October 2024: Safe Haven. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

C

October 2024 $2.50

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

Saf e n

H

ave

C

October 2024

Columns Qualification: A Beautiful Gift. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: Trust the Process. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 No Matter What: Disneyland!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Notable & Quotable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 Art, News, & Clues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Staying Afloat. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Ending Isolation. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 No More Lies. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Food—The Last Thing to Do. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 Right-Sized Relationship. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

Subscribe Go to our website: www.food ad d i c ts.or g and have Connection delivered to your home.

Credits Front and Back Cover Art: Merissa E., FL Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, Connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2024 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

A Beautiful Gift

I

came into FA almost eight years ago at age 34. When I was 19 weeks pregnant, I weighed over 170 pounds and I was 4 feet, 11 inches tall. At the time, I was following a popular prepared-food commercial weight-loss program and exercising any chance I could.

My weight climbed every month, and by the end of my pregnancy, I gained over 52 pounds. I hated myself for getting so fat, but no matter how hard I tried, I could not stop eating, mainly flour and sugar. The more I ate, the more I craved. I had to wear a brace because my back and hip were so bad. I had horrible indigestion and heartburn and would often have my head over the toilet bowl attempting to alleviate the discomfort.

I was induced 10 days early because I was retaining fluid and in a lot of pain. I was in denial about my weight and how I looked, and I did not want to admit or accept that I had a problem. I would often tell myself lies, such as I still have a big stomach because I had a Cesarean, which takes longer to lose or I’m breastfeeding, so I’m hungrier and need more food.

When I got pregnant again, instead of being excited, I was devastated. I was scared Connection

that my weight would go up again. I joined a gym with a personal trainer and worked out intensely three times a week for an hour and a half, boot camp style.

I had complications and started bleeding in my first trimester, but this did not stop my heavy exercise regime, even though my unborn child’s life was at risk. Not even impending doom would come between my exercise and me. I would get to the gym, vomit, run more than six miles with weights, vomit while jogging, and come back bleeding. After four weeks and stern warnings from my obstetrician, I finally let go of the rigorous exercise. I felt defeated. Sure enough, I went back up to weighing over 170 pounds.

I spent another five years in denial. I tried many different things and spent a lot of money trying to control my weight and body image obsession. I wanted to be skinny. I tried undereating, but I was so hungry I couldn’t do it. I tried purging, but I could not make myself vomit. I tried diet pills that gave me terrible diarrhea. I tried hypnotherapy, gyms, commercial diets from overseas, self-help books, dieticians, psychologists, and antidepressants to con1

trol my weight.

I found Overeaters Anonymous in 2006.

After another two years of struggling and suffering, I went to my first FA meeting defeated and broken. This deadly disease finally had me. It made me think that being fat was unacceptable, and it made me determined to do whatever I needed to prevent myself from becoming fat. I hated myself and hated my life. I felt like a failure.

I was angry and depressed, and my life was becoming unmanageable and very small.

I remember the relief I felt at that first meeting when I heard that I had “a disease of the mind, body, and spirit.” I heard the words “food addict” and it finally made sense. Where food is involved, I am completely powerless. I am an addict around food, and I need help to live life without my drug.

I finally found the solution to my food problem. Now, almost eight years later, I am over six years abstinent, and I have a third child. I finally found neutrality around food 2

and my body image. I am the weight I’m supposed to be and no longer weigh myself many times a day. I don’t have constant food thoughts or fights in my head over what to eat and what not to eat. I don’t tell myself what a bad person I am. I am also not exercising obsessively and no longer stay in bed under the covers feeling full, fat, and depressed.

I am happy today and look forward to waking up each morning. I have integrity; what I say, I do. I show up to life and am of service. I used to feel angry and resentful at having to do things for others, but today I do service so that I can help reach other suffering ROSE G., CANADA food addicts. I do service to get out of myself because I know that if I stay in my self-centeredness, it leads to self pity, which breeds negative thinking, which takes me back to the food. I love that I have a commitment to my abstinence. I love that I get to do this program one day at a time. It is a beautiful gift from my Higher Power.

