June 2024: Be The Light. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

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FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

Be the Light

June 2024 $2.50

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June 2024

Columns Qualification: Through It All. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 First 90 Days: Spiritual Journey. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 No Matter What: The Promises. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Lighten Up: Toddler Talk. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 Notable & Quotable . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Just What I Needed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Finally Willing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 Gratitude and Awe. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Restoring Relationships. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

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Credits Front Cover Art: Carol C., NH Back Cover Art: Angie R., NY Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, Connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2024 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Through It All

I

believe I was born with the disease of fear, doubt, and insecurity, largely due to what was going on in Europe during the time I was in utero, from 1939-1940. As a Jew and an avid reader of the news, my mother was very fearful while she was carrying me.

In my early years, I was molested. I did not tell anyone. This, I believe, is when I began eating addictively to cover up the shame.

Shame and addictive eating followed me throughout my life until I came into FA. That shame has been healed through working the Twelve Steps in AWOLs, with the exception of occasional shadows of memories.

I developed asthma and had food allergies diagnosed at an early age. I was allergic to two of my favorite foods that my siblings were eating, and these became my “forbidden fruits.” I would sneak them from the kitchen and also steal coins from the change dish next to my mother’s car keys in order to get my fix at the corner store across the street from my elementary school. It was a short walk, usually with my best friend. The owner of the store was an old woman who lived in the back and used a cane, so by the time she Connection

reached where I was waiting, I had time to decide on my selections.

From an incubator at birth to first grade, I went from underweight to chubby, from chubby to heavy, then to substantially overweight. At the first sign of tension in my stomach, I would eat to numb any feelings that might arise. I was scared of feeling anything. I ate beyond feeling full; I ate until I couldn’t breathe and binged on foods I was allergic to, bringing on asthma attacks. As soon as I could breathe again, I repeated the cycle. No matter what was going on in my life, I continued eating and having asthma attacks. Nothing could stop me, not that I wanted to stop. I think subconsciously I believed if I were unattractive enough, maybe men would leave me alone. Looking back, I believe food saved me from a deeper depression brought on by early trauma.

I became a junk food addict, now stealing dollars from my mother’s purse. Let me say that I hated being at home. I’d much rather hang out at a friend’s house where food was plentiful and available. Her home was lively with four kids being raised by a single mom.

My home was silent, morose, with anger under the surface that affected my sensitive 1

nervous system. I was depressed by my early teens. Food was my go-to. Eating kept me from my life because it was my life. I had no goals other than to support my habit.

I barely graduated from college and got married at 21 because I didn’t know what else to do. Then, my husband became abusive— physically and emotionally. I hit my first bottom with food addiction during those years. I got divorced nine years later and was a single mother with three boys all under the age of 10. Before the final divorce decree, my ex-husband beat me. I was hospitalized and subsequently went into hiding with my kids. I had not seen this level of violence and I thought he would kill me, given the chance.

I came out as a lesbian at age 34. My partner and I sold the house and traveled to Europe with the kids to create the maximum number of miles between my ex-husband 2

and me. Back in the states, he started sending letters threatening more violence. I had a nervous breakdown and gave up being a custodial parent. I couldn’t cope. I was still eating addictively, with even more unmanageability in my life.

We moved to California. While teaching, I received word that my oldest son had been in a car crash and was in a coma from a head trauma. I left my job and moved to Los Angeles to be near him at St. Mary’s Hospital.

Seeing him, I was terrified. I had to face my powerlessness over his condition, plus MARY B., OH the eating frenzy I was engaged in. My son remained in a vegetative state for nine years and died, and I sank to another bottom.

Twenty years ago, I came into FA and found what had been missing in my life: structure and discipline, as well as dependence on a Higher Power. However, after three years of abstinence, I left the program.

