March 2024: Peeling Back the Layers. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

March 2024 $2.50

Peeling

he La kt ye c a

s r

B

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

March 2024

Columns Qualification: Survival Habits. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: Something Clicked. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 No Matter What: Head Over Heels. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 Lighten Up: New Song. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Features Gone, But Not Forgotten. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Settling Into Silence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7 Becoming Aware. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 Without Delay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Recipe for Happiness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11 Running on Fumes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Service Heals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13 Enjoying the Ride. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

Subscribe Go to our website: www.food ad d i c ts.or g and have connection delivered to your home.

Credits Cover Art: Rose G., Canada Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2024 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Survival Habits

A

s the son of Asian immigrants to the United States, I was bullied in elementary school because I looked different than most kids, and our food smelled funny to them. On a weekly basis, I was beaten up by the neighborhood kids as soon as the school bus turned the corner. I tried to fight back, but being skinny and weak, I could not. It only seemed to please my tormentors more, so I stuffed all my feelings down with something sweet or savory. At home, my mom thought I was malnourished and complained I ate too slowly. She encouraged me to eat faster, but when I did, I had trouble stopping when I was full.

My parents were frugal, so we rarely ate in restaurants or fast food or had extra treats at home. My parents put me in an organized religion, but I rebelled. I was disruptive, angsty, and hated what I considered controlling and dogmatic administrators. Eventually, my Sunday school teacher asked my parents to stop bringing me. I basked in the glory of my victory by staying up past midnight on Saturdays and eating pasta while everyone else was asleep.

My disease progressed in high school and connection

into college, where I was given a meal plan and free reign of the cafeteria. I sped past the freshman 15 and settled nearer to the freshman 55. By graduation, I went from approximately 168 pounds to 235 pounds. After college and with money in my pocket, I began to frequent restaurants, which used to be only a once-a-year treat growing up. Over the next 12 years, I ballooned to 272 pounds and began yo-yo dieting; I swung wildly between 176 and 272 pounds. Every six months to a year, I would look like an entirely different person. Each time I thought I had figured it out, a gnawing fear would grip me. When I felt hungry, I never connected it with my emotional state. Eventually, I’d get sick of the diet or exercising and back up the scale I went.

In March of 2020, I tore my groin at the gym. It was the day before the COVID lockdowns began, and so I had an ironclad excuse, once again, to drop that season’s diet and workout routine. Rationalizing that I was helping the local businesses, I began ordering from food delivery services. Within a year, I gained 96 pounds, felt trapped in my job, was dumped by my girlfriend, had a falling out with my two closest and oldest 1

friends, and was diagnosed with osteoarthritis. It was in that state of mind that I “darkened” the doorstep of FA. When I attended my first FA meeting, my initial instinct was to be derisive, mock the people doing service, dismiss the whole thing as a cult, and tear it all to pieces. But I heard a voice inside myself that told me to stop. It told me to let it rest and to listen as if my life depended on it. I listened, and as I did, I felt a miracle happen. It felt as though a dam had broken, that a blockage had dislodged and an entire part of my life I had neglected and allowed to atrophy began to breathe life anew. In the meeting, I raised my hand to participate and was called on to read from the front of the room. Even though I was sweating and fearful and stammered through the words, I did it.

An FA fellow directed me to study the Twelve Steps in an FA AWOL, and I began despite not having a sponsor; I didn’t know any better! I didn’t ask anyone to explain the food plan or the program to me, but I was 2

full of optimism to know there were other people who were like me. There were people I could learn from, people who had done it before, who had gone through what I went through. I got a temporary sponsor via the AWOL and learned more about the program. My temporary sponsor was patient when I questioned the tenets of the food plan. I never lost my optimism; somehow, I knew it would all work out in the end.

After a two-week vacation overseas, I came back and got a permanent sponsor in my area. He, too, was patient and when I told him I was eating protein bars, he simply said he was uncomfortable with that. I REGGIE M., MA thought to myself, Protein bars! I’m not even addicted to those! He didn’t drop me, didn’t bully me, didn’t tell me I didn’t have the willingness; he just listened patiently and told me he was simply expressing his discomfort with my food choice.