Natalie S., Australia October 2024

First 90 Days

Trust the Process

W

hen I returned to FA, my sponsor suggested that I put down flour, sugar, and quantities and trust the process. My first thought was, I cannot do this. I have an upcoming vacation. I enjoy eating out in restaurants with friends and family. How will I do this? I had lied to myself for the last three years about how bad my eating behavior had gotten. I used many other methods trying to lose weight during that time. I joined other Twelve Step programs for food, read various diet books, listened to podcasts, and used a pay-and-weigh program, as well as calorie-counting apps and a new injectable weight loss medication.

Even so, I only lost a total of five pounds during the two months I used the injectable medication. I was at my highest weight. I suffered from joint pain, digestive issues, and depression. I could not stop binge eating no matter how badly I wanted to. The food won. I revisited FA because it had worked for me in the past when I was willing to work the program. FA was my last hope of recovering from what I now recognize as food addiction.

I attended my first FA video conference Connection

meeting feeling so desperate yet ashamed for giving up this program years ago.

There were a few members I remembered from when I was in the program before, and they remembered me. I felt welcome.

I remember writing down the tools of the program that I didn’t think I could do, such as abstinence defined by a sponsor, and quiet time. Despite my reservations, I came back for two more weeks and then was moved to ask a former sponsor if she would help me. I felt my first glimmer of hope and slowly the shame began to fade.

FA had a place for me and offered a real solution for my food addiction if I cared to have it. I accepted the fact that I was a food addict, after much denial.

During the first 30 days of committing to the FA program, I followed all of my sponsor’s suggestions, even the ones that were uncomfortable, such as turning down invitations to eat out. I broke my abstinence three days after starting the program because one of my committed meals went bad. Instead of calling my sponsor and working out another plan, I decided to skip my dinner. At midnight, I was hungry and ate some protein. I learned from 3

that experience that I did not have to tools of the program. When we ate at make decisions about food alone anymore someone’s home, I advocated for myself and I did not have to fear asking food-re- by asking questions about what the host lated questions. was serving and offering to bring food I My big summer vacation took me to could eat. I always kept a “grab and go California for 10 days. I prepared by re- meal” on hand so I wouldn’t need to alter searching the locations of the closest su- my food plan. Experience taught me that permarkets and confirming that my hotel if I deviate from my food plan even once, rooms had a refrigerator and microwave. there is no stopping that behavior in the At my sponsor’s suggestion, I also got a future. The phrase that I heard many times temporary sponsor at meetings was “one due to the time zone day at a time.” This I learned to experience difference. This alsaying helped me lowed for daily comwhen I was tempted the places we visited by mitted contact with to have more food. another food addict As my days of contheir sights, sounds, in recovery. I kept tinued abstinence the restaurants to a and people we met rather began to increase, minimum and ormy integrity began dered the simplest than by their local cuisine. to flourish. I was bemeals. I learned to coming a woman of experience the my word when it places we visited by their sights, sounds, came to my food. People around me noand people we met rather than by their ticed this, too, as I would show up to local cuisine. Following my FA program events with my own food. I surprised mymade me feel free, peaceful, and protected. self with my consistency in FA. There was I experienced a sense of gratitude and awe a power greater than me guiding me along that I was able to stay abstinent away from in those early days. Now I see that so my home. clearly, even if I didn’t want to admit it beI used the first 90 days to focus on myself fore. This program is saving my life and aland just listen. I was not compelled to have lowing me to grow and change. More will the answers or do anything more than be revealed. weigh and measure my food and use the Adele A., New Jersey, US 4

October 2024

Staying Afloat

I

n the summer of 2019, after being in FA for three years, I started swimming lessons again, having had a few private lessons a decade earlier before stopping. This time I committed to sticking with it to enjoy vacations where I could snorkel or do other water sports, especially with my new smaller body.

