Ninety Days Again. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Art, News, & Clues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3 No Matter What: Grateful in Grief. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Notable & Quotable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features The Struggle Ends. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Job Insecurity. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Recovery First. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 The Gift of Food Neutrality. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 Flying Solo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

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Credits Front and Back Cover Art: Jean P., RI Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, Connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2024 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

First 90 Days

Ninety Days Again

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t the beginning of January, I had tended that party intending to break. I was a break after six-and-a-half years very emotional about having just sold my of abstinence. My break did not house. My son and I were scheduled to involve eating flour, sugar, or massive move in two days, and I felt I was breaking quantities of food. I merely ate a bit more his heart by moving. I had a huge to-do than my committed amount. I was at a list. But that night there was to be a party party and wasn’t at my sister's house. measuring, but I "The tools to lose and keep off That afternoon, a litknew I ate more tle voice inside my than I should have. I 100 pounds, an amazing head said, Maybe you ate because I meant shouldn't go to that to. community of FA friends, party. You have an My sponsor always awful lot going on and the ability to penetrate said mistakes that maybe adding that were considered as party to the mix is too my negativity to open breaks in abstinence much. But the threewere all about intenyear-old self inside tion. Had I meant to the grateful heart underneath, said I deserved to eat that thing or achave some fun at a all reminders that I am cidentally taken a party. My Higher bite thinking it was Power's voice then a better person in FA. " one thing only to said, Okay, if you go to discover when it hit my tongue that it was the party, maybe you should take your weighed another? Once I realized I'd eaten some- and measured dinner so that you can stay abthing I hadn't committed, what was my stinent. next move? Did I finish that bite, keep eat- I'm fortunate that my family includes abing, or did I stop? stinent food for me, but I didn’t want to It's all about intention. I can't say I at- eat differently from everyone else. I Connection

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wanted the food my sister served. Then my Higher Power’s voice said that maybe I should take my scale to weigh and measure my meal. Again, my childish self said, No! I've been to parties before and eaten abstinently. I didn’t want to take my scale.

When I served myself dinner that night, I knew it was too much. I knew I had overeaten, even if it was only a small amount, because I intended to.

I told my sponsor about it the next day and started my abstinence again. I thought that would be the end of it because, after all, I'd been abstinent all those years and my break was small. I expected to get right back into my abstinence, reclaim my 90 days, and carry on as before. But that's not what happened.

From day one of my new abstinence, I was mad about being in FA. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted the ease of 2

not worrying about carrying food with me when I travel or having to ask the staff at restaurants to customize my meals. I was thinking I didn't need this anymore, that there's more to life than FA. Imagine a rebellious child with her arms crossed and lips pouting out, glowering at the world. That was what I felt like.

I'd learned in Program that I need to act my way into right thinking, that I could put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and I'd be fine.

I had a wonderful FA friend who SUSAN F., NY reminded me that I had just been through an extremely emotional event (selling my family home and moving). She suggested I stay abstinent for three to six months before deciding whether to leave the program. I didn't like that idea, but I saw the sense in it, so I stayed abstinent. I did all my tools. I discussed my anger at being a food addict.

November 2024

Art, News, & Clues Heck, I thought people would stop picking up the phone when I called because I talked about my anger so much.

Then, two months into my new abstinence, my sponsor of six-and-a-half years left FA. Oh, boy. That shook me. But I'd made a promise to myself that I would give FA three months of abstinence, maybe six, before deciding whether to leave. A temporary sponsor gently held my hand while I looked for a new sponsor. I have a new sponsor and so far, I love working with her!

About a week before I reached my 90 days, the clouds parted. I stopped hating being a food addict and again became grateful for all that FA has done for my life: The tools to lose and keep off 100 pounds, an amazing community of FA friends, the ability to penetrate my negativity to open the grateful heart underneath, all reminders that I am a better person in FA, and so much more.

