September 2024: Progress Not Perfection. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

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FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

Progress Not Perfection

September 2024 $2.50

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September 2024

Columns Qualification: Bridge to Recovery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: The Mad Race. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4 No Matter What: Showing Up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14 Notable and Quotable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Commitment. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Honesty. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Traveling Lighter. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Catherine’s Choice. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 A Novel Idea. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13

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Credits Front Cover Art: Cindy B., WA Back Cover Art: Claire B., PA Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, Connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2024 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Bridge to Recovery

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recently read an inspirational story where the writer gave an analogy of addicts walking along a cliff, wandering in darkness and misery. A few fortunate addicts found a bridge that led them to the other side where there was light and warmth. Several addicts tried to cross back to the darkness to warn others, but until those others believed there was a bridge, they never saw it. Immediately, I thought of my life in FA. I’d found a bridge, but for too long, I wandered in darkness and misery.

I grew up with a critical father and an emotionally distant mother. Despite their dutiful provision of a home and an education, I grew up with an immense emotional and spiritual chasm that I carried into adulthood. I learned to be afraid at a very young age and found comfort in food as early as three years old. When fear of the unknown, fear of death and loss, fear of being hurt or not being good enough arose in my mind, food was my consolation.

Sugar, flour, and quantities assuaged my fear, doubt, and insecurity, if only for the short term. I internalized the idea that I wasn’t good enough, that I didn’t deserve Connection

attention, love, or the dignity of being seen or heard in my own home.

I felt invisible at home and school. I even remember, with regret, not choosing to be the lead in an elementary school play because I didn’t believe I would be good enough. I was good enough, but until I came to FA, I wasn’t able to see the bridge that would lead me to realize my worth because I was unconditionally loved by a Higher Power. I wasn’t invisible to my Higher Power. I was created for good works: service, loving acts, and a true sense of self.

I had thought that being the “good girl”— compliant, agreeable, emotionless—would someday provide me the love I so richly desired, but it never did. The only dividends I gained were resentment, insecurity, perfectionism, and misery. I suffered from being unacknowledged and unappreciated. Yet I knew that food was always there to comfort me. I learned how to use food as a drug; the sugar quelled my fears and made me feel less alone, less invisible. Sugar and flour became my friends, and with the quantities, I had lots of “friends.” Food made me feel better about myself because 1

it soothed my hungry heart, stilled my chaotic mind, and helped me forget my emotional pain.

I didn’t come to FA until I was 50, so for 47 years, I wandered in emotional pain with only temporary relief. My life wasn’t so bad on the surface. I’d graduated from college, obtained advanced degrees, started a career, got married, and had two children. Just as I had tried to hide my obsession with food from my birth family, I also tried to hide it from my husband and children. From the shoulders down, I looked normal.

I so greatly feared gaining weight from my manic binges that I counteracted my binge eating with starvation, a myriad of diets, diet pills, and overexercising.

When I came into the program, I carried extra weight, but not much. What people couldn’t see was my addiction from the shoulders up; that’s where my madness lay.

The weight wasn’t on my body as much as it was in my mind and spirit. I walked around with a little more of me to love— 2

20 extra pounds. But my shoulders-up addiction might as well have made me a 400pound woman. I was powerless against the lure of sugar, flour, and quantities; my addiction compelled me to eat. My emotional pain desperately sought relief in boxes, bags, and cans.

Most women would have been content at my height and weight, but I wasn’t. Growing up feeling inadequate meant that the number on the scale had to be perfect. My life had to be perfect. My husband and children had to be perfect. Because none of us ever was, I caused ROBIN M., NY my husband so much pain and aggravation. He was content with good enough, but I never was.