Things were going well until I had to start treading water in the deep end. I panicked, went under, and my instructor pushed me two feet to the wall and safety.

I felt humiliated, realizing I had forgotten the training that taught me to roll over to my back and relax, then kick to get to the side of the pool. I was the oldest person in the class and my pride was bruised.

On my way home, I called a fellow, cry-

ing, and as we talked, I was able to laugh about the humbling situation. I felt better and was grateful I had been practicing the tool of phone calls so I had a fellow to call when I needed it. I did not have to turn to food to take away my discomfort. The next morning, the reading in Twenty-Four Hours a Day was about being aware of God’s caring for me in all situations.

When I called my sponsor later, she reiterated that, just as my swim instructor was right there to help me, I can be assured God will be as well. I remain committed to the swimming lessons and can see how facing my fears of the water is like facing life: I need God, family, and fellows to stay afloat.

Wanda W., Georgia, US

DEB H., MA

Ending Isolation

M

y daughter was failing in high school and neither I nor my husband knew what to do to help her. She was a junior, but a combination of depression and anxiety led her to avoid school. After a while, her grades fell precipitously. It got to the point where she wouldn’t—couldn’t—get out of bed or talk to us. I was terrified.

We tried everything we could think of to help our daughter. We tried having her friends and brother talk to her. We tried bribery; I think we may have promised her a puppy. I’m ashamed to say that I even raised my voice with her. We held long discussions, negotiating, and trying to reach an agreement about a plan for the immediate future.

We joined a parenting management group an hour away that cost a lot and helped only a little. She went to therapy when she could get herself out of bed.

All my old behaviors kicked in, obsessing over what she was doing and how I could fix, manage, and control her. I spent hours researching the issues of depression and anxiety to help my child. At other times, I simply threw up my hands in helplessness. But I had already been in FA for several years. I knew there had to be a better way. And I turned to my tools. One tool was the telephone. First, 6

I leaned on my sponsor. It’s hard to remember exactly, but I don’t think I’d been completely forthcoming with my sponsors before this family crisis. I hadn’t been blatantly dishonest, but my dishonesty was by omission. As for outreach calls, I hadn’t made them at all.

When I first joined FA, I had so much weight to lose and the excitement of losing it so quickly was enough to keep me abstinent.

So, I made very few calls. During the breaks in our meetings, other fellows would give each other hugs and chat with each other.

That didn’t happen to me. No hugs or chatting. Since I never called them, they didn’t know me at all. It didn’t help that I’d often go into the restroom with my phone and spend the break there. Talk about isolation!

Eventually, I took on the role of speaker seeker because I knew I should be making outreach calls. And I knew it would be easier to make them if I had a purpose and goal.

That helped get me into the habit of making calls. But I was doing the bare minimum, just checking a box, rarely being open to talking about myself. The calls were usually perfunctory. Yes, I connected with other food addicts every day, but I usually found a way to focus on the other fellow or keep the conversation light and superficial.

That changed during this crisis with my October 2024

daughter. Out of desperation, I started to do what my sponsor had suggested. I called fellows with long-term abstinence. But, there was one additional important detail. I needed to learn to talk about what was going on in my life. I already had fellows in my area I could and did call, but I wanted to talk to fellows who had gone through something similar. I asked my sponsor for names. When I called those fellows, I didn’t bother with polite conversation; I just jumped right in with what was happening to me. I was desperate for help and support. All my fear about taking up space in these conversations just flew out the window. I felt my abstinence and my daughter’s well-being were hanging in the balance.

Toward the end of these conversations, I’d ask for names of other people I could call.

Turns out, there are a lot of fellows who have been through a crisis with their teenagers.

I didn’t stop with three calls. Some days I made more than three, sometimes a lot more.

I did whatever I needed to do to stay abstinent so I could be of service to my family.