June 2024

I had not really been working the tools and at a time. Quiet time first thing every mornwas lying by omission to my sponsor. Five ing helps me begin the day in a calm and years of “research” followed. serene way. Reaching out with phone calls, I had begun a relationship with a new girl- sometimes to others where we share our friend, soon to become the love of my life. grief, lets me know I am not alone as I conWe were eating buddies and I gained back tinue healing. At this writing, five months all the weight I had lost, about 75 pounds. after my wife’s death, I have just returned At the end of that five-year period of misery from an FA Fellowship Convention where with food and depression, I was blessed with I wrote with others in a Connection breakout the “gift of desperation”. I came back into the session. As I rewrite this piece, I am asking rooms of FA and was able, with the help of my Higher Power to give me the words to my sponsor, to open help another food admy mind and heart to dict and to hopefully I have taken things one day a Power greater than support someone myself. may be grieving. at a time, doing all my tools who Five years after that, With gratitude, I my partner and I got every day; I now take one share what I have so married, and she died generously been nearly two years later. given—each and breath at a time.

Many of my fellows every day. I still grieve were in attendance at the loss of my wife, the wedding and later, at her memorial. They and I recognize the grace of my Higher have been loving and supportive through it Power in my life, praying for my will to reall. flect G-d’s will.

I have had many losses in my life, from as I am back to my goal weight. I have reconearly as age eight, and had maintained my ciled with my children, even with my ex-husaddictive, abusive way of eating to cope for band, from a distance. I give credit to my most of my life. This is the first period of Higher Power and to working the Steps, grief through which I have been abstinent. I searching out shortcomings, making am a work in progress. I want to become amends and learning to forgive myself. who my G-d wants me to be.

I am feeling peaceful at last! Thank you, I have taken things one day at a time, doing G-d. all my tools every day; I now take one breath C. S., Florida, US Connection

3

First 90 Days

Spiritual Journey

M

y first 90 days in FA have been enced before in the other Twelve-Step proa simple yet profound journey gram. There was structure and a higher level marked by challenges, victo- of rigor that intrigued me. Best of all, it was ries, and a wealth of self-discovery. In early FREE. At my first virtual meeting I was 2023, I reached one of my lowest bottom filled with a blend of uncertainty and hope. experiences. My weight was at an all-time Amidst a group of strangers, all on the path high of 273 pounds and my blood sugar to recovery, I questioned whether I was in was going up each the right place. Littime I went to my tle did I know, those Breaking free from the clutches doctor. I earnestly strangers would soon asked God to send become my pillars of of food addiction felt like me some sign and strength. prayed that I was Each story I heard climbing Mt. Everest with willing to do whatwas my own, however was presented, different the persandals and no backpack. ever no matter what. I was sonality or serious and so was background. After a my Higher Power. About a week later, my two-week pre-planned vacation, I went to husband asked, “Have you considered an in-person FA meeting. I had a sponsor going back to the Twelve-Step program?” I within a week. I wasn’t sure if this was going had hung around the fringes of another re- to work. To be honest, I didn’t even know covery program some years ago and it what “working” was, but I had to try. I was didn’t work for me, but I decided to at least desperate and needed a solution. check one out. During a web search, I ran The first week proved to be the most chalacross FA and appreciated that there were lenging. Breaking free from the clutches of several video conference meetings avail- food addiction felt like climbing Mt. Everable. est with sandals and no backpack. No flour FA was different from what I’d experi- OR sugar! Those had been my main two 4

June 2024

food groups. I had a severe headache for the scended the physical sphere; it was an exfirst week and a half, then it just stopped. ploration into my spiritual understanding My physical cravings disappeared. What of why I turned to food. was different this time? I had a daily call I like to say that I have many one-day-atwith my sponsor. I kept showing up at a-time days. As these days have turned into meetings. I made daily calls to fellows. And months, I can see that God was truly doing God, I asked for help every day, all day, and for me what I could never do for myself. received it.

Prayer and meditation have become The support from the group emerged as sources of spiritual strength, allowing me my saving grace. Sharing my struggles with to surrender my struggles to a higher those who truly empathize and had tra- power, whom I call God. The spiritual diversed similar paths mension of recovery became a source of Recovery wasn’t solely about emerged as a vital recomfort.