We needed a bigger house, a better car. My daughter strove to earn straight A’s because a B+ wouldn’t be adequate. I transferred my perfectionism and inadequacy onto her psyche, something for which I have made amends. My son was never a stellar student, so his inadequacy had to be fixed. I never allowed him to be exactly who he was beSeptember 2024

cause I’d never allowed that in myself. To myself down from negative thinking and be myself would be to admit my epic fail- hopelessness. My recovery voice is ure as a daughter. When I learned in FA to stronger and louder than my addictive “let go and let God,” I was able to free my voice. I don’t have to let pride (which is fear husband, my children, and myself. and insecurity at its crux) control my deciFreedom from food in FA wasn’t easy. sions. I can recognize my self-centered fear For the first six months, I practiced the and use the tools of the program, such as tools of the program, the disciplines of FA, journaling, praying for courage to do by getting on my knees in the morning and God’s will, and talking honestly with my asking God for an abstinent day. I began to fellows, to combat it. There is beauty in vulread the literature, Twenty-Four Hours a nerability and imperfection because that’s Day, and sit still for humanity. I am per30 minutes. I learned fectly imperfect, and When I learned in FA to practice the today, that is exactly threes: eating three where I want to be. to “let go and let God,” weighed and measWhen food changed ured meals, making I was able to free my husband, from being my three outreach calls, friend to being my and attending three drug, I was able to my children, and myself. meetings each week. recognize the mental At night, I wrote misery I was living— down my food plan, committing it to my never feeling good enough, never having sponsor in the morning, ending my day by enough to eat (despite my bloating, acid rereading two pages of Alcoholics Anonymous, flux, and digestive distress from binges), and then getting on my knees, thanking never being satisfied with just one bite, God for an abstinent day. One day at a never loving and appreciating who I was. time, I learned to surrender to God and Only then was I able to awaken from my begin the journey back to me. mental anguish and suffering to see that After more than two years of abstinence, there was hope, a solution, a bridge—FA. I I still grapple with the ghosts of my past in no longer have to wander in misery and the form of character defects such as pride, darkness; there is hope and a solution for perfectionism, dishonesty about my feel- me. There is a bridge to recovery. ings, and fear, just to name a few. I can talk Sheryn N., California, US Connection

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First 90 Days

The Mad Race

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stood at the kitchen sink with a spoon and my favorite pint of frozen dessert.

As I frantically looked behind me to check the driveway, my only thought was how I could eat all of it in the next three minutes before my husband arrived home.

The dessert was frozen solid, but it didn’t matter to my desperate heart. I dug in with fervor. I couldn’t let him see the item in the freezer because he would question me about why it was there and I would be caught.

What made me play this destructive, isolating game over and over? I didn’t know, and it didn’t matter because I was only focused on the here and now. I had pain and I wanted relief. I wanted to eat my emotions, not face them. I was consumed by thoughts of eating it all and fast! I was not concerned about my health, my cholesterol, what I was feeling, or what was going on in my life.

Once again, I seemed hell-bent on destroying my body. Did I care? Not at all. I enjoyed the taste of the treat at first, but after the first few bites, I couldn’t taste anything. Yet, due to some compulsion, some drive deep within me, I just had to eat it all.

Just as I shoveled in the last huge table4

spoonful, my cheeks bulging, my husband came home. I had just enough time to hide the container inside of a bag in the trash. He would never know. How many times in the last several years had I isolated myself and played this sick game? What was wrong with me? How many more times would I leave a grocery store with not one or two, but three desserts, eat them all in the car on the way home, and find trash cans along the way to dispose of the evidence of my uncontrolled eating? How many more times would I fight these behaviors and not feel in control? Too many!

A friend I met through an expensive commercial diet program had started to look into FA. She told me she had been to a few meetings and was learning more each week.

I was getting curious and decided to look at the FA website myself. I was surprised by all the information and started to read some of the literature. Of course, I wasn’t ready to use the word “addict” to describe myself, but it did seem like I had some of the same behaviors as the people I was reading about.