Eventually, as I listened, it hit me. This guy was giving his own time and energy, free of charge, to help me and he had lost and kept March 2024

off more than 200 pounds doing it. I put my nection is the only salvation from this dislogic aside and listened. This guy was taking ease. a chance on me; he believed in me. He didn’t That connection is nourished by making put me down or berate me, and I didn’t want phone calls, attending meetings, and helping to let him down. newcomers, strugglers, and the old guard Today, with the help of my fellows, sponsor, alike. When I start behaving flippantly with Higher Power, and an AWOL, I stand a full the FA tools, I feel the connection begin to 103 pounds down from my top weight. I fray, and I know it’s time to investigate what’s used to wish I’d found the program sooner, really going on. As I’ve heard it said in this but now I know that program, when I I found it at the exact stopped eating addicI do service and help right time and in the tively, I began to see exact right way for was eating at other food addicts because what me. If I had found it me. earlier, I might have Today, I have the I know that if I want any disregarded it. If I space in my mind and hadn’t had compas- chance at keeping what I’ve got, spirit to grapple with sionate guides, I the survival habits of might have dismissed my childhood that I’ve got to give it away. it as another religion played themselves out It’s a divine alignment of in my life, even full of dogmatic bullies, and I might have though my circumself-interest with service. rejected it. I do servstances have changed. ice and help other With FA’s help, I’m food addicts because I know that if I want slowly changing those behaviors to be more any chance at keeping what I’ve got, I’ve got helpful and supportive of my recovery. I am to give it away. It’s a divine alignment of self- grateful that this program exists—that there interest with service. is a solution, and I don’t have to figure it all Today, I have a connection with my Higher out on my own. I know that the results will Power. That connection is like a compass come, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, that points me to where I need to go. Some- so long as I see to it that my connection with times the path is difficult, and I’m reluctant, my Higher Power remains strong. but I know that preserving my spiritual conAnonymous connection

3

First 90 Days

Something Clicked

M

y journey towards recovery began with a simple decision to cut flour and sugar from my diet, as suggested by my doctor. The results were swift; my body responded positively by shedding weight. But, beneath the surface, my life still felt unmanageable. I still felt disconnected and aimless. I’d hoped that weight loss alone would bring control to the rest of my life.

It did not. I may have changed my diet, but I hadn’t truly transformed my way of life.

Months of therapy followed, during which my doctor gently hinted that I needed more support than he alone could provide, even with medications.

The thought of additional sessions weighed on me, especially since I was out of a job and unsure if I could afford the financial burden.

To my surprise, my doctor didn’t prescribe more therapy. Instead, he recommended that I connect with people on a similar path of re4

covery. Recovery? I felt insulted by the suggestion that I might be an addict. My primary issues, after all, were depression and anxiety.

Sure, I was also overweight, but what did that have to do with my life feeling out of control?

Intrigued and a little resentful, I decided to give it a shot. My doctor handed me a copy of the book, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous. I reluctantly walked into my first FA meeting, half-expecting judgment and criticism. Instead, I was greeted with acceptance.

That first night, something clicked. Years of ROBIN M., NY social isolation and the pandemic had conditioned me to believe I had to tackle life alone. Despite my discomfort, there was something different about these meetings. I saw parts of myself in the stories shared by these people as they spoke of their struggles. I also heard hope.

That’s what was missing in my life: hope. So, I kept showing up, week after week.

March 2024

Twelve Traditions One meeting a week turned into two, then a third, and before I knew it, the anonymous faces had become familiar. I started to know their names and stories and genuinely saw that we were on a path of recovery together.

It was as if I had found a new family, a tribe of people who understood me like no one else.

As my excess weight continued to drop, I began to gain something even more precious: stability. I started saying, “I get to go to my meetings,” instead of “I have to go to my meetings.” On my most challenging days, I didn’t turn to food for solace because I knew my fellow FA members were struggling, too.