I've now been abstinent again for 100 days. However, it took 85 of those days to feel good again, to feel the sunshine on my face, to be grateful for all the goodness in my life, and for my mind to stop telling me that I'd be better off if I left FA. I feel so fortunate to still be here. I can honestly say I am a grateful recovering food addict.

Heather M., California, US

Zero Calorie, Connection Art Gallery

Service Rocks, Click the Box

Better than Food, is a Crossword Mood

Connection 3

The Struggle Ends

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remember vividly the day I was on my me. I was overweight and out of control. knees, begging my Higher Power for I hated my life, my thinking, and my body. help. I have lost the same five or ten I hated the summer. I didn’t want to be pounds over and over, yet I was always outside in the heat, sweaty and sticky in about 30 pounds overweight. The con- summer clothes that did not cover stant struggle with food, my weight, and enough of my body. I didn’t want to take my body owned my life for decades. I my kids to the town pool or anywhere. I binged and restricted food. Restricting was angry at everyone and everything and was less successful I yelled a lot. for me. I was always Two weeks before I didn’t want to be outside on some diet, new my forty-sixth birtheating plan, or “way day I was on a twoin the heat, sweaty and of life,” but invariably week bender and I would not be able raging at my kids. I sticky in summer clothes to make it more was inventing reathat did not cover enough sons to punish them than a few days, maybe a week. so I didn’t have to of my body.

I tried weight-loss take them anywhere, plans, copious go outside, see anyamounts of exercise (which I now know one, or be seen. I don’t remember the reawas a form of bulimia), acupuncture, ther- son I was screaming at them, but I do apy, reading, and research. I was obsessed. remember I’d been eating all morning.

My obsession brought me to dieting ex- Suddenly, it was all too much. I was out of tremes that included joining the military, my mind. having my mouth wired shut (to get into I went into our laundry room in despair my wedding dress), and running a very and (now I know) desperation. I fell to my painful and slow marathon. knees. At that time I didn’t have a “workThe summer of 2017 was scary. I went ing relationship” with my Higher Power, on a two-week binge and could not pull even though I grew up with religion and back. This is a progressive disease for faith, so hitting my knees like this was new.

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November 2024

It surprised me, as did the words that came out of my mouth. “God, please help me. I cannot live another 45 years like this. I won’t make it.” I got up, got on the computer, and found an FA meeting.

I hear many FA members share about knowing they were home when they walked into their first meeting. I had attended another food fellowship years before and no one had a right-sized body at those meetings.

My first thought walking through the FA door was, Oh, look, all the skinny people sit together. Then I realized that most of the people in the room were thin.

During the meeting, I heard people talking about using food the way I had. They shared about their obsession with food and weight.

I spent decades believing I was the only one struggling this way. "Aline, alone," I would write over and over. I was no longer alone, but my disease was properly shaken.

This was too real. I was sure I would not come back. I had a birthday coming up in Connection

two weeks! I wouldn't join right before a big birthday celebration. We had a 10-day road trip vacation planned the week after my birthday. Vacations were all about food for me. Maybe I could come back after vacation?

In another example of my Higher Power doing for me what I could not do for myself, I returned to the meeting that very next week and got a sponsor.

Two weeks later I had my first abstinent birthday and the best birthday I could remember. Three weeks later I went on my first abstinent vacation, the best vacation I could remember.

So many things have happened since that sumDEB H., MA mer but nothing as important as getting abstinent and staying that way. It is my primary job today, one day at a time. The life that I wanted to escape from, my tortured mind and body, have all done a full 180-degree turn. I love my life today and the crazy thing is it’s the same life. What’s different is me.

Aline S., New York, US

Job Insecurity

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t has been three weeks since I was laid off from my job. Before FA, I was always changing jobs. I thought that was my problem. If I just had the right job and made more money, I would stop eating and my life would begin. Luckily, I found FA and was abstinent for two years before I started at this company and stayed for over six.