Over time, I learned to weigh and measure my calls, as we do our food. I got so much out of these calls, including no longer feeling isolated, lonely, or trying to deal with an insurmountable problem on my own.

I heard so much experience, strength, and hope. Fellows told me what they’d done and listened to me talk about the pain I was in.

Many told me stories about how their kids Connection

were doing now. Most of them were doing very well. Little by slow, I learned what not to do with my daughter, and she got better. The fear abated as I used the tool of the telephone.

Eventually, my family’s life returned to normal. It wasn’t that I had gotten detailed solutions through my calls with fellows. That’s too much to expect since we don’t give advice in these calls. But I certainly got some pointers.

More important was the support I received from people telling me it would be okay.

A little while after the worst of the crisis, I experienced what I think was a couple of panic attacks. Friends explained to me that this often happens after a crisis has passed. It was suggested that I needed to focus on my well-being.

Most importantly, I got through the crisis with my daughter abstinently. When our life finally returned to normal, one thing stayed the same: I was still using the phone, making calls daily to other people in recovery.

These days, if I don’t have a major issue, I can still be tempted to revert to cocktail party chit-chat in calls. But I make calls consistently and do my best to share what’s truly going on in my life, even when my life isn’t full of drama.

Today I have a much wider circle of fellows in my network to turn to when I need serious help or when I just want to connect with someone who grasps what it’s like to be a food addict like me. I’m grateful we have been given this wonderful tool.

Ketura P., Washington, DC, US 7

I

No More Lies

grew up worrying too much about what other people thought of me. I desperately needed people not to think badly of me. If they had no feelings either way, I could live with that, but if I thought someone didn’t like me, it would keep me awake at night, as I thought about what I could say or do differently to gain their approval.

I also grew up with a desperate need to eat large quantities of food to deal with life. As far back as I can remember, I was focused on food. By middle school, I was eating sugar, flour, and greasy foods in quantities that continually increased. In my twenties, I was bingeing and purging multiple times a day. I couldn’t even guess how many times a day because I frequently would purge in the middle of a binge so that I could continue eating.

When my desperate need not to have people think badly of me was combined with my desperate need to eat, the result was an awful lot of lying. I lied about what I had or had not eaten and where I’d been, all to avoid comments and judgmental looks from my parents, friends, and boyfriends.

This also happened when my husband and I were dating and later married. Once, 8

when he was waiting for me at my apartment, I called to say I was still at work, which meant I was at least 45 minutes from home. I was not. I was eating my way through fast food places on a street about one mile from my apartment. My last stop was a gas station, which I was walking out of with food in hand when I saw him and, more importantly, he saw me. He’d stopped for gas and was dumbfounded by my lie.

Another time, I spilled something in my car that had a very strong smell and soaked the passenger seat. We had plans to go out and he wanted to take my car because his was low on gas. In my panic not to be found out, I ran through many reasons why that would be a bad idea, and finally settled on the fact that I’d spilled soda in my car.

He remained unconvinced and suggested a towel. I was resigned to my fate. After opening my car door and catching a whiff, he turned and said, “Soda, huh?”

If humiliation could have led me to change my behavior, either of these situations or many others like it should have been enough. But humiliation was not enough. When I was home on break during my sophomore year in college, my mother caught me sneaking food into the October 2024

MEREDITH M., ME

house under my coat. She followed me up when necessary. I spent years eating at bufto my room to say she knew what I was fets, which I saw as a rather anonymous and doing. I was embarrassed and cried, all the economical way to eat. Nobody took my while stuffing the food in my mouth. I order, and I could go back as many times cared deeply about what friends and family as I liked. When a change in health code thought of me, and I thought of myself as policy required diners to get a new plate for an honest person but, when it came to each trip to the buffet, I was very sad. It food, sneaking and lying seemed to be my changed my dining experience completely. only choice.

I still ate the same amounts, but I was more This lying also extended to strangers self-conscious because now there was clear Connection

9

evidence of the quantities I was eating— was paranoid and thought irrationally, and those darn plates piling up, which had to be one of my strongest instincts was to lie removed by the waitstaff. when food was involved.