One day, after two small emotionally charged disappointments, I had a mini breakdown, praying and crying at the same September 2024

time. I asked to be free of the burden of excess weight and feeling sorry for myself. I had had enough. The next day, I attended an FA meeting and wrote down phone numbers of possible sponsors. I found the courage to call a few and left messages.

Later that day, my soon-to-be sponsor called me back. I began the program the next day.

Today, after four months in FA, I have released 30 pounds, and I am grateful that I no longer have to fight the urge to overindulge in unhealthy foods. The insanity is gone. I have learned more about how the program works. I am much calmer when disappointments come up and can handle them without turning to food. Just the act of planning my daily meals frees my mind to think about and do things that used to overwhelm me. Food is not the cen-

ter of my existence anymore. I’m learning to do hard things because I have confidence and clarity of mind outside of addictive eating. Knowing my sponsor is there each day to answer questions and listen to any emotional turmoil I may be going through is such a relief. I don’t have to handle everything that comes up on my own. My spiritual life is getting stronger by the day and my family relationships are changing for the better. Making daily telephone calls to other FA members reminds me that others have had the same thoughts about food and that I am not alone.

I could not have accomplished all of this in four months without FA. I am so grateful that the out-of-control moments like standing and eating at the kitchen sink are gone.

Marguerite S., Connecticut, US

DEB H., MA

Commitment

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efore I joined FA, I never really knew much about the word “commitment.” When I agreed to be somewhere—a party, work, a class—I would back out if something better came along, if I didn’t feel like it at the time, if I didn’t think it was that important, or if I had some kind of mild physical symptom I later heard called “the vague alcoholic illness.” The result is that I showed up for my commitments perhaps 60 percent of the time.

After I came to FA and decided it was for me, my sponsor suggested I commit to the same meetings every week. When I balked , or something else seemed more pressing, my sponsor said that there were only three reasons to miss a committed meeting: a funeral, a wedding, or a fever. I was told to schedule my life around my program, not the other way around. On the rare occasion that I tried to back out of a meeting, my sponsor would say to me, “You have a serious illness. If you had kidney failure and your doctor said you needed dialysis three times a week, you would go no matter what.” I couldn’t argue with that.

I was 280 pounds at 22 years old and my doctors told me the same thing in different terms. I started to have health problems related to my weight and overeating at a very 6

young age. In my first year and a half in Program, I lost 150 pounds and my life got much better. Even when I reluctantly went to my meetings or missed another activity that felt important, I always left the meeting feeling hopeful, happy, and not alone.

My current sponsor, who has been supporting me for 25 years, never said anything as prescriptive about meetings as the “wedding, funeral, or fever” statement. However, I still schedule my life around my program. Sometimes that’s difficult, but I know that remaining abstinent is the most important thing in my life. Even when I’m tired, or I don’t feel like it, if there’s something else going on, or someone wants me to stay home, I go to my meetings anyway.

To be honest, with a full life, a full-time job, a husband, and two challenging pre-teen kids, going to three meetings each week “no matter what” is not what I would choose for myself. But this week, I was reminded that if I don’t go to my committed meetings and work my program fully, I pay the price.

I had missed some meetings for reasons outside of my control and I experienced the old feelings of negativity and irritability seeping into my thoughts. It is hard to identify exactly why missing meetings always has this effect, but it never fails. If I had the same apSeptember 2024

proach to commitment now as I had before FA, I might not show up more than 60 percent of the time, making a variety of excuses for why I needed to miss my meetings. But I am grateful to recognize the gravity of my disease now that I am in FA. It is as true today as it was when I came into FA 26 years ago. I have a serious illness, and meetings are part of the medicine that keeps it at bay.

the front of the room about things I struggled with all my life: obesity, fear, insecurity, impatience. At the break, I spoke with a newcomer who was struggling, and after the meeting, I was approached by someone coming back to FA who needed to talk.

When the meeting was over, my feelings of negativity were replaced with disbelief at getting a second chance at the life I’d been given.