Had it not been for FA, I would have quit multiple times. The past two years, however, have been hard in a different way than previous jobs. Knowing in my heart that this job was not right plagued me. I would have stretches where I could pull it together for a few days or weeks at a time, but it always came crashing down and I would end up in tears, feeling guilty, hopeless, and angry.

I had a great salary, good benefits, flexibility, and a company car. I should be grateful!

What was wrong with me?

I was grateful to have a job that enabled me to pay off debt, partially pay for a gorgeous wedding, buy nice things for myself and oth6

ers, and actually have savings totaling more than $1,000. But I was filled with emotional, mental, and spiritual pain, which I knew money wasn’t going to fix.

There were whispers at work about big changes coming, but I didn’t pay attention. I thought people were being overly dramatic.

We’re going to be fine!

Everyone needs to stop worrying! Then I got a meeting invite with the title, “Business Update.” Yikes!

At that point, I knew what was coming. Naturally, fear came rushing in. We have to save for a house, we have to buy a car, what if I don’t make as much money at my next job, what if we have to pay for IVF out of pocket? We have MERISSA E., FL good health insurance; we are screwed if we lose it! The next morning came and sure enough, my position had been eliminated.

I talked about my job situation ad nauseam on my outreach and sponsor calls. I prayed about it on and off my knees, took extra quiet time, took more quiet time, wrote sticky notes with inspirational quotes and November 2024

stuck them to my computer, paid over $200 a month for a career coach, and had a professional mentor at work. I had tried to make this job work, but at the end of the day, it was a square-peg-round-hole situation. Now that it was over, I was filled with an indescribable relief.

What has been more challenging is seeing how fear and financial insecurity have impacted my husband. I am learning that I cannot control his fear and it is not my responsibility to fix his worry. We will eventually have to buy a second car, but for now, we will survive with one. We have had a lot of hard discussions and I have not always handled them with the grace I’d hoped for.

But I am not eating. Food is not and has not been an option. We have and will continue to work through this transition, and I will continue to work my FA program.

I now have time to read more books, rest, and relax. We have decided I will take time for myself and not apply for jobs right away.

I have time to take my dog on long walks and found a wooded area with trails that has become my little oasis. A few days ago, we were walking through the woods, not a soul in sight. Only the scurrying of woodland creatures, chirping birds, and the pecking of woodpeckers could be heard. Walking through the trails, a small, effortless smile came. We stopped at a small beach area near a river where I sat on a bench and played fetch. As my pup jumped and swam in the Connection

river, a bright yellow butterfly flew around us. I had the mental capacity to pause, lift my face to the sun, and watch this little insect flutter around as my dog shook and splashed water everywhere. I hadn’t felt that level of peace and contentment in a long time. The deep gratitude and grace I felt at that moment was my higher power.

It has been hard to stay in the day. I am met with fear around our fertility journey, which has been stressful mentally and physically.

Will my husband’s insurance have the same IVF benefits? Will I make enough money?

Will we have enough to buy a house that both of us like? Will my husband be annoyed at me for taking this time for myself?

Will people in FA judge me and think I should get another job right away?

But with each passing day, I am growing more secure in my decisions to take some needed time to ground myself and continue to work my program. I have been writing a lot more and that has been lovely. FA gives me hope and I am learning to trust my higher power and myself. I honestly do not know what the future will bring. But do we ever? Getting laid off was not in my plans, but I know that we will be just fine. I have always been taken care of. With abstinence and FA as my foundation, I am working on staying in each moment with self-compassion. None of this would be possible without this program, and for that I am grateful.