On one buffet trip, shortly before I came Today, I know that the only reason I ate to FA, I kept eyeing the woman who like I described is because I was a food adcleared my plates. She must think I’m a pig. I dict in disease. I’m grateful for the program decided I could leave the restaurant and go of honesty I’m working in FA, which keeps eat somewhere else or I could explain to me at a healthy weight and, most importhe woman why I was eating so much. I tantly, brings me back to a relationship with chose the latter.

God. I still get a twinge when I’m conI told her, “I have an extraordinarily high cerned that someone is upset with me or metabolism, which is when I must address really inconvenient. I an issue with another need to eat large person, and my mind I know that the only reason quantities of food to instinctively wants to maintain my weight. I ate like I described is because “massage” the truth.

I can’t afford to eat at After all, lying was home, so I eat at buf- I was a food addict in disease. my go-to tool for so fets. I’m really embarmany years.

I’m grateful for the program Thankfully, I have rassed by how it must look.” What was her new tools. I can talk reaction? Whether of honesty I’m working in FA. to my sponsor and she believed me or other fellows when not, I don’t know. Whether she thought I’m undecided or nervous about somebadly of me, again I don’t know. Whether thing, and I can do service to get outside of she cared to listen to my story, I’m pretty my head. I can take extra quiet time as sure she did not. needed and, inevitably, I’ll read something This might be the most preposterous lie in the FA Book, Big Book, or Twenty-Four that I told about my eating, and it’s a funny Hours a Day that provides insight. Most imstory to tell when I qualify, now that I have portantly, I am rigorously honest about my some years of abstinence behind me, but it abstinence. Every meal, every day is also reflects the degree to which my disease weighed and measured; no sugar, no flour, had progressed physically, mentally, and and nothing in between meals. spiritually. My eating was uncontrollable, I Angie R., New York, US 10

October 2024

Food—The Last Thing to Do

G

rowing up, I was fiercely independent. “I can do it myself,” I would exclaim. I didn't want anyone’s help.

Accepting help was distasteful to me because it left me feeling inadequate and inferior. So, to be in control, I had to have things done my way, in my time. I didn’t believe in a Higher Power. I was in charge of my life. However, over the years, after experiencing many unexplainable situations in my life, I began to accept that I did have a Higher Power. In January 2023, this acceptance led me to FA. About nine months into the program, I was enjoying success by avoiding flour and sugar and adopting new habits. “Living abstinently” is what people call it. I started in FA at around 390 pounds, and in those first nine months, I lost 160 pounds.

But my next three months were disappointConnection

ing. My weight loss was much less dramatic.

I thought I should be losing weight faster.

Why wasn’t I losing more weight? I hadn’t broken my abstinence and was following my food plan as given to me by my sponsor. I figured it was because I was going through a lot of stress and not getting adequate sleep. But that wasn’t the whole story.

I was aware of consciously blocking out my Higher Power and trying to practice the program by myself, doing things my way, and avoiding help. I didn't want to do my meditation quiet times every morning. I didn’t want to take my sponsor’s JEAN P., RI suggestions to “turn things over” to my Higher Power and ask for help. Quiet time cut into my sleeping time.

When I woke each morning, I wanted to hit the ground running. Forget about sitting still for 30 minutes. I can do it myself, I thought, 11

which was ironic since my way took me to nearly 400 pounds.

Things came to a head when I found myself not wanting to eat at all. That old familiar feeling of wanting to crawl out of my skin returned. I felt uncomfortable and disconnected. I rationalized that I must be depressed or suffering from some sub-conscious self-sabotage as my one-year anniversary of abstinence approached. But no, the truth was simpler than that. I had loosened up on doing the daily practices my sponsor had given me.

I wouldn't let go of my old habit of doing things on my own, my way.

