October 2023: Accepting the Things I Cannot Change. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA)

FA Stories of Recovery from Food Addiction

October 2023 $2.50

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October 2023

Columns Qualification: Privilege of Recovery. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1 First 90 Days: A Good Deal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 No Matter What: The Voice. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15 Lighten Up: Asking for Help. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17

Features Gateway to Freedom. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6 Complete Surrender. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8 No Magic Wand. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 Dreaded Dentist’s Chair. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12 Just Like Home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 Change of Attitude. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14

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Credits Cover Art: Jeanne L., WA Graphic Design: Tickled Plum

Share your story & artwork If you have 90 days of continuous abstinence in FA, connection invites you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us. E-mail submissions to articles@foodaddicts.org or art@foodaddicts.org

Glossary of Terms FA: Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous AA: Alcoholics Anonymous AWOL: A Way of Life, a study of the Twelve Steps Big Book: Alcoholics Anonymous 1 Stone = 14 pounds 1 Kilo = approx. 2.2 pounds Copyright © 2023 Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous 400 W. Cummings Park, Suite 1700 Woburn, MA 01801-6572

Qualification

Privilege of Recovery

I

came to FA nearly 20 years ago, at age clean up after these social affairs, any left47, weighing 218 pounds. I weighed overs would end up on my desk. more than many football players. I was After work, I had to make dinner for the miserable, angry, and hopeless. I felt like a family. I was very conscientious about white flag was billowing over my head that being a good cook. I felt the need to sameveryone could interpret as “I give up.” ple and taste everything as I prepared the I desperately wanted to lose weight, but I meal. One day at dinner time, I was talking just couldn’t do it. I was powerless when it to a friend on the phone. During that concame to food. Every versation, I finished day I would start by cooking an entire I felt like a white flag promising myself dish for four. While that I would not eat still chatting, I ate the was billowing over my head family’ that day, but I coulds meal, washed n’t even leave the the pot, and began to that everyone could house without cook it all over again. overeating. At the Of course, when dininterpret as “I give up.” breakfast table, I ner time came, I sat would have one flour down with the family product with a cup of coffee and end up and ate again. eating everything on the table before I even As a good housewife, I would offer to left for work. I had at least one box of hard clean up after every meal, which meant that candy in my car “just in case” and a few I could eat all the food that my children or boxes at my desk at work. My work area al- husband left on their plates. After dinner, ways had food around it. My coworkers we would watch TV. There was no point in were always bringing food and edible watching TV without snacks, which for me goodies into the office for special events. I could easily mean eating a pound of wanted to be supportive and help them cel- crunchy food and washing it down with ebrate, so I ate. Usually, when I offered to diet soda. When I had guests or went to soconnection

1

MARGARETE N., NJ

cial events I was hyper-focused on food; what to make, how to bake it, what to bring, and how to provide huge quantities.

It was all about food and more food.

Food was the reason I would get out of bed in the morning, especially if there were any delicious items left in the refrigerator from the previous day. Once I started eating, I couldn’t stop. I had eating buddies I would meet for coffee and a chat, prefer2

ably in a buffet-style restaurant. I would eat until I was physically sick. My story included binge eating and purging. I was filled with shame and self-loathing after I did both of these activities, but it never stopped me.

On some level, I started realizing that something was wrong. I needed to stop eating so much and stop bingeing and purging, but I could not stop.

October 2023

I visited my doctor with a story that my thyroid was probably not working even though my lab test levels were normal. I asked him to prescribe thyroid hormones as I thought my metabolism must be sluggish. The real insanity of this request is that, as a nurse, I knew better. I knew what I was asking was dangerous, even life-threatening. In all respects, when it came to food, my behavior was insane. I wanted to lose weight so badly. I just didn’t want to stop eating.