Anonymous 7

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Recovery First

our months after I joined the proI sent a quick message to my sponsor letting gram, my then 13-year-old-daughter her know the situation and I returned to the started struggling with suicidal room to sit with my daughter. When 6:00 thoughts. One afternoon, when she was p.m. rolled around, I got out my plasticware, struggling and in danger of acting on her said a prayer to my Higher Power asking for thoughts, I knew I needed to take her to the help to stay abstinent, and ate my abstinent hospital. I’m a mental health professional and meal. At midnight, we were told that they knew that we would found a bed for my spend many hours When it was time for lunch, daughter at a mental waiting in the emerhealth facility about gency room until an I prayed to my Higher Power, 45 minutes away. My open bed became daughter was going to available so she could be transported to the asking for help. be admitted. My facility by ambulance, I didn’t know what to do. which left me to drive sponsor’s words echoed in my mind. alone. During that Put Program first. As we prepared to go to the drive, I prayed that my daughter would be hospital, I knew that if I was going to protect okay and that I could stay abstinent despite my abstinence, I needed to prepare and take feeling tired and scared. my abstinent dinner with me.

We arrived at the facility at 1:00 a.m. and it We arrived at the hospital around 3:30 p.m. took over an hour to get her admitted. When Sitting in the emergency waiting room, I tried it was time for me to leave, I hugged my to stay calm. At one point, I went into the daughter tightly, told her that I loved her, and hallway to get a drink of water and the urge tried to reassure her that everything would be to eat came over me. All my life I had eaten okay. I spent the next 20 minutes crying in my when I felt stress and anxiety, but this time car. By the time I got home and into bed it had to be different. I was in Program and was 3:30 a.m., which left me a couple of hours didn’t want to give in to the impulse to eat. I to sleep before I needed to get up and call my wanted a better life for myself. I wanted absti- sponsor. However, this also meant that I nence. would have less time to get ready and get to 8

November 2024

work on time. As I committed my food to my sponsor, we decided that I would have an abstinent meal out for lunch as it would be hard for me to prepare my food and make it to work to see clients on time.

I had recently reached my 90 days of abstinence, and this would be my first time eating out. I was nervous driving to work, wondering where I could get an abstinent meal. I paid special attention to see if any restaurants stood out. I didn’t pass a restaurant where I thought I could find an abstinent meal.

When it was time for lunch, I prayed to my Higher Power, asking for help. I didn’t know what to do. The thought came to my mind to go to the grocery store. I had not thought of that before. I drove to the store unsure of what I would get to eat. When I arrived, the store had all the items I needed and a scale to weigh and measure my food. As I ate my abstinent meal, I knew that my Higher Power was aware of me and what I needed. Not only had my prayers been answered, I realized that my abstinence was most important and that I would be supported no matter what was going on in my life.

My daughter is doing well now, and I’ve been in Program just over five years. I am grateful I did not jeopardize my recovery during that experience. I have learned that my feelings and cravings will pass if I don’t eat, as long as I continue to lean on my Higher Power for continued strength.

Anonymous Connection

Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous 9

The Gift of Food Neutrality

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arly in FA, I heard a member say, “I had to have a party in my mouth all the time.” That was me, too. When I was growing up, I remember many TV commercials touted how much their product was “fun” to eat. I was a sucker for those ads. Those products were usually full of sugar and fat and were often crunchy.

As I got older, I loved eating out in exotic ethnic restaurants. I’d interrogate the waiter about the menu. “What does this taste like?” I would ask. “Is it juicy?” I thought that eating something dry would be tragic! I was so invested in ordering the right thing to get that “party” in my mouth. I’d tell the waiter.

“Yes, I like spicy but not too spicy!” I’d ask if the food was tender, chewy, or saucy. I had to know.

On my first morning call to my sponsor, she used an unfamiliar phrase: food neutrality. I’d never heard of that, but I was certain I did not have it. The way I approached eating in ethnic restaurants was anything but neutral. My sponsor invited me to consider my behavior around food. Did I need to have things done a particular way? She asked me to consider food preparation, plating, flavor, texture; even the flatware I used.

She said I had an opportunity to let go of that need to have things a certain way. I was 10

open to practicing food neutrality. I didn’t have to have a party in my mouth every time I ate.