Daily source, grounding check-ins with my abstaining from specific foods; me when the physisponsor became my cal storms of temptaspiritual lifeline. Our it was a holistic transformation tion raged. calls went beyond FA has become my discussions of what I requiring the rewiring of spiritual guiding ate; they dove into light. The friends I’ve my relationship with food. made and am makmy emotions, triggers, and victories— ing along the way are no matter how seemingly insignificant. I a new community. The journey continues, began to understand that recovery wasn’t one day at a time, and my first 90 days have solely about abstaining from specific foods; laid a firm spiritual foundation for a healthit was a holistic transformation requiring ier, happier life. Here’s to the journey, the the rewiring of my relationship with food, spiritual victories, and the amazing grace one spiritual day at a time. that led me to FA. If you’re contemplating I started to lose weight, and I was beyond whether you can embark on this path, take grateful for that. But changes extended be- that first step. You might just discover, as I yond the physical, with my mindset shifting did, that you’re on a spiritual journey to a and an increased awareness of emotional brighter future. triggers that fueled overeating. It tranMaya W., Texas, US Connection

5

Just What I Needed

I

joined FA to lose weight. I was 247 I came home and told my husband, “I think pounds, 5 feet, 6 inches tall, 43 years I’m going to do this weight-loss program.” old, and tired of my legs rubbing to- He had known me to fluctuate up and gether, my shorts riding up, or wearing a down between 180-247 pounds in our 10 hole in my pants. My health was starting to years of marriage and during two pregnansuffer and my doctor wanted me to go see cies. I thought that the lower weights I had someone about my weight. I told her I obtained were my right-size body weights. would “think about that.” I had graduated In the past, I had used a commercial college at 225 pounds. In my eyes, anything weight-loss program to reduce my weight. less than that was acFriends and family ceptable. would tell me I I learned how to pause One morning I was looked great and having coffee with an didn’t need to lose in my day and ask, FA member I had any more. Then I only known as being stop working “Okay, God, what’s the next would thin. I had no idea the program. I would she was in any sort of continue to go to the right action here?” food program. She meetings, have asked if I minded if weekly weigh ins, cry she ate her lunch. I said, “No,” and she because I had gained or stayed the same, pulled out her plastic containers. I stared at and wondered what was wrong with me. part of her lunch that looked like the food At other times, I would exercise more and you would order in a fancy restaurant. This estimate the number of calories I had prompted me to ask how she stayed thin burned. That would give me the okay to eat while having three kids. She gave me the the equivalent of those calories in food.

FA website and recommended I check out I finally decided to get a sponsor in FA. a meeting or two. She said she would meet She gave me a food plan. I began weighing me there or have a friend of hers meet me. and measuring my food and working my I went to a meeting within two weeks and tools. Within a few months, I joined an incried because I felt these were my people. depth study of the Twelve Steps.

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June 2024

My weight dropped and I was at a right sized weight for my body within 10 months. I learned how to practice gratitude as an action and make daily amends to my friends and family where needed, instead of barreling onward. I have distinct memories where, because I went and made a 10-minute phone call to a fellow, I did not blow up at my daughter over the messiness of her bedroom.

I did not come to FA for the mental or spiritual part of this program, but I recently saw the benefits of my daily practices. I learned how to pause in my day and ask, “Okay, God, what’s the next right action here?”

I am blessed to live near the FA Business Convention location. I was going to be providing a few extra meals for FA members who were staying with me. What a gift to be able to give back to my fellowship by bringing a few extra lunches for that Friday.

The day before the first fellow arrived, the thought popped into my head, I don’t have any extra individual containers for salad dressConnection

ing. With no time to order anything online, my sponsor suggested I visit a Dollar Store.

On my way to pick up the first fellow from the train station, I stopped at the store. I searched for a few minutes, slightly panicked, and when I paused, there at eye level was a four pack of just what I needed! My addict brain went into hyper mode though because I thought I needed more than four of these little containers. I continued to search around, moving items aside on the shelves, asking a store employee. I left feeling like this wouldn’t be enough, but I didn’t have time to stop at another place.