Yet when I came into FA and heard the term “food addict,” I was appalled. It seemed so over the top, excessive. I would tell other FA fellows that I didn’t think I was a food addict. I didn’t realize my own dishonesty. However, at my very first FA meeting, I did start feeling the seeds of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I might get under 200 pounds. That was my goal. If I could just achieve that goal, I thought I could continue to eat the way I wanted.

In my first month, I lost 17 pounds. I went from 218 to 201 pounds. That was a miracle and yet somewhat of a disappointment, as my goal was just to be under 200 pounds.

I felt that if I stayed for another month, I could attain my goal and then leave the program. The next month, I lost 14 pounds and I felt that I had arrived. For the first time in a very long time, I bought a dress for a family wedding off the rack, a size 16. connection

I thought surely my sponsor would think that I was now in a right-sized body, but she didn’t.

My road to recovery has been slow. I gradually became aware of my dishonesty, denial about my food addiction, lack of humility, and self-centeredness. Something changed after my second month. I started getting cautiously optimistic. I started listening more at meetings and calling people with long-term abstinence. I started raising my hand to read at meetings and paying closer attention to what I read. I am not sure why or how, but I wanted to work this program more than I wanted to eat.

Today, the most important thing in my life is protecting my recovery. My recovery must come first, family is second, and work is third. Without recovery, I would probably go back to eating and might lose the other things in my life. Today, I know deep down that I am a food addict who, one day at a time, is blessed with an abstinent day provided I follow my food plan, work the tools of the FA program, and live the Twelve Steps.

On my first day in FA, I asked my sponsor how long I would have to do this. Her answer was, “Just do it for today and call me tomorrow morning.” I also know now that I do not “have” to do this program, I “get” to do it. Recovery is a privilege.

Anna P. Maryland, US 3

First 90 Days

A Good Deal

H

ealing from my active food addiction in FA has been an eyeopening journey. I came into the program at approximately 230 pounds.

When I found Program, I was already on a diet, but I was looking for an online community to lean on and help me understand how I had spiraled. It wasn’t my decision to start a new diet. My family intervened because my relatives were worried about my health and my sudden weight gain (40 pounds). So I decided to lose weight for them and their peace. I didn’t care about myself. I had abandoned myself a long time ago.

4

LOU C., NY

In my first 90 days, things were rough. But I kept doing the program because I was seeing how serene and calm the other fellows were in my meetings. I wanted that so badly.

Looking back, I see the benefit of my suffering because it served as motivation to never get back to that place again.

My first 90 days of abstinence was a period of grieving and yearning for my chaotic food habits. It felt weird, pretentious, and even scary to say, “Thank you, but I am not eating flour and sugar.” I was 24 years old and still frightened of disappointing people. That is why I decided to still check out a food festiOctober 2023

Twelve Steps val that was happening in my village. The FREE food festival!

In true Eastern European fashion, there was a lot of entertainment blended with the smell and noise of food stands. I was vulnerable and overwhelmed. I kept thinking to myself, This is so stupid but also a little bit funny, a food addict going to a food festival. This should be a sitcom episode. I kept saying the Serenity Prayer in my head, even though I was skeptical about spirituality at the beginning of my recovery. I felt empty and saying the prayer seemed like screaming into the void. On the other hand, it was a big first step that I did unconsciously to search for help. That was me finally trying to connect with my Higher Power and surrender my food thoughts. I didn’t eat that night. I stayed abstinent.

Eight months later, I am grateful for that experience. I am restoring my body after losing 60 pounds. I am working my program to the best of my ability, and it has truly changed my life. The Serenity Prayer is forever reminding me of my trip to the food festival and of the still-struggling food addict that I was. I don’t have a crystal ball so I can’t predict the future. I don’t know how I am going to evolve alongside my food thoughts.

But just for today, I will not let food govern my life. By surrendering my addictive eating patterns in FA, I got myself back. Best deal of my life.