I’m fortunate that my Higher Power gave me the gift of food neutrality early on.

Maybe I didn’t have perfect neutrality, but things had changed significantly. I enjoy my food today and have done so for over 13 years. Pretty amazing.

Little did I know I could use neutrality in other areas of my life, like quiet time. When I began the program, I interpreted quiet time as something I was already doing, such as morning walks and saying affirmations of abundance along the way. My sponsor gently suggested I try sitting in a chair and doing nothing. “Nothing wrong with those walks,” she said. “You can do them when you want.

They’re just not quiet time. Try sitting and relaxing. Doing nothing. Just for a day. We can talk about it.”

So, I tried it. But I still had to put my special touch on it. I laid on my back on the wall-to-wall carpeting or with my feet and calves on a chair. This brand of neutrality put me to sleep. Soon, I was ready to sit up, and I did. But not without candles and sometimes music. Something in me still wanted more. Like the party in my mouth.

I wanted excitement, embellishment, enNovember 2024

NORMA JEAN P., OH

hancement. Eventually, I was able to sit quietly for 30 minutes, doing nothing. It's been good for my growing peace of mind.

I began to see how my entire life has needed embellishment. From very early on, since I was a toddler, maybe even an infant, I developed ways of thinking that made life safer for me, that created comfort and pleasure. Yes, with food, of course, but also with ascribing to people and situations in my life a kind of magic or fantasy. I’d fixate on pretty faces I’d see on TV and imagine how wonderful it would be to be loved and taken care of by them. In friendships with schoolmates and neighbors, I learned to be funny and entertaining. Life was supposed to be like a Connection

show, all the time. That’s what I thought.

Today, nearing 13 years of continuous abstinence, I see the opportunity to accept life on life’s terms, exactly as it is. To accept people as they are. To accept my wife for who she is. Even to accept myself as I truly am.

I’m one among many. I don’t need any embellishment. I’m a child of my Higher Power. I’m a ripple in the universe. My food doesn’t need excessive condiments. My quiet time doesn’t need candles and music.

My life doesn’t need tantalizing fantasies of something better, something more exciting.

Living abstinently truly is mind-blowing all by itself.

Ben H., Illinois, US 11

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Flying Solo

y track record for romantic relationships was bad. I used to joke that I must have had a lot of husbands in previous lives because it didn’t look like I was going to have even one during this lifetime. I was middle-aged, never married, never even lived with a man, and resigned to living a solo life. I was successful at work, owned my own home, had good friends, and tried to accept that I was destined to be alone. I weighed 231 pounds, wore a size 18/20, and didn’t have a clue that I was desperate.

My mom died when I was 48 years old.

We were very close, and I grieved hard. I hadn’t just lost a mother; I’d lost my closest friend and trusted confidante. She was my go-to person when I was excited, upset, needed advice, or wanted to share good news. As I was about to turn 50, I decided it was time to emerge from my two years of grief, isolation, and avoidance of social connections, especially dating.

I joined a mixed doubles bowling league to force myself into a social environment with minimal pressure. I also decided that my upcoming milestone birthday in November was a good reason to come out of my funk and jump back into the world, so I planned a party at a local restaurant. It was 12

well attended, and several family members traveled from another state to be there. I dieted down to a size 14 and thought I looked great. The party was a big success.

In December, I attended a New Year’s Eve party catered exclusively for the bowling league crowd. I knew exactly who would be there and none of them would be men I was interested in. Everyone would be casually dressed in jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers.

Nonetheless, I chose to get all gussied up for the party, wearing a short, lacy black skirt, sequined top, sheer black stockings, and high-heeled sandals. Looking back, I don’t know what possessed me to dress up.

It must have been a “God thing.”

A friend of the party’s caterer was looking for a New Year’s celebration, and even though he wasn’t part of the bowling league, the caterer invited his friend to come down to the bowling alley and join the party.