And if they could lean on each other, so could I. Even though my weight loss journey had started months before my first meeting, my proper recovery began when I let go and put my trust in the process and tools of FA, as outlined by my sponsor. I thought I was alone in my struggles, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. In other FA member’s stories, I saw myself. In their experiences, I found hope.

My fellows sustained me through those crucial first 90 days, and their support continues to maintain me today. I may have walked into that first meeting feeling broken and alone, but I left with a newfound sense of community and a different way of life.

Kenneth J., Massachusetts, US connection

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous5

I

Gone, But Not Forgotten

t took three months to lose my stepdad drawn to those items as I had been in the to cancer. He’d been diagnosed a few past. Then, I’d have been in that food like years prior and had done fairly well, but crazy. I would have been away from the hoswhen hospice was called in, I felt like I’d lose pice floor much more often, and I wouldn’t my mind. My appetite was unusually low, have had the time I did with my dad. I’m so and I struggled to get my meals in, but with grateful to this program and my Higher the support of my Power (HP) for keepsponsor and fellows, I found my HP through FA, ing me abstinent.

I was able to mainI found my HP tain my food plan. and both gave me my life as well through FA, and both Allowing myself to gave me my life as well feel my emotions as the opportunity to spend as the opportunity to and not bury them spend my dad’s last with food is not my my dad’s last days by his side. days by his side. I also default behavior, yet made calls to fellows, there I was making calls when what I wanted some of whom had gone through similar exto do was hide from the world. I stayed ab- periences, which helped immensely. What stinent, but not on my own. Before FA, all helped me the most was to keep on talking that I used to do during times of stress was about how I was feeling, to stay in the moeat, sleep, avoid, and isolate myself from peo- ment, and to sit with my emotions no matter ple and situations that were distressing. In- how uncomfortable that was. I know if I hadstead, I worked my tools, sometimes making n’t found FA and if I hadn’t stayed abstinent, extra calls and taking extra quiet time. I I would have lost my mind. I can experience packed my food in advance before visiting joy but also sadness, and understand that I my dad. It was an hour’s drive, so I would will survive, though my heart is breaking. I pack my lunch, and we’d eat together. If not can stay present in my life and enjoy living it. for Program, I would have lived in the cafe- This program gave me my life back. Abstiteria of that VA hospital. There were vending nence gives me the quality of life to spend machines, but nothing available was absti- with the ones I love. nent. The miracle was that I wasn’t helplessly Sarah S., Ohio, US 6

March 2024

S

Settling Into Silence

itting still, being quiet, and listening patiently never came naturally to me.

When my sponsor told me to set aside 30 minutes each morning to sit quietly, I had a different plan. I thought I could sit down after work and combine it with my nap. Perhaps I could close the door at school when I wasn’t teaching, or maybe rest in the bathtub for that number of minutes at the end of the day. The start of the day was too busy with the bustle of the morning. I needed to get out the door. Plus, that was 30 extra minutes I could sleep!

As time passed and my tools became more solid, I still shoved my quiet time into another part of the day. Sometimes it didn’t happen because I forgot or couldn’t stop what I was doing. My time was also interrupted by family members, or my phone would ring, or a thought would come to mind that needed attention. All sorts of interruptions prevented me from finishing it.

I had many FA tools in place, but quiet time was scattered and iffy.

At meetings, I heard people share how valuable this practice each morning was for them. It was the time they listened to their Higher Power. Finally, I was willing to do whatever it took to stay abstinent. I started waking up early, brushing my teeth, reading connection

the Twenty-Four Hours a Day book, and starting my 30-minute quiet time. I set my cell phone alarm for 31-one minutes, so I could take a few breaths and settle into the silence.

After many months of abstinence without a morning quiet time, I began the daily practice of starting the day by spending time with my Higher Power. Sometimes, the time went quickly; sometimes, it seemed like forever. But showing up for my meeting in the morning with God has proven to me that miracles are always on the horizon. Answers to confusion, changes in plans, better ways to handle situations, and peaceful serenity have been delivered in the morning during this time.