Alex Z., Romania connection

1. We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous5

Gateway to Freedom

B

efore FA, I was broken, desperate, and hated my body. I was also full of self-pity, self-loathing, guilt, shame, and remorse. Confusion was a constant state of mind as I had been lost in the mire of my addiction for most of my life.

While traveling in Mexico, I attended a potluck meal and was introduced to a woman sitting quietly on a couch. I was eating a plate full of non-abstinent food.

When she asked how I was doing, I told her how miserable I felt. I was fat and unhappy, and I didn’t know what to do about it. She told me I should consider joining FA when I returned to the United States. Fortunately, there was a meeting in the city where I had been living, and within several weeks, I attended my first FA meeting.

Soon after, I moved to attend graduate school in an area where there were no meetings, but the foundation of connections I had built before moving was soon to grow as I studied the Twelve Steps in AWOL, attended AA meetings, made outreach calls, read literature, prayed, sat still in quiet time, practiced gratitude, and continued to weigh and measure my food while talking to my sponsor daily for nearly a year.

After completing graduate school, I was hired to work in a new city in the field of ad6

diction. I continued my course of recovery even though I didn’t have FA meetings near me. A year later, I met a Canadian man who was soon to become my husband. I decided to relocate to Canada even though there were no FA meetings in that part of the country. I was once told that to have something, you must become what you want to attract. So I helped start a meeting and FA has flourished there ever since.

After nearly five years in Canada, I returned to my beloved Mexico and retired.

In 2017, Mexico had its first FA meeting at a little clubhouse in the center of town where I lived. Although the meeting continues to be seasonal and, with the pandemic, it is not meeting in person, there are still many other FA resources I can draw on to support my recovery.

Living in three countries since joining FA, I continue to embrace recovery and grow in our fellowship. I appreciate the time many members have given to make FA what it is today. As the pandemic has changed how we interact, there are many opportunities for service, leadership, and support with new and fresh ideas to reach the lonely and desperate food addict. To a large extent, the entire fellowship was unexpectedly thrust onto the frontier, since all October 2023

DEB H., MA

in-person meetings had to close for a time. program. I have been given the gift of abstiThis is yet another transition FA has grown nence, including a daily reprieve from the shackles of the disease of food addiction. I through.

The advent of online meetings has given have also been given a design for living and me the opportunity to connect to the fel- a solution through the Twelve Steps and lowship in an unprecedented way, which suggested disciplines FA has developed. has deepened my spiritual growth and de- These guiding principles and components velopment, broadened my relationships, are a gateway to freedom from the bondage and expanded the opportunity to be of of food addiction. They also give me the opportunity to live a well-balanced, disciservice.

Change is inevitable and to be expected. plined, and structured life while no longer Often, life has the quality of imperma- being subjected to the suffering and connence. However, recovery is sustainable flicts imposed by this devastating illness. I and manageable when the Twelve Steps are am well and blessed on my journey.

Cynthia W., Mexico practiced as a way of life in this beautiful

Complete Surrender

W

hen I started FA 15 years ago, I only came in to lose weight and deal with my food problem. What I didn’t realize was that I didn’t have a weight or food problem. I had a pain problem from past events that plagued my mind and invaded my thoughts. I grappled with several issues from my past that I didn’t know how to deal with, and because I didn’t know how to deal with them, I ate over them, attempting to stuff down the past and keep it from resurfacing the pain.

I didn’t know how to face my stuff—fears, insecurities, doubts, marital problems, work stress, and difficulty with raising children. I continued relapsing on flour and sugar, swinging between the extremes of abstinence and addictive eating as I denied and hid from my emotional pain.

It took many years of recovery to recognize that I was stuck in the past pain of my abuse. I began to realize that the abuse had manifested itself in problems with my husband, children, co-workers, and myself. I hadn’t dealt effectively with many relationships in my life; I just tried to hide from the pain. As a result of my repressed trauma, I continued eating those foods that cheered me up or comforted me for the moment.