When a handsome stranger unexpectedly walked through the door, I was immediately interested and proceeded to flirt and engage him in conversation. He was also smitten with me and we talked for hours. A friend had dropped him off, so at the end of the party, I volunteered to give him a ride home. As we parted, I scribbled my name November 2024

and phone number on a small scrap of and out of control. paper. He called the next day to invite me During this time, a close friend, one of my to a movie and thus began our romance. A former diet buddies, invited me to a social few months later, he moved in with me, and event. I hadn’t seen her for a long time, and things were great for a while. However, near she looked amazing. She and her husband the end of that first year, he got laid off from politely listened to my tale of woe about my his job and was stressed dealing with a situ- relationship and living situation. When I fiation involving his teenage daughter, who nally wound down, I asked what she’d been lived with her mom. This is when things doing to lose weight. She told me about FA started to go sideways. and gave me a trifold brochure. I attended Although I didn’t my first FA meeting recognize signs that the very next weekI had a Higher Power and he was using an adend. Three weeks dictive substance to experienced unconditional love later, I got a sponsor cope, I found myself and began working eating even more and support through prayer, the program, one day than usual to soothe at a time. my confusion and Many things shifted quiet time, outreach calls, discomfort with his after I started my restrange behavior and sponsor calls, doing service, and covery. Through an attitude. After two in-depth study of the or three months, I interactions with FA members. Twelve Steps, I began was at my wit's end to identify and adand didn’t know what to do. I loved this dress my most damaging and hurtful charman, but he was behaving like a stranger; acter defects. While reading my two pages someone I didn’t recognize or like. I wanted of the Big Book, I realized that my him out of my house, but he refused. I boyfriend could not just stop “if you love yelled, threatened, and raged, but nothing me” any more than I could stop eating. This worked. I continued to eat and cursed the was a revelation. I started to have more situation. The landlord-tenant laws in the compassion and understanding about his state protected him, and though I received behaviors. One of my persistent obstacles no rent money, I was legally constrained to a lasting and meaningful relationship had from tossing him and his things out on the been my certainty that I was a bad person sidewalk. It was frustrating. I felt trapped with a bad temper who did not deserve Connection

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love. My angry, uncompromising attitude proved that I could never be married. I was destined to fly solo. But slowly, through recovery, I began to accept the idea that maybe I was not a bad person after all. I had a Higher Power and experienced unconditional love and support through prayer, quiet time, outreach calls, sponsor calls, doing service, and interactions with FA members. Over time, my attitude and perspective softened, and I eventually accepted that I was worthy of being loved.

As it turned out, my boyfriend moved out and started his recovery a week after I began in FA. Through regular phone calls, we gradually rekindled our damaged relationship, sometimes reading portions of TwentyFour Hours a Day to each other or discussing an idea from the Big Book. Our mutual recoveries created a healing presence and genuine common ground. In time, we began dating again, and by the end of my second year in FA, we were living together again.

We married when I was 55 and recently celebrated 16 years of marriage. I also reached my nineteenth FA anniversary earlier this year. I had completely given up on ever experiencing a loving, committed partnership, but FA and the miracle of TwelveStep recovery changed that. I was given the gift of learning to love myself and allowing someone to love me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Susan F., Oregon, U.S. 14