Now I look back on this shopping excursion and chuckle. It turns out that four containers XANDRA G., CA were plenty. The ones I filled were returned to me to reuse another day. God truly provided enough, putting in front of me what was needed at that moment, right at eye level. And it was during a pause that I saw that four-pack, clear and center. God happens in the pauses.

Kelly M., Massachusetts, US 7

I

Finally Willing

have a long history of trying to solve half marathons, Pilates, new jobs, another my food problem, including at- Twelve-Step program for food, getting tempts to adopt a healthy lifestyle sober in AA, books about loving myself, that included organic and vegan foods mindful eating, yoga, and the list goes on. and beverages and fasting trends. Ten My top weight was about 250 pounds years ago, deep in active food addiction, when I was 21 years old, but during the I worked in the cafe at a health food store. majority of my active addiction, I ranged While I served sweet treats and light between 180 and 210 pounds. When I food to customers, I came into FA a few was bingeing on years ago, my weight FA didn’t make me good; was 197 pounds. sweets and drinking rich, caffeinated However, food it helped introduce me beverages. I never and alcohol were paid for any of it. blocking any perto a way of life that frees me When I started sonal and spiritual working at the growth. I want to from addictive eating health food store, I emphasize that it’s wanted to live my taken me a long so I can grow. twenties carefree time to realize that I and discover who I was not a bad perwas in the world. I desperately wanted to son before I came to FA in 2015. FA be interesting, worldly, emotionally intel- didn’t make me good; it helped introligent, and spiritual. Instead, I was binge- duce me to a way of life that frees me ing all the time and desperately trying to from addictive eating so I can grow. I control it. Despite all my best intentions, have a sponsor who is my partner in reI could not stop eating. It was incredibly covery and fellows with whom I walk painful. Since college graduation, I knew shoulder to shoulder. I no longer take orI had a serious issue with binge eating and ders and follow rules. I make choices in was on a mission to solve it. This mission my life with the help of the God of my involved three geographic cures, running understanding that FA helped me dis8

June 2024

cover.

In November 2020, I acknowledged that I had been dishonest around food in restaurants. I recommitted to my program and have been abstinent since that time, but found I was filled with fear about what my sponsor would say if I was really honest, fear about disappointing people, fear about what people would think of me, and fear about breaking rules. As the AA Big Book says about fear, “It is an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.” (p. 67) But as a result of emotional and mental pain, plus a desire to actually heal from addiction, I finally began to get rigorously honest and move away from the fear that had been crippling my growth. It has not been comfortable, but there has been a shift in my life.

While scrolling on social media, I saw that the health food store I used to work for was closing. Because of my shift, my first thought was, I need to make an amends before they close. It was closing in a week, so I needed to act. My sponsor and I came up with a plan and I made the call.

The store manager happened to pick up the phone. I told her the gist of what I was doing, she was grateful and invited me to come to the store. My initial plan was to make the amends to the owner, so I wrote Connection

her a short letter and brought it with me.

It was unclear if the owner would be there or exactly how I was to make the financial amends. It turned out that, upon closing, the store was making a large donation to a local end-of-life non-profit that I was very familiar with, as my grandmother volunteered there for 20 years. She cooked for the residents, any meal they requested, and was with many of them when they passed. As I write this, my grandma has dementia and is nearing the end of her life. I know she will probably be there during her final days and be taken care of by the dedicated volunteers like her.

The manager suggested I make a donation to the non-profit rather than spend money at the store and donate my purchases. I couldn’t make the donation on a credit card, but I remembered I had a large amount of cash on me! I was getting married, and people had been sending us cash as a gift. I pulled the money out of my wallet, gave more than I initially decided, and handed it to her along with the card. We shook hands and she said, “I talked to the owner and we’re good.”

If this story isn’t a miraculous gift of recovery, I don’t know what is. I had become willing, and the result was freedom and a clear conscience.

Anonymous 9

Gratitude and Awe

M

y recent trip to Iceland helped me see how much my recovery in FA has transformed my life.

Let’s start from before the trip with packing.

It rains a lot in Iceland in the summer, so I bought some waterproof gear, but I had everything else I needed. I pulled out a pair of hiking pants I had bought over 10 years ago.