Loving this tool encouraged me to enroll in a mindfulness meditation course for teachers, where I became certified to teach my students the value of tapping into their best selves. My life is different because I start my day quietly. I am more patient, kind, less rushed, more accurate in my work day, and more available to family and friends who need me. Grateful for quiet time, I feel closer to God and the FA fellowship that supports me each day to stay abstinent.

Margaret J., Ohio, US 7

Becoming Aware

A

fter struggling for five years with overeating sugar and flour products, I shared this problem with my doctor. I was in my sixties. He told me, “There’s a program for people like you. Go online and find a sponsor.” This was a little over nine years ago.

I was not unfamiliar with Twelve-Step recovery programs. Early in my professional life, I had an issue with alcohol. This awareness came from my childhood, watching my dad listen to his Irish vinyl records and drink beer all night long. “Your father has a drinking problem,” my mother told me.

“He cannot stop at one or two drinks.” I felt I had the same problem. I had it bad.

Unfortunately, my low self-esteem prevented me from giving Alcoholics Anonymous a try. I just couldn’t go. I did pray, though. And miraculously, I was able to quit. I haven’t had a drink since.

Though sober from alcohol, my addictive nature now appeared as compulsive workaholism. I couldn’t stop working.

This continued for many years, and over time, work-related stress led to addictive eating. Finally, I was ready to seek help.

At my first FA meeting, I immediately felt hope that there was a solution to my eating problem. I listened to the speaker 8

at the front of the room tell her story and marveled at the photo she passed around the room, showing what she looked like before coming into FA. I was amazed.

How could this be the same person? This happened several times at subsequent meetings. I was convinced. And I realized I was in the right place.

At first, I could only relate to the physical problem of addiction. When I heard that addiction was also a mental problem that required a Higher Power’s help, I didn’t see how that applied to me. As far as I knew, nothing was wrong with me, mentally or spiritually. But after shedding 80 pounds, having thought I only had 25 to lose, I had my first clue that something was wrong with me mentally. There’s a big difference between 25 and 80 pounds, and I had not seen it.

I was trying to change. Specifically, I needed to learn how to not hold all my feelings inside. One morning, in sharing my feelings with my sponsor about some issue, my sponsor asked, “Where is your Higher Power? You’re acting like the Higher Power.” She sounded concerned.

Getting off the call, I felt dismayed and decided to meditate on it. In this quiet time, my Higher Power got me to understand March 2024

connection

take every day to stay free from addictive eating.”

Somehow, I have. And to my amazement, I’ve learned that I’ve been holding on to beliefs and attitudes that no longer serve me. I’ve come to realize I don’t need to work compulsively. I don’t need to eat (or drink) addictively. I can trust in freely sharing my feelings and not be afraid of asking my Higher Power for help. I can change.

The longer I am abstinent, the clearer I see how physically, mentally, and spiritually ill I was before coming to FA. I never want to leave here thinking I can do this on my own. I’m reassured by my sponsor that by working the tools and doing service, I can prevent that from happening. FA is a brilliant program. As I heard fellow members share, “Nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels!”

Anonymous SUSAN D ., CA

that I didn’t trust anyone but myself. I could see how I had blocked God out of my life. This scared me.

I made up a short prayer, God, please teach me to trust you. I said this prayer every morning. Clearly, I was waking up to the fact that I had a spiritual problem in addition to my physical and mental problems.

My awareness grew as I continued practicing the daily tools of FA. During my daily phone calls, I’d ask FA fellows why the tools worked.

One woman suggested this, “ Wo n d er i n g why the tools work is far less important than doing them every day.”

But I still wanted to know why. Another fellow said, “The tools work because they bring us to the truth, and it is in truth that we find our Higher Power.”