I could see my mental stability was shaky. I recalled the words of many FA fellows who’d told me, “The food is the last thing to go.” To me, that meant eating addictively again was right around the corner. That scared me.

I took action. I picked up the phone and reached out for help. I realized I couldn't do it by myself. I called a few fellows every day for the rest of the week. After several days, I eased into doing my quiet time again. The dark cloud of self-sufficiency and willfulness started to lift. I had to accept (again) that I didn't have control over my food, my weight, or my life. I started to hand my problems back to my Higher Power. My Higher Power and my fellow FA members kept me from taking that first addictive bite. I don’t ever want to come that close to breaking my abstinence ever again.

Kris M., Utah, US 12

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

2024 Adapted with permission from AlcoholicsOctober Anonymous

Right-Sized Relationship

W

hen I was 22, I came into FA to lose weight. From age three until I came to Program, my headspace was constantly preoccupied with getting my next food hit while simultaneously trying to lose weight. I did not know what it meant to be an addict, nor did I fully comprehend what a TwelveStep program was.

The gift of desperation and my vanity helped me stay in the rooms during my early abstinence. I thought I was ready to attract a life partner and eventually build a family. I always knew that I was a beautiful person inside and out, but because of my addiction, I did not feel like the person I wanted to be physically and in the way that I showed up in the world.

In retrospect, I understand that I felt constant self-hatred every time I would start a new diet and eventually fail. My dieting led me to become a 286-pound bulimic. I came Connection

through the doors of FA to get thin and find a man. My sponsor suggested that I abstain from making any big decisions in my first year of recovery. Her suggestion was met with rebellion and reluctance because my self-will was strong. I knew what was best for me despite the apparent lack of self-care in my nearly 290-pound frame. Left to my own devices, I couldn’t care for myself or a life partner. I needed to heal to add to the quality of my future husband’s life. I needed to be well to be a loving and recovered mom for my future children.

GRACE A., ISRAEL At this time, I was living in Israel and tried to move back to the United States so I could date, but God eventually showed me that I was exactly where I was supposed to be—in Israel and single. I am grateful for the fellows and my sponsor who took my calls during that period, many of whom suggested I go on a date with God. I 13

rolled my eyes at the ridiculous thought of dating my Higher Power, but at the same time was grateful for the extensive time I was given to build a relationship with my Higher Power. I learned what I like to do. I learned to find joy in communion with God. As a result, I strengthened my relationships with friends, family, and Higher Power.

Eventually, I started dating and have taken many breaks from dating when I felt that my recovery was at risk. After a dating break of

After years of practice, I had become a professional God dater by the time I went on a date with a man. nearly six months, I was ready to try again! I met my first date via an app. After years of practice, I had become a professional God dater by the time I went on a date with a man.

Ironically, I dated a man named Gad, a common Hebrew name that, when pronounced correctly, sounds like “God.” The relationship with Gad didn’t work out, but my relationship with God certainly has! I’m free from addiction and obsession. I’m in my right-sized body and my right-sized mind. The rightsized relationship will come if I strengthen my recovery and continue to heal.

Grace A., Israel 14

Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous October 2024

No Matter What

Disneyland!

A

s our long-scheduled family trip to Disneyland drew closer, my fear, doubt, and insecurity mounted. I had just over 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA and food had been a big part of my past Disneyland experiences. Those vacations had always been about indulging myself. Many memories and food-related family traditions were popping up in my mind. Could I stay abstinent?

My sponsor suggested I book a place to stay with a kitchen. She also suggested I talk to fellow FA members with experience maintaining their abstinence while visiting Disneyland. In no time, I heard great tips and tricks from members who had been there. I felt so much better and well-prepared for success.

On day one, I made sure I had my meals prepped and ready to take on the plane with me. Having pre-cooked weighed and measured frozen portions in my suitcase relieved a lot of stress and gave me peace of mind. Plus, I had brought my most prized possession: my food scale!