They still fit! What a miracle for someone who used to shop for weeks before going on any trip. Inevitably, I wouldn’t be able to wear the new clothes again because they certainly wouldn’t fit the next time I went on vacation.

Rather than having the actual experience of being on vacation. I used to agonize about what I looked like. At over 200 pounds, it was never wonderful. I also missed out on family bonding, and on the scenery and adventures, because I was so focused on getting what I 10

wanted to eat. I spent a lot of energy trying to avoid the consequences of my eating, like gaining weight and terrible self-hatred.

While we were in Iceland, my husband, son, and I participated in all sorts of activities I could never have dreamed of 16 years ago, when I came into FA at age 39. We went jet skiing, snowboarding, hiking, ATV riding, and swimming in geothermal pools.

We were even dropped down through a narrow hole into a dormant volcano. For each activity, we were given a different type of “dry suit” to keep us warm. Before FA, I would RACHEL W., ISRAEL never have worn a bathing suit in public, and I would never have attempted to wear one of those dry suits. It would have been too humiliating to wear a men’s extra-large. At over 200 pounds, forget about hiking. Nowadays, in my right-sized body, I am having adventures in my fifties June 2024

that I never dreamed of when my kids were young. It’s always fun when they hand me a women’s size small.

While we were traveling, I said to myself several times, “This is not a trip for a newcomer.” I had not considered the fact that the climate in Iceland is not conducive to growing fruits and vegetables, so all the produce is imported. There were meals that involved letting go of food on my food plan. I worried that I would be hungry. But this is where the spiritual basis of my recovery comes in.

Sometimes, practicing phrases that I learned in early recovery helped. “Less is more” or “There’s another meal coming.” To be honest, the real freedom came from surrendering.

There were times over the 10 days when I felt irritated or impatient at the long drives, uncomfortable accommodations, letting go of food, or someone’s remark that hurt my feelings. But when I reminded myself of the spiritual principles of the program, things went much better for me and everyone else.

I kept thinking about the chapter from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous where it explains that God is the director and I am just one of the actors. I kept repeating the question, “What is your role here?” Inevitably, the answer would come to me, something like, “Your role is mother of the child who is having an adventure in Iceland” or “Your role is tourist on vacation in a foreign country.” It helped me gain perspective.

When I became God-centered, rather than Connection

self-centered, I did not feel hungry at all. I felt gratitude and awe.

Speaking of awe, Iceland was the perfect place to get in touch with how insignificant I really am, and the incredible power of God. Seeing glaciers and rock formations, volcano fields, and steam rising from deep inside the earth, who can deny their own inconsequence? I felt like I was watching God’s breathtaking creativity unfolding before my eyes. I believe that the spiritual highs I experienced were possible because I am cleanly abstinent and working on my relationship with my Higher Power through the Twelve Steps.

One of the most rewarding experiences of our trip happened on the last day. We were scheduled to take a several-hour hike through a lava field to a dormant volcano.

The weather had turned difficult. It was cold and hailing. My husband decided not to go.

I was tempted to stay back as well, but I could see that my son really wanted to go on the hike. I silently asked, “What’s my role here?” and I got out of the car. My son can be very private and emotionally guarded. During the next four hours, as he helped me pick my way through the lava fields, we shared a beautiful, quality time together. We laughed, talked, and took silly pictures together. I heard the small, still voice inside saying, “This is the reason you came to Iceland.” I wasn’t hungry at all.

Rachel W., Israel 11

Restoring Relationships

T

o say I did not get along with my father is truly an understatement.

The poor guy was worried about my slothfulness. I hated him for all the “wrongful” punishments, insults, put downs, and seeming lack of belief in me.

I hated him for all the things I thought were wrong with him, and I wondered why he did not try to make things better.

In hindsight, remembering my youngest years as a blossoming, uncommunicative addict, I began to see that I had a part to play in making things better between us.