Over time, I’ve become aware of additional truths. Like this, from my sponsor, “Trust the process. Trust the actions you

9

M

Without Delay

y dear mother-in-law was only 66 years old when she passed away recently. She had been living with a physical disability since her early thirties, but unfortunately, it developed into something more serious over the past several months, although none of us knew it at the time. I had known my husband’s mom for more than 23 years, being the first daughter-in-law in the family, and felt her loss keenly. Her passing was quite sudden and unexpected.

A few weeks before she passed, something happened that can only be attributed to my recovery in FA and the principles, tools, and Twelve Steps we practice. My twenty-third wedding anniversary was approaching, and I decided to express my appreciation to my in-laws for raising such a wonderful son, my awesome husband. It hadn’t always been this way. When I was struggling in the depths of my food addiction, my marriage suffered terribly and was extremely rocky at times. However, with almost three years of continuous abstinence, our relationship has changed completely, and I sincerely wanted to express my gratitude and thanks to my husband’s amazing parents.

I chose a beautiful card decorated with 10

colorful flowers and a matching envelope.

I sat down to write after my morning quiet time, and tears filled my eyes as the words flowed out of my heart. I sealed the envelope with a lovely gold sticker and mailed it that same day. Little did I know that this would be the last opportunity I was to have to express my gratitude to my mother-in-law during her lifetime. She called me on our wedding anniversary to thank me for the card and tell me how much she appreciated receiving it. That was the last time we spoke. She passed away two weeks later.

Thanks to this incredible program and the principles I have learned here, specifically the principle and tool of gratitude, I was able to honestly and openly express how I felt to my in-laws. In doing so, I was comforted knowing that my mother-inlaw died with the knowledge that her son was in a healthy, happy, and secure marriage. I’m so grateful to my Higher Power for putting the idea to write that thank you note into my head and for nudging me to send it off without delay. I believe that my Higher Power is intimately involved with every detail of my life, and when I am abstinent, I can see it so clearly.

Shaindy F., Florida, US March 2024

Recipe for Happiness

W

e have icebreaker activities at a weekly work meeting. For this one week, we were asked to share a favorite recipe. My initial thought was, I don’t do recipes! Thank you, God, my recovery talks back to that part of me that is selfrighteous and wants to keep me isolated. I heard right after that thought, Be agreeable, be one among many, share one of your late grandmother’s recipes.

Despite facing systematic obstacles and having only a third-grade education, my grandmother owned a successful catering business, published a cookbook, and created a Creole seasoning that still sells today. It was so easy for me to pull the cookbook off the shelf and simply pick one to share. Mind you, it had been a really long time since I had read the cookbook. I opened it up and read the first recipe. I had no recollection of ever reading that particular recipe before. The title was “Recipe for Happiness,” written by my beloved late father. So, I started reading, and I promise y’all, it is the Twelve Steps in a recipe.

I was moved to tears as the words filled the God-sized hole in my body.

Today, this recipe is a cherished treasure.

How did my dad know this? Did I discover this at just the right time in my life when I could appreciate the spiritual principles beconnection

hind his cleverness? To me, my dad’s “Recipe for Happiness” is the way of living I now crave.

I cried even more tears of gratitude for having such an amazing ancestry. I typed out the recipe and could not wait for the icebreaker.

Miss “I don’t wanna” took action and was now all in.

I’ve heard that in FA we don’t do recipes or concoctions, but I now beg to differ. If you surrender to this program, your life will change, and you will find yourself following my dad’s recipe for happiness.

Recipe for Happiness Serving Size: 1 1 cup good thoughts 1 cup kind deeds 1 cup consideration 2 cups sacrifice for others 3 cups forgiveness 2 cups of well-beaten faults Mix thoroughly and add a teaspoon of joy, sorrow, and sympathy. Flavor with little gifts of love. Fold in five cups of prayer and faith to lighten all other ingredients and raise texture to great heights of character. After pouring all this into your daily life, bake well with the heat of human kindness. Serve this often.

Serving Ideas: Serve with a smile, and it will satisfy the hunger of the soul.