Once we checked into the hotel, I went to the grocery store to get the remaining Connection

items I needed for the week. Back in our hotel kitchenette (which I paid extra for), I prepped all my meals for the coming days so I could easily pack my lunch and dinner in the morning and go.

It was also suggested that I rent a locker each day to store my meals. This was worth the money because lugging a heavy backpack full of food all morning would not have been fun.

As lunchtime approached, I recalled another tip I’d received from a fellow FA member with Disneyland experience. I had wondered if I would be able to warm my food. My FA friend recommended using the “mother’s lounge" near the lockers. It was easy to find and sure enough, I saw two microwave ovens. A park attendant stood at the entrance. I felt nervous.

Was it okay for me to use the microwave?

But then I thought, If it worked for my FA friend, maybe it would work for me. I asked my Higher Power for the courage to ask the attendant if I could use the microwave, and she kindly replied, “Yes.” Now, where to eat? I was a long way from where my family was having their lunch. Eating here, by the lockers, at these 15

inviting public tables and chairs, would be far easier than hunting down my family. At first, I felt sad that I would not be eating with them. But then something wonderful happened for me and my recovery. Eating here was quiet. And after eating, I made phone calls to fellows in FA. At dinnertime, I returned to my special area by the lockers, where a barbershop quartet was singing nearby. I enjoyed the music as I ate.

My mealtimes at Disneyland became a peaceful, relaxing time to regroup, feel more grounded, and recharge physically and spiritually. My family and I would reconnect shortly after. They had a happier, more present mom and wife because of it!

I had worried that all the walking each day would make me feel extra hungry or weak, but I was pleasantly surprised that my food sustained me and I was given en16

ergy! In fact, at times, my family struggled to keep up with me! They complained of being tired and sluggish after eating. I attributed that to the park food they were consuming, as opposed to the healthy, abstinent meals I was enjoying!

But that’s not all. I felt fully present during the entire trip and was able to focus on my children’s needs. In those long lines, we connected and talked while waiting to go on rides. I felt so much gratitude for how the trip was turning out. I apXANDRA G., CA p re c i ate d all the little touches around the park I’d overlooked in past visits. I even enjoyed taking pictures with my family. Disneyland would never be the same. Being free from flour and sugar in FA, it was way better. They call Disneyland “The happiest place on Earth.” For this food addict, wherever I am is the happiest place on earth, as long as I’m abstinent.

Cheryl B., Utah, US October 2024

Notable & Quotable

I

n FA, we remember to H.A.L.T. to avoid getting too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

When it comes to that last one, here are FA members’ tips for getting enough sleep.

“ In the beginning, it was so hard to get to bed early enough to get up for my quiet time, sponsor call, and breakfast. My sponsor suggested I set two alarms on my phone--one to get up in the morning, and one that tells me when to go to bed at night.”

“A black silk eye mask is lightweight, flat, inexpensive, and keeps out all light!”

“I bought a plug that enables me to remote control ‘on and off’ my husband’s bedside light.”

“I use an app on my phone that makes white noise at night so my partner’s snoring doesn’t keep me up.”

“I always thought I was one of those people who just didn’t need that much sleep, and I regularly got about six hours a night. But I was also

falling asleep in meetings. My sponsor mentioned that if I got more sleep, I might be able to stay awake in meetings. She was right! Now I know that if I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep, my program suffers.”

“We have a king size bed but we use two matching twin comforters with duvet covers so we can each toss and turn as we wish. No more cover-stealing! We don’t use a top sheet, but the duvet covers are made with thin cotton for easy zip off and toss in the wash.”

“I set my smartphone to ‘focus’ (do not disturb) to turn on automatically for sleep, quiet time, and meetings to reduce distractions.”

Do you have a quote or short anecdote about how to handle holidays abstinently to share? Anyone with 90 days or more of continuous abstinence is encouraged to submit by sending words of wisdom to articles@foodaddicts.org.

Art, News, & Clues

Connection

17

God,grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.