TERESA S., MA

Later in the day, my sister-in-law invited me This morning, I had a committed meeting.

I made sure to get there 10 minutes early, and and my husband to meet her new boyfriend I ended up sitting next to a woman who had and said she felt safe introducing him to us just eaten the day before. I was able to share first because we were so stable. It’s only bewith her that getting through those difficult cause of FA and the tools of this program, intimes gets so much easier if we are just willing cluding the “medicine” I get at meetings, that to put our abstinence first and not eat, one anyone would describe me that way.

Joanna A., Maryland, US day at a time. I got to hear people share from Connection

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Honesty

just returned from the Maine Chapter Support weekend, preceded by two days of shopping in a nearby city.

It was a nostalgic trip for me because it was there, 20 years ago, when I began to come out of the denial of thinking that someday I could control my eating and that I "wasn't that fat, just a little overweight."

Back then, I remember arriving at the hotel in that quaint town, so excited that I had the time and money to buy a new wardrobe. I was teaching middle school at that time and needed outfits that would look professional and fit without strangling me or having to be left only half-zipped.

I went into the dressing room with my arms filled with skirts, sweaters, pants, 8

and cardigans. I soon had feelings of frustration, as one thing after another was too tight. I thought, Hmphh! They are making these clothes so skimpy! A nice store like this shouldn’t be cutting corners on sizing! I was indignant and went back to the hotel intent on getting a good night's sleep and coming back in the morning to try more flattering styles.

The next day, after trying on 10 or more different outfits, I began to despair as I recognized SUSAN M., NY the truth that the extra-large sizes would not fit me because I had outgrown them. I was fat, and my body just kept growing bigger and bigger. What was I going to do?

I began to hit bottom. During the coming months, God gave me more signs, and I began to admit that my eating was September 2024

Twelve Steps totally out of control. In 1992, I stumbled into a Twelve-Step program that later became FA, angry and raging at the injustice of being cursed with an addiction!

So now in the present day, I am 20 years older, in beautiful Maine, with all day Friday and part of Saturday to shop. But I already have a closet full of clothes, many of them four or more years old, because my body stays the same size. So, I shopped for others, getting almost all of my holiday shopping done. However, to celebrate my thin body, I went back to a well-known outdoor clothier on Saturday morning with memories of hitting bottom there long ago. I brought a pair of pants, a striped T-shirt, a bright pink fleece jacket, and a pair of pajamas into the dressing room. All were size small.

Everything fit and looked great except the pajamas. "Hmphh,” I grumbled, “they cut these pants much too big!"

I went to the cashier, paid for my cozy new outfit, and left to join my fellow food addicts at the fellowship gathering. I realized that I truly have much to be grateful for, including being able to clothe my body with beautiful clothes. My former guilt and despair have been replaced with clarity and hope. The sun was shining as we drove to our destination, and I was glad to be alive.

Janice M., Massachusetts, US Connection

1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous9

Traveling Lighter

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rowing up a food addict, I found vacations hard for many reasons.

First, I hated packing for trips. I never had clothes that I wanted to wear that were cute or comfortable. I would usually go shopping and spend money I didn’t have to try to find a few things that made me look thinner. It didn’t work, of course, and then I was in debt and unhappy with how I looked. Being 100 pounds overweight couldn’t be hidden by a few new outfits.

Another problem was that my clothes were so big that my suitcases were heavy. I could never “pack light,” even for a quick weekend trip.

Second, while on vacation I was obsessed with food, but it was hard to be alone to eat because I was with family or friends. It was so painful to try to eat normally in front of people, to constantly want the food, and to 10

spend all my time trying to get away so I could eat enough to quiet that voice in my head telling me to eat. I couldn’t be present to enjoy where I was or who I was with because I was so obsessed with food or how I looked.