I didn’t face my problems or work any form 8

of a recovery program to help me better cope with life. Consequently, I swung between abstinence and food addiction.

After about 12 years of chronic relapse, I unexpectedly lost my father. This, of course, was another painful event and one that would change the course of my life forever. As one might expect, I ate over the death of my father because that was my pattern of coping with life issues. During this time, I was unaware of how my constant food thoughts, excessive weight gain, and overwhelming grief caused me to be emotionally unavailable to the people in my life. I was totally clueless about how my food addiction was negatively affecting my children, spouse, mother, family, and friends.

After about six months of compulsively bingeing on every available flour and sugar product, I looked up one day to realize that I wasn’t walking anymore. I was painstakingly wobbling across the floor and had added another 30 pounds to my already 300-pound body. How could this have happened? How did I gain so much weight? Truth be told, it happened one cup of sugar and one flour product at a time. I failed to face the difficult events that had happened or were happening in my life. I October 2023

chose to eat and tried numbing the pain me through my recovery journey. Help away. I soon realized that the relief was me face my stuff no matter what it is. Help only temporary. When the food high was me stop stuffing my face with food. God, gone, the problems, pain, and issues were I surrender all to you. Please take away this still there, and so were another 100 or 200 compulsion to eat addictively, as I stop eatpounds. ing addictively, just for today.”

The act of breaking my abstinence time Eventually, I noticed that each day I and time again left me with an obese body chose to face my fears, doubts, insecurities, and numerous medical issues. As a food and pain, I was able to avoid stuffing my addict, I had many excuses to eat addic- face. Each day that I chose not to eat adtively and these excuses were endless. I dictively gave me another day of freedom could always find another reason to stuff from chronic obsessive food thoughts. my face with something. However, I God finally produced recovery in my life began to realize that because I learned to eating addictively to completely let go, let I had to see that my life mask or numb my go, and then let go pain was not going was not going to get better some more. My reto help me improve covery has been a semy life. I had to see ries of surrenders. if I didn’t change and that my life was not Completely surrentruly ask God to help me. dering to God has going to get better if I didn’t change and made all the differtruly ask God to help me. ence in my recovery journey. Today, I’m It wasn’t until I totally surrendered my abstinent and I work the Twelve Steps of life, my will, my food, my job, my pain, my my recovery program—not the mere one past, my present, my spouse, my children, or two steps of the program that I was willmy everything to God that I received ing to accept. I shattered the illusion that God’s miracle. God gave me the miracle I could ever eat normally again, and I when I finally accepted that “nothing thank God for giving me a recovery-cenchanges if nothing changes.” I became tered mind and life. And because of this, I willing to be willing to make changes in no longer stuff my face with food to cope my life. With tears in my eyes, a humble with the pain of life, but I face my stuff and heart, and a willing spirit, I learned to “let experience the miracle of recovery. go and let God.” I prayed to God, “Help Sharonda H., Texas, US connection

9

No Magic Wand

A

s a dyed-in-the-wool food addict, front of the room talking about their vicI could—and did—eat over ab- tories—weight losses and how they mainsolutely anything. Why not eat tain their weight, better marriages, and new over a pandemic, a war, a child acting out, a jobs or departures from jobs that didn’t remodel, or a traffic jam? I was so incapable support their recovery—I knew I had of experiencing my feelings that all I could landed in a healthy community. The FA feldo was eat, shop, smoke, and drink. Food lows were warm and welcoming. was and is my primary addiction. With 50 I could go on about the merits and prompounds more on my body when I was ises of this program, but what I’d really like younger and later, 20 to share is how FA is years of bulimia, I re- Now, as a direct result of having carrying me ally had no way to through what is control my eating or a loving power and strength in probably one of our my emotions. When most challenging it came to dealing my life, I can focus on the true times in history. I with my feelings and have felt, as have frustrations, I felt like meaning of the Serenity Prayer. many, sad, isolated, an expert on unconand frustrated some I can live, daily, in the solution. trolled, unbridled eatof the time (okay, ing, if I could dare to maybe a lot of the boast of that dubious distinction. time) over the challenges of life. However, I wasn’t accomplishing much in my life I cannot afford to go down the rabbit hole prior to joining FA. I couldn’t complete of despair, worry, and despondency. I don’t anything, and follow-through was not in have time for those stumbling blocks in my my vocabulary. I was miserable in the food recovery. My life is fuller now because I am and miserable when I tried and failed at re- asking my Higher Power, “What can I do stricting, dieting, and over-exercising. to help? What is my next right action?