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

November 2024 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

No Matter What

Grateful in Grief

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eing abstinent and living in recov- my brother, myself, and for all suffering adery doesn’t mean that everything dicts. I am grieving the loss of my childwill be great. Today, I learned that hood friend and confidante, I am also my beloved younger brother is in the car- thinking of ways to celebrate his life. My diac intensive care unit, possibly dying brother did not make it and my heart is from complications caused by his acute broken, but I will not look on his life as a addiction to alcohol. failure. Because of FA, I understand his My family and I have been in an ex- struggle. tended battle to save Although I am his life for almost heartbroken and exFor as long as I can remember, periencing grief, I two years. We tried all the resources am still abstinent. our big family celebrated available to us to try Before leaving to atto convince him to holidays, births, birthdays, tend his memorial save his own life. service in another Some of my siblings state, I worked with losses, and everything (there are nine of us) my sponsor to plan are angry with him in between with big meals. my meals and map and have expressed out how I would stay their disappointabstinent. I rememment in various ways. ber thinking that it was insensitive of her Because of FA, I feel much differently to talk about the program when I was about the situation than I did before I going home to bury my sweet brother. But came into Program. I was unsympathetic because I was a grateful recovering food to my brother’s struggle, thinking he could addict who wasn’t feeling grateful, I did exdo something about it, and just didn’t actly as my sponsor suggested. As stated want to. In FA, I’ve learned about addic- in our tools, in FA we practice gratitude as tion, and that helped me feel empathy for an action rather than a feeling. I have been Connection

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having a lot of feelings: anger, sadness, love, and peace. The only feelings I would have had prior to recovery would have been anger and sadness. I would have isolated and reached for food to comfort me.

I could not believe how grateful I would be to my Higher Power, FA, and my sponsor for what happened during my trip.

For as long as I can remember, our big family celebrated holidays, births, birthdays, losses, and everything in between with big meals. I come from a long line of great Southern food cooks. I learned to cook this type of food when I was very young and had to stand on an overturned washing tub to reach the top of the stove. The meal after the memorial was no exception. The smells of the foods I grew up loving were so fragrant that the church smelled a bit like the cafeteria next door. Though I admit to being propelled by compliments from my family about my weight loss, more than anything I was 16

amazed that God was doing for me what I am certain I could not have done for myself. I ate my abstinent meal and felt satisfied. I turned away from foods I had once hidden so I could have them for myself. I wish I could have walked the path of sobriety and abstinence with my brother. I wish I had known earlier the hope that I feel now. My brother was a comedian. He used to introduce himself by saying, “I’m 30 in the waist and fine in the face.” I had no idea of the pain he was masking, but I believe my brother would KATHERINE S., GA have found joy in the good things that are happening to me since finding freedom from food addiction through my Higher Power and FA. I think he would like how I look, but more than that, he would love how I am living my life now and would be happy for me. I am grateful that I get to live the life that my Higher Power has always wanted me to live.

Shari W., North Carolina, US November 2024

Notable & Quotable

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hanksgiving Day is an American holiday celebrated on the fourth Thursday in November. Since the traditional meal is usually a time to overeat, many FA members now prefer to describe it as “Just another Thursday.” We asked FA members, “What is Thanksgiving to you?” Here are the responses.

Thanksgiving is about family, not The commencement of another season food. I don’t help a lot with cooking, but of gratitude and joy, and a time to reflect I am the designated washer of pots and on blessings. pans. I learned how to do FA service I look forward to our FA Thank-a-thon without being a martyr, and I can now and a special time with family rather do the same with my family. than a special time with food.

My siblings and I step away from our busy lives to share a meal, reconnect, and Protecting my abstinence: I book-end reminisce while playing games and enjoy- the family dinner with outreach calls, ing our time together. It is all about fam- look for ways to help younger or older relily. We are thankful to be there for each atives, and take a few minutes of quiet time in the bathroom, the backyard, or other. my car.

Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful The best things about Thanksgiving? that my recovery from food addiction No weight gain, no belt unbuckling midis “One day at a time.” meal, no need for stretchy pants, and no It’s a day of gratitude for family, friends, guilt, remorse, or food hangover the next and the healthy food we get from the earth. morning.

For the next N&Q: What is the best suggestion you took and why?

Or is there a suggestion you didn’t take and wish you did? We’re also interested in how you work your program during other holiday celebrations. Please email your short response, between one and three sentences, with subject line N&Q to articles@foodaddicts.org.

Please include the question to which you are responding.

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.