Yolanda P., Texas, US 11

Running on Fumes

W

hen I came into the rooms of how I was, I probably would have given you FA, I had no idea how my some flip answers to convince you and myself Higher Power would help me that everything was perfect. But what was relose weight. I wasn’t even thinking about ally happening was that every time I over-ate much of anything other than how to get this and every time I practiced bulimia, I was sinkweight off me! Just to be clear, I did not have ing further into that negative place that is like a lot of weight to lose, but that didn’t matter, quicksand. Denial is very powerful, and mine because the tortured thoughts in my addict was on duty 24/7! head more than made up for the actual I have maintained my goal weight for alweight. These negative thoughts consisted of most 13 years. Now, I can focus on things the following: You’re that are more imporfat; No matter how tant. When I came I didn’t know that my much or little you weigh, into FA, I didn’t know you’ll never amount to personality needed changing. that the food scale, anything. You’re not meetings, phone calls, smart enough. You proBig Book, and crastinate; you have no follow-through or stick-to- Twenty-Four Hours a Daybook would free me it-ness. Even if you lose weight, you can’t keep it off. from my critical and judgmental self, along Oh, I could go on. But does that sound like with the help of a Higher Power, I could start the voice from a Higher Power that wants to think and act more positively. Today, I can the best for me and the rest of the world? I offer love more fully and deeply, to others don’t think so. and to myself. And that’s just the beginning.

I was a 50-year-old mother of two I didn’t know that my personality needed teenagers, with a loving and supportive hus- changing and that as I worked and lived the band. But I lacked the fuel to be either a good Twelve Steps, I could get better as a human mother or a good wife, not to mention a being. There were a lot of things I didn’t know woman who loved herself and God. And if I when I came into FA. I am learning contindidn’t love myself, how could I love or help ually and, God willing, I will remain steadfast others? I was running on fumes, out of gas, on this path. and coasting downhill. If you had asked me Kat C., California, US 12

March 2024

O

Service Heals

ne Saturday morning, I woke up stuffy and feeling weak, still fighting off the flu bug I’d come down with the week before. Nine days and I just couldn’t shake this thing. Then I remembered that I committed to leading an FA meeting at 9 a.m. that morning.

How would I get the energy and mental clarity to tell my story? I knew I had to get focused on the next right thing, so I called my sponsor, prayed, and drove the 40 minutes to the meeting. I stopped at the store to buy some decongestant medicine and a bottle of water. As I took the pills, I asked God to put the words in my mouth that would serve others and fulfill my HP’s will.

I parked my car and remembered how I’d gotten dreadfully lost in the creepy basement the last time I’d qualified at this location. I decided to ask for help. A worker appeared who was happy to bring me right to the meeting room.

It was almost 9:00. I sat and read the format, prayed the Serenity Prayer, and listened to the readings from the AA Big Book, the steps, and the tools. I began to feel stronger and more centered. By the time we read the tool of service, I felt energized and proceeded to tell my story, sharing what it was like, what happened, connection

and what it was like now. As I spoke, I wondered if there were newcomers at the meeting. The love and empathy on the faces of the fellows listening further energized me.

I finished my story and read the remainder of the format, asking if there was anyone there for the first time. There was one person. I was touched that maybe my story would help this woman. The break was a time for connecting with people I seldom see, and then it was back to the meeting and time for me to fill up hearing the experience, strength, and hope of others. The meeting ended, and I experienced even more closeness and fellowship mingling with other special people.

As I drove home, I marveled at how I had gone into this commitment with the aim of doing service but feeling tired and foggy-headed. Yet I left the meeting filled up with strength from my Higher Power and the fellowship, filled with gratitude that I no longer had to live in the hell of food craving and obsession of wanting more, the hell of active food addiction. So, as often happens when I do service and ask God for help, I gave but got so much more in return.

Janice M., Massachusetts, US 13

Enjoying the Ride

14

favorite things. The fear began as I gained weight. I’ve always been a food addict, but it was not until my mid-twenties that my eating got out of hand. That’s when I put on large amounts of weight.