Once, as I was closing in on 300 pounds at 5 feet, 11 inchse tall, my father looked at me and said, “I’m not worried about you having a heart attack and dying. I’m worried about you having a stroke and drooling on yourself for the rest of your life.” As shocking as that statement was, it really stuck with me and opened a crack of willingness to start looking for a solution.

One gift of recovery that I can now see is that my father was, in fact, a smart, loving guy who was desperate to try to help me from as far back as grade school. I was already into my multiple addictions and had been struggling to find my way out.

After I had joined a Twelve-Step recovery program in my forties, I had become 12

very comfortable with hugs; love getting them and love giving them.

In my fourth year of recovery, I decided that I wanted a relationship with my father that included hugs. Although my family is pretty friendly, nobody really hugged. I wasn’t sure how to go about initiating hugging with my father, but I was determined.

Don’t ask me why. I just was.

I remember it was a sunny day, and I was arriving for a visit when I saw my folks coming toward me with my father in the lead. This was the “moment.” So I stretched out my arms in the universal symbol of offering a hug, which he picked up on. My father started to tentatively raise his arms, but I was coming in fast so he had to decide quickly. He got a sort of quizzical smile on his face, not really sure what was going on, but then he fully extended his arms. And we hugged.

I would love to tell you that it was magical. Unfortunately, he visibly choked up.

Honest! And I remember thinking, Well, this is going well. To keep the situation from getting even more uncomfortable, I moved to embrace my mom. We all survived, but I was determined to keep at it, until he either objected or it became our thing.

June 2024

LOU C., NY

Thank you, God, it really did become a lovely thing for us and it rippled outward, as do so many things in recovery, to include my three brothers whom he started hugging, along with the grandkids.

Fast forward three years when I came for another visit. By now, the hug had become a natural greeting ritual. I arrived, dropped my bag, stretched out my arms, and got a great, loving, lean-your-headConnection

into-their-shoulder hug.

Two years later, I was in the middle of a divorce, and I had already declined a few family invites, so I felt it was time to go.

On my way to the visit, I got this wild idea that I wanted to tell my father, face to face, “I love you.”

I arrived on a Friday and chickened out.

Saturday, there were no ready opportunities, meaning I chickened out again. So, 13

here it was late Sunday night. I was leaving and get to know and appreciate what a deearly the next morning, and I saw my fa- cent, loving man my father was. ther turning out the lights in his pjs.

They say that working our recovery Somehow, I started moving toward him. from addiction restores relationships or It was now or never. helps us to let them My father saw me I was finally able to drop my go. While I know it coming and he takes two to make raised his arms for a an argument, I’m reguard and ... appreciate hug. I was looking minded of what him in the eyes and what a decent, loving man Mark Twain said of said, “I love you.” his father. He said my father was.

Well, immediately, that when he was 17, while still in the behe could not believe ginning of our hug, he said clearly in my how stupid his father was. But by the time ear, “I love you. I’m so glad you came.” he was 25, he could not believe how much Well, you could have knocked me over… smarter his father had become. It took me those words could not have been more until my forties to start appreciating how perfect or more precious or more unex- smart my father was. pected. My eyes mist up just remembering Recovery has helped me see relationit. ships more clearly and to own my part in In the last four years of his life, we spoke them. Recovery also has helped me to formost mornings. We give myself and othwere talking when ers.

Our literature Recovery has helped the Twin Towers tells us that it is from came down in 2001. our “twisted relame see relationships I spent time with tionships” with othhim after my mom ers that we have more clearly and to own passed and he suffered the most. my part in them. showed me how a Recovery helps me healthy man grieves. to see more clearly I spent time with him in the last three just who is doing the twisting. Restoring months of his life when, at age 97, his relationships, I think, is the true gift of rehealth nose-dived. Through it all, I was fi- covery. nally able to drop my guard and truly see Bob F., Florida, US 14

June 2024

No Matter What

The Promises

I

was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2011. I blamed a lot of my health and weight issues on MS and other diseases that come from severe obesity. For example, I believed that my medication made me gain weight and I felt stressed over upcoming medical appointments.