When I came into the rooms of FA and How can I be a good human being and be saw the bright-eyed, glowing faces of peo- of service to others?” ple with healthy-sized bodies up in the In my active food addiction, I had no 10

October 2023

hope. What I have been given in recovery is the opportunity to develop and deepen my relationship with my Higher Power.

Now, as a direct result of having a loving power and strength in my life, I can focus on the true meaning of the Serenity Prayer. I can live, daily, in the solution. I feel better about myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. The plan that my Higher Power has in mind for me is not always clear, but what is clear is my participation in it. What this entails is weighing and measuring my food to the exact decimal point. No bites, licks, or tastes. I phone fellows in Program to check on them and let them know when something is truly bothersome in my life. We do this life together, as crazy as it may seem sometimes, minus the sugar, flour, and quantities. I feel free, relaxed, and willing to help wherever I can. This is my service to my fellows.

When I consider my time in FA, including the joys and challenges, I realize what a journey this life of recovery has been. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all the difficult times go away, but since I have no control over that, I look to see each day what I can do. Abstinence and all our helpful tools make the most challenging situations doable. Today in my recovery, nothing is worth taking the first addictive bite. Nothing.

Kat C., California, US connection

Twelve Traditions 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on FA unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop eating addictively.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or FA as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the food addict who still suffers.

6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the FA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

Adapted with permission from Alcoholics Anonymous11

I

Dreaded Dentist’s Chair

have had the same dentist and hygienist for years. Both are friendly, kind, and gentle people who are skilled at what they do.

But I always dreaded my appointments because of my poor dental hygiene and bleeding gums. Those cleanings were gruesome ordeals, after which I’d promise to do better, but inside I knew I’d fail.

My struggles with food addiction and eating out of control every night left me too tired to take care of my teeth. I’d just barely brush and never floss, then fall asleep exhausted after a binge. I hadn’t taken care of myself and certainly not my teeth.

These dental appointments were scary for another reason. I had gained so much weight that I could barely squeeze into the dentist’s chair. My poor hygienist had to really stretch and maneuver to get around my large upper body in an attempt to examine my mouth.

An awful fear gripped me back then. What would happen if the dental chair actually broke because of my weight? I was so heavy and getting bigger each visit! The dentist’s chair must have a weight limit, I thought! The humiliation and fear I felt were awful. I could only imagine how mortified I would be if the thing I dreaded most happened in the dentist’s office!

But this year’s visit would be different. I had 12

been in the FA program and abstinent for the last 50 days. No longer was I exhausted from staying up late overeating. Now, I go to bed early, have plenty of energy, and brush and floss twice a day just like I’d always wanted to do. I’d lost about 30 pounds, and I continued to practice a healthier way of living. I value my body and brush and floss my teeth daily.

During a recent visit to the dentist’s office, I was again confronted with the dreaded dental chair! This time, I got into the chair easily, with a grace that I had never experienced when I was heavier. I fit in the chair with room to spare! The hygienist had no awkward straining this time to reach my mouth. As she cleaned my teeth, she exclaimed in surprise, “Your teeth and gums are in great shape!”

That’s something I had never heard in all the years I’d been going to the dentist.