What was almost worse than being away was coming home. I hated my real life because it was so unmanageable. I would come home to a messy apartment, stacks of bills, and a reality that I couldn’t face without flour, sugar, and huge quantities of food. I never really enjoyed being away, and I hated coming home. Talk XANDRA G., CA about a life of quiet desperation.

I am so grateful that I don’t live that way today. As I write this, I am preparing for the biggest trip I have ever taken. My daughter goes to college in Switzerland and has asked me to visit during her school break. I will be September 2024

in four countries over nine days; two that I up with me in FA so I am in good hands. By haven’t been to before. the grace of God, I can be present with peoThe first miracle is that because of FA, my ple and not try to escape to eat. I do want to 21-year-old daughter is choosing to spend va- be alone sometimes to take quiet time, make cation with her mother. That wouldn’t have a phone call, attend my AWOL, or just go happened if she had grown up with the self- for a walk, all ways to take care of myself so centered, resentful woman I was in the food. that I can show up for the beautiful opporBecause of recovery in FA, I discussed the tunities God has given me. trip with my husband before making plans Finally, when the trips are over, I am happy and we determined that we could afford it. to come home. I love the nice simple life that In the past, I made decisions selfishly on my I have. I come home to a loving family (and own without thinking about how they af- cat), a clean house, a job where I am refected anyone else or the financial conse- spected, and meaningful activities and quences. We have friends. I have a life of been able to plan for sane and happy useWhen the trips are over, this trip and save fulness. Every life has money toward it. I’m its ups and downs, inI am happy to come home. coming from financluding ordinary cial dishonesty and Gratitude is a superpower challenges, but with bankruptcy, so that’s a the spiritual toolkit major miracle. In that has been laid at that changes my outlook terms of packing, I my feet, I have everycan’t believe it, but I every time I am negative. thing I need to face am only bringing one this life one day at a carry-on for a ninetime. Gratitude is a day trip since we are flying between countries superpower that changes my outlook every on very inexpensive airlines that charge a lot time I am negative. I am in a healthy, abstifor checked bags. nent body and have much to be grateful for.

When I travel now, I am not obsessed with I travel quite a bit for work and pleasure and the food. My daughter and I have a plan for can enjoy my time away, abstinent and fully meals and our trip is not based on where we present, and then come home to a life secwill be eating. She is fluent in the languages ond to none. I owe every moment of my life we will need to communicate in and knows to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. how to ask for what I need. She has grown Jessica M., Illinois , US Connection

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Catherine’s Choice

fter 25 years of active food addic- “have to” mindset to my sponsor for the tion, I came into FA feeling hope- umpteenth time, she kindly stopped me. less. At my first meeting, when the “You’re not telling the truth. Those statespeaker said they had eaten no flour or sugar ments just aren’t true. You absolutely could for over five years, I was astounded. How eat the way you used to. I see you choosing was that possible? How could people cele- not to.” brate birthdays or weddings without flour I suddenly saw the truth of my recovery. and sugar? What did people eat instead? Since I had stopped eating flour and sugar All I could do was set and started weighing aside my disbelief my food, my body, All I could do was set aside and my thinking, my and listen.

As people shared entire life had transmy disbelief and listen. their stories and phoformed in a matter of tos, I received the gift days. Recovery was of hope that maybe FA could work for me, working and I had never felt better. Withtoo. But that meant I would have to stop out even being aware of it, I had transitioned eating flour, sugar, and large quantities of to eating this way, not because I had to, but food. I certainly didn’t want to do that. because I wanted to.

However, I was willing to try. Keeping my Finally, one of the great insights from the focus solely on the day ahead, with a lot of Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous made help from FA fellows, I followed my absti- sense to me. “The only real freedom a nent food plan. I kept repeating to myself, human being can ever know is doing what I’m doing this because I have to. I’m doing this you ought to do because you want to do it” because I have to. I’m doing this because I have (p. 552). to.