I thought I deserved to eat over my stress and have some semblance of happiness, since there is no cure for MS. Thankfully, in January of 2023, I found FA at 387 pounds. I accepted a sponsor in February and had a rocky period of two-and-a-half weeks until I was finally continuously abstinent. The weight melted off me, and I had so much more clarity and peace of mind. I felt like a better teacher and I had a lot more patience and understanding with my stuConnection

dents.

I had lost about 80 pounds by the end of May. I was so excited to expend my newfound energy. I had grandiose ideas of how I would spend my summer break in my slimmer body.

Two weeks into June, those expectations and plans came to a screeching halt. I had an MS flare-up and lost most of the sight in my left eye.

This required me to schedule a plethora ROBIN M., NY of appointments to get three MRIs (under general anesthesia because of severe claustrophobia), see a new MS neurologist who was about an hour away, have multiple visits to the eye doctor, visit the orthodontist to have my braces removed (which was a financial burden), and follow a new MS treatment plan.

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It felt like life had just slapped me in the a horrible reaction, but my fears dissipated face. I was getting healthier, yet my body still immediately after my FA visitor arrived. rebelled against me. I was frustrated, anxious, About two weeks later, I had my second inangry, and scared. I frantically started to plan fusion. It was during the second week of all these different appointments, which was school, but I was able to adequately prepare very complicated. I desperately wanted to plans for a substitute teacher. During that get everything done, including both infu- treatment, I made several outreach calls, sions for my new treatment before the new which helped to pull me out of a selfish, fearschool year started. ful state of mind. I said the Serenity Prayer My old controlling habits, like wanting many times while I was at the hospital. I did things done my way, not have any side efin my time, came fects during either inI was able to respond sanely, fusion. What a back in full force.

Luckily, several felmiracle! which was a stark contrast lows talked me My Higher Power down. They reasquelled the anxiety to how I would have sured me that my and fear surrounding Higher Power had new situations, peoreacted before Program. my back and that ple, and places, espethey were there to cially when I had a support me. I had to completely surrender three-hour wait in the hospital to get the all expectations, which was so uncharacter- MRIs. I was able to respond sanely, which istic of me. Everything got scheduled during was a stark contrast to how I would have rethe summer before the school year began, acted before Program. I remained abstinent, except for one appointment. too. I have immense gratitude towards my I was resistant to having an infusion treat- Higher Power because my biggest worries ment. They can come with severe side ef- never materialized. fects, but I didn’t have very many treatment The fellowship and phone calls got me options. Once I started my new treatment, through what I thought would be a horrible a fellow came to the hospital and sat with me experience. I made it because I surrendered for almost the entire infusion and waiting and put my trust in my Higher Power and period. She even ate her abstinent lunch the fellowship of FA. while I ate mine. I was so scared I would have Kris M., Utah, US 16

June 2024

Lighten Up!

Toddler Talk

R

ecount of a conversation with my two-year old son.

Me: “Jesper, it’s time for you to get clean pants.”

My son: “No clean pants. Watch cartoon.”

Me: “We’ll watch it in a little while, let’s go get your diaper changed.”

My son: “No diaper change.”

Me: “Jesper, Mommy is tired and needs you to be helpful.”

My son: “Mommy, sit?”

Me: “No, Mommy won’t sit right now, Mommy’s tired and you need clean pants.”

My son: “Mommy, play?”

Me: “No, Mommy can’t play right now. You need to get ., ME DITH M MERE changed and have a nap. You’re tired, too.”

My son: “Mommy, take quiet time.”

Anonymous

Notable and Quotable

N

otable and Quotable is a new column with light-hearted and fun content in the form of short snippets and offers more interaction and opportunities for contributions from our active and diverse fellowship.

In the January/February issue we asked you to send your insights, thoughts, and tidbits about dating / romance in recovery. Those responses are being compiled Connection

for a future issue.

Now we’re looking for acronyms you’ve heard in recovery, like WAIT (Why Am I Talking?) or FEAR (Future Events Already Ruined).

Please send your favorite acronyms and any additional dating /romance in recovery submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org. Please include the letters “NQ” in the subject line.

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.