The dentist did a double take at the door as he followed up with his exam. Both the dental hygienist and the dentist confirmed the amazing changes that have taken place in me—not only in my oral health but also in my physical health! I owe these dramatic changes to FA. Cutting out flour and sugar and taking care of myself has made all the difference in my life. As long as I am abstinent in FA, I never have to fear the dentist’s chair again!

Pamela H., Florida, US October 2023

I

Just Like Home

am a food addict. I was born a food addict, and I will die one. What I do with my life is a choice. But when I live in the solution and choose recovery, I have a shot at a great life. I choose to live in the solution.

This simple fact became clear to me when I traveled to another country for a vacation. I was still new to FA, and my husband had planned our “bucket list” trip. I shared this news with my newly formed friends in FA. I was feeling confident in my ability to practice the tools but was still nervous about my abstinence. My fellows gave me contacts of fellows who lived where I was going, and I began to call them weeks before my departure. I was only able to connect with two people prior to leaving. As a result, I was very apprehensive.

I packed four weighed and measured meals to sustain me until I arrived at my destination.

I got the day, time, and address of an FA meeting that was being held within an hour of our arrival. When the plane landed, I deposited my luggage at the hotel and handed a cab driver the address of the FA meeting. I was about 20 minutes late for the meeting, and yet I immediately felt at home. People smiled and waved when I took my seat. At the break, a fellow handed me an abstinent lunch and told me that she would guide me to the fellowship meal after the meeting. During the connection

break, many of the members introduced themselves, welcoming me to their beautiful city. What an incredible fellowship.

The following day, someone picked me up to take me to another meeting. Again, people introduced themselves and took me to yet another fellowship gathering. Another fellow drove me back so that I wouldn’t get lost in this foreign city. Before I left, people asked for my phone number and then called me throughout the remainder of my stay in their country. God gave me what I needed.

But it doesn’t end there. I boarded a “floating buffet” also known as a cruise ship. My fellows prepared me to ask for exactly what I needed for my meals. The staff on the boat provided me with clean, abstinent food. I attended AA meetings on the ship and identified as a food addict. I shared my experience, strength, and hope. Later in my trip, I was able to meet another FA member who graciously welcomed me into her home, provided me with abstinent meals, and took me to a meeting. I don’t know what other program has this level of fellowship. I don’t think I would have ever asked for this much love and compassion, but I have received it freely. This is truly the meaning of “God doing for me what I could not do for myself ”.

Anonymous 13

Change of Attitude

L

ast night, on the way home from Yes, I had the money and the time. The my FA meeting, I was pulled over only thing I needed to change was my atby a police officer because one of titude. my taillights was out. I received a “fix-it” Right now, I am sitting in my car, in a ticket, which meant I had 24 hours to get parking lot, waiting for a part to be delivthe taillight fixed, or I would have to pay ered to my mechanic so he can repair my the fine. I was familiar with this procedure taillight. It has been a very long wait. In because I had remy disease, I would ceived two previous have gone to a store, In my disease, I would have bought treats to fix-it tickets on the way home from the comfort myself, and gone to a store, bought treats same meeting. I was then I would have anxious and fruseaten them all. Into comfort myself, and then trated that I had gotstead, I am spending ten pulled over and I would have eaten them all. time making calls to would have to FA fellows and change the next day’s Instead, I am spending time doing service by plans to get the car writing this article. fixed.

Today, I choose to making calls to FA fellows Fortunately, I had see this as an opporand doing service FA fellows who tunity instead of a could correct my problem I have little by writing this article. “stinkin’ thinkin’.” In control over. Thank FA, I learned to ask you, God, for the God for help and to make calls in times of wise fellows you have blessed me with, and stress. Because I was willing to call and for giving me the willingness to call them, talk about my problem, I was asked very hear their wisdom, and try an option I good questions like, “Do you have the hadn’t considered. I am grateful that I am money to pay for the repair?” and “Do you not alone. have time to get the repair done today?”