I would get nervous as I got closer to the ride. Would I fit? Would they have to squeeze me into the seat? Some theme parks even had special rows for larger patrons. I’d discreetly find out where these rows were on each ride, and then make sure

SUSAN M., NY

I

’m a roller coaster fanatic. I love them.

Nothing compares to the feeling I get from the drops, rolls, loops, and acceleration of a twisting, turning coaster. Am I an adrenaline junkie? You bet.

I’ve enjoyed these wild rides from the time I was tall enough to pass the red line on the measuring stick, and have spent many vacations trying out the newest, fastest roller coasters. Until my thirties, I had no fear of these beasts. Why would I? They were my

that I was in that line. It wasn’t until my early thirties that my weight began interfering with my passion. I was well over 250 pounds. As a person who is five foot twoand-a-half inches, I was morbidly obese.

I will never forget my feelings of shame, embarrassment, and fear when I had to step off a roller coaster because I was too big to strap myself in safely. This walk of shame was one of the most humiliating things I have ever experienced in my life. Do you think that event changed my eating habits?

Not at all. Food had too much of a hold on me. In fact, my weight crept up to over 290 pounds.

Fast forward five years. I found FA through a friend, and I now have almost three years of abstinence. Recently, I accompanied my 14-year-old son and his class to a theme park to participate in Physics Day. The entire point of this event was to learn about the physics of different roller coasters and to experience them firsthand.

Thanks to my recovery in FA, I was able to ride any roller coaster I chose. At 40 years of age, I kept up with a class full of young teens. Because of my recovery from food addiction, I was able to enjoy my passion again. No fear, worry, or shame; only drops, rolls, loops, and lots of acceleration.

Thank you, FA, for giving me back my life.

Mindy P., Florida, US connection

Twelve Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

15 Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous

No Matter What

Head Over Heels

I

have heard that moving is one of life’s biggest stressors. It became mine when I was five years abstinent and found myself moving from small-town Maine to big-city Oregon. I was also moving from a three-bedroom house with a full attic, basement, and a two-car garage, to one room in my son’s house. There were many challenges.

I was often overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I had to get rid of.

Thankfully, my abstinence was strong during this time. I felt okay about the move because I knew Portland, Oregon had a strong FA program, and I trusted I would be welcomed with open arms. I would be surrounded by my fellows there, as I had been in Maine.

What I wasn’t prepared for was just how much I would miss my small-town, slowpaced life in Maine. I had called Maine home for most of my life, and my first experiences in FA were there. Often while in 16

Oregon, I felt lost and out of place. I would share my feelings with my fellows in both Maine and Oregon. Finally, someone said to me, “Kate, why don’t you try keeping your head where your feet are?”

A light bulb went on inside of me, and I realized that if the thoughts in my head were all about Maine, but my feet were in Oregon, I was not present for either place.

Similarly, my desire to take that first unplanned bite is often fueled not by the circumstances going on around me, but by MEG W., UT my interpretation of those circumstances and the story I create in my head about them. To this day, when I recognize my head is off creating a story somewhere, I take a moment to look down at my feet, reminding myself to keep my head where my feet are. I then can let go of the story and become present for the moment I am in.

KateRin G., Colorado, US March 2024

Lighten Up!

ANNA B., NM

W

New Song

hen my husband and I take a road trip, we often plug in his old iPod and sing our way to our next adventure. Though I cannot read a note of music, my dream job has always been to be a backup singer.

On one such occasion, my husband and I became Diana Ross and The Supremes. The song? Stop in the Name of Love, a Motown classic. He took on Diana’s lead vocal, making us laugh with his best falsetto. I became Florence and Mary, the backup singers.

At the end of the song, my husband gently corrected me on my singing of the closing refrain, “Think it o-o-ver…Think it o-o-ver…”.

Ha! Without realizing it, I had been singing, “Turn it o-o-ver…Turn it o-o-ver.”

Now if I could only remember to do that the next time I’m obsessively ruminating over my latest pet peeve or negative thought!

Maria B., New Jersey, US

connection

17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.