Today, more than 22 years after that first When I started eating in restaurants again FA meeting, I continue to work the FA proafter my first 90 days, I would tell the waiter, gram because I want to. It’s the choice I “I can’t eat flour or sugar” or “I’m not allowed make every day that sets me free from my to eat flour or sugar” or “I have to eat this disease of food addiction. way.” One morning, while describing this Catherine L., New Zealand 12

September 2024

I

A Novel Idea

was at the annual FA Business Con- saving around $600, which is evenly divention, which I like to attend be- vided by 12, or $50 a month. So, into an cause it gives my recovery such a envelope it goes. I enjoy being able to at“shot in the arm.” During a mid-morning tend the convention whether to vote, if break on Sunday, I was in the crowded elected, or just enjoy the fellowship at men’s room when meals or in the coman FA member mon areas, the live I have decided to treat called out to a third qualification tapperson, “Are you ings, breakout sesthe convention coming to the busisions, and the ness convention dancing on Saturas a commitment. next year?” Well, I day night. was thinking, this The thing is, I have one isn’t even over yet, what the heck? Lighten not been able to stop putting $50 a up! month into an envelope even when the Then God intervened when another pandemic started in 2020. Who knew person expressed a the COVID shutmost excellent and down would last so Hey, it’s the promises novel response. He long? So, I used the said, “Yes, I will be money saved from of our program, baby! here. I have decided my 2020 envelope to to treat the convenpay for the 2023 tion as a commitment.” The fellow went convention and I had adequate funds for on to explain that during the year, he 2024. throws a certain amount of money each By the way, I used the money from the month into an envelope. At the end of 2021 and 2022 envelopes to lower my the year, he has enough to pay for the payments on a new car. Hey, it’s the convention weekend’s travel, lodging, promises of our program, baby! Hope to food, and some sightseeing. see you all at the next convention.

In 2018, I started this practice. I started Robert F., Florida, US Connection

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No Matter What

Showing Up

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ensions are high in my family of but when my brother moved in with her, origin right now. My mom is very it became less and less likely, as she has gotsick. She’s 91 and broke her femur ten to live with a family member in the bone, has osteoporosis, and had to have same house she’s lived in for 60 years. Then surgery, because apparently, a femur break her dementia progressed and then she won’t stop bleeding without surgery to broke her femur bone. heal it. She also has advanced dementia Visiting my mother is difficult because it and a stage four bedhas become harder sore. It’s been hell. to be around my Why did I get chosen to come When I visited her family. My brother’s after the surgery, I hostility toward me out of the hell of addiction had to walk away far is intolerable. He’s down the hall when frightened of me and into recovery and not him? feels threatened by they were transferring her from recov- I don’t know, but I do know that my close relationship ery to the bed in the with my mother. He ICU because she G-d has been so good to me. was violent with me screamed in pain so as an adult a few much and I could years back. When I not bear to hear it. talk about him to fellows, I’m constantly But the biggest stressor for me has been reminded of “There but for the grace of Gdealing with my brother. He’s 65, an active d go I,” as he and I are made from the same addict, and has never had recovery. He’s a mold. It makes me so incredibly grateful medical doctor, but his practice failed, and for FA. Why did I get chosen to come out he moved in with my mother, as he could of the hell of addiction into recovery and not afford his rent. They live five hours not him? I don’t know, but I do know that north of me in another state. I’ve wanted G-d has been so good to me. to bring my mom to my home for years, When preparing to visit my mother after 14

September 2024

hearing about her broken femur, I could hear my sponsor’s voice saying I needed to loosen up about spending money (I’m a real tightwad) and rent a car so as not to be dependent on my sister for transportation. I reluctantly rented a car, and boom, things started opening for me. I started to feel G-d everywhere and I noticed things like finding parking spots right away in a full hospital parking lot every time I drove in.