Peggy W., New York, US 14

October 2023

No Matter What

The Voice

P

rior to getting into recovery, the only tool I thought would get me to stop eating sugar and flour was my willpower. That did not work. The truth was that I had no discipline around my intake of sugar and flour. Once I ate something sugary, I would physically crave more and mentally obsess over whether I had enough of it. But I would not admit this to myself.

I had been working as a residential mortgage officer for a major New York City bank.

The job required that I work 12 hours a day, Monday through Friday, and half days on Saturdays and Sundays. A promotion significantly reduced my hours, but my food addiction was already going full steam. I ate flour and sugar after lunch, after connection

dinner, and then while watching TV through the evening. Eventually, I was eating dessert after breakfast and during the entire day. I would tell myself to just take a small slice as if that was going to solve the problem. But then I’d keep eating slivers until the whole thing was gone.

During this period of unchecked food addiction, I gained 80 pounds.

My doctor was very concerned.

He kept telling me my joints were going to suffer, but I was arrogant and told myself that because I had never experienced XANDRA G., CA weight-related health issues, I needn’t worry. What I wouldn’t admit to anyone was that I was beginning to fear getting diabetes.

Then came a major wake-up call. I took my sister grocery shopping since she was 15

recovering from an operation. In the store, Six months into the program, Thanksgivshe went her way and I went mine. When ing arrived. I was invited to celebrate the we reconvened at the cashier, I noticed she holiday at my niece’s home, and when the had a cart full of healthy food. My cart was desserts were served, I was gripped with all sugar and flour items; no protein, fruit, fear, afraid I would eat them. I asked my or vegetables, just flour and sugar overflow- niece if she’d mind if I left the room. She ing from the cart. There was not one said that was fine with her. But a voice in my healthy thing! I remember thinking, You head said, This is a family holiday. Stay and be have a serious problem. present. As I took my Then I proceeded to eyes went Within a week of attending toseat,themydesserts, purchase these items, and take them home, and FA meetings, I made a stunning I heard the internal eat. All of them. voice say, This is not On the next visit to discovery. The nasty voice in my food. the doctor, I told him For five years I had that I thought I fig- my head that was constantly tried unsuccessfully ured out what was to get these results. berating me every hour wrong with me, that I Without a doubt, couldn’t stop eating my Higher Power of the day was gone. sugar and flour prodwas doing for me ucts. He explained, what I could not do “They have programs for people like you. for myself. These were all miracles.

Go online and get yourself a sponsor.” I Following my sponsor’s suggestions, atwent online and found FA. tending meetings, weighing and measuring I got a sponsor at my very first meeting. my food, talking to FA members daily on Within a week of attending FA meetings, the phone, and practicing prayer and medI made a stunning discovery. The nasty itation every day slowly taught me a new voice in my head that was constantly berat- way to live. My life was getting better. I lost ing me every hour of the day was gone. I 80 pounds. couldn’t believe it! I kept waiting for the Today, I do not rely solely on myself. I rely shadowy part of myself to go out and get on my Higher Power. Even for the little the sugar and flour products, but it never things. happened.

Kathryn W., New York, US 16

October 2023

Lighten Up!

SUSAN M., NY

Asking for Help

W

e were staying with my son’s family for Christmas. The toilet next to our bedroom was running and my husband decided to include our 4-year-old grandson in the process of fixing it. He explained the inner workings of the toilet and let the youngster hand him the tools he needed. They rigged up a temporary fix. My grandson was fascinated with the whole procedure. He loved being one of the guys, working with his grandfather to fix a problem.

When I asked him what they were doing, he said, “We’re plumbing!”

Afterward, he wandered into the bedroom where I was taking my quiet time. When he asked me what I was doing, I told him I was sitting quietly and asking God for help. He lit up and said, “You can ask other people for help, too. Papa can fix toilets with a coat hanger!”

Susan D., Maine, US connection

17

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.