I had always said “no” when my sponsor asked if I could stay at a hotel because it was out of my budget, but I finally did after two nights in that house with my brother. As I showed up for my recovery, G-d showed up for me in so many ways, and I realized I could submit a reimbursement request to my mother’s estate for those funds to pay for my hotel. I’d never had the guts to do that before.

Then, there were the angels at the hospital. There were probably 20 to 30 hospital staff who came into my mom’s room while I was there, and each one was a beautiful, caring, loving angel. I felt G-d’s love every time someone came into her room.

As it became apparent that my mom would be discharged and go home, the thought struck terror in me because I realized I wouldn’t be able to visit her without my brother there. By this time, I could not tolerate being around him at all. But I knew I wanted to go to the house to scope Connection

out the best place to put her new hospital bed, so when I knew my brother would not be at the house, I went there. It was obvious that the dining room was the best spot because it had large sunny windows.

Her bedroom and most of the house were in shambles because my brother is a very sick man, barely functioning. Most of the house looked like a hoarder’s nightmare.

It was in disrepair and incredibly dark and depressing. There were cameras in most areas of the house, so everywhere I went, I felt like I was being watched by my brother. It was awful.

So, as I stood there in the dining room (there are no cameras in the dining room), I had a good screaming cry with G-d. It was so cathartic. I finally let go of all the stress I’d been holding on to. That was exactly what I needed, and then G-d just poured in all the love I needed so badly. I had an epiphany that I would take my mom by ambulance to where I live for the remainder of her life. I texted my sponsor.

She said if it was the right thing to do, it would all fall into place. She said, “Prayer moves mountains.”

The town where I grew up and where my mother still lives is next to a beach. I’m not much of a beach person and growing up there was hard for me for many reasons.

The dysfunction, judgment, and superficiality of my family made it difficult, and I never felt good enough, pretty enough, 15

Twelve Traditions or skinny enough, so whenever I’d go visit my mom, I never went to the beach. But the day after I went to my mother’s house, I knew I had to go to the beach, and as I stood there looking at the ocean, the jetties, the seagulls and sandpipers, the ships in the distance, and the sunshine-filled sky, I felt peaceful.

I thought about my brother. He is my mother’s healthcare proxy. He’d never give up control of my mother and let me take her to my home, since he’d lose his home if he did. But as I was standing there, taking in the beach and ocean, I had my second epiphany. I thought I could offer him a larger share of the proceeds from the sale of my mom’s house in exchange for taking over her care and moving her to my state. That’s an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Suddenly, I could breathe easier. It felt completely right. It felt like G-d was all over it.

Shortly after that moment on the beach, there was a rare earthquake in a neighboring state. We even felt aftershocks in our city. How often does that area have an earthquake? I had such a good laugh with G-d. It really does feel like my family is having an earthquake, and while I don’t know what will happen next, I do know that I have FA to keep me on solid ground.

Margo D., Maryland, US 16

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

September 2024 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

Notable and Quotable

W

e put out a call for acronyms FA members use to remember key principles of recovery, and you responded! We hope you will find these helpful. Let us know if you have more to add.

GOD — Good Orderly Direction EGO — Edging God Out WAIT — Why Am I Talking FEAR — False Evidence Appearing Real FROG — Fully Rely on God HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired PRIDE — Please Remember I Direct Everything DENIAL — Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying PAUSE — Pause Action Until Serenity Enters ANGER — A Negative Grudge Endangers Recovery PACE — Positive Attitudes Change Everything TRUST — Try Relying Upon Steps and Traditions WILLING — When I Live Life, I Need God We will continue asking for your words of wisdom about how you work your program around a specific topic or issue. Please email your short response, usually one sentence to two paragraphs, with subject line N&Q to articles@foodaddicts.org. Please include the question to which you are responding.

The next N&Q topic is: What is the best suggestion you took and why? Or, what is the best suggestion you didn’t take and why?

We look forward to hearing from you!

The Connection Team